Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 77: Gargoyle Grease

Episode Date: January 23, 2021

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Can you believe it's time for... Gonna kiss them all this season? Not quite sure. Welcome, Molly. Welcome back to Riverdale Roundup. How are you feeling today? I am so disoriented. I got to say it is weird to be returning to the world of Riverdale for many reasons.

One of them is that I haven't thought about Riverdale really since I think before the pandemic. No, the beginning of the pandemic? Like it was. It was. So it feels like a bit of a time travel to a different world than the hell that we've been living in. And I got to say for that reason, I was a little grateful. I was very grateful. I just realized, oh, my God, did Riverdale do the, remember, we all know time jump, right?

Time jump was going to happen. Time jump was supposed to happen at the end of last season. Right. Did they do this to us? Was it Riverdale? All the memies are out there blaming cats saying it was cats that that was our downfall. But did Riverdale make a time jump in our real life? Because I tell you what, watching this episode, I had no idea what was going on.

I didn't remember anything. And we do a show about Riverdale. And I didn't remember Jack. I didn't remember Jack shit. And it was really stressful because, Gideon didn't even watch most of last season because we couldn't keep up with the pace of Riverdale Roundup production. And I was always like watching. I remember that the last time we were watching Riverdale, I think that my, you know, now toddler was still nursing.

Because I remember like watching it on my phone while she slept in the race to keep up with how much Riverdale there seemed to be at the time. and yeah, we talk about it every week and I sit down with Gideon to watch last night and I was like, before we start, before it started, he was like, so what, where are we? And I was like, oh, I have no idea, but hopefully once it starts, I'll remember. And then it'll get a good recap.

We'll get a good fucking recap. The recap was like 15 seconds long. It showed us nothing. And once the show started, I still, you know, usually there's a thing where like, oh, do I remember? Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Now I remember literally what happened.

I don't understand any of this. I got to tell you, we were in the same situation minus the nursing because Jeff also dropped off last season because again, so the last time we recorded was May 9th. So this was really? So this is early. Yes. We kept going that long? We kept going. When did we even record?

I didn't have any child care until July. How did we do it? We were very minxy. We kept going, Molly. And I, because in my head, I was like, maybe we just weren't doing episodes through the beginning of quarantine. Yeah. We were. And that goes to show what our brains do.

Sorry, little science corner. Isn't it crazy how our brains are going to condense this quarantine time period into a weird thing? You know, like all like the short, short time and long short time when it's like all how your brain perceives time. I don't remember any of it. My brain has already condensed it. I don't know what the fuck happened

between March and May. I don't know what happened between March. And I'm going to say August. But yes. We kept going. And Molly, so I looked into it because I was like, why didn't they give us

a better recap? This episode, the episode that they put out as season five, episode one, had already been shot. It was already done being, so it was just in the middle of production, but they decided to end it at the last episode because they couldn't get the production side of it done.

They couldn't get like, I don't know, you know, the editing or whatever. So this was already, so this episode was just a continuation of the story that we were already supposed to be following, but Lord fucking knows. I am assuming, right? Of course. That's why it didn't feel any different than last season, because it was last season. It was last season And it just wasn't done yet

So I am very But this was the last one That I believe they had shot So I don't know what's going So I think they still have to wrap this up To get to time jump Because I also didn't realize That the time jump was supposed to be

The last episode of last season So we're gonna have a mid-season time jump Is what you're telling me We're having mid-season time jump We're going I don't know You know what God love them I don't know what the fuck they're going to do. But what I do know is that that, for example, is why, what was his name, K.O. Charlie

or whatever the fuck his name was. Why he was there because Katie Keene has already been canceled between now and then. So that's rough. That character doesn't even exist anymore. So K.O. Kelly, I apologize. I don't know, whatever. Kio something. He was just a big, Galuth and all I remember is that Archie kept calling him, bro, bra, that, okay, now we need to start talking about the episode because, all right,

what? Now we're back into Riverdale, what the fuck? Oh, so I read the recap of the episode that was last put out. What happened in the last episode was when all of the mommies and the daddies were like, You can't tell our kids not to, they can't go to prom. They can go to prom.

Right. And then it was the principal honey video where they were, like the very end of the episode, they all stabbed him so they assumed that principal honey was dead somewhere. Now, this was also going on while the alternate reality of the story, quote, unquote, was happening. Remember because they had tied up principal honey? And they were all taking. turns and then I think it was like Reggie accidentally kills him. But that was Jughead's creative writing project.

