Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 15: Canned Meat

Episode Date: May 13, 2018

Jackie and Marcus get into double trouble as they recap the past two Riverdale episodes. Patreon Subscribers get even more Jackie drooling over Jughead. https://www.patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Father's Day this weekend, but my daddies are hard and they are hot. Well, the thing is that we were going to record just talking about last week's episode. But God damn, this week's episode, it was too much for us. So we have to talk about both. I just, I can't. I can't control myself with everything that happened this week. I can't believe how much happened in one episode. How?

How did they do it? How did they get it all in? I don't understand. I don't either. We're going to be talking about Chapter 33, Shadow of a Doubt, and Chapter 34,

Judgment Night. Because I got to say, honestly, the week before, it had me, I felt it was lacking. There was a lot of problems with the episode before this one.

There were a fair amount of problems. I don't know. I liked it enough. I liked it okay. I mean, I always love it for sure. But I think my main problem was like right up from the top,

I was like, were Hal's eyes always alien green? Do you notice how it went in and out, where every time it would show his eyes, it's like they were glowing like he was made out of slime? Well, actually, there might be a reason for that, especially considering what happened last episode. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm just glad that of all of the dancing I did because of how right I was did not go for nothing. Well, I guess, like, let's start, let's start early on with a shadow of a doubt with the contest between Hermione and Fred. Fred.

I was just like, because I'm getting both of the episodes mixed up. I was like, Hiram, Veronica. I mean, a lot has happened. A lot has happened in two episodes. So, so much happened. So Archie's going out and he's campaigning for his father. And so Hiram confronts him about it and says, My spies tell me you're campaigning for your father.

What spies? What spies? But also my favorite is that Archie's reply was like, no, no, no, no. I'm just looking into the eyes of men, try and find the black hood. So that's how you're spending your time. You're going door to door, just staring into men's eyes. And of course, now it's time to reform the dark circle. I am so sick of the dark circle.

It's so ridiculous. And the fact, so not only he reformed the dark circle, they became Hiram's minions. And then overall, Archie lost control and then Reggie got to the head of it. Is that because he was running for school president? Which also, remember how that was such a big thing? And now that doesn't matter anymore? I think they suspended the elections. Oh, okay.

In light of the 17-year-old girl getting murdered at the school musical, I think they suspended elections. that they could get a whole thing work out. I love it so much. And then there was the whole, man, they really went after Fangs, didn't they? Oh my God, Fang's Fogarty. How many times in the last two episodes

have we heard the name Fangs Fogarty? Especially when Principal Weatherby went over the announcements was like, can Fangs report to the office? It's like, that can't possibly be his real name. I know it's a serpent name, but it can't possibly be his real name. No, it can't possible. I mean, I guess they still say Jughead Jones, please report to the office.

Yeah, I guess that's true. But he's Jughead. He's everything. Yeah. That is true. But yes, fangs foggity, because I remember thinking, they're like, yeah, a midge was seeing another guy. It was a serpent. Fangs.

And everyone's like, fangs. Oh, my God. It was fangs. And I'm like, who the fuck is fangs? What do you mean? It was fangs. Like, they're talking like it's a fucking main character. It's like, it's a fucking main character.

I don't remember fangs. No, all I know is that he was the assistant director of the musical. And even then everyone had to tell us that after we did our last Riverdale Roundup, I didn't realize who it was. Yeah, I didn't realize who it was either because he didn't say anything. No, he was just too busy bopping midge all over the place before she got shink shanked and throwing up on the wall. Also, since it's been like since kind of last episode sort of, you know, erased the one before. Like, do you remember when someone said canned meat?

Yes, I actually wrote that down. That he was trying to sell Ronnie canned meat as a side hustle for mobsters. But also, I love that she's trying to get into a casino as her side mobster hustle. It's like they're already trying to build a prison. Can't we just leave it at the prison? Do you really just want to destroy this town? So it's like, oh, we got a prison. Nets.

Let's put a casino in there. Yeah, let's make this whole a den of sin, which also, speaking of sinners, why was the Black Hood going after Fred so hard? I don't know. I mean, because it really all it was, and did he even fuck Hermione Lodge, or did they just make out in his truck once? Are you referring to the October surprise? They just made out in the truck once.

