Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 137: This Very Special Episode of Riverdale Watchalong Roundup

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

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It's time for more. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser present, release the butthole cut tour coming to you in September and October. Where are we heading in September, Jackie? We're going on September 12th. We're going to Nashville. We're going on September 13th to Atlanta, Georgia. And then I're going back to my hometown, September 14th of Tampa, Florida. In October, October 3rd, we're going to be in Detroit, Michigan, October 4th. We're going to be in Columbus. And October 5th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Kage 7 and Wizard of the Bruiser Brazil, release the butthole cut tour. You can find tickets at last podcast network.com, baby. You know how difficult this is for me. MJ, you understand the fact that I hate finishing anything.

I know. I mean, in life, for sure, but mostly just television shows. Because, like, I can't emotionally handle it. I know. I am emotionally distraught. And I need everyone to know and hear my confession that I have already watched the episode. Because, like, I was like, I need to emotionally prepare myself for it. And Jeff, like, I had to pause it multiple times.

I'm not going to say what happens, obviously. But I had to pause it multiple times so that Jeff could hold me while I cry. Well, what progress of you slash how fit. of you to deal with this ending by not only watching it, but then watching it again, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. And we're going to, so on this very special episode of Riverdale Roundup, we will be, it's the first ever episode of Riverdale Roundup during which we will be watching Riverdale as you hear us. You won't hear the audio of Riverdale. So you can watch it with us if you want. If you are a person who has never watched Riverdale, we love you. You'll just listen to us.

and we're going to talk all the way through it. But it sounds like there will be some weeping. And honestly, full disclosure, it's going to be great for me because I've really been struggling the last few weeks and I need an emotional release. And it turns out it's all going to come out during Riverdale. Yes, it certainly is. And I'm so excited. And if you guys didn't have a chance to come and sit Shiva with us last week, you can

still watch the video of us sitting and talking. it is up on my Twitch. It's Twitch.tv. It's Twitch.tv. Oh, no, it's Jackie. I'm also going to post it on the Patreon, not behind a paywall. Hell yeah. So you may go and watch our feelings. So if this watch along is not what you want right now and you want to just hear us talk about all of our feelings about Riverdale,

watch our Riverdale Shiva that we are going to be posting. Yeah, there is. So we are about to start this episode of Riverdale. Jackie has already seen it. I have not. And not only have I not seen it, reader, I don't know any spoilers. I can't believe you got through. And I want everyone to know it's been a week.

It's been a full week. I can't believe you have not gotten any spoilers. I got through. I don't know how. I don't know how. People kept sending me messages about Riverdale too, but nobody spoiled it. No, and I want to say thank you guys. Yes.

Because you killed it. Yes. You did such a great job. I was spoiled by like the ravages of the internet. That was just, that was just what happened. And I can't believe you don't know anything about this episode and it makes me so happy.

Yeah, even Gideon knows what happens. And I don't. But yeah, I'm about to be happy and I'm about to be devastated. I can't believe that this is the last episode of Riverdale. I am going to cry and I'm going to cry a lot. And you guys, I don't, don't get me wrong.

I'm very emotional person and I do cry a lot, but I usually keep it pretty close to the vest. I think Holden knew me for about four years before he saw me cry. So you guys are in for a real. treat. All right. You ready for this? I'm ready, man. So everybody get your Riverdale set up, all right? Because we're going to do a three, two, one countdown. You're going to hit start when I say the word, the beginning of the word start, all right? Because that is, it's very important. You don't want to start at the end and then you got seconds off. It's always the S. But MJ and I are doing like a

watch party. So we're all interconnected. All right. Thank God. Prepare yourself because it's out the gate, MJ. Oh, my God. It's out the gate. It's out the Oh, no. All right. Okay, let's do this. Riverdale Roundup. It's been great. We love you. All of you for listening to us all these years. Thank you. We love you guys. All right. We're going in three, two, one, start. The look on MJ's face. Six and seven years have gone by. Many have taken their last breaths. It's a whole episode of saying goodbye. Say another time jump. One more time jump.

