Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 85: Piggy Gets the Tricky

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

...what?We recap Chapter 85: Destroyer.Need more hot goss? Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastIntro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Episode of Riverdale. Welcome everyone to the Riverdale Roundup. Yes, we are talking about Episode 9 Destroyer. Yes, I believe that that is in reference to the 2017 Nicole Kidman movie that I think nobody saw. I just remember because there was like a picture of like Betty had some sort of, I don't know if even if she had a trench on, but it did make me think of Nicole Kidman. been in the movie Destroyer that I don't know about you, but I certainly didn't fucking watch. Well, you know, speaking of wardrobes, I got to start right out the gate here and say, you know, as I think more and more about my own gender, sometimes I wonder, am I

attracted to the way that this man looks or do I just want to look like that too? And this has perhaps never been more personified than Hiram Lodge wearing the Stonewall Prep high school football sweater and over his tight, tight, tight body. Ooh. Woo. Oh, at one point I was like,

I thought that he was so invested in the Bulldogs because he used to be a bulldog. Oh, no. Just like in Riverdale, anyone can be a teacher and anyone can teach high school football.

I forget. You could just come right in and just tagging it out. I'm like, let me be around them kids. Yeah. I've killed a bunch, but let me on the field. And so we got to see Hiram Lodge become the, I was about to say, president, because that's how little of a ballist that I am.

He was the president of the Stonewall Brepps football team. You know, I just love to be a fully middle-aged adult that is just obsessed with the interpersonal drama of high schoolers, even though. my arch nemesis, Archie Andrews, is no longer a high schooler. I have transferred my obsession. I've kept my obsession on Archie Andrews, but I've transferred my obsession. Still, it always has to be high schoolers. Hiram Lodge has to have his 50, got to be a 50-year-old man, 55-year-old man,

shit up in high schoolers interpersonal drama. The man lives for high school. I love a Hiram Lodge. So much. I just love it. Let it go. Take so, just let Riverdale go. Make your peace.

But he won't. He will not. Too vengeful. He's too petty. He's a petty man. He's got big shoulders, but that doesn't mean he's not petty. Yeah, he does a big shoulder. He ain't that big shoulder, no, don'ty.

And there's, I will say, not, of course, no sex in this episode. but the looks are just, I of course, I'm still in last week's episode, begging Reggie and fangs to have a kiss. Reggie who flipped sides again. But can somebody explain that to me because that was completely unearned. He just goes like, here this guy is willing to literally hide bodies for Hiram Lodge. And I mean, maybe, you know, as I'm talking through it, maybe it makes total sense. He's literally willing to fucking hide bodies in a swamp for my,

for Hiram Lodge, although then he kind of was like, no, let him find the bodies. But then in this episode, he's just like, if you're going to say one word against my former high school football team, I will walk out of your office, put on a turncoat suit, and go sit on the other side. And it was fine. It was just, it just happened. So he really. And also hours before that, he was in Pops diners, calling all of the children that are on the Bulldogs, Remember when he sat down, he goes over to Archie because remember Archie is pulling back the bulldogs. He's bringing them back together to bring Rividea back together.

Makes no sense. He is bringing them back, but they have no money. So, of course, Ronnie is the one that's bankrolling all of it. And so in this episode, she goes to Tabitha, who now owns Pop Steiner and was like, Can't Pops be a sponsor? And Tabitha's like, sure, we've got all this money from absolutely. no one coming into the diner. Throw the money, throw the money, throw the money.

They have a pancake breakfast. And how do they get the maple syrup for the breakfast? Cheryl Blossom. So they go to Sherry Blossom. So they go, please, Sherry Blossom and give us some maple syrup? She goes, Sherry, gave some maple syrup. And so all of the young boys are eating pancakes while the same time there was a start. Who gives a fuck about the football anymore?

