Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 94: I Wanna Like It, But I Do Not Like It

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

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A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Springheeled Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, rebring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. I'm not happy, MJ. I'm upset. I'm not happy. I'm not happy with this. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm upset.

I cried. I'm quite sad. I'm angry that I'm sad. I'm sad that I'm sad. Oh my God. Are we talking about our regular lives? No. We are talking about Riverdale season 5, episode 19.

Did I just cry to MJ for at least 25 minutes? Yes. Did it have partially something? something to do with this fucking Riverdale episode may be. Yes, we are talking about Riverdale season five, episode 19. It is the musical episode and the thing is MJ. You canonically love the musical episodes. I love a musical.

Just three weeks ago, I think. We had another musical episode. Jackie hated it. And I loved it. And we still came together on the episode. We didn't, on the episode of Riverdale Roundup. We did not feud. We discussed our different points of view about,

I enjoyed the absolutely nonsensical, plotless musical episode featuring Josie and the Pussy Cats made no sense. Why were they there? Still don't know. But it worked for me. They're gone, though. They never have to think about it again.

So maybe hopefully they get a pilot and they get a pilot. Great. That would be great. That would make things retroactively make sense. So yes, I love a musical. I love a musical. Do I even love it a musical? Do I even love an obscure musical that, or maybe it's not that obscure in the world of musicals, but it's not, I mean, listen, in the past, when Riverdale did their musical episodes, they often chose musicals that you may have heard the music for.

Or at least know the plot of, like Heather's, or Carrey. Right, right. Even if you weren't familiar with the soundtracks of Heather's or Carrie, you're like, you know, this isn't a completely baffling experience. for you. You know, those episodes were baffling in their own right. But the reason I love the Josie and the Pussy Cat's episode is because, again, some kind baffling choices, but it had pop songs. It had, you know, well-known musical songs, Little Shop of Horrors.

Why did they sing it? I don't know, but I loved it, right? This one had all of the plotlessness of a musical episode with none of the fun. Why? Because it was a musical. about grieving the death of a child. It is called Next to Normal. And the thing is that y'all know I love to cry and I love to sing.

And I really, really love the musical Next to Normal. And so you'd think, oh, Jackie, wouldn't you love this episode? And I'm going to say first, out the gate, that Alice Cooper and Betty Cooper, singing-wise, and honestly, even those scenes killed it. Great. I thought that the singing was amazing. I thought they brought great depth to it. Yeah, they acted the shit out of it.

They acted the shit out of it. Because so let's, all right, so essentially what they did with this episode is they mashed this very beautiful heartbreaking musical into the Riverdale world. And the internet seems to love it. However, for Jackie, they took all of, all, remember how excited we were last week, MJ? Yeah. Remember when we had hope? I was so excited to tell Gideon what happened in that. He was like, what happened last week?

I was like, oh, my God. Where do I even start? And I was like thrilled with all the plot. I was just, just, you know, high off plot. How far the mighty Doth fall. And I, again, I enjoyed the fact that they were, you know, I guess playing with magic and amics, like her grief. Because now you're going to think, all right, Polly. just died. Like they finally now we know Polly's

dead dead from last episode. Yeah. Charles who is not dead. That she's not dead. I know. It makes me upset. But Charles, who is not dead son, he is just an escaped criminal, was also included in this, in the like delusional world that she lives in because in the musical

she sees her son Gabe all the time and even though Gabe died as a baby but she still has her husband and she still has her alive daughter, which is why it is, and it's really upsetting. I did cry through the songs. Did I stay up until 3 o'clock in the morning listening to the next to normal musical soundtrack? Yes. Am I sad?

Yes. Is that what we come to Riverdale for? No. No! I don't want to be sad. I don't want to think about grief for 45 minutes. If I wanted to think about what it would feel like to lose a child, I'd watch Broadchurch, which I know I will never watch since having a child.

There are certain things I can't read now. I can't watch them. I don't want it. And so Riverdale, you're sitting here making me contemplate Alice Cooper's grief for her lost child, and I don't want it. I don't want it. Have you ever seen the movie Ordinary People? Have I ever tried to force you to watch the movie Ordinary People before?

