Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Ch. 96: Put the Toad In Your Baby's Mouth

Episode Date: November 20, 2021

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Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. Forget it, MJ. It's Rivervale. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Welcome to our, the beginning of our arc storyline here of the beginning first five episodes of season six. You might be asking yourself, where am I? What season is it?

What show is it? Who am I? Like, and we don't have answers. there. We, what, here's what we know. There's about to be five episodes. One is down. We, one is done. That's what we're talking about here. The show is now called Rivervale. And it is like a jughead is Rod Sterling. And there are, it is Calvin Ball. There are no rules. And I'm actually, I'm actually extremely excited to talk about this episode. I agree with Jackie. I also loved it. And of course there were things in it that I didn't love, but like plot points.

Oh, like Uncle Daddy? Mostly Uncle Daddy. Uncle Daddy and Alice Cooper. I hate it. Hate it. He's not charming. Can you just say it? I hate his character. And then also you're just going to drop in the fact that he can't stup Alice because he has a dead wife and kid, but we, I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of ourselves. No, but that's exactly what I'm, that's the only part of this episode that had me pissed off because I was like, What? You're going to drop

massive backstory from Uncle Daddy, but at the same time, somehow keep him the most boring ass. He is the Eric of Daddies. He's like, why are you here? Who are you? You have no personality. You try to be given a personality by being like, war.

But like, there's no character development. Like, who are you? And why does Alice Cooper fall for you when she has a history of being with, not Hal, but like, FP of like a hot daddy. This is a boring daddy so I didn't like that but I did love the twilight zoniness of it I could tell that even more than regular Riverdale it was like full rich with cultural references that I knew I was missing that were

going over my head but I knew they were there and I'm so excited to talk about what is it explain it Jackie what is this man so magic has come back to Rivervale that is not it wasn't there beforehand but it does always make me think of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norel, which is one of my favorite books, when magic has come back to England, and when he says it, it gives me chills. And you know what? This episode did give me chills. So I was reading an interview with Roberto Aguirre Sicasa, yes, the showrunner of Riverdale, now Rivervale, who was talking about this five arc episode. And when I liked about this, because everything that they are uncovering in this, what they are now trying to expose us to,

I was like, you can't tell me that this is going to be just five episodes and then none of it ever happened. Right. Which is why, Bumpa, but-da, Jeff called this right up top. Because right in the very beginning, Archie and Betty are laying in bed and he's like, remember that like ban that went off? Right. And it's Archie is the one that is kind of coherent at times of like, so Jeff thinks that Archie is in a coma from the blast. underneath the bed. However, what Roberto Aguirre Sicasa is saying is that the events that are happening

in this arc will manifest in real Riverdale after the five-episode arc. Right. So magic is now in Riverdale forever. And so whatever this arc is going to be, like, that is still a thing. Okay. Right. So to review, we last left our heroes, Betty and Archie in, bed making out, making out about to stoop, and then they hear a tick, tick, tick, and they're like,

what the? Uh-oh, it's a bomb. And then we see Hiram walking away from Riverdale with a big, fiery explosion in the background, very much implying that Betty and Archie have just been exploded and a bomb. Blown ups. And so now we come and Jughead is like Rod Sterling. He's like, ooh, it's the town of Rivervale. They don't explain why it's Rivervale now. They're just like, this is our town. It has the same sign. It has the same people. Everything's kind of the same, but also a little different. Alternate dimension. Like, for example, Betty and Archie are in a different bed and in a different room than the last time we saw them, perhaps because they listened to our constant complaining about why they were in Archie's childhood bedroom. Get in the main bedroom.

But like something, like, so Betty and Archie were in a different room than like where we last saw them, but a lot of the other settings were the same. Like the Cooper house was the same. Yes. But like, you know what I mean? So there was like some things were the same. Some things were different. And it is very twilight zoning in the sense of like everything feels just like a little bit uncanny. Like some things, most things. And Archie remembers the bomb. But Betty's like, wow, what a bad dream you had. So you're not quite sure what is real and what is fake. But it is true that Archie, for the entirety of this episode, Archie is the one who seems to have, like, one foot in Riverdale and one foot in Rivervale.

