Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 25: Pretty by Day, Poison by Night

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

Jackie and Molly catch you up on "The Red Dahlia" and "Bizarrodale". Every Patreon supporter is a daddy to us. Unlock weekly bonus content! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Intro song by Green Dreams www.greendreams.bandcamp.com Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

are two ladies and we are back and ready to discuss some Riverdale. So much has happened over the past couple of weeks. I, yeah, we, we've now, the last two Riverdale roundups we've done have been a twofer because we've had to mash two into one. And there is a lot. It's like, I feel a little bit like I'm cramming for the SATs. It's because in every episode so much happens. It's, It's hard to keep track. So we're starting it off with the Red Dahlia, which is episode 11. So let's do a little bit of a refresher of where we, because the most recent episode is the freshest in my mind.

And so can you help me out a little bit with a rewind and kind of set the scene? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do a set the scene. So this is the episode where spoiler alert, Hiram gets shot. Oh, yeah. So this is where all, remember where all this stuff goes down? Oh, no, it's like he got shot at the end of the episode right before it. So he's shot now.

This is the aftermath, right? And it is who shot Hiram Lodge. We're going through that whole thing where Kelly Rippa makes an appearance. And Betty is talking to serial killer daddy about who murdered Claudius Blossom. That's right. It's a lot of investigation in this episode. This episode had a lot of. but I loved every second of it.

Yeah. Because at the same time, so they're going after the red dahlia, who they were referring to Madame Blossomaz. So we also found out that she was running a brothel. A dominatrix brothel. A dominatrix brothel where the men are the poison. She's referred to as the red dahlia,

which is a reference I am assuming to the black dahlia who was not the actual murderer. She was the person that was murdered. So that's, you know, one of those fun Riverdale references for you. So we've got Jughead and Betty are on the scene going into the Madam Blossom investigation. The dream team is back. The dream team is back and I love them. I love them.

It's not this episode, but I think it's the following episode when they get a good fuck in there. So good for them that they still have time for it. Yeah, they've got so much stress going on, but it's not stopping them from a fuck. And so this is also Archie dealing with coming home to Riverdale. This is where he goes to the party at Labanui, and he's starting to drink. He's going through his like darchy phase, which is what I'm referring to it as is dark Archie phase, which turned out apparently to just be one episode long. One episode. He bounced back, you know.

Archie, say what you will about him, but the guy always bounces back. And then also what's going on is Veronica gets rid of her capos and decides to pretend that she and Reggie are the man in black, which, you know, You can just do. You can put on a suit and everything's fine. She's got a hat on. She's got a hat on. She's got a hat on. Oh, we know that she's the head mobs.

Because, you know, she's out there mob-splaining, which she did use the phrase, mobsplain. And that is beautiful in every way, shape, and form. I like it. I like it when they do stuff like that. We've got a little woke term. She's so, I love it. I love it so much.

We got Josie's back on the scene. And so while Darcy is going through his phase, he's also interesting. in music again. Good for him. This is just, I'm just doing a quick, quick recap, and then we will go back.

And then, which we called this, but we'll, there's the whole Hermione Lodge, Sheriff Minnetta thing. And let's just, you know what, this is,

so this is what's happening in this episode, all right? Yes. Hermione Lodge is on the prowl and now she's the bad woman in town. She sure is. And I just want to say

that I am here for it. Can we talk? talk about how hard we called the fact that Sheriff Mineta was not dead. Number one. Right? Because remember, they found his body. He was decapitated. They cut off his hands. Why do you do that so you don't know who the body is? Did we call that? It sounds, in retrospect, I was like, oh yeah, he was decapitated, but I guess I had forgotten that we called it. I don't know if we called it, but I know I've definitely screamed that at my television more than once. And I was like, because he's not dead. And that's why I was, I'm just waiting.

I was like, pert at the end of my seat, just waiting for him to come back. And, oh, ho, ho, ho. He does. He sure does. And he's banging Hermione. Would I watch that tape? Hermione Lodge is low-key, the hottest one in this show. Absolutely. And seeing her in her lacy under things when she was, like, riding Sheriff Mineta,

good, gravy in heaven. Yeah, no, that was nice. That's why I wrote my fan fiction about Hermione Lodge because she really, she inspired me. That's why you, but you, you think she's the hottest woman and you think Jughead's the hottest boy, and so you want them to be together? Yes. I know how you're brave works. And we've already, at this, I just, I just, I just want to, I know he's 16, but in theory, but in reality he's in his 20s. So it's fine.

I'm allowed to feel this way. Yes. I'm allowed to feel this way. Absolutely. Right? 100%. Thank you. That's the whole point of the show is like everyone's just, adults watch, yes, children watch.

