Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 89: If There's Not More Kissing I'm Gonna Flip Out

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

This week we get down in them trenches.Need more hot goss'? Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastIntro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey there, everybody. How you doing? Ed Larson here from the brighter side. And I want to tell you about this crazy event I got going on. It's called The Great Mugshot Roast and it's all presented by Last Podcast Network. And it's going to be on the Last Podcast Network Twitch channel. The whole thing is a benefit for the Last Prisoner Project, which is a great organization that gets people out of jail on marijuana charges. Of course. It's a no-brainer. So let's raise some. of money and rosa mugshots, uh,

volunteers only. Uh, I can't wait for this. We'll see you guys on September 12th. Oh, my job. Our cup runneth over this week. Oh,

Riverdale, we asked and ye delivered how many plot lines did they try to attack this week, all of them, I think. I really need to start taking notes. I know that you do take notes during Riverdale. I think it's so important because there's 25 things to keep track of and who has the time.

And, you know, I just don't know if I keep thinking so much about the Archie stuff and what war is he fighting. And then I keep forgetting about how exciting the Coyote Ugly stuff is. And it's just like, there is not enough room in my brain to hold this episode. It's just it really was abundance. I don't even know where to start because there's just so much with this. So last week we went over some of the 100 million plot lines at Riverdale has opened up. Oh, also luckily, none of it's fresh in our mind because last week was all a complete non-story about Haram Lodge. So everything that they had been building totally in two weeks ago time now.

So we had to catch up from this from last week's just killing time. Yes, no. No, sorry. This is, like, this is what drives me so crazy about, oh, Riverdale, I can quit you. I can't quit you. Because then there's the Hiram Lodge thing, and then this week where they just go after, when they've caught the lonely highway killer, I was like, is this really happening right now? There was no momentum to this episode, so it was just like, like, like, I felt like I got puked all over. in like a

And then I'm like I'm horny now And I'm like I had no idea And this is And so what I'm saying Is that yes Riverdale

Really opened my eyes To a lot this week They did try to address A number of Plotlines that we did discuss Last week Archie's war And Archie's trauma

Again I'm just I don't know enough about War or what Combat looks like Oh But I have seen war movies Jeffrey does Okay

My little historian that could was very upset because he stopped it and he's like, can we just talk about the fact that Archie is in trench warfare right now? I think he's in World War II. I'm like, he's pretty sure this isn't how we fight. I don't understand. So it's like World War I, but then also, so it's like, well, you know, the whole thing is, you know, it's intercronistic because in the comics, this is pulling from the comic book series

that he fought in. World War I. You looked it up, MJ. He didn't fight in World War I. He fought in World War II. And there's, I don't, if I, I am speaking out of term, maybe. No. I might be in trench warfare myself right now.

But I don't know if it was that, like I thought that it was way more, you know what, as looking into it, it was used in World War II. So maybe it was World War II. All right. So Archie was more associated with World War I, though. I think, I think you're right. Just give him that. But all right.

I'm pretty sure I'm right. We can establish Archie is in World War II. We know that based on, if you've ever seen a World War II movie, this is what it looks like, even again, if you're not a historian, it's obviously not like, he's not in like Afghanistan. I don't think there's no enemy named ever, which I appreciate because at first when he was like, I'm going to war. And I was like, oh, no. Why direct unnecessary anger? You know, like, we don't need it. We don't need it right now.

Yeah, I was like, I don't trust Riverdale. to have, like, please don't be like, you know, think about any movie made from 2001 until now that is about war in the Middle East. They're all racist, right? And so I'm like, I don't want that. So at least it's not that. He really does seem to be in World War II. There's no visible enemy. Their enemy is never named. And I actually really appreciate that. It was just very funny to watch Jeff scream, like, why couldn't they just put them in a forest? Why does it have to be so specifically trench warfare. Well, they're definitely making a point.

You know, there's certainly, they went there. And it was very, so all of Archie's story this week was about not only his trauma from being in war, but also, what we, let's introduce another storyline, dog fighting ring in Riverdale. I had no, I was like, and now you're putting. a bunch of dog fighting here? Bring it in. What are you talking about? So you did mention the fact that I take notes.

And I feel like I should start reading my notes aloud because if you think my emails are confusing, you should look at my Riverdale notes. But it's funny because MJ definitely gave me a little tip off of the decks that they sent me last night that was like I had to watch this episode sober. And it's the first time I've had to be sober watching Riverdale a long time. So what did I do? I got fucking hi. I smoked a lot of weed.

And I was like, all right, I'm ready for you, Riverdale. And my, I have four notes. I just wrote, his name is Eric, question mark. Which is his, I had no idea what that guy's name was. I was like, oh, that guy, the veteran that all of a sudden lives with Uncle Daddy and Archie. That guy who got a whole episode. That guy. We still haven't even seen Jughead in like three weeks.

