Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 109: The Forging of Archie Andrews

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. Have you been dying to see us live? Then get psyched about the last podcast network, Country Jamboree, at the Rhyman Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee on June 18th. Jackie, we're not at the Country Bear Jamboree, but I am grinning like a possum, eating a sweet tater. Because we'll have all your favorite LPN family out and performing live, including last podcasts on the left, page seven,

Wizard and the Bruiser, No Dogs in Space, Brider Side, fraudsters, someplace underneath, the story must be told, and more. Tickets available now. Again, that's the Rhyman Auditorium on June 18th in Nashville, Tennessee. The last podcast network, Country Jamboree! Well, you know I don't play, baby, because I'm forged now. The forging of Archie Andrews is what this has. episode should have been called, but it's not because we've got too many other things going on. Yes, forged by which fire he is, but that doesn't even happen until later on in the episode. Welcome to Riverdale Roundup. I loved this episode. Yeah. I several times screamed in happiness

at the TV. It was the morning time. Sun was out. Nothing more depressing than watching Riverdale when the sun is still up and shining in through your windows. It's different then. It's different. I don't know why it's more depressing. Because I have found that my brain... I think it's much more depressing. But I think it's because...

But it's also... Like, I remember when I used to... Like, one of my early apartments when I moved to New York, I used to, like, hear through the walls someone else watching Law & Order at like, you know, 11 in the morning. when I was like trying to do work and stuff. And I remember always being jealous of them like, oh, wow, you get to watch Law & Order like at 11 a.m. on like a Wednesday. But then whenever I do do that, it's like it's because something's wrong, you know, like usually depression or like a hangover or something.

Yes, most likely depression. And so there's just something about, but also obviously everyone works on different schedules. And if you like to watch Law & Order at 11 a.m., it might not be that anything's wrong with you. but I know that for me it usually means something is wrong with me. And there's something about watching Riverdale at 9.30 in the morning with a cup of coffee as opposed to like how I watched it for five years, which was like, hammered. 930 at night, hammered.

Like, there's just something about being like, well, I've dropped my children off. Time to start the workday of watching Riverdale. It's rough. But the good news is that at least I understand it. And it has gone so far off the rails that if you try to watch Riverdale when you're tired, it's not going to work. No. You need your full, it's like reading Descartes or something. Like it's like reading fucking philosophy.

No, it's ever compared Riverdale to Descartes before. In the way that you're like, okay, you're going to need to sit down. You're going to need to like steal yourself. You're going to need to make sure that you're paying attention. Don't. And also, yes, be able to. be in control of your emotions enough to be like to stop yourself from being like, this cat, how bad.

Because you can't bring any logic to Riverdale. It does not exist. It's hard. And right, you have to let go, but you also have to like really be in control. Like today I had to stop and start this episode so many times because I kept being like, I can probably like check my phone. And then I would check my phone and I would look up and I would have missed. I'd be like, wait a minute.

How is Jughead inside Betty's mind? you know, like, or, I mean, I know that he gets inside minds. Oh, you mean when he was banging around inside of her mind? Yeah, how is he in that one, Alice's mind? And so you really have to pay attention because there's a lot going on. And I think that their strategy is just going to be just to bury us in plot twists until the show ends, which is apparently soon. It is, I mean, we got the word this morning that this is the second to last season of Riverdale. No, it's not the second to last episode. We've still got a whole. No, we've got a whole season. We've got two more episodes in this season, I think, if I've done my research correctly. Who knows? And that there is a whole other season left. But that means that they're going to be riding towards something. Now, do you think, oh my God, you're right.

Before we're like, are they going to stick the landing? Oh, my God, you're right. How are they, like, what are they going to do? You're right. They're going to start, like, trying to raise the stakes. How do you raise the stakes? How do you raise them? When somebody is being forged in fire and it's not. Not even the season finale. It's not the season. This had such season finale energy this episode. So much happened in it. And it ends in a beautiful, fantastic musical number that I have absolutely no notes and no criticism of.

No. And I loved so much. I was screaming in happiness at the TV. And I was like, surely that must be the season finale. Nope. Two more episodes left. I dare say it might be the rendition of toxic that Veronica sings at the end of this episode. might be my favorite Riverdale musical number.

Yeah, I think that's, I think I can say that. I would say there's not another musical number that I can remember that has stood out to me as much as this for being that good, but also, again, I can't remember much of any Riverdale. It's just kind of like a layer of my brain now. No. But probably you could name the different musical numbers that they've done and they would come back to me, and I would say none of them has been better than this.

And they really earned it, you know, this was like a fine, It was like a good episode. I enjoyed it. But then they really did stick the landing with this one because they kept setting it up. Oh, Veronica says, I'm literally toxic. I'm literally toxic. And I thought, they better, they better not say the word toxic this many times without having sexy Veronica dance on stage to toxic. And thankfully, they did not disappoint.

Oh, especially, oh, my God, sitting next to Jeff with goth Veronica on the screen. I was like, okay. Keep it down, Tiger. All right. Because now she's goth, because why she kills with her kiss. So let's talk about these immunity problems. Immunity problems. Hashtag immunity problems.

