Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 108: Now He's Bones

Episode Date: May 14, 2022

Let's all send Jackie healing vibes as MJ takes the lead! Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Intro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Have you been dying to see us live? Then get psyched about the last podcast network, Country Jamboree, at the Rhyman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee on June 18th. Jackie, we're not at the Country Bear Jamboree, but I am grinning like a possum, eating a sweet tater. Because we'll have all your favorite LPN family out and performing live, including last podcasts on the left, page seven,

Wizard and the Bruiser, No Dogs in Space, Brider Side, fraudsters, someplace underneath, the story must be told, and more. Tickets available now. Again, that's the Rhyman Auditorium on June 18th in Nashville, Tennessee. The last podcast network, Country Jamboree! It's Riverdale, baby. What does Veronica say? That's Riverdale. Jughead? Jug.

What happened? She says, Jackie can't even correct me because Jackie's here, but also we're trying to have her be as quiet as possible. So you need to hear her quiet, silent laughter. But she is going to be here to weigh in. But I'm the Jackie today, Jackie. And we'll say, once a piggy, always a piggy. Once a piggy, always a piggy. Made me laugh so hard.

Oh, man, we're talking Kevin's demons. We're talking Archie's. previous childhood abuse by his teacher that totally was not presented as abuse at the time. But now Riverdale has been like, wow, we probably shouldn't have had a relationship between a student and a teacher be sexy. So now we'll pretend that we thought it was bad the whole time. We're talking Veronica and her daddy and her various murders. There is this Riverdale episode has everything. And so we are here for Riverdale Roundup for episode.

one. Oh, Lord, this is the part that Jackie always does. I'll figure it out. It is... It's 108, season six, episode 13, chapter 108 X Libris. I will say it did scratch my literature major itch. And I was like, I know that book. I know that book. Oh, I know that book. Yes. We love a heavy-handed literary reference. in Riverdale and this one was full of them. There was, so, all right, so I will set the scene. And again, listeners, I'm trying to do the heavy lifting and the talking and the carrying, but I'm also trying to not talk over, Jackie,

because probably when you don't have a voice, somebody aggressively talking over you, probably not particularly helpful. So Jackie, feel free to wave at me if you want me to shut up. I love this. I really appreciate it because I, um, I forget that I'm always the one that people have to, like, jut in because I have so much to say at all times. So I just want everyone to know this has been really enlightening mentally for me to allow other people to speak.

So thank you, MJ. And thank you, everyone, for listening to my crokey voice. Well, I guess what am I not going to talk about Riverdale? I know. really we, Jackie shouldn't be doing this, but we are, and that's where we are. And so now we get to find out how everyone else fills the silence when Jackie is not filling the silence, because usually we rely on Jackie to do it for us. And luckily, I'm also deeply uncomfortable with silence, and so I'll fill it. Will it be as smooth as when Jackie does it? It will be different.

And we're going to have a great time. I like it. I have, I have, I feel like I'm going to backseat drive you. You're like, no, remember the turn signal, remember the same signal. You are because there is, you know, it is, the skills you don't realize other people have until you have to do them yourself. This was how like I was in high school when I thought I, I like tried to learn guitar and I realized all these people I thought were idiots were actually really smart because they knew how to play guitar. Yes. Same with snowboarding. And so, Not that I ever thought Jackie was an idiot, but you don't realize how much skill it takes to structure an episode of Riverdale. Because there are so many plots. And now I'm in charge you trying to figure out. I don't talk about all of them at once. And it's going to be an adventure.

But buckle up because this is a Percival Pickens episode. Ugh. We still don't like him. But he is the mayor now. And he's closing the library? He's closing the library. He's getting rid of the town. He's putting up a railroad.

And he's closing the library. How evil can this man be? I also, yeah, I love that he's like all about town revitalization. And then he's like, oh, no, we're closing the library. I guess those two things, that actually is somewhat realistic. Because, of course, libraries are always under attack. And anything that is a public good and publicly funded is always under attack in Riverdale and the rest of the country. And so Percival Pickens.

privatizing force that he is, wants to put up a hotel for the railroad station, which is also strange because, like, I don't think that most, like, small town railroad stops have a big luxury hotel next to them, but... Oh, I don't think so. You know, in Riverdale, I guess that's what's going to happen. And so he... I love a good, like, library returning book plotline, you know? Seinfeld has a great episode about this.

