Page 7 - Second Helpings - LampJ

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

Page 7 is back this week with 100% more MJ, and he's got things to SAY!Jackie liked the new "Jurassic World" sans Chris Pratt soft reboot, Colin Jost isn't actively threatened by his more successful wife and sadly that's a pleasant surprise to us all. MJ plans to return havin' watched "Wicked" with the kids vvvv soon! Lotta people are talkin' 'bout Jessica Biel's back, Jackie corners MJ into playing "Date Everything!". MJ's havin' an 80's summer and started watchin' cheers as promised! He also started Ultigaytum aka "Queer Ultimatum". Jackie's moved onto "Vanderpump Rules" and the juxtaposition of their 20's at that time v the Pumps 20's at that time. Gen Z hates skinny jeans and after what Suki Waterhouse went through they may have a point. Stevie Wonder had to come out and be like 'im blind for real, guys' because TikTok is destroying reasoning further and ain't no daaaaamn way. "Love Island" people are returning to the real world and learning about the insanity of the summer so far, including Labubu. Then MJ's here to let us suckle upon his teet of pop culture with the BLINDZ we all craved last episode! "Practical Magic 2" is currently being made, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos just wanted to let us all know they're still fuckin' and she thinks he's GROSS for wanting morning sex. Then Jackie cried 'cause we don't got no Superman, but she said it's a great movie! PLUS SO MUCH MOOOORE!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The second time. But you damn right, it will. You know why? Because this episode has 100% more MJ. Thank God. Oops, all MJ, except also Jackie is here. Do you want to do MJ talks for 60 minutes? Because Holden just had his time to shine.

So if you need that platform, I'll give it to you. You can talk for the rest of the show if you want. Bro, I've done it. And me and my brother had our political podcast radio dispatch, RIPP, Radio Dispatch, there was a lot of times where. the times where he had a real job and we were still doing the show. And that was an hour-long show every day. And so there were times.

What time did you do it? What do you have to do it before work? We did it. I was an after-school teacher at the time. So I would do it in the, we would do in the mornings. But then he sometimes I would talk to him on his walk to work, record it and then use it was, we were making it at work. But there was episodes where I didn't have a guess or at the last minute he couldn't do it. And I had to submit a 60-minute episode. And so I just talked the whole time. And because it was politics, I felt just like Rush Limbaugh, you know. Philibuster.

Exactly. There's a model for being like a, for being like a, just a crank alone in a room screaming into a microphone about politics. And I love it. I've got things to say. And everyone's going to know it's going to take the microphone from me. They're never going to take the microphone from me. Yeah, exactly.

So I've got things to say. I got to make up for all the things that I didn't get to say on yesterday's show. And just so that you guys know if you've been thirsting for the blinds, since you guys didn't get blinds on this week's main page seven episode, I have them. I had them ready for yesterday. So, you're giving us the nipple? We need a little bit more. Is that what you think? You think me giving the blinds is like nursing someone? Yeah. Yeah, I feel like you're nursing me right now. I feel like you're going to be nursing me. How do you feel about that? Well, I'm fine with it. I think it might trigger listeners who remember when I was actually

nursing my children through the episodes many years ago, which people did not like. And I don't blame them. Right, right, right, right. I didn't like it either. I don't think my children liked it either. I don't think anybody liked it. But also, I'm fully fine if you'd like to hook the nipples up to like one of those packs, like that you suck the water out of. But we'll just put a little spigot so I can just suck regular milk. I'm, I'm hooking the pack up to you or to me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm milking myself. This is going to be interesting. Yeah, yeah, I think, because you know what, it's not fair.

I couldn't get my, well, I guess it would depend. If they were full up of milk, maybe I could get the nipple into my mouth. But I don't think I can get my own nipple into my own mouth. And how am I supposed to feed myself? This is also something that has come up in my past because if you get a clogged duct as, what's your name, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were the first famous people I saw who talked about this. Very painful, right? Very painful.

She got Dax Epper to suck on her own teat because to unclog it because that's the best way. Baby wasn't hoovering hard enough. Well, baby, yeah. And I know somebody else who, in lieu of asking their partner to suck on their own teeth, they sucked on their own teeth themselves. Wow. Sucking on your own teeth. Like, I'll clog my, I'll unclog it myself. I don't need any help.

I made the child by myself. I don't need anybody's help. And I imagine I'd probably feel a little bit like that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's like that, but with just like a lot more crying. You're just crying.

Oh, yeah. I mean, if I'm speaking, usually there's a lot more crying than you would expect, you know, if my mouth is open. I'm usually crying at some point during the day, but it makes you feel fulfilled. You know, it's good. It's cleansing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's my cleanse. Yeah. This is why I keep, you know, a file with like break in case of emergency of the episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Bergstrom is Lisa's substitute because if I'm emotionally, if I have emotional blue balls, I watch that episode and it releases the emotions. Who needs professional help when you have learned to self-medicate your depression with the Simpsons? But what do you do if no one can suck the tears out of your eyes, MJ?

Then what? If they don't get in there, let me get in that corner. And there sleeps in here. I mean, I'm trying to connect this to any of the celebrity gossip. We're going to talk about this week, but I don't know. Why? M.G. We're in the process.

We're talking about clogged ducks, MJ. This is what everyone has come here for. You know I could talk about clogged ducks for days. But I don't think that any of these celebrities would be people I would want to have suck out the clogged duck, you know. Not a one of them. Not one. Honestly, I'd give Scarjo a run at my nipple money. I would give Scarjo.

And, you know, despite the fact that. Colin Just is having a great week and being a really nice husband who's not insane, which is so nice. And we love to see a man who's not. We love to see it. Violently possessive of his wife. We think that's very nice. For those of you that are unaware, we're talking about the fact that Scarjo has been openly kissing her co-star, Jonathan Bailey, on the mouth.

Jonathan Bailey, open gay man, Jonathan Bailey. But they have been kissing on the mouth. And everyone's like, but what does Colin think about it? but what does Colin think about it? And Colin was like, just gist in an openly gay man. I'm fine with it. Guys, it's all good, you know.

