Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 28: Almost Scary Nowhere

Episode Date: March 20, 2019

Jackie and Molly watch Chapter 50: The American Dream and recap slow motion Cheryl, a deadly King of the Mountain game, and Veronica becoming the new dumbest character. Join our daddy brigade! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Intro song by Green Dreams greendreams.bandcamp.com/music Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

on a slope to almost scary nowhere on Riverdale right now. We are talking about season three, chapter 50, the American dream. Because, man, we're waiting for it. We're waiting for the explosion. We know it's going to come soon. Hi, Molly. Hey, how are you? How are you doing?

Hi, Jackie. You know, I'm all right. I think almost scary nowhere is just a really perfect. encapsulation of what's going on in Riverdale right now. And it's different than usual because, you know, we watch pretty little liars every week and almost scary nowhere should be the name of that show, you know? Like,

it takes a long time for shit to happen on that show. But in Riverdale, usually it's like, oh, one episode of Riverdale and you could have like, you know, massive life changes in every single, like, you know, Archie gets mauled by a bear. And, you know, that's just like a normal day in Riverdale. That's just like a thing. That was just a part of an episode. that barely, barely, barely, get it? Barely was referenced.

That he was attacked by a bear. That's true. But to be fair, Archie has, in this last series of like three to four kind of slowish episodes we've had, Archie has been stabbed. So I guess they're keeping up with that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he did get stabbed by a little boy. That's a slow day in Riverdale, though.

It is. I have been, usually I watch Riverdale with friends. and over the past couple of episodes, I've been watching it by myself. And this last one, I was just like yelling at the screen. I'm just like, what are you doing? Like, what is it happening? Like, you never trust. Can we just go ahead and say, you never trust Hiram Lodge?

Can we just have that as a staple of Riverdale Cannon? We don't trust Hiram Lodge. Archie, you don't trust him. Well, Archie don't trust him. I was having a conyption fit last week, but I'm having a bigger one this week. Veronica. Veronica Lodge. I just. Veronica Lodge is officially the new dumbest character of Riverdale. Thank you. Thank you. I have never hated Veronica more. Each week, I hate her more than thought was possible.

Previously possible. This, like, what we learned in this episode is that Hire and Lott, we already knew it, But what we learned in very official, absolutely undeniable way in this episode is that Hiram Lodge's effort to kill Archie included printing 12 cards, G&G cards. 12 of them. 12 challenge cards from G&G that say kill the red paladin and distributing them throughout Riverdale so that every, so that 12 different like sects of G&G obsessed people in Riverdale would be trying to kill Archie. And we, like, again, we already knew, like, Archie ran to Canada to flee Hiram Lodge's persecution.

And so we already knew this. But just every week, it has confirmed more and more that Hiram is a murderous, you know, criminal. You don't trust him. He's conniving. He has, he's been working on all of these little plans to ruin Riverdale in so many different ways. And every week, Veronica's like, Daddy, maybe I should reconsider. consider my alliance with you. And Archie now this week is like, oh, thanks, Mr. Lodge. It's really great working together. Oh, yeah. No, I really liked it. Let's talk about Veronica.

Let's get into the meat of what's going on with Veronica this episode. Can we just say this is the first time? Thank Christ, Reggie is finally standing up for himself. Yes, that was refreshing. So as we all know, Veronica moved real fast from Archie to Reggie because Reggie essentially is taking care of her at Lebonneauie. Right. He's everything for it. He even gave his precious car to Gladys Jones as part of what Veronica owed him, right? He is like her little sex man servant. Like he does everything for her work. He runs the business. He's the muscle. He's like for the bar, like the above ground business. He's also like stealing from his own father. Yeah. I forgot about that. To save her. He's the he's the, he's the

the muscle. He's her sex toy. Like he is, his entire life is, Veronica says jump and Ruggie says how high. And yeah, and in this episode finally, he was like,

can I be a business partner? And this also illustrated some ambiguity as to whether or not he was ever getting paid. Which I don't think he was. So he was never getting, I don't think he was ever getting paid for any of the stuff that he was just getting paid

and kisses. And that's not enough. Although I would definitely pay him and kisses because, man, Reggie is hot. Reggie is hot. Hotter than, well, I think hotter than Archie. Yeah. Yeah. I could, I would understand the case that he's hotter than Archie.

