Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 117: Thank You For Nothing

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

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Are we going to do a slow clap? Adjust can we a little bit. Yes, Riverdale. Yes, Riverdale. Yeah, bringing it in. We will give it to you. Rarely do we hand it to you, Riverdale. We will hand it to you.

We're not going to say that that finale wasn't bad shit because it was. Yes. But I'm also not going to say that I didn't enjoy it because I hated how. much, even during the Billy Eilish song I, like, Jeff and I both, he's like, what's that face? Because my face was all tight. And I was like,

I hate that I love this. And he just put his hand on my arm was like, oh my God, me too. So it was great. Together, even down to the moment of song, I enjoyed this episode.

I don't want to say maybe it comes back to the fact that it was written by Roberto Aguirre Secahasa, who knows how to bring it back in? Yeah. He knows. Yeah. I mean, but we've learned so many things about the Ruhridel writing process.

If Roberto Aguirre Seca wrote it, and it seems that he is necessary to write a good episode, but also we learned that each one writer is assigned to write the dialogue per character, which is why none of the shows have any external cohesion or even internal cohesion, but the characters have very strong internal cohesion. but whatever the fuck happened, whatever mix of alchemy and witchcraft and wizardry

happened in this final episode, I gotta say, after the whatever fucking 75 episodes we watched this season that made no sense, they managed. 70 million episodes we watched this season. They still did manage somehow to pull it into the harbor.

They brought back a number of threads that we did not think we would ever see again. No. And they made it feel, like a finale where things had happened throughout the season for a reason. Yes. And we got some resolution. We did.

We really did. We got some resolution. We also got, I'm going to say it, I think maybe, I don't know if the word is comeuppance. I don't think that's the word. What is the word of that, like, in the end, knowing where this last season is going to take them, I feel like we can hear Riverdale as a whole saying, we're sorry for the. The time jump. And I think that we can feel it in our bones.

We can feel it in our souls. They're sorry. This is our apology. This is our apology for watching for this long is that they're going to go back to them being teenagers. Which is like the comics. That's what they do. They jump all around. Right.

Jackie and I were talking before we start recording that a crucial piece of what we always really, what I forget to carry with me when watching Riverdale is that it is the heart. The heart of Riverdale. It does have a lot of heart. The C.W. It is a C.W. sexy teenage drama. And also,

it is based on a decades-long running series of comics. And that second part is what I always forget. Because I'm always like, this fucking plot line doesn't make any fucking sense. And like, most of the time that's true regardless of whether it's based on a comic plot point or not. But I

forget that when something's been a comic book forever, you're going to have all sorts of weird shit that happens. And so all of the time jumps and the, we're in the present, we're now our teenage selves, but we're in the past. I actually find that, like, in this episode,

it worked very well. And I forget that, like, it's in the style of a comic book. And that's part of why it's okay for it to be so weird, even though I still don't forgive them for the entire premise of this season. This is the whole war of good and evil thing. It's not what I would have done, but they did. With the ghost train, all of that stuff, we saw not, we didn't get the big fight

between good and evil. I wanted the ghost fight. Yeah, we didn't get a ghost fight. We didn't get an apocalypse. We didn't get any sort of like revelation style like burning of the, you know, earth or anything. Like, there are a lot of threads. Let's be clear. There are a lot of threads that did not get wrapped up.

There was a lot that happened in this season that could. have been edited. Yes. Edit it down. Yes. The amount of episodes and just the amount of plot lines. But we come into this episode.

The War Against Good and Evil is not even part of this episode. That was all neatly resolved. Tied up last episode with you know, all the portals and everything. The one that Jackie and I got to talk about twice. And so all we are left with in this episode is that Riverdale is facing

Bailey's Comet, which thinks to Percival's incessant Latin mutterings is heading straight for Riverdale and to acknowledge one of our questions from last week, why don't they just leave Riverdale? They can't because every single way to leave is now protected

by an invisible force field. There's a barrier there and I think that it was funny that shot where like Arjew's just like, I'm gonna go out and break down that barrier and then there's the shot at first I know it's like this fancy mace the like God-killer mace that he's got. But I thought he just had a bat and was just like,

ugh, at the barrier, which I thought was very funny. Because that's very archie, just like, oh, there's a, hundreds of years of sorcery have come together to make this force field, but maybe I'll just take it out with a bat.

Yes, and it was because what I also did love about this episode is that Archie finally deals with his hero complex. Yeah. For the first time in all, of these years, he's like, I really, like, have an issue that, like, I feel like I need to save this town. And the fact that, like, he proposes to Betty. And dude, fucking good for you, bitch. Yeah.

He gets up because, of course, so of course, what did they get into? A lot of this, like, is like, oh, it's our last day on earth. What would you do on the last day on earth? And so, Archie proposes, and she did. The look on Betty's face was just like, uh. And her first response was just like, Archie, there's a comet coming. That was not even my favorite Betty line about the comet this episode.

