Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 114: Do I Get Bangs?

Episode Date: July 16, 2022

MJ and Jackie might have differing opinions on this episode but they come together to ask the important questions about the dude who plays Jason Blossom. Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Intro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

on this one today. Welcome to your Riverdale Roundup. I didn't like the episode. M.J. loved the episode. Where will we lie by the end? I'm going to guess that I'm going to end up loving the episode because again, I watched this episode with COVID and my partner also has COVID and we were pissed. Yeah, I'm stunned to hear you guys were pissed because I was like watching it this morning and I was like, all right, here we go, Riverdale. You're, you're, you're, You're best when you're doing something really fucking weird. And this is really fucking weird. And it has a form that it's following.

And this is, you know, I want my Riverdale either to be the like teen drama it's set out to be or to be extremely experimental in a way that has some sort of coherent internal logic. And I feel like that's what this episode was. But I cannot wait to hear why you hated it. These are always fun. I think it always goes back into the fact that I don't like the chilling adventures of something. Sabrina. I watched all of it and I still, it's because a controversial opinion, I'm not a big fan of the young woman who plays Sabrina. And I just, there's just something about the way she acts that makes the back of my hair, the hair or the back of my neck stand up. I don't know why. I don't

know why. She's beautiful. She's high. I am not even saying that she's not doing a great job. There's something about it that just infuriating. me for some reason. I don't know. See, it's so interesting because I, now this is like picture that... She's really hot. I'm gonna throw there again. She's very hot, but also in the Don Draper meme, like, I don't think about her at all

when I think about this episode. It's like she's irrelevant. Oh, gosh. But she's such an central part of it. She is, you're right. And so that's fair. If you hate her, I can understand why you hated this episode. I wasn't even thinking about talking about her

that much in this episode because, to me, the value of this episode, you know, we've got all the things, again, if we're working with the materials we have in the season of Riverdale. Yes. You know, we've got time travel. We've got like a representation of the afterlife. Yes. You know, we've got kind of rallying together for the apocalypse slash resurrection or whatever the, you know, the bad one at the end of the Bible. Revelations.

I don't know. Again, you're always asking the wrong one. I'm like, I don't know. The uki-spooky god. That's, it's oogie-spooky god, what part? You know, it was very fucking bold and weird in its goals. This is an episode about resurrecting the dead so that they can come back and fight the war against evil in Riverdale. And so that involves going into the parts.

each individual heaven that each dead character would be living in or sweet hereafter. Sorry. I didn't mean to correct you. It's just such a, because it's the sweet hereafter, they just said sweet hereafter so many times. So many times. Yes. And it is very Sabrina-centric.

And I don't know who this bitch is. I've never watched new Sabrina. I feel like it's, I know she's been here before in Riverdale. I feel like we're supposed to care about her and I don't. I feel like we're supposed to care about her and I don't. But I do like, I don't know, I like the idea that half of Riverdale has died and they enjoy being dead better than they're like being living at Riverdale. They don't want to come back.

That is what this episode is. If you remember at the end of last episode, Percival, not Thanos, decided to kill, not all of the firstborns, just some of the firstborns. Some of them. Just some of them. We find out in this episode, he just does some of them so that people don't realize it's a plague, even though, what about all of the other plagues that have been happening? Yeah.

But they didn't want anyone to know that it was just a plague, so he just selectively chose the ones that were going to die. But nobody knew that. Everyone thought it was a plague, even though it was a plague. So it's a plague, not plague. Yes, we've got another one here, folks. So now they are bringing back the necromancer. Sabrina Spellman to come in and teach everybody how to bring everybody back to life. It was at least one central idea of an episode.

Weirdly enough, they didn't even like spew out into a million other ways. I think that's why I liked it. It had one idea. That's it. Yes. That's the good thing about this episode. But then there's the whole Percival subplot in this episode. Yeah, that was stupid.

Stupid. So stupid because while all of this is coming, like, so the entire episode is about bringing back the people that were lost from the last episode, as well as Kevin, which we all know, shifty Kevin going back and forth between being with Percival and not being with Percival. And he's the one giving them the insider scoop on everything that's going on with Percival. But then he uses Reggie against him. We'll get to it. But that whole Reggie thing. Yeah, the Reggie subplot was completely stupid and pointless. But other than that, there was one this episode was, aside from that, about one thing.

