Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 78: Two Fists and a Gun

Episode Date: January 29, 2021

Your astrological sign might be the scorpion, Daddy. But in fact, you’re like a dog. A dog who needs to be trained. Need more hot goss? Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastIntro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You know what, Molly, I don't know what I expected from this episode. Yes, welcome to Riverdale Roundup. Yes, we are talking about season five, episode two, chapter 78, the preppy murders. I'm, keep screaming the word buckshot. And I feel like this episode was just like, uh, here. And they just like, I feel like we just got like a bunch of powder thrown in our face where I'm just like, okay, well, okay, fine, I guess. It's interesting because I never know whether you're,

you're going to like it or hate it. I love it or hated. We're often on the same page, but often we're not. And it's not like I loved this one. I don't think I, being honest, have really experienced pure love of a episode of Riverdale that didn't feel complicated in a while. Whoa. I mean, I love the fuging, but yes.

There's individual things that I usually love at least one of in every episode. But I am surprised to hear how angry you are, given the fact that you, called it, you should be doing a big old victory dance. It should be doing a victory dance. It's hard to know exactly what's going to happen in Riverdale and you should praise yourself for that skill. I feel like it was too easy. Yeah. The answers are too easy because, okay, when they, let's throw it out there. We found out who the auteur is. The attour that has been making the videos last week, we called, we said that it was Jelly Bean.

Jelly Bean is one of the atores, but harken back, if you will. I will. To all of the many episodes of Brother not Brother that they have been building up

and we did many times say that we didn't trust FBI brother Charles half brother of Betty, half brother of Jughead, half brother of Jelly Bean. So this is a Charles and Jelly Bean

half-siblings cohorts done for different reasons and they figure it out. They're like, oh my God, it's Charles. Charles comes in and he's like, yeah, I did it. Yeah, and I do it again. Nobody goes against our family.

I was like, well, so now there's another serial killer the Cooper household. And to be honest, I literally just watched the episode before we started recording sober as a church mouse. And I don't really understand why Charles did it. I know he did. I know there was a scene where he said he did it and why.

But I'm like, I don't really get it. I don't what you did because you have a serial killer gene and you're like, this is what we do. Like, serial killer gene. Literally, why did you do this? I know that we've been setting, they've been setting, you know, FBI brother up to be a sneaky serial killer. Or is he? Is he?

Is he? Isn't he? All last season. And I know that it's not their fault that they couldn't finish any of the plotlines they set up in this occasion because of pandemic. Yes. But it is not satisfying to be two episodes into a new season and to basically, I guess it is, we just isn't a new season. It's the last season. But it is frustrating to be like, oh, we get resolution for this like, like,

season long cocktees you did with us. And then the resolution, again, isn't even particularly clear or high stakes. It's just like, oh, I'm a little bit of a serial killer. He's half a serial killer because, like, he wanted to get rid of, because he's not, like, why did he do it? I just. And who did he even? He killed the preppy people because they weren't nice to Betty and Jughead, right? But that was another weird thing where, again, they set up brothers.

brother for such a long time with all of these videos and everything. And then the preppy murders, he just starts it in this episode? Right. He's like, bang, bang, bang. That one said. Bang, bang, bang. That one said. One of them they don't even show the death of.

I did have a hypothesis. One of them. Tell me your hypothesis. The hypothesis I had is I realized that this is the first full episode they must have done in quarantine. Notice how they gouged out Brett's eyes, by the way. So I would assume that maybe they didn't want to have another person in the room because they didn't show him with his eyes gouged out. Or does that mean that it wasn't Brett?