My favorite Betty line about the comet was a few minutes earlier when Alice Cooper was weeping and being like, I just wish that I could protect you guys. And Alice, I mean, and Betty makes like the sassiest face and just goes, mom, it's a comet. It's a comet. It was, I love Lily Reinhards. Like, come on. what the fuck face. It's so satisfying. And she made the exact face when Archie gets down on one knee.

And she just looks at him with horror and it's like, what the fuck are you doing? And she's just like, listen, listen, listen. If we survive this, right? We've got like lots of things to do. Okay, you want to propose. You got to do all these things. I get it. But like, why don't we see if we survive and then we can get married?

How about that? She was like, remember when you asked me to marry you in elementary school? And I said, ask me when we're grownups. now I'm going to ask say ask me after if we survived the comment and yeah I didn't like that too it was cute it was a cute it was true to their characters it's like what have we been clamoring for all along fucking character development and we actually like saw a little bit of it in this episode yes we did and I also loved the amount of love in this episode and the amount of kissing we finally got our kisses oh my god I recorded I didn't want to post it because I don't want to spoil the uh choney scene but I did record it and then going back and forth and me just being really really excited about it because I watched that I made Jeff pause it and I watched that scene three times so I was like go back I want to watch it again I want to watch them be together again and now we know if there's anyone in this town that is end game

it is Choney. And isn't that amazing? I was surprised that they decided that Choney is the ultimate end game. I think they actually listened to the people that watch Riverdale. I think, and I'm not saying us, I'm saying, I think that Roberto Aguirre Sikasa was like, people have been, because I go on the Riverdale Reddit, people want Cheryl and Tony to be together. Every time Roberto Aguirre Sikasa post something on Instagram, because yes, I do. do follow him on Instagram.

The comments underneath are just like, when are Cheryl and Tony going to get back together? Choney, Choney, everything is about Choney. So I think they finally were like, okay, I guess if anyone has to be end game, it should probably be Cheryl and Tony. And I mean, we've obviously talked about how Heather and Cheryl have zero chemistry.

Yuck! I was so happy. I was like, bye bitch. Yeah, even Heather goes. I'm sorry, bye witch. Heather's like, you know, I have so much wisdom. And I can see it in the stars. I got saw a star.

You're trying to match me together. I want to go back to Green there. I wish you could see him. I just love that you dislike Heather as much as I just like, I can't. And I'm talking about the character, not the young person that plays it because I feel bad saying that. But like, the character is just get out of here. You got to get out of here. Yeah.

Yeah. And similarly, you know, Tony and Fangs, they were a couple that I ended up being excited about them when they got together. I thought that there were, you know, two of the hottest people in Riverdale. I thought it was some cool bisexual visibility. They had their baby together. They're infinitely immortal baby. And now that has run its course. And I'm also excited to have Tony return.

Even though they are married. They are married. And Tony, I mean. Yeah, maybe we can explain how this happened. Yes, we haven't even explained to it. So again, this is all, you know, this is their last day on earth. But while they are trying to enjoy their last day on earth, they're also trying to figure out how to stop the comic. Right.

So like every character basically like gets a job. Yes. And so one of the jobs is Cheryl is like, oh, dude, I have someone that we can ask. mask that knows a lot more about ancient knowledge than even Percival does. And who is that? It is Abigail Blossom who lives inside of the doll. Yeah, who's just been in this display case in a doll, just there to talk to whenever, I guess. Yep.

And she and Heather do their magic, magic, magic. They bring out Abigail, and they're like, Abigail Blossom, I know you don't want to live in that doll anymore. how do we stop this comet? And essentially, she's like, all right, I'll tell you how to stop the comet. But I want which bold move. She was like, I want one last night, Cornelie, with my lover, Tomasina from the past. Remember the one that she was about to, like, destroy everything for just so she can get Tomasina back?

But Tomicina, as we all know, is Titi in the past. So essentially Abigail Blossom tells Cheryl to get rid of the comet, right? The comet is made up of ice. It's made up of ice. Ice. It's a cold comet. Cheryl's got all of her, you know, Phoenix powers. Power of the Phoenix.

She's got power of the Phoenix. She's got all of her pyrokinetic powers. And so Abigail Blossom said, you should just melt the comet. And so Abigail's like, so Abigail tells to do that. And then she also ends up to get rid of the barrier also gives her this very knotted rope. And she's like, if you can untie all the knots in this rope, it'll open up all the different like tunnels and pathways. The barriers that are around Riverdale because they keep trying to get out of Riverdale. and they know that they can't.

So Archie wastes like the first fucking 15 minutes in the mines trying to find his way out. And it's like Dick, you didn't think, you didn't think Percival covered his bases. Of course you're not going to find your way out. But you know, ever the hero, he was really trying to help. And so Cheryl's like, stop digging in the mines. We've got this rope now. And also we've got this rope. So we got to start working on the rope.

