Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Volume 2

Episode Date: December 15, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus' weekly recap of everyone's favorite speecy-spicey teen drama: Riverdale! This segment was featured in episode 222: Sometimes You Just Gotta Play. For standalone Riverdale Roundup episodes, start at Riverdale Roundup Volume 3! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to Riverdale Roundup. Ooh, we're getting Speeep, we're getting spicy. Riverdale, I love you. I'm going to do a whole musical review based on Riverdale. I'm pretty sure. It's all I think about.

We both spend a large amount of time thinking about this show much more than we should. This right here, this is the second Riverdale Roundup, previously released at the end of last week's page seven, but we're releasing them as individual episodes. So, uh, enjoy. Hell you, get on it, bitches. This is about the episode, Tales from the Dark Side, Chapter 20.

And now it's time. It's the end of the episode. It's time for Riverdale Roundup. Juicy. Yeah. Wait, did everyone, make sure we got to give everybody time. If you haven't watched last week's episode, shut it off now. Yes, exactly.

You got to set it up now. Thank you very much for listening. We'll talk to you next week. But if you are caught up, oh my God. The sheriff's and the mayor are boating. Juicy, juicy, juicy. How fuckable is that sheriff? He's definitely got like a hopper thing going on.

It was super surprising when Veronica walked down there and he's like, yeah, I just have to keep it shape. It's discipline. Yeah, yeah. Hot shirtless sheriff was surprisingly hot, and I wasn't expecting to feel that way. I also, though, was really hoping when you were hearing all those noises

as she walked downstairs, that he was just going to be like banging somebody. I was very upset, but at the same time, just like, she's just like drinking a diet soda and talking to him. Just like, man, you should just like kiss his chest. And I guess I feel like the mayor and the sheriff are two of the hotter adults,

So I'm pretty glad they're fucking. Yeah, Kevin's dad is banging Josie's mom. I'm a little bit worried about Kevin because I think eventually everyone's going to get mad at him for having a cop dad. He keeps being like, guys, let's call my dad. And everyone's like, no, Kevin. Never. And I just worry about Kevin. I feel like he's, it's got to be hard to have that cop dad.

If we need to worry about anyone, it's junkhead right now. He's caught up with a snake charmer and he doesn't know what to do. Yeah. Ooh, but how hot is he being dead? He just whines the whole time and fucks up a lot. And who was the old Nazi lady that he delivered a... Where's that storyline going to go? Because that's kind of been swept under the rug a little bit

because when Archie Jugghead went and delivered the package after they had that weird run in with the Candyman who talked about the Riverdale Reaper, the woman that they delivered that box to was like an old Nazi woman in a wheelchair wearing sunglasses in a warehouse at night. What weird fucking path is this show going to take? I don't know.

What are the goolies possibly delivering to an old Nazi woman? I really. In Greendale, just the next town over. Just the next town over. That's it. I feel like Riverdale has, like, flirted with topical issues, and I really want them to have a Nazi plot. I just think that that would be fair.

I think that's where it's going. But it's a Nazi occult plot. Like, it's still really dumb. Yeah, right. It's right. And the Riverdale, like, take something that's, like, pretty topical, okay? And then just, like, make it, make it, like, unnecessarily silly. But Jughead.

They're Nazis. We can't deal with them, Jughead. They're Nazis. Oh, my God. Is Jughead involved with Nazis now? That's what I told him. I told them, don't deal with Nazis. Veronica, I think Jughead is dealing with Nazis.

OMG I don't think that Juggah would ever tell Nazis Beemal they start texting about it like oh my god did you hear that Juggad

it's a fucking Aryan brotherhood now and that stupid dumb Archie with his bad decisions is just like I don't know Juggad I don't think that

I think that Nazis are bad he's really really dumb but also her Gumba the Nazis Gumba was not threatening at all right? No he just looked like a big one

weirdo with sunglasses on why they both have sunglasses on he looked like he was in craftwork like he did not look intimidating in the least bit why did they get someone that at least looked intimidating i know he had a gun but still and it's they're not even like they're like woppenstein 3d Nazis like these are not like actual which i appreciate which i like i hope that it goes in that direction yeah i'm ready for a nazi plot honestly i think that's going to be great and i'm also ready for the painkiller plot, which I did not, I had not been picking up

on those obvious hints until you guys put them down. And then I saw them. And Jackie, you should be happy that your theory from last week was really explored