I don't trust you. Riverdale, you are such, oh my God. And maybe it's because I've been reading so much Twilight lately. But they're gaslighting us. Riverdale, you're just like Edward. and I've been screaming this about everybody. And now I don't know who to trust anymore, Molly. I did have a big problem with this episode because I, about five minutes in, I started trying to,

as soon as Cheryl had her Zoom meeting with her family, I was like, okay, we are in post-pandemic filming time now. Post-demi. We're supposed to be post-demi. The rest of the episode fixated on, like, our Herbosa and fucking Veronica sitting. far apart of the desk and like so far apart from high room because of COVID stuff. But then in the next scene, you know, Archie and his mom would be right next to each other. And I was and I, so I was, I was, that was all I thought about the whole episode.

So I know. That's a problem for me. But I'm just going to put that out of my mind now because now we know we are in the pandemic times. I don't understand what rules they have about who can be all kissing on each other and who has to be six feet apart on set or whatever. But it was definitely, as soon as they had the Zoom meeting, it took me right out of the world. I know.

And I know they're doing what they can. This is not anybody's fault. But it is hard to separate the two. I completely understand it is very difficult to not pay attention to it. And that's why I think part of the reason, sames, that I kept thinking about those things, but then also getting so frustrated with the show, they got to. close up these ends. We are about to have time jump. Next episode is to graduation. That is supposed to be the true end of last season. We will have our time jump. Right now, again, we're back

into season two of Friday Night Lights. This is just, okay, we're just getting this. None of it's going to happen. Can we talk? Okay, so that's, so Charles killed the guy that owns the video store. Charles killed Brett with chick's help inside of the prison. Charles killed Joan. He tried to, Joan. Whoever that is. He killed the other other preppy now because they went against the family. And I didn't know that I was watching Godfather, but I guess we're fine with this now.

So that's all tied up with a neat little bow, or is it? Or is Charles, or is Charles doing all of this to get inside of the prison to be with Chick to plan something else? Ooh, that's a fun theory. Love it a prison. Right? Ooh, a little prison. I mean, I would love brothers, not brothers, getting together against the families because they are now setting it up. Archie's not going anywhere.

Archie's going to be there forever. I hate it. I hate all the bullshit with the dad. You know I love Fred Andrews. But with the bringing in, oh my God, all of his, like, he's so angsty, guys. He's so angsty because somebody killed his dad. And I completely forgot that the person that killed his dad was not the person that killed his dad, but he was protecting his son. Dad killer, not dad killer.

Dad killer, not dad killer. I forgot about that. So what they were trying to get Archie to do was to write a letter to the judge saying, Hey, Judge, I'm 17. You shouldn't make trial this person for murder of my dad. Oh, I guess I forgive you for hit and running my dad. This is the first time let the record show that I'm going to go ahead and say, even though I do not believe in the carceral system.

I'm going to say that Archie made a good point in this episode because, so, right, if you had forgotten all of this, I totally had to, so I'm with you. Completely. So, Fred Andrews, aka Luke Perry, who tragically died, and then the whole season had to make a terrible justification for why that happened, which they landed on, a hit and run. and right so so it so archie was consumed last season by figuring out who did it he figures it out it is this dad guy but it turns out it's not dad guy it's dad guy's son who is a little boy who was learning how to drive and hit his dad and then he was so scared that they just collectively collaborated to do a hit and run which is you know extremely illegal and you know should be quite frowned upon and

So then dad guy is like, oh, me was so scared. I'm so sorry. And Archie was like, well, okay. But I understand that hitting and killing my father was an accident. But choosing to then run away like and not do anything about it and leave him for dead was not an accident. And that made a good point. You are not supposed to hit and run somebody. You are not supposed to hit people with your car and then run away.

That is a bad thing to do, even if you are a teenager, especially if you are an adult in charge of a teenager. Do not hit and run. Archie was right. And ultimately, I was glad that he landed on this was a kid. He shouldn't ruin your life over it. That was nice too because, you know, I believe in restorative justice. But I also believe that you shouldn't hit and run and just act like, oh, he's a teenager. just be cool about it, you know?