I don't even know why. I'm mad. I'm still talking about it. I don't care about the football part of it. This is not Friday Night Lights. You gave that up a long time ago. You have to leave it in the past. When the show started, the first season had some very nice Friday Night Lights-esque moments.

Sure. It was enjoyable, especially because there was like, it was interspersed with these great musical numbers featuring the, you know, featuring Cheryl Blossom and the cheerleaders. And it was like, you know, totally a nice mix of like, like, you know, dark serial killer drama with like kind of saved by the bell-ask high school drama and Friday Night Lights inspirational football moments thrown in there. In this episode, they were trying to go back like what I want to say fucking 60% of this episode was on a football field. It was like a very football heavy show. But they just didn't they did not, I don't think successfully tap into the gravitas of Friday Night Lights. Um, you know,

No, I was invested when Britta scored that goal, I will admit. So I would be willing to entertain more football-themed shows. However, as with everything with Riverdale, it's just sometimes you just don't, sometimes they just don't earn it. There was a lot of things that weren't earned in this episode. It was, there was a lot. There was a lot. Now that I'm trying to like think back through, because again, the football part of it was just a tiny part of it.

and yet it wasn't. They, like, tried to bump it up into this bigger thing that nobody gave a fuck about because there are aliens in Riverdale. You called this, by the way. You totally called. We have now merged the Mothman plot line with the Polly's missing plot line.

I did not see it coming, and you did. And so all I kept saying last night when I was watching was Jackie called this. Thank you. She said Polly was in a spaceship. She was in a fucking spaceship. So all of it, I will say thank you, Riverdale, for melding some of these subplots because there's just so many.

So finally, the Jughead and the Betty plot line are going to start melding together. Thank you. Because it's, I dare say, and you know I don't like to say it, I dare say it's too much. Yeah, there's good to pare down. Ken, all right, before we go any further, I must. I must not increase my bust, but I must. discuss Kevin's Conver fucking station and the hate crime that was in the middle of the episode. Yeah, that hate crime was really jarring.

I was like, is this a nightmare? Kevin's having a nightmare. This must be a nightmare. It was very upsetting. Nobody needed that. Nobody needs to, like, we don't, we just don't need that. Like, we don't need to see queer people getting beaten up on TV. We don't, we don't need it.

Don't do it. It's done. No, we're good. I'm good without it. And so in this, if you remember, from last episode, so Kevin and Fang's Marriage on the Rocks, he doesn't know if he wants to get married, so he moved out. They're going through a little bit of a breakup after the key party. And we don't really know what's going to happen.

But we are uncovering a little bit of past trauma that Kevin went through. So he goes into the sauna, you know, like you do, naked men in the sauna. And you know what everybody does in the sauna. which is have meaningful conversations or trying to fuck. So there's a dude in there. And it elevates. It escalates very fast that Kevin's trying to fuck this dude in the sauna. The guy was definitely giving him eyes back.

But then when Kevin touched him, he beat the fucking shit out of him. This led to him having an earnest conversation with his father because, oh, Daddy Keller was like, what's going on? So Kevin, I really have not laughed this hard at a Riverdale episode. And, like, I wasn't expecting it because I hate crime. It just happened. But Kevin starts giving this monologue that I was like, okay, all right, we're getting into this shit.

And he starts talking about his mom. And I was like, oh, man, what does mom do to him? Did she, you know, did she queer shame him at a young age? Like, what is this trauma that we're about to uncover of why Kevin is having such issues. Long story short. What Kevin's mom did is she said, hey, next year, I think we should start shopping in the Husky section because I guess Kevin was put in on a little bit of weight. She didn't call him a fatty fat fat. She didn't say piggy gets the tricky, you know, and start slapping

him on the fucking head. She said, I think that we should start shopping in the husky section. So he went out into the forest where they all cruise, and he had his first sexual encounter at the age of 15. So number one, very upsetting. Because the way that he talks about it, I assume that he is a full-grown man that he has this encounter with. Yes. He's not even what the traumatic part is for him. It's the fact that his mother said he had to start shopping in the Husky Center. And he said that it made him feel so good to make him.