Because I feel like no one ever quite underwent. understands what it is in the law of what happens if you don't bring back a book. Totally. Because like as kids, weren't you, I was terrified of bringing back a book late. Yes. Because like, even though it was 10 cents a day, it's just 10 cents a day. But I thought like the world was going to end if I didn't return the book. And again, this is like, there's a, there's a Seinfeld episode about this where, you know, people, they don't return the book for so many decades and then they end up with like thousands and thousands of dollars of a fine. I really should ask my, mom, who is a librarian, I don't think that that's how it works. I think there's a ceiling on how much the library will find you.

I should have had your mom on this episode. I know. If I wasn't talking so much, I would text her, but I cannot talk and text at the same time. So I'll have to report back on that. But I think that there's a seal. Like, I don't think, I think that even though we all think that if you don't return a library book for several decades, you'll owe millions of dollars, I think the ceiling is probably like roughly close to the cost of the book. but I don't know. In Riverdale, what happens is that you, Percival Pickens presents you with an ultimatum. Either find the book that all of these, all of our characters have, every one of them has an overdue library book. And every one of them has a secret.

Secret. And, you know, some leverage that Percival Pickens has over them. And so he's saying, you need to, we're going to raise the library. and yet you also still need to return the books. And so, and of course all of them are like, I rented that, but I took out that book in high school seven years ago. There's like a lot of like great seven years ago exposition.

Yeah, but then at the same time, Jughead says 10 years ago. And then he also said he was homeless 10 years ago. So was that around the time that he was living within the walls of Riverdale High School? because remember that in the beginning of these seasons? Right. When he lived in the walls? How many years? The question is how many years have we been in the seven years in the future timeline?

Probably at least one at this point because we have been post-time jump for about one year. So maybe he's talking about the two years before the first season of Riverdale, which makes sense because he was homeless when we meet him in the first season of Riverdale. So he's like, I don't have my book. I gave it to my one homeless friend, Doc, who's been there for my entire life, despite being a street homeless person. You'd think that he would help him out at this point, but that's a story for the way. Well, Doc walked west and never stopped walking. And apparently walked all the way from New York State to California.

But we'll get to that later. So everybody has a book that they have taken out. And everybody has a reason that they don't, can't find it back. And everybody has a reason that they don't want to. Percival Pickens to have this leverage over them. And so Percival says you either find the book or you find an exact replica that has to be the exact same edition. And in the meantime, or, you know, you'll find you'll be owing thousands of dollars. And in the meantime, if you can't find it, I'll take some collateral. And so I should have made a list of everybody's book and everybody's collateral.

Oh, I've got it. Okay. Good. Thank you. You know, he goes to Jughead and he wants the copy of Kafka's The Metamorphosis. I love that it's Kafka that Jughead has because he has good taste. Of course it's Kafka. Of course it is. So I was wondering what they were going to be doing with this because I was like, so, oh, what? Is he going to go through the metamorphosis? It's not the same like supernatural rules for every single one of them.

They're all different. I will say, so for Jughead's collateral, Percival takes, which I completely forgot about the whole season about the Baxter Brothers mystery books. Oh my God, me too. I completely for it. So that book that Percival Pickens takes is the only Baxter Brothers book that his grandfather wrote. And I forgot. Remember the entire season? entire scene.

About the Baxter brothers. Yes. And his grand... I completely forgot. I was wondering about that. Because later when Cheryl was like, we have to burn it all, Jughead's like, I won't. This is like the only thing of my grandfather that I have left.

And I was like, what are you talking about? Wow. The Baxter brothers. I'm so glad you also forgot because I was like, man, my brain, huh? But so we both forgot that it was Baxter brothers. Wow. So he takes the book from him and Jughead's so upset. So he's got to go find the metamorphosis.

