Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 115: Tell Me What the Aura Means Jackie

Episode Date: July 23, 2022

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Hey, everyone, big news from the boys of the last podcast on the left. Check out the last comic book on the left. Our most sinister comic anthology. It now has a volume two. Please, pre-order now at z2com. We have an even bigger stable of artists and talent and writers and everyone that we did for the first one, although the first one is fucking amazing. And it's still available on z2com.

But we're asking to go pre-order number two, Z2 Comics.com. You're going to like the way you read. All right, everyone. Thank you so much. Hell yourself. Hail Satan. Ergi. Ha ha ha ha.

Ah! I don't know how to feel. Welcome to Riverdale Roundup. I don't know. I loved it. Answer. The Zoom invite. And MJ was like, I don't know.

Are you, do you hate this? Or did you love it? And yet still, my answer is, I don't know. We don't. And I don't know either. But we all. I also have one key piece of information, which is important, I think, to everybody in this community, which is that Jeff loved it. Love this episode.

Jeff loved it. Jeff was like, this is what they should have been doing the entire time. And I was like, I was so confused. I had to pause this episode five or six times to be like, wait, what's happening? Yeah. What's going on? Because y'all, we asked for answers and they were given. And they were plentiful.

All your answers. For like 20 episodes in. After everyone has spent the last, however many of the fuck episodes we've spent, not understanding anything. Like, trickle your answers out a little bit. Instead of putting them all in one single episode. Especially when Jeff was like, now this all makes sense. And I was like, but how? Does it?

And I trust Jeff. He do too. Because he's like. Because he's got a steel. trap memories. Because this happened and then this happened and like now see these things make sense. And I don't remember any of that. Jeff is, I'm always high when I watch Riverdale and I shouldn't this is the thing. Jeff is 100% more sober than I have there of us. So sober. And that's just in life. I'm all I'm now unfortunately, devastatingly sober whenever I watch Riverdale.

Very sad. Because I just have to be. Otherwise I cannot talk about it on a podcast because it doesn't make sense. And so you have to, how can you watch something that doesn't make any sense, you know, while you're blazed or whatever? And then go try to talk about it. You're like, no. So I fucking study it like it's a text. And still, my brain is just not sharp enough anymore to be able to watch this show and then report back what I saw. Like I was telling Jackie, like, when I was teaching, you know, there's these different pedagogical levels of like how you know somebody has really, really, really. learn something. And the way that I always knew that a kid had learned something I had taught them

as if they could teach it. You know, so I would invite kids like, you come up and you teach how to do this game. And, you know, and then you could see, could they really explain it? Did they understand it thoroughly enough to be able to explain it to somebody else? And that's the problem here at Riverdale Roundup. Do we understand this episode thoroughly enough to explain it to somebody else? And I think the answer is no. I think the answer right. We know, but we're going to really tried. We're going to try. Because I need everyone to know, it's not our fault. No, no. This episode, there was so, you think so much happens in a normal episode of Riverdale. Let me just say at one point, Ethel shows up, remember Ethel? And then Jeff did say he's like,

wait, I thought Ethel died. It was like, no, Barb died. Ethel, I was like, you're being fattest right now. And also, I could say this is a fat woman. And I was like, is it, because Ethel is the only one that knows all this stuff going on? And I was like, is it in the world of Riverdale, better you are, the smarter you are, because that's not in the world of this couch right now, because I don't understand what the hell is going on. And I thought that was hilarious of me to say. Well, but to defend, I agree, I agree with you on the general poor, the actor who plays Barb slash Ethel is like, I feel like Hollywood is at the same time, like, wow, we cast it a fat woman. And I'm like, do you see what we did? Oh, Victory laugh. I hate it. You know,

She's so bad. But then they like treat her like shit in both shows. Like both shows are like, it's like how black people and gay people got treated in films in the 80s where it's just like you know that the black person's going to die. To die in the horror movie, yes. Like the fat person, that's just now. It's just like, we have cast a fat woman. You're welcome. And then she dies, you know.

That's why I hate this as us. Yeah. I'm like, did you see? Did you see she's actually fat? Like, oh, wow, bravah. It's so happy for you. It's very sad. She's actually that she's so sad. It's the saddest show on television. But aren't you glad that we cast someone who is fat?

