Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 24: Glamberge Eggs

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

Jackie and Molly catch you up on the last two episodes and discuss CB radios, bear attacks, orphan queens and BITCHES AIN'T NUNS. Every Patreon supporter is a daddy to us. Unlock weekly bonus content! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Intro song by Green Dreams www.greendreams.bandcamp.com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

have a lot to discuss. Welcome back to Riverdale Roundup. As you guys know, last week was a bit of a cluster fuck for our brains. So we weren't in it to win it. And this week we are back with a vengeance to discuss, I'm going to go ahead and throw it out there two of my favorite episodes of Riverdale. Really? I'm throwing it out there. I mean, it'll never be the, what is it? The Red Paladin. Yeah, in the Midnight Society. Nothing will ever beat that truly.

But I will say that I hooded and hollered through these episodes with pure joy. Huh. All right. I think that. How did you feel? How do you feel? You don't feel this way? I don't, I mean, I was really fucking mad about the, so we're mashing two episodes into one.

And I was really fucking mad about the ending of the Archie Bear. tag episode. I was furious. Now, how did this one end? I'd say I watched them back to back because I was too, honestly, you know when you're sad when you can't, well, like, I couldn't watch my favorite show last week because I was too sad. I was like, I don't want to have this memory. I need to be separated from it. And when you're too sad to watch your favorite show, that's when you know something's really bad. And so I watched them back to back a couple of days ago. And so what were you upset about? Archie died. I mean, Molly.

Come attack by a bear. We've got so much to discuss. We have so much to discuss. There's so much to happen in these two episodes. And you know what? It's so funny because like, so today we are, we recorded pretty little liars earlier for the Patreon. And it is so funny that the opposite of, like, Riverdale is the opposite of Pretty

the Liars. where so much happens in every episode that it's hard to keep track and I love it and I'm here for it. That's true. When we finished an episode of Pretty Little Lires, we're like, today we were like, wow, I think like three things happened. Like that was a great episode. And that's fun. But in Riverdale, it's like, oh my God, Archie literally died and like, and then in the next episode, we started it. And I said to Gideon, how long do you think Archie will be dead for before he's alive again?

And it was literally within seconds. He was alive again. Seconds. I, all right, let's, let's, let's,

let's backtrack here. Okay. We start off episode, this is episode 44, no exit. We started off this episode, which, so now Archie's on the Lamb. Archie's on the Lamb.

Archie's on the Lamb in Canada. He happens to have found a fully stocked cabin in Canada, and he's talking on the, on the trucker, on the trucker phones, what do they call, trucker phones? The CB Radio? Yeah,

so he's talking with some bitch on the Cee. radio and I don't even know what he's doing out there because obviously he's got some sort of job but how did he get the job? Who knows we washboard right past it. Just the same way we washboard right past Jughead and FP getting past the quarantine that was the last episode and they just, they don't even get into it. It's just that in the beginning of the episode there's the voiceover of Jughead like, yeah, no, we got past the quarantine, got back into River Jones, like what are you talking about?

Yeah. It's a quarantine. No, they love to have something large happen at the end of the episode, and then the beginning of the next episode, it's like, so that basically never happened. Anyway. Yeah, like, let's pretend, and we just keep going because we've got a lot of other things to discuss. But they really, that was a throwaway. That was a large throwaway. Yeah, somehow they got in, and they're like dual heading up the serpents, and Jughead is drunk on power.

But, yeah, Archie said the fucking- Which also, can we do a pause real fast? And I know that Jughead took over the serpents, right? And he is the head of it. But why isn't FP allowed to be the head of it anymore? Is it because he said he was getting out of the game? I don't know because FP just stands behind Jughead and goes like, yeah, boy. Boy?

