Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 90: You're Not in the United States Anymore, You're in RIVERDALE

Episode Date: September 4, 2021

MJ got stuck minin' for palladium this week so Jackie and Goth Daddy talk about the true antagonist of the entire series... Carbon Monoxide Poisoning.Need more hot goss'? Support us on our Patreon page and get weekly bonus Patreon-exclusive content! Patreon.com/Page7PodcastIntro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey there, everybody. How you doing? Ed Larson here from the brighter side. And I want to tell you about this crazy event I got going on. It's called The Great Mugshot Roast and it's all presented by Last Podcast Network. And it's going to be on the Last Podcast Network Twitch channel. The whole thing is a benefit for the Last Prisoner Project, which is a great organization that gets people out of jail on marijuana charges. Of course. It's a no-brainer. So let's raise some. of money and rosa mugshots of volunteers only uh i can't wait for this we'll see you guys on september 12th riverdale just keeps on riverdale and doesn't it and in fact it riverdale'd extra

hard this week because old mj couldn't get to watch it and also ran into a bit of emergency don't worry everybody's okay they're doing all right um but uh and then it just left me in quite a predicament because I know literally no one that watches Riverdale. How do I do an episode of Riverdale Roundup if I, or I guess I could monologue about it, or what I could do is I could be really nice to got daddy and ask Jeff if he would join me. Hello. To talk about Riverdale. Welcome, Jeff. Jeff is here.

Jeff is my fiance. If you guys don't know, and we sit and we scream at each other regardless. about Riverdale every week anyway. So now you get to hear what we're screaming about. This is great for me. Honestly, me stepping in to do the podcast with you is actually doing myself a favor. Because if you sat in here and screamed about Riverdale

just by yourself for 40 minutes, I think that would push us over the end. I think that that would be finally in. I think that Twilight by myself and me talking about Twilight completely alone. Like, that's the extent. If you talk about any more insane properties in this room by yourself, it will destroy us. Just come in and go, ah, I just think about a feral.

Honestly, I might become the Rat King, who we're not quite there. Almost that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you think that a Rat King was going to show up in Riverdale's episode today? No, neither did we. Gun to my head, I couldn't have predicted anything that happened in this episode. No, I came out of nowhere, but you know what? I think I loved it.

I loved it. I really, really liked the episode. It, um, it, it's sort of like, it was like hearing all of us say over the last couple of episodes, but what about all of the plot points? What, how were you going to wrap anything up? And it's like, you know what? Fuck you. We'll wrap up eight plot points in one episode.

All in one goal. We'll pick all of them up at once, except Veronica. Fuck you, Veronica. You don't get to be here at all with your weird uncut gem storyline. It was for the best because honestly, we all know that Veronica has not gone through the traumas that the other ones have gone through. She was a helicopter accident. Yeah, maybe she was in a helicopter accident. Did you forget about the helicopter?

Of course I forgot about the helicopter accident. What do you think? I'm just sitting here stewing about the helicopter accident? I don't know what you do in this room. I cry. Oh, God. a lot. There's a lot of crime. Again, this is why you could not do this Riverdale Roundup. No, and I can't thank you enough for joining me now. Um, obviously I'm used to screaming about this,

and Jeff is used to screaming about this, but usually just stoned in our bedroom. So I think it's going to be a kind of fun change of tune in here today. I think it's great. Now, I guess we got to start off with the fact that this is called the Night Gallery this episode. And I did not know what the Night Gallery was. But Jeff did know what the Night Gallery is. It's not even an homage. It is straight up just the name and premise of Rod Serling's other major TV show. Because, like, he had Twilight Zone. And then he did the night gallery wherein he would walk around this bizarre space and show these very weird paintings.

And then that would segue into a story. And as a very subtle homage to it, very sneaky, almost couldn't notice it. Cheryl walked around a creepy space and showed off weird paintings. I will say it's better than last week when it was called Reservoir Dogs because there were dogs in it. I'm completely fine with this. I saw Reservoir Dogs, I assumed there would be a jewel heist. You know, you'd think there is an actual gemstone owner in? We're thinking much more about this.

You're right. No, no, no. This is way too far. So, yes, we need to talk about the fact that it. So last week, MJ and I were screaming about where the hell is. as Minerva, because Minerva was the art dealer that Cheryl fell in love with, who just kind of

showed up and then started living with her. And then just disappeared. And then disappeared, because I forgot that Nana apparently said that we should sacrifice her, and I don't remember that part. There's a lot that goes on. I don't remember that at all. All I knew was that she was gone, and now she is back, and she is the one that

Cheryl is showing her paintings to, because in between creating a maple-based religion, maple syrup-based religion with her mother. Yeah. That all, yes, they, they, oh, what is it? Believe in the power of maple syrup and women, apparently. It's very weird that, like, they are, I don't know, like, this is just an aside for, this is the one thing of Northdale that doesn't make sense.

