Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 47: You've Awoken the Dragon

Episode Date: February 19, 2020

We watch "Chapter Seventy: The Ides of March" and we have some questions: is Hiram actually sick or is he faking? Why is Hermosa grinding on teenage girls? And is Mark Consuelos too muscular? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I come again. It is Riverdale. Don't worry, guys. It's not the middle of March. Even though Riverdale thinks it is, we are talking about the Riverdale recap of the episode, the Ides of March. And I think that if you watch the episode, or you know what, even while listening to this, every time we just turn into a drinking game, they say I'ds of March, you got to finish your drink, which is what I was doing, except I was doing it with sparkling water. And I got to say, I'm very hydrated. I knew it. The second that I saw that the episode was titled, the Iads of March, was like, let me guess. They're going to say the Iads of March like 20 times in this episode. And they did. Riverdale loves nothing more than to pick a completely

arbitrary theme and then just hammer you over the head with it. Especially when it's a month early. This was put out the two days before Valentine's Day. Why did they do a Valentine's Day? It makes no sense. I love Riverdale. Just none. But Can I start? I don't mean to jump the gun here. Oh, let's jump on sharks and get in the gun. If I can jump in the gun. So this was the first episode in the long time that I was able to watch with Gideon.

And it was nice because before we started, I was like, okay, so I have to catch you up. And then like 45 minutes later, we were like, okay, so now we can start the episode. That's so cute. Because there was so much has happened. And he was like, you don't have to catch me up. And I was like, I do this for a living. I should be able to do this. I should be able to give you a recap.

But so he has a theory of what is happening with Jughead's storyline. And I hate to say, it's so simple and I think perhaps so obvious that it made me laugh really hard at your three-dimensional chess prediction of like meta. Like we're in a story and we're not in the story. Grandparents and we're in and we're out and we're out. Please, what does he think it is? So he thinks that Jughead is faking his own death team. get back at the Quill and Skull members. Oh.

So, oh. Okay, see, this would all make, okay, guys, for the people that do not watch Riverdale, that just listen to Riverdale Roundup, since we're jumping forward here at the end of the episode in one of her fugue states, if you guys remember, remember the whole like two episodes where Betty was going fugging a lot? Because they kept saying, Tandrine, Tandrine, Tandrine into the phone. They brought it back. Good for them.

brought it back. And I was just like, I can't believe they brought tangerine back. And Donna, old dumpy Donna, was just like, I'm going to put you in a fugue state because you know, Riverdale, if there's one thing they do, they tell them, they tell their opponents every single move they're going to do before they do it. And she was going to put Betty into a fugue state and make her kill Jughead. And she's like, no, no, no, tantrine doesn't work on me anymore. And Donna's like, no. The other word that puts you into a fugue state. Fugstate, Fugge, Fee's State, Fee's State, Fee's State. And then

Veronica and Archie happen upon Betty in the woods. She had just killed Jughead. The same way she killed Carmel, by the way. Oh, you're right. Which she says Carmel. No, she says Carmar. Carma. Carma. To be, Lil Rinehart

talks a little weird. I didn't really notice it. I like it, though. I can't not see it. Yeah, it's fine. It's not annoying, but it's different. No, it is very different. I really, I actually very much enjoy her pronunciation of things, but karma is very weird. And so she kills Jughead. But so you're saying that it's very possible that they are, maybe it was a fake fugue state. Maybe this is the kind of thing that Jughead threw somebody else, told Donna, no, no, no, not Tangerine, use this word, which is an alert for Betty to know, okay, I have to quote unquote fugue right now. And I'm going to go, quote, unquote,

Jughead right now. Right, because Jughead, because Betty invites Archie and Veronica to this party, the Stonewall Prep Party. Why? Like, to have witnesses, to be there, like, I think that

Betty is in on it because For sure. It just, retroactively, it all makes so much more sense. Like, all of the flash forwards are like Betty, looking at his belongings, Betty, Betty, Betty. And we've been set up to think it's Betty mourning him, but maybe it's Betty being in on it.

