Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 113: That Was NOT NICE God

Episode Date: July 3, 2022

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No. Here's to the ladies who lunch. Everybody laugh. Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch on their own. Okay, but what you can't see is that I'm imitating Lily Reinhart's faces during this number. And Lily Reinhart has never looked so horrified. Even when she was like catching serial killers, Betty slash Lily Reinhart watching Veronica sing,

Ladies Who Lunch is the most scared she's ever been. I especially, it's, it was so shoehorned into this episode all of a sudden. Out of nowhere, Veronica doesn't want to be a nobody in Riverdale anymore. She wants to go back to being the She-Wilful Fall Street. I will say not to be an armchair Riverdale psychologist. I would say maybe you should get to know yourself, Veronica. Maybe it's just because you don't have a boyfriend right now. but maybe that means you should look inward and work on yourself.

But instead, why doesn't she just get hammered and sing ladies who lunch? At someone's wedding. At someone's wedding. Thus horrifying the entire town of Riverdale. Like, I texted Jackie during this number because I was like, this is so awkward. I wish I was dead. And like, obviously, the thing about Riverdale, and I said this to Jackie before. we started recording, but I'm going to say it again.

The thing about Riverdale is that when their musical numbers land, it does not matter how dropped in from nowhere they are. Like, there are so many episodes of Riverdale where there is a musical number, and it's not a musical episode. You had no idea a musical number was coming. It makes no sense why it happened. But if it was a good song, a lot toxic a couple weeks ago. Yes, we allow it.

We not only we allow it, we endorse it, we love it, we feel good. We sanction it. We sanction it. And this episode had two musical numbers in a otherwise non-musical episode that just made, you know, to put a musical number in a non-musical episode when they make no sense, when the song makes no sense connection to the plot, where they're poorly executed, where in this case, the point of the song is that it's supposed to be really inappropriate for the context and everyone is uncomfortable. She did. That is what happened. In that sense, it was well done, but it was one of those things where it's just like, why are you doing this to us? Why are you watching us, why are you making us all go through this miserable experience of watching like a sad, lonely person embarrass themselves at a wedding in front of all their friends?

Which really everything that you're saying, now I kind of get it. Because I do like watching Veronica fall on her face. I will say that. Because, you know, she was in company abundant. So when she said that afterwards, it was like, shut up, Veronica. I just had to bring in a little bit of Sondheim. Oh, God, shut up, Veronica. Yeah, I was in company at Barnard

was the only thing that could make me more unhappy than the musical number itself. I know. I, this, the plagues, y'all, we finally made it to the plagues. The plagues have come to Riverdale. Can I just say, all right, if we had been sidelined, like, or just smashed in the face with the fact that this is all playing out,

the Bible, right? Right. I think that this would be so Riverdale and I would love it. Totally. Edit yourself, Riverdale. Yes. There's been, it's been such a slog. Yes.

To get to this point. And now I don't care. And with so many zigs and zags. Yes, totally. Yes. If you had just made like a tight, you know. In and out with the plagues. In it out.

It's a, it's a, it's the whole season, you know, the way that we can be like season four, cult. You know, season two, also cult. season one, serial killer, or whatever. Like, the way that you could summarize the theme of each season. If we could, if this season could just be like, season, whatever we are, you know, the theme is, it's the Bible. Like, you would be like, wait, what, why? But fine, you know, but this season, it's like, no, it's not just the Bible.

It's also a serial killer and it's also familial. Well, not anymore. TBK's dead. We finally put the kibach on that. But then this is the problem is now we're left with Percival. and I hate Percival and not in the way that I should. Yes, right. We're left with Percival.

We got no closure on TBK. We didn't find out who he was, right? No. Like zero. And so right, now we're left with Percival who is the most, this is, maybe this is the biggest, I mean, we've talked about this before, but it's really hitting me that the biggest problem with this season of Riverdale is that the new characters just suck ass in every way. Every ass, every single ass they suck.

I hate all of the new characters. Yes, it is official. I hate Heather. I didn't realize I officially hated Heather until this week, but it's official. I fucking hate her. And I fucking hate Percival. Zero redeeming things about Percival's character. Zero.

Because what's going on with Percival this week, of course, so he's finally putting the plagues on. I have the plagues pulled up. Yes, it was turning the water into blood. And yes, Riverdale, like the river. the sweet water river turned to blood and everyone's like, oh, okay. And then there were frogs, and then all the kids got lice. They did the things.

