Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 95: You Know It's A Good Riverdale If You Are Screamin'

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

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A roast as dark as the night. Perfect for fueling the crypted research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge! Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Springheeled Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, re-bring you, Mothman's Red Eye Blend. Yes, delicious Panama beans.

Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. Wowie, wowie, wow we stuck the landing. I believe that we both, now we usually, MJ and I sit and talk about the Riverdale episode, usually for about 40 minutes before we start recording. We're just jumping right in today. It's our 40 in front, 40 and back. 40 and back. I like it. You got to keep it balanced.

I think that we as a couple loved the episode. Absolutely. It's a lot. It was a lot. It was a lot of exactly what we've been wanting and needing. It was, they could have taken this episode and split it into two episodes and gotten rid of the irrelevant family tragedy musical last week. But since that's not the world we live in, we have this episode where they try to wrap up basically every loose end. And yeah, I agree.

I think they stuck the landing. I loved this episode. And I was watching it at 11 a.m. in the morning during the day. Sober as a church mouse. Opposite of how I watched it. More opposite than how I watched the episode. But I did know that I kept going, what? What?

Yeah. You know it's a good Riverdale if you're screaming. Oh, I was screaming. And positively screaming. Positive screaming. Right. This is a bit, you remember last week, the ups and downs. Just the highs and lows we go through of being fans of this show.

And this is the end. It is the season five finale. Don't worry, there's only a month before the next season starts. What? And, yes, before we even get into this episode, I did watch next season, for some reason on November 16th, they are starting a five-episode special. It is a specific arc that Roberto Aguirre Sicasa wanted to write that is specifically in the horror genre. Okay. And that's it. And it is also, if you watch the season six, like the trailer, teaser trailer, it also says Riverdale and that it becomes River Vale. So I guess that they are doing like a play on Welcome to Nightvale, the podcast that everybody loves. And I don't know what. I really hope they talk to the people over at Nightvale. I'm sure they did. Hopefully they were included in it in creating this world together.

So we're over here thinking about how like, yes, obviously, Riverdale and Sabrina are about to be crossed over. But also then, crossover with Welcome to Nightvale the podcast. So the five, so the new season. Did I just blow your mind, James? Yes, it's a lot of information that I did not tell you before we started recording. It's like when you have to do like a really close reading of a dense text. That's what I feel like I need to do. So what you're saying is in a month,

there's going to be a new season of Riverdale. That's, that's shock one. But you're saying that it is, it is a standalone five-episode season or the five-episode standalone thing is within a bigger season? No, it is a five-episode standalone. And that is where in the crossover lies. That's going to be the Riverdale-Sabrina crossover, those five episodes, going to be a contained arc.

Okay, good. That's great, because that's what we, that's what we, that's what you call. it. First of all, take your victory lap because you told me... All right, I'll take my lap. I'll take my lap, but I'm just going to put my tongue in my coffee. You knew that the witches were coming and come they did. And so this... And come they will. Gonna watch them witches kiss. It was that's what I'm asking. I'm sorry, I'm still wagging my tongue.

Yeah, you haven't put your tongue out since you threatened to put it in your coffee and then did it. it is out now and it will not be put back into my mouth so I see so we are about to have basically I guess we'll call it a new season to me four weeks off doesn't really count it's no and this was only what like a six episode season I don't even know how long we're still in last the last season that began at the beginning of this year think about the people that are writing Riverdale think about the people that are working on Riverdale, they don't get a break.

Right. They have been working straight. Their break was the pandemic. And I hope you enjoyed it because they have more episodes to produce. And it is a lot of them. And I'm actually, so how do we feel about the five episode events? Great. Yeah.

I think, you know, an episode like this, when they can do an episode like this, I like Riverdale. It can still be a good show. Yes. And I think the bringing in witches this episode and bringing them more in with Sabrina crossover doing like that's great. Do what you do best, Riverdale. What you do best is horror and admittedly musicals. You know, you got to know your limits, but I think that that's great. I'm a little bit, I'm still reeling from the fact that we just finished. But you're right, this wasn't even its own season. This was the finishing of a season that had started. It's very, very, very. very confusing. Riverdale purgatory. We live in a weird, I think all of Riverdale is the purgatory, and we're just choosing to be a part of it. So get ready for that, but first, now we have to talk about this finale because yes, Cheryl is now officially, not only is she a witch, but she comes from a line of witches as if, yes, we see it yet because she worships Mama Gaia now, and I'm very proud of her. But we finally got the back story on cousin Abigail, who also, Nana Rose really could have brought this up a while ago. I love how much she's been sitting on. She's got so much under that

little hat of hers. What is she sitting on? She's like, if you don't ask me, I won't tell you, but the second you ask me, I'll tell you this extremely important information that I know for some reason, even though I wasn't alive in 1890, but I know everything. Everything about it. It's in Abigail's journal even though she's describing events that happened after her death. But I guess that she's... That was the first thing. Jeff was like, how'd she write about in her journal if she was burned alive mistake? And I was like, all right.