Wow. Let me get on my knees. I am so. And then even if you think that though, same in Riverdale where Mr. Seifer, who is the devil, I think. And Percival have the same non-accent. where they talk like this. High school theater kid accent. Yeah. It's high school theater kid accent where everybody just did a British accent for some reason.

Like no matter what the play was, it could be a Neil Simon play and they would be doing a British accent. Like that adaptation. Yeah. Who the hell is fucking Mr. Seifer? I know we've seen him before. Where the fuck has Ethel been?

Like literally what was the last time you saw her? I think two seasons ago and why is she here? Why was she being so mean to Jughead? Like, I remember that they have some issues, but I really don't. I mean, you can't expect us, Riverdale. We are hanging on by a thread trying to understand what's going on right now. You're going to bring in some shit that happened with Ethel three years ago?

Years ago. Years ago, I don't remember. I don't remember. We've been through a pandemic, Riverdale. Give our brain some more space, Riverdale. But no, we get every answer in one episode. because we find out why Percival Pickens is here, who Percival Pickens is? Kind of.

Even though, kind of. Okay, guys, strap in. Oh, my God, yes. Because we're going to attempt to explain what happened in this episode of Riverdale. This isn't an explainer episode. Wow, it is. All right. So the central question we have grappled with here on this season of Riverdale Roundup is,

who the fuck is Percival and why should we fucking care? Who do we? And you know what that? I will say we still, I'm just maybe speak for myself, I still don't care. Oh, I still don't care at all. That's why I'm so confused by Jeff loving this episode because ultimately when you get a big reveal about a character who you don't give a shit about, how satisfying can it be, you know? It was the Stephen King homage. So this is the whole thing. He's at least like this whole season. He's like, don't you see? He's like, it should have been this the entire time. He just kept saying it should have been this the entire time. It's like, I don't. I agree with us about that. All right, y'all, this episode, portals, immortality. Dimensions. Dimensions.

It's like, it was all coming to this. And I see where he's saying that he's like, they should have had all of it. They should have explained this 15 episodes ago and then play with it. Then you have this whole sci-fi thing. And it split, like, even this episode explains why they're, they have supernatural powers and everything. And he's like, that could have been a great jumping off point for,

a lot. But instead, they kept us all in the weeds and then smacked us in the face. And I can't speak about the Dark Tower. I have not read The Dark Tower is the, you know, the tomb of Stephen King books. And he just kept talking at me, I'm sorry, Jeff, if you're listening to this, about the, about how it was just all an homage to Stephen King and how, like, you know, even Ethel and how he's, how she's treating Jughead. It's like, oh, that's like, you know, oh, it's the, the writer trapped by the woman in the bunker. It's like, oh, it's almost like a little misery there. And there's, like, all of this. And like explaining how, like, no, he's like the man. I don't know if he said it was like the man in black. I can't speak towards it. Or if it was the gunslinger, I'm not

sure which one. But he told me about it a lot. Well, I appreciate the Stephen King references, but we can't be expected to have a hundred percent encyclopedic knowledge of Stephen King just to watch Riverdale. I'm happy this stuff does. I've read approximately, I don't know, three to four Stephen King books and probably seen six to seven movies based on Stephen King books. Yeah. All right. So Percival Pickens is immortal like a baby Anthony. Right. He's immortal because during the crucible era essentially, I don't remember which century that is, back in the day, let's say. I'm going to say 1600s. 1600s. Sure, I like it. And back in the day where all of the, like, the old school Riverdale people that we already met during the Abigail Blossom time period. The pioneers, the Puritans.

Against sorcery, which that was one thing that Jeff had to pause because he laughed about it so much when Percival Pichens was talking about all of the pilgrims on like that came over. And they were like, and they all wanted equality. And they were against slavery. But I wasn't. And Jeff Posit was like, there's no way Pilgrims were all about equality and against slavery, but we can keep going. He had to pause it and say that. Percival has the speech that's like, oh, the idealistic colonists and they're like liberal values. And it's like, what?

What are you talking about? You mean the ones who then did slavery and the Salem witch trials? You think those were the progressives? Excuse me. Yes. And slaughtered a whole. Yeah. Not to mention the.

fucking genocide of indigenous peoples. Yeah. What sort of weird? They wanted too much peace. Is happening with that line. I'm glad that you brought that up. I forgot about that. That was all Jeff.

Jeff, like, had to pause the episode to yell about it for a bit. The liberal Puritans. No. Those liberal Puritans. So Percival's like, those liberal Puritans,

I want to do my sorcery. So he's doing, like, he's doing witchcraft on like, like, just like, innocent people. Right. And they find out. But this is all the other thing.