on this episode. I was very proud of myself. When it started, I like grabbed Gideon, I was like, this is, wait, stop. I need to tell you Jackie Stereo. You know who I'm wondering about

and I'm going to be really, mad if it ends up that this guy is the black hood. They spent a little... The janitor? They spent a little bit too much camera time on the janitor. And why is the janitor so invested in Josie? But, but, oh, if they do that,

because we've never met that janitor before, they can't introduce a character in episode seven and then be like, oh, that's the murderer. So I really hope that that doesn't happen. That guy! Yeah, like, right, that guy you didn't know before. But wasn't there, there was a, when Betty was

on the phone with the Black Hood and she said like would I recognize your face and he said yeah I guess that could be the janitor but I'm hoping that that means that somebody on our short list of friends that we know it could it could be the janitor but on the other hand like how much just is he if Betty starts interacting with the janitor a lot in the next episode then but on the other hand the next episode the reckoning is upon us remember when the black hood called up uh uh, pops. Popes. And it was, uh,

because after, because remember the whole thing started, it's like, if you don't sin for 48 hours, I'll let you go. But then they send. Yeah, then pops had to make that announcement.

Yeah. That was really weird. Excuse me. Excuse me, everybody. Black Hood call. Reckoning upon us. Yeah. But also,

but what about Candyman? Yeah, can we get back to Candyman? Yeah. That was a weird. Was that? That was weird. Also, why hadn't they brought up this weird, like, string of murders that happened not that long ago?

Yeah, the Riverdale Reaper. Like, it seemed like it happened when, like, their parents were in high school. Well, actually, it would have happened probably when their grandparents were in high school, because we got to remember Archie's parents are just a few years older than us. Yeah, but in a small town like Riverdale, everyone would have known if there was a serial killer when your grandparents were around. Everyone would have known about the, so the Riverdale Reaper, if I remember, like, he killed a bunch of people with a shotgun, right? I think that that was right. It's killing time in Riverdale.

Like in my hometown, everybody knows about the one flood that killed five people in 1905. You know, like everybody knows about it. So I think that in Riverdale, they would know about the Riverdale Reaper. Well, unless Greendale came over and wiped out all the records, because there's something going on in Greendale. No one talks about Greendale. Greendale is shady. Yeah. Greendale's really shady.

It's across the bridge. You have to drive five minutes to get. there, it's a whole different world in Green Day. Yeah, not to be confused with the whole different world of the south side of Riverdale, which seems to in some ways be its own municipality, but some ways not to be in some municipality.

Riverdale is big enough for two school districts. Fair. We've definitely established that at the very least. It's big enough for two school districts. It apparently has one 24-hour diner, so it's not that day. They don't have like a denny's or anything. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But then also the switch around

with the weird the sexual aggressor Chuck he's coming in now but now everybody's kind of like Josie's just fine with being with someone that sexually assaulted somebody well that's the question is that you know is Chuck changed because

Chuck never actually sexually assaulted anybody he was just he was inappropriate yeah he was he was a predator yeah cyber bully type character but never like physically sexually assaulted anyone right not like he's not a reggie Not Reggie the...

You're right. Excuse me, not Reggie. The other guy was... The other one. Nick St. Clair. Pennybottom. Nick St. Clair. Right.

And I appreciate that they're making those distinctions. Like, if they were to redeem the actual date rapist, I would be like, no, Riverdale. But if they're going to redeem the guy who was like an asshole misogynist. He was a shitty high school kid. Right. There's no life-altering crime of being a shitty high school kid. Right. And that would be good.

You know, they're like, okay, guys can change. He can change. He can change. I think he'll end up, I think he'll end up being good to Josie.

I think once all this pig heart business gets worked out, it'll be fine. And the pig, like, what is happening with Josie? Yeah, Josie. What's happening? So much happened in this episode.

If so much it makes my brain hurt. If, if, if Josie gets hurt, I'm going to be really upset. So far, I think I've been, I think I'm correct to say

that only adults, have been killed. I don't think, except for Jason, but like, well, Moose got shot. Yeah,

but they, but he didn't get killed. No. So I think, I'm really hoping that they keep up this trend and not kill any of our young people. I don't think they're going to,

if they were to kill one, I say if they're going to kill any of them, they'd kill Reggie. Yeah. Because they're not going to kill any of the main. They're not going to kill anybody who had their own comic book at one point. Yeah, this isn't the walking dead.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so we got Archie, Betty, Jughead, Veronica. I would say Cheryl is safe. Josie is safe. I would say Kevin's safe too. Cheryl is safe except for what she's doing to her stalking of Josie.