Like, people of different ages watch the show. And no matter what age you are, you're just remembering slash imagining slash fantasizing about when you were or will be in high school. Mm-hmm. And I want to have sex with Hermione Lodge. Almost as much as I want to have sex with Sheriff F.P. Because he's such a bad man. So we're finding out all the underworkings of what's going on in Riverdale. right? Who killed Hiram? You know who killed fucking or who shot Hiram? Who shot Hiram F.P. Why did F.P. do it? Because

Hermione Lodge paid him to do it. Or asked him to do it. Oh, he asked her to do it because he became, that's how he got to be the sheriff. She made him the sheriff because he shot Hiram because Hiram had to be out of the picture for all of her drug dealings to go down. because Hermione Lodge is also trying to circumnavigate Hyraib Lodge and take over the Fizzle Rock's drug trade. But what of the hardest things... In this episode we also find out... One of the hardest things to keep track of in this damn show is whether people's, you know, frizzled loyalties are actually dead or if they're coming back. But one episode later, you know, because Hermione's like, I'm done with Hiram. And like an episode later, she's like, I'm back with Hiram.

And it's so fucking hard to keep track of. It's because their lives are difficult. And they're filled with bad deeds, Molly. And that's you to understand. Maybe we don't get it because our lives aren't bad girl enough. Maybe we need to up the bad girl. That's true. Our lives are not bad girl enough.

So what, essentially what was happening is she was trying to take over the Fizzle Rock trade, which we then found out that Claudius was. putting fizzle rocks into the water of Riverdale and giving children, giving the teenagers the seizures. Why? So no reason, really. He was just asked to not do that. He was asked to like dispose of the runoff from the drugs in a better way. He wasn't putting the drugs in the water, right?

It was the runoff of making the drugs. And then he's a runoff of the making. And he was like, oh, I'll just leave that. Like, I honestly, I don't even understand why Claudius is there. I just, I also don't know if this is what it is. If it's in the water, wouldn't everyone have seizures and not just the teenagers? I don't, it's a, it's, I, it was only affecting the girls, Jackie, for a reason that's never explained scientifically. It was only affecting the girls.

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. Yeah, maybe, is it supposed to be some sort of metaphor for our, our blood moons? Is that what it is? Maybe. I mean, everyone in Riverdale. Is that why we get seizures? Everyone in Riverdale is either a teenager or a parent of a teenager. There doesn't seem to be that many people of other ages there.

No, no, no, no. But we do know that that's happening, which is why Veronica decides to just destroy all of the drugs to ruin Hermione's time. But Veronica, like think for a second, think for a second, that it's obviously you can't just get rid of a bunch of drugs. And also, if you think about it, If you're burning a bunch of fizzle rocks, how does that affect them?

Wouldn't that affect, wouldn't there be some sort of smoke? Yes. Inolation issue. Yes. If you drink the runoff and you get a seizure, something. She and Reggie should have. Maybe that's what's happening. Maybe their brains are so addled with the fizzle rock smoke that they ingested, that they are on this Bonnie

and Clyde kick that they're doing right now. Although I will say, I am. Present for Veggie. I am so here for it. It makes me so excited because you know what? That dude is hot. Yeah, I am also present for Reggie. I do, I think that Veronica has us served Archie as the dumbest fucking person on this fucking television show, though.

Yeah. Yeah, she really, she really has. She just burned all these drugs. Oh, no, now we owe the money for them. Oh, and I'm jumping ahead an episode. But like, oh, I guess we have to figure out how to get the money for. What? think through your actions.

And also why was she even bringing the drugs? Was it to get back at her mother? Was it to like do some sort of like weird no drug justice? Like what is even the point? Veronica's a fucking idiot. I know. And I think that she just wanted to like burn mumsy and Pepsi. Yeah.

One more time. It's like stop, dude. Why don't you deal with your fucking life, you dumbo? I'm really not liking Veronica right now. Me neither. Even though I really like watching her kiss Reggie. I will say I love watching her kiss Reggie. Definitely.

But I'm not liking her right now. No, she's awful. She should have been abandoning Hiram Lodge by now for like a season and a half. And again, talk about the loyal. Every time she's like, Daddy, we're done. And the next episode, she's like, I have to be by my daddy's side. It doesn't mean. She's a flip-flopper.

She's a born fucking flip-flopper. But you know who's also now usurping one of my favorite character roles is Madam Blossom with the Maple Club. Yeah, I love Penelty Blossom. and I'm so happy that they're giving her more. And I love that she's, is it this episode where we learn that she's a poisoner? And it's just like, that we just go forward with life,

knowing that she's just like a serial killer. Yeah, she's just like kill it, but it goes like men are the poison. And it is very, it's a very anti-man stance that she is taking, which of course, no one has a problem with it if it's an anti-man stance. But I think it's a, it's a little harsh.

