Page 7 - Second Helpings - Aikenest

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

This week on Second Helpings, Jackie is joined by a hungover MJ, Clay Aiken is tryin' to say the only reason he isn't more famous is his gaff on "Regis and Kelly" in 2006, Lizzo's back with a new album and....no one really noticed, and MJ and Gideon have been watchin' "Evil" on Paramount Plus.  MJ's started the newest season of "The Four Seasons" and it's just so so sad, while Jackie is succin' back MAN MOVIES like "THE FURIOUS" and also went to see "Leviticus" or as they call it, Twink Follows. MJ's takin' the kids to see the new "Toy Story" movie after they marathon through the first 4, HBO MAX just started droppin' the third season of "House of the Dragon!"  The Voyage of the Damned, aka the JoJo Siwa Cruise has safely returned, and everyone is posting their really sad swag bags, Cardi B discovered five below! The international people experiencing middle America for the first time has taken over tiktok, to the point that Hidden Valley released a TSA safe bottle, plus even more on this week's Second Helpings! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The second time around. It's just such a jarring way to start the show. Like, does it scare you guys every time we scream? It'll be better second time around. I imagine that I guess like in some there are like a lilting ad to bring you in, I guess. Or I guess I scream during those too. So I don't know. Yeah, you know, it's a good question because also we have our page seven music at the top.

So it's you're jumping from one song to the other just like you're at the call. song. You know what? Is it like you're at the club every time you come to a page seven episode, right guys? It's just like we're sweaty body, pressing up against each other. It's just like that. Find me in the club. I mean, I'm, I don't know, maybe that's what's happening inside of your head right now, MJ. We got to bring it up. I love it you were like, we shouldn't bring it up on the show, but I have to bring up. Honestly, MJ, I'm proud of you for being hungover. M.J.'s hungover at the show. Jay's never hungover at the show. And I love that you're hung over at the show right now.

I try to take my work so seriously, you guys. Yes. I try to be fully present when I come to sing the bastardized step-by-step-by-step theme song and talk about Matthew Reese, you know, for an hour and a half on Thursdays. I get at a good night's sleep and I eat breakfast and I go on a walk and I prepare myself. And what did I think I could do at age 40 last night? But go out and watch a day. a soccer game, add a bar and have... How dare you? Count them. One, two, two beers.

And... Two beers. I'm looking at myself in the... A little bit of... Oh, you were sipping on a little bit of whiskey. I had one Jameson over the course of about three hours. And with mindful, like a mindful consumption. And I'm looking at myself in the Zoom window, you guys. And I look like death warmed over. I look so bad. What is What has happened? What has happened? What happened? Hey, what happened? I just, I'm sorry to call you out so hard. I just, I needed, because you do, you look like you're actively suffering as I'm talking to you. I am. I'm being punished for being like, oh, the World Cup, it's a summer night. I actually now, thanks to the, I worship at the gods of children's melatonin for one of my children. I'm not going to get this. It's an apparenting podcast. I won't get into it.

But I've recently learned that for Molotone and not universally recommended across the board for all kids, but for neurodivergent kids who have a very hard time winding down, sometimes the pros outweighs the cons. Long story short, children's melatonin has given me my life back. Wow. So really, you should look. Maybe this is how you look alive? Is that what is this? Right. Is this your spirit?

Not hungover, but like just like more. you know, like emotionally and morally depleted, you know, from giving everything I can to bedtime every night, you know, or now I'm like, it's, if I can get these kids to sleep at 8 o'clock, you know, it's summer. The sun is still out. Oh, yeah. I live for the sun, you know, so I'm like, I can't just be sitting, you know, by myself watching four seasons, season two, and crying at night.

I have to go out. No. It's summer. You have to go out. I live for this season. You know, here in New York City, schools just getting out this week. You're listening to this on the last day of school. So we're not even technically in like summer, summer, summer here.

So I'm like, let's do it. Let's launch. I'm going to go meet my brother and watch a soccer game. It's the Czech Republic versus Mexico. What could be better? And now I'm going to be paying for it for how long? How long? I've been awake for days.

Seven hours. It's 12 o'clock. I wake up at 5 a.m. And I've been suffering for seven hours just because I'm 40. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? Congratulations.

I think the. That is the cost of being alive. Yes. Is looking like you are death warmed over. And I think that that's, you're right. I think it's like a trick our spirit plays on us, you know? You're so right. And I do, I know that, yes, lately on the show, Jackie and I have been complaining a lot about feeling old and being gray.

But I also, gray. But I also do subscribe to the belief that, like, listen, aging isn't great, but it's better than the alternative, you know, and every day is a gift. And it is a gift for me to be sitting here in horrendous pain. Yes. Ready to talk about Clay Aiken's gaff on the Kelly Rippa show in 2006. 20 years ago. And he's convinced that that is his downfall.

You know, that that was what everybody has had in their craw about Clay Aiken for 20 years. And I'm going to say, MJ, you might be the only Clay Aiken fan I've ever seen. met and you didn't remember that this happened 20 years ago. Yeah. And this, I mean, I was going to say this was like peak Clay Aiken, like season. I mean, it was 2003 that he was on American Idol. And this was 2006. So, and I graduated college in high school in 2004.

So you think he was already gone by then? It's like, who gave a shit anymore? Yeah, I do. I do think that. The last time I remember talking about Clay Aiken with other people. outside the context of this podcast was a high school field trip that I was on in the year 2004 while I was listening to the album Invisible, which we have established is creepy. But he didn't know.

He didn't know. How could he know? And my high school friends at the time, who were the biggest dorks in school, all were mercilessly mocking me for my love of Clay Aiken. I knew. It was it was, it was, it was inappropriate behavior at the time. So I'm frankly shocked to know that he was even on Regis and Kelly in 2006. I did think that his ship had sailed by that point. But he now, who was just went on this Hollywood whatever, some Hollywood chatting podcast. And they were like, let's talk about RIPA gate, 2006. RIPA gate. Jackie asked me if I remember it. And I said, what are you talking about? And now I'm

I'm immersed myself. It was a it was a quagmire of a catastrophe for a young, ambitious Clayacan. Jackie, imagine if you had tried to do a bit with Regis Philbin on a morning show in 2006, and the bit is he's not letting you answer it, ask any questions. You're technically co-hosting with him, which is what Clay was doing with Kelly, and she was not letting him speak, and he kept trying to ask questions, and she kept interrupting him, Jackie. And so what did he do? he did put his hand over her mouth in a joking way.

physically. In a joking way. And she didn't like that. I think what annoys me, MJ, is that there's, no one looks at Clay Aiken and is asking for the bits. You know, no one's thinking that he's coming in with a tight five. You know what I mean? So I feel like if I were Clay Aiken, no, I would never do something like that. You're only saying that because you don't know him.

You don't know how you speak for him. You know why? Because he was invisible. If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room. If I was invisible, I'd make you mine tonight. If hearts were unbreakable, then I could just tell you where I stand. I would be the smartest man if I was invisible. Wait, because we would have to hear you.

I wish that we didn't hear you if you were invisible. This is what you're being a, you're being a, you're being a, you're, being a echinist. And I am. I am really struggling here because by the book, yes, a man should not put his hand over a woman's mouth. And should I, into a microphone right now, defend that behavior just because I'm hungover? I don't know. Whoa. I love this energy. See, I miss hungover, M.J. Holden loves doing the show hungover because he's like, the craziest things come out of anyone's mouth when they're hungover. And you have no idea the hot takes you have until you're And so I'm not going to say that it's good that a man put his hand over a woman's mouth.

