Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 12: Between God & Gucci

Episode Date: April 5, 2018

Arm wrestling! A secret gay hookup tunnel! Getting chased by nuns! All this and more in the latest and hottest Riverdale Roundup. Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey! goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Patreon subscribers get even more Riverdale hatchi matchis www.patreon.com/page7podcast Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

Oh, gay. Oh my God. This episode, I mean, I think the hottest episode yet. If we're talking like straight up hotness, yeah, this was by far the hottest episode of Riverdale that there has ever been. Really?

Oh, yeah. Okay, so I have to start off this Riverdale with a confession, which is I think appropriate since Cheryl is at a nunnery. I come to confess my sins, which is I totally thought that I had watched Riverdale this week. And somehow I hadn't. I blamed the pregnancy. Oh, go ahead.

Oh, soon you're going to be blaming the baby, but now you're blaming the pregnancy. Oh, no, now it's inside me. Because I remember Cheryl going off to the nunnery and being like, okay, all right, gay conversion. And when we started talking about it and I was like, wait a minute, this doesn't sound familiar. So this week's Riverdale Roundup is going to be special for me because basically I'm going to live it through your two, eyes, which is going to be really interesting and trippy. All right, well, let's start out. Let's

just go ahead and tell you what happened as far as the caged heat went. Caged heat. I also missed the fact that they called it caged heat. It's so sad. Caged heat was an old series of softcore porn movies about women in prison together.

God, I fucking, ooh, now I want to watch that. So Titi figures out And by the way, we did find out, we did find out Titi's real name. How sexy is her name, though? Antoinette DePaz. Ooh. So her, Josie, and Veronica go to the Blossom House so they can figure out what's going on.

Where did Cheryl go? Because they know she didn't go to Switzerland. Witserland to a private girl school. So they sit down. And what does Mrs. Blossom do but drop the bombshell on Josie that Cheryl had been drawing a little bit of Yowie art, a little bit of fan fiction of Cheryl and Josie in an embrace? Uh-huh. Where did that bitch find the time to go through Cheryl's shit to find that picture?

Thank you very much. She was drawing like smut of Cheryl. Cheryl was drawing like fanfic porn of her and Josie making out? Not smut. It was more like them in a loving embrace. Okay. It was definitely a more romantic picture. Okay.

Definitely a more romantic picture. So they finally brought in the whole Josie Cheryl thing with the pig heart kind of. They alluded to the pig heart a little bit like, she sent me a pig heart. I'm so freaked out. I'm glad we've been waiting for that plotline to come. But in the same time, did Cheryl put the pig heart in there? I don't think that she did. I don't think that she did.

And it also, it kind of felt like they created this whole gay conversion storyline just to explain away that plot line. They were like, oh, shit, we have a whole fucking thread hanging out that we need to tie off. Gerald's gay. So Josie freaks out. She's like, I'm not, I'm out. I'm not going to be a part of this. I'm freaked out because Cheryl is obsessed with me. It's so.

But also why? You know what? I thought that was quite a fault in her character, by the way. Give me a break. You know, it's like people have crushes on people all the time. You know how many times I would write Mrs. Jackie, whatever the last name I'm obsessed with? It's like every time you have your fucking flavor of the week, give me a break. She had a crush on you.

Who cares? Yeah. Yeah, that's annoying. And also, Josie is like, you know, a little micro celebrity in high school. So if people have crushes on her, then that's even more to be expected. It's not a weird thing at all. Josie grossly overreacted. Yes, a little homophobic, Josie.

Oh, very much so. So they go back to school and they don't know what to do. But then, as TT is in class, she gets a call over the intercom that says, you have a phone call. And that's when we find out her name. Antoinette DePaz, you have a phone call. What I find so interesting is that Nana had thrown herself out of her non-wheelchair, dragged herself to a phone so that she could call, not the police, of two people trying to kill people, she called the high school to talk to Cheryl's lesbian

crush about what's going on with Cheryl. Nana is a lifesaver throughout this series, honestly. She's like the, she's really the unsung hero of Riverdale. She's the lucky old bird. Thank God she survived that fall. She did survive the fall, although it was a hard fall. She fell really hard on that floor. But she made it there.