They've gone through all of them. Now, he really comes fast with them. Now, I'm not familiar with the Bible, so I don't know, do these things all happen in one day? Is that the problem? Is that the big problem here? My only knowledge of the plagues is from like satyrs. And my Gideon's family does the 30-minute Seder.

So we really go through the plagues quite quickly. And so in the story of the Seder, it's like, and then he brought all these plagues and yada, yada, yada. Like, that's the 30-minute Seder. So I don't know exactly the succession. But I think it's pretty, I think it's pretty like set them up, knock them down, that they happened like one after the other. Because the idea was that God really wanted to fuck with them.

It's like, take a breather. I think God needs a vacay, baby. and so does Percival. Percival needs to get laid. Like, Percival needs something that's not just this town that he's mining and that he's doing the ghost train with. There's a lot going on with Percival. But at the same time, Tony and Fangs decide to get married, right?

They're like, I'm going to get married right now. I am so mad because, you know what, is a bitchy move? Tony asks Cheryl to officiate the wedding. I know. I think that sucks. I know. I know. And not even remotely the most logical choice within the logic of Riverdale.

Like within the logic of Riverdale, Cheryl is an absolutely loose canon who like ruins everything that she can on purpose. So why would Tony choose Cheryl who she's like not even cool with? And I like that in Riverdale everybody forgives each other very quick. a lot Tony and fangs forgiving Kevin like today just so I think he could do that musical number so that he could come to their wedding

despite him trying to literally steal their baby I'm sorry if you ever engage me in a custody battle you will not be invited to my wedding I will not forgive you in the course of like 20 minutes but Tony invites Cheryl to be the officiate and it's like

within the world of Riverdale and the logic of Riverdale I feel like that honestly the most logical person would be Veronica or Archie Right because Veronica because she's like the hostess with the mostest And Archie because everybody loves them despite the fact that everybody also hates it.

Now Cheryl I will say shows up in a bangin' Serpents outfit and they are definitely man we immediately got wedding ideas. Their cake they have this big black cake with two snakes intertwined to the top of it and then their altar

also was like all made out of snakes I want that, I want that. And I want Henry to dress just like Cheryl. I want Henry to wear a cropped, red leather, serpent's jacket. I want him to wear bedazzled pants. He doesn't know this yet, but I will be telling him this very, very soon. He'll be, he'll do it. He'll do it.

He'll definitely do it because you know what's going to solve all of their problems, them getting married. I think this is really going to really solve like fangs, bringing a bunch of guns into the house and, you know, everything going on. That weren't they getting married the first place because of the custody battle? But then Kevin's like, actually, custody, no custody. You can just have the baby. Totally.

Which was weird in and of itself. Totally. And also the fact that the entire kind of premise of this episode is that they're like, you know what? Yes, we are literally under like biblical attack from like a wrathful God in the form of Percival Pickens. But like, even love continues. in the time of war. Let's do the wedding anyway. And I was like thinking like, you know, yes,

like love and life continues in wartime as they keep referring to it. But wouldn't it be? They didn't refer to it as wartime? Multiple times. But like, wouldn't it be logical to be like, let's not have a huge gathering of everyone in town, thus putting a giant murder target on everyone one's back just to like be like, well, our love persists even in the time of war. Like wait until the biblical war is over, Tony and Fagin. Yeah. And Veronica, who has been tasked with finding a date for their wedding. Yes.

And also, of course, it's going to be at the Babylonium because they are just as classy as the Babylonium is. Because now Veronica is their wedding planner, which is part of the reason why she gets drunk and she sings, ladies who lunch because she boohoo. I don't, for three seconds, I don't have a boyfriend. Boohoo, everybody should feel bad for me. Which you know what? I doubt.

Yeah. I, yes, I don't. Like, you're the widow with the, where's her toxic? Where's that happening? Oh, yeah. Wasn't she just toxic? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And she decided like, oh, I can't kiss anybody for the whole loss of my life. I guess I'll kiss Archie. I also just realized, have they just dropped murder vision? Yes. dropped Archie being forged out of palladium. Yeah. Because while all this is going on and what they really think that Percival wants,

and I guess he is the things that Percival wants and why he's putting the plagues on the town. Number one, he wants baby Anthony and he still wants that, I guess, baby Anthony is like the second coming. Or at this point, what do we, a third, fourth coming? I don't know how many of coming. And then there's that he also wants. to build this ghost train. So we go back to the union workers' rights during this as well, good.

