Page 7 - Riverdale Roundup Volume 4

Episode Date: December 29, 2017

Jackie, Molly and Marcus' weekly recap of everyone's favorite speecy-spicey teen drama: Riverdale! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Get down with the Riverdale Roundup. Get down with the Riverdale Roundup. I'm going to kiss them all. Welcome to Riverdale Roundup, everyone. This is going to be our last Riverdale Roundup for about a month because this week was the mid-season finale and the Christmas episode all at once. God damn it. We were right. Didn't want to be.

It was the fucking janitor. Yeah. fucking pissed. But is it the janitor? I feel that we have been double-duced upon. Really? I'm calling it. I don't think it was the janitor. I think that it was a matchup.

I think it was, I think, because Archie didn't recognize the eyes. That is true. And that was going to be for me like kind of a plot hole because like it looked like they kind of brush it away as like Archie was like, oh, I guess I'd then look close enough. Yeah, I didn't like that either.

Oh, I didn't recognize the eyes, I guess I didn't recognize. But we didn't even meet this fucking janitor until, like, did we even know this janitor at the end of last of season one? We didn't even know this janitor until like two or three episodes ago when he suddenly showed up and started creeping on Josie. Yeah, so the idea with it when Betty was on the phone with him and she was like, would I know you? Yeah.

That was a trick because Betty, might know him because he's a fucking janitor but we didn't know him well maybe betty knew him it's like do i know you it's a 50 50 shot yeah you might recognize me but i'm not sure i was like i hope you're right jacky because i thought midseason finale might mean oh maybe we get like a whole new plotline and the serial killer plotline is done in the second half of the season which i would i think maybe you'd be fine with but i i mean i definitely i loved everything else about the episode but that the fucking janitor is a shitty, shitty cop out. Yeah, especially because they made it so obvious

when they first showed the janitor and put in the dramatic music and stayed, kept the camera on them for way too long. Yeah, you can't introduce a serial killer and then not introduce who did it until like six episodes later, including across a season for you to even have an option to guess that that was who it was. That's why it has to be. I think that's why it's a mid-season finale.

It has to be a fucking humdinger. I don't trust it. And also, I was kind of upset that it wasn't Archie that shot him. Well, I don't know. Like, Sheriff Keller needed a bit of heroics there. He did. And I was worried that Archie was going to shoot him. In my head, I was like, fucking Archie's going to shoot him.

And then just keep on going to high school like normal. It's going to slightly annoy me. And so I kind of wanted Archie to shoot him too. Then I was like, well, I don't want Archie to go to jail. And I don't want Archie to just be able to shoot people with complete impunity. So then I was a little bit relieved that the sheriff shot him. Well, I was afraid that Archie was going to shoot him and he was just going to go into the water and then flow. And then there was like, we never found the body.

Yes. And then it's just always the shadow. And then every once in a while, Betty was like, I just can't stop thinking about the black hood. Yeah. And then it just becomes annoying. Yeah. But, I mean, she didn't, she didn't burn that, uh, the black hood. that she had.

Yeah, so what do you think about that? This is something, I mean, what if it, I mean, no, it's definitely a man. I was saying, what if they're going to really flip the switch on this? And it's like, she's got two personalities. And then, like, on the insides, like, that she's actually the black hood. But I know that's not what it is. But that would be very overdramatic and a fun plot line. Just saying.

Yeah. They open up Betty's closet and she's got, like, a man suit. But, like, there was that whole thing with the eyes. like I saw into his eyes, his eyes had no soul. There was like a whole buildup about this motherfucker's eyes and we were all sitting there thinking, who, what character has no soul? Like which, like, and that janitor guy, like,

his eyes were not even that remark. Like, I don't know. They were the kind eyes of a janitor. Yeah, he was like, you didn't, it wasn't like all the kids were like, old, no soul's janitor, you know, like they could have at least foreshadowed it a bit. I hear you.

