Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 42: Wine Never Lies

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

We recap "Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment" and errybody in Riverdale is in therapy and boy oh boy do they have STUFF to talk about.    Hey LA! Come see Page 7 and WIzard and the Bruiser Live TONIGHT at The Regent Theater. Grab your tickets here, Jackie will give you (consensual) kissins!     This episode was made possible by listeners like you! Support us on our Patreon and get weekly bonus episodes, ad-free main episodes and more!   Intro song by Green Dreams Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ahoy there, Mady's Jackie, not a pirate Zabrowski here. Letting you in on a little secret. Page 7 and Wizard and the Bruiser of the Last Podcast Network are in Los Angeles this week, Wednesday, December 11th, to perform a live podcast show for you at the Region Theater. It's this week, December 11th. Come on out and join us. Me, matey.

Doth, the, what is it? Heroes Doth, Fall. Yeah, you know, I got a, can I open up with a bit of a confession? Let's have a confession. Is this a confession episode? I'm into confession. Well, it's, I feel, I'm feeling a little self-conscious because the amount of people who, who, you know, contacted me and were like, you will this episode into being, because you won't stop talking about all their trauma. Because they do need a therapist.

They do need a therapist. They do have just an extraordinary amount of trauma, which, when laid all out in just artless expository dialogue, it really stacks up. However, it turns out watching these characters go to therapy, not good television. Not good. It should have happened off screen.

I think that it was weird because I felt like I was watching my favorite characters doing, making fun of us in an episode of Riverdale Roundup. You know what I mean? where I was just like, because up top immediately. I do know what you mean. When Alice Cooper finds Betty Cooper's birth control and flips out about it, as if she didn't get into Yale because she has birth control, I immediately was like, that's your problem.

And that is essentially what the episode was, where it kicked off, essentially this entire episode, they finally brought a therapist to Riverdale, Ms. Burbill, sometimes Mrs. Burbel, because I was looking out for that of whether or not she was done, done, I think married to Principal Honey. I think that Mrs. Burble is evil, but we'll get into that later. So Mrs. Burble comes and she is now a licensed psychologist? I think she said psychologist. Yeah, exactly what you just said is like the problem with this episode, because at first, because listen, I love the gimmick episodes.

We fucking love that red pallet and shit. where they broke him out at prison and they were narrating and they were playing the game. Like I love it when they do weird shit. We love the breakfast club episode. Like a weird format. Yes, please. And so I was super psyched at first. I was like, yeah, let's do a weird format.

And I didn't quite realize that I didn't like the episode until talking to you about it and hearing that you didn't like the episode. Because I was like, do I like this? No, I think my jury had been kind of out. But I think that the problem with this episode was that it was too self-conscious. Like it was like Riverdale being like, wow, look at all this crazy stuff we've done to these characters. We know it's crazy.

That's why we love the show. You don't have to talk about craziness. Yeah. Yeah, we don't want you to point it out. We want you to commit to it. And this episode didn't feel like it was committing to the dumb-ass world of Riverdale. It felt like it was like tongue-in-cheek,

like pointing out the dumb-ass world to us. and we don't want to point it out, even though... No, we know it's crazy. It's true that the characters are traumatized, but I feel like it's funnier for them to not acknowledge it, you know? Yes, for sure. And for them to lay it all out on the table, because let's be real, most of these children,

although apparently Archie's 18, most of these children would be either put into foster care, taken out of their home, and or put into a juvenile detention center. for the things that they have witnessed, been a part of, you know, like hidden, the things that they would reveal to a therapist. And I love it even when Ms. Burble brings that up when she's like, you know, if you're about to say that you hurt people or implicate yourself,

I'm going to have to report you. Yeah, that was like a little bit. But like, yeah, I mean. So that's fine. Right. She's a mandated reporter. So she definitely would have had to make a phone call after like every fucking session because obviously these kids are

being neglected by their parents at least I think a bare minimum you know her whole thing about the the dance here in with your father it was with Veronica it was weird it was real weird and so perhaps this wasn't just a kind of expository like

self-conscious romp of Riverdale but maybe it is laying the groundwork for Miss Burbill to somehow be evil and use this all against them That would be fun. I think that that would be fun. I also wonder if this is the actual beginning of Jughead's book within the narrative that we are still claiming is going to happen. And it has to be that. And it must be since, especially with the case files and everything, that it could be a part of all of this.

