Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Chapter 75: Pony Tail Playmate

Episode Date: May 6, 2020

Ain't no law when you're drinking maple claws. We unpack "Chapter 75: Lynchian"Want even more Page 7? Check out our Patreon page! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If it isn't a lynchian sort of tale that we are here to regale you with, because the title of this episode is just lynchian. I don't know if you get this, Molly. I don't know if you are aware. But riverdowsing a little bit like a David Lynch kind of thing. I don't know if you've ever heard that before. Blue Velvet Video. Is that what the name of the video store was? Blue Velvet Video.

And the title of his episode is Lynchian. because I don't know, because don't worry, Jughead is here to describe us. Also, that he just dropped in the middle of the episode. I've seen a razor head just so many times. Like, okay, all right, we get it. We get it. Y'all are David Lynch fans. The writer of the show, David Lynch, fans, awesome.

That's how we got Marcus to first start watching Riverdale's because we said it's like teen David Lynch. And that was back in the days of yore. before these cyclical narratives made you want to break up with Riverdale, which we're not doing yet. I refuse. I'm just like the band, baby. I'm not going anywhere on this ship. We're in a deeply dysfunctional relationship with Riverdale, but there is no way out.

And I'm not even a fucking David Lynch fan. I'm not an anti. I just never was one of those people. I just never got into Twin Peaks and all that. I just, it's just not quite my thing. It's not for everybody. It's not for everybody. But I was offended at this comparison of this season of Riverdale to David Lynch because I do know that David Lynch was quite good at what he did.

And that current Riverdale not so good at what they do. No. And I will, although I do have to say that next week's episode, which by the way, y'all, everybody needs to be aware of this. Next week's episode is the last episode of this season. It's because of the global pandemic. They weren't able to continue. So we don't know how this is going to end. But speaking of David Lachsh.

Mad Gen Amick, who plays, I don't know how to say her name. I always say it wrong. I even wrote it down. Madchen Amic? Madgen Amik. Marcus was always the one that knew how to say it. The beauty, the ethereal, Betty, or Alice Cooper on Riverdale, also in Twin Peaks.

So she directed next week's episode, and apparently David Lynch gave her his blessing with it. I was giving her some tips and stuff on it. I read this great article about it that, you know, she learned everything. She always wanted to direct something. That's why she is directing next week's episode. She was not aware that it was going to be the last episode of the season. I don't know how they are going to even. I know it's going to end on that cliffhanger, obviously.

I know that next week's episode's called Killing Mr. Honey. So I wonder if it's going to have some homages to teaching Mrs. Tingle, which I'm here for. But let's get back to this episode. What happened? What happened?

What happened? Yeah, if David Lynch gave his blessing to all this, then good for him. I like, good for him. I like to think that he is just sitting you know in a rocking chair somewhere and it's like do whatever you want um because this episode like it is just it's just a just reeling like i what like how do we go from jughead is dead for four to eight episodes however long that was and then the headwig episode and then here they

are with not their own fault two regular ass episodes left trying to still advance a plot that has not like threads of which have not been advanced for I don't know however many episodes there are in this season they're trying to pick up this videotape thing which was a great way to start season four and then they just forgot about it for an entire stupid-ass jughead plot

then they did this terrible musical episode and now they're back trying to be like ooh spooky remember when we started this good story let's try to go somewhere with that if they could lift the entire Jughead is dead portion. Not only that, but all of the prep school. Everything to do with Stonewall Prep.

Yes, I'm saying it. Lift it all out. Get rid of it. Yes. Could just continue this season, starting with these plot lines, because as much as I am like, what happened, I am into the, I believe, three huge storylines. They are not only continuing, but also starting back up in this episode.

because you've got the storyline with the tapes, right? Right. Crucial. Then you also have, which is a subsect of the storyline with the tapes, because you guys remember the tapes that were being sent, that people are getting VHS sent to them of the outside of their house, and then last week, meaning two weeks ago, Jughead saw one that was acting out the death of Jughead

with two people with old-school Archie Comics masks on, right? Subsect of this plotline. Ethel Mugs is back. Which, to be honest, fantastic. Remember Ethel Mugs? I'll take it. I love Ethel. I love that she is like the biggest sociopath in Riverdale.

