Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 23: I Speak For The Fallen

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

We catch up on the last two episodes and discuss Jelly Bean, syrup waterboards and a game born of madness. Grab your fizzle rocks and visit our Patreon page! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Intro song by Green Dreams www.greendreams.bandcamp.com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome back. We have got two episodes to cover, but let's just be honest here. The first episode from two weeks ago wasn't very good. I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to give it a... I think that's exactly what you should give it because it wasn't... I was pretty upset about how not good it was. Yeah. I was amazed at how terrible it was. Give it a want, want, wah. It was a filler episode that didn't really need to be a filler episode. Yeah, that's the thing. So I was, behind in life and I had to catch up on both of these two episodes back to back like yesterday. So they're fresh in my mind

and when I started I was like why were Jackie and Mark are so upset at this episode and really it just is not so bad if you go right to the next episode after it. Because it just sets up the next episode in which some shit happens which is cool. Yeah and it started off for some reason

it was little vignettes where it was like Archie and Jughead and then Veronica and then Betty. And nothing really happened to any of them. Like, okay, Archie had a little dalliance on a farm. And any time, and I knew that episode was going to suck as soon as they went to the farm. Because every television show or movie that goes to a farm, it sucks for the entire time that they're on the farm.

Well, especially the second he's like, I'm Archie. I'm on the run. He just like bored everything else. Like, come on, man. What are you doing, dude? Yeah. Archie's such a fucking idiot. Oh, I know I said 10 seconds ago that I'm.

this one guy's name, and actually I'm Archie, I'm a fugitive, I'm trying to hide from everybody, and I'm just telling you, because I trust you. Yeah. Oh, no, you cross me. Why do you trust it? Why do you trust her? Because you want to suck on her tities? That's all, the only reason why you trust her.

That's it. Yeah, that's it. And then what, meanwhile, like, jugheads in town, you know, in the abandoned town that's pretty much just like a couple little girls and, like, the little old lady on an armchair going, I don't want a beer Are you into here? And he learns that the town Has no men anymore?

The town has no men because they're all going to They're all in prison They're working on the prison But it's not really a prison It's a drug factor It's a fact because this is the episode Where they also reveal that Fizzle Rocks Has completely supplanted

had jingle jangle as the prominent drug in this universe. Jingle jangle can get fucked. Fizzle rocks are on the scene now. And also, I'm throwing it out there, fizzler rocks looks like a lot more fun. It looks like it's way more my jams than jingle jangle. Yeah, because jingle jangle just seems to be Molly, right? Yeah.

But jingle jingle jangle also seemed to have like the addiction problem of heroin. Yeah. It was like an opioid crisis, jingle jangle. Very small. Did anyone have a jingle? jangle addiction? I don't remember like a prolonged jingle jangle detox scene. Maybe, maybe I'm wrong. I guess I thought, we got to get him to rehab and get him of a jingle jangle. I guess I thought it was kind of devastating the town a la our kind of collective, you know, opioid

addiction. Yeah. Anxiety. Wasn't it for really even devastating the town is just like, Archie's acting a little goofy. Yeah. He's on jangle jangle jangle. Yeah, you're right. You're right. It was more like Molly. And then Fizzle Rock seems to be a mix of either acid or mushrooms. It seems like a cause this hallucination. I would say it's way more an acid than it is a mushrooms. I feel like it's especially with like all the visuals and everything and how like they're using it to technically brainwash a whole town of people, which awesome. Awesome job. I know, I mean, I know we're not at this last episode yet, but good job on it.

Because at the same time, although that I feel this was a fairly wasted episode because the whole Veronica thing with the casino, useless. No, nothing happened. Also, Veronica's emotional ability to swing from one thing to another. She's like, I'm devastated about my boyfriend, Archie. Okay, Reggie, let's throw a casino thing. We're going to make so much much.