And then, of course, I mean, the whole thing, you know, because Veronica's talking to all of. Veronica, what did she call herself the rare mafia princess? That was just, I just can't. She just, was she, I actually like where Ronnie is now going because for a while I wasn't liking her. But this now, this whole thing is a lot of fun. I love it. So she's meeting all of the younger mafia boss sons to see what deal they were. want to do. And yes, that's what it was. It was one of the guys was like, so we can make canned meat.

We can make a canning company. It's like, get out of here. What are you talking about? A canter. What kind of criminal are you where you want to get in a canning? I guess there's a lot of business to do with it, you know, out in the middle of nowhere, get that spam out. You know, it's almost like Hawaii in Riverdale. So she eventually goes for the casino. But of course, in the background the whole time is Papa Poutine's son. Small fry. Which I got to say small fry was much bigger than Papa Poutine. Oh, well, Papa Poutine was pretty big, but small fry, ooh, small fry's big.

Man, and he was coming to get his bones, just like Archie. They're all got to make their bones with each other. And man, did Hermione step up to the place? My God, we'll get to that. I know, there's just so much. There's just so much. But we'll run through, shadow of a doubt. And I also forgot the coroner's name was Dr. Curdle.

He was. My favorite is when he called Betty on the phone. And it's just like, could the coroner sound any creepier? He's like, I've got a warm buddy for you, Mrs. Cooper. It's like, what is this, scream? At least sound friendly if you're going to be a coroner. And so Fangs gets arrested for, I know we're jumping all over the place.

I know. But Fangs gets arrested for Midge's murder for two reasons. One, he was seeing Midge. And two, he carries a knife. He's a gangmanger. Of course he carries a knife on him. They all have knives on them. I don't know why they have knives in school.

It does seem like they have knives. have a lot of knives in school. Yeah. But I mean, they do have a secret society that's not so secret for serpents when they weren't allowed to wear their skin anymore. So, you know. I forgot about swords and serpents. Swords and serpents, man. And when the bulldogs came in there looking for fangs. Oh yeah. Don't say, don't hang out with the bulldogs. You get fleas for me, bulldogs. You bet. Not like us, snakes, we never shed her skin except for when we're at school. But We got to. That's fine.

Their finger fangs are very, oh God, they make me smile every time. Oh, I love finger fangs. But, you know, I guess I'm going to say Archie, turned it around.

He's out. He did it. But he wasn't able to make his bones, though. I think he put that behind him when all of the, when the riots slowly started.

Well, it started, of course, with the dark circle and he's calling up Archie and be like yeah the dark circle they're setting dumpsters on fire and slashing slashing tires all over the South Side. Meanwhile Archie's just banging

Veronica in his bedroom but you know That's the great thing because finally fucking finally Veronica says like I'm not having anything to do like I want to he shows up she shows up at Fred and Archie's door and says Mr. Andrew's

I'd like to endorse you for mayor. And it's just like, and then Fred Andrews is like, thanks for the support. I'll go upstairs and fuck my son. Fuck my son, will you? While I'm downstairs? I know there's a serial killer on the loose, but you know, go make some fuck.

Oh, man. And then, of course, like Cheryl and Betty, they joined forces, which is an awesome fight, because I totally forgot they were cousins. I know, but then that's what I found weird is that I think almost every single line Cheryl said in this episode was like, cousin, never, Larry. Cousin, you look harrowed.

You've never called her cousin before. This has never been a thing. Is it just because your uncle is most likely a serial killer? Yes. And so they go over to Hal's apartment. You mean his share B&B, please? Yes. I'm very happy they got share B&B in there.

there one more time. One more time. You mean, and it's also his serial killer layer. Mm. And did you notice how many empty cans of spaghetti bits there were around? Yeah, it was a lot. Well, he's had, you know, Alice Cooper's just taken such good care of him for so long, you know? He can't handle it on his own.