And I think that is why it worked. Not that every episode has to not have A and B and C subplots or whatever. That's fine. But as we have talked about, usually Riverdale has like 25 things per episode. And this episode was about one thing. And it was getting, it was having this random character who's not a character on the show, help with getting everybody back to Riverdale to fight the war on evil. and for that reason, I enjoyed it.

And we got to kind of see, you know, there was like a little bit of actual character development. Like we got to see what each character's like kind of like ideal life is in this week hereafter. And like I actually thought it was very, we got a little glimpse of Polly and Jason in the tweet here after and I thought it was very sweet. Jason still hasn't spoken. Jason did not speak in the episode. Do you think he's a computer-generated image?

It has to be something. I think he might have been able to get the actor back and they're just doing a computer. Or did that actor permanently lose their voice, but they still want to keep employing him? I have no idea. Because he never spoke when he was the corpse, obviously. No. I mean, what a gig, like, to be like, you will be, you will appear in almost every season of this endless show, but you will not speak. I wonder if he gets paid the same.

I was going to say, is there a day- pay differently if you speak or if you don't speak. If you have a line or not, yeah. Pay the guy. I don't know. Pay him. Pay Jason. He's perfectly fine.

Maybe he has such a voice. Maybe he looks the part but doesn't sound the part whatsoever. Lucky talk. Jeez. Like that guy, he said Jason Lawson. You know. But he wasn't the first season unless it's a different guy. It's got to be the same.

guy. I can't go back and watch to find out. I know this is probably something we could look up, but I can't do it. I can't do it. I like living in the mystery of it. Yeah, we'll never know if it's the same guy. We'll never know if he has a voice. Nope, we will never know, but we will know that Heather, oh, I just hate looking at her face. It's just, I think it's another part of it, is that this is another where Heather was in almost Heather the witch, Cheryl's partner, Heather, who is it her we never see them touch. We never see them get close to each other whatsoever. It was never, oh, can we get back to the TT days?

I know. Cheryl's certainly going to try because, so to get them back, this, I don't. Rapping my mind around it was difficult and, like, especially to try to explain because Sabrina comes in as a necromancer. And all I could really think about when I looked at Sabrina was that like, do I get bangs? Because I really think that she's very beautiful.

She looks so good, man. She just looks so good with the dark eyebrows and the blonde hair and the red lips. I'm just very, I'm very into it. Yeah. But Heather's in almost every single scene because they have to create a coven of witches. So the necromancer can't bring them back by herself.

She needs to create a whole coven of witches. And how do you become a witch, MJ? I'm glad you asked. You have to be like a bad bitch with some dark powers already. Kew, Tabitha, Betty, and Veronica already have some dark powers. They can very easily become a witch. Now let me see. I'm doing this from memory.

First, they have to sign their name and a book. Yes, they do. Because they were disruptive women. Thank you. They were disruptive women. And they signed their name in a book. And then they do a little dance. And how did you not love the fucking witch dance party, Jackie?

Come on now. I hated the witch dance, 40. I hated the witch dance morning. They do a little dance. That's part of how they become witches. Okay, they said like in the ritual, yes, truly, usually you should be around a bonfire. You should be like, if they were naked around a bonfire, like feeling their power from the earth, fuck yeah. But they did a little twist dance.

They did a little twist and shout. They did a twisted shout dance and it made me. So, I was like, where is the power? I want to see the power. I think I am a sucker for any of the like, where bitches hanging out together scenes. Just like I loved the one in the American Psycho episode where they did the like the song about all the different brands. Yes. And you loved it.

And I hated it. Yes. I don't know. Why is that? I'm like, I think it's because I want like a group of bad bitches that I dance with, you know. I think that's where. And I think that that terrifies me. I think that I'm scared of a grouping of women of any sort.

What are you trying to do to me? Are you going to make fun of me? Ouch. And I immediately like to roll into a ball. See, I think it's both of our alienation from that idea. My alienation from it manifests and like, ooh, let me in, let me in. And your alienation manifests. Like, I don't trust it and I don't want it.

And I hate it. It really goes. Oh, my God. We are, oh, we are the light in the dark, MJ. We certainly are. And in this, like, because you know I love the witch's aspect of it, but it was like, takes a lot more than just dancing around. They sign a book, they do a dance, and then what was the third thing?