Stop looking for plot holes. The second you start looking for plot holes in Riverdale, it's like, I mean, you got to throw it out the window, right? As if we don't do that every single week because we do. That's our job. So we have to hold Riverdale accountable. I did say up top that I was like immediately in Washington. watching this episode was like, this is old school Riverdale.

Yeah. They have jumped back to like season two Riverdale with this episode. Agreed. And why? It's because it was written by Roberto Aguirre Sicasa. And it makes so much sense. This episode, I felt like it was lifted out of years ago. And I was like, this is what we need.

It was all the weird mystery, very dark. This is a very, very, actually, at points, genuinely upsetting episode. Yes. But again, upsetting in a way that makes it. made sense. Yeah. Not upsetting like last week. Like, why are we doing this musical that isn't even Riverdale?

Right. Like, you know, about Alice's grief. Like, you know, that's the kind of upsetting that makes me scream in a bad way. But this was the kind of upsetting that makes me scream in a good way. Yes. Because also, though, I just have to talk for a second about Hiram Lodge's suit pants. Because I've been wearing suit pants recently and they don't stretch. There's no stretch to suit pants.

And that guy must be so uncomfortable walking around in suit pants. They're that tight. Yeah, but his ass. When he is exiled from the town and walks away, his ass is just on display. And that's all I'm thinking about. The pants are wearing his ass in that scene. I will say, I, I was, I'm glad that you brought that up because that's all I could think about in that scene. Because I did want to yell about the fact of, all right, guys, guess what happened?

So Veronica, we were hoping that maybe I was hoping Veronica was going to kill Hiram Lodge. Because there is talks that he might not be back, which I don't know. I can't even deal with that. Yeah. I need to put that over to the side for right now. They already took our skeet daddy away from us. They already took our high room daddy. They already took our skate daddy away.

They cannot take our Hiram away. But the town of Riversdale has decided to exile Hiram Lodge. So what did they do? They made him, they forced him to escape from jail at gunpoint because guess what? Betty Cooper is finally an FBI agent. She graduated and now, wow, she's an FBI agent. Was she going to school this entire time? Because I'm pretty sure she wasn't.

Thought that she was kicked out. Yeah. Not only was she not going to school. She had been kicked out and just proceeded to do like 20 illegal detention. So many. Illegal tortures. Evidence tampering. Just breaking all Betty did every day since she was. was kicked out of the FBI,

was repeatedly break the law and ruin other people's cases, which is basically what she does. She just ruins cases. She's like the Elliott Stabler of Riverdale. Yes. By just like with her emotions, she takes things into her own hands. And I don't care if that's what you want,

Stabler. There's rules around here, you know, and that's many. But that's not how justice works. You can't do it. But in Riverdale, it is because don't worry. Not only is she now an FBI agent for real this time. she also had a party thrown for her by Archie. Uh-oh, are they going back into all of their old couples?

Yes, they are. So they have the surprise party for her, and now she's an FBI agent again. She also is not going to leave Riverdale because they've immediately opened up a Riverdale faction of the FBI, and she is the head of it. Bravo. Wow.

That's power right there. That's a power. It's girl boss. boss, Betty, great reason to keep her in Riverdale. And as she said, there's enough crime in Riverdale to keep her, you know, very busy. And I think that it's probably about time that the FBI opens up a field office in Riverdale because just at this very night, you know, you can never have just a good nice night in Riverdale without some tragedy happening. So they're all celebrating. They have a fun cake. Kevin seems to have kind of crawled his way out of the depression that he's been in. They're all there. Everyone's Tabitha and Jughead. are like, you know, talking about moving in together. Everyone's like... You know a relationship isn't forced when every time they showed Jughead and Tapatha. He had his arm like aggressively around her being like, see everyone?

