Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Vol. 9: Hot Tubs & Jalapeno Margaritas

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

Riverdale is back and that means so is the roundup - this week: hot tubs! Smooches! INTRIGUE! Want to help the show? Take our confidential survey. goo.gl/forms/K1O5fuaUCL8WlfOQ2 Want even more hot goss? Support us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/page7podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What's up, was that, my little tidly winks. It is Jackie here. I got a quick favor to ask of all of you guys today. Thank you so much for listening over the years, but we do need a little bit of your help. You could just fill out the survey that's in the description of the show today, or it's also on my Instagram at Jack That Worm.

That would be awesome. It's only going to take a few seconds. I swear, all of the information is confidential, and we don't take emails or names. That would help us so much. Thank you guys for everything. Love you, love you, love you. Hit it with page seven.

That is not a gun. That is the sound of my squirty bird. Watch it on the river. It was a saucy return for Riverdale this week. It was fantastic. It was everything I wanted in a return. I can't believe how great that episode was. It made me really want to go to a cabin and really want to be a teenager having sex.

Like the specific teenage sex It really captured the joy of it You know This was very much an episode That is the return to the teen drama Yes and welcome I think we needed it I think we all needed it

Yeah like all of this You know municipal drama That's been going on with like the mayor And the sheriff and all that It has its place and it's time But really what's great about the show Is when it captures what teens Want to think about

which is drinking and having sex and, you know, and being snarky to each other. And they just did that part really, really well. And it was like they like, you know, it was the four of them all together. And it was like, you know, oh, it was just, it was perfect. Hot tubs and jalapeno margaritas. Oh my God. That's a thing at that age. I was drinking pop off vodka out of a plastic bottle.

I wasn't drinking jalapeno margaritas and wine while I played Monopoly. Yeah, I was definitely, when they were all drinking wine, I was like, I was mixing Everclear and Gatorade. I mean, Veronica is classy, admittedly, but the rest of them aren't that classy. No. Hell no, oh, man, but it was so saucy just from the, just from the beginning. I just needed, I needed to return to my horniness for Jughead, and this was it. This was the champion episode to get me back to where I needed to be.

And you know what? Junkhead, I got to admit, he was funny in this episode. Yeah, I actually enjoyed him in this episode. And I got to say, as much as I'm really resistant to finding Joghead attractive because of the whole big daddy thing, which I can't get over. But I got to say, in the hot tub, I was like, I was like, all right, Jughead. Oh, my God, in that hot tub, how sexy was he? His arms, his puny little stomach.

I loved everything about it. I loved everything about it. Also, I saw a little tattoo on his shoulder. I meant to look that up to see if that was a real life tattoo or if that was a fake tattoo. It's a South Side Serpins tattoo. Oh, wait, so he has one on his shoulder and one on his arm? That's too many tattoos for South Side Serpents. Oh, wait a minute.

Oh, I thought you just met the one. I didn't notice the one on his shoulder. Oh, there was just a little glimpse of it, and I paused it and I went, yum, yum, yum. And then I kept watching. So the whole episode starts off with a Hiram's, sending a bunch of 15-year-olds to a romantic getaway. Which is that alone.

Can you imagine? I mean, I wasn't even allowed to be in a car with a boy. You know, so my mom knew what I did. She didn't want me out there to just like scowling around. Go into a sexy cabin for the weekend. Yeah, go into a sexy cabin for a weekend and also like, why don't you go ahead and take your sexy friends along with you? Yeah, and it's good to remember that these guys are sophomores, right?

In other than high school. Quite young. So, yeah, he was definitely, like, go, and I'm just going to have my, like, mafia goon driver stand in the woods and watch you outdoors all weekend. And Veronica also, maybe this is the difference between being a teenager and being an adult. At first, he was like, Veronica, why don't you take Archie? And then they were like, oh, let's bring our best friends. And I feel like, I mean, obviously hanging out with your best friends is awesome.

but I kind of also feel like if you are a teenager, don't you want to go by yourself to fuck your boyfriend or is the lure of having your friends around to party with just as good? Oh yeah, definitely bring your friends along. But it was Hiram that suggested they bring Betty and Jughead. Honestly, I would be, I'm just as into it now

as I would have been then. Of course, it's like, yeah, we're going to fuck, but I also would like to hang out with my friends. I don't want to just look at you. I look at you all the time. Yeah, I guess that's true. I guess bringing in their friends, because they still had their rooms to, it was nice enough house where fucking was not going to be a problem.