Is that it? They just, like, they just recite an incantation. Yeah. And so now, and then they're all, you know, they got their little witch squad together. They got a rich squad. And honestly, they all look great. Cheryl's tits are doing the most in this scene. That's my problem is that I just was so entranced by Cheryl always,

and Sabrina's beauty that I'm just like, I'm barely paying attention to what's happening with this. But what they have to do is because they lied up top to Percival as if Percival wouldn't know. They're like, no, we're burying our dead. Oh, I certainly wish them goodbye. We're not going to try and bring them back to life for anything, which obviously they are.

And so they keep all of the bodies in Dr. Curdle Jr.'s freezer. And then they got to go get them one by one because Sabrina's like, all right, let's do a test of our witchy powers and see if, oh, look, this one's really hot. Jughead is his name? Cute name. And I was like, step away from him. And even though I don't know why, I'm not into Jughead anymore, but still, like, I'm protective of our girls in Riverdale.

I had a lot of feelings. Maybe it was all of the NyQuil I was on. I was going to say, I had a lot of feelings. What level of like Dwayne Reed pharmaceutical drugs were you on for your COVID? A lot. I was on a lot of it.

And also just high is the night. So I had just, I have so many feelings about it. So they go in, but what you have to do as a necromancer is you go through the portal that they made of twigs and she goes into the suite hereafter where Jughead is successful. he's dressing like the comic book version of himself.

He writes comic books. He's everything he's ever wanted to be. Which also, Tabitha, take a fucking note of this. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. All he does is think about himself. And that's why when Sabrina's like, hey, you want to come back to the living, he's like, why would I fucking want to go back to the living? I'm going to stay here where I'm successful and I can eat cheeseburgers every day.

That's what he wants, Tabitha. Is that the person that you want to go? go into the sweet hereafter to come bring back? He don't want you, girl. He would rather eat cheeseburgers and write a comic book. Yeah, I know. I was a little torn about this because I was like, I do, I think like the fact that I grew up in a extremely Catholic town has always made me kind of like interested in portrayals of the afterlife. And I thought that this was a really sweet, like, like I enjoyed this portrayal of the afterlife. Like in the sweet hereafter, you just kind of like everything you always dreamed would happen is what happens.

But it's, I feel a little bit torn about Jughead because, of course, living Jughead is like, I must fight for what is right. And Jughead of the Sweet Here After is like, peace out. I am doing great. And I'm not interested in fighting for anything.

And I kind of agreed with him on that too. Yeah, and they kind of all felt the same. Yeah, all of them were like, fuck it. None of them wanted to be alive. Yeah. Why would I want to go back to Riverdale, where everything is a nightmare all of the fucking time. Yeah.

So Sabrina comes back and is like, all right, well, he doesn't want to come back with me. And but what I did do instead, which highly inappropriate. Very inappropriate. Very inappropriate. What does she do? Sabrina Spellman uses Jughead's body to bring back the soul. If you watch the chilling adventures of Sabrina, you know that Sabrina dies and her boyfriend gives his soul in her stead and goes to the sweet hereafter.

Nick Scratch, right? Nick Scratch, yes. I will say Jughead does a great job of acting like Nick Scratch, who is a very confident dude. He definitely embodies this man. Oh, and he looks kind of like Jughead. So that's why she was like, that's why Sabrina was like, oh, he's cute. Yes.

So she brings back her boyfriend in Jughead's body because Jughead doesn't want to come back. So she's like, well, I could use another necromancer's help. Yeah. It's a violation of Jughead's consent. It's kind of a dick move to Tabitha. He does consent technically. Technically he does consent in the suite hereafter. Oh, does he?

Okay. But it is a slap in the face to like tab of the... Definitely. That's her boyfriend. Yeah. I'm like, can I use your boyfriend's body to kiss and go on a date with? Yes. Kissing and going on a date with.

I know the soul is different. And the meat casing means nothing in reality. But like in reality, that's her fucking boyfriend, bitch. Yeah, no, that's fair. And then while they're like trying to figure out the rest of it, she's like, what if I just take him out on a date? Because like, we haven't been around each other in a while. And then they go out on a date. Yeah, I thought they were going to go fuck.

She's like, I need some privacy with Nick. But they just go talk. which is, you know, that's fine. I mean, take note that in Archie's version of heaven, he is like with Betty. And that's why he doesn't want to come back. He's like, no, I have everything I want. Just like, to your point, he's like. And with children.