And so she finally talks to Titi. She's like, it's grandmother Blossom. It's like, Cheryl is with the sisters of. And then that's when Claudia shows up and cuts the cord. Dun, dun, dun! Oh, shit. Yeah. And so after that, Titi goes.

back and talks to Veronica and Veronica gets the idea like, oh, I don't know what the sisters mean, but I know who might. So they go to Kevin. Let's go find the only other gay person in this neighborhood. And that gay must know where all the gays get shipped to. The gay boy knows about the non-convent conversion therapy for girls. And the gay boy not only knew where they sent all the other gay boys and girls, but he also knew of a secret gay hole that led out of the convent to where all the gays hooked up. That's a great gay network. That's so ridiculous to me that there was, there's an escape hatch.

So, okay, so what essentially is that there is an escape hatch at this gay conversion nunnery that also takes orphans that people go to fuck, and what do they just go back into the gay conversion camp? It sounds like that's exactly what they do. They just sneak back in after hooking up in the forest. Remember when Kevin was going to that hookup spot back when the black hood was running around? Yeah, and I liked that because I was

like, oh, they're doing cruising. That's cool. And apparently those forests are also filled with boys trying to escape the gay conversion therapy content. Fucking in tunnels. Yeah, the question of why they would then go back through the tunnel to the torture place is

an interesting one. Oh, yeah. And they definitely show like what they do in the actual gay conversion therapy center they uh what they do is they they have movie night and movie night is like old 50 styles like well we see our two boys here walking along the river side and then one of it's like kevin and moose because shirrell apparently watches the vim the movies and imagines her friends in the situations so the movie suddenly turns to kevin and moose walking along the river it's like yeah man i could really go for a swim right now, but, you know, I didn't bring my swim trucks. It's like the most gay porn thing that you could imagine.

It's like, well, you know, we don't really need swim trunks. You know, we could just, I guess we could just skinny dip. Wow. Yeah. Which is sexy, but also what I find very interesting that a huge part about, um, of gay conversion in the ideology of Riverdale is taking big sacks of heavy things and moving them from one side of the room to the other. That's all Cheryl is doing.

She's in a dirty basement moving sacks of, what is it, mead, I don't know, cornmeal, flour, rice, from back and forth to the sides of this fucking room. And that's how they're converting her through hard blue collar, or what is that? Is that white collar? Blue collar labor, yeah. They are apparently, they're trying to exhaust her. And they're doing this. Yes, they're trying to work the gay out of her. I'm not quite sure how that works,

but that's what they were trying to do. Also, I did forget, though, that before, the line that Veronica said, when T.T. goes to her asking for her help, she goes, between God and Gucci, I hope Cheryl's safe wherever she is. That is a good Veronica line. That's real Veronica shit.

So the girls figure up a plan. They're going to go rescue Cheryl, and they put on the sexiest outfits possible to do it. Why? Just for fun? Are they in a disguise? Funzies. Okay. All right. But it's for funzies. Okay, great. I was worried you were going to be like

they dressed up like they were gay or something like to try to sneak in. It was very like S&M-esque clothing. Okay. All right. Just sexy. Well, T.T. kept, you know, her fishnets and, you know, the low-cut shirts and all that. Yes, please. And, you know, the belly shirts and all that with her leather jacket. And she wore a Southside Serpins jacket, of course. Uh-huh.

Of course. But Veronica, Veronica dressed in this skin-tight black body suit that had a cutout where her cleavage is. And she was wearing a very loose-fitting bra, let's say. Let's just say that Veronica running was quite fun to watch. Really? Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. And she's your faith.

She ran a lot. She ran a lot in that episode. episode. So they... What I love, though, is that once they're inside of the gay conversion nunnery, they're just like... After they go through the gay hole. They're just like walking around this place going, Cheryl! Cheryl!