Oh, that's what it is. You know what I mean? Fuck me. That's totally what it is. Right? Yeah. To bring to light what all of these. characters' faults are, or it's part of like the expository of something of like them being

brought in, you know, it's, it's the breakdown of each character of the beginning of a detective novel so you know who you're doing. For sure, because the whole time I was like, you know, I feel like therapy scenes can be funny, you know, or can be like, or it could happen just as a character development thing offstage. Like I used to be in a show where we developed the characters we had the characters go to therapy and it was like super fun and funny and like you know but like right the whole time i was like why is this happening it's so self-conscious like and it's not a gimmick it's not like a riveting gimmick the way that like the breakfast club gimmick is this is like a gimmick and i love a gimmick but it wasn't riveting it was just like rehashing all these things we already knew each character

being like well this happened with my dad and this happened with my like and so but it would make a great first chapter of a fucking book. Right? And I do, I will say, there are definitely parts of this episode that I loved. I loved when Betty was like, I sleep in the same bed with Jughead. You think we're not having sex? It's like, yeah, she's murdered people. You know, like, suicidal genes or what is it, murder genes aside. Yeah, of course they're having sex.

They do sleep in the same bed under your roof. Yeah. I mean, that one, that session was kind of fun only because, like, right, like Betty just escaped, like having her brain lobotomized because of her mother. Also, Mrs. Cooper, Alice, you were just gone. You were in a cult. You left your kid. And now you're going back into the role of being like, overbearing mother. Elizabeth. Elizabeth. You can't do these. things where I think it's kind of fun that she immediately is like dial back, dial back. They also, I'm just a regular mom now. They highlighted a discrepancy, which I don't know if we had caught or talked about before, but because, right, at the end of season three, because season three was such a wild ass ride,

at the end of season three, Alice is all, oh, I was actually undercover the whole time. And then in this episode, Betty is like, how about that time you gave away my college savings? Because that doesn't make any sense. I forgot about that. And then she's like, oh, yeah, that was like just a thing. I was under his spell. So you got to square that circle, Riverdale. Was she undercover or was she under his spell?

Or was she also undercover and under his spell? Like Riverdale tried to have it both ways. Yeah. And although I will say in this segment of the episode, was weirdly, I got tingles when Alice Cooper said that Betty was her favorite. She's like when she said, I love you the most. And I don't know. Wait, are you your mom's favorite?

My parents are like aggressively not favorite, don't have a favorite. Oh, see, my mother also aggressively doesn't have a favorite, but she does the like, but you're my favorite. And you know what? It always makes you feel good because I'm pretty sure she's not lying to me. And I feel, I think I felt it in that moment because I'll never say her name right. Magikinemic? She's hot as fuck. Alice Cooper. Especially put her in a fucking turtleneck.

Give me for a break. I want to lick her from here until Tuesday. Yeah, when she's just a very, she's also a very perfect camp actress. So her delivering that, but it's also veiled in something else of like, well, all right, if this is part of the detective novel, what is she going to do for Betty because she loves her the most. It is the infinite Riverdale question. Is this happening for a reason or is it happening for no reason at all? Wine says there must be a reason and a wine never lies. We're doing, we just so you guys know, we usually record Riverdale Roundup late, but today we're recording it

later on in the day. So of course, wine time. So I hope you're drinking some wine while listening to this episode. I'm drinking a white claw hum jug. That's see page seven is the last week page seven for that reference. White claw hum jug. Honestly, I don't even remember how we got to white claw hum jug. All I know is that it's still, every time I pick up a white claw now, I know white claw I laughed about that white claw hub jug for days. That is my exact type of humor.