I don't think that's right, boy? Which I mean, I'm all here for, but I don't really get why he couldn't be the head of the serpents again. Yeah, I don't think that like a 16-year-old boy should be the head of the serpents. It's like literally why would anyone listen to Jughead? I mean, and they are trying to, even though, I mean, you can't stop TT and Cheryl from cat burglar. And though, can we just say how sexy they are as cat burglars? Stealing the glamroger eggs. Why couldn't they say Fabrije?

I don't know. I don't know. Those are the little touches that make Riverdale really special. But that's what, it makes me so happy. But then I forgot there was something else that they had said that they said that they said the actual name for. I was like, so you can't say clam, you can say Faberjay egg, but you can say this. Like, I don't understand.

I love Riverdale so much. So Archie is in the fucking woods. He seems to have a job as like a park ranger because they're like, go out and do this cleanup thing or check something. They send them out into the woods. Something. Be careful because there's a bear report.

And again, great Riverdale fashion of just not wasting time. Archie just goes right the fuck out and gets immediately mauled by a bear. I love that they, it was like from the perspective, like the camera perspective of the bear

attacking Archie. And then they don't even show the attack. They don't even spend the money to have a fake bear attack. But also he just got clawed. Wouldn't that bear mold him? He would have been ripped to stress.

He said it was a grizzly too. Like a grizzly. Also, didn't even. fuck with the dog, didn't fuck with Vegas at all, left Vegas alone. Thank goodness. And so when Archie gets back, I will say how much did I love Dead Man G&G? Dead Man G&G was such a great part of this episode that, honestly, I thought it was perfect. Yeah, that was, no, I will admit that, that Archie having like a dead kind of like a, like a purgatory, situation where he kind of has to watch all of his friends and everyone he knows play G&G,

and it kind of deter, it's like all about, you know, can he write the wrongs of his life and the choices that he makes will determine whether he lives or dies. And that was a nice touch. It had a little bit of echoes of the Red Pallet an episode. Yeah, I thought it was a lot of fun of him going back through time in his mind as essentially he is dying from a bear attack. that he has to go through and complete these like red pallet admissions. But what really drove my brain mad was the fact that they didn't show what the last quest card said before he quote unquote, I'm going to say, I'm guessing he killed his innocence or killed his past.

Yeah. Is that what it's implying? Yeah. I think that it said something like, because he had to go, he saw the card and he was like, oh that and then he had to go like bash him his old self over the head while he slept in bed and I think it was yeah I think it was like uh you're no longer the archie that you've been you know yeah but I just wrote is this a metaphor is he metaphorically killing his innocence that's what I wrote in all caps there was a lot of all caps that I went through in this episode especially when can we

need to we need to get back to the whole orphanage Betty taking control of all of these people that she freed from the orphanage. Number one, wasn't it just a girls' orphanage? Where did these boys come from? Where did Tyler with the Fizzle Rocks come from? That's a good question. It did seem like it was a convent for girls. Also, when they left that orphanage,

there was hundreds of them, and then they got really whittled down to about 12. Yeah, yeah, because they said that they found homes for everybody else, and so she just has them in that house, and then Tyler, who was just, you know, new character, is doing fizzle rocks, but of course it's why he saw, that's why he saw the Griffin King, or the Gargoyle King, is because he was still on fizzle rocks.

When he's like, no, it does exist because I just saw it. It's like, yeah, because you're still doing the drugs, dude. Meanwhile, Alice Cooper, who admittedly is getting hotter by the day, is working real hard. I might mix up my farm timelines here, but in both episodes, a big theme is that Alice is completely subsumed by the farm. She's trying to convince Betty to join. it. Betty is like absolutely not and and and she's trying to say well let me take all the kids to the

farm and Betty is like well I just rescued all these kids from one cult and now you want to go take him to another. Yeah for sure and and they won't even give them a change of clothes because technically that means they've been wearing the same clothes for three weeks. You've got no other clothes in your home to give to these orphans you definitely do also think about your husband that was put away in Silence of the Lamb's jail that like, doesn't he have clothes at least that they could wear? There must be extra clothes in that house. Yeah, Polly doesn't live there anymore. Yeah, they've got, I know that they could give them something else.

