Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Chapter 76: Bad Boy Tickler Town

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

We bid farewell to this season of Riverdale.  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Reach the end, Molly. We've reached the end of this season of Riverdale. And what an end it was. It is not their fault that this episode didn't go anywhere and that it's in the middle of telling a story that it picks up on none of the plot that was established last week. It's kind of great. It's almost like we were watching it completely. other television show from the one we watched last week. I got to be honest, I really enjoyed this episode.

Me too. This is the thing, is that I'm like it. The last episode, remember when I, you know, I came around, realized that I liked it. This episode, it's a great episode. We also have, we got to give big ups because Alice Cooper, I always forget how to properly say her name. Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Madchkin Amick. Magic and Amic?

Marcus! It was always Marcus and knew how to properly say it because of Twin Peaks. I love her, I love her. She also directed this episode. I'm throwing it out there. She did a great job directing this episode. This was the episode that I most enjoyed of the entire season, except for apparently what was this season of Jason Blossom's reanimated corpse,

which I still don't believe was actually the season. So ever since, let's say ever since, whenever that happened, this was by far the best episode because it felt like real Riverdale shit where the stakes were high within the context of high school. It was all about prom and like antics, you know, and it was like, yes, there was still murder. Yes, there was still spookiness.

But it was just like some kids doing some dumb kid shit. And that was what was so nice about it. It came back to the good old days. And yes, we were talking about. talking about episode 19, which is called killing Mr. Honey and Mr. Holden Honey, the principal. We were talking about this last week. He deserves to be killed. But apparently, I will say, Riverdale did a bit of a floppy do on us, where we really thought we had it in the bag that Principal Honey was a bad person. And in this episode, we find out that maybe he's not

a bad person. Yeah. But I feel like I'm not convinced. No, this is one of those Riverdale things. Despite me enjoying this episode, it still makes no fucking sense in the context of the rest of the season. If this was a standalone episode, I'd be like, yeah, you could watch Riverdale and enjoy it.

Like, but in the last episode, we saw Holden Honey standing in the Blue Velvet video room being like, uh-oh, all of my, I'm a big, I have all these entries in a ledger of all my visits to the sex room. And then this episode, they're just like, oh, he's actually a really good person. So maybe if COVID hadn't happened and the season would have gone on, we would have seen that his nice letter about Jughead was actually a fake because ain't no way he's a good person. You are completely correct. There ain't no way that he's a good person. And also now that I'm realizing this, this episode was exactly what we thought the entire Stonewall Prep storyline.

was. So this episode, it starts off. So, you know, you know how they do with college when college will just randomly send you a letter saying, hey, you got in because you know what? Turns out, Mr. Man, you're a great writer. Months and months and months and months after you probably should have already been accepted into said college. And, but you have to write, run more crazy tale, Jughead. So Jughead writes the story of killing principal Honey. So while he is writing the story about killing Principal Honey, it is going back to back with the actual occurrences of what is

happening in the present day. So in present day, see, the other reason why I loved this episode is that the gang is finally back and fighting something together. Exactly. Yes. It's Cheryl. It's Veronica. It's Archie. It's Jughead. It's Betty. And it's Reggie. All going up against Principal Honey. And so of course, Originally, they're like, oh, which was very weird and uncomfortable. Betty's like, because the yearbook, Principal Honey decides that he won't accept putting up the yearbook two days late that Betty's been working so hard on. She's like, we should kill Mr. Honey, which big jump, girl.

You got to be careful with saying those kinds of things when you're in the quad of your high school. And everyone's like, we shouldn't kill Mr. Honey. but instead we should glue his ass to his seat and his principal's chair. Very fun. But what does Jughead do, he decides to write the what-if story using all of their real names.

What if we did kill Mr. Honey? Yeah. I don't think any college would appreciate that. I'm fairly sure. There are so many things that have already come up that I want to address. One of which is that I totally thought that the thing that was going to have,

happened in this episode was that he was going to write this whole fictional story about them all killing Mr. Honey using all their real names. And of course, it was just the fantasy. But then at the end, his draft, his paper would be gone and it would have been like taken and used against them. That would have been fun, but that didn't happen. I'm surprised that didn't happen. Yeah, they really were setting us up for it. But then the other thing, just before I forget, is that it was so fucking weird. They're trying to do this thing with Dark Betty.