We had to watch Ordinary People, like, in high school for some reason. And even, I don't know. It's like the theme, don't go boating. I don't understand why you would watch that in high school. Be careful when you go. It's like always leave a note. I mean, it could be. We did grow up with a lot of drunk boaters.

You know, I grew up on the Mississippi River. Maybe that was why they did us watch it. But we had to watch it. And I just, I remember being, there were certain things that even as a high schooler that were like, even like the catcher in the rye falls into this category, like being like a, you know, sheltered teen who hadn't experienced like a lot of loss or grief when I would read things or watch things that were about loss or grief,

I was like, oh, no, no, no, oh, I don't want to even know about the depths of these feelings. I was like so upset, so upset just to like have to face like ordinary people. I was like, this is going to like haunt me forever. Yeah. Sorry to go on this tangent, but also if you haven't seen ordinary people and you like really, really well done, very sad movies, it's Mary Tyler Moore in a serious role and Donald Sutherland

and their son dies and it's all about that happens at the beginning, no spoilers. And Timothy Hutton, I think at the time, was like the youngest person to win an Oscar because it's all about him being the younger son when his older brother died. And it's all about their family falling apart. And Judd Hirsch is the psychiatrist

and he's at like, It's just like they're acting their asses off. And that is my number one movie. If I want to just out and out, sob for an hour and a half I will put that movie on. And only alone, I'd never watch ordinary people with other people except for Ed. Edward Larson is the only person that I will watch ordinary people with. He's the only person in my life I will watch it with. So sorry, big sidebar this.

Ed Larson, the guy who's famous for his great jolly laugh. he's your ordinary people partner. I love it. I didn't ever tell you, we went to go see Blue Valentine together. Then that came up on the podcast recently. Yeah. I was just like, yeah,

Eddie is my sad movie buddy. And he's the one that introduced ordinary people to me. But I digress. The thing is that, so Alice is finally dealing with, but like Alice has been through so much in Riverdale. Right? Like, remember the cult?

Like, remember, like, her husband was a serial killer. Remember? Like, you know, it's just like, there's so much. There's so much that has happened to Alice Cooper. So now she's finally at a breaking point. I like that. I dot against that idea. But what spiritually, musically, broke my soul was watching them jam these very intense songs

into scenes of like, do I like him or do I like him? Or, mommy, you're, like, pissing me off right now. when it's actually like, I already yelled this at MJ and I apologize. Give us the context here though because it may, like I was like, wow, this, this musical seems to really fit in with this kind of, you know. And it did. Yeah, they're making it work for the Alice Cooper plot. But then, of course, whenever they do fucking musicals, they have to be like, oh, Veronica gets a song too, right? And so like that, so give us, give us a little bit of an overview of, we know what the musical is about now, the actual musical.

But we, and we know where all the characters are and they're. plot, what is the gap and the space between the songs that, for example, Veronica sang and the other, and Jughead, and the non-Alice and Betty songs that were in this musical episode, how did they make it make sense? Did it make sense? If you know the musical, were you very upset? Yes. I was very upset the entire time. And I really didn't want to. Like, I was trying to go in because honestly, I needed the escape of Riverdale's week. I was so excited to put on Riverdale. I was like, hell yeah. I know. Let's see what these crazy middle-aged 20 peoples are up to.

And getting hit with this was a lot. And so that's why I apologize if I put on my like, drama turkey glasses. Because I want the dramaturgy. I feel it's turgy. I always forget. I know it's dramaturg. And then I was like, I think it's turgy.

I was upset. I think the two songs that made me the most upset, here's where I'll start. Of the other one's characters sang. So part of all of this, So while Betty and Alice are honestly, I think, acting their asses off, singing their asses off, she's like, Betty's trying to pull Alice back into the real world, which is a part of the musical. Now, the part that Betty is playing in this is technically the part of, like, off time, sometimes her daughter,

but some of the songs are from the perspective of her husband. Her husband who was so patient, who was, like, there for her the entire time that, like, through the suicide, like, through suicide attempts, through the like, like, you know, you think about this, like there's some, like she's seeing in the play, in the musical, she sees teenager delusion of her son and he died as a baby. So this is not, it didn't just just happen. And it just like kept getting more and like the, like, she wasn't dealing with the grief and the way that it should have been dealt with. She like kind of pushed it out of her mind. And so that's why a lot of this was coming to the forefront. Makes complete sense with Alice.