So the gay intel from Kevin only got them so far. We only got them through the hole. And that's the dumb thing. Yeah, because they get in and they go like, okay, we've got to be quiet. We go from room to room. and then we see which one she's in and then we keep searching until we find her and then yeah they just walk in and start going

Cheryl! Cheryl! Great Cheryl! And then of course Cheryl is in movie night. And so Titi runs in while screaming shows. Cheryl, are you in here? And then Cheryl sees her. Goes Titi?

Well, I don't think she said Titi. She didn't say Titi, which made me very sad, but I really wish she had. Also, you know what? Marcus, she was exhausted from moving those bags from one end of the room to the other. And so Cheryl stands up and she runs to where Titi is. She's who Titi's standing in front of the projector

that's showing the anti-gay movie. And they kiss. They kiss. They share a loving embrace and a loving kiss. It lasts a long time. But it's not, it's not exploitative. and it's not meant to be like sexy or anything like that. It's very sweet kiss.

It's like the embrace of two reunited lovers. It's a hero's kiss too because it's like Titi just saved the shit out of her. To the extent that they'll be able to get her out, which... And they got her out after a chase scene involving a bunch of nuns. Oh, fun. Oh, my God. What a great episode. It's a great episode.

This is only part of the episode, Mom. Yeah, this is only part. Yeah, this is only just what's going on. on in this plot line. Wow. Yeah, we haven't even got to Archie's dumb shit act and this episode.

You know how many times I wrote, shut up Archie in my notes while watching it? I wrote it so many times. Oh, my God. What about the prison? Again, with him in the prison. Oh, it doesn't stop.

And so what happens is they get away from the nuns and they run through the gay hole and then they close the door and they put the crowbar through the door and it's like there's a bunch of nuns on the other end like bashing at it. And then they run off into the darkness.

And then the next day, Cheryl just goes to school. She's at school. She's at school being Cheryl again, too. Like not even like a step happened. Oh, no, no. And she's wearing Cheryl clothes and, you know, she's got full makeup on and all of that. And then how she celebrates it is Kevin is putting up the,

he's putting up the audition list for Carrie the musical, which Kevin is, of course, directing. Good timing. Uh-huh. And then Cheryl goes up and says, cancel the auditions for Carrie. I'm obviously Riverdale High's Carrie. And I'm going to burn this school to the ground. Which is awesome.

But also, you really can't threaten those things in schools anymore. And I don't know if she's aware of that. But also, yeah, bitch, burn that shit to the ground. Yeah. She's going to burn it to the ground, like, in her excellence as Carrie, or, like, actually, she's going to burn it to the ground. I think in her excellence is Carrie. And she doesn't actually say,

to burn it to the ground. She said, and this school's going to burn. I see. Which is a much better line. Also, technically she is the opposite of the role of Carrie, but you know, that's a whole other bullshit. Oh, she's fully the opposite. If we really wanted to get like Riverdale's carry, we'd go for Ethel. Yeah, exactly. Like, Ethel would be the right choice here, but no. Well, get up. Plug it up. Actually, mine and Carly's first date was going seeing Carrie. Midnight showing. Oh, that's nice.

But it definitely would be Ethel, though. True, although one of the things I like about Riverdale is that they don't really, for as much as they have, like, teen drama, Ethel doesn't really get bullied that much, right? Like, in the first season, when she needs help, like, all the girls are, like, there for her. And I really like that about, like, that they're not just, like, automatically, like, girls are always horrible bitches.