But on top of that, I need to give my body over to my ancestor. So Abigail jumps into Cheryl's body. And Tomasina's ghost, don't know where that was at, goes into Tony's body. Yeah. And they're holding hands. And they're holding hands. And be like, hey, will you let us use your body to fuck my body? But we won't be there.

It's not us. It's just our bodies. And Tony does her like stank face thing. And she's like, okay, I guess. No more questions about it. was just like, okay, let's go do this. All right, we got to go do this. And while they do this, while they're giving over their bodies,

Heather, big-mouthed heather, is holding onto the souls of Cheryl and Titi in a jar. Right. But meanwhile, like, of course that witch is going to end up leaving Cheryl at the end of this episode. She's got to watch her body. I mean, she doesn't have to watch, but you're going to tell me Heather didn't check it out just a little bit of watching her current girlfriend have sex with her ex-girlfriend, even though it's not them. It's just their ancestors living inside of their bodies to have sex. Right. But apparently it was quite good because we see them kind of come to afterwards.

And Cheryl and T.T. are both like, do you remember anything? And they're like, no. that whole premise made me like slightly uneasy but it was all I guess everyone was consenting there's just something about the idea where it's like I'm going to not be mentally present while my body has sex that's just like I don't know about that but it seemed fine they're all consenting so I guess it's fine all the ghosts are consenting the present adults are consenting yeah and then that's when that's what prompts Heather to be like you know right she blames the souls but probably it was the real life beautiful bodies who were fucking in front of her.

Watching your current girlfriend. I'm just going to go back to Green too. I'm just going to go. Get out of here. I'm going to make myself serious. Please, Heather. Get out of here, Heather. Thank you for teaching us.

Heather hasn't even done anything. All Heather has done throughout this entire season is bring Sabrina. Yes. And that's pretty much it. And I know that she's been like, you know, licking on Cheryl and teaching Cheryl a lot, which thank you, Heather for keeping her. She knew some spells. She taught.

invisibility, yada, yada, yada. Yeah. Also really been enjoying these turtleneck glove shirts that Cheryl has been wearing. I don't know why if it's protect, like, to protect people from her power. But then wouldn't Veronica be covered in some sort of sock over her body if that were the case? They should have had Veronica wearing like, why am I only thinking to describe what I mean of the scene in, in Never Been Kissed, where the really dorky girl wears like a blue body suit and does a, like a modern dance.

Yes, yes. Wow. Yes. That's what I'm picturing. That's what Veronica should be wearing. And that's what Veronica should be wearing, like a full superhero style, like blue body suit. Yes. Oh my God.

And I completely forgot that Cheryl said this to everyone that she knew that if she uses all of her pyrokinetic abilities to melt the comet. then her powers are going to be seeped from her body. And in that, it's also going to possibly take the lives from some of the people who she gave life back to. So that includes Jughead, that includes Archie, that includes, I mean, Dagwood, that includes Tony and Fakes. Yes.

Obviously, Polly. Polly. J.J.'s already back to dead. Yeah, they really should let you But that would include Sheriff Keller That would include Uncle Daddy That includes Alice A lot of people have died

A lot of people A lot of people So he said if Riverdale is to live One or many of you Or your loved ones must die At least there were some stakes I actually thought there were some stakes In this episode

Yeah I thought their stakes were good And yeah it's like one of those things Where it's like well yeah You gotta be willing to I mean either everybody dies Or just some people die but it doesn't make it any easier of a choice, you know, to like choose that. But yeah, I actually was, was invested in the stakes in this episode for perhaps the first time this season. I cried during this episode. I just want everyone to know it. I am ashamed of myself. I certainly, I had a lot of feelings. I think I was so surprised that this episode was good in any way, shape, or form that I then got really. really into it. Yeah. Right. It's like very satisfying to have anything be brought together in the end. Yes. Yes. And they managed to do it. Right. So what this lays the groundwork for is, well, maybe we save that for later. What happens with to prevent share all of Cheryl's power. Right. Right. Right. Right. Not there yet because we have franchising to discuss. Because this part was weird. Yeah. This was weird. Yes. Who was this? Also, why was her name Alexandra?

Cabot. That's the name of the ADA in Law and Order SVU. No, this is the person from Katie Keen. It was one of these things in Riverdale where someone comes in and everyone's like, Hey, Alexandra! And I was like, who the fuck is this? But also, that is the name of the D-ADA and Law & Order SVU. Yes. And I immediately thought of Cabot the cheese.