One last time jump. A woman named a love to make. Oh, my God. No. Don't do this to me. I was very surprised that it's not Lily Reinhart in old age makeup. It is a different actress. You know what?

I'm proud of you, Riverdale, because you could have gotten real, real in the paint about this. Wait a minute. She's 86 in 2023. So was it, they stayed in 1955? Okay. We knew that, I guess. She named her grand, that's her granddaughter. This woman.

She's named after her mother. Oh, no, that's nice. Also, this woman is really channeling Lily Reinhart. I want to go back. This is a, this is great casting. Also, Lily Reinhart and Cole Spouse should win an award for this episode. Yes. Really?

I'm going to preemptively apologize for that there's going to be long stretches where I'm not talking because I need to focus. Jackie's going to have to carry. for us because she's seated already. But why does she want to go back to Riverdale? Oh no, Jughead died? Dale's died. Just, oh. God, I can't believe they're doing this.

Nicole Spress looks so fucking hot in this episode. It makes me so mad. I know. She just needs it one last time. God bless this woman for like studying Lily Reinhart's mannerisms and really getting them. Also notice Jughead's not 1955 Jughead. She had the mumps. She had to stay home.

Maybe we shouldn't be watching this while recording it because it's such a good episode that I'm like, I just want to sit and watch it. We have to watch the whole thing. Oh, my God. So she's walks through the door. Could you imagine being 86 and then being able to live a day in high school again? There's this, like, Christian influencer I follow who always says, like, in your hardest moments, you should imagine being in your 80s.

and having one more, like, being able to live this moment one more time, which I never do. But it is something I've thought about. She was perfect. Yeah. And that's part of the reason why you cry your way through this episode because you remember every like two minutes, you're like, shit, she's 86 being given this gift again. And she's acting, Lily Reinhard is now acting like an 86 year old seeing her young life again for the first time. How many times did this be doing to Archie's?

He's going to go. build the highways, MJ. Oh, my God, of course. I forgot. Oh, Arch. Archie. You know what? That's a nice thing for him to land on.

I think that it really works for him. Build it. Yeah. Doing like infrastructure. Oh, no. We're going to be quiet through so much of this episode. Fuck. This was the wrong.

The episode was good. This was a mistake. You're just going to hear a lot of like silent weeping. Especially the one part that like I had to straight up stop the episode and I'll tell you the part after we get to it. It's so good, Jackie, that you've already seen it because while I'm watching and paying attention, you can do, you can talk to the, and when I'm crying. Oh, as if I'm not going to be crying.

I like woke up congested I cried so much while watching Riverdale. You know, when, like I haven't cried. To that extent in like a minute. Like where I was like, I'm going to tell myself that people will be okay with silence during this episode of Riverdale Roundup because many of them are either watching it or they have never seen. You're right. You're right. And other people are watching this too. So they don't mind an episode of silence.

Yeah. They get gay together. How nice of them to make so many characters gay. But Lily Reiner does such a good job of pretending like she's 86 but being a teenager. I'm telling you, man, Lily Reinhart is the real deal. If you thought he was hot in other episodes, mm-hmm. Ooh, ghost narrator, jughead.

This, this. Oh, my God, I'm already about to cry. Can you imagine seeing your mother after your mother died? Just one more time. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She just walks downstairs and everything's just like it was when she was young. Oh my God

You're just going to assume she's over the bumps and send her to school Can you imagine hugging your mom for the last? Oh my God, this is like, I saw this Twitter thread of like advice from old people who are about to die and I can't stop thinking about the one person who said, the good old days are happening right now. That's this entire episode. It's just like makes you realize that we take every day for great. Ranted.

These are the days we're going to be looking back on wishing for. This is very funny, though. She became a stewardess. She became a pilot. And then she falls in love. Becky, why are we doing this? Oh, the twins are back. She never got back to polyamorous.

So Polly's being in the sweet hereafter, that's, we're just forgetting that. Oh, we're forgetting a lot of things, MJ. A lot of things are getting forgotten. And I would love to go back to high school. I mean, I would hate it, but I would love to like feel it, you know? I would do it. I would do it for a day. And then seeing your best friend.