Yes, because he does realize that what's going on is kind of off, which is why, all right, so what's going on with this, right? And I will, I've got other, like, because Jeff said it right up top, then we notice other times when, like, things were coming through the veil into Rivervale. We got, we talked way too much about this episode. I love your and Jeff's relationship with. Riverdale, I think it's very sweet. We talk so much about it.

My husband, if he watches, is just like, oh, God. And then we watch it and then we never speak of it again. I think it would probably be better for a relationship than we did that. I will say we don't talk about it literally any other time except for right after we watch it and then we don't speak of it again either. It is like watching Riverdale's watching a fever dream. Did that really happen? And is this actually going on? And so a lot they crammed into this episode.

Also, if you guys remember, the last time we talked about Cheryl Blossom. Yeah. All right. So we got it, guys. She is now a full-blown complete, not only is she a witch, but she now also has a school, a teaching young witches. Like a feminist witch school. A band of orphans, by the way. A lot of orphan.

Yeah, finally some girl orphans. Girl orphans now. And it's, it is like a girl power. It's like Cheryl's brand of like kind of shallow girl power witch school, which I love. Very shallow. Very shallow, though. And it is, but like they're, you know, they sup on the maple syrup. But all of the maple syrup trees, dun, da, da, da, have run dry.

So they realize because they have to sacrifice something to, what is it, the woman that walks amongst the trees? Is that what the, is that the mama gaya name that they are using, right? the woman that walks amongst the trees. I think that's right. Right. And I was a little bit confused about that too because certainly in Riverdale,

Cheryl had kind of like stumbled upon worshipping like the earth goddess. Yes. And now it seems more like they're maybe trying to serve. Like it seems like she's less like a goddess and more like a haunting ghost or the ghost of the. You got to sacrifice the goddesses too though, MJ. You got to sacrifice the goddesses too.

They are benevolent, but you must pay them. respect. Because there's also, right, like the wronged spirit of Abigail, um, whatever, which is Cheryl's, uh, ancestor who was burned at the stake by Archie, Betty, and Jughead's ancestors. So this is very, if you think about it too, think about like the Fear Street trilogy. It is very much like that of like, okay. So this is extremely exactly the same. Yes. It is exactly the same. Well, what I like about birthday and Garraza is he openly was like obviously like, I am very I'm very, you know, inspired by mid-Somara. I'm very inspired by the original wicker man.

I'm very inspired by like, he's like, he's been wanting to put these elements in, but he happened to put. And also the short story, the lottery, which is what happens with Archie, but we will get there. So Cheryl now and her coven of Youngs, they're all wearing the same outfit. Look great with their archery. Very into it. But now Cheryl, since the maple syrup trees, run dry. And what does, oh God, so much happen in this episode. Thornhill has seceded from Rivervale. It's a sovereign nation. I've been waiting for a sovereign nation to be on Riverdale.

I can't believe that it wasn't Irum that started the sovereign nation. No, it is Cheryl Blossom. Thornhill is her estate where the maple syrup trees run wild and the witches also run orphanly Greenwoods. So now that they have seceded, Archie decides him and his crew, because he always has a crew. Him and his crew were going to go plant a bunch of maple trees in River Vale

so that they can still have access to the maple syrup. I like that they talk about maple syrup as if it is the electricity in the town, as if it lose the gas. Or like a food staple, like maze, you know. It is maple fucking syrup. So of course, Cheryl's like, you can't, you can't do it. So she makes a bunch of puppets. And I feel like Betty, the amount of time she said the word poppits, made me think of Carmel.

When she said, Carmel. And the way she's puppet, oh, she's made a puppet. She's got a, oh, it's a fertility puppet. So she's making, Cheryl and the girls are making puppets. And they're all inscribed or embroidered with R. B stands for Rose Blossom, and yes, that is, Nana Rose. So is it Nana Rose making the poppets and not Cheryl and the girls? Who knows?

Oh, I totally missed that detail. Oh, yeah. That's all, Jeff. Jeff is my little detective. And so it said R.B. on it could also stand for something else we don't know. So Cheryl is trying to get them to stop planting more maple syrup trees. So what does she do? She also knows she needs to have a sacrifice for the woman who walks up.

amongst the trees. So all of this is now shaded in, it's very vignetti. It's very even at some point Jughead brings up the fact that this reminds him of creep show because each one of them are going through their own torments now. Right. Right. Because Cheryl is the puppet master trying to get them all to come to her for help. So they are united.