And they're all just sleeping on the floor. There are some bedrooms. And also, you cut too. Betty was just put away for, quote, unquote, like being crazy and thinking the gargoyle king was real. And then, like, Jughead's just allowed to sleep in her bed now. she's just allowed to be in the house with her 16 year old boyfriend in the bed? Yeah, well, and only she broke out of the convent

and everything, you know, things really have a way of kind of just smoothing out in Riverdale. She broke out of the convent, freed hundreds of children, and now she's just like, Mom, why won't you let them stay with us? Which admittedly, Betty's being kind of a, you know, a little bit entitled about it all thing.

Orphan queen. Yeah. She's being a bit of an orphan queen. And on top of all of those things, which we haven't even discussed yet, Jughead telling the serpents that they can't do any crimes anymore, right? Yeah. Like in the beginning of this episode. And then how dare they try and take Cheryl and T.T's serpent jackets? Just we were taking a glamourget egg.

I know. Like, Jughead was completely wrong. He's like, oh, we can't do crimes. Well, that's not the serpent way. What the fuck you mean? That's not the, like, that's what you guys. Like, how are they supposed to make money? You're a gang.

You're a gang. That is exactly what you do. Like, you are boxed out of the legitimate economy. Of course you have to commit crimes. Like, that's how you survive. How you think people are supposed to survive. Although, of course, he works that out in the next episode by getting the serpents a gig as the security for Veronica and Veronica Speakeasy, the security against Hiram Lodge, which is kind of

amazing because Hiram Lodge seems to have the power of like Tony Soprano, but he can be like derailed by like a squad of teenagers, you know, on dirt bikes. Which also I didn't mean to shy away from the fact that I forgot that bitches ain't nuns at the convent, by the way. I wrote bitches ain't nuns and non-nuns about 25 times in my notes for this Riverdale episode. Biches ain't nuns. Fake nuns. Bitches ate nuns. They can't take a vow of silence.

And then they all offed themselves. Yeah. Yeah. They sure did. That was actually pretty badass, I will say. To the gargoyle temple in the basement of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy and they all had a mass suicide. Yeah, dude. I mean, it was actually pretty cool when she found them. And they were all like blue-lipped, bent over to the Gargoyle King. I thought that was pretty awesome. I thought it was metal. Which is interesting that they did that because they all knew that the Gargoyle King was fake.

Yeah. So why did they do that? I think it was just because I think even though they know that he's fake, I think that he's still their leader inside of their brains. It's a cult. The brainwashed. Everybody in the show's getting brainwashed But they also just did it to protect themselves From like having to testify against Hiram Lodge, right? Yeah, because I guess that they just figured They were going to die anyway But would they?

I felt like that was such a, it was quite a severe action to take It was when it wasn't needed. Yeah, it was a surprise, you know? And so we've got all of that going on As well as, is this the episode? No, this isn't the episode with Hiram this is but also so fangs goes undercover

as a part of the gargoyle gang right because fangs um what was the wrong that he had done before something something daddy problems right yeah he wronged the serpents and jughead was like uh i'm gonna kick out Cheryl I'm not gonna kick you out and then oh he was selling drugs he was selling drugs and then that's right that's right

And then Juggie was like, I won't kick you out. And then he did kick out Cheryl and Tony and Cheryl was like, okay, hypocrite. Why didn't you kick out Fangs? And so then he was like, oh, I guess I could kick out Fangs. But then he went to Fangs and it was like, hey, do you want to go undercover and completely risk your life for us? And you can come back into the serpents. And Fangs was like, oh, I guess. I was so mad when Jugg had got a hold of one of the members of the Gargroll gang and was shaking at him and had him in his grasp.

and didn't take the mask off. Take the mask off. Take his mask off. Find out who it is. What are you doing, Jughead? I know. I can't believe that. What are you doing?