We are in a relationship, everyone. This continues to be the least earned plot line. Don't care about them at all. Absolutely don't care. They have established no... No chemistry, no history, no dynamic between them really. I mean, they have a history, I guess, of like the Maple. mushroom stuff. But like... He was getting rabies while, like she was dealing with other, when she was

acting as a sex worker on the side of the road to try to kidnap innocent truck drivers. And they're, now they're in love. Also, it's so weird that in this episode, and I know we need to finish the thought about what happens after Ben's party. Sorry, there's so much that happened. But in this episode, I also remembered that, you know, we just spent literally a whole season with Ben's targeting the truck drivers on the lonely highway and the family of serial killers, right? And what do they remind us in this episode? Where are all the serpents? Oh, yeah, they're truck drivers on the lonely highway.

Like, what? Why were you all going, acting like every fucking truck driver on the lonely highway is a serial killer when they're actually, apparently all like your old best friends from town? I don't understand it. I still, and don't even get me, because we're going to get to the Tangs part of this episode, which, again, the amount of people that work for a school that are given free range to kidnap and torture

people without any evidence. But first we got to finish talking about Betty. Yes. Because Betty, again, FBI agent, yes. And also has gotten back together with Archie. Was it forced? Yes. But I'm here for it. I'm absolutely here for it. I love the two of them together. I thought that I was happy for him and Veronica two episodes ago. it turns out, fuck Veronica. I will say no chemistry between, I said, was like, as I started to kiss, and it was like, man, they just have no chemistry. Veronica and Archie.

No, Betty and Archie and Jeff would look to be. And he's like, no, he's like, Archie doesn't have any connection with anyone. Like, it really is like everyone acts around KJ. Appa, I feel like at times. Yeah. There are times when he nails it. But when it comes to the romance part, I feel like sometimes it is a little like, oh, you just got this like beautiful shell, right? He is a beautiful man for all intents and purposes.

But I just didn't feel the heat between them. I don't know. I disagree. I think that there's more chemistry between Archie and Betty than there has ever been between Archie and Veronica. That is true. Two episodes ago, when Veronica shows up with the divorce papers and they run upstairs to Bone, I was into it.

I liked Archie's, you know, little boy smile. Like, ooh, you're a divorce. now. I was into it. I was minor's hurt. I have always, even though I didn't think I was team barchy until whatever, one to two

seasons ago when they had that really cute text exchange at night. I feel like I have always felt that there is more chemistry between Betty and Archie. And maybe that's all Lily Reinhardt. Maybe Lily Reinhardt is carrying the heavy weight because she's very good.

She's very good at acting like she has a crush on Archie. She always has been. She really brings it. She's got that little smirk too. I love her little smirk. I know. And she is as an, like, you know that she is FBI because, man, is she wearing that jacket?

So what, as it like, when she's now, she's now FBI. So what does she do? She goes and she arrests Hiram Lodge. It's time to take down Hiram Lodge as if he wasn't just in prison. In Riverdale world, I guess that was seven years ago. No. But he was in prison. Remember when he was like the daddy of prison?

Yes. He was in prison seven years ago. Yes. But he wasn't in prison this most recent time when all the prisoners got out. Or was? No, because he was the one that orchestrated the prison break. Yes. Right.

Yes. And also they're like, oh, we can only arrest him, but he's not, we're not going to be able to hold him because I wish I could be able to watch this one with me. They were like, yeah, because they were like, well, we can arrest him, but we can't hold him because we don't have evidence, which sure is true. but also like how about Veronica's like testifying that she spoke to him on the phone in which he admitted bombing a mind? Yes. You know, like, I know that's not like a piece of paper, but like I think that you, I think that a prosecutor could create a body of evidence based on people being willing to testify about their extensive criminal conversations with Hiram Lodge, like Reggie, like Veronica. Like, there is an abundance of evidence about this fucking guy. Except what you're forgetting, MJ, is that there's no rats in Riverdale,

unless you're talking about like a, you know, a rat king or something like that. Nobody flips in Riverdale. Not in this town. No, they all flip. Everybody's criminals. They kidnap each other. They take, no, they take it into their own hands, which is what Veronica was doing. So they take him, they arrest him because.

at the beginning of this episode, he set pops on fire. It was a lot. Hiram Lodge had a lot going on this episode. What he did is he had his goleys. Remember the goleys? I remember the goosies? When he showed up in the face makeup, I was like, a gooly. What's the goooly going to do?

The goooly goes and he sets pops on fire. How dare he? Because Tabitha and Jughead were trying to go on a date. And she gets the phone call that said like, Pops is on fire and everybody in the town is upset about it. And how are they going to pay for it? Because insurance just doesn't cover it. Yeah.