Hashtag immunity problems because I was about to say this was like almost an only Archie and Veronica episode, but it wasn't. Everyone had a lot going on this episode. So let's jump in. Let's start with Veronica. So remember last week. Okay. when they took kiss of the spider woman from her. And now she killed Geraldo last episode.

But she didn't take back Daddy's painting. So now she is forever poisonous. And Dr. Curdle Jr., which wearing a mask just in case, which I really appreciated, I felt a little bit of real life, set life in a little bit watching Dr. Curdle Jr. with the mask on. Which reminds me, why is it Veronica wearing a mask? Veronica, your fucking droplets are,

Poison, bitch. Did you not just live through a pandemic or did it not happen in Riverdale? Because if your fucking saliva is poison, you know what would help? A mask. Especially when you're like yelling in people's faces if you are. Because Dr. Gertel Jr. told Veronica, so not only is her are her lips poison, but her tears are poison and everything about her. Like she cannot come into human contact with anyone. And she's pissed about that. And I love that it is such an actual like kind of real sentiment brought in by Riverdale when she was like, man, the last person I kissed is my ex-boyfriend. And that sucks. Like before she killed Hidaldo, that is. And don't worry. That's not only just a fun little thing that totally rings true, but it's also a setup

for something fantastic that happens in the end of the episode. Oh, it's a setup. Oh, it's a set up. This was a great episode. Great episode. Because Reggie is now because he's with his, oh, no, I was going to say the good old boys. Oh, the wise guys.

aka the mobsters that he is now like on this team of as well as on the team of Percival because now Reggie's a bad guy again. We don't like Reggie anymore. And I guess we're supposed to be on the side of Veronica because Reggie is trying to. Jeff had many questions about like, when did the casino go public about the buying of the casino? I was like, I don't know anything about anything. They tried to make this like a succession episode in terms of like, oh, there's going to be a hostile takeover. And I was like, Riverdale, stay in your lane.

None of us understand any of this. And also, nobody cares. Yeah, nobody cares. Who cares about the casino? We don't know who these people are. Like, you play poker. Yeah, so the wise guys come in. And they're playing poker.

And Veronica, like, just got the word from Dr. Curdle Jr. like, and she was like, hey, I found out him really poisonous. But she didn't say that. But she's like, I think that we should like not have this shareholders meeting at the casino. And Reggie's like, too bad. We go to the shareholders meeting anyway. But she's toxic, MJ. She's toxic, but she won't wear a mask and she will just vehemently yell in people's faces.

But she does wear a cloak now because she's different. Yeah, she wears like a little fucking net, widow's net over her face that will do nothing about the droplets. I'm sorry to keep bringing up the aerosols. If your droplets and your aerosols are poison, put a fucking mask on for God's sake. Put a fucking mask on, you selfish bitch. she really is being very selfish in this. And so she finds out that she's like, so Dr. Cardle Jr. sets her up with an at-home dialysis kit

because he thinks that dialysis will help rid her body of all of her toxins. Now, that's privilege right there. You know, being able to have your own dialysis come and set up in your own, that you can administer yourself. It doesn't impact her life, her health, her mobility. at all. She's just like, okay, good. I'll just do my dialysis while I work. But it's not taking her toxins away. MJ, what is she going to do? Because she's just getting more and more toxic. You're right. They did say the word toxic a lot. I should have realized what song. Because I was like,

oh, it's going to be a spider song. What spider song is going to be because now? I know. I love that you thought it was going to be a spider song. Because now, how is she going to try and learn how to control her powers. It's by reading about spiders. Now, spiders, something, something spiders. She was a book from Cheryl. I kind of forgot about the spider's part.

I just know that she's like, she's just trying to essentially be able to control her. Oh, it's because spiders can't poison themselves with their own poison. And she also gets a bunch of other poisonous plants from Cheryl. Yeah, and she eats a bunch of nightshade, and she eats a bunch of like other and like a white, Holyander. She just poisons herself. She poised herself to see if she can be poisoned because she

finds out she can't get hammered. Yes. I was going to say, don't forget that she realizes that she can't be poisoned by any poisons because she goes out for, you know what? I did love this episode because I know. She's feeling stressed and she calls Veronica and is like, I want to go get a drink. Or Betty, yeah. Betty, sorry. And Betty's like, yeah. And then Betty calls Archie, I think, one of them calls Archie and they're like, hey, do you want to come get a drink? And then they just like go get a drink. And I miss their friendship. I miss the four people being friends and hanging out. And they go to the white worm and they do like 20 shots.

And it's great. And Betty and Archie are like, although their depiction of being hammered is so bad. They just act like they're really tired, which is not the same thing. No. But they're like, oh, Betty's like, oh, Veronica, I'm so hammered. I can't drink anymore. I'm totally sober and I'm not slurring my words. I'm just kind of acting slightly tired.