Unlike the type of humor that did not exist in this episode. I feel like, yeah, I am satisfied to have you put forward a theory because I feel like this whole season was building so much momentum. And then it like not like there was no story in this episode, right? Like there was no story was advanced. Nothing was furthered in the plot in this episode. Nothing with with except for kind of Veronica and Hiram when she was like, daddy, I'll go to Yale instead of Harvard. I won't.

I hate it. I hate everything. And I will say, I guess. guess I did look up the test that Cheryl took to find out whether or not her DNA had other DNA in it. I don't know if that is how science works. But that plot, that was a good Riverdale. Like that when they were like, oh, take this test to see if you absorbed another fetus. It's possible that that test exists, but I was like, that's some Riverdale ass shit.

I looked up the test. The test does exist. I don't know if that is the reason for the test. So if you guys haven't seen the episode yet, Cheryl is sitting with the new therapist in town. And of course, what I love, this therapist is brilliant. Give her some sort of Nobel Peace Prize because she can go in and immediately say exactly what she needs to say to break down these children to their core. So Cheryl opens up about everything. She tries to be cold as ice because what they're saying, so every single plot line had a reason of why they had to go to the therapist.

So she's losing her mind. Evil, most likely evil principal honey tells Cheryl that the vixons are going to be taken away from her and she cannot be the head of the cheer squad, which, surprise, she's still the head of the cheer squad. Even though she's, you know, talking to corpses, dealing with a, what she's having a phantmagasm...

What did she say? Like, she's having problems with phantasmagory. But meanwhile, she has even been going to school. How she's been maintaining the vixen. Yeah, right. She's maintaining it. And she cares enough that I think she cried about losing the vixens more than she's cried at anything that has happened to her in all four seasons. Because she's going to lose her head bitch in charge her, Molly.

Yeah. So they say they're going to take away the vixen's unless she can pass some sort of psycho evaluation. And the psychologist is like, you're not crazy. you're being gaslit, which that's kind of fun. That is one. I feel like we have maybe said that on this show before, because I think that we talked about what if it is, because we don't know where Penelope Blossom,

Cheryl Blossom's mother is. That what if it is Cheryl Blossom, or if it is Penelope Blossom, fucking with Cheryl Blossom so that they can give her a reason to put her away forever. Yeah, because there's only one person who could be gaslighting her at Thistle House because she'd know, like,

there's only one other person who knows her way around thistle house and could be doing it and could be there and could be hiding which is penelope blossom and also of course julian if he existed is alive he was not absorbed by Cheryl they would not drop that awesome bomb that there was triplets and have him be absorbed by Cheryl and as i have been fixated on there was that line when uh granny blossom was like um oh it's the triplets crying in the nursery, and she would not have said that if Julian had not been born. You are very, I cannot agree with you more, Molly. I think that definitely the triplet is out there. So that's what the psychotherapist does, is they run some sort of test to see if her DNA contains someone else's DNA, and I guess that's how you, I honestly, I'm going to go ahead and throw this out there.

I looked up. It's the chimmerism test. I looked it up. I am not smart enough to understand what even the explanation of what a chimerism test is. So maybe it could do that. It has something to do with stem cells. If it's real, I'll eat my hat. When they said that, I was like, that sounds so made up.

It's the first Riverdale thing to happen in this episode. But it sounds just real enough, which is why I'd like about it, because the test that you take now when you're pregnant and you're like make it to like I think it's only like 10 or 11 weeks like very early they can do a test where they take your blood and the way that they tell what the gender the assigned sex chromosomal sex of your baby is is that they test for Y chromosomes in your blood because if you are a pregnant person you most likely do not have any Y chromosomes right you have XX because you are Right, right, right.