So he goes to Archie. And what book did Archie not bring back, but songwriting from the heart, which is the book that the abuser, Miss Grundy, gave to him in high school so he could learn how to play guitar. So she gave him a library book as a gift? Fuck off, Miss Grundy. She was bad for many reasons. She was pet for, yeah. First of all, don't sleep with a 16-year-old when you're an adult and you're their teacher. Second of all, don't somehow check out a library book in Archie's name and then give it to him as a gift. How does that even work? And so, right, so Archie has a lot of trauma coming up around Ms. Grundy. And if you are just joining us and you have not remembered season one of Riverdale, what Miss. Miss. Ms. Grundy is, is a child abuser who was the music teacher in high school. But crucially, in season one of Verdeil, which I, both of us, absolutely unambiguously loved,

with the exception of this plotline where adult teacher, Ms. Grundy, has like a hot, sexy relationship with Archie. And I promise you that there is no part of that plot line, as it is presented in Riverdale, season one, that suggests that it's inappropriate. Like, it is, it is like, it's all like, oh, yeah. Yes, it's like just meant to be sexy. Or what, even if there's a little bit of like, oh, she's my teacher, I shouldn't be doing that. Sure. But like, it's certainly not a story of like abuse and power, you know, abusive power and power dynamics and grooming and shit.

Which is now how, like, Betty, oh my God. when Betty's talking to Archie about it and she's like, Archie, we didn't use this word at the time but you were being groomed. I'm like, bitch, at the time, this was like literally five years ago in our real time. Like,

it's not like we're talking about like, oh, it was the 1950s. We didn't know. Like, what? We didn't, at the time, you are talking about the show, you are, we are, it's the same show. It's just a few seasons later. And you're like, oh, my

God, we didn't know it at the time. You were being groomed. And so they are doing this hilarious rehab of this plot to suggest that Archie has all this trauma from his abusive relationship with Ms. Grundy, which, you know, sure. Let's try to save that aspect of Riverdale season one. And so now he is like, oh, I used to love music. And I wonder if I stopped because of that traumatic relationship. And it's like, no, Archie, you stopped because Riverdale became a show about like demons, you know, instead of being a show about high schoolers. That's why you I also completely forgot with Ms. Grundy when, so he keeps seeing Ms. Grundy in the school because again, this is one of the one-off episodes where we remember that the foursome also teaches at the high

school. So he is teaching at the high school during this episode. And he keeps seeing zombie Miss Grundy because I forgot also that the Black Hood killed her with her own cello stick. Oh my God, yeah. I forgot that too. What is it called? I think it's a bow. Do we call it a bow? It's a bow.

I think it's a bow. You need to listeners need to see how much Jaggy and I are both doing the gesture of playing the cello right now. It's a bow. It's a bow. I think it's a bow. Is it a bow? It doesn't sound right. I'm looking it up. Yes, I totally forgot. So we had the Black Hood already in season one. So she's, I think it was, or it's like we didn't know who it was. I'm pretty sure it was the Black Hood who did it. And so he's now being plagued by these visions of Miss Grundy. Yeah, it's a bow. Which is actually, it is a bow.

Yeah. It is genuinely very sad that he is having to. go through this trauma again. But of course, yeah, bro, you work in the high school that it happened in. Like, you banged her in that music room, bro. Right. It's okay. You should get a therapist. Yes, right. Of the many, many traumas that you still need to unpack, Archie, this was your first. And apparently you're least memorable because you're like, oh yeah, I have never seen the ghost of Miss Grundy until now when all of this, but that's, you know, different people compartmental and their trauma differently. And I guess Archie...

Exactly. He put it all in the guitar, but then that's the thing, is Percival takes the guitar. Versoil takes the guitar. And it's collateral. Right. Right. And so Percival now has Jughead's

Baxter Brothers book. Archie's a guitar. He goes to Veronica, and Veronica has checked out... Kiss of the Spider Woman. Yes. Have you ever read? Kiss of the Spider Woman.

No. Kiss of the Spider Woman is great. Yeah. The second they said Kiss of Spider Woman was like, of course. I mean, it's exactly that. It's just, you know, it's the venom. It's the, you know, it's the killing. And it was like, who is she?

I thought she was going to kill Reggie. I was like, please don't kill Reggie. That's going to be like a big piece of candy that you're taken away from us sugar-needed old late. Well, they actually gave, thankfully, they gave Reggie. something to do in this episode in a way that he's really been sorely needing. And so Reggie was able to actually have a personality in this episode because he's furious at Veronica. He calls her a black widow because she has, to his point, killed several people that she dated and killed her father.

And so... Question mark. Question mark. Never seen the body. Never seen that body. And so Reggie's like, you're a killer and a black widow. You're a killer. And she's like, wow.

I don't like you anymore. You're a killer. He killed so many men. And she's like, get out. And then he sends her a glamourget egg and it's filled with spiders. I'm going to go ahead of myself. What's the collateral that, so the collateral that Percival takes from Veronica is the portrait of Hiram. What I love to is that Veronica, which is exactly what I was thinking the entire time.