But to have Victoria. Victoria. Sorry, Twilight. Twilight crossover. To have Veronica. Have Veronica sing that Invisible Girl song, and that song is like a heart wrenching of like her daughter in the musical being like, it's as if I don't exist. R&I enough, essentially.

To use it when the She-Wolf of Wall Street made a meal for her firefighter boyfriend and Jughead and Uncle Daddy, and they had to go fight a fire. And so she sings a song about being invisible, how she won't fade into the background. I was like, fuck you, Veronica. Yeah, that is tasteless. I was just so, like, it was just, and again, I know it's not there.

I know it's not the actresses fault. I understand what they were trying to do with it. And I know maybe I shouldn't take it so personally. But I'm spicy this week. And I took it, I was upset about it. And I was like, I don't give a fuck about you, Veronica. I don't care. Also, number one, number two,

She moved back in with Archie, because now they're remember back together from last episode. She moves back in, and they're still in the same bed in its high school bedroom. If you own that house now, move into the main bedroom. Yeah. I know that your parents used to fuck in there, but like put up new wallpaper. I would want to be banging in my high school bedroom again. It is weird that his bedroom has changed in seven years. Yeah.

Right. So the bit, the little tiny drop of plot we got this week was that, right, Veronica was like, I want to move in with you, or move in here with me into my apartment, you know, where that I live in, the Pembroke. And Archie's like, oh, we got my house. We could grow into it together, seeming to imply like, oh, that's the babies. And she's like, cool. But of course, yeah, he lives there with Jughead, which, again, neither of us remembered until last week that Jughead lives there. And I think Uncle Daddy lives there as well. Where was Eric?

Eric wasn't there. Maybe he's just somewhere from the mines. Maybe he needs to go on a little mine vacay. I get it. He's having a time. And so Veronica's plot is that she's like, I mean, first of all, obviously, well, I don't know. I feel like, you know. She's invisible.

Living with your partner and roommates is totally fine. But like, do you want your roommates to be Uncle Daddy and Jughead? Probably not. Like probably you should have like pushed back on Archie and been like, Archie, bruh. Move in with me for a. a while and let your, like, your homeless friends keep the house. Why don't we get our own place? Yeah. Why don't we just get, you know, like, or live apart for a while until you get your own

place? And instead, they just torpedo their whole fucking relationship. Yeah, by the end of the episode, they're done. They start off by being like, yeah, we're so excited to be back together. Let's move in. And of course, Archie is stuck in the past. Archie has a lot of his own grief, right? And so he's like, I can never leave Riverdale. But of course, Archie's not going to leave his childhood house or his childhood bedroom, right? Because she's trying to deal with his trauma by... He's an old American boy. Staying stuck. The videos you send me from KJ. Appa's social media, he's... Oh, my God. It's hard to see him in the show as this, like, do-gooder. I'm just like,

you're weird as fuck. Don't you pretend to be this, like, weird alpha male? Like, you're not at all. I feel bad, though. I need to watch more KJ. Apa reels, even though, even though, my... my instinct just to run away and never. I'm so disturbed. His TikTok is amazing. I'm so disturbed by watching KJ. App that'd be anybody other than Archie. He was fine in The Hate You Give because he was basically just Archie in the hate you give.

Yes. He was just like, oh, I guess it's different to be white than black. Yeah. Okay, good job, Archie. Like, he was just Archie and that was fine. But I'm disturbed by watching him be a Kiwi. I'm disturbed by hearing his. I'm disturbed by him doing jokes.

I'm pretty convinced that that TikTok I sent you is him making a Tourette's joke, but nobody else seems to think that. So maybe I'm just being too. No, I think he was making it. He was like, he's like, can you imagine if you're going to college is, can I mean like this? And like someone was just on, like inside of a doctor's office and he was like pretending to have like fits. Yeah, thank you. I really was like, I think this is a Tourette's thing.

Like I was the person said to me. I was like, am I over reading this? And they were like, yeah, I don't know, maybe. Like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, turned out, I, like, came. And I, now I follow them all on Instagram. It turns out I want Lily Reinhart to, like, give me makeup tutorials. And I just want KJ.