That's, you need those, that's set up to be a pregnant person. You don't have Y's. But if they take your blood and you have Y's in it, that means you have a boy. And if they take, because the baby's blood mixes with your blood. And, yeah. And if you have, if they take your blood and you have only X's, that means you have somebody who is an XX. So when they described this fetus, did you eat another fetus test? I was like, well, that sounds a little bit like the real existing test for if you're pregnant.

For sure. Or if what your gender baby is. I just don't know if she would have a whole other set of DNA. But again, I am not a smart person and I will give that out there. But apparently, according to said test in Riverdale, she does not have the second strain of DNA, which means she never absorbed her triplet, which gives Cheryl the clear. clearance of guilt so that she doesn't have to be guilty about killing, quote, unquote, her third, the third blossom sibling.

And so now thinks that the house is not haunted by it, but I think that all that means if that these tests was quote-unquote real, I guess, quote, quote, means that there, I don't know. Wine, wine? If the test is real, it also probably just means that the sibling was born. And it is somewhere. I'm definitely born. Definitely is somewhere. Because also though, when Cheryl,

what if it's Tony that's gaslighting her? What if it's Tony was doing? What if Tony ends up being like, that's what I spent the whole episode thinking. Yeah, like, because I was like, who could it be other than Tony? And it wasn't until you said Penelope that I was like, oh, of course. Because I was guessing Tony. But that, what if it's Tony that is fucking with her and wants to like,

like get her way in and get Cheryl to leave her? everything from thistle house and the entire blossom fortune that would be such a right turn and is trying to get rid of her there would be that would have that they have not foreshadowed that at all but it's sure possible you never know with riverdale unless nana rose is actually completely lucid and is also that could be too yeah i mean like i was a little bit perplexed by Cheryl's whole session with uh dr burble mrs burble because like she was like oh you're carrying her on this guilt of absorbing your twin. And I was like, I don't think Cheryl's guilty about that at all.

She feels like, no. She doesn't even really, hasn't even really demonstrated any guilt or like shame for talking to her dead brother's corpse. Like she hasn't, she's been defending that. So the fact that she was in here being like, oh, I'm so guilty about absorbing my twin brother and like there's something wrong with me for talking to Jason's corpse. Like she has certifiably not thought that she was doing anything wrong. And so this is another example of Riverdale writers, I think, trying to like, in one episode, it's one way Cheryl totally believes, like this, remember, this all started as her being under the hypnosis, hypnosis of, you know, that guy from One Tree Hill.

Yeah. And so she truly believed she was talking to Jason. and now that has evolved to her, like, knowing that he's a corpse and just doing it because she needs the comfort. And I'm not totally sold by that evolution. And also the fact that the therapist is not bothered by the fact that she dug up her brother's... Yeah, she was like... And has it in the house. I don't think this is so different from the way that other people agree.

Which is actually why it would make sense that this is part of the detective novel even more, because what if what if Principal Honey is a part of the because Principal Honey has not been around for a while and he was established and then he was gone. So what if he's a part of the novel

idea and that Mrs. Burbill was brought in as a way to get things to hold against the four of them or against all of them for the further trial? So maybe because remember even

even when I forgot who it was was it Mrs. Cooper that was like or excuse me, Mrs. Smith, Ms. Smith, that when Alice was in there and was like, oh, where is your doctorate and she doesn't have the doctorate up? So she could very

easily, we know how easy it is for people to get on the campus of Riverdale, no matter who they are. What if she is not a doctor and is just trying to get information? I hope so, man. because, you know, it's not, just because they need therapy doesn't mean they should get therapy. It means that their problems should be made worse.

And so this would definitely be planting a seed. This would be planting a seed for in a further story. Whereas this was just like, what are we doing here? Like so, so I like, I like the fact that this could be a building block towards something else. Because as it was, it wasn't particularly good. It didn't change anyone's course of action, except for Veronica. And kind of Jughead. And kind of Arch.