I am not going to say that. But if you think you're... But Clay Aiken. If you think you're doing a bit and you do the bit with Regis, right? And Regis is the television show host. It's his job to take care of you, right? And so even if... But he didn't do it to Regis.

He did it to Kelly Ripa. Oh, okay. All right. Yes. And she did not like it. And she said... No. So what happened was, you guys.

Especially when you were feeling like, and also not to be like meta about this. Think about the time period, right? Kelly Rippa is also in the newer throes of being a co-host as well. So I imagine as a woman she does not want to be spoken down to as such on her own fucking show that she is a co-host of. Because I'm thinking more in the Kelly Rippa aspect, if someone was sitting here, if Holden was sitting across from me and he put his. disgusting hand over my mouth, I would bite him. I would immediately, I'm just like, ah, like, never. Don't put your fingers close to my mouth then, or else I'm going to bite you.

All right? That's, I think that all people should treat anything with a mouth the same. Don't put your fingers at their mouths unless you want to be bitten. This is big youngest sibling energy. The youngest always learns to bite first because that's how they have to fight. Don't put your hands, especially on your face. there is something about someone putting there. That is such an intimate place to put your hands.

And what I do love is that at the time, there was a lot of scream. And now looking back of like, homophobia, homophobia. But even Kelly Rippa has said, like, I don't know where your hands have been. Well, but that's why. Okay, this is a whole, it turns out this is actually a really interesting story. It went down the, oh, the Aiken Gate hole that no one else has asked. for that no one else is going down. But please say, no, please, explain.

So, yes. So he put his hand over her mouth. She looked very upset right away. And he saw it. And he was like, oh, no, should I not have done that? And she was, oh, no, no, no. And she said, oh, that's a no, no, no, no. That's a no, no, no.

And she said, I don't know where those hands have been. And then on, that was on a Friday. And then on a Monday, she opened the show with Regis, who was back. I think Clay was subbing for Regis. And so if she tells Regis about it, you know, he put his hands on my mouth. Which is what I do about Holden. I bring my Jackin issues two page seven. Who's the bitch?

I can't believe you're comparing Clay Aiken to Holden McNeely right now, but that's, we'll go forward. I am. I am. And everyone can tell him this. Please bring this to it. Actually, this is great because we have Y2K night on Jackin tonight. This episode comes out today. This is perfect.

We're going to, oh my God, MJ, we're going to have to listen to some Clay Aiken. All right, I'm writing it down on the list. Clay Invisible. I don't know if it's more insulting for Holden to be compared to Clay Aiken or for Clay Aiken to be compared to Holden. It's like mutually insulting for each of them. Oh, if Clay Aiken found out who Holden McNeely was, he would, I think he'd we'd weak. He's like, haven't I been punished enough? Kelly Rippa has been mad at me for 20 years. And I don't have any sists that have to be drained. Not that it's a problem

If you have Siss I have to be drained It's just the way in which Holden McNeely talks about them Yeah, yeah, that's and yeah, he does He talks about him a lot But so she's complaining to Regis And I think that maybe at the time this didn't My instinct is like, you're complaining to Regis About this thing that he like

Clearly felt bad about in the moment And stopped right away and was like obviously a joke And she's like, I don't care if it was a joke You'd ever put your hands on somebody else's face or a woman's face, which, again, she is right. She is correct. And so, and Regis, Regis, man, king of television. He's doing bits and he's laughing and he's making it, he's keeping it light.

King of television. He's like, you should go tell Regis Philbin that you still feel that he's the king of television. I think that will happily have him rolling in his grave. You know, he's got skills. Dead, right? Dead. Dead.

Dead. Dead. I think he's quite dead. Yeah. Joy's alive? Joy Bayard? I wonder if she. No.

His wife. I was going to say, Joy Bayer is not. only alive. She's weighing in on the New York primaries. I don't know if Joy is dead. I'm not, frankly, I was surprised to see that Kathy Lee Gifford wasn't still hosting the show in 2006. But so then what happened is that you were going to say that she, she wasn't still a go host. Like, MJ, we do a pop culture podcast. Gafferty Lee Gifford has not been around for a minute. Although she is. She's just drunk in the morning. Yeah, yeah. And she, I know, yeah, she stepped back. But, Joy, did. So then Rosie O'Donnell on the view.

goes on the view and talks about Aiken Gate with Kelly Rippa, and Rosie O'Donnell says that Kelly Rippa was being homophobic when she said, I don't know where those hands have been. But here's the problem, guys. Clay Aiken was not out. Out. He was not out. So you are trying to defend somebody by saying you're attacking them from being gay. And the person over here is like, I never said I was gay. I never said I was gay. That's not, and that's, but also think about what Clay Aiken was going through at that time.

Yeah. You know, it's like, think and just think of how. So for him, this was the devastation of his career. I hate to brag it to him. I think it had already happened. But, you know, to him, this was what broke his career. Yeah. I mean, if you had had a embarrassing moment on.

I think about it every day. Right. I mean, on genuinely. If I had done a bit like that and I thought it was. was the downfall of my career. I mean, I already wake up in the middle of the night thinking about something I said on an episode just being like, where did I say it? How did I say it?

Why did I say it like that? Totally. And again, I'm very eager to criticize men for touching women inappropriately. Like, you absolutely should not do that. I think you don't touch anybody in the face. Like, I think it's just, that's just overall, I think outside of gender, you don't touch anybody on the face. I think you just don't.

I think that's like a societal standard. Yeah. You know? No, I think you're right. But I just, I also do, so I'm not trying to justify touching a woman on the mouth on live television. You probably shouldn't do that. Interesting, MJ. I just feel for being like a newly, I keep saying newly famous, but again, it's like apparently three years later at this point.

It was already over. And he's kind of, yeah, could you still call him Green at that point? And he's trying to do a bit. And then it fails miserably. And he has been haunted comedy. Because he doesn't do comedy. I think definitely he should have stayed in his lane. Well, he also said that, like, in his brain, this was his opportunity that if he did well,

he would get his own daytime talk show. Yes, this was like an audition. Yes. Like, I don't know if that's how it was pitched because, like, they used to do a lot of guest co-hosts when other people would go out of town. Like, I watched Regis and Cathy Lee every day. I watched Regis and Kelly every day. So they would do this often. And not every guest host would get their.

own spin-off, but I think that I imagine this was part of what he thought he was building towards. Well, little did he know. And so he was trying to... He would soon live in a world where the only job for an American Idol winner is talk show host, right? Yes. Jay HUD, Kelly Clarkson. And just the two of them.

Yeah. But the rest of them have no career whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah. So, right. So the stakes were extra high for him. And so, you know, I hope he finds some peace. And I hope that Kelly Ripper reaches out to him and not to apologize.

I apologize, because, again, I don't think she was, I think she was an equally wronged party. But I'm wondering if maybe the two of them could connect and repair, or if Kelly Rippa is like the Don Draper meme and she's like, I don't think about you at all. It's probably that. And also, I think if Clay Aiken were invisible, I think she can't run it. And it's probably for the best. Maybe just leave him in the wind, you know, just let him, just let him. He's really trying with this new album.