They've been trying to make Dark Betty happen for four seasons. It's not really happening. And like, so Betty's just sitting there with her friends in the fucking kids lounge or whatever being like,

we could kill him. And I love Lily Reinhardt, but like, it was like, that was so, it was such an annoying. She was just like, we could just waterboard him with maple syrup and just kill him.

But she has this like kind of sexy little coy smile and they're all like. How do you wave of safe? I know exactly what you were talking about because I was like, why am I not on her side? Because I'm usually on her side. That's exactly what it was.

What if we waterboard? You know what it is? Is that she was saying it as if she was sucking on a lollipop and staring into somebody's eyes she was trying to fuck. Yes, she was like, well, we could always take him to the cabin. And it was this like, I was like,

Molly is being seductive with her shoulders right now. I was like, truly, trying to figure out what that, what was happening in that scene because, like, was that supposed to, I was like, oh, this is a dark Betty episode? Is she going to be like, no, I mean it. Let's kill him. No, it wasn't that. They were all like, oh, you're just joking around. But it's one of those things where it's like, no, but Riverdale, you just spent the whole, like, last four years. And I think even part of this season being like, Betty's secretly a serial killer. So it's like, yeah, remember serial killer jeans. That was also the beginning of this season. I thought that might have been this season.

So it's like, it's just such a fucking Riverdale thing to be like, oh, we're going to invest all this character development, do shit with it. And then come back later and just like half-ass reference. Like she wasn't actually calling for his murder. So it wasn't that, which would have been in line with some of her character development. But it also was like such a weird thing to joke about and have everybody else be like, yeah, we could kill him. But instead, let's glue his ass to a chair. Because after all, we're just high school kids. We're just zany, zzany zanies.

But can I say MVP's of the episode goes out to those shirtless firemen that pulled principal honey out of his principal's office? Hello, mama me. I'm going to start gluing my ass to things. Oh, excuse me, Mr. Fireman. You come, you get my ass off this chair. Ooh, it got too juicy. Now it's stuck to the chair. In another life, Molly, in another life.

Also, why did he just cut his pants off? They didn't need to take him out of the chair. Take his pants off! I mean, I guess you can't do that as a principle. But you call, you just, there's so many ways to do this. So he's publicly humiliated because they glued his hand to the telephone and his ass to the chair. But I just don't believe in this fucking. martyrdom he is setting up of like, oh me, oh me, I'm not a bad principle.

I just was trying to get the kids. I don't fucking trust you, Mr. Honey. I don't trust you. No, no. You can't, again, there's such a Riverdale thing to be like, oh, we're going to spend 30 episodes making you think that this guy is evil. And then it just turns out it was something totally different that we never laid any groundwork for and never did any foreshadowing of.

No. And so now, so, all right, at least thank Christ. They are back to the VHS tapes that they started out this season with. So as we know, Jughead and Betty are working with the FBI, looking through all the VHS tapes, trying to see where all these tapes are coming from. So you remember, last week, they got the reenactment of Betty hitting Archie in the head with a rock and they're wearing these creepy masks. And at the end of last episode, they had the other one where they were reenacting the murder of Jason Blossom. But I think that they're actually killing people. Now, these videos are legitimately creepy.

They are. I think that they are still doing a very good job with it. Yeah. However, if you think about it. So Principal Honey, right, is trying to cancel prom. This is their big thing that they have against him, that he has been using his power all year to cancel prom officially. But on top of that,

he's also been going from school to school, canceling proms for years. Who gives a fuck? Is it something that he, like, is it like a werewolf, except it has to do with dancing? Like if he hears teenagers dancing, does he become a werewolf and try to eat his own penis off? Is this what's going on in his head?