Aper to just only ever be Archie. I don't know. I should give him another chance. I'm a little bit disturbed, though, by the reality of KJ. Appa as a person who's not Archie. I really need him to only be Archie. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, now, you know what, they were. end game, but they're not end game. Yeah, they broke up on the end of the episode. Don't know, I don't, I don't know what is. I feel like, like, the side plots in this episode were very clear of like, well, we really put all our eggs into this, like, grief. So, why are we just, why don't pay attention to that? Don't pay attention to the rest of it.

Don't pay attention to, and what I was yelling about earlier, Cheryl is, you know, she's a saint now. and Penelope is mad that she's a saint. And so she comes in, she calls her cruel child or whatever she always calls her daughter. And she comes in and was like, is it a nightmare child? Whatever she calls.

Nightmare child. I absolutely love it. And they start singing this song, which in the musical, again, this is the other big grievance that I feel, that they start singing a song where, um, essentially like,

she's like, Mother, you're the demon of my church. But this is actually, like, from the point of view of the mother in the musical, trying to decide whether or not, like, after a suicide attempt, because they were put onto medication where they didn't see the delusion of their dead son anymore, of, like, oh, do I undergo shock treatment? Um, like, really, like, heavy shock treatment to try and, like, essentially get rid of the delusions. and it's just such the opposite of what that scene was

and I know that they had to like, the thing is I want to say they tried to, they had to shoehorn the other songs in. But did they? No. Why couldn't they just have made it that like Alice and Betty were the ones that were in next to normal? Yeah.

Like couldn't that have been like, even just like in the beginning when Betty goes to all of her friends and they're all having a drink and she's so upset about like, my mom's completely like cracked. I thought that was a great scene. That was a great scene. Like, Betty is, like, Lily Reinhart is a very good actress. And so is Magicanamic.

And, again, fine with all of those scenes. And then it cuts to, you know, oh my God, I just have so many. As the Bard once said, we cannot hold mortality's strong hand, but we can hold each others. Is that a line from Jughead in this episode? Yes, it is. Very upset the shoehorning in of Jughead. So we've been calling the Jughead and Tabitha

are going to get together, right? He's the bus boy, she owns pops. We knew that this was going to happen at some point. But this was just like, happened. Yeah, it happened very quickly. Her evil parents from Chicago come to town to be like, you can't date my daughter, you're not good enough.

And he's like, you remind me of a little man I like to call Hiram Lodge. And the guy's like, I don't know who that is. But you can't date my daughter. And then they, of course, do date against Daddy's wishes. And I don't know again, I'd so much rather watch Veronica take over Hiram Lod's than bring in another Hiram Lodge into this situation. It does feel a little bit of a Hiram, not Hiram situation.

We don't need Hiram, not Hiram. We have so many, we have brothers, not brothers. We have uncles, not fathers. We have, you know, FBI's, not FBIs. I can't handle, like, bad. Daddy from Chicago comes into town, doesn't want her to own pops, against the relationship, like just comes in Shakespearean style of just like, no, nay, hate it. And then like their love goes so far past the hatred of her daddy.

Where did this come from? Yeah, they, like, weeks and weeks at the beginning of the season, it was like, oh, are they, well, they won't they are they kind of dating? And then, again, can't emphasize enough how much Jughead disappeared for most of this season. And now he's back. He just had what happened with the mom. Bens. Although I guess rabies were four years ago. I don't know.

Yeah, we still know another rabies timeline. But in any case, it really was like, again, at the beginning of the episode, they got together. And by the end of the episode, they're like, nothing can keep our love apart. Like, the stakes in this episode were

all out of whack. Because of course, the stakes with Alice and Betty's, you know, plotline are incredibly high because it's just overlaid with horrific grief. And then the stakes for every other plotline were dog shit, like absolutely nothing. Like, nobody cares about

I mean, I kind of care about Archie and Veronica, but like, I don't care that like Veronica like doesn't want to live in his house. Okay, figure some other shit out. You like live in Riverdale, which we have determined to be the actual Riverdale, which is actually in New York City. So just fucking commute down to Wall Street

and then come back. This is not a true. Like, okay, your daddy doesn't like you owning your family business? That doesn't even make any sense. Sorry, I just really scared myself because I saw that all of the Riverdale version of the next normal songs are on Spotify. And actually it accidentally started playing. You know what? I'll listen to the Lily Reinhart and the- Don't do this to yourself, Jackie.