With children with Betty. And Tony and Fangs have like a sweet gay son who's an adult. And like, but then our- Hold the phone, though. This made me so mad. This made me so mad. Number one, in the sweet-haired. after, they got a still parent.

Would you, I mean, I know that you love your children, but would you want to have to parent in the suite hereafter? Would you really want like a 10 and an 11 year old in the suite year after? I'd be like, let him grow up, let him come visit me. I'll be a young age and they can come visit me. I don't want to be a parent forever. Of course, Archie's heaven, though, is, you know, Archie has named his children after his dead dad and Betty's dead sister.

and sister. They're a little friend and little Polly. And of course, that's Archie's heaven. You know, he's a family man. Archie's much more of a family man than I am. If I had to choose for my children to be one age, all of us living together forever, you know, who knows? 25. Maybe I would choose 9 and 10. I like 9 and 10 year olds a lot. But yeah, the fangs in Tony way is to have just like a fully grown, independent gay son. And I might choose that too. That Sounds great. I love how independent and gay their son was. They made it, it was, like they barely touched on the suite hereafter, but what everyone

needed to know that in the suite hereafter, there was a peace treaty between the ghoulies and the serpents. Yeah, that's heaven for the serpents. That is heaven for the serpents. It is a peace treaty between the gangs. Plus, the serpent son, Anthony, falls in the heaven. love with Timmy Twist, who is Twyla Twist's son. Twyla Twist being the head of the goolies.

So it's a bit of like a West Side Story situation here. So we got there at the end of the West Side Story situation where he says, Mom and Dad, I'm in love with Timmy Twist, and we're getting married. And they go, yay! And of course, why would they want to leave that? But still, I love that they didn't even try to age anybody in it. I love that they just, you're right, they just went for it. The Swedish After, they're like, I don't know.

They look exactly the same, but like, they got a 22 year old. It's like, honestly, the Sweet Here After is like what your idea of heaven should be when you're on mushrooms. Like, when you're on mushrooms, you're just like, you know, I know there's an afterlife and I think it's just like everything we've ever wanted. And like, that's the Riverdale writers creating heaven. Like, obviously you've done mushrooms. They've also seen the glimpse of heaven that you can access via mushroom.

And it's like, yeah, it's great. And they're just like, well, I guess if you could have anything in heaven, what Archie would want is a family in his childhood home. And what the ghouly, what the fangs and T.T.T. would want is an end to the serpent war and a gay son. And what, you know, Jason and Polly would want. So then there's Jason and Polly and Dagwood in the here. suite here after. Yeah, where's the other one? Where's Juniper? Juniper didn't die. Dagwood's still, Dagwood's the only one that died because he was the first born.

So they are all like playing a game and Nana Rose isn't in a wheelchair and her eye, Jeff immediately noticed like, you see that Nana Rose's eye wasn't cloudy? I was like, I see that. Yes, I do see good attention to detail, Riverdale writers. And Cheryl,

because, so we didn't even get into how we find out. about what goes on with all of these people's suite hereafter's because while Sabrina is on a date with the meat casing of Jughead Jones, they are in the process of having that, which it was kind of creepy, the like highwayman or like the underground scurriemin, the ferryman is what his name was. They had to give their bodies and they essentially died.

Tabitha, Cheryl, and Veronica all die to go into the suite hereafter to bring back their loved ones. Why not Betty? Because Betty is the Babylon of Harletown. Yes, she is and she's the Harlan of Babylon. She's not allowed to into heaven. So I want to bring in some clarity here because I want to thank everyone that writes in every week. because I want to say that I do read the emails. I just sometimes forget to bring them up on Riverdale Roundup.

Because we have been reminded, which makes me technically very angry, that we do know TBK's killer and that it was the construction worker. What do you mean? Remember the construction worker with a palladium that tried to kill Archie on the construction site and we were so mad because we're like, that can't be TBK. There's no way that that random construction worker is TVK. He is. What?

Yes. And it's been confirmed by Roberto Aguirre Sikasa. What? That's TBK? Yeah, that's TBK, baby. When did the construction worker try to kill Archie with Palladium? I remember that was an episode that Jeff and I did the Riverdale Roundup because Jeff and I both cartoonishly yelled at each other because I was.

like there's no way it's that construction worker. That was like the first or second episode of this season. Yes. And Jeff's like, that is TBK. It was like there's no way that they would just do some random construction worker, which they did. Of course, just like that time it was the random janitor, remember? I know, I remember.