And they had, I mean, I don't exactly know why they would need Jughead and, I mean, Archie and Veronica there to fake Jughead's death. But like, I also think that there is no other explanation that is, once Gideon said that, I was like, I feel, that seems so obvious that I feel embarrassed for not even coming close to thinking of it. Maybe I feel a little dumb, but I will say it does go hand in hand with the backer, brothers. But I think that, you know what, let's go ahead and say it. Veronica and Archie really can't be trusted just because they either mean so well or they're just not bright enough that I feel

like they would say what Betty and Jughead were going to do. So I feel like that Veronica and Archie had to be there to corroborate and be upset that Jughead is dead even though they don't know yet the Jughead's actually not dead. I think that's right. I don't think that they're in on it. But I don't know how they would like fake Jughead not having a pulse because Archie, bends down and is like, there's no pulse. I mean, does Archie really know how to check for a pulse? That's fair, yeah, Archie's. I feel like he looked at him, slapped him in the dick and was just like, well, but if his

dick ain't hot, he must not be alive. He's dead, Betty. That's how fucking Archie says everybody's name. He takes two seconds and he goes, why did you do that? Veronica. He's dead. Betty, Betty. There's no pulse, Betty.

Every other, like every once in a while I remember that he's got a Kiwi accent and I forget and it's like, oh, that's why you've got such weird diction. But, you know, it doesn't mean that that makes him a better or worse actor. I will say that. I mean, I've only ever seen him in one other thing, which is the hit you give in which he also just plays like a dopey, dopey, dopey, capital D dopey, teen boy. And so I think that he might either be a dopey older than teen boy or he's just like unfairly typecast into a role that he's very good at playing. He's very good. I will say he's very good at it. He definitely always pulls off the not that bright teen, especially in this week's episode. Because as we all know, Archie is the head of Andrews construction right now. He runs the Fred Andrews Community Center.

Why not? Why not have an 18-year-old be the head of a construction company whilst also running a community center and trying to graduate high school? It doesn't make any sense. And of course, he goes to Sheriff Keller, which Yum, yum, yum, and he's like, Sheriff Keller. I mean, you do it. But, you know, I can't even do it. You have such a good Archie. When he goes to, because he's asking him, he goes to.

Sheriff Keller, I have an idea for. Andrew's construction has been thinking, and I don't even remember what he says. He basically says, what if I just hire you to work at the community center with what money? I don't know. And this poor guy who used to be the sheriff of the whole town is like, whatever job you're going to give me, Andrews, I need money. Which I feel so bad for, no, because he was going to sell Andrews construction and use the money to pay him to run the community center.

That's right. That's right. Which actually, you know what? One of Archie's better ideas. Absolutely. I'll give him that. I was like, do that. Yeah.

But you know what he did, man? He was about to sign it. And they kept showing him like the pen like hovering above the paper. Typical. Right before he was about to sign. This is such an archie move to have everybody over. Get everybody ready to sign a contract. You got Keller there.

You got the guy there. Set it all up. Waste everyone's fucking time. And then be like, you know what? My dad did this. Never mind. Everybody just go home. I can't because of my dad.

And I think, I for one, it must, I feel like at first, that first episode, we felt like, okay, this is, they're not, this is not in so poor taste what they did with the Fred Andrews plotline and Luke Perry dying. At this point, I'm like, I think that it is, if, assuming any of these actors had a relationship with Luke Perry that was like strong and positive, I feel like it would be really obnoxious to have to every week talk about this real person who died in the guy. of like, but my dad, Fred Andrews was the best guy in town. I find it, I'm starting to get to find it a little tiresome.

I, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was like, when is this going to end? They rip open the wounds every week. Part of the grieving process is moving on. We have to move on. And now that we know that Riverdale is living a month in the future, that is even extra time that we have had to grieve. So don't worry.