But. Thank you. Oh, yeah. She says that they're going to figure out. We're worshipping goddesses. Goddesses. But her brother's the Messiah? Yeah, well, Jason can be one and all.

JJ knows no limits. I feel like... And so Minerva's there, all right? And Minerva's not there to become a part of the religion. No, she is there to look at the paintings that Cheryl's been making of her friends. Umnitiously, I'll point out. You're right. Because...

Or was it in the past? I don't know. timelines very fuzzy on this. Oh, yeah. I get that's the only thing fuzzy in Riverdale. But no, is somehow she was able to

not only know about what was going on in Jughead's AA meeting. Which, by the way, just throwing this out there. He said his whole name, which the last second word's anonymous, so fuck that out.

But... Is that my favorite dude watching this with Jeff who has been to AA meeting before? It's just like, that's not how AA runs. No, no. As a guy who's like quit drinking and been to meetings and stuff, this whole thing was just like, man, I'm so glad I'd ever had that guy in a meeting. How do you follow that guy?

How do you tell your story of how you fell off the wagon after that guy talks about the Rat King? Well, maybe it's because the man that was leading the AA meeting as, is any of that true? Which I don't think you're also supposed to ask those things in an AA meeting. But it starts off with Archie, which of course Archie was in World War I. And we can't forget that bingo wasn't a dog. He was a man. Remember how those children from who born, whose parents were in high school in 1988. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He went off to go fight in World War I. In the trenches, yes. In trenches. And now he's back and he is pissed. So what happens? For some reason, Cheryl hears that everybody does, that everybody does, there's palladium under the maple gross. So that doesn't make any sense.

What? I understand. I ask too much. I can't. I don't need the show to be completely consistent. I'm fine that it has its own completely gobbledygook internal logic. But Hiram wasn't telling everyone about the palladium. No, but I think that Veronica was, because Veronica.

Veronica found out about the balladium. You're right. Veronica was telling everyone. And she's got chatty Kathy face. She's a, blah, blah, ma, me, me. I've got gems dogs. Zet and Reggie, Reggie definitely can't keep his mouth shut.

Beautiful bastard. Two episodes prior, he watched, he gave a ghost gun to hire him to murder an old man in his bed. And the next episode, he's like, maybe we should like, screw him over and take his money, which is just classic, Reggie. Classic, Reggie.

heck of Reggie, but now don't worry. Reggie's down in those mines. You know, the mines underneath the maple groves. The ones that have always been. They've always been there. They've always been there. The mines for the Pilates. Of course they have.

And so what does Cheryl? What is she going to do? She's going to round up those boys. Round up the boys. It was, in fact, a Riverdale roundup. Oh, my God, it was. They do listen. Now, it was a Riverdale roundup of Riverdale's sexiest young, mid-20-somethings.

And Uncle Daddy, throw him down there in the mine, get him working. But of course, you can't put baby in a mine. He's got trauma. He's got trauma. He can't handle it. But also, what else is down there besides palladium? Carbon monoxide poisoning. So.

The actual terror of the show, the actual villain is serial killers or moth, man. It's carbon monoxide. I would say it would answer a lot of questions about what fuck's going on in Riverdale. I think that. The final episode of this show should just be like a general hospital sort of. You must have the carbon monoxide the whole time. Yeah, but it's just jughead in a mental asylum because he had, he got carbon monoxide madness. So the entire show has just been a fantasy.

But that's in the future. Currently, it's Archie that has the carbon monoxide madness. Or is it everybody that has the carbon monoxide madness? So he doesn't want to go down there because bingo was his name-o, dead in the trenches. But when he's under there. How I learned the song. D-E-E-A-D-D-D-D, D-E-A-D-D-D, and Bingo died in the trenches.

Oh, no. Oh, God. So he's down there and he... So then they started spinning yarns about how the old miners, you know, from when the mines were created down there for the platon. I'm just going to throw out there, were terrible miners if they didn't notice the palladium. No, they, that it was right there, apparently. They've been mining for like six hours, and he finds a chunk of palladium the size of a softball.

Oh, yeah. And yet all of the previous ones, I guess they were just too fucked up on carbon monoxide. So all the carbon monoxide poisoning, they're down there thinking they see mothmen, but they're not. It's the carbon monoxide. But in between fucking Jacob's ladder hallucinations, Archie's able to, to like save all of his friends and find palladium. And find palladium all in one go. So he's scared of going down there.

In fact, Kevin on their lunch break, Kevin's not hungry, which I think all has to do with his mother, that's shaming him, and that's why he cruises in the woods. But he doesn't want to eat lunch. So Archie's like, can't even man behind.

So he goes into the cave to go get him, pulls him out, thinking that it's going to be mothman, something down there is going to happen, cuts to the next day. Oh, I forgot. This whole time, thank God. Archie starts going to therapy.

