Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 40: Smooth as Cream, Babe

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

Jackie and Molly recap "Chapter Sixty-Three: Hereditary" and whooo boy, we are getting loosey juicy after that Hermione - Hiram sex scene   Come see Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser LIVE!��LA, Chicago, Pontiac & Milwaukee, we're bringing you our hottest goss this winter.    This episode was made possible by listeners like you! Support us on our Patreon and get weekly bonus episodes, ad-free main episodes and more!   Intro song by Green Dreams   Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Words of Dame Julie Andrews. Let's start at the very beginning. I wanted to. I'm sorry. I had to. You know how much I love the sound of music reference. I had to. I was just like, Veronica, Jesus Christ.

And I was so excited because that's how I'm going to start Riverdale Roundup tomorrow. And I was very excited to record this. But without further ado, before we. continue discussing the rest of this episode. Molly Neffle. How did you feel about that fuck scene? About between Hermione and Hirmianne Lodge. I'm jumping right to it.

We will go back. I knew you would start here. Oh, my, I just, I can't. We watched it, I think, four times. I kept going back because it was like, power move, power move. He comes in, all right, we'll throw it out there. In any other situation, this is definitely an abuse of power. That's the thing.

And it is not an okay thing to do. It's a very bad to do this. I know. My inner scold. My inner, it was like the Riverdale devil and the actual real life angel on my shoulder. Because the Riverdale is like, nothing's real in Riverdale. There's no such thing as an abusive relationship in Riverdale. As he's unbuttoning his shirt where she's like, get out.

Get out. you don't live here anymore. You don't live here anymore. And he just takes off his fucking shirt. Oh, mama me. But then the real world angel on my shoulder was like, this is a show for teens. And it's basically showing how sexy a domestic abuse situation could be.

And then the Riverdale devil is like, this isn't real. It's Riverdale. It's Riverdale real. And we've been waiting, I think, since the very beginning to see a true sex scene between Hermione and Hiram Lodge. And I honestly didn't think we'd ever get it. I thought after you tried to kill your spouse on both ends, you'd think that they'd never have sex ever again. But we were wrong.

Yeah. And the thing is, it's obviously what the people want. And it's just not, I just had to tell myself, this is Riverdale. This isn't Big Little Lives. It's okay that, yes, they have an absolutely toxic relationship with each other where they keep returning to each other. And they have an absolutely horrible abusive marriage. But again, this is Riverdale, and it's not big little lies. So it's okay for them to have this super hot sex.

And all of those other... They are both consenting adults. They are both consenting adults. And even though there's a lot of toxic dynamics around this, we don't need to let that taint what is otherwise a very good sex scene. I mean, especially when he said some couples tie each other up to spice up the bedroom, but we put hits on each other. And he's saying this, as his hand...

is around her throat from behind and then slips the strap of her nighty. I'm sorry, I'm getting clenpped as I'm talking about it, off of her shoulder and she melts for him. I have not, oh my

God, I'm not going to get into too much detail, but I will say Jeff and I definitely kept that moment in our brain for later on in the evening. And I'm not going to say that we pretended to be them when we had sex. but I will say it was in our brain.

And then later on, I was like, you were thinking about that scene, right? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I need not. Maybe that's too much information. But I'm giving it today, guys, because that was so sexy. It was so sexy. And again, it's what the people want. It's what we've been waiting for.

And any sex scene between Hermione and Hiram has to be real, you know, it has to be bad. And that was very bad. Technically, of all of these sex that I'm usually going, Auga, Auga for, this one is okay because they're not even supposed to be in high school. Yeah, no, it's much better to have a nice, hot sexy between actual adults. And we don't get that very often on Riverdale. And I never, I know that you and I are different in this way,

but I never get too excited about the teen sex scenes, even though they're really people in their 20s. But because it's just, it's just a little, it's a little too. bad for your brain. And it's just too, it's just like so, uh, I just know that teens at age aren't, you know, it's just, it's just not actually, uh, uh, it's not the same as like a seasoned pro like hire him, you know. Oh my God. And you know what?

He has to be good at it. Right? He is a sensual lover. I think he takes it very slow and is very thorough. And, oh, I. I mean, I think this goes without saying I'd watch that tape. We did watch that tape. We did watch that tape.