this man feel so good that now he seems that he is addicted to cruising. I hate this. I hate it so much. They took something I loved, which was Kevin's cruising, and they turned it into a pathology. Cruising doesn't have to be a pathology. Kevin is slutty. He loves going to the woods and hooking up with people. He loves cruising. It's in Riverdale, so there's not like a club scene to cruise at. So he cruises in the woods. There's a bunch of gay men in the woods that he kisses. Having consensual experiences with the fault. Why does that mean that he has to have some sort of, like, again, what a platform that they could have talked about, like, the recognition of past trauma leading into unsafe, self-destructive tendencies. We could have that conversation, sure.

Absolutely. Yes. But the way that it was laid out was like, it's, again, Riverdale, which we've talked about many times, trying to be woke. And then in turn, it gets, I don't know if it's just the ringer of having to go through, you know, having scripts, having to be read and approved by higher ups and shit like that. I imagine things change in the process. But I laugh, and I should not have been laughing. Yeah. It was a, it was a missed opportunity slash like an overreach.

Right. because one of the things that I've always loved about Riverdale is how casually queer it is. Like it's that you don't have to, like, the problem with like 90s and 2000s representations of queerness, right, was that they were all just like, oh, it's all such a tragedy. You know, it's like it's all just consumed with like death and sadness. And it's just like, you know, okay. It doesn't have to be angels in America because there was the angels in America. We watch angels in America for angels in America.

Exactly. Like, of course, like. Like, if you are going to tell stories, like Pose is a great example of this. Yes. You can tell stories about queer people. And of course, those stories, I mean, Riverdale is not Pose, of course, in many ways. But you can tell stories about queer people that include the fact that queer people are more likely to be victims of trauma, to be marginalized by their families, all this stuff, right? You can have that.

But then it could also just be like stories that are like fun and sexy. and funny and celebrations of life. It doesn't all just have to be like, it's all darkness. And like what they did in the first season of Riverdale was like, there's a gay high schooler and he cruises in the woods. And it was great.

And his dad doesn't judge him and he's completely accepted by everyone. And it's not even the crux of the plotline. Thank you. Totally. It doesn't have to be. Normalized, casual, queer high schooler, like getting his knee, you know,

having a great time in the woods. It's like a thing that he does. Everyone knows. Kevin loves to cruise in the woods, whatever. And then they have now taken it, yeah, and turned it into like, oh, I did it because I was damaged. Nobody needs that. Fatty, fatty loves sucking the cock. And that's what I kept saying last night as I jumped around. And I kept saying, fatty, fatty sucks the cock. And Jeff loved it. And we cheered and we cheered. But that's not what I want you guys know. I'm very sensitive person. I usually immediately burst into tears of anyone talking about.

trauma. And I was so upset that I was like, I never feel this way. So if I feel this way, it's got to mean something. Yeah. Yeah. And I still don't even understand what point they were trying to make about his mom calling him Husky. Like, I really don't. It was, I think it's just that like essentially he's saying that like, I'm not ready to be committed to someone because I like to make myself feel better with self-destructive tendencies. Right. Right? But also at the same time, like, been there. I've definitely been there. I get what he's saying. But maybe he'll grow past that. Or maybe he'll get abducted by aliens. We don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. One of the things that I am happy about is the growth of the alien plot line. And also, I will say, I didn't think I would say it. You could probably even find a tape of me saying that I was, glad that Betty and Jughead had to just establish a friend's relationship, but I'm glad

they're working together again. I'm glad. You know what? It's better that they work together because Betty is fucking unhinged right now. The girl is going through something. And I actually, you know what? And I'm really starting to put this together. I love that their issues are adult issues now.