It's, it's, it's, but she is, I am very pro having a dumb-centric brothel in Riverdale because it's like, yeah, I mean, those those kinks should be included in this small town and good for them for opening up the eyes to consensual kinks. Absolutely. So there's no problem with it. But I didn't like that Jughead and Betty just kind of came in and were like, well, it's like

essentially treating them all like freaks. Yeah, and like pervents. Yeah. agree. I love Joe. Jughead and Betty together as a team again. Yes, please. But they're having a very old-fashioned reaction to the sex club. They should be totally in favor of it. Not because

if anything, not because Penelope Blasson is a serial killer of men. But like, that's an issue. In terms of the sex club itself, it's great. So they're hot on the case. So they go to Dr. Curdle Jr. You know, you got to go hit up Dr. Curdle Jr. It's like, hey,

hey, Dr. Curdle Jr. of what secret autopsies was your father, performing this time because now I think that that's I love that that's the new like through line it's like Dr. Curtle Jr's father was doing a lot of autopsies he shouldn't have but he's got all the records for it and we find out that Clifford Blossom had pufferfish venom inside of him yeah I love it's such a great plot device that they have that they're friends with the young creepy mortician it's I it's you know what man anything for money and I'm I'm down with with Dr. Curdle Jr.

Even though he is, they cast a very creepy man. Yeah. He does a very good job at it. Yeah, it's great. And I, I'm just so glad Betty and Jug had her working together again. And I'm glad that Dr.

Curdle is helping them. And yeah, so they find out that all these different men had been poisoned by Penelope Blasson and from a variety of poisons. Yeah, man. She's killing those men. And doing it in a way that,

like, and also has so much power that, Like she could be like, yeah, no, no, no, no, don't do an autopsy on this one and just, like, slide him a bunch of money. It's like, yeah, I guess you can cut them up and do whatever you're going to do with them. But like, let's not check about this, which good for her. I love her very much. And for what it's worth, many of the men she's killed deserved it, but not all of them. They kind of, you know, they kind of deserved it.

It's not, they weren't good dudes. So I'm definitely, I'm on board for it. And then through their continuing investigation. So Hermione Lodge is cheating on Hiram Lodge with Sheriff Mineta. Fuck, yes. And I can't wait to watch Kelly Ripper interact with Mark Consuelos because Kelly Rippa is Hiram Lodge's wife in real life and is also playing the, what is she?

The water scientist? She is the water scientist. For the fizzler. Who's in the pocket of who paid her off again? I think Hiram did. Hiram paid her off. She's a water scientist who's in the pocket of the lodges

who came to test the water and then because the water was tainted with fizzle rocks because of Claudius Blossom and Hiram Lodge, she got paid off by Hiram and then also was banging him. So I

am, I know that if you guys listen to page 7 this week, I made my glamourge fan function. And those glamourge eggs have to come back and mean something. Why did Kelly Ripper? Was that an additional glamourgeet egg that Kelly Rippa had in her hotel room?

What is up with those glamourgey eggs? It means something. There's something inside of them. Something is happening with the glamourgey eggs. I hope you're right. Right, because there's one at the lodge home that Cheryl and Titi stole. and then there's the one that Kelly Ripah had. And that one was smashed.

That one was smashed. That's right. And then there's the one that Kelly Ripah had. And I kind of just thought that that was just going to be the symbol of like, oh, that's how you know she's with Hiram Lodge. But I like your idea that there could be more beyond that. I hope that you're right. There has to be. There's no reason why they keep saying the word glamour, J.

Egg, even though it's very, very funny. It's really, it's very funny. But I think that my favorite part is when Kelly Ripa introduced herself as Evelyn Mulray. They were really, I thought that they were making Chinatown references, and they were making Chinatown references. Yes, this is the more one. And it makes me so happy. That's right. I forgot that this is the one that starts with Jughead and his cute little detective's office.

And Veronica comes in with her little, with her little... Hat. Yeah, her outfit. Good evening, Bacall. Yeah, yeah. Her Lauren Bacall look, oh my God. I forgot that that was this, that was how the framing of this one, and it was, that was great. I love it when they, see, man, give me a theme, not a musical, but like, give me another theme.

And when Riverdale has a whole, like, we're doing a whole Bogart and Bacall, like, noir thing, like, yes, please. It's awesome. I love it. It makes me so happy. and especially that the last line of this episode was, forget it, Jughead. It's Riverdale. Yeah.

Yeah. When she said it, I was watching it with Jeff and I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just like, oh my God, this show. I was like, fuck yeah, they did it. Hit it over the head with a hammer. It's Chinatown, do you understand? Spell it out for us, Riverdale.

