Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Volume 3

Episode Date: December 15, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus' weekly recap of everyone's favorite speecy-spicey teen drama: Riverdale! If you've already listened to Page Seven episodes 221 (Jingle Jangle) and 222 (Sometimes You Just Gotta Play), start here for your fresh, new weekly Riverdale goss! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, everyone. So what we're going to be doing here is we're going to be doing Riverdale Roundup as its own special little mini episode every week. But unfortunately, Molly can't be here for this one. So it's just going to be me and Jackie talking about the disintegration of every relationship in Riverdale. I lost my mind. I was so upset. I was, I mean, I loved the episode. But at the same time, I've started watching them.

I wait all week, and I watch them the night before we record this so that I have a fresh young mind. But I think I have to watch the episode tonight. I don't think I can wait. Oh, I can't wait either. Like, I think I'm actually going to watch it on the CW. It's pretty great because I finally downloaded the CW app to Henry's big time TV, so now I can watch it on the big time and feel like a big extra creeper while I stare at these teenagers. Oh my God.

They're all in their mid-20s. I know. So I'm not being a creeper. I'm okay. Everything is okay. Dude, so much happened in this episode. And everything that we're talking about, not going to throw that out there, is coming to fruition. Well, let's start up.

First of all, FP getting out of jail. That's a big thing. He, this is difficult for me to say. He was actually, like, up there on par with how fucking sexy Jughead is. on this episode. I just don't get your jughead obsession. I know. I think he's so hot.

But FP rivaled him hard, and there was something about him in the pop's uniform. He's going to ask him. Like, him in the pops in the pop's uniform. He looked ridiculous. I'm looking at a picture of it right now. I don't know why. I think it's the bow tie.

I think it's the hat. What's wrong with me? I think I'm just horny. Am I just horny? Yeah, because if that's tickling your bottom, then it's not going to take much. No, he looked really cute. It was fitted. That's why. Of course. And, you know, okay, so I'm happy that our, you know, a possible prediction that the janitor was the Black Hood did not come to fruition.

Although I did call at the very beginning, like as soon as they went into the house of the Riverdale Ripper murders happened and I was like oh okay so the janitor's the kid all right cool had to be because he was the only one that were like in his 50s no one couldn't have gone far it's gotta be around here somewhere

I was like okay it's the janitor we get into janitor say it's a janitor we all know it's the janitor you were very obvious with the janitor being a part of the show in the last episode it's just him I just love it just random just like now don't worry about me I'm just staring

just staring with my mop Yeah, but also did you see The picture of them burying the body How big everyone was smiling Yeah After they had killed the Riverdale River Just everybody smiling And giving a thumbs up with this fucking kid

Who just lost his entire family They're having a grand old fucking time Well you know, it's just You know they gotta get the justice man And no one ever discussed it ever again But did they kill the right person Maybe they did it? I didn't even think about that.

Had you not even think about that? Maybe he didn't fucking kill the right person. What about Candy Man? Is Candy Man coming back? I think Candy Man was just, I think that was just a cameo. I think he's just in and out. I don't think they're bringing that character back. Damn.

Unless they take more trips over to Greendale. I mean, I mean, if he, I think he's going to be having to work a few more crates, little juggy. Oh, little juggy. Now, but not, I don't know. Now, the FP's back. oh god he was so sexy when he came in also when he puts his like serpents jacket over betty it was just like oh god we gotta talk about the betty strip tis how did you feel about it i actually felt a little

conflicted it was because it was like well because yeah because she's singing mad world It was It wasn't really like Yeah, she was Yeah, she was dressed in like sexy lingerie But it wasn't really that sexy It was like goofy kind of sexy Like, all right, this is

This is uncomfortable It was very uncomfortable Like I felt uncomfortable the whole time Because it's like everyone in the room Was also obviously uncomfortable with it But I think that that was the whole thing is that, I mean, she wasn't, she's not, she's not Veronica. You know, like, she can't, she isn't that sexy kind of person.