So glad that we're still on this about how, like, Archie's like, I can't, I can't make them go work for Percival. Like, why are we still talking about this? I know. Why are we still talking about this? It's the most boring storyline that Riverdale has ever maintained this long.

And I say this as someone who is intensely invested in union, like building in real life. In real life. Yes. Like, I follow union stories pretty closely. And I will say that this union fucking story in Riverdale sucks shit. It is so boring. It's the same. Riverdale has two modes.

Same story every single week. Nothing changing. No stakes changing at all. That's the union story. Every week. It's like, oh, Percival's messing with us. No, but we've got to keep going. Or their other mode, besides the same story every week is totally different story every week,

zero continuity whatsoever as we just established with the superpowers, which now appear to be gone. I guess. Or they'll come back when they're needed. Right. Because, like, Archie calls up Percival on the phone. And he's like, hey, man, you better stop with all these plagues. And then Percival's like, no, I keep going with the plagues. And Archie said, oh, man.

Oh, I really thought that would go to work if I just called him and said, hey, man, stop. But he doesn't. He keeps going with the plagues. And all of the frogs are leaving all of their tanks. It's very scary. I'm sure that it's more than just the frogs leaving the tanks. But at this point, that is what it seems like. So they get together, while all this is happening, they get together at Pops and they're like, we need to get rid of Percival.

we need to figure this out. And Cheryl wants to just burn them alive because she's got pyrogynosis. Yeah. And Archie was like, no, no, no, we can't because then like the battle between good and evil already have been lost, which, okay, fine. Don't we got to stop the guy that's doing the plagues?

Okay, fine. But I didn't understand that either. Like, the battle between good and people will have already been lost. What do you mean? Like, what does that mean? I was what to say, like, because then they're stooping to his level,

but I thought that's what he meant. They're all murderers. Is it a moral calculation? Like, oh, well, if the battle of good and evil would be lost because we would have become evil, fuck off, Archie. This is the whole like, oh, you can't fight back against fascists because you'll stoop to their level. No, fight back. He's the fucking devil.

We have to fight. We kill him. Kill him. Do something. Use Cheryl's firepower to kill him, except. And you all are superheroes. Figure this out. Do something.

Like, it's not evil to stop a fucking mass. murderer. No, but you know, Archie, he says, Perciva's trying to divide the town. Tony and Fangs will help bring it together. That's why the power of love. A big dangerous wedding where everybody's together and something terrible can happen to all of them. All together. Maybe they should all get fucking naked and use the care bear stare. It sounds like they need to all hold hands after they've all kissed. And then they do the care bear stare and maybe Percival will just vanish into evil dust. But that's not what we get. What do Cheryl and Heather decide to do?

They decide to conjure up a spell. They're going to use a spell to do it. And I say it like this. And I love witchy shit. But I dislike Heather. Yeah. I don't trust her and I don't like her. My expectations have never been so wrong.

I expected to love Heather. A gay witch librarian? I know. I want all these things. Yeah. No, but she's terrible. She just has, again, no charisma with Cheryl.

And Cheryl is the most dynamic person, actor and character in the cast. Like, hands down. I have such a type between Cheryl and J. Wow. I think it really goes to show what my type is. And it's just being mean to me. Just a chaotic mean bit. Who's hot.

Who's hot? And I'll be like, I'll love you anyway. You can do whatever you want to me. I love you. I'm like a little puppy, puppy, puppy, puppy. I've got problems. I'm in love with Cheryl. And then that's what I'm like,

how could you like be with Heather and then be the efficient of this wedding of like hot shit T-T and thinking about all the kisses that used to share? And I'm just like, how could you do this? And then you go home to Heather? I know. Sorry, Heather.

I just can't. I can't with Heather. So they put on a, like, they're going to do a spell. But Percival, He reverses the spell and it goes back against them and sets Nana Rose on fire. That scene was really scary. I did not like seeing the shows where someone's on fire and I feel like it happens a lot and I don't like it.

Especially with like, I know that like I love Riverdale's CGI because the flames are really bad. But and yet still, watching an elderly woman in a wheelchair. being set on fire for her to burn to death is very upsetting to watch. Very upsetting, especially when she, too, is one of the most dynamic and interesting characters and actors in the cast. Yes, I'm very, well, we're not going to get to it yet. So what ends up happening? Nero survives.