But I also did see Jurassic Park because I were in such a Jurassic Park. Of course, I just keep calling it the new Jurassic Park. But it actually has its own name and that is Jurassic World Rebirth. And that is the, that is the movie that they have been kissing upon the red carpets of. And I loved Jurassic Park, you know, I love OG. I love Crichton time. Everyone loves a good old-fashioned summer Crichton time. But man, the Chris Pratt ones really lost me.

That's what I heard. I didn't end up seeing the reboots because I was like, I can't with Chris Pratt, you know. This is a soft reboot of the world. Oh, okay. This is, it is not. Now, I didn't continue watching the Chris Pratt ones, but I don't think they have really anything to do with this world. Interesting.

So this is all brand new, and they're obviously trying to jam in a bunch of like, because you know what happened five years ago. You know, they're trying to like fill in the world. But I had a lot of fun with it. I went in not expecting much. But, you know, it's mutated dinosaurs, MJ. Yeah. And I say how high.

You know what I mean? Like you give me those. huge dinosaurs, yes. Yeah. In fact, I actually kind of was waiting for more mutated dinosaurs. I know that there was like a, there's, you know, some, some good, good in there. But I just, they're just so big. And of course they're kissing.

If you're down by the toes of a brontosaurus, but it wasn't bronchosaurus. And there was these two long neck ones, maybe they're brontosaurus. I don't know anything about dinosaurs. Been too long since I've seen land before time. I used to be able to tell you everybody, but I, you know, that. And then they didn't know they had feathers, MJ. They didn't know they had feathers. But also, lack of feathers in the movie as well.

I thought that really what was going down in the paleontology world is that like, what you didn't know is they all had feathers. But I know, like, some of them. I know the Raptors do because we were reading smash and grab in Jackie's book club, which was about a dinosaur shifter that was trying to bang an archaeologist who was on the run because they were trying to keep something from other dinosaur shifters. it was great and I sadly learned then that we know now that raptors have feathers. I remember still what the, I was in third grade when I learned that, you know, all we know about

the dinosaurs is what we can learn from their bones and that I remember like must have been a teacher that was like, well, we don't really know like what their skin looked like. We are guessing based on what we know about, you know, lizards and reptiles and, you know, what we don't now, but when you see like Jurassic Park, it's kind of a guess about what they might have looked like on the outside. And it was the first, I think because I grew up at home that wasn't religious and was like, in this house, we like science. And it was like my first introduction to the idea that like, there is much that we don't know about, you know, even scientists don't know. And I remember being so thrilled by the idea. Like they could have been any fucking color. We don't know. We don't know.

We don't know and we'll never know. And like now I'm just like, oh yeah, there's so much science doesn't know, like, how to treat preeclampsia and, like, many more boring things. Like, a lot of medical conditions that affect women. They don't know. Really affect a lot of people that they're not doing any research on. Cool. But I remember my third grade, it was really cool. My school got like an experiment, had like an experimental grant. I think it was a Title I school. We got this experimental grant called Expeditionary Learning where we spent the entire year of my third grade exclusively learning about dinosaurs across every subject. Oh, that's a lot. awesome. Every subject was somehow connected back to dinosaurs and it really had an impact on me. I didn't go on to become a paleontologist or whatever, but I really remember with great fondness. Are you not a paleontologist? Wait a second.

Missed opportunity. You know what turned me off of it, Ross from Friends. Oh, don't. I think, you know what, please sound off for, you know, paleontologists in chat. Please let us know how angry you were about Ross on Friends. or were you happy because you felt seen, but then you didn't want to be seen like that? You know what I mean? I'm laughing at the phrase paleontologists in chat, although the other day when we had Ed on and he was talking about all his nine-year-old boy shark facts, we heard from somebody that was like,

I'm like an archaeologist in Montana, and I have a bunch of fun facts. And I was like, oh, my God. That's so cool. Like in my head, person who finds shark bones in the ground in the United States seems like a job. that a nine-year-old thinks is a real job but isn't a real job. And when you have that job, please talk to us more.

I'm so happy that you have that job. Yes, it's so, so interesting of just like, it's like, what have you found? Like, why do you work where you work? Like, what it's like, because there's got to be a reason why you work where you work. And not just like, because I've got to be here. Because, like, imagine, you got to go where the bones are. You got to go to the bones. And, you know, so I want to see Jurassic World Rebirth.

I'm excited. I really like Scarlett Johansson, and I'm so glad that she is having such a moment right now. She, like, what was her honor was that this week, one of these stories was that she, like, has received so many box office. Like, she's the highest grossing female actress at the box office. Colin Jose was like, yeah, he like made a joke about like, yeah, both of us are, obviously. Yeah, both of us combined. We're a power couple. It was very cute.

It was very cute. And I don't really watch enough Saturday Night Live right now to have any feelings about Colin joust one way or the other. When I see clips of him, I can tell that he's very funny. I like their relationship. But honestly, all this news this week of him being like, I don't mind that she's kissing Jonathan Bailey and I'm happy for her that she's the highest grossing actress of all time. It's sad that you're just like, wow, a man who's not actively threatening his wife, you know,

but it is, it actually appreciates her success. But it is, I don't thirst for him the way that I thirst for her. I really, really like Scarlett Johansson in a sexual way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the slutty little glasses we're giving, like Jonathan Bailey's slutty little glasses, that's what he refers to them as, I'm down and you know, oh, I'll kiss him. Oh, I'll kiss him. But Scarjo really has my heart.

And Jonathan Bailey, I remember he's from Bridgeton and also he's from Wicked. Wicked. Okay, yeah, we're going to, me and the kids are begging to watch Wicked. So I'm going to be watching. I'm going to return having watched Wicked soon. I just keep being like, oh, it's three hours. But mind you, we just watch Sound of Music, which is three hours. And I was like, we can watch Sound of Music any time.