But it wasn't the janitor. But remember, because then they went back and like actually no, it's Al Cooper. Right, right. So that was a juke. But now this juke, not a juke. So was the construction worker. But on top of that, Juke, yes, Duke.

Jonathan in the UK, I just want to say thank you so much. Jonathan, UK said, it was the devil disguised as TBK that told Betty that she was the harlot of Babylon in Riverdale. Because remember, we're like, oh, the TBK also said that she was the harlot of Babylon, but she wasn't.

That wasn't TBK. That was the devil disguised as TBK. Remember this was around the time when TBK was killing her old, CIA partner. It was around that time period which was all screwed up. Yeah, Glenn. Because they said like, oh, TBK is here

but it wasn't TBK, it was the devil. Uh-huh. And I think that this was in River Vale. Jesus Christ. How is it that we talk about this every week? We are sober when we talk about it. And yet, there's just so much.

We need like so much help understanding. There's just so much. So I just want to say Jonathan in the UK, thank you. Wow. Jonathan in the UK also brought up the fact that we did not mention from the last episode that Veronica asked Tabitha who is going to be end game with Archie in the future, her or Betty, because Tabitha is a time changer.

What's the word? Sorry, COVID-Brain. I'm straight up COVID-Brain. I have to keep reminding everyone that, like, I'm sorry. My brain is barely functioning. I don't remember what we call Tabitha. She's like, they don't, of course they can't just call her. Time traveler. Time traveler.

But they thought they have some fucking Riverdale word for it, probably. I'm sure they do. But she wasn't able to answer because everybody died beforehand. So that's why in this episode it was because when they brought up the end game thing in this episode, I was like, who cares? I completely forgot that Veronica had asked that to Tabitha, which also Veronica, just go on a date with someone not in Riverdale. I know. You'll be fine. You don't even be fine.

Like Archie, you're just lonely. You're just used to him, which is a problem in many people's relationship. It's like sometimes you've got to go try somebody else. Yeah. Anyway, I just wanted to do that little shift here. Okay. Because I was reminded of the fact that, like, I was mad about the TBK thing. And I want to say thank you to not only Jonathan in the UK, but to other people that also wrote in to explain this because it makes,

it makes a lot of sense. It does make more sense because it's hard. It's hard to keep it all at once. We need your help. Right. So Polly, Jason, Dagwood are all in the sweet hereafter. Cheryl sees them and they're like, also T.T. was like, you try to ruin their wedding.

There's like a whole alternate timeline going on in the suite here after. So that's what I kept getting confused. So it's like, so essentially the sweet hereafter is just an alternate timeline because, right? They all appear to be living in the future. Right. Where somehow everybody has exactly what they want, but also it appears to be a different timeline.

Nobody knows they're dead. Because if I was in heaven, can you imagine, or is it just that it's Tony's heaven that Cheryl would try to destroy Polly and Jason's wedding? Right. Right. Yeah, no, it's, there are some questions about the sweet here after. It's not just like a mental state where everyone's living in their own. happiness. It does appear to be an alternate universe where again, it seems as if no one knows

they're dead because T.T. and Fangs didn't know they were dead. But then Archie and Jughead, when asked to like come back, they both seem to know they're dead. And both of them say no. Right. And so then Sabrina's like, oh, we're going to have to figure something else out. None of them want to come back. I'll go on my date. I'll come back. And then I'll tell you another possibility, which is that you harness Cheryl's power. Power of the Phoenix. The Phoenix. Who is dies in ashes and is also reborn in ashes.

Aye. I will say I love power of the Phoenix. I was like, of course. Her power of the Phoenix. So Cheryl, because of her parochinesis, has the power of the Phoenix, which means she can basically fire them out of the sweet hereafter and back into the living.

against their will. Because, yeah, none of them want to, against their will. So essentially they're like, so are there any, like, problems if it's against their will? And Sabrina's like, yeah, you know, they could just be, like, living in their own personal hellfire until they die a natural death or they could, like, be filled with resentment, or they could bring back an entity with them. Yeah. Which I'm going to put a pin in that. Put a pin in it. Because don't worry, there are two more episodes of.

of this season. There are two more episodes. Let it sink in, MJ. There are two more episodes of this season. And I think that's another reason why with this episode that I was like, this was stretched out to an entire episode for absolutely no reason. They could have done this in a portion of, but I'm being a negative Nancy over here. We're talking about my favorite part, which is the power of the phoenix.