Now, the thing is that let's rewind a little bit. I guess we can do, let's just start with Veronica because we're already in the midst of her story, even though, yes, we are talking about her parents having sex. But it has to do with Veronica. And Hermosa, which is her now half sister that is on the scene that is also living in Riverdale, who wrote. Oh my God. The look on our faces when they said they were going to start running rum through Riverdale, it's like, is there any part of crime that Hiram doesn't have his finger on the pulse of? The real question is, is there any part of crime that anyone in this damn universe understands?

Running rub, Dodger, the Dodger employs all these kids by giving them peace. and arcade games, it's like a 10-year-old is trying to write a show about gangsters, and they don't actually know how gangsters work, which is, again, it's okay to enjoy that sexy because nothing in Riverdell makes any fucking sense. No, it makes absolutely no sense. And now we've got Hermosa on the scene who runs his clubs in Miami that, of course, never brought up or talked about and that she is the daughter that he apparently knocked up lounge singer and he took care of both of them, which you know what? That's difficult to do,

especially with the secret family, and I want to give props to hire him on that. He definitely financially took care of them. I was going to say, took care of, I'm particularly attuned to what taking care of your family means right now, and it sounds like it was money, which is fine, but it does not sound like it was more than money. No, no, no, no, no. I think it was just money, but at least there's that. I feel like a lot of people don't even get that, so I'll give him that. He did take at least some sort of responsibility for where he had lied his seed. And so now we just have a 20% more Hispanic Veronica on the scene, which is great,

because now instead of calling him daddy, the way Veronica does, she calls him Poppy, which is essentially Daddy in Spanish. and because I asked, I was talking about this, it was like, no one calls their father, Poppy unless their toddler, like kids, right? Well, all my Spanish-speaking kids at school, many of them say Poppy. Do they really? Uh-huh, yeah, so I think that.

See, I guess the kids I used to be around, never did that, but I think I don't think we were talking about our fathers very often, and I wasn't one to be like, my daddy loves me because, you know, I didn't talk to my kids. So I think maybe I'm just not the one to ask about this. But still, the amount of time she says Poppy, and now we know that Hiram is playing daughter versus daughter

because he's saying to both of them that they are the apple of his eye to try and pin them against each other. This is all while, which I have to say, the reason why the sex scene happened was part of Veronica turning her mother into a hostess at her speakeasy, which disrespectful. That's disrespectful. If I owned an establishment, no fucking way.

Not that I have anything against hostesses, but it's your mother. Give her a better job than that. Are you fucking getting me? Yeah. And also, I got to say, maybe it was because the last episode was so boring, but I really went into this episode and was like, wait, what?

Both of them are just out of jail, and now we just, now life is just normal. Just back to normal. They never spoke to it. Don't worry. You'd miss nothing. Okay. That makes me feel better. They're just out of jail now. I think that they used each other against each other and I, I, something, something, something. Don't worry, everything's back to normal. Now at least we have some parents on the scene again. You're right. So much did happen this episode. The beginning has been too much time on this whole Veronica thing because honestly, it was just a little part of the episode. It was, it was, it was, uh, man, I'm going to say maybe third or fourth, most important plotline? Easily. So now we know there are most is going to be in there, and I'm going to assume they're going to start depositing rum through the speakeasy.

I love. And I, they're like a northern northeast. We don't exactly know wherever Dale is, right? But there's definitely been some Canada, uh, northern border crime. I believe it's like a Pennsylvania. We know it's close enough to New York that you could just do an after. Noon's drive. Right, right, right. And, but it doesn't seem to be actual Riverdale, like Riverdale, the Bronx, but, but it also now is apparently a hub for Caribbean rum. I can't wait, please.

Oh, is Hermosa going to open up her own, like, Havana Knights, very, like, borderline stereotypically racist club in Riverdale that's only, that's going to, like, where all the rum's going to go through because Veronica's not going to, going to, going to allow her. to have her liquor in her establishment. Definitely, yes. You just called that, put it down. Jackie called something. So when it happens, you can tweet it Jackie and say you called it.

When Hiram and Hermosa came in after she had told her mother that all of our enemies go to table 13. And then when they came in, she just looked at her mother. She goes, we do have space at table 13. I was like, all right, we get it. We get it. It's where the enemies go. It's where the enemies go. We get it.