She hadn't been paying her insurance because she had instead been paying her waiters, which is like, I guess that's a thing. But it's hard because whenever Riverdale takes on the economy, you know, it gets a little dicey. It just is kind of like, I think like a third grader's understanding of how. jobs and payment and money works. Yes. And honestly, we've been talking this long and haven't even discussed the meat of this episode yet, which is exactly what you are talking about because I'm going to throw it out there, even though it was the idea of the incorporation of the town, which I can't believe

we are still talking about, the town, not town that I don't give a shit about. and that this whole thing was about the fact that Hiram Lodge had already incorporated Sodeale, and they find out about it. So that's why they unincorporated Riverdale, because Sodeal's going to absorb Riverdale within its city limits. I don't care. Yeah. I don't care.

Yeah, that was a snoozer. They're like, and they break into Hirem's office to find the proof, and they're like, look at this deed of River of Sodeal. And it's just like, yes, I don't care. I don't know what you're doing here. You don't know what this means. It doesn't mean anything. It's like one of these things where it's just like they're trying to make it sound like it's a thing and it's just not a thing.

So Dale is a swamp. So Dale is trying to take over Riverdale. So what do they do? They need signatures. Don't worry. Archie knows how to get signatures of the apparently 12 to 15 people who live in town. Jeff was like, you think they could have paid more extras to be in the scene of like all of every. Riverdale's getting together to talk about how do we get together to save Riverdale just jammed into this already packed plot line in this episode.

So, yes, they, if all they needed was 51% of the signatures of the town to save Riverdale, why didn't they do that from the start? That's a great question. I didn't understand that either. I'm like, wait, you could have, I thought, the whole thing that was prevention. I'm going to Riverdale from being a town was getting, like, 13 signatures. Go get the signatures. I don't understand. And in this episode, so they're like, oh, how are we going to get the signatures from everybody in the town so we can save the town?

We'll ask the serpents to go get them. And then they finally acknowledge the fact that, like, oh, yeah, remember when, like, there were all these serpents and now, like, it's just Tony and Fangs, the power couple? Because the rest of the serpents have been sent off to be truckers on the highway. way and now Tony and fangs are kind of like they're bringing it back slash doing a coup i mean it's not a coup i guess because it is kind of like a die it's a dying empire and they feel but they were born into the empire they were both born into it they both feel some kind of like birthright uh ownership of it and now they have their little simba you know and so they're like we have our future serpent king and we are now the serpent king and queen and i'm here for it you know because obviously fp's not

around anymore. Glad it sure isn't around anymore. Jughead seems like his serpent days are behind him. Hopefully not. I will say I did yell, a serpent never sheds its skin over and over again through this scene. So, I mean, I'm excited about it. Yeah. You know, I think that if there is a rightful heir and heiress, you know, after you've let everything else about the serpent plotline die, you know, but Tony and Fangs are still there, I think that that's fine. They could bring it back. And obviously, I mean, what I love is that Tony is also the guidance counselor at the school. And she's basically talking about, you know, she has simultaneously been and now wants to continue to like kind of rise as like the leader of a gang whilst being the, uh, you know,

an educator at the school, at the high school. And I think that's great, you know, I think that, um, the absolute not conflict of interest of her. being like a youth gang leader while also... While also being the counselor of the only high school in the town, not town. Very interesting that you brought that up. I...

That is the one thing that I was like, how is she allowed to? So what happens? Remember when I brought up the goooly before, then set pops on fire because Hiram Lodge paid him to set pops on fire? Well, Tony and Fangs

go to kidnap said golly. to find out information about who paid him to set pops on fire. And what does he do? He's the one that throws in their face that the serpents aren't scary anymore. And what have the serpents been doing, MJ? Driving trucks and having babies. Which is the line that the googly says in a threatening manner. And then what does Tony, who is, yes, the head of the serpents,

but also the high school counselor do. She says, Fangs, turn up the music so that she can torture him in this. I'm hoping that that was also the same shop class that Betty killed that other guy. Had just tortured. Yeah. Yeah, it's the murder room at Riverdale High that several of the staff members use, like current and former staff used to do their murder.

Yeah. And I always liked that Riverdale was a town that was kind of informally run on vigilante justice and, you know, like an informal, mostly nonviolent gang. And so in that sense, community building is important. And obviously the community of Riverdale has been decimated and bringing the serpents back could be a very good thing for, you know, building up some infrastructure. But, you know, you know, other people try to build up some infrastructure of the town now. At the same time all this is happening, we have Archie, do good or forever Archie, being like, let's figure out how to make a government. And so he's also rebuilding the town from scratch with a town council who's just, in the interest of not being biased, is not him and his three best friends, but is just like close relatives or best friends of his three best friends? It's Tony.