I know. It really made me mad at him. I had to pause it so I could yell at the television for about six minutes. Yeah, that was a... Made me so mad. And it's, they're just like, they are completely risking Fang's life. They're like, go in and do this thing. And then it wasn't until the next episode where he goes into the actual meeting, right?

and we figure out who is the gargoyle king, quote unquote, the gargoyle king? Okay. I mean, you know, not what it, let's just, I mean, I think that we should go ahead just bump over to this next episode because this next episode, episode 45, was a beautiful doozy. A lot happened. So as we all know, Archie dies at the end of this, end of episode 44, and then, you know, beginning the next one, he's alive again, and, but he's not the Archie, we knew.

He scarred both inside and out. Yeah, don't worry, even though they made it abundantly clear at the end of episode 44 that he had actually died, Riverdale just gave us a little jughead narrative at the beginning and being like, Archie wasn't dead. It was just that he was dead as we knew him. Fuck off, Riverdale. You know, I mean, I don't really understand how he survived a bear attack. So he escaped from prison, survived a bear attack, and now it's just like, oh, he's just allowed to be back. in Riverdale and everything's fine.

But because we were discussing this as we were watching the episode, it's like, so he was definitely exonerated for his crimes, right? Because Ronnie did that for him. Yes. But isn't it still illegal to break out of prison? 100%. You can't break out of prison, even if you have been wrongfully imprisoned. You cannot break out of prison and then have that to be like, okay, you're good.

Sorry, we wrongfully imprisoned you. Good thing that you broke out. And then the fact that he immediately goes to Veronica to be like, hey, hey, Ronnie, I'm here. And it's like, you can't tell Veronica. She tells her father everything. And we all know this. And also, we didn't even touch upon how hot can we please. I'm going it veggies.

We're going. I'm a hundred percent veggie. I am all aboard the Veggie Express because Veronica and Reggie are a hot as fuck couple. They are. I like it better than her and Archie. And, you know, my biggest concern with Archie, you know, almost being killed by a bear, which again, let's remember he also, in addition to surviving, he survived a serial killer. He survived a fucking mob boss. He's really gone through a lot of trauma.

He was almost buried alive, you know, like so. And underground fight teen fight club. And that, yes, and he was stabbed. And so he gets home and fucking Luke Perry is just like, Oh, son. There anything you want to talk about? No. No.

Okay. All right. I guess I'll just hang up a boxing bag in your room and you can destroy everything else that ever belonged to you. Dude needs therapy. Send Archie to therapy. Fucking Luke Perry is just like, oh, he's pulling away from me. Man, he has experienced like 15 of the most intense traumas any human could ever experience. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course he's going through some shit right now, dad. Daddy Fred, but I will say Daddy Fred stepped up this episode. Yes. Daddy Brigade was in full fucking force this episode and I was there for it. That was, I did like the Daddy Brigade. FP and Fred both showed up at Hiram's office and they were like, mess with our boys

and we'll kill you, basically. I think, I think Fred, I think Fred is the one that shot Hiram. You think so? I think so. I think it was Fred. I think it was Fred. Because I don't think that he saw who did it, right? One thing that I really appreciate about this episode, right?

So Hiram gets shot. We see it happen. He gets shot in the chest, in the heart, basically, but survives. Yay. And he falls. And it's like very much like a, I don't know if you were a Simpsons fan growing up, but it's like very much like the Who Shot Mr. Burns episode. It's like we know.

Oh, yeah. We see it happen, but we don't know who did it. And the audience doesn't know who did it. and we don't know whether Hiram knows who did it. And it's the dramatic, no, I guess it's not dramatic irony. It's the opposite. Anyway, the fact that the audience doesn't know is really, I thought, very, very artfully done.