And then Veronica's like, oh, my God. God, I don't feel the alcohol at all. And that's how she discovered. She's poison proof. Although I really was hoping, and I guess I, well, I mean, we're not there yet, but I was like, have a threesome. Oh, my God. I was like, you guys are going to have a threesome, right? I was positive it would end in a threesome.

Like, yeah, I couldn't believe that it didn't. Yes, I can't, you know, leave it to Riverdale to set you up and sometimes deliver. They set us up for toxic. They delivered toxic. Yes. They set us up for a threesome. and they did not deliver it. They did not deliver it.

They delivered something else that was satisfying, but it was not a threesome. Not as satisfying because then I thought in that scene that we were also going to get our threesome. Me too. How was it not? We fucking did it. It was such, never as a show set up a threesome this hard.

So wildly. Yes, I was like, thank you. Thank you, MJ. Because I was talking about it, and Jeff was like, I mean, I get that. He's like, but they're not going to do that at Riverdale. I was like, why wouldn't they do that in Riverdale?

Yeah. Like, what is it? Like, there's no shame in it. Yeah. Like, why not? They're all consenting adults. What does it matter? I can't believe there hasn't been a threesome already.

Yeah, the periodical viewpoints of television and censorship. But that's fine. Because why is Veronica trying to be able to control herself? She knows she's just going to stay toxic for a while. But it's also because Percival is being Percival and controlling Reggie. That really sucks. Now, who also is Percival controlling in this episode. It is Archie because the bastard got a palladium ring so that he would always have

palladium on him so that he could always use the kryptonite against Archie. And what a fuckhead he is. Yeah, this is real fuckhead material. Right. So the other thing about this episode that's important is that there's an overarching comic book theme, which is fun, of course, because of the Archie comics and it's like a comic-y style in a comic universe and Jughead is our literary guide. And so he's like, oh, I love comics.

And I love at one point, Archie's like, I didn't know you were this into comics. And I just like, I love self-aware Riverdale when they're like, we know that we just made this up. And like this is not, like Jughead's like extensive comic book collection has never existed. And we're just going to like say that it did. And we're going to absolutely acknowledge that this is something we just made up now.

But like, you know, Jughead's like, oh, me and my comics. And so it becomes this real Superman thing where it's like I've jug. I mean, Archie's got to figure out how to battle kryptonite. And so he decides that he just needs to expose himself to it. But like a fucking idiot, he doesn't like learn anything about how to do that safely. So he's just killing himself. Like just actively destroying his body. And he's like, oh, why?

And everyone is like, it's the poison you're carrying around with you. Yeah. It is the kryptonite. It's the palladium. Yes. And he's like, oh, but it's supposed to make me. stronger. But it's not making you stronger and you should have looked into this

and it made me think of Britney Murphy with the paint. But even though it wasn't the paint, just the paint, after watching that documentary, but that's what we're talking about right now. We're talking about Archie and we're talking about palladium. And so he tries to wear it around his neck. And then he goes to Cheryl and Cheryl makes him palladium soup. So he's to try it. Man,

I love Riverdale Science. It makes me think of early 90s movie science. Whereas She's like, I, the irons in your body, it's because, like, because essentially what's happening to Archie is he's slowly, like, he's losing weight, he's losing muscle. He starts losing his hair. He starts like, yeah, he's completely atrophying as a human being because he's drinking palladium soup, trying to make it easier for him to fight Percival. Right. At first he just carries around a big chunk of palladium. That's like destroying his skin.

And then he starts drinking this palladium soup from Cheryl. And that's just making things worse. And then right, Cheryl realizes like, well, you need, if I, if I forge you in fire, it will like give you the iron that your body needs. And iron is stronger than, it is like it's a whole science experiment situation where he can basically, if he can survive being forged in fire by Cheryl, it will make him iron-like, which is stronger than Palladium, I think.

I don't remember. There was like a pretty detailed description of what it meant, but it didn't make it sense. Because, yeah, the Palladium neutralized the other metals in his body. And so now, yes, she uses her pyrokinesis to use her witch fire to be able to forge.

his blood, but also, it's not just that, but it's also like a Latin spell. Yes, it's an Latin alchemy. So he's reading the Latin, and I was just like, listening to KJ. App, I was like, I would have loved to have watched him trying to learn the Latin for this. He's, he's got almost no clothes on. They're in a cave. And he's reading Latin, there's candles everywhere, of course, candle budget, always high in Riverdale.

And then it just made me. gave me like Dr. Strange vibes of Cheryl just standing there with her hands glowing red as she used her witch fire to forge Archie. And then Betty comes over later. He's like, look, Betty, look, I'm forged. I'm forged. It made me think of like when Betty just kept saying her like, she was fuging and like, it's because I was fuging. Don't you see? I was fuging. Now that I'm forged. And also, don't forget, before he gets forged, Just in case he dies in the fire, he's like, can I have one last night with Betty? And Cheryl's like, of course.

So they go have like a pre, like a super anemic pre fire fuck. I was like, wouldn't he be so tired? Like if he is dying actively, like presently rapidly dying, wouldn't it not be such a great fuck? And also, if you're feeling that way, in it, their fuck session, candles everywhere, but they're on the floor of the living room. It was like, go to the bed. If I didn't feel good, I would want to have my last bang on the bed where I was comfortable rather than on the floor.