Let him off. Come on, God. Like, I, the second that the dad walked in, so the dad walks into Archie's boxing gym and was like, all right, okay, I came clean, but also he would still be arrested because he came clean for covering for his son. And then his son was like,

I did it, Mr. Judge. So he goes to Archie and was like, okay, so now don't write the letter for me to get me out of prison. Can you write the letter for my son to get out of prison? Very uncomfortable. He's still a minor. Yeah, I had to watch this one without Gideon, and I'm sure that if I had watched with him,

he would have weighed in on the legal, the realism of the idea that the adult who helped his minor son commit and then conceal a crime for months, and then speaks about all of that openly to the judge, is that not also charged with a crime? I have a question about that. I'm going to put a pin in it. Come back after speaking to my...

Well, put a pin in it. I'm sure it's not forever done. It's going to come back at some point, I imagine. Again, like what Riverdale does to us, that if there is not some sort of weird little bow on it, I imagine it will come back at some point. But then Molly Ringwald can't handle that Archie's upset about Daddy. So what is she?

in Uncle Daddy the Mercenary. And so the mercenary comes in. He comes back after almost getting Archie and his mom killed. Remember because the mercenary came, Uncle Daddy mercenary came into town. And then he left. And then people trying to kill Uncle Daddy mercenary came to the house and tried to kill Archie and the mom. They did. So now Uncle Daddy's back.

Archie punches him in the face a couple of times. times. Now he's fixed. He's not upset about his dad anymore. All he had to do was punch Uncle Daddy in the face. And Uncle Daddy is, he's gotten thicker, right? Was he always that? Were Uncle Daddy and muscular and Mommy Ringwald ever banged? Oh, they better be banging. I think they're going to be banging now because now she's his lawyer because again, remember, all law is law in Riverdale. So now she's going to. to go to trial to get him out of prison for being a mercenary? For his mercenary crimes that were committed presumably like, I guess, vaguely like in the Iraq war? I'm not exactly sure like how many years he's been on the run. Because I think he's supposed to be like a Blackwater guy. So I'm assuming this is one of those things where like Riverdale might have like, I don't even think Riverdale really knows what a mercenary is. I don't really know.

I think that they think it's like a Blackwater thing. I feel like this uncle daddy's been done, been just like hiding from these crimes since I'm going to say 2006. Like a lot, you know, like we're really. So it is, you know, the theme of people being on the run from crimes for a long time. That is, that was a theme of this episode. That was, you're right. That is the theme of this episode.

Because now he's going to confess and Molly Ringwald is. going to be his lawyer. They're definitely going to have sex. I will watch it. I'm excited about it. They weren't officially banging before. I don't think so. Okay, because I couldn't remember.

But he was like, he was like, I came back for more than one reason than to let you punch me in the face. And I was like, ooh, he's going to say it's because I'm going to marry your mother. I'm banging mommy. But then he said it was because he is holding himself to account for his vague mercenary activities.

I guess. But also, Molly, I want you to know. Your astrological sign might be the scorpion daddy, but in fact, you're like a dog. A dog who needs to be trained. That line, I had to pause it and clap because it was like, there's my Riverdale. There she is.

Your astrological sign might be the scorpion daddy. It is just, I'm done with a variety. Monica and Hiram. I want to watch Hiram. Hyrum, I'm throwing it out there. I think Hiram might be my favorite character. Yes. In acting style, I love Hiram Lodge.

Because Hiram Lodge, remember, had a disease. Now he doesn't have a disease. How does he not have his disease? Because he beats people up in the night. But he's also the mayor of Riverdale. And that was something that I forgot. Yeah. Because in the end of this episode,

does it matter Hermosa and Veronica are now trying to get Daddy away from the business because he's too old to be doing these things anymore and my favorite is when Veronica said to him

your astrological sign might be a scorpion daddy but in fact you're like a dog a dog needs to be trained she was he told her in response that she can't She can't stop him because all he needs to do. What did he say?