It's like what motivates Percival? I just love evil. Like, yes. They loved equality, but I loved evil. So I like did by sorcery just to be evil. It's just such a vague motivation. So vague. All of this.

Don't even get me started on what is it like the sacred space of Percival will get there of what he's really trying to do. So he wants to do sorcery and they get pissed off. So they put him in the stockade. They leave him out. in the woods, and they leave him to die. Mr. Seifer comes, which yes, like Lou Seifer, Mr. Seifer comes, offers him immortality for his soul and also, like, and his freedom.

And so that's this whole thing. Percival's like, I've been traveling forever, trying to out get away from Mr. Seifer because he can't take my soul if I can't die. He can't break my soul. He can't break my soul. And then the Beyonce started playing It was just a whole

It was a whole thing No, never for Percival Percival isn't allowed to have it So he travels For many, many, many, many, many years While this is happening There's other pickings In the world that are also doing bad

Remember like the Tabitha episode Where she's going back through time and Percival and like his ancestors have always been evil. Right. But what we found out in this episode is that... That was all him though, right? Because he's immortal. I don't know if it is him because he is not in the dimension of Riverdale.

Right. He lives in the dimension of River Vale, everybody. Right, right, right. This is where a shit gets really fucking, you know, light up, sit back, get ready. Wow. Yeah. Percival Pickens was going to go destroy River Vale and not Riverdale. Right. And when he was on his way back, that's when the explosion happened as he was entering River Vale because he was like, I'm going to go in.

And he still, yes, he was going to do the whole ghost train thing. He was going to do all of this ship and he was going to do it in River Vale because in River Vale, supernatural things exist. That's normal. And let's review what happened in River Vale as we saw it, which is also, again, it's like Riverdale, you cannot expect us to all remember everything about Rivervale. It was already like six months ago or something. But like River Vale as when we were there was like, oh, there's that witch lady who comes out of the water and like everyone's burning each other at the stake. and like, you know, a bunch of people where all of our main characters were dying. And there's a bunch of crazy shit happened in every episode of Rivervale. But that's Percival's normal universe.

That's his home universe, Rivervale. And he has jumped universes or dimensions or whatever. Gideon suggested that we have a hold and explain the difference between a universe of dimension and a realm. Whoa. Oh, I love our partners. the things they add into our brains. Okay.

I was trying to tell Gideon about all this and he's like, did he jump from a different universe or is it just a different dimension? And I was like, I don't fucking understand the difference. So it is a different, this is a multiverse then, because these are going on concurrently. And I think a different dimension is a whole different thing, rather than different things along the same timeline. Right, right.

So I guess, right, the River Vale. I'm sorry, everyone. I think we're talking about universes. universes. Yes. That can, that, that, that, but is, yeah, I don't know. We really do it. I don't know, though.

Because, like, what was this explosion? So, you guys, remember, the explosion is what gave them their supernatural power. Right. Because of the explosion that Percival Pickens doesn't go back to Rivervale. He winds up in Riverdale and he's like, well, I guess I'm going to be evil here instead. Yeah. So he, from his point of view, Riverdale is the alternate dimension. Correct.

Or universe. And so he should. shows up anyway, but in that explosion, when they get the superpowers, back when Hiram, oh, no, it's because Hiram did the explosion. Right. So when Hiram put off that explosion, they get their superpowers,

it was because the reason why it didn't cleanly split the universes. Yeah, this makes, I'm sorry, this part makes no fucking sense. So I'm looking forward to you trying to explain it. I'm trying to understand. This is what mean Ethel explained to us. This is what mean Ethel explains because

when we were watching Rivervale, sorry guys, when we were watching Rivervale, there was a narrator of sorts who was a bit of an omniscient narrator in the form of a separate jughead. We already knew there were three jugheads. So that jughead in the bunker

is the omniscient narrator of all of the universes. He was the kind of Twilight Zone-esque. The host. Yeah. And for some reason, even though he's the omniscient narrator of the worlds here, he still has a thing for his ex-girlfriend

that he has in one of the many worlds that he over presides over? Right. Slash also cares about his friend Archie. So for some reason, despite, yeah, seemingly never having interfered with the world of Riverdale before, like there's never been any bleed between the universes until this one explosion happens. And River Vale's omniscient narrator Jughead decides to call Riverdale's Betty to warn her. And even though that didn't stop the explosion, didn't stop the explosion. For some reason, that phone call created a bleed between a fissure between the worlds.