I'll listen to it. I'll listen to it. No, you're done. Listen to all of it. Between that and also, like a week ago, I started listening to the last five years again, which like I also don't need in my life. I love sad musicals. Okay.

So yes. It's just like I was trying to remember which song it was that Tabitha and Jughead were singing to each other. And it's just like that relationship in the musical, again, I know it's only a 45 minute episode. I know that they can only get so much into it. But it's just like the character development in the musical is just so beautiful. And like that this like man who is trying to date the daughter in the music. who just like is a good patient man who's just waiting for her. She's like, I can't.

I can't be with you. I can't be with you. I have too much going on at home. I can't. And he just like, I'll just be your friend. It's okay. And like, so that song, like, there's like three hayes. That song is called hay.

And that by the end, she finally is like, I'm ready to love you. I'm ready to be in this. Like it's such a. I don't know. You're going to make me cry just listening to your description of the plot of the actual musical. It's such a good musical. You're going to totally listen today and you're going to totally fucking love it.

That's why, egregious. I'm not as upset as I was at Hedwig, though. I will say that because at least part of it does make sense. Yeah. Yeah, Hedwig was another swing and a miss musical Riverdale episode. And can we talk about swings and a miss of another little side plot

that I think we have to start calling Tongues? And I laughed and I laughed when I sent that to you at 3 a.m. Your Time, M.J. Yeah, I didn't understand that. Tony and Fangs. Tony and Fangs got together. Oh, I was like, tons. Do we call them tangs? Yes.

And one thing I will, I am going to retract, officially retract something I said last week, which was that I was. What's the retraction? The retraction is I was like, oh, I'm disappointed that, like, the two queer characters are going to be in, like, you know, like, you know, in a heterosexual seeming relationship. And I completely retract that. That was some bi erasure on my part. I am wrong.

Watching it this week, I was like, I love this. I love that it's just great by visibility. It's like, yeah, we know both of these characters for loving, you know, people of the same gender, and now they are loving people of different genders. And I think it's great. And I, aside from overwhelming grief, the one feeling I had last night while watching Riverdale was, man, what was I thinking? I didn't like Tony and Fangs.

I love Tony and Fang. But I do completely understand where you're coming from because my problem is that I just loved Kevin and Fangs and Cheryl and Tony together. Like that's really like I love the Cheryl and Tony relationship that was just so toxic, but so sexy. Like I loved it. Yeah, I loved that too. I liked it as a part of Riverdale.

And they think that's really what we were mourning is the fact that like, well, I mean, it makes sense now they're going to raise, you know, Anthony, Tony number two together. And I understand that and I liked it. I was fine with watching them kiss. And yet still, though, I was so upset from the episode that it gave. me not a stirring a loin to be had. I just looked at it as of like, just like, yeah, well, what happens if something happens to the baby?

And then I just, you know, burst into tears again. And it's all very upsetting. But I guess, you know, welcome Tongs into the relationship fold of Riverdale. I think I care a lot more about Tongs than I do, Tabitha and Jughead. I think that Tongs are the two most attractive. to people on the show. So they may as well be together. Yeah. No, no, no. I will watch it. I will. I watch every second of it. It is very, it's a little upsetting when it comes to the fact of like, even just saying of like, I'm like them more than Tabitha

and Jughead because it's like, man, again, it's Veronica not Veronica. I don't want, like, it's just another like, oh, she's rich, but she chooses to be in Riverdale. Like, we already have that character, Riverdale. We don't be like, Let's like spice it up a little bit. I guess it is like at least she's down home. Like I'm going to run my grandfather's very successful diner, you know, I guess. But that's not even down home. That's a very successful.

It's the only fucking diner in town. Yeah, I do find that they are not doing much with the tabitha character. I think that probably the actors is fine. And I'm glad that to bring in new characters is not like I'm anti-new characters. There's just not a lot going on. Also great singer. too. I thought that her singing voice is beautiful.

Held her own much more than... Yeah. Was much better than usual. I will say that. And also usually Jughead, it's like, don't give Jughead a song. And he did fine,

you know, but like, uh, yeah, like, I just feel like, I feel like they are, they brought Tabitha in and they are not quite sure what to do with her.