Where is it? I think I might remember it by heart. Can I guess and then you tell me if I'm right? Please, please. All I need to do business are two fists and a gun. All I need to do business are two fists and a gun. And I don't know how she thinks she's going to stop him. she's I don't know what's going on with that

the Malloys completely forgot about the Malloys I remember the Malloy's had they were around when the Turkey exploded on the Thanksgiving episode weren't those the Malloy's right yes yes the mother had come to get revenge on one of the Malloy's that had been killed and then they all had a big turkey together I forgot about that yeah yes yeah so you know

sometimes I wonder about my, is my hatred for Veronica's relationship with, because I don't hate Veronica's character, but I do hate the entire plot line of her and her dad's relationship because it's so, like,

she's constantly shocked that her dad is still a murderer. But then maybe I'm fooled because this episode she was like, I'm officially done. Even though they've done that like 12 times now, she's officially done with his antics and, you know, who else is done?

And unfortunately, she's really, really, really going to be done Hermione Lodge. I know. I want, I need her eyebrows in my life, Molly. I want to watch her. Can we just go back to the days where we got to watch her have sex with Sheriff Menetta? I know that that wasn't a lot. But in my brain, I see it all. the time.

Hermione Lodge is so beautiful. And they're taking away F.P. And Hermione Lodge? I know. That's the worst news. You can't get rid of Hiram. But so there, some important things did happen in this episode because we know, right, that they're going to take away Hermione Lodge and FP.

And in this episode, we found out why they're going to take away Hermione. She gets her revenge on daddy, husband, daddy by saying, three years ago, Andy Cohen asked me to be a real housewife of New York. And I said no because I was trying to protect my child, Veronica, I guess, inexplicably how that works because she just got back with this mafia king who was recently getting out of prison in order, you know, who was, who was, Hiram, in order to protect Veronica, who then that guy she was with to protect her child, just spent years trying to kill her child's boyfriend and all of her friends.

But so she's like, I put myself. on the back burner to take care of my child than you. And now my child's going away to college. And so apparently I don't need to do any protection for her whatsoever. So now I'm going to be a real housewife. And so that's the justification for Hermione going. I want to see a B or C plotline of her being a real housewife. I know we're not going to see that because she's leaving the series.

But I really wish that this is like a Katie Keene situation. Not to pull a Ben Affleck on you like this. week on page seven, but actually she is now not leaving Riverdale. What? I am reading an article right now. This development was originally written when Marisol Nichols was planning on leaving Riverdale. However, she will in fact be back after the upcoming and heavily publicized, so it's not exactly

a spoiler. Time jump! She's going to come back as a real house, so I've never mind this is what we need. That's great news. That's great. That is the first piece of good news that I have heard about this episode because I was like, okay, that's how they're going to get rid of her, how are they going to get rid of FP? And then I was thinking this episode would end when we find out it was Jelly Bean. I was thinking FP is going to be like, I got to go take her to like, you know, the woods or something and get her straight.

Yeah. But she wasn't killing anybody. She was just making the videos. However, she should probably talk to somebody. I would say maybe Jellybee needs to figure out a definite. definite abandonment issues, which is why Jelly Bean, apparently, which I don't even think we said, was making the videos because... So the Jughead wouldn't leave. It was so Jughead wouldn't leave because then there would be a mystery for him to solve.

And honestly, of all of the explanations in Riverdale, that was the best one would think we've ever gotten. Yes. I think that completely made sense. Yes. She was trying to keep him there. And so she started making the videos when he left for Stonewall Prep because it would be a reason for him to keep coming home. That was a really, really good explanation. It actually made sense.

Like, it actually made retroactive sense. It didn't feel like they were just trying to make something make sense that had no connection to anything that had happened earlier. Looking at you, FBI brother plot line. Like this actually, and it was like, it was like moving. And as somebody who was also furious when my brother had to move out and go to college, I totally get it, jelly bean. I was like, I don't want you to leave. And so that was incredibly, incredibly sweet. And I've always loved Jelly Bean as a character.