Yeah, this is another thing where it was just like a seed planted and just absolutely left to die. It was like, oh, he has a pattern. He's a serial prom counselor. But then at the end, they're like, oh, it turns out he's nice because he wrote a letter for Jughead to a program,

which I believe is only a graduate program. I have questions about the Jughead going to the University of Iowa for the Iowa Writers Workshop, which is a graduate program. Maybe I'm wrong, and it's also an undergraduate program. But he wrote a nice letter. Turns out Principal Honey,

wrote a letter being like, Mr. Jones deserves a chance. And like you said, the way that college admissions work in Riverdale is that a university, perhaps in this case, a graduate school, sends you a letter, just call or calls you, and just says, we want you. Oh, you mean when Dina Lundham calls? Because Dina Lundham from the administration's coordination department of the University of Iowa, which then, in looking at the recap, realized it. It's a reference to Lena Dunham, but why?

Did Lena Dunham go to the Iowa Writers Workshop? Maybe. But what I do know is that they, for some fucking reason, I don't mean to get, I don't know why I'm getting so angry about it. I just got mad about it because there are times when they can do these silly things. They're like, oh, Riverdale, but I just didn't like it. It's like, I guess I see what you're doing, but I don't. I hate you, Riverdale.

I hate you, but I love you. God, I'm just turning my 15-year-old self again. It sounds like maybe girls, the show, which I have never watched, and perhaps you have also never watched, did some shit about the Iowa Writers Workshop. So that might be the Lena Dunham reference. Ah, good, good, good. You know what, man, Riverdale, you are good at being convoluted. A convoluted prize goes to Riverdale this year,

and it will every single year until it stops, Speaking of not living anymore, let's get back to Principal Honey. I hate his face. I fucking hate his face. I hate how he looks. I wish that he would just smile for a second because I think he could possibly be an attractive man. If he just stops scowling all the time. I thought he was kind of cute when they were trying to kill him in the fantasy and he loses his glasses.

I thought he looked a little bit cute without his glasses. For sure. And he definitely looks like a villain. He looks like the bad boy. villain in almost every movie. Actually, it reminds me of this is, I mean, this, it reminds me of the bad dude boyfriend in son-in-law. That's not Polly Shore.

And if you watch Sun-in-law, you know exactly whom I'm talking about. But that's another story for another day. So, all right, we've got these two storylines happening. So one of them is they glue Principallani to the chair and then they realize, oh, that's not enough because he comes into the high school. with a video. Now, this creeps me out. I feel like more should happen or more should be done. Now, how much of the town of Riverdale at large knows about the VHS tapes and what has been going on? So I guess a good amount of them do because so many people have been getting the VHS tapes.

But what Principal Honey didn't realize when he was making his own tape. So last week, we thought that he was the one making the VHS tapes. But now apparently, or was he doing it to get them off his trail, he comes in with a creepy. So they get prom turned back on, right? Because all the parents come in. Oh, we do have to talk about that. I was going to say, that was the best part of the episode. Hands down, that was the best part of the episode. Because what do?

So Principal Hadi decides that all of the, the prom will be turned back on. Okay, we'll have prom. Okay, they'll be invited. Cheryl's all excited. And that was, wait, was that before or after the Mommy and Daddy Brigade? The Mommy and Daddy Brigade come because the kids complain to them, which honestly should happen more often in Riverdale because that's just realistic. Especially somebody like Marotica and then, awesomely. Whose both mother and father have been the mayor of Riverdale.

Yes. And all the parents who, like, like, let's be honest, they're the hottest ones in town. And it's really who the people want. And so they're all like, yes, our children. And they come and march up to Honey and demand that he reinstate prom. And Alice threatens to write an expose about it. And everybody threatens them.

Mary Andrews is like, I'm a lawyer. And Hiram is like, I'm the mayor. And then FP is just like, I'm the muscle. And also Kevin's dad. Oh, my God. when he's like, and what are you going to come at me for when Principal Honey said that? Oh, to Sheriff Daddy and FP Daddy. And they both said, we're the muscle.

Oh, he's going and make him do things. I want to watch that tape. It was great because it was hot and it was fun. Like Riverdale needs to be hot and fun and only hot and fun. I don't want anything more than hot and fun. Maybe a fun literary voiceover from Jughead, yes. But I don't need this whole thing about his, oh, I reworked the story because I'm working. Jughead, it does not seem like Jughead as a writer as much as he is a journaler chronicling his own life, which is good, because it is a very interesting and riveting life full of death for a teenager.