And I keep saying no to Wicked because it's three hours. But I can do it. If I can do one three hour musical, I can do... You can do it. It won't be in one go, you know? Yeah. Honestly, while we're talking about lifting bitches up, this is actually an article that I saw yesterday,

but I didn't include in our articles, talking about Jessica Beal. and I just wanted to give like a little quick shout out to this bitch, which, so she's on a show currently called The Better Sister. A lot of people have been talking about it. Specifically what they've been bringing up is that Jessica Beale is wearing this one like backless dress or like open back dress. And a lot of the internet is just like, oh my God, it's the most beautiful back I've ever seen. Now I look at it back and go, oh, look, it's skin. It's a back.

don't usually look at it back and go like, oh, mama me. Well, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm not Kool-Aid manning out about a back. I mean, just like, ah, they've got shoulder blades. You're playing date everything right now. So you are actively currently talking about like fucking a lamp and fucking a bed and fucking a smoke detector. Bro, we're going to be talking about date everything. Oh, we're talking about date everything.

Yeah. After I bring up this support of Jessica Beal because a lot of people have been talking about her back. And they were like, what have you been, what did you do? How did you get your back so chiseled? I love that back. And she came out and was like, hey guys, thanks so much. But also what I have in that show, I had a team of trainers to look like that. It is very difficult to maintain.

That is someone that is looking. She was like, I was doing it for that dress. Like, there is a difference between. She's like, I, on a day-to-day basis, that is not usually what I look like. And I really appreciated and also not saying it in a nasty way of just like a, hey, thanks guys. But also, like, don't be so hard on yourselves. You know, everything's okay. Jessica Biel, first of all.

Like, I've been a famous, I've been famous for being hot for like two decades. And so I therefore probably have like a portion of my budget that is devoted to just staying hot. But yeah, this is, I'm looking at this article now. it is very nice. And I will confirm it is a nice back. It's a nice back. I mean, once they say it's a nice back, I look at the back and I'm like, I mean, that's a nice back. I know a good back when I see it. Yeah. Yeah. I, but I guess I would look at a back and be like, oh, wish my bag looked like that. But I think also it's not an area of my body that I hold a lot of shame around because I'm not looking at it all the time. So no, thank God. I don't know what happens back there. You know, what am I going to have two mirrors? No, no, no, no. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I. I don't I need to know. I need some sense of mystery about me, you know what I mean? And it's my back. It's also why it's difficult for me.

And I'd love to hear from people and maybe something I wouldn't think about. It's why I haven't gotten any back tattoos because I'm like, but I can't see them. Yeah. And they're just like blind items. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do back? Like, I can't see it back there. But I know that it's, you know, I'm going to get there eventually because I'm going to run out of space. But like, I know that it, but it's like also, you know, Jeff will see it all.

the time. And then you'll see it whatever, you know, then I'm Jessica Beal in about the place when people go, Jessica Beal, oh, I'm sorry, it's Jackie Zabrowski. Like when they're misconstrueing me and my back. When's that going to happen? You know what? I'll just draw it in. I'm going to draw the lines in. And then you'll get what it would look like. But yes, thank you for bringing up date everything. Okay. Yeah. Are we going to get into it? I want to talk about date everything with you because MJ and I have been, I'm going to say that Like, I've cornered you into playing the game, date everything over on Twitch, twitch.

Twitch.tv slash, oh, no, it's Jackie. You don't need to pay for anything. You can just come watch us. Play, date everything. And date everything is this dating simulator game. If you're not familiar, it's more of like a clickable choose-your-own-adventure graphic game. This came up actually. Which is what I love about it.

Because a couple of episodes ago when Jake was on, and we were talking once again about as we like, we can't go more than three episodes without bringing up Katie Perry blowing Orlando Bloom for loading the dishwasher. Yeah, we think about it all the time. And so at that, one of you guys made a joke about fucking the dishwasher. And that was timely because now there's this very popular. You should see the freezer. That's who I think I'm actually, I'm either saving my heart for the freezer or I'm saving my heart for the breaker box. The breaker box is good.

Yeah. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, uh, there's a lamp who, who, uh, Jeff requested Jackie talk to the lamp. And then it turned out that the lamp looks exactly like me. Lamp. Except more ripped than I am. More, the, just, like me, but with Jessica Beale's back, basically. Not maintainable. All right.

That, that character is a lamp to maintain it. Okay. So we have to remind ourselves, we can't be lamp. Yeah. We can't be lamp. Yeah. We have no electrical outfit. I can't be lamp.

Jay. I could only be MJ, but this is a really, I'm not super, I only play video games basically when I'm watching my children play video games with my husband or when I am watching Jackie play video games. And so, you know, which is also how I consumed video games as a 10 year old. I'd have watched other people play them. And so I've been watching you play it on Twitch. And I know that a lot of the voiceovers are actors from Dropout, which you love. And like the design of this. Critical Role. The design of this game is.

exquisite. It's really, it is a fast, it is awesome. It is a really, really special game. Because you guys are wondering, I'm not like shoving an electrical plug inside of my vagina. I, it's, they turn into, like, you go to go talk to, let's say, the ship in the bottle. And then you find out it's this like, interesting pirate character that has, oh man, we did not get along. But that's okay. You're not supposed to get along with all of them. I can't fuck them all. Right. But the design of the characters are unbelievable. They are so detailed. It is such a fun game. So if you like games like that, and honestly, I have to stream it with MJ because I'm not allowed. I create rules for myself. I'm not allowed to play the game if I'm not streaming it because I will never stop playing the game.

I want to, I want to seduce all the characters. I want to go flirt. and a new fun thing in my home is that I've been sleeping with, you know, my belly diaper on because the heating pad, my warming pad. You blew your back out. I blew my back out, yes. I forgot that if I even brought that up. I can't even remember. I don't remember when I say these things aloud. I know that I've been complaining about it a lot off microphone.

But I did wake Jeff up yesterday pretending like my belly diaper had turned into a human. and that I was trying to seduce said human, but he couldn't see the human. He had also just woken up. And so usually you should save those bits for at least 15 minutes after your partner wakes up. But I just jumped right in. And then I started making jokes

about all the other things I was going to fuck in our bedroom once they turn into humans. And, man, Jeff, just really, man, that's one way to get your partner to get up out of bed and get in the shower and get ready for work. Just start talking about all the things in your room and how you would fuck them once they turn into characters.