But can we just, can we switch over real fast to Mr. Jughead, please? Exquise me? Again, I think that this is another episode that I wanted to bang his father way more than I wanted to bang him because what? Yeah. What's that? You can't do that. You can't cut off a fucking tattoo up with somebody. What are you doing?

That was pretty intense. That was really intense. And Jughead is a fucking idiot. One thing I really like about this show is that they're willing to make the main characters just complete idiots. Archie's an idiot. Jughead is an idiot. They make stupid choices.

And I kind of like that. But I definitely like alarmed by my feelings about Skeet Ulrich because they're evolving rapidly. It is. I went to Hot Topic yesterday. And I stared because it was just like a picture of Jughead and FP Like above it

It was like a big picture And I just stared at it And I was just like I can't be this horny And a hot topic Because then I'm gonna start where I'm gonna get a fucking wallet chain And then it's gonna be a problem

And I think I like I feel more comfortable Being attracted to Skeet Ulrich Except for that I have to reckon with my feelings About scream and the craft But like you know I think one of the weird things

about Riverdale is that they you know, it's like, thankfully they're not all teenagers. They're like in their 20s, but it's like these kids in their 20s who are playing high schoolers and you're like, do I want to fuck the high schoolers? But really, I don't think it's that you want to fuck the high schoolers. I think it's that you identify with the high schoolers and you want to be a high schooler fucking high schoolers. But I don't know.

I don't know. So to me, it's kind of hotter to be like, in my, like to, I can be like, I can identify as the high schooler wants to fuck high schoolers, but being me, I would rather fuck the guy who was like a teenager when I was a kid and I was watching him in teen movies, you know what I mean?

Which is what Skeed Ulrich was. Yes, for sure. Yeah, but then you see all those pictures of Cole Spouse just smoking cigarettes and just like, oh, see, he's old enough. He's old enough to make bad decisions. I wonder if you liked, is the brother,

his twin brother also cute he's not as cute not as cute there's just enough of a difference he's still hot he's a hot man it's just like I think he's just not as kid also it's because he's Jughead yeah right

yeah the whole the character of Jughead I think is what's driving Jackie's engine there yeah Jughead is a really appealing character and then also what FP is like it's like oh he's doing drugs oh he shouldn't be doing all these things And then he opens up all those bags and it's like, it's just presents.

I'm like, aw, Jughead, why are you being so suspicious of your dad? Yeah, now FP is the one who I trust more. And Jughead is totally off the rails. I don't know what he's thinking here. But when is FP going to bang Betty's mom? I'm going to ask him a week. I have to see it. And then also, which I didn't mean to go right.

Of course, I just want to talk about Jughead so much. They're still, they're not even getting, what about the, sheriff the sheriff and the mayor it's another episode that they have not brought that to anyone like they're not they haven't brought it up yet i think that they are setting up quite a second half of this season you have a lot of faith in the writers i definitely thought that these are just things that were dropped and not going to be picked up but i hope you're right well they've got the mayor there's a couple of different subplots that weren't addressed this season or this episode there's the mayor and sheriff keller then there's josie and shirle that whole thing that's right

whatever that is. That's right. That was not, that, that action was not returned to on this episode. Yeah, that's right. And the first season actually was pretty good at tying up all the threads. Yeah. But the first season, you know, but that's, well, the first season was only half as many episodes as this season. Yeah, this season's 20 episodes.

And I think the first season was only 10. I see. Yeah. They extended it. There's also the big gaping hole of what Veronica talked to her parents about in that room. They didn't address it. Something is, again, I think all of these are going to come now unless the Black Hood is dead.

And then that is over and that they are moving into a whole other, like, very deep plot line. I have faith in how good this other half of the season is going to be. Because if I were writing it, I would include all of these things. Maybe I should, I got to write them a letter. I'm going to start writing for this show, I think. You would be a great writer for this show. Yeah, same thing. We were watching it, and we were like, what happened?