Insane. And so Ethel Mugs, y'all remember, Barb from Stranger Things. So that beautiful actress plays Ethel, which Ethel always ends up being the butt of everything. Yeah. She is the creepest that goes to Riverdale. And I really feel like they're like, I don't know what fat girls do. but fat girls are weird. I know.

And not to be like this and maybe I'm looking too far into it because I am a fat girl. But it does. I'm like, well, why they always got to make Ethel the creepest? Yeah, no, I know. The fact that they make her the biggest sociopath in Riverdale is like, it would have been fun if they had done it once. But, you know, like she just keeps, there is no character development for Ethel other than that if something creepy is happening, it's probably her.

Ethel is something to do with it. Like Ethel, who is renting videotapes, porno videotapes in the back of the lone VHS store that still lives in Riverdale. And of course, she picked up one that was called Ponytail Playmate. So not only is Ethel a sociopath, but she's also a sex-loving bitch. She's a horn dog.

How dare she? Of course the fat girl goes to get the VHSs of the pornographies. It's such a shame because they did start off with Ethel as a fun character, who was admittedly like basically Barb, like I would have loved for them to be like, we could create a different character for this actress instead of just like slightly sad, slightly left out fat girl. But like in season one, Ethel, I've talked about this a million times on Riverdale Roundup, but she had this really fun plot where she was like wronged by a guy and then all of the other

girls came together in this act of like sisterhood and like stood up for her. And I was like, this is cool. Like, it's not totally like, you know, groundbreaking in terms of plot. But it's like cool that it's about sisterhood and the girls aren't making fun of her. They're all stepping up, whatever. But then since then, it's just been like, Ethel's into some weird shit. Ethel's weird. And Ethel's in love with is hopelessly in love with Jughead and no one will ever love Ethel.

Right. And that sucks. Yes. Yeah. That's back to being the butt of fat girl everything. Absolutely. And the thing about Riverdale that I, that really comes up. for me a lot when I watch it is that like this show is a show for very young people.

Like it is, we are too old. I'm not going to say we're too old to be watching this show. But I think that we are not the target demographic. Yes. I think that it is supposed to be for, for young people, like people under the age of 20. But I don't know anyone under the age of 20 that watch it. Oh, see, I've had, I've had young people like between the ages of like eight and 15, like tell me that they watch it.

And so that... Gotcha. You know, and watch, again, like, we, when we were that age, we watched 902 or whatever. Like, so it's okay when those things are sexy and spicy. Like, that's fine. Like, that's young people consume, you know, media like that. But it's just always, like, I don't know what Riverdale's... Like, so what I was, the point of my...

The reason I said that is because I feel like, like, early Riverdale was what my friend called Diet Woke. It was, like, not super woke, but it was just, like, pretty good about some things. It was like, you know, gayer than, you know, most shows. And, like, had this plot where, like, with, like, sisterhood and, like, like, anti, like, sexual assault and things that were just like, yeah, fine, good. And I feel like it is so, like, generic-ass, like, retro shit for them to be like,

oh, look at this loser, fat girl. I feel like it's such a missed opportunity for Riverdale to be, like, slightly diet woke and to just be like, well, what if we just had, like, a main character who was also fat? And it wasn't, like, this part of, like, Granted, they're not calling Ethel names or anything, but she totally, like you said, fits this stereotype of, like, she's desperately in love and nobody likes her,

and she's always alone, and she's, like, rented sex tapes. And she's into nerd girl games, and she's rented not only sex tapes, but sex literal VHS tapes. Right. Girl, stream that shit. Hey, nobody need to know how many ponytails you want to watch bobbing up and down in a lap of somebody. Nobody's got to know this is the best part about.

living in the year 2020. It's the only good thing about living specifically in the year 2020. And no one needs to know that you watched Friday the 13th, 16 times in a row because for some reason, this VHS store,

the Blue Velvet Video Store, had an actual paper ledger of who came into the store and who rented what how many times. Convenient. Even Blockbuster didn't do that. I went to so many mom and Pop VHS stores growing up?

What are you fucking talking about? No one's writing that shit down. What is it? 1982? Especially because the whole point of this particular blue velvet video store, which again has a whole porn room in the back with things labeled like submission. And there was it with there was another. And also snuff tapes.