If you were upset because Luke Perry wasn't included in the Oscars this year, don't worry. Watch Riverdale. They bring him up constantly. Yeah, maybe the Oscars were like, you know what? Luke Perry is being mentioned every 10 minutes on Riverdale, so they're doing the work for us. So that's fine. And now he, so he decides not to give it up. And Sheriff Keller is working for absolutely almost nothing because Archie has no money to pay him.

But at the same time, for some reason, I'm actually, I will say. And I'm hoping that maybe you and get him. and maybe talked about this a little bit. I don't understand what is happening with Hiram Lodge. All right, so we know. Hiram Lodge, we found out last week that now he has not only has some sort of debilitating muscle disease, but now he's quickly dying.

He cannot hold on to his cups. He is dying, and he's so sexy while he dies. But in his dying, he has decided he's only going to work out at the Fred Andrews Community Center. Why? Is he making amends for trying to kill Archie multiple times and putting him in Juvie and then Archie had to go find a bear and then he came back and also tried to kill him again?

Is this like, is it an apology thing or is this another nefarious Hiram Lodge plot? I don't know if I believe that he's actually sick. Yeah. Yeah. That's my first thought too. I was like, if this motherfucker is faking, having, you know, a neuromuscular degenerative disease, you know, fool us 10 times. Shame on us because this guy, there is nothing, nothing too low for him, obviously. And, yeah, I got to say, I have no idea what to expect from this plotline.

But we did get a real fun, reckless Veronica story out of it this week. Man alive did they have sex with each other. The Riverdale gods heard us. They heard us complaining. They said, like, oh, is it not sexy enough? And then they rained upon us hordes and hails and tornadoes of sex this episode. Only the problem is that it was the sex between the people I least want to watch, which is Veronica and Archie.

I don't like the way that. You know what it is? I don't mean to be judgmental, but I guess I am being judgmental. They move their heads a lot when they're having sex and when they make out. And have you ever moved, like, if you're kissing someone and they're moving your head from side to side, and the other person is also moving their head from side to side, even just doing that made me a little seasick. Yeah, yeah. I, there, Veronica, like, horny Veronica, it's, it was, I don't know, I was struggling.

Because at first I was like, well, this is, you know, why not go, you know, ambush Archie in the music practice room. Is that where he was? There's a lot of, I think they fucked at the school, right? At the school, yeah, there's a lot of empty spaces in the school where people can find, um, without any sort of adult supervision. But like, it was, what I did not like about it was I was like, oh, this is fun. sex and then it was turned into like a she's only having sex because she's hurting and i don't like that that's it i that's why first was like kinky kinky kinky and then it well it really did lose it and veronica's going downhill fast because she is she wants to enjoy archie before she goes off to barnard

and that means fucking him in precarious situations but it also means wanting to dance all night long at her mocktail club. And it also means that she was drinking out of a flask at the mocktail club, but then also brought said flask to school. And Archie stood in her way and was like, that wasn't hers, Provincible Honey. That's my flask. Sorry, mine is a little more Cartman than Archie.

And I got nothing to lose, Principal Honey. And then Veronica's like, Archie, I'm going to totally let you do this. I'm not even going to try to stop you. Which is ridiculous because essentially what Veronica did in allowing Archie to say, no, Principal Honey, that's my flask, was immediately saying, I know you have no future, baby. So yes, you can take the fall for me doing this. And also having a flask in a high school and all he got was a week of detention.

What do you think? I was such a square. I wouldn't even come close to this in high school. What do you think? that the actual punishment would be. At least getting suspended. Really? At least getting suspended for doing something like that.

I mean, I would get a week of detention just for like calling someone a shitty fucking name or, you know, no, more of a week of detention of like writing like, you're a bitch on someone's folder, you know? Then I'd get a week of detention. But again, I'm also the bad girl in this situation. So maybe Archie's right. Maybe you would Molly only get a week of detention if you happen to be driven. drinking on the school campus. Yeah, but Archie's a bad boy.