Yeah, you know, I guess we admire Archie and Betty for like keeping it interesting. Yeah, man. Yes, they're keeping it hot over there. And oh, it gets hotter. But I want to hold on to that little nugget, the non-threesome nugget. for a little bit later. So he's forged now. So this is the overarching, like the bigger,

this is the A plot of this. But the B plot of this episode was just as bafflingly beautiful. And I've got a lot of questions because if they are setting up Jughead to cheat on Tabitha, I don't know if I'm okay with that. Right. Yeah.

Okay. Thank you. Because I forgot that there was something else that was really spicy, spicy about this episode, which is that whilst Jughead and Betty, which we haven't talked about this plot part yet, but he is helping Betty discover her subconscious memories. But the whole time...

Because remember last week, last week she was like, she's uncovering all this trauma that she had repressed. And so she's realizing that like, oh shit, like up top. She's like, I think my dad was actually grooming me. And I'd like to go back. She said, I want to go back into my memories, but I can't because they're repressed. So Jughead, can you go into my mind, bang around?

They use the phrase bang around, I think twice, or if it just once, it really stuck in my head. And to go through her brainscape like it is a comic book store and find an earlier edition memory so that he can go into it so that he can tell her what happened in the memory, okay? Are you following? Thank you for

this is one of the parts of why I've rewined it twice. I was like at first I rewounded it because I looked at my phone and then I looked back a second later and I was like, I don't understand it. What? And I rewond it again

and I watched it. I was like, okay, I watched it again but I still don't understand it. So I'm really glad that you explained it. Yes. I was like, I'm just going to talk this out to something from Riverdale that doesn't make any sense.

But right, right. So he is helping her. Also, speaking of phrases that they say more than once. Did Riverdale writers just hear the word groomed? Because we heard it last episode about like, you know, the teacher's grooming archie. And they said grooming so many times in this episode. And it's fine.

Like grooming is like a real thing and a real word. But I think I'm particularly sensitive to it right now because like there's all these like bigots right now using the word grooming to describe like it's like being weaponized against like trans and queer people. being like, oh, like, trans and queer educators are trying to like groom kids to be trans. Oh, ew. So it's just like, it's like the word is kind of like floating around in my mind for a different reason. And for some reason, Riverdale just keeps using the word grooming now. It's we used it like five times in the last two weeks.

And I'm like, shut up, Rupertale. Stop. But, but Betty is being groomed as a serial killer by her dad in these memories that Jughead is helping her what else is happening while Jughead is helping her. Jughead is remembering all these nice little moments they had together throughout their dating experience when they were young. And Jughead is feeling super horny for Betty. He's feeling super horny for Betty because one of those memories that he just, oops, happened upon was them just like furiously banging up against a wall. Man, I remember that scene. And it's just a lot of these scenes are like, oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember that one too. And he's remembering it. And for the last two episodes Tabitha has been out of town. So while he's doing all this, I'm like, this is scary. I wouldn't want my ex banging around in my head with my memories.

No thank you. And given the big, exciting thing that happens at the end of this episode, you know, I just, I don't know if we're ready to reveal it yet, but there's some potential cross paths of fucking ordniness that might happen. Do you think we'll ever get the foursome? Remember the hot tub scene? Yes. I'll always think about that hot tub scene.

I was thinking about the hot tub scene. I was like, why can the four of them just all fuck already? Let me just, let me just, please. I would love to see KJ. Aten and Cole Spouse Kiss. I would absolutely watch that tape. Yeah, no, I'd watch all the tapes. I'd watch all the tapes.

Any combination of tapes. Slap Cheryl in there, please. Yes, even if Cheryl's just masturbating off in the corner, I'm down. with that. I'm completely fine with that. Well, like, sending out her, like, sassy barbs while she does it. Oh, of course she is, because there's a whole B plot with her, too. Man, I'm glad that there was so much. In fact, I did want to give a shout out to Amanda who wrote in, and I'll bring up your theory later on. But I love that Amanda said, I kind of hate calling Betty Veronica Archie a junk at the core four because Cheryl has been my number one draw to the show from day one. Other than the one true daddy, a daddy to rule them all, FP, Serpent, Love, and Joe. I appreciate. Because you're right, I love Cheryl so much. I'm so glad that she was like that they are including her in the main conversation more so than they have been in the past.

So, yeah, Betty is trying to figure out. Turns out, yes, she was groomed. And also, her mother was actually more complicit in her father being a serial killer than she knew. And so then she starts going to Alice being like, hey, mom, you knew dad was a serial killer and that he was grooming me. And she's like, no, no, no. So Jughead goes back into her brain, tries to find out what happened between Hal and Alice Cooper that she was complicit to. And Betty, it wasn't in Betty's memory. She didn't know exactly what happened.