Archie was like, Mom, I'm going to move out and move into the community center. Oh. Let's just get Archie out of the way. It's fucking talk about Archie. So he got sent to the therapist office because he fell asleep in class. Because as we all know, it's the falling asleep in class that's the problem. It's not the problem that he is avenging things that are not his fucking problem by night while wearing a mask. And so he goes, so he's tired because, you know, he doesn't sleep.

Even though also, by the way, all of this is happening while they're all getting their college acceptance letters, which just go fuck yourself, Riverdale. Don't even pretend. Why are we pretending? Yeah. Why are you making the real teens who watch this show think that they should have? this much going on in their life, applying to college and also fighting crime by night. No one could do both. I was about to have a mental breakdown just because I was in a difficult high school program

as well as applying to colleges and doing a high school play. You know, like that was almost too much for me. So maybe I'm weak. Maybe that's what I figured out. Maybe I'm weak. Also, you know what? No fucking in this episode. No kissing in this episode.

I'm back to the point that I got slightly horny when this is embarrassing. I got slightly horny when Jughead held FP for a really long time. Yeah, yeah, there was no interaction with each other. The four kids didn't really interact with each other. But I guess what did change or the interaction that did happen based on the sessions with Mrs. Burbel were interactions with their parents. Every kid interacted with their parents. Except for Cheryl.

Also, I don't want to forget about this later on. I did also notice a change in Jughead because he's starting to wear more bracelets and rings. Yeah. And I'm actually really into it. Of course you are. I thought about you, Bali. I was like, I bet Molly's fucking all aboard this, man. Yeah, bracelets.

Except that I still can't look at him and not see the kid from Big Daddy. So I can't, I don't feel anything for Jughead. But in general, if you like Jughead, of course you got to. like him with more bracelets. Like that's the type. I love it. I love the more bracelets. So let's keep talking about fucking Archie. Because, so he confesses. I guess I have a hero complex.

Yeah, he fucking does. He confesses to the therapist that he is trying to quote, clean up the town. And so what Burbel tells him to do is to, ugh, ha! She tells him to set up a hotline, a tip. HIPPS hotline for people to complain. At first I thought I was like, is this like a suicide hotline? Yeah, that was terrible advice. That was, you know, you've got to be right. This has to have been, this has to be a building block for her and trapping all of them

because that was the worst advice I've ever fucking heard. And there is no point to it other than to make Archie, Archie's problems much worse, which is like, that's what we want. So that must be That must be what's happening. So now he's set up a Riverdale hotline that is an answering machine that people can call to report problems

in their neighborhood, which again just gives actual evidence of where Archie is going to be because of course he's immediately going to go and try and help everyone. Yeah, and leave these recorded messages. Entrapment! Yeah, yeah.

You're totally right. This has to be a setup because that was she gave she was like yeah why don't you start a hotline to you know help you do vigilante crimes and i will also which we didn't have which we haven't talked about we need to talk about because i think again this makes sense of why this is a part of the book because it's another one of these things where he uses a weird antiquated answer messaging machine thing right and this goes back, it doesn't go back. It doesn't make any sense.

The technology in Riverdale drives me crazy. Yeah, there's VHS tapes going around. You've got VHS tapes going around, which we haven't even talked about yet. In the top of the episode, everyone receives another VHS of people that there is someone watching all of the homes in Riverdale, and they get the VHS tape in the morning, but this time they were recording even closer. So they're scared. And then drughead's over, overtalk's narration was just like, yeah, Riverdale had to dust off the old VHS players. It was like, give me a fucking break.

Everyone in Riverdale still has their VHS players out and handy. So this has to have something to do with the Baxter Brothers book. Yeah, because they keep, they had dropped that VHS tape. Somebody said in tapes around in the house a couple episodes ago, never came back to it. So this is one of those times the Riverdale Drop something did come back to it because I wouldn't have a pass through to have that There's never bring it up.