Ooh, I have a slight segue for this, which is that, speaking of people or things I want to fuck, I did start watching Cheers. Oh my God. Are you a Dancinator yet? As promised. I had no, how have I made it to 39 years old without developing an active crush on Ted Danson. Bro, and then you met Sam Malone.

And then I met Sam Malone. I'm like, where have I been? Yeah, bro. Have I bit so much lost time? Gosh Rooney hits differently now. Gosh Rooney hits different. I've seen the good place and I do think that he's, as I said last week, I think he's very hot as an older man.

He's hot in the good place. He's very hot in the good place. It's confusing how hot he is in the good place. But I now am. And then you meet Sam Malone behind the bar. Started in 1984, I believe. We're also, my kids and I are watching Lippetsake Manhattan, which is also 1988. I love Muppet Steak Manette.

It's fantastic. But I'm living, you know, all the parent influencers talking about their 90s summer. Okay, well, I'm having an 80s summer. 82. 82 to 93 is how long it ran. I'm having an 80s summer. And this is great for you. What are we, what vibe?

I mean, I know you've been going to athleisure, but like if we're going to 80s it up, I feel like you need those like long, like ski glasses on. Like, I think MJ. Oakley's? Oh my. God, no, you need to be like one of the, like the villain guys in an 80s, like summer movie, but they're all skiing. I think I'm specifically thinking of better off dead. But I also want you, what, like, what kind of 80s villain could you be?

Because I feel like you're bad to the bone. I am about to order a bunch of linen shirts. Will that, would that go? Yeah, bro. Hell yeah. Sure. Now, are you talking linen or are we talking knit? Well, I don't know.

I was inspired. I'm sorry. I know I'm going all over the place, but I was inspired. I'm trying to get inspired for how to look nice. I'm going to like a fun party with a friend tomorrow, and I was like, I don't know how to look nice. And then I saw Altagatum, queer ultimatum, which I've also been watching.

Oh, MJ. AJ, who is admittedly the player of the squad, had a really cool button up shirt. And down. All of them. Everyone on the show. I want to get almost every single one of them. And all of men, most of many of them were fems

and we're wearing their nice outfits out. And then there was AJ in a great button-up shirt. And I was like, that's how I do it. I get a good, nice button-up. Yes, dude. Yeah. But also, like, I mean, Megan. Oh, Megan.

Yeah. Megan's the hottest, but she's got no confidence. Keep watching. Or maybe that changes. Okay. Keep watching. Ooh. All right, because I'm still, I'm only in episode three, I think.

I think so. I'm like, Megan, you got to learn to love yourself. You're the hottest one here. So hot. Oh, my God. I think that I, like, AJ and Megan, I was just like, I was vibrating. And it really is so, for my brain, I think, going right from Love Island into watching, like, simultaneously watching Altagatum. I was like, I'm in love with all of the people in Altagatim. And I don't want to. want to kiss anyone on Love Island. And it fulfilled two very different things, and especially now that I've moved on to Vanderpump Rules. I have, I remembered most of the first season, so I watched the reunion, and now I'm knee-deep

in the second season of Vanderpump Rules. And these are the best of our lives. It's really, you know what the thing is, MJ, is that it is, we were the same age, and you're watching a bunch of people in their early 20. at the time when we were in our early 20s, just living a very different life than what we were living, except the same amount of booze probably, but very different lives.

I think maybe I should do Vanderpump. I actually think the juxtaposition, because I know Van der Pump is all about restaurant life, so I think the juxtaposition of you watching Vanderpump and me watching Cheers is a spectrum. That's a spectrum. Who's your favorite character out the gate? We're talking off the rip, or is it Sam alone?

or, you know. Honestly, it's coach. Coach is my favorite character. Coach is a great character. Coach is my favorite character. And that followed by Sam Malone. And I like... MJ, I'm sending you on a journey. You don't even know what's going to happen, MJ.

You're going to lose your fucking mind. You're going to fall in love with cheers. I'm just so envious of my... I had a cheer summer. I watched all of cheers in a summer. It's a great way to spend the summer. It's, yeah, I'm obviously loving Ria Pearlman. Shelly Long is great.

Bro, I just, oh, Ray Proman. As I said last week, all these stories you have always sent about Cheers that have never meant anything to be. Last week, it was that Ted Danson didn't like Shelley Long at first. And now it turns out that's a very fun fact to have in my bat pocket. Very fun fact. For watching Season 1 of Cheers. Yes, because it actually, I think, aids in their character development as time goes on,

but also Sam Malone. bro. It's, it's really interesting, too. Like, I have been reflecting a lot, just watching it on, like, the form that is the sitcom because I, you know, was a 90s kid and I watched 90s sitcoms a lot. And I watched, you know, Seinfeld and Friends, obviously, every night. I watched Seinfeld and Rewards every single night for years and years and years. I watched Friends religiously.

And watching, like, the earlier generation of sitcoms, how different. Cheers feels like a one-act play. Like every episode of... And I know it was filmed in front of a studio audience. And just with the setting, it feels like a play. And it was actually... Gideon looked this up, but it was actually, like, kind of... I think that was part of the creative vision of it,

was that it would feel more like a play. Like, very much, like, rooted in place and in this, like, kind of rotating cast. Because it's all in that spot. Like, they never go other... Like, it is all what happens when you go to the bar after work. And yeah, I mean, we had that kind of at the creek. Like, I feel like that was the place where we would always, where everybody knew your name, that you would come in. And, like, you knew everybody that worked there.

You would always see every single person you would know, like, almost every day. And then we just get faced. But it is, like, crazy to even think watching this show that, man, thinking about, like, my mom lived through, obviously, so much of the time period. of like having to call around bars to find where your husband is. I know. That is like that's such a life that is so far from anything we have to deal with that like that's simple, even though that's such a like a minor part of the world of cheers. Dude, I know.

That is such a crazy thing. That's why I'm enjoying it so much. And for anyone who is like a little, just a little depressed or contemplating the current state. We're a lot of depressed. Or a lot of depressed. Any gradient of depressed, can I recommend? Sometimes you gotta go wherever everybody knows your name. And you always listen to the theme song because you can't skip it.

