Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 31: G is for Gargoyle

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

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Guys, we are back. We are back with Riverdale. But is Riverdale back with us? I don't know. I have to, you know, you know, everyone knows. I love this show. I love this show so fucking much. But can I just say I really fucking hated this episode?

Yeah, yeah. I feel like Riverdale is, you know, either I've been going on a journey in season three or it's been going on a journey. But I, my relationship with it is as tumultuous as the relationship between Tony and Cheryl Blossom. Man, the ups and downs of Cheryl and T.T. Because it's like they just got over a breakup, which I understand, you know, they're high schoolers. So that's going to happen sometimes because I was just, I actually, I was just watching the last, I had to catch Jeff up on the past like four episodes. So I was watching back through. And it's just, And he's like, I don't even understand what they're fighting about.

It's like, yeah, you know, it's just, it's a distance thing. I do get that. But then immediately, Cheryl is taken by the farm. We are, we are, she is, she, they've got Kevin and now they got Cheryl. Yeah. And I felt like such a loser because at the beginning of that episode, I was like, great idea, Betty. Go to Cheryl.

Cheryl is your rock. Cheryl is a stone cold bitch who can't be seduced by anybody. You know, I totally was like, I was all. in with Cheryl being the one who could help take down the farm. And it turns out I was put, I was betting on the wrong horse. And of course, Cheryl gets all swooped up. But what happened in this episode? But Tony shows us that she can be the one to be the rock by Betty's side and team up with her against the farm. We got an insider now. See, but then what if Tony also has some sort of past that she is not talking about? Because we know that she has her, you know, her grandfather,

That was the head of the serpents. Yeah. That was, that was, that doesn't make any sense. So there is that. So she must have some past traumas that she's not talking about that. What if they find something like that?

And then they get Tony. Can I just, can I jump right in because the episode jumped right in? Can I, can I jump right into my central beef with this episode? Please. It was so, this is,

I don't know if this is going to be everybody else's beef. But, oh my God. I was so pissed because, What do we find out in the last episode? We find out that Cheryl, the reason why she was so easily converted is because at the farm, you see dead people. And you can talk to them and you can, you know, be comforted by them. And they're, you know, that's.

And so Cheryl is very vulnerable to this because of her twin brother, Jason. And Alice Cooper. Her only sorts of life. I understand. Oh, I get it. Yes. We all saw season one, you know. We know it was going, something where it was going on with them and a lot of love there.

But, and then Alice Cooper was vulnerable to it because of her son Charles, who she feels a lot of guilt over and et cetera. So we find out that they're, that it's this religious, you know, cult is offering like communications with the dead. And my, I was so pissed off in this episode because they spend like 30 minutes of the episode being like, oh, you can change their minds by just prove. that the dead people are dead. And I'm like, have you never heard of religion before you fucks? That's the whole thing. It's a faith. It's a faith-based cult.

That's not how it works. I was so pissed off about this. I was like furious. Like, they brought back Hal just to have a scene with him being like, go get a gravestone. It's like, what? You really think that this fucking faith-based, like, the entire idea of most of Christianity is that like after you die, you're still...

It's a fake thing. Like, I think that when I was growing up, though, it was very comforting that Christianity was, I wasn't raised Christian, but it was very comforting to me to think of like, yeah, the dead people aren't gone when they're dead. That's great. People hold that in their hearts.

Regular people who aren't in cults hold that in their hearts. So of course, these people who are in a big old cult are going to be totally not, like, if it's totally like, again, normal to think that, like you can like that the dead aren't really gone, which is fine to think, then why would this cult that's offering ongoing communication with the dead? Why would they be swayed by being like, oh yeah, there's this video of Jason being killed? Well, and that's why I'm glad that Cheryl was like, it must be fabricated. Yeah, right. There's no way because because they drank the poison. But then

that also leads me to think, though, do you think it is just a faith-based cult or do you think? Do you think that they are feeding them something that along the lines of, is it just called G, the new zombie candy that we're going to get into? It's called G for Gargoyle, which I was like, okay, the writers took a vacation this week. Really? Like, you're just going to call it G for Gargoyle? Like, yeah, no, that it's, it's right. So, and again, like, many regular religions have a concept of the afterlife.