I don't know if I would make it myself. But yeah, Veronica, he asks, can I be a business partner and equal? Veronica, bitch that she is, comes back and is like, um, here. here's a salary instead. So making it suggesting that he had been working for her like 20 hours of the day for months. And she had never been paying him. And he's like, she's like, oh, how about instead of making you an equal, I just pay you for the work you've been doing. Isn't that nice?

Isn't that so nice as a business owner? But also, is she just standing around? Are they, they are selling cocktails, right? Alcohol. Not just mocktails anymore. Yeah. That's another thing that happened in this. in this episode, Riverdale is now just very openly having teens just drink in bars,

which, you know, teens, whatever, I'm not like necessarily against it, but it is just strange how it's as if they forgot that the characters are still teens. Because they're just like in bars pouring themselves drinks. And I'm like, it's not even like, if it was a show with teens and the teens were like drinking, then that would be one thing and realistic. But the fact that they're just like teens, it's a show about teens who own bars. running a bar and just drinking openly in front of adults.

I'm like, this is not really how being a teen works. Because as we know that, so we'll get into all the other storylines, but also Veronica really stirs the pot in this episode by telling Betty that Gladys Jones is taking over the Fizzle Rocks portion of Riverdale that now Hiram Lodge is quote unquote giving up, even though we all know, quote, unquote,

he's not giving this up. There's no, he still has. his thingies in it. Yes. Of course. Also, Veronica, it's like, why do you have to tell these secrets? No one is good at secrets in this show. Keep it a secret.

It's not going to change anything. You don't think he's going to find out. Jughead and Betty, of course, are going to find out. Yeah, I mean, Veronica, right. So Veronica violated the confidence of Gladys, but really that's her own problem because it's going to, it's not like Gladys told her a secret as a friend. Right. She was like, don't tell Jughead, like, or else I own you, and you'll be in trouble. So now it's going to come back to Veronica because she's the only person.

And it obviously will, because by the end of the episode, when Jughead confronts his mom about it, and she's like, oh, I know exactly how you found out your fucking friend, Veronica. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Then she's going to be in the shit later on. But we'll deal with that as it comes because right now we have other more pressing things to talk about, like Gladys Jones. Let us get into it. This episode is called The American Dream. And of course it starts off with Jughead's narration of what is the American dream. And technically, he's right.

FP does have the American dream right now. He went from the bad side of the tracks, became sheriff of a town, his whole family's together. And now, which how did you feel about the fact that Gladys Jones was the anonymous buyer of the Cooper House? We knew it would be somebody. We called it last week that it was going to be somebody big, but I thought it would be an evil person. I didn't know what would be the Jones is. I mean, technically Gladys Jones is the new evil person.

She's the new high room. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I do love, I love that they brought in another evil person that is a strong female character that is just like, hell no, you think he's fucking shit up? I'm all coming, fuck shit up. I'm all coming, fuck shit up.

And she's like, hell, yeah, you are. I love Gladys Jones. One thing I will say about Riverdale is that the women and, you know, the older women and the younger women in it are all fucking fantastic characters. And they're not that thing where we had for a while in like the 2000s where you could have like a strong female character. And it was just like a super one dimensional like had to be good. Had to be brave. Or had to be evil. Or you know.

Right. Because Gladys Jones has so many different like dimensions. Right. That we know overall she's evil. Right. At least she's feigning the idea because I think that that's the best part about women, not to be sexist here, is the manipulation of you like, no, no, no, but I'm doing it because I love you. I'm doing all of this and not in like, I'm doing it because I love you. It's like, no, I'm going to get the family back together.

And meanwhile, though, you have to remember because in the recap before the episode, it showed again that Jelly Bean was like, I've got daddy wrapped around my finger. And I was like, mm-hmm, that's going to come back into play soon. Yeah, and I mean, I'm absolutely rooting for Gladys. But yeah, she's a fantastic character. And, you know, and I, I mean, right. So now Jughead is kind of the, I think the kind of tension presented in this episode is that Jughead is caught between, you know, it's this like flip, right? Where it used to be, when we meet Jughead, his dad is the criminal, you know, his mom is

gone. He, like, has no family and he is like really conflicted about his, like, criminal dad. And now in this episode, you know, several years later, or maybe it's like four months later, I'm not sure how time works in Riverdale. I mean, I think it's, I think it's months. I think maybe every episode is just a day. Oh, no, it's one school year, I'm assuming. Yeah, it's one school year. But now we have, like you said, we have, uh, F.P. Jones is like legit now.