Yes. And I know that, of course, in the past that they were definitely way too young to be dealing with what they're dealing with. But I kind of like watching Jughead struggle with being an alcoholic while trying to do these things. And Betty, like, slamming down wine, holding a guy, tying a guy to a tree with a gun to his head, saying she's going to fucking kill him because she's hammered and she's grief-stricken. Because that is, I imagine, more of what I want to see these characters doing. You know what I mean?

Rather than, like, just worrying about, like, oh. I also have to graduate high school. I'm glad that it's not that anymore. I want these big, like, that's the fun of Riverdale is that it's these insanely huge things that are going on in a very small town. So, if you remember, Polly is still missing. End of last episode. She called the house, and they went to go find her, and they saw the phone booth smashed with blood everywhere. Apparently, now this is linked into the Malthman thing.

Now someone, I'm going to start. I got to bring out my phone. Because we got some theories, y'all, that we need to be talking about. And because y'all are amazing and you keep sending in your theories to page 7 podcast at gmail.com, I will keep reading them and I love them and I read them right after I watch the episode. so I really appreciate it. Janie had a really great theory. I think that Polly's disappearance

and the Mothman alien shenanigans all relate back to the old man Jughead interviewed a few episodes back. I think that he's actually a delusional killer who dresses up like a moth man or alien and is terrorizing people. He was the one who messed with all of his friends back in the day, because remember all of his friends died,

but he didn't. And now he's doing it. again, he could absolutely have a layer slash prison he built on his property that looks like a spaceship that he was holding Pollyan. And doesn't he live off of the lonely highway? He does. Yes, he does. He does. That dude, and I've said it from the start, his beard is too well kept for him to live out there and not doing something.

Yeah. Because if he's just sitting out there in a junkyard, he's not clipping his beard. I know he wouldn't be. Man, I don't want it to not be aliens. I want it to, I want it to be like, you know how there's the two types of X-Files episodes? But maybe he is an alien, though. Could be, yeah. You know, like, X-Files has like the alien episodes and the monster episodes.

Yes. I want this to be an alien episode. I don't want it to be a monster episode, even though some of the monster episodes were good. Yes. And I do, I want it to be aliens because remember, which I completely forgot. Like, we wanted it with the Gargoyle King. Yeah. And it never did because, which I, it's insane.

The amount that happens in the show that I completely forget about is that it was chick, that it was the Gargoyle King. It wasn't something it was supernatural. I think that they've got to be going supernatural with this, like for real supernatural. Or are they leaning into, which I think it's a lot of fun. They're doing the whole thing with Jughead as he gets further into the story of like, or am I just blacking out because I'm an alcoholic? Right.

And I think that's a lot of fun. That is fun. Maybe it's not aliens. Maybe it's my alcoholism. Yeah. And as someone that was a very big alcoholic for a very long time, I get it. Yeah. There's definitely things of like, well, I don't remember doing any of that.

Yeah. But there's video of it. And in fact, that's actually an interesting. That's even, that is doing a surprise Riverdale thing, which is to take the story, not story, but instead of just being like, oh, it's not aliens, it's just a crazy guy, to be like, no, it's not aliens, but it is like the demons of your own mind. That's more interesting. So that I support.

I do support it because now Betty and Jughead are going to be working together, which I did think it was a little insane when he, like, essentially Jughead's like, okay, look, I talked to this guy off the lonely highway, just come and talk to him because, like, you know, we don't know where Polly is. And she's, like, rolling her eyes when he starts talking about the Mothman. I was like, bitch, fucking listen. Of all the things that have gone on in your life, you're going to roll your eyes at Mothman. You have two serial killers in your family.

You, like, what are you talking about? Mockman is too much? Remember the Gargoy. You'll king. But Mockman is crazy. Yeah. I think that Jughead is, I don't know what role his alcoholism is playing, but I think that he's trying to find the truth. He is our molder.