Which help? They all have a different storyline, each kind of introduced by Rod Stirling Jughead. But they are united by each. they are united by each having like a desperate need for something that only Cheryl can fix. So honestly, dude, great fucking episode. Yeah. I really enjoyed how like I even as I'm talking about it, like man, she like they laid in so much here because openly Roberto Gary Secaza is like we needed to re-invigorate this show. They had beaten the dead horse and there was really there was nothing left of her.

Riverdale to do. It was just, it was a ghost wagon. It really was just like, I mean, you got to a point where he's like, who is heading this? Again, back to the idea of like Roberto Gargirica Casa just strapped onto a train like a mad pattern. But now it's a little bit more focused. And now it's a lot more about witchcraft. One thing that I do know is that this is all going to be tied in with Sabrina. And I'm excited about it. So did you watch any of Sabrina, MJ? I did not. I did not watch old. Sabrina nor new Sabrina. Okay. So the new Sabrina, although I, what didn't hit all of the marks of which I wanted, it was rock and roll. Okay. So I think that the way that they are bringing Riverdale and like to meet up with Sabrina, like with the big blood moon in this, it is, I think that they're really turning up

the heat. Right. In Riverdale. And it makes me very excited. So you brought up the fact that so Jugget is like completely breaking the fourth wall. He is the host of this show now. Right. And he is also in the same time, he's moving in with Tabitha, which is very fast.

He's moving in with Tabitha. He's lost a bunch of weight. I don't know if you've noticed, but he definitely is like cut back on the booze or something. But Cole's Browse looks great. I was actually, I was, he looked cleaned up, but he still does look a little boozy to me. But maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. You know, I love a boozy boy.

I mean, I probably look a little boozy myself. But he did look, like last season he was so scraggly and he had all these like weird facial hair patches. And we were like concerned about not jugged but Cole Spouse. Gold Spouse is a person. He does, he does look great. He's all cleaned up. And I like him, you know, of course, he's always been like the voice. So like season one of Riverdale starts with him being like my old pal, Archie Andrews.

Like he's always been the storyteller. but I like that they make him explicitly the narrate, the kind of Rod Sterling like in another dimension kind of introducing each story, you know? Yeah, I really, I genuinely like it. So he's moving in with Tabitha and they have a cursed home and they can't get rid of the curse. Because Jughead killed a spider.

His jug had killed a spider inside of the home. And you're not supposed to do that. And I will say that a lot of that myth is debunked because if you take a house spider and take it outside, sometimes they die immediately anyway. I just saw that. Of their environment. Today, yeah, you're supposed to let them stay in your house.

We don't touch them. Let them stay in the house. We don't touch them. You got to leave them. Unless they are, you know, unless they are literally on me, which is when I kind of freak out. But, so he kills a spider, they are cursed. And then there's bugs in their entire.

So it is very reminiscent of the original creep show movie, the Romero creep show where the, he's like a crazy, like, doesn't like any kind of scus. oh, what's it called when you don't like any germs? Germaphobe. It's a germaphobe, but then his whole apartment, his hermetically sealed apartment, gets filled with cockroaches. So, and he doesn't know how they're getting in,

so it's like him losing his mind. So that is very much what is happening with Tabitha and Jugged. So what do they do? Uh-oh, it's cursed. They have to go to Cheryl to fix the curse. And so that's the two of them. Then we have our new power couple apparently. I, you know what, Ronnie, you're becoming your father,

and I don't fucking like it. Ronnie and Reggie together. We've got our veggie back together. And I love Reggie. Yeah. Okay, I love a Himbo. I know. Be nicer to him, you bitch.

I know. I love a Himbo who stands up for himself. He really is like, hey, Veronica, there's a scene in this episode where he's like, are you just using me to go back to Wall Street? Because, again, they're building a casino. I think we've already done this plotline before, but they are still running with it. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm in this with you. And then she makes floor plans for the casino.

And she forgot to give Reggie an office. And he's like, uh, make him an office. And he's so sad. And he's like, wow, if you really cared about me, wouldn't you have given me an office? And that was a really good scene because Veronica looks like a piece of shit. She was like, oh, yeah, uh, I'll make a call and fix it. And he was like, too late. And I stand in above.