Archie needs to go to therapy. KJ. Apple was very good this episode. He was great, and also Magick, Alice Cooper, directed this episode as well. I think that she did a great job. It was a weird fucking episode. I liked how weird it was. I think I loved this episode. I really, really enjoyed it.

And so this is our time. He's going to therapy. Therapist wants to put him on Xanax, and he's like, no, no, no, don't need Xanax. Eventually, she gives him the Xanax. So he's starting to think that these hallucinations are from the Zanics. Yeah. Which, I get it.

I think we've all been there before. I mean, I've done a good amount of Xanax, and I never hallucinated stuff. No, I thought the Mothman, 2019, didn't you have that, that November? We lost them, November 2019. He was taking all those zanny bars and talking to the Mothman. I get it, you know. No, you were it. So it wasn't, though.

It wasn't the Xanax that was giving him the hallucinations. Again, it was the carbon monoxide. Because when he goes to mine the palladium the next day, so he hears shooting, he hears screaming, he goes into the cave, and fangs, oh, what was fangs singing? Fangs was, oh, what was that song? And then, and also, Kevin's holding himself going, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me. He loves me. He loves me.

He was holding a bundle in his arms, and I think that was supposed. supposed to be he was he was hallucinated. He was holding his abandoned love child. Where is T-Tee-T? Somewhere. Thank God she's not in the mind. Oh my God. No, not with the baby down there too.

And then it cuts to, oh, God, we found out his name last week and I immediately forgot his name. Jackson? Maybe. His Army, Jackson. His Army buddy, Ernie. Oh, cave dweller Ernie. Oh, yeah.

He's trying to kill Uncle Daddy. Also, I will say completely wrong last week, and that actor does actually has a missing leg. So I do appreciate, thank you guys for letting me know because I was not, I did not know that he was

differently abled and I'm proud of Riverdale for hiring someone that they should have. I mean, I'm absolutely astonished they made a correct choice. Yeah. Fantastic. I mean, honestly, he's very good. I'm glad they got him. Well, you know, he is.

He's very good for Riverdale. He exists. He's very good for Riverdale. So he goes down there, Archie breaks it up, turns out it's carbon monoxide. They gotta get out of the caves. What does Cheryl have to say? I don't give a shit. I want more palladium. Yeah.

Like a real blossom. It was great. She was like straight out of like a Dickensy and awful. Just like, you get back there and you mine me my precious ore, you strap a young bucks. Meanwhile, she's over there sucking down. maple syrup and kissing on her brother's corp. Well, maybe not kissing on it as much anymore, but who knows what she does in her free time besides painting a lot. And so that was, so the first painting of Archie is him in the minds.

Again, maybe it is, maybe she's omniscient. It's, yeah. Maybe it's the future. Whether she's omniscient or not, she's not a very good painter. You know, we were, yes. All the faces are very weird. Man, betties. Beddies.

Speaking of, we're now red batty. Yeah, so the next painting is that... Her painting was rough. Her painting was rough, and I've worked like a lot of horror convention, so I've seen a lot of fan art of people holding chainsaws. Oh, yeah, I bet. And this was very run of the mill. Yeah.

She had like a very stern face. She sort of looked like Bruce Willis in like an 11 wig. Ooh, or in Lupo. she didn't. She did look like. So Betty, remember where we last left Betty, when she found that serial killer that she and the other 120-pound young beautiful woman

were going to drag off somewhere to go question him. Okay, so this is where I need to just jump in real quick because Betty is not a law enforcement officer anymore, right? And I don't want to be like the devil's advocate guy, but this dude has not been caught doing anything. He is innocent in the eyes of the law. So, Betty kidnaps an innocent man. Yeah.

We, as the audience, know that he did something. But even if, like, he confessed to everything, zero of that is admissible. But at the same time. But he would never see prison time if this was the what happened. Don't you remember, Jeff, when he said, I have rights. This is the United States of America. And she said, you're not in the United States. anymore. You're in Riverdale.

Yeah. Yeah. Bette and better. You crazy bitch. Betty's being a crazy bitch. She's really bad at this. But at the same time, I'm so happy that Dark Betty is back. It's so good. I think it's great. Because where does she take him?

You think maybe the sex bunker. No, she takes him to Riverdale High School. To the shop class. She walks out of that. garage to have her like brief emotional breakdown and flashback to the trash bag killer and she's in the halls

in front of the locker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a perfectly feasible underground bunker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could really easily kill someone. That no one locks. No.

You just go. No, you just go down there. And I think that you could definitely take care of him down there, but, you know, she doesn't. She brings him to Riverdale. Great plan. And because, you know, I keep saying disenfranchised. What is Riverdale?