He's like, oh, it's still, oh, thousands and backlogged library. book fees and she's like, how much do you owe? She gets out of checkbook. She's like, what do you need? Like, you pesky fly of a human being. Yeah. What do you need? And he's like, no, you'll be arrested for it, which is like, that's where I want to ask your mom these questions, MJ. Yeah. Like, can, I don't think you can be arrested for kiss of the spider woman, which is a very easily obtained book. I know maybe not the exact addition. But so she's worried about being arrested so he takes the painting of Hiram Lodge. Now, I still feel that the painting of Hiram Lodge, I think that his spirit lives inside of it because the way that they focus on that

painting, I feel like it's got to have something more than being just a painting because, especially after this, because we'll find out at the end of this episode, that she doesn't take the painting back because she never gives him the copy of kiss of the spider woman. So I wonder if that's going to be, and maybe it's just because I'm reading a court of Miss and Fury right now. And what if that's like a link to Veronica in some way that they're going to be able to use it to take down Percival Pickens? Yes, I've said it quietly, but I've said it.

Definitely something's going on with that painting. It's alive. The soul of Hiram Lodge is in it. So I completely agree with you there. And Veronica continues to have, you know, a fucked up stupid relationship with her daddy. Where again, later on when they're trying to figure out how to get all this shit back and Cheryl's telling them to burn it, Veronica is just being difficult and it's like, no, I'm not going to, I'm not going to do it. And so there's definitely something going on with that painting. Something going on with painting. Well, she didn't know, because remember she doesn't get it back from Russell. That's right.

Jugghead didn't want to burn the book. That's right. Jugghead doesn't want to burn his book. But she's like, you can keep the painting. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want it. I don't want a picture of daddy in my casino.

Yeah, that was a stupid leverage for Percival Pickens to take. Like, I'll take this thing you hate that you don't want back. But he doesn't know. Right. So that's because he also got to remember. Veronica's the only one. that doesn't have a superpower at this point. Right, right.

So she's not even involved in any, like he doesn't know her as well. Right. Because of it. Right. And then it comes down to Cheryl with her copy of flowers. Okay, can we... I love that it's flowers in the attic.

Can we unpack this for a second? It's flowers in the attic, the book that she didn't return. As well as she used to read it with her... Heather. crush, Heather, who has gone from being a literally somebody who nobody remembers except from 2018 to now like, oh, yes, Heather, you know, the most, most important person in your life. It's classic Riverdale, inventing stakes when stakes were not there. Nobody gives a shit

about Heather, Riverdale. You mentioned her for the first time in three years, four years, like last week. And now you're like, ah, yes, you used to love to read flowers in the attic with your gay girlfriend Heather. And it's like, sure, that book was a sexually coming of age book for many people. Maybe for queer kids as well. But it is just so funny to be like, ah, yes. Have you read it though? I don't understand.

Yeah. It's like, that's not like, it's not a sexy book. No, it's a book about incest. I would say it's not about queerness. It's not a sexual sexual. Yes. I think that the thing about flowers in the attic, though, is like, to be real, I don't know why it became a lot of kids, like, sexual coming of age book because it is disturbingly a book about incest. But I think, for whatever reason, it is a book. It is a YA book that talks graphically about, like, sex. And I think for that reason, even though it is about, the book, the text itself is about, like, abuse, I think. that it's one of those weird Y.A. things where it just became like, this is a book that

describes hornyness. And so I'm a YA and I'm horny. And so this, so that is truly a relationship that a lot of people have with flowers in the attic. I mean, when I was in middle school, I watched Blue Lagoon a lot. And now, I mean, I think I must have been about 17 when I realized that I was like, oh, oh, why did I watch that so much? Yeah. You know, when you just like get obsessed with things like that. So I do understand it's just weird that it's tied to her first crush. Yes. And if you think about it, weirdly true to Cheryl because her mother was, her mother, well, I guess it's not incest if you're banging both the brothers. Right. Because remember Penelope Blossom was having sex with her father as well as her father's evil twin brother.

Right. But then also the relationship of JJ and Cheryl. I feel like that makes a lot of sense. But I didn't understand why they brought weird new character, Heather, into this. That was the thing. They just didn't need to have it be about Heather. They could have just been like, Cheryl loves flowers in the attic. You'd be like, of course she does.