Dude, they know exactly what they're doing over there, Riverdale. And I just, I applaud the writers of this show. Because no matter, I just keep coming up with more and more, like, ridiculous ideas of what, because, like, you know, a couple episodes ago, I thought that maybe there was more than one Hiram. Now I'm wondering, does Archie have multiple personalities? Because remember, there's a lot of things that now he's going in and out of that he can't remember doing. Maybe he has multiple personalities, and that's what it was, is that it was shoving down his other personality when he went back through the quest to go kill himself.

And I feel like there is a reason why they didn't show that quest card in the previous episode. Uh-huh. That's a good theory. I also think that, you know, it's just in Riverdale fashion, it's just Archie is dealing with a lot. And the circumstances are completely unreasonable. For example, Archie has been attempted killed by Hiram, his girlfriend's father. Like, Hiram has been trying to ruin Archie's life for years. He sent him to jail.

He sent him to prison. He framed him for murder. And then when Archie shows up at his fucking bedside to support Veronica and he expresses some kind of level of like unhappiness with Hiram, Veronica's like, wow, how could you? And it's like, dude, this fucking asshole father of yours is his. been trying, has been torturing Archie for two years and you're mad at him for not being loyal to him in your time of need? Yeah. And also that's why I think it harkens back to Hermione Lodge when she's like, you're both obsessed with Archie Andrews, which yeah, they're both beyond

obsessed with Archie Andrews. And then like, and then how dare Hiram Lodge go into the mayor's office and be like, well, now Claudius Blossom's going to be the sheriff. Yeah, I wonder why he was doing that. I didn't understand that. Like, Claudius Blossom is back. Because he owns Claudius. Uh-huh. And I think that, like, he just wanted some of that he can control that would have absolutely no idea what else to do when we'd only do everything that Hiram said. And then Madame Blossom, which I love that now she's only referred to as Madam Blossom would get her own, um,

what is it called? Haram? Uh, club, sexy club. What was it called? Brothal. Brothel. Which is what she, that's all she gives a fuck about. But also, meanwhile, she's still. fucking serial killer daddy. Yeah, she definitely still fucking serial killer daddy. It was, it was, so another very special thing about this episode was we got to go see Hal in jail. And he is definitely being kept in like maybe the basement of the courthouse or like the county, like the local jail, very local. He's like a high risk serial killer. And he's

definitely local. He's not in a supermax. He's in like, again, like the basement of the local lockup. But he's in like a special. Hannibal Lecter style, you know, area, serial killer area that features his ability to just like sit in his black outfit and be creepy as hell. And stare. Yeah, that was, I was pretty happy to have Hal back. I actually, you know what?

I think I like serial killer Hal a lot better than I ever like Daddy Howell. Absolutely, 100%. Because also, while all of this stuff is going on, the teens are still, thinking about the SATs, which of that was just like, who gives a fuck about the SATs? What do you guys doing? Archie's like in between these ridiculous plot lines.

Archie's like, all of them. Principal Weatherby's like, you should probably repeat your junior year. Archie's like, oh, no. Man, you've just been in prison for like months. You can't just, you got to get, you can't just come right back in as if you didn't miss any class time. You missed a lot of class time. Yeah, and also you're going through a lot of trauma

And if your biggest problem in your life Is that you can't graduate with your friends Because it's not That's not the biggest problem he has That's not your biggest problem Archie You need to go to an intense Amount of therapy And yes, you need to figure out

What you're going to do about your education But take in the SATs What's wrong with you? Fred, why did you let him take the SATs? Fred just doesn't know what to do with him you know, Fred's got this wayward child and he doesn't know what you. He squintz so much, but I will say that this is the first episode that Daddy Fred really did step up to the game of like, no, he's a, he's at a breaking point. He needs his son to be safe now.

And I like that at least he's been pushed to this point. Only after he literally like said goodbye to him forever and let him wander alone into the woods of Canada. Yeah, with just the dog by his side. But, all right. I feel like we're getting ahead of ourselves. I'm going, we're bouncing all across the board here because we don't have our markers here to keep us from yelling about everything. So we've got Hal. So Betty goes to Hal.