Your house never brought up again. Isn't that weird? At least they brought that back up. But yeah, man, I'm so invigorated now that you think that you've put forward this misperable theory that it's the beginning of a jughead story because like I said, I felt so

I felt self-conscious because I have been calling for therapy. And then to see therapy really do jack shit for them, I was like, well, maybe they, maybe, you know, they don't need therapy because we don't want them to solve their mental health issues. We want them to keep doing crazy shit. Yeah, so that we can have fun and talk about it. Because also I noticed, I hadn't seen this episode until right before we recorded this. And I noticed that no one had hit me up with new theories or anything.

And I was like, man, this is probably a boring fucking episode. And I was right. Unless this is a whole new thing. And then that's also kind of fun. Because you have to notice that Betty Cooper's maybe brother is not around. And that whole thing with chicks. So I wonder how they're going to interweave the outside plot lines that there are many of. Oh, my God.

We have to talk about Veronica. That's the thing. There's so many threads. There's so many of them and how that they're all going to come together. Long story short with Archie, he's moving out of his house and moving into the community center that he runs because he's 18 apparently and he doesn't want to put his mom in danger anymore, which that is, it's like they know where you live, Archie. I know.

You didn't kill these people. They know where you live. I don't want you to be in danger, so I'm going to move out probably like half a mile away. and they all saw you and they know you're my mom. Man, have you ever seen a superhero story? You don't have to live with someone in order for your enemies to target them. No, they find everyone.

Everyone that you've ever loved they find it can harm. I know these things. Yeah, yeah. No, Archie bit off more than he could chew as usual because he's all, I have the hero complex. And then he's like, oh, I can't let anything happen to my family. man have you ever seen spider-man

of course something's going to happen to your family of course it is even I know that we're not superhero people and we know that yeah yeah drive me crazy and who else drives me crazy Veronica Luna which again I completely forgot that she had changed her last name to Luna and then until she referred to herself

as Veronica Luna so Veronica gets into Harvard she's very excited who else got into Harvard Molly daddy daddy daddy got into Harvard. Daddy. And so Daddy had sent the Dean of Admissions rum to get her into Harvard. It was just one bottle of rum. That's it? Yeah. And also, I love that the date of admissions was just like, yeah, I totally got bribed. Congratulations on your father bribing me. On the phone. Oh, my God,

on the phone, Molly. Yeah, just said it. No, I guess if she's going to end up going to Yale, that it doesn't matter. I thought they were going to use that against them because it's like, who, number one, what dean of admissions calls a high schooler to be like, you got it. Yeah, I guess a dean of admissions who gets bribed by one single bottle of rum and then says it on the phone.

It's great because there was just that very fun, real celebrity college admission scandal. So, which is fun. Do it on the phone, you know? Don't put it in an email, I guess. So how? I guess, yeah, but it's like, how is Veronica going to get back at Daddy?

She's not going to Harvard. Oh, what? No, Veronica, you have to go to Harvard. I hate this storyline. So she's not going to Harvard because she wants to hurt her daddy, and she's going to go to Yale, and apparently Yale, I guess that's what, they hate each other? Also, is Veronica really a fucking student? She runs a speaking.

for teens and adults like and I'm not saying that you can't be very smart and like you know run a bar at the age of 17 but but literally when she's just too spread thin when do any of them ever do any work they don't because she has two jobs she runs a speakeasy weirdly for grownups that I don't know why grownups attend the speakeasy for children but that's what we've talked about that and then she also works and pops and apparently can cook and the kitchen based on that damn Halloween episode where she was like, oh, I'll make a burger because all the cooks are gone. And we're supposed to, she's, the thing about Veronica, and I'm sorry,

but she doesn't really seem like she's good at anything. Yet part of her character is that she's good at everything. And she's like, oh, I'm going to go to business. I have this whole path laid out for me to be a business person. What? When? I have no idea. I mean, I guess technically she is starting businesses. I will give her that. And now apparently, which they dropped at the end of this segment, is that she is going to, I'm upset even just saying it. She's going to start a rum business to go against daddy's rum business, even though it's the first time we've heard about the rum business in the fourth season, but apparently he's always been the king of rum, and how dare we I probably not know that.