I mean, Archie's never even in school. Which is why, of course, Archie, when you go to your high school principal in March before you graduate. Yeah, it's too late to apply to college to get in the fall semester, you idiot. And then also, the principal waited until March to be like, hey, just so you know, you're not graduating. Yeah, right. These are conversations that the, for example, new guidance counselor, instead of being a psychotherapist. Usually it's the guidance counselor's job

to just like make sure people are graduating. And instead she's too busy like doing some real like Freudian shit with all the kids. If she still exists, who knows. Maybe she was just a figment of everyone's imagination for one episode. Yeah, right.

It could also be that. We've never seen her again. No. And they, you know, they don't get caught. I will say that they did have a lot of good grinding, Archie and Veronica did. Remember this part when she's like on him? And then they start grinding and they're like grinding really hard.

And then he puts her hands, his hands up her dress. And it's just her bare ass. And they're in the school. Yeah. I mean, that felt somewhat realistic to how, you know, teenagers make out. Yeah. But I was, you know what? I enjoyed it.

I will say that. Yeah. I, again, I like the, I liked Recklese Veronica. I think that it's fun that for the first time and the entire. series. They're acknowledging that teens, that it's like slightly abnormal behavior to just be like drinking all the time in public, whereas they've just all been drinking all the time. It's like been central to the storyline. And then this episode, she's drinking a bunch of rum. And then it's like, oh, Veronica, what's wrong? Something's wrong with you.

And at least they're finally identifying she's upset because her daddy is dying. If her daddy is dying. I don't mean, I guess that's maybe that's victim blaming. Is that what I'm doing? I don't want to be a victim blamer, but it is hierarchy. launch. I don't willy-nilly assume someone is pretending that they have a neurological muscular degenerative disease, but you know, in this case,

I'm going to say maybe he is. Yeah, I mean, didn't he like hire somebody to shoot him? Yes. No. Yeah. Hermione did that. Yeah. He was in on that, wasn't he? I think he was in, I don't know. It's hard to remember. They've killed many people. He's killed many people. Yeah, he cut off a guy's head. It's like, he was in. It's like, he was in, he was in, he was in a, he was he. He was

like, yeah, it's like, I'm not, once again, Veronica is just like, oh, my poor, I'm going to cry for my daddy. And it's like your daddy is a serial killer. Yes, your daddy has a lot of problems, including sending your other new sister, new fake sister possibly, Hermosa, to go in and find out as much Hermosa can about the Maple Club. And of course, the Maple Club is the rum brothel establishment run by three 17-year-old girls that also during the day while they're at school is run by one of their mummies that is on the run that happens to wear a doll-like mask to pretend like she is not the woman that is actually on the run that runs the Maple Club.

So Eremosa goes over to the Maple Club She wants to watch That whole storyline was so weird I was like who is this lady? I was so mad. So Titi is like oh babe to Cheryl Bibb we've got someone that's interested in buying the Maple Club And Cheryl's like go and find out

And then they suck on each other's faces And then Tony's like okay I'm going to go to this club And I'm going to go meet up with this person That maybe is very interested in the Maple Club And who is the person? It's Eermosa wearing a wig and fake glasses. And she is wearing something.

She looked like she was dressed like Christina Aguilera in the genie in a bottle music video. Her outfit made me want, it was sexy for sure. But I was like, what year is it? But like, yes, yes. Her outfit was...

She had a belly chain! It was, the outfit was really weird. And I also, like, struggle to understand And like, I really struggled to understand what that, like, I don't even know how to talk about this storyline because all that happened was there was like a lot of grinding in a dance club between her and Cheryl and T.T. And then it culminates with her and Veronica being in the suite at the Maple Club, fuck room, I guess. The fuck room at the Maple Club. They're like, oh, we knew it was you. And she's like, that's right.

And Daddy's dying. And Veronica was like, uh, she told you and not me. But like what, why? Like, I'm so lost.

Why was she, like, what, literally what happened? Why was she there? Why was she like grinding on Cheryl and Titi? What was the, she was trying to sabotage Veronica?