Give Eric an episode. What about the moth men, MJ? Where are the moth men? No. They put in all this shit. Why would we do that when we could get to know Eric and the dog fighting ring? Just introduce something new, a new plotline. Why?

Why would you continue an old plotline when we can just spend some time with Eric? We haven't admittedly met Eric before, but he's been a total non-guy, aside from the fact that he's a war veteran and an animal. amputee. Yes. And I do think that it's kind of tasteless how they are employing that as an emotional, you know, stakes tool. Also, Riverdale, you got in so much heat. Why didn't they hire someone who is who actually has no legs? Like, if you're going to do this, yeah, like, if you're going to go through this insane plot line, you should, like, you should hire someone that has gone through, that, like, that has gone through that trauma, at least. At least. Because now this guy is just like,

walking around. Like, I'm sure that maybe he could have prosthetics, but we all know that he doesn't. Right, right. Hiring a disabled actor would have been a great move. There was also, this is a total sidebar, but one of the things I just really noticed was that there was like a real anti-VA sentiment in this episode.

Very anti-VA. And I was like, what is, what's going on with this? Why are they trashing the VA? And I'm not saying that, like, health care isn't, like, and mental health care isn't. So Archie's trying to get mental health care for Eric, because Eric's having these traumatic nightmares. And I know it's difficult.

Believe me, I've heard nightmares about working with the VA. Yes. But there was not even one positive about the VA. I think only because, like, the VA is often held up as, like, an example of, like, socialist government that doesn't work. I was like, what are the politics of the weird anti-VA sentiment happening here? Because, again, like, if you're going to talk about, like, the bureaucratic health care system and how hard it is to get mental health care, sure, if that happens to that be true

for people in the VA, that totally might be. be true. But it just seemed like a weird point for Riverdale to drive home. Like, River, why is Riverdale being like the VA sucks? Like, it just seems like a more political, specific point that Riverdale has ever made compared to any other point they ever make, which is usually, usually they don't even, why didn't they change it to be like the DA? Like, they don't even usually call real things, real things. So why is the VA real? And it sucks. Who in the writer's room has a bone to pick with the actual VA? I, but, And then on top of all of this, so we're going into the trauma.

So he lives with Uncle, like, you know, Archie lives with Uncle Daddy right now, as well as Eric. And he's going through all of this trauma stuff. And so he's trying to get him into the VA. And so what does Uncle Daddy do? Because he doesn't know how to help them, he gets them a dog. Now, this dog has a lot of trauma as well, as they find out, because he was in a dog-fighting ring. And so all of this anger towards the VA, everything that's happening,

Archie takes out on the ringleader of the dog fighting. And I think that they brought up the dog fighting because it is going to be in this episode. You mark my words and never brought up ever again because he goes. And honestly, at the end of it, and I felt the same way, Jeff was like, he looked at me. He's like, I think that this is the first time I've ever even slightly agreed with some of Archie's.

decisions. I was like, honestly, when he, and I know that I shouldn't, I never support violence ever, but when he put on those brass knuckles to beat the shit out of the guy that ran the dog fighting ring before he saved all the dogs, I got a little gush. I was like, do I, for the first time ever, slightly attracted to Archie? I actually felt the same way at the end when the VA finally calls him back. And he's like, yeah, I'm trying to get help for my friend. And then he sees the ghost. Bingo was his nameo. Bingo was his nameo. Bingo was his nameo. Archie told Uncle Daddy a story about this dog that had died in World War II with him.

And they had to him and Eric had to lie in the trenches of World War II and listen to this dog died. And then, and so like, Uncle Daddy's like, oh, Archie has all this trauma around this dog. and then Eric is talking to Uncle Dandy. He's like, oh, that wasn't a dog. Bingo was a man. Bingo was a man. He was a soldier. Archie's trauma has morphed him into a dog in his memory.

And so then Archie sees the ghost of dead Bingo, who he had to let die to save himself and Eric. And then he says on the phone, I think I need some help too. And I really was very moved by that. I almost burst into tears. I actually almost cried Riverdale. And that's difficult. Like, I know I cried everything, but never Riverdale. I never cry at Riverdale.

And I got to give big ups to, I'm sorry I'm talking about Jeff a lot this episode, but like, he really, he nailed it this episode. Because then he started going, MASH! MASH! And I was like, what are you talking about? And he brought up and I completely forgot. So I never really sat and watched MASH, and I think that I should. But my parents loved MASH. And I think that it was the last, it's like one of the either in the last season,

or the last episode of MASH. And spoiler alert for a television show that came out a very long time ago. But Alan Alda is dealing with that he watched, they were like hiding in this bus and they all had to be quiet so that they weren't found out. And he always said that this woman had a chicken on the bus.