He's, uh, trying to keep his family together. he is like so happy that his wife and daughter are back and he's like trying to be like Mr. Family Man and then you have mom is back but mom is like Jughead is like so happy to have his mom back I think but also mom can't be trusted but can I just say that I have a little bit of fundamental disagreement with the premise that the American dream is that FB and maybe Riverdale is doing this purposefully but the whole show the whole episode is like FP has turned his life around FP is on the good side of the tracks now. FP has it all together.

FP is straight now, right? But how did he get there from a totally criminal deal with Hermione Lodge? Totally murdering and covering up the murder of a sheriff. Yes. But. And he's also providing, he's providing, what is it called when the cop comes in and says, hey, you're bad, but you're not that bad. Wink.

Protection? Cover-ups? Protection. Yeah. The protection of all of the different various gangs in Riverdale. Yeah, he's right. He did a murder cover-up, several murders, because there was also the tallboy murder. Oh, yeah, dude.

Several murder, like, and we're talking like a corpse under his bed level of cover-up to get this job. And, right, and also he's got a street gang, like, training as his, like, unofficial. vigilante police squad. And the whole episode is like, wow, FP, you're so legit now. He's so straight now. He just really do it. You're turning 50 and I'm just so proud that you're so legit. It's all by criminal means.

It's all lies. Which is great. How did you, but how did you feel though when, because so at Gladys and F.P. Jones now own the Cooper house, man, when Alice Cooper came into his sheriff's hole and was just like, but what about me? Yeah. Do you love her? And he's, but also when she said,

do you love her, do you love her referring to Gladys Jones? And he said, she's the mother of my children. Who else is the mother of your children, FP? But then that's the whole thing. It's like, is that ever going to come out?

But I also think that, like, you don't burn Alice Cooper, especially with all this farm shit going down. I feel like she's going to come back and her love and him destroying her heart he's going to fucking come back and get him. Oh. And go fucking come back and get him.

You don't throw Alice Cooper away. We hadn't seen a lot of interaction between Alice and FP in a long, long time. And I was so happy that they put that scene in there to, like, bring back that storyline of like, yeah, FP and Alice have this, like, long, you know, intense emotional history together. And sure, it makes sense that some feelings are dredged up now that Gladys is back in town. But, and they're not, and they're not communicating properly as a couple that fell back in love with each other. And that's definitely going, something's going to happen. Something's going to happen, and I don't know what it is. But I know it's going to have to do with the farm.

And it's going to have to do with that house. And I wonder if they put anything in the house. The fact that she's just like, I know that she wants to get rid of the past and whatever, whatever. I was like, the house is booby trapped. She puts some sort of gargoyle king something in there to make it be like, come here the godgoidal king i feel like they did something to the house yeah i don't know i think it's gonna be i think it's just like you know the whole thing is a facade right and again i don't know with riverdell you never know whether they're doing something on purpose but like you know the whole theme of this episode is again how how straight and how strong and how legit fp is now but of course he's not right and he doesn't even know that his wife right am i wrong he doesn't yet yet know that gladys is here to be like the drug queen no he doesn't know because jughead chubes at the end of the episode, not to tell him in front of everyone in the town, which is very smart. Thoughtful of judgment. That might have been the, I think that might have been one of the

smartest things he's ever done. I was like, good for you for not outing your mother, your very violent, scary mother in front of everyone in the town. Good for you. But also, it was a really touching moment between father and son. He's like, I'm proud of you. I'm proud to share your name and all that stuff. I know that he's not legitimate, whatever, whatever, but also He's a hot daddy and I love F.P. He's an extremely hot daddy. He's, oh, good Lord. He does right by his family.

He does. And I find that very attractive. Listen, the fact that F.P. is a criminal is not a turnoff to me. It is a turn on. You know, I was less turned on. You're turned on by him in the sheriff outfit. I am not. I'm much more turned on by him being the vigilantee that he is.