Uh, what? Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. Why is Cheryl stalking her? Why is Cheryl writing drawing the... Why is Cheryl's endgame here? I don't know. Because I thought Cheryl was also helping her out with the whole music career as well.

Yeah, but Cheryl just wants to consume people. We all knew that girl in high school. school. They just want to drink your blood and be your best friend. Yeah. But also at the end of the day, very nice artist. Very good artist. Very, very, very talented. Very talented.

She's a tortured person for sure. Yeah, definitely. No, she could go into art school and be one of those girls. Like the super evil artist girl. They exist. I think she just wants to have sex with Josie. What's that? I think she just wants to have sex with Josie.

Yeah, because we are still waiting for our hot, lesbian plotline that one that one that's I'd watch that one well I've thought about that one but now that you mentioned

like the actual like possibility of that happening like I may I may have Googled that possible combination into a porn search word

search and came up with nothing but to think that it might actually happen on the show. You were ahead of your time. I think it might happen. I think it might happen. I'm calling it. Yeah, I mean, Cheryl either wants to, definitely I think that her love, she's jealous, she's obsessed,

and either that will turn to like hot sex or murder. As often. Most foul. As the road often splits, I think that those are our two choices. I don't know, Josie seems like a type of girl that doesn't experiment until college. Yeah, and well, frankly, I think that Josie could do better than she, Cheryl. Yeah, Josie could definitely do better than Cheryl.

There are definitely moments where Cheryl will say something and I'm just like, I love you, Cheryl. But often I don't like her. Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think Cheryl's fantastic. Why don't you think that I, Cheryl, she's like, she's the head of the school. I know. What do you mean better than Cheryl? She's just a horrible, horrible bitch.

Yeah, but she's a sexy horrible bitch. Yeah. And she is really fucking funny sometimes. Like, she's a great bitch. Like they make her into a fantastic bitch. Like my favorite bitch character on television. Yeah, and that's what's great about her is they make her such a great bitch because that entire character is like, you know, that horrible bitch in high school,

sometimes she's nice for no reason. Right. You don't know why she's nice, but sometimes she is, which makes you trust her and think, hey, maybe Cheryl's coming around a little bit. And then she's a bitch again. Right. You don't know why. Right.

Yeah. It's the power. She's got control of all of us. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm completely into it. I can't wait to watch them. They're at least going to kiss.

You know that's true. But I don't think that it's Cheryl that gave her the pig heart. Hmm. I don't think that she would go to that length. I think it's going to be a twisteroo where she's doing the like, you know, the stuffed animal in the locker doing those kind of things. I don't think that she would take it to that level. I don't think so. I think that's the Black Hood.

I think Josie needs help and support and surveillance. I think that there's two things happening, which is that Cheryl is sending her the notes. and stuff, but then the Black Hood is also targeting her, perhaps because she's the mayor's daughter, and perhaps it has something to do with Hopper and the mayor's relationship. That has to do with something. They got to get

rid of the kid. They got to get her out of the situation because they're having a torrid affair and he's out there murder and sinners. But then he's also sinning, wait, no, he's sinning himself. So you can't be the Black Hood killer. Oh, no, no, no. Sheriff Keller's been out of the running for a while.

now. He can't be the black could killer. He's sinning adulterously. Yeah. Every night. I was with you last week because I was like, yeah, he's like, he's the law. He would want to stop the sinners. But I think that, I think that that's out.

On the other hand, this whole thing is, it's a very janitor move. It is. It can't be the janitor. I hate, man, when he came in and Josie's playing and he just like opens up the door behind her and it's just like the blue light from the hallway comes in, And I just, it made me laugh. It's so, it's just so overdramatic about how he just like, he gives you a long glance.

Oh, but he's sweeping. But he's supposed to be sweeping there. It's so ridiculous. I love it. I love it. Yeah, if it's the gender, that's going to be some real, that's going to be like, what I understand is like the disappointment level of the lost finale, you know. It would be a mind.

But, but that, you know, even after. after the Black Hood thing ends, which let's be honest. Let's all hope it ends quickly. We're all. Yeah, let's wrap up. Let's wrap up this whole Black Hood thing. I really do not want this to go on for another. Let's see here.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I don't want this to go on for other eight episodes. Like, that's how many episodes are left in this season. It's like if they, they go eight more episodes on this, it's going to be. Thank God. eight more episodes left though. Yeah. Uh, yeah.