And then in the end, he realizes it wasn't a chicken she had to kill to be quiet. She had to kill her own child. or else all of them would have been found. And so he had replaced it in his brain with the chicken. And then Jeff was like, did they really just... MASH? Are they referencing MASH right now?

And it's crazy because I haven't seen it in any of the recaps. So I don't know if it was intentional. But that was like a big thing in a very big television show. So I don't know if they meant to. Must be, though. then we started talking about MASH and what a great show MASH was. And I was like, maybe we should start watching MASH, but that's a whole other. I'm going down many other roads right now.

That must be, that must be the reference. I was also thinking about like Slaughterhouse Five, which is obviously a fantastic book about World War II trauma and like, and like distorted memories like through trauma. But like that's such a specific thing that must be a match reference. This is one of the many reasons I wish I was like more illiterate and just like, you know, general like cultural references because I, Riverdale is. constantly making references to, it's like scream. Y-A dramas, yes.

You watch it, and if you know the things they're referencing, you're like, oh, my God, there's like five references to other movies or TV shows like per episode. There's obviously the whole Chinatown thing. There was, there's this episode in particular, too. Yeah, right. And there's also, like, with this episode, it's like, there was saving private Ryan. Right. You know, I, you were completely right in the Slaughterhouse Five because I was like, if they say everything was

beautiful and nothing hurt. I'm going to flip out. But then they did. Because I definitely was thinking I was worried. But then what do they do at the end? They sing everything's all right from Jesus Christ Superstar. Oh my God, you're right. They do. So that's kind of a Slaughterhouse Five reference weird. Oh my God. Completely.

Yes. Yes. But also this episode is called Reservoir Dogs. So I was waiting for, I thought it was going to be, like I'm waiting for the Tarantino drop. I'm like waiting for that. And I was like, wait is like, is it really just called reservoir dogs because there were dogs in the episode?

Because that's also like, of course, Riverdale. Of course you're not going to try and like bring in this very iconic movie that you named it after. Or maybe there were references to it that I just didn't pick up on. But I usually pay attention to the name of the episode to see how it fits in. And I didn't. But I didn't see it with that. But I definitely did see the fact that. So let's just finish up with the RG storyline.

He goes, he beats the shit out of this dog fighting ring owner. They take all the dogs. They bring them to the, and I flipped out because he was just like, he's like, of course, you're going to create an adoption agency inside of the gym slash criminal hideout slash fire department slash orphan center for orphans that live under the boxing ring slash slash slash so now they're going to adopt out all these dogs. But did you notice that the ring was fighting corgis? Yes, I did.

All of that was like, that was one of my four notes. Does that mean he was fighting corgis? I know. I was like, why is there a corgi there? Why? Why is there a corgi there? And again, talk about casting. I'm sorry, you should have cast some pit bulls, you know, because the.

Those are the dogs that really need help getting adopted. There's like a lot of like animal racism against pit bulls basically. And like there is or bias against pit bulls. I don't know how to talk about it. It's like racialized. But like to have a fucking purebred corgi in the dog fighting rescue. I was like, what's going on here? Ooh, that vicious corgi.

But can we talk about how adorable the dog was that Uncle Richie? I'm sorry. With sopranos. That Uncle Daddy. Uncle Daddy. Uncle Daddy, please, Jackie. That Uncle Daddy got, I want that dog. That dog was so adorable.

And also it was so funny when the dog has trauma and he was hiding in the middle of the night and they couldn't find him. And then he was like, the uncle daddy goes, the door must have been a jar. And I was like, who fucking says that? The door must have been a jar? They were like, how did he get in there? Oh, it's part of your house. Like, what do you mean? How did he get in there?

It's a closet. Like, have you, like, what is the question? So many, yeah. Like, dogs hide. Yeah. Yeah. They're in new places, too. And he's got to figure it all out.

MJ, we've not even touched the rest of this episode. This is the thing. There's so much to talk about with Archie, but there's a whole, talk about references. There's a whole coyote ugly plot line. And that's a moment. movie that I've never seen last night, I was like, note to solve. See C. Coyote Ugly. I, that was, that was. I was upset. So, all right. Yeah. Long story short, shall we? Betty is now working with Tabitha, the woman that nobody knows that is the granddaughter of

pops that runs the diner now who is trying to fuck Jughead, but now Jughead's just MIA, was not discussed the entire episode. So he's off, you know. Jughead, honestly, I'm like, is Jughead okay? Is Jughead like, is Colespros quarantining or something? Like, where is Jughead? Where is he? Why? Why haven't we seen that?

