Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 37:  Brets on Notice

Episode Date: October 31, 2019

Ooooooweeee, we are back to recap "Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon". As usual, we want to shake Archie to death, we want to kiss on Jughead after his prep makeover, and we are putting all Brets on notice.  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You know, if there's one thing I love about Riverdale, it's that, God damn, does it come out of nowhere? And it is still spezy, spicy to the fullest. Welcome to this week's Riverdale Roundup. We are talking season four, episode three, dog day afternoon. I thought that you were going to say, the one thing I love about Riverdale is the suicide vests. Because if that's the case, then this, then you were in luck with this episode. because it had 100% more suicide vests than usual. I'm just glad that they strapped it to a young mother.

You know, it is no holds barred on the Riverdale writing table. And I appreciate it between that and just like, I mean, across the board, so many things in this episode happened that I was like, what are you? From trying to be woke with Marmaduke of like, I like boys and girls. I was like, yeah, we get, we, I understand, we get it. We know, we know you moose.

That was my favorite line of the episode. I was like, oh, Riverdale, I love your like 101 queer friendliness, you know. I like boys and girls. And are you cool with that? And then drughead's like, of course I'm cool with it, Marmaduke. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I love it. I love it that it's very, it's very heavy-handed.

It's so heavy-handed. I'm sorry, we can't call him moose anymore. We have to call him Mar-Mars. But I think that we don't have to call him marmaduke for long because he is now immediately out of Stonewall Prep, which that part I didn't even get. Let's get the dumbest storyline of this episode out of the way because now we have to deal with all the Stonewall Prep bullshit until Stonewall Prep bullshit until Stonewall Prep becomes a skull and phone society and they're going to kill Jughead or attempt to kill Jughead. This is what my supposition is, if you will. But so they are, Jughead is going up against fucking Weston Wallace. I'm sorry, Brett Weston Wallace, which of course his name is Brett.

I'm sorry to all the Brett's out there. But I've been burned a couple of times by Brett's. Yeah. Yes. I think that, you know, Brett Kavanaugh really put all the other brets on notice, that if you're going to be a Brett in today's day and, made you got to be a really good brett. Especially a one-tie Brett.

Not to be like this, but a one-tie brett you gotta be scared of. And they are having their poetry, fictional writing duke-im-ups. And this time a girl one? Bull-hunk. Well, I have to say that whilst we're talking about Stonewall Prep and I, I like idea of the skull and bones thing that you put out but I just have to say right away that I love and I'm embarrassed to say it I love jughead's prep school boy look I mean yes of course I want to turn him bad because now he's especially he's so much more the brooding writer type it because it makes

me think of you ever see the movie with honors no oh it is well I don't I guess it's not some it's definitely not supposed to be sexy but it is a it's a college movie with um Encino man. What's the fucking name? Brendan Fraser. God damn it. Joe Pesci's in it. And Brendan Fraser is, like, it's, I don't know.

It's, it's a scholar movie, Molly. And they are sexy and they are brooding writers. Neither are the people you named are sexy. Brendan Fraser? His head is too big. I had a minute during the mummy era where I thought maybe, or George of the Jungle even, maybe. But his head is just too big. His eyes are too big.

This is like Encinoma. man era though. This is like 94. This is when he was like cut and sexy and like big-eyed brooding. Uh-huh. Maybe. But I'm sorry. Yes, you are right. This is Jughead. Well, no, I mean, nothing. Well, where's my serpent? I miss my serpent.

I'm surprised. I am not super attracted to Jughead when he's a little leather boy, which I, you know, I like my scruffy punky boys, but put him in like the vampire weekend look, you know, of like the college. shirt and the sweater but still with the stacking cap and I was like oh hello

Jughead I mean it's the same with FP you know I love a man in authority but if he was a fireman I would have I would want to fucking put his hose on my fire and I but I am not so I think it's

because my dad's a cop so I can't get into daddy cop the same way but I miss I also miss my leather daddy yeah no with FP leather daddy FP all the way And, you know, I think we were, Gideon and I were talking last night when we were watching of like, there is like, you know, the parent-child haughty duo thing is nice. Like both Betty and Alice are both real foxy. Oh, my God.