Did they just not show us what that conversation was about between Veronica and her parents? Yeah, they didn't. Because at first, how that whole thing was, like, first, Fred gets the bill for $60,000. He tells Archie all about it, and Archie is, of course, distraught, and then tells Veronica about it, even though they're still pretty awkward there. That whole gift exchange things like, and also, why would she give him that watch still that had Archie Kins? You don't get engraved on it? Yeah. No.

Yeah, Veronica is giving a lot of mixed signals and it's very hurtful to Archie. That's very true. And I do not appreciate it. Yeah, I don't appreciate it either. So then Veronica talks to her parents about possibly paying for Archie's dad's medical bills. They say no, but she takes it upon herself to pay and then they start to bring her into the fold and tell her pretty much what it is they're doing in Riverdale because it's very obvious that the lodges have some sort of ulterior motive for returning to Riverdale. They still have plenty of money. They could have gone anywhere after the whole business with the head lodge going to a prison.

But they chose Riverdale. And I think they told Veronica why they chose Riverdale. But it's not that bad because Veronica does have a conscience. So if it was that bad, Veronica would have gotten pissed off. But she's all in now. So what is it? What is it? Do you have any guesses?

I have no guess because right now because so far all they've done is real estate. Yeah, right. It has, that's what I figured when we missed that whole conversation, I was like, I mean, I guess they just told her about some boring money laundering something. Well, that's how she found out about everything is because she found the deed to Pops Diner because her dad bought Pops Diner like somewhere in the beginning of this season. But there's got to be a reason why it's Pops. There has to be a reason of why they bought. That has to be an integral part of whatever plan that they're doing because I don't think it's just like or they also haven't talked about Jingle Jangle and at least. episode. It's been a while.

They did say jingle, jangle, once on the last episode because I remember them saying jingle jangle, and I went, yeah! Yeah, because I finish my drink every time they say jingle jangle. So I think maybe it has something to do with that. I don't know. It's all very interesting.

And then, but you see, Veronica, you're right. She does have, she does have a moral conscious. But then why is she so bad at being in a relationship. And then who was taking pictures of them in the end of the episode when they were kissing. Think about it this way. Remember, after Betty and Archie went to go talk, we haven't talked about this yet.

I know. When Betty and Archie went to go yell at the old lady over at Cheryl's house, after that, they were in the car, they were scared, they kissed. And who saw it? But Cheryl Blossom. We saw that she saw it? We saw that she saw it. She was looking out the window from the second floor because she had that knowing look on her face,

that evil Cheryl look when she's formulating a plan because she's a little age and a chaos. Man, I got to tell you, never have I done a switcheroo on a character like Cheryl. Now every time I see Cheryl, I'm like, yeah. I really enjoy her. Oh, yeah. What's this bitch going to do today?

Do it. Yeah. How's she going to fuck up his day? Fuck yeah, Cheryl. I am here for it. She's so good at it. And she's just so, like, yeah, she's just so nasty in, like, a great, enjoyable way. Yeah, I'm digging it, man.

I did it complete about it because I expected her to be the character that every time she came on screen, I'd be like, oh, I hate you, Cheryl. What? I kind of love her. Yeah, I love her. I'm rooting for her. Except, I mean, I don't know. I kind of, I kind of love. I kind of love that Archie and Betty kissed,

and I kind of want them to be able to just do it and then just not have anything happen. Yeah, but now, but that would have been fine when Veronica and Archie were broken up, but now that Veronica and Archie are back together, that's going to be all wrong. But you don't have to disclose that one, well, one kiss with your best friend, maybe.

Well, they don't have to disclose that kiss. Because they weren't together at the time. They weren't together at the time, yeah. But it's still a betrayal. That is rife with past tension. I would, I mean, I would feel guilty, wouldn't you? But remember that way back when, at the beginning of the first season, when Jackie was... Sorry, when Jackie...

Please put me in the show! Please put me in the show! Please show, please! When Betty and Archie... Jackie's just, like, sitting in the back seat between them. Hey, hey, hey, what's up? You all got a kiss. You kids?