No, you're worth rich. Yes. I loved it. But I hate their relationship. I love the fact that, yes, I will say this episode, brought the fucking second. They did fuck on a pile of $100 bills. I saw that to really creep me out. I was like, I do not ever want to fuck on a pile of money.

I just always think about the, I'm like, it's so dirty. It's so dirty. I really could only ever think about how dirty it is. Like, unless you leave all your clothes on and you're, none of the genitals get anywhere near the money. Yeah. None of the genitals. Maybe it all just came from the bank.

Like, it's like new, never used bills still. Yeah. But then they're all sharp. It's going to have that cash smell. It's just not, I don't want it. I don't want it. It's not my thing. But I mean, I'll watch Reggie do anything without clothes on any day.

Yeah. They really did up a lot of the sexiness in this episode. Again, thank you writers for listening to us. I know you listen days after their episode releases every week to hear what we have to say. And thank you. You heard our cries. So Jughead and Tabith are going to Cheryl, the witch, for help now. And they're, why, what's there?

They need help just for their relationship. Got to get rid of the curse. Got to get rid of the curse on the apartment. Oh, Jughead, yes, Jughead and Tabith. What's, what's Veronica and Reggie's curse, just that they're not getting along? I guess they're not getting along and they need a little bit of help. Yeah. And maybe for more money, right?

Right. They're, whatever it is, I don't even know if, I don't even remember if they specifically went to Cheryl or anything, but they're in the crew now, all right? they're tied to Cheryl. Well, and the whole episode, I kept being like, why is everyone talking to Cheryl who is obviously a witch and has succeeded from town? And Veronica's just like, girl talk. You know, Reggie's mad at me.

And then Cheryl's like, I can help. And it's like, okay, but you're obviously making a deal with the devil. Don't you see this? Sometimes you know what? It doesn't matter. You got to make that deal, babe. You got to make that deal. Just like Tony and Fangs.

that's a whole weird. You know what? Fair weather serpents. I say they are fair weather serpents. I feel like they only bring out the fact of like, well, we are serpents, whenever they fucking need it. Like when their baby is colicky, and they go to what I also, I think,

my favorite part about Rivervale is that Dr. Cuddle Jr. is now just a regular doctor. Just a pediatrician as well as the mortician. And an OBGYN and a GP. He's just made doctor of Riverdale. And River Vale, excuse me. And I will say, I think that he's much creepier as a regular person than he is as a funeral man. Yeah.

A funeral man is very early. I'm sorry. Especially giving advice. Mortician. A dead body guy. And because when he's giving advice on like the live baby Tony of Tony and Fings, I mean, I actually really enjoyed this plot line because when a baby... They're so hot.

They're so hot. A. B, when a baby is colloquy, they really don't tell you. There's like nothing. They're like, I don't know. There's like, it just, there's nothing. So Dr. Colonel Jr. being like, yeah, you can either put a green frog in their mouth or just get earplugs. Like they, like, I feel like when my baby was colicky, everybody was just like, yeah.

You got to just wait it out. Like, nothing you can do. So the desperation that Tony and Fangs have of trying to figure out how to get their baby to stop screaming actually did resonate with me. But at the same time, though, MJ, if a doctor said, okay, you can try this old wives tale and you can put a toad in your baby's mouth, or you can follow the gang rule that if a gang member has a colicky baby, they just leave them in the forest overnight. Over night. Come and get them in the morning. Now, if you're going to, this is my favorite one, Jeff was like, he paused it, and he's like, if you were going to choose between putting a toad in a baby's mouth or leaving them in the forest

by themselves overnight, wouldn't you put the fucking toad in the baby's mouth? 100%. I'd probably put the to toe to the mouth. I think I would have put the toe to the baby's mouth. Is there you even a baby screaming like that? Put the toe at the baby's mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Baby's not going to choke on the toad.

It's going to last a few seconds. It'll be fine. Toad sucks out the colic, according to Dr. Colonel Jr. I'm not going to be able to rest. Let it get to suck. Myself, if the baby is out in the woods on a tree stump, but that's what Tony and Fangs decide to try. So they're going to go drop the baby off, but who happens to be there? She's becoming a little rumple still skin, isn't she?

