Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 41: Chekhov's Turkey Fryer

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

Jackie and Molly recap "Chapter Sixty-Four: The Ice Storm". Lotsa big questions this episode: where do all these orphans come from? Why did they serving Thanksgiving dinner to a doll? Was there human meat in the lamb pies? Where is the body?!?   Come see Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser LIVE! LA, Chicago, Pontiac & Milwaukee, warm up this winter with our hottest goss.   This episode was made possible by listeners like you! Support us on our Patreon and get weekly bonus episodes, ad-free main episodes and more!   Intro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everybody, it's me, your Willie Wizard, Jake. And it's your bristling bruiser, Holden, McNally, and we are so excited to announce page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser live in Los Angeles, California. Wednesday, December 11th, 2019 at the Regent Theater. Tickets are only $22. And where can they get them, Jake? Type in your little web bar.

Go to lastpodcastnetwork.com slash P7 live. That's lastpodcastnetwork.com slash P7 live. We'll see you there, folks. Or else I'll cry. Yeah, he'll cry. I just don't even. Molly, I don't know. I don't know what to say about this episode.

All I know is that I got really, really horny when FP punched Hiram in the face. And I know for sure that I think it's a bullshit episode. It's a very Riverdale Thanksgiving, Jackie. What's wrong with you? It's a very Riverdale Thanksgiving. The Thanksgiving couldn't be anymore, Riverdale. and except for the fact that I would also definitely watch the tape of FP and Alice and Hiram and Hermione having a lot of sex together in Le Bonnui because in my head when they, I know we'll get to this,

but when they went downstairs to that speakeasy owned by their teenager, I thought they were all going to get drunk and fuck each other and that's what I was hoping for. I was like really, really pushing for it. Yeah, I mean, I know you didn't like this episode, but I got to go ahead and say it had everything. Lots of sex between Betty and Jughead, lots of sex, implied sex between FP and Alice. Oh, my God, when he starts kissing on her and it's just, oh, my, you're right, girl. Fuck full Thanksgiving. It had a broken bottle in Hiram's face.

I think if we, I think that the problem is we need to, as everything with Riverdale, we need to jettison Archie out to the sea. And if you take Archie's entire plotline away, then you have a halfway decent television show. You know what? I think you're right. I think that this is the first episode in a while that I allowed Archie's plot line to destroy how I felt about everything else.

Because technically, if you think about it, possible cannibalism, you know, with dead corpses. Yeah. We've got really sexy people having sex and then almost getting into a fight and then in my brain they go and have more sex because they almost got into a fight. We got Betty and Jughead in some sort of murder mystery,

which also we were right about with the, what is it, quill and skull? Yeah, you were so right. You totally called that. I mean, technically that was Jeff, but Jeff isn't on the show, so he can't speak for himself. He can't speak for himself.

But if anyone asks, yes, he did it. He said it first. But we did call that. So that is fun. Yes, and the thing that we need to perhaps keep from Archie's plot, line is that the ghost of Luke Perry, it's not going to be Fred Andrews, it's the ghost of Luke Perry made the turkey fryer explode to get them out of a hostage situation, which when

you say it that way is pretty good. You know, it's just that everything else that Archie does needs to be stopped. But the ghost of Luke Perry exploding a turkey friar to end a hostage situation is, that's pretty Riverdale. And I did love that they did a lot of big ups to Luke Perry this episode, gave him a lot of thanks, opened it up with Archie at the fucking grave site. And now, don't worry, guys. I'm going to assume

going to be destroyed community center by the mayor is now dedicated to his dead father. So, that's really nice. I can't believe he didn't think of that earlier. Call it the fucking Fred Andrews Community Center. What's wrong with you, Archie? He's like, oh, this is what my dad would want.

Of course this is what your dad would want. I guess. I guess. Let's just talk about Archie. Let's get out of a fucking way. Let's do it. We never, the thing that he keeps being like, this what dad would want. We never saw Fred Andrews do any, like, philanthropy in his life.

I get that he was, like, a good guy, but that's not the same thing as being, like, a community organizer. He wasn't a community organizer. He was, like, a nice dad. No, but he did allow the serpents to come in when they were on the run from something. Remember when they all came in and, like, ate sandwiches. I remember that. And he did fix up a car with his son.

I do remember that. I think he was just a good family man. I wouldn't necessarily say he was a king of the community. He wouldn't even become mayor. Yeah. If we recall. He was just trying to mind his own business. Yeah.