Like, I don't really know what she is, like, like, what is her character other than like, yeah, I run pops and I help Betty and I help Betty and I help her, drughead and I kind of just exist to be like,

facilitate the plot lines of the four main characters, you know? And I just like, it's just, I have so many feelings about this episode. And I feel sad that I, that I'm as upset about it as I am. Because I do follow Magic and Amic on all the socials. And I love her and I love the relationship she has with her kids. And she and her daughter currently just started. And I think that that was part of this because, like,

we know that she's been directing a lot more. And she started a podcast called Don't Mind Me with her daughter that's about mental illness and about like the mental illness diagnoses in their family. And like there's like like good, cool, like, you know, it reminds me like a red table talk of like in my brain of like, oh cool. It's like of talking about some things that I feel like a lot of families would like hide. Uh-huh. And so this was part of like the release of this podcast as well. And I, and so like even she posted about it of like, and this week we're actually going to deal with something that I feel like we should have been dealing with on Riverdale a long time ago.

And that's the mental health of the characters that are involved. I, you know, believe me, mental health awareness is like one of my top priorities. Yeah. But it's still Riverdale. Like I'm down for like parts of it. And I know how many years being screamed of like, get them a therapist. but at the end of the day, I like it because it's bonkers, not because I sob through it. Yes.

And also, you can't be like, oh, we're going to, like, do justice to this issue of mental health. When you don't do justice to anything. Like, here you have a school guidance counselor, Tony, being like, oh, this queer kid is homeless and needs a place to live. I guess I'll just send her to live with Cheryl in my, what is obviously a haunted house. We can't. The corpse that I know for a fact, she lives. with a corpse, you can't like, don't know me in the walls.

I'm going to do justice to the issue of mental illness. And also be like, in this world, we send homeless children to live with a, you know, fucking corpse hoarder. Homeless children are like the outback steakhouse of children. No rules just right.

Put them wherever you want them. And it is, there's just something about how this show deals with orphans for some reason. Now, Britta is not an orphan. didn't even talk about Britta last week. Brita was brought back from the beginning of this season. You remember when, like, they came back and, like, they were all teachers at Riverdale?

Oh, yeah. That was 100 million years ago. And Archie was the head of the football team and, like, football is his life again. And then there was a person identifying as a woman that wanted to be a part of the football team. And that was a part of an episode, 100 million years ago. Well, this bitch is back. And last episode she got kidnapped as part of the mothmen, not moth men, just, you know, the incestuous clan of brothers that live in the forest. And she got rescued.

But the thing is, is that she came out to Tony last episode and they were, and she was like, my parents don't, they don't condone my sexuality. They're against me. So then this episode, she was like, my parents said that, oh, what, like, my gay. deviant lifestyle is what made me be abducted by the racist. I assume racist, sorry, I'm slapping that word on. Incestuous clan of brothers that live in the forest. And so Tony's like, I'll rehome you, you minor that goes to Riverdale High School. Why do you just, you know what?

I know another gay person. Go live with them. Sends her off to go live with Cheryl. And now she's going to dress like Cheryl. And you know that this young girl is going to become an apostle of. of St. Cheryl, obviously. Yes. But you can't,

a homeless teenager is not an object of which you can do. She's not a dolly. You can't just say, well, you go, you live over here now. Bo, pooh, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo.

No. It's just not how it works. It's very Law & Order SVU, you know, how Olivia Benson always trying to keep those kids, you know, and I'm always just like, you can't just keep every kid you find. There are changes.

you have to go through. In fact, very difficult ones. And, like, the fact that, like, that puts a lot of, like, teachers and social workers and kind of cuffs where they can't help a lot of people in many different situations. Yeah. If it were that easy, I think they'd be able to help a lot more people. Yeah. Just take them in, put them in Cheryl's house. But so it's like, I just, I just, I don't even trust Riverdale with an alien plot line, much less with, like, dealing with mental illness. But it's Riverdale, right? So, So yeah, do a little bit here and there, right? Like, Riverdale will be like, here's a little tiny line about how, like, women should

have each other's backs. And, like, here's a little tiny line about how slut shaming is bad. And, like, here's, like, more queer characters than, you know, people our age were used to ever seeing in a teen show growing up. Like, there's things that Riverdale can do right, right? Like, my friend who calls it Diet Woke. It's like, do the things that you, you know, but don't be like, yes, this episode is about mental illness.

we just spent last week we just I just tried to explain the plotline from last week and I'm like no Nana Rose's husband was wandering philanderer who spread his seat so I'm supposed to say oh last week last week we discovered there is a gang of bastard blossoms living in the woods pretending to be aliens

and then this week I'm supposed to be like thank God that Riverdale is finally taking on the issue a mental illness, you know. It's just like, you can't be both, Riverdale. Just be Riverdale. Just be Riverdale. Just be real. Like, definitely, like, push the podcast at the end of the episode.