And snuff tapes. And people are just writing that down, checking it out like an old fashioned card catalog. You know, it's like really not something that the residents of Riverdale apparently have any bones about. No, and of course you were referring to the Scarlet Suite. And people can go into the Scarlet Suite to get these crazy VHS tapes. And see, again, I dig this storyline.

I like the resurgence of the VHSs. I like all this stuff. Where was it 12 episodes ago? Exactly. I just wanted to be in this world. So, because not only do you have this. So all of this, they are going after. remember, Jughead is now working with the FBI to watch all of the videotapes to help FBI.

I'm assuming we still think not FBI, older brother, Charles, of both Betty and Jughead. Brother also brother, we can call him. It was so weird when he called him brother. And it's like, I forget that he's brother to both of them and they're both dating. It's a weird thing. Yeah, it's not. It is weird, right?

It's not okay. In terms of brother being FBI, not FBI, he did go into to raid this video store with other FBI agents. So that is a, that's a tally in the actual FBI, you know, list. Yes, but I still believe in my heart of hearts that he is making those of EHS tapes. You think he is. So why are we talking about Ethel? I think he is.

I think he's making the tapes. Not. Well, okay, because the end of this episode has me thinking it's somebody else. Wait, what happened to you? We'll get there. I don't remember. So, why are we going after Ethel Mugs? Because we know that she rented Friday 13th, 16 times. We know that she's a creepest.

We know that she goes to this specific VHS store, which also has other pornographic tapes in it, like ponytail, what is it, ponytail puffers? Ponytail puffers. Which is the jails. Jughead and Betty sex tape. And she's, oh, that's right. She's the head of the AV club, which I can't believe.

Because she's nerdy. Because she's nerdy. And I can't believe that Jughead didn't know there was an AV club. I know. That was so unbelievable. Yes. And so she, of course, would be able to rent out the equipment to make said creepy VHS tapes. Right.

So that's one plot line, right? So this is part of this. We also have to talk about Cheryl and Veronica. And Cheryl Veronica, as you remember, are making maple rum. What they decide to start doing is making maple claw. So they don't ever go into the specifics of what maple claw is. But I'm assuming it's like a white claw but made with rum? It's absolutely white claw that is apparently maple rum flavored.

I don't know, man. Why don't you just go drink some syrup? Yeah, and I mean, where are they producing this shit? Where are their factories? Underground, man. You know, you got in the walls, bro. And also, don't forget that Mrs. Blossom, Cheryl's mom still lives in a small room underneath the stairs at the maple room

and still has to wear her weird, creepy doll mask, even though no one's going to the maple room anymore. Yeah, yeah, I do love. that Penelope Blossom is still, like, living in the walls. That is, there's, you know, there's a few things that you can count on from Riverdale, and one is that Penelope Blossom is hiding in the walls somewhere. Yes. And another thing that you can count on is that there's always going to be some other sort of vaguely

weird-accented gang group that's going to come after you if you try to start anything. And yes, we are talking about the Malloy family. The Maloy family. The Maloy family. Obviously the, I want to say Irish gang. Definitely Irish. The Irish gang. And you know, if there's anything I do know, Irish people are known for making moonshine.

And that is their thing. Of course they had to be, they had to have a brogue of sorts if you're going to be saying you're making moonshine and you're a whole family making moonshine. which also makes me realize that Maple Claw is supposed to be moonshine? Yeah, they make Maple Moon. The Malloys make Maple Moonshine. They sell it to the, what Veronica described is the previously untapped market, question mark, of college kids. Of college. Also, what university is in Riverdale?

In any case, they are going to the frat houses of Riverdale. And then the Malloy show up and say, this is our market. We've been selling maple moonshine. So sounds like maple rum, hard cider, and maple moonshine, you know, not, this town ain't big enough for the both of them. And there's no, but of all the things, it's like when back of the day, when we had all of the different drugs and things like that, I get they had warring gangs over turf.

I've never heard this happen with different kinds of booze before in my life. Like were you at a frat party and having like sponsors of like cheap Papa vodka and then also the beast like Milwaukee's best? People coming up to me like, no, drink my cheap vodka. No, drink my cheap beer. There's only room enough for one light beer in this town. What are you talking about? So of course these old Irishmen go after these young girls also threatening to sexually assault. them.