So I actually thought it was pretty good that they played it that way because she's not, she doesn't see herself as that. So she would be uncomfortable doing something like that. Can you imagine like me doing something like that? I'm like, oh, oh, is this good for you? I think, like, if Veronica would have been doing it, that's something different altogether. Yeah, that's a hodge-witchy. But when Betty's doing it, and also, you just saw Jughead's heartbreak in the whole time.

I know. I know. It's like, I couldn't really enjoy it because it's like, oh, he's just deciding right then and there that he's going to break up with her. The whole thing's done with. It can't be. She did it. She did it for him. It can't be over.

But he didn't want it. But she had to do it. She had to. She needed to be a part of that life with him. But why? Because she wants to be a part. But also, you know, to keep tabs on them. Dude, if I'm banging somebody in the serpents,

I kind of want to be hanging around the serpents. But you know I want to be hanging around the serpents. That's my life's goal. Now I've got to go find gang members to be a part of. So don't worry about me. I'm going down to Skid Row later on tonight. And I'm going to find myself a Jughead. I'm going to start knocking on all the tents.

We like, is Jughead live here? Can I be a part of your gangs? You better watch out. Although, I also didn't think that it was, it was also not sexy in the fact that it just came from fucking Archie and Veronica singing. Why is the boy still singing? You never sing. And it's just, Mad World is such, I remember when, like, that version of Mad World was in Donnie Darko. I remember being what was, I was, I was 11 or 12, and I was just like, I love this song.

Oh, I love it so much. So I guess it's perfect for teenagers to be into it. But are teenagers into that song anymore that's a little dated? That was like specifically for us, I feel like. I don't know. I think kids are still, you know, like Donnie Darko is still a cult film. You still got high school kids watching that and enjoying it, I think. I don't know.

I thought it went by the wayside, but maybe I just don't. I don't understand the teens in the culture, I guess. Yeah, and that was just that the whole Archie telling Veronica that he loves her. Like that plot line was a little, that was very uncomfortable the entire time as well. I know. This was a very uncomfortable episode. Like it was, that's why I was a little iffy on this one. Like I wouldn't say I love this and I was a little iffy on it because the whole time, like,

it just kind of felt a little squirmy. I know, but, you know, you need that squirmie to drive that plot along. Yeah. It can't just be plodding along. But also, because then you have sex pot Alice Cooper who just kicked it into. a high gear this episode. Excuse me. I was like, I'm attracted to the mom now.

She's great. And she's also wonderful in real life as well. Dude, when he comes out of the jail and she's like, heard you get sexually frustrated in jail. She's like, who? I was like, get the kids out of the car. You fuck him in the back seat right now. And later at the diner, when FP invites her to the party,

he's like, well, you know, my husband would never go. And he's like, we'll just leave him. At home. At home is why. Man. It's like, we all here. Okay, we get it. You just slam us in top of the head with it.

We get it. You guys have banged. And yes, I cannot wait to watch them have sex again. Well, now that Archie and Veronica and Juckhead and Betty have broke it up, somebody's got a fill the fuck vacuum here. and I think it's going to be Allison FP. I think it's going to be Allison FP. And also, but how are you going to feel if Archie and Betty fuck tonight?

Actually, yeah, that is what they did hint at towards the end. I mean, they didn't hint at they full on said like, we're going to be fucking again. Uh. Uh. I mean, I'm into it. I'll definitely watch it. You know, I'm not, you know, of course, I'm a juggie, no matter what. I'm juggie till death do you.

we fucking part because I'm married to pictures of him. I'm a Ronnie boy. I'm going to be a Ronnie boy forever. So this is perfect. But then, man, I would like to watch the two of them have sex. That would not work out. That won't work for you. That won't work for you. It won't work out. No, they're not, they would never be, because Juggett likes the good part of Betty. That's why he left her. Yeah, because that's what he wanted. You wanted someone pure. Not pure in them all.

And she ruined it. She ruined it all. Oh my God. I really think that tonight's going to be an eruptive downstairs episode. I'm nervous. It's going to be a Christmas episode as well because it's called Silent Night, Deadly Night. Oh, that's a movie.