It seems like one of the central tenets of religion. So that's a normal thing for a religion to have. I think that the farm is offering something different, which is probably based in mushrooms. Although Titi did ask the question, did you touch him? Were you able to touch him? And Cheryl didn't answer the question. Cheryl lied, I thought. I thought she was like, yeah, of course.

And then, like, change the subject. But it's like, that's the whole thing. It's like if you can't touch them, so is it like a hologram kind of thing? Is it all just like, or are they being fed drugs so that they see things, which is what I feel like is more what is happening here, right? Right. It has to be more nefarious than just giving comfort to people. Yeah, right. Just like normal religion.

Yes. Right. I guess right. My question after Cheryl's response to the videos of saying, oh, that has to be fabricated. My question is, okay, so is the farm telling them that these dead people aren't really dead? or is the farm telling them that they can that they are communicating with the dead right because even alice when she saw the gravestone she was like which it was a fake gravestone obviously but it was obviously a fake gravestone Betty Betty what do you do it's like it didn't even look

like the other gravestones in the graveyard it looked like a friend so is that what so did betty go out and have that made that was never made clear is that some other guy named charles is real Gravestone? Maybe you couldn't need that. Gravestone. They never, again, the writers were on vacation this episode. They were like, yeah, G for Gargoyle, whatever. Bring back Hal.

I don't know. Tell him, tell him, fake gravestone. But Hal's there for no reason. No reason whatsoever. Although for the fact that now Hal and Alice are going to get a divorce, which does lead to me that I was so happy that Hal immediately brought up like, what, is she engaged to somebody else? Because she must be engaged to Edgar Ever and Ever, ever.

Yeah. I think that that is true. That's a development, I guess. Which also, I would definitely, you know what? He's a very comforting man. I get why people are charmed by him because apparently he just walked into the desert to die, found a tree, and got nursed back to health by a farmer. And that's why he created the farm.

Also, that's not a bullshit story, Molly. No way. There's a way it's bullshit. Well, and the farm, as far as I can tell, is not a farm, right? As a convent, it's not on a farm. There is no farming. They're in a building all the time. We've never seen them outdoors.

But then he's like, so then I just farmed. I just started farming. And farming saved my life. I'm like, where is the farm? Specifically, the farming aspects of the farm. Unless are they farming souls? I feel like it's going to make. What if it ends up being something like they're making clones of people,

which that would be a lot of. fun. Let's get back into like the 90s, you know, flubber type fake science where it's like all of a no, no, no, we're making clones. Maybe that's why they can actually talk to the dead. Maybe they're digging up the dead and making clones of them. Yeah, that would be fun. Honestly, I hope it's something like that. I really hope it's not just the normal everyday comfort of religion and the afterlife, helping you commune with the dead, which is something that plenty of normal people feel like they have achieved through prayer and sometimes mushrooms, you know. Well, because I really feel like that, I mean, this is still Riverdale.

Even though it was not an episode that maybe we enjoyed, this is still Riverdale. It's Riverdale, Jughead. And I think that it has to get weirder. Besides the fact that just, also, Cheryl, white's just not your color. I was so upset when they were walking down the goddamn hallway and they're all wearing white. It was like, but we just had the whole interaction. It was like, I am red. Red is Cheryl Blossom

When she was like kicking T.T. out of the school, quote unquote, during the musical episode. Yes. Although, I guess when I am feeling charitable to these last few episodes of Riverdale, I guess you could argue that there is something that it tells us a lot about Cheryl's emotional depth

and her connection to Jason that she was basically willing to completely sacrifice everything about who she currently is in order to be able to be closer to him, you know? Right. And I'm just, I think that that was a really good beef with the episode. I think my other beef with the episode is that they are relying on the gargoyle king far too often.