Honestly, I've heard more about the new Clay Aiken album than I have about the Lizzo album and I like in my media like consumption and that is crazy because I know that more info is coming out now like about everything going on with Lizzo because the numbers were actually dropped and it really was genuinely only like 6,000 of copies of her album were sold and then this week it was only like 900 and it is a lot of conversation of apparently like rolling then put out this like scathing conversation essentially saying she was never given any kind of rollout like she was never financially supported by her label and the last two times it was because about damn time was in a movie and then the second time because it became a TikTok

viral trend like because there was a dance associated with it that like helped it naturally pop off and that this and so it has nothing to do apparently with the lawsuits it really has to do with that nothing in particular popped off and that she never was getting any of the labels big money anyway so she was fucked to begin with all of it was kind of happening naturally but what we do know in this business is nothing gold can stay and that it's just you're in one day and that it's just you're in one day and you're out the next and she's desperately trying to hold on to this. And it is crazy that, because we know in this world of cancel culture, she's not really canceled. That's the thing.

We know people, we're just talking about Army Hammer. You know, it's like, it's Army Hammers out here. It's like there are other people. It's like, she's not genuinely canceled. It's just, it's not hitting. And if you're not actively having a full team of people that are now, the way media is changing every second of every day, you get lost. Yeah.

And look at us at our network. Like we are desperately trying to grow and change as the media and the medium is changing. And it's difficult to do in active time when you are, when you don't have a huge, like, backing or a huge sponsor or huge, anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. It is, part of me does feel sad that I'm making the jokes about her playing the flute rib, you know, but. Right.

I think that it's, I think it's interesting. First of all, we just have to point out that Holden not only called skinny evil Lizzo, but he specifically predicted that she would come back, make a comeback with an album called bitch. Bitch. Oh, yeah. It is crazy. It is astonishing.

So spot on him. He literally called this. But, yeah, we were talking about. about this last week. I think it's interesting to imagine the timeline. Just if we could just take one thing away, which is the banana up the ass scandal, like if that had never happened, but Lizzo had kept on being Lizzo and everything else in our society had still, like specifically the shift away from, you know, the kind of shallow pop culture, body positivity, you know, aesthetic of the 2010s,

like, because that was, you know, dealt a death now. But then we're, if you are body positive, not to be like this, as someone that is a loud and proud body positive person, you think that now would be the time then, while it is going away to be able to, and not to be like this, scoop up all of us that feel like we were left behind and be like, hey, this still exists,

like, and to still get, And while that is happening in other niche parts of music, it's not happening in the big, big pop stars and in the big, like, in the big, big names. And I think, I mean, I think the question is, did Lizzo ever even want that? Did, did, did, like, she openly said that she did it. She openly said that she wanted nothing to do with the body positivity movement, but she was pushed in that direction. Right. Right. And there's a, I think there's a helpful, I was, I listened to this great episode of Diabolical Lies about this, that there is like, There's the distinction between, like, what body positivity was, which was, again, kind of like a general, like, however you look is fine, like a nice but kind of shallow idea. And then there's like, there's like, you know, fat liberation movement, which is like, let's talk about the like structural discrimination that fat people face. And like that's, it's a much more like political movement. Whereas body positivity is always, you know, kind of, yeah, like a representation, like a, you know, representation matters type of movement. And representation is great. And it's. not representation as we've seen. No, but our world is not built for the people that live within it.

And it is structurally, it is, it keeps, it inhabits. It, like, it takes away freedoms. There's so much that could be systemically changed. Yeah. To help people of all body types. But you know that that's not where their money is. Exactly. Exactly.

It's never, it's not going to happen. Exactly. So I think that, yeah, and what was what really, because we had been talking about this with Ariana a few weeks ago, I listened to this Diabolical Lies episode, and it was, yeah, it was kind of exploring this idea of like, what was body positivity in pop culture? And was it really just being like, we like, like, you know, Megan Traynor and Lizzo aren't size zero and we love that for them. And that, and that was kind of as far as it ever got. And yeah, I think that for Lizzo, I think that, you know, you've talked about

this like that like Lizzo just got a lot of like you're just brave just for existing and it's like she's over here like I'm just I'm an extremely talented musician and a flute player and I'm over here singing and playing the flute and everyone's like brave you know just because she's like had the audacity to be like a fat black woman who is famous and like that is very meaningful and I think that meant a lot to a lot of people yes but then right as the kind of like as the like enthusiasm for that type of representation has faded away. I wonder if she had never been canceled because of the workplace abuse. If she had been able to still, if she,

I just really, really want to know what she would be doing, like what, what that reality would look like. Yes. And you know where there's absolutely no body positivity on Love Island? There's no space for it in the villa. Can not get a kiss? They can't.

gonna get a kiss oh ladies ladies these these i'm j i just need to give you and for all of those i just want to say thank you to everybody that's reached out that says thank you so much for talking about love island so i don't have to i really do like to bring the craziest portions of like the week of of shows that i watch to you yeah yeah because i need you to know mj lots of people ask me should i jump into the this season. Should I get in there? Like with U.S., a lot of the info and a lot of the content online has been saying it's kind of a snooze fest. It's all not enough is happening that the UK is popping off. I have seen people say that the U.S. is a snooze fest. UK is popping off. So you know what the producers did, MJ. They listen. And so they actively are changing things as time goes on to make

get more fun to watch. Like, what did they do? So every season, MJ, there is this thing called the heart rate challenge where they compete in front of each other, like put into a room and they have to get the other person, like their heart rate up the highest, right, in any way that you can. Okay. You get what I'm seeing. Right, but everybody's watching it.

So all the girls and all the boys are all preparing to do. this because they're like, it's a heart rate challenge. It's a heart rate challenge. So all the girls, like, all the boys get ready for it. All the girls get ready for it. The girls are brought out first. And they're like, where's the boys? Where's the boys? Boys aren't there. There's a huge present, the size of the set that is there. And they're like, a present for us. They go, they unwrap the present. And what is the present? So usually halfway through Love Island, MJ, they are sent to Casa. We're in Nauasa experience. Casa Amor is where they separate the boys and the girls into new houses with all new other boys and girls for them to hopefully cheat on their current partners. Casa de los nioses downfall. And Casa de las nines. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Except hopefully they're more muheads and hombres, but you know, that's fine. So instead, they usually do this challenge before they go into Casa.

what the producers did was bring the boys to Casa without telling the girls. So that was like their last ditch effort for the girls to be like, remember me, remember me in Casa, remember me. But they didn't get it. What they get instead was they're all sitting there in their sexy outfits and they're watching a television that was inside of the huge gift box. And the television is showing all of the boys in their sexy outfits sitting on a couch. And then they are forced to watch all of the women in the new, in Casa, come in in and introduce themselves to each of the boys. And all of the girls watch how quickly, all their men that were like, I'm with you, this is going to be, we're going to be together outside. We're going to know, I'm coming back to you in Casa.

How quickly their hands were all up in their ad and they're gyrating. And they're like, oh, and they're all, oh, and they're all just like, no, no, no, he said, no, he said he wanted. And so they are all revved up. And they're like, oh, so what the producers then do is instead of bringing in six boys to CASA for the girls, they bring in a dozen boys. So all the girls can try out too. All the girls can try out too. and they can have as many as they want. And now they're pissed

because they just watched all their boys how quickly they jumped away from their relationships and now they're like, oh, you want to see what happens when the girls are let loose? Yeah. And it is, and then you do.