Both FP and Jughead are real foxy. And then I guess, you know, with Veronica, you know, her and both of her parents are real foxy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I miss seeing. I want more Hiram. I miss Hiram. And seeing him just, of course, just so easily. So as we all know, Hiram Lodge owns the jail.

And he is in jail. But he can just come and go as he pleases to make sure that Veronica isn't changing her last name to Gomez. Or what ends up finding out is that she changes her name to Luna. Because that was Hiram Lodge's Papa's name. And Papa changes last name from me. Luna to lodge, I'm assuming for racism. Yeah, I think that was to assimilate. Yes.

You know, that's also like Riverdale touching in the tedious, tiniest sense on white supremacy and racism. Tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny touch, which I mean, I'm just hoping that they are dropping the child abuse storyline from last week's episode. but maybe who knows who's going to get the shit beaten out of them this week. Yeah, we got 0% child abuse in this episode. But I will say an interesting thing that one of the many epiphanies I had during Riverdale, this week's Riverdale, is, you know, so they need to raise money.

A bunch of them need to raise money for different reasons. They all need to raise money this episode. But Betty needs to raise money to single-handedly without the help of the FBI stop a cult. and Archie needs to raise money because he's always wanted to make this community center since like three days ago, Mom, give me the money. What is he talking about? What is he talking about?

Archie's, I just want to shake Archie to death. That's exactly what I want to do with him. But so then they have a fun, Veronica, who is so rich and could just give it to them. She's like, I have an idea. And I thought it was totally going to be like a date, like a dating auction. But instead, they did a car wash.

And she was like, I know what people in this town want. And it was like the boys, high school boys doing a car wash. And there was some line that was like, oh, old Mrs. So-and-so is going to come by because, you know, she likes you, Reggie. And I just had a realization that never once ever since I graduated high school, not for a day, an hour, or a minute. Have I wanted to sleep with a high schooler? When I'm in high school, yes.

But the minute I'm gone. I am done with high school boys. And the idea of being a middle-aged woman who wants to sleep with a high school boy is very, very strange. I mean, I get it in the terms of Riverdale because they are all adults. Sure, I am covering my own ass.

Yes. But yes, I will say that if I wanted to wash my car and I saw a bunch of teens washing cars, I wouldn't get my car wash there. Of course, I would love to go, if it's a bake sale, sure, I'll buy some fucking cookies. I'll buy most anything that I can eat as long as I don't have to look at underage children with their shirts off and also washing my car poorly. There's no way that those dink donks over there know how to properly wash a car.

Yes, it makes sense that if you are a human person like us and you want to sleep with an actor in his 20s like Jughead or like Reggie, then that's fine. but if you are in the world of Riverdale and you are a middle-aged woman and you want to sleep with Reggie, that boy is a high school boy. You can't sleep with him. Molly, does it count if they're that ripped? Doesn't that if these add at least

three years onto it? I mean, 17-year-old shouldn't look like that. That's the problem. And they don't. Yeah, I'm victim blaming. The thing is that they don't. 17-year-olds look like little boys. And the idea of whoever this town pervert is

who, like, famously wants to sleep with Reggie, she needs to go to the same place as that predatory school teacher from season one. But I will say, and I feel like I haven't given enough sexual energy towards Reggie, he's very attractive. I think it's his flopham hair. Yeah, Reggie has grown on me, and especially in the context of Veronica sleeping with him, I'm like, yeah, sleep with Reggie, like over Archie. Yeah.

Archie, like, I can admit that Archie is attractive, and there has been times where I've thought that he's attractive, but they've done something very weird with his hair this season, and his personality just ruins. Anytime he opens his mouth, I just want to slap him. Honestly, it's the personality. I am not, I'm not attracted, unless we're watching Archie and Jughead Kiss,

which, of course, I would watch that tape. I'd watch a tape of any of them. But I'm not, I think Archie's down low in my list. Yeah, oh yeah. Archie is at the box. of the list in terms of the young people. I mean, maybe like, you know, a couple of random, like Marmaduke is probably below Archie, no offense, Marmaduke, but he's just not.