Where is he? Because they even in this episode, all these plotlines. They did this kind of half-hearted integration. One thing I've noticed in this season of Riverdale is that there has been very little integration of the four distinct plot lines. You might remember, if you've listened to Riverdale around it for a long time, part of the hard thing that's talking about Riverdale is that there's usually each of the

four main characters has a plot, and usually they all, all interweave. So it's like, oh, and then Betty's trying to do this, but then Jughead. But lately, it's just like, this is Archie's plotline. Separate. Fuck all to do with anyone else. This is Betty's plotline.

Has fuck all to do with anything else. They tried to integrate Cheryl's plotline today, they're this week with Betty's plotline, only in the sense that as Cheryl was trying to convert Kevin to her church, she was like, you'll like helping people. And helping people is the only way to, like, save yourself. and so I'm helping Betty catch a serial killer. So that was like kind of integration, but there was just no, so they kind of tried to bring

everybody together. Everyone was in this scene except for Archie. But like, where's Jughead? Where is Jughead? Can I also just say that I don't enjoy the fact that like the queer characters are always the ones that are like flip floppy into like new thing? Oh, now she's in a call. Like the beginning of last episode Cheryl was like, Mamie, I don't understand.

I'm fucking an art. the something, they had like a whole art plot line. And now it's just like, now, all right, mommy, I am going to be a part of your church. What was it the queen? It's like, oh, what was that? What did it call itself? Like, the queen of the blessed maple or something? Something like that.

It's just such a, and then Kevin's like, it's not really for me. But I will come and sing on your stage. And I don't like that it's just called. Like, Cheryl's supposed to be a badass. Right. beginning of the episode, she comes out and she has the red, like, the, uh, the cape on that she wears when she's about to go do her archery killing in the forest. And I was like, fuck yeah. Badass Cheryl. Coming back. No. She was just in the woods, found Kevin out there who was cruising in the

woods again. Not his fault. He, you know, he's a gay man in at Riverdale. And it, that is just what he does. Yeah, let Kevin Cruz. Your name is Kevin of Finland by the. the way. I know. I was bad about that too. I was like, I used to love Kevin's cruising plotlines. Like, let the guy, I mean, again, if it's like, okay, this plot, so Kevin's plot line is like, he's sad because he misses fangs. Okay, he kind of self-sabotage there. Kevin has, like, a lot of internalized self-hatred. Like, these are like fine themes to explore, but also, right, I feel like it was a little bit like slut-shamey of Kevin being like stop cruising. Right? Dude. It was very shaming of Kevin. Yeah, he's like a single guy getting over a breakup.

Like, let the guy cruise. Let him cruise. And also, MJ had a little if you remember, but one time his mother called him fat. And that he has to cruise. It's the only way to bomb out the burn from his mother from years ago. Right. I forgot about that. That is the source of like all of his trauma.

Because he had to shop in the husky section. Yeah. Yeah. And me too. That's why I was out there. I was out in the forest, slinging all the cock I could find. No. Now he's upset. Now he doesn't think that he's good enough. He's like, I'm just a teacher. I have nothing. I mean, technically he has a kid somewhere. Of course, we're not talking about it. That really, that, I mean, right, part of me was like, okay, Kevin, like, yeah, you were like the ambitious high school theater director. Weirdly, there was a completely student-run theater program in high school, and you did direct all the shows. So I understand that you feel like a little bit like let down. about where you've ended up.

That's relatable. That's common. But I was also, like, I feel like they are just, I feel like Riverdale is underestimating our memories slash intelligence to be like, oh, Thang's is covering for Tony. Like, where is the baby? Is Fang still raising that baby? Like, is Tony ever going to come back?

I don't know. Fang's is busy banging moose? Yeah, Fangs is banging moose, who are two, Kevin's two. two exes. That was kind of fun. Yeah, if I don't remember, Moose was sent away a while ago.

And now he's back. He has long hair and a beard and yes, he is banging fangs because, you know, they're like, oh, we should probably bring back some of those other oh, did we have with their queer poll? I don't say, I know.

Bring him back. Bring that guy back. Yeah, yeah. I feel like they do the same thing with the criminals where it's like, I don't know why the two are synonymous in the writer's brains for some reason. And it's like, all right, all right, please, yeah, bring in another character.

So Moose is now on the scene and Moose and things are being, don't get me wrong, I want to watch it. I'll watch it happen all day. But we don't even get a kiss. No, that's the, yeah, I feel like Riverdale has been in general better about that than like the, you know, the kind of like modern family syndrome where it's like you have gay characters but you don't ever let them be sexual. Like, like, I feel like Riverdale generally doesn't do that. but this episode really did feel that way. It was like, all the gay characters are just kind of sad and platonic, you know. Well, and then on top of that, you have the turning the white worm into coyote ugly.