Unincorporated. Unincorporated. It is an unincorporated city, which is my favorite that MJ loves to scream about the fact that that is not how this works. It's not how these things work. It doesn't mean that you just don't, like, no laws apply to you, that you can do whatever you want. Yeah. So, like, the term like outlaw, right, originally comes from like a sentencing that a criminal would get where they're like no longer protected by the law. and they were like banished to the wilderness

and anyone could do whatever they want to them. And Riverdale thinks that when you unincorporate a city, that happens to a whole town. But how sick is that? Honestly, the fact that it's like, then lean in. They should lean in. There should be bands of like road warriors

and ravagers running through the town. Remember all of the criminals that they let go after the prison break? Where did they go to, Jeff? Did they round them up? No. Isn't Uncle Daddy still an escaped prisoner? Am I? Yeah, but he's a mercenary, so I think he gets, he gets away with it.

That doesn't make any sense. Also, why did he say he went mining in Alaska when he was mining just a couple weeks earlier in the prison? Because he also mined in Alaska, Jeff. Why would you ever question Uncle Daddy? I'm just saying the time that you were mining Palladium a couple weeks ago was probably more, okay, I'm getting off time. Please, we're talking about Betty. Betty's upset. Betty's trying to kill the, not the trash bad killer.

Can I kill this man? Oh, my God. Betty did get permission from Alice Cooper to kill the man that mayhap's killed her sister, Polly. Again, yeah, in the eyes of the law, this man is not convicted of anything. No, and there's no proof of anything. I mean, there's proof of him chasing her around with a chain. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But I'm saying, like, of being able to hold him, of being able to torture him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so what he, what she was going to do to him was going to cut off his ankle and then coterize it, and then cut it off of the knee and then cauterize it. And who was going to do that to her, Jeffrey? Her trauma, the trash bag killer. It was the trash bag killer that when Betty was, honestly, great episode. Yeah. The more I think about it.

I really enjoyed this episode. Jeff and I do this conversation. We have this conversation because I need you guys to know it is late at night. I am stoned. And we- No, it's 11 o'clock. And we watched this. And so usually we do this without being recorded. So it's kind of nice to really get this.

Normally we're just in bed, just staring at the ceiling, wondering what we just did to our side. Why? So Alice gives Betty permission to kill the lonely highway killer. What are we calling him? Because he's not the trash bag killer. Trucker killer. Trucker killer. Chucker killer.

And so we don't even know if he is. Or if he's, you know what goddamn Riverdale? I forgot. He's part of a. Family. Family of killers. Guys, he's a part of a family of killers because he was like, it's like, yeah, I'm hunting when I'm hunting with the family.

And how, man, we just kept, we've been screaming about like, okay, River Daryl's already had serial killers. Next, already did it. But have that, yeah, sure, they've had daddy serial killer. Sure, they've had serial killer jeans. Yes. Serial killer brother. Yes.

But not an entire family. family of serial killers. Okay, Jeff, lay it down now. We have not talking about this beforehand, though. Who do you think that he's related to in Riverdale? Oh. I feel like he has to be related to somebody that, like, is a part of this? And they're like, oh, you're, like, is he one of the brothers of the, oh, God, turkey clan?

Oh, when they burst the turkey, that they came back for half of an episode, the family, the Boots clan that they came in. It's clad. The Rombombs, the foot game? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. I don't know who you're talking about at all, and I watch every episode you do. They just got out of prison, and then they happened to be, and they're like, yeah, we came back. Oh, you're talking about Dodger and his, like, hatchet face-bound? Artful Dodger, yes, I am.

That is what I'm referring to. Do you think it? Turkey clan. Turkey clan, because remember, they exploded the turkey when there was the holdup. Oh my God. Oh, I forgot about the exploding turkey. That's very good, but I don't think that's it because those guys, those are C-list. Oh, of course they're C-list.

You know what's A-list? You know what's A-list? Hit me. Blackhood. All right? I think these guys, these guys are distant relatives of Hal Cooper. Oh, no. So you think it's more of the family?

Do you think they're going to try and get Betty to join the family of Kill? Yes, they will absolutely be that scene. I think it'll also be revealed that their weird forest shack somewhere in the middle of the lonely hindway is actually setting on top a vent of carbon monoxide making them all crazy. And that's why they're all killers. Oh my God, and that's where the genes

that's mutated by the carbon monox... That makes as much sense as anything else. I guess that could be it. I love this for us. Probably most likely isn't. But I do love the fact that this creepest is a part of a clan of roving serial killers. And you know we're going to meet the rest of them at some point. I wonder if Charles and Chick, if they found their way out there.

And now their hunt is a new family. Because it's an extended part of their family. I think they were on to something. I mean, Charles and Chick were both serial killers who were seeking. out family. Whoa. I just came. I think we figured it out.

Did you, did you just came? No, I do. You did. Oh my God. Well, I know we're doing after this.

We're going to keep talking about Riverdale. Probably. So, all right, so she gets permission for Mommy to go kill the gild sissy killer. And she gets there, but oh no, what happened?