What does this have to do with Hiram's mystery disease? Like, truly what happened? I think that Hermosa wanted, she was acting as an investor to come in and either purchase the Maple. Club or give money, you know, to become an investor of the Maple Club. So that was their meeting.

And I guess they're meeting to them and what a professional meeting is to 17-year-olds is for them to all grab on each other and grind on each other at a club and then like assume that they're about to go have a threesome, which again, I'll watch. It's great. But also, Hermosa, you are clearly at least 10 years older than these young girls that you are in a club with right now. So even if you are a sham investor on the behest of Hiram Lodge so that Hiram Lodge could go in and figure out what is happening inside of the Maple Club since he can't go in himself.

Okay, okay. So I think she was sent as a spy. Gotcha. Okay. And then the fact that they just ended up crying about Daddy and his illness was just because they both love their killer daddy so much. They love their killer daddy. And because Veronica was not told by Hiram Lodge that Daddy is dying,

Veronica was told by Mommy Lodge that Daddy is dying. So she was pissed off because Daddy told older half, possibly fake sister that he was dying and didn't tell her face to face, which obviously is because he probably loves her more and he can't tell his little meja that, you know, that he's dying and doesn't want to look her face to face. So what does she do to get daddy fired up because daddy only wants to just eat breakfast and not go be a killer like he usually is? She riles him up. She riles him up with a promotional presentation of her new rum. Yeah, yeah.

And this was Archie's doing, right? Archie's like, Veronica, you know how to make your dad fired up. Just irritate the shit out of him and it'll somehow stop him from like having a degenerative disease. I don't quite, again, I was watching this. this episode and I was paying close attention. And now that I think about why things happened, I'm like, I don't know why that happened. I forget exactly to what

the phrases were, but the, so, because Veronica had like a breakdown to Archie because Daddy's dying. And the way that Archie was talking about it was as if he's like, every single phrase he said sounded like, you know how to get your dad hard. And it just, it really was like, it's like, you know

how to get his fighters into the ring? You know how to propel him into. to exhaustion from fury and might. You know, it's like, I was like, what are you, why are you saying this like that? That's like, gross, gross, gross. So I was relieved when she brought out a presentation board.

I was like, okay, that's what he meant. You know how to really, really get your dad going, Veronica. We all know you do. You know what I mean, Veronica? Like a motorcycle, Veronica. She's like, just stop doing that. Can he stop to eat his motorcycle noises? You're scaring me.

I will say this was the first episode that I've noticed that I think that Mark Consuelo is too muscular. He is, he might be, he's not, that's not usually my type, honestly. But he was looking, I forgot, I took a picture. because he's in this really tight shirt. Yeah. And his shirt said ram tough on it.

And I was like, I had to pause it. I made Jeff pause it so I could take a picture. And I just kept going, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Because I'm a monster. And this monster that you guys have to listen to is not an act, unfortunately. It was one of those things where I,

I was like, he looks good in his suit, but seeing him in this ram tough, tight, tight, tight shirt, it's like he's all arm. He is all arm. And, you know, I will say he's got a pretty good ass on him. He's got like a swimmer's body, you know? Yeah. It's like the upside down triangle. Yeah, the upside down triangle for sure. But he still is a pretty good ass on him.

So we don't know really what's going to happen with that. And now, you know, they're going to keep battling with their rums because we need to fill in the crags of what got. Betty to her fugue state to kill Jughead. Because surprisingly enough, even though we just talked about 17 plot lines, the main plot line we have still not dug into, which actually has to do with the Ides of March, kind of. And the Ides of March, which land upon a Friday in this episode. So this whole thing starts with Jughead going to DuPont. And DuPont tries to kick him out a quill in skull.