So they all get to get at Thornhill. I don't know. How did she survive? Completely engulfed in flames for what must have been quite a while. And she's so old. Yeah. I don't understand how she survived. So that's when they finally

This is when they finally realize Oh, it's the plagues that he's doing Which all the water turned to blood What are you talking about guys? He's talking about the battle of between good and evil There's angels in Riverdale He's building a ghost raid. Yeah, it's plagues, you idiot. Oh, that reminds me of my favorite

One of my favorite exchanges in this episode Which is when Betty goes to work at her FBI office And she asks her some assistant Oh my God. He's like, not Drake. Get me any literal you're sure you can get me on biblical plagues. And the assistant is like, interesting. I didn't know you were a religious person.

And then he's like, I'm not. It's for work. And it's like, what? Like, in what world would a fucking religious person show up to their work at the FBI until their assistant like, find me anything you can on the plagues? It's for my personal religion. I love that you brought this up because this was the point. there's usually at least one point where Jeff has to pause the episode for him to rant.

And that was the moment. They're like, why would she ask that to work? That's so like, why? Oh, she'd be like, hey, have you ever heard of something called Bibel? Beebles? I like God, beibles? You have beibles? And also, Betty, look it up your own damn self.

I know. I'm talking about. It's like, again, as a person who grew up completely with zero religion and has been to Saders since marrying into Judaism. I know the plagues like you can look there's like it's not that hard it's like one story about plagues maybe there's other plagues you can look up to this is something that

Betty can just Google herself like you don't I mean I looked up plague's Bible and the 10 plagues came up that's it's quite easy to do yeah to remind me about the plagues because I don't remember what happened in the episode I barely can keep all of this stuff together so I can't remember the plagues on top of it.

I mean, the, and, you know, the depiction of the plagues in this episode is pretty good. The plagues are one of those things where they're pretty scary, what do you think about it? And the scene where everybody gets boils is pretty terrified. Very upsetting because, so this is, it's one more back and forth after Nana Rose, where Archie's like, come on, Percival, stop doing the plagues. And Percival's like, I want my ghost train. Also that you know that there's 10, so when he's done like three, Archie's like,

he'll probably stop soon. And it's like, you guys, look it up. There's 10. 10 of them. He's going to do all 10. So what does Archie decide that he's going to end up doing is, which I forget that like baby Anthony is supposed to be the second coming because they're weirdly doing a lot of like Jesus things with Archie, which I don't know if you notice.

Because I, so there's a, there's two different slow motion scenes of Archie. shirtless, covered in dirt, making the railway by himself, holding a big plank of wood on his back, a la Christ on the cross. I'm embarrassed to say that I totally didn't catch the Christ imagery there, but you're... I'm assuming that's what it was, right? Got to me. Yeah, he's shirtless with his arms on a cross. And like up, draped up over it, holding it and like it... And maybe again, sometimes we give River Dale too much of what they're going for.

But I'm pretty sure that's what it was. And wouldn't it just be like Riverdale to be like, yeah, we're going to do some Jesus imagery. Sure. Take a shirt off. Baby Anthony's also Jesus. Yeah. Make it work on a railroad.

So a couple of Jesuses act as if the ten plagues are completely difficult to find out about like whatever. Yeah, yeah. He's like a Jesus. Two Jesuses. Because what pushes them over the edge is the boils. because what do... Riverdale.

There's just something like... I don't know how a plague gets conjured. Like, I don't know what you do to make a plague happen because I don't know. I don't know how to do one. But I don't think it is taking G.I. Joes and putting them into boiling water, which is what Percival did

to start the boils part of the plagues. And so all of the workers were covered in boils, which is why Archie gave himself up like Jesus to go and build the ghost railway

on his own and Percival and then he's like but Percival you have to stop with those plagues why would he think that he's going to listen to him so now Archie's building

this ghost train and Percival's like I'm not going to stop the plagues of course he's not I wish I wish either of us new shit about the Bible because my understanding of the plagues was that they weren't like it's not like the same as like witch magic like it's not like the God sent the plagues like as a message as punishment for Pharaoh refusing to set the Israelites free like the plagues were to

punish Pharaoh but then he punished everybody that sucks yeah he punished he punished all the like the yeah he punished everybody who was collected punished Wait a second That's not right Wait a second That's not what you're supposed to do I've got a problem with the pipe That was not nice guy

I don't think he public I should again know this But like I don't think he punished Let's preface it here We don't know We are speaking out of her asses And that's okay Probably so many people listening do know

Because they probably grew up Please tell us Because most people did But like Or many people did But like I you know what I remember from the Seder is that, you know, Pharaoh was being all fucked up, keeping the Israelites enslaved. And God was like, set them free. And Pharaoh was like, no, they're my slaves. And God was like, I said set them free or I'll rain plagues on you. And Pharaoh was like, no, they're my slaves. I'm not going to set them free. And then God was like, okay, then I'm going to send 10 plagues on you. So I don't think that they were to, I don't think that the plagues affected the Israelites who were the slaves who needed to be free. I think. I

I think they just punished everybody else who was like in society who is benefiting from the slate. Okay, that's better. I'll allow it. You know, but it is still fucked up to kill all the babies. It's the person at the top that makes the decisions, though. Yeah. Really, you should just be going after him. Right.