Like, like, I really like that they were like, yeah, everybody, like, totally has solidarity with Ethel, even though she's obviously, like, Dorky The loser It really seems like the popular kids The hot kids fight with each other a lot more Yeah they don't they don't lash out to like lower

Status groups Although I would imagine Reggie probably gets up to some bad shit behind the scenes Probably But to be honest that tracks with my In my high school experience like all the drama that I had was within Kind of like equally low status friend groups You know like popular kids didn't give a shit about it us like we they they had their own shit and we had our own shit and it wasn't like it wasn't like

say by the bell or how I thought high school was where it's like a very high status person picks on a very low status person for no reason I'm sure that that does happen in some schools but with with I feel like it's it's much more likely to be kind of like within your little micro community you know oh yeah so what plot line do we want to go for next do we want to go for the archie plot line or the betty plot line because both are pretty juicy are archie less so I think we should start with the Archie also. I think we should go down the Archie class president line because also apparently Reggie and Josie are also in this election for some reason and why are they working

together? Reggie and Josie. Yeah, Reggie and Josie are running mates. In Josie's betrayal of Veronica, she went to, even though they say that women's suffrage song. After that, she's going to go to. She's not even at the top of the ticket. Yeah, that's silly.

Josie is not impressing me in this episode No, she's very upsetting in this episode Really regressive Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Well, Josie's, they really fucked up Josie in the second season Like they've made her a character to hate And giving her the worst song she's ever sung

Episode before last To not help things at all Yeah I miss the other pussycats too I miss who was that really hot one That Archie was dating for a while Yeah, I can't remember her name either But it started with a V but it wasn't

Veronica. Valerie? Valerie. She was so beautiful. I miss her. Yeah, I miss her too. But don't worry, if you were wondering how Reggie and Archie were going to figure out who got the vote of the sports teams, don't worry. They have an arm wrestling match.

Please, Jackie. It's the bulldog vote. I'm sorry, it's the bulldog. Is that the wrestling vote? That's the wrestling team vote. Because there's a lot of jockeying for votes here. I mean, you've got to think about the Bulldog vote. The serpent vote is very much in play in this election.

Oh, it's very controversial. I kind of like how they're approaching it like unions. Like how, like, you know, if you're running for governor in New York, you need to be like, well, you know, I obviously have the 1099 vote. You know, like, I feel like they're like to win without the wobblies. Like that you need to get certain caucuses in the high school. I think that's kind of nice. Yeah, so that plot line starts with a debate. where there is, you know, Archie and Veronica.

And by the way, we totally missed that Archie is Veronica's running mate in this whole thing. Did we even talk about that? That totally flew past me last episode. Did they say it last episode? Because I feel like they did it. Because when I saw him on stage, I was like, what? I thought that when you said that that, that did sound familiar to me. Like maybe towards the end of the episode, he was like, I've got your back, Ronnie or something.

But a lot of times when Archie talks, he just kind of takes. He just kind of tune out. That's the thing. It's just like whatever you're saying is dumb, you know? Yes. And Archie continues the dumbness because, like, it's in the, this is a high school student council debate. And what does Archie bring up? Just guess.

The prison. The prison. Of course he had to bring it up in the high school presidential debate. She just shoehorns it in everything. Well, it's because they are influencing municipal policy at the high school levels. So to some extent, that does make sense. Well, we did find out that the president of the student council gets a seat on the school board. Oh.

So that's why all the sophomores are running. Not old enough to vote, but old enough to govern. So that goes okay. But then the serpents, the swords and serpents. Is it serpent and sword or swords and serpents? I think it's swords and serpents, but I can't really remember. Yeah, what's Jughead? One of them.

But it's not a serpent club. Don't worry about it. I think it's called like Swords and Snakes, isn't it? I can't remember. It's something really... So, of course, they all have a meeting to see, like, you know, of course you're going to vote for Jughead, but Betty's on the ticket.

And remember, Alice Cooper is serpent enemy number one. Serpent enemy number one. Why is she serpent enemy number one? Because she left the serpent. serpents and has been spending years maligning them in the Riverdale register. That's right. And Betty is the daughter of the number one serpent turncoat.

Oh, the turncoat's daughter is what Sweet P referred to her as. Yeah, Sweet P. goes a little over the edge on this one, because he's the one that keeps like, as long as she's your running mate, you're not going to get the serpent vote, Jughead. And Jughead's at the meeting? Jughead's at the meeting. Oh, yeah. So is Betty.