And I have to say, these are very attractive people. And that was just not, like, there was no sexual energy to their dancing at all. And I was like, ladies, if you want to seduce, a serial killer, and that is the ruse, by the way, because Betty and Tabitha decide, because also, let's just back up real quick. Betty, in the beginning of the episode, remember, Betty is trying to find a trash bag killer slash Polly. Right.

Slash mothman, maybe, who knows what happens on the lonely highway. But trash bag killer, not to be confused with lonely highway killer. You're right. Two very different people. And I think that, I think that this is a misdirect. I'm throwing this out there right now. So she decides, now Tabitha knows everything about everything. And she's got a walkie-talkie, their besties.

Please start kissing. There's not more kissing. I'm going to flip out. At least start kissing. I'm waiting for it. I need something to sup on while we're trying to get through all of these plot lines. So she doesn't want Betty to go out alone. But of course, what does Betty do?

Betty goes out alone. And pretending to be a trucker, which, number one, Don't you need a special license to be, to drive trucks? But she pretends to be a trucker. She follows another truck, pulls off the side of the road, gets out, and was like, I am a trucker. Would you like to have maybe sex with me? And the guy goes, yeah, I'm taking a piss.

Why don't we go fucking the cab? And turns out it was an FBI sting. And she goes, no, you're not FBI. I'm FBI. And then remember, and then Glenn comes out. Who is FBI? Thank God. We had been asking about Glenn.

Where is Glenn? And I forgot that she had stabbed him in the pincushion man. Is that what that episode was called? Yes, pincushion man. She foe stabbed him. So she had already foe stabbed him, and she did make the comment of, I wish I had stabbed you harder. And because now, even though he is a part of the FBI, he is now working in a big detail in the small town of Riverdale, trying to figure out the lonely highway.

And so he was about to arrest her for solicitation because that's his way of cleaning up the lonely highway, which is not what the answer is. What about all of the people being murdered? So that was a dead end. So now Tabitha's like, well, bet you're not going out alone. What if we bring the serial killer here? How are they going to do that?

Turn the white worm, which is, yes, the serpent bar that is attached to pops now. I love it. Really condensed that set. You know, now it's all just like, why are we even pretending? It's all just in one place anyway. We all know it's in one place,

and I'm fine with it. Well, I have multiple locations in Riverdale. Too much. It's the space that used to be the Le Bonneui, right? Yes. It's basically used to be Le Bonoie, but like, I think in like shooting terms, it also was always the white worm anyway.

Right. They just put different, you know, beer bottles on the wall. It's not mock tales anymore. And so they decide Tabitha and Betty and Cheryl and Veronica. Is that it? Is that all of the sexy ladies? Veronica.

I think that is all of the sexy ladies. And they dance while singing nothing but a good time. And it's just the flattest least sexy thing I think I've ever seen. It was so flat that I actually wondered. You're so beautiful. I wondered, like, is Lily Reinhart, like, uncomfortable with this? Like, it seemed like, I don't, I mean, I, and I have no idea. She's a great actress.

She seemed, like, down. But I was just like, it seems like their heart's just not in it. Like, I don't know what's happening with this scene, but it seemed like they were really phoning it in. All I could think of, I was like, do the actors hate the singing scenes? Are they at a point where they're like, can you stop writing the singing scenes? because everybody hates it. I love it. And I don't necessarily hate it. I do always go, oh, God, before every singing scene, but I do love how awful it is.

I always want more. And not because they're great performers. Don't get me wrong. Like, I'm not trying to disparage the, honestly, the singing. The singing is like, they're not Broadway singers. They have delightful little voices. It's very, I feel like they're just, I hope that they're not miserable doing it. But again, at the same time, they get paid a lot of money.

So I guess misery really doesn't matter to the writers or to anyone else. And I feel like they don't want to do it. What was weird about this was right. It was the whole thing was like it's coyote ugly. But it was they were also trying to be like Riverdale like scandalous, not scandalous. It was like they were, even when they were describing it, they were like, we're going to lure the trucker in with hot, with beautiful sexy women who are fully clothed. Yes.

And it's just like a weird kind of like puritanical note. Like what do you like, what, why are you being like, oh, well, basically they're going to be dancers, but they're not going to be strippers. Like, it felt like, even at the same time as Betty being like, oh, it's fucked up, Betty correctly being like, well, it's fucked up that like Glenn is trying to like clean up the lonely highway by like arresting sex workers. Like, yeah, that's right, Betty. Like, fuck that guy.