And I can't put a dark cloud over the past. hour of the Phoenix. Let's talk about the CGI. The CGI. They get all the corpses together in one place, which, by the way, during the wedding, you know, way more people died. Yes. Like, everyone was dying.

Everyone was dying. It was like it really was like a Thanos like, or like, why the last man situation where like half the people, the wedding fucking dropped dead. And then in the end, there's only like five corpses that they're going to bring back to life. Yeah, the rest of them can stay dead. Who cares? You know?

Thin out the herd here. Yeah. already, I already don't even know who else lives in Riverdale besides these five people. But don't worry, they make sure to go through every single person in the suite hereafter and make them go, it's hot. Why am I so hot? And then like just cut to Jughead and it's dripping on his comic book and he goes, Pop, can you turn the AC up in here?

Like I just, and it was like, okay, and then we got to see. Oh, yep, Archie's hot. Oh, well, we got to go over here. Oh, yep, they're hot. Tony and Fangs are hot. They're hot too. Oh, they're getting hot, everybody. Everyone's hot.

And then they've just been sucked out of their personal heaven slash collective heaven into reality again. And Archie's like, oh, God, yeah, I guess I can't say no to a war. That was my other favorite line of this episode. What was that? You know I can't say no to a war. Because that's essentially what Veronica had said to him, because again, Betty couldn't go.

Oh, that's why I brought up the TBK thing because Betty couldn't go through the portal because she was the harlot of Babylon because she's been like, hexed as the harlot of Babylon. That's why I brought it up that it was the devil that hexed her and not TBK that had hexed her.

Ah, okay. So Veronica was the one that went to his house and the hereafter and was like, but it's a war, Archie. It's a war. We need you to fight the war. All Archie heard was war. And he's like, I'm in.

So he puts on his war. I love war. His World War I outfit, and he's like, I'm ready, Betty, I got to go back, baby. I love you, baby, but I got to go fighting the war. And we'll see if he dies in said war, but now they're all back. And what is it like? Like, I feel like I feel bad if I ask my partner, like, not to go out because, like, I'd rather him stay in because I'm not feeling good, you know? How would you feel after you ripped your partner back?

from the afterlife when they were truly happy to come be in this shit fuck of a reality in River. Where you will probably die again. Yes. Well, Tabitha can feel slightly less guilty despite ripping a jug head away from finally having what he wanted in life because he can hear again and he can still read her thoughts. Well, how did that happen? I don't know. Maybe the traveling from the sweethear after gave you a reset button. Sure, Riverdale writers.

Phoenix. Call it our reset button. Power of the Phoenix, MJ. That's what it was. Yeah, whatever. Okay, so everything that you were struggling with before is fixed. Fixed. Not that it was a problem really beforehand because he could still just have normal

conversations. It was never really an issue. Because everybody practices what they say in their head before they say it out loud. They say it, which is what I'm doing right now. Yeah, it's very easy when you're podcasting. So then Jugheads back. They're all back. And Tabith goes over to Veronica.

And Veronica's is pissy because, like, yeah, I had to go to the year after to go get my ex-boyfriend who's really happy and in love with my best fucking friend. Yeah, get over it, Veronica. She's being all ladies who lunch still. Don't worry. We haven't gotten rid of that. And she's like, what about me? And Tabitha tells her, which is such a cop-out. Tabitha is like, in most of the scenarios, I see Archie and Betty, and Betty and Archie are endgame.

but you guys could also be endgame because the other equal amount of scenarios I see Veronica and Archie together. If I was fucking Betty and I found out that Tabitha told Veronica like fight for him because in half of the scenarios he's your boyfriend. Bitch, I would be so fucking pissed off at Tabith. Pest. I'd be so pissed. I would be so pissed. Leave my man alone. Veronica, the whole thing is that you don't want to be with Mr. Riverdale. you don't want to be trapped in Riverdale, then don't. Yeah, you have completely different ambitions that Archie.

You have nothing in common with him anymore. Why do you need to be with it? Just because he's there? Just because he's there. And because Reggie dumped you? And because Reggie dumped you. And speaking of Reggie, which we do need to do a quick run through of what happened over with Reggie and Percival.