Oh, it is. But he just writes down things that actually happen. or in this case his fantasy about killing Mr. Honey. Right. So the daddy and mommy brigade come. He reinstates prom. And then they have a big party. It pops with a fun cheers from FP who says,

My boy, got to be the first one to go to college. And all the parents are like, we're so proud of you. And it was very sweet and revelatory. Yes. But then that's the thing, is that this whole season is supposed to be a lead up to their end of senior year. And we don't get to see any of it. I know. We don't get to see the prom.

We don't get to see anything. I feel like we're akin to all the children that are not having their own graduations this year. Honestly, I had the same exact thought. I was like, not even Riverdale gets a prom. Nobody gets it. Nobody gets any closure this year. But we're not talking about that right now. We're talking about murdering the principal.

Because while all that is going on and Mommy and Daddy Brigade come in, you know what? I am a fucking sucker for winter. Whenever they do the slow motion walk. Me too. You know, the like, oh, like ridiculous dumb pop music. They're like, we were born to die. And they're just like, der, and it's all sexy and slow.

I'm a sucker for it. It works for me every fucking time. They could do it three times an episode. It starts on their feet and then it zooms up and you're like, who are these bad bitches? Oh, it's Archie's mom, Veronica's mom and Betty's mom. I love it. I love everything about it.

And I think it did happen three times this episode. I believe there were three slow walks in this episode. Now, it's something I do appreciate of what Alice Cooper was doing. I'm going to keep calling her Alice Cooper because I'm bad at saying her real life name, even though she's just so amazing and so perfect. And that's on me, and I'm completely aware of that, is that Alice Cooper did a great job of distinguishing between what is actually happening in real life and what is happening in the story.

I thought that it was great. Different moods were happening. It was a lot more handheld camera usage. So you can see when it was reality versus what was being written. So in the writing, in the rightman's chair, what is happening is that all of them kidnap Principal Honey, they maple board him, which also got to throw this out there. Maple boarding has to be so much worse than waterboarding. Yeah.

Right? I think I got to say two things. one of which is that it might be too soon for a waterboarding, you know, laugh. No, it's great. It's hilarious, Molly. It might be too soon to have a waterboarding romp in Riverdale. And, yes, absolutely agree. Waterboarding somebody with maple syrup is got to be much more dangerous.

Maybe, I don't know. It's a very dangerous activity. I feel like that is actually just, that is just murder. It's so thick. It's so thick. How are you supposed to get it? Like, how he's supposed to breathe? Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of, it's a strange turn that Riverdale takes whenever they do this because you're just like, wait, waterboarding. Like, it's like, I never expect to hear the word waterboarding on Riverdale. And yet it happens once a season. It's also never my first go to. I feel like this has been their first go. That's like the first go to, like for the third time, we're like, you know, we gotta do. Maple board them. Yeah. And they say it as if like, oh, I want to do a cannonball into the pool. You know? We're nose people don't usually choose that so often. the cuff. But you know, it's Riverdale,

babies, it's Riverdale. I got it, Molly. It's Riverdale. It's Riverdale. So Reggie's just punching him in the face and punching him in the face. After they have kidnapped him in the back of Betty, beautiful Betty, which if you remember is Reggie's car.

So they take him out to the cabin where Hermione Lodge was sleeping with fucking gorgeous Sheriff Mineta. before she killed him. Totally forgot about that, by the way. Oh, God, so sexy.

They take him out there, they tie him to a chair, and Cheryl is supposed to be watching him because they're taking turns watching him. When they come back to check on him, Cheryl is gone, which she had already left, and they find Principal Honey dead on the floor. Not something they ever explained, by the way, in the entire episode, they never explain in the fantasy

how he actually died. No, because you just see him on the floor. He's not out of his restraints. He's just dead. So then it follows the aftermath. And Reggie loses his mind because all of them, when I do love the question, who here is experience in getting rid of a dead body? And the only person that didn't raise his hand was Reggie.