Oh my God. Lily Redhardt must have been so thrilled when she read this script. Can you imagine? And also, like, as you. watch it if it was on like you know that they know that this is the last episode too so there's also that charging everything yeah that's what i keep thinking about that's what i keep thinking about like even that stupid scene with archie being like oh my god this is this is kjepa being like this is my very last time i'm doing this their last their last time going into riverdale the last

it's the last of all of it why did i put on makeup for our sitting chivot when i'm just i think god i wear waterproof makeup is all i can say Yeah. No, you look great. Also, I should be high for this, but I am drinking a little bit. Yeah, I'm drinking a G&T, which is already the drink that makes me cry. So that'll be a nice little boost. Cry boost. We have to be thankful.

Every day, MJ. Lily Reinhardt's such a great actress. I know. This is our last Riverdale Roundup, MJ. This is our last Riverdale roundup. The good old days are happening right now. You know what Jeff said? He's like, you know, I watched the first season of Riverdale to try to court you.

And he's like, Riverdale, because I forgot. Really? I was like, I thought you were already watching. He's like, no, I watched it so that I would have something to talk to you about. And I was like, oh, my God, Riverdale's a part of my love. Oh, God, Riverdale is so. It, like, just emmeshed in my life. I mean, truly, when we started Riverdale, I didn't have any kids.

No, you just had, you weren't as fraught with. Yeah. And then I watched several years of Riverdale, like, under a sleeping child. Yeah, I mean, you guys integrated Riverdale, basically. But I did call my mom after I watched it. last night. Because like there was a hurricane coming like to hit

them and so I was just like I love you mom. I think she thought I was drunk but I was like I'm not I just watched Riverdale God how hot does he look in this fucking episode

I know I know I love it I hate it. What are you doing here? Also, going back in time and having the bitch still be a bitch, she's like a perfect touch, you know. Cute.

Oh, Cheryl. And then you just, you bitch, I'll miss you so much. You think about her life where she's just living in a bed. I don't want to live in a bed every day. I don't want to live in the bed. Midge got out of the coop. Midge got out. She's still pregnant?

Did she have an abortion? I mean, that would be a nice. touch if they were like also abortion is fine he's going on tour but look at her face I guess she still has her hand on her stomach she probably is still pregnant should I just do this should I just mutter throughout the episode no he was not on the day the music died no he is buddy holly no oh my god fucking fangs Gay. Thanks.

Did a day the music died. Oh my God. They were taking care of. Okay, no abortion. Oh, my God. Carefree, 17 again? Kevin looks 35. I mean, none of them look 17.

All right. We know they don't look 17. Oh. They're going to live together. They accept them. They can be open about it too. That's really nice. That's finally.

some gay people just get to be gay and happy. I think it's more like, hey, don't you shut the fuck up. Like, I feel like it's more that when you open up the windows in New York, but that's fine. We can let them dream. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ! He couldn't really live with him. Oh, my God, they lived together their whole life.

He couldn't live without him. Oh, my God. I can't believe they stayed together their whole life. you'll hear Jeff scream during the shiva where he's like, oh, so they just like stayed with their high school sweethearts? How many of them? Oh, they just had these wonderful lives. Yeah. But I do have a lot of, I have a surprising amount of friends who met in high school. Really?

That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. MJ, hold on to your butt. What's going to happen? And not the others. Others? This I did see.

They're in a quad. They're in a quad. So Archie Jughead, Veronica and Betty fuck each other. That's great. I like to think that Riverdale Roundup play a little part of that, Jackie. I'm going to hope. I'm going to hope that it did. How many times did we say that we want all four of them to fuck each other?

We manifested it, even if it wasn't a direct inspiration. I love Cheryl. Cheryl's the only one that's like, I'm not here for all this bullshit. I'm just having, I'm a character having a regular day. This is like Cheryl hasn't been herself the whole season. She's had to be so serious. I really like super bit Cheryl being back. Oh, my God.