And so I have no problem with the fact that FP is still a criminal, you know, that he got his sheriff outfit by criminal ways. but I am worried that they are setting the Jones family up for a big fall because they're going to move into this house and they are not the Cooper's. I mean, obviously the Cooper's had a lot of bad stuff going on too, serial killer daddy. But they are not like, they can't move. You can't just be like, oh, yeah, now I have the American dream all of a sudden.

I got it by doing two murder cover ups and my wife is a drug queen. And now, you know, now we're just going to be this whole. Wholesome family that lives next door to, you know, to the Andrews and stuff. Like, I just am afraid that they're going to move into that house and it's all going to fall apart. And it's all going to be highlighted. Like, the fact, like, Joe has going to feel, and FP both, I feel like they're going to feel like we never deserved this. We never could actually come. We could never make this switch from one side of the tracks to the other because we're always going to be serpents, you know.

Well, I feel like Gladys Jones is eventually going to destroy the house by making it some sort of thug hangout. You know what I mean? Or that she keeps saying that she's going to get a real job. Or is she going to turn like behind the house, she's going to turn that into a garage. I feel like she's going to do something to make it a hub of gang warfare. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Bring the south side, bring the other side of the tracks to the right side of the track. To the north side, baby. I like that.

I feel like that's just an infiltration, which makes me love it even more. But also, like you were saying, you know, things just happen on Riverdale. Sometimes it means something. Sometimes it doesn't. like the end of last episode when Betty Cooper set the house on fire but didn't do it very well. And it didn't matter at all. It didn't matter.

They were just like, oh, okay. The house is burned. Like literally that plot point did not matter what. And the end of that episode, she was like, I have a feeling that everything would be okay. And the next episode is just like, oh, a corner of the house is burned. Yeah, yeah, no, that was like a candle thing. Don't worry about it.

You're still buying the house, though, right? Everything's fine. Can we also just say that I don't know what Taylor makes F.P.'s sheriff outfits. But man, do they cut that out? I've never seen such a sexy sheriff's outfit before. It fits

him so well. Just every... I was staring at his waist. And I'm not saying I was staring at his penis. I'm saying I was staring at his waist and how it just like hugs him in all the right ways, but then hugs his bristling muscles up top too. Mm. Oh, man. The things F.P. does

to me. and he's a good father. Yeah, he's a good father. He, and he, you know, I think a lot about why it is that daddy, Skeet Ulrich is so much hotter than, like, the craft, Skeet Ulrich. And I think it's the beard. I think he doesn't have the best jaw, but with the beard, his face looks just like, it just works for him in a way that being clean shape.

Like, like, again, I thought when I went back and watched the craft, I was like, I'm going to love Skeet Ulrich in a way that I didn't know I did. And then I saw his face and I was like, well, you know. You know? Because he's a baby in it, too. We like daddies. We don't want the babies. That's true.

Which is why, you know, we started all of this because of how much I wanted to bone zone jughead. And that's really fallen by the wayside for me. And this is a big thing for me to say. Wow. I don't want to bones. Although when he was giving the speech to his father, he did look really sexy up on that stage. He does have a way with words.

It still kind of gets me in my heart somewhere. I was meant to ask you about this. and I'm a little bit relieved to hear you say, not that I ever judged you for liking Jughead, but I... Ouch, I feel like I was judged. I never quite have. And I always felt like I should.

I felt like I had a deficit for not liking Jughead because he's the exact type of boy that I like, and especially that I would have liked when I was younger. Like a sad poet boy who wears, you know, baggy flannel shirts and stuff. But I had a realization this episode, and forgive me, it's an ungenerous thing to say,

but I think that Jughead's got very beady eyes. I understand, because you know how I feel about Josh Hartnett with his beetle eyes. So I, and usually, see, Jughead is usually not even my type. There's just something about him that was just so broody that I was usually pretty into it. Yes, right, right, right. And now the fact that, you know, he's just, he's just not the same jugget he used to be. But how can you be with all these things going on, you know? That's true.