Like, get it, Jughead. It's Riveter. Yes, that was, you know what? That was, I forgot that that was, that framing of this episode. That was so great.

I loved that. It makes me, it just, oh God, I love that they really follow through with some of, some of how, just how terrible this is.

Yeah. It makes more sense, though, of why Veronica is, because the actual actress that plays Veronica Lodge does a great job of being someone

you want to shake to death, though. Yes, that's true. I think all of the, as much as, the characters are infuriating. I think all of the acting is good. Perhaps Sands Luke Perry. How dare you. Fred is perfect. I love Fred Andrews. I mean, and then there's also, so I'm sorry, I didn't mean to skip ahead right to the end here. But also, Joe, C and Archie,

you're going to start working together again, which, oh, good. I could, I, oh, God, when they started singing in the next episode, we'll get there. It's just, he just, I just, we just, we just, So, we have all of these things going on. Tall Boy is also shot. He was shot in this episode, right? Yes, he is shot. I think he was shot in the episode before, and he's under the bed in this episode, isn't he?

And that's, yes, and that's why FP. His rotting corpse is under the bed. And he's, and then FP said that it was Tall Boy that shot Hiram Lodge to tie it up with a little, neat little bow. Yeah. So F.P. Saved himself from being extorted by Hermione by being like, oh, I know your secrets.

And I, but also you've got me because you got me this sheriff job. And also my son definitely facilitated in covering up a murder. And so we're just going to use that dead guy who is just rotting under the bed right now. We're going to use him and say that he's... He's the one who shot Hiram instead of me, and it all ties up very nicely. And Hermione is like, I guess I have no choice but to do this. Can we just say how great FP is as a sheriff?

That is brilliant. Thank you. Good for you. Take care of your own ass. I will say, you know, you always talk about how hot sheriff, what's his name is Kevin's dad. Sheriff Carol, Sheriff Keller. Sheriff Keller.

And I never saw it because I don't think that the sheriff, the sheriff outfit is a bit of a turnoff for me. But then in the next episode that we're going to talk about, I was like, oh, he is hot. I just hadn't noticed because I hadn't seen him in his civilian clothes. But so the sheriff outfit with Skeedlerc doesn't do it for me. But the corrupt cop, like dirty cop helping out be criminals, that does do it for me. He's so dirty. Yeah.

And I may, I, oh, I love it. I love it. I love it. It makes me crazy for deadies. which does lead us into Bizarrodale, which is episode 12. So that, because that was the end,

we got, you know, our forget it, Jughead, it's Rivettale. Which I did, I almost wish that she had said it a little more, um, Bacal-ish, you know.

Yeah. Or I guess I was thinking more of like a Catherine Hepburn. Forget it, Jughead, it's Revital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is how I said it over and over again to myself afterwards, like a crazy person. But this episode was another,

So this one did it more centralized on the people that we don't get to see as often that I would love to see more often. We got more on the Kevin Josie, Cheryl Reggie side of things in this episode. And I love it. Yeah, I love Josie as a character. I forgot that Josie was schup and sweeping. Yeah, I forgot that too. And I forgot that Josie and Kevin are like brother and sister now. And it's so cute.

Yeah. So they, so Sheriff Keller, oh my God, that's seen with Sheriff Keller and Sierra in bed. Oh my good Lord in heaven. And they love each other so much. And they're, I have to watch that tape. There wasn't enough fucking between them. I needed, I needed like 20 seconds more to see. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean. like actual fucking yes please so they are getting married and they invite the second they invited so we find out a lot more about Moose's daddy in this

and I never liked Moose's daddy Major Mason no he's never trustworthy no he has beady little eyes and he looks like a little skeech and so we find out in this episode that he was in love with Sierra in high school

and Tom got her. No, he wasn't love with I'm sorry, oh my God, oh, that's what we think is happening. We know he's a homophobic. In the beginning, Sierra's like, oh, he had a crush on me in high school. And so that is what we think is happening for the most of the episode.

When they invited him first to their wedding, I was like, this is not good. This isn't good. I don't trust this name. Yeah, don't invite that guy. And he's a homophobic. And I don't like that. And especially, it's like, we don't need that kind of toxic masculinity in a high school, thank you very much.

Yes, exactly. And right, like, fuck that guy if he's not, if his kid is so scared to come out to him, bad dad. Yeah, and it's, I did know, I thought it was funny. I thought it was actually kind of cute that Kevin and Josie were like, but you guys could get married

and we'll have a reception for you at Le Bonnui, where they sell mock tales and where all the teenagers hang out. So they're, because, because if there's no wedding reception, it means the gargoyle king has won. I did like that. Is what Kevin says.