He bit his own tongue off? Yeah. And then choked on it? Which also is a thing that happened in the silence of the lambs. They keep making all of these comparisons and all of these, like, things to Sound of the Lambs. And that was something that Hannibal Lecter made Miggs do, remember. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Miggs, who was the guy who, like, chucked his stuff over at poor Clary Starling.

Yes. And then that night, Hannibal Lecter essentially just, like, psychologically tortured him through the walls of the cell. And Miggs bit his own tongue off and choked to death on it. So I just like, I can't, I feel like you got to be really strong to do that. I don't think you... I mean, I don't think that you have to be strong physically. to bite your own tongue of? I think you just need to be really fucked up mentally.

Yeah, well, I imagine he's got that in spades. And I will say, to say to Alice fucking Cooper about how Polly squealed like a pig when I slit her throat, that was actually, like, it's pretty creepy. It's pretty fucked up. And also some of the weird, like, camera work, it was definitely a choice.

But I liked the choices that Magicandemic made. Yeah, honestly, all of the camera work in the previous segment in the mine was really, really good. Yeah. Like, honestly, they got a couple of good jump scares in there. It was like, it was very acceptable, like, spooky camera work. Yeah. I liked it a lot.

Yeah. And you know what I will give big ups to Betty? Big ups. She was going to cut his feet off and cut his legs off and cut his arms off because she grabbed that fucking chainsaw. You know, the chainsaw that hangs on the. the wall in the middle of the shop class at the Riverdale High School. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you know what you need when you're working on cars.

Oh, chain, saw, you get it, baby. I know. Yeah, you've watched enough car shows. Yeah, I'm on. Yeah. Give me the parts. Yeah. This bitch loves top gear.

So this man is going to be, I'm so excited to see what they're going to do with the rest of the quote-unquote killers that are going to now go prey upon Riverdale. Yeah. But I'm assuming not a part of the killers that were released from Riverdale prison, different killers altogether. Different killers. They haven't made any noise in about three weeks. I don't think we got to worry, but I think they learned their lessons.

Yeah, you know, there's one thing in Riverdale, you know 100%. It is that if you don't see what happened with it, there's no way that that's just some loose string that lives inside of Aguirre's Haas's brain or that. And he just like pulls out like the memory in Harry Potter. And it goes, ah, this one. Quick aside. Just to bring, does it connected to that out of sight, out of mind thing.

Please. Betty specifically named drop Dr. Curdle and that they were taking, you know, this young highwayman to him to get an otockeye. Dr. Curdle Jr. Dr. Curdle Jr. Um, so she's just going to tell Dr. Curdle, I kidnapped this guy. and then he killed himself after I was torture him? I mean, you can pay off Dr. Curdle Jr.

You know Dr. Curdle Jr. is not on the up and ups with the law. Dr. Curdle Jr. is the most trustworthy man. Unimpeachable integrity. A pillar of the community. Then what happened to his father, Jeff? I don't know. I think his father was originally the mortician. Oh, yeah, yeah.

They replaced Dr. Curdle with Dr. Curdle Jr. with no explanation. No, but who needs it? It's a dangerous game that they play in Riverdale. A place without laws. A place where you can go to get lost. Hell yeah. Now, it does make me sad that Hiram wasn't in this episode,

but I guess I'll deal because we have, Cheryl's going to take us over to our third, just very interesting... Painting. ...portrait that she made of Jughead. Look, joghead's finally bad. Yay. I guess, yay.

And the whole time, we were just like, is he still just shit-faced and wandering around? And the answer is yes. Uh, kind of. But he made it to New York. He did make it to New York. Now, baby, I never lived in New York. Yeah, it's my time. You lived in New York for 12 years?

Yeah, yeah, a long time. Yeah, yeah. How many rat kings did you meet? Well, see, the thing is that, so you know that rat king is a term of like, of when rats, when all their tails get tangled together. Now, if you've not looked at what a rat king is. It's pretty rock and roll. It's, well, you say rock and roll.

It's very upsetting. But if you don't know what a rat king is, please look it up. It's very upsetting and scary. All the tails look like spaghetti. Yeah, and they all like, they get all wrapped up together. And then they eat each other to death with their thrashing. Well, what's interesting is that I want to give a shout out to Rooney, who wrote in, And that's, I love this.

Someone in Riverdale Writers' Room just googled, quote, weird occurrences in NYC and just pop that into the Riverdale canon and rabies. What a trip. Because last October, the headline in the New York Times, New York Nightmare, Man Falls Through Sidewalk into Rat-filled Casm. And this is something that actually happened last year. Oh, you do. And I don't think that this happened with the rabies and the maple mushroom. rooms per se. But so what happened with Jughead?

Where's Jughead been? I was like, all right, he's a drunk. He's a writer and he's a drunk. It opens up with him at an AA meeting where, again, he says his full name. And then people are stepping to him in his story of the accuracy of what he was saying, which very uncomfortable. Sure. And he, to talk about how he's an alcoholic, we first need to start seven years ago.