Now it's like at the end, which, okay, jelly bean has to be doing other things. We know that she is trying to get FP in her good graces and she's doing a very good job of that. cut to Jelly Bean wearing a fun hat with the other child that tried to kill Archie a couple of episodes who vanished, which also I knew that little boy was coming back. Ricky. And Ricky is playing G&G with Jelly Bean.

And Jelly Bean happens upon the Gargoyle King. But I think that Jelly Bean is deeper than we've seen yet and is going to, like, I think she's hatching up something. and I don't think it has anything to do with fizzle rocks. But what, so when they showed up in the end and the gargoyal king was there, I was just like, okay, that's it. Yeah, we know. We know about the, like, that doesn't excite me. That doesn't make me scared for jelly bean because I feel like jelly bean can fucking take care of

herself, you know what I mean? Well, yeah, I think that you can only have like a cut to the gargoyle king, like, ooh, shot so many times. And we've had it like 15. 16 times in this season at least. And they cannot fake us out how many times have we found out who the gargoyle king was only for it not to be

the Gargoyle king. It's like four. It's past the rule of three at this point. And it's a really boy who cried wolf situation. I'm like whatever. It's not the fucking Gargoyle king. There is no real Gargoyle king. I thought it was Hiram Lodge. I thought honestly that that plot line was over. Like they're losing the thread. I don't understand what's going on with Curtis.

What's his name? Kurtz. Kurtz. And he's the only young person on the show. Someone on Twitter also likened him to, they're like, does anyone think that Kurtz kind of looks like Travis from the last podcast network?

And I was like a greasier version, but yeah, kind of. I was actually thinking that Kurtz looks, I wanted to say this in Marcus's presence, but Kurtz looks a little bit like how I imagine maybe Marcus looked when he was like 15. Oh, yeah. sweaty and just kind of like with the shifty eyes.

It was like somebody maybe's always after me, man. And it's the other thing too, where it's like they keep relying on that's like, okay, they almost got Kurtz and then Jughead fell out of the window and then Kurtz got away. And then there's the little kid, Ricky, who stabbed Archie in the stomach, which also completely fine. You know, we see him multiple times without a shirt on. I think that that is all healed up and everything's good. And he got away.

Why can't we keep? behold of any of these damn enemies. And I feel like Riverdale is using it as an excuse to just be able to randomly bring back people, which although, as much as I'm yelling about this right now, I usually love. Yeah. And I usually love the complete nonsense of Riverdale, where you just really don't know what's going to happen. And, you know, your main character might get buried alive and then be fine in the next episode.

Like, that is the reality that you accept upon entering Riverdale. Yes. But there is like, like I think, like you said, it's the stakes aren't high enough. Like, we're in this like stuck. Like they've been, it's like they've been. They're treading water. Yeah, right. It's like they have enough storyline for maybe 12 episodes and they have like 22 episodes.

That's kind of what it feels like. It's just too many episodes. I think it's really, because it, I feel like this kind of happened around this time last year with the black hood as well. We're like, okay, we got the black hood. But like, we didn't get the black hood. But we got all these, I feel like this is the time of year that things are kind of just like for the Riverdale Stafford's like, well, we're in the middle of like 20 insane plot lines. So let's just like, we wrote this episode. Just why don't we stretch it out a little bit further, you know?

Which maybe makes sense because like I feel like it's written kind of like a Netflix show, right? Or, you know, an HBO show where you get maybe 10 episodes and it all is like one super tight like, you know, true detective is eight episodes and everything. happens for a reason and it's all tight and tied together. Whereas, you know, the TV that we grew up on that was like network TV was, you know, 22 episodes per season or whatever. But it was like serial, it wasn't serials in the same way. It wasn't like ER. It wasn't like everything that happened in ER was part of one huge plotline, you know? It was just like things would happen and then it would build on each other. And so I feel like Riverdale is caught between the two where it's like not just like a new world every week, or not a new world every week, same world every week, but a new story every week.