Because he usually loves those meetings. Yeah, Betty's also there. Betty's at the meeting. Well, good for her. You got a campaign. Because there's that. I have spent so much time and I have done so much to help the serpents over the years. Or over the years, over the last eight, six to eight months. That's also my favorite part too. She goes to Alice Cooper and gives her like a piece of paper and Alice Cooper's like, what's this?

And she's like, I need you to sign it. It's a release so that I can get a serpent tattoo. It's a release? What? It's a permission slip. So she can get a tattoo. Did she ever end up getting the tattoo? I don't think she did.

She has it in this episode, but I mean now, well, we haven't even gotten to that part yet. But I think now Alice is probably going to allow her to do it. Molly. What happened? Well, we got to wait. We got to wait. Okay, okay, okay. I'm like jumping in my seat.

So we can't get it because that story. So at this point, that storyline kind of pop. pops off over into a jughead Betty storyline. So let's stay on Archie storyline for a second. Okay. So a couple of guys named Lenny and Carl. Which is interesting because that's definitely the two characters from the Simpsons. Yes, yes.

Lenny Koalski and Carl Martin show up and they want a 25% cut of the prison. This is mob-related. Mob-related. Yeah, they show up and they're talking to hire them on saying, and we want a 25% cut. The thing is that Hiram Lodge, all of his guys from Montreal, ever since Papa Putin kicked it,

his people in Montreal have abandoned him. So pretty much all Hiram has to depend on is his two goons and his teenager. His teenage boy. The teenage boy who swore him a blood oath on his journal. But don't you worry, once Carl and what was it,

Martin? Carl and Lenny. Carl and Lenny, once they, you know, propose this to him, Archie stands up in front of Hiram at this Italian restaurant. I think they were kind of trying to be godfather with it, although Hiram is obviously Hispanic. Yeah. And not only like an Italian restaurant, but they've got the godfather like mandolin music playing in the background where it's just like super cheesy. It's like, all right, all right, I get it. I get it. They're Italian. It's a mob thing. Settle down. Which actually makes me wonder why Hiram is involved with all of them.

If you think about it, like if this is the Italian mafia, they wouldn't have anything to do with Hiram Lodge, right? And why is his name Lodge? Yeah, that's true. Mihal never understand. But Archie comes up like in front of him, he's like, don't underestimate Mr. Lodge or me. What are you fucking talking about, dude? What do you do? He's like, I threaten people.

I've done these things And Hiram's like looking at him like What the fuck you doing kid? This is out of the time Shut up Archie Shut up Archie You're running for fucking student council right now little boy Yeah

And so Archie starts lifting listing off like the mean things That he's done And it's pretty much I beat up a rich kid I chased a guy through the forest And I survived a serial killer And so finally

Linny and Carl Someone finally laughed at Archie. Finally. It feels really good. Because it's ridiculous. Because it's ridiculous. And afterwards,

Hiram was with him in the parking lot. It's like, Archie, that was a real mad dog move there. Like, you need to settle down. Oh, he tells him like too much.

You need to settle down. That was an, Archie, that was a real mad dog move. I mean, maybe Hiram should stop inviting him to his fireplace and treating him

like he's his number one fucking man. Oh, you can't even imagine what happens, Molly. Oh, man. Oh, God. So the families come, the two guys, Lenny and Carl came back and they're like, we're still going to take it. Because now at this point, like Archie, and then after that, I forgot about this,

after that, one of Hiram's goons beats up Andre and puts Andre in the hospital. So at that point... Wait, no, wait, Marcus, it wasn't just any goon. It was FBI agent Andrew. What, Andrews? Oh, no. Adams? Adams.

Ed Anderson. It was A. Adams. He's another turncoat. But he works for Hiram. He works for Hiram, but not anymore. Now he's working for Lenny and Carl. Oh. And so it's just Hiram and Archie.