I love that. And Reggie, which I love that. When he looked around, it was just like, what have you guys been doing? Why do you guys know? So they dig a grave. They bury him. But this whole time they couldn't find his glasses. So Reggie starts losing his mind.

Tell, Tell, Tell, Heart. He knows that he killed somebody and he can't handle it. He's starting fights at school. And then they find his glass. They find Principal Honey's glasses. So they start investigating. And then what happens? Reggie dies an unfortunate accidental death.

In his car. And it was obviously Jughead and Betty who killed him. So this is again in the story. Right. So this is Jughead's submission to. question mark graduate school. And he is just writing out there at murder fantasy. And in the fantasy, they're all like,

oh, we got to take out Reggie because he knows. And then Veronica has kind of some conscious nervousness about it. And then they're all like, fuck off, Veronica. And so the moral of the story is, we were the monsters the whole time. Right. And that is what, because Betty kept saying, he should write a monster story.

And so they are the monsters. Good boy. And yeah. Anytime I can get a weakest link reference in there I do. Yes. Now my day is complete. I didn't realize what I was missing, Molly. I am perfect.

But not as perfect. as this episode was. That's not true. We all know that's not true. So, that's the story within the story. But then what happens in the real life story is that after Principal Honey turns prom back on,

yes, I'm thinking of it as a big sexy prom switch. After he turned it back on and after the Mommy and Daddy Brigade came in, then he was like, oh no, we have to turn it back off. I just got this VH. S tape. So remember, we saw him in the Blue Velvet Suite. He's aware of all of these snuff films that are going around in Riverdale. So he goes through and does like an hours long videotape recording every inch of Riverdale High School. And he's like, well, someone was in here in the middle of the night, left this tape. It's dangerous. We can't have a prom. Prom is officially definitely canceled.

And what do they find? Which I don't think that this was a mistake. mistake, Molly Neffel. They do, what they find is that he accidentally, quote unquote, films himself in the mirror making the tape. Yeah. So of course, of course, Betty's like, let me watch the tape, and of course you see his reflection in the mirror filming it. And I think they're exactly right.

I think that had this season been able to continue, we would have found out that he totally revealed himself on purpose. it's also part of some big plan. There is some reason why he's obsessed with canceling prom. I have to believe that that is a seed they planted on purpose. I have to. Please. I cannot live in a world where he's just a serial prom cancler and made an hour-long video.

Made an hour-long fucking snuff film emulation video without the snuff just to cancel prom and there is no bigger secret to him than that. Turns out he's actually a good, Guy, please. Like, that can't be it. I'm sorry, I said it's good, but this makes no sense. No, that part makes no sense, especially after it's like, come on, guys. We have seen, remember when we were, remember reanimated corpse?

Remember, you know, doll with a poltergeist aside of it? Remember a cult where they were stealing, essentially the souls of people that lived in Riverdale and harvesting their organs? And then now it's just actually the principal is nicer than you thought he was. It's like, no. No. I won't accept it. No.

No. And I think you're right. He had to have made that tape on purpose. He's the most frequent customer of the shady, burdery, snuff film David Lynch video store. Yes. He knows not to show himself on the tape. Yes. So he thinks that there is mood to the store.

And I guess that we will hear about it next year. Because what ends up happening to Principal Honey is that it's not like he's murdered. He's not even said to jail. He's just now he's the head. Now he's the head of Stonewall Prep. See, this is what made me mad. Is that I want to be rid of Stonewall Prep. I don't want them in our lives anymore.

But now we know that they're going to come back. Yeah. But everyone's going to be graduated from high school. So what the fuck do I care what a bunch of college kids think about the high school prep school that none of them even went to except for Jughead? who's going to be at the Iowa Writers Workshop. Please scrap the season. Because Principal Honey sent a letter to them and said,

he's a good kid. He's a good kid. You should give him a shot. Pretty sure that's not what gets you into college. But it essentially didn't even say anything necessarily that great. It was just like, he's been through a lot. Give him a shot. Sure, that is nice.