Yeah, I do want to see it. And then you get to see it. And then you get to see it. And you get to watch them just be like, fuck it as they're just like, make it out and hump it up. And it is toxic and horrible. And it is crazy how,

red-pilled most of these men are. No, really? Specifically, like, it is crazy because it's like, there's one point where they were like talking to how, like, Kenzie, they said, like, oh, you were going to get kicked out of the villa because you're lustful. And she goes, I'm not lostful. I'm not a lot.

Like, it's all about, like, you should be with one person. You shouldn't be, like, slutting around. Like, there's a lot of that energy. But it's also Love Island. So, like, keep your red pill bullshit out of here. Right. But it is kind of crazy that that rhetoric is like seeping in of like where the idea where I know we make jokes on Desperate Housewives about like they're still calling women slots and they're still to. But it's like that's kind of there.

And it is also fascinating in like an like an anthropological viewpoint of watching of just like these are where young men's brains are. During the pandemic, like in 2020, as we were all descending into madness, that was, of course, when Love is Blind started and also too hot to handle, I think came out that summer. And my brother developed this whole thesis about how even though these are like shows full of like hot people making out, that it's like a deeply conservative urge underneath it, which is like you are supposed to find someone you love. And you are not supposed to sleep around. And if you do sleep around, then you are meant to. to be kind of like publicly humiliate,

like a scarlet letter. You know, it's like a kind of festival of scarlet letters these shows, which is so interesting because I'm like, because I think some people see this and they're like, oh,

this is like the devolution of our, of our culture and it's just a big. No, it's the opposite. But it's, it is, it's like, it's like, you're going on the show

to find monogamy? What? It's Love Island. Yeah. And, and a lot of shame. That are like, that are jumping from mouth to mouth

are the ones that are getting punished. But, like that's what they're brought there to do. Yeah. So it is weird to watch the, like, so what did I do? Yesterday, MJ, I've got like a lot of computer work to get done. And so I started UK. And I was like, I think that I can do both.

I think I can swallow both of them. So I'm attempting to. And how does UK compare to US? I mean, they're just so much more fun. They're just immediately. So like just the verbiage, just the everything. Like I just want to say, I don't have a chat.

Like, I want to say it like that. It just makes it, it makes it all more fun. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And it's without the American, like, kind of, like, I feel like, especially with everything going on, like, it is just a little bit more free. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I do think, I do understand what I feel like people are saying, which is like, anytime you can choose to not participate in the American version of something, participate in something else, you might, you might find that you enjoy it more, you know. You might find that you like it more. Yeah, you know, I mean, just like the vampire LaStat, if I didn't think I could love interview with a vampire anymore, the vampire Lestat has entered the villa. And that is a bombshell that I am sucking all the makeup off of.

Tell me about this. In our shared notes document, you have just written Joey Chestnut, Vampire LaStat. What is Joey Chestnut? Bring me the mat and eats the hot dogs. He, Sam Rhee is if, oh, he. If you were gagged by this man before, oh, may I introduce the vampire Lestat to you? This is a telling of where Lestat would be today. So this is technically the first season of the vampire Lestat. It is not the third season of interview with a vampire. This is, while it is, so it's not like canon, it's not, it is where. and watching Sam Reid fucking destroy the scenery of this show of watching him be the star that he deserves to be.

Unbelievable. So it's all about like he wanted to be the front man. He's a front man of this band. And it's a huge, it like becomes a huge hit band. And nobody, and he's the front man and nobody knows if he's actually a vampire or not. Okay. So it's all this like. play, it's like a vampire play

kind of thing, but he becomes such a petty bitch over time and like the way in which like even their vernacular changes because of course everything has changed from where they were before and in the second season of interview

with a vampire you get all of Louis like and all of his perspective in current day. Yeah. And this is Lestat's perspective of what Louis did to him. Okay.

So what he does is that the whole idea of it is that Daniel was the one listening to Louis's story. Yeah. In the, you know, and writing the book. This is after the book has come out. La Stott is pissed. So what does he do? He hires Daniel to do a, uh, a biopic of him so that he can have the word.

And so he brings him on tour with him to be like, Oh, Louis wants to, oh, he wants to talk about me. Oh, I'm going to talk about him. And it is just a petty vampire love story. But then you get to watch, oh my God, when Louis sees him perform for the first time. And there's this like moment that they have. Someone tagged me in a meme that was like, this is my Silver Springs. And it's like, Lestat is like floating from the stage up to the. the rafters of where Louis is to sing just to him, but like it's only happening in their time because he had stopped time for everybody. And you're just like, as he's singing to him, and you're just like, go, go, good, go, good, good, good. Like, I'm melting. I am, I am pulled, but also he's so petty, such a bitch. So it's, it is the AMC shows season three, but in a kind of different, it's like a, not a time jump exactly, but it's like a, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's his perspective instead of Louis's perspective.

Yes. Okay. So it is, I guess it's the second novel. It is like the second novel in the Vampire Chronicles. Okay. So it is like based on the novel, but also just from a different perspective. It is just, he's so good. He's so good.

And then I keep see, because I'm now like re-obsessing about it, I keep getting more and more clips fed to me from the one night that he got to perform as the vampire listot. And everyone's like, this is the energy. he also had on stage. And I'm just like, ah, ha, ha, ha, I love him. Maybe I'll make Gideon go back. We started, he loves it. We started season two of the interview with the vampire AMC show because we really, really liked season one.

And then we fell off and we're now watching Evil, which is a fun show that came out in 2019. That is, do you know Evil, Jackie? Have you heard of this? No. It's fun. It's, it's, it is the guy who plays Luke Cage, whose name is Mike Coulter. And a bunch of other people who I'm actually not super familiar with, Kaccia Herbers. Michael Emerson is like a character actor that you told everybody knows.

But it's basically a, it's like the X-Files, but for the Catholic Church. It's like they're like a Mulder and Scully who she's a psychologist. And Luke Cage is like a Catholic church employee whose job is to do demon. investigations and exorcisms? Wait, so is this like a pro-church perspective of this? No, no, no. It's just, it's just like what if the exorcism, it's like, it's like what if exorcism was like a, like a business that the Catholic Church ran? And I mean, it is.

Yeah. And so, so he's like the Catholic church's like exorcism guy. And he's got to like find the demons and investigate the demon. So it's like a slight, there's like a, oh, no. overarching storyline, but also like, through like a bit of a monster of the week, like every week. Like, what demon are we investigating this week? And she, Kachia Herbers is like the, like the Scully. She's like, I'm a psychologist. Are you sure it's a demon or could it be mental illness? And it's like, so it's, it's, it's fun. It's a romp. It's like, is this a demon or is it mental illness? Which, you know, we all ask ourselves that.

Every day. Every day. Oh, every day. I'm pretty sure it's demons. But. They haven't found any yet. They keep looking. And also, Asaf Manvi from The Daily Show, who everybody will recognize if, like, he's one of those guys who are like, oh, yeah, you're in a lot of things. And I saw him interview John Cusack last year. So anyway, it's, that's what we're- He's in the miniature wife. Is he?