You can't. let the Gargoyle King win, even though these guys are like, it's our second marriage. We don't need this. And the children are like, let us plan it. But I did want to say, Guff for you Riverdale in showing that when, like, Josie goes to Sweet Pete and it's like, hey, come with me to this, to my mom's wedding. And he's just like, you don't get to just use me. You don't get to just use me whenever you want. I have feelings for you. And you're not throwing down. So I'm not going to be used like this anymore. But good for Sweet Pea for standing up for himself.

Yeah, Sweet Pea really did. end up for himself and it was, to be honest, it was the most interesting I've ever found sweet Pete. And I, I see, he's one that I could climb like a little sweet tree. That confuses me, man. He is so plain looking to me. I know, but he's so bad. He's a bad boy.

He's got tiny knives. And that's what I like about him. So he throws her to the curb and, you know what, good for you. And then we immediately jump into bed with, man, Cheryl and T.T. are just like always fucking. I love it. I love how much they have sex. Yeah, I love it.

And I love, this episode especially was just so gay. And it had been a little while since it was just Riverdale just being really, really gay. And like both of the love stories in this episode, or I guess, you know, there's always like eight love stories every episode. But two of the primary stories in this episode were about same-sex couples. And I think it's just, I just love it. And I love how hot Cheryl and TTR. and I love their like sister ally,

sisterhood ally relationship, and I just love it. But then that's the whole thing though. So then it was not fair of Cheryl essentially to out moose. No, that was awful. To force him to come out. Yes. That was awful.

That was really awful. That was like, that was such, that was like, that's old school Cheryl for you. You know, of like meddling into something that is none of her business. But that is not cool. But I loved, oh my God, the fire, that T.T. came at her with when she was so pissed off that she did that.

And I was just like, yeah, T.T. yell at her. She should be yelled at. To spotlight Riverdale for having affirmatively good politics, T.T. yelled at her and Kevin yelled at her. And Kevin was like, I don't believe in outing people unless they're powerful homophobic politicians. And I was like, that's exactly right.

That's exactly the standard for it's okay to, it's only okay to out people if they are using their power to try to fuck with other people living their lives and being gay, but otherwise do not out people. And I was like, Riverdale is getting this exactly right. Yeah, dude.

And so Moose ends up dealing with it, talks to his father about it, which we end up finding out why he's such a homophobic later, but we'll get into that. Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. He's got, he needs to talk to somebody. Major Mason needs a fucking therapist

is what he fucking needs. That's right. Good. Gravy. Yeah. So I guess... He's damaged. What kind of confused me is that Cheryl,

gave herself three steps to make TT not mad at her anymore? Is that what it was? Cheryl created a little, she was really narrating her process and it was like three steps. It turned out to be four steps, but it was like because she outed, well, T.T. was like right about a lot of things. She was like, Cheryl, you for some reason want to go to this fucking legacy school that all your family went to. Although again, Cheryl hates her family. Why does she want to go to the same school that they all went to? And the family, the school is saying we're not going to let in legacy students anymore. And they're only doing that because Pina people also bribed them to fuck with Cheryl to not let her in. And so Cheryl's complaining about all this to Titi.

And Titi's like, hello, Cheryl, I'm like really poor. And my only family that I had was the serpents. And you got us kicked out of that family. And I'm never going to get into a college like this. And so Cheryl was like, oh, and to her credit, she heard her. And so then she created this plot to win Titi's back by getting back on her mother, by getting her mother to go to the college and saying, okay, I changed my mind about the legacy thing, let my daughter in.

And then Cheryl uses that opportunity, which I think was also really awesome, to give up her spot because she knew she was a shoe in, to give up her spot so that T.T. could have an interview at the same college. And in general, I don't think you should go to college with your high school sweetheart. but I do think that you should use your privilege and harness it to give it to people who have less privilege than you. Yes, and apparently T.T.

got a perfect score on her SATs, which is very difficult to do. So, my God, so on top of everything, she's also really smart. And hot. Good, I, oh my God, Titi. Hot. Hot.

Who, who, who, who. Give me, I just, I don't know if I'm just getting a whole. hornier by the day. It's just, Riverdale's really, they're all just so attractive. It really hurts. Yeah. My loins. My loins crazy. Well, it's good. The last two episodes have been really good. You know, there's been ups and downs on Riverdale. But this, even the last, I would say the last, like, four or five episodes have been really good, right? Since they came back from Christmas, they've been great. Oh, they've been banging them out. But I also really like that this episode goes

back to like, oh, it almost goes back to, like, more early days Riverdale, where it's just like, oh, but also they are in school. Yes. Like, there are, like, normal things that, like, are happening, which I kind of missed a little bit. I mean, you know I love it when it's bongy-bonkeys. And there's still bongy-bunkeys in this one. Yeah, but no, but I like it when it's also,

like what I loved about the first season was that it was like a murder soap opera, but it was still high schoolers, you know? So I like it when they keep that high school touch. Yeah, because then they get back into the whole, like, Archie Josie thing when Josie's like, I've got this thing for Juilliard. But also, she sings amazingly. And why didn't they take her at Julie? It's like, they just like, they just watched her sing, which you don't find out that fast.