Why does she go to Hal? I know it's not about the SACs. She goes to Hal because Alice Cooper took all of her money. Took all of her money for her college fund and donated it to the farm. Yes. And so she goes to Hal to try and say like, hey, mom. form for your signature is this your signature but what ends up happening with this occurrence is that how wants the book for he wants the G and G playbook because he says that he knows all about what happened

on the night of the ascension he says he was there he was not there he said he was there but he said that he was there and that he knew it and that he was the one that killed uh print not wasn't weatherby what was his name featherhead principal featherhead we later find out that it was Madam Blossom who's going in there and giving them the old tug and tug that told them all of this information

which that's quite some pillow talk it's like you finish and then you're like let's talk about your wife and what they did when they were in high school yeah I mean literally we have the episode included Hal who he hadn't seen in forever

sitting there in his Hannibal Lecter cell being like yes I was the gargoyle king I killed Featherby featherhead. And then like five minutes later he's like, yeah, I lied. It was just like, it was like very Riverdaley, but also I was like annoyed by it. Yeah, I was little annoyed because I thought that would be a lot of fun, but that would be, that would be too sewn up into a beautiful little bow for Riverdale. Yeah, and to have the killer for season three be somebody who disappeared in season two is a real cop out. Yes. But what isn't a cop out was how loud I screamed,

when they took that head off of the gargoyle king, and it ended up being Tallboy back from the dead. That it is tall boy is Gargoyle King, which I feel like probably, I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there, that it is a lie, that maybe he was being controlled by Fizzle Rocks, that like he just found himself into this

because he's indebted to Hiram Lodge, and because I don't think that he's the, he might be, he might be donning the mask, but I don't think he's the gargoyle. King. Right, right. Hiram is still the Gargoyle King in the sense that he's the man in black. He's the powerful one. And then Tall Boy is just the tall freak who broke into Betty's house and terrorized them.

Yes. But Hiram is getting ruthless as fuck. Yes. There's no way he's going to die, die. He can't. I don't think so, but I am glad that he got shot. And it was satisfying because there's never been in all of Hiram's time as a character, he's never been weakened, like he's never been taken down.

No, and that's why this is the first, this is the first fallible side of Hiram Lodge that we see. And I do also want to throw it out there that the person that played Claudius Blossom, who also played original OG Daddy Blossom, who is the evil twin brother of, what was this not Claudius?

What's the other ones? Klaus? Um, some with a C. Clive, Clyde. Clyde. He has died twice in this season as two different characters. And I think that that's a difficult thing to pull off.

And I thought he pulled it off. Yeah, I got to say it would be, you got to, if you're an actor, you've got to hope to be cast on Riverdale, because on Riverdale, if you die, you're almost definitely coming back. Yes. But do you think that Hermione Lodge paid at Fred to shoot Hiram just to get him out of the way for a little bit

so that she could which I was so excited about put FP in a sheriff yeah so that's huge right so Hermione's huge Hermione seems to have broken with Hiram she doesn't want to collaborate with him anymore she wants to oh yeah

subvert him and thus took the opportunity as soon as he was shot to make FP sheriff which rules. Now there's a corrupt How awesome is that? Criminal sheriff in town but a good criminal

like a guy who does good crimes. A good criminal and he's going to help everybody and also can we say how sexy he looks as sheriff? That I got to opt out on I don't find a sheriff

outfit sexy but I was happy to see it taken over from the outside that was very satisfying. Dude when he strolls up out of the cop car and then just lifts his head and gives the FP a little wink and the smile. It's just like, ooh, ooh, I am a slip and a sliding away, baby.

I am here for it. I'm so excited to see where FP is going to take this town. But wait, so if you, but I think that a theory, it could be that Fred Andrews did it, but a theory that Hermione did it, but I don't see why Hermione would pay Fred to do it because Fred would want to do it for himself, right? True. But Hermione... Or maybe she just asked him.