Good for him. Apparently, yeah. That is what we're watching. But I actually, you describing the season three actually makes me want to say maybe we'll go back and finish interview with a vampire. But I also am. But Christine Lottie is a movie. And you're really burying the lead. I'm sorry, I am burying the lead. I am burying the lead. There's a lot of, it's like a lot of good people are in the show. But I think it was just, yeah, it came out in 2019. I've never heard anyone talk about it except for Gideon. I don't know if other people watched it or liked it. I don't know. I don't think anyone is ever. Apparently there are four seasons of it. I know. It is on Paramount Plus. And that is where you find where things sometimes go to die. I think that we, yeah, I don't know why we have a Paramount Plus prescription. I think we probably signed up to watch.

something else. Prescription. Prescription. Whatever. Started the episode talking about how long over you are. I got a fever and the only prescription is paramount bloods. Paramount Blas. I gotta have it. Oh, I need a more lauddy injected into my veins. But I also started, which I'm watching alone because I'm quite sure that my husband will not want to watch it, four seasons, season two. Because yes, it's very good. I know. I need to watch it. I need to watch it. I know I'm going to love it. It's definitely

a show I watch by myself. It's, you know, you love to be sad. And it's not, it's, it's a comedy. That's what my Lyle Island is for. Four seasons is a comedy. I just, and it's very, I really enjoy it. I really enjoyed the first one. It's very well done. Refresher for those of you who aren't familiar. It's based on a movie. I think Donald Sutherland is in the first movie. And like, the first movie has like a, it's like an amazing cast. actually made me want to watch the first movie after I watched the first season. No, Alan Alda. I was invisible. Carol Burnett, Rita Moreno.

Whoa. Like, what a cast, right? That's it, Alan Alda. And so the last year, right around the time that Jackie's father passed, they released season one. And I was like, don't watch it. Don't watch it. Because it is just a, the premise is like a group of adults. friends who get together, like they, you know, they're living their separate busy lives,

and then they get together for like weekends away once a season, which I'm like, my friends and I have just managed to get together once a year, which is wonderful. But it's like, they get together once a season. And so you, but they're like in their 50s. And so it's just like about all the ways that like life is changing. And people are having identity crises. and marriages are figuring out what they look like now that the kids have grown up. And it's like, it's just like, it's like agnizing. It's like so, so painful. I do love to be sad.

Yeah, it's just, I think it's a very well done, like, exploration of like, what, what is life once, like, all the things that you kind of got used to doing when you're younger change and, like, your sense of self is changing and there's these like harder things about getting older. And yeah, it's just, it's, I find it like, I like press play on it and I'm like wincing. I'm like, I don't want to. Even though it is very funny. Coleman Domingo, Tina Faye, the one who's who's from SNL who's not, you know, all the other ones, whose name I always, Will Forte.

Who's not all the other ones. Will Forte. Sorry. I'm like, not Bill Hader, not Jason Zedakis, Will Forte, who's very funny. I mean, obviously, I'll watch Coleman Domingo read the dictionary. God, just anything. Yeah. And it's very, very, very good. But it is just sad. And if you're thinking a lot in your own life about what aging means to you and how your life changes as you get older, you might love it. And it might make you grab. Hell yeah. It might make you grow. I love this. See, you know, I was busy watching some men's movies over the weekend. Oh, did you get to see your, what's it, The Odyssey?

Did you go see The Odyssey? No, that's not out yet. No, we went to go see The Furious, which was fucking ass-ham. And we made a lot of jokes about it because we saw it on Father's Day. And we're like, this is a Father's Day movie because it's a martial arts movie. That is, it is essentially one person's daughter was taken and one, like, and one. one person's wife was taken. Wow.

And it is just like it is. Surprisingly no. It is just this amazing fucking martial arts movie. And usually I'm not the kind of person that it's like, like I've got to go see a martial arts movie. It's just that the fights in it were so crazy and so cool and very different and very, very inventive. I was completely sucked in.

And then the next night I said, I was like, wow, we're having really a men's movie weekend. we went to go see Leviticus, which we are now calling Twink follows, because I think that that is the perfect way to describe it, because Leviticus is essentially Twink follows. And it is all definitely, you know, it's an allegory of homophobia and the idea. And so it is like it was, it follows the movie, but but with a twink. That's what you mean. That's what Twink follows. That is that is that is clarify. It's twink follows. Okay. And it was, I will say, there was a point, and maybe it's just because I was too stoned in the movie, but there was a jump scare that got me so good. I accidentally kicked the person in front of me's top of their head.

And I was like, I'm so sorry because like my leg was crossed and my leg went up and like let out because I jumped so bad. Wow. And it was like genuinely just a really good, like I don't want to say anything else about it. It was just, it was fun. I didn't, I wouldn't say like I enjoyed it more. than it follows, but it is a lot of fun. And it was just fun seeing it back to back with The Furious two, which were just two very different kind of ideas of men's movies.

Just, but not in an Odyssey way. Either one of them, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, I'm like a martial arts movie. I will, I'll go see Odyssey. I'm going to go see, we're going to see Supergirl tonight. And I know that it's getting middling reviews. Yeah, I like Superman so much.

And every time I see the ads for Supergirl, I'm like, I don't know if this is going to be as good. I know. And I'm, you know, I'm married to a Superman. So we got to go see. We have to. And you're married. You're married to a Spider-Man, too, right? I'm married to a Spider-Man more than anything.

Oh, he's a Spider-Man. Spider-Man is his number one. I forgot. He's not. He's got him. Oh, so he must be so excited. Have you gotten tickets yet? No, we have not gotten tickets yet, but he's very excited for new Spider-Man.

I am hoping. Oh my God, did you see? Zendaya wore just an old vintage Spider-Man tea. And, like, she just wore the tea. And everyone's like, oh, she just wore the T-shirt. She just wore the T-shirt. And it is funny. I think that it was a little Roach that was like,

oh, so Adam Sandler can just show up in whatever clothes he's got at home. But she's not allowed to do this. But it was more, of course, it wasn't even because the entire world is so obsessed with Zendaya. The conversation wasn't even. She just wore a T-shirt. They were like, oh, my God. She just-bred. She can do anything.

And I was just like, but I'm in the same, I'm just like, you're right, she can do anything, anything she wants. Yeah, that's the thing. She can do anything. She can wear anything. And she will like look awesome doing it. Yeah, I'm very excited for Spider-Man. I hope that I have seen that by the next time we talk. And also, I am, because it's been a while since we took the kids to a movie.

And I love taking them to movies. And so even though we've been over here, making a little bit of fun of Tay and Toy Story 5, I was like, kids. No, you're going to go see it. Yeah. Well, I mean, come on. It's the kid movie of the summer. And also, I've only ever seen the first one. And so I was like, kids, how many toy stories have you seen?

And they're like, we've seen, you know, some of, but we don't really know the whole canon. And I was like, well, if we're going to go see number five, we have to like, we let's start a toy story marathon. And so now we are working our way through. And this is also my strategic way of getting them to free directed from YouTube. Like, we have, because if they have movies that they're excited to watch, they will watch movies instead of YouTube. It's so much better than YouTube. I'm like, watch as many movies as you fucking want. Like, this is good for your brain.