Like, but then, so it's like they're trying to like walk this line of having like a pro sex work message, but then also being like, we're going to do coyote ugly, but we're going to do it in like a dignified way, you know? It just felt like a, I think that's why it felt like if it's not dignified to strip. Like it's like, what? Right, right. That's not. What do you guys?

talking about. Like, what, who's writing, like, I feel like it's a war between the writers of what they want to get across. We're like, just, it's very weird. And then you just have a half circle. Because now at this point, like, y'all are all adults. Yeah. So you can be as sexy as you want to be. Yeah. Right. Yeah. In fact, I think that they're even less openly sexual now than they were as teens. And I guess that, like, isn't that what we all go through? But I don't think that it's like, is it just because it was more scandalous from a writing standpoint before. Yeah. And now it's not.

Right. Yeah. It does actually feel more buttoned up now that they're all like actually 25. Yeah. So, and it's like, I want more fucking. Yeah. We're going to do this. Like, I mean, I'm just staring at my watch waiting for Veronica and Reggie to start

banging on top of a bunch of gems inside of posh and pearls. But we still got to wrap up this insane storyline real quick. They're montages, which were plentiful this episode. I was like, okay, we get it. We get it. They're making a bunch of money, getting sponsors for their gem store. It's true. You really only need one stock calls montage.

There are like three of them. I'm trying to get you to invest, and there was three of them. And it did, I was like, these montages aren't changing. No. It's just like scene after scene after scene of Veronica and Reggie being like, we are good at getting people to invest with us. Like, okay, this is boring. We get it. It's so boring.

It's like, at least be like finger blast and her while you're doing it. Then you have my attention. Then I'm like, I'm on board. But if it's just you like making eye contact with each other, when you get the deal. Like, I don't give a shit. Especially not when. So what happens is we watch them saying, nothing had a good time. Was they're up on the coyote.

They're doing their coyote ugly. thing, ugh, they don't catch any serial killers until afterwards, when Betty's walking to her car dejected, did a truck driver pull up, and he wants that he wants nothing but a good time, but she sees blood on the handle, which if you're a killer and you've gotten away with that many murders, you don't usually leave blood on the handle of your own truck, right? while you're pulling up to try to do more murdering. To do more murdering. So she goes with him.

Because of course she does. Like follow me probably with a serial killer. Even though there's a rule that night, don't go off with any truckers. And what does Betty do? If there's one thing Betty does, it's go rogue. That's what she always does. But if you're going to go rogue, girl, like the FBI just took back your gun after months of not being in the FBI. So you have nothing to protect you.

yourself with you have to protect yourself with something so she goes out with this truck driver who turns out is a murderer and I was like technically at the point that she started really kicking his ass I was like technically he hadn't done anything yet just saw the blood and I was like I really hope this is a murderer or not like I don't know what else he was going to do he brings out a knife and then he goes around which very impressive he comes out with a chainsaw yeah this was a great scene I love I knew it was like god damn it Riverdale. Oh, Riverdale, you got me by the fucking balls, Riverdale.

Yeah. And so he follows or he goes after her with the chainsaw. And then she, like, kicks him away. And two seconds later, he had climbed on top of the semi with a chainsaw in his hand and starts going through the top of the cab. It was like, yeah, get her. And so they got, um, they got him. She gets a wrench and then she takes him out with a wrench, which was also extremely satisfied. That was so funny because he's coming at her with a fucking chainsaw.

So she throws a wrench at him, hits him dead on. He passes out. I was like, how did she? That's very impressive. Yeah. And also this was after they had a good, like, classic horror movie thing where she like knocked him out first with just by kicking him. And then she turned her back to call Tabitha. And of course, you're like, don't turn your back.

Never turn your back. When you turn back, he's gone, and then he's back with a chainsaw. And then she takes him out with the wrench. And then Tabith comes, and these two women who, you know, might be very strong, but are probably both like 120 pounds or less, are like, all right, we'll just take this guy to our. Betty goes, I know a place where we can take him. It's obviously going to be the hole where they take everybody to keep them captive. The fuck slash, yeah, prison bunker. Yes, the bunker.

And they're going to, again, Betty, incapable of going by the book. You got to appreciate it. She's like, we're going to question him and we're going to find out where Polly is. And then we'll turn him over to the FBI. I just love how laws work in Riverdale. It's just like, yeah, just kidnap somebody, torture them. And then we'll do our due diligence, give him over to law enforcement. Everything will be totally fine.

Well, now there's a whole sentiment that, like, I think Betty just really thinks all truck drivers are evil. And we're going to go on to like what the writers of this show think where it's like, you know that like a lot of truckers are just very hardworking people that should be paid more money for how hard that they work. Yeah, it is a little bit. You're aware of that. It is a little bit anti-worker. Yeah, because like especially when they were, which also you got to, even though you guys have fake FBI jackets on, you going into people's trucks to check them out. while they're in a bar is very illegal to do. Yes.