When I was in college, and the girl who broke my heart was being weird from a distance. Yeah, of course she was Jughead. But I will say something that they did make a lot more sense out of in this episode. Because it never made sense with this voicemail. They keep bringing up this fucking voicemail of like, yeah, he called you a bitch. And not to be like this, but if that's the worst thing your ex-boyfriend said to you... Yeah, honestly, everything else he said in that...

Not that you should ever be called a bitch. But you know what I mean? Where it's like, the fact that they brought up this voicemail so many times. Everything else he said in it was actually a fact. Yes. She did cheat and she is duplicitous and weird because she has a... And cold. And a little fake.

But he called her a duplicitous bitch. The only thing that's wrong about that is that this should be part of like a measured conversation and not drunkenly left in a voicemail. And again, especially like with how hammered and how face he was, I've received worse voicemails and I hate to say that loud. Yeah, I wish that all my drunk exes only called me a duplicitous bitch. I would save so much money on therapy right now. So what happens to him? He's hammered for years. And I guess he's hammered for years.

He immediately in college, which is my favorite whenever I love it when you guys write in of like, I'm a writer. That's not how you get an agent. Of course it's not. You don't just happen upon an agent that's just like, yeah, I mean, he was using the word mula. Lots of mullah, kid. But baby, he sent it to like a hundred literary agents. Oh, that was so many. And the one who's, uh, teleported from the 1950s?

Is the one that got it. Listen here, kid. We're going to make some money. See, we're going to make some mullah. Mula means money, kids. You're going to be bigger than corned beef. It's the way over the future. In fact, at one point, he did go, Y, A, yeah.

Because he's like, this is going to be the best YA novel. This town's of a scene, which it's just. I love it. called the outsiders, you know. No, the outcasts. The out, I'm sorry. That's it. Yeah, it's called the outcasts.

I wonder what it's based on. This, this hit Y.A novel. And I don't really, I lost a little bit of the timeline here. He gets drunk. He's with this girl. That he's, like, he's eating mushrooms all the time. So he wrote, I will say, Basel, wrote an entire hit novel on Shrooms. Yeah.

No. that's, well, he said that he, that rough draft turned into it. So I imagine there's a lot of editing. A little bit of joshin in there, I would hope. There's like, there's an old Hemingway quote, right drunk edit sober. And I think he probably had to do a lot more sober editing to fix that guy. Are you quoting Jughead right now? I feel like that's something like, as Hemingway said.

I did not. I can, I can remember a quote without being Jughead. Cut the legs out from Enrique, you duplicitous bitch. Do you hear what he said to me? Did everybody hear what he said to me? You're cold and fake. I'm cold and fake. I'm sorry.

I am Jeffrey Adams and I'm an alcoholic. And maybe you have rabies. I might have rabies. Maybe instead of that whole time, maybe like when you were having issues with alcohol, maybe you just had rabies. I'd love to blame anything other than my own bad decision. But I will say that that's not how.

how rabies works. My favorite is Jeff. All right. So, guys, he falls through a grate in the sidewalk. After leaving a very rude voicemail. She was rude. He called her a bitch. So he said, I know that I really shouldn't try to follow the timeline of the time jump.

I know that no one is trying to keep track of this. But I don't understand. How long between the Rat King thing and the A.A. meeting. What's the span of time between that? Because on the voicemail, he says seven years ago. So. But that book he wrote years ago because remember he's like, I haven't written anything in years. Exactly. So are we to believe that he went to college, wrote some stuff, dropped out of college, moved to New York, did a bunch of mushrooms, made the rough draft for the outcasts, released it. And then it took years to be. actually released? Which I mean, I guess would make sense. Maybe. I guess like, okay, I guess he could finish the book like a year and a half earlier and then a year and a half later. But still, it wouldn't

have been seven years because he was in this first year of college when he like wrote the couple we're getting too, we're getting too far into it. And it hurts my brain. I know it hurts your brain. You're going on a stroke. Don't? So he gets faded. Oh my God. He doesn't even make it to the release party. Because he falls into the sewer. He falls into the sewer. And his first thought, which I've had this thought many times, I've had this thought three times a week since I moved to Los Angeles. What if I just crawled into a hole and never dealt with another human being again? So it's interesting because, you know, you give me a lot of shit for Twilight, but, you know, it's literally what Bella did.

When Edward left her, Bella went into the forest and laid down and laid down and was ready to die. and was going to wait there until she died. Well, you know what? I think my only problem with that is that if I were in those situations, I would at least, like, build some sort of lean to. And I would just, I'm now a person of the force. I'm not waiting to die because I'm sparkly bitch. We are talking about Juddank.