He was like a classic, like, I feel like a suburban, the model of what a suburban father is supposed to be, which is like, I'm just trying to take care of my boy. You know, like he didn't really care about the random, excessive amount of orphans in Riverdale. So many orphans. Every season has a plotline that revolves around just dozens and dozens of orphaned children. Was there a war or something that happened only in Riverdale?

Remember last year when all of those orphans were being kept in the halfway house in the woods by the nuns? Well, right, there was a couple different orphans. There was the orphans in the halfway house with the nuns. And then there was also like the Lost Boys who lived in the woods. the woods with Ethel, remember? Los, boys. Oh my God. I forgot. What's his name? Dingle Dupelberry or something. And I would give it more respect to Riverdale if they just kept the same orphans from

year to year. So many orphans. Oh, we still have these 30 boys who live in the woods last year. And now these 30 boys live at the community center. But instead, every year, there's just 30 new boys who need to be taken care of. Ew. And when they did, oh, let's talk about Archie. All right.

So last week, because. because Archie's a fucking idiot. He went to Hiram to fix his Dodger problem. So what that means, of course, via Hiram is that why don't we beat up this guy who apparently is supposed to be the teens age? Right. Who's young enough to have a mom who is not in her 70s, which is what I would have assumed Dodger's mother would be. Based on how old he seems. Based on how old he is.

So he was beaten into a coma and left in front of the community. We open up. Dodger is in a coma in the hospital and now his mom and his two brothers because I thought that was his wife not his mother and I'd have to say anything against a woman because the woman is beautiful but like they have they're doing this whole like Hick thing I guess also did you notice that their last name is Dickinson so I know that was cute he's fucking Riverdale I love Riverdale and so now they're going after Archie because they think the guy at the community center did it. The child that runs the community center obviously had done this. Now, of course, Archie's not going to tell them that it wasn't him, that it was Hiram Lodge that did it, which I don't know why he didn't just immediately give up his name. Yeah, right, out of some

sort of sense of fucking nobility that Archie is just absolutely paralyzed with. Which meanwhile, Hiram, who is now, by the way, Mr. Mayor, because in one sentence, even though an entire season wrapped around his wife trying to become the mayor. He became mayor because he ran unattested. Is that because Fred Andrews isn't around anymore? I don't know. Yeah, they really, I love that Jughead's monologues just provide sweeping plot updates.

This week especially made almost no sense of where I was like, but what? What? Okay. What? Every, I think like every third sentence he said, I was like, like, when they were just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. DuPont was like an alcoholic and, uh, and, and, you know, like, they never left a suicide note and there's no investigation. But what, but you, you, but can we have a conversation about this for a second? Yeah. I also love that the people in charge of investigating, uh, Mr. Chippings' death, uh, are apparently the five teens in his creative writing seminar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then they just. But also, again, extensive therapy these teenagers would have to go through.

They watch their, but where is the body, Molly? We didn't see the body. We didn't go to a funeral. And in Riverdale speak, you don't see a body that Malfoka ain't dead. Yeah, even if you see a hand, that motherfucker ain't dead. Malfa ain't dead. So I don't know. We'll get to that.

We have to keep talking about dumb fuck Archie. So Archie's going to have, he's going to put on. of Thanksgiving for all the orphans, the many multitudes of orphans in Riverdale, because they are underneath, they're going through an ice storm right now. And then he's like, we're going to keep it open all night long. But also, he's frying a turkey inside. You're making one turkey for how many orphans? One turkey. And I mean, thank God Mary Andrews said it, because it's kind of like a check-off gun situation. I was like, obviously the turkey fire is going to explode. Yes. Like, you can't introduce a turkey fry.

not have an explosion. And so the fact that that came true at a very opportune moment when they were all being held hostage by Dodgers family, that was, you know, I kind of enjoyed it only because, again, you can't have a turkey fire without an explosion. But then I did like at the end when Mary Andrews was like, who fries a turkey indoors? It was like the most rational thing that's ever been said on Riverdale. I was ready for the, buta-pap-da-pap-da-pap after she said it, you know? I was like, is this horsing around? I, and what I love about the Dickensons is that when they go to intimidate Archie, they just lounge around at a table staring at orphans because they were going to eat first.