But I do have a new theory of who it could be. What if it's Mark Consuelos? Hmm. No, no, no, no, because we saw the Black Hood, Mara, uh, Veronica's dad. Ah, yes. Mr. Hiram Lodge. Good question. But that's the thing is that we still, we did see the Black Hood.

And I believe, if I remember correctly, uh, the first attack of the Black Hood, I think Hyram was still in jail. Was he? But it was right, it was coincidey. It was right around that at the same time. It was at the end of the first season. That was the cliffhanger of the first season. And Hiram...

Oh, that's right, when he got shot. And I think Hyram came back in like the second or third episode. Yeah. And also, I think the Black Hood's eyes are not as pretty as Hyrim Lodge's eyes. Oh, no, no, no. It's obviously like a dumpy white guy.

I mean, that's definitely... Like, the Black Hood is definitely a dumpy white dude. I still think it's Betty's dad, and I only think that because of the eyes. When you look at his eyes, He has the same shape of eyes as Betty's dad. I don't have a theory as to why it would be Betty's dad, except his anger about how he was cut out of the blossom fortune or whatever.

Physically, he is. But he's also not necessarily that obsessed with sin. I know. But at the same time, they did shepherd the daughter away when she got all knocked up. Yeah, but he wanted her to get an abortion, remember? Yes. Oh, yeah, that would be sinning. That's a sin.

That's a sin. The serial killer world. Yeah, yeah, I think abortion would be considered a sin. Man, I'm just so, there's just so much. And I will, I think I'll scream if it's the janitor. I will, I think I'm going to record myself being openly upset. Yeah. If it's the janitor.

Yeah, the Riverdale Roundup will just be the three of us screaming for 10 minutes. I don't think, it can't be that. No. It can't be that. But also, you realize that they were in, they're all at pops. And Archie's like, yeah, I guess we got to get home. Son's about to come up. They are 16 years old.

You're at a diner and the son's about to come up? Like six of you. This old man is letting six underage kids hang out at his diner at all times of the night. Oh, Pops. Pop can't kick him out. Well, Pops can call up mom and dad and say, hey, listen, your kids are here. Yeah, he could call on them. Except for Jogak, because Jok can ain't got no family.

Yeah, he's got to have a safe. Pops provides a safe place for those kids to go. You know, that is true. It's providing a service. Yeah, but there's a killer on the loose that is calling and obviously knows that they're all there. Yeah, that's true. Pop should consider getting a security guard.

Oh, my God. It just makes me so... I just... Man, Betty and Veronica are probably going to get in trouble pretty soon. I think this is going to be the episode that they're going to get into something that they're not going to know how to get out. They're getting close.

They're getting real close to it. Because Veronica's real cocky. I just remembered how I flipped out during the dream sequence with Josie when she got her throat sweat. And I was like, are you kidding? But then it was just a dream. That was terrifying. Oh, my God. Do you guys know that at last year's Teen Choice Awards, or at least this year's Teen Choice Awards,

Riverdale swept the whole thing. Really? Except for Choice Breakout TV star. in a male role, Archie didn't make it. Whoa. I mean, that's fine. He did get,

God, he didn't get any of them. Oh, wait, he got breakthrough performance, but he lost best performance by a younger actor in a TV series and Choice Breakout TV star. Yeah, that's fine. He is fine. I enjoy Archie as a character, as an actor. I think that his character is not,

it makes bad choices, but I enjoy him, but I'm not like, I'm not, I don't think I'm knocked off my feet, but I do enjoy him, and I think that he's very handsome. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, he's definitely very... Wait, do they still do those things, or is it the MTV Movie Awards when it's like, Best Girl on Girl Kiss? Do they still do that?

I think that was this. Or are they not allowed to anymore? Well, the MTV Music, they just did Best Kiss. Oh, okay. They, because, I mean, they got to win for that, man. Their kisses. I got to stop watching it alone. It's just...

It's getting to a point. I think it's unhealthy. You know, I think it's like, I think there needs to be an app where you can go on dates with someone that looks mildly like the people in Riverdale. That's a good idea for an app. They're just like, yeah, it's like Mr. Personality except the opposite. Do you guys know that there is going to be a Sabrina reboot? A Riverdale style Sabrina reboot?