She's a sociopath. Yes. She is 20 feet up Reggie's ass too. She wants that deep. real hard. She's 30 feet up Hiram Lodge's ass. What's wrong with her?

I can't remember if it was in that two weeks or this week's episode where she's like, maybe my daddy's not that bad. What the fuck is wrong with you, Veronica? Immediately because that was two weeks ago when she got the inside information from him that a dude

was going to come and try to fleece the casino and take the whole thing away. Yeah, he helped her. So he's like, maybe that's so bad because he helped me. And then Pop is like he decapitated somebody. And she's like, not only decapitated him,

but also cut off his hands and threw him in the river. The sheriff of the town. And then she's like, oh, maybe my daddy is bad. Meanwhile, the whole fucking reason your boyfriend is on the run

is because your dad inexplicably is obsessed with him. Yeah. Obsessed with him. And what's wrong with you, Veronica? Veronica might be usurping Archie as the stupidest character in this damn show.

I don't know. I don't know about that. Archie, might be the dumbest character ever written. I think he might be up there. Well, I want to launch right into the most recent episode. And I want to launch into something I had been hoping, I don't know, hoping what happened all three seasons.

I don't know why they took so long. Jelly Bean. Yeah. Jelly Bean's a great new character. Yeah, Jughead's sister. We heard about her for the first time in season one. And I was like, yeah, this show needs a kid sister. like a cool 12-year-old.

And finally, it has one, and I couldn't be happier. Yeah. Between her and Gladys Jones, what great new characters. I mean, brava, Riverdale. Yeah, so let me ask you. Is Gina Gershawn, is she drunk or is she playing that character drunk? I think she's drunk. I think she has to be drunk.

There's no way that she's not drunk. Because how else do you get that kind of swagger? without just like shulking down some gold slugger or something, you know? Just give me a second, boys, I'm going to take care of this. You go outside, I'm just going to take care of it. I'm loving it, man. I'm like, ooh, they got somebody who can like, is a perfect match for FP, like in terms of like sleazy, sexy, like good but bad parent at the same time.

But also, can we just say I would watch that tape? Yes, please. I would watch it all day long. When they hug in the parking lot. Oh, all right. Marown, my heart. I mean, but also, I don't mean to just back up real fast because we did not get to the Betty's section

of the previous episode that really ties into everything else that happens, which I think is the only good part of that episode was when she was given over to the Gargoyle Cave. True, true. That was good. At the very end where, you know, it's being, it's revealed because the Betty's section of the show is the only time in which the part Plott is actually advanced in any meaningful way.

Correct. Because Betty's at the sister's Quiet Mercy. And she sees Hiram Lodge showing up with Claudius. With Claudius Blossom. Oh, my God. Cloddy's Blossom. And because of that device you mentioned, Jackie, or no, Marcus, where it's all in these little finettes, she's narrating it. So she's like, what could be the connection between Claudius Blossom and Hyrum Lodge?

It turns out it's just the connection is just Fizzle Rocks. It's all guns, dude. It's always Fizzle Rocks. It's all coming back to Fizzle Rocks. So they're trying to force feed Betty Fizzle Rocks. And meanwhile, you know, Betty's now roommates with Ethel. Ethel, man, what is? You know what, Ethel finally stepping up?

Because she's been really pissing me off this season. Me too. I did finally this last episode, I started to feel okay again about Ethel because I was starting to get really pissed off in this episode two ones ago where I was like, they need to stop making Ethel so fucking pathetic. I really liked how when they introduced her in the first season, she was just like one of the girls.

She was like, yeah, these guys were like mean to me and everybody like stood with her and there was like solidarity. And like Ethel wasn't like a sad, pathetic, like loser. And they've gradually turned her into a sad pathetic loser. And that was like in the Betty section of two episodes ago. She was like, Jughead likes me. I'm with the king. The king is mine.