Right. You know, we don't need to get into a morals conversation, I guess. But like, it is strange to have the plagues then in this episode, they're basically functioning like spells that Percival. and it would help if we knew what is the symbolism of Percival. Is he God? Maybe he's a witch or maybe he is like a warlock, I mean. Right, because in this episode he seems kind of like a warlock

because he keeps doing these spells. But like, what is, what do warlocks and witches really have to do with like God and the devil? I think it depends on what your perspective is. Uh-huh. I think it depends on how you feel about it, right? I mean, you know, necromancy and there's all that kind of, like I guess it really just depends on how you're looking at what's, going down. I can't speak for the Bible.

But I can speak for Riverdale making just some leaps and bounds when it comes to whatever magic Percival is using because during all of this, Betty finally goes to Kevin. It's like, hey, Kevin, you've been really fucking us over. And he's all like, yeah, I'm sorry. Can I be on your guys' team again? And they're like, okay. Because, you know, he was husky. And so we have to remember he was husky. He's insecure. And so he's allowed to just be an absolute asshole for the rest of his life. So he's a flip-flopper. He's a flip-wopper back on the good side. How could you trust him? I don't know. I know. I certainly wouldn't. But he's turned back against Percival and he's like, look, Betty, Percival, he's preparing this war. And he's got this journal.

And I'm going to steal it for you. And he just picked up all of these like, you know, like you do, actual biblical forms of weaponry and torture that, you know, you can just, because he's got a curio shop. So he's able to get these things. And he's got all of like. Oh, yeah, the stockade. Let's talk about how many times they said the word stockade in this episode. There's the stockade. It was like they had a quota for how many times they had to say the word stockade in this episode.

They put Betty in the stockade. We haven't even talked about how Betty's the harlot of Babylon. This is what we're getting to. It's the harlot of Babylon, baby. This is one of those episodes where you just keep remembering as you're talking how many times happened. Right before we started, I completely forgot about Nana Rose being set on fire. I was like, oh shit, yeah, Nana Rose got set on fucking fire. Yikes.

Now, the harlot of Babylon, an apocalyptic malevolent figure, and one of several incarnations of evil that plagues the world during the apocalypse. In a past episode, didn't remember this. Thank Christ, there was a flashback that, I'm sorry, thank Archie, please. There was a flashback that TBK refers to Betty as the Harlot of Babylon. Oh, God, I'm having all of these things happen in my brain now. Are they thoughts? Yes, they are, and don't be scared of them, Jackie.

So TBK calls her the harlot of Babylon No, Percival can't be TBK I'm just wondering now What does TBK have said? Because we were talking about Like we don't even know who TBK is That was never tied up at the end Yeah We know that TBK is dead

But TBK was also telling Betty That she is like the harbinger of evil For the apocalypse And that she's evil too Yeah That maybe Percival and TBK have something to do with each other because now he's got the stockade and the stockade is for the harlot of Babylon and now Betty knows that because Kevin told her.

Right. Wow. You know, I never once thought of a connection between TBK and Percival because they've never made one. But that would make sense because the harlot of Babylon thing did not make. any sense. A, she's not even the biggest tarot in town. B. Like, we've never heard TBK say

anything biblical to her, have we? I don't remember. I know that it was always creepy, though. It was always creepy in like Silence of the Lambsy, but I didn't think it was biblical. But in this episode, it seemed like they were trying to be like, yeah, you've always been this biblical, though TBK always had this biblical thing with you, the Harlot of Babylon.

The harlot, man, oh, weird. I just, I'm now like going down, I have to stop because I'm in the middle of recording something and stop reading about the harlot of Babylon. But I just click this thing explaining about the harlot of Babylon with the picture of Beyonce at the top of it. Slow your fucking roll, truth unedited.com. I don't know if I, I don't think that, you try to say that Beyonce is the harlot of Babylon? But I digress. That's the whole other.