You don't skip it. Oh, it fills me with heaven. That's getting into the same thing. He said, we'll never skip the theme song. But it's like this is, and this is what I'm going to say is about to sound depressing. But it is actually making me happy, which is that no one in the bar is looking at their phone. and I have always loved the bar ever since I was old enough to go to the bar

I have loved going to bars and I have loved going alone to bars and sitting there and I used to I didn't get a phone until 2011 and I used before that one of my favorite things just go sit at the bar with a book and now I'm like

if I ever get a chance to go hang out of the bar I'm like oh I'll go hang out of the bar and I look at my stupid phone and I'm like I love I am feeling a human thrill looking at a group of people in a place hanging out, not looking at their phone. One of my friends is very pregnant right now,

and we were talking about taking the train. Oh, in July. And I was like, I know. I know. And I was like, well, at least people probably give you their seat, right? And mind you, not everybody gave me their seat when I was pregnant, but because people are really afraid of getting it wrong. Yeah.

Oh, no, I've been given a seat because people have thought I was pregnant before. Have I taken that seat? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was I going to fight them? No, so bitch. I'm just.

I sit my fat ass down. I go, thank you. Thank you. But my friend said that nobody is giving her seats because nobody is looking up because everybody is looking at their phones on the train and nobody even looks up.

You know, they weren't looking at their phones either on Vanderpump. On Vanderpump rules. They're too busy looking at each other's private parts, probably. Whoa. Sometimes, but sometimes they're yelling at each other's private parts. I hate that penis you have

That's like at least a couple of episodes You know Yeah I know I'll enjoy Vanderpump It's just like Love Island It feels like a bit of an iceberg Like you know you have lettuce There's a lot Yeah

There's a lot Crunchy but necessary Yeah at times yeah I get it Yeah it is a bit of the iceberg lettuce It is like iceberg and that there's nothing wrong with it and yet it is demonized. Wow. Love this. Love this. There's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with tiny claps. Tiny claps. I look up tiny claps. I looked, I looked up this tiny claps because

they kept doing tiny claps on Love Island. Do you remember when they were doing this? Oh, you don't watch Love Island. What am I talking to? Yeah. What are you talking about you talking to? M.J. I'll never tell you what they do. I'm trying to stay. I was talking about this with Jeff. I was like, if we don't try, to learn some of what new people. It's like what we do here on page seven. If we don't try to stay connected to some of what the youth do,

we will get lost. I feel like there's so much, like we hit this age where I'm like, I don't give a fuck what the youth are doing. I don't give a shit. And we were talking about this while we were playing date everything because MJ, you'll be able to tell us more

because you're going to be around more high school students soon. So you'll be able to give us this. So I won't find myself looking up tiny clap. what do they mean? And then having to watch a bunch of TikToks because I didn't understand their little finger claps and it depends on if you're finger clapping

with your index finger or if you're finger clapping with your middle finger, they mean two different things. And I watched multiple TikToks on it. Well, you said I'm going to be hanging out with high schoolers like in a weird way. I'm going back to grad school. You bought a bunch of high schoolers

and you're keeping. them in a crate to see if they still grow. And that is experimentation. I'm going to force them to tell me what young people say. I'm going to be working with middle school. I'm going to be finishing. I'm two out of three years done with my grad school program. So I'm just going back to finish the last year.

And that means I'm going to be with middle schoolers and high schoolers. So you bet I'll be coming back and I'll be struggling. Will that help me understand pop culture more? I don't know. I think it will. I think it's going to because honestly, I feel like even just watching Love Island, I've learned a lot of terminology. I have been working on my zoomer heart, which is difficult to do. Is that when you hold your hands up to make a heart?

It's the, yeah, but it's not the way we did it. It's different, MJ. It's different. It's your middle fingers and then you curve your indexed fingers like this. Oh, no. Oh, my God. You haven't seen this, MJ? No, I don't.

My children are gen Alpha. And they all do this. Wow. That's their heart. Rather than just this with both of your hands, clasped like a heart, which is what we all did. We do, yeah. No, it's harder now. And you need to learn how to do it or else you're old and you've been left behind. The thing about working with young people is that, yes, I do.

I mean, I did learn things more when I was around them. But also, you're inherently out of touch. There's no, like, just by virtue of being an adult in the building. Just me saying this. Even me saying this means I'm out of touch. What do you mean? No, no. Just being an adult around young people, it's like they, you, you, like the physical, if an eye

roll could turn into like a physical attack. It's like they will just, they will roll their eyes at you so hard and you just have to, but it's good. It's going to be good practice for my own children when they become tweens and teens because you just have to be like, it doesn't, I'm not upset that you're making fun of me to but I mean, all the kids that I taught spoke Spanish and I didn't. And I would literally, we'd be watching, we'd be hanging out. And I'd be like, I know you're talking about me right now.

And then they would laugh harder. And because they were. They were. And, you know, and then my coworkers who did speak Spanish would come in and be like, guys, stop saying that. And I'm like, I know, you guys, I know. And so I'm actually very, I loved, I love, I really enjoyed working with middle schoolers. I'm still close with a lot of those kids who are now adults.

And you put them in a crate. So come September, get ready for a slightly more in touch with the youth, MJ. I'm excited to see how your fashion plays into this. Do you think that you're like what you wear is going to? Because that is, I will say, what scares me the most about being around middle schoolers and teenagers. And maybe that's just because most of my interaction with them is usually like them hurling insults at you while they're all heading home from school. And that's fine. Anybody who has ever lived in New York is afraid of being made fun of on the train by teenagers.

Because they all make fun of you. And you're just like, you're right. Oh. Like I used to be younger and it didn't hurt quite as much because I'm like, fuck you. I'm drunk and going to work. You know what I mean? But now I'm like, I am a member of society. Please do not say these things.

No, I actually think it's easier now because when I was young, I was like, I want to be cool. I don't want these teens to think I'm so un-cool. and now I'm like, hope is lost. I'm 39. Like, there's no, there's nothing I could do with my fashion that would be cool to them. Like, I'm, that's not true, MJ. You can do whatever you want. You can wear whatever you want.

No, I know. But I'm just, I have, in other words, I don't think I was trying to impress them when I was a teacher when I was young. I got to the point where I was just like, I'm not, I don't have to be cool to you. I have to teach you cool theater games. Yeah. And that's how I become cool to you. And I was very successful at that.