Oh, yeah. But also, like the squeaky beds, like they have memory foam mattresses in that house. That was exactly what I said. That was exactly. I was like, there's no way that the lodges don't have a nice enough bed that it doesn't fucking squeak when you're banging. Absolutely not Riverdale writers. I do, look, I feel like, though, that is the age where you don't give a fuck if someone

hears you having sex, you know? You're just like, go ahead. hear it. Yeah, I'm having sex. The writers had to put that in, though, because they couldn't have like, muh, like they couldn't have moaning coming from the other room. They had to telegraph it somehow. It's true. Why is it that, like, teenage bed creaking is okay, but if it had been teenage, like,

grunting, it would have been too far. It would have been too far. At the same time, too, it's like, I remember having sex way too young and just being, like, the theatrics of how loud you were as well. It would have been so over the top It actually would have been perfect for the show But yeah, I get it I guess I get it, whatever

And then Cheryl comes in The bitch is back Bitch is Brack And you predicted this that she was going to try to sabotage Well, yeah, I guess you can You can set your watch to Cheryl's going to try to sabotage something But you specifically predicted that she was going to use that Betty and Archie kiss from before

Yeah, she called up Jughead Doughead took the call and then turned around and said, and I quote, that was Cheryl. She said you and Archie kissed in front of her house. She's like teen drama, back. I love it so much.

Oh, man, the second, but also it's like, I did kind of feel bad for Cheryl when they were like, actually, this is a couple's weekend. Also,

go fuck y'all. You know, come on. Yeah, but would you want Cheryl to come if you were going to go with your fuckable boyfriend and your best friend and like everyone in that group

in that for some is tolerable. Whereas I love Cheryl but I don't know if I want to go away for a weekend with her. Yeah, she's going to be a bit much in that cabin. Yeah, unless you brought Tony with her, can we please discuss further? We can get into, I guess we can call it the coming out of Cheryl.

This was another thing you predicted because we were like, is she, what's going on with her and Josie, which they still, is still a storyline they've never picked up. Yeah. But. Although, can I just do divot real fast that I thought, found it interesting that the Kevin and Josie relationship, like,

friendship is happening because I wonder if she too is also gay and wants to like get close and eventually discuss us with him. Because from the beginning, now that we're also watching Riverdale back from the beginning for our Patreon Riverdale roundups, it, uh, it's, I think that they are, laying that groundwork hard pretty soon. Hmm. I'm not sure about that. I think that's, I think that would be a lesbian

too far. If they were. Oh, they can't be more than one, Marcus. Shost are like, you can have one lesbian and one gay man, and now you have done your diversity. And in the gay show. Well, I don't know.

Maybe they do want to introduce like a love triangle between Tony, Cheryl, and Josie. That would be great. I hope that you're right, Jackie, because, yeah, watching Riverdale season one now, I'm reminded of, like, how kind of, like, performatively woke they were in the beginning, and I really was here for it. And so if they, and not only performatively, but sometimes actually having legit good, like, politics and representation.

And so if they had, like, several gay people, that would be great, like, more than two. That would be awesome. Yeah, that'd be awesome. But I think with Josie, I think they're going to keep Josie straight because remember Josie kind of freaked out when Cheryl did a little bit of hitting on the, I guess in the early season, around the time that the pig heart showed up and they never really talk about ever again. Right. But I think that was more about Cheryl rather than it being about Josie. I think that's right. But we totally thought that that was going to be early.

We thought that that was going to be the first girl on girl kiss. And instead it turns out we were right. You were right about Cheryl. but just that it didn't happen with Josie. Happening with Tony, wrong side of the tracks. I will say that if there's something that is hotter than thinking about Josie and Cheryl kissing, it is Tony and Cheryl kissing. Can we get a hell yeah on it?

Hell yeah. I think Tony is the most beautiful one on the show. I'm going to get my fantasies began with Cheryl and Josie and they're going to stick with. Wow. I'm not. That still to me like that is. the hottest possible duo in the entire show. Oh, but Tony is

so fucking hot. Tony's smoking hot. Don't get me wrong. But I don't know. First loves, I suppose. Yeah, I get that. I think it's something that I'm realizing about myself is like, do I just like the bad boys and girls? Because Tony is a hard,

hard, wet second to Jughead to me. I want to be with Tony, very much so. Yeah, I feel like Tony, I like, yeah, I think that even though I think that both Veronica and Betty are gorgeous, and Josie is gorgeous. Cheryl, I think is hot. Not my type, but I can, I think she's very, very tight and hot.