Whoa, really? Yeah, he doesn't do it for you. He's too big, you know, big jawed guys don't usually do it for me, although Reggie has a pretty big jaw. He does. I think that, you see, I like them because then they're like, they're like pit bull boys, you know, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, blah, boy, boy, boy, you get in my bed. You know what I mean?

I think I do, but in general, it's the parents' generation. The parents' generation is the sexier generation. Yes. And I wonder how Molly Ringwald feels now that she is stepping more into the Fred Andrews role, that she's never going to be as sexy. She will never be as sexy as very good, loyal, semi-brooding, doesn't know what to do, sexy, Fred Andrews. Did you find Luke Perry sexy?

Yum. I did. I really did. I think it's, but also, I think it's because he's such a good father. And he's a good father in real life. He was. Wait, do you not want to jump his bones?

No, Luke Barry was always just so silly to me. Like, in terms of, like, his, like, he was just such a little brooder. Like, you know, his whole thing, his whole 90210,000 aesthetic. I was always a Brian Austin Green guy. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, Jamie Kennedy. Anytime I watch, oh, man, Molly, I watched all the screams this October, and I just thought about you, well, at least in the first two. Man, did I think about you?

I'm just little tiny Molly and how much she's in love with Jamie Kennedy. I'll never get it out of my brain. I know. You can't get it out of my brain with a pitchboard. Well, I also recently rewatch Screamed, and if it makes you feel better, I don't like him anymore. Now I'm, I mean, I was then also still a Skeet O'Rick person, but I, but I, but I, but you're a Lillard girl, right? As, and also Lillard.

Oh, yeah, definitely. Lillard and SLC punk especially. But I mean, but yeah, of the two murderers, I liked Matthew Lillard better than Skeet O'Rick, but I liked Skeet Ulrich and the craft, obviously, but I, but he upon, you know, we watched the craft. He looks like such a baby. That's the thing. When we watched the craft last year, I was like, who is this child?

Give me daddy, Skeet Ulrich. Any day of the week. Any day. Anywho, we got to keep talking about the ridiculous ideas that were, that were jousted into our brains this week. That doesn't make any sense. I was just, I'm sorry, I was looking at my notes under which, trying to describe what happened between Hiram Lodge and Veronica this episode.

All right, so, Hiram just jumps out of jail because he owns the jail. And he goes into the Pembroke and it's like, Miha, no, you cannot change your name to Gomez, which was her mother's maiden name. So he tells the whole story about how his grandfather shamelessly changed his name from Luna to Lodge. So she now just changed her name as an underage person, changed her last name,

which I'm pretty sure you can't do for absolutely no reason. I get it, your heritage. But, like, still, yeah, there's a certain, Certainly things that all four of these children are going to need a parent or guardian for. And as we discussed last week, only one of them really has a present parent or guardian, and that's Archie. Yes. And I mean, she's trying desperately, and what you touched upon earlier, is that Molly Ringwald's character, Mary, is trying to not allow Archie to make all of the dumb mistakes that he keeps making. So she said no to giving him money to turn his boxing gym into a community center.

She said, please don't do this in Riverdale. Please don't do this right now. Very smart mother move. Smart mother move. And I'm so glad you reminded me last episode that he still has this boxing gym because I had forgotten. And now in the course of one week, he's decided his life's work is to invest in Riverdale just the way dad did. And so he has this big throwdown with his mom who fled Riverdale. And he's like, Dad would never leave devoted townie.

Dad, I want to be a townie like him. Jeff and I both said at the same time that Mary said it, you're not your father. And I felt, I'm like, we both paused it. We're like, we got to stop watching this show. Because he's not his father. And you know what? He showed it this episode when Archie was. such a dumb fuck.

And he put a handkerchief over his mouth and went to the new bad boys in town that are running their drug ring out of an arcade. And Artful Dodger is his name, by the way. Or is it just Dodger? I don't. That

entire, I like how they have this one line about like an assimilation of Hiram Lodge's grandfather. And then they're just like, here's a black character. He's mired in drugs. Like, I really feel like

the fact that they have Mad Dog Monroe now, but he's like, my little brother can't escape this trashy drug ring, run out the arcade that we've never heard of before. Right, and then Archie's like, oh, I don't want to do, mad dog, I'll just rob them.