It's trying to build on the same story, but it's 22 episodes or however many it is. So it's like, it's ridiculous. All these things are happening for no reason. Although I will say it is very funny when they do rely back on the other plot lines that they have instated over this, over the past couple of years, like when Jughead found baby teeth and in the beginning of the episode when FP and And Jughead, which, you know, of course, Jughead's just allowed at an open crime scene. And that the Gargoyle had done it. And now Jugget's like, but maybe, okay, no, no, no. Like, the Goggle King was here before, right?

But like, what if he's like, real now? Like, now he must be angry because he's taking out baby teeth, baby teeth. Yeah. And even though in the last episode, FP was like, boy, you better stay away from my crime scenes. In the beginning of this episode, FP is like, Boy, I need your help. And then suddenly, because Juggins was a fucking journalist

in his high school paper, he becomes like the lead detective on this investigation. I love it. I do love it, but also especially going back to the coroner, man, he's great. I have to say, the coroner is, he is definitely, what is his name again? Fuck. Dr. Curdle Jr. Dr. How could I forget, Molly, Jesus Christ.

he is, I think, overall, besides how much I want to have so much sex with F.P. He is, I think, my favorite character on the show when he said, I thought I'd seen the true face of evil, but this, whoever did this isn't even human. Doesn't he say something like that every single time they come to him with a question? He does. He's the only coroner on television who's, like, very disturbed by death. He's, like, the opposite of Melinda. He turned on by it? Yes, he's turned on by it.

But, you know, yeah, Melinda from Modern Nurse View is just like, her teeth were pulled out one by one while she was alive. I did an analysis on the teeth. No records, but I'll let you know when it comes up. And this guy's just like, who would kill someone? Who would do this? I really appreciate it. I do love, although very creepy detail to find out that he died from the blood loss of having

his teeth ripped out pre-mortem. And that, at that point, I paused the show and it was just like, you. Ooh. That is, I can't even imagine a worse fear than that. So that actually did shake me a little bit. Yeah, yeah. And there are like, you know, there are definitely, there have been moments throughout this, this season that have been,

that have seriously given me the willies, you know, like, you know, that the musical episode that we both loved. Oh, yeah. And when it ended with, uh, with, uh, with, uh, Chad Michael Murray, like, standing in the audience and everybody clapping and sing. The slow clap. That was such a promising, creepy, you know, moment. And I feel like I am glad that we're getting to know the farm a little bit more.

But I guess it's all like I got, it's kind of like a blue ball situation. Like we get a little bit more information about the farm in each episode, but we don't like, give me the good shit, you know, what the fuck has happened with these dead people. Because that's what I'm saying. That's why there's no way they can just leave this at like, oh, they're just helping people. There's absolutely, there's no way. And that's why I love that, like, Betty is digging in deep. And I have to say, I was happy with Betty this episode.

She is, Lily Reinhart is killing this show. She is. I feel like, she's another one of my, like, she's like my number two under Dr. Kurtles Jr. That I think that she is like this entire time, I love what she's doing. I believe, sometimes she's dumb, but she is still 17 years old. But, like, she, like, so, she's going and trying to get in and have conversations with Edgar Evernever,

which do we want to kiss him? Yes. I think I want to kiss. I was saying to Jeff that I want to kiss him, and he's like, his nose is flat in the middle of it. And I was like, oh, shut up. I want to kiss him. I'm allowed to want to kiss him.