And then she's like, it's like really creepy and bad. But then finally in the most recent episode, Betty, like, gets to her and she unlocks her mind. She frees her from the hypnosis that the nuns are doing. And that's the thing about Betty is that I think Betty always works better when Betty's got a buddy. Yes. And when Betty's got a buddy, that's when she's at her best because she needs someone to kind of balance her out. And she's got a buddy now in Ethel because she made sure that Estelle got off. of the fizzle rocks.

I will say that was a badass move to lock her in with the gargoyle king until she came off of the fizzle rocks for her to stop her hallucinations. That was a badass move. And it was great because then Ethel became a real character again. Like Ethel had become a total

one dimensional caricature and then finally she was like oh my God, I've been high I thought that this was real. And then Betty responds with the line we all did because we were hot. on fizzle rocks.

Thank you. You're really like spelling it out. Thank you to make sure all the slower members of the audience are all caught up. We're all fine. I like it when they spell things out. You know, Jackie and I've been watching

pretty little liars and we need them to spell it out for a loss. We're like, what the fuck is happening in this show? So I really like it when Riverdale is like the connection between Hiram Lodge and Claudius Blossom is that they were using the truck to sell the drugs. I like it when they do that. Ah, ha.

Got you, gotcha. Very good. So this is all going on alongside the fact that like almost all of the vixens except for Cheryl are succumbing to the seizures that is obviously having something to do

with Edgar Ever and Ever inside of the school. The afflicted. That's how it starts off. And at first I thought that it was a fake, I thought it was a fake out because like, oh, it's just a plot inside of Griffin's a Gargoyle. but then it's not.

But then why do all of the vixans get seizures except for Cheryl? I think because though that way we just have to, we can have Cheryl saying her lines like, I speak for the fallen. What of them? That was my favorite line. It's good to have her back in like full-on charl mode. I love Cheryl Watson, man.

And then you get a nice scene or her and T.T. On Titi in the bed And that like rose bed Yeah and Titi like in full makeup In bed on bed rest And she's gonna move into her bed Is what it's happening? Was she living in the front yard until now?

I guess because I know Because like they were fucking in those tents Out of the like the Snakes Oh my God serpents Yeah I think she lives in the tent city over there I thought Marcus you were gonna say We got that nice scene

of Cheryl Blossom and Veronica waterboarding Penelope Blossom with syrup. I was waiting on that one. Oh, my God. I was going to wait on Penelope Blossom, covered in syrup, licking it off her lips seductively as she stares at her daughter. I love, I loved Penelope. I loved Cheryl Blossom versus Penelope. Lillopee blossom in this episode.

It was 2.8. Every time she kept calling, she was like, hello, mother, you viper woman. Like, whatever she was saying. Like, every time, she was always with these snide comments, but also, like, good for you, girl. Yeah, waterboard your mother with maple syrup.

But she wasn't even waterboarding, or she was just pouring it over her head, which I would imagine just feels weird. Yeah, right. It's not like you're drowning in it. Like, you're not, no, you're not drowning at all. It's just like, I feel really uncomfortable right now. Okay, I'll tell you.

And once you're covered a maple syrup, but it doesn't really matter if you're covered in more maple syrup. Yeah, it's not really going to do much. Once it's all over your head, you know. The bucket's going to run out. They're going to have to just go get more. It's not like there's going to be an infinite rain of maple syrup upon your head. I don't know.

I don't know. When it comes to on the blossom territory, I feel like they have endless amounts of maple syrup. But still, it's only going to come a bucket at a time. That is true. That is very true. She is a viper woman. I don't want to have maple syrup poured on my head, though, regardless.

I don't necessarily want it, but I don't think it would be enough to make me confess to all of my nefarious deeds that I've been spending years preparing for. Like, I don't think it's torture. No. I don't even know. So what did they end up getting from her? They got from her that she's been helping hire them. Right. And I think they got the, uh,

quarantine plan out of her. That's right. Because the whole thing ends because it turns out that the end game and by the way, did they completely abandon the prison plot line in one sentence?