And to the extent that he put his fancy first bottle of rum in a lockbox of sorts in his office. And what does Veronica do to get back at daddy? Drink the entire thing in one sitting. She drinks it. Oh, my God, she's so bad. But is she bad or should she be dead? She doesn't even seem drunk. She drank the entire bottle of rum.

She should be dead. You can't drink a whole bottle of rum. I drank a bottle of tequila with two best friends over the course of like three hours, one time in college, and I still remember it because it's not to be done. You should not finish a whole bottle of hard alcohol, even with several other people, much less by yourself sitting in your dad's office, promising you'll never have daddy issues again, and then declaring war on him. No, because you punish and said that she was ghost.

going to kill him. I did really like when Ms. Burbill said to her, though, that you and your father are obsessed with each other. I loved it. She's like, what do you mean? I have daddy issues.

She's like, no, no, no, no. It's far past dad. Yeah, that's true. They are obsessed with each other.

And it's true that someone needs to tell Veronica that her relationship with her father doesn't make any sense because she's always, like, in that scene, in Veronica's session, she was like, I don't love my dad.

He did. And then she lists all the things, again, self-conscious of Riverdale. But one of the things is, he tried to kill my boyfriend. And then she's like, yeah, I don't have a weird relationship with my father,

even though she's still cool with him and she keeps coming back to him, even though he tried to kill her boyfriend. It's just, it's hard. So don't worry, guys, she is going to. I mean, I bet Hermosa's going to come back. Hermosa, the sister in Miami, who is definitely.

I think is having sex with her father, but of course I get it, because why wouldn't use Hiram Lodge? And now she's going to create her own rum business. And I'm going to guess she's going to run rum out of the speakeasy, but I'm pretty sure that Hiram's rum is also sold at this. Well, that's actually a pretty good setup, though, like a rum off. Rum off. I mean, I will watch all of them get liquored up and have a kiss off too. Rum kiss off. I'm definitely in.

room kiss off and that brings us to Jughead little little sexy drughead who ends up going to the therapist at Riverdale High School because why was he sent

to the... Because because he couldn't get a letter of recommendation He's getting his transcript from... He's getting his transcript

because he's applying to colleges even though everyone's already getting their decisions back. So kind of a little bit late, Jughead. But he's applying to colleges. He's trying to get recommendations. The guy who murdered his grandfather probably said, I'm not going to write you a recommendation. The author, the quote unquote,

original author of the Baxter Brothers. He says, maybe you should go get your transcript, I guess, from Riverdale. I don't even remember. He said, go get it from Riverdale. And Jughead was like, okay. And then while he was waiting for his transcript, the guidance counselor, who just has an abundance of time,

was like, oh, I'll just sit with you and chat with you. And meanwhile, this child that is not a student at the school that I now apparently worked at. And, man, that guidance counselor must be overworked, because there's got to be a lot of, like, residual trauma from all of the students at Riverdale. There's been various serial killers wandering those halls. There's been dead bodies found in the schools. I mean, she really, they should probably have gotten a guidance counselor earlier. For sure.

And in fact, I believe that it was Alice Cooper or no, it was Jughead that was like, oh, you must be overworked and underpaid. She's like, yes, I a thousand percent am. So Mrs. Burbill says that Jughead is a persecution complex and tells him to concentrate on his writing, rather than chasing down wild conspiracy theories, which fair. I will, you know what, she's not wrong. Yeah.