Of course she does. There's been a subtextual, incestuous relationship with her and her brother for the entirety of the show. Of course she loves it. You don't have to bring in her gay girlfriend. Do you just have to make it about her and her weird brother? But don't worry, they did bring in her weird brother because it was Jason's corpse in a trunk, which, MJ, did you remember that his corpse is just in a trunk in the living room?

No, I didn't remember that the corpse was still there. But it's not a corpse anymore. In seven years it has turned into, he must have been embalmed before because he was just not a decomposing corpse. He was just like a slightly decomposed corpse for all that time that she was carrying him around and stuff. But now he's like... His bones. Now he's bones.

So now he is fully decomposed. And... I was sad because I really wanted him to take the doll with Abigail Blossoms. Yes. That would have a great idea. Why didn't they take that? That's such a good... That's such a missed opportunity.

But you're... Because, right, like, what if now the spirit is... of Hiram haunts him from the painting and then the spirit of Abigail could have haunted him from the doll. Yeah. I mean, maybe they're going to do something with the spirit of Jason, which we know never dies. But yeah, so that's what he takes from Cheryl. So we did Cheryl, Veronica, Archie, Jughead. Betty. Betty. What was Betty's book? Alice Cooper, the little snake in the grass, went through her room looking for small engine repairs because remember that unlocked all the feelings about her and her father.

Right. Because she used to work on cars with her father, but then all of the bleach smells that she keeps smelling and thinking of her father were because he was trying to get all of the blood out of the cars because he was a serial killer. But what does Alice Cooper give to Percival as collateral? Her fucking diary, Alice, be a good parent. Alice Cooper, man, just between.

betraying her child every which way and every opportunity she can. She's like, oh, so I gave him your diary for a collateral. And I get that Alice is easily manipulated and falls under the spell of absolutely every charlatan that comes to town. But like, Betty, you are a grown adult. Can you get your belongings out of your mother's house? Can you live somewhere else? Can you not eat dinner with her every night? Like, you need to create some boundaries because this, again, if you are in a house,

adult who has that kind of relationship with your mother, that's great, but not when your mother is Alice Cooper and will give your diary to a fucking ghost bear at the drop of a hat. Like, this man is clearly the spirit of a white supremacist from the night from the 1700s. And Alice is just like, I'll give you whatever you want. And so Betty, right, and so Betty's having a rough one because she's having a lot of memories that are coming up for her about how all these times she hung out with her dad. It turned out he was actually serial killing and like telling her how she's a serial killer too. That, to me fair, so there's a scene where she has a memory where she's in bed and she's like, Daddy, I'm afraid of monsters. And he's like, don't worry, honey.

You don't have to be afraid of monsters. Do you know why? And she's like, why? And he's like, because you and I are scarier than any monster. And I died because one of my kids is very afraid of monsters right now. And I thought, how awesome would it be if that was my response? Please, Zelda. Don't worry.

We're the monsters. You and I are scarier than any monster you could possibly dream of. Please, please terrify your child. Oh, and good news. I got an answer from my mom about what happens if you don't return a library book. So resident page 7 Riverdale Roundup librarian says, most librarians would probably say thanks for returning it. I said, what happens if you don't return a library book for decades?

She said, most librarians would say, thanks for returning it and post an abstract letter written by a library user in the break room. Fines no matter how old, normally don't go above a certain amount, maybe $5 or if the librarians were real jerks, maybe $25. But don't keep accruing fines. Libraries want the book back more than they want the money. And charging millions of dollars won't get the book back. Please dispel the rumor that librarians are vindictive idiots.

It's adorable. I love your mom so much. And she says, I had some hilarious overdue letters in my file. So I guess you write letters and you beg for the book back. So to that point, Percival saying you need to find an identical version of the book, perhaps rings true. Wow, I can't believe we got an answer from the source. Thank you so much for doing this. And also, what a, what a very in-depth text answer. I love apparent text. Yes. I love that. It's just such all correct punctuation. Oh, yes.

There is all just everything. Everything is capitalized. There are some parentheticals I didn't even include because it would have gotten too lengthy. But so yeah, I guess you, I see. So she's saying that usually when somebody has accidentally kept the library book that long, that they often return it with like an apology letter. And then the librarians keep the apology letter. That's actually a fun fact. So like, can you imagine?