Is that? Or were they, it was it just an intimidation factor? No, I think that that was already a hostage situation, wasn't it? I think, or no, maybe not because then they took the gun out. But it seemed like, it seemed like they were just. sitting and having a hostage situation for a pretty long time. Yeah, very weird, very uncomfortable. I do like the, of course, always another entrance of a weirdly diabolical female character. I think it's great. I do love that Riverdale is constantly bringing in other evil women,

and I think that's fun. And I love watching, because eventually, Rumble, Rumble, Rumble, Mary Andrews gets the gun and because she knows the letter of the law, which I thought about Gideon watching her doing this and I laughed. I don't know if Gideon watched this episode with you where she was like, I know, I don't even remember what she said but it's like, you are on my property.

She was like, I have a right to defend myself against deadly force. You don't have to say this to the person that you're about to shoot. Like you don't have to do this. Yeah. But also, Veronica for the win with putting that fork through that dude's hand.

It's difficult to do that. Yeah, that was a good thing that Veronica did. She definitely impale a guy's hand with a turkey fork. And I've got to say, one of the more interesting things she's ever done. Really, between that and then setting the man on fire in her own speakeasy that she runs. I think those go hand in hand. She's having a good season. Hand in hand.

You get it with the fork in his hand. They don't kill them. The Dickinson's run away. And, of course, they're going to come back. if you had the right to shoot them because they were going against you, shouldn't she have just done it then? And then, plot's done, right? Wow.

You're in favor of just a summary execution? Off of them. You know what, in the terms of Riverdale, yes. Because they're going to come back with more orphans. That's what they do. Orphans are an endless supply in Riverdale. They're just going to go get more, and they're going to come back. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, Archie's troubles with this fucking guy who nobody cares about seem to be just getting worse and worse. And now his family that nobody cares about. And, you know, it just hit me when you were describing Dodgers' mom. At first I was like, is that Penny Peabody? And it's not her. I thought for half of a second. Okay, good. I'm glad I wasn't the only one.

And then as you described it, they have a lot of, like, badass, dangerous. Badass isn't even the right word. Just like dangerous kind of like insane women. But I'll bet that somebody who's not me, who's in college or grad school could write an interesting thesis about like coding like white trashness, quote unquote, and women in Riverdale. Because every bad woman is like a poor white woman, you know, and they're all like rough, you know. And there's like this interesting thing with class going on in Riverdale. Of course, there always has been with Cheryl and Veronica and then like Jughead. But like there's something about like women in their four days.

who are poor and white who come in and they're like, ooh, that's the scariest woman of them all. But then there is the opposite end of that. You have your Penelope Blossoms, which are the rich evil women that get away with everything. So really, isn't it just like life? Is it just like, well, she's got the money to just keep disappearing because right now we don't know where Penelope Blossom is.

Obviously, she's going to come back at some point because she's not dead. But she is definitely someone that is, there's lots of proof. that she's murdered and she ran that brothel that was definitely like putting drugs through the brothel so no one's going after her. No one's talking about her.

No one's literally no one's talking about her. Cheryl and T.T., again, both children, seemed to be in the custody of the officially, definitely senile Grandma Blossom who tells a wonderful story at Thanksgiving dinner about something that happened on an ice storm, much like tonight. It was interesting.

Let's just go ahead and jump into it. So we got to, so remember last episode? Uncle Bedford, T.T. hit in the head while he was trying to attack Cheryl. And what, what, they killed him. I didn't know that they killed him. I thought that he was just passed out in the chapel. You had said he's just passed out and I was like, no, he's dead.

He did. You were right. You were very right. I did not know. And so now they got to get rid of Auntie Cricket and also cousin Fester, which, who also, again, I don't think had a line. So how much is this child getting paid to be in this show? Because we all know if you don't speak in a television show, you get paid drastically less than anyone that speaks in a television show. Poor kid.

Dave, you've got the money, Riverdale. That's not fair. All right. And they can be in the whole scene about listening. to the cannibalism story, but don't pay him speaking rates. No, speaking right because he just kept going like, moo-moo-moo. Like with his face, he was making great face acting.

I will give it to him great-face acting. So they bring them in because they have to get rid of them forever. And so Nana Rose tells a whole story of cannibalism, essentially, like a Donner Party-esque story of the blossoms, while they are quoted to get them to scare Auntie Cricket and Cousin Fester away thinking that they were eating their father in the lamb pies that they served for Thanksgiving. You don't serve lamb pies for Thanksgiving. But I guess some people do.