I mean, they haven't developed her as a character, but I've always loved, like, how sweet Jughead is to her and how he looks out for her. And so I did think that that was really, that was nice. And it goes back to the OG love of Jughead. Yeah. I do. I still love him.

Speaking of Jughead also in this plot line, so something that happened in this episode was, and that what kind of brought it all to a head with Jelly Bean finally, with Jughead figuring out that it was Jelly Bean, is that he got into the Iowa Writers Workshop and I was given myself a bit of a head scratch about this when it happened because I am pretty sure

that the Iowa Writers Workshop is a master's program is a graduate school program and Jughead is a high school student and I just got a tweet from somebody saying as a fellow Iowa native I really hope Molly Neffle catches U of I's Writers Workshop plot hole in this week's Riverdale Roundup

Jughead got accepted to an MFA program without having gone to college. So I'm so glad. I'm so glad that my like specific knowledge of the Iowa Writers Workshop that I then sitting alone watching Riverdale was like, I don't think Junkhead can go to a graduate program

without going to college. And I was like, maybe they also have an undergrad Iowa Writers Workshop that I just didn't know about. So I am extremely thankful for the fellow Iowaan tweet that I was not alone and by noticing that. But also remember, what did he have to do? Well, Betty had to play a game show to get into Yale.

And then what did he, with him, it was like, like, we hacked into your computer. And now you get into school. Yeah. And also he got it like in a text, which I suppose isn't impossible. But like, like, I got, when I got accepted to grad school, I had an email. Like, it was like his phone buzzed and then he looked at his phone and was. was like, oh, I got into... So maybe he has push notifications for his email.

I was just like, why did you get this via a text? I don't think that that's how it works. The whole work... They tried to jam... Again, they are trying to get this season done. They are trying to move the characters forward. I understand that. Get him in, get them out.

We are in this filler time period right now of trying to tie everything together. Whatever's going to happen. happened with Veronica and Hermosa because Hermosa killed the three Malloy's that were trying to kill Veronica without a thought in the world. Yeah, with like a silencer, silenced gun that she just had with her. And she's the new Hiram, which, you know, now they are the dream team. You know, Veronica and Hermosa, they're teaming up against Daddy. And as much as I hate Daddy, I don't know if I want to lose him.

I think I really want it to be a daddy. I just said it was my least favorite plot line, but I just, I like Mark Consuelo. I just, like, Hermosa is fine, but I just, I want more Mark Consuela. I just want less Veronica being annoying. Is that a terrible thing to say? No, it is, you know what it is? It's the smugness of the two of them on top, and I hate it. Yeah.

And I shouldn't. I should be rooting for them, and I'm not. Yeah. I'm still forever rooting for Hiram, and nothing will ever shake me from that. Yeah. Because in, so I was reading an article about this episode, and they were talking about it. And Katie Keene, now R-I-P, Katie Keene was being set up that Hiram was going to go to New York and was going to be working from New York as also a part of Katie Keen. I don't know what's supposed to happen with that.

But he can't leave because I was like, oh, that makes sense. And I was talking with Jeff about it. He's like, but he's the mayor of Riverdale. I'm like, you're right. I keep forgetting he's the mayor of Riverdale. I can't believe he's still the mayor. shoved in. Yeah.

I can't believe he's still. I thought that that must have been over. I just didn't, because he doesn't ever do any mayoral duties. No, he's never in an office. He's never, like, signing any documents. I don't know what a mayor does. I mean, like, he needs to, like, have some sort of, like, PR things, right? I do think that Hermosa is beautiful, though, but I just don't think I like her character.

I definitely don't trust her character. Yeah. So I guess we'll see how that goes, because. Hermosa is going to be running the business. Oh, my God. When Veronica, after the dad scorpion spiel, and then she called him, Perito, at the very end, I laughed and I laughed. But Hermosa's going to be taking over the business while Veronica goes to college.