It's Tabitha. It's Alice Cooper. and Uncle Daddy. Okay, so it is Tabitha, who is not from there. Tony, who is the head of the gang that runs the town, Alice Cooper, who we just saw, like, completely delusional. Delusional with grief. Delusional with Grieve, and also, I would assume, in the town of Riverdale,

the head of the media, and then Uncle Daddy, who was a vigilante, I'm sorry, he was a mercenary. who was on the run who just broke out of prison. So this is who you're going to have run the town? I forgot about it. He's been such a good uncle daddy this season that I forgot that he is definitely a convicted. He's a mercenary. Mercenary criminal.

What I didn't like, and one thing that I did yell about in this episode, was the way that Alice Cooper and Uncle Daddy were looking at each other. And I was like, if they start to fuck, I'm going to be pissed off. I'm saying it now. I'm upset about it. Yeah. No. That's your dead husband's brother who it seemed like you did not.

I mean, I guess I was going to say did not know or have a relationship with, but that's probably good. No, that's Archie Andrews. That is. Oh, you're right. Oh, my God. I've already forgotten his name. What's daddy? What's daddy Andrew's name?

Oh, my God. Fred. Fred. Fred. I'm sorry, Fred. I was mashing. all the families together and thinking that Alice was hard to also Archie's mom. I would just immediately think if I was Betty, I'd be like, mom, can you stop fucking my boyfriend's daddies? Yeah.

For like a second, can you please get a boyfriend from outside of Riverdale? That's right. Once, that's not a cult leader. Please. Yes. She is definitely, right, because she used to be fucking jugheads daddy. And now this is Archie's fake daddy. I don't, I was completely, all episode, I was like, wow, you're going to fuck your dead husband's brother. I completely flattened her and Mary. No, that's what Penelopee Blossom did. Remember, that was like the evil twin. Because it is a very Riverdale plot for somebody to do that, but I forgot.

That's Alice's mom. And that's Archie's fake uncle daddy. I just don't like it because she's so much hotter than him. He's not hot at all. If you're going to give us a daddy, make him a hot daddy. This is what I'm saying. Bring back Skeet. And he's not even like a, I want him to be like Brian Austin Green or some other

like late 90s or early 90s like heartthrob reference like every other person in the parent generation on Riverdale is like somebody who was like a teen star and I like that you know we had Skeet we had you know Molly Ringwald and I just and we had Luke Perry and I want them to dig we had the guy from One Tree Hill like I want them to dig into the depths of like B level teen stars from the early 90s and get, I just don't understand why Uncle Daddy. I don't understand he's not hot, he's not interesting, he's not a good character, like, just make that character better. Oh, you know who they need to get? Judd Nelson. I want Judd Nelson to be in here. Oh my God. That would be perfect. Right? Yes. We're back in the day. Get him in here. I want

to see him. And he's the only one hot enough to be with Alice. I think he could do it. I think he could definitely pull it off. But now I guess they're going to be together and I'm mad about it. And I'm going to say I'm mad about it already. Yeah, no, I'm definitely mad about it. All episode, I can't believe I didn't kiss in this episode because I was just like, okay, we get it. You're going to be co-town council smoochers, which is also probably a conflict of interest. Probably, but I will also say to you, MJ, that it is, has been confirmed that this was Mark and Swillows' last episode. What? I want to be dead. Now I would like to be dead. I'd like to be put out. Out of my misery, that ass, you're going to take that ass away from me?

You don't let that ass walk into the sunset? No. Unbelievable. Very upset about it. Oh, my God. And, I mean, granted, I complain about Hiram every single episode. I mean, we have to. But, yeah, and he is an absolute murderous sociopath as he, should we say, what happens

at the end or should we hold on to that one? Oh, we're holding that under our hat, because don't worry, he's exiled. but he's not exactly finished. Because we have the other million. So all this time, now Archie and Betty are together. Meanwhile, you know, remember the end of the, a couple episodes ago, Veronica and Archie broke up, who of course immediately gets together. We've got Veggie back in it.

Reggie and Veronica are going to bang, but because she wanted to go back to New York. So she called up her Wolf of Wall Street. old workers and said, like to come back to New York now, ready to be the She-Wolf of Wall Street. They're like, actually, we all know that you killed Chad in cold blood. And she's like, no, I didn't.