And so in that fissure came Percival Pickens and the ability for the supernatural. And like that's the supernatural norm that is the norm in Rivervale fissured and bled over into the non-supernatural world of Riverdale. Correct. So now it's almost like a noxious gas has been let into the world of Riverdale where now supernatural things exist. I think it's very funny that personal is like, ah, river

down, river fail, either way, want to be evil. Like that really puts me in a weird head place. And it's not only, so that is all true, everything we just said, but also the other

jughead, I'm not sure how all these things that can be true at the same time. So one... Such an such a confusing episode. I can't believe how difficult this is to explain. It's so hard to 40-minute television episode. Yeah. It's so difficult to explain.

So everything we just said is true about the explosion. The omniscient narrator Jughead made the call. That opened up the fissure between River Vale and Riverdale. But also, the other Jughead and River Vale is a very successful comic book artist, illustrator, author, who has also sold his own, his soul to the devil. differently than trapped in the bunker jughead, right? And that jughead, like, is doing very well for himself, works at Pops, writes at Pops. He's the most successful, famous comic book author in the world.

And also the reason that the Riverdale people have their powers is because the other Jughead in Rivervale writes them as comic book characters in his books. Called the Superteen. So he's known for the Superteen. super teens books that are essentially created the superpowers of the teen or the adults in Riverdale. Right. And so River Vale's successful Jughead created these, the superteens, created their powers. River Vale's Trapped in a bunker Jughead Basically

writes The Like that part I don't understand What is the really He writes I don't understand that part Because he tells Riverdale's Jughead when Riverdale's Jughead

When Riverdale's Jughead comes back through that It says like oh You've been stealing my stories You've been stealing the stories of Rivervale And because Jughead's like I've been hearing the stories from Rivervale But what I'm confused about is, is it successful Rivervale Jughead who is shaping Riverdale's reality? Or is it

unsuccessful trapped in a bunker is Jughead who's shaping reality? I think it's unsuccessful trapped in a bunker's version of River, I guess. Uh-huh. Who's putting the story ideas in his head? Ah, right, right. He's kind of like the one who's like the... But how do we even find this out? And it made me really... I kind of made me sad because it reminded me that in the world of River Vale, Nana Rose's soul and mind went into Cheryl's body after Cheryl's soul and mind went into Abigail Blossom. They trapped her in there. Remember that episode. And they find out because poor, oh, what's her name?

Oh, the cute little queer girl, Britta. Britta is still living at Thornhill in River Vale. And Britta's like, sir, can you sign my comic book? And Jughead's like, oh my God, it's the superteens. It's based on us. Throws the book back at her doesn't sign it. At least sign it. I know you're not the same Jughead Jones, but can't you sign it for the girl?

Right. So she's the one who explains, oh, your Jughead always sits in the booth at Pops. And then she's like, right, here's Cheryl Blossom. but when you when they transported the soul of Abigail Blossom or to of Cheryl of Nana Roses I don't even know basically Cheryl has the glassy eye and it has dementia because she's not really Cheryl she's she's Nana yes y'all this is a drop in the bucket there's so many other things to explain about this episode like that's why even as I'm saying I'm like why am I even talking about Cheryl being Nana Rose's not even important you're so

So this episode, Riverdale writers, why couldn't you have peppered it in? Why couldn't you have just peppered it in? It is impossible to absorb this amount of information at once. So right, you're right. It's not even consequential. It's like, oh, yeah, in this universe, Cheryl's fucking incapacit. How is anyone watching this episode just going like, oh, that's Riverdale and ready to watch the next episode?

Like, I would just be like, I can't do it anymore. If we didn't do this show, I'd be like, I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you, Riverdale. I can't break up with Riverdale. We are, we're tied to Riverdale. Yeah, we're in. So they go talk to Jughead in the, in the, in the, and Pop, successful above ground Jughead. And he's like, oh yeah, this is my, these are my comic books.

I sold my soul to the devil, yada, yada, yada. And so then meanwhile, Jughead and Tabitha are just like, okay, we've like easily figured out how to travel between the portals now. So let's just portal ourselves back. Oh, because Jughead realized. that not only is he a mind reader, but he is a portal creator. Right. So Jughead can make portals now. And he's like, remember, just like, remember Tabitha, just like when you said that like, oh, I'm a time traveler, but not you're like really an angel, which I completely forgot the Tabitha is the guardian angel of Riverdale.