And I think that he is, I think that, I think that the aliens are, right now, I am still standing in the aliens are real spot. I understand there's a lot of different spots to stand in. But that's, that's, that's my spot. Because what else happened to Polly? But that blood, the blood was, this is another huge plot line from this episode. but oh, it was A, B, whatever the fuck, blood. And that is a very rare blood type. It's like only a 1% of the population has it.

So therefore, the blood and the smashed phone booth had to have been Polly's. But Betty finds this out. And then she keeps it from Alice Cooper, who's also having a real wine time. Oh, she is having a weird wine time, huh? But so the question is, if it's not aliens, then really what happened to Polly? I don't know.

And I can't remember. I'm trying to find it. But the idea that what if the twins aren't real anymore. Okay. So Alice Cooper's going a little crazy, right? Alice Cooper's going a little crazy. She's having a wine time about it. And Betty's also having a wine time about it.

And remember, and I do remember this, and I know that we talked about it, when Alice Cooper opened up the door and Betty's like, like, what's wrong mom? And her mom's like, I'm tired. I just got the twins down. And Betty rolls her eyes. Notice again that last week's episode, the twins were in the house sitting at the table with no lines.

They were not interacted with by Betty. Oh, my God. And that they were like toys and everything everywhere. What if that part of like the whole like Polly disappearing? What if those kids don't exist? What if it has something to do with the fact that people keep going missing? Remember when the babies flew over the fire? Yes.

What if there's something with the twins that might not, is that like, I'm just, this is something I'm plugging for future. I'm plugging this into your brain for the future. I don't need this in my brain. This is freaking me out. What if? And if you think about it, it would make sense of like their family. falling apart, daddy's a serial killer, the kids are missing, or their ghosts in the house, or it's going to get back into more ghost things versus alien things.

I'm saying this out of nowhere, but I wanted to remember to bring it up because I was very excited about it. Put a pin in it. Put a pin in it. We got to keep talking about this episode. Is it like a sixth sense thing where Alice can see that, but Betty can't? Maybe. Jesus Christ.

Maybe. A lot of wild things have happened to those twins, so they might have died at some point. Right. All right, we're putting a pin in it because we've got a stupid love conversation to have. We didn't even get into details about what's happening with Jughead and Betty right now.

There's a lot. Cole Spouse looks fucking great in a corduroy jacket with the sheerling collar. Yes. Good Lord. I don't. Not a fan of the goatee. No.

But you know what? I'll lick it off his face. I think I have to. Without Skeet, there's nothing. Like, I need Skeet back. I miss Skeet a lot. You know, I hadn't even actually really, like, crystallized that that was what I was missing, but it is it's him.

Yeah. I miss him. I miss him. And Alice Cooper is too sad for me to lust over. We've got Hiram Lodge looking great. Hiram looked very good. In the tight pants, Hiram's always looking good. We saw, you know what, I'm happy we didn't have to watch Archie and Veronica have sex.

I'd rather just see them in the bed afterwards because I don't want to watch. Because now Veronica, billionaire, apparently, Veronica is the one that is bankrolling this entire town. Archie's being fucking Archie. And then there's Cheryl Blossom, who is going through quite a dichotomy for her character because she's one the like the beautiful fair lesbian that lives up on the hill that no one gets to talk to like you know like in a like a Jane Eyre type situation and then there's her saying like my vixen won't sexy dance at the football games anymore so you're going to need somebody to look at so what does she do as a full grown adult sexy dances with the teenage

cheerleaders as well as sings stupid love by Lady Gaga. Gaga must be a Riverdale fan or something because they keep having these poor young women sing her music that cannot sing it. Yeah. Yeah, it's the second Gaga song of the season. In a short time, we're only on what, episode nine. Oh, I guess it's not that short time. Yeah, you know, with Riverdale.

I mean, next week is the mid-season end. That's right. I keep being upset about that. I know, dog. But yeah, you know, I, obviously, fact-checking Riverdale is an exercise in futility, and so I'm not trying to go down that lane, but can you imagine how wildly inappropriate it is for a 26-year-old adult to come fucking grind in front of a bunch of teenagers because, like, they're not up to the job.