I think that Hermosa might be growing on me. I think that the fact that Veronica still wants her daddy's approval, even though he has just spent years trying to kill her boyfriend. It just keeps me coming back. Oh, it will always, it will, oh, my God, it'll always keep me coming. You're right. And I'm excited about Hermosa's arrival. And we've got some other, I guess, which I don't even know which plot lines to do.

jump to next. So trying to think of like a good segue into another plot. A segue could be that Archie, let's get Jughead out of the way. Yeah, let's do Jughead because Archie is also now back in cahoots with Hiram. But I, oh my God. But Archie's plotline continues to be trashed. In the info of the show, it said like, watch as Archie uses an unexpected ally. And when I saw it, it was like, well, that's probably Hiram. I was like, well, what if it's the bear? And I just imagine like the bear coming into like, Is this a community center? Let me be your guard.

And I'm like, oh, thanks, Bear. You know, it's like, isn't it crazy when we got into that tumble six months ago? You know, Bear, I wasn't ready to forgive you for when you mauled me. But when I thought about it, I thought, I'm trying to help these kids. Whatever puts the kids first, that's what I got to do.

Archie, Archie. As we all know, Archie is now a masked vigilante, and he's going through Sketchout. and he's trying to like say, you know what, it's none of your fucking business, Archie. Not to say I, of course, don't want orphans and homeless children to be dragged into some sort of gang activity, obviously. But Archie, it's none of you.

That's what I'm going back to the old-fashioned phrase of none your business. So the fact that you caught a child. trying to steal a car so you handcuffed him to the steering wheel so you as just regular Joe Archie to come along to also report him to the police, which is exactly what's happening. You have to remember, he's brought in to FP and this orphan and or homeless child has no one for him to be reprimanded by. What does he think that he's doing? Yeah, Archie's got a bit of a catcher on the rye thing going on where he somehow, for some reason, thinks it's his job to save all the children.

Also, again, see my aforementioned complaint that whoever's writing this fucking plot line doesn't, it's, it's, it's, the kids keep going back to Dodger because he's giving him pizza and arcade games. Maybe I can just put some arcade games in my community center. Man, you don't stop. I don't know why I'm so mad because I'm like, have you ever even seen like an episode of the Yon? or some like basic pop cultural representation of why, like drug dealers like deal drugs. It's not for pizza and arcade games and it just makes me so mad. It's not for pizza and arcade games, you idiot. And then also, of course, he's just like, I don't understand.

No one showing up to play video games at the boxing match place. And then Veronica's like, don't worry. I'll bring fries and burgers. It's like, you're, that's such a loss, Veronica. I know you can ride it off down the line, but you are in the middle of a lot right now. You just can't do this kind of shit. And the one time you do it, you're right. That's really going to turn over this community.

Archie, you fucking idiot. And can I do, I got a question, is Dodger 45 years old? Absolutely. Just that the teenagers look. But even the adults, he looks older than the adults, right? Yeah, he's a bit. middle-aged man who appears to be the single drug dealer in Riverdale, even though there was like a robust drug scene going on in Riverdale for years. And all of that is just gone now.

All that's gone. And now there's just this one guy who we've never met before who owns an arcade that we've never seen our teen characters hang out at who, or who doesn't own it, but who like, you know, owns it unofficially and uses the arcade machines to hide his contraband as FP found in a raid. And also let us mention that Archie, as we mentioned this a little bit on last show, Archie has just weaponized the police FP to be his private fucking, you know, vigilantee law enforcement. Vigilante fucking assistant.

He's the robin now. When did FP become the robin to fucking Archie as Batman get fucked? you nerd. I'm sorry. I don't mean to curse as much. But Archie really is now like, he's starting to make me angry, angry. Like, we're all angry.

Yeah. Yeah. This plot line is so, it's just so, like, it's just so dumb. It's too dumb. Like I like,

like Cheryl's plotline, good dumb. Archie's plot line that he needs to get arcade games and his, he just did this community center thing. And now he's like, how do I save the kids?

They're just using the same story every episode. It's bad. It is bad dumb. But also, I'm going to throw it out there. Another thing that I'm going to try and call is that there's got to, it has to be something to do where he's obviously got his contraband and the drugs inside of the arcade games. But do you think that there's something even more ridiculously Riverdale nefarious about one of the games or something that is like drawing these children in? You know what I mean? Oh, like maybe it's a gargoyles thing. Like there's a game that everybody there is playing. Esk kind of thing because you know what? I wouldn't put it at Bass Riverdale. to do a very similar thing again, because as we've seen later on this episode, we've seen it before. But they do it in such a different, interesting way where you're like, I didn't expect you to go back to that.