And then for nothing, he doesn't do anything with that money. He just is like, oh, no, I can't get a clean. I guess I'll burn it. That's what Veronica tells him to do. It's so, he stole $40,000 in cash from the new bad dude in town, which his name is just Dodger, but of course it is after the name Artful Dodger. And he's so dumb.

Of course they're going to come after you, you fucking idiot. Yeah. And what is he going to do? Is he going to go to Hiram Lodge and be like, what I do, Mr. Lodge? Yeah, no, he's now he's got a fucking drug gang, beef with an armed gang of drug dealer. who, again, we've never somehow heard of in the four years we've spent in Riverdale. And also, he got the $40,000 from them

with a baseball bat when they all had guns. And there was five of them. And he's not a superhero. And he's not a superhero. He gets it. And then he's like, oh, I guess I can't use it. Like, literally, what was the point of even getting that money? They didn't even follow it around that plot line.

He's mad dog is like, you idiot, you can't spend this. and Veronica's like, you can't spend this. And he's like, oh, okay. I guess I won't. Oh, oh, oh, I just, and I'm mad because he's never going to get his true comeuppance. Because I don't know if you notice, but I don't see any scars from his bear attack. Yeah, no, there's nothing. This is, like, you know, the definition of, like, he's the opposite of, like, the bird, what is the saying that I'm searching for?

like burned once, twice, careful, or whatever the fuck. There's some sort of... I don't know. There's some sort of saying I'm searching for where if you make a mistake, you're not supposed to make the same exact mistake again. Yes. He makes a mistake. I get burned and then I frown and then I turn my life upside down and I burn again.

It doesn't make any sense, Molly. I'm sorry. No, what you just said is Archie's motto. I get burned and then I burn again. That I burn again. But all is a hot, I keep touching it. I keep touching it even though it's hot. He's such a...

And what's he gonna... He's, oh, mom, there's all these kids in Riverdale who need help. First of all, as we saw last season, all the kids of Riverdale are in the woods. Remember? Remember that army of children in the woods? There ain't no little orphan kids left in Riverdale, except for Mad Dog's new little brother who we just met. And it's up to Archie to save them for a community center.

it's just, it's just so, like. As long as they don't get rid of Mad Dog because I really like looking at Mad Dog. I love Mad Dog. I gotta say, yummy in my tummy. Also though, one more thought on this plotline because it made me so mad

when he's like, Dad didn't give up on Riverdale and neither will I. Well, the Riverdale that fucking Fred Andrews lived in didn't have a serial killer and like a goth, you know, uh, cult king that we're torturing people.

Like Riverdale is a different and darker place. It's different now. But you know, not to Archie. And you know what? It has not changed at all. It is Betty apparently being an FBI agent. A single-handed FBI agent with... I love how Charles is just like,

all right, I'm going to let you deal with this completely by yourself. There's going to be no hostage team that goes with you to the cult compound. Just call me. you know, keep me posted. So the entire time, so starting at the beginning of this episode, Betty starts getting more mysterious phone calls, not from the Black Hood, but she's getting them from her mother's phone

from Edgar Ever and Ever. He requires $250,000, a school bus and passports, fake passports, for everyone in the cult because they're going to make a mass getaway in the school bus with the passports. And then Titi, for some reason, works in the social security office.

How does she's like, you need 40 passports in what amount of time? Okay, I guess. What? Why is Titi was just at the blossom compound, and here she is making passports. I think that I'm going to, as woke as Riverdale tries to be, I wonder if it has anything to do with, like, her gang banging family and the fact that she, or maybe it has to do with the pretty poisons and that all of their gum smacking, means that they have underground ties to creating fake identification.

Also, Gideon couldn't get over the line where Betty goes, Blank passports is fine. He can fill them in when they get there. Gideon was like, excuse me? What does that mean? What does that mean? That's not a thing. What is that mean?

That's not true. That's simply not true. They have a passport photo machine on the cult. pound? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll just fill them in. Don't worry. They're squatting.