He just has to eat cold spaghetti bits out of the can. Oh, so disgusting. With a spoon. Blyck. They went after him real hard, and I really love the Betty Sherry. tag team. Gotta say this arc, Cheryl,

how bad ass is she? Oh my God. Oh, with the hunting cape on? Oh, with the hunting cap. Yes, Cheryl,

she is getting to be my favorite for many different reasons. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. Except for the fact

when she said, let's get you to the popo to Betty. It's like, Cheryl, please, of all of the words you use, Never say popo.

Never say popo, Cheryl. Cheryl makes questionable vocal decisions sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she does. So they go back to the house and they go to Cheryl, Harold's Hal's share Airbnb and they find the Hardy Boys Codebook, or is it the Nancy Drew Code Book? Nancy Drew Code Book.

The Nancy Drew Code Book that was going on, that the Black Hood used to fool, or not fool, but to, you know, screw around with Betty oh so long ago. And so it just kind of keeps going and going and going and, you know, and Hal's like, meet me at my house, meet us at the house. And then that, the episode ends with the Black Hood at Cheryl's door. Dun, dun, done! With an axe, too, which was awesome.

And I said, like, I saw that, and I said, if they kill Cheryl, I am done with this show. I don't know what I would do if they killed Cheryl. However, I mean, the reason why I ended up watching the episode so fast because a lot of people reached out to me about the end of this week's episode, which we will get to. I know we will get to it. Right now, let's start in with Chapter 34, Judgment Night, possibly one of the best episodes of Riverdale there's ever been. I can't wait to watch it again. I'm going to watch it at least two more times this week.

I'm so excited about it. But also, can you imagine the lovemaking that's going to happen between T.T. and Cheryl when she showed up and saved her ass with that bow and arrow? Oh, my God. Oh, and we also forgot that fangs got shot at the end of the episode. They thought Reggie had done it. And then a riot started. Nobody cares about fangs. You know what?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got shot fangs, but it happens, man. You put your tongue where you shouldn't of, and that's how it goes. So, of course, the black hood attacks Cheryl, but Cheryl runs away, manages to grab her bow and arrow and her hunting hood. Kill you. And shoots the black hood with her bow and arrow, which makes him run away into the darkness. And he's a wounded animal now. And now he's got to keep killing, whatever that line was, and Cheryl said to Betty on the phone.

Which also, she took the time to call Betty, which I appreciated. I very much appreciate. I absolutely appreciate. Was it my dad? Well, he certainly had the waistline appropriate. Like, ooh, Cheryl, just can't turn it off for a second. Hell no, man. She's all shade, especially when she's got a bow and arrow in her hands.

Of course, so they think the whole Southside thinks that Reggie is the shooter because someone saw Reggie with the gun right beforehand. Of course, Archie knocked the gun out of Reggie's hand before he got the shot off. And it was revealed that the shooter was. Mitch's mother. Which, you know what? Makes sense. That at least makes sense.

Of all of the things that could have happened in Riverdale, that makes the most sense. Actually, that is the only thing that makes sense. Pretty much, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there was so many more things that happened in this episode that make absolutely no sense. So Penelope B body's back. Yeah.

With the goolies in tow. Which, surprisingly enough, all of the goolies got out of jail at the same time. They were able to round up all of their weapons, put on their face makeup, and then go help with the riots of Riverdale. Yes, and help with the riots of Riverdale and take advantage of the riots of Riverdale that started an hour before. I have to be open here, though. I can't remember why the goolies hate the serpents so much. Is it just a turf war? It's a turf war.

Yeah, it's turf thing. Yeah, yeah. No one like, because the gooies were selling all the jingles. jangle don't forget don't forget Jingle that there's still don't forget

there's still a very dangerous recreational drug circulating the streets of Fair Riverdale the town with Pep and now that who's going to have

to deal with it but what we didn't talk about this last episode is the new sheriff in town ah yes the new sheriff that suddenly replaced Sheriff Keller out of nowhere