And so now. it's going to be like, I'm just, I understand that I'm probably older than some of your parents at this point. And I'm just an old person to you. And I'll never not be. And I don't have to like there's, you know, it's freeing. It's like we were talking about before about like women in their 70s. But for me, it's just going to be being 39 and working with teenagers. Hell yeah.

I'm gone. I'm in a different, I'm in a different era of life. Hell yeah. Than they are. And that's fine. But it will be, it will mean that I have a slightly, slightly more of a finger on the pulse. I'm going to be like Steve Bushemi in the hot, you know, or no, I'm conflating two different memes. Hey, you cool kids.

Yeah, the meme. Yes. Hello fellow cool kids. Yeah, that's going to be me. That is going to be you. But you're going to be looking fly as hell. I think that you're going to be looking great. I really think that this is going to be a renaissance for your fashion where you, you know,

because you haven't been able to work on it because, oh, what do you have lives to maintain in the house? Maybe. You know what I mean? I'll be like Suki Waterhouse. and wear pants that are so tight that they give me a hernia. If that's what you need, I already am terrified of just the world going back to thinner pants. Like, I'm so scared.

I know a lot of people said, you'll take my skinny jeans from my cold dead hands. And good for you, that was not the case for me. I'm never going back from big pants. I'm big pants forever. And especially when you read stories like this because you can apparently get a hernia from wearing pants that are too tight. I'm surprised I didn't give myself one because I used. used to really get down with a tight pants. But even back then I was doing juggings.

Yeah. Even back then I wasn't having, like they weren't that hard of pants. Like they still had a lot of give. Yeah. No, stretch is key. But, um, but, uh, Suki Waterhouse hospitalized for a hernia because of tight pants. And yes, it did take me a minute to remember who she is. And then I saw that she is fiance to Robert Pattinson.

Oh, yeah. mama, baby mama of not that she's just the baby mom, but also acclaimed singer, Suki Waterhouse. Yes, she was also her own person. I just, I couldn't not think that I feel like I should have saved this story for Holden to be on next week. Because I feel like we got to maybe this is how we bring up to him that like, you know, you got to do something about your umbilical hernia. Because she's taking care of it and you got to go take care of it and now I've got to worry about him. hernias are overrepresented in the last podcast network. Are they overrepresented?

I'm just because Ed also had a number of hernius. And Holden's got his hernius. I'm just saying it's a lot of a high hernia to staff ratio here. Yeah, you are correct. The last podcast network. I feel like what does that say? Not enough fiber. I don't know if that fiber is anything.

I know nothing about hernias. I don't know. I know nothing. I don't know anything about them. I just know. Now I'm scared. I'm like, I mean, now I can never wear pants that are too tight. I always have to wear big, loose pants.

Honestly, I didn't know that ladies, this is, forgive me, I'm going to sound like an idiot. I didn't know ladies could get hernias. I thought it was like a, oh, whoa. I thought I had to do with the balls. Oh, no. Anybody, anybody can have a hernia, unfortunately. But, you know, but it's these things like, it's not a stupid thing. How would you know if you didn't know someone that is a woman that has it?

Now we know. See, we learn, this is learning, we're growing. I know two men who are quite loud about their hernias, and that's it. Yes. So maybe that's also something that we take and put in our pockets of maybe sometimes, you know, if you were, you know, raised in society to be a woman, you're, you don't complain quite as loudly. But then you say that to the person that's trying to fuck the belly dipe that they have to sleep with. So I don't know if I'm the one to talk, but I'm a Leo. You know, and it's like we're getting close to Leo season, you know that our sign gets strong.

the closer we get to Leo season. Yeah. Oh my God, we are. We're entering the season of Jackie. Yeah. Thank you for recognizing that. I appreciate that. I think a lot of other Leo's might have something to say about that, but I will accept that in this conversation that, yes, it is Jackie's season and I appreciate that, even though, you know, the kids have taken over my birthday and my birthday doesn't exist because all the babies were born. And now they're all turning forward. And you know what I say? I'm over. it.

All right. Therefore, they don't need any more birthdays. All right. And every year, Holden's like, it's not your birthday.

It's Wendy's birthday. Even though her birthday is the day before, we do not have the same birthday. I'm already upset about it. Yeah. Yeah. This was the last thing you needed.

A child stealing your thunder. It's the last thing I needed. Holden's child, not just any child. Thank you. Holden's child stealing your thunder. And I hate it because I love her the most. I love her a thousand times more than I'll ever love Holden.

And I want, I want it to be. her birthday instead of my birthday. And I'm like, please keep getting older. Can you take my age? I did try to ask Winnie if she could take my year. And she did say yes. I don't think she knew what I was saying.

And she did immediately. She said, can you keep reading the book? And I was like, yeah, yeah. So I kept reading. Yeah. Because she is where she really love, man, I love it. She loves it when I read her. MJ.

So she always brings books and she's like, Jackie, Jackie, do you make me a book? I'm like, yes, I will. because, you know, I'm going to do all the voices. Oh, I'll bet. I'm going to really give it a show. I'll bet you're very fun to be read to by, actually. Thank you.

I'll bet you're really good at it. Because parents, by the time parents are reading to their kids, you're exhausted. You have lost the will to live. And it's unfortunate because, like, you really think that reading to your kids is when it could be one of the great joys of your life. Yeah, so wonderful. Like, I love reading, you know.

Another book. And then it's like, the kids are like, it's time to read. And I'm like, oh, you know. So I, you know, so I. I do think that it's nice to have an adult who's not a parent do some enthusiastic reading because I'm like in this house we don't need to read anymore. Yes, we have finally graduated to chapter books and babysitters club, man, those books, talk about an 80s summer.

Dude. They are just enthusiastic fat shamers over there. They're slut shaman. They're fat shaman. They're doing all. Oh, really? The kids are deeply unattended. I thought you were about to be like so amazing wow.