Oh, wait, no, it was self-defense. And they're like, no, it's not. We're not calling you the She-Wolf of Wall Street anymore. We're calling you the Black Widow of Wall Street. So she's not allowed back to be a broker? So she decides to stay in Riverdale with Reggie because Reggie did not pass his stockbroker license test. So they're going to be in Riverdale. And what are they doing again?

But then there's just Riverdale gets stuck in these cycles. What are they going to build? And Riverdale together, they're building another casino. They've already done a casino. Definitely. I also felt like, haven't we already done a casino? No, like, and I like it, you know, bring something like a little bit slutty and, and, like, scandalous and drinky and whatever. Like, I like that.

I like the casinos in your mind, like, all casinos are slutty. And then you walk into a casino just filled with cigarette smoke and everybody's upset. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a slutty feel I like. And my hometown was like an extreme casino town and it was all just like retirees who were like in their 60s just at the petty slum. lot smoking cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. But in my mind, because that was my hometown casino town, but I've always thought that Atlantic City or Vegas must be very slutty and sexy and scandalous in like a hot way, you know. And so that's, I think, the kind of casino that Veggie wants, not the kind of, like, not

the Diamond Joe casino of Dubuque, Iowa, which was like a little bit more low key. No, I think they want the highfalut in one. Yeah, they want the highfalut. But, you know, you guys, don't you realize that Archie just elected this extremely wholesome minus the gang leader town council? And now you have to come crawl into them. And Uncle Daddy's got something to prove about what a good guy he is. And they're like, oh, I don't know if we want a casino. That's not the image of this decimated town we want to project.

I will say props to him of be like, yeah, I think we need to like put up like traffic lights or like get a fire department going again before we immediately invest in a casino. in our new town that used to be not town. And she's like, okay, all right. Well, we asked them and they said no. So what, of course, they do. They do it anyway. And that's going to come to a head at some point, I imagine, because also it was not the swanky casino I thought it was going to be.

It looked like it was like on the set of Mickey Mouse Playhouse. Did you like the casino in the end? This is like their speak easy casino, right? It's like they're, like, it's just like the Labanui, but like, we'll just do our own casino and the back of this room. And so it was very, very small and very DIY. I know I've been watching a lot of the Sopranos, but they think that they know how to do it proper.

You know, it's like, if you're going to do it like that, you can't just, like, put it in the middle of, like, you make it apparent. Also, Riverdale, again, we just saw the full town get together for a town meeting. You think they're not going to find out about it, guys? But to Reggie and Veronica's credit, like, what other income source does the town have? This is the thing about casinos. Like, they're very good for towns, you know? Yes, they create a lot of jobs.

It creates a lot, like a draw to Riverdale. And I understand it. But what are they going to do with all of Sodale now that Sodale, I guess, is going to be a part of Riverdale. So are they going to go back in the day and remember when there was the South Side and they're like, there's the North Side and the South Side. But now the North Side is going to absorb. the South Side. So I guess what they're going to do in this next season, maybe after the five-episode arc,

is bringing a lot more new characters. Good, because we have reached the end of what these characters can do. But that said, we've also been deeply disappointed by all the new characters this season. We hate Uncle Daddy. We don't really have any strong feelings one way or the other about Tabitha. No. It's still the core. because but now Kevin's going to go to New York to go beyond Broadway, even though he was just very upset.

But you know what? Let him go to Broadway. Yeah. After Sheriff Keller. Kevin needs something. But Sheriff Keller did offer him. He's like, what if we were father and son sheriffs? And it's like, okay, well, let's back off of that, too. I don't know if that's how a cop is made or maybe it is, then that's part of the problem.

So Kevin's going to go away. Mark and Suelos is going to go away. and Veronica tried to go away, but she's trapped. So I don't know, and Archie is, of course, presumably never going to leave Riverdale. Except by way of... Bum, bum, but a-da! Explosion! Explosion, maybe he'll only leave Riverdale when he's exploded out of it by Hiram Lodge. Because Hiram Lodge was exiled, remember, guys?

And then, so Betty and Archie are making out again on his teenage bed in his teenage room. even though technically he owns the house now and could live in the master bedroom. So they're making out an FBI agent, Betty Cooper, hearing the cartoonish, tick, tick, tick. She goes, ah, what's that? I don't know, might be the clock. And then he goes to look at the clock, realizing the tick, tick, tick is coming from underneath the bed. And so look under her, what is there? Dynamite, strapped to a stopwatch.