So remember last week he won, he was going to win the trilogy of horror against Brett, but then he gives up and he's like, no, no, no, I'm better than this, I'm better than this. So now Jughead is kicked out of Quill and Skull, which essentially means he's kicked out of Stonewall Prep because, as we also learned last episode, Quill and Skull is not really a secret society as much as everyone that goes to Stonewall Prep is aware of its moves as well as a part of it, is what it seems like. Yeah, right. By Secret Society, I think they just mean like, like, matriculated at Stonewall Prep itself. And you have to tell everybody your secret. But like the teacher is part of it. Everybody's part of it. And there's only five students in the school and they're all in Jughead's Creative Writing Center on Arm. So that's not that big of deal. So it's really not that bad. It's really not that scary. And now what I kind of like is that they are bringing, the other members of the Quill and Skull and Skull that have been present in almost every single Stonewall Prep scene, are now starting to get lines, which you know what, good for them. I feel like maybe they're starting to get upped in the payment category,

and at least we can hope. Yeah, one of them even got a name. And he accused Jug had a plagiarism. That was so, it's so weird. So that's the whole thing is that now DuPont wants him to rewrite the Baxter Brothers book by Friday. He needed to get in by March 15th, the aides of March, or else he was going to have his Baxter Brothers contract completely terminated.

So he has to write an entire novel in five days of a completely different plot line. Because remember, last week, he decided that he's going to start writing it on the brown hood that was preying upon the people of Riverdale. Right. So he's like, I could do it in five days. And so this was kind of fun. I feel like old school Riverdale, he starts telling the story bit by bit. In his, we are given the story in these little segments as he reads them to his creative writing class. So he has to come up with a new one because apparently he quote unquote plagiarized.

And so he starts writing the story of bison showing up to Riverdale. Now bison is, get it, guys? Get it? It's about the story of Moose coming to Riverdale. and that he gets kicked out and sent to the army like Moose does, but this is bison, guys. Remember, it's bison. When he said bison, I almost threw up. I thought it was so fucking funny.

I laughed so hard that I had to pause it and laugh for at least four to five minutes. And also, Jarhead is the one that joins the prep school, which are we talking about Jake Jillenall? Isn't that like a mental mind war fuck movie? It's Jarhead is a word for people in the Marines, I think. Right? Yeah, yeah. So it just, it's, you know what, that's classic Riverdale, and that is what I love about it. So he starts reading it chapter by chapter to the other people, to the other students,

the other four students that he happens to go to class with to try and show that like, okay, I can write this, but also what do they do at the same time? Set up a lie detector test. Because if he's going to see. say that he's plagiarizing and that this other dude, I don't even remember his name, glasses, old flat top glasses, the one that actually wrote the story that got him into Stonewall Prep. He wants to set up a lie detector test and show them that they are lying about it. And of course they say, no, we're not going to use the lie detector test.

And Betty's like, don't worry because what they don't realize is that Betty has serial killer genes. And I think that this is something that they forget. She's got serial killer genes and she's a junior FBI agent. So she can run this lie detector test. She asked Jughead three questions. And they're like, you see, so we'll show that he's not lying. They planned ahead. You might not take the lie detector test, but we will.

But we'll take the test. That doesn't mean that doesn't. It's not as much of like a take that move as you. you're presenting it. No, it really wasn't. It's somewhat like, I don't know, maybe I've just watched way too many cop shows, procedural shows. Like, we all know there's very little weight put into lie detector tests because they're

very easy to manipulate. And, which I knew all the tips and the goals growing up because my dad always like, oh, no, lie detector test, you know, it's just based on hot rate. And, you know, he goes on into his whole fucking bullshit. the halide detector tests are very easily rigged. Anywho's will be. So Jughead's writing this new book. And then they go into the Professor DuPont's desk to, I forget what they were looking for.

Oh, they were looking for his laptop because Jughead now can't find his old laptop. Right. Because the laptop has gone missing. And that's where he has the story to show. No, no, no, no. I did write this story. But his old laptop is missing. So he and Betty go looking for it.

And so they're looking through DuPont's desk, and what do they find? They find a script that, or a manuscript that is the exact story that Jug has submitted but changed. But he's not getting any credit for it. They plagiarized him. And then they confront, what's his name again? Glasses flat top? No, the old guy. DuPont.