Correct. And then they, but in the creative, this was happening at the same time. Remember how it was Banani-Banoneys? And I think that they are, I hope, just going to shove like Friday Night Lights season two. I'm hoping they're just going to shove some of it underneath the bed and just keep on, keep it on, which is definitely what they're going to be doing with this time jump. Time jump.

Number one. why did Archie tell Veronica that he wrote a song about Betty and then kissed her and then also failed to mention that Betty didn't reciprocate it. Yeah, that was, I was watching this with my husband. I was like, can we agree that this is like not something Archie needed to disclose? Like this was just needlessly hurtful to Veronica. him and Betty have established that they don't even really have feelings for each other. It was something that they kind of needed to explore. They explored it.

They had some like leftover stuff. They have like a special little friendship or whatever. And then they both decided that they still wanted to be with their own partners. And then they went back to their partners. And then they kept giving each other eyes sitting next to each other. And then Archie is just like, ugh, I'm going to just say something totally. hurtful and awful to you, Veronica, just to clear my own conscience. It was one of those times where he's like, oh, I've got to be a good guy.

But it's really just because you feel like a dick. And now you have needlessly hurt Veronica. I mean, if Veronica had found out, you know, and he hadn't told her, perhaps that would have been quite hurtful, but you do not need to be like, I wrote a song about somebody who it turns out I don't even really like that much. But I wanted you to know that. Like, don't fucking tell me that. But then in the same go-abouts, can we also say that when Veronica saw the song in Archie's room, I was like,

Ah, babe, you wrote this for me. He crumbles it up. It's like, it's not good. I've got fighting to do. And then she takes the song out of the trash can and performs it at La Bonnui. Yeah, that's an invasion. That's also, that is an invasion of privacy. That is boundary issues.

I know y'all are end game and all. But also, can we, all right, I got, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Can we take a step back and get into the fight that was set up by the commandant of a naval academy against two minors to duke it out so that they can get into a naval academy? me, it harkens back to when Jughead. Remember when you came, like, I forget who it was in the last season that was like, impress me now, boy, and I guess I'll turn around that admission so that you can get into Yale, or no, something with Betty, where it's like, the admissions into college thing in the world of Riverdale is really fucked up.

So this old man is going to come in and be like, I want to watch both five. And then they fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. right before going to prom and Archie loses because he shouldn't be a boxer. I think he should just honestly get back to being a vigilante but speaking of vigilantes, I'm sorry, I'm jumping. I get so excited.

It is impossible to coherently explain an episode of Ripperdale so don't worry about jumping because it would be like if we tried to sit down and make an outline bullet point to bullet point, it would still sound like we were describing a fucking you know, dream. So it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any sense.

I am so relieved to know that this was last season because I was like, why am I feeling like this is just kind of like a low stakes, like fine, but not a season, you know, premiere. There's like, if the exact same plotline as last season, they're trying to make it all like, ooh, a snuff film. But didn't we already have a whole snuff film plot line in the last one? So anyway, jump around. Yes. Jump. All right. So we're jumping because this is also, this is very much like how I kept pausing Riverdale when I watched it with Jeff last night to try and explain. And then I would try and explain them like, no, no, that's not what happened. Okay, okay. And then there was these tickle tapes. Okay, so there's a tickle tape in the underground rave movie festival. But what I was just jutting over was the fact that when Hiram Lodge was sitting at the table, he's like, ah, miha, we have breakfast. because, you know, you're just banging your boyfriend and you come in in the morning and that's fine.

But, and he's like, I'm all healed. Oh, I'm getting better now. And Jeff was like, wait, Hiram was sick with what? And it was like, an illness. And that was right at the same time when he just said an illness, which I thought was very funny. And so that was the first time we quoted the show as it was being, as we were watching it. The second time was when Jughead was in the prison talking to whatever the fuck his name was, so in all prep, and he goes, Prepies. Jeff also said, is like, what does he hate the most?

Prepies. And that was very fun, because it's sometimes fun to try and guess whatever bullshit the Riverdale characters are going to say. So Hiram, who is not dead, which that makes me think of him up at Christmas Carol. Tiny Jim, who did not die. Not die.