That's it. That's this powerful, very rich, extremely rich man, fantastically rich man who could easily afford to hire some goons to hire some muscle all of a sudden it's just him and a 16 year old boy and so Archie

fucking Archie is like hey Mr. Lodge don't worry I got this he is a wrestler Marcus no but that was the whole thing is that like a high room was like I'm just going to give in I'm going to give him the 25% like it's just going to make things easier

I'm going to do it he's like wait I've got another idea Oh my God What are you talking about But what's his idea Marcus What does he fucking do Marcus? The same thing he did last time He goes to Reggie and he's like

Alright I know I know you lost in the arm wrestling match But when you if you help me in this You can have the Bulldog vote Which is crazy to just give that up like that Because Archie's really sacrificing something here you know. So what he does? What else?

He's sabotaging Veronica. Who's running me? Well, you know, but it's all for the greater good. It's for the family. So what does Archie do but resurrect? His old crew. The dark circle! No.

No. Oh, no. Not a bunch of teenagers and masks. No. They're back? They're back. They are back in full. force. To take on the organized

mafia. To take on armed people with guns. Like a lot of guns. A mafia. Armed mafia mobsters. Wow. So Hiram's supposed to meet the mafia at the Italian restaurant. Again.

But then the waiter comes in and says, I'm so sorry but Mr. Lodge is not able to make it. But he tells you to go out and check on your car. Which has to be Archie's move. It's like, how are we going to get him outside? I don't know.

Tell him so long his car. Tell him a chick on the car. Oh, God. And so the guys go outside and then suddenly the dark circle comes rushing around the corner with their masks on, holding their melee weapons, their crowbars and chains. And they say, out of here. Yeah, we are keeping Riverdale safe. And then the car explodes. What? Did the dark circle wire the car? I guess all these

teenagers know how to fucking wire, like wire a car for explosives because all of Andre's, all of Hiram's A team was all in the hospital or betrayed him. So that means that someone wired the car to explode. And so did it work? Did Letty and Carl get the fuck out of town? Well, that's the thing. It's a short-term solution. Uh-huh. Yeah. They don't have a long-term one yet.

Yeah, that's not how violence within the mafia works. But at the end, what does Hiram do but give Archie a new car? Dig-g-g-g-gig-gig-gig-gig-gig! I don't get it. I don't, I mean, you know, I guess that's for his, is allegiance. Yeah, is allegiance. And I believe he also pretty much told Archie at the end of it, you're my daughter's bodyguard now.

Yes. I really feel like the tire of an Archie relationship has gone too far and I feel like Fred is going to be like where'd this new car come from?

Well, Fred has his own problems. There's a whole other thing. Yeah, because like Molly Ringwald comes in and you know she confronts Archie and says like hey your dad's going to be he's going to be announcing his run for mayor here real soon

so you need to show up, you need to be there and Archie's like yeah, I'm going to be there. I'm definitely. going to be there because she says, I don't know who you are anymore, Archie. Because nobody knows who Archie is anymore. He's a mom. I don't think Archie knows who Archie is, to be honest. I'm a prison. I don't know what. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know what the problem is.

And so, of course, Archie doesn't show up because he's helping hire a mage. And Fred is, of course, heartbroken. I'll bet. Don't worry because I think that Fred had a great announcement speech because he got Jughead. to write it for him. So he's good to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was very awkward when Archie came downstairs and Jughead was in the kitchen, helping out Fred with the speech.

Well, Archie's hanging out with somebody else's dad. Somebody else, some other kitchen hang out with Archie's dad. That's only fair. It's only fair. So that's Archie's plot. So let's get back to the Betty Thread. Close it out with Betty? Please.

Please. Does her darkness appear? Kind of. Well, to start off with, they find the car in the river. Because there's apparently some dude who likes to troll the swamp for abandoned cars and scrap metal. Even though FP put it in the river and was like, there, it's taken care of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was a Jughead and Betty that put it in the river.

Oh, you're right, you're right, right. FP buried the body. FP buried the body. So they're trying to figure out like who's, you know, like what do they know? What do the cops know? So Jughead and Betty, they pump Kevin for information and pops. Kevin is really useful in this episode. Kevin is very, Kevin's full of helpful information in this episode.