And after reading this, so the secretary, after they get Honey fired, The secretary comes out and she's like, I've worked at the school for 50 years, and he's the best principal we've ever had. The graduation rates are rough. Who gives a fuck? There hasn't been any murders fair. And Mr. Jones, you might be interested in this letter that he wrote for you. And so then Jughead reads the letter and he's like, oh, he wrote something nice about me. I got to go change my story.

At which point, he changes his story to an absolute shit story where everybody does the right thing at the beginning. That's not a story. And who cares? You're not a writer. If you think that that's how stories work, you just have to change your account of your fantasy to be a story where everybody does the right thing, like five minutes in? What the fuck? Just because you feel guilty?

Wait, I just, I'm having a revelation, Molly. I'm having a revelation as we talk about this. All right. Sorry, I don't mean to skip past this or skip ahead. But what ends up happening is they get a tape, right? They get a tape in the end. We're like, everything's going to be okay. They get a tape at the end, and it's of the cabin that they were going to bring in the story, Principal Honey to, right?

And it's the same cabin. So they decide now, even though it doesn't really make any sense, that Jughead and Betty are like, oh, this is telling us that we need to go to the cabin right now. So they go to the cabin and inside of the cabin, which also, again, legitimately fucking creepy. Definitely. It's where there was a murder that obviously people, one or maybe multiple people are living inside of said cabin. It's filled with trash. But there's also a bare mattress on the floor. And there's a bed sheet hanging on the wall.

And then there's that projector without film in there. There's also a television and a VHS tape. Now the VHS tape, they start to watch it and they realize that it is a remaking. And I believe in actual, a note. actual snuff film of people in all of their different archie character masks, stabbing a man tied to a chair with a Mr. Honey mask on to death. I'm just starting to realize this. That has to be, do you think, or maybe this is Craig,

that this is all tying back in with the tickle factory? I was not expecting you to say that. What did you think I was going to say? I don't know. I was like, ooh, yeah, all right. We're like, what's, how does it all tie together? And I was not expecting it to bring the tickle factory. The tickle factory.

They didn't even bring up the tickle factory this episode. Remember the bad guys? We didn't even talk about the Malloy's didn't exist in this episode. But the bad boy tickler towns also are there where are they living and where are they making their creepy underbelly. Maybe the fetish VHS tape thing is going to be the next big thing that they were moving into where Riverdale is turning into like a fetish town underground that is possibly killing people to make stuff films for sexual gratification. Or a town full of murder and mayhem and secrets and fetishes. Secret sex fetishes. Because why was there the mattress on the floor or who is living there?

Is it Principal Honey that's living there? I don't know. Because it is spooky. Like you said, the cabin is spooky. The tapes are spooky. The masks are spooky. The characters of masks of just regular-ass people who live in town. I'll have these creepy masks of them, like cartoon, you know, style.

So like how Archie looks in the Archie Comics. But all of them, it's creepy, creepy, creepy. But let's think, though, this was a fantasy that Betty articulated to, I'm not trying to not agree with your proposal that it could be the tickle factory people. I like it. You know I was just jamming. I haven't thought about this beforehand.

It's got my gears going because I'm like, this was, in order for this film to exist, a murder of principal honey at the cabin by this group of six people, the only people who know about that, I guess would be all six of the kids, but really only Betty and Jughead know about it because he wrote a story,

but in the world, in the logic of Riverdale, we can assume that probably all six kids know about it because they all talked about it in the, you know, in the kids lounge. But does Charles FBI know about it? Does Charles FBI know about it? That's a good question. That may be left the tape to get them to go to that cabin. Yeah, that's a good question.

Maybe he's been living there because we don't know where he's been living. Because, you know, I would rather have it be Charles than the Tickle Factory guys only because it feels a little bit more satisfying to have it be a character that we've been invested in rather than these fucking tickle goons who've only been around for a couple episodes. Unless it's Chip. Unless

Chip has gotten out of prison or run away from prison and has been holed up there and has been the one making the tapes because I know that we've brought this back around before but it could be Chip possibly working together with Evelyn Ever Never to harass the town.