And Veronica just assumes it's daddy, that daddy is sending the old Irish men to come and sexually assault her. Silly daddy. But nay, Molly Neffle, it wasn't him. They did it all on their own. So what does sick, quote unquote, Hiram Lodge do? He goes to threaten, my boy, Malloy. Yes, that is his name.

and he doesn't shoot my boy, Malloy in the head but what does my boy, Maloy do? Beats a shit out of him. He beats a shit out of him and I didn't realize that like he had to just like shoot this dude in the head and spoiler alert again

what ends up happening. And after he gets fucking the shit beat out of him he comes back and he kills him. Hiram Lodge kills my boy. And I will say that one thing that is I don't know whether I appreciate it or not about Riverdale but it is certainly something that they do. They live in a kind of colorblind, like,

there's no race politics of Riverdale, right? But they're obsessed with gangs and drugs and, uh, underground markets, right? All underground markets, yes. All underground markets. But they're not like a real show that can be like, oh, like, let's, uh, have any understanding of any of this. And so they have a kind of like, like, like, I imagine kind of like a 12 year old who like saw a movie set of a,

the 1960s like about what like drug and underground gangs are like you know they're all everybody's white uh they're all kind of like old men in their 60s but because they want to have it be like a turf war they have it be like innocuous white ethnicity is like Canadians and Irish people that's why I think it's kind of fun who are they going to use next because Because they did the Southern thing with the people. Remember back at Thanksgiving time when Juggin and his mom almost got killed by that Southern clan? Yes, they did have vaguely Southern people. It makes me think of Holden was making these jokes on our Spice Girls' Pop History episode

where our bad British accents are one of the few accents we can still make jokes about. And I wonder if that's really what Riverdale is doing is that they don't want to like work on anyone's accentos at all forcing them to have accentos but doing things that are not going to really hurt anyone's feelings, I guess. Well, and don't get me wrong. Like, it would be catastrophically racist if Riverdale tried to even remotely, like, have their gangs, have representation of anybody else who wasn't white. So I'm glad they cannot do that. Please don't. I'm glad.

Even when they had, like, mad dog, I was like, you know what? I'm uncomfortable with this. Like, I'm, like, keep it like, you know, because I just don't want to be biting off more. than you can chew. But as a result, they're just, yeah, I feel like the next gang has to be like Swedish, you know, British, like just cycle through. Oh my God, please a huge, like a gang of hulking Swedish men that come in, but also like Veronica can't choose. Do I want to have sex with this man that's trying to kill me? Or do I want to have sex with this man that's trying to kill me? I will watch that in a heartbeat. So what's going to end up happening?

with Cheryl and Cheryl's mom that lives under the stairs, and especially what's going to happen with Cheryl's mom that lives under the stairs now that... Cheryl left the maple rum business. Molly, what are we going to do without their partnership? That was so sudden, a sudden exit from a plotline I give zero fucks about. This plotline is so fucking boring. Like, I have never once cared about most things Veronica does, to be honest,

but especially this. And especially since in the end, guess who's working with Daddy again? Always. I thought about you immediately, Molly. I just heard you screaming from New York. Why would you, why do you keep doing this? Why do you tell Daddy about what you're going to do?

I'm just, don't play games with us. Don't be like, oh, I'm never working with you again, Daddy. Oh, I love you, Daddy. Oh, stop trying to kill my boyfriend, Daddy. Oh, but my daddy's dying. Oh, pleasure to work with you. with you again, Daddy. It's just so tiresome. It's as tiresome as a real. I think maybe, I don't know if Veronica's a realistic character, but she's tiresome in a realistic way. I'm like, you're actually

just like a dumb, rich entitled person. Like, and your plot lines are about a fucking dumb, rich entitled person. And I'm not going to get into it right now, but I definitely saying it's the circle of plot to the tune of it's a circle of life. And I made myself laugh and laugh as I was making jokes to myself singing aloud about how these circular plots will never end in Riverdale. At least though, I mean, I was waiting for another drug. I didn't think they were going to do it with the booze because that doesn't happen. But speaking of things that don't usually happen, actually, no, this does usually happen. We get to our third re-brought backup plot line of this episode that should have been happening the entire time. We got to talk about tickle.