They just took him from another town. Yeah. One thing I wanted to know, who started the riot? I mean, I guess, I think it all started right when he got out of prison. So I'm going to say it's the bulldogs' fault, right? Yeah, I think it's the bulldog fault. Yeah, I don't, or did the south side start the riot? Because it seemed like it was mostly northsiders,

because I remember seeing a sign at when Fangs was released that said, drain the north drain the south side swamp ah what south side swamp you know the whole thing oh oh it's all the swamp I got it I got it now I get it

it's a play it's play on current stuff events oh I understand politics is what you're saying yes yes yes the subtle political satire of Riverdale I love it so much so the new sheriff comes into town

and he is, I mean, he's strapping, but he's no Sheriff Keller, that's for sure. No, absolutely not. He's too young. He's not daddy enough. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, I'm just thinking, I keep replaying over and over again when the daddy car rolled up and Sheriff Keller, an FP, and Fred Andrews comes to rolling out of that car, I, like, had to stop because it was like a floodgate opened. It was like a damn broke within me where they came to save the day.

And it's like I knew I had every faith in the daddies of Riverdale to finally take care of the 16-year-olds that are in way over their head. And then Kevin just comes out with hot Riverdale dads to the rescue. And it's like, Jesus. Kevin, that's your dad's you. It's your own father. I mean, to be fair, his own father is the second sexiest daddy of. on Riverdale, but... Oh, yeah.

Well, okay, so you're putting F.P. Sheriff Keller, then Fred? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Hmm, interesting. Why? How do you rank them? I would actually rank Fred first. Wow.

Yeah, I would go Fred, FP, then Sheriff Keller. Wow. We have very differing opinions. You even would put Fred Andrews first, even though he got shot again? Neither time was his fault In both times he was diving in front of his son And that's why he's great

Because I think I actually think like my list is more like Who do I want my daddy to be? Fair enough, fair enough Who would I like to like live with? I'd like to live with Fred first Because Fred's, you know He's into, you know, he's down with it

He knows how to be a dad He's trying, you know FP, he'd be fun But you know, it's still kind of a hard life and Sheriff Keller, Sheriff Keller's fine. He's fine. I mean, he's definitely an alcoholic.

I think he's the only alcoholic of Riverdale. He's the only ones I ever see like actually getting drunk, you know? Yeah, and getting drunk a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know it's a hard job, Marcus, and he couldn't get the black hood behind bars. But the only one that could was Betty.

That's it, man. And Betty did it because we found out, yes, it is confirmed. The black hood is, Betty's father, Hal. I definitely got lost in the explanation of why he was the Black Hood, something, something, granddaddy, something, something, sinners, something, something, and then, like, when he started showing the home reel, like the home videos,

it was just like, what is happening here? Yeah, and why? Because, okay, okay, so it's Harold's mom that made the home video when Harold was a child. Yeah. And she made the home video of her. She made very hard evidence of her coaching her son to convince the guy that we thought who was the black could convince him when they were both children to say that it was somebody else entirely that killed his entire family. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Because it was Hal's grandfather who killed the. What were they? The Conways? The Conways, yeah. Kill the whole Conway family. Why? Because they were poor? Is that what it was?

And also, when they put on, and the kid starts talking, little Hal starts talking, and Alice goes, what is this? A snuff film? It's like, Jesus Christ, no, you don't know what a snuff film is, because that is your husband who is sitting right. next to you that is your husband as a child and if it was a snuff film he wouldn't be around wouldn't be around wouldn't be hanging out showing you a weird home video that his mother made why but also the reason why

he started the killing was because of betty's speech betty made a speech that riverdale has to be better remember because they had all did because she had found out He'd figured out all about the, you know, the dude killing the sun, the blossom affair. Yeah. Before that, everything in Riverdale was fantastic, but since then, it's all kind of gone to shit. I mean, it definitely has. There have been a lot of murders in Riverdale. The murder rate in Riverdale seems to have risen dramatically in the last eight to ten months.

Yeah. I mean, it's only been eight to ten months. months since this entire show started. The timeline has, yeah, I think it has been about eight months. It may even be shorter than that. Yeah, I think it might be. I think it's like four or five. I love this show so much.