So this unnamed illness he's not going to die from because remember, which I completely forgotten, that now Hiram Lodge is not only the mayor, but also a vigilante. Because he's taking up the helm for Archie. Remember then they were like, talk about the Ross and Rachel of Riverdale.

This is definitely Hiram Lodge and Archie because then they were back on again and they liked each other. Yes. But now that he broke Mia's heart, right. Off again. Now they're back off again.

However, I continue I'm sorry that I'll just beat this drum for every episode of Riverdale Roundup. I continue to be baffled that Veronica continues to be cool with her father who tried to murder several of her friends over and over and over for years

and has like a documented history of trying to murder Archie Andrews and now she's just like, yes, daddy, he wrote a song for somebody else. Like don't tell that to your murderous father who has tried to murder this boy before. He will murder him again.

Of course he's going to try and murder him, especially because now they're working together, because remember he was like, I shouldn't be gone off to an academy. I should be here like my dad wants me to do with this gym. And he thinks that he's going to be working

side by side, oh, I forgot why. Why is he working with Hiram Lodge now? Oh, he was going to be Deputy Mayor. He was going to be Deputy Mayor? Hyrum Lodge named him Deputy Mayor. So now we're going to have to watch Hiram again working with Archie but then trying to kill Archie because don't worry he's not dying from an illness.

But also remember, we were watching it and sexy Hermione Lodge comes out in her like, you know, silk robe to talk to her daughter who's crying. And then she comes out and we were talking about, you know, I was doing my babbo, babo, every time she comes out and that's usually what I say because I think Hermione and he was very attractive. And then I was like, remember when she killed that sheriff? Do you remember or when she was banging the sheriff and then Hiram killed, how many plot lines ago it was?

And then, yeah, she was banging the sheriff and then I think Hiram killed him and then he was found with no hands or no head. That's right. No head. There's just so much. But you know what? Their marriage still going strong despite how many times his wife has tried to kill him. and he has tried to kill his wife.

And you know what? Isn't that what love is? I just was, I, just like Riverdale to be like, to introduce that Hiram clearly has like a degenerative neuromuscular disease. And make the stakes high like that. Like you're thinking like, oh, is it MS? Is it ALS?

And then leave it to Riverdale just be like, oh, he's actually recovered from it, which is like not how, like, degenerative diseases work. So then it's just so unfair of them to be like, we'll make stakes and then we'll just say, fuck the stakes. There's no actual consistency in this world. There's no, just, oh, we don't feel like doing that one anymore. He's cured.

And I find it frustrating. Just like this is a separate, we don't have to go into Cobra Chi land, but I found season three, Cobra Chi, the way that they dealt with paralysis, very frustrating. I was just like, that's not how it works. You can't set up stakes like this and then just destroy the stakes. That's not how it works. Cobra Chi Season 3 was a big letdown. I'm throwing that out there.

And you can come at me. I thought it was a letdown. But also that's just what happens when first two seasons are very good. But I also do love this man who wrote this Den of Geek article. Chris Cummins, number one, great name. Number two, the notes you had on this episode of Riverdale are just, Mausel. I just love this line of, man, Archie's scars from his bear attack really come and go, don't they? And that made me lull. It made me lull. But what it also reminded me of.

All right. So in this episode, right, which we haven't even talked about Jughead and Betty, still trying to track down the Autour and maybe fuck me sideways, but were they referring to the maker of the tapes as the auteur this entire time? Because they said theuteur 20 times and the start of it, I started taking hits off of my bubbler every time they said the word autour. Because I was like, I bet they're going to say this a lot. And they did. I was very, very stone.

But theuteur is the one that they are referring to when they're talking about all of the tapes, including the tapes all from last season. The snuff tapes. The tapes of people's doors? People's doors. and so all of this is the auteur. Why are they calling him the, I feel like that's not the correct use of the word attour.

Sometimes you fugue, Molly. And when she starts fuging, she can't even pause. I still say, I'm like, sorry, fuging. Uh-oh, I'm fuging over here. My God, remember when she was fuging all the time? Man, she's going to become, oh, God, is she going to become an FBI member in the time jump? I, again, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yeah, I was trying to explain to Gideon FBI brother, and I was like, that's chick, but not chick. That's Charles, but that's the brother, or is he? And also, he's banging other chick, other not brother. And Gideon was like, what are you talking about? It's very, very difficult to explain. So they're going after the Autour, right? and what does Betty do?