So how hot is Reggie? Jesus. Yeah. It's because of all the memories. All the memories from last episode when they saw the memories of the series Riverdale. Oh my God, that's so funny. Reggie. This is great because it's so Riverdale to be like, wait, what the fuck?

You know, it's like the perfect, perfect Riverdale out of left field, but not on the field thing. Just a little bit of extra kisses for us. Yes. But tell me that Archie and Jughead fucked each other, please. And then we get, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, bring Reggie into the mix. Reggie.

The time. No, I'm very, very mad. And I don't understand, Riverdale, explain yourself. Where are the Archie Jughead kisses? Why didn't the boys kiss? Where are the Archie Jughead kisses? Why didn't we see the boys kiss? No.

That's not a quad, Riverdale. I mean, maybe it is. I don't know. Everybody has their own roles, but I want them to kiss. Tell us how he died now. Yeah, pick up them hay bales. Oh, look at his two boys. He started Mantle Motors.

Uh-huh. Lily Reinhardt, man. I'll do anything for you, Lily Reinhardt. Makes sense. Veronica's, yeah, Veronica's got to move back to L.A. You know, because she's 17 years old and she's ready to be a producer. Do they tell us how Hiram dies? No, they don't.

They don't get into the parents. We never saw Skeet ever again. No, Skeet? They should have really brought back fucking Skeet, man. I blame Skeet for that. We get it, Veronica. You're a business bitch. You always have been.

You're the she-wolf of Wall Street. Okay, now Jughead tell us how Veronica dies. Oh, they're both crying. Can you imagine them shoot? the scene? No. It actually seems like they're both very genuinely crying with each other. I mean, really, based on their Instagram videos,

it really seemed like the cast truly enjoyed being part of the show, which is hilarious because it was such a bad show for so long, but I'm so happy for them. Imagine Jackie, if this was the last episode we got without having the last season we got. It's like this is, this only works because they fucking dug their way out of the whole. They really did it. Yes.

They really did it. They really did. They really did. I cannot believe how much this show redeemed itself. Uh-huh. Okay. She's a big, she became a big producer. She was buried in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

Why did she die? But also just like, of just thinking. Oh, no. I'm thinking about all of the friends and you. life that you've lost touch with. I know. I know. I always think about it all the time already.

This is like how after I watch Muppet Christmas Carol, I'm always like, I really will live my life in the past, present, in the future. But it lasts for like two hours and then I stop. Oh, my God. Have you had a new Lisa in life since we've seen this episode yesterday yesterday? Yeah, I feel different now. I literally, no, I wasn't thinking about that at all. but now I am.

I mean, you need some separation. Yeah, you probably should. It's not always for the best. Oh my God, I want to find out what happens to Cheryl. Yeah, she's hot. Vanessa Morgan is like the hottest person I've ever seen in my life. Especially with a leopard print. I know.

Look at how hot they are in the 70s. Look at how hot they are in the 70s. They're like a bunch of boheed. Yes. And a commune. They had a son. Oh, Coles Proustone. That's the one that got me.

They passed away after living full, gorgeous, sexy lives. Well, good riddance, Julian. Just kidding. Sorry, he shouldn't have died in Vietnam, but. Nana Rose reincarnated multiple times. How sweet is that? Oh, that is nice. Yeah, oh my God.

Frank Andrews. Oh, no, when Mr. Keller were gay-bashed, I knew that they would get somebody. One of the gay couples would get killed. Chick killed them? And they just drop that in. Yes. What?

I'm sure that they were like, who killed them? Chick. Uh, fucking chick did it. Chick! Chick! Yeah. And everyone was like, I hope they like, high-fived. I hope they had a champagne toast.

after they realized that they could have chick kill them. So weird that they'll let everybody be gay except Archie and Jughead together, right? Isn't that so weak? Like literally almost every couple is gay now, but they still wouldn't let us see that kiss. I need it. Well, I'll see it every time I close my eyes.

Don't worry, it exists. Yeah. So they all know at this point that they have been sent back in time by the guardian angel. They remember, yeah. Look, you can see the tears in her eyes. as she talks.