So we finally got the Black Hood, but what I love, I think what I love so much about Riverdale is not only have they closed the door, but they opened up a window because there's also a there's a second black hood doppelganger killer as well that has not been addressed yet

not in this episode because the other black hood while Hal was confessing to Alice and Betty that he was the black hood the other black hood who is the one with the bright green eyes broke into the Andrews residence took a shot at Archie

Fred jumped the way, got shot again, but was still wearing the bulletproof vest that Sheriff Keller had given him earlier when they saved pops from the goolies. And why were the gooies attacking pops again? Because of the drag race? Because of the drag race? Because that's fun. I think it was sweet pee. There was sweet pee. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your drag race. It's like, shut up, sweet pee. I know you're hot, but you're definitely dumb. So, but also that's the same, the doppelganger black hood was the one that opened up with the assault rifle at the debate. Yes, yes, yes.

That wasn't how. But that black hood was going after, he was going after Hermione Lodge. Mm-hmm. Or at least that's how the Lodge family took it. I think so because, you know, the people are coming at the Lodge family left and right because it's time to bring back small fry. Small fry Oh wait, was it small fry? No, he didn't have green eyes.

No, it was not small fry But he did go after the Lodge family He showed up He killed Andre! He killed Andre! Oh my God, he killed Andre! And also, by the way, I do have to Speaking of Andre, we have to talk about

the moment at the beginning of the episode where Andre showed up at the Andrews house I'm like, all right, you've had your fuck. Come on home. Come on, come on. There's a serial killer out there. At least someone got her. At least someone brought her.

her home. You know what? Thank God for Andre. And now he's dead. May he rest in peace. Now Andre is dead after Small Frye showed up and said, you may know my father, Papa Putin. He was, I don't know if it was just the camera angles, but that man looked like he was seven feet tall. He may have been. I also liked to when he was going after Hermione and, um, and Veronica he bashed through the front door, but when they went into Hiram's little layer, they just put a chair in front of it, couldn't get through that.

That took him at least three minutes to get through while she found the gun. Yep, and she got the gun and pumped him full of bullets. But that was only after Veronica discovered the October surprise. The October surprise. You know, they are so bad at keeping secrets in that family. You don't keep a file. Like, I feel like my mom taught me that very young.

If you want something kept secret, don't put it in writing, right? Yeah, don't. And don't put it in writing, and especially don't put it in a folder labeled with what it is. October surprise. Don't put it. If you have an October surprise in which you're going to sell your wife up the river in order to destroy her opponent, don't put October surprise in huge bold letters on the cover of the folder. So what I was confused.

about is did was hermione what did she know about this plan or did she not she did she did she knew she knew yeah yeah she knew so how would that help her overall though if they were both mayoral candidates because jack it's a two-party system only two people are running so so basically what hiram is saying is that it's not Hermione's fault. It's Fred Andrews fault for being seduced by her because a woman has no control over their seduction. No, Fred is the family values

candidate while Hermione Lodge is the Law and Order candidate. Ah, yes, yes. So it will hurt Fred more. So that's why I feel like the Blackhood, the second Blackhood, has to do with something about the mayorial election. Has to. Right?

Has to possibly, I would say, very possibly hired by Hiram Lodge. Because Hiram Lodge is very fond of hiring goons. He's very, he's all over the place, man. He's got too many goons to spread out. Got real goon saturation there in Riverdale. And he's the one that brought back Penelope Peabody. Yeah. Oh my God.

Can we talk about it yet? Well, not quite, not quite. Not quite. Not quiet. And then also, in speaking of Hiram's reach, he came back and he's like, don't worry,

I got Small Fry and Andre tagged as riot victims. It's like, how many people died in the riot? In the riots? Where like two dudes are going to get lost in the fucking shuffle. But especially when, when Veronica was in the car with Andre, when they were going through,

like it looked like, It was like the LA riots. Like, what happened? Yeah, what happened? Yeah, and also, these are the, this, we finally found out that the last riots were in 1979. Insane. What were they so mad about in 1979 that they had a riot? I mean, I imagine it has something to do with the Native American slash serpent land that was taken from the people of the south side.

Quite possibly. And also, I have to talk about Alice. is her brilliant plan to distract Hal while Betty grabbed the fireplace poker. But I just like, well, Hal, I can't say I'm surprised. Man, she dug into me. She went into roast mode. Your father can't do anything right, not even be a serial killer. Man, she, I love Alice Cooper so fucking much.