And for what? reason we don't know. Who knows sexual gratification? I think everything in Riverdale comes back to sexual gratification. I've been right from the start technically. Technically, I've been sexually gratified

throughout this entire show. So maybe that's what it was. It was the sexual fetishes we gained along the way. That's where the friendship and the good entertainment lie. This is it.

Molly. This is it. This is the end of the fucking season. Remember the end of last year? I please make it a wash. I beg you. I beg you do a season two of Friday night lights. Please, please, please, please, please. Can we start over again last year? You guys, you know what? We all know they're not 17 years old. Can we just start again at the beginning of senior year? Yeah, start again at the beginning of senior year. Let's just pretend it was a COVID probably, even though the problem's long preceded COVID, but be like, oh, whoops, that season really didn't get to finish. Uh-oh, we'll just pretend it never happened and we'll do it again and we'll keep some of the cool stuff and get rid of everything else.

I'm fine. But also, but the only thing keep in is keep all that break in the fourth wall. I loved it when Kevin made the joke about Jughead and Archie having a prom fan fiction together. I like the breaking of the fourth wall. I think it's a lot. Even when I forgot what when Betty said something about he's like, I gotta go, I gotta go work on the yearbook, he's like, that's the most high school thing you've said all year. And, you know, I like the fourth wall breaking.

Yeah, I love self-aware Riverdale. I love self-referential Riverdale. Like, I love, like, I just want them to do exactly what they do, and I want them to do about like 50% less of what they've been doing. Pretty much. What do we do, Molly? I think we just have we have to we have to

I think we gotta give some sacrifices to the Riverdale gods I don't know what I'm gonna sacrifice yet I don't want to sacrifice my little Kiwi bird but I will if I have to we need to do something we need to do some sort of ritual we gotta get Riverdale back I don't know I think that there is

whatever happens in the future is gonna be we're gonna be in a different world the society in Riverdale it's gonna be a a new world and I have faith that they're not going to make us watch these fucking people be in college. They can't. They got to be in Riverdale.

Give us an extension. I don't even want, I don't think they should even have shows about high school kids where they get past senior year. I think they should just, it should be like peanuts where they're always children. I'm fine with that, that or it ends. Yeah.

That's where it ends. Right. Or it ends. Don't follow them. It's a different or, or they all go to Riverdale Community College. Yes. That like maybe they get in trouble for something.

They all get sent to Riverdale Community College. I'm fine with that too. That's probably what'll happen. Because all episode, they kept saying, what about our futures? We can't be murderers of Mr. Honey in the alternate scenario where they're killing Mr. Honey.

They're like, we have to keep killing everyone else because it's our future. It's our future. I want to go to Yale, et cetera. So maybe that's what'll happen. Maybe they'll be like, uh-oh. Now we're all punished and we have to stay in Riverdale forever.

Well, for now we will continue our own self-inflicted punishment throughout the summer because this is it. We're not going to be back, guys, until next season. We're not going to be back until next season. It's going to be not until September. You know what? See you in September.

Wake me up when September begins again. I'm doing a different one. Wake me up on September ends. You are speaking to my guidelineer heart, baby. B. We love you guys. And, um, you know, I, please be safe. Be well. Don't think about Riverdale too hard. Don't worry. If you haven't watched this season, it comes out, I believe it's May 17th. It'll be on Netflix. I don't think I'm going to be watching it again, but maybe I will be. I might watch the beginning apart just so I can see Molly. I was right about the reanimated

corpse. I believe you. I have been thinking about rewatching season one though, because I want to remember why I fell in love with you. Not you. You have to remember. Sometimes you got to do that just like, you know, how you definitely should have a baby to save a marriage. You should definitely go back and rewatch the beginning of Riverdale to remember why you loved it.

We love you guys so much. And we'll see it. We'll see it a couple of months. We'll see in a couple of months. Oh my God. I can't wait. Honestly, I can't wait to see what happens next. Life is going to be so different by September.

I promise, Molly. I promise. Everything will be better, even Riverdale. Even Riverdale. It has to be. It has to be. It's the best part about hitting an all-time low. Only going up, guys.

We're only going up. We love you, we love you, and we'll see you soon. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support. our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.