I know. I know. Even Coles Brow seems like he's been crying. That's really what gets me is just how upset the cast looks. I know. I know. It's so weird how they

genuinely seem to be living through this goodbye. They're all crying, except for KJ.Y. Epa. Of course. Can't shake that man emotionally. Heart is a rock. Or at least he would have been if he had been allowed to kiss Jughead. I know. Maybe that's what he was scared of.

I get it. Also, this is just such a cool shot. This is a cool shot. And the jalopy and everything, you know. With sweetwater river in the background. Yeah. Look at her thinking about everything. Oh, my God.

Also, so weird that Lily Reinhart. and Cole Spross have to do this episode together, you know, knowing what we know about them and their relationship. I had someone for a while and then you say goodbye. Every minute counts. Riverdale, you're killing us. You're killing us. It is kind of perfect that this podcast, Riverdale Roundup, which has made no sense the entire time, is ending with

episode that is just us crying with silence. This is the scene that, like, I, they, you could tell they cried through all of it. Oh my God, there is more, Jackie. I just, I just checked the time. I was like, is it over? No. This is so, this is such a tongue and cheek poem, which is fun. Rhyming poetry.

Okay. All right, good. because they all know the past. Yeah, serial killer Jean joke is good. Yeah. Remember that? Black Widow? Yeah. Spider Woman, whatever her name was.

Which I never realized it said Southside as two words on the back for jacket. Okay, I was all ready to shut on Archie's poem. This is the only poem of Archie's I've liked. Cruising Fox Forest! Yes, cruising. We get a cruising reference. Yes, Oregon Harvesting Reference.

I love Self-aware Riverdale. I love Self-aware Riverdale. Other Reggie. You can tell she's just really crying. Actually crying. I know. Oh, my God. This scene must have been so incredible to shoot.

Loins. Oh, my God, Jackie, do they end up together? Don't tell me. He's the hottest he's ever been right now. It's not what happens. Oh, no. He wasn't on fangs his bus, was he? I just love this little scene next to your father.

Did you want to listen to me cry for 50 minutes? Did he exist? He's going to be buried next to his father, away from his family, but he wants to be next to. Now his wife and children need to be married. They're getting from him or what in Riverdale. They've never even been. You never look back. They've never spent any time in Riverdale.

Cole Spouse. Why are you so good looking? Who are they going to visit? Luke Perry's grave. It's going to be someone's grave. I was right. It's a gravestone. Who is it?

Whose grave are they visiting Jackie? Oh, pop. Oh, my God. It's so awful to think that if you're 80, lucky enough to live to 86, It's just everybody died before you. But also this is real life scary. Wait, what happened? How did he die?

He just died. He just died. How hot does he look in that scene? Or a Seith Jughead Jones. That, like, with the mutton chops or something. Oh, it's doing something for me. He made Mad Magazine. He made Mad Magazine.

Yeah, he's hot. He's fucking hot. Hot. All right, we came back around to it. All right, he's hot, hot, hot. He's a triple hot. Hot, hot, hot. This bitch is going to be dead before she wakes up, isn't she, Jackie?

Don't tell me. Betty's about to die. Because that's all you think about. I keep thinking, why is Jughead a ghost? He's already dead. You just think about the deadlines. We just think about the work. We don't enjoy it, MJ.

Yeah, I know. That's true. Look at her in the 70s. Oh. Oh, yes. 70s, Betty. Yes, please. Oh, they're both really proud of themselves.

That's nice. To each other? Not getting married to each other. No, just not married. Oh, she has no regrets about it. She never got married. Betty, she never got married. But she adopted a daughter.

Hear that, MJ? Every time it's difficult. That's your family legacy. That's my. True legs. But notice she's not using this time to look back on memories with her children, is she, Jackie? She's looking back on memories with her friends. What happens in the suite hereafter, MJ?