He's not usually my type. And I don't think he's a daddy. He's not like an FP. Like, he's not a sheriff Keller to me. But I do want to kiss him. But like Skeet Ulrich, I never thought, well, I did think Skeet-Lorick was hot when I was young and now I just don't think he was hot when he was young the way I used to. But, but he, Chad Michael Murray is much hotter now than he was when he was on

One Tree Hill. I never thought he was hot on One Tree Hill. Me neither. And he really grew into, I think he grew into his flat in the middle nose. Yeah, he has a whole flat face. Like he's got like a, like a circle face. And I remember in One Tree Hill, he had like a shaved head or like a kind of shaved head. And I was like, this is not doing anything for your like two-dimensional face. Yeah, and he looks much better with it now. Is it weird? Do you want to sleep with men that wear linens all the time? Not usually. There's something so easy, breezy about him. I just feel like I want to sit in a cabana and drink a Rita with this man and like talk about my feelings. I mean, I would if he was in a cabana, but not in. I don't want to go to the, to his church,

you know. No, I don't want to be a part of the farm. But I do want to watch a sex scene between him and Alice Cooper. Yum. I mean, it will never do for me what Alice and FP. They have to, which also, they're going to get back together, right? I hope so. I hope so. Has to fuck up big time.

And then I think that Alice and FP are going to get back together after she is saved from Edgar Ever and Ever in the farm. Well, that's the other thing that this episode needed more of is Gladys Jones. And to go back to your question before about Jelly Bean, you know, they just like kind of introduced Jelly Bean and then we didn't see much of her. But obviously, FP is not parenting his children, even though he's. He had that whole episode where he was like, I got the American dream now.

Now that I got this stolen job that I got through murder. Although I think he might be a better sheriff than Sheriff Keller. Is that sacrilege? No, I think that. I mean, he definitely is really into it. Like, he's really into his job. And I think he's going after the right people. But he's not parenting jelly bean.

No. And Gladys isn't either. No. So who is? Well, that's why she's all caught up in G&G with a shifty little child. But is it also there's something about the farm and all this stuff going on at the same time as Kanye's Sunday service and everything that's happening? Like I don't know if you've read into it all with Kanye's Sunday service that he's been doing. That is not, it's not a, like it's not a place for sermons.

It's not a church per se, but it's a place for people to gather and play music and worship together and do all that. I'm not against that kind of thing. But there's something about when, like what Cheryl is doing with the farm, when it is the in thing and it is the cool thing to believe in something like that, is it not all just a cult? Or is that, am I just getting too far into how I feel just about religion in general? Or how you feel about Kanye in general? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a mixture of all of it. Especially when they're all wearing the white and everything. And it's just like, and Kanye's Sunday services are so exclusive.

that I was just like, man, all this stuff all happen at the same time. Once you make a religion or a cult something that is cool, of course people want to be a part of it. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was really afraid when Tony was walking down the hallway that she had joined. I was like everyone in this damn school, they're making announcements on the intercom about it. Cheryl has a lot of cultural capital.

So now she's going to probably pull in more people. You know, and I'm like, is this season going to turn into like the entire town? basically being taken over by this damn cult. Yeah, but then on top of it, which I'm sorry, I diverted away from Betty chloroforming her mother and handcuffing her to the bed that all of the teens have fucked on in Dilton's bunker. Yeah, with a lot of lit candles.

Yeah, man. And then she just like leaves her. She's like, I want you to think about what you're doing, which Betty, this is not the right way to go about this. Of course, she already sees you as a detractor. You were just furthering her paranoid thoughts that you are trying to keep her from the farm. And then handcuffs her to a bed with a bunch of pictures saying, like, think about where you came from. If someone did that to me, I put him in the ground.

But what that did lead to was what was a very satisfying aspect of this episode, which was the return, at least in mention. And I hope planting a seed for the future, the return of Dark Betty or, I like to call her, oh, Dark Betty. Blame, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, oh. I think that Dark Betty is, I think it really solidified when they fucked in front of the trailer on fire, when they both set a flight, which she's also been like pyromaniac crazy as of late. So I think Betty, I think Black Betty is here. Yeah, yeah.