Because remember, Percival, now he's angry at Kevin because Kevin is telling them secrets. And Kevin is hiding the fact that they're trying to use necroman to raise the bodies. Percival finds out. So he uses Reggie and he's like, hey, Reggie, my good boy, my good lap boy. I had a quick old meeting this morning

with all of the board members of the Babylon. And bam, I've made you CEO of the Babylon, which I don't think that he can do. I don't think that any of this. And he's like, I gave you all your wildest dreams, which was an oil painting of Reggie done in one day that he got put up in the office.

and also Reggie is so excited so he brings his abusive dying father to the casino so they can have one more boys' day because his father is dying and he's like Reggie's on top of the world. But then the ventriloquist dummy of Reggies that they had used for the Babylon's Babylonians, ventriloquism act started talking to him, which love this. I love that. If we could take that portion of everything that I'm talking about right now and pull it out and continue Reggie talking to himself as a ventriloquist doll, here for it. Very, very here for that part. But that's not what happens.

The ventriloquist doll tells him to go help Kevin. Is that what happens? Is he good or is he bad? I'm blanking out here. The vitriloquist doll is Reggie's conscience. He says, don't you recognize your own voice, which is a funny lie. And he tells him to go save Kevin and his dad from Percival and that Percival is a bad guy. Yes.

And so he's like, you're right, ventriloquism version of me. You're so right. How do you feel about a puppet being the saving day, MJ, as a puppet lover yourself? Yeah, you know, there's obviously been several other uses of ventriloquist dummies in this season, much less in this show. And usually they've been like harb-bringers of evil. And so I appreciate that in this case, the puppet was not evil and was telling him to do the right thing. Pro puppet. This episode was pro-puppet.

Not a mention of the union workers, which you know what I'll take. Yeah. But at least we are pro-puppet. Sorry. Never thought I'd say it. But stop talking about the fucking union. Riverdale? Trying to make me anti-union over here.

Yes. And so when it's up happening, Reggie tries to leave with his father and Kevin. They get caught, they get trapped. Percival's like, hey, because now Sheriff Keller and

and brother daddy or uncle daddy are just like evil. They're just fully evil now. And so they capture the three of them and they're like, oh, we're going to have a three-way execution, which, I mean, I kind of got, like,

I was like, Oh, a three-way. I don't know why. Like, that's what popped out. I was like, okay. Oh, is this where we're going in Riverdale? I'm completely fine with it. We've been wanting a three-way.

We just wanted it with the main characters. Different people. Just different people. And, but don't worry. Reggie stole one of the magic weapons just in case. Yeah, from the bookstore, which is just like the oddity shop. He's like, I stole a fucking dagger from the bookstore that I'll stab him in the next way. Because remember, because Percival had gotten all of those magical weapons.

like the um the harlot of babylon stockades right and god so it's like he was he's gearing up on his magical weapons for the the everlasting battle between good and evil right and so that's where it ends with them where it's like reggie's like we're going to kill this motherfucker but what i saved for the very end was something that made me go ha which was after the conversation between tabitha and veronica about, you know, is it Betty an Archie end game, Veronica and Archie end game. Tabitha goes and visits Fangs and Tony because now Baby Anthony's back because we're in regular life. Baby Anthony's giving back, but remember Baby Anthony didn't die even though Baby Anthony definitely the firstborn. Right.

And that's because baby Anthony is immortal. Why? No reason. Why? No reason. Why? Why? We don't know.

Why? How do you know he's immortal? We don't know. It's just he's immortal. He's immortal. How? Don't know. Why?

Don't know. Don't know. And does that mean he's going to age? Yeah. What is like, or is it going to take like much, much longer? Also, I think I would feel really sad if I found out that my children were immortal because I think that's- Haven't you seen the green mile? Yeah.

Everybody dies in your life over and over again. It's a sad life. Yeah, like it's a lonely life. Lonely sad life. Like, I think that is, I think that's said. And Tony had fangs are like, yay! Yay! He's immortal.

He can never die. We can just shake them all around. Shake them all around. Yeah, yeah. No, we can leave the guns anywhere now because we don't have to worry. I mean, it would take the pressure off. If you got a baby and you found out they were mortal, it would probably take the pressure off, you know,

because you're constantly trying to not let that baby. Not so. That would free up some brain space. On top of it, baby Anthony's immortal. And Tabitha. is Riverdale's guardian angel. Yeah, that, she said that like it was supposed to be a reveal. And I was like, who cares? Who cares? I still don't even care about you, Tabitha. So what does it even mean? Thank you, MJ. This is the thing. I still barely care about Tabitha. Barely. You know almost nothing.