And also, you're their teacher. you're their coach and you're just like I'm an adult I'll do it it's so fucked up I'll do it in a tight jumpsuit with I just I couldn't look away from the cameltoe I'm sorry not sorry

I couldn't stop and I was just like this is just wildly inappropriate I was very upset the entire time you could bear like the dancers danced behind them this is also while the team is losing so I just why are we doing this sure why are you even wasting your

time. Well, it's because perhaps that was what inspired Archie to give his big old pep talk. Was this before or after Veronica offered $10,000 to the first person who could score a touchdown? Because I love that Veronica is such an empty cynical shell of a human, just like her father, that she does not know how to do anything without money. I just wasn't the whole point when she brought in another one of her people from the big city, because remember, she brought in a footballer the same way she brought in the firefighter. Right. To teach the firemen how to fight the fires, which they didn't do.

And now she brought in a footballer from New York to come in and like, teach them, you know, oh, you do this for you. You don't do it for anybody. Like, you get out there and get your confidence up. Great, great, great. But then you're going to bribe them with $10,000 so they can get a fucking field goal or whatever they're called. Again, I think it's very illegal.

I don't think that as an educator you are allowed. I think two illegal things happen. I don't think that you're allowed to take their place in a performance a la Cheryl Blossom. And I don't think that you're allowed to bribe them with money. I just think that both of those things are illegal. And I also don't think that a really great team can kick out a team that's not doing well just because they don't want them to play anymore.

Because if you think about it, and I know nothing about ballast, but it did make sense when Jeff said, isn't that the last person you want to kick out? Don't you want teams that you can beat so that you can get further and that it's not right? Isn't that a part of ballast? Isn't that it?

The idea that it was like, if we don't score a goal, we're not going to be able to keep being a team. I don't think that's a thing. It's just, it was very weird and forced. Again, I want to hear more about the thousand other subplots than those subplots. I don't care.

Well, unless we, we have to, because I need your help with this one, speaking of subplots, we have to talk about Lenny Lermer or whatever his name is, The Child. Oh, God. What is what is? The child who is Jughead student, Jughead gets an essay from this kid, basically describing what he thinks is an alien abduction. But also, did you notice?

So this is, so when they put down the, so remember, Jughead is also the English teacher. So Jughead was teaching and everyone was writing short stories. So this kid leaves his short story on the desk on the outside of it. Remember last week when Jughead was being hunted by the dream and or the reality of a mothman that is like coming to him through delusions? And the boy had drawn that same mothman on the outside of the short story and the short story was named as above. below. So I will say, and I'm going to say this right now,

that if this becomes a Satanist thing, I'm going to be pissed. But, oh my God, as I just said that, I had a flash. No. Tell me. All right. I've had multiple people. This is a shout out

to Eve, and this is a shout out to Alexa, who brought it to my attention that Minerva on Riverdale plays a witch named Agatha. All right. Minerva, who was the art daily. This isn't going to be a fucking Wanda Vision crossover.

Because a witch named Agatha, that's Wanda. This is the thing. So Agatha was in the chilling adventures of Sabrina. Ah. Oh, no. So even Eve says, Minerva played a character named Agatha in the chilling adventures of Sabrina. Agatha's sisters in the show also had weird old-timey names, but none of them were Agnes.

This could definitely be a coincidence, but I know there's been talk about Riverdale and Sabrina crossover. Wow. Is this going to be fucking Satanist? Because I'm going to be pissed. Or will I be pissed? I was going to say, why will you be pissed for sure? Is that because the Gargoy King was already like, it was like Satanism light, wasn't it? It's like true detective, like, are we dealing with Satanists?

Aren't we? because I wanted to be aliens. Yes, I want to be aliens. And I don't want it to all be wrapped into like, oh, this is like, unless like Minerva shows up that it's going to be an underground, like, witch ring that's in Riverdale. And that's why young women are going missing. Ooh, that's fun. I like that a lot. Ooh, I just gave myself chills.