You can't say that. No, they're all movies. Are they really? The title of every single episode is a movie. I didn't know that. Yeah, the last few episodes Been like House the Devil Tales from the Dark Side,

death proof when a stranger calls The Town the Dreaded Sundown. Wow, I didn't even realize. Oh, yeah, the entire, yeah, the whole show. Every single one has been the title of a movie. I didn't even look. I've been too busy getting juicy over here. But then it is the ultimate question.

Do we still think that it is Betty's father? See, I don't, see the thing that got me on this episode, episode that made me know that it's not Betty's father. And the weird thing, unless he got context because they're really hitting home the green eyes. The green eyes. Yeah. The only thing that I can think of, if it is the father, then he had to have gotten, like, green-eyed contacts. There must be context because I have been open, like, been, like, looking into people's eyes of who it could be.

I was like, okay, this guy, because that's why I thought it was the janitor, because I hadn't been close up to his eyes until Archer was like, I stand into the eyes of the killer. That part. The vigilante archie thing is getting a little old. Yeah. Because he's just not scary. I don't find him intimidating whatsoever. Oh, no, not at all. And plus the last vigilante action was just calling the cops.

Yeah. And then boys with their shirts off. Which I was also completely fine with. I can't remember. Was he the only one with his shirt on in that video? Yes. Okay. That was really weird.

Oh, wait, no. Or did he have his shirt off and he was the only one without a hood on? He was the only one without a hood on, but I think he also, I think he was the only one with a shirt on but no hood. And all the rest of the guys had a hood but no shirt. Okay. But still, it was sexy nonetheless. Are you looking it up? Yes. I mean, can I just look? I just want to see the picture again. He did have a shirt on.

Yeah, he had a shirt on. Yeah, yeah. But in no hood. Okay. Yeah, no, hold on. Well, now I've got it on here. Oops, hello. Is it my background? No, it's not.

Because Jughead's not in it, so I don't care. What I don't understand is how or what is going to come of it tonight is that they didn't bring up the sheriff and the mayor. Yeah, but they didn't bring up a lot of things. They didn't bring up the sheriff and the mayor. They didn't bring up Josie and Cheryl. They didn't bring up that whole plot. Well, they did a little bit with the fucking, uh, the massage weird thing.

That was a very tiny thing. You know what, that little massage thing in the locker room that is going towards what we were talking about in the last Riverdale roundup about the next sexiness possibly coming from them. I also think she's being too sexually aggressive. It's like, I understand. You know, I like to, you know, gun for it. But when someone shirks away from you when you guys are just in towels and you try to give them a massage, usually it's not a good sign. I'm pretty sure, but, you know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't know.

No horror. Yeah, Cheryl's doing full court press on this one. Josie ain't having any of it. No, but I mean, I think that she just, maybe she's just worried about what her mom would say because I don't think her mom would be happy if her daughter was in a lesbian relationship. Oh, absolutely not. But Cheryl don't give a fuck about nobody. Hell yeah.

I will. I mean, again, I'll watch it happen. But I just don't want it to be forced. You know, I love Josie. Mm-hmm. And after she saved her, I don't think anything would be forced. I just, I'm ready for that uncomfortable moment when Cheryl truly goes for it. And then she's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I'd rather not. Or it's also possible that they get into it. And then Josie finds out that Cheryl was the one that was fucking with her the entire time. And then that's going to be zips. And what is going to happen? I don't even know. But all, it's just, Jughead and Betty are going to get back together, right? I don't know

I mean if Archie and Jughead See that's what I'm wondering here Because if Archie and Betty get together Then that means that Archie and Jughead I mean that whole thing's quits I know And Betty and Veronica That whole thing's going to be quits as well

I know God I don't know how they're going to do that While still keeping the same dynamic of the show There's no way that they can Are they gonna fall? Oh it's going to be awful I'm already upset I'm upset about it

And also it's like they both It wasn't like good clean breaks for anybody They're all upset And when you're upset you make bad decisions I gotta write a letter I gotta write a letter to somebody I'm very upset I think it's already filmed and done

Oh is it Is it not? I think that this is the last What? I think that this is the last one Before the new year though Tonight For a month, actually.