I love her so much. I'm so sad they didn't murder him, though. I thought they were going to beat his head in with the shovel. Yeah. Well, no, they're going to, well, they're going to have to bring him back, like, time and time again, where they're going to, she's going to go and visit him in the jail. And it's like, Betty, you don't even know what kind of a sinner you are. And when I get out of here, honor thy mother and father, oh, you've sinned.

Oh, man, she is, Betty is such a sinner. She's got the bad blood in her just like hell has in her. Is Betty going to become an actual murderer after this? I think Betty's going to kill the other black hood. I think Betty's going to kill the green-eyed black hood. For sure, man. Although, I don't know. Hal had those alien eyes every other scene he was in.

No, Hal only had the alien eyes when he was the Black Hood. And he couldn't have been the green-eyed guy because the green-eyed guy, he was in the, he was in the, he was showing Betty and Alice the creepy home videos while the green-eyed guy was at Archie and Fred's house. See, I wrote down that Hal's eyes looked alien green because up top of the first episode we were discussing when Betty was talking about it trying to fish around for evidence, for some reason his eyes were glowing. And I don't know. And I think it was just to like put you off from the scent of Hal. But, you know, it was a choice that the Riverdale writers made and I enjoyed it. I would say if there's one thing Riverdale writers are very fond of, it's telegraphing. they are they're pretty good at dropping big old hints god yeah but then sometimes they come and

they give you the they give you the swipe away though i like that they still went after hal though i'm glad that it wasn't another like we've already have too many woopment moments in this episode oh yeah and speaking to which what happened to uh good old what's his name uh Cheryl's uncle oh you mean Claudius the sailor. Claudius the sailor Yes, that's right I think that I imagine That's going to come back

Because what, there's one more episode Right, of the season I bet that Like there's no way That the blossoms Are not going to have shit to say

About this riot and everything What if the other black hood Is Claudius Dun Dunn Duh Could be Because after all

The Blossoms are A murderous family Yeah And they are going, and they don't have any power right now. And they got to get that power back. Cheryl's the only one with the power. So how are they going to get power through that? I mean, kill both of the people up for mayor.

And then run yourself. Right? Take over. Because then it's like, oh, the election's coming. What are we going to do? I don't think that they can kill off Hermione and Fred Andrews, though. This is not Game of Thrones. They're not going to just start killing.

This is a CW show. I don't remember. They're not going to start Keloff characters, and that brings us to Jughead. Don't! Don't! He's not dead. He's not dead.

Oh, my God. See, that's why I had to watch the episode, because which I really appreciate, guys, I was reached out to a lot on Twitter, asking if I was okay at the end of the episode, then finally I was like, something happened to Jughead. And so I had to watch the episode.

And I'm devastated. I'm devastated. stated they, man, those gooies are mean. So the whole thing is that the goolies and the serpents are going to be getting to a huge rumble, but the serpents are outnumbered and the ghoulies have better weapon. And of course, the one woman behind the goolies is Penny. Penelope, Peabody. Penelope. Is it Penny or Penelope?

Maybe it's Penny. I don't know. I think it's Penn. Maybe it's Penny. Oh, I'm thinking of Penelope Blossom. Ah, yes. So yes. Benny is the one that Archie and Jughead got into a fight with earlier this season or, yeah, it was earlier this season. It was this season. And Jughead and Jughead cut her, cut her serpent tattoo off and say, get out of town. So she returned with all of the goolies and put together the whole thing. Maybe was planning it that night.

Maybe the riot was just a good coincidence. But she showed up. I just realized, is that what Hiram was doing? Is that why he, like, got Penny Peabody and the goolies together is because he wants to get the prison installed? Like, he wants a prison up in there so that the more chaos that rains, the more it shows that they need a prison

to keep Riverdale in line. I just don't think any of them understand how law enforcement works. No, they don't. I'm just pretty, I just know they don't. I just know they don't. They're just, they just don't get it. You don't understand mobster life, Marcus. No, he gets it.