And I think, right, but I guess, right, I feel like I can imagine, I know there are two different. people. But like I could, I could imagine having a crush on Jughead, but like not having a crush on like Dylan Sprouse, even though they're like, they look the same. But it's Jughead's character, right? Yes. Oh, yeah. But also then you should see that movie that Cole Spouse is in about cystic fibrosis and see if you have a crush on him and that. I can't wait to watch it. No one will go see it with me. And I was like, I'm going to wait until I was like, I'm going to go see it. By feet apart. I'm going to go see it. Alone. I'm going to enjoy it.

There is a genre of things made for teens right now that is like teens who are sick. Love stories about teens who are sick. And it's not that they shouldn't make stories about people who are sick. Of course they should. But there's something very, very like disability porny about it. Like, oh, inspiration porny. Like, oh, we're all dying and we're all loving as we die and living and loving. And I just wish we could have more time to love.

It's bad. It's bad. But like oh, but then of course drughead's there and I'm like, all right, you dreamy little 20 something. I see what you're doing. Oh, and I mean, I am here for it. You know what else I'm here for? Can we talk about these Cheryl and Titi's sex scene?

Yes. What the hell? Oh, my God. Another thing I love, I'll always love about Riverdale is how gay it is. It's fucking awesome. They got all these women characters who are. Some are good, some are bad. It's, they don't have, women don't have to be one thing on this show.

And they, they are so many gay characters in Riverdale, and it's fucking awesome. And they just had this sex scene between Cheryl and Titi, juxtaposed with an extremely high stakes. What was it, what was the high stakes? That we will get into. You mean King of the Mountain? Yes, King of the Mountain. Yeah, we will get into King of the Mountain. But I actually loved that that scene was going back and forth between like, hot fuck, hot fuck.

like, pow, pow, pow, pow. Yeah, yeah, because that's why I love Riverdale. It was. It was like they know what the people want on the one end, but on the other hand, I was like, this is such a strange montage because the king of the mountain is extremely high stakes. It's like Archie has

to survive 12 different people who want to kill him. Who want to beat him to death. And so we're alternated back and forth. Will Archie survive finally the cursing? The curse that's been on him, that Hiram Lodge put on him, of people trying to kill him forever,

that is just cut back with this completely low-stakes, sex team between Cheryl and T. But, but, but it's not low stakes, Molly, because this is it. This is the end of their relationship. Yeah. You know those fucks. You've had those fucks in real life. Yeah, no, you're right. You know, when you're having sex with someone, you're just like, I think this is the last time we're having sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm just gonna like, have a good time or really put my all into it because I'm really, really want to break up with this person, but I just want this one last, can we just have this one last taste? Yeah, no, you're right.

It could be, you know? Yeah, it was emotional. The emotional stakes were high because, right, because their relationship is falling apart. Because Cheryl V. Titi, and we all know what's going on with the pretty poisons, and the pretty poisons is T.T.T.'s gang. But Cheryl does not like to be controlled. She is obviously a very controlling person. I didn't even realize that Titi had officially moved in with Cheryl Blossom,

which I wasn't even thinking about that. But she had moved in to the, what is it called, the maple syrup farm? What do they call it? Oh, it has like a- I forget what it's called. I forget. It has a cool name to it. Yeah, it has like a compound name.

But yeah, I mean, I think that they moved in out of necessity because T.T. like, lived at the serpent camp. Yes. And then when they got- right. When they got kicked out, she didn't really have another place to live, I don't think, but they weren't ready for it. They weren't ready to live together. That's the thing. Yeah, they just turned into like an old married couple as soon as they moved in together. But then you also don't want, again, I'm calling this now. I mean, obviously, whatever this next musical episode with Heather's is

going to be, but you don't fuck with Cheryl. I feel like it's the same thing that they're setting up with Gladys Jones. You don't fuck with Cheryl. And you doing this, and now that she's heartbroken, get out of her way. I am now also like high key scared of Cheryl Blossom because she is upset and she's on the war path

and is she going to join is she going to try and get back in with the serpents? That's a good question. And go after the pretty poisons because I feel like I hope.

Oh God, I hope they get back together. I hope they, because what do you think that was official breakup? You think that was like a like a breakup, break up?