I never would have done that ever. I have found library books. I have a couple library books from, like, childhood that my mom still has because of the shame. I was like, it's fine. We give, because I volunteered for the library as well. And she's like, you gave so much of your time. It's all right.

And like the guilt I would feel. But I never, maybe should I go home and write an apology letter? Bring them back. It sounds like you won't be arrested. You won't be charged millions of dollars. What if I wrote it in like my Instagram caption type way of a letter to the library? be like, I'm slurping this book out into your mentions, like, write a real letter. It sounds like this is a joyful part of being the life of a librarian is getting the apologetic

letters. All right. Please, everyone, send your, if you have a book, send it back. Put a fun apology letter on there. But yeah, you will not keep accruing fines. You will get a maximum of about $25. And ideally, you will, the goal is to get the book back to the library. Learn something new every damn day.

This has been Library Science Corner. Library Science Corner, I think that Reggie needs a little bit of Library Science Corner as well because Percival Pickens took his book on how to not be dyslexic anymore back. Oh, yeah. And then he went back to have, and also, can we just talk about how adorable it was, that when Percival went and asked Reggie for his dyslexia book back, he still had it in his office because it's like something that was so dear to him. And then he gave the book back and then his dyslexia came. Well, supernatural dyslexia came back because that's not what dyslexia is.

It's not just like, I mean, at least I, at least of what I've heard, it's not the words melding together like everything is one of those. What is it, the puzzles where you have to put your face really close to do it to move back, like a magic guy. Yeah, I would have to actually love to hear from any dyslexic listeners we have about this portrayal of dyslexia because there was some things that I think Riverdale did kind of like, you know, thoughtfully of being like, of him being like, this was like a really hard part of my childhood and it was like a real, really lonely and like, you know, being dyslexic was like this, this, you know, it's a source of shame and then, and, you know, to think back on it is upsetting. Like I thought that that was actually like,

again like yeah let's give reggie a slight personality that's nice but then yeah they like when the dyslexia comes back they turn it into this kind of like nightmare you know like uh terrifying blurry vision like letters sliding all over the place and it was powerful i was like i guess it would be really scary to like look at a book and then not be able to read it and i guess so i actually am curious like for any dyslexic folks out there if you thought what you thought of that portrayal because I was like, okay, this is one of those times where I can't tell if Riverdale is doing like an interesting and creative and thoughtful job about this, like, you know, this in terms of from a kind of like disability perspective or if this is like

Riverdale like really not doing a good job, I really did not know because I don't know what it feels like to be dyslexic. And I could tell that they were trying to do something like thoughtful and interesting, but, you know, again, it's Riverdale. And so they turned it into this like, it's dyslexia but it'll also kill you you which I'm pretty sure it's not I don't think it'll kill him I imagine it would be very upsetting so I guess that's why like the whole thing is like Percival's like

I fair is fair and that I will do the fair thing so if you bring me back the book I'll give you back everything that I take from collateral but then Reggie did give him the book and then he couldn't read anymore so if Archie gave him back the book, does that mean he can't play music anymore? Right.

And does that mean that Betty can't fix cars anymore? And also, because of the spider woman, which has nothing to do with learning anything, but it is about a woman that kills with venom. And then Veronica does kill Geraldo, which Heraldo, I don't know why I thought Geraldo was her cousin. I thought Geraldo was her family member as well. I'm like, first of all, who's Geraldo? second of all, why are you fucking him?

Third of all, he died in your bed. What did you do about that? Did you call, like, did you call the cops? Did they not say? That's what we didn't even say, because Reggie and Veronica, after Veronica, essentially aggressively coerced Reggie into having sex that he didn't really want in the last episode. They broke up for realzies this time. And he's like, essentially, he's like, go ahead.

Go fuck Geraldo. we all know you're going to do it. So what does she do? She calls up Geraldo and she fucks Geraldo. But Heraldo, I could have sworn, was her cousin that came when to her father's funeral. That's what I thought. Her abuelita. Yeah.

She meets him in the context of being surrounded by her other family. So who is, right, I could have sworn that Geraldo was a family member. But either way, she begs him. I'm just glad that you felt that way as well. Yeah. Because I was very, very confused. Talk about flowers in the attic. Talk about it.

But it doesn't even matter because she kills him in her own bed. Dr. Colonel's like, yep, you definitely killed him. Nothing's going to happen. Yeah. It's just like Kiss of the Spider Woman because like all those black widows were inside of the glamourge egg. So she thought it was the black widow, but she's the black widow. She's, so this, she wakes, she fucks this guy who may or may not have been her cousin. She wakes up the next morning.