Right. Because that doesn't mean anything. Does that mean she's not a person, though? Who knows? Who knows? She's an ethereal being and not a person. I don't know. They've never explained it. They just said it like it was like a drop. Like, oh, you're the guardian age of everyone. Oh. But like, what? What? What does that mean? Right. Are she dead? Is she never been alive? Don't know. But she's now portal hopping with Jughead. So that's how they're able to do this. And they get to talk to Jughead. And that was a whole weird because apparently she created a time loop. I didn't understand what was happening. She got other tabitha stuck at a quote unquote. stuck in a time loop.

I was stuck in a time loop, but I was like, what about that Tabitha? You just left her in a time loop. And then, right, but now it's important to know that Doughead and Tabitha now can just,

they could just portal hop. So they're just like, all right, we got what we need. Let's go back to Riverdale. And so they go back to Riverdale and they go and tell all their friends, like, hey,

guess what we learned? Blah, blah, blah. And so all of, one thing I liked about this episode is that it was like the whole band's back together, you know, like Cheryl, Veronica, Betty, everybody's together.

And they're like, all right, what are we going to do? You know, how we're going to stop this war? Also, meanwhile, all of this is being facilitated by Alice Cooper interviewing Percival on a TV show, and he's just telling all of this, like, this is my backstory. This is the part, Percival's backstory, as it is told in this episode, that's the part that should have been spread throughout the entire, like, the entire, this season of Riverdale

should have had a narration by Percival, the way that River Vale had a narration by, you know, bunker jughead. Right. Because he brainwashes Alice, tells her that he needs to tell his story. Because remember, he's also the mayor now. I keep forgetting that he is the mayor because he's not doing a lot of mayoral things outside of that damn ghost train. I tell you what.

But we find out, at least, outside. of the interview. Like, so what happens? So this, so as he's talking about like his background, how he's immortal, how General Augustus Pickens, who is his ancestor, but in Riverdale,

not in River Vale, General Augustus Pickens, who is evil, is in the sweet hereafter. This comes from, oh God, my brain. This information comes from Jason Blossom,

who we do get to hear speak in this episode. Because I completely forgot last episode because so much happened that Cheryl brought back Jason and Polly from the sweet year after. So as, you know, first thing you do, I just brought my brother back from the dead. I'm going to paint a sensual picture of him. And that is what Cheryl was doing as she talked to him, which was very uncalled. I was like, man, I should be painting Henry. more lounging on a chaise. Like, I think I need that in my life.

A great Sherylina, she's like, as much as I love sitting in companionable silence with you, brother. And it's like, yeah, you've been separated by death for like six years. Don't you want to talk to each other? To ask something. Ask a couple questions. And then she asked a question and he's like, oh, yeah. Like, I thought maybe he couldn't speak.

Remember last week? We were like, is he incapable of speaking? I thought that he was incapable of speaking. He just doesn't have a lot to say, I guess. No, he doesn't. And so what she tells her is that General Augustus Pickens has been drafting dead, strapping souls from the sweet hereafter to fight, to use the ghost train to ship them from the sweet hereafter to Riverdale. And why? So that they can fight against the living in the battle of good and evil.

I'm still, I was not to say, I'm still confused over why. No, we know why. I'm just confused as to why. Still why. We know why. It's good versus evil. It's good versus. That's the why, right?

Evil. The reason is, and a why is, where my enemies are at my mercy, I want a land controlled by the dark arts, free from the laws that stifle the rest of this country, the sovereign state of Percival. Right. Okay. Go buy some land. Yeah. Just become one of those sovereign citizen people.

Be a sovereign citizen. Why do you need to kill everybody and bring all the ghosts back when we're hereafter? If you just want a parcel of land, become a sovereign citizen, you could make all the laws you want in your own little land. You could do whatever the hell you want. And before we started recording, Jackie and I were struggling to figure out the relationship between General Augustus Pickens, who is in the after, sweet hereafter and who lived, I think, also during the Crucible Times. And Percival Pickens. They are two different people? I think that they are two different.