Well, I don't, I mean, my big. question is, aren't they supposed to go to college together next year because Cheryl got Titi that spot? Did get her into college and she's going to pay for her college, right? I think so. They were moving very fast for a teenage relationship. Thistle house. It's called Thistle House. That's what it's called. I've been just like in the back of my brain like, what is it called? What is it called? What is it called? So, you know, these things are going down between our lovely ladies, which means we're not going to get any,

unless we get hate fuck scenes in the future. And that I'm also Let me, let me watch it. Also, when did they start that every time Cheryl entered a scene, she entered in slow motion. Has that been happening for a while? Because I feel like every part of Cheryl Blossom in this episode was just like, and she's just so sexy. It's a good question. I didn't notice, but I will start taking notes. Oh, it's slow motion, baby.

It is. They're really leaning into it. And I, but I get it. I wish my whole life was in slow motion. Can you imagine how long it would take for me to do anything, even though everything already takes so long for me to do? If everything in my life was just sexy and slow motioned up, like 20%. That's all I'm asking.

20%. Yeah, well, and Cheryl, you know, she really knows how to command a room when she walks into it. So it makes sense that everything closed down. Good Lord. Kiss that mouth. Whatever lipstick she's using, I want to want an honest. I want it on my collar. But now we got to get into the Red Pallet and King of the Mountain,

which I laughed and I laughed and I laughed when they were talking about it's like, remember that, remember that game we used to play when we were kids? King of the Mountain. Archie, you always won King of the Mountain. So why don't we play it for you till death? You ask? You know what, I was pretty good at Twister. Does that mean I have to twist her to death?

Are people going to have to attack me at some point in my life? Or it's just like, well, she was going to twist her, but can she do twister with a bunch of people with knives for hands? I was really good at Dance Dance Revolution. I didn't want to do a high-stakes. Be careful. You got to be careful. That could be your death someday, Molly. Never tell anyone.

Take this out of the episode. No one let no one know you're good at DDR. Well, how about if you don't beat 12 people at Dance Dance Revolution, you die? You die, you idiot. So Archie goes to Hiram Lodge. It's like, hey, how many people did you ask to kill me? He's like, 12. And he's like, okay, thanks, Mr. Lodge.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. All right, awesome. And then Hiram Lodge just gives him the keys to the boxing place that I guess he was working at, but then now Hiram La Jones, but now Archie owns? Yeah, I think Archie owns it. Right, it's an abandoned. He's like, oh, it's an abandoned part of town. I think that was something, I don't remember why. He owns all of the businesses down there. He owns it. And then he gives him the keys. Yeah. And at the end of the episode, he's like, keep him. What? What is Archie going to do with him? What is he going to do with it? Obviously, he's not going to teach other people

had to do it because the last kid he tried to teach how to box tried to stab it because he had one of the quest cards. So now I also don't feel like all of those quest cards have been received. You know what I mean? I don't think this is really over. Yeah, right. I mean, somebody could have made a copy of them. Hiram Lodge could have been dishonest about how many there were. They were just laminated pieces of paper. Anyone can make a copy of that. Which, As seen by the fact that they just created a quest. They just created another quest. I'm like, how about you come kill the Red Paladin?

Right, right. You could just make this cards. Yeah, you could just make, you can make it up. You didn't do whatever you want. Another beef that I had with this plot point is that Jughead says, like you said, Oh, Archie, remember when you always won King of the Mountain? And they're like, yeah. And so then they play a game that is definitively not King of the Mountain.

King of the Mountain is a game where you stand on top of a like a pile of snow in my childhood or a hill. But like what wouldn't, when we would play it. Oh, you've heard of this game before. Yeah. I mean, when we would play it. So like it's a real game. And you could play it on a hill. But like what the best way to play it was like when, when it snowed and they would like plow the blacktop at school so that there was like big piles of snow.

Oh, of snow. And then you would stand on the, somebody would stand on the top of the piles of snow, and then the other kids would try to climb to the top of the mountain, and the king of the mountain has to knock everybody down the hill. And it's extremely fun. Oh, so they don't get to the top. Yes. King of the mountain basically means you're defending the top of the hill.