Yeah, they were like, you mean the South Side High prison? Yeah, where it's just like South Side High, it's like, you don't even have a prison. South Side High is just a drug factor and he's like, yeah, you got me. So, they just...

He definitely, yeah, copped up to way too much in that room, right? Yeah, quite a bit. And now Riverdale is quarantined. Because he was like, I want to be the king. Yeah. And so I guess it's basically what has happened is there's been a, it's not even really a coup

because the mayor is in on it, but there's been like a hostile takeover of a town. It sounds like we might be headed for a civil war. Yeah. I will say that this might be an episode that confused me the most of any of the episode. and yet I loved it and I am very intrigued. But what is happening? So, okay, so let's just like, let's do it here. Let's think about this.

We got fizzle rocks. Yeah. It's making everybody hallucinate. Everybody's playing griffons and gargoyles. Which we learned in this episode is a tool that the nuns invented to terrorize children who misbehaved. It was, in their words, a game born of madness. Game born of madness. So they're using the game

to keep the teens of Riverdale in line. It got out. Everyone's doing it now. But now they're having seizures. And so they're being, so the town itself is being quarantined. Whole town. By people in hazmat suits, which

Hiram Lodge openly admitted have nothing to do with the, what is it, the CDC? The CDC. No, it's a private. He's got like the blackwater of CDC like health officials. He's got a private hazmat team that came in and started just harassing children who were sick.

Yeah, who had, because they had seizures. Yeah, and that is at the direction of Waldo, what's his name, Weatherbottom? Not Weatherbottom, Weatherby. Weatherby, but also the fact that his first name is Waldo is great. Waldo Weatherby is pretty great. Yeah, that principle is not advocating

for his kids. He's like, yes, bring in the black water of CDC. And right, so then now there's people literally like armed they got like handmade's tail at the end there's like armed guards at the border of the town sheriff's deputies

FP and Jughead come back and they're like let us in and they're like no nobody's coming in and then they point a bunch of guns at them but there's no sheriff right so who is directing the town who is directing him if this is a private organization I guess it's just under the order of Hiram Lodge but even no

Hermione Lodge is the mayor of Riverdale I'm pretty sure you can't just shut down a town through a private business just because you slap a bunch of dudes and hazmat suits with guns. It was not them that shut it down. Remember the phone call with Governor Dooley. The Governor. And the Governor shut it down. Hiram is massaging all of the different alleys of power. He's got the governor on his side.

He's obviously got the mayor on his side. He's got this private armed CDC team of Hasman. man and he is basically taken over the sheriff's department because there is no sheriff because he killed him and cut off his head in his hands. And so I think we're talking about a fascist. I think this episode is about a rising. Yeah. I feel like this is almost like a World War II type situation, which I mean, I'm on board for any second, like every second of it, especially with the amount of times that there were interrogation scenes in this specific episode. Quite a few of them. Because then we also didn't even talk about the whole interrogation scene between Gladys Jones and Penny Slot.

Peabody, which Penny Slot is a great nickname. It's pretty good. Did she just kill her? I sure looks like it. Did she? Or are they in cahoots? Oh, they're not in, she wouldn't cross her son. She was like, all mama bear on it.

But at the same time, she did leave her son in Riverdale and told him that he wasn't allowed to come and find her. But didn't she have a reason for that? I don't think she did. She was just a bad mom? I think she might have just been a bad mom that drinks all the time and wants to run her weird shady automobile business.

Because she's like a dead mother to all these like little rogue orphan automobiles. Guys with names like tailpipe. Tail pipe. It was all sitting around eating shitty little pigs.