They're not going missing at the hands of a trash bag killer. They're going missing at the hands of a coven. Oh, I like that. I like that. Never mind. You just listen to me, talk myself into it. You know what? I like it.

You just had to go through the process. I had to. Don't you? This is what I do at Jeff for like 45 minutes after every episode we watch. And, you know, you got to talk these things out. We have to think about it. So, all right, back to Logan, no, Lerman Logan is his name. Thank you.

So what we need to talk about, and I'm putting this out to you as well as to everyone that is listening. And what I don't understand is that his name is Lerman Logan. And so this is the boy that wrote this short story. Jughead has a sit down with him because he essentially wrote a story that sounded like a cry for help mixed in with going along the lines of what happened to Jughead when he. was abducted. Abducted, I say, with air quotes. So he was curious because it was all about, like, a boy that was locked in his room and, like, all this stuff.

So he sat down with the teenager and said, hey, what's going on? Are you okay? That's a great teacher move. I think that he's, of all of the teachers I've seen in Riverdale, this is the first time actually a teacher was trying to be a teacher of like, are you okay? John, that's the only one teaching, for sure. Only one teaching. And so, are you okay?

And then, which I wanted to hear how you felt about this specifically, because when Jughead went to the principal to be like, hey, have you ever noticed anything weird about this kid? And Principal Weatherby was like, yeah, you know, shows up sometimes. It's all beat the fuck up. But like, kids be kids. And, yeah, we had his parents come in, but the parents were really nice. So there's no way that they're beating them.

Yucky. Yes. I don't think that. I know that there's definitely, there are a lot of issues of working in schools and the layers of which you can help and the things you can and cannot do. I know that it's a very touchy thing all around it. But I definitely know that just because someone is nice to an authority figure does not mean that they are not beating the shit out of their kids, as well as the parents thought it was completely unacceptable that Jughead talked to him about what was going on. Right.

Which, weird. Something's going on with those parents for sure. Something's going on with those parents. Yes. And they said the young boy sleep walks and they're like, oh, why'd you bring all this shit up? Now he's going to start sleepwalking again. And then he went missing. And they said he had been missing in the past for long periods of time.

I'm sorry. Days. The educators are mandated reporters. You got to report these parents if they were not reporting their child missing for a week. week at a time. He was missing for a week once. He was missing for a week. I'm sorry. That's not just sleepwalking. Nobody wants to call in the parents, but you got to call it the parents if they're not reporting their kid missing for a week and he goes missing and he finds him on the highway. Yes. Something's going wrong. But so now he's missing and

they found him again on the lonely highway. Jughead and Betty did. Of course, Betty had to stop from killing that innocent man that was strapped up to the tree who she left. to the tree because there is nothing wrong with anyone having experience with sex workers. There is nothing wrong with it. Of course, the things that could happen afterwards, and I understand that this trucker was the last one, quote unquote, that saw Polly before she went missing. Betty, you can't do that. He's like, I've got a wife and kids.

And she's like, got a gun to his fucking. I know. I know. I do wish, I support vigilante justice in a lot of contexts. I do wish there was less, like, I don't fucking care any about what the facts are. My emotions dictate that I tie you to a tree and threaten to kill you. She's lost immobbles. Yeah, she's gone.

And also, she's a law enforcement, you know, acting. She's at least, she's either impersonating a law enforcement officer or she is one. Either way, you're not supposed to act like that. You're not supposed to do that. And also, again, I'm also kind of for vigilante justice in certain cases. But he didn't. Like there's no proof. Yeah.

There's no proof. Right. And you shouldn't like torture and kill someone just because they see sex workers. That's bad politics, Riverdale. Again, it's the Riverdale thing of being like, we're going to like kind of do like a slightly like a gesture at being like sex work is okay. But then also we're going to still totally replicate all of the terrible stereotypes around like people who see sex workers and people who are sex workers and have it all be like associated with like. death and destruction, you know? It's just like, don't do this.