DuPont. And they're like. we, inexplicably to you, can tell you that we know your truth because I'm not going to tell you we snuck into the office, but we did. And gotcha. And DuPont's like, oh, well, we got you because your contract says that we can just steal your shit and whatever you submit is ours and we don't have to give you any credit. And that is, so they find, and then it has all been rewritten by the other students. And he even says, ready to print on the top of the manuscript. It isn't that crazy?

They were going to print it anyway. Those scoundrels always read your contracts. Sorry, I just was put off because I forgot I wrote down what when, back to when Hiram Lodge got all, like, awoken, like when he got all riled up after Betty showed him the presentation on the new rum. What he said was, you've awoken the dragon, prepared to be eaten. and I you never say that to your daughter

awoken the dragon means your dick is hard unless there is a dragon in the room it means your dick is hard and don't you dare try and tell me if I see if I've woken my dragon I mean squirty bird is ready to fly the coop how dare you awoken the dragon

prepare to be eaten I'm just like, I got slick, just listen to him say it. Oh, it's so, but so this whole time, they do find out that there is a sex tape that Brett had made of Bughead fucking, which I got to go ahead and throw it out there. I know that I'm growing up now, so maybe things are different. But I feel like at the time, if someone had a sex tape of me taken without my knowledge, which gross. But if someone had done that and I was banging somebody really hot, I'd be like, go ahead. Release it. What is that going to change?

My parents know I'm having sex. Like, their parents know that they're having sex. Yeah, I'm super mad at Jughead for like falling on his sword for Betty without even asking her. Because you know Betty loves vengeance. She's dark Betty. she loves getting revenge on people she totally would have been like Jughead fucking do it what do I give a shit

I'm the daughter of the black hood which is what she says later yes that's what I love too and it makes me love Betty even more and again and again and Betty is my favorite Betty is always my favorite when she's like when he says that to her and so the ultimatum was you can go ahead and say that like

oh we did all these things because you've got this proof now but we've got this sex tape and he's like oh never do that to my girlfriend and when he talks her about it, she really was just like, and? So they have a sex date? That's the thing. That's the big thing they have against us, which, what does it matter? And what ends up happening? It's that they all go to the Ides of March, because even though after all of this, and of course, that's not scary, the Brett and Donna invite them to the Stonewall Prep, Iads of March party where they all get drunk

in the woods and kind of half-ass dress in Roman garb. And then Juggett gets killed. After being in the forest with Brett, which I think, or I think that what could happen is that it's either a setup or Brett did it and they are blackmailing and they are going to blame Betty for it, which is what I was originally thinking. But I like the idea that it's an entire setup though. So, right. So the theory, Gideon's theory is Jughead and Betty, or at least Jughead is faking his own death, but Betty would have to be dead on it, faking his own death to get revenge on them. And so your theory is that Jughead is actually dead. Brett did it. And they're trying to make it look like Betty did it. Yes. Uh-huh. But Jughead can't actually be dead.

I, no, I don't think that he can be dead. There's no way he can be dead. I don't think that he could be dead. But I will say, I was laughing, laughing, laughing. laughing, laughing, laughing, making jokes. So we were watching this episode with one of our roommates who does not watch Riverdale. So, you know, we were like trying to also kind of,

kind of doing the same thing that we were doing with you and Gidey where it's like, we were kind of like half explaining what's happening throughout it just because we were trying to give him an example of how ridiculous Riverdale is. But I will say the last five minutes

Jeff and I were silent and were completely engrossed with what was happening because that's Riverdale. Yeah. Forget it. Jughead. That's Rivardale. Because as much as you want to

throw, like, sling your own shit at it, it is well done to a point that I still need everyone to shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, while I watch it. Well, especially, you know, Betty and Jughead are really endearing characters who I keep caring about. Honestly, Veronica and Archie could be shot out of a canon

and I would not miss them. Which, man, we came this close to them doing that, especially when Edgar and ever, never was dressed like evil caneval. He could have just had one episode where he was actually like an evil can evil type and everyone was doing circus acts. That would have been fucking great. But yeah, it was a good end. It was a really good end.