Because he... Yeah, she's not wrong. He does have a persecution. He hasn't applied to any colleges, which that's fine. If he doesn't want to go to college, he doesn't want to go to college. But, so now he's going to really work on his studies. But again, this puts him off of the beat of investigating into anything any further, which also makes sense.

It's like let's get Jughead to live in La La Land to set up the fact that his friends are being set up to kill him. Yeah. I am. And now he appreciates his father. Right. So he leaves the session and it's like, oh, my poor dad, I keep talking about my grandfather, but like my grandfather was like a bad dad. And so my dad must be so sad.

I am not playing three-dimensional chess with Jughead's storyline. I don't know how we get from here. of there. I don't know, but then in the end, it comes to another flash forward with Archie and Betty and Veronica standing in the police lineup and Brett and what's her name fucking dumb, dumpy? Yeah, yeah, I called her dumb dumpy. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. What's her name? Donna. Donna. Donna. Donna. Donna. And dumb dumpy Donna tells FP that those three are definitely ones that killed Jughead. And there's no way Jughead's going to die, obviously.

And I think that it's going to be Brett and Donna in it that kill him. But I wonder if that means that after all is said and done, and he writes this book, and then they are going to look into Brett and Donna to see if, like, whatever they have done in the past, and then eventually they are going to go to jail for probably convincing their teacher, Mr. Chipping, to jump out of a window. But if we see, if what we're seeing at the end of the flashbacks are Jughead's fictional story,

then that would, like, Jughead is writing a story that's like, look at these guys. There are the real killers, even though in the story they're implicating his friends? And they, I guess it's like, but maybe they end up being even more evil in real life, is what I'm saying. And so then when in the book, it is eventually pinned on them, that is when people look into the two of them and they're like, oh, wait, you guys are

part of the Quill and Skull and Skull-Sight and you kill people. Right. Makes perfect sense. Honestly, I can't even believe we talked this long about this not very much. not very good episode. I know. I know. Please don't make me take a quiz on this episode or anything we've said in this episode of Riverdale Roundup.

Never. Because it's just barely staying in my brain. Yeah. And I apologize. You know what? I'm sorry to all of us for having to watch it. I think that everyone in it did a very good job. But you know what? I am excited to see where this goes. And like in seasons in the past,

you do have to have an episode every once in a while. That is a set some up so we can knock some down. with absolute bullshit. Right. So if you're right, and this is a setup, yeah, then that's really good. Then we needed that.

Right? Yeah. I think we needed a chill episode, and we got it. Yeah. So I don't know what the next episode's going to be, but it better make, give me shock and awe. That's all I'm saying, it better give me shock and awe. And yes, both Molly and I used antiquated phrase.

is this episode. I did say stick it your pipe and smoke it. And you did said that you would eat your hat if you were wrong. And I think that that means, I don't know what it means. Maybe we've been watching too many musicals. I have been listening to company a lot because of a marriage story. So I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I haven't watched marriage story yet. I know that's for, that's for original page seven, but I can't wait. It's pretty, it's, yeah. Oh, oh, we'll discuss. I love you very much, Molly. And thank you. you very much for talking to me about this episode today. I love you too, Jackie, and I hope that you're right. I hope that what you wrote, if you didn't, if you're not right, you should be in

the Riverdale Writers' Room. If I'm not right, someone get me a job. I want in, I don't know how, I have no experience. But man, I would be great at it. But I think this is also another one of those things when everyone says, like, I'd be really good at it, but you don't realize how hard it is. Yeah, I think that's true. That's fine. I know it's a very hard job. I'm aware of that. That's true. All love to TV writers. They should.

Always. They go through a lot. Yes, they go through a lot. They have a great union and they should have lots and lots of money and health care benefits. But also, make us do it. Make us do it. At least just give us, like, sub us in for a day out of the week. And then I think it'll be fine.

Just for ideas. We're idea men. That's all. We are the idea men. We love you guys so much. And we will be back next week. and I'm excited and we'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.