He knows all the things, man. He's an epicenter. Yeah, he really is. So he tells him, it's like, well, the owner of the car came and picked it up. They're like, oh, my God. Who's the owner of the car? Who's the owner of the car? I don't know.

Could it possibly have been one of the people that Betty called in the middle of pops from the dead man's phone? Yes, you're right. Yes, it was. What was her name again? Darla. The one who was like, who answered the phone. Who answered the phone, yes. So apparently the guy they killed, who they keep referring to as the shady man.

Yeah, the shady man, you know. Who from henceforth shall be known as the shady man. Yeah. So they figure out that the shady man stole the car from Darla. And so Chick, for some reason, decides he's going to help. And what does Chick do but make it worse? Because Darla figures out what went on. And so Darla goes to the Cooper's house.

Darla shows up and is like, I know it. what's going on. So if you want me to keep quiet, because she's like pretty methed out, if you want me to keep quiet, I could probably keep quiet for $10,000. But the bank isn't open, so she stays the night in their house,

drinking coffee, hanging out with them. She asked if they had any board games to play. So the next morning, Betty goes to the bank. Because they have a, apparently her and Alice have a joint account. Like, so there should be no problem with you withdrawing the money.

And so they let this 16-year-old girl withdraw $10,000 from an account with no problems at all. No problems. But then Alice calls her up and says, Betty, don't come home because the guy that chick, that tried to slash chick with the box cutter, the guy, the manager of the hotel. That Betty Maste, I remember. That Betty Mace. He just showed up at the house and started eating their snacks. He started eating all the chips. When they come back to the house, there's like a bottle of cheese whiz out, like they ate all the snacks in the house.

A lot of intimidation going on in the Cooper house. Oh, very much so. And so Betty comes back. But who did she bring with her? Another bunch of teenagers, perhaps? The South Sad Serpent. Oh! Yeah.

Shake the snake never. Stretch it's scour! Sketch driver's stretch! Yeah, because Darla and the dude are like, oh, we could get used to this lifestyle. We ain't going nowhere. And that's when Jughead kicked in the door, and he and a bunch of other teenagers with switchblades came in

and said, yeah, you're not going to take out of us. So you better get out. I love that there's two teen mobs in this episode. Oh, yeah. Problem with that is, I wonder what Jughead told his friends that those people were. doing at the house. Good question.

How much information do these teenagers now know? And why was the guy from the hotel there? Unrelated to the murder or somehow related to them? I guess Darla called him. Darley, yeah, I think they were friends. They were friends. I think they were friends. And they also talked about the car being found once again openly in pops.

But see, I think that jugged because at the end of the day, they all have to be there for each other. I think he went to them as like, hey, I need your help. You know, I think that was more a serpent thing than any. You know, I feel like that's, you know, just like, yeah, it's their gang mentality. Yeah. And I think he could probably explain it away by saying like, yeah, chick, he's gotten into some trouble. And so we need to get these people out of here. Uh-huh.

But my favorite part of the episode is with, oh, sexy Alice Cooper, baby. Sexy, sexy. So she is now on the side of the serpents because the serpents just came in and saved them. Uh-huh. Good. And does she? Oh, my God. The transformation of Alice Cooper, back to snake.

She's got this, she puts on the dark makeup again, and she's got this multi-colored rainbow, like, not fluorescent, but what is it, like, not translucent, when it's like, like, it looks like a snake's skin, but, like, shiny shirt on. And where does she go, Marcus? She goes straight into the arms of FP. Really?

But nothing happened. she shows up in the trailer, knocks on the door, he opens it up, looks at her smiles, lets her in. And I don't know why I was so fucking turned on, took the gum out of his mouth and threw it out the front door. Like he was going to go, like,

eat her out for the next 30 minutes. Oh, my God. But, of course, before she did that, she had to take care of chick. Their son together. Well, we don't know. I still think so. We don't know yet.

And Alice finally told him, you got to go. Really? You got to go. He said this is the second time you put our lives in danger. You got to go and you're not spending another night under this roof. And so now Betty's moving back in. Yeah. And now Betty's moving back in.