They'll just fit them in. And also, so during all this time, but if Betty doesn't, if Betty, who does not tell the FBI about all these things, does not get all of these things for Edgare ever, never. Meanwhile, he's just over here,

snipping off people's fingers, like Principal fucking Weatherby, who just, he's just cutting off fingers. Yeah, just, he's cutting them off. So that he can, in a play for Betty, basically. Like, Alice was like, oh, he found out I was the mole,

so he started cutting people's fingers off. And then we see whether to be walking towards the bus holding up his still bloody hand, you know, even though I don't know what our time frame is here, but it's really been a while. Yeah, because he couldn't find Betty, but, oh, newsflash, Betty's in her high school classes. That's where you find Betty.

Jesus Christ, Edgar Ever and Ever, you idiot. So he's, so she's going, I still think, I still think that Charles is fake. And we're going to find it. I think that he's a delusion.

I don't know why. I can't get off it in my head. Because for some reason, the fact that she's doing all of the FBI work, and he is not, including when her sister Polly comes into the FBI office, that I believe is in the high school

with a suicide vest strapped to her and they have to, not they, excuse me, Betty has to stop the ball. I love how Charles is like, Charles is just standing back. He's like, uh, Betty, try that one. Like, there's, there's wires and one of them got a, one of them's got to do it. Charles, the FBI agent absolutely pieces and lets his, uh, his intern, I guess, 16, year old non-FBII agent, Betty, step right up to the suicide vest and just start sniffing. She starts sniffing, but also don't worry, she still has her bobby pins in, which it's just,

I feel like she's Inspector Gadget at this point. Maybe that's where the show is going to go. Is Betty going to turn into Inspector Gadget, but all of her gadgets come from bobby pins? She, that, she takes out a bobby pin from her hair and with two seconds to spare, disarms the suicide vest. And then, you know, thankfully all of, what's her name, Polly's, you know, brainwashing seems to have come immediately undone and she just gives them all the information that they need. And then my favorite part is Alice and Betty's extremely sexy cult mistress realness. So excited.

So Betty brings the, they bring the, they bring the. The money, the bus, the passports to Edgar Everettever. And surprise, he takes Betty, ties her up to a chair next to her mother, and they were going. So the whole plan was that they were going to put all of the farmies into a bus driven by his wife slash daughter, Evelyn, and she was going to drive all of the farmys off the cliff while Betty and her mother Alice were strapped to the front. of the bus while Edgar Ever Never makes his getaway on his homemade rocket ship. And I... That, it was like the writers had heard of what a cult is, but never actually found out how cults actually end, which is, you know, by dying, not by actually ascending to space.

Like, I want to tap somebody on the shoulder and be like, no, no, no, sweetheart. They don't actually ascend to space in a rocket ship. That's just what they tell people. That's just what they tell. They're followers. Then they all... Yeah, but what if they're dressed like evil can evil? Yeah, he was dressed like evil can evil.

And then I don't exactly know. I think maybe Betty was serving some like Patty Hurst realness, like with like the beret and the guns. Loved it. Loved it. Because not only did they get, they stopped Evelyn before Evelyn took them out of the room that they were tied up in. But she also cleaned her nude and wore her clothes as if anyone was going to think that

Betty Cooper was Evelyn Ever and Ever and Ever and Ever. And not Betty Cooper. Especially when she's walking around in a cult where, as we know from last season, most of the members are from the high school she goes to. They would all be like, oh, hi Betty. Like they're all high schoolers, or at least they were. But Betty and Alice Cooper walking down that hallway with like the gun, they're getting all ready. Yeah.

Man, talk. Oh, my God. They are the best criminals in the show. Yeah. I'm going to say hands down, especially the two of them working together. Yeah. They are such a great criminal duo. I would watch them do anything.

And I think that they could do anything. Yeah. No, I agree. They each, I don't find Betty to be particularly foxy on her own. nor do I find Alice to be particularly foxy on her own, nor do I find either of them to be the most interesting characters. But together, they really, really make something special. See, I think Alice Cooper is the sexiest.

And I didn't feel this way about Lily Reinhardt until I saw hustlers. I know that you were with child and dealing with, you know, an newborn. But she was very sexy and hustlers. I want to see hustlers a lot, and I'll bet she's sexy. She, I was like, go, for ha. Hell yeah, girl, especially, like, of having this, like, like, girl next door thing that she's really got going for her. But she really, she hoed it up in a good way.