And like a little pigs. like Hooverville kind of. It's pretty great that that's how she feeds them like that they are all lost boys within this dump of sorts. And she feeds them suckling pigs. Which, I mean, those are

expensive. I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, just get some ground beef or something. Make a bunch of patties. But, you know, who my, I ain't no Gladys Gladys Jones. I definitely wish I was Gladys Jones, but I am indeed not Gladys Jones, but I don't think that she killed Penny Peabody. I think that they would have

showed something with the body, something must have happened, but then what did she do? And where is Penny Peabody? Yeah, I think that we're being willfully misdirected by that image of her with all the blood on her hands. And she said she's not going to be bothering us anytime again soon, which isn't necessarily saying. All that is that that gives the writers an out where they can forget about her completely or they can bring her back.

Or they can bring her back in. But I, so guys go with me on this one. what if so I'm trying to broaden my horizons of where this show could possibly be going right what if there are two Hiram lodges what if it's like almost like a claudius clifford situation because like you talk like there's the man in the black suit that is taking over all the fizzle rocks the one that's doing all the things on the field but then there's also a Hiram Lodge daddy who loves his Ronnie, who's working on the prison. And because, like, if you think about it, it's a lot to handle for one mobster. I don't know if the logistics would stop the Riverdale writers.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You're right. But also, neither would a twin scheme. I mean, we've definitely, as you point out, we've had a twin scheme before, we could have it again. This is my brother, ho-rim. I feel like I don't know what they're going to do I'm trying to really think I was like

How ridiculous Because obviously it's going to keep getting more and more ridiculous But in what way Yeah well think about it this way This is where we're at right now Here's where the episode ends with all the characters It ends with What is it?

Ethel and Betty Convincing all of the girls That were in the Sisters of Quiet Mercy Convincing them that the gargul queen, or the Griffin Queen, has arrived and is leading them out of the gargoyles. She's the opposite of fear. She is the bringer of hope. And let's give a shout out for the throwaway line of, and also that gay conversion wing

that Cheryl was in. It was also, it's like, yeah, we got to get them out of here. Gay conversion kids, too. Those things are like, I don't think you need to convince the gay conversion kids to leave. I don't think they're in on the whole gargoyle thing. They want to go. If I remember correctly, they were just sitting. around watching movies that were making them feel real bad about themselves.

Yeah, they can just go. They can probably just got out of there. And so they all leave and then Alice comes up and Betty's pretty casually like, hey, we got to take these like 40 or so kids out into our house now. I think they're going to the Cooper house. I think they're going to the Cooper house. Hell yeah. It's going to be like an Archie Andrews situation when they just like took in all the serpents.

But how are they going to get in town when the whole town's quarantine? So you got every man. Most major characters outside of town right now Because you got Fred and Archie, they're outside of town Because apparently now we're going to have to deal With a Canadian Archie storyline. Oh God.

I don't know. Archie really is losing me. Archie could go to Canada and not enough bad. So Fred gave him the dog? He can't take care of a dog? Can we talk for a second about the fucking dialogue where Fred's like, I could come with you, right? And Archie's like, you know, that can't happen.

And Fred's like, yeah, you're right. What? Why? He's your minor. son, you are obligated to go with him, I'm pretty sure. You can't just be like, yeah, you're my child who is still a minor, who I'm still legally responsible, just go, just go. Why would I go with you?

I'm only your parents. Just go. He's got a construction business to run. What would happen does? He's got a plot hole to fill back in Riverdale. Oh my God. Go with your child. Nah, nah, nah, he's going to be fine.

He dyed his hair. But aren't the Sisters of Quiet Mercy inside the town of Riverdale? Right? Aren't they up on a hill? I think I know what's going to happen. What? Okay, so Archie goes up to Canada. Who should he run into up there, but the son of Papa Putin?

Oh. And so Archie teams with the son of Papa Putin. Wait, wait, I'm sorry, please call him Small fry, his real name, thank you. Excuse me? I forgot his name was officially Small fry. He meets Smallfrey, and together they form a plan to go liberate Riverdale from Hiram Lodge. Small Fri, acting because Hiram Lodge killed his father, and Archie knows that Hiram Lodge killed Papa Poutine. So it's going to be Smallfri and Archie coming back to save everyone in Riverdale.