And I think that, you know, first season, Dark Betty was just, you know, hamming, basically. and with a wig on and like not doing anything else or if that maybe that was second season, Dark Betty. But this dark Betty actually has some real fucking trauma to deal with, you know. So I think this Dark Betty is going to be a little darker than before. And especially like listening to the tapes and listening to what her mother said about her. Can you imagine listening to your mom say those things that we're supposed to be candid?

She's actually in the wrong with everything she's doing right now. but we are supporting her because of course she's like Alice shouldn't be a part of the farm. Yeah. She shouldn't be doing this. Right. I don't think that it's necessarily right

for Betty to be listening to her mom's private therapy tapes with a cult leader. Although at the same time, I think Betty is right to be like, this is a cult, this isn't therapy, this isn't whatever. I need to get these tapes.

I need to strategize here. So I support her listening to the tapes. But yeah, how hurtful is it to be like your mom looks at you and sees her serial killer husband? But she's got the darkness in her. Her mother's not wrong.

She definitely has the darkness in her. She does. Yeah. And she's much sexier when she embraces it. Yeah, she is. And at the end of it, so now Alice, who also just got a reporter job on the Riverdale television station, which must mean that it is owned by the farm now, right? Do you think that they're coming in and buying up everything?

Yeah, she said thanks to the farm, which makes me assume it must be some sort of religious news station. That or what if the farm is being so smart and Edgar Ever and Ever, ever, is taking control of all of the other sources outside of the prison, apparently making trading cards and drugs, if he's just becoming the head of everything else surreptitiously to gain complete control over the town. Yeah, that would be, you know, that that would be cooking with oil here, you know, as opposed to just hanging out of this damn church every week for 14. weeks or however long it's been. I very much, I know in my heart of hearts that there is more to this cult that we have not found out yet. But then the real question is, do you think he's also like married to Evelyn Ever and Never? Yes. And never, never. Definitely. Something, something creepy's going on with them. I wonder if she maybe's older, right? Like maybe she's a lot older than she's saying she is. I'm just trying to come up with insane things because nothing insane did happen this episode,

except you know what? I take that back. There were zombieification bath salt-esque now effects coming from fizzle rocks. True. That's true. It's time to start talking about G a little bit. Yeah, that's true. G for Gargoyle is a drug that turns people into zombies. And I'm so glad that FP brought up bath salts because I was like, do bath salts

exist in the world of Riverdale? Because they don't really talk about any other drugs outside of the ones that they themselves make. Which is something that I love about Riverdale. Yes. But Bass salts, right. And that had me thinking about Bass salts again and all those stories of people really truly eating people's faces off. Dude, you remember that story in Florida?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was Florida. Oh, it was Florida. Oh, it was Florida. But they keep finding these fucking zombies. And then just leaving them in a cell to detox with no medical attention.

And also leaving them in a cell to detox where they are in there with their. the other zombie-esque people, which do we really think this is a good idea? FP, there's got to be another cell somewhere you can put these things. And then they just came back into normal people who were like, oh, yeah, I got it from Kurtz. Yeah, it was just like this thing that I did this one time. Like, how does his brain come back? And of course he got it from Kurtz. We all know.

He's the only drug dealer in town now. He's the one. He's the one we have to deal with. Of course he did. And Kurt's really being the only teen on the, show who actually looks like a teen. Yes. Oh, yeah, a greasy teen, which is why I think it really, I think the effect goes even further. So is this like, what is it, is it outbreak that has the rage or is that no, is that 28 days later? I'm out of my element here. I can't answer that

question. I think it's 28 days later that has the, like, the rage issue and that's why they're like rage zombies instead, though Outbreak is a great movie. It's interesting that Elio, so we haven't even talked about Archie's dumb. Yeah, that was all stupid. I'm done with the box. How much boxing? Yeah. How much boxing are we going to watch him do?