Riverdale Season 4 seems to be a, let's just take every plotline we've already done and do it again and have that be the surprise. Mash them up. I'm still surprised every time because now Archie is back in cahoon. with Hiram Lodge, which, uh-huh. And so Hiram Lodge beats the shit out of Dodger, rolls him up in a carpet, and leaves him out in front of the community center. This is bad. This is dumb.

Don't work with Hiram again. But you know what? I got to say, really happy Hiram's back on the scene. Really missed him. Really missed his, like, he is, I think he's like the joker of just like, Fido-D-D. Oh, who-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Yeah, I'm definitely glad he's back.

And I love that Archie went to Hiram asked for help. Hiram's a fucking murderer. He asked for help. He's a murderer. And now Dodger is hurt. And Archie's like, oh, no, we got to help Dodger. We got to call the hospital? You, oh, my.

Oh, Archie, I want to shake him to death. You know, I know that I've said this many times. And still, to this day, Archie is the only character in living history that Every time he's on the screen, I want to shake him to death. And the opposite of how I feel about that award goes to Cheryl and Titi this episode, which I'm glad they were back because they weren't in the last episode. I missed them so. I missed them so.

And I just, all right, let's give a rundown of what happened with Cheryl. We all know that the evil doll that essentially is the spirit of her third dead sibling, is now haunting her and her brother's corpse that lives in the chapel. Now, JJ's corpse still looks great. It's absolutely pristine. He has been dead for a while. Yeah, this is my biggest question. He's not reanimated.

That seems unambiguous now. But why isn't he rotting? Gideon says it's because he's embalmed. But I still think that he wouldn't look as good as he does. He looks like a rubber chicken. really is what it is. His mouth looks like a rubber chick. And I keep waiting for the doll to press his stomach and for him to go,

but if he starts making that noise, I mean, I guess I love this show even more. You know what I mean? And crucially, the doll and JJ's corpse, the doll who is Julian, the embodied ghost of their dead triplet, is, they seems to now have merged with JJ's corpse. so that Cheryl, even though she's keeping JJ's corpse because she's developed a relationship with it,

it seems like now she is scared of both because they're always together. They're always together. And so this, talk about more unexpected guests that we've never heard about. Uncle Bedford and Aunt Cricot show up to say that they need Cheryl's signature because they want to sell the maple syrup business. Now, she's on board until, also, I'm, I think. think nameless child that hasn't spoken yet, correct? Which one? Because Aunt Cricket and Uncle Bedford have a kid.

I'm assuming that's another Blossom kid that has just been in these scenes with them, but I'm pretty sure hasn't spoken a word yet. Uh-huh, yeah, okay, right. Because there's also this whole time there's twins there that the senile old grandma is apparently taken care of all day. Except that the evil spirit of their third dead son. sibling that embodies that is in body inside of a doll can get to these children because the old senile woman is not watching said children. I just had a stroke of genius. What if that third child

that hasn't been speaking that seems to be Cheryl's age is the third blossom sibling? Oh. I don't know who Aunt Cricket and Uncle Bedford is. I don't think they sit on which side, but I'm assuming it's her father's side. Gotta be. And I think that cricket must be the sibling. They didn't get into that very much. All we know is that we don't like them because they want to get into the chapel

and that's where JJ lives and also the doll that is, that embodies the dead spirit of their third sibling that didn't live. And Uncle Bedford goes into the basement, into the chapel while they are sleeping, and starts to attack Cheryl because he wants to, he threatens to turn her into the authorities,

but then he says, or maybe I'll save them the trouble because I guess he was just going to kill her. And then Titi comes in for the wind and slams him in the head with something and knocks him out cold. So at first I thought that she killed him, but I don't think she did. We don't think she killed him? I don't know.

Because then Auntie Cricket came around because she couldn't find her husband and then Cheryl's being all Cheryl again. It was just like, Sorry, Auntie, I don't know where he is. Get off of my property. She was being extra Cheryl this episode, and I'm here for it. She was. I know she was using, she uses all sorts of ridiculous turns of phrase that I just love so much.

I'll refer to you to the constable. You remember where the door is? I love her. I love her and I just, T. T.T. I think is the most patient girlfriend I've ever seen ever. in anything. I think one thing that is unfortunate about the season is that they're not giving T.T. anything.