We gotta talk about tickling And if we were gonna Kevin, if you're gonna be such a fucking tickle hustler Why weren't you getting tickled When you were in the headwig episode? That was perfect tickle territory. Yeah, that would have been a good tie-in So the headwig episode didn't just feel like

It was dropped from a helicopter. Oh my God, it was so bad. At least, again, I do like this episode a lot more than I like the head bug episode. Maybe that's what the writers were doing. Maybe they're trying to like set our expectations so low that anything outside of it, you're like, well, at least it wasn't that episode. I think that you really hit the nail on the head with what happened, what you said at the

beginning of this episode, which is that if we could, yeah, surgically remove the entire Jughead plot from this season, there is, there is like a lot of enjoyment and potential there, you know, like the tapes plot, and even then Ethel would make more sense, because Ethel was a big part of last season. So if she was then... continuing into right at the beginning of this season, oh, Ethel, you're so what's up with you, you know? Then that would at least make sense. Here, we haven't seen Ethel in like the entire,

literally the entire season. And now she's back being a creeper. Like, you know, like it's bad playwriting politics to have it be, have the culprit be somebody you've never met until the third act. That's a cheat. That's like that plot from season two with who was it going to be? With the janitor. janitor you've never met.

Oh, it's this character you couldn't have known it was him. Of course. That doesn't make any sense. It just makes it so bad. And I feel like, I really feel like this season, the way they were writing it is that it was almost to a point they're like, well, we're going to inch, like I feel like they were going to flesh out all of these three different plot lines in these next, because there was supposed to be another, I believe, like eight episodes or something.

There's going to be a lot more episodes. What a, what a missed. What a lesson in editing, right? Like, just because you got 24 episodes or whatever doesn't mean you need to fuck around with 12 of them, you know, because it's true. The tickling plotline, it's dumb as hell, but it's kind of fun. And it's very much like the previously mentioned plotline of just having like a gang of nefarious tickle ring threatner people.

Tickle daddies. Don't fuck with the tickle daddies. They'll kill you. Are you talking about Terry? Terry will break your fingers. Not a threatening name. I'm sorry. Terry is not a scary man's name.

I don't know. I've known a couple of male Terry's that made me pretty uncomfortable. See, I, oh, yeah, no. I've known some shitty Terrys, but I've never really been scared of a Terry. I would say a Terrence I would be scared of. Sure. Right. I'll be more scared of a Terrence.

Well, in any case, it's another, Riverdale is a small town, but there's always room for another crime syndicate. If it's not the Irish moonshine brewers that you've never heard of until today, then maybe it's the tickle syndicate that you've never heard of until two weeks ago, who now if you cross them are going to break your fingers

and you'll never do any tickling it again. Tickling again. Oh yeah, Terry and his boys come around. How dare you try to tickle outside of doing it with Terry and his boys? Because Terry and his boys. Because Terry and his boys are going to come while you're eating your burger.

And they're going to bend your fingers. Because that was how they threatened Kevin. They threatened him by bending back his fingers. And I just love the sound effects. So they put over it where it was like the, ah, you're sitting in a diner, you know, that he never would tickle ever again. So yes, we were talking about Kevin. and fangs, tickling tapes that they've been making a bunch of money off of.

Who hears about it? Reggie. Reggie wants a piece of the pie. Did you like that? I thought that that was kind of fun. Yes. And that is great because you know what? I miss Reggie.

Yeah. I miss how he's such a big loo. I wanted to say oaf and lump, but he's not a lump. He's our big lovable oaf. He's a big oaf. And he's delightful. I miss him. And I hope that he wasn't written down like his character.

wasn't scaled down just because he and Veronica in real life broke up. But let's not get into the conspiracies of Riverdale casting. So Reggie gets brought in. He's getting tickled. He's making a lot of money. He goes to Kevin and Fangs and says, I say that we do it

on our own. Then we don't have to cut Terry and his boys in anymore. So they get themselves a tickle suite. They get all the boys on the football team and they get all the girls in the uniforms and they start Tony is brought in so that the girls in the uniforms will come in, so the vixons will be a part of it.