So I think it really goes to show where both of our brains go. We hear the name Cabot. SVU and a nice show. I was like, of the cheeses. That was the first thing I said. So, but she's not, she's business savvy and she's from Katie Keen because Veronica, again, also then Veronica at some point was just like, I wish I could go vacation with Katie. Yeah, no one cares about Katie Keene. Really?

pushing still the Katie Keene show, which again is canceled. It's over. You have to give it up. Katie Keene doesn't exist anymore. But I know she does. Is it Sabrina also over? They're like fucking zombieing these characters from other CW shows that literally don't exist anymore. Roberto Gary Sakaso will not lie down.

And I appreciate it, I guess, because Alexandra Cabot comes in and it was just like, I own all these Tommy Comets, which, I mean, of course, there's a comet up overhead. At first it was like, what is that supposed to mean? Is she from? I thought that this was going to be an extra layer, but I'm really glad that it wasn't. It's just an actual franchising opportunity. So Alexandra Cabot comes to Tabitha and it's just like Tabitha, bitch, we should franchise pops.

I just did this. You should join me. And essentially, she and Jughead are like, I guess if the comet does it. But what I thought was so weird is that Alexander Cabot makes it. So because of the barrier around Riverdale, people can get in, but they can't get out. So Alexander Cabot comes, which means now Alexandra Cabot comes, which means now Alexandra Cabot is trapped. Who else comes in this episode is Archie's mother, Molly Ringwald. She's also now doomed. But no one tells them when they get into the town. I was like, wouldn't you want to know?

I mean, I wouldn't tell Alexander Cabot because she doesn't need to know. But yeah, tell your mom, Archie. In fact, would have been a good time to tell your mom, hey, mom, don't come to Riverdale anytime soon. Before she arrived. Now he's like, oh, Mom, why did you come Riverdale? Oh, no. It's like, dude, he, she didn't know. I forgot that he is an adult. So now it makes sense that they never see each other. But still, you should have told your mom.

So she wouldn't have come. You should put up a fucking bat signal. Hey, people from other towns don't come to Riverdale. Yes. But speaking of Archie, when he goes, I forget, I wish I'd written down the line. He, wait, after he had proposed to Betty and he gets up and like, essentially he's just like, I'm going to go stop. Like, you're right.

This isn't the time for this. I'm going to go save this town. There was something about the way he said the line as he was leaving the room that I was just like, did I just get so horny for Archie? I was a little horny for Archie in this episode, too. I was a little horny for him. I think it's because I keep seeing pictures of non-Archie KJ. Yappa on Instagram and he is, he shaved his head and he looks really hot.

He looks really hot. And so I think it's that. but I was totally astonished with myself to find myself feeling horny for Archie. I think it's also because we were watching him grow a little bit where he's just like, hey, I don't have to be the hero of this story. Yes, he acknowledges his savior complex and his, yes, and that it's like displaced trauma. But speaking of hot, I've also been finding Jughead to be hot lately, but can we continue on the Tabitha and Jughead plotline for just a second?

Because A, I don't know why, I don't know why they write Tabitha this way, but I didn't even know if she wanted to franchise or not. They just don't give her anything. They give her nothing. She's just like, she's just like, pouting at Alexander Cabot for offering to franchise. And I'm like, are you pouting because you can't franchise and it's because it's the end of the world that you want to? Are you pouting because like there's only one pops and I don't want to franchise?

We have no fucking idea. She just like makes a little sad face. And then she's like, Jughead, have ever seen Titanic? And he's like, no. She's like, let's watch Titanic. And he's like, it's three hours of the world's about to end. And she's like, yeah, but it's my favorite. written movie. It's just like, it's something that I feel like should have been really cute.

And I just, I really truly feel like they have not developed Tabitha or Tabitha and Jughead's relationship enough for me to like feel anything when they're watching Titanic. And I love Titanic. I should have been loving that scene. But I just like, and then they like have a revelation based on watching Titanic, right, about like, oh, we all have to like, she, Jack died so that Rose could live. I felt like there was supposed to be some symbolism to it, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I don't think there was. I think, or that like maybe the fact that like he was like, yeah, but they would have died

together. He chose to like give her life because they couldn't both be on the door at the end. And he knew that. And so I thought that that you're right. I thought that that was going to mean something, but it did not. It was literally just them talking about Titanic. Yeah. Like no one actually had to die for anybody else in this.

So like, why are we just randomly talking about that? I think they just did it so they could be like, oh, Cole Spouse is hotter than Leonardo DiCaprio. I think they just did it so they could put that little line in there. I guess they did, but I also like, for half a second, I thought, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what I thought they were going to do with it. But I thought there was going to be more. I thought there was going to be a sacrifice at some point.

And there wasn't. There wasn't even like, I, there. I guess it's a movie about like the end of the world in a way. But is it? I don't know or something unthinkable happening. I don't know. I think we're looking far too into it, honestly. Yeah.