I think in one dimension, Percival Pickens is eternal. In our dimension, in Riverdale's dimension, he's just a many generations of evil humans. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. So I think that they're just different dimensioned versions of each other

that have gotten in cahoots together. Uh-huh. this this is the weakest link to me like and we can't it's hello we are trapped here this is our purgatory and i am so happy that you are listening to this because now it's your purgatory as well yeah if anybody wants to take a stab at the understanding this you know where to find us you know where to find us You know where to find it. So we find all of this out during the interview with the brainwashed Alice Cooper. Right.

Because remember he's brainwashed Uncle Daddy and Sheriff Keller and now Alice Cooper. Yeah, that's not going to work out for you three. Is it? No, it's not going to work out for it. Foreshadowing. Because he's got to make the sovereign state of Percival. Also, you're not even going to call it the sovereign state of pickens. Like, at least put like your last name on it, the soulowing.

sovereign state of Percival. This is Jackieville. I name it Jackieville and I am the queen of Jackie Bell and how dare you try to take it away from me. But Jackie, we haven't even talked about the other person who returned from the sweet hereafter. I, this is another part. This is another part. And Betty walks in, Cheryl's like, sweet cousin, I got a big surprise for you. And And Polly walk, Betty walks in and sees Polly, her dead sister who had been murdered by those wood people who were woods people who were ancestors of Cheryl's people, the Blossom, you know, feral woodsman who murdered Polly. And she has an aura around her. Tell me what the aura means, Jackie. It means she's evil, doesn't it?

No, because the red aura means she's evil. but the golden aura Because remember I think this is this harkens from Betty's Evil aura detection She detects that she's not evil That she's actually radiating goodness I think that because she is an angel Polly

Right because she's dead like so is she back back I was so thank God I was I was like she sees an aura That means Polly is evil but I forgot about the colors of the aura. Yes. So she would see red oras around the bad people. And remember when she looked in the mirror,

she saw a red aura around herself because of the serial killer gene. And so she's talking to Polly. And she's like, Polly, I'm so sorry. I told me like, you, like, I did bad on you. You got killed. And Polly's like, I accept your apology. It's all good.

And she's like, but I'm evil. You can't accept my apology. I got serial killer genes. And Polly, like the rest of us is like, get over it, Betty. Move on. You haven't even done that much bad stuff. Just like when Veronica was like, I have a higher bodycount than you. Polly was like, what have you even done that's bad?

And Betty, who has spent the last fucking minute of every fucking day being like, I'm so evil. I'm so bad. Besides mentioning that she killed that fucking cat, she's like, I kissed Jughead or I kissed Archie in high school. That's what you, what makes you think you're bad? Girl, go to a therapist. Yeah, I thought that this had to do with how many people you've killed. You've killed. Like, what are you even upset about?

And then Polly's like, it's fine. I'll wash your feet like Jesus. And then you'll be cleansed of your original sin slash serial killer gene. It's gone. And it works. I know that I shouldn't be as weirded out by the, but I was straight up just like, is it just the Jesus thing of the washing of the feet? Yeah, why does Polly have the ability to literally wash away at

Gene? Because I thought that it was like, I thought that that was like from a plate, maybe like she's supposed to be like the role of like a, an ethereal being, being able to have that kind of power. But I thought that like the whole washing of the feet was like to be like, now you're with my crew and like you should treat all people like this. Right? Like wasn't it a bit like I don't understand. Like can I just go wash somebody's feet? I know I'm not an angel. But be like done. say looking up anymore. I mean, again, I don't have any familiarity with the text of the Bible. I'm trying to read about it right now as we're talking about. I'm like, I know there was something with the feet in the Bible. I know there's like the disciple thing. I think the symbolism of Jesus washing somebody washing the feet is that Jesus is humbling himself and saying like even though I'm God, I'm not better than you. Right.

But what does that have to do with Polly? Like, how does, like, even though I'm dead, I'm not better than you? Like, what? By washing your feet, I can. Oh, and also because she was the harlot of Babylon. That's why she was also upset. She's the harlot of Babylon. And Polly's like, who cares?

Who cares about it? I have such a bad self-esteem. I need everyone to tell me I'm not evil all the time. And Polly's like, just stop. And then she, like, now, see, there, it's gone. And then it's true. Betty has a gold aura around herself too. Yes.