Wait, wait. Let's play this out, though. I know that we have a million other plot points to talk about. But if Percival, why would they not tell us who have the TBK reveal last week unless there's something else that they're holding up their sleeve? If, but if it was Percival, then Betty, like Betty knows, right? Betty has now seen TBK's face. So it's not like it could have been Percival and he died, but he's a demon or a fucking warlock or whatever. and he came back to life. But, like, could Percival, oh, this is so unsatisfying, because you know there's not going to be a satisfying answer. No, and also, honestly, the more I read about the harlot of Babylon, why isn't Cheryl the harlot of Babylon? Extremely wealthy, dressed in purple and scarlet, sitting on top of like a scarlet beast.

Yeah. Why isn't she the harlot of Babylon? I was like, Betty has no reason to be. Yeah, there's no reason why Betty. would be the harlot of Babylon. Anyway, sorry. And I also don't think it's Beyonce, truthunedited.com.

I don't agree with you. So now she's all pissed off. Betty's all pissed off. It goes to Percival. It's like, what the fuck, Percival? Oh, you're going to put me in your stockade? Oh, you want me, the harlot of Babylon, to go into your stockade?

Go ahead. Put me in your stockade. And what ends up happening? Witch, which! Now this part, I like this. I want more of it. The witches show up behind her. But what I don't understand is that they also, I don't know, I want to say winnowing, but winnowing is from my fairy fuckbook.

They like show up, right, inside of the curiosity shop. And so do Tabitha and Veronica. And Tabitha holds a gun to Percival's head. And they put him in the stockade because they're like, oh, we can't kill him, but we have to keep him here. Right. So we're going to put him in the stockade so he can't get out. But also, why haven't we been using violence against Percival already? Yes.

If he's going to do something with a gun to his head, I'm not saying that I agree with violence, but in the world where someone is putting plagues on everything, and kill him. Yeah. Maybe we should kill him. No, and don't, and especially after an extremely satisfying capture of him, which was using the little invisibility spell, because they were like, oh, well, he'll see us coming. And then they were like, what if he didn't? And that was really fun.

And then they all, like, used invisibility and they surrounded him. And then they all appeared. Oh, that's right, because she also showed up. That's right. holding the big fake baby. Betty shows up being like, oh, I've got you baby Anthony. You wanted baby Anthony.

Here he is. And I was like, that's the size of a coffin. Who would ever in their right mind think that that's a baby? Never wrap a baby that many blankets. They don't need that many blankets. Pretty sure the baby would die in there. This is all while the wedding is going on, by the way. Like all of this is like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also, there's a wedding and love saves all. I know. And then Veronica's singing ladies who lunch, like, who gives a shit, Veronica? There's kind of a couple of things going on. Well, but don't capture your fucking, again, we don't know what the fuck he is, whether he's God, the devil, a demon, a fallen angel, or a warlock, but don't capture him, put him in the stockade, and then just walk away as if he's not going to be able to get out. You guys know that he has some biblical magic here.

He's going to get himself out of the stockade. Yeah, of course he is, and how is he going to get himself out of the stockade? Oh, he's going to talk to the. the locust. He had a conversation. He literally has a conversation via locus with all of the, like the pestilent side of the plagues. And he's like, hey, hey, hey. Before you go and go get everybody, you little locust, can you gnaw me out of this stockade? And they do. And also it's like, didn't you need that stockade? Where are you going to hold the heart of Babylon? So you just had these locusts just eat through the stockade, which I don't know if that would happen.

that quickly. But yeah, you don't, why would you leave him alone in the room with all of his magic things, MJ? I mean, if he can, if he has enough magic to reverse a fire spell that is targeting him and make it target Nana Rose when he's not even in the same space as her, why would you think a stockade can hold him? Do know. Don't know.

I have no idea. I was like, where are all y'all's heads? Is it because you really think love is going to save the day? because I tell you what, love isn't going to save the day. Not today. That's for damn sure. So she didn't hand over baby Anthony. He's in the stockade.

He gets out of the stockade. Of course, he's going to do more plagues. We didn't even talk about the weird jughead subplot. I know. We need to talk about jug head. And then we need to talk about this horrific culmination of the plague thing, which I'm, like, not looking forward to talking about. Oh, we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about it.