And I'm pissed because of course, of course, Riverdale knows best. They fucking did this before not having, they were not going to have another episode next week. We've doing too much fucking weeks for. it. And that's what I hate Riverdale. This is what I hate Riverdale the most, because it sucks me in, and I hate it. I am powerless against its beauty. I get sucked in, man. Yeah, yeah, they do. They, they know how to keep you coming back. Oh, and I am back and back and back. And also, by the way, during this time when Donna's fugging Betty and Betty is possibly killing Jughead in the woods, Veronica and Archie are again fucking in the woods.

I was just, man, they were... I was worried. Even when Archie's like, Veronica, it's because you're damaged about your dad. They're like, okay, let's go do it again. Let's go fuck. Let's go fuck. Oh, I also had written down because right before they had sex another time, Archie was like, Ronnie, I won't be able to walk with everyone at graduation.

And then it's like, I won't be able to walk. And which is great because I, in my head, I'm like, you mean because y'all have been fucking so much? And I was upset because he didn't, um, he didn't make a fucking joke. And that made me sad. You know, you can't leave these strings out there for me to dance around. Archie would never pick up on the wordplay. He's too dumb. No, no, no, no. But now the question is, where did the mercenary uncle daddy in the entire ring of mercenaries go?

Totally gone. Totally gone. Where's Charles from last. episode like we it is just they they have too many bulls in the air right now they got a lot of bulls a lot of and who knows which ones are going to fall down and get in the the bulls hoop yeah the hoop that they have to go through sometimes they come back like tangerine tangerine tangerine sometimes they plant the seed and the seed grows sometimes they plant the seed and they just they just threw it out the window who knows and now i'm waiting and hopefully so apparently i'm not there yet because

I've been watching a lot. I don't know. Did I tell you that I'm like tits deep in Sabrina right now? Oh Lord. I can't remember if you told me. Oh, Molly. I know you don't have the extra time and I'm very aware of that. But I

I've wrestled through the first season. I really didn't like the first season and I'm not scared to say it. I didn't enjoy it. After the first season, I am folded in like butter into a pie I love it, love it, love it. And apparently there's going to be some sort of crossover.

So don't worry, Molly. I'm getting there because then I'll be able to explain everything that's going on to you. Because I know that they are having, they are in Riverdale right now in the third season. I'm not in the third season yet. I'm still in the second season. Okay. But I'm doing it. I'm doing it for us.

All right. Thank you. And it's scary, sexy. They did it. It was the second season. The second season is so much better than the first season. It's crazy. All right.

So, I mean, I'll keep you updated. Don't worry, guys. And thank you guys for encouraging me to keep watching Sabrina. And the sex is great. And it is legitimately scary. Maybe this becomes my side side project. Maybe side project is all I'd say. Maybe side side project.

Start with the second season. I'll catch you up verbally so you don't have to deal with the first season. So, spoiler alert. It's a lot of her like, I don't know if I want to be a mortal or if I want to be a witch. Of course you want to be a fucking witch, you idiot.

You've given the opportunity. Oh, my boyfriend's immortal, though. Who cares? Get another one. But maybe I'm insensitive. Well, we love you guys so much. We're going to be back, I guess, in a couple of weeks.

We will be closer to the Iids of March. And oh, yeah, so I'm assuming the Ids of March that means that it all led up to Betty backstabbing him because that's the E2 Brutei, right? I guess so. I don't really understand the references and what the Iads of March means, but I think that you're right. Pretty sure it's Caesar and Brutus, and I think it is the like the forever backstabbing. So I think that that is what this was leading up to.

All right. That's very helpful, actually. So they did a good job with it. So they actually made the Iids of March work in this instance, except for the fact that it was released on February. That's all right. That's all right. We're here for it. Because we love you, Riverdale, and you could do no wrong.

Forget it, Jughead. It's Riverdale. We love you. And we'll talk to you in a couple of weeks. And, yeah, hit us up with some theories. You know I always want to fucking hear them. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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