He's dead. And then I just want to know, like, who did you, did you call the police? Did you, did paramedics come and take it? Is there no investigation into the dead man that woke up into your, it just goes straight to doctor. I guess they always just call Dr. Colonel Jr. He's their like man on the inside. And he's like, it couldn't have been a spider bite. There was no puncture anywhere on his body.

that the poison must have come from the lips. Oh my God, MJ, you should go as Dr. Colonel Jr. for Halloween. I should. I'm going to spend the whole night explaining who I am and have nobody. Which is exactly what Holden hates about. I know. I'll definitely just piss Holden off. No one will know who I am.

And he can he go as Ira Blonde? Please. He just looks like a man in his suit. And then like there might be like one random 17 year old at the party that's like, are you Dr. Colonel Jr. from Riverdale? Oh, I think of this is great. The venom came from the lips. The venom came from the lips. So they're all getting cursed in different ways.

Like, Veronica has been cursed. So Percival is cursing them, right? He cursed Reggie with dyslexia. He cursed Veronica with being a poison spider. And I think he's cursing Betty with like her memories, right? Like. Yeah, so it's also like bringing up all this trauma. So she's being traumatized because she's thinking about all this stuff with her dad that she never thought about before. Archie's being traumatized by his old past traumas coming back. Cheryl's trauma, like, I love it because Cheryl's like, that's not even affecting me because, like, I'm already dealing with that. So it doesn't matter. Heather, like, oh, her ghost is here.

Fine. I love that Cheryl was the only one. Like, yeah, I've dealt with some things before. So, like, this isn't that bad. Yeah, Cheryl was totally fine and was like, let me just focus my pyrochinesis. on setting. So Cheryl was the one who understood. And I forgot. Jughead was starting to get eczema, which like I thought that it was happening like the metamorphosis like in Kafka's the metamorphosis. Right. But it wasn't. It was because when his grandfather died, he was covered in eczema. So they put eczema all over his hands,

but like his fingernails were fought. Actually, genuinely like that's upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So Jughead's being cursed by eczema. Which is just like, he's being cursed by ex-mal. Like a lame curse, you know. Yeah, but still exciting. Exema can suck. One of my kids is dealing with that right now. It's tricky. It's rough.

You know, it's rough. So he's got eczema. Ritchie's got dyslexia. Betty's got memories of her serial killer father. Archie's got memories of his sexual relationship with a teacher. And Cheryl is just like, let's just get it all back and set it all on fire. So that's what they do. They bring the books back and then they take their things back to Thornhill and of course with her pyrokinetic energies. She sets it all on fire

except for the book and except for Hiram Lodge's portrait that Percival still has. Right. Right. Right. Because Cheryl, I mean, Veronica is like, I don't care. I don't want it. And it's like, bitch, can you think about other people for one second? No one cares whether you want it. We care about whether Percival could use it for his power. Against you, because he's using it to curse y'all, you bitch. Yes. But also he tries to curse Kevin. And we didn't even talk about the fact that Piggy wants a piggy, always a piggy.

Yes, thank you. It's because it was Lord of the Flies. It was Lord of the Flies that he wants. And Kevin said he always identified with Piggy. And he was like in the process of flirting with Moose because it must have been in their flirtations in high school. he gave him his copy of Lord of the Flies. People need to stop lending their library books to other people without following up.

You can't follow up. You can't do it. And so Moose gives it back. But then when Kevin goes to bring the book back to Percival, they kiss, y'all. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Perci. That's right.

I totally forgot that Percival and Kevin kiss. Like kiss. Yes. Have like a sexy kiss. Because I'm upset because I wanted to be with Moose. I don't want to watch Percival kissing anyone. Again, Kevin deserves better. Why is Kevin such a shell of a man?