She's just out and they're like, Addie, give me the baby, give me the baby. It's like, get away from my hay. But she's been a little rumple still skin, Cheryl, comes out and she's like, I can help you with your gulky baby. And she goes, oh, yes, please. And that, you're right. I do completely agree with that. In the same way that, okay, talk about too fucking soon, Betty, can you fucking cool it? Y'all are 25 years old.

And G. and Archie are like, I think it's time to start having a baby. Like, okay, I'm not fully against anyone that chooses to have a baby at the age of 25. However, y'all, like, just got together. He's got PTSD that he's still working on. There's a lot of issues like, you know, Betty, you just killed, like, men. many people. You were like just being as like acting as a sex worker to torture truck drivers on the road. I'd cool it on the baby, you know, just like for a year.

I think that a serial killer might still be hunting her, right? Serial killer jeans. And you want to pass on those serial killer jeans? Is that no one thinking about the serial killer genes? Oh my God. They're just thinking about how Betty's like, I've wanted to make a family with you since I was in sixth grade. And Archie, of course, is just like I'm young and dumb. My dad was a young and dumb when he became a dad, and I want to be just like him.

And it makes me poor Luke Perry, R-I-P, and it does make me wonder if they would have made Archie's character so annoying. If he didn't have to be completely defined by his desire to be exactly like Freddie Andrews, maybe he would still be. I feel like he always would have been, though. Yeah. He was always a simple. I actually weirdly works. Yeah, it does weirdly work. but he's always a simple boy

and he has to now, he's obsessed with just doing everything that his father did and his father became a young dad and so he wants to become a young dad and so what do we get now? Trigger warning, it's an infertility plot line including what I found to be like a pretty offensive conversation

between Archie and Betty about when Betty finds out that she's infertile because of the curse along with a lot of other young women in Ribadale and she's like, what about... Five other young women, Dr. Curdle, Can you imagine Dr. Kirtle sliming up towards your pussy? Like, get away from you.

Literally anyone else. I'd rather almost anyone else look at my pussy outside of Dr. Kirtle. No, thank you. With his long hair, just like getting in it. Like, I feel like he doesn't put his hair back. You know, he doesn't. But remember what he was so into Josie and the Pussycats? That really redeemed Dr. Kirtle Jr.

I know. I know. He's cute, I guess. But then Archie is like, no, I don't want to adapt it, baby. I hate it to be my baby. I was so pissed off. I was like, fuck off, Archie. Fuck you.

I don't like it when shows. As somebody who, who, you know, was in a fairly agonizing feeling, infertility situation for a while, I hate when shows just like, throw it in there for a plot point. It's like, this is something that is going to immediately upset a lot of people. It's going to ruin their experience watching this episode.

You know, So I do not like that. And the way that they talked about adoption was just so fucked up. I don't even remember exactly what Artie said. No, I also was upset. I think that was between that and Uncle Daddy, those are the two things. It was like, all right. It's just like, come on.

Except for the ends justifying the means. Yes. And I do kind of feel like where we end up in the end, which we will get to in a moment, does then. I'm like, oh, I'm mad at him. I'm mad at this situation. I hate that, like, Betty is now just immediately like throwing in the towel and, you know, and he's weirdly against adoption, but it actually is all for a reason.

Yes. We will find out because what is Betty do? She's so upset. She's so upset because, you know, the only, like, the only carnival in town told her that she can't have a baby. The, like, one to two weeks they've been trying to have a baby. It hasn't worked.

And so it's time to do a curse. And so now, oh, it's time to do. She got to get, you know what? She's got to go to the witch. So she goes to Cheryl, and she's like, Cheryl, what do I do? I need to have a baby put inside of me so she gets bewitched. And what I will say is that she does get filled with seed by the end of the episode. But we didn't even talk about the Maple Festival. And I think that it would be who of us to discuss the Maple Festival.

Because one of the times that Archie was like, let's take it. What's going on? Because if you recall in the disillusion dissolving of Riverdale, not River Vale, Riverdale, they put in charge a gang leader, an ex-con, a media woman, and a girl who never lived in Riverdale in charge as an oligarchy over Rivervale. Right. There's a town council. Still don't understand it. There's a town council. And remind me, the four people you just named were on the council.