I also love that little, just that little bit of daddy fighting when Sheriff Keller had to hold Archie back because I forgot. Remember 100,000 years ago when Fred Andrews and Marisol Nichols? Yes, Fred Andrews and Hermione Lodge. Remember when they kissed? Oh. And that's why Hiram said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because he overheard Veronica talking about Archie cheating on her with Betty.

So he said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. because Hermione kissed Fred Andrews. But Hermione kissed. Well, his apple doesn't fall far from the tree either. This is the thing. Uh-huh. So, yeah, I picked up on that. So I am excited.

Things I'm excited for. Everyone is talking about how T.T.'s storyline is really going to pick up in the coming episodes. There's going to be a lot more Titi. It's going to be a lot more of Titi's family, which is going to be a lot more of Titi's family, which is going to make a lot of sense. Because talk about Bucshot. We got to talk about Cheryl Bloss. I don't know why.

I just keep thinking about, I just keep thinking about, I think it's specifically in a league of their own when they like throw like the like powder in somebody's face. Cheryl Blossom was talking with her family, all of the Blossoms on Zoom, and they were talking about the Maple business because now Cheryl Blossom wants to take over the company. She is now making moves. She's making true business moves. I also think we're going to

see Cheryl become a bad guy. And I am very excited about that. Yeah. Because I would follow her to the ends of the world. She's the best character in the show by so many magnitudes. I love her. It's impossible to even articulate. I love her. I love her so much. And I forgot that they like killed somebody in the family. I don't remember. Jeff asked me. He's like, who is that person? I was like, don't remember. Let's keep going. So she's trying to make all these moves. She tried to have some of the land separate so that there could be like an indigenous person's memorial?

What was it? So remember, right, like a couple of seasons ago before Riverdale had really jumped the shark and there was like a very impressive episode about T.T.'s family and how they're like indigenous. and then like white colonists like Oh yeah when he was a judge head

was writing the article That was right It was like the serpents slash white colonialists Like the original The original serpents were white colonialists

The Via of the Serpents Yes So they and so right So Riverdale is stolen land As is the entire United States of America by the way And so but Titi's family is the indigenous

She is part of the indigenous family who lost The indigenous community that lost land To originally the serpents This fueled like a whole season long feud between them But apparently now just transfer that exact same Like pretty good plot To a totally different plot

Which is also the blossoms The Blossoms The Blossoms stole her land Which makes sense I guess Because the blossoms are like the kind of like rich people of town. The old money. Yeah, the old money.

Certainly they of course are responsible for, you know, the towns passed and stolen land. And so that was why we found out last week. They had a really fun, fun moment where we thought that they were, T.T's family wasn't going to like Cheryl because of the gayness. And it turns out it was because they're the blossoms. And then in this episode, Cheryl was trying to write that wrong. I love that she's trying to make her family do, like, you know, like a restorative justice for the indigenous people, you know, like reparations, basically by giving land back to the indigenous communities that they stole it from. But not for that, not for that reason alone, just so that T.T will be cool with her.

To help her girlfriend. It's because she wants her girlfriend to be happy. Honestly, weirdly enough, I feel like that makes the most sense because Cheryl is very selfish. Yes. And I don't think that you would do something like that for any other reason. That's like, the times that Riverdale's like, like has good politics, it's so satisfying because it's never actually for the point of having good politics. It's for the point of some, you know, drama.

Like, but then when they, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's great. It's to be like, oh, this is to be about this girlfriend drama, but we will just put in some good politics, which is how good politics should be represented. You don't have to make it about that. You just have to be like, also, you know, all land of a story. Yeah, like that was like a good, that was like a nice little, a little, it felt very Riverdaley in a very good way. Like, this has a bigger context, but really it's just about these two girlfriends. I loved it too because she went to go talk to her mother, Penelope Blossom. And I looked over at Jeff as Penelope Blossom was coming out of the walls of the Blossom.

of the Blossom Estate several times this episode. And I was like, oh yeah, Jeff, mommy lives in the walls now. And he's like, I did not know that. It's like, sidebar, mommy lives in the walls. But you know, she's always there

and isn't that kind of nice? So what does Penelope Blossom do because Cheryl's family won't allow her to give her girlfriend's history back to her family Penelope Blossom kills the entire family. All of them.