And they're like, okay, we need to be able to sell, because they wanted to try and trap David is his name. Didn't know David was the name of the man that ran the blue velvet VHS shop. Right. Where everyone was getting, where everyone was selling the tickle videos, as well as getting the videos of fake Betty and fake Archie killing people. Right. All of the bad videos come from Blue Velvet Video Store.

David is the head of Blue Velvet Video Store. We know that in part because Barb, what's her name in this universe? Oh, don't know. Sorry, I shouldn't have said Barb because now that's all I'm able to think about. Esther. Esther. It's not Esther, but it's close. It's one of those.

Ethel? Ethel. Ethel, oh my God, you're so good. You just pulled that out of, I don't know what crevasse you stored that in, but brava. I think it's Ethel. She had one of the sex tapes, right? She had a sex tape of Jughead and Betty, maybe? And then they were like, where did you get this sex tape, Ethel?

And she was like, oh, I get all my sex tapes at the Blue Velvet Video Store. And then they found out that Brett Preppy, was selling his sex tapes to the Blue Velvet Video Store. Right. So there's three types of tapes, which I know we went over before, but I think we're reiterating three types of tapes. There's the tapes of people's doors

that were introduced in the beginning of last season, never to be followed up on again until now-ish, if you call this following up. There is the tapes of the Riverdair characters wearing masks, murdering people on film. And then there is also sex tapes, secret sex tapes done by Brett without people's consent. And we know those were done by Brett,

so I don't understand how those are, how that genre of tape is connected to the first two, except through the Blue Velvet Video Store. And then that guy, David, who now is suddenly like a main character being like, yeah, I'm a bad guy who runs a sexy death video store. Yes. And so that is, so that's why they are trying. So that's why they think that the auteur could be David.

They wanted to get closer to him. How did they get closer to him? Make a snuff film. But they were trying to make a fake snuff film. So they had Reggie and Cheryl make this really fucked up video. They show it to him and he's like, this isn't real. So what does Betty do? Which I think is actually very upsetting.

She uses the serial killer homemade videos from her. daddy and her daddy and his mommy killing other daddy to show to creepy David at the video store. And he goes, oh, oh, and you can feel I'm like getting all outdente underneath the little, under his little desk. And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I want to show this at my rave slash film festival that he's putting on the next night. So who gets an invite? Betty Cooper.

And so they're at this under, it's the middle of the day. And they are at an underground film festival slash rave. This is also right before prom. So while Archie is getting the shit beat out of them by a character that doesn't exist anymore in front of the commandant of the Naval Academy, Betty and Jughead are at an underground film festival slash rave, where, everyone has masks on. And in every room, one of them is like the tickle videos that Kevin used to make. One of them is the, you know, is the black hood as a child watching his dad be killed. One of them is the sex tape between Betty and Jughead. Remember somebody calls her?

Like, oh, look, it's the ponytail. What do they call her? The ponytail playmate. Oh, look, it's the ponytail playmate. Like you would remember her. But still, everyone knew she was. And who do they find at the Underground Film Festival slash rave? Number one, theuteur. Number two, Jelly Bean, Jones. Yes, the 14-year-old sister of Jughead Jones was at the Underground Film Festival slash rave in the middle of the day where they were showing booby videos. And she says that she was there because a couple of friends.

invited her there. Again, I'm throwing a shout out to Chris Cummins of Denna Geek. If you're listening, and I know you are because you already wrote the article, and I know you want to hear more about Riverdale. I just want to say thank you because it is Chris Cummins of Den of Geek that put two and two together of Could It Be that the author is Jelly Bean Jones? because she says she's there with friends, and there are no friends there,

and he immediately pulls her out of the midday film festival slash rave and says, Jelly Bean, why were you here? But also, later that day at the prom, when they're all at the prom, the same video of said midday underground film festival slash rave was played at the prom. while Psycho Killer was being played.

Yeah, that was, I got to say, that was a fun, that was a fun little montage. It was a fun, and also shoutouts to all of the music that was played, because it really goes to show, Riverdale is for our age group. It is not for young people. Young people, I try to talk to young people. I asked my 15-year-old niece, and she's like, no, I think it's just old people that watch Riverdale. And I said, how dare you? But still, it is just old people, I think, that watch Riverdale.