I think they were just having to have like acute time together. But then because Tabitha can change like fuck with time a little bit, they decide to have one last epic date together. And what I'm assuming, which this makes me think of it. And I think the reason why I was crying is this makes me think of my favorite episode of Adventure Time. There's this Adventure Time episode. which also MJ, if you've never watched Adventure Time, I highly recommend you watching Adventure Time.

They are 11-minute episodes. Ah, yes. It is an amazing cartoon, and it is a very, um, at times, like, all of a sudden, you'll just get slapped in the face with like a very intense episode. Uh-huh. And one of the episodes is that he lives his whole life in this world where he has a family and he grows old and that he comes back to and he's been, back to being a teen again, and it's him dealing with the loss of his life and everything that

he had. And that's what I thought about while watching this epic date that they have, we're essentially inside of pops, Jughead and Tabitha lived their entire marriage. They have children. They watch their children grow up in one little montage, and then they grow old together, and then they snap back to the present time. And I was just like, did they? Just lived their whole lives together.

And it's it. And I just burst into tears. Yeah. No, I did like that scene. I didn't understand the Titanic watching scene, but I did like their little epic date. That was, that was sweet. I thought it was bewed.

I'm crying right now. I'm thinking about it. I thought that you cried. I thought that there was another montage at the end. right where they I guess maybe it's the isn't there like another montage that happens

no it's just after the after the comet and then we see them all in their in their post comet survival like in their flash to the past yes yeah flash to the past that's so that's where I cried I mean I definitely I was too busy

humping the air during the Tomasina and Abigail fuck scene so I wasn't crying during that I was all aboard. We've covered the Abigail and Thomasina Fuchs. We covered the epic date of Jughead and Tabitha. Veronica basically was like, hey, Reggie, do you want to like be friends but not fuck? I actually loved that scene.

I really, I thought Reggie shined in that scene because then, so essentially Reggie gives her back. Remember we brought this up that Reggie saved the Hiram Lodge painting? and I was like, I bet that's going to come back and that he's going to try and bang Veronica again, which he did. You were right. And I appreciated it. I was like, there's my brain. I know my horny brain.

And I love the look on Reggie's face because he, I don't know if you noticed, but they kept like staying on his face during the scene where he's like, you know, we could like get back together if you want. Like if the comet doesn't hit. Like we could just like, fuck if you want. And she's just like, yeah, I don't know. I think that's a really, I see your idea.

I hear your idea. But I think maybe it's not a good idea. And the look at his face is just like, like the look of just like, oh, come on. Really? Oh, come. And then she's like, but come over here tonight and like, we'll like hang out together for the end of the world. And he's like, as friends? She's like, yes, his friends.

Yeah. No, that was. And she was like, of course, she was like, I need to work on myself. Which, yes. Which is true. We have been saying that, Veronica. Work on yourself. You got to be happy being single.

So I'm glad that you didn't just go crawling back to Reggie. Yes. Me too. And that like, but she kisses the painting of her father and the toxic poison does something to the painting and makes it all old and cragly. And one of the articles I was reading is thinking that like because like she kept talking to the Hiram Lodge portrait and we're going back. in time next season, does that mean some of the parents are going to come back? Ooh! Which I am into.

I hope so. Right, because if we go back in time to them all being teenagers again in the 50s. I kept singing that as well. Right now, the only people with parents are Betty and Archie. Yeah, they each have one. And, you know, like, so it's, we got to get more parents in there. Veronica's parents are gone. Jughead's parents are gone.

Yeah. And Cheryl's, Penelope isn't around anymore. So, yeah, they got to bring those parents back. They got to bring them back. Please bring them back. And so, so, right, Archie and Betty are doing their thing. What is it that prompts the realization that we can harness all the powers from all of the friends? So Veronica was daydreaming as Veronica's want.

do and she starts thinking about how she was sucking the poison out of the plants to make poison. And she knew that she could suck poison out of things and essentially like what she did with brother not brother when brother not brother was sick and was kicked out of jail for being too sick, not kicked out, but sent home. And there's she has a flashback of Drake calling her a human dialysis machine. Speaking of Drake. Speaking of Drake.

Drake tries to relist Betty into like, Huntmore serial killers. And Betty's like, I think I'm done hunting the hunters. I need to work on myself, too. But also, we made many jokes about, she kept, like, Asian Drake said the, like, but you're the huntress of the hunters a couple of times. And Jeff's like, I want that on my tombstone. I want a hunter. I was like, Huntress of the Hunters.

Like, yes, that's what I want on my tombstone. Because it's a badass title. And essentially she offers her to come back to be the head of the FBI's serial killer division. And she does not tell Agent Drake because this is right after Archie had proposed and she said no. And in my head, I was like, oh my God, invite Agent Drake, have her come over and have a sex scene just because it's the last day. But that's not run out. I like get one more romp out. And I honestly thought maybe she said to know to Archie because she wasn't feeling it because they have been kind of on it off again this whole season.

she was really, really excited when she learned that Agent Drake had a crush on her. Yeah, so it was like, oh, try it out. But then in this scene, she's just like, she's like, sorry, I'm done. I've done with my darkness. I've got to find, I got to try to find things that bring me happiness that aren't hunting serial killers. And also, Agent Drake, there is a comet coming towards Earth. You should probably go enjoy your last day on the planet. I would immediately have told her this.