And who is drinking whiskey into the distance while thinking and looking at the countdown Hiram Lodge? So a Hiram Lodge before he left, I guess, had planted a bomb underneath RG's. He has bombed. Is this bomb number four of this season? He bombed for the prison break. Uh-huh. He bombed the mine. And there's got to be other bombs, right?

And maybe that's the third bomb of this season. At least it's like, you know, rule of three. He's got to have three bombs. So who knows? What's going to happen? So is there going to be an explosion? Where is the fire department? Now, the fire department we know is made up of everyone that lives inside of Archie's house.

So who's going to come to help? I don't know. Yeah. Right. And Hiram had sabotat when he exploded pops, which I can't even remember if we said that. He. Yes, with the ghuli. Yes, the coolie set pops on fire.

Which also I don't, was that like a, like, was that to symbolically hurt Riverdale? Who the fuck knows? It was, yeah, why did he do that? What did he get out of that? I honestly don't know. I guess, I think it was because he was upset. It's just vengeance. Yeah, he just seems to be motivated by just vengeance.

But Veronica doesn't even, neither Veronica nor Archie has any connection to pops other than that they hang out there. Yeah, because, wait, Veronica does. He doesn't own Pops at all anymore, right? Ah, she used to, though. Yes. No, now Tabith owns it. Right? Yes.

We had that whole song about ownership. Did we, or was that before? I didn't listen to it because it was, I was so upset that they were singing a little shop of horrors. But, right. So Hiram had already targeted the fire department, had slashed their tires and stuff so that they couldn't put out the fire at Pops. and now he has gone and exploded Archie's house. And we see in the distance the plumes of smoke, so the explosion happened.

The question is, did Archie and Betty have time to get out of the house before the bomb exploded? And I sure hope the answer is yes. I don't think that we can keep having Riverdale without Betty and Archie. So I think they got out. But what if they decide to pull some shit? And they're just like, yeah, they're dead now.

Or they do the five-episode arc and like Archie or like Betty's in a coma the entire time. You know, I feel like it's going to be one of those. that if you're going to have this like all-encompassing arc, which, oh my God, MJ, we were like getting to the end of this episode. We haven't even just talked about Cheryl and all the fucking witch stuff. Holy shit, you're right. Oh, my God. That's like the best part of this episode.

It's the best part of the episode. We just talked about all the shitty stuff. I'm sorry. Well, because we had to get it out. And we didn't even talk about the creepiest part of the episode too. All right, before we shift away from Betty, during all of this, Betty gets a fucking phone call from the traffic. bag killer. Yeah.

So we know the trash bag killer is still out there. Thank you. But also creepy. You see the trash bag killer and he's got no shirt on and he's just covered in cuts all over his body. And then it goes to like the close up on his face. It's very upsetting. It's a very, very upsetting visual.

Yeah. That scene was good. It was completely out of fucking nowhere because we haven't heard from the trash bag killer or heard about him for since the beginning of this mini season. But I was so glad that they brought him back. It was very scary. It was spooky. It's Betty's, you know, white whale.

And so I was happy about it. Yes. And very, very, I'm very scared of the trash bag killer. It is a genuinely very upsetting little character that they have created. Okay. Cheryl. Cheryl and Britta. They're down in the minds at the beginning of the episode, right?

Britta, who is now her little owned lesbian, protege that she gets to work for her in the mines so they can find the palladium. It's all about the palladium, guys. Don't forget it always goes back to the palladium. And turns out, the blossoms have been trying to protect the palladium mines

since 1890. When cousin Abigail, who yes, was not a witch, who was just trying to protect her the palladium mines. Or this is where

gets murky in my brain. She wanted to protect them with palladium mines that are underneath the maple groves. So in 1890, who was it that burned cousin Abigail at the stake so that they could get to the palladium mines? It was the ancestors of Betty, Archie, and Jughead. Beatrice? There was Jebediah Jones, Beatrice Cooper, and Archibald Andrews. Was it the same characters just with the.

a little bit of extra hair on. Yes. Archie had the sideburns. Jughead had a big cartoonish mustache. And Betty had a bunch of hair pieces stuck into her air.

They burned cousin Abigail blossom at the stake. And what does she yell? She yells about how she will come after the blood of, like the blood of their blood, that she will go after them every day for the rest of existence. And of course, nobody knew about this.