So I'm like, let's watch all four toy stories. And so you just watched Toy Story 2, which I hadn't really seen before. And I was like, okay, I understand. Oh, so you're entering the cry zone. Now I'm like, this is why. This is why everyone is so. And now I can already tell how we're going to escalate from number one to number five. And it's going to be that I understand why everyone's going to have this intensely nostalgic

or is having this intensely nostalgic experience about Toy Story 5. And so maybe I'm going in with an open heart and an open mind, and maybe I'll come back next week and tell you we were too mean about Toy Story 5 squeezing the blood from a stone. Here's the thing, MJ, I have seen the first one through four toy stories. And I really, honestly, if I remember correctly, Toy Story 3, I was just like, perfect trailer. Like, these are great. Oh, yeah. And then the fourth one dropped. And you're just like, what are we doing here?

And so that is, that's what I think why we all, but I hope that you're just. journey is different. I was like rack in my brain to think of a franchise that obviously outside of Star Wars just like meant to be this massive episode. Fast and the furious. Yeah, Fast and the Furious. You're about to bring a Fast and Furious about how it started as one thing and it turned into a thing that it turned into even better thing? How many five, how many things where there's five of them are all five good? Can't be that many. You know? It cannot be. I don't know. And I don't know how many specific are just five. Right. Or even, I just feel like, yeah, again, beyond three. Like, I'm thinking about how many I shrunk the kids. Blew up the kid was great. Shrunk the parents

was great. And then, you know, anything after that is like, Home Alone 2 was great. And then there's all these other ones with another kid. Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. The Twilight Saga. Yeah, no, the Twilight Saga had fives and that perfect. But that's fine because that's meant to be five. I just feel like if you start with a story, an original story. You know where you're so right, Indiana Jones, can we talk about that what? Crystal, Crystal suck more like. Yeah, I think that was one of those, you know, like. But now I do, I disagree. I do feel that every final destination movie is, is on point. Totally. That's a different thing.

Action and horror. Maybe there's not true. That is completely not true. Not every final destination movie is as good as the other ones. But that is not true. Obviously, there's a million screams. It's like, I'm not saying you have to stop after three. But I just feel like when you have such a really great original story that then you're going to try to keep spinning out more stories out of it, it can be done. I'm not saying it can't be. But I don't know, maybe I'm still sitting in the burn of Moana too and how awful it was. Sometimes you don't need to keep making things. Sometimes you can let something be good. Honestly, I feel that way about Game of Thrones. It really is crazy that every time there's a new Game of Thrones installation,

that really what I was talking about with Jeff, that like now they were right. writing the video game, it's crazy to think that there are like phone games for every season of every like Game of Thrones type show. And I'm like that's, they must like many, many, many people must play it because they keep making them. But I just started, they just started dropping the third season of House of the Dragon. Yes, Gideon is watching it. I was, I literally looked up, I was like, why, how are you watching Game of Thrones again? It's just, it's the spin-off. It's the spinoff. We're talking about House of the Dragon. And honestly, I talk about watching

I'd watch Emma Darcy could be doing anything to me. And I will watch it. I like House of the Drive. But here's really the thing is that not a lot happened in the last season. And I think that they took that

and heard that in the first episode it was like a like there's a huge battle, lots of stuff is going on. You know, they really bring it. But also my problem is between Olivia Cook and Emma Darcy, I'll just watch. Yeah.

Just let me, let me watch them. Let me think about him, kiss. Let me think about it. And also both of them are kissing. They're kissing other people, and we get to watch that. And it's just, and you know what? Most people are there for the dragons. I like the dragons, but that's not, I'm honestly there to just stare at him.

Darcy. Well, it also, and maybe Petitoy story is similar. I feel like with Game of Thrones where it's like, well, we've put in all of this work into building this like a wonderful world. So let's just explore it. And I do like obviously Toy Story just established this incredibly compelling world. So like it makes sense that you're like, let's see what else we can explore in this world, you know, but what is crazy?

I'm sorry. I'm starting to see the perspective of Tim Allen. I was watching this which I was watching a little like me, like a just a little video, TikTok of Tim Allen being interviewed about Buzz. Lightyear falling in love with Jesse in the in the and he where I never want to agree ever because I do feel this is also like in that same kind of idea of lust being something that is shameful he I do kind of get that he's like in my brain buzz is an eight year old boy yeah so I kind of got creeped out by the whole Jesse plot line yeah I hate that I even minutely understand where

he's coming from, where he's like, I didn't think that they should have fall in love and I was actually, I was against them falling in love. Yeah. And I told, I don't ever want to agree with Tim Allen because he sucks. I know, ever. He really sucks. I felt similarly when I saw that story, because I, again, not familiar with two through four, but I was like, they, what?

There's a romance plotline. And then I was like, well, I guess in number one, technically, Woody flirts with Bo Peep a lot, you know, but there's, it's not like a romance, you know? What I like about Toy Story is that it's not a romance, you know, it's an adventure. And like I... It's a friendship. It's a friendship. And whenever, especially when you watch this stuff with kids, you are realizing how much movies like this are introducing kids to ideas of what romantic love is. And obviously this is like a huge criticism of Disney movies from back in the day.

And so, yeah, I feel like the flirtation between Woody and Bo Peep is really there for the adults. I don't think the kids are really... like kids will just be like, oh, they like each other. Right. They can't like, I just, but it's not a whole thing. If they already don't want to sexualize like Marvel movies and I'm like, let them guess, I want to be saying to them kiss, but you're going to do it. But they're like, but we got to do it with the toys.

You know, like, but they've got to be. You know, I just feel like there is that weird of like, because that is so. Because of course, eventually the boy toy is going to fall in love with the girl toy. And that is how it would be. And so that also, like, we don't need to do that. It is. It's really weird. And again, I keep talking about the YouTube, but it's like, what's so hard about YouTube is that you, like,

and I try to sit and watch whatever any new YouTube content that my kids are watching with them so that I can, like, make sure it's okay. But, like, you cannot, like, go into it being like, I am okay. Whatever this product is about to show you about the world. Like, I don't know if I'm okay with it. you know? And I think the thing that's about a movie that's nice is that you can like, yeah, I want you to explore the ideas introduced in Toy Story. Like, like, this is a, there's all these themes. There's all these things. But then, yeah, I was thinking about the buzz and, and Jesse romance, because I was like, why do we need that? Why do we need? And then I was like, well, there's always

romance in kids movies. But I think that people have rightfully identified, like, why? Why does there need to be heterosexual romance in kids movies. And then I feel like we saw a lot of movement away from that, like movies like inside out and like stuff where it's not about, it doesn't have to be about that it's not just the princess and prince charming shit. And so yeah, to me to bring it back in to a franchise, which again is ultimately about childhood and play and like relationship building that isn't romantic, toy story is about the relationship between like loving somebody. It's like the little prince. It's like loving somebody. It's like loving somebody. who cares for you, the love that you feel when you care for somebody, it's like definitionally

not romantic. So it just seems very weird to be like, now there's two, a boy and a girl toy who kiss. Like, do we need that? Mash those toys together. I mean, don't get me wrong. Again, at that age, I was mashing the toys together, but that's what I was doing in my own brain, you know? Well, I didn't mean. It's like, that's the thing. It's like they're going to be curious about that. Like, they're at some, like, they're going to, you know, obviously we all learn about the world, you know, from the people in our lives and also from the media we consume.