Come on now. I will say we did make a joke because the first trucker that she broke the nose of when the sex worker was getting into the cab of the truck. I was like, that is by far the happiest lot lizard I've ever seen. Because she just went in with just like such a bright smile on her face. I'm like, that is not. But you know what? Good on.

Maybe she's having a great time. But now back to this teenager. Right. For some reason, his name. name in the show is Lerman Logan, right? And I've noticed this in all of the recaps that I've read. Logan Lerman is an actor. And he was in the Percy Jackson.

I don't know Percy Jackson, but I looked into this because everyone's like, why is this person named after like a young actor who now doesn't act anymore? I don't think. Is it because he was abducted by aliens? Maybe he was abducted by aliens. He was in, he was like the lead in the perks of being a wallflower. But why is the name Lerman Logan? Is it named after Logan Lerman?

Is this going to be so, like, it can't be a coincidence, right? I don't know. Sometimes Riverdale just makes these baffling choices that you think have must have significance, because why else would you make a choice like that? And then there turns out significance, no significance. Why else would you make? Why would you do it? It drives me.

But it's why I love this fucking show. I don't know. I don't know. Do they mean to do it? I don't know. They must have. I don't know. They must have.

I don't know. But what we do know is that we don't know. We are in the middle of a lot. I'm very excited about... How are they going to wrap all this up in one episode, Jackie? I don't know. I don't fucking know. And we're not going to have another episode until July.

I don't know. and I'm very, I'm upset about it. But what I'm not upset about, and this I think is another fun theory from Maxwell. Thank you so much, Max, from Vancouver, that he thinks that Jughead is going to go all Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If you remember second episode of Season 5, Betty mentions the voicemail that she received from Juggy's book launch. Could that have been the emergence of it? Is he brought on by the alcohol and the blackout?

He also says he could just be an alcohol and need serious help, but that sounds too easy for Riverdale. Uh-huh. To take it a step further, maybe he's going to go all Dr. Frankenstein once he finds the alien body that he had had before. I don't know too much about historical science fiction, but I feel like if they're going a true crime route with Betty, they might as well go the science fiction route with Juggie. And I think that's also a lot of fun. That is a lot of fun. I like that a lot.

because they are setting something up. They've been setting something up. And that's a good reminder. They've been setting something up with Jughead. Oh, that voicemail. Yeah. So there's like an alter ego that he must inhabit. And maybe it's not just bad alcoholic alter ego that we all, you know, can identify with.

But it's like, am I an alien or is there a serial killer? Is there something else? Something a little bit supernatural about the alter ego. Am I a man or am I a Muppet? That is something I say to myself every single day. I am overwhelmed. There's a lot. There was a lot, a lot in this. And I don't know if you watch the next on Riverdale, but it does seem that we are going to be able to watch Hiram Lodge become a domestic terrorist. And I don't know about you. Okay. I don't know what that even...

You had no idea how I was going to end that sentence. At least, domestic, I was like, worker, abuser. Terrorist, terrorists. That's the most fun of all the things that I could have said. Absolutely. I was so glad that you said terrorist. Yep. So it seems, or at least if I'm picking up what they're putting down,

it seems like he's going to explode Riverdale High School. Oh my God. That's great. That's great. That's the escalation we need. It's this. Thank you, Riverdale. Thank you.

Thank you for being that shit. Thank you for getting me through this like tail end of this year of horrors. I need it so bad. We only have one more episode. And thank you guys so much for joining us. Please head us up with any other theories over at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. I'm over the moon. I'm overwhelmed over the moon.

I'm overdone. Oh, get me out of the oven. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to travel. I love you guys so much. Thank you for joining us. and we'll be back. We'll be fucking back next week.

Oh, we'll be back next week. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.