And then they were just like, thank you very much. And you will never be in Julia. Thank you. But like, Josie, there's other colleges besides Julia. I know. There are other colleges. But it sounds like she just, Josie put a lot of pressure on herself and she was like, didn't have a backup plan.

And so she was like, oh, this is just never going to work. And so how does Argy comfort her by being like, well, we can sing together? And then they smooch. And I, and, you know, Archie being back into music again, I could take or leave. But I can leave it. I can leave it at the fucking door. But I do actually think that him and Josie together is great and pretty hot. Are you pro with?

I think I am. I think I like Veronica and Reggie together more than Veronica and Archie. And I think I like Archie and Josie together more than Veronica and Archie also. See, I like Josie and Sweet Pee together, though. I don't care for sweet peace Because I just feel like Archie doesn't deserve Josie Yes that's true Yes you're right

Archie is a is yes that's right I think you're yes Archie doesn't deserve her But in terms of hot people Is like yes you know I mean I definitely watch the tape It's just Veronica's on the only issue Is that like I think that like why Veronica and Reggie works so well But also why Veronica and Archie worked so well

Is that they are in the same level of dumb. Yes, that's true. That's true. And, oh, my God. Josie deserves better. At first I was about to be like, maybe Josie will make Archie better, but that is the trap of every woman dating a man who is worse than her.

So let's not go down that road. Yeah. Oh, especially like, oh, man. Like Reggie and Veronica talking about being mobsters now. And she's like, well, what if they break your knees or whatever? And he's like, do people really do that? is Robin Banks still a thing? And he's like, holy crap, I'm a genius.

Like, the way I love, he's such like, he makes me think of Marmaduke, you know? Yeah. Where he's like, oh, you, you, you got nothing in there. You got nothing in there, but you're so cute, and he just want to kiss you. Yeah, yeah, he's a big dumb, dumb, and it works with Veronica. But it doesn't make sense.

He's like, I know how we're going to get the money to pay her back. We're going to steal from my abuse. abusive father. And it's good because my dad father is abusive, so it's totally fine. Which I was like kind of okay with. I was like, all right. But also, I feel like they could have come up with something a little stronger than that. Something a little bit stronger than that.

But the fact that she's sitting in such an obvious getaway car in such a ridiculous outfit, and she's sitting and reading the girls in 3B, which I looked up because I did not, I was not aware of what the girls in 3B is. What is it? And it is, it is, it is, this. The short explanation is that it is a 1950s feminist novel that it showcases predatory beatnik men, workplace intrigues, drug hallucinations, repressed family secrets, and clandestine lesbian trists. Interesting.

It's about, it's like, it's about like, like, like strong, sexual women that are also like bad. So I feel like, I think it's like, it's like in the whole like femme fatal. I see. Arena. And I was like, okay, again, it's like everything with Veronica, they're like, beat him over the head with it. Do you get it?

She thinks she's bad. She's a fam bad. You don't know if you get it. You know what? Put another book in her hands. You know, I don't think Veronica's spending her time reading. I hate to say that. But I don't think she's spending her time reading.

Yeah, she's on her phone. But they still. And she spent her time, Stup and Reggie. Stup and Reggie. They steal the money. It has a blue pack in it so that, all the money is fucked. But, oh, we have to.

I don't know how much time we have left, but we have to acknowledge that they steal this money. They're going to go to this big buyer who Hermione is so scared of. Oh, you burn all this money. You burn the drugs. You basically burn the money. You got to come up with this money because this buyer is going to want it. Big, bad, scary buyer.

And who is it? None other than Jughead's extremely hot mother. Gladys Jones. When she got into the car, it was just like, good Lord. She's so hot. She's such a hot woman She's such a sex She's pure sex

She's so hot And I know that Alice Cooper is extremely Extremely hot But I and so is Hermione Lodge But Gladys is She's the hottest woman of them all Oh yeah And now the fact that Gladys