But like, you know, like this friggin YouTube show that at first it seems like fun slime games and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, is this 13 year old shipping this other 13 year old and I'm running in like, turn it off, turn it up. You know, like I don't, that's not, I don't, I don't want that. That's not something that I want you guys watching. And then, yeah, so then I was like,

why do I feel so anti with YouTube? And then, but then with Disney movies, it's just so normalized to be like, also, there will be a boy who kisses a girl in this movie and like, whatever. I don't know. I agree. Buzz Lightyer is an asexual person. Yes. And again, we really hate to agree with anything here with Tim Allen.

But, you know, every once in a while, broken clock, you know what I mean? But speaking of broken clocks, how broken were the clocks must have been. Oh, no, I was going to talk about Jojo Siwa. Oh, yeah. I was going to talk about how you must have to break all of the. the clocks on that cruise so you don't think about time just spinning forward into the future. Oh, the Jojo Cruz. Jojo Cruz.

I am sad because I had heard about the Jojo Cruz and I was waiting for it to happen because I, of course, I really wanted it to be just a complete shit show. Unfortunately, it does seem like it wasn't as much of a shit show as I expected because, like, the headlines are not as bad and as scathing as they could. have been. Maybe that's just because we just had a Hanta virus cruise, and so the Jojo crews feels like really successful in comparison to the Hanta virus cruise. But the swag bags from the Jojo cruise, I have made, I have collected better gift bags for my second graders' classroom birthday celebration. Yeah, too. Those gift bags from the Jojo cruise, which you presumably paid, what, $3,000 a ticket to get on

that cruise? Yep. Yeah, yeah. Even the headline said fans paid up to 2,300 for the Jojo Siwa crew. And the swag bag is like, it's like, it's like you went to RIP Party City, you know, and you just reach your hand into those big buckets and you're like, let's get, I don't know, some plastic watches, you know, let's get a pinwheel. Yes. All right, we've got one of those little games with the little ball bearings in it that you try to get the maze through the ball bearing.

It's worse than the dentist prize bucket. You know, like a dentist prize bucket. It's so promising yet so disappointing. So disappointing. pointing and then you end up just, you're like, I guess I'll just take a toothbrush. And I feel like that's what like the people were begging for a toothbrush on the Jojo Siwa cruise. It makes me hand sanitizer. You don't want Jojo Siwa branded hand sanitizer? Hand sanitizer. Yeah, we could also get a really shitty keychain of a construction vest like she wore in the guilty pleasure music video.

We could have that. There's the keychain of the vest. And it's doesn't even, it's not even like a bedazzle vest. It's not a bedazzled vest. It's not a bedazzled. the way her construction vest was bedazzled in the music video. If it was bedazzled, I would use that keychain. It's just an orange vest and keychain. There's a tiny rubber duck, not even a full-size rubber duck, post-its, lip balm. Also, not even a whole package of post-its. It looked like they bought a big stack of post-its, pulled off 20 pieces each, wrote Jojo on the top of it, and slapped them in the bat.

Like, these are way worse. It is also crazy to think, like, right now, I mean, I guess, you know, we are starting to release this information. So we are in the process of building right now, Natalie and I over in Romantici Deep Dives, we are building a full Akitar release party for the next Akadar book alongside Ripped Bodhis, which is the smut bookstore in L.A. that we are working with. And so in this process, we're building out a whole night of activities as well as swag bags. And I never, in my wildest, wildest dreams, I will not put that kind of shit in there. I would never waste my time to make the bags to put this kind of shit inside of it. when like if you're going to go out of your way to give out a swag bag, make it good at least.

20 post-its and a little. If it's going to be your promo. Yeah. Right? Like that's your promo. That's what you're there taking home. So don't you want it to be cool? I truly was shocked.

And I do wish nothing but the best for her, you know, for Jojo. I'm not going to say I'm team Jojo at this point per se. We're team. We're team trauma. Yeah, we're team trauma. I think that recovery. She has. She's, yes, we want her recovery.

And, you know, like, I think that it's just good, good for her, I guess, for having a successful cruise. I'm glad it wasn't a fire fest, you know, wasn't one of those. Although, you know, I was kind of secretly hoping for one of those, but I'm glad that it was good. Yeah, yeah, no, totally. And she also, like, everyone said she hung out all, like, for all the three days. Like, she was out.

She was, like, party and she was. That's cool. That's hard. That's very hard to do. every second of every day, especially when it's all about you. You're not even sharing it with other people. Like that's got,

that's so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. It's not even, you're not even a team. Yeah, I mean, right. I mean, don't get me wrong. The VIP section of our tour was by far, I think all of our favorite parts,

like meeting everybody was so fun. Oh, yeah, I love. And I mean, also, the boys last podcast has been doing like a cruise thing and has been absolutely loving, genuinely talking to people and being around and host and part. and stuff.

Yeah. It does seem like a great idea. But like we would do, you know, our hour and a half meet and greets after the show, and then Jackie and I would go home to our hotel room and just sit in silence. You know, like... Well, first we would smoke a huge hogs leg. Yes. And then we would go sit in silence.

And then we would go sit in silence. So I... And eat the old food that was left from whatever. Because I got smart, y'all. And at some point I started bringing Ziploc bags. And I was like, well, if we're going to have this rider, we're going to be bringing this pizza. the homo does it, we're going to eat it later.

And because I, it's not that I'm a trash person. It's that I don't like to waste. No, we can't waste. We compulsively can't waste food. So we're like packing the crudette into plastic bags and bringing it back to the hotel room. That's how you know. That's how you know our level of success. But speaking of levels of the success, I do just really want to shout out Cardi B's discovery

of Five Below. I love this for her. I love this for her, especially because I don't know where Five Below, originated. And like, I know it's been, I started going to Five Below in the Bronx 10 years ago because we would buy my after school program had 250 kids and we would raise money every December and go buy Christmas gift or holiday gifts, pardon, non-denominational holiday gifts for all of them. And we could do that at Five Below. We could buy gifts for 250 kids at Five Below. And so I've always loved Five Below for a very long time. And now it's become this whole thing where you get your trendy things there and whatnot. But, but, but, but, I mean, you're chewy fruities at least. Yeah, you know. And also, you know, they've got the toxic dumpling squishies that all the children want. We went to, if I didn't even talk about on the show, we went to a Five Below promotional event.

We've now been to two Five Below promotional events with my children for, like, trendy products, like, because that's what they do. And it's fun and it's like, whatever. But Cardi B did not know about Five Below. And this quote, I've been rich for too long, motherfuckers, because I know nothing about Five Below. I know about five below. And there's so many videos. This is great. She's just throw,

she's got like carts filled with it. She's like, this is crazy. I can't believe I've never been here before. And I, I just have never felt so validated before because I'm also new to five below. So I was just like,

I get you. And I just want to say thank you to all the many people that have sent me this Cartybee, finding five below, because I do feel seen. And it is crazy. as someone that like for us childless out here like I didn't know I didn't realize five below was

given everything that it was giving yeah yeah like I said what back back 10 years ago when I first started going there it really hasn't changed that much but it was it was legitimately more five dollars and below which now it is you know it's more about like a 10 and approximately 10 give or take but yeah it's like I mean and what cardie B says she's like this is not like the dollar stores that I grew up with because the dollar stores in New York are amazing and you can get anything there anything But, you know, you can't get like graphic teas there. You know, you can't get like, like, Hello Kitty wireless Bluetooth speakers there.