Yeah, yeah, you, yep, yep. But like, Tony is like, damn. I feel like Tony's kind of in a different league, honestly. Tony's got, she's got an X factor to her. Yeah. I mean, it was a little forced their friendship of Tony, going after Cheryl pretty hardcore, especially since Cheryl does not come off as a lesbian, very lightly. But man, when Penelope Blossom was like up in Cheryl's face, telling her about

like she'll never love and she's cold and dead on the inside, that was, that was a great scene. I thought that, I was like, as much as like, you know, Cheryl Blossom is not the best actress of all time. I thought that was a great fucking scene. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was very powerful. And I think Cheryl is legitimately a great character because they really do make you like even though she is like a consistent bitch like you really

you also are rooting for her like they really truly made like a complicated character you know the show is not always complicated but they made a really good complicated character in Cheryl because I find myself really like loving her and then she calls Jughead and I'm like you're a bitch Cheryl you're a cold

bitch! Yeah but like when Cheryl did that like I actually, like, wrote it down because, like, I just found myself just, like, saying out loud, like, yeah, do your bitch business! I wish they had said that in, well, Cheryl's just doing her bitch business again. Yeah, Archie's just like, guys, don't get hung up about it. Cheryl's just doing her bitch business. Oh, Archie. Also, can we talk about what a delight it is to watch Archie just watch the world go around him?

He has no idea what's going on. In the hot tub, he's like, oh, no, they don't think this is a good idea. He is so dumb, so consistently. Oh, my God. But I also love that Jughead calls that out, that he's like, even you would understand this, Archie, when they were talking, when, like,

when the, like, flame ignites to ignite all of their friendships that are barely held together through lust and friendship. Yeah, I like that light, too. It was like an acknowledgement that they all think Archie's an idiot. Not just us. They all know Archie's an idiot. He has proved time and again. And I also really liked, I enjoyed the little, like, boy bonding scene they had with Archie and Jughead in the woods.

Yeah, that was really great. I missed their friendship, like, I missed their, like, check-ins. Like, early in season one, they had a lot of check-ins because Archie had hurt Jughead's feelings. And it was like, I thought it was like a nice little glimpse into, like, boy friendships of being like, man, I'm sorry, it's all right. And then that. I've had that conversation. Yeah, exactly. It was very true to life.

Yeah. He was like, man, oh, dude. I get it. And then also the sharing of the information of like, did you know Betty and Veronica kissed? That's also like quite a dude conversation. Totally. Yeah. So I was glad that we got back to them being friends independently.

Yeah. And speaking of making friends, like, I thought, I seriously thought for a second that Moose, Midge, and Kevin were about to become a throuple. Dude, I would have loved her. Yeah, so as it is, Moose is just in the closet, and he kind of misled Kevin about being, like, out as by to Midge. And then Midge was just like, oh, so we're all just hanging out as friends, right? She's an idiot as well. My God.

Yeah, and Kevin, actually, there were a lot of really funny moments in this episode when they were all that pops together and Kevin, like, kind of gives that look. That was very funny. Yeah. I love him. I really love Kevin so much. because especially, man, how many people in that town went to go see that gay rom-com? Huh?

Starring Jennifer Garner? It's a, yeah. It's an actual movie called I Love Simon. Oh. Yeah. And then after the segment, after Riverdale had them that scene when they were all in the theater, and I was like, what's with this movie with Jennifer Garner? And then when they cut to commercial when I was watching it on cable TV, the commercial was for that. movie and I felt a little bit targeted by advertising.

I thought it was a little much because they said the name of the movie so many times that I had to look it up and I was like, God damn it, I just got got bitch. And it's about a teenage closeted gay boy, thus the depth of Cheryl coming out later on in the episode. Ah, I see. And that was a very sweet moment. Yes, that was a very sweet moment. There were a lot of sweet moments in this episode.

Although I do have to admit, I didn't get fully on board until. about like halfway through until like after the scene like after the hot tub scene. Really? Even then like I was at the whole time, I was very lukewarm on this episode and then it really got me. It all started to come together because I was thinking it's like they're getting back in a teen drama but I don't know if they can go back now that they've introduced a serial killer in the mob. But they got they brought it back.