It's supposed to be played on a hill, is what I'm saying. It's not just a boxing match. Where you fight to the death, which apparently now it is. So I hope that kids don't just start playing. in this kind of King of the Mountain, where it's like only hand-to-hand combat, no weapons one at a time. They got all these rules, which that was smart to do, rather than just all of them coming in at once. But when he's in it where it's like they send out the call of like meet the red pallet in here and that he's just going to wait here. Also, the rules of this version of King of the Mountain

are, they have three minutes to knock down Archie. That's a long time in the boxing world. I'm assuming to stand there and get punched by 10 different people. Because two of the people with the quest cards are already gone. So that's 10 different people that he had to fight. Yeah, I think that's right. I don't know how long a round is in boxing. Is it three minutes? But right, that's like...

That's what Jughead said. He's like, you have three minutes to knock him down or, like, get him out. And then if he knocks you down, then it's immediately over. Uh-huh. And, yeah, so he basically was in there for, you know, 36 minutes being pummeled. by people. Part of the quest was that he had to defend the mountain for 12 hours. But thank Christ, they all came at once. But also, what were those gangs and what were those costumes? Yeah, there was all these people who we had never seen before, who were apparently also G&G players,

who also wanted to kill the Red Paladin, which I guess is possible. But at the same time, Riverdale seems like such a small town that there's literally like 20 people in and they all know each other. So, like, who are all these other people and who are all these? There's just like a huge population of comic book nerds there? Well, I think they're all just fizzle rock heads. I think they've just been under rocks. But at the same time, if you think about it, this is why I kept telling myself

that most of them were all juiced up on fizzle rocks. Shouldn't he have been juiced up on fizzle rocks, too? He wouldn't do that, Jackie. I know. That's not how I played. It wouldn't really be winning if I did that. I've got integrity. Your Archie is pretty spot off, by the way.

Because you're right. And I just, I'm still so curious about what Fizzle Rocks does to people. Yeah. Is that more of a heroin or is that more of a Molly? Because we know that Jingle Jangle was Molly, essentially. Basically, although. What is Vizzle rocks? Riverdale has kind of like a Save by the Bell problem where they create these drugs.

It's very nine, their relationship to drugs is very 90s. Like they create these drugs and the drugs, like many drugs don't cause you to absolutely immediately freak the fuck out forever, you know? Like, and the way that we were told they did in the 90s, like, oh, I smoked a joint and now my life is ruined. And now I'm over. And I feel like, like, Riverdale's portrayal of drugs is, and I know that they are hard drugs and they're being manufactured in a prison, and those do tend to be the ones that hit you

are. That's pretty rough. And that's pretty rough. So there's that. But I, like, they're very vague about what the drug, what type of drugs they are. are, whether they're stimulants or whether they're opioids or and so and then it's just has like a very 90s like, this is your brain on drugs. Oh, everybody's so fucked up. But we never actually, it's a little bit. Talk about it. Yes, exactly. We don't really know, like, is everyone on an

opioid? Is this is, is everyone on a stimulant? Like, what is it, you know? I've no idea, but all we know is that drugs are bad. Yeah, it reminds me of the dare program. It's like, doesn't matter what it does. Does it change you at all? It must be bad. It's like, well, then Maybe stop drinking coffee, you bitches. But, you know, that's just me and my problem with the day or program. But at the end of the day, Archie does one king of the mountain. He wins King of the Mountain. He goes against Captain Golightly, which I didn't remember Captain Go Lightly at all,

but I guess it was the, because we meet so many people. It was the warden's gumba who also had a card. So he had two people gunned to kill him inside of the, inside of Juvie that he wasn't even aware of. So, yeah, grown men. Grown men really want to kill this kid. Yeah, and he took down all of them. And now, apparently, the quest is sated. And I don't think that that's true.

It's definitely going to come back. And especially the fact that Hiram Lodge gave him the keys to this boxing ring that he now just owns as an apology for sending 12 people out to go kill him. But if Archie, I swear to God, if Archie starts working for Hiram Lodge again and doesn't learn, his lesson, I'm going to flip out. I mean, he can't start working for Hiram Lodge again. You can't. You can't. When does anyone in Riverdale ever learn their lesson? No, you're right.

Ever. You're definitely right. Especially, in fact, I just went back to the conversation between Veronica and Betty when she was just like, I heard from a source that this is happening, but it's a source. is definitely a source you don't know the source don't worry about my source but I know that this is happening that kind of shit we're just like learn your lesson stop talking about this shit

I love it I love everything about it I really loved King of the Mountain I love the fuck scene even though they're they're setting up yet another domino to be knocked down especially next week with the Heather's the musical episode which man did Cheryl Blossom just shut down Kev of just like, no, we're not doing Godspell, which I thought it was funny that the farm wanted to do godspell, by the way.