You guys kids? you don't have to kiss me. Can I just watch? Can I just watch really close to your faces? When Betty and when Betty was still going after Archie, remember Archie and Veronica kissed. In the closet? In the closet. So that makes it evensie betrayal. I think this makes it evensie. I think it's even Stevens now. Have you been rewatching them? I need to, I'm going to start rewatching them. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I have not. I just formed some sort of weird encyclopedia. knowledge of this show. Yeah, you're good. I don't know how.

By the time we do the Riverdale Roundup, because I've been watching them as they air on Wednesday nights. It's very fun. I haven't been tweeting along, but I've been tempted. But by the time we do it the roundup a week later, I'm like, it is difficult for me to remember what happened. So I'm very thankful for your vault of knowledge. I do definitely check out an episode synopsis before we go on the air. But as far as past seasons go, yeah, I mean, it was from the moment I watched it, just something, for some reason, something really stupid but really smart at the same time clicked on in my head. And I formed some sort of unnatural connection to the dumbest show on TV. I knew it. I knew you were going to, Marcus. I just knew you had to come over to the dark side.

I'm proud that you let yourself. You know, it is an acceptance. You know, it's like a faith that I have in this show now. and I don't know what I'm going to do if it ever ends It's gonna Don't even I don't even know why I brought it up I just upset myself Ooh are we gonna get Riverdale

The college years Because we've got a maximum Of like three seasons Well actually I don't know Because they don't really go Because right now they're all what Supposedly sophomores They're not even going to school

They don't go to school They don't do anything It doesn't matter But well Did you guys say the teaser for the next episode. Yeah, Southside High. Did you watch it, Jackie?

No. The teaser. Do you want to know the teaser for the next half of the season? Southside High is going down. Southside and Riverdale High are combining. Merging the schools. That means you got Jughead, you got Sweet Pea, you got a whole serpent gang coming over to the hoity-toity, rich side of town.

and they got nothing they can do about it. I ain't shaking no bones. Well, maybe I am shaking bones at Sweet Pea. Because you know what? He's a looker. He's another teen looker. Please, that boy is an obnoxious child. He's a greaser.

He's bad. He's bad. Sweetie's fine. He's fine. He's a bit, I think he's a little bit of a plane. He's pouty. Yeah, he's a little pouty. Yeah, he doesn't take his lumps well.

I mean, I'll, you know, I like, I'll take that, uh, that lady who Jughead almost fucked, though. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she was something. Remember her, Jackie? Mm-hmm. We're still waiting for our same, same-sex kiss, you know. Yeah, we're definitely still waiting for that.

I think, I think it's going to happen between Josie and Cheryl. I think it's going to happen. Between Josie and Cheryl. God, I hope it happened. Well, Betty and Veronica did kiss when they were doing the, the, the Vixen's audition. That is true That is true But that I mean

Although That wasn't like a romantic kiss No no no no That was like a party Like I like Like we're sorry We're sexy Type of kiss

Yeah Which really isn't that sexy Yeah But wait Have we Maybe you guys did it last week And I You must have done it last week

And I missed it Oh we did it last week Did you talk about The pole dance We talked about the pole dance Yeah yeah We were divided On the pole dance

What was what What are the two choices. I thought it was sexy and Marcus did it. I thought it was kind of sad and weird. Yeah, Marcus is correct. Of course. It's awful. It was humiliating.