If I wanted to watch a boxing movie, I'd watch Creed. You know, I'm just, Archie's not even a boxer. Like, he's been a boxer for what? Six months? I fucking hate it. And he's, him and his morals, I can't do drugs. Oh, yeah. You know, get over yourself.

So for this fight, so now he's a part of the gilded gloves. And they just had half the scene where he's, trying to make weight to fight Elio's dude. What's his name again? Ronson. Ron, is it Ron Ronson? Ron Ronson.

Who is most certainly at least 25 years older than Archie's. And is much more muscular than Archie is. And so he just, you know, he eats a couple of cheeseburgers, it's fine.

He makes weight. He's going to fight this dude, which also it's supposed to be at this huge competition that none of the other competitions are going on, right? I feel like at some good thing like that, you would have more than one. What are they called? Box them ups? Were those things called?

Hing. Teges? Oh, right. More rings. Yeah. Well, Archie and Veronica and everybody in this show, but especially Archie and Veronica, both have a way of just completely taking over, you know, kind of overshadowing everything else.

So Archie's like, oh, man, Veronica, you want to help? And she's like, I'm in. And then suddenly the whole thing has been taken over by them. And I don't even really understand what she was doing, fundraising it, sponsoring it. Well, she got pops to sponsor it. But obviously it's just a way for the two of them to get back together, which honestly, they deserve each other. Josie is so much better than Archie. And it's just like just or maybe it's just a way to like wean off Josie now that she's going to be coming out.

she's going to star in Katie Keen via Riverdale spin-off. That's right, right. So maybe they're just kind of slowly weaving her out, and then they'll just get Archie and Ronnie back together, which, again, they're fit for it. Dumb with dumb. Put dumb with dumb and then go have a dumb time. Dumb and useless with dumb and useless, for sure.

And they definitely almost kissed for half a second. If I hadn't just watched the previous four episodes on the same day, I would be like, wait, did Josie and Archie, wake up, no, they had that whole song in the musical of like, no, we do love each other. Yeah, well, and what's his fuck? Reggie wasn't even there. Man, you know, I think that, I think I'm starting to become more attracted to Reggie. Same.

100% same. And he also has a movie coming out that looks really, really, really bad. And it's like a rom-com. I don't know if it's based on a book or something. And I was watching the trailer for it before Shazam. And it was like, it was just Reggie. and he's like trying to get this girl to like him. And she's like, oh, but I didn't tell you, my family's not from here.

And we leave tomorrow. And he's like, I can make you fall in love with me in 24 hours. And the movie is called The Sun is Also a Star, which is the dumbest name for a movie of all time. I'm sorry, that is, I'm diverting here. But it really, I was just like, Reggie, what do you? He's just, he's another lug. He's a lug that I love. Yeah, you know, I just can't talk.

I can't talk about teen is it in Riverdale's movies without thinking of the jughead and a cystic fibrosis love story. Five feet apart. Did you see it? No. But I've seen the commercials and I've read the fault at our stars, which I know is about cancer, not cystic fibrosis, but I think I feel familiar with the genre. I think we understand.

She either going to die or y'all are going to be together forever. We know what happens on those movies. Although I do think that. those are the kind of movies that I will sit and watch alone and stoned out of my gourd and just like shake my head back and forth to kids these days. And so I'm sure that I'll watch it at some point. But we didn't even get to the end of the fight that Archie has with Run Run Runson, who has also taken the zombie G drug to give him the rage so that he can win the fight.

And it's a very scary drug. That's very scary that it's not something that your brain just breaks and that you could just come back from, which means it's like that's not an effect that I want in my life. Yeah. You know, it's like I don't even do blow anymore because it makes me too angry. Why would I want something that gives me the rage? Well, if you're fighting Archie Andrews, I guess, you know, four-month boxer Archie Andrews who's had one fight before, and you're the fucking heavyweight champion of Riverdale or middleweight champion or whatever,

I guess you're so scared if you got to do these roids. Although I'm sorry, his name is Randy Ronson. And I did forget that Elio gave him the drink. And he's like, what is this man? And then it's, so he just put the G. So then Elio, so maybe it's all through Elio and where it's coming from. Maybe he is the one that is putting all of the money into it. And Kurtz is making that for him.