Kevin has no values. Doesn't care about any of his friends. They always do him dirty. They always do him dirty. And here he's just like, yeah, I guess I'll kiss this fucking ghost mare. Like, there's just no reason for Kevin to be so spineless and have nothing that he believes in. But I guess, I don't know, maybe he's under Percival's spell or, or, whatever and so he is on the written list of the allies that he has in the town yeah it's like

percival if you are a bad guy i don't think that you should be writing down a list of who your allies are i think you can just keep that inside of your brain or am i being crazy yeah no you're definitely right about that like but it is i mean the only person percival ever interacts with you know in a non-cursing way is kevin like kevin is the only person he like works with you know and i guess alice i guess now they're going to start banging though i mean i mean i'm fine with that i'll take any kind of consensual banging you know that i will watch the hell out of it we need more banging oh and speaking of which betty and jugg had betty and archie are not pregnant not pregnant but but then she just was like when she said that she kept smelling bleach and then

it was making her nauseous i was like yeah or is she i know when she was like oh i'm really nauseous i don't feel good i was like you're impressed Girl, you pregnant. Yeah. I think you pregnant. But then I wonder what's going to happen if she is, and if it's going to be the pro-Christ. It is not going to be the last of the pregnancy from Betty that we hear about because

you can't plant, you know, it's like Chekhov's gut. You can't just be like, oh, what if we had a baby? And then be like in one, the course of two episodes, be like, never mind, I guess we won't. I also just realized why wasn't Tabitha in this episode and she could have taken them back in time to go find the books? Yeah, that would have been fun. That would have been so fun. We could have gone back to their high school or to like avenge their traumas.

I guess she probably can't do that. But that would have been fun to find the books. Man, what a missed opportunity? Missed opportunity, Riverdale. Just ask me. Start asking me these things. I mean, in fact, we got a very, I love you, Victoria. Victoria sends in every once in a while to page seven podcast at gmail.com.

Just thoughts on Riverdale. And I just love how angry you get. I'm just going to read this real quick. So in this week's episode, Betty's whole thing about remembering her dad cleaning up after a murder and realizing he was killing way before we knew. Except there's no fucking way that's true. Betty gave a stupid fucking speech at a stupid town meeting or something. And it reminded Hal about his mom's crazy murder training video. And that's when he started killing.

How do the writers not fucking know that? And how do they not remember that after it came out that Hal was a killer? Alice changed her name back to Alice Smith. Now she's even calling herself Alice Cooper again. Also, I laughed so loud when Kevin talked about being husky again. That's all. Oh, yes. Love you.

I was husky. Because remember his mother, the drop of his mother. And he had to buy the husky kit. She took me shopping in the husky department. Yes. Kevin and Husky. And, you know, this is why we need, Riverdale must have one position on staff

whose job it is to just keep a running list of all plot points, right? To like, it's just a script supervisor, but it has to be the script supervisor for all of these seasons and be like, oh, yeah, check back. Is it possible that Hal Cooper was killing when Betty was 10? And just check back. Is it possible? Oh, no, it's not possible because he,

became a killer when she was 17 or whatever, you know, just keep track. If the listeners can do it, surely someone on staff can't. It's difficult for us to keep track. It is difficult. I certainly didn't remember that. We talked about it. I did remember it either. So thank you so much, Victoria, um, for giving us these, these re-memories that we desperately need. Well, I think that I think we've covered all of it. I think we've learned a lot. So don't worry if you haven't returned the library book for several decades. They're not going to charge you millions of dollars, but they do want the book back. You should send them an apology letter and send an apology letter and they will save it because they're librarians and they will put it in the archives.

Dorable. And we also learned that Riverdale now frowns upon sexual relationships between teachers and students. Thank you, Riverdale. So that's good. We remembered that Jughead was once a YAA author himself with the Baxter brothers and his grandfather. And yeah, I mean, I would say I was to try to make predictions for next week, but I have no fucking idea. No idea. Absolutely zero idea where I could go after this. No idea what's going to happen with it.

It is, um, because like even I'm surprised by how much the, uh, superpowers have taken a backseat. Zero superpowers in this episode. Zero. It's really kind of crazy. And Percival didn't even use mind control. He just used like actual coercion. This was a totally non-supernatural episode. Yeah, except for the pyroids.

Except for the pirate. Yeah, like one fire to burn. I did like the line where Jughead was like, it's a book. I'm not burning it. What would Ray Bradbury say? Bradbury say. Fantastic. I love Jughead's heavy-handed lit boy identity. I think it is just great. Oh, and I love you guys. Thank you guys for listening to my croaks. And thank you so much, MJ, for steering us into the harbor here. We have landed in the harbor. We did. We did it, and we will be back next week with whatever episode is next. Whether you want us to be or not, we will be here. We love you guys.

Love you guys. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.