Yeah. They did get it back. Oh man. When when they went to that general store too to go pick up some things and she's flouting all her money around when they left, it's like, do you? You didn't realize all the creepy mid-20s men staring at you when you left? You're that much not paying attention. Like, you know when somebody's staring at you.

Give me a break. Well, I feel like Veronica, I keep having this thing where I'm like, I simultaneously think that Veronica's like really smart and with it and like streetwise and like all of those things. And then at the same time, she's totally a clueless idiot too. She don't know country creeps. Yeah. Yeah. You got to know country creeps.

Oh, and that's what they were. But then I don't know if Andre really needed to shoot him. Why did he shoot him? Introduce a murder into this entire, like, easily like a murder. Like very much, like, so obviously a murder. With, like, four potential witnesses, one confirmed. Yeah, you know, so many witnesses around. And, like, all those guys, like, they heard the gunshot.

Yeah, it's like an episode of Sopranos, you know, it's like, well, you have to die now. Like, you don't actually have to die. You could have just let him go. That are just like, of course, beat the shit out of him. That's fine. But why did he just immediately shoot him? This, like, loser that just took, only took the money out of her purse, by the way. Like, what was he really going to do to them?

He wasn't going to do anything. Yeah, he got killed. He got murdered in the woods. And what nationality is Andre? Does he have a weird accent? Because I can never tell. It's ambiguous. Yeah.

He just stands at the distance. Right? Russian. Russian. Yeah. On Andre, yes. Yeah. Something like that.

I think, you know, I think the reason why, like the whole teen drama thing, like, now that I'm thinking about, the reason why it kind of came back around is because I don't really care about Archie and Jughead and Betty and Veronica's teen drama. But like all the other, like, once you started getting like Cheryl's drama and Kevin's drama and all these other, like kids, like all, like their drama is really fun. It only works if everyone's drama is all kind of working at the same time. I hear you. I think that what I liked about this episode is that I think I do like the interconnectedness of the Betty Veronica Jughead and Archie drama because that also does feel slightly real to me like when you're like all like when Jughead was mapping it out and he's like your best friend is my best my part my girlfriend's best friend and like I feel like that actually is like

kind of high schooly. Yeah. And it all is just messy as hell. And so I kind of like that like them all being. Like, oh, even when it's just the four of us, there's actually still a lot of drama just between us, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe the whole, like, hot tub scene, like, that's when I, it hit me in the head, like, oh, I'm watching a CW show. Yes.

Yeah. Very much watching a CW show. I was pretty upset that Archie and Jughead didn't kiss, though. Also throwing that out there. Yes, that should have happened. That would have been really good. Oh, God. And when Betty came out in the outfit in the chuck and the sticky maple outfit, oh, my God.

I was just like, God, I can't have, I was not that sexy when I was 16, not only in looks, but also in knowledge. You know what I mean? Yeah, although I thought the Jughead was going to not like it, because remember when she's saying that song from Donnie Darko? And he was like, why did you do that? Well, no, is it that song from Donnie Darko? Is it that song from Cruel Intentions? Oh, one was at the confirmation, and the other one was what she was trying to become a serpent. But yeah, I thought that Jughead would be like, what are you doing, buddy?

This isn't you. And instead he was like, boing. Yeah, he was into it. Yeah. Who wouldn't be? Yeah. Oh, God. I was a little upset that Jughead wasn't wearing his serpent's jacket the entire time.

Well, I guess, you know, you're out of Riverdale. The colors can come off. No reason to represent outside of Riverdale. A snake. Because Riverdale is the only place where wearing a jacket that says south side serpents isn't the fucking dorkiest thing you could possibly do. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm wearing my fucking South Side Serpents shirt right now.

Thank you very much. Yeah, but can you imagine if Jughead went to like Manhattan wearing a South Side Serpents jacket in the world of Riverdale? Just walking around being like a shake never, snakes never sheds its skin. I mean, I'd still jump on it. You know that's true. Also, just quick mention of Sheriff Keller and the mayor's relationship, the fact that they are both married, but both of their, um,

significant others are mysteriously in other places and that that is something that has not been discussed at all yet? It has been discussed because remember the mayor's husband is a jazz musician who's always on tour. Because Josie was really, uh, has some daddy issues, um, about his very good musical talent and absence from her life. And apparently, um, the sheriff's wife is in Afghanistan. Oh, he's in Afghanistan.