Yeah, it's this one, and then it's not coming back until January 17th. I'm, what are we going to watch in between? Probably just going to go back and watch the first season again. I think I'll watch the first season again. I think I'll probably watch first season again. Yeah, because this is like Riverdale's like my lunch show. Yeah, I need to have something to watch. Yeah, it's my lunch soap opera.

I was thinking about getting into Vanderpump Rules. What's Van der Pounder? pump rules. It's a bunch of rich people. It's a reality show, but everyone, it's been on for like seven seasons and people are still just as obsessed with it as they used to be. It's a reality show?

Yeah, I feel like I need to, at least, I got to give it a try. It's very sexy. There's a lot of fucking in hot tubs. And you know, I love that. Man, remember how much sex Veronica and Archie had in the beginning of the episode, though? God, they fuck

so much. Like they showed them fucking in like multiple locations, many different locations. And in a lot of different ways, and they were all sweaty. And you know that bare skin rug was just covered in juice. God, it must have been a slip and slide for them. But also, you know what's weird, though? It's fucking in front of a fire like that in the living room of your parents' place. It's like, you know, when your parents walk in, that place is going to reek of sex.

I think that that's something that teenagers don't realize that when you have a lot of sex, it reeks of sex You can't just You walk into a room That someone's been fucking And you know exactly What's been happening there And like I was saying

The juices That fucking white rug is gonna be stained To shit No matter how white you think your cum is It's not that white Absolutely not I don't know Maybe we'll have more fucking

Maybe we'll have different kinds of fucking Maybe we'll have Betty and Archie timely happening In the next few episodes episodes, but it does fall in line with the Archie comics of Archie going constantly between Jughead or between Betty and Veronica. But then was Jughead ever with Betty in the comics? Well, Jughead was never with any of them.

Oh, he just ate burgers. Jughead just like eating hamburgers. God, I just feel like I'm, I'm in love with also an amalgamation of Jughead, the cartoon character that eats the burgers all the time and Colesprous in Riverdale. Well, they make some fun little nods to burger eating Jughead in the show. I know, I love it when he eats. Someone posted a picture on the Facebook page that was just like a picture of Jughead smoking a cigarette, and I was just like, wow.

I like it, I like it, I like it. You're right. I'm just going to go back and watch Oliverdale again. I think I have to watch Olive Riverdale again. I think that's what we're going to do over Christmas and be like, shut everything else. I got out at Riverdale, but I have to watch it alone. I can't watch it with people anymore. I get too fucking horny.

I'm too horny for it. What do you do? I mean, when you talk about like you get too horny, like what do you do? Like, what happens? I'm just sitting there just drinking out of a wine bottle by myself watching these things and me just going, oh. Mm. Nah. Huh.

Ha. Ha. And then, you know, I don't, it's not like, I'm not. not ejaculating. It's more of, it's a state, it's like a fugue state. No, again, your jangle jangle jangle gets going. Oh, who does it? You notice, it's been a couple episodes since jangle jangle's been mentioned. That's got to come back with a fucking raging fire. Right?

Yeah, somebody's got to get back into, because that's what's been falling to the wayside here with jug, because now the FP's back in charge of the serpents. I don't know, are they going to still be working with the goolies? Is the jingle-jangle trade going to keep fumbling itself into Southside High? Is jingle-jangle going to make its way back to Riverdale High? Of course it is. Of course it's going to come back. I want to watch them be hyped up and fuck all night.

Even if I got to start bringing it to fucking Riverdale, I'll bring it. I got to go find some. I'm not talking about the chocolate-covered pretzels. Although I got to say it is a delightful treat. All right. Well, I guess we'll be back next week with the Riverdale Roundup of the episode Silent Night, Deadly Night. That was the Riverdale Roundup for House of the Devil. And then I guess we're going to have to take a break for Riverdale Roundup for about a month.

But we're still going to be doing it for a while. And if this is the first one you've listened to, we're making the first two that we did available here on iTunes. Because we did them at the very end of the last two episodes. And yeah, we'll be doing Riverdale Roundup. Like little mini episodes every week, and Molly will be back next week to join us. Hell yeah. Ride or die, baby. Riverdale Vixen's out!