I don't know. I don't think I would want to know. You don't think you want to know. You don't want to like have the one last day. I guess you want to have your one last day. Yeah, I want to have my one last day. I don't think I would be able to enjoy myself knowing it was just one last day. I think I'd probably enjoy myself better, not knowing. Yeah, I guess. You know, you're right. And I don't know how I would handle it.

Is Agent Drake in Riverdale? Because even though confusingly a lot of like high stakes FBI activity seems to take place in Riverdale. In Riverdale. we think that this comet will only, we learned in this episode that there is like a information bubble. So nobody outside of Riverdale knows about the comet.

Everyone inside Riverdale can't leave. And that makes me think, I don't think they said this explicitly, but it makes me think that the comet damage will be contained to Riverdale. Like it's a Riverdale-shaped comet and it will only hurt Riverdale and not destroy the whole world.

But that's up for debate. But I also, I don't know when I just want to say, Jane, Jane who wrote in the epic ranting about this episode, I hear you and I see you. And I don't want you to think that your rants went for not. Because I understand, because part of Jane's rant was that, like, how does the magic keep it inside of Riverdale isn't the entire world about to be hit with this comet? But I get, because like, I agreed with you, but I don't know if the magic does contain. it in Riverdale. I think it must be a world thing, right? I mean, I don't know how big comets are. I don't know how much damage they usually do, whether it's a whole planet obliteration or whether you can have a comet just the size of a small town. I just don't know. And probably it would have to be much smaller than that because there would probably be like a whole radius of damage outside. So if it's, I just pictured it was only Riverdale

that was going to be destroyed, not the whole earth. And because they're a very self-send, self-centered town. They were acting as if the world was about to end, but really it was just their world that was about to end. Yes. And I just, I also want to send love to Jane too, because Jane also was like, is that what happened? Did Jughead and Tabitha live an entire life together? Which loved it. And they had kids and it's beautiful. But thank you, Jane, for writing in your anguish about the magic of this episode, because I don't know, dude. I don't know. I don't know. We don't know. There's, as much as it was a good episode, there are a lot of unanswered questions.

It's still Riverdale. It's still Riverdale. Right. So, right. So back to Veronica is thinking about all the times that she was using her dialysis machine body. And then she was like, oh, wait, I suck the poisons out of other people. And then I like make them anew. And she's thinking, what if I can suck the powers.

out of every one of my friends. It's a real Captain Planet situation. It really is. You know, it's a, I couldn't stop thinking, our powers combined. And so she needs to get everybody's powers, Archie's invulnerability or has forged an ironness. Yes. Betty and her oras. You know, Veronica's own poison blood, jughead's mind reading and Tabitha's time jumping.

What about the dog? Yeah, they should have bingo the dog. Yeah. Make it so that Cheryl licks anybody. and they heal. Yeah. She can suck out the poison end. She can heal.

But then my question to you, so that she's, so with their powers combined, Cheryl will be able to melt the comet and no one will die in the process. Because she'll be so bolstered. Because she'll be so bolstered with everyone else's powers. Okay. Then does that mean that including Cheryl, nobody will have powers? after this. That's the question. I think that certainly the others don't have their powers anymore unless Cheryl gives them back. But Cheryl's going to be miserable if she keeps on living with all

those powers. She can hear everything. She can see horas. She's poison. She has pyrochinesis and she's forged an iron. And how does she get it all through a long, steamy kiss with Veronica? Man, I really, I do enjoy how meta Riverdale can be. I love that, like, she has to, so everyone else has to do, they have to do, like, the blood ritual, where they have to cut their hands so that they can give their power over to Veronica. So they all give their power over to Veronica, which I wish that they had gotten, you know, some sort of test done to make sure that they weren't just willy-nilly sharing a bunch of diseases that they each had. but we're not going to think about that. Forget it, Jackie. It's Riverdale. Why couldn't they have all just kissed? If kissing will do it, they could have all kissed. I would have loved it if everybody was kissing. Like, that's really what this episode was missing, was a huge group orgy. Everybody kissing. And so Veronica had to kiss Cheryl. And Cheryl said, A, that's queer baiting. And B, won't your poison kill me? And Veronica says, A, it's not queer baiting. It's saving the world. I love that. I'm so glad you wrote that town.