She's just Cheryl's like... Lacky. Quiet, doting partner. Yeah. And it's just, um, I make, and what I do love is that I think that, I don't know where Cheryl is looking up her tips. When she goes to go to school, she leaves Julian the doll, the embodiment, the spirit, in a circle of salt.

And when she goes to school, she gets called into the principal's office because, which also we haven't seen, no, not the principal's office, talk to the secretary, we have not seen Principal Honey. That's true. In a bit. We haven't. And she says, why did you summon me? Why did you summon me? It's because Dagwood, one of the twins had accidentally, quote unquote, swallowed a ping pong and had to have a tracheonomy done. Well, you know, they are twins who are under the care of Granny Blossom, who is so old. I've been worried about the welfare of those twins. They need more help than that, but you know, Cheryl already got rid of the big hunk and galute from a couple of episodes ago. So they don't have any help, but it was the doll that did it.

So then Cheryl tried to drown the spirit out of the doll, but I don't think you can do that. I think that you try, right? That seems like something that people have tried before, but I don't think that it can happen. She certainly tried, and I highly doubt that it's going to do anything. But now we don't know. So we are left in an unknown state of what's going to be happening with Cheryl and T.T. But let's get into, you know what, let's throw it out on Jughead. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Let's talk Jughead. Yeah. Jughead definitely had the best plot of this episode. Maybe tied with Cheryl. I think, I think, honestly, though, but what about Betty and Charles that we haven't even gotten to yet? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. We're going to get to that.

Yeah. So Jughead through all of this, he is. dealing with this whole Baxter Boys situation and the fact that he is at this Stonewall Prep and he is which we did call that the grandfather he was pretty sure according to the syntax that his grandfather wrote the first Baxter Boys book and not Francis DuPont who keeps claiming that he did yes you called that and I was very proud of you uh we is now basically confirmed via uh Betty finding they had great great archives at Riverdale High, finding an old literary magazine from when Forsyte

the first transferred there after dropping out of Stonewall Prep, and that basically proves because of the words he uses and his literary fingerprint. And because his name was Frosty Pajamas? That has to be like a sex move, right? That's got to be, right? I don't know what it is, but I'm assuming it is. Frosty is basically an anagram of Forsy. It's basically an anagram.

Jesus Christ. Not how anagrams work. I guess talk anagrams. I'm going to throw it out there. What if, because especially that DuPont, which now we know, because Mr. Chipping looked at Jughead and said, I'm sorry, Jughead, I couldn't help you. And then threw himself out the window.

And he's dead. So his teacher, his one teacher at Stonewall Prep is now dead. But did you notice that the other kids didn't act surprised when he did it? Did I notice? Chuck had turned around and he says, call 911, and all the kids are just sitting there staring at him. That was the scariest moment of the episode. It was very, very creepy, but I think it's got to do with something about the,

what is it? Like, similar to like a skull and bones type thing of like the society that I don't think he really killed himself. I think this is all just like a setup. I think this is part of whatever is happening at fucking creepy-ass Stonewall Prep. And I think that Francis DuPont is actually his grandfather. Really? Right? Is that crazy?

Well, okay. First of all, Mr. Chipping, I thought that we thought that he was in on it. But then this episode, he was acting all tortured. Like, oh, I wish I could help. I think he is extra in on it. And I think it was all a ruse. A ruse to actually. tortured and jump out the window?

Yes. I think it's a ruse. I'm slapping ruse on it, who knows? I mean, you certainly might be right about DuPont being the grandfather because it would be very Riverdale, but in terms of that actually making sense, it wouldn't make sense because now the whole thing we learned in this episode is that the first book reads differently than the next four books, which DuPont wrote. But maybe something happened to him or something like that that it changed or just changed how he wrote or something like that.

Because I just was like when he was talking with such venom about FP, which, why? You're saying that like, well, your father's also, he's a thief and he's all these things. Where it's like, why would he give a fuck about Jughead's dad? Right, right, right. Why does it? But right, because at first I was like, okay, so this DuPont guy murdered Forsythe First. Right. But then why would he care about FP, Forsythe First, son?

son. So, and like, his name is still Francis. So I feel like maybe also has a middle name or like maybe he like donned a new identity or something Riverdale-esque. I don't know. I just had a bit of a hunch. Yeah. No, it's, it's something's going on with DuPont. And he definitely has something to hide. And now he's got a bone to pick with Jughead. And he gave Jughead this big classist speech about how you people want an inch and then you take a football field. It was very, that was very weird and uncomfortable. I actually, it was like, it was borderline as uncomfortable as I felt with, like, the child abuse plot line where I was like, okay, but you know you guys in reality are all actors making a lot of money, right?