Oh, same creator. Yeah, really. Yeah, yeah, same people. I wonder if the cat's going to be sexy. I never really had strong feelings about Sabrina, but if it's in the style of Riverdale, I'll enjoy that. I'll definitely enjoy that. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, it'll be like charmed. But goofy. Will Melissa Joan Hart be there? I don't think she will be. Yeah, that's fine. Or maybe she will, like in Riverdale, will they start bringing the people back? Maybe she will.

Who knows? She'll be a mom. Oh, man. And it's going to be. sexy magic. Oh, it's going to be, you know, it's probably going to be like charmed and the craft and all that all kind of put together. Yes, please.

Oh, my God. Actually, the second you said it, I was not excited, but now I'm very excited. Yeah, that's how I feel. My excitement has been growing exponentially while I think about it. It's growing and growing within me. If I could watch more Riverdale-esque shows, I guess, it's so good, so much happens. But then the problem is that sometimes when they have a really good episode, it's followed by a not as good episode.

Yeah. So I am a little worried about tonight, but, man, oh, sorry, I'm just looking at a picture of Jughead in this fucking jacket, dude. You know, the problem is, you know what really turns me off, though? It's the suspenders that aren't on his shoulders.

Yeah. I did notice that last episode when he was filling up Candyman's truck. Yeah, it's a real Sky Kid move. And I would know. You love it, though. I don't love him as much as you. that jacket.

I think I got to get the patch. I think I got to get the fucking Southside Serpent's patch. I think I got to get it attached. Is that too lame to attach it to the back of my leather jacket? How big would you get the patch? False life says. I get it on my entire back. Yeah.

I think you should do it. Well, you can. This tells you anything. You can buy them at Hot Topic. Ah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I don't know if 30-year-old me can go that low, but maybe I can.

Maybe you can, guys. And Jackie, it is a Hot Topic exclusive, so you have to go on Hot Topic.com and go order one. It's only $15. $15 and $12. It's only $15. Yeah, but Jackie, if we were in the same city, I would go to the mall and go to Hot Topic with you tonight. I think that I have. Guys, I think I've got to do it.

I think I have to do it. It says the details. So it on your face. favorite jacket or vest and head on down to the white worm with your pals. Oh my God. I can't. I don't know. Also,

I don't know if you guys remember, but for my Halloween costume, I found this cheerleader's outfit and it's the same color and style as the Vixen's. So if I wore that and then I had the jacket on, then technically it's like I'm dating Jughead, right? Right? Yeah, yeah. I think you need to go on hot topic.com and just take a gander at their Jughead merchant.

There's more? At their Jughead and Riverdale related merchandise. Oh, there's quite a bit. Oh, I'm going to be doing that too. Oh, no. Of course Hot Topic has an exclusive. Oh, no. It's a Jughead T-Shirt.

So I guess you're looking at the Jughead Coffee Girls T-shirt. Oh, no. Yeah, yep. Let's do this. Let's put it on our Christmas list. Oh, God, help me. Oh, they got the Josie and the pussycat ears. Oh, no.

They got a Pops shirt. They got a Riverdale Vixen shirt. All right. Dude, I got to get this Jughead Jones shirt. I think I have to. Is it creepy, though? Is this to a point that it's creepy? I don't know.

I mean, he's an adult. The actors are adults. The actors are adults. So you're fine. So I think it's okay. You know, it's like, oh, well, Oh, I don't, Mom, I don't have any money for Christmas presents this year. And then I'd, like, buy a bunch of stuff on Hot Topic.

No, you just have to send these links to your mom and be like, this is what I want. I don't know if I could do that. I think that that's almost too embarrassing to do. I think it might bridge a gap that I'm unwilling to go to. Are you going to get the Jughead shirt that says my sardonic humor is just my way of coping with the world? Or are you just going to get the classic one that just says Jughead Jones and has him like leaning back while he's got a cup of coffee on his chest? I think I'm going to get that one.

That or I could just I could go like, you know, smaller with it and I get the bedazzled necklace that says weirdo on it. Sorry, I'm just, I'm a weirdo. Look at my hat. I'm a weirdo. And that's all we got top four on today's page seven. Thank you very much. much for listening. We'll be back now.

You know, and I think it's fine that we do like a week in between episodes on the Riverdale Roundup because it gives everyone an entire week to watch the episode. I think that's true. It gives people time to catch up. Yeah, give you time some catch up. So we'll talk to you all. Also, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm just staring at these pictures of the truck. I'm fine. Everything's fine. We'll talk about it next week. In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I don't fit in. I don't want to fit in.

Have you seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird. He's such a weirdo. Goodbye everyone. Bye. Bye.