So she brings Jughead to Alice. Alice Cooper's work to, without her consent, go through her memories and find out what happened, which that part was very weird. I was like, wait, wait, wait, you set up these rules of like, okay, we have to be in the room with candles, we have to hold hands for you to be able to jump into my mind. I know. But now what they're setting up is that Archie, is a Jughead can just, like, find the repressed memories of anyone's mind.

no matter what. And a half of talking to them because like Alice just got so pissed and it's like, get out of, get out of here, get out. And Jughead's like, we're good, I got what I need. Go read Percival's mind then. Like go find out like what is like where it? What's Percival's background?

Let's go find out more about him. Yeah, for real. They are far too busy talking to Alice Cooper and finding out that she knew that Hal was a serial killer or at least a killer because a cop showed up to the house when Betty was a kid and Hal killed the cop in the house and then they buried his corpse

underneath the floorboards in the living room. Now, remember when Alice Cooper killed that person that was trying to go after chick? Yes. And they wrapped him up in the rug and they put him in the tube in the forest. And then they put him in like a little creek, right? Yes. And then they like, and then FP went

and like, God, God. And he was like, I don't like it, but I'll do it. But I'll do it. I'll get rid of the body for you. And he does. So this is not Alice's first rodeo at being a murderer, or at least being complicit in being a murderer. And I kind of loved it when they end up digging up the corpse. The corpse is still wearing the police outfit.

Yeah, that was nice. And also, I feel like I didn't go back to look, but I was like, was that a different police outfit than he was wearing? because it seems like one was a lot more costuming. Yeah, it was like I was wearing a civil war, like, you know. Yes, it was very weird. I was like, what, what year did this happen in? I'm just happy that Hal Cooper, the actor, I don't remember his name, that I'm happy that he's getting work and that he gets to be back in it even though he's dead.

He's having a great year. He got to be in Peacemaker. Peacemaker. And back on Riverdale. Yeah. Being way creepier than he ever even was on Riverdale. You know, one of the many sleight of hands of Riverdale is to be like, oh, yes, Hal, you were always such a creep. He was totally not a creep until they decided for him to be a creep.

He was a totally normal day. Yes. But then in one of the repressed memories, which it did make me think of every time I think about when Betty kills Carmel. I killed Carmel. You know what? Betty's dad says caramel as well. Because after Betty kills caramel, her father took her out for milkshakes and was like, caramel was a sinner. It was good that caramel died.

I was like, whoa. It was kind of fun, though. It's like, that's over milkshakes? Yeah, they really, you'd think you'd remember that. Really reaching for that, you know, the whole sinner. Let's connect the killing the cat to his, he only killed sinners. Yeah, because he ran out of the house. The cat was a sinner because she ran away.

All right. We get it. You're tying your themes together. Yes, it all makes sense. Okay. At least we're doing that because usually they don't put that much effort into it. So it's kind of, you know, it's nice. You know, they try. They're like, well, the cats are center. Fine. That's why. Oh, that's right. That's because, and it's because Alice Cooper, we find in a repress memory as well, Alice Cooper has the serial killer gene. Or no, she has, I'm sorry, she has the M-A-O-A gene mutation. Okay, but she also does it. Yeah. That's, It is the serial killer gene. There's some interesting recessive genetics going on where Hal makes Alice get the genetic test. And then he's like, that means the kids could have it. And so that splashes a bunch of cold water on Alice's hole for years being like, oh, I didn't know that he was a serial killer. I didn't know that you had a serial killer gene.

And Betty's like, you helped him hide a body and you knew that you had the serial killer gene. And so you knew that I had it. and you what? And she's like, I just thought that I could like, the whole, I just wish that they would just call it depression instead of serial killer gene. Because they're just like, you have always had a darkness inside you.

It's like, I think Betty just had depression. Yes. Instead, it's like, oh, yes, you were always a future serial killer. And so what did I do? I just tried to like make you, I just tried to exert my motherly control over you to make you perfect to out balance the serial killerness. To balance it out,

to balance out her darkness. And also, I think you're right, I think the word grooming was also triggering other things in my brain because she just kept talking like, she's like, you knew, you knew that he was doing it. And then Alice was like, victim blaming Betty. It was like, you were always his favorite. You always, like, he loved you best and doing all that kind of shit.

I was like, God, you're reminding me of my grandmother right now. This is emotional, mental manipulation right now. And then also, Alice is like, Um, like, Alice is like, well, I helped him bury the body under the table because I wanted to, like, help protect my family. I don't want our family to fall apart. And like, listen, I get it. I would do anything for my children. Would you hide a corpse for Gideon though? It's just like, you, you're not helping your family. By burying a corpse under the floorboards and letting a serial killer continue to take care of your children. The way that you help your family is by getting them away from. serial killer living in your home. Alice. The smell of the corpse rotting underneath the floorboards of the dining room table. I don't know how they dealt with that.

I know. Because that would be in the way a bit. I know. I know. But so now we know. Alice Cooper also has a serial killer gene. So it does make a little bit more sense because she does a little bit willy-nilly with the murder.

and I, it's natural for her. It's not her fault. She's a serial killer gene. But she knew and she didn't tell Betty in this entire time. So everyone is going to Cheryl for help with all this stuff. Yes, Cheryl's time to shine. The immunity stuff, it's Cheryl's time to shine.