I understand like a lamb roast or something. But I thought it was an interesting choice, Cheryl. Cheryl? And I guess they made the lamp pies themselves. But do you think that the corpse was. actually in it. No, I don't think so. And I think at the end they told, I think Cheryl was like, oh, I'm glad we served them those pies that were actually lamb or something. They had like an obnoxiously like, uh, expository clarifying line. I just, and she said, like, they keep talking

about the salmon's going to gobble up his eyes in the Riverdale River. But we didn't watch it happen. And I'm just like, I am curious of like, is it going to be down the line that like T. T.T. finds out she did chop him up and use him in the pies. You know, because you never know. That's true. You never know. You never know. You never know. And we didn't hear them. Especially with Cheryl. We didn't, we did hear Cheryl say, let's go throw him in the Sweet Water River before the ice storm, but we didn't see it happen. So you're right. If you don't see what happens to the body, you never know.

You never know. That's what I think one of my favorite things about Riverdale is they really leave the loose ends open for a reason, sometimes for a reason, sometimes for a reason, sometimes not. not for a reason, which keeps us on our toes, which is why we love Riverdale. And I just want to say, if someone in my family is threatening me out of the Zabrowski millions we obviously have, by saying that they're eating my father and then showing me a picture of, or not a picture, of rolling a corpse into the room as a way to be like, we're scaring them away. Would you not call the police? Yeah, that was an interesting choice. I think that everything that's happened with Jason's corpse this season has been interesting

because it went from being like a highly taboo secret thing that Cheryl, you know, had to hide away even from Titi to then Titi finding out about the corpse and being like, I guess I'm cool with this. I love you, Cheryl. And then they tell each other they love each other for the first time in this episode, despite the fact that the corpse is still big part of Cheryl's life. And then right now they're just openly flaunting the corpse as a kind of intimidation tactic. As an intimidation tactic. I think that I would have been intimidated the second I walked into a Thanksgiving dinner and the doll had a placing and also had food in front of it. I think that's where I would have stopped. I wouldn't have gone through the whole meal to eat my own husband and then see the dead corpse.

There was a doll at the table who was also being served Thanksgiving dinner. That's where I ended. Not if you're trying to get your hands. Yes, I did. But not if you're trying to get your hands on the, you know, blossom maple empire. Because we haven't even found out, I guess that shows that Uncle Bedford is the blossom, right? And Aunt Cricket is not. I guess.

But it's, I feel like we've heard conflicting stories about the economic status of the maple business. because Aunt Cricket was like, it's hemorrhaging money, we want to buy you out. And then in this episode, Cheryl was like, she'll get her hands on our fortune over my dead body. So what is it? Is it that the blossoms are out of money or not? Because I feel like that's an important part of all of this. I think it's a huge part of it. And I don't think that we're going to know.

All we know is that for some reason, they still have lots of money, even though the family has gone through public, public problems, i.e. her father hanging himself in one of the maple warehouses. And I think everyone knew about that. Definitely. I think they were all together when they found him. I've watched enough succession. Yeah, they were all, yes. Everyone knows.

And I've, again, if I've been watching enough succession, I know, this can ruin a business. Yeah. And I know everything about business now because of succession, all right? Yeah, that's how I feel after I watch succession. I'm like, everybody knows that the value of the company rest on the the laurels of the family's

ethics I just it's a succession I think is ruining my brain but not Riverdale so that is what's happening with Cheryl and Titi

they now are I guess I don't know why I always just assumed they had said they I love you to each other because they live together and I that's usually but I forget they're also teens

so who knows yeah and in the end they still zoomed it on that doll because obviously the doll even though it wasn't the forefront of this week's plot line, is going to come back to get them. So why do you think they zoomed in on the doll?

What are they telling us? The doll is actually the ghost of the dead brother? Or is it something less obvious? Like the doll... Oh, also, we're jumping plot lines here. But as Betty and Jughead were about to go at it, I can't even with that. They zoom in on a blinking light.

Are they being bugged or was that a message on an answering machine? Well, I just realized, though, too, because that made me think of when they zoom, did on the camcorder, I think it was a camcorder in Jughead and Betty's, in Jughead's room. What if... Is there going to be a sex tape? Oh, my God.

Yes, please. Because they're over the age of 18 in real life. No, I think what if the doll is bugged? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking? Yeah, like what if the doll is bugged by Penelope Blossom? Is there something going on with that doll? Because I'll be happy either way. Either the doll is a ghost or the doll is a tool for evil by humans.

And I can't figure out which it is because they're setting us up to believe it's a ghost. But that does still seem a little bit supernatural for Riverdale. Riverdale gets a little supernatural, but really it's about the evilness of man. Yeah, exactly. Because then, and you see, now it would make sense if it was Penelope Blossom. Yeah. Right? Yeah, because Penelope is still at large, for sure.