But, yeah, so Jugheads in the bunker. But he's having a great time because his writer's block is gone because he is listening to the voices in his head that he can't drown out after Percival broke his brain door, right? Yeah. And so he just keeps hearing all these, you know, he's, what happened after Percival broke the brain door is he's like, oh, it's so overwhelming. But now he's like, I just listen to the story. and I am writing them down

and they're turning out to be great stories. Like, okay, fine. But then something else happens right before that terrible scene, which is that Jughead, well, a couple of things happen, right? Jughead,

a cheeseburger appears in front of Jughead from Pops. Yes. And he's like, should I eat it? And he's like, no. And then he's like, you know what? But yes. And it's like, dude, don't eat it.

Because he's in the fuck bunker. Like, he's been in the fuck bunker alone for, I guess, at this point, weeks. Right. And so I guess somebody must be delivering him food. So maybe it's not that unreasonable that he ate it. But also, like, he pretty clearly knew that was, like, a magic poison cheeseburger. It was magic cheeseburger. But he ate it.

And then he starts feeling sick. And then at first it's just, like, normal sick. But then he goes to bed. and hallucinates another version of himself. So this was after, though, I got to remember, La Yerona had already come through and stole his story. Now, I was like, who's that? And Jeff's like, Jackie, it's La Yerona. I was like, oh, from Rivervale.

So what he's doing is that this is where the veil is the thinnest between Riverdale and Rivervale. so I'm going to assume that he was writing the stories of River Vale and that they were coming and taking the stories because these like entities kept coming and mining his content and he said I keep writing and the side like the voices go away when I write which is very Jack Torrance of him and so the more he writes the more the voices subside but now we know that the voices that are in his head are most likely coming from River Vale, but I will say that makes no sense when it comes to his powers previously,

but we're not going to think about that. We're just going to think that maybe this whole time he's just been hearing other worlds rather than the current reality that he is living in. So in the end, when he sees himself, it is himself from Rivervale. So I guess that that means that we're finally like the River Vale, Riverdale are going to intertwine. So what was with the cheeseburger then? What did the cheeseburger do to it? I guess it was a portal burger.

I guess. Right. I don't know if it has something to do with maybe Pops being the tether, back to. reality and maybe and it was a pops cheeseburger specifically so maybe it's a but again sometimes i i'm you know i'm a literature major i'm a double major literature major so i look for these things so i don't know i don't know if that's what it means or if he's just the little fatty and loves bob's cheeseburgers i don't know portal burger i okay so that helps because i was like oh laia rona you're from Rivervale.

Oh, we're fine. Because then Cheryl comes and remember two with the knife and then puts the knife in his stomach, like fake Cheryl, but like Cheryl from Rivervale. Right. Okay. All right. And they keeps taking his stories and then he sees. And then there's a bottle with a note in it and the note says keep writing.

So he then has to keep writing. He's just in this bunker. I wonder, too, if, like, Cole Spouse was like, like, I'll do the rest of the season, but I literally don't want to talk to anyone else. Yeah. And I make enough money now that I don't want to talk to anybody else. This actually totally goes with that blind that Holden gave us about how, or no, it wasn't a blind. It was a conspiracy theory.

Which was it from a listener maybe about how Lily Reinhardt and Cole Sprauss can't be in scenes together? I mean, it would make sense. Yeah. I mean, I could see that, that maybe they just have to be separate from each other. and like, I don't know, make him go crazy in the fuck bunker. Put him in the fuck bunker. He's close crows. He hates everybody.

Put him in the bunker. Let him right down there in the bunker all alone. And that's what he gets to do. While the world is ending upstairs because at Tony and Fangs's reception, which seems to be a week after the wedding happened. Because they're all like, so what you're telling me is between the wedding and the reception, they did everything that we've been talking about. they did between the wedding and the reception by the way because the end of the episode is the reception and they're all dressed up and Kevin right sings the song is this when he sings and neither of us can remember what he sings can't remember it was like my wedding playlist

yes that's what it was and I tried I put in wedding playlist Kevin Riverdale trying to find the song and then you know I'm to throw it out there I stopped trying Yeah. It was like play this song at your wedding. Yes. It brings love. It brings love. If you play it, it'll be love.

Yeah. Painful. Like, okay, I guess they were trying to make love happen and make love be the savior. But love doesn't win out overall because Percival uses the locust to break out of the stockade for the harlot of Babylon. he immediately goes right to Nana Rose, who was all bandaged up in Thornhill, which also, I got to get better security in this place. I know. Then he goes inside and kills Nana Rose.