Like, I don't care about her as a character. I don't care about her at all, except for when she's interacting with Jughead. Like, sure. And sometimes she has useful information from her time travels. Yes. I like that she time travels. I think that's a lot of fun. fun. But so what we did learn from this is that the fact that they have powers means that they're, it's because they were witches. And I don't know if that means that Jughead and Archie are warlocks in this scenario or if we're just not going to include them in any of this witchy talk. But now that Tabitha is Riverdale's guardian angel, what the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? I literally don't know. Have you been the guardian angel?

for Riverdale the whole time? Or is it just now? Does that mean Riverdale's fate is going to be better? What does it mean? Because I know that this sounds so dumb, but it annoyed me to no end that when she was in this, when Tabitha was in the suite hereafter, and she was going to go try to get Jughead to come home. And Jughead just looked so happy. And she's like, I can't even interrupt him, even though I'm in the suite hereafter. And I'm here to go interrupt him and try to get him to come back. I can't even. He looks so happy. And then who sidels up next? to her, her guardian angel, that dude that came into Pops that one time and said that he was an angel and he's like, not only an I an angel, but you're also Riverdale's guardian angel, which means nothing. It means nothing. And also, Raphael, not for nothing. You haven't done anything since that one extremely weird episode where Tabitha tried to stop the

assassination of Dr. King. I did. It's just things like that that I just kind of, I forget with Riverdale and then you say something like that and you're like, oh, oh, Riverdale. That was this episode. That's it. That's what happened. So that's why, here's the thing, MJ. I think now after talking about it, I do love this episode.

I do love this episode because of how it made me feel. I would like to hear more. I know we're out of time, but I'd like to hear more about Jeff's grievances. It sounds like your main grievances were the group of women having fun together. I hate it. I hate that part of it, yeah. And like the various, like, the stuff with Tabitha didn't make any fucking sense. And so all they, not making any fucking sense.

I think the end game, every time they say end game, I get really mad. So I think that that's also part of it. But Jeff was really, like, beside himself. Again, I'm on my way out of COVID. He's on his way into COVID. So last night was like the beginning of him feeling really bad. So as he watched it, he was so mad at the episode. He kept pausing it to be like, is the Sabrina show any better than this?

It has to be better than this, right? So mad. And in fact, if he didn't have COVID, he would have gotten up early to record this with us. That's how strongly he felt about hating this episode. Yeah. Maybe we'll have him as a guest before the season is over because I would love to hear his thoughts. He's very, very, very angry. but again, I don't know if it's just the COVID.

I don't know if it was COVID talk or who knows because you say weird things, turns out. But thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of Riverdale Roundup. I love it when y'all write in. Please, you're more than welcome to. I love the theories. I do love, oh, yeah, I do wonder. I wanted to bring up one more theory of someone that said that like they just had to get this theory out. And that is that because this is, and.

Madeline, I'm right there with you because I love this theory and I wish is what the theory was. I have a theory about the whole TBK mess and that I've been wondering for several weeks if maybe Betty is having a whole psychological break thing with TBK, something a la fight club where TBK is actually Betty and she doesn't know it. Would explain why they never showed his face, why Betty didn't unmask him, why they make a way bigger deal about Betty's darkness than it seems she really deserves. Anyway, let me know what you think. Madeline, I love that idea. I love that better than some fucking random construction worker from the beginning of the season. I want it to be that idea. Yeah.

I wish it could be that idea. Yeah. Wow. So thank you, Madeline, for sending in your theory. I really appreciate it. And I appreciate all y'all for always hanging out with us here on the Riverdale Roundup. Whether we're screaming or whether we're cackling, usually around the same thing. Oh.

You better get your asses around a bonfire, ladies, all right? I don't, God, he made me so mad. And I appreciate you guys. for joining us. We love me so much. We'll be back next week for the Pent Ultimate episode of Riverdale.

Two more episodes left. What the fuck else are they going to shove into the last two episodes? I'm not quite sure. Thank you so much, MJ. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I cannot wait to get through this together. Oh, we will. Love you guys.

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