You know, you're, we're talking. Well, some of them were better than others in New York. Because I used to remember, I forgot what the D stood for. But it's some, it used to be a word that started with a D. And then someone bought the store named it D2. So we only ever referred to it as D2. And we bought everything there. And it was just a big, essentially dollar store where.

That was where we bought all of our costumes, like how we would get anything, like, between the thrift stores and how we would make, like, people are like, how'd you do it before Amazon? It's like, oh, man, we would just go to the dollar stores in New York and thank God. Everyone has a bunch of shit that fell off the back of a truck, so you never know which one's going to have what. Yeah.

So you do have to hit all seven of them between your house and your job to find everything for the props, but you would. And that's what makes, you know, and of course there's also dollar tree and dollar general in the chain. dollar stores, which are also terrific, you know, when, when my, when we visited the suburbs and my kids discovered the dollar general, they were like, can we come here every day? You know, but like, but yeah, what makes the New York dollar stores so special is you have no idea what will be there from day to day because there's no system to it. It's not a franchise.

It is just, yeah, it's just whatever they got that day. Whereas, yeah, five below is, but and five below is all about the trends. And so it's, you get, you can get good stuff there for, for, and it will break, but that's fine, because it's really about the thrill of buying it more than it is about the thrill of having it, you know? And you might not be able to find Hidden Valley at any of those places, but you can definitely find a craft ranch. I just quickly, for those of you that are not on the side of TikTok, where all of the people, all of the international people that are experiencing Middle America for the first time

due to the World Cup is, talk about reminding us that they, you know, they're experiencing middle America for the first time. there is so much good in this country and that there are so many good people in this country because I think that right now day to day that's a difficult thing for a lot of us to deal with, especially with the, you know, the 200, which also sidebar within my sidebar real quick. I didn't even think about this, which I doubt that it has anything to do with it. But I do love that there are headlines cropping up that people are saying that Taylor Swift is getting married on the 4th of July weekend, mostly to also fuck up the 250th birthday Trump anniversary thing. I like a way to be like, fuck you.

Oh, it's about this. Really, it's about me. Oh, that's fun. Which is, it is kind of fun. That's great. That's the way Taylor Swift can throw her body on the gears of the machine, then go for it. I'll take it. You know, because she's not given anything else.

That's for damn sure. But it is fun because MJ included, the world is falling in love with Ranch. and they are all desperately, so many people are trying to take ranch back through customs with them because there's not ranch other places. But TSA put out a statement. For my Hidden Valley acts out there, I just want to say, I see you, we are seen, and the international people are also seeing us as well. TSA wrote, if you're visiting for a large sporting event and you happen to discover ranch while you're here, please pack it in your checked bag on the way home. And now, of course, Hidden Valley being the empire that it is, they're making TSA-friendly ranches for people.

TSA-friendly ranches for those that can't check their luggage. And I feel a little bit conflicted about this because I have criticized ranch imperialism before when they were trying, when Hidden Valley was trying to get the ranch ambassadors to go around and bring ranch around the world. And I did call that ranch imperialism. But this is like ranch tourism where you're coming to what we have to offer culturally. And that's, we have very little to offer culturally here. So if it's ranch.

Oh, very little. If it's ranch and you love it, then I say, God bless it. Take the ranch back. Take that Hidden Valley to the bank, y'all. Stand in, Tantos done. Oh, I'm ready for ranch. And we all know that Hidden Valley, sorry, it's the best of the best. And that's why they have the monopoly that they have, MJ.

They deserve it. Is this a controversial? What other games are even in town? Craft? What are we comparing? I mean, some people are just down for any ranch. Any ranch. I will not take any old ranch.

I'm not, don't give me your watered down ass bullshit. I mean, don't get me wrong. I ain't look at no homemade ranch horse in the map. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I want that homemade ranch today. Remember the restaurant we went to in Minneapolis with the tater tots and the homemade ranch? Yes.

Yes. And we were also so hung over. Remember how big the Bloody Mary's were and how much shit was inside of the Bloody Mary's? Yes. Yes. I think about that ranch all the time. All the time. All the time.

All the best ranch I've ever had in my life. All the time. Oh, big ups, y'all. Bless up to Ranch. Just remember that's always a great part of our country. And I'm sorry if ranch just isn't for you. But that's okay. More for us.

More for us. And more for those of us that want to take it international. Thank you all for joining us today on page seven. I had an absolute blast screaming about everything I wanted to scream about. And MJ, do you feel lighter now? Do you feel like, do you feel maybe the hangover is better? You know, some people like they exercise their way through a hangover. And I honestly do feel like laughing your way through a hangover is the only cure.

It's always been true for me. So I do feel better. I feel a lot better. So thank you. This is wonderful news. I hope everybody feels fabulous. And y'all come hang out if you want to get to Y2K in over on Twitch.tv slash Holdenators Ho. If you're listening to this on Friday, it's today. But if not, you can go and watch the replay, but for now we're going to end this episode. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Orm. and I know that you want more information about Monster Match and all of that is going to be coming out over on the Instagram. So check out my Instagram.

But also don't forget and don't sleep out. Don't sleep out like you're camping on our Patreon, patreon.com slash page seven podcast. I want to say that I met a wonderful, I met many wonderful people at our Faye. We had a big Faye ball over the weekend with Romantasy Deep Dives. and I just want to say thank you so much to the people that are like keep going with Sookie Stackhouse. Just want to say thank you that like I can't stop now. I'm in book five. What am I going to stop before I hit book 13?

Probably because I imagine that would take me many years to do. But for now I am, we are moving and shaken and MJ are just and I are just, we're just, we're crying at Buffy, but not every week. We're crying at Buffy, but we're also having fun with Buffy. And again, you guys, I cannot emphasize enough. how much fun it is to talk about Desperate Housewives. Once again, this is not real Housewives. This is not a reality show talkback we are doing.

We are immersing ourselves in the early 2000s primetime soap, Desperate Housewives, featuring Susan, aka Terry Hatcher and many other people. Susan Sozadey, and we are having so much fun. So, yes, we have so much to offer over the Patreon, not to mention all of the new collections that are organized. And you can watch pretty little liars with us over there. You can look at Twilight. Oh, yeah.

Many, many things we have done over there over the years. Also, the full, and Model Land has been coming back on the menu. Yes. So if you want, oh, gee, that you can go back to Model Land where I read all of Model Land for you because don't, let's say it, don't give Tyro Banks any of your money. Just listen to me, read Model Land instead. Yes, yes. And also thank you guys always for your emails, page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

All of you guys are just so wonderful and funny and smart. Shout out especially to the Dubuquer who wrote me to say, we not only had Hardee's and McDonald's. We also had Taco Johns. How could I forget? Taco Johns. The slogan was, there's a whole lot of Mexican going on. I bet there's no.

I said there's fucking not, dude. I meant not a second of it, but I hope that for you. Yeah. I love it. It's Mexican food, we swear. It's Mexican food, we swear. So then after our favorite thing became to go to Taco Johns, and then while we were eating, it would be like, this is a whole lot of Mexican. A whole lot of it.

But, yes, we love hearing from you guys. You guys are all wonderful. And thank you so much for being part of the show in the community. We adore you. Let's sing the song, MJ. Pod'll be better. The second time around. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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