She's also battling in this episode. She decides that she's going to reach out to Heather. Heather, who is now an actual character of the show. Stop trying to make Heather happen, Riverdale. She's not going to happen. Oh, they already have. It's already done. It is already done.

And actually, MJ, I'm very excited for it now. Yeah. No, you're right. It's one of those Riverdale things where it's just like, you are just trying to make stakes here where the stakes are not there. But then sometimes Riverdale creates fake stakes and then it actually ends up paying off. And for three episodes now, I've been like, who is Heather? And then this episode, it actually is kind of enjoyable because she keeps asking the magic agent. ball, if she should talk to Heather and she asked Nana Rose and Nana Rose is like,

let her go. Nana Rose was being bitchy. Nana Rose was being straight up because she's like, I found Heather on the social medias and I have reached out to her because Heather turns out is a librarian that works in Greendale and who else is from Greendale, Sabrina Spellman. So she's a librarian that works in Greendale. And so she reaches, she asks the magic eight ball, should I call her? And the magic eight ball is like, nah.

And so she decides to email her instead. And then Nana Rose is like, did that young lady email you back? Usually if someone likes a person, they'll email them back immediately. I did love that. I do like in my experience, people had to emails pretty quickly. Also, not in my experience. Yeah, I was going to say. I take a while to respond to an email.

Yeah. And I got things to do, Nana Rose. Sometimes you don't like, especially all I, I immediately sent to Jeff was like, man, but sometimes when you get an email from someone out of the blue from your past, you just like, you need days to like unpack that. Like if you think about it, Heather was banished from Cheryl's existence because they were in a like very, not even a relationship. They just kind of like had crushes on each other.

Right. So like that's got to be some fucking trauma that she had to endure. And Jeff paused it and was like, are you really? bringing the mental health aspect of Riverdale's? I'm like, I have to think about these things. This is my job. Yes, no, it's true. And right, and so this is, I forgot.

So, right, because at first I was like, so not to jump ahead, but Heather shows up. And I was like, and she's like, you called I came. Yeah. And this is after, but also Cheryl calls the library. I'm so glad she's a sexy librarian, by the way. Love a sexy librarian. And so she calls the library in Greendale and she and the person answers the phone and says Greendale Library.

This is Heather speaking and Cheryl gets cold feet and hangs up. Also how great is that red lips phone that she was calling on by the way? It's just like a pair of lips that are a phone and like my 1998 heart flutter. Yeah, I like that little, you know, nod to millennials. But she does she and then when Heather comes, she was like, you called and I came. And I was like, wait a minute, but she didn't say anything. So how do you know it was her? Are you magic?

But I forgot that she did email. Yeah, she did. But also, she is magic. That's the thing. She is magic. She is magic. And I don't ever watch the next on Riverdale. I like to go into it blind.

But all the articles I read are saying that in the next on Riverdale, it shows that she is magic. So they do think that they're going to be bringing in the Sabrina spells. element aspect of it as well. Right. We don't know whether this bitch Heather is from another show. She doesn't appear to be from Sabrina. She doesn't appear to be from Katie Kean. But we're like...

No, she's not. She's presented... We had to look it up. She's... Jackie had to look it up. But she's presented like... Like she's somebody we know. Exactly. It's supposed to be like, oh, her.

Whereas it's absolutely like a her? Like not like a her. You're right. Exactly. It's like, oh, her. But I will say, hot and I can't wait to watch and having like witchy

like witchy sexy librarian slash because also you know technically Cheryl is a teacher of sorts and I am going to watch the hell out of that. Yeah very much so. Very excited. I wonder how Nana's going to feel about all the fucking that's going to be happening in Thornehill. Maybe she'll be put back into her wheelchair hay-filled prison that's up on one of the floors. We'll see how good Dana Rose is going to be. And I'm so, it was like the only, it was the only plotline even semi-grounded in reality.

And I loved it. I just love Cheryl so much. I want so much more of Cheryl. And I'm happy that she's maybe finally moving past Tony. I think it's time. I think it's time for her new best, Tony. Tony's got all her own fucking bullshit going on. Get you yours, girl.

Yes, I think that's right. Tony has moved on. I don't know whether things and Tony are going to last, but they do seem to love each other a lot. And so it is time for Cheryl to move on. And Cheryl deserves love. Like, so I think that that's, I think I did. At first I was anti-Heather because I was like,

stop trying to make Heather happen. But now I'm pro-Heather because Heather's tall and hot and bespectacled. Yes. And I think it'll be, I think it'll be worth it. Is it time? Can we finally talk about the end of this episode? We can.

It's finally time. We can talk about the end. We can talk about toxic. So also, this is leading up to this shareholder's performance. Again, why is there a performance? It's like, and also when Veronica goes to Betty and Archie, I guess, both of them or whichever she's like, oh, I'm going to this meeting. And Betty's like, oh, are you performing?