She poisons the entire family. At least six people were on that call. They're all dead now. I think there were nine people on the call. And she slipped out of the walls of the house. I think I called it Thistle Down, but it's not a Thistle House. And I think that was from Dr. Stranger. or oh, I'm rather strange.

I, she poisoned all of them because as you remember, she is, oh, what did, not Black Dahlia, what is it?

What did she refer to herself? Like, she used to call herself, like, the garangula of drinks. Oh, what was it? Yeah, she's the poison.

She kills. The poisoner in chief. She is the poisoner in chief. So now, um, she did it as a, a graduation gift. And now,

um, Thornhill. God damn it. It was Thornhill is the name of it. I'm screwing up all of my things. I'm just way too in, now I'm, I'm,

there's just so many different bullshit things that are a part of Riverdale that I, it just goes right out of my head. It's crazy that we do this show and yet neither of us can remember. I don't know. I just don't know. I know. How does it leave so quickly?

I don't know. It's not our fault. It's when you make 250 things happen per episode. You can't absorb all of them. There's too many plot lines. I mean, I love how many plot lines there are, but at least now it is not going to be, this isn't an issue for them anymore. I'm going to throw it out there that I guess that this is going to come back and bite them in the ass at some point.

But what I'm really hoping to happen after the time jump, next week we've got graduation, and then there will be time jump. I think that she's going to now be one of the heads of the crime. So does that mean that she and Hermes are going to go head to head? Not sure. Cheryl? Right? I feel like she's going to fall into being a bad person. I don't know why.

I feel like she's going to fall into being a bad person in taking over the Blossom name. And I feel like someone's going to have to fall into that. Like, what is going to be her thing? It's not going to be poisoning. But she's going to be in that town because, or she's going, is she going to college? She must be going to college. You're right. You're right.

I'm right. Brain. Thank you. I am right. You are also right. I'm sitting here, Slack, John. Trying to remember. I remember she had a meeting where it was like she wanted to go to a women's college, right?

And then remember she was trying to get. Titi in because Titi couldn't afford it and then she gave that's right she gave T T T T T T T T T her entry into college instead because she like she like her family like owns part of the college right because you just you can transfer them yeah anytime Molly can I finish your master's for you that would be terrific yeah I have it I'll do it yeah I'll do it I could do it too and I'll write the papers and I'll just give it to me I, um, you can tell I do lots of research for this. It's hard.

It's hard. Keeping it together. There's no fucking anymore. And you know, that, there's no fucking. And there probably won't be. I need more kissing. There probably won't be any fucking for a while, right? Because of the, I don't, I don't know what their rules are.

I think that it actually is going to bring this species spice back because Veronica is going to be married to someone that we hate. We don't know this character yet. But we know we hate them. But everyone is saying, it is like that is what's been leaked about it, is that he's a ne'er-do-well and he's a rich boy. But what's somebody we already know? Some of them we don't know. It's going to be a new character.

So she obviously met him at college. So I think that we were going to bring back this species spice because they're all going to be back home. And a lot of feelings are going to get, oh, you know, friends with Christmas. I love Skisker. scandal of going back to the hometown and things happening. It'll be like Hallmark movie and Riverdale together at last. Love it. This is what I need.

Maybe they'll all fucking have a night where they snored a bunch of jingle, and they get into a hot tub, and then like Archie and Jughead start kissing. I will watch it. It'll be nice when they're all adults because then the constant drinking that happens throughout the show will make just a little bit more sense. Not that teenagers don't drink, but in this episode... No, but when your sheriff father sits down with a 17-year-old to have a drink at a bar? At the hotel bar.