So now she is not evil anymore. So I guess she's like going to be able to fight on the side of the angels. So at least we got that taking care. Oh my God. I forgot. I forgot that earlier in the episode when Jughead and Tabitha were in the other dimension of Riverdale and they're like, oh, you should go down the street. The battle of good and evil has already started. And it was the angel.

playing chess with Mr. Seifer. Yes, the angel Raphael playing chess. That was weird, right? That was weird, but it's because in Riverdale, I guess, you don't need, in Rivervale, I mean, you don't need an actual battle of good and evil. You just need like a symbol, everything is just symbolic there.

They were like, oh, this is just, this is a, the fact that there is like a chess game going on called the battle between good and evil means that in Riverdale, That means the real battle of good and evil is going to be happening. This is really, I'm sorry, this is like when a 10-year-old tries to write like a really complicated novel. And then, and then, and then this happens. And then we're going to make this happen. Okay.

And Riverdale, it's a real war, but for some reason in Rivervale, it's not a real war. It just doesn't have to be a real war. I don't know. Why doesn't have to be a chess game in Rivervale, but a war in Riverdale? I don't know. I don't know. They're going after Percy the Perverse and Percy the Perverse. and Percy the Perverse is the bad guy in the super teens comic books.

So I like the name Percy the Perverse though. Yeah, Percy the Perverse is fun. I just imagine him being like with like sausages on his fingers. Try to touch you with the sausages on his fingers. I like, okay, the things that I like, and I know we need to talk about the saving of the rescues and everything. But I want to just stop for a second to say the things that I liked and made sense in this episode are Jughead being, like selling his soul,

Rivervale Chughead selling his soul to become a successful comic book writer and then writing the comic books that control, like, that inform the stories of his friends in another dimension. That's cool, that's fun, that makes sense. Like, so I kind of like Jason and Polly returning from the sweet hereafter

and having some like, some light to shed on Riverdale and his dimension jumping. So like, there are some, there are these pieces of things that are cool and interesting and make sense. but the problem is that they are all different pieces and they do not, I do not know how they fit together. Yes.

Because like this portion that we're about to start talking about, I kind of did like, because that's back in River Dale. Because essentially when Jughead and Tabitha come back from the other dimension, after they've talked to bunker version of omniscient Jughead and Ethel is yelling at him about how, for some reason, Ethel figured out that the dimensions exist and that the second Jughead lives in the bunker and... Yeah, Ethel knows everything. Ethel understands everything. And also, she's so mean about it. Yes, she's so... I hated that.

That scene was like, just like, chill out for a second. So they portal back... They're like, well, we're going to leave you to. They portal back to Riverdale. And then, like, what are we going to do? Veronica, during all of this is like, oh, I'm going to go to the Babylonium. She sees three, this was Jeff's with her part, she sees three separate guillotine. And Jeff's like, do they know that you can reuse the guillotine?

But why do they have to make three of them? But she sees three guillotine. She finds out that she is not the head of the Babylonium anymore because, you know, they all got together and they decided that like she doesn't get to own it anymore. And now Prisville Pickens owns it. And that he's keeping Kevin and Reggie and Reggie's father in the, you know, gold de blooms safe somewhere in the casino because they are going to be put to death publicly. Publicly? Yeah.

Why? I don't know. I don't know why. They were going to put the execution because they turned their back on Percival Pickens. And there was going to be a public execution. And that's what they had told, brainwashed Alice. And now that Jugget and Tabith can make portals, they're like, why don't we just go make a portal and go get them out? And they're like, yeah.

So they go in, they get them out with the portal, they're going to save them. And what ends up happening? And now this is the question. And something that Jeff yelled a lot about the stakes of Riverdale and how we can never trot. Like, are there any stakes in Riverdale? Because they are so often, like,

they'll kill off characters, but they haven't in a minute. Like, I feel like a lot of the characters are like, They were killed, but were they? Right, that's the thing. No one's ever actually dead in Riverdale. Right, and we don't know if these people are dead because what Percival Pippinz ends up doing, because Kevin and Kevin and Kevin Reggie's dad were saved, he executes publicly Alice, Uncle Daddy, and Sheriff Keller.

Did he actually execute them or he just said he was about to? No, he said that it was. They said it was already done. It was done. Right, right, right. And sent them a picture, which also apparently, Percival put them all in a group chat and has all of their numbers, by the way. I don't know when that scene happened, when they exchanged digis.