It's like all I remember that too, they're great. All I remember from those books is how terrified I was of my parents getting divorced. Yeah. Was there a lot of divorce talk? I feel like there was a lot of, I was just, and I think that that was like in our, like when we were growing up, I feel like it was getting kidnapped and the idea of parental divorce were two huge things that were really shoved down our three. Rotes. Mrs. Doubtfire, like the opening scene of Mrs. Doubtfire, like one of the scariest, one of the scariest things I'd ever seen as a kid. And yes, because one of the, there's a lot of

divorce in Babysitters Club, but yeah, one of the main characters is like, Kristen, right? Kristen, exactly. It has, is from a blended family and it comes up a lot. But there's just, but it turns out one of the main characters is diabetic, but there's like a whole book where All the girls are like, this bitch won't eat snacks with us. And it's because she's diabetic. But also, MJ, have you shown your kids the Babysitters Club movie? Were you obsessed with the movie? I haven't shown them the movie.

There's also a Netflix show, like a new Netflix, new ish, a few years. It's cute. It's cute. I watched it. Really? I watched all of it. Yes. My God, do I weirdly love the Babyseters Club?

I was just, I was obsessed with the movie, the Babyseters Club, because I was really in love. with honestly all of it. And I think this is the guy with the floppy Sean from Boy Meets World haircut, the like silly, dopey one. I wanted to fuck him into the ground. I just was like, I need, and I haven't watched it since I was a kid. I, I, this completely went under my radar as a kid. I did not know there was a 1995 film. And the thing is, we watched the trailer for the.

Netflix show. And it was like a little, it's much more like tweenie. It's like a lot about crushes and like social drama. Totally. But yeah. I was actually, I was saying this on a stream yesterday, but I'll put it here in case anybody wants to leave suggestions in, uh, in comments. My kids are aging out of little kid shows.

Like, you know, all, I would thank God there's always going to be bluey. But, you know, like Muppet. Cheers, though. I'm ready for cheers. Aging out of little kid shows. But then too young for like. like we watched the Babysiders Club trailer and it was just yeah it was like a lot about like junior high drama and that's not quite like they're not quite there like you know they're seven and almost six and so it's like what about the Muppet show do they like the Muppets because like if they like Muppets I mean they're the Muppet show is great and then it's also like you know musical and sketch comedy as well that's a good idea I should try because yeah they they love 90s stuff like they love like 90s stuff for kids and so maybe I should just keep keep going with that. But, you know, the struggle right now as a parent is to make your kids watch

anything except YouTube. And so I'm like, we need a... We're not like Alex Mack, like that kind of 90s. Right, right, right. Those kind of shows were, yes, where it was, yes, that kind of stuff where it's not so much because, like, middle... I think all of that had a little bit of, like, crushes and stuff like that in it, but... And I'm not anti-crush, but it's... The powers. Right. It's more like, they're just not old, like, they're not old enough yet that like social psychic drama is the most interesting thing to them in the way that it will be in very short period of time. The Olson Twins movies.

Oh my God. The Olson Twins movies. I think that in particular, I think your kids would love, love the Olson movies. I was never, I'm not going to say I wasn't allowed to get them from Blockbuster, but I always wanted to get them from. blockbuster and I feel like there was just like a silent. And it's a sealed. Yes. There was like a silent judgment going out in my family that let me know that I shouldn't

get the Olson Twins movies from Blockbuster. Oh yeah. It was weird because I remember specifically our after school used to show Olson Twins movies and then I would like them there. And then I think, you know, I have to go ask my mother this. But I was like, I think that she was just annoyed by this. and didn't really want it in the house. I think that's how my parents were.

I think they were like, this is annoying. Yes. They were probably right. That was the only one I was allowed to watch over again. Double, double toil and trouble. And I think it was because it was a witchy one and it may be a little bit less annoying. But I really liked our lips are sealed. I really liked, it takes two, really loved New York Minute, went in Rome, passport

to Paris. I would try to, but I try to watch a man. Talk about original shames here. I would try to watch them without anyone knowing, but like, how do you do that when you're like nine or ten and you only have a VHS player in the living room? You know what I mean? So it's like, I don't know why I thought I was getting away with it. This was me with Lizzie McGuire and even Stevens. I wanted, we talked about this a little bit.

We already recorded one of our episodes that's going to come out on the August break. And it was about the year 1989. But there was this period of time. Also talk about transition periods in childhood. There was a period of time where I knew I was like a little too old to still want to watch the Disney tween shows, but I did want to watch the Disney Tween shows. And I really wanted to watch even Stevens. And I really wanted to watch Lizzie McGuire.

And I knew that if my older brother saw me doing it, he would be like, oh, lame. Why do you think I don't let you play double seven with me? Me, well, I don't even know. My brother was so nice. I don't even think that that was true. I think I just like, I think I just knew. I don't think that he made fun of. me about it. I think I just in my head was like, this is shameful. So I would like secretly watch

Lizzie McGuire and then I'd hear other people talk about it and I'd pretend I didn't know what they were talking about. Yes. I did know what they were talking about. Original shame. Original shame. Let us know what your original shame was. Do you know you had it? And I was such a little bitch. We all have them. Then I would make fun of my best friend for liking One Tree Hill. I'd be like, this is a stupid show. And meanwhile, that was more age appropriate to like than what I was watching. Yes. I also remember the years when like people, I knew started watching like Dawson's Creek and stuff like that and I don't think that like I was watching like horror movies but even Dawson's Creek was like that's stupid that's just like boring stuff because I thought I was more badass meanwhile bitch you fucking shadow watching Olson Twins movies I was like I was like Joe of Arcadia you're a loser oh my god I like Joe of Arcadia though I also like I liked to make fun of my friend for liking Joan of Arcadia and then I was like I guess I'll watch it with you you know it was like that It was like that.

Truly, I was just a little asshole about it. Yeah, you know, we had to be little assholes about something. You know, how are you going to learn how to really cut your teeth on the asshole mountain? Maybe it's by reading articles that just really confirm that Stevie Wonder is, in fact, 100% blind. Of course Stevie Wonder. In 2025, he's blind. This guy has to go on stage and be like, I know there's a lot of conspiracy theories about me on TikTok right now. But I am blind.