And drughead's like, yeah, I figured we should talk over drinks. Like, that's just not... It just makes me so mad because I'm like, that's just not how high schoolers drink or talk to their parents. Like, that is how adults talk to each other. And I don't understand why the Riverdale writers refuse to write... Why do they write like this? Maybe it's on purpose and it's fun.

It is kind of fun, but it's just so confusing. I thought we should talk over drinks. Dude, you're a fucking senior in high school. You're a child. You cannot sit in a hotel bar and have a drink with your sheriff father. It is illegal. Because he is still the sheriff. I do want to say real quick, I was close that Penelope Blossom was referred to as the red Dahlia.

Which makes no sense. I did what, remember when she was wearing that mask when she worked at the brothel for a while? That's 20 stories ago. So here we sit in our own pile of make, waiting for whatever is going to happen next week when they graduate. We are just, we're churning through it right now. So next week's a big week, a big week, because that's our last one in present time. I'm going to be sad. In present time.

I'm going to miss present day, Riverdale. I'm sad that we don't get to scream about, oh, my God, they're high schoolers that own speakeasies. Oh, my God. They're high schoolers that do such and such. Yeah, everything will make more sense. It will, and I hate that. I hate that it makes more sense because I live for how fucking dumb this show is. And it does really, truly, it's like when I watch, you know, my mom is.

boys, TLC shows. Nothing makes me scream with such beauty as Riverdale. Riverdale makes me so mad for no reason. There's no reason for it to be this anger-inducing, but I need it

and I need it now more than ever. And I feel like, this isn't the case. But Riverdale knew we needed them. They're like, oh, is it day 394 of quarantine? Why don't we give them something else to yell about. And I thank ye, Riverdale, for giving us exactly what we need.

You're right. There's no way this is the last we hear from Charles. There's no way that this is the last we're going to hear from Jelly Bean. Because you also think time jump, five or seven years, that means she's going to be either she's going to be in college or she's going to be in high school. Either way, excited for it. And I hope they don't get rid of Jelly Bean. I hope so too. And I feel like she they caught it's like that child actor thing where when she started she actually did look like a little kid and now she looks like a teenager so like if she has to be a slightly older teenager i think it'll be okay like i think you're getting me on the right attitude jockey i think uh i've been dreading the time jump i've been enraged about the time jump i've been just anticipating just pure fury but i think that we do need a change we all need a change we've all been doing the same thing for 10 years inside our home And so now we'll be inside our homes doing something slightly different, watching everybody just be the age that they already are.

And it's going to be, and I think that that means they get up the species spicy. Yeah. Because for as much as I love FP and Alice together, there's not enough sex. Yes. I want to watch them have sex. Yeah. I want them both to have serpents jackets on and I want them to be having sex. Yeah.

Yeah, they've really got, they moved in. together and then they just got and they started raising their multitude of combination brothers slash dating children and then everything got real platonic so i do want more sex more sex in the time jump we're a screaming for it and um that is going to conclude this week's riverdale roundup i'm excited guys i can feel it we are ramping up you have to get set do not stop watching riverdale We have gone too far. We will keep watching it. Yeah.

And you have to as well. True. We're doing this together, okay? Yes. You're right. We have to, we have, it's a, you know, it's a pact at this point. We got to drive off this cliff together. We're in a pact.

This is, this is, oh God, when is there going to be, is there, has there been a death pact yet in Riverdale? This is the beginning, if not. This is where we are now starting our, oh, of course there has been. Jackie. Yeah. How about like the organ stealing cult? How about the Sisters of Quiet? Mercy.

Jesus Christ, Jackie. As soon as you said it, I was like, I know there has been. I just can't pile through my roll-it-ex of stories quickly enough. Of course there has been. And we will be back next week for the final episode of this season, not season. And I am excited about it. And we love you so much. And we'll talk to you next week.

Oh, bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.