And Tony's like, uh-uh, uh, the girls are going to be tickling the boys, which I've seen the documentary tickled before. It is definitely, you should, it is the men that should be getting tickled. This is part of, it's part of the fetish of it. So they start doing this and who ends up finding out about it? Not only Terry and his boys, but. Also, creep-ass-creep, Principal Honey, and this is what you were referring to earlier, Molly. Now it is all coming back to me now.

But you called this from the start, we don't like the taste of honey. And yes, it's a very ethel way of saying how we feel about Principal Honey. Sorry if I'm being an Ethel right now. Maybe that's what, maybe that's my plan. Maybe that's why I ally so much hard with Ethel Bugs because I get it. I am also a creepy outsider girl that is very horny and up until not that long ago

wasn't being treated properly. Principal Honey finds out and he stops it and they think Terry and his boys did something that maybe they called the school and said, hey, excuse me, principal. There are boys and they're being tickled in your staff. We're a tickling crime syndicate will threaten to break your fingers or call your principal. Call your principal and tell you to stop. Because, of course, which I didn't even say it because doesn't matter. Reggie and his boys then threatened Terry and his boys.

And it's so dumb. Essentially the threat was, yeah, well, I'm going to get all my high school boys to beat you up, Terry, if you have anything to say about. it. So they think that he called the principal. But in reality, where have these tickle tapes been going? The blue velvet VHS store. And how did principal, how do you find out about them? Is it because the tickling crime syndicate called and told him? Or is it because he is a pervert? Not the people who like tickling are perverts, but he specifically is a pervert. We knew this from the beginning. He seemed like a pervert. In the world of Riverdale, he is a pervert. He's a pervert.

Yes. And so he found the children's tickling tapes himself. And we find out at the end in a big reveal that he is a frequenter of the blue velvet video store. And the scarlet suite being closed is a big upset for pervert principal honey. I knew I didn't like the way he was talking to Cheryl Blossom. No, man. He is, and especially the fact that those tapes, the one thing I do have a problem with with Terry and his boys that they are using underage boys in it, and that is not cool.

And also, excuse me, Principal Honey, pretty sure you'd go to fucking jail for watching those tapes of underage boys and girls in sex tapes and in tickle tapes that you, and you were a principal of a goddamn high school. Show some fucking respect. But this is what I alluded to earlier. Please. What if it is creepy pervert, principal honey who is taking the tapes? Now, I wonder if he has something to do.

I feel like a lot of his storylines. All right, back to what we used to do when we used to really love Riverdale 10 episodes ago. I wonder if he has been doing this and maybe has something to do with like allied with the black hood of cleansing Riverdale of its sinners. Because I feel like he's very against the best. how bad all the teenagers are. You know what I mean?

Uh-huh. Or what else? Like, I feel like it's something like that. Uh-huh, right. That, like, I don't think he's, like, jing off to it. I think that he's watching it as a sense of, like, no, I know what these rascots have been up to. I see. I see.

So you don't think he's necessarily a pervert as much as he is, like, a moral, um, watchman vigilante. who's taking the perversion that he sees into his own hands, which would be very much a circle of plot with a black hood. And I mean, it's Riverdale, baby. Circle of plot. And we've seen it all before. And we've seen it all before. And it's a circle of plot.

And I can't imagine. I feel like now that they're going to go try and kill him next week, I feel like that something else is going to come up. You know what I mean? And I feel like it's going to be like, no, no, no, I was doing this for a reason. You thought I was such a creep this whole season. But an actuality, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Yep. Yep. I think that you might be on to something there. I think that there is, maybe it's not that he is bad in his loins. It's that he is bad in his heart. And he thinks other people are bad in their loins. I hope that maybe he's a little bad in his loins because I would like, you know, there's just something about it right now.

Like, I'm down to watch a bunch of teenagers, like, get their comeuppance against the person that has been holding them back and who is actually a creep because I like watching that kind of stuff, you know? Yeah. Take them down to fucking Chinatown, bitch. I don't try. Also, I think it makes sense. I don't know if you notice this, but Principal Honey's first name is Holden.

I know. I know. I had forgotten that, but then I remembered when they said it that you had pointed to that out before. that you were very angry about it. Now it makes sense. You know what? I could see Holden going into his scarlet sweets, looking for his back alley VHS tapes.