Like, slap a, you know, a little, like a scene up there, you know, fine. Yeah, make it be like a, what we grew up with in the 90s was just like, you know, a very special episode here and there where it's like, oh, you know, we've got a little bit about that with Archie this season. Oh, Archie has trauma. Archie needs to see a therapist. And you sprinkle it. Sprinkle it.

Sprinkle it, sprinkle it, and then you know what, because Riverdale takes that grief, and then they turn it into Archie summoning the ghost of his traumatic path to help him dig out of the mine. That's what I want. That's the thing. Again, that's, yeah, like Riverdale, oh, we're here to deal with mental illness. Mental illness is so important. Also, Archie is being followed by the ghosts of 12 people he feels responsible for their deaths until it culminates in them. bursting him out of a mine. You know, again, this is just not, this is not where I'm going for my knowledge of mental illness. No. And I just think that we, like, sprinkle it in there, but don't call yourself a show about mental illness. You're not.

You're a show about, like, literally whatever you pull out of a hat that day. And, like, you know, teens. Teens who are 20s, teens, not teens. Teens who were 20s. I just, my belly hurts from this episode. I just feel like I don't know like what to do. I'm upset. I'm stressed.

And then like I don't know if I should be happy with Riverdale for bringing next to normal back to the forefront of my brain or for not. I don't know how to feel. I know that I'm upset. I know that that's not what I ever expect to this level to be upset by Riverdale. In other ways, sure, but not like this. But yeah, right. I don't go to Riverdale.

Riverdale to contemplate horrific family loss, even though many people have died in Riverdale. So many people. Keep it light. Serial killers. Don't care if they're dead. Oh, your dad's a serial killer. Sure, I'll contemplate that. I don't need like a deeply realistic, devastating portrayal of like parental grief. I don't need it. But why did we spend a whole episode on this? You told me that next week is the last episode. Is that right? Next week is the last episode. The last episode is titled Riverdale RIP. So I guess they're going to get back into it being a town, not town. Who cares about it being a town, not town? Yeah, they haven't done anything with that platform. Except maybe they tried to bring that in last week.

They're like, oh, if we can only do this, then we'll be a town again. I don't remember fundraising something. But it's something. Red Riverdale is still out of town. But they got a high school, thanks to Cheryl's private funding. Cheryl's really keeping everything alive. She's got between her and, like, thank God between her and Veronica, that they have the money that they have so that they can keep everyone employed.

Even though we are, we did watch in this episode too, Reggie becoming a stockbroker? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, fine. All right, Reggie, good for you. I guess, what did he yelled, Mantle the Magnificent for the win. Makes me think of Jacob.

I think he's very silly. I think that he's very, like, I guess that they're going to get back. together now? Or is Hermosa going to come back? One episode where Archie and Veronica got to be together. One. And then it's, again, I don't even care about Varchi. I just am reeling from how

quickly we are abandoning that plot. I mean, what will happen next week? Who's got the kind of time? I have no idea what's going to happen next week. I have zero predictions. I don't even know what's left to resolve. I know that there's other things that are left, though. Because you can think, all right, well, I guess

they're going to have to make mention, like, do you think the trash bag killer is going to show up next episode. Because we haven't figured out the trash bag killer yet. Yeah. Just the lonely highway band of incestuous brothers. Yes. We don't know where TBK is. We, again, all of the criminals that are still technically loose in the perimeter of Riverdale.