Don't go looking around in other people's cars. You're right, the laws in Riverdale. What about a permit? Yeah. Or like with a warrant, so a warrant, like a search warrant. You need a fucking search warrant. No warrants in Riverdale. And use any of it.

I don't think there's ever been a warrant in the history of Riverdale. No, of course not. And, you know, Hiram Lodge was used very sparingly in this, which I guess. So, all right. I don't think that that was, do you, I don't think it was TBK or the lonely highway killer. You don't? Or, I mean, it could, I just feel like it was just so easy. It was so easy, but it was.

They never make anything easy. But it was Riverdale easy because at first they thought they had of it, but it was just a guy who had dropped off a bunch of meat, you know? So I feel like that was our, oh, that's too easy. And then this guy is our, no, that's actually. I think it's going to be the lonely highway killer. I don't think the TBK is coming back, honestly. I don't think trash back killer. I think that is a plot line that we can.

can, I hope I'm wrong. I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong. I don't think we're going to be hearing about the trash bag killer again. Maybe at the end of the season, they'll do like a, oh, they found it. You're right. I do also wonder if it's then, because remember when Polly went missing and that the phone booth was like smashed and covered in blood? So I wonder if the, the jukeying here is going to be, yes, he is the lonely highway killer, but he didn't take Polly. it's the moth men took polly.

I think that's right. Yeah, because that way they... If they ever go back to the moth men, that is also, who knows? But we had discussed that at the time. Like, maybe this was an alien abduction of Betty. So, Polly, I mean. So, yeah, I think that that's, you're right. There's obviously got to be a misdirect.

They didn't just so easily get him in that they're going to find Polly, but I think you're right. I think he is a serial killer of women, but not the serial killer of Polly. Yes. And hopefully, serial killer does not come to pearls and posh. So Posh, remember, Veronica Lodge goes by, oh, what's her, is it Veronica Posh?

I know that she, or Posh is the last name of her alter ego that wears a blonde. I forgot about that, honestly. I was like, where'd she get pearls and Posh? That's neither of their last names. But, Pearls and Posh. No, I remember. Because Veronica Posh, I think, is her alter ego. and so now Reggie and Veronica are working together again.

Remember, Uncut Gems. She's got this gems store now, but she's got to get, not even buyers. She has to get an investor for the store? Yeah, she wants to be, I don't even think it's for her store. She's like not making enough money at her diamond store. So she wants to go back to being an investor on Wall Street. And Reggie's like, don't you need to be in New York City to do that? And she's like, no, you just do it on your phone.

and which is true I've heard I don't understand how the stock market works Not if she's the she wolf of Wall Street They said she wolf of Wall Street About seven times this episode So she's trying to get I don't know what they're investing in But I think that you can just be

I wish I knew how this all worked more I think you can just be I think what what you know hedge funds do And they are the people that are like This is the thing you should I'm the person Who just tells you what to buy It's not that I own that thing I just tell you pay me a commission.

I tell you what to invest in. And then when it pays off, I get to, I get a commission of what you get or whatever. So I think that it's unrelated to the diamonds, I think. And she's like, oh, I need to make more money because I need to like pay off all this debt that my shitty husband racked up. And then Reggie's like, well, I work at a used car dealership. So I'm really good at closing a deal.

And so immediately they become very, very, very good, an investment firm. and they target Hiram's investors, which that was a fun scene. It became this like real high stakes, like will back and forth, ooh, like Hiram's on the phone trying to keep his investor. Veronica's on the phone trying to take it. But also, you guys,

Hiram's going to know it's you. Like, you're really just kicking the hornet's nest here. I just, it's just the second that she's like, yeah, we're going to take the money from daddy. I was like, I hate that. Also, Hiram just did something. super loyal for Reggie. And Reggie is now just completely stabbing him in the back, which is like, you know, more power to Reggie. But like, can we just spend an entire episode on like relationship building between Hiram and Reggie and like a father, son bond there?

I guess. So it's like, yeah, don't work for him anymore. But why are you going to try and take all, like flip his investors? Which I don't know if that's how investing works. Again, I don't know much about it. But if you invest a bunch of money into something that is not happening, how do you take? take out your money and then say, now I'm going to give my money over here. I don't think that that's how it works, but again, I've never been rich. I don't know how any of this stuff works. And I think that that's what the writers of Riverdale are counting on.

Is that anyone that is watching Riverdale closely doesn't know anything about stocks? And they would be correct. I know nothing about it. And also, though, I do want to say, as I was reading this recap real quick, it's that Veronica needed money because Chad had gotten her into a bunch of debt.