Because we didn't even talk about the Mac daddy of all of the VHS tapes. So remember last week, we saw in the masks, we saw Arch and we saw Jughead. Oh my God, we didn't even talk about Barchy and that all that bullshit. Oh, my God. But we will in a second. Okay. So in the tape last week, it was Jughead being bludgeoned to death by Betty, which was a person in a mask.

But this week we saw it was the redoing and a cartoonification of the Jason Blossom, Clifford Blossom murder, because they had found a snuff, the actual snuff tape of Jason Blossom being murdered by his father in the Scarlet Suite. So then another tape was made making a cartoonish version of it where someone possibly in reality gets shot in the head. Yeah, this honestly makes me miss the days of the reanimated corpse of Jason Blossom. Because I was about to say like, it's nice to revisit the last time Riverdale had a plot that was actually really good, which is the Jason Blossom plot. But then I forgot about the whole reanimated corpse season.

But in retrospect, it's just like how once a time has passed, you always look back on. it like with a little bit of fondness. It's like, oh, remember when we were just dealing with the reanimated corpse of Jason Blossom? Molly, you want to hear something nuts? That was earlier this season. What? No. Yes.

With the doll and the reanimated course. That was not this season. That was this. No. That was this season. I swear. Remember? Because then they find, then the doll, they thought the doll was it like

there was a poltergeys of the doll. Oh, I remember. It was just Mrs. Blossom in the walls. And that's why she, now lives at the Maple Club. That was this season? Before Jughead died, quote unquote. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I thought that was at least season three. Oh, fuck me. Oh, my God. This season was once good. Like, I liked what it was doing in the beginning of the season. That was good.

That was a really fun and good and dumb plotline. Yeah, man. And now, so they're finally getting back. to it. They're finally getting back to the things that we actually like about Riverdale. In fact, talking about this episode made me realize I actually did like this episode more because it is getting back to how dumb and everything is and not just me being angry at the plot anymore because I like the reinvention of a 20 million more plot lines. Yeah, don't reinvent the wheel. Just keep the characters and the plot lines that you came up with

in season one and just rehash them. That's fine. But what, see, because that was such an interesting plotline for Cheryl. Cheryl making fucking maple rum with Veronica. I might have been excited about it at first. Like, oh yeah, girl power or whatever. But it turned out to be an absolutely meaningless story. Yes. And I'm sad because apparently

I was reading through some, one of the episodes that has now been shelved hopefully until next season is that apparently there's going to be a huge plotline revolving around Tony. And that's what I want. That's something that was supposed to be in this season. And so I think that they've bumped it

next season, but it will be coming because I want more Tony. I'm down, and that Kevin with the tapes, I'm down to see more Kevin in the tapes. And I'm even down to watch more of is, will, they, won't they with Betty and Archie and they're cheating. Yeah. Which definitely happened in this episode. Yeah. And he wrote her a song.

I did not mind. I continue to not mind the Barchy plot. I think it's kind of fun. Betty spent this episode reading her old diary. about how much she was always in love with Archie. Archie is clearly having like an emotional they have a trauma bond. I think they've both been through a lot of trauma,

more trauma than their partners. Although one was definitely killed, but quote unquote or attempted murder what happened upon him, but yes. Not as bad as having a dad be a serial killer and being mauled by a bear and being attempted murdered like 10 times. Yes, many times, yes.

So I think that they have a trauma a bond in addition to their regular 10-year-old kids next door bond. Neighbor bond. And I think that it's very sweet. And this is like a, I will give a spotlight to this plotline from this episode because I think it's great. And this is what Riverdale does, does well. But they decided against it.

They put it to bed. It was very adult of them. It was. You'd be like, we could do this, but we're not going to. We love our partners. We're going to go back. And as much as I'm not a, I do not. Condone cheating of any sort.

I will say when you were 17 years old and like at that point in time, you know, they tried it and it was bad and no one knows about it. And you keep it. That is, it's a forever secret. And I think that sometimes in your life you have to choose a forever secret. So it's not to hurt the people you love where it's like they didn't fuck. It wasn't like, it wasn't this like, months and months. It was a couple of kisses. They shouldn't have done it.