And I thought, what a strange question. And Veronica's like, no, I'm not performing. I'm just speaking. I'm like, yeah, because it's a shareholders meeting. Why would she be performing? So they set up like, oh, yeah, but you're going to, but her big like plan is to go to the shareholders meeting and be like, I don't even, it's like, bitch, I'm poison and you can't take Reggie. I'm not unhealthy.

I'm so healthy. You can't take my company out from me. Oh, that's right. They were trying to blackmail her because they saw the dialysis thing. And Reggie's like, and we're going to tell everybody that you're not healthy. So we're going to buy the company out from underneath you, which I'm like, that's got to be. What are you, like, she's not the president of the United States. What are you talking about?

I know. What are you talking about? It really did have like, uh, like, would that mean she would have more patient, like more, like, why would that mean that, like, that they would take it from under her? I guess it's. like Logan Roy's succession vibes, what I've learned is that like you want to have confidence in your CEO or whatever. You don't want to think you're going to die. I don't know. And so she goes and she makes her big sassy speech and she's like, fuck off guys. I'm stronger than ever and I'm immune to poison. And Reggie. But how does she get so strong, MJ? Because she eats a lot of poison. Doesn't she?

She eats all those poison plans. Well, she eats a lot of poison. But that's part of it is that she's like, I don't have this strength. Like I'm not like I'm too. I don't have the same kind of control. I'm too upset. And then when they sit down for their almost threesome, which it wasn't a threesome, God, they set it up so much for them to have a threesome. Because the whole thing is that what, like you said before, Veronica said when she was upset

because she's like the last person I kissed was my ex and that sucks. But who is forged from witch fire now? That's right. This is the whole, it's, they set it up like dominoes and she's like, you know, I'm feeling good now that I know that I've eaten all these plants and I'm poison proof. And even though I can't ever kiss anybody again, at least I feel like I can keep my casino and I can just be like a goth bitch who's poison. Yeah. And they're like, Archie and Betty are like, that's great.

We're so happy for you. But did you know that Archie is invincible now because he's been forged in fire? And she's like, great. And then they both look at her with like, we saw you across the bar and we like your look vibes. And they're like, hey, do you want to, do you want to kiss Archie just for old time's sake so that the last person you kissed wasn't Reggie but was instead your other ex? And she's like, yes, great. And they all just have huge smiles on their faces. And everyone's having a great time.

Well, Archie and Veronica kiss. I Jeff stood up, paused it and he's like, he's like, that's where he's like, Betty now, he's like, I can't believe they're not going to make her the cock in this situation. Then it's like, at least like watch them fuck. At least. Betty is so happy. And I'm, I'm glad that Betty's happy. I actually think it's really fun that Riverdale made the choice to have Betty be like, I'm not jealous at all. Archie, like, kiss my best friend to help her feel better.

I think that's great. But like, at the same time, jug it. Yeah. And, right, first of all, they all should have fucked. But second of all, Jugheads over here wanting to fuck Betty. So what's going on with that? I don't know, dude. Like, I, like, is everything.

But again, I feel like they're relieving us the breadcrumbs for a foursome, but I don't think that we're going to get it. Yeah. I think that they're going to leave us just wet and alone and New Riverdale. Oh, but you know what? I'm so happy to be wet and alone from Riverdale again. Yeah. You can just getting close to a threesome.

I'm like, oh. And it was great. It was like, went alone and just so happy for each other. Betty's just like, yeah, kiss her. Oh, I'm so. And Betty said, we want to give you. She just stares at them while they kiss. She just stares them with a big smile on her face.

It's happiest we've seen Betty in years. I know. And she's like, Veronica, we want to give you your main character energy back, which was also very self-aware Riverdale. Like, yeah, you know that you've been just fucking Veronica over this whole season, not giving her anything interesting to do. And so, yes, give her her main character energy back. You're right.

So it wasn't just that she, like, feels good now that she's discovered she can, like, eat other poisons and it won't hurt her. And even though she can't touch anyone, she's strong and this is her superpower now. But also, all she did was one platonic kiss from Archie to be like, I feel great. And I'm going to go up and after my speech to the shareholders, I'm also going to sing toxic. Toxic. I thought that she did a great job with it. I thought the dancers, when they came together and danced like they were one big spider, I thought that was a lot of fun.

I love that they had the huge spider come down at the end of the performance. I thought that that was a lot. The whole performance was great. And also they were doing like a lot of very comic booky, like slide, like an image of like Jughead, like figuring. I don't remember what Jughead's doing. No, he's thinking about the fucking. He's thinking about the fucking memories.

Yes. And then it's like a sliding end of like. Like, Cheryl. And it's, it's like a great, like, very, very comic bookie, but also it's like sexy, toxic Riverdale. It's like the perfect. It's like, I love what Riverdale is like, we're sexy, we're dark, but we're also really campy and comic bookie.

And, like, it is a tough, like, mix and it is a difficult alchemy that they almost never get right. But when they do get it right, it is so good. And they absolutely got it right in this finale. They really did. Finale, not finale. Yeah, finale, not finale. But it had the energy of the finale because, like, it really did.