She's a soldier. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to fuck with this woman? Hey, mayor, do you really want to fuck with this badass bitch out in Afghanistan doing all this awesome shit? You can't step to that. Yeah, cheating on your deployed wife is not a good look for the sheriff of the town.

Nor is it a good look for the mayor to cheat on your jazz musician husband. Yeah. So openly. But apparently at the end, everyone's fine with the cheating. Everyone's okay with it now. And then, of course, they get the phone call. Jughead gets the phone call that, you know, Hiram Lodge has bought the trailer park.

That's right. And then Betty gets the call that Hiram Lodge has bought the Riverdale Register. And that's when Archie shows his intelligence again and says, quote, there's nothing like evil about buying a newspaper. What an idiot. Oh, Archie. Oh. I'm trying to keep up, honey.

What do you think is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen with the whole Hiram Lodge by in the whole town? Well, honestly, when they were all going away to the cabin, I was like, I'm surprised Hiram even suggested that they bring Jughead because aren't Hiram and Jughead in a feud right now? And for what it's worth, like, Jughead is still willing to be friends with Veronica, but he went with this idea of, like, getting Intel,

and then Betty was like, yeah, Betty was like, stop Jughead. But, like, it's obviously going to put strain on the friendship, and now it's going to put strain on the friendship between Betty and Veronica. And Veronica, I just don't understand how she doesn't expect that her criminal father fucking with her friends' families is not going to come home to roost at some point. Her father is fucking with every single one of her best friends

and boyfriend's families. And yet, she's still pretending like all of it's fine. She's smooth. Oh, man, it's all going to come to a head. I can't wait for it. And when it all comes to a head, I'm sure they're going to have that very private, personal conversation in an open

booth at pops. Like everybody does these super private personal cuts. Sometimes conversations about murders in an open air booth in a chocolate shop. Yeah, sometimes

conversations like with police evidence, like that phone that Betty had from that murder victim. That's right. Don't worry. No one's speaking of the murder. victim. Oh, chick's about next. It's going to be a chick episode next episode.

It better be. Oh, because, you know, the next episode, the one that's airing tonight, chapter 28, There Will Be Blood. Fuck, yeah, it's going to be so great. Oh, my God. And we're going to watch Cheryl kiss Tony, and it's going to be great. I'm so excited. And I'm excited to see where Cheryl's character's going to go now, because now, like, it kind of, I think what they were trying to say is that the reason why Charles always bitch, because she's been in the closet. She hasn't been able to express any emotions because all of her emotions are for ladies and

her mother has made her feel like a dirty little girl for her entire life for her emotions. So now are you going to see like the blossoming of Cheryl Blossom? I sure hope so. And for those of you who want to follow along, the actress who plays Cheryl Blossom live tweets Riverdale on Wednesday nights with a lot of gifts and it is incredibly sweet. So I really like Cheryl and I really really like the actress who plays her. Oh my God, please follow all of them on Instagram. All of their Insta stories are all of them on set, and it just fills my heart with joy.

They look like they're having a great time. And of course, if you're listening to this, I'm sure you listen to page seven every week. But this week on page seven, we've got an Oscars blind item involving one Riverdale cast member. Yes. Actually, our only Oscars Blind item. The Oscars Blind items this year really suck.

Yeah. Doesn't surprise me. As long as it's about Riverdale, that's all I care about. All right, well, we will be back next week with Chapter 28. There will be blood. Fuck, yeah! Riverdale! Yeah, and see how many more murders these four teenagers are going to be privy to.

Because right now, I think the counts at about eight. It's a lot. Oh, hell yeah, man. Oh, wait, we didn't even talk about chick. Oh. Well, Chick. Creepy. Can we just throw that out there?

What's going to happen with this? I don't know, but I think that he's going to do something. He's going to do something because when he made that threat about Alice and Betty, it's like, he's, man, what is he going to do that little creepy? Yeah, watch out for Chick. Yeah. It's just if you look up from the paper and your brother is staring at you, eating a bowl of cereal really fast, get out of there.

Get out of there. Get him out of it. Get out of it. about just get on back to the south side go a hostel yeah get chick i'm gonna kiss him oh see all next week bye