And Jelly Bean Who Jelly Bean is just as evil And conniving as Gladys Yes and I love Jelly Bean They are I love Jelly Bean And I love that there is now A badass evil

another evil woman on the scene. Yeah. It makes me so happy. She is here to stay. She ain't going nowhere. And you know F.P.'s not happy about it. Yeah. And one thing I will give, another thing I'll give props to Riverdale for is even though, you know, they

have a lot going on. They have a lot of characters. And many, you know, Archie is probably arguably the main character. But so many of the characters are women. And so many of the characters are fucking awesome women. And they're not just like, you know how there's like the strong female lead? They're not just like bullshit, strong. women characters. They're like legit, extremely funny, interesting, very flawed, terrible,

like, bitchy, druggy, drug dealer. Like, they're just, they're fucking, I love the women characters on this show. This, I mean, because that's, I feel like something that Riverdale doesn't get enough acclaim for. It's like, it does, even though it's like, yeah, there's, you know, you got the Veronica's in there. But it is doing a great job of casting strong, interesting female characters. It definitely does that. It is something that like, where you see Betty at face value and you're like, oh, well,

it's just like Betty, it's like, no, she's got all these different weird fucking facets. And I love that. Yeah. They're killing it. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And to have an evil jelly bean too where like she's going to be conniving as well. And it's like even a younger woman can be like that strong

and that smart. Yeah, yeah. I love like it. Yeah, the evil conniving. pre-adolescent who's like manipulating her father. Fuck yeah. Dude, I am so excited. But we didn't even get into the whole idea that like,

that all of the parents got threatened. Like their children were threatened. Oh, yeah. Because they wanted to, from the Gargoyle King, because they had to do Ascension Night again. But it turned out that it was all, there are so many Gargoyle Kings.

So they get, I'll get the snow. I know. How many? I wonder, we should start. It's like, I'm going to say there's going to be three more gargoyle gigs. This is now like the new thing that people are like, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to be the gargoyle king. How about this? No, no, no. What if I'm the gargoyle gregor. There's been at least three. There's been tall boy. There's been hire him. Now this time there was this guy.

Mayor Moose. Mayor Mason, sorry. And so all of the parents get summoned. They all think they have to do ascensionite. You think that it's going to be some cool shit going back to the breakfast club episode. and they all, you know, are wandering around the school and having a good time. And it turns out it's all a prank. And they say, why would somebody prank us?

Oh, shit, to get us away from our kids. And then they all start panicking, calling their kids. But also, can we just pause and say that how sexy Hiram is still with a cane and, like, limping? Yes. Although, again, Hermione is just like, yeah, I'll invite Hiram back. Technically they have to, they think, for the game. They all had to be there. But also, I'm like, get that dick out of your life.

But, yes, they all had to be there. So he's there. And so then they're like, the kids. And then it turns out that what are. Oh, wait, but also that Penelope Blossom gave them all the antidote to cyanide. Oh, yes. Just in case they had to drink anything for 30 minutes. Then they can just.

Effective for several hours. I love her so much. Yeah. And they're all just like, oh, yeah, I guess Penelope Blossom knows everything about poison. Let's keep plate. Let's give it. Let's drink this thing she's giving to us. Totally trustworthy. And so then because Moose and Kevin have taken this night to fuck in the bunker, thank God. In the bunker. Thank God Moose bragged about it to Cheryl. Not even bragged about it. Moose and Cheryl had a conversation. It was, and he was sweet. He was like,

he forgave her. He was like, she was like, I was wrong to out you. And he was like, yeah, you were. But it ended up being okay because I came out to my dad and my dad was okay about it and now I'm going to go have sex with Kevin and at the bunker. And thank God he told her because it turned out that it was fucking Moose's homophobic father had been became Gargoyle King number three, lured all the parents there to play Ascension Night whilst he was going to go abduct his own child to scare him straight. And because Cheryl knew because Cheryl had had this conversation with Moose where Moose was like, I'm going to go bang Kevin in the bunker. Cheryl was able to tell the parents where they were and able to go and save them.

And save them because when they were in front of the Gargoyle King, I was like, you cannot kill off Moose or Kevin. I know. I love Moose and Kevin. I know. You cannot. I was upset. Yeah, I was scared.

And then, lo and behold, who is it? It's Major Mason in the Gargoyle King. because he, turns out, wasn't in love with Sierra. He was in love with Sheriff Keller, and he kissed him, and he must have had weird also other feelings, too, because obviously Kevin looks just like his dad did in high school, and so he had been sent away to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy for gay conversion. And then he had out all the Vizzler Rocks,

so he was so scared to the Gargolo King, and that apparently they're just using the image, I guess, of, like, being attacked by the Gargoyal. to make people not be gay anymore. And so he's got all these fucking issues. And that's why he did it, which I love that, like, that FP did stand him. He's like, yeah, he tried to scare him straight.

It's like, yeah, yeah. But I like, that is what he was doing. I did get, I was like very, uh, I like FP standing up for the kids. That was sexy. I got, good Lord. I know you're not, you're not with it with the sheriff. of costume, but I am. I am.