And we know she's coming back. And she wants to get rid of Cheryl. So if there is a way to get someone put away for a long time, it's using her dead brother's corpse as a play thing. I would say that's a pretty good way to get rid of Cheryl. And that was what Uncle Bedford threatened. Uncle Bedford, before T.T. killed him, was like, you're going to go away for a long time. And it does seem like that was an important thing that he said.

And also, Auntie Cricket has the red hair. So I wonder if Auntie Cricket is the sister. No, because then, but then why would she have any? like any way to have control over the maple blossom, like the blossom fortune, if she's a sister of Penelope Blossom because Penelope Blossom married in. However, wasn't Penelope Blossom actually? No, she was an adopted sister that they paired up with Clifford Blossom. Yeah, Penelope is another orphan. They just took Penelope from the orphanage and were like, be a child bride. It's like, why have we never thought to make a whole?

Like, if you think about it, Riverdale is all about orphans. Yeah. Every, I mean. Mostly. Right. All four main characters are essentially orphaned, as we have discussed. But right, for the beginning, it's been, there's been a lot of orphan plot points, which I respect because no easier way to just not write a complex plot with family members than to just be like, there's an orphan, which is what they did with Penelope. Like, remember when the orphan child came in when, um, the whole.

plot line to kill Archie as, what was it? Ricky. Yeah, Ricky. What was it? The Red Paladin. That's right. He was the Red Paladin that needed to be murdered and then Ricky the orphan came in to try and stab Archie to death, which again, really, if you just stabbed it one more time. But he did, you know, if he didn't die, which also, if you noticed, the bear claws, the scars are, I believe, completely gone now. Yeah. They don't even try anymore. The real question is, is Archie's trauma resolved because I know if I had been, you know, survived many attempted murders and a bear mauling and a prison escape. And then I was in a hostage situation, as Archie was in this

episode, I would be re-triggered. You know, I would perhaps have a, have a, you know, kind of a traumatic flashback episode. But Archie just powers through, man, can't even phase the guy. He's got to keep on moving. That song goes out to Archie this week. That's a nothing. is going to break his stride. He's got a community to save Molly, and there's no way the Dickinson's are going to come back next week. All right, so we're talking about insane Cheryl,

but I gotta just say, man, Cheryl's always looking so good. They are such a beautiful couple, and I'm so scared of when Titi finally realizes, why did I leave my gang for this? Because this is a problem with their relationship is Titi has lost her entire. self-identity, you know, where's Titi?

Because all I'm seeing is Cheryl, I'm not seeing Titi anymore. I mean, to the extent that she is complacent in playing with a corpse on a regular basis. It is, yeah, a lot of teens get all sucked up in their partner's identity in a relationship. And I think that this one has become a little codependent in the sense that Titi has no home, no friends, raises two twins with Cheryl and perhaps never actually leaves the compound. I don't think they leave the compound. So let's, you know, let's get big ups out for T.T. I think Titi's going to get her act together soon.

But I also am sad because I like to watch them kiss. But that's not just because it's good for me. Doesn't mean it's good for them. And that's what we have to remember for Thanksgiving. But speaking of people who you like to watch kiss. Good segue, Molly. Wait, which one? Phallis or Juggie.

Juggie. What is it? Bughead. Bughead. So we also, again, I love, oh my God, FP and Alice, it's just, I want more kissing from them. So Betty goes out to Jughead for Thanksgiving because for some reason he can't possibly go back to Riverdale because I think they're just going to fuck for Thanksgiving and go for them. Go fuck in your high school dorm room, which I don't think they would allow them to stay in there by themselves. Yeah, that's great.

And I love, I don't even think we were allowed to stay in the college dorms by ourselves. Maybe we were. No, you got kicked out for those. Yeah, I think so. Because I remember staying at, like, other people's houses. Also, why aren't the Jones Cooper's having Thanksgiving dinner? They just, the FP and Alice just said, fuck the kids. I love it because they had sex instead.

You know, this is what, this is what a mother and father of two separate families banging. and the teenagers of both said families also banging, this is what Romeo and Juliet was missing. You don't realize that you don't have to have holidays anymore, then the parents can go off and fuck, and the kids can go off and fuck, and no one has to look at each other. Except here's a question, where the fuck is Jelly Bean?

Where is Jelly Bean? She's mysterious. I think that she's going out. Probably, there's no way Gina Gershahn is not going to come back with some sort of hijinks with Jelly Bean, because you know what, I'll never trust her. I don't trust Jelly Bean. I like Jelly Bean, but I don't trust her.