But like this is, this is the thing. It's such, it's so frustrated because this is like, Riverdale actually is really good and fun when it like creates good interpersonal storylines with characters that they have developed, right? And that's what they like. Yes. And so like that plot line was so satisfying because like Sherrill and Betty had this good conversation about it where Cheryl was like sometimes. you know, you stray, but then you stop it before somebody gets hurt or you stop it even though somebody gets hurt. It was like a really nice, like, it's not like I need realism from

Riverdale, but like I do want like fun, teen, you know, emotions. And like this was, conversations. Yeah. And this was like such a nice, uh, you know, like little, it felt just very honest. Like, oh, like, yeah, they kissed. They obviously like have these real feelings for each other, but is it really about the fact that, you know, everything is changing and they have this, like, kind of fantasy about it? And it was, yeah, it was really, really nice. And they want to hold on to a constant before their life completely changes. It is the one constant they have had for most of their life is that they loved each other.

Right. And that is, like, and you're right, though, it is weird to have a weird, actual emotional thought while watching Riverdale. but unless they scrap this entire season of some sort I don't know what the fuck they're going to do next season what are they going to do

so now Archie's going to he's trying to get into the Naval Academy we've got Betty going to Yale we've got Jughead going to Yale until he died or did he give up he did die

and I think he gave a spot to Betty but maybe they have to give it back to him now that he's not dead but then do they take it away from Betty in this fake world of how we get into colleges in Riverdale? Or do they punish Jughead for faking its own death and be like, we revoke your admission. You see, that would make sense.

But again, in this world of Riverdale College applications, I don't know what, I don't know, dog. But I do have to say that the masks they've been using in these videotape snuff films are very jarring. They're scary. Very upsetting. They're creepy. I don't like the cartoon masks.

They're doing a good job creepy. me out. Yeah, I like them in the sense that I don't like them. Like they're, it's, it's, it's legit spooky. And I want that. But I don't know if it would be honey that would send it because that's, I was just looking at this again. It's, it, that tape was sent to Cheryl. Uh-huh. Why would it be sent to Cheryl? I mean, obviously it's her family and it's to upset her, but it's too upset her. Yeah. Like, they didn't kill somebody else in it unless they did. Right. And if it's honey, like, honey doesn't have any stake in any of these people, because He just came here.

But he doesn't like Cheryl, though. I will say that. He has had a weird relationship with Cheryl from the beginning, for sure. I hope he doesn't try and like grabsie. I hope he doesn't become one of those. I know. I know.

We don't need that. I already had the Mrs. Grundle or whatever her name was plotline in the season one. It wasn't Mrs. Gruddle. What was her name? Mrs. Grimsy. I don't think it was Grundle because I think that means something else, but I think that's kind of fun.

As far as we're concerned, if she hadn't been bowed to death, Wasn't she killed with her own violin bow? Yeah, I think that's correct. Back in the day, guys. Back in the day with the black hood. Back in the day when the biggest thing to get mad about was a plot line that was like a romantic exploration of a teacher sleeping with a student. Yeah, that wasn't any good.

But you know what? It was something. All right. This is an alley-oop. That's not the sports. This is an about face of how I felt when we first. started this episode. I like this episode. I like what they're doing. I like that at least they are trying something that it's not the fucking stonewall prep line. I think that's right. I think I have to try to

not stay mad, you know, and especially there's only one episode left because of pandemic. And where will the season end? You know, but it's, it goes to show, you know, when you don't really write a television show very well, you can end it wherever you want. You're right. And it's just like, Okay, now. And I just, I really do. If they're going to pull a second season of Friday Night Lights, I give you my blessing. Yes. I understand.

I'll forget. I can forget. Remember, we just forgot that that the reanimated corpse of Jason Blossom was in this season. So it is, we'll forget. Because life keeps happening. And Riverdale keeps happening too. We know we're at least going to get another season out of it. We love you guys.

Thank you for joining us in this little scream festival. we had. Yes, thank you. But also the realization that I think better things are to come. Yes. Yes. I think that that is something we can all hold on to. Thank God.

Go get your David Lynch on, guys. It's a bit of a lynchian week. We love you so much. We'll be back next week with the final episode of the season, killing Mr. Honey. Dun, dun, done, done. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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