Remember because he took out a bunch of money in her name, something, something, money, money, money. And she owes a bunch of money. So she needs to get the money. So she wants to invest the money to make fast money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it also makes her feel good. So that's them wheeling and dealing.

That's her place of power. Yeah, is having money and she, you know, it only took three montages. Let us know that she and Reggie are getting money. They're good at it. In case you are wondering if they were good at it or not. They are. They're very good at it. So that frustrated me. I don't like this.

I don't like the Uncut Jems plotline, but I very rarely do like Veronica's plotlines. So I guess that's just par for the Riverdale course. I think that my favorite plot lines was Betty's. You know, I have really done a... Love it. I've really grown to find Lily Reinhart to be extremely attractive. Yes.

And I appreciate her you know, complete disregard for law enforcement and going rogue in every single way. Loved it. And I did like her dancing on the bar, even though I think it could have been sexier. So that's where my vote goes for this episode. I think that that's great. You know what? Cheryl, looking great as always.

Always looks great. Very disappointed, though, with what's happening. I mean, I love, I love, don't get me wrong. I love a religion that is all the religion is about maple syrup. I think that that is delightful. Something's going on with Penelope, though. You saw Penelope, like, give her, like, a really weird look when she invited Kevin up to sing, the hymn of Jesus Christ's song from Jesus Christ Superstar. And then Penelope was just, like, drinking wine out of the chalice.

Yeah, she didn't like that. Like the communion chalice. Like, so I'm like, okay, so that I think is foreshadowing if this is a thread that they will continue on, that Penelope is, like, not really a true believer. I think Cheryl is, but Penelope is not? But then is Penelope going to join up with Hiram Lai? When Hiram Lodge comes to get the palladium from underneath the maple fields. There's always that. We made it 43 minutes before mentioning palladium today, though.

Even though last week was all palladium, it was 100% palladium. But this week, well, you know, it's still there. It's still there. But I'm glad that this was less palladium heavy. Me too. But something tells me we're not going to get this reprieve for too long. Yeah, we're not definitely. I don't even know how many more episodes they're off.

I have no idea. I know that, again, I think that the next season begins in the middle of November. So who knows what they're going to do? I don't even think Riverdale, no, I don't think the CW knows what they're going to do. And I'm very excited to have more. Are we ever going to see Bingo the Dog ever again? I don't know. Now that he's named after a dead soldier.

I hope we do because it's a very cute dog. Yeah. Yeah. And a slightly moving plot line. Yeah. I mean, I... Man, he beat the shit out of that guy. Life right now feels like a kind of a free fall.

And I love that Riverdale also just feels like kind of a free fall. It's just like, we're just living minute to minute, man. Just getting through it. Just seeing what's going to happen. And I am on board with it. Also, I do like that someone wrote in one of these. Recaps, the two songs felt out of place in Riverdale. Though, if there had to be music, why didn't they use an iconic song from Coyote

Ugly? So you haven't seen Coyote Ugly, but it's like, yes, like can't fight the mood light or one way or another. There's so many, like bigger songs, big songs in Coyote Ugly. I don't know why they chose that song. Maybe it's because they knew that they could sing it lacklustery and get away with it because it is a fun song. Yeah. Yeah.

And why did they choose a song from Jesus Christ Superstar at the end? Just because they're all musical theater kids, I guess. I guess. I do guess that. It is, I don't know. I hope that they have feedback. I hope that the actors get something of like, what if it's, okay, all right, I like what you're doing? Like, I hope they get some kind of input, but I don't think that we'll ever know.

We will never know. We live in the shadows of Riverdale. And you know what? In the Shadows is where I like to belong. Thank you for joining us on this week's Riverdale Roundup. I don't. I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm just living minute to minute. I will say what I do know is that Josie shows up in the next episode. Woo, fun. So Josie's going to come back. And what I do know is I think we're going to see two young women doing some torture on the tie. So I think that those are to, unless, or they don't touch around the poem at all.

It's a fun, it's always a fun Russian roulette here on Riverdale. Riverdale roulette, Mao, Mao, who's going to die? Oh, and they're going to do more Deer Hunter references. I bet that'll be coming soon. Like, oh, that's a different war. I don't know what war they're fighting anyway. We love you guys. No kissing in this episode, but hopefully they'll be kissing in the next episode.

Although real quick did want to say, uh, having Alice just for a second made me realize how much I miss the parents. Yes. I miss the parents so much. I miss how sexy all the daddies were and how sexy all the mommies were. I miss Sheriff Keller. Yeah.

I miss Keith. I miss so, I miss them. I miss him. I miss him. Yeah, I miss Allison's skate the most. I don't care about the teens as much.

Yeah, agree. It's hard to admit. It's scary to admit. But not scary to admit. how much I love you guys, and we will be back next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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