Yeah, she could have to be down. I feel like... Yeah, because I feel like Hermione wouldn't do it herself. Uh-huh. Yeah. But it had to have been someone that could easily get into the... Into the... The Pembroke.

What is it called? Yeah, into the Pembroke. Yep. Yeah. So it could have been Hermione. Yeah. Is she good with a gun? Got to be.

Because she's also a professional criminal. Yeah, remember when she killed Small Fry? Oh, small fry, which we had forgotten about it. Oh, yeah, dude. She is good with the gun. Yeah, maybe it's Hermione. She knows exactly what she's doing. It could be Hermione, which would be bad fucking ass.

Or I didn't even entertain this until just now, especially based on how she was acting and how upset she was. Could it have been Veronica? Could have been. But the way how she was so upset in that daddy's side, I feel like it wasn't her. I don't think so either because she seemed legit upset and she was fucking mad at Archie, like an idiot.

But maybe it's all in it. I'm just thinking about who shot Mr. Burns and how you got to think of the people who you least suspect. You're right. You're completely correct. Or maybe it was Darci? I'm starting to call him dark Archie, by the way. I'm calling him Darcy.

Because now that he wears like, it's his Letterman jacket, except it's just darker colors. He's so bad now. Ooh, he's so bad. He hits that punching bag with such a force now. Ooh, bad, Darci. How about that extremely uncomfortable? scene where they like brought Archie downstairs to watch his girlfriend sing to him in front of

all of their friends. Yeah, dude. And she was singing ERIS too. It made me think of the scene in Tommy Boy when David Spade and Chris Farley was singing, it is too. I see, I see it is too. And I was like, that's all anybody, at least I feel like anybody our age group, things about when they hear that song. So I thought it was a very weird choice. It was like of all the sexy Spanish songs to sing, that is not one that is the top of my list. Yeah, it was just awkward. It was like if I, like, either just like sing for him and fuck him alone or like hang out with your friends, but like having this like private, like this highly publicized like moment that should be private between like a reuniting boyfriend and girlfriend, like I'm going to sing you this song to show you how welcome you are,

even though you obviously are so traumatized, just racked with trauma. And then he runs out and Ritchie's like, well, what a dick. But also it was like that they were turning their study party for the SATs into a welcome home party for Darci, which I think is pretty, so it's like, oh, you guys were all going to get together

or just study for the SATs as if the whole town wasn't just quarantined and is absolutely falling apart. Yeah, and study in a speakeasy. God, her dumb fucking speakeasy. which when she tried to sneak Hiram with cooking the books, girl, you ain't smart enough to do that shit. You really think that Hiram Lodge thinks you're not going to try and cook the books?

I know. I'm like every episode I'm actually becoming, if I can be perfectly honest, like more and more like infuriated with Veronica. Like I think I might hate Veronica. I think I might hate Veronica too, except for the fact, especially because she just like drops Reggie. when Archie comes back. But it's like, dude, not okay.

This is the dude that's been here for you. And then he just takes her back after that. It's like, nah. She literally stopped so that she could go, fuck Archie one more time and then come back to your ass. But also, I don't know if you noticed, when Reggie showed up in Hiram's hospital room, he had a balloon and it said it's a boy on it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's good. All I can imagine was that like a dumb hot reggie was just like in the, uh, in the, what is it? In the side of a hospital? The gift shop. And he was just like, uh, uh, uh, this. And, uh, oh, you don't have any other balloons? Uh, okay.

Well, yeah, I'll take this balloon. It's a balloon. What's he doing? Her dad was shot. She doesn't need a fucking balloon. but it's also really sweet. But Reggie's such an idiot. Remember, Archie sat down and was like,

can I talk to you about something? And he was like, oh, it only happened a few times. Oh, whoops. And especially the fact that he should have been more offended that Archie went to him to cheat on the SATs. No, that's Reggie's thing. He's like a cheater dufous. Yeah, he is a cheater duffus.