Gang leader, Tony. Tony. Ex-con, Uncle Dan. Uncle Daddy. Media woman. Alice Cooper. Girl who never lived in Riverdale, Tabitha. There's no reason for the four of them to be the heads of Riverdale. Absolutely none. But they are. And so they made a deal with Cheryl that the whole town would go to the seceded sovereign state of Thornhill to have a Maple Festival. And so they have to compete in sexy, different events to see who is going to be the Maple King and the Maple Queen. I just, I love. This is all jammed into this episode, guys.

I love how Riverdale works in terms of being like, when an event happens in the town, everyone in the town has to go. Like, I kind of, as somebody grew up in a small town, it does kind of, it did kind of feel like that. It's like, oh, there's a, whatever, however stupid the event was, like, there's a, there's a fourth of July parade. everyone has to go You gotta go

Whether you want to go or not It's like I do kind of like That they're like Well the person who seceded From the town Has called a harvest festival And therefore we all must go The whole town must go

And so go they do It's very Midsomar And then you've got all the like Young Orphan girls Doing the Maple thing Just like in Midsomar With their archery sticks And they're having fun

But then Jughead and Archie both eat one eats 116 pancakes and the other one eats 119 pancakes in the pancake eating competition

that is there's no way and then what does Archie do right after what's the next event saw a big log sawing a big old tree I was like

fine I'm like he's got to be pukin That's exactly he won't get his head said everywhere Can you imagine But I will say great shot

of Reggie and Archie just with their muscles rippling in the hot heat of the festival, trying to saw a tree and half. And it's very loaded because Reggie feels like he's never going to match up to Archie. He's so insecure with Veronica because, to be fair, Archie and Veronica were in a relationship

for a very long time on again, off again. And Reggie is just kind of like, where do I stand? And I actually, it feels extremely natural and way better to me for Veronica and Reggie to be together and for Betty and Archie to be together. I was surprised by how quickly I adapted to Betty and Archie being together.

And I want to be like, you know, Reggie, you have no idea, you don't have anything to worry about because Archie is very happy with Betty. He makes way more sense with her. But Reggie is very, feeling very insecure. And so he's trying to saw faster. But he loses to Archie. Loses to Archie.

And I will, now then, will lead us to our final event to see who becomes the head of the Maple Festival. And it's a hatchet-growing competition. And Betty goes up against him. Now, I also forgot to say, earlier, remember the puppets? The puppets they kept finding in, like, so that the Cheryl girls were placing in the forest to try to scare them away from planting the maple trees. I forgot that she found out at the FBI. Oh, yeah. At the FBI, she found out that the Poppet was actually a fertility symbol.

Forgot about this. But that 50 years ago, a drifter had been murdered on the property of Thornhill, heart ripped out, and Poppet shoved down their throat. So what does she do? She still said Poppet, puts it under the bed before they make fuck again. which great fine with it here for it and then she goes up why don't we put this little sucker under our mattress tonight and try to make a baby

which man if there is one way to get a person hard it is to say that line and I am obviously joking she's very very forceful with Archie about making a baby but I do think at this point it's because she is now under lock and key mentally

from the puppet Ah, yes, right. She's been a bit consumed by the, she's been a bit fertility crazed by the poppet. She's fertility crazed by the poppet. So they make fuck. And I believe that she referred to as make it. I wrote it down. Oh yeah. What did they say? Oh, no, that was Veronica. I've always wanted to make it on a bed of money. I did write that line down because that was horrific. It was a horrific thing to say. I always wanted to make it on a bed of money. I just. Yeah, I don't like that. Yuck and a half. I'm sorry. So they had already banged, and so they got to have throw the hatchet. Betty wins.

Betty's the Maple Queen. Don't know what that means. But then we will find out a little bit of Midsomor in a little bit. Because what do they do? They go home. They make fuck on the poppet bed. And then in the middle of the night, Archie wakes up to a phone call from Kevin saying that they have Betty. So they, he goes and finds her because Kevin is all.

Always in the woods. Yeah. He was in the woods. He was the one that alerted them to everything this entire time. He was just like, oh, he was just running in the woods. Oh, yeah. I wasn't like fucking in the woods. But I did find this poppet, you know?