But you know what I realized, Chick has never really done anything wrong. He fucked up. Yes. He did fuck up by going. getting Darla but he never actually did anything wrong he was a little creepy yeah definitely but he did never do anything or did he do that as a thing against betty though like did he know what he was doing i don't think so i think he was genuinely trying to help because he knew he was on thin ice i think he was genuinely trying to help but uh no he's just a lifelong fuck up where's he gonna go i don't

know back to the hotel i don't know but he can't go back to the hotel because that's where the guy is Right. Where did the homeless in Riverdale go? Wow. To the prison. Archie swoops in and he's like this. I got a great solution for you, Jake. We've got this private prison thing that we're working on,

I think it's going to be really great. This episode was fantastic. Yes, it was. Oh, man. Now I'm going to watch it, and it's going to be all the better because I'm going to have your guys' narrative, like, juxtaposed with it in my mind. Yep.

Secret gay hookup tunnel. That's still my thing. my favorite. Wow, what an epic episode. It was a very epic episode. And they actually, they handled the gay conversion stuff well. And they, they did it in one episode. They got in and they got out before they gave themselves enough rope to hayden themselves with. Great. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. It was very good. But where is Cheryl going to live? At Titi's? Well, I don't know if Cheryl's going to be quite down with the Southside lifestyle. I don't think so either. Maybe Cheryl and chick she's going to play us together.

Although, technically she's going to come into all that money, though, right? Yeah, I guess if she survives. As long as they don't kill her. Yeah, as long as as Claudius has no idea where to find. But on the other hand, she is at school every day. So they do know to find her there. Yeah, she can't get too far, really. So she can't even drive yet.

So actually, wait, isn't that a thing? How are they driving? They're all 15. Oh, they're 16. They're 16. Yeah, yeah. They're all 16. Yeah, sophomore year, I guess.

I guess in the second half of their sophomore year. Yeah. Yeah, because it's not football season anymore. Yeah. It's not a wrestling season. Oh, it's always wrestling season in Riverdale. Over these two seasons, we've gone from fall to winter. It's been a long year.

It really, God, it has been a long year. You know what? It just took us, it took us as an episode length to describe this episode. It's so great, though. So great. I can't wait for you to watch it, Molly. And I'm, but now I think we're on hiatus, right? No, no, no, no.

We're not on hiatus at all. In fact, there's no more hiatuses left until the end of the season. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I know me neither. We'll go back to watching episode or season one. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, and this week, though, I don't know, this week is the Carrie the musical week.

Uh-oh. So I don't know if anything's going to actually happen. I don't know. Or maybe a lot will happen behind the scenes of the musical, Marcus. Maybe. I just hope they don't do one of those episodes. Because no one ever likes musical episodes of the shows. No one ever likes those.

No. There's like a small chance it could be a lot of fun, but the odds are not in their favor. No, their odds are not in their favor at all. Ooh, aren't you going to be in the play? Definitely. I think everybody has to be. The only one I know is. that Colesprout, a Jughead refuses to sing, so we know he's not in it.

They all have an infinite amount of time to do extra crew of their activities in addition to city government activities. It's been a long time since Archie's done any homework. I will say that. Or gone to school. I don't think I've seen Archie in a class in a long time. Yeah, or like eating dinner with his family or anything. No, no, I don't think he eats.

What's going on? He's got too much. He's got to make sure this prison gets off the ground. Because if Archie doesn't support the prison, who will? Who will? He's Hiram's only man. Well, we'll be back next week with Chapter 31, a night to remember. We'll see if we actually have anything to talk about.

If it's just a musical, maybe we'll just critique it. I'm into that, too. Yeah, we can definitely do that. And this will also give me an opportunity to talk about the John Travolta doll that I bought in Indiana. Great. Yay! I can't wait to hear about that.

Yes, please. Hell yeah. We'll talk to you guys next week. We got, oh, man, I'm going to be, I imagine we'll sing a lot next week. Yeah, we could definitely sing our way through it. Yeah, probably. All right, bye, bye.

Bye.