I'm sorry, we're not talking about Twilight right now. We're talking about Rifferdale. So he falls down there and who does he meet? Not his agent, but his agent dressed like the, Rat King. So do you think that this, maybe I'm looking too far into this, do you think it could be a nod to the Fisher King? It could be a non to the Fisher King. I think that is a compelling thing. However, to get like a little bit, a little slightly different thing. By the way, Fisher King, Terry Gilliam, Moly, Robin Williams, really good if you have seen it. Yeah, I'm talking out of

the side of our mouth. So, I don't think that the writers actually put any thought into this. But the rat king is wearing a crown. The rat king is wearing a crown. What did Jughead wear? A crown. And also he has the eyes like the moth men. He's got those red goggles on. But also, if Jughead just wrote a whole book about secrets that he and his friends went through,

what does that make him? A fucking rat. I think that he went down into the sewers. Because he did the dirty laundry. He out to dry. He put the dirty fucking laundry out there. Oh, you have to put it out when it's clean. So he went down there and he hallucinated a monstrous vision of himself.

But the problem is that Juggett is a known narcissist. He doesn't think about anyone except for himself. Exactly. And this is where I bring up my second favorite quote of the episode. I was very eager to join the Rat King's Domain. He had a nightmarish hallucination of a grim version of himself. Very excited about it, though. And was like, I'm fucking in.

Does that mean you like Jughead more? I mean, I like Jughead. I dislike Cole Spouse. Yeah, well, that's a kid. I always liked Jughead. I like Jughead more knowing he's a fuckup. Especially now, and I do like this whole line. So the Rat King wanted to be entertained.

so he stands and he reads him his entire novel that he read or wrote, supposedly. But then while he was doing it, or at least in his mind, he wrote down the story of the rat king in the margins. So, so like I guess what they're supposed to believe by the end of the episode was that he obviously didn't run into any real rat king. He went down into the sewers with a copy of his book, wrote down the story of him meeting this rat king in the margins, And then the rabies made him think it actually happened. Again, rabies and carbon monoxide are well-known hallucinogens. I can't believe that this man, Riverdale, this episode alone, a family of serial killers, carbon monoxide induced trauma and hallucinations, and rabies.

Two separate storylines with hallucinations in it. It was great. Honestly, well, also, though, if you think about it, Betty's going back to her trauma is also like a different kind of a hallucin. She's definitely dealing. So you got two people with PTSD. You got two, you got three. I think the drughead, because like, he fell through a sidewalk and then was so covered in rats that he couldn't speak. And they gave him a prophylactic rabies shots, which I need to throw this out there. Rebe's is lethal, and if you don't get a shot real fucking quick, you will straight up die from it. Three days?

Do you get he last three days? I don't know. He might be able to last three days, I guess. He couldn't even scream, Jeff, because he was worried the rat was going to go into his mouth. Or maybe he was worried the rat king. You know, I'd be scared of that guy, too. Great fashion sense. Very dirty.

I liked that crown made of an old coffee can. It was pretty sick. It was pretty sweet coffee. But who saved him when he was after he was done with the Rat King, but in reality just covered in rats and living. Another hallucination. Another hallucination. But this time it was good Betty.

It was Betty from high school Betty, not current Betty. High school Betty. It's high school Betty because apparently New York flushes the sewers every couple of days. I guess. I don't know. That doesn't sound true. But he's got rabies. And now he's an alcoholic.

Oh, Lord. But he is going to now, I guess I would assume, he's going to go make his amends now. I really hope that he doesn't try to get back together with Betty. I can't. No, no, no, no. They're actually going to follow through on him doing 12 steps. I fucking damn. No, no, no, no.

They'll hop along. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I'm shocked that they actually, like, depicted EMDR in a realistic way. There's no way he's going. He wasn't following her fingers with his eyes. Okay, so we're jumping back. So Archie's in the therapy, EMDR. First two words, eye movement.

What does he do? Not move his eyes. He's not following his eyes. He's not wondering he's seeing dead guys. But he is being haunted by all of those men that died under his command. It's, uh... He needed all the men die and he survived. He's a very bad sergeant.

I mean, I don't know a whole lot about war, but I would assume that, like, does that happen a lot? a lot? I mean, I guess in trench warfare. Entrench warfare. And the dysentery alone. People are just dying by the bucket. Left and right. Get those dogs out of there. Get the dogs out of it. Remember when we sang?

Good Lord. So that's what's going on. Now he's got to go apologize. I guess he's going to go apologize to Betty, but she's like in the process of, you know, doing other things. He's going to walk in there and be like, so I'm here to make my amends. And she's just going to

be like wiping blood off a chain. So I'd be like, I don't have time for this. I kill people now. Get out of here. Jugg, a lot's happened, okay? So it cuts back to our vignettes of evil, of come to a close. So it cuts back to,

Cheryl has one last painting to show Minerva at the end. And my favorite was that Jeff said to me, he's like, yeah, I bet it's a painting of her, eating her out. And then, behold, It was a picture, I think it was like a Cupid-esque. They were like angels.