He loves to cruise. Can't take it out of them. Always cruising in the woods. There's other places, Kevin. You got to get out of Rivervale, babe. So there's a crazy maple ritual over at Thornhill. And what is going on? Everyone's wearing the same clothes as the gang of roving orphan girls.

and Archie doesn't understand what's happening. This is another time. Oh, I forgot to say during the pancake eating competition, when Jugged looks over to him, is all Jeff, Jeff completely called this, Jugged looks over to him, was like,

I love you, man. And like, looked at his eyes, and Archie was like, yeah, bro, I love you too. And Jeff was like, that's coming through the veil. That's coming through the, like, the COBA veil. That's Jugheaded real life. And I was like, God damn it, you're good.

Totally. So I really think, so now that I can't not. I can't unsee it now. And before when the council came to Cheryl, Archie was like, why are you guys in here? Why are you saying yes to this? Like, he's so confused the entire time. Yes. And you think, oh, that's just dumb fuck Archie.

To be fair, Archie is always confused all through every episode, but this is a little different. Yeah. But now, okay, this is where Jeff's being an hashtag nerd boy really does come to shine. So he's there given as the winners and as the runner up. Archie's given this pie. And Jeff then goes, it's the sin eater. And I was like, what are you talking about? And I guess that I wasn't listening.

Sometimes when Cheryl starts rambling, I stop listening. Cheryl did have a scene where she was like, I'm making a sin pie. She's making the sin pie. And he's like, that's a scene. He's like, I thought that they were going towards this episode of the night gallery. So again, this is the same night gallery that Jeff referred to in the like vignette episode of Riverdale. So rather than Twilight Zone, Roberto Aguirre Sikasa might be obsessed with the night gallery, which is the other Rod Sterling show about like, but they had like short supernatural plays instead of just the regular Twilight Zone. So this episode is called The Sins of the Fathers and now I want to watch it because apparently it is very upsetting.

And it is set in the middle ages, and it is about the idea of, I'm about to watch this, because now this is secondhand, but I really want to watch this episode of, like, eating the sins, and then you will die from eating, like, usually you take food and you put it on top of a dead body, so that the body, like, the food absorbs the sins from the body, and then the sin eater comes to the town and eats the food and then dies as the, like, cycle of sin, essentially, to like be able to give that dead body freedom and then I think it keeps going. Do you ever just thank God that you weren't born in the Middle Ages?

Dude. Oh my God. I just, I love taking a shower. You know, like I can. I could never. It's like they did truly believe this. So Archie's a sin eater. So he eats the pie. Betty encourages him to eat the pie even though he doesn't really want to because he had eaten 119 pancakes earlier that day. And then he gets sacrificed for the town's sins as a way to have every, like, that's the power that they need.

And then Cheryl rips his heart out. Through his stomach, by the way. Through his stomach, very difficult. I don't know how she got it all the way up. Yeah, she cuts the slit. And I was like, oh, is he, I thought at first she was taking out a rib. And I was like, oh, they're going to do one of those kind of things. but they weren't. No, she goes up under the ribs, I guess, to get that heart out.

And mind you, Kevin set up Archie because Kevin is there participating. The whole town is participating. And Betty is like, honey, I love you so much. I'm with seed. But she's got that Betty glazed over. Look at her eyes. She's glazed. She's great at playing crazy. Can we throw that out there? Betty for the win. She, Lily Reinhardt is very good at playing, like, naturally crazy. Yeah, she's about that. That's my favorite. version of Betty is when something has come over Betty. And so something has come over Betty. She is not herself. And she's like, I've got our child. I'm holding, I'm carrying our child, but somebody has to be sacrificed so that our child can live. So that in 25 years he'll be crowned

the Maple King. Yeah. I didn't totally follow that part. I was like, aren't you the Maple I didn't, I didn't totally understand why the entity did to kill Archie other than that he was a sacrifice. And so, and that everybody was down with it because everybody who had gone to Cheryl for help was like, she was like, I'll help you, but you have to do what I say. Yeah, to do what I say. And so she's got, everybody is indebted to her, including Jughead, including, I don't know why Kevin's indebted to her, but everyone is indebted to her. And so they're all there, and they're all ready to gleefully kill Archie and they just

all stand there with their, with their cult-like eyes. We've, you know, this is cult. Cult again. And they're all like, yeah, kill him. And they truly kill him. He's dead. He's dead. I mean, he's at least going to be dead, Roberto Agueric Sikazza said, for the

next episode. But what I will say, he's going, yes. Really? And what Roberto Gary Cicazza said is that, like, essentially, yes, all of this is done in an alternate universe. However, ramifications in Riverdale will still proceed. And I don't know what that means. He's shrouding it in mystery. And I'm very intrigued. But straight up, Archie gets fucking killed at the end of this. You know what? It is a lot of like my fantasies realized. And I had absolutely no idea. I know that that's scary, but I mean that only because of the character, not because of the real life person. I'm distinguishing between the two. But what we didn't yell about is Uncle Daddy and how the reason why Uncle Daddy and Alice Cooper were involved is because Alice