And I think that it's actually, it could be very likely. What else is Jelly Bean Jones been up to? Well, hanging out with that child. And remember Gladys? Like, remember Ricky, the little child murderer. She was cool with him too. So I think that maybe they are setting Jelly Bean up. Yeah, and she's cool with Gladys, who is the hot, crimey mother of Jughead and Jellybee.

And so I think we are kind of being set up. And they've been working on this for a while to be like, is Jelly Bean a bit of a Damian child situation, you know? Could be because we've never really gotten our thumb on the pulse of Jelly Bean Jones. And one thing I will say that I'm excited about mid-season time jump is that we are going to find out more about what is happening fairly quickly, I imagine. Because we've got a time jump to get to. Yeah, you're right. When the time jump happens, they'll be like, oh, remember when?

And then they'll just tell us. And that's all I want. All I've ever wanted with Riverdale is I just want them to just start every episode by telling us exactly what's going on and then end every episode by telling us exactly what just happened. Because I don't have the brain power to do the fucking murder board needed to connect all these extremely different plot lines. As we've established, if you've listened to past seasons of Riverdale Roundup,

Riverdale's favorite thing is to introduce a little nugget and you're going to wonder, oh, is this a nugget that I should pay attention to because they're going to come back to it? Like, you jump on this nugget? Or is this just the nugget that they're lobbing out like a fucking turd to never come back to again? And you never know. Half the time they come back. Half the time they come back and it doesn't make any sense like this autour video shit. And then half the time, you know, you'll just absolutely never hear about this thing

that they spent, spend like, several episodes meticulously setting up again. Yes, and we don't know what any of them will be. I do want to give a shout out because it was sad how excited I was when this song, Um, closer to free that everybody wants to be closer to free, which is the theme song of Party of Five. And I was so excited that they were playing that song that I had to pause Riverdale and play the whole song, and I actually jumped on the bed, and Jeff, while Jeff just kept saying, why are you doing this?

Why are you doing this to me? But it's because I was trying to shake it up because I had no idea what was going on in this episode. I was like, what, because then Principal Weatherby shows back up again? And I was like, so what happened to Principal Honey? I had to go look it up to find out, and I am here to tell you. Tell me. Last episode of last season. So it was all of that when they had him.

tied up and they were maple boarding him. Remember that? I do remember that. And so that was, again, Jughead's story, not in reality. In reality, he was fighting the parents about the prom. And then he faked a video and showed the video and was like, see, these things are still happening. You know what? I'm canceling all of prom. So he had canceled all of prom. Yes. And what ended up happening.

And all the parents were like, you can't take away prom. We love prom. You can't take away prom, even though there's another killer possibly on the loose. But then he gets offered a job over at Stonewall Prep to be their principal for like a lot more money. So now Principal Weatherby comes back. And I love that little flashback of like, remember when? He lost a finger. member.

And it was the least helpful flashback ever. Because Weatherby was there and getting was like, isn't he dead? And I was like, something happened to him. Something happened to him. And then there was a flashback. And I was like, oh, good, a flashback. That'll tell us. And it was just a flashback of him holding up his like hand having just lost fingers. And then it just cut back to the present.

No explanation of what happened to his fucking fingers. Because Edgar ever never had him back in the day, remember when there was the organ harvesting cult? I do. I do remember that. That's one of the things that you can't forget. You can't. You can't forget it. So he thought that he knew information about who was leaking information.

So he was slowly cutting off his fingers as a tactic to get him to talk. But then I guess while he was in the middle of doing that was when, oh, the hullabaloo went down. Remember he like made that spaceship? and he was going to get on his spaceship and go into space to get away from the earthlings that are trying to bring him down. So, you know, he had other things going on. He can't just cut off slowly everybody's fingers to try and get information. So now wouldn't you, if I was Principal Weatherby, I'd probably move away. But he can't get enough of Riverdale Hyde.

He is back as our principal. And I guess that's good. But we all know when we don't see a character die or he goes off into the mist, we get to play the game of like you were talking about, Nuggy or no Noggy? Nuggy, no, Nuggy. I don't know. I don't know if him going away and we don't see him go away.

Does that mean anything? Who knows? Maybe we'd never hear about Principal Honey ever again. Or will he come back as a different entity of Principal Honey? try to ruin something, maybe in the time jump. Maybe something like that. Maybe they go back to Stonewall and now he'll be the principal of Stonewall still, maybe after seven years.