And then when they all get their group text, Cheryl's like, wow, a group text that's not from why? I like that. I did love that, which is very Cheryl. Oh, man, Cheryl's looking good in this episode. And did he really kill off the last of the parents? No. my brain. They're never going to get rid of Alice Cooper. Do you think that like the angels are going to go back

to the suite hereafter? Like, or do you think that like are they going to use them? So no matter what, they're probably going to fight in the fight. Yeah. Either as angels or as people, right? Like Alice, Frank and Sheriff Keller. Right. So are they going to come back? Because again, we didn't see them die. And you know in Riverdale, if you don't see a person die, you never quite know. if they're really dead. That's the, the moral of this story is that if you are an

actor, you should get cast in Riverdale because if, even if they kill you off, they will bring you back. Like, you will come back. Whether you want to or not, I think. I do not think that they killed Alice Cooper. Maybe they killed Reggie's dad, who no one cares about.

Or Uncle Daddy, I'm fine with it. Yeah, whoever, Sheriff Keller, whatever. But like, I don't think they're going to kill Alice Cooper. But if they did, the, you know, our rag tag scrappy crew is going to do some portal jumping. They're probably going to do some time jumping via Tabitha. They're going to undo it, I think. But, I mean, lest I make predictions because who the fuck knows what's going to happen and I will be proved wrong.

But I think that the war between good and evil, which I guess has already started, is going to involve a lot of little fixeros and take backsees via portals and time. jumping and I think it's going to feel really cheap in terms of what counts and what doesn't count. I think so too. And we were wrong last episode. And I'm not going to say that I was wrong because I didn't do the research. Because I saw two different reviews saying that this episode was the pentultimate episode of Riverdale. But that's not true. There are two more.

There are two more episodes of Riverdale. There are two more of them. I can't believe it. It is a season that now. And it goes on and on my friends. It started, didn't it start in November or like October? I don't know. I don't know how long we've been doing this.

I just like, Will, does it ever end? I think it stopped and then it started again, I want to say, in the new year. It did, I think. I don't even know anymore, guys. I think River Vale was last fall and then this, whatever the fuck this is, started sometime in the spring. I love that they're over. That's another thing I love.

I love that they are bleeding into each other. I like the idea of dimensions. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like the multiverse before it was cool, which is like a fun little Marvel reference, whatever. There are things,

there's lots to like here. It's just that I need someone to hold my hand and draw me a big map and explain it all to me. And I guess that person is Jeff. Honestly, he had to explain it many times. even forgot that one of the things of that he had to pause it and yell too that they were trying to destroy the tracks of the ghost train that the union workers had built. They blow up the tracks and Jeff is like, that's all they're going to do.

You're just going to put a couple sticks to dynamite down? He's like, where did they get the dynamite from? That's not going to, you think that's going to stop a ghost train? That could be fixed in a couple of hours. And he just like, that's where he couldn't handle it. physical train, right? Like, I don't know. Why can't they just teleport here?

I don't understand. Yeah, I don't understand why they need a physical train. I don't know either. I don't know. I don't know either. Well, maybe we'll find out next week. Maybe not. We might not. But maybe we will. But we do know that if you ever hear anyone, come over and talk like this. They are evil and you shouldn't listen to that person. Yes, they're either the devil or they are somebody who has sold their soul to the devil.

One of the other. And can I also say that I think that the Puritan versions of all of them, real hot. Yeah, even Archie. Even Archie, and like Betty with that like long hand. And like Cheryl, I was just like, man, they all look hot as shit. But remember, they all would have smelled awful. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just covered in pig shit, I imagine.

Thank you guys so much for joining us. I applaud you if you listen to us I know I literally had a moment while we were talking where I was like who wants to listen to us talk about this? I think this is boring. Is it boring what we're doing? It must be.

I mean maybe it's fun trying to figure it all out together. I think that we, I needed this. I know that talking about it made me understand it better. You're right. Pedagogy? I can, I understand. understand it better than I did before we started this. Yes, me too. It does help to talk it out. So we're all learning. Always talk it out. Thank you guys for joining us. Thank you, MJ, for

continuing on being trapped in this world with me. Thank you, Jackie, for trapping me with you. I'd rather be trapped with no one else. Oh, me neither. It's like we're in the bunker, except neither one of us are Ethel, because Ethel can kind of get fucked right now. Sorry, not sorry. Sorry, Ethel. You're mean. I haven't seen you in forever. and I've lost my allegiance to you. Me too. Hell yes. Love you guys.

We'll be back. We'll be back next week. Bye, cuties. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

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