And B, pretty sure your Phoenix power trumps my poison power. I love the phrase, it's not queer mating, it's saving the world. I know. That was, that was, I'm so glad that you wrote that down. It's not queer baiting, it's saving the world. And so queer baiting's like technical definition is like, basically where the show hints at, like, characters being queer, but doesn't actually, like, kind of... When the characters are not queer.

Right. Profits from the aesthetics of queerness without actually making the characters queer. So Cheryl was right, technically. And especially, I think it's fun because it comes from Cheryl, the queer character. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you queer bait me? I know exactly what you're fucking doing. And I love to that, like, the kiss was not just a peck, of course.

I was just like, yeah. Yes, it was a good, long kiss. My horny levels were just great during this episode. It was great. It was great kiss. And I did, yeah, it's not clear-baiting. It's saving the world. It's saving the world.

And I love to, even like down to Archie and Betty, who it does cut back to when they are, they are having sex towards the end of the world where I'm like, yeah. Because I looked at Jeff and I was like, I think that we'd just be having sex, right? And he's like, I guess we would, like, laying in each other's arms. Because, like, what else would I do? I don't know. Yeah, unless, I mean, they should have had more people working on that rope with all the knots. Yeah, they could have had a couple more people working on that rope.

Because they untied the knots in the end and they were like, yeah, we did it. And like, well, no one's out there trying to leave now. You didn't even tell anyone, like, oh, wait by the border. And then as soon as we have 30 people working on this fucking rope with all the knots, we'll let you know. They just have like Nana Blossom working on it at Thornhill. No, which, yeah, with her old hands. And her like one working eye. You needed at least, like what about all those miners that were in the minds trying to find a way out earlier?

Archie round him up. But I guess if that's their last night on Earth, they would want to be doing other things besides just unnotting the rope. Because now with their powers combined, Cheryl, which I thought was great, she created. a portal to pops and she goes over and Bailey's comment is coming at her and man she yells at it and with their power of her beatings. This was the part where I thought you cried because this was really emotional. She's just like yelling at the comet doing her spell and trying as hard as she fucking can to melt it. And isn't there some sort of montage about our different good times in Riverdale during this time?

Maybe. All I remember is the lights and like because Jeff and I were making, we were laughing actually. through it because we're talking about how all of their CGI budget was put into this what because like every time they have like flames and stuff it's always fun CW CGI. Yes, the CW CGI is very special. It's very specific and it shows she was using her Phoenix powers. She rises up into the air. There's explosion of white light in the sky and she did it.

She didn't. She did it. Oh, she burned up that ice ice ice. comet and saved everybody. Even Kevin and Moose didn't die. They were just sitting there together in their living room watching the bright light get closer and closer, but then it's fine. Yes.

And they survive. But they survive after another big explosion. And what happens, which, you know, it's the kind of thing that they found too late now. I really wish, here's my wish that I can never have granted, that if, Riverdale had really leaned into doing the different story arcs. They could have been doing it every season or every other season, that a big explosion would happen or something insane would happen that would shoot them into a different time period.

I think that they really lost a lot on them trying to reinvent these characters every season. I think that the show could have been just as much fun, but could have had more opportunity if they had done this. in the first place. Wait, what explosion happens after the comet? How do we get blasted to the 50s? I think it's just the explosion of the like ice and everything because there's like a big white light.

There's a big right light. Yeah, so maybe it's just like a trauma to the town or maybe it hit the barrier. I don't know. Uh-huh. Right. Okay. Or I guess no, the barrier because the rope was undone so the barrier technically was done. Right.

So like nobody dies. Everybody lives, but everybody wakes up. in 195. They wake up in 195. And I love that they chose Archie being old school Archie and he looks out across the way and he sees young teenager Betty. And he goes downstairs and Molly Ringwald is reading the newspaper and crying because James Dean had just died in a car crash. But what I love about it. Okay.

So then now we need to throw down our predictions, MJ. predictions for you, how long do you think they're going to be in the year 195 because Jughead, who is an old school Jughead hat, like in the old school Jughead, like in the Popsteiner, right. He is the only one that is aware of the time shift. So he is forever now our narrator. Yeah.

He is, he was already our narrator, and now he really is our narrator in this, because he's the only one that is aware of everything that happened in all of these seasons and no one else's. So is he going to try to get them back into present day? Is he going to like have to get Tabitha to fall in love with him so that they can turn back to? I don't know. Is Tabitha even still going to have any time? I don't know. Because can he make portals still?

I don't know. Is she still an angel? even if she gave her superpower to fucking Veronica to give to Cheryl. I don't know. Wow. I have absolutely no idea. And I didn't see this necessarily coming. But I love it.

And it is crazy to, it really goes to show they're like, we don't want them to be adults anymore. We want them to go back to being teenagers. But like, is immortal baby Anthony going to be there? Right. Will Skina Horge me back? Also. Now, we don't have to get into it. I hope that FP is back.