And then we have to deal with this creepy ass because he was a creepy dude. He was terrible. I hated that character. And it was like, it was like he was supposed to be creepy, but also it was like, is he going to, I was constantly afraid he was going to like do something legitimately molested, and I was like, I don't want that plot line. Like I want, I want, you know, low stakes plotlines where people are creepy. I don't want high stakes plot lines where, like, is this principal going to actually sexually harass a fucking high school student?

Which he kind of did. So I just don't, I just, yeah, don't bring honey back. I can't believe there's going to be this time jump, Jackie. It's going to be such garbage that we are going to have to, in the middle of a season, we're going to go from this half-hearted snuff film plot line to be the, we'll pretend that's the, we'll pretend that's the. main plot of the season premiere. And then we're just going to have an absolute veering off a cliff into a time jump where everyone's going to look the exact same as they did in the previous episode. Yes.

Maybe they'll cut their hair, Molly. Things happen in college. We're going to know that it was filmed during COVID. So there's going to be all sorts of weird shit where like they're cutting back and forth between people. There's not going to be any extras in any scenes. It's going to be disturbing to know that it was filmed in COVID. Yes.

We're, uh, it's going to be so upsetting. I'm like so appalled. Ready to be upset. But also I, I'm going to go and call myself out here. I'm such a fucking creepest that when I was watching the episode, I was like, I wonder if this was before after quarantine because, you know, during quarantine, Lily Reinhart and Cole Spouse like broke up for real. I was trying to figure this out too.

But then I felt like a creep. I'm like, oh, good. The 33 year old, like, but I want to just see. the slight differences if like the actors show it. And I doubt they will. They are both a very professional actor. Yeah, but it's nice to know. You know, you want to know.

It's nice. I want to know. Or do they hate each other in real life? I want to know. And now they're setting it up that you know that it's going to be a tide jump where Archie never left Riverdale. And then everyone's going to come back from their different college experiences. Seems like they're all going in different places.

And hopefully just. I'm actually excited about whatever, if they're going to start bumping up jelly bean, I'm into it. Bring back Gladys Jones because they must bring back Gladys Jones because FP we know is not going to be here after the time jump. You're right. I know. That's like the best reason to come back to this show. Living in a nightmare where you're living in a nightmare both outside of the house and you're. inside of the house.

But what wasn't a nightmare? Was watching both T.T. and Cheryl be the prom queens. They both looked beautiful. That dress, my God. Cheryl, girl, you can wear that dress. Wow. Really? I did not like Cheryl's dress that much.

I liked T.T.'s better. Yeah, but, but that just might be my own. I did not find it to be that flattering for her boobs. Oh, I do understand that. I guess in my brain it was more of like a, I think I also did it for myself of like, man, I wish I could wear a dress like that. Like my breasts, no matter what, like even young,

like my breasts have ever been perky because that's just kind of how it goes usually when you are a fat woman with big breasts. So they've always been saggy, so they've never just sat like that up. And so I think that was also me in my brain thinking of how effortless her breasts stayed in the dress. Yeah.

Yeah, no, they did stay in there. There was that. I will say something that I will hand to Riverdale that legitimately, you know, I don't know if I should say moved me. That might be too strong a word, but I liked it, is that they set you up to be like, oh, T.T. doesn't want to tell her family about Cheryl Blossom. Is this going to be like a happiest season situation? and is she going to be like afraid to come out and be queer in front of her family.

And then it turns out it's just because everybody hates the Blossom family, which was a, I was like, you think it's going to take you down happiest season road, but it turns right back onto Riverdale Lane. And I liked that a lot. It was like a great way of the kind of normalizing queerness that the show does all the time. To be like, I just love so much. Yeah, to be like, this actually isn't about that. It's just because the Blossom family is fucking terrible and everybody in Riverdale hates them.

horrible people, which is why you really should be scared of her dating a blossom. But also, think about the time jump. Think of how angry and ruthless Cheryl is about to become. I think that she's going to lean into being a blossom now. I'm so, I'm very excited. I'm actually very excited. But also, I apologize. I also forgot to bring up the fact that Reggie put fizzle rocks in the punch bowl

at prom. That's it. That's all I'm saying. I had forgotten about Fizzle Rocks. Does that mean? Are they bringing Fizzle Rocks? Are they bringing it back? Because that one wasn't even this past season.

That was two seasons ago? Yeah, dog. It's been a fucking while since we've gotten our rocks off. And I don't, it's like a classic Reggie thing to do. But they never made mention of it. They never talked about it.