Nana Rose sitting on this shit. Sitting on it. And apparently Abigail hasn't been active as a ghost slash witch, except for the fact that, so she did curse the town. So perhaps everything that has happened is because of Abigail's curse that we just found out about. So it is a little bit of like what was going on in the fear street. But I will say, I think that it would make a lot of sense if this town is cursed

because it's a little cursed. Yes. It is extremely basically the exact. same plot as Fear Street. Yes. And now the renewal of spirit lives within Cheryl Blossom, who came to the town meeting and said, you will not absorb Thornhill. My maple groves and Thornhill are now going to be on Nomen's land in between Sodale and Riverdale,

and nobody cares. Everyone's like, okay, keep Thornehill, fine, do whatever you're going to fucking do. but she is now determined to go after the people who killed her dearest, darlingest cousin, who she has never heard about, and she's going to revenge her spirit. Yeah, even though, as Nana Rose puts it, they are the ancestors of your compatriots, your so-called compatriots. And so it, but I liked this because Cheryl has always been like a friend, not friend, of those four.

Yes. And so her, she's always been both their enemy and their friend and I always love it. I love everything that Cheryl has ever

done in the entire show. It's like always the best part of every episode. And so her just being extremely pissed off at these people who are her best friends because their ancestors

burn her ancestor at the stake. And the three of them are like, we don't care. That's like, that wasn't us. That was like many years ago. We're too busy

trying to like save Riverdale. We don't really care if you succeed. with Thornhill. Like, we just absolutely don't care. And she's just like, well, you haven't heard the last of me. And it's like a very honest dynamic of Cheryl and those three that really worked for me. And her fits are always, man, just fucking, I respect her trip.

And she comes in always looking amazing. And yes, and this was all happened. She asked the questions because they found a bunch of human skeletons in the minds while they were looking for the palladium. Because the beginning of the curse happened when they decided to go down into the Palladium mines after they burned her alive at the stake for being a witch. And that was the first tragedy of Riverdale. Right. It was when so many of the townspeople died when they were all in the mine trying to get to the Palladium after they burned her. So I guess she was a witch.

And like Abigail, she has decided to turn Thornhill into a school for the forgotten. I just, it is, I think it will be interesting to watch Riverdale tap dance around the fact that, like, it seems like cousin Abigail had a school that, I don't know, it will be interesting to see what the forgotten means to Riverdale in present day. What kind of orphans is she going to bring into the school to teach? What is she going to teach them? I have no idea. I guess it's painting. Yeah, right. Abigail was like a, it was, Thornhill was a school for girls. Abigail was a teacher and then all of the sons and fathers of Riverdale.

Seemingly though, not the three original ancestors, you know, of Archie, Betty, and Jughead. But all of the people that they sent into the mines all perished and have been watering the seeds of syrup with their bones. It was a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot. It was a great episode. Absolutely fantastic. Highly recommend. It took us as long as the episode was to even describe. And also, I will say, also wrap up a side plot that I truly didn't care about. Jughead is now back working at the school. He was brought in to restart the blue and gold from back in the day. But he says, fine, I'm going to use all these teenagers. Instead of running the blue and gold, we're going to create the town newspaper called the Riverdale.

choice. And these very young people are going to be my reporters. And that is also where that ended. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Yeah, that's fine. Bring back investigative reporter. Jugghead. That's cool. He needs a purpose in life. Whatever. Give him the purpose. They all now have reasons to stay in Riverdale. And that is the episode. I hope they're all still alive. I hope they're all still alive. We don't know what's going to happen. Riverdale is also being moved to Tuesdays now. Excuse me? Oh yeah. So Tuesday, November 16th, it will be back, and that is when we will be back.

At least, it's only like a month, so we're not going to forget what happened in Riverdale. Well, I forget from week to week. A lot can happen in a month. We will see how it goes. But I am proud of us. We made it. I can't believe we made it through this season. I thought that the season was like never going to end. Yeah, we did it. We started it. It was summer.

We finished it. It's fall. You're still watching this show. And I was going to assume that you aren't if you're listening to this and I love you and I appreciate you. Because if we didn't talk about it, like what if I watched it and just like never said anything about it? I think I would go truly mad.

Yeah, no, it's like if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it. You know, you have to scream into a microphone about. Riverdale or did you really watch it? Why am I alive? Yeah, no, there's no reason to be alive if I'm not screaming about it. So on that note, we're going to get the hell out of here. We'll see you back the week of November 16th and we'll be talking about River Vale. Wow. So we will see how it goes. The look on your face, MJ, I wish I could explain to everyone of just like, you're marveled, you're exhausted. Like the look and you're like the 10,000, you're guard stare.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll be back. I got a lot to think about. We love you guys. Thank you for joining us for a Redel Roundup, and we will see you guys soon. Bye, kissy, kissy kissy kiss. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors.

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