Extremely upsetting. I can only hope that, like, I'm thinking that they're about to reverse this. Yeah. I'm going to assume she comes back. Yeah, she better not be dead. And then he uses her body to release the final plague, which is the killing of all of the the firstborns. So he,

it was a very upsetting murder scene. Extremely upsetting. It had very, I kept thinking like, why am I so upset by this? What does it remind me of? And it reminds me of the extremely upsetting

why the last man scenes where everybody starts, like so upsetting. And so every, first Archie collapses and then everyone in the wedding reception, who's the first born, just starts fucking dying. and it is so sad and scary until when everyone who didn't die is sitting around afterwards with all the corpses. And when Betty and Veronica figure out, oh my God, I have an older sister.

And then, oh, my God. Veronica goes, Hermosa was born before me. And everyone slowly realizes it's the first born, which is like, again, you guys, if you had looked, up what the 10 plagues are. Look up with the plagues are. Once they all started happening, you have, and they had literally just talked about there's going to be a killing of the firstborn. And I think that they thought it would just be Anthony, baby Anthony, because he is the first

born, but no, he doesn't die. It's everyone else who is a firstborn who died. Yes, and including Nana Rose, who was the oldest living first born child in Riverdale, which is why Percival used her body to bring the plague upon the town. My question to you is, when did Kevin have an older sibling? I was like, why is Kevin still alive? I had a lot of questions because it was like, they, as much as they went around and they're like, and me, I also have an older sibling. There were other people that was like, wait a second.

Do you? Yeah. Wait a second. I don't know. Like, I feel like that was a very, um, a choosy way of, uh, of like, oh, who do we want to? I, of course, Archie dies, and everybody's upset at this reception. Oh, whatever. Talk about a bad way.

I hope that doesn't happen to my reception. But of course, what does Heather say? I believe I know someone who can help us, a necromancer, far beyond my abilities. Her name is Sabrina. Sabrina. I think I hate it. I think I was so excited at first. for the witch's crossover.

And it's been, again, I hate to keep using the word slog. But it's been such a slog to get here that I'm like, just bring her in and fucking bring everybody back to life. All right, fine. Oh, yes, we get it. Bring her back to life.

And wait a minute. Didn't Sabrina already come to Riverdale? Yes. So it's not even that big a reveal. Like, it's not even like, oh, a crossover. Or get one of the teachers. Like bring one of the teachers from Greendale. I think that would be awesome.

I don't want another sick. 16 year old coming in, and I know that she's very talented. I'm not saying that she's not. But like, why? Why? But this is, again, we've already done this. We had like a whole Sabrina detour. Like last season, right?

When she said it like, it's a mic drop. And I'm like, it's not a mic drop. Yes, yes. It was like, and I actually forgot that we've already had Sabrina come. Yes. And she did the whole, she did the whole Abigail Blossom Nana Rose Switcherood. And she. Yes.

So like, what, like, yeah, figure out what? What your, which plot is? I don't know. Riverdale? Is it Sabrina? Is it Heather? Was it Sabrina? Is it Percival?

Is it like, is it like, where, what are we doing here? What are we, what's going on here? And then Tabith is like, oh my God, Jughead, who's also a firstborn and was also seen by us dying. Just a few short of it to go. And so those are the two mic drops. Sabrina and Jughead. And then that's it. But I mean, I will say, it was.

I'm not mad at the episode. I'm going to say, despite all the yelling we've done, we both liked this episode. I liked the episode. I did like this episode. I did enjoy it. I enjoyed this episode. This is what it's like to watch Riverdale. Like, even a very good, a pretty good episode will leave you just furious.

Yeah. And I mean, it's the beauty of, it's the story of Riverdale. Thank you guys for joining us on this episode of Riverdale Roundup. And we've officially spoken longer than the actual show is without. And that is what we're here to do, you know. Technically save you time, but not save you time. And I appreciate y'all for hanging out with us every week as we get to scream about this show. I can't believe this.

We get to scream about the show. And well, now we know there wasn't just two more episodes left. So pretty sure we're going into OT here. And they are just stretching it out. This, we said this last night. Riverdale, I think, should be 10 or 12 episodes a season. Yes. And I think it would be mint.

Yes. Yes. It needs to edit itself. There's just too much to fill. Edit itself. Yes. And also it should have ended three to four seasons ago. Whoa.

Whoa. Them fighting words in this town. Except for Rivervale, which we love. Oh, love Rivervale. And I can't wait for the crossover. I'm looking forward to it. And I hope you guys are too. We will be back next week.

I think so. I think. And I love you guys. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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