They never, like, and it was supposed to be like an acid ecstasy mix, right? Uh-huh. Maybe that's what was going on with that weird group dance to psycho killer, though. Maybe everyone was on Fizzle Rocks. Maybe that's what it was, or maybe that's why it was such an upsetting. I mean, that was a very, for everyone to look at that video and be like, this is fine. No, that was a very weird video. Everyone should have been a little bit put on alert, especially if you're in Riverdale.

You're used to being put on alert, aren't you? At this point, did you see that a couple of weeks ago my Instagram story about I was trying to remember the name of the other drug besides Jingle Jangle and Riverdale and I couldn't remember it. And Gideon kept saying it was gargoyle grease. And I was like, it's not Gargoyle grease. So I had to post on Instagram, what the fuck is the other drug? And then people hopefully told me it was Fizzarox. And then I was trying to remember which drug, like what was Jingle Jangle? The timeline.

Yes. And what was fizzle rocks analogous to? Fizzle rocks is like acid. It makes you hallucinate. If I remember correctly, it was fizzle rocks that they had in the flashback. In like in the school thing, right? And then jingle jangle, remember is what they used, I believe.

Is that what the nuns were using? The nuns when the nuns were, you know, drugging all the people. Yes. And then I remember when. Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Was it jingle, jangle, or fizzle rocks when they were in that? So serious. When you say it seriously, like you have to be like, okay, well, let's take a second.

Was it jingle jingle jingle, or fizzor rocks when they were in that suite? Remember when Veronica almost got sexually assaulted by the bad guy from New York? Yes, yes. That was jingle jangle, right? It feels like a thousand years ago. I honestly, I can't, I can't remember. Jingle, jingle was season two, and I think Fizzlerox was season three. That's all, I could not tell you what plot lines they're pegged to.

I just remember what kind of arcs they were a part of. And I think one of them is like math, and then one of them is like acid. Yes. And also heroin? And that is. I don't remember so much happens. Please remind us if you remember clearly. I know we can look it up, but isn't it just.

so much more fun to try and remember on our own. Because even if you looked it up, you don't even know where to start. I was like trying to look up shit for this episode. And I was like, how do I even you still, it's like doing a dissertation, trying to be like, I have to try to remember everything that was introduced in this chaotic last season. I truly cannot believe we were recording through May in the quarantine. That is, I think I was disassociating during that time. But I don't say that lately. I truly do not remember that. No, I don't remember any of it. I don't remember. Okay, so JingleJangle was with the gooies. And Jingle Jangle is a drug used as a stimulant and according to Reggie is able to boost energy and keep the user wide awake, also implying reinvigorating sexual performance as one of its

effects. And that is Jingle Jangle. And then Fizzle Rocks. Reinvigorated sexual performance. I don't really remember that that they were taking it and bang it. I think that's why that's what happened in the hotel room. Fizzle Rocks is an addictive drug mixed with carbonated candy that causes the typical popping when it comes to cut. No, fuck you. The drug has strong contraindications that cause acid trips and it's abusers. So Fizzle Rocks is more like acid and the other one is more like or like, I guess more of like a Mali, if you will. And okay, and we will. So if there were Fizzle Rocks in there

really would have made a change for what that night was supposed to be. I wonder if that's going to come back or if anything is going to come from that. Again, though, Nuggy, no Nuggy have no idea. And that is, I think, how we need to be describing the rest of this season. We're back. We're back, motherfuckers. We are back being confused.

We are back screaming about something that doesn't fucking matter at all and yet matters the most to me right now. And I'm excited for this journey. Molly, are you? I'm certainly excited for the journey. I will say that with all earnestness. I don't know what to expect. There are certain things I'm angry about, but I can still feel excitement and anger at the same time. We certainly can. And I hope you feel the same. Welcome back guys. Season five will be back next week with Riverdale season 5, episode 2, which is chapter 78. Yes, if you're wondering, we have watched 77 hours of Riverdale. And next week's episode is called the Preppy Murders.

So good. We get to hear more from Brett. And the graduation will be episode three. So we're coming up on time jump, guys. Get your diapers ready because I'm gonna. piss myself. I'm going to piss in your diaper. Yeah, I'm going to piss in your diaper, and I'm going to piss in my diaper, I'll piss

in every diaper I find. Love you guys, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.