Where do we go? You can stay in Riverdale for everybody. You're a series. Between this and Miley Cyrus's new single. Don't even with Miley Cyrus's new single. I cried and I cried and I cried. I know. I know. I can't even watch like,

oh my God. We did her so dirty. And then I just think about myself. Then I just think about like, oh my God, when I was young. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, you also, Jackie, were the one who put when we were young on Holden's Goodbye to New York playlist, which I still listen to and cry, even though I never even hung out with Holden in New York. I still, but I can't hear that song, that a dull song without crying. Don't wake me up. I'm dreaming of Jughead.

All it's the dead bodies, you mean. Saying goodbye to everything. You see the Griffiths and Garcoyles. Did you see it? The entire town has been abandoned. They're all gone. No one's living in any of the house. Riverdale is over.

What? Riverdale is a dead town. Oh, no. It doesn't exist, MJ. Oh, my God. Don't take her back to Riverdale. She's going to see that her town has. died. I wish there were more of it. Oh no. Is she dead in the backseat? She's dead. She's dead in the backseat. Okay, I'm sorry. That's very funny.

I don't think she's sleeping, honey. She's dead in the backseat. Yes, that's the sound of another judatonic. Oh my God, I'm so mad that I don't have another vaudezod here. Don't worry, Jackie. There's only four minutes left ever of Riverdale, so you could wait. Jackie, I'm not trying to make you cry more right now, but you're never going to text me again. What time are we doing Riverdale?

You notice it's JJ. It's the original JJ. That's JJ. I'm never going to last minute be like, fuck, I got to watch Riverdale. What time are we doing Riverdale? Oh, everybody is there at Pops. I hope they got the other actors who played Dilton and Reggie to be there. that would be fun.

Oh my God. It's like the end of Titanic. Truly, truly hope that this is what death is. Oh, my God. It's just Riverdale. Please let Riverdale be right. Let Riverdale be wrong about so many things, but let it be right about what happens when you die.

Only the one dealt in so far. And her quad is there waiting for her. Oh my god Give us the last word Jughead Oh They're in the sweet here after He's looking at the camera

Oh my god They're all dead Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god Wow Oh my god Thank you guys so much

For Are there people listening, Jackie? Maybe we should have done. Oh, my God. I can't believe you watched this episode last night. It didn't cancel the plans to watch it and record ourselves. Because I was like, well, I don't want to just talk. Thank you.

No, I need to feel it again. No, you're, it's very good that you watched it. Because if you imagine if we had both gone in blind, Thank you, everyone, for being on this journey with us. It started as a part of page seven because we loved Riverdale so much that Jackie and Marcus and I couldn't stop talking about it. And we were talking about it so much on page seven. It was taking up so much time that we decided we needed a separate time called Riverdale Roundup. And that was seven years ago.

Thank you guys so much for joining us through. I hate ending. I hate ending. Now I've got a five-year-old and a four-year-old. And Jackie is married, and I'm married, and I was probably married when it started. But whatever. And now we've finished all seven seasons of Riverdale, and some of them sucked shit, and some of them fucking ruled.

And this one fucking ruled, man. And what a way to go out. Thank you guys. Truly. Thank you guys so much for being there along the way. For not watching Riverdale. for watching Riverdale for hanging out with us every week.

For emailing your theories when we couldn't make them because we were too shocked by Riverdale for... Thank you guys. For all of it. And for those... I got the sweetest message ever

from somebody who said that they used Riverdale to fall... Riverdale Roundup to fall asleep and that they're really going to miss us. And I said, Jackie and I don't know what's coming next for us, but it's going to be something. It's going to be something.

Don't worry. something. So don't worry. That's not an ending, Jackie. We're not dead yet. No, we're not dead yet. And as a result, we have to appreciate every minute. Every minute counts, Jackie. We say hello and we walk alongside each other and you and I have been walking alongside each other for a long time and every minute counts. Every minute counts. I love you guys very much. Thank you. And go check out what we're about to go do, which is sitting and talking about our feelings about Riverdale. Go check it out. We love you guys.

And for the last time, this has been Riverdale Roundup. Love you guys and we won't see you next week. It's time for the Riverdale Roundup. I'm going to kiss them all. Bye, guys. Bye, everybody. We love you. Every minute counts.

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