Yeah. Yeah, I was looking forward to having someone from the tween generation represented in the show, but she has not really been a big part of this season other than to give Betty, again, perhaps trigger for a traumatic episode. But again, Betty played right on through. Because there was also, there was no Charles this episode, because they were, they're all stuck in an ice storm, which I feel like was said enough, but not said enough.

You know what I mean? Like the plot lines were barely about how everyone's stuck inside because there's an ice storm. but not enough. There's an ice storm, but everybody, all the parents drove to Pops. Everyone went to Pops. Frank. Yeah.

How'd they get home? I don't know how they got home. I love, I mean, FP was trying to be good, but, so Betty goes to go fuck Jughead for Thanksgiving, and lo and behold, what's his face and what's her name are there with the rabbit masks? And he puts this fucker, Brett,

puts on a, Bippy Bunny mask comes up behind Jughead with an axe and then has the audacity to be upset when Betty comes up from behind him and smashes him in the head with, I believe, a golf club and cuts the back of his head open because he's like, well, we were just like playing a joke. You had a fucking axe in your hand, motherfucker, and you don't realize how traumatized these specific teens are. They will kill you. But don't worry because Betty also is apparently an amateur medic and knows how to do stitches.

My mother teaches quilting for a living and still would never stitch someone up whose head who's bleeding from the head. I know there's an ice storm. I know apparently you can't get to the hospital. Or at least there's enough of an ice storm that the Chinese food won't deliver that late on Thanksgiving, which I get. But you can't sew it. up his head yourself, Betty, you insane person. But she did. She did. So I guess go to ha ha ha. She did. And then they decided to play the world's fucking craziest drinking game of Never Have I Ever with a flask. And then they made up the rule that I've never heard that if you say something that nobody has done,

you have to finish the flask. You kids are going to die. That is, I would have died many times. But what I love is that they use the game of Never Have I Ever to do some investigative of journalism. Because as we roughly alluded to or said very quickly earlier, that Mr. Chipping, we got to go back, because like there's so much exposition for this plotline, Mr. Chipping, he was a teacher. He killed himself in front of the students. Apparently he was an alcoholic and that it had nothing to do with the Baxter Boys series that apparently the now seminar teacher who Francis, right, Francis DuPont, Francis DuPont, who wrote the beginning of the Baxter boy seasons and then Mr. Chipping was one of the ghostwriters and they think it all has to do with

the Baxter Boys, which obviously it does. And now there's the quill and skull. Quill and skull. Quill and skull. Gang? Yeah. Which is the secret society that is in the school. Am I saying this? I'm saying it all right. Right. You're saying it all right. Yeah. The, the, so, right. So, right. So there's the, the pretext for why Mr. Chipping jumped face first out of window is that he's an alcoholic. But he said, I'm sorry, Jughead, I couldn't help you. He's like, he's towards Jughead. So that's why all of this, they're trying to figure out what happened to Mr. Chipping and did it have something to do with the Baxter boys, brothers, boys?

Because Jughead went to Mr. Chipping and was like, I think my grandfather, F.P, wrote the first book, and Mr. Dupon stole it from him. And Mr. Chipping then killed himself, like a day later. Bad Girls Club. So they think that he was either pressured into suicide or under someone else's spell. and fair. I get it because we find out about quill and skull, and we know that he's a part of it.

Because he and who else were wearing matching tie clips? Francis DuPont, indifferent. Right. It's just, you know, again, they're investigative journalism. So they want to find out. So they're putting the heat. They're putting the heat on these two other youngs that know about the quill and skull gang.

I'm going to keep calling a gang. That's a fucking gang. And through the game of never have I ever, by saying never have I ever been in a secret society. Yeah, good one, Jughead. And no one says anything. Totally how fucking secret societies work, for God's sake. Yeah, and also I love it when Jughead said,

never have I ever tried to cover up a murder, which not true. Both of them have tried to cover up burgers before. And how dare you act so aghast at other teenagers that are trying to do the same thing? Yeah, that's a very good point. Let he who has never covered up a murder cast the first stone. Put me in that fucking never, have I ever. I've never tried to cover up a body. I wouldn't get away with it.

They're all very good at getting away with it. So it ends up being pinned on what's her name because Donna, I don't know. Honestly, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup. I think that she is doing a great job, but they're not giving that character much. It's just like generic mean girl that is at the school. they find the suicide teachers pin from the Quill and Skull Gang in her room. She makes up, definitely makes up a story. Makes up that fucking story.