They did have a line in this episode where they were like, Archie's invulnerable and Anthony's immortal. So they might be the only two people who survived this. And I'm like, you're conflating two different things. We look these things up and we know the difference because they were down in the bunker. Also, what did they spend their life? What did Tony and Fangs spent due during their last day is give their son the serpent tattoo to make sure that the serpent stay alive? even though we all know that you have to kill a baby snake when it's in the egg so it doesn't grow up to bite you.

We all know that now. I know they're like, this is the life. This is your birthright. You're the king. We get it. We got it. You guys are serpents. The serpent hasn't been a functioning gang in Riverdale for about three years, Tony and Fangs.

I'm sorry. But you guys aren't really a gang anymore, are you? But then I guess they're going to go back and like, are they going to deal with? Now, I wonder what years they were. Like, when was the, like, no, I guess sundown laws would have been different time period. Right, we did. Like, what's going on in 1955 then? I mean, right.

The, you know, Civil Rights stuff was the 60s. So it could have been the 50s that, yeah, I mean, oh, yeah, I don't know if you can deal with a whole season's worth of, like, historical reenactants on the one hand. union conversations are we going to have, MJ? The Diet Woke of Riverdale. But like, on the other hand, I was thrilled to see them all wake up in 1955. It really did it for me. I'm excited. Oh, and also, as the comment was coming, I forgot to talk about the Billy Eilish song.

Yeah. And thank you so much, Max from Vancouver, who had written in because I meant to look up, because I was like, what song is this? Because at first it was like, oh, God, they're singing. It was like, MJ is going to flip out. They're going to love that they're saying. And then as they sang and I was just like, I love the singing. I too love the singing.

And back's from Vancouver. Thank you for writing in because they said, I loved the Billy Elish number at the end. It was like, oh, it was a Billy Elish song. I feel so dumb. And then I listened to the song. The song is great. And I, um, so I just want to say thank you for saying that. And I know that you, I don't even think you meant to enlighten me, but you did.

And I really liked the song. It's all about the end of the world. world. Yeah. Yeah, it was a good, you know, we love a, I love a musical number. I tend to like him to be more dancey than to just like be sadly lying in bed singing to each other about the end of the world. I did you do it. But I liked it. Yeah, I liked this. And I didn't realize it was Billy I was either. And I thought it was a good song and it was well done. Yes. And oh, I forgot to say that speaking of lying in bed, waiting for the comet to hit, then Betty asks Archie to marry him. But then how is that going to go next season? Honestly, I don't know. I have learned, I've been burned too many

times to make a prediction about Riverdale. I know. I'm so intrigued by where and what is going, like what's going to cross over and is it that Jughead is going to slowly open the eyes of everyone so that they realize that it's not actually 1955? Right. Are they going to be trapped in some sort of bubble that he has to get them out of? Is he just going to lean into it and narrate it? Yeah. And try to be the king of 1955? Right.

Is it going to be a story he's writing? You know, there's going to be some fucking writer thing that goes into it. Of course. Maybe he's going to be writing the tales of the future, and then maybe that will open up their eyes. I don't know. Riverdale! One more season. But they can't I, then I'm back in.

This is how I get back in. I know. I am back in. I care more now than I did at the beginning of this season. And that's fucked up. Yes. And I, man, the ups and downs that we go through. And this episode was so completely worth it.

It was. It was worth it. I hope I'd never see Percival Pickens again. But this episode was great. I would watch this episode. Or Heather. Or Heather. Heather.

Stay in Greendale, Heather. Stay in Greendale. And stay out of our lives, Percival. So we'll see what's going to happen. And hopefully Hiram and F.P. Come back. Those are my wishes. Riverdale, will you give me my wishes, my kisses? I want F. Yes, I want F. I'll take I'll take only F.P. But I'll also take Hireham. I'll take them both. I'll take either one. I'll take them both. But I would rather F.P. Because, oh, mama mia. I miss them. I miss looking at a boar. Ooh, I hear the echoes of boar. Just like going through my head. Ooh, like I'm living in a dream world right alongside you, you're going to. But bring them back as a serpent, not as a sheriff.

He's a serpent, daddy. Oh, he's not a sheriff. He's a serpent daddy all over again. Just kill a baby snake in its shell so it can't grow up to fight you. I want to hear that piece. I got to say that every episode of Riverdale round up from now on. That's my own personal role to myself. I love it. I love it.

Thank you guys. And this season of Riverdale, we did it, guys. We did it. We did it. We did it. And Lord knows, I don't know, are we back in four weeks, or are we back in 10 weeks? Who the fuck knows? No idea.

I'm sure we will find out about a week before. And I will be ready for it. Now I'm excited for the next season. You F's. Maybe it'll come back the week of your wedding. Oh my God. Would that be cute? And be like, Riverdale did it for my wedding.

I love you guys. I love you, MJ. Thank you so much. And bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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