Yeah. Like lots and lots of money, but, you know. Yeah, yeah. Whenever they try to, like, do the whole, like, Jughead is like, you know, quote-unquote white trash thing, I don't feel like they quite hit it, but they, I appreciate that. that they try to show like what class disparity looks like. And especially in a school like that that is known for being like that. But now Francis DuPont is now Jughead's only teacher at this school.

Will they ever bring up Mr. Chipping's death ever again after he threw himself out of the window in front of students who should probably be in some sort of psychiatric care? I don't know. Or maybe he is not dead. Maybe it's all fake. We don't know what's going to happen with that. All we know is that possibly all of this has something to do with the perfect murder thing that Juggett is writing. It's got to be bitty pieces of all of these episodes have to do with it, right? I had like a flash when I was watching this fucking episode and I was like, I got to remember this for Riverdale.

It's my clarity moment. And now I can't even capture it. But it's like, what if what if Jughead is trying to prove like, what if this whole murder plot line that he does is like to prove something about his grandfather or about his grandfather's book like is he trying to maybe reenact a plot from the first Baxter book you know like drugheads could be too like yeah like it's you know as we as we contemplated last episode it could be him uh you know trying to show the perfect murder it could be him it could be that we're seeing what his story is or like yeah my thought today is like maybe he's trying to do.

trying to like reverse engineer them to believe him about something that happened to his grandfather or something, you know? I love where your head is going with this because it is one of my favorite things. I think that we're really exploring this, Molly, together this season where we are really just, let's talk ideas. Because I think in the past, we were just talking about what happened to the show. But I think it's kind of fun. You don't even understand when I want to say thank you to you guys. that tagged me with how right we were about the grandfather thing on social media. I just want to say thank you so much for doing that.

Because you know what? I think that it's replacing the dopamine I used to get by smoking cigarettes. I'm just like, every time I'm saying, I'm like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything. But to me, it's a win, you know? Yeah, yeah. And it, I feel like this season is good for, this season has not yet jumped the shark so much that there's no point in predicting what could happen next.

Whereas I feel like we got that at the end of season three. It was like, oh, I guess it's fucking Oregon farm. You know, like it didn't feel, we weren't, it wasn't fair. We couldn't have predicted what that fucking season went. And this one, it seems like we are, we are a little bit more uneven ground where we can try to predict what they're. are teasing us with these Jughead teasers. But I love it. And I think that it's so over the top.

It's great. I think that this, honestly, I see in a lot of the reviews and recaps and stuff that I feel like the season's getting a bad rep. And I think that the season has been great so far. Yeah, I've definitely been enjoying this season far more than the end. Maybe my shade about the end of season three is coming through too strong. But the end of season three, I was like, all right, Riverdale.

All right. Yeah. Yeah, it was a lot. It was a lot. But I'm back now. But then at the same time, is it a lot to think that I wrote this down because I thought it was very funny that when Betty and Kevin were talking about Charles in the beginning of the episode and Betty was like, well, what if he's a serial killer? And then Kevin's like, well, what if he's just like a lonely gay guy? And then Betty says, oh, what if he's both?

and then immediately thought of who other than chick? The serial killer slash lonely homosexual could have been brother that is in jail in Riverdale that she can just go and talk to at her leisure. Yeah, I was happy to have the return of chick, honestly, but it did feel every time Riverdale does something that's like a little woke, that's just like, like, Marmaduke being like, I like both boys and girls jughead. Then they do something that's just like, well, Let's say something really weird about K serial killer.