Yeah, you know, this part annoyed me because she makes up a story. But of course, leave it to Riverdale to make it like a fucking Me Too story that's a lie that she like make. So she's like, he was harassing and abusing me. And of course, the whole time you're set up to be like, yeah, right. And I just wish that they hadn't done it. way. And because of course teachers have power, manipulative, abusive relationships with students all the fucking time.

But let Riverdale set up to be like, that would never happen. Yeah, I call bullshit, which is how Betty is like, yeah, right. This bitch is lying. And of course she's right. Of course she is lying. She says all these horrible things about the teacher. And then goes to the head musta of the school to tell him as well that, like to truly cover up everything that like, oh, he killed himself because he was sexually assaulting me.

And you don't lie about those things. Say he killed somebody at least. You know, it's like if you're going to lie about something, it's like don't, don't do that. Don't make it even further so that people don't trust victims of sexual assault. I know. Riverdale, we don't need this right now. We don't need this right now, okay? I know.

That was some real Riverdale shit. So now, of course, yeah, Betty and Jughead are like, oh, this lying bitch, let's find out why she's lying. And of course, again, she is lying because, of course she is, because that's the whole thing we've been set up for. And that's, but that's basically, we don't get any more resolution than that. We just see Betty and Jughead are like, oh, how are we going to stay warm the rest of the weekend? And then they start going at it. And then we see a little blinking light in the corner. And I thought it was maybe a message on a voicemail, but I think a camcorder is a much more.

exciting idea. How did they not see that camcorder? Maybe I am just a very paranoid person, but you can see the blinking light. I'm pretty sure it's just a camcorder on a desk that is appointed at them to record them taping. So maybe this is a way to blackmail jughead and that they obviously, that they put it in their room to say, oh, there was a girl in here. Oh, he shouldn't be doing these things, or is it something bigger than that? Well, the blackmail thing is good because that was something that we forgot, which is that one thing that they, that Betty and Jughead in there, the ever investigative team figured out is that they probably, their theory is that Mr.

Chipping killed himself because in order to get into Quill and Skull, you have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets. And then everybody in Quill and Skull has your deepest darkest secret to use to blackmail you. And so it would make sense if, the quill and skull people were like, let's get something deep and dark to blackmail these kids about. And honestly, I wouldn't expect it to be a sex tape.

I wouldn't expect it to be any of the other things that they actually have that are deep dark secrets, like the various murders they've covered. That are very scary. There's so many other things. Honestly, at this time, at this point, a sex scandal is kind of like,

oh, okay. Oh, scary. Do you know how many people Betty has killed? Or she also has murder vision. So don't fucking cross her, man. She's got the serial killer jeans. I was upset that there was no Charles this episode. I was very excited about Charles,

but I think that Riverdale now realizes, like last week's episode, where there was no Cheryl and Titi, there's only so much time. You know, there's only so much they can do every episode. So that's what ended up happening. But also, we didn't even talk about the fact that Brett and Donna wrote the fake suicide note. For Mr. Chipping? Yeah, from Mr. Chipping, which really fucking weird, said it was in a writing exercise,

unless they had used that for when he dropped it to place the camcorder in the room so that when they went to go pick it up and read the suicide note, so it could have been that. It would have been a fake. Oh, okay. Interesting. So we'll see how it goes to that, but again, would watch that tape. Even from up on top of a bunk bed, I definitely would watch it because remember what they did with moose. They scared moose away with his, using his daddy gargoyle king, not gargoyle king against him. And then they called him gargoyle boy.

Fuck you guys. You know what fuck you guys. Maybe he is a gargoyle boy, okay? That's cool. He's made out of stone. You cannot break him. And we need to now, what else do we need to talk about? The parents.

Oh, we need to talk about the parents. We need to talk about the parents because they all have the Phalas and Hiram and Hermione have, they all have, which also did you notice that they were drinking rum, they were drinking and mosas rum in Labanui. They all get shlammered, kind of, except for FP. And Hiram calls him out on it. I was like, oh, what, you're not going to get hammered? So this all starts too. Now, Hiram is the mayor

and apparently he being mayor means you can do whatever you want. I didn't know that. I didn't know meant that he has a complete carte blanche of doing any illicit activity that he wants, similar to the way that FP was originally using his role as sheriff, and then he became a real sheriff. But now he's going up against Kingpin Hiram that is trying to get him to do things. But you know what, Molly? Serpent never shed skin.