Did she have something besides, like, a ponytail and a pink cardigan? I mean, the pony was still there because she was still, like, the, like, dumb young one. But she did a very good job of being the dumb young one, like, in a fun way. Uh-huh. But I think that you're going to love it. But I thought that especially with the beret,

And with a gun, she looked sexy as hell. And so this is, I was saying this to Molly, because usually I watch the episodes right before we record this episode. But I had to watch it last week because on Instagram, I, of course, follow all of the Riverdale people on Instagram. Alice Cooper posted a picture of her and Chad Michael Murray. And it was just like, it was so great killing you. Like, or something like in the caption.

I was like, what? Come on. I was so mad. So I immediately had to watch it. It was like, I thought that it was going to be, because they even said Waco this episode, I thought he was going to blow him all sky high. Yeah, that's, I thought so too. I mean, I guess I'm glad that half the town didn't die because Riverdale really has large swaths of people.

They're losing large swaths of their community to cults all the time. They really are. They really, really are. They can't, especially now that there's new, obviously going to be a new drug in town soon. So, I mean, we're going to be losing Youngs very soon. Well, and I don't mean to veer so quickly to another plotline, but are we on the verge of perhaps a zombie plotline? I just, we, we have, we have, we've got to talk about Cheryl.

It's time to talk about Cheryl. Oh, I did want to make mention before we got away from Edgar Ever, Never Forever, which by, Chad Michael Murray, you were great, you did such a good job, but how about that belt? Was it a belt buckle? or I don't know if it was stitched into his evil-kneval costume, that it's an Edgar on his beltline. He looked great in that outfit. And I'm, you know what?

Sorry, not sorry. I would have had sex with him on that rocket ship. That would have fallen apart as we had sex. So maybe we should have had sex first to show him like, hey, this isn't real rocket ship. It's not going to get you anywhere because it's just sitting on these ladders. And I don't know how you think you're going to get this into space, but I don't think that it's going to work.

Alice probably could have just let him take off in the rocket because it's not like he would have gotten away, you know? Right. Yeah, he would have just like fallen onto the floor and he would have just burned to death. But, you know. Oh, no. Just like him covered in flames like one of the like the stunned people in his evil-conneville outfit. Also would have watched that. I would have been definitely down with that.

All right. Yes, we need to talk about Cheryl. It's time because girl has got some issues. and I think what is my, the best part about this is I was, oh, the big, what was big Oaf's name? Big sexy towering Oaf? Oh, I forget. T.T. brought on a, I guess, nursemaid,

but also houseboy to, he was, all I, I'm very sad that he's not going to be around any longer. I will say that. Yeah, I liked him. To help with the house. Well, to help with the senile grandmother. and apparently the two twins, I had completely forgotten that I guess Cheryl and Titi have custody of the twins because Penelope had gotten one of them and then they, Cheryl got the

other, I think, and now Penelope, is Penelope dead or is she just incarcerated? I think that she's just, there's no way you can get rid of her that easily. I don't think she's dead. Yeah. So now they have control of the twins, Dagwood and Juniper, so they brought on big sexy man to help out in the house, which of course Cheryl was unhappy about because she's keeping her brother's corpse in the chapel. But I, um, we have to touch John real quickly when Nana Rose was looking into the fire

and said, I thought I saw the triplets burning in the fire. Uh-huh. Yeah, they really dropped that bomb and then never came back to it. Never came back to it, which means they're either definitely going to come back to it or it's never going to be heard from ever again. I think. Never going to come back to. Can really go either way. Is she referring to, is there a secret triplet on either Clifford and Claudius, Cheryl's fathers, or is it Cheryl and Jason Blossom? Is there a secret sibling?

Or is there a secret sibling on Dagwood and Juniper? that maybe someone's doing experiments on somewhere. I think that it's got to be Cheryl and Jason because we already had the surprise reveal that Claudius had a twin. So a surprise reveal that he had a triplet, I feel like it would be deeply unsatisfying. But how, I think it would also be very funny

that it's not only like secret, secret evil. Like, I think that what if it, all right, I was trying to figure out this before, like Jeff and I were trying to figure out, theories here. What if when Clifford Blossom hung himself in the first season

in the Maple Barnes that he actually killed the secret third blossom that burned inside and then Clifford Blossom is still alive. Okay. I feel like that is good.