It's also very interesting because I think between Kevin. And so if you guys don't watch show, so Betty is trying to go after her now brother Charles slash FBI agent mentor that's teaching her about her murder vision and they both have these serial killer genes. And so she's following him because she wants to see if he too is a serial killer. And she doesn't understand why he goes to the gym every night for 90 minutes. And it's, again, Nanya, bitch, but I get it. And I do like the fact that they paint the portrait that all gay men in Riverdale just haunt the streets looking for tail. And that is what, as again, like you said, if them try to be woke, it's like, well, I mean, that or at this point,

Maybe Hermosa needs to open up a great gay nightclub for all of these lonely, haunted gay men that roam the streets to at least have a place to go and dance. Yeah, there is a robust cruising scene in Riverdale, which is something I always appreciated. I always loved the beginning storylines of Kevin Cruising in the woods. I thought was great. But now it seems like there's actually a lot of outgay people in Riverdale, and yet they still just like lurk in the woods. In the shadows. Yeah, and so then there's this big reveal, speaking of scary gayness, at the end, when Charles goes, I know we're bypassing Charles and Betty's whole plot line,

so should I not go there yet? I mean, let's talk about the plot line, and then we will get to the end of where this story goes. The big, scary, serial killer gay reveal lover fest. I really actually, I love this. So she's tailing Charles, goes to talk to Chick and was like, wait a second. Didn't you say you were with my brother in the hostel when you guys killed that man? And he's like, I didn't kill the man. Charles went dark.

Charles killed the man. Which I don't know why Betty is taking such an affront to because technically isn't that what she and her mother did? Yes, they did. But that's the whole thing. It's triggering for Betty because she's like, Charles went dark, I go dark, we're both serial killers. Serial killers, we've got the gene. And so what does chick do is that he tries to turn Alice Cooper in to the police.

But who is the police? Only FP who happens to have sex with Alice Cooper and also aided in the murder of the junkie that was in her home, or hiding the body at least. It's a good thing that everybody in this town who does crimes is good friends with the sheriff. I really feel like that is really facilitating this entire season. Archie's got FP in bed with him. Alice has FP in bed literally with her. Literally. And on top of it, so that now the only FBI agent that's in town as the head of a field operation

also is in the palm of their hands. But can I just throw it out there? That as much, number one, they really, if you're going to go try and hide the remnants of a murder scene, change out of your sheriff's outfit, FP. I don't know why you decided to do this in the sheriff's outfit. Maybe I guess it's because if someone happens upon you doing it, they're like, oh, he's just doing sheriff business. Don't worry about him.

Oh, it's just a sheriff bearing a corpse better. The sheriff being the sheriff, because that was, you know, seven months ago when he was the head of a gang and not the head of the police force in Riverdale. But when Charles came in, can I just throw it out there? I thought he looked sexy when he was all wet and dirty. And I haven't thought that about Charles at all. All corpse rumpled.

He was corpse rumbled. That is how I would describe. Maybe he was corpse rumbled. And his hair was just kind of like kind of floppy. And I was like, ooh, bad boy. But then of course, when we find out it's because he is a big old homosexual. Of course I'm attracted to him. It makes sense.

It was all a dupe. Charles comes back and he's like, he's like, Betty, why did you go to Chick? Now, Chick is threatening to talk about the time that you, that your mother, and he killed a guy in your kitchen. And then F.P. Barry the guy. And Betty's like, oh, no, what a dupe also, Betty. Keep your head on straight. And so then they're like, oh, FP and Charles, we fixed it. And Betty's like, thank you so much. I guess now I should trust you and let you into my home unquestioningly. Of course he's duping you. Of course he's duping you.

He's tapped the phone lines. And we do, of course, find the reason for the dupage at the end of the episode when now I deemned sexy Charles goes to the prison. And does the hand touch like it's through the gates of a concentration camp to Chick. And what did he say? It was like, he said something like, it went smooth as cream. What did he say? All I remember is that they each call each other Babe, and that's how we know they're gay. That's how you know that they're homosexuals.

They say the word babe. And so they put up their hands to each other across the glass of the prison, and they said, smooth as cream, babe, and said, I love you to each other. And I, he's a double agent. He's a double agent. He's a double agent working for chick. Another thing you called. But also now, is he? So we have to remember this is Jeff screamed about this for a while.

He said, so you have to assume that when they lived together, because when Chick came on the scene, they had just lived together, right, in that hostel together. Right. So two years ago, two years ago, Charles was a, was an addict, was a jingle jangle addict that lived with another jingle addict, and they stabbed a homeless dude to death and then hid the body. But now he is the head of an FBI field operation teaching teens in the high school. And Jeff did refer to him as the professor X of murder vision. And we laughed about that for a very long time. And I, I, this is again to say, is he really FBI? Because I also, we didn't even talk

about the polygraph test that Betty made him go through, which I'm sorry. Even I know how to pass a polygraph test. It's really not that difficult. It's all about in the, and how does Betty know how to set up and read a polygraph test? I don't know. It's all about setting it up and figuring out the normals of where this person is, which is why you ask them all the questions that you know that they know the answers to that they cannot lie about, to establish where they are on the scale when you're reading the polygraph test. And if he is an FBI agent, he definitely can pass

a polygraph test. That's true. All good points. But really, I think there's two questions here. Is he an FBI agent? Great question. Is he actually Betty's brother? Great question.