And his other boxing championship, championship, fighting, illegal. Gambling? What is that word? The multiple fighting rings that are happening in Riverdale right now. Yeah. Elio is trying to be the next Hiram Lodge. Which is gross because Veronica also, I think, wants to fuck Elio. Oh, God, that sauna scene.

It was just so... I hate Ronnie. I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. I hate her as a character. Me too. I fully unapologetically hate her. But also is someone that, I mean, I know that you are just married to a lawyer,

but so I'm not sure if this means that you, ultimately no more. So Archie may have killed Randy in the fight because he doesn't get back up. But if it's, you'd have to do like some sort of, you have to go to the, oh God, the coroner, I guess, which Lord knows what he's going to say about. It's like, his abs were everything that I ever wanted in a man. And so would Archie be held accountable for killing him, right? Is he going to go back? to jail? Yeah, I mean, I'm certainly only married to a lawyer, but I mean, I think that you would have to determine to what extent Archie knew he was like unfit to be fighting. I mean, he was foaming at the mouth. Yeah, and Archie did know, but I don't know. I don't think, I mean, but I'll tell

you one thing, whether or not he's held criminally liable, Archie is going to be feeling this shame for his entire life. I don't even want to watch the shame. I don't even want to see. I was like, you see, you don't understand everything I do affects other people. And I got to work. I'm going to work for the greater good here. It's like, do you not realize? Do you remember you just took in an orphan?

Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. This is that going to help Archie's savior slash. Complex. Spider-Man Complex, where everybody I love is hurt. So overall, this is definitely an episode that is just trying to further the plot along. and I'm down. I think we got four episodes left.

Although what makes me very sad is that next episode is the last episode with Fred Andrews. And seeing in the audience, it really does hurt. It's very weird. It does hurt. And I wasn't sure whether this was going to be his last episode or not. And so I kept wait. I was like afraid that like Ronson was going to kill Fred or some like weird cop out to get Fred to be. I don't know how they're going to deal with it.

But yeah, it's, it's fucking devastating to see these scenes with Luke Perry. I know. I don't know what they're going to end up doing with this next episode, but they're going to have to get rid of Fred Andrews somehow. Yeah. Or maybe, you know, but the dead are never gone? Does that mean Archie's going to get brought up into the farm? Who knows what's going to happen?

All we know is that apparently, um, Hal Cooper thinks that his teenage daughter can get him out of jail just because he's signing divorce papers after he murdered multiple people. So, you know, in Riverdale, anything is possible. It's true. And in four episodes, a whole lot could happen. And I mean, I don't, I don't even know what's going to end up doing with the gargoyle king. But again, if they end on, like, if they end one more time with the gargoyle king, just like,

but it's a gargoyle king. I'm going to keep watching. But I'm going to yell about it every single time. Yes. You mark my words. Yes, me too. That's what we can do. We can yell about it.

Thank you guys so much for joining us on this week's episode of Riverdale Roundup. We got, oh, God, what's going to happen? All I know is that, you know, I did like the outfit that Pop's sponsorship got for Archie, and he looks really good in it. In his boxing outfit, you mean? I kind of, yeah. You know what the problem is? I just hated his character so much that I can't even possibly be attracted to him.

Yeah, I think that I feel the same way, even though I can, it's like, I think I can tell he is hot. I've probably thought he is out in the past on paper, but I just can't fucking stand to look at him. I love it. And I love you guys so much, too. We will be back next week with Freddie Andrews' last episode. And we're probably going to be sad, and we're going to talk through it,

and we're going to yell about it. And I love you guys. And we will talk to you next week. Bye. May. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our show.

by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.