No, that was great. Oh, that. I love a Godspell reference. I love a Godspell reference. And my brain, I was just like, ah! But they're going to do Heather's the musical. This is going to be fucking awesome. When that happened, I was like, oh, hell yeah. Yes, set it up.

Set it up, Everdale. Set it up, baby. And what is going to happen at this Heather's musical? I'm not sure. but oh man I forgot to talk about oh god and how cringy cringy cringy corny it was when Cheryl Blossom slow mo walked into Labanui and Titi and Ronnie were singing call your girlfriend that was fucking fantastic these are the moments in Riverdale I live for call your girlfriend on River I was like yes what a great choice of song this is perfect it's so good oh god I love Riverdale

I love Riverdale so much. I can't wait for this week's episode. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. Oh, and I forgot to talk about Daddy Brigade at Lebonneau. At the end of the episode when FP was like at his birthday party, no one else was there, but do you see the setup of like behind him? Oh, and when Luke Perry came on the screen. I know.

It sends me chill. Like it gives me weird chills. I know. It's awful. And I was just like, but you're dead. It's awful. It's like there's something so like devastating about seeing. him on screen now.

It's really terrible. Especially knowing that they just shot this weeks ago. Yeah, right. It really hurts a lot. But it just in the background behind FP, it was Fred Andrews and then it was Sheriff Keller, who I will always call Sheriff Keller even though I know he's not a sheriff anymore. But just like leaning on the bar behind him drinking drinks,

it was like, man, I just want to talk about dominoes. I want to knock down, you know, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Gimmy, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, oh, I love a daddy. didn't even get into the whole age discrepancy of the fact that there's no way FP is 50, especially with all the flashbacks in high school. We have figured out that they're definitely in their late 30s. But you know, what timeline? You know, like what timeline is this? It doesn't really, it's Rivetale, baby. Forget it, Jugger. It's Rivetale. You know, when you're a teen, everybody between the ages of mid-30s and mid-50s is basically the same age anyway.

They just old. They just daddy-age. and we do know that. Thank you guys so much for joining us this week. We are going to be watching, oh, man, this musical episode could be great. It could be great. It could be the worst. I don't know. You know, I was not fond of the last musical episode.

No, me neither. However, remember in the last musical episode when, what's her name, dumb bitch, Midge. Midge. When she was hung up against the, like, scenery murdered as fuck. so something's going to happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the stakes were,

I liked the plot of the last musical episode. I just could not cope with the singing. And I love musicals. I'm not familiar with the Heather's musical? I'm not. I'm not either. So I wonder if it is like, I wonder if it's going to be singy, singy,

or how singing it's going to be, or is it going to be talk singing. I'm hoping since Reggie just had a big scene, that means Reggie's going to be forced to sing in a scene, which I'm here for it. Yeah. I'm ready for it. I mean, it'll be, it'll be great.

I just, I just kind of want them to do, what if they did like a Les Més musical, you know? I feel like that I would be here for. Oh, oh. But I would, I just, the second you said that, I just was like, and then this person would be this baby. Yeah, exactly. I love this, I love this, I love this.

How fun would, Archie would obviously be Jean Valjean. Yeah, but at the same time, I wish we could do the daddy version of it because then we would bring, uh, Andrew, Fred Andrews back from the dead, and he would play Jean Valjean. Jean, because that would be perfect. Yeah, he would be a much better Jean Valjean, and then Archie could be Marius.

Oh, my God. Yes. All right, we can't get into this conversation. You're exciting me for something that doesn't exist. Just still go, who cares? What about the rest of our work? I don't have any other work. Let's dream for a little bit longer.

We love you guys so much. Thank you for joining us for today's Riverdale Roundup. It was specy. It was spicy. And man, I'm going to continue thinking about that fuck scene between Cheryl and Titi for a while. I'm here for it. Thank you, Molly. And, um, dude, we'll talk to you guys next week about a fucking musical.

I cannot wait. Love you guys. I can't wait. Love you, mate. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to Last Podcast Network.

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