Including Charles. Also, this bitch who stole Jughead's manuscript. We don't know what's up with her. Oh, yeah. And who even possibly gives a fuck about Jughead being a writer? Didn't he at least tell that? Not that it matters of like what your job is, but I feel like Tabith's parents were upset with him dating their daughter

because like he wasn't good enough. But like isn't he like a bestselling author? Yeah. Even though like you're not currently like on book tour, you're still a best selling author. Like just say something. Yeah, you could definitely open with like, oh, you know my famous book that everyone seems to know for some reason,

even though it was YA and usually YA books aren't super famous to adults. Unless they're like very specific ones. Yeah. But. Harry Potter. And also, why did Tabitha's daddy when he was trying to threaten Jughead to stay away from his daughter, offer him a swellagrino? I was mad.

I was also personally offended by the word swellagrino. I think I hate the word swellagrino. And I hate that it was a part of it for seemingly no reason. I was like, oh, is he going to drug him? Oh, is he going to do X, Y, and Z? No, I just gave him a swell of greeno. That's just so. they can do their Riverdale thing where they're like, oh, we call it like American

American Express. Yeah, all those things. Oh, yeah. Glamazon always gets me as well. And I just, I'm upset, man. I'm upset that there's only one episode left in the season. But I'm excited for what happens next week. I'm upset that we spent a whole episode next to normal, which again, Seems like a fine musical, but it's not what I want. Do you want to see my notes that I finally try? I was like, oh, I'm going to sit. I'm going to take notes. I love taking notes.

I know. Well, I'm like inspired by you taking notes. And all my notes did not really turn out because, you know, nothing happened other than sadness. But my notes are it's a magical, it's a musical. So there's no plot, but it's a tragic story of death. So it's not lighthearted. And then I said, I forgot about Charles. I want pop, not obscure musicals.

And then I wrote in all capitals, this is too sad. I wrote, Riverdale, stop making me contemplate grief. And then my last note is, I want to like it, but I do not like it. So that's the name of this episode. I want to like it, but I do not like it. And it really, I'm just so happy that you feel this way because, again, like honestly, the internet is either one way or the other. They either love this episode and think that it's brilliant of bringing this in or they hate it.

And I guess we're on the hating inside. You know I hate being a hater. I hate being a hater too. And I love musicals. And I love being sad. If people want to make a case for us to about this Riverdale, you know, tag us on Insta. I will hear you out. Maybe we're both wrong.

Maybe we're just too clouded by grief to appreciate this episode. Maybe that's what, yeah, maybe I'm just got like my grief shoved so far up my ass that, like, it's coming out. of my eyeballs now and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know, but I do know that I'm going to spend, like I said, I'm threatening you, MJ, that I'm going to listen to next to normal for the rest of the week. I think that you should choose a different musical that doesn't involve any death or loss. I think it should be like the music man or something, just like a real rock. That's, I think that you should choose, you know, South Pacific or something.

Madness, I don't know, that's a bad example. That's a bad example. Get mad in a completely different way. Yeah. Choose an old-fashioned racist musical instead. Yeah. I don't know what you, what musical you should listen to, but it's not going to be the Riverdale cover of Next to Normal at least, although maybe it will be because you said

you just found it on Spotify. I did just find it on Spotify. I did just find it on Spotify, MJ. Just the, like Alice and Betty songs, though. I'm going to. I support you. I'm going to say do what you got to do, but I, for one, will never

be listening to a song from that musical again. You can't make me? I do love it too. And I won't do it. They said, is anyone else really glad that this year's musical episode wasn't dear Evan Hanson? And I'm actually kind of surprised it wasn't dear Evan Hanson. Yeah, that's good. We at least have that.

Oh my God. Don't even get me started. I can't wait to go see it. Well, but that's, you know, that's a whole other story for a whole other show. Thank you guys so much for joining us while we yell about this episode. I wish that there was some kind of fucking we could have given to you guys or some kind of like new drug or something, but nope. No, things were very chaste between Archie and Veronica this episode,

so we didn't even get any smooching. No, like not even like a goodbye, like hate, fuck, nothing. I'm just, my loins are so dry. I don't know what to do. I need gravy. I need something. Your loins are dry, but your eyes are wet. Oh, baby, don't even get me started.

So we're going to be. back next week with the last episode of this season, Riverdural Air IP. And I'm terrified. Yeah, I really have. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's very uncertain. Bleak and uncertain. In many ways. We love you guys.

Thank you so much for joining us. And we'll see you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by list of, listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to go to lastpodcastnetwork.com