I even like his little hat. Um, so then we got all of this stuff going on. And then FBI drughead come home. Jelly Bean and Gladys are there. And essentially now Gladys Jones has a cart blanche to be evil. She's going to go in and be the new high room. She's sticking around and she's got the lodges in her pocket,

basically because of fucking Veronica the idiot. And she's got the sheriff in her pocket because it's her ex-husband who Jelly Bean is purposefully manipulating to be like, I love you after all, Daddy. And so she owns the town. So we've got, and then in the very end, which I'm so upset that Moose can't be gone forever.

I mean, he's definitely gonna, Moose is going to definitely come back. Yeah, right? I think so. He's going to go live with his aunt for a while because, you know, his dad, like trying to kill him, like trying to scare him and to not being gay anymore.

But then in the very end, I think maybe my, I don't know if it's my favorite part because I hate it so much. But what about Tony, like Titi and Cheryl's new girl gang? I know that they said that Cheryl started for her. Made zero sense. Because she didn't have the serpents anymore. It makes absolutely no sense that they happens to be all of these, what do they call? Rockabilly girls, which, I mean, they were all very hot and very strong. But who are they?

Where do they come from? Who are they? Molly? They're the pretty poisons. But who are we've never? They're the pretty poisons. We've never seen them before. Because they're pretty by day and poison by night. Which is like, Cheryl, I thought you hated your poisoning mother.

But who are they? They're just some random girls. They just got some girls. And Sherr's like, this is your new family. And Titi's like, thank you. I just, I was like, you can't just make a new family. Where did these girls come from? Who are they going to be new characters?

If anything, they should have been the kids from the, From the orphanage, you know, from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Something, but I, but now I'm upset. I'm not upset because I'm very excited because I like, I've got my red serpent's jacket now. And are they going to come? Are they going to get a new jacket? What is the pretty poison going to be? Honestly, what's going to happen with this girl gang?

I'm hoping that this is one that doesn't, that drops after an episode because we had got enough gangs. We got the serpins. We got the gargoyles. We got the, you know, we got the regular. The goolies. We've got the goolies, you know, so I think that we don't need another gang. I, you know what? I think that I'm glad that it is a female-centric gang, though.

True, true. I think there is definitely room for that. True. Because the serpents are a bit of a boys club on the hold now that they don't have. They have to take back Cheryl and T.T. It's something. Yeah, that's the thing. Like, you can't.

Just go to Jughead. He'll let you back in. Yeah. And now, especially, it's like, like, let them, they can do something to get back into their good graces. I don't know what. There's got to be a way to do it. Yes, exactly. So that's, this is, this has been our, this has been our roundup.

There is a lot. There is a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot over these, over these two episodes. But also, I am so excited. And am I going to start dressing? If Pretty Poisons becomes a thing, I might start dressing like it. We got to wait and see.

I think I have to. The jury is out on Pretty Poisons, but I will try to give them a chance. That's why I don't know if I love it a lot or if I hate it so much. that I love it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, we're going to have to see what happens, though, in the next episode of night,

which I think is not coming back for a week or two, right? No, is it not? I think that it's not till late February. Also, I don't know how to feel, too. The, I keep watching those commercials for All-American, that other CW show. Do we have to start watching that show? I don't know.

I have not watched the commercials. It's like, it's CWs. answer, it's like a mixture of Riverdale and Friday Night Lights. Really? And I don't know if I need to be watching this show. I haven't heard anything about it. I just, it plays almost every single commercial break for the CW and I was like, I think I need to give it a shot. Oh Lord. Do something. Yeah, give it a shot. Let me know. I mean, I got, I don't got a lot of room in my life, but I know, but that sounds like a good, that sounds like a good mix-up. All right, I'll let you know. I'll do, I'll do some investigative journalism. Just like Betty and Jughead. It's for my craft.

Yeah, I'm just like Betty and Jughead. Thank you guys so much for dealing with our little pause break there that we had. And I guess we're not going to have Riverdale for in a while. So maybe we'll start watching all Americans. Maybe it's what I need. I need more sexy teens in my life. And there was, oh, God, it was just, it was a good amount of fucks in this one. Especially what I love too.

All of the parents are busy and all of them were having sex. The second their parents were busy, everyone's having sex. Everyone, every last one. And although I will say good on them, even though it was like Kevin Moose didn't answer their phones, but the fact that they all answered their phones. Hell no. I'm having sex. I'm not answering a phone call from my mother.

I couldn't believe that they answered their phones, but they did. No, never. It goes to show with the positive adult child relationships in Riverdale. You are correct. It is a positive thing overall. We love you guys, and we will be back next time Riverdale's back, I guess, in a thousand fucking years. Bye. Bye.

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