Serpent never sheds It's skin We have gang leader F.P. Coming back And thank God, because you know what? I want to have sex with him in that sheriff's costume. But I more so want to have sex with him

when he is a gang leader. My favorite line of this season for sure, maybe Oliverdale, or my favorite scene is the scene that happens at the end of this episode where he's like, oh, I don't want to do Hiram's bidding. And honestly, one of the more honest things about Riverdale is that people in power

just are immediately corrupt and have absolute power. Like the mayor, absolute power, sheriff, absolute corrupt power. So I appreciate that. But he's like, I became the sheriff to be a good guy. No, you didn't. You were appointed sheriff by Hermione in a fucking murder cover up. So don't pretend we got into this for noble causes. You didn't.

But he's like, oh, I got into this to be a good cop not to do Hiram's bidding. And then Alice is like, well, who says you can't be a gang leader and the sheriff at the same time? And FB is like, brilliant. And that was definitely my favorite moments of Riverdale. I am. It's about time. He becomes a more corrupt sheriff. Again, he's already, you're corrupt from the roots of getting there.

You may as well be a gang leader at the same time. But then you do, he needs to take the helm of now he needs to make a hybrid of his, I think what they're essentially doing, is a hybriding FP and Fred Andrews characters together. Now it is a fusion of he's a good guy that's looking out for the community and looking out for the boys. Uh-huh. But also is a man of the law that can actually enact change and get things done. So I'm excited to see what kind of bad boy, bad boy things he does with his new found corrupt

power. Oh, yeah. It's going to be great. Is he going to put on the leather jacket over his sheriff's outfit? Is he going to switch costumes like a superhero? Oh, I just imagine him just getting so upset that he like Hulk bus out of his shirt and then just like goes in on like the sweat-covered serpent tattoo. You know what I mean?

Maybe that's just Sasha. Jackie. Jackie. I just, I'm in love with him. I'm in love with him. I'm absolutely, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm squirmy. He's definitely, I mean, just head and shoulders,

hottest guy on the show above everybody else. Maybe Alice Cooper is the next person. Yes, for sure. But again, I haven't stopped thinking about last week's sex scene between Hermione and Hiram. I'll give them that. It is giving me brain fodder. And I think that we've gone through all of the ridiculous plot lines. Hermosa's back in Miami now,

so we don't really need to talk about that. Bitch fucking Veronica just through the Thanksgiving. Can you imagine? No matter how corrupt and bad your parents are. Going into their Thanksgiving dinner and taking it and throwing the entire dinner. dinner on the floor because you don't get to send time with your boyfriend on Thanksgiving. I think I'd get beaten to death.

I found it somewhat satisfying only because Veronica never actually stands up to her family. And not that throwing a bunch of food on the floor and an extremely wasteful act is standing up to her family, but it kind of was. And so usually she's just like, daddy. And then she leaves or stays. And so I did, at least she did something was how I felt. did do something, but I mean, I imagine Hermione did not make that meal. Just throw it out there. I'm going to assume she didn't make that meal. But if I had made that whole meal and someone throws it on the

floor, I think I'd have to be institutionalized. I would go that mad. Like I would, I would flip out that hard, just like, that they'd have to cart me away and strap me to a bed. But you know what, doesn't that sound nice? Doesn't that sound nice, Molly? That sounds relaxing. Please drop me to a bed. Please give me no life decisions anymore. I think that sounds great. And I think that that calls over this week's Riverdale Roundup.

I'm excited. We have this week off. There's no Thanksgiving episode. Obviously, we did Thanksgiving early on Riverdale. And we'll be back next week, though, because we've got another Riverdale episode. I don't know where these are going to go. I'm really excited. to see whatever holiday tricks and treats they have in store

because Christmas time at Riverdale is never easy. Oh my God, we're about to enter holiday season on Riverdale. Hell yeah. I love it. I love it. I love it. What's going to happen with the doll?

What's going to happen for Christmas time? And I can't wait to see Bad Boy F.B. Come back. Thank God. Oh, thank God. If your horn and say, hey. Hey! We love you guys so much.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate. If not, you know what? Just have a great fucking week. What does it matter? Just have a smile. We love you and we will be back next week. And my name is Jackie. We don't do that on this show.

I don't think so. But my name is Jackie. Nice to meet you, Jackie. Thank you. Nice to meet you too, Molly, I presume. My name is Molly. Don't talk to it. Bye, guys.

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