But wouldn't it be better? if there was a teen out there. Yes, especially another, another blossom teen. Yeah. Please and thank you. Like, use the same actor who's Jason,

you know, and then have him be the triplet, and that would just open up a million possibilities for Cheryl to, like, have another brother. And, like, I feel like, plot-wise, that would be by far the best choice. For sure. And I really hope that that's what happens, especially because Jason Blossom had really good lips, even on a corpse.

Really good lips. You'd think they would have withered by now, but maybe if they have withered, we wouldn't even know because his lips were so beautiful. Do you remember? Do you remember his lips? I don't. All I can picture now is his corpse face, which is pretty scary. It is very scary. He's also filled with rats, which is what the hunky male nurse made that is.

living in the house was trying to also get rid of the rats at thistle house, which this poor man, I know he was only working for a couple of days, but he must have been working very hard. I mean, you're not going to be able to get rid of your rat problem if you don't get rid of your corpse problem. That is the issue. So in the end, you know, you see Cheryl go downstairs, which, all right, so I'm going on board with you, Molly. I think that you're right.

I think there's going to be a third blossom teen that comes onto the scene, and I, you I just like, I hope we never have to deal with a problem of incest, but I worry that if there's another Blossom team that Cheryl's going to have sex with him, right? Or her. Well, we already had a pretty big incest plot lot, or at least incest like underlings in the whole first season with her and Jason. Yes. Yes. Maybe it'll be for real zies this time.

Also, but what if it's another, what if it's a girl blossom, which I'd also. That would also be great, another Cheryl? Yeah. I don't, I'm not, I'm not happy about incest. I'm just saying that it would be interesting and I may or may not would watch those scenes a couple of times. Yeah, I mean, I just, it's very Riverdale to be like, we have repeatedly done a surprise twin reveal. I know. So where can we go from there?

I've been to do another one. I would love, I would like, I can't wait to see a number. others secret. Well, because we also had Secret Brother with Chick. Yes, right. And then he was Secret Fake Brother. And now we have Secret Real Brother, which I'm all, like I said, I think is also Secret Fake Brother. Well, and Secret Real Brother has never really been explained how

he's alive. Like, I don't, maybe they explained it, but I don't remember. Like, what the what? Why? Yeah, there's a lot of secret siblings in this town. He was the one that had, see, that's why I guess I never understood why. Alice didn't say anything about Chick because Charles found Alice and then they started working together. Or maybe it was after Chick was already hunted down by the Black Hood. But why did Chick lie?

Maybe it was in that interim. Why did Chick lie about Charles being dead after he had been found out? You know, I don't. I have to go back and rewatch the third season because the problem is so much happens that I just forget about all of these. in another show would be a huge plotline but in this show is just a small and significant plotline yeah and it's hard to make sense out of something that makes no sense

which is kind of the project of this show Riverdale Roundup which is why it's so much fun to come up with dumb fuck theories which again if you guys have any theories that you want to slap at us please you could tag me on it and jack that worm you can DM me about it

because I'd love to hear all y'all's theories Let's throw it up on the Patreon because I want to see him. All right, so T.T. Woxes in on Cheryl Blossom, sewing up her brother's corpse because it's got rats in it. Was she about to kiss him too? Is that what it was? It looked a little bit like a kind of sexy CPR situation.

Yes, I think that she was, and T.T. walked in and, of course, the look of horror. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think that they're going to try and put Sherry? away, but of course, last time Cheryl was put away, it was because they were trying to zap the gay out of her. So we don't want that to happen. But that also were the sisters of quiet mercy, and they don't exist anymore. Yeah, who's at the convent now? Because the cult was at the convent for a while. The farm was over there. Yes. But then now, I'm worried about the mental

illness status in Riverdale. I think that someone needs to come in and help. Maybe we'll have a sexy therapist come in because I would love that. There is a lot of unprocessed trauma amongst the teens of Riverdale for sure. Yes. All of them need to be talking. They need to be talking about their feelings. And because I think a lot of them, like, you know, Archie, he just goes instead of dealing with the grief of his father and he just steals $40,000.