Cooper was like, fucker, don't you realize I want you to have sex with me? And he's like, I would have sex with you, but a cat. Because remember when I was a mercenary? Yeah, I had a secret wife and a secret daughter, but nobody knew about it. And then one day, you know, so I just can't be with you. And that is like essentially what he said. And I look at Jeff was like, did he just imply that his wife and daughter were murdered by another mercenary when someone found out about it? But he didn't say it. All he said was like, and you know, they, yeah, I was like, I was like, what is that mean? I didn't want anyone to find out about them, but then somebody did find out. And yeah, strongly implying that he had a wife and daughter we've never heard about before.

He's never mentioned to Archie in all their male bonding time. Never brought it up. And now he just tells Alice, oh, yes, I had a wife and daughter and also they're dead. And that's why I don't want to kiss you, even though you're very hot and you shouldn't take it personally. Because poor Alice is feeling very upset about being rejected. Meanwhile, Alice, you deserve better. I love that this is not a mystical plotline at all. It's like totally could have been around.

regular, regular plotline in a regular Riverdale episode, but she's just like, man, I always fall for the, what does she say? Like the, you know, silent types or whatever. And so they decide that they're just going to go to the Harvest Festival together and see what happens. And I'm mad about it. I'm mad about it too. I hate it.

He is not Luke Perry. He is not as good at it. He really is not like, he's just, I'm just, I hate the character. Yeah, he's not. He's a mercenary and he just spoke out of jail. Yeah. He just has no, they just have not developed his, there's a lot of characters on Riverdale. Honestly, sorry, Kevin being one of them, whereas it's just like, you have not invested in this character.

I love Kevin. I love that he's like the queer character, but he's so one-dimensional. He's just like, he likes, all he does is go to the woods and cruise and he sometimes directs musicals. Like, it's like develop in the character, invest in the character. I don't think there is much to be developed with Uncle Daddy, whereas there is with Kevin, but they're just not trying. They're just like, yeah, this guy, he's here. Whatever. He is here.

And we don't like it. I know, but I love him. It's like I would love for them to flesh it out a little bit more. Yeah. But we can't have everything, MJ, can we? No, sad news for Alice Cooper because she loves this fucking doofus now. And I did. Gideon was like, have you ever seen young Alice Cooper? And I hadn't.

And boy. Oh, mama me. I forgot. You haven't seen Twin Peaks or anything. I've seen like a few episodes of Twin Peaks, but I had not, and I knew she was in Twin Peaks, but I had not made like the connection.

I knew she was like also like, she's hot as shit. Like a similar, like, like Skeet and Luke Perry that she was like a lawyer, right. That she was like a young, you know,

a hot young in the 80s, 90s. But like, yeah, I did not know how hot. Damn. No. And Uncle Daddy doesn't fucking deserve her. You should bow down to her, Uncle Daddy.

But that is it. We got to stop screaming about Riverdale right now. And we are not going to be back next week because it is Thanksgiving week, but then we are going to be back with a double header the following week of extra screaming about both of them. Yeah. And I don't know how, if this is any indication, I don't know how we're going to do two episodes and what, like, we're going to have to, it's going to be a long episode. Yeah. It's going to be a log Riverdale roundout.

We're going to have a lot to say. Yeah, there is a lot to say, but we love it. We can say that definitively. We love it. We absolutely love it. And we love you guys as well. And thank you so much for joining us. And I know you're going to be waiting on the edgier seats about what these old have to say about this young person show.

And we will be there for you. We love you guys very much. And I hope you have a beautiful holiday if you celebrate. And if not, have a great time anyway. We love you so much. We'll be back in two weeks. Thank you so much, MJ. Thank you, Jackie.

Okay. We love you. We're thankful for you. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them.

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