It was so hard. Exactly she tried so hard. Is that what you want in a pole dance? Yeah, I don't want effort in a poll dance. She's a kid. I thought she did a great job. Yeah, it's like, I'd like

vulnerable. I'd like she tried so hard in like a piano recital. Yeah. But not in a pole dance. Yeah. No. I mean, I appreciate that Betty did it. But again, all these damn teens, they keep doing things for each other. The others don't want

done. I'm like sitting here being like, Jughead is going to hate this. And you saw immediately how much Jughead hated it. He hated it. And she's all like, well, I'm doing this for you, Jughead. And it's like, well, it doesn't really matter if you're doing this for somebody if they hate it. And of course he's to hate it. I could have told you he was going to hate it. Betty, get your head out of your

ass. So she didn't mean well, but also they keep, and this is not, that's just one example, but they keep doing these things where they're like, Archie's going to love this thing that he'll obviously hate, you know? Except for the Christmas gifts, though, I have to say when Jughead gave Betty the signed beloved book, how cute was that? The Christmas gifts were pretty spot on. They were good, yeah. What did Archie give Veronica again? What did Archie give Veronica? He gave her on the porch, right? Yeah, on the porch.

Because I remember she got, so. She got him a watch. She got him a watch that had to my sweet Archie Kins engraved on the back. The locket. He gave her the locket. That's kind of a shitty gift, actually. Archie kind of biffed it on that one. Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, it's like a seventh grader gift. He is a bit of an idiot. Yeah, but then the typewriter for Jughead, though, was also a really good gift. It's a very thoughtful gift, yeah. See, that's how you know that they have the connection. That's why they should get back together. Because Archie and Veronica are both vapid and they're both kind of dumb.

I don't think Veronica's vapid and kind of dumb. Archie is a fucking empty sack. But I think Veronica, she's got some smarts to her. She's calculating. You're right. I take it back. I take it back. But she is...

But, I mean, stick with Archie. He's an idiot. Yeah. And Betty's smart too Like the girls are smart But Betty if she was really smart She would have done that pole dance When Jughead wasn't there

Gotten herself into the serpents Which was her goal And then been like Hey surprise I'm in the serpents But she still would have hated But she like She wouldn't have done a pole dance In front of everybody

It's singing fucking A Depeche Mode song Yeah Like not into the microphone And not really even singing it How was she amplified She wasn't anywhere near a mic? Maybe she had a lava.

Who knows? She didn't get out of breath at all or anything. I was proud of her because, you know what? I couldn't do it, so I'm proud of her. You imagine me up there trying to win Jughead's love by doing a fucking striptease. Just be like, uh, uh, uh, uh, while singing the song from Donnie Dark. Yeah, Ramie, yeah, me, me, me, ha, you gotta kiss me? Yeah, that's my Southside Serpent's voice.

Well, we got anything else from this Riverdale Roundup? Do we got anything else we want to talk about before it goes into break? It's coming back on January 17th, two days before my 35th birthday. So I'm going, I'm becoming a man. Happy birthday to Marcus. By watching a show about teens. Teenagers, yeah. Chapter 23, the Black Boy.

jungle. So that just tells you that things aren't going to go smooth between the South Side and Riverdale Hike merger there. Yeah. So we know that that's on the horizon. And for the threads that need to be followed up on, we have the what Veronica learned about her parents' business. We have the.

Cheryl and Josie. Cheryl and Josie. We have the, was it really the janitor? And we also have the kiss with Betty and Archie. Yes. And we have our Archie and Joghag going to get back together. And we also have what's going to happen with the snake charmer. What's going to happen with Penny Peabody?

Penny Peabody. Yeah, what's going to happen with Penny Peabody? Is she going to run? Because she's not just going to run away. Yes. And a little thread, but still it's there, is Fred addicted to paint color? Yeah, exactly. Well, why is it?

Because, yeah, that was like four episodes ago. Yeah, they really played. that seat and then did not water the plant, you know? Yeah. Oh, excuse me, Archie. We're having our father-sung conversation here, but I need to take a pain pill. Dad, are you okay?

I'm fine, son. I'm just taking these pain pills. That I carry with me everywhere. My hands are shaking a little bit. Pain pill. I can't wait. I can't wait. And I'm going to start watching it again from the beginning.

So, at least I got something to live for. Well, we're going to take next week off from both page seven and, of course, the next month for Riverdale Roundup. But, you know, we'll be back in the new year. Hell yeah, we will. And I think you might like it. I think you might like it. Happy holidays.