It was of the two of them embraced wearing almost nothing as angels, like, about to make out. Which I'm going to throw out there is like much more sexual than just a painting of someone eating at someone else. Completely. It was actually very beautiful. I think that if someone made that for me, all right, I guess I'll have sex with you. I understand. I haven't made you that painting. They've won you in this transaction. Thank you. Thank you for giving you're just like Alice Cooper right now. Thank you for giving me the permission. But you also have my permission to kill them after me.

Oh, that's nice. Thanks, Steve. You're welcome. You're good to me. So, of course, what do they do? They fuck. And psychie? And psyched?

Is this a, now I'm dumb. I don't know nothing about art. Syc? Syke. Syke. Syc. Um, it is a painting. Cupid and Syke.

I don't think it's... Is it psyche? Is it a story originally from Metamorphoses written in the second century AD? Of course it is. That's the thing I love about Riverdale. Is that like...

Great references. That's why it could be a reference to the Fisher King. It very well could be. It could be. Fisher King. I mean, like, they're very good with their references. I think that this is like... Riverdale's really...

Oh, yeah. Look at this sculpture. Sorry. Psyche revived by Cupid's Kiss. That is the... That's the sculpture that the painting is based on. Oh yeah, I'd fuck that sculpture.

So yeah, I'd fuck that sculpture. Man, I'm looking at this angel's butt right now. Cheeks, dog. Oh, I just want to grab on that butt. So they're going to go have sex, because Minerva's got to go to South Africa, going to go buy more paintings. So she's got to get right on out of there. Doesn't have time to

donate towards the church. I'm sure we'll deal with the church in the next episode. I miss the parents. I miss the parents, too. I didn't, I thought that the show could, like, really stand up without to the adults in there and they're just like, well, let's just make them adults now. No, they just seem like kids.

They seem like little rascals who can buy booze now. Although I will say this was an adult episode. This is a very adult episode. It's just so weird. It's very, very weird. Remember when Archie was teaching football? Remember when he was the football coach? Arch has been a lot of things.

I really like how Cheryl Lambshade is. She's like, what haven't you been? You've been a soldier, a fireman, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick. And now he's a minor. Of course he can. And you know what? He did. Mine they did.

And we love him for it. And that is our episode of Riverdale. Jeff, do you have any future hypotheses of what could possibly happen? Future hypotheses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so thing one is the serial killer family. The serial killer family, I think, is either going to be related to Hal Cooper. Okay.

Because he died off screen. I don't believe he's dead. No. Or Chuck and Charles, the murder brothers, the murder brother. Oh, chick. Yeah, yeah. The murder brothers. Charles and Chick are going to be with the murder family.

I also, a thousand percent believe that Betty's FBI boy. boyfriend is the trash bag killer. I like that. Also, bitch, Glenn. Real quick. Wasn't this episode the first time we've heard that guy's voice? What guy? The trash bag killer.

This is the first time we heard him talk, right? I feel like we've heard it in passing, like in that scene. But maybe we should have paid closer attention. Because I heard his voice. That was definitely the voice of a younger man. Guy in his 20s to 30s. Really? It definitely, because he didn't have any, like, gravel to it.

It was a young, clear voice. It would also make sense of why he would know she got away from him, but he also, Glenn really doesn't like her because he is on the lonely highway right now, remember? Yeah. Because he's the ones that set up the FBI sting on the lonely highway. Oh my God, do you think Glenn comes from the murder family? Maybe that's his brother. And it's just like, oh. And also, Glenn does kind of look like chick and Charles.

I don't think he was cast with that. Maybe I just think all white men with blonde a arrow look the same. Absolutely. That is what's happening. Very possible. Or another long-lost brother. We haven't had a long-lost twin brother. In at least a season. At least a season and a half.

So what's your prediction based off of this episode? Oh, I don't even know. I'm worried about where Veronica is. I think that I just, all like, I just really hope that Betty and Jughead don't get back together. I really want Betty and Tappah to get together. I don't think Betty and Jughead are going to get back together. I just think that somewhere, wherever Veronica is, she's doing something stupid to her dad that's going to blow up in her face. Daddy.

Daddy? I'm going to steal your investors, Daddy. Oh, God. Oh, I forgot about the investors from last episode. Yeah, also, isn't Reggie working in her jewelry shop? He can just like, hey, hey, Ronnie, I can't come in for the next couple days. I got to go mine. And then she's just sitting there watching in mind.

We got to get out of here. Thank you guys so much for joining us. And Jeff, thank you very much for sitting in and having our late night conversation just recorded this time. This was great. Thank you so much. Anytime I love you guys. I said it when I was going to say I met to Jeff. Oh, Googleies.

And next week we will be back, I think, I guess we'll be back. We never know whenever Riverdale episodes. are going to be released. I think that we will be back next week. And if not, keep Riverdale in your hearts for as long as you'll allow it. I gotta go.

Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.