But he does drive a pretty sick vintage truck, though. And, but if you were already jumped, driving such a vintage truck, Through the woods. Wouldn't you get a different, less recognizable car, right? Not now that they have the rag tag gang and serpents. Protecting them from the criminal enterprise. It's another criminal thing.

So you were just saying to everybody, they can't do anything criminal anymore. And now you're getting paid to go beat the shit out of other teenagers. And who are in gangs? It's gang warfare. It's gang warfare. It sure is. B's, oh man, and now they got a man on the inside.

I'm so excited to see what happens. Yeah. What I did see is that on tonight's episode, it is Kelly Rippa is going to come in as Hiram Lodges, mini on the side. Really? Yeah, and Kelly Rippa is his wife in real life. That's fucking awesome. I am fucking excited for it.

Also, tall boy is dead. Fang's killed tall boy? Um, yes, in a fit of rage. So dumb. You could have gotten so much more information out of this big dumb fuck. You don't kill him. These are just... These boys.

These boys. Jughead has conspired in a conspiracy to cover up a murder. Is he going to go to jail next? I don't know. I feel like they already did the jail thing, so no one ever is going to go to jail again, I'm assuming. I hope so. and FP is sheriff and everything. But like now they talk about trauma.

Poor Jughead, I mean, he's obviously responsible for his own actions. But I'm just saying now they got that hanging over their head. They all could, you know, conspired to cover up a murder. Yeah, dude. But I mean, I know, serpents forever. I'm doing the finger thing. God, I love the finger serpent thing. Shurpin ever since you skin.

I am, thank you guys for joining us. I know that this was like a run through of so much that happened in the last two episodes. A lot of happens. But I'm just so excited. It was such a good setup. It was. You're right. Whatever the fuck is going to unfold over this next, these next couple of weeks.

Yeah, no, you're right. I think I was so mad about Archie dying and then being alive again in the first second that happened after. I forgot how happy I was about Hyrim being shot and FP being sheriff. Right? And there's just so much, I'm scared. I just like, man, Hiram is going to come back with a vengeance. Sorry, I'm just looking up right now because I remember seeing that there is a new Riverdale show that is, there's another Netflix show coming out that's within the Riverdale universe that is not Sabrina. What is it called? Really?

Yeah, I'm on board with it. It's just, it's in the same, it's like, it's a girl character. It should be jelly beans show. Man, jelly beans great and I can't wait for, they have to come back, right? I know, I want them back. I want both. I want the mom and jelly bean back. Dude, Gina Gershahn is so hot. She's kind of got Joker lips, but I dig it. She does have Joker lips. Like, in a fun way.

I can't find this. I'll find this information. I'll put it on the Patreon. What is it called? God damn it. Where is it? Never mind. It's over.

It's done. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. We are going to, we are jumping back in with two feet, and we are going to be back at you next week with whatever the hell is going to happen this evening. Kelly Repa with their tiny little lady gun and I'm very, very excited. She's so tiny and so tight. Oh my God.

But that's why I think that she would make such a great. I think she's a perfect mistress. She's exactly what, what, how does Hiram Lodge step out on Hermione? I know. That tight, beautiful woman. I know. I guess you just get a tighter other woman and that's all you go for. I'm surprised.

I wish you would go after someone like me is this piece. on the side. You know, then it would make more sense. It would be fun if it wasn't just another super tiny, tight, hot person. Yeah, but at the same time, Kelly Ripple can get it. And apparently, if all of the things I read about their relationship, they're still pretty hot and heavy even after being together. They've been married for like 20 years. Those are two fucking beautiful people, and it's definitely steamy to think about. Go for them. I love you guys so much, and we will be back next week with this week's

episode of Riverdale, and I'm excited. Bye. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.