And so. As a community center. By as a community center. Which I guess that that is a good thing. I guess that is nice in theory. But you know what? Just finish high school first. And I'm really excited.

Now, I guess I would love to hear. your thoughts though real quick before we round this round up out um what do you think the new drug is going to be in town that dodger is going to bring in well let's see here we had jingle jangle which was like speed and then we had uh what was the gar what was the g one goopies that the the the g one goopies the the the ghouly's jingle jangle and it was um oh my god the real the third season drug which seemed to be more like like maybe an opiate like it really

kind of knack. Where's my head? What is it called? Oh my God. Oh, sticks. Sticks. Sticks. Sticks. Pixie? Something's about Pixie sticks. What? Jiggle sticks? What? What is wrong with me? Where's my head?

Molly. Are you Googling Riverdale drug? Yes, I am. Oh, there's a complete glossary to every Riverdale term. Oh, my God. When was this made, though? These things change all the fucking time. Yeah, I can't remember.

But it was like... Fizzle Rocks. Fizzle Rocks. Fizzle Rocks. I'm so dumb. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. I'm so mad at myself.

I'm so mad to myself. And to everyone, that I imagine is screaming this hat. Fizzle rocks. Themselves right now. I'm sorry. Everyone in their car. I'm sorry, we let you down.

Screaming, fizzle rocks. You idiot. You fucking idiot. So Jingle Jingle was like speed and Fizzle Rocks was like an opiate of some kind. And so I would love for the Dextraub to just be like, you know, a nice cannabis situation. But probably it'll be more like, I mean, Jingle Jingle was meth. Where can you go after meth and opiates? I think you can go like an H.

I think you could definitely go, you know, that kind of route to it too, which is not as fun. Unless you want to like do like a weird mixture where like who knows, it's like an acid plus heroin. Yeah, acid. I mean, I think that both drugs before did kind of cause hallucinations, but let's keep going on the hallucination route, you know. Let's make them bigger. Let's make them scarier. I'm on board because, man, people are just killing left and right, cutting people's fingers off. That's why I love Riverdale Fizzarocks.

Oh, I'm so mad at myself. I'm so goddamn mad at myself. I'm too busy. I put you on the spot. No, no, you didn't. I should know these things that also I'm just too busy thinking about how sexy a third blossom would be. And that's all I want. That or, I'm waiting for the flashback episode because I feel like Nana Rose probably could have fucking gotten it back in.

the day. Definitely. I agree. She's a very pretty old lady. Oh, I would love to see that flashback. Oh, my God. What if there's like a flashback flashback where it's Nana Rose as a young and then it's also Jughead's grandfather as a young. Yes. At Stonewall Prep. Yes. Yes. That's what I want. I didn't know what I wanted until you said it. But that's what I want. That's what I want. That's what I want. That's what I want. Oh, my God, guys. All right. I can't wait for the rest of the season. We love you guys so much. joining us and I know this is a little all over the place. You know what? We had sexy talk to catch up with because I don't get to have sexy talk anymore and

Riverdale is my sexy talk. There is, you know, we could take the listeners on the same erratic journey that Riverdale takes us on. Yes. And I think that that's the love of the game, baby. We love you guys so much. And we will be back next week with season for episode four, I don't know what it's called. But you know what? It's not going to have. I'm just, I keep staring at this picture

of them at the car wash. And of course it's all like the classic cars too. You're not, it's just, you know, they try. They really try. I am a little upset because Jeff immediately called a full Monty and then Veronica said full Monty at one point. And I would have watched that. And I thought it was going to be like a magic mic and then she said magic mic. Oh my God. We're there. We just have to get into the Riverdale writing room someday. We are more qualified than anybody at this point. Someday. I can't wait. Just give me just give me one plot line. And let me just write the whole thing out. You don't have to write, I won't write the episodes. Just like let me decide where it goes. You know? People are like, Riverdale has a lot more family members

sleeping with each other. Is everyone, are everyone's lips getting bigger? Is this some sort of filter on the camera? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Make them kiss. We love you guys, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

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