I'm just talking about the people of Riverdale, specifically those with intelligence levels comparable to Archies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Archie is a little rough, you know. Well, that's what happens when he has a teen copo running the mafia. So, you know, the serpents are about to go up against the goolies at dawn. but Jughead calls up In order to save them

Because Jughead's the only one that's against him Jughead calls up Hiram Lodge And also when did Jughead get Hiram Lodge's number? I mean, I think they all have each other's numbers At this point, you know? I think it was probably the episode

When he was taking all the maps of Riverdale With like red circles and red X's over everything Very true, very true And so he sacrifices himself in order to save the serpents. Because, admittedly, all of this is Jughead's fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, all of it is all four of their faults.

I mean, the four of them really are just little rap scallions for 16. They really aren't. They very much are. But remember when he called Betty, though, to say goodbye and how he always will love her? Oh, my God. That's when I started to well up with tears. And I was like, what's going to happen at Jughead? And when FP comes out with his body,

when he came out of the woods with his body. Also, how strong he is holding that. I mean, he is holding a 26-year-old man like he's like a tin can. A 26-year-old man that probably goes about 110 pounds. Yeah, but still, oh my God, how sexy, sexy. And sexy daddy's coming to the rescue. Limp, limp, limp, jugg-head with his arm hanging. down. F.P. crying

everybody crying, but they're not going to kill Jughead. They can't kill Jughead. They can't kill Jughead, but they can put him in the hospital for a long time. And they cut off his tattoo. Oh, yeah. They cut off his tattoo. Luckily, he's got a whole

other body to get another one on. I find it interesting, too. It's the same as with Cheryl's mom with all of the burns. It's like when they cut off Penny Peabody's tattoo, really healed up very well for a 16 year old cutting a tattoo off of her body

but the same with Juggett's tattoo it was like it was an actual just like a rectangle that they cut out that was completely clean it wasn't just like he would bleed out from that right nah

no he wouldn't bleed out maybe eventually oh okay like after a while after a while but it wouldn't as long as it didn't hit an artery he'd be he'd be good for a while that would take a long time

So he sacrificed himself and now the goolies are not going to fight the serpents? I guess? Because it seems like the serpents are going to go after the goleys now in revenge for Jughead anyway. Yeah. So it kind of seems like Jughead just got the hell beat out of him for nothing. Yeah, maybe because it's like his own Catholic guilt, which I understand. You know, he's not tithing. He better get in that ring, get slapped around by some goolies.

But at the same time, the serpent. although they are smaller in numbers, have the age. Like, I feel like they have a much better age range of men to come in and kick the shit out of a bunch of teenagers wearing makeup. I don't know, man. Ever since they sent a tall boy out of town, their strength kind of diminished a little.

Ooh, I wonder if tall boy's going to come back next episode. I bet tall boy's going to come back next episode. Because remember, FP said we've got reserves? Yes. It's going to be the war of the century. World War II, step out of the way. We've got the Gully versus Bulldog versus Serpent Riverdale War happening. It is upon us.

And that's where we'll pick back up next week. Next week is going to be the final episode of the season. Season finale time. Oh, my God. And also, I am going to be, I hope everyone else is also dreaming about Daddy Rescue for the rest of the week because I am horny for days for it now. And yes, we'll be back next week with Chapter 35, Brave New World. I love you, Jughead.

Written by Roberto Aguirsacasa, who is the best writer on Riverdale. Really? You know all the writers now? I know him because he wrote comic, I know him because he wrote comic books for a little while. He wrote a really great Fantastic Four series called Four, like back in like 2004, 2005. Okay. And he also, he wrote the pilot. and he wrote a lot of the great episodes. So, like, Aguire Sikasa is great.

I am so excited about it. It's great. It's fun. So much fun. And then we're going to be without Riverdale for, like, a year. I can't, I won't. I can't think about that yet. I just have to get through next week and make sure that Jughead is not going to be, like,

slow for the rest of his life because I can't get him. Although at the same time, I'd still kiss on him. Actually, technically, that would make it easier for me to get with him. Jesus. Is that bad? You're not supposed to say that? All right, I love you guys. Bye, everybody.