Is he? Or is he just some guy who's chick's boyfriend? I don't know. They just keep happening to find the only other blonde dudes in Riverdale. They're like, Must be. Or are we calling hair racist?

Are people being hair racist because they're like, oh, must. Get a DNA test. If you're going to give him a polygraph test, find out if this man is actually biologically your brother. Yeah, that's a very good idea. Betty should have thought of that. Or is he? Oh. Or, remember before we were talking about how like he's got the serial killer.

jeans. So, oh, Alice Cooper must also have the serial killer jeans. Or what if he is her half-brother, but not Alice Cooper and FP's kid, but Hal Sparks's? I keep saying Hal Sparks. And I want to say I love you guys so much for calling me out on the social, and you guys do it in such the nicest way. It's because I wanted to have so much sex with Hal Sparks when I was in middle school. It's because of queer as folk. It's because of the channel E. And I wanted to have so much sex with Hal Sparks. And I'm in a, you know what? I'm keeping it. He's only going to be referred to his House Sparks. And I just want to say the reason that I didn't correct you at first when you started calling it Hal Sparks is because you said it was such ownership that I assumed I was wrong. I don't even

remember doing it. I guess his name is Hal Sparks Cooper. Because Alice Cooper's name is Alice Cooper. And so I was like maybe his name is Hal Sark. I don't even remember doing it. Like maybe he has a funny celebrity name. I just did it again. I don't even remember doing it. I don't know how I do. I I don't know why I keep doing it. I know it's Hal Cooper. But what other Hal do you know? I don't know any other Hal. And I think I just used to say the name Hal Sparks so often.

But it is weird because I saw that Hal Sparks is coming to some club around here pretty soon. And it's called like Looney Tunes. And I was like, oh, Hal Sparks. I used to want to have a lot of sex with him. Same. And now I guess he just lives in my brain. Anyway.

So you're saying. that Charles could still be her brother, but not on Alice's side, on Hal the serial killer side. Because that would make way more sense, because if Betty has a serial killer jeans, but only her father is a serial killer, we know how genes work. Alice would either have to be a serial killer.

Also, for him, Charles, to have the serial killer gene, or he could have gotten it from Hal, like presumably Betty got it from Hal. Interesting. Which, or would we didn't even think about last week when we were talking about this? If he is FP's kid, what have you got it from FP? Sorry, I was burping.

I was burping, not crying. What have he got it from FP? What is he going to do? My FP can't go bad again. He's already gone good. Yeah, FP is not a serial killer. If they make FP a serial killer, I'm done. I'm out.

No, I don't think that they can. I don't think that they will and I don't think that they can. I um we are we've talked about it for way too long and I'm sorry there was just so much and I was so excited about this episode because it's um ridiculous yeah yeah it was this was a particularly ridiculous in a good way Riverdale oh yeah and I did want to say that I forgot when we talked up top about the sex scene between Hiram and Hermione that what she said I already regret this right before they started fucking which girl been there. But I want to say... That was a very identifiable moment. Oh, yeah, but anytime I've ever said that about a person, they didn't look like Mark Consuelos.

That was not something I ever said. I definitely, uh, I've hit those moments before. But so we all identify with Hermione this episode, and this, we've got a lot of questions. And we, I don't know how they're going to be answered, but we, they're going to have the week off for Thanksgiving. So we will have one more episode of Riverdale, roundup before our Thanksgiving week off. And I'm excited about that because what kind of cliffhanger

are they going to leave us on, Molly? Yeah, it's going to be something real fucked. It's, oh, it's going to be real fucked. We love you guys so much. Please hit me up on Instagram at Jack That Worm. You can DM me. You can tag me in things. If you've got ideas about what is going on with Riverdale, or if you have a stroke of genius, I want to know about it. We love you guys so much. Thank you for joining us on this week's episode of Riverdale Roundup, season five, episode six? I think it's season four. I don't even know, man. Season four, episode six, hereditary. We love you and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our

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