Mark my fucking words. Marcus Parks, you are a genius. You are a genius. I am with you 100,000 percent. That is definitely what's going to happen. I am rooting for this storyline. Because you know what? That's actually a really great storyline.

That's a pretty good storyline, right? If they don't do that, now I'm going to be mad. Dude. Yeah, if they don't, I feel like I got to write a letter, be like, you really should just do this. Just like do it again. I'm sure you can do like a rewind, get like a time turner like they have in Harry Potter

and be like, uh-oh, we're back to the middle of last season. And also, you know, course, FP and Jughead are stuck on the outside of town as well. So you've got most of the major characters outside of town who's in town. You got, what, Veronica, Kevin, Reggie, the Lodges. You know, they're in town. But most of the big hitters are on the outskirts.

And if they're in town, where are they? They're at pops. Yeah, you know, throw a milkshake in there. It's great. Dude, what is going It was a really good mid-season finale, though. I will say that.

Pretty good mid-season. I can't wait to hear what the suss is on all this next season. The sauce! We gotta get the... Oh, God. That was Ronnie's line, right? No, that was Reggie's line.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I got some suss for you. I got some suss. Reggie is, I mean, he's definitely up there with how stupid Archie is, but, like, she's real.

I mean, he looks really good. I think it was like, the episode before when he was wearing those plaid pants. He was looking real good. But I think that, yeah, I think that they're going to make his character bigger and I'm along for the ride. They're going to start banging soon, though. Yeah, right around the time that Archie shows up with Small Frye. Oh, my God, and it's going to be so uncomfortable while the entire town is under quarantine because of Caesars induced by Fizzle Rocks and also. But that's a thing, though is what irks my ointment is that Ethel did see the gargoyle king before

she was taking the fizzle rocks at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Yeah, and she said that. Yeah, and Betty saw the gargoy king and Hiram, of course, at the end of the episode, the whole thing ends with Hiram toasting the gargol king. The gargol king, which also, you know what that was badass! So it is real. It's real. There's a dude dressing up like that.

Yeah. Or later. Or a lady. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome, queen. Who is it? That's the real question.

Hal fucking Cooper. You think he got out of the glass box? Did he get out of the glass silence of the lambs box? Oh man. I can't wait. He's going to break out at some point. Yeah. I feel like I got to rewatch season two honestly.

When I think about Hal Cooper, I'm just like, what the fuck? I recently rewatch it. It's highly recognized. It really puts, I mean, it puts everything and it puts absolutely nothing back into its place. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I think I got to do it. I think you should too. So we'll be back.

When does the season come back? When do we return? I don't know. Actually, we're on pause until January 16th. Not so bad. Not so bad. I thought it was going to be March or some shit. Yeah, so it's about a month. It'll be here before we know it.

All right, it will be here before we know it. All right. Thank you guys so much for. joining us in Riverdale Roundup. I hope you are just as confused as we are. And if you have any fan theories of what you think is going to happen or how right I really truly hope Marcus is, let us up because I'd love to hear what you think because I think it's kind of fun.

I think part of my favorite part of this show is that is trying to pontificate what the fuck is about to happen. Definitely. Hmm, there might be a problem because Archie's going to have to travel because he's going just north of Toledo, right? That's what they said. They're in Toledo. Yeah.

So is he just going right north of Toledo? Because, hmm. What do you think? He's going to find some way to make it over to Quebec. Geography isn't going to stop. No. Riverdale. No, no, no.

Because apparently Jughead and FP had gone from Toledo to Riverdale in about 30 minutes. Yeah, but you know, when you're on your bikes and you're feeling the wind in your hair, what is time? Love you guys. We'll talk to you. We'll talk to you in January. Bye. Bye. Bye.