Like, what a great ending. It had, this was a great episode. It was a great episode. I would rewatch the last 10 minutes of this episode. Like, yeah, I would legit, if you send me a clip of just the toxic. Oh my God, Archie's dancing in it, though. Can we just talk about for a second? Archie's dancing in it.

As she's doing this. Because they're at the shareholder meeting, by the way. Everybody's at the shareholder meeting. All the wise guys are there. And as Veronica is doing her sexy dance, Betty and Jug, I kept waiting for it to be like, oh, is Betty going to, like, look at Archie and be like jealous? No, it was just a drama-free kiss.

So Betty and Archie are standing there watching Veronica dance. Happy as clams. They're all, I guess, like a little turned on because they just watched, you know, Archie and Veronica kiss. They're all having a great, great time. And then in an absolute breach of Archie's character, we've never seen Archie dance like this. He just, like, looked.

Except Veronica does a little dance with her while she's dancing. And it is so great. It has to be like if you follow Kijiehepa on TikTok, if you're like, his TikTok is amazing. His dances are amazing. Who he is as a person. All I can assume is that that was a kickback to everybody on set because he must have been dancing like that the entire time.

That they're like, we have to include a clip of this and what he's doing here. It is absolutely KJ. Edpa who is dancing. and not Archie. And not Archie, yes. And I like that. I loved it. Even just the, like, the smile on his face is not Archie.

Yeah. Archie doesn't smile like that. Archie doesn't smile like that. Archie smiles are like pained and torturous and like saddened by the memory of Fred Andrews. Of his father. Jinks. They are saying. I do you love his father.

Oh my God. It's, this is. It really, it really was. It was a great episode. It was overall just a great episode. It had everything I want in it. I don't know what's going to happen next episode. But obviously, Percival's going to probably try and kill Veronica by drinking the poison and it's not going to kill her. And then like the Palladium, he's going to be like, I've got you with the Palladium. He was like, no, you don't. So I wonder if next episode is going to be the like, well, now we know that like we've bumped up Jugheads power because now he can enter. into the memories of other people's brains. Yeah. But I don't know what's going to happen with Betty. Well, all of them have, all of them spent this episode like honing their powers except for Betty.

Right, right, right, right. But Betty's honing her memories. So I guess that's part of it. So yeah, all of them, but that's, that gives us something about what to expect because probably if there's two episodes left, question mark, like it'll be, they'll be mastering their powers and then they'll have their penultimate or ultimate, probably a penultimate followed by an ultimate battle with Percival and what are the devils,

are the angels and devils coming back? Who knows? I guess. That's why I also love Amanda had sent in this theory. What if Percival lights another candle and performs some stupid sorcery over the painting with the intent of making Veronica evil? This would be right on par with what you both

have been begging for from Veronica's character the entire season. And if she's under a spell, that's the perfect out. No one would hold it against her if she, oh, I don't know, murdered some men as a spider woman. and like using her weapons, like using her as a weapon, which could definitely happen. And I think that that's cool.

I think that that's a really fun theory. Thank you for sending that in. I also wanted to thank Raina and Harmony also for sending in their real life of how Harmony just said, first of the email, I am dyslexic and was infuriated with their potential of dyslexia.

Yeah. The basic issue is, that our brains see the first and last letter and then fills in the space in between. But now Harmony was talking about what they go through with their dyslexia. And then Raina also, which I did not know, that you can, they have dyslexia with numbers. And so like long strings of numbers where it's like it does get jumbled and it does move around and you have to really focus. But obviously it's not like a magic eye where it pops out.

It's not, yeah, it's not. as trippy. It's not as, you know, fear and loathing in Las Vegas as it was made out to me. But I also really appreciate you both for taking it the time to send in about what dyslexia really is like. And I really appreciate that. Yes, thank you. That's the, you know, I love the, I love the listeners because I was like, I'll, I'll bet that if we ask for dyslexic listeners to weigh in, I'll bet we'll hear from them. And we did. And that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I really appreciate that because it is, you know, it's like, I'm, because we don't know. And I know, obviously, it's not magic.

And I also appreciate the fact that you guys didn't like rib us apart, being like, yeah, of course it doesn't look like that. It's like, we know it doesn't look like it. Riverdale didn't do a good job. Big surprise. I appreciate you guys for just answering honestly and not ripping us apart. Thank you guys. Thank you for taking the time.

And thank you guys for joining us on Riverdale Roundup today. I had a great time discussing. I, this is, these are the episodes that we live for. Yes. That we deal with the other. episodes to get to these episodes. Yes, they carry us through. And I'm going to be fucking listening to Toxic for the rest of the day.

Oh, yeah, baby. And I will, as far as we know, there are two more episodes of this season. So gear up, let's see how much more plot they're going to jam in to the rest of this season. I am here for it. Let's see what happens first. Me finishing my master's program, which has one year left or Riverdale completing its entire series. Or maybe it'll come together and that'll be like the end of your childhood. I graduated from my master's program, Ann Riverdale, round up at the same time.

At the same time. And I hope that that is what happens. I love you guys so much. Thank you for joining us. And we will see you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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