I've been blind shortly after I was born. I need to know what pushed him over the edge because this conspiracy theory has been around, I feel like most of our lives, that like he's not actually blind, which is such a- I did hear that when I was doing, yeah.

I feel like this has been around since the beginning, and he must have confirmed it in the past, but I just saw this article and I was like, what's happening? What is that? It's 20, 25, and Stevie Waters are going to be like, guys, yeah, I'm blind. It's so stupid. You're so right. This has been something that's been around for a long time. And literally, literally the underlying, like, rationale. And now I remember hearing people say this is like, well, could a blind guy play the piano that well? And it's like, yes. He can. Yes. 100%. He can. He's also not the only famous blind piano player.

I'm sorry I'm laughing about So it's like I know that it should be That it's like that he has to talk about Something that he has had to deal with And I'm only laughing as like Can you imagine Steve you wonder Being like I have to do what? I have to go out of save what?

In 2025 I have to tell everyone I am actually in fact blind Yeah no this is a funny one This is a good one There's no way how does he find the piano? It's like that what are you, have you never met a blind person before? It's like, I'm sorry that you haven't,

but like you do understand that blind people live full, complete lives. Right? Like we're quite capable. What are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. The underlying, again, it's just this like, you know, it's like ableist doesn't even encompass what's going on here.

I'm just like, there's no way that a person who is, who is different than me in this way could ever do the same thing. Meanwhile, I'll bet all these conspiracy theorists don't even know how to play piano. Yeah, right? Yeah, you fucking do it. You can see the piano. Show me. Yeah.

Do you think sight is what gives you the ability to play piano? Sit down and play me a son. Please, would love to hear it. I, you know, I think that it is, I think it also just goes to show how crazy the internet has gotten with the things that they say and how they say it, that maybe it just hit a sad fever pitch of him. to be like, all right, let me just say that I'm blind that I feel like a lot of people, watching all the Love Island people leave the villa now and like finding out what happened during the summer and like what has gone on, which is so crazy because it's almost like they're in the movie blast from the past.

Like even Amaya Papaya, who is my favorite, she had a Labou on her bag. And this was like the day after she got to the plane, she did an interview on Call Her Daddy. And someone was like, oh, did you just get the Labubu like in the last 24 hours? And she's like, what are you talking about? And she's like, she's like, he's my little furry monster. It's my little monster. And she had no idea that Labubu's had absolutely blown up in the time period. She was in the villa.

And she's like, that's crazy. And she's like finding out about how like people are paying like $20,000 for Labuboos. And like what they've taken over and how like it's taken over like pop culture conversation for the summer because everyone's so sad that we. just have to funnel all of our feelings into the tiny little monster keychain. And she was just delighted. That just absolutely delightful. Oh, it's like time travel.

But wait, I missed the- I know. I missed the opportunity for a great segue. We're talking about Stevie Wonder and being blind. That's interesting because you know what, Jackie. I know this is second helpings, but I think I'm going. Blind. Eye-dubs. Ah, we can't see them.

Unlike Stevie Wonder. You know, yeah, maybe that's, yeah. We'll flip the script. I don't believe him. I do. I believe him. Unlike Stevie Wonder, I'm going blind. Oh, page seven, you know, they firmly deny that Stevie Wonder is blind over there.

Tom Cruise vuxfish and Stevie Wonder is not blind. All right. Well, you know, you got to hang your hat on something. We love a celebrity conspiracy theory. But sincere apologies to those of you who did not get your blinds fixed yesterday. But thank you. But also I just realized, oh, my God. God, Katie Perry, if she is John Bonnet Ramsey, is this how she expected her life to go?

You know, I mean. You know, I feel like it's like, should we talk. It's like maybe it's like maybe I shouldn't have covered it up. You know, I should have just let it let, you know, sleeping dogs lie. She had a nice run of success there. She did. She did for a little while. I'm sorry, please.

Blind. You're blind. All right. Blind number one. The singer. Where's the piano? The singer slash reality star and her foreign born reality star boyfriend. friend haven't found a buyer for their reality show featuring them.

So the relationship will probably end. Oh, she thinks it's real. He is just faking for the money. For the money. He's faking for the money. She is a singer slash reality star. He is... Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt?

No. You're going to want to downgrade it from that. What does that mean? I don't know. In what way? So in the blind boyfriend is in quotes. Okay. I think that that might mean that they think it's a fake relationship.

It might be there's, we've been talking about this, these people a lot. We've been talking about one of these people a lot. SpongeBob and Oriana? She's had a big week on Spotify. Big week on Spotify. A lot of, a lot of changes going on her life lately. What changes? She is a singer slash reality star.

with a new boyfriend, Jackie. The boyfriend. He is also a reality star. They met on a reality show. They met on a reality show. Recently. Jackie. Oh, this is fun.

This is going to be everyone's in their car screaming right now. Oh, oh, God. Jojo Zewa! Jojo Zewa! There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go.

So the boyfriend being in quotes, I feel like there's a way to read this as a biphobic bi-eracier boyfriend. But I think what the blind is suggesting is that it is a fake relationship that they are doing for the publicity. I was really getting lost in like Love Island-esque. Like I was like, okay, they met on this. So I was thinking dating reality shows. So I was like I was going down a whole other subsection of my brain while you were giving

me hits. A different UK Monstrous show. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay.

And so it's all the. to get a reality show. That's what this blind says, although, as you know, there was two different stories from this week about, from him, about him talking about how much he loves her,

he's obsessed with her. He's obsessed with her. They want to have babies. They're talking about, like, they're putting out, like, baby traps out there because she, like,

put out a, like, a TikTok, and it was like the side of her belly, and they were talking about, like, baby names. And so everyone's like, oh my God, is she pregnant?

And it's like, I don't think she was, but it's just, you know, it's a choice. Yeah, Yeah, it's, it's, right, it's fine. It's like, I, I, I, I don't hate, we know she wants kids soon, so I guess that's, you know.

I don't hate their relationship. I really don't. I don't like, I do like also he's, one thing that he did say this week that he was like, she's no less queer for being with me. He was like, she, you know, still likes women. She's bisexual. She's with me right now. And, um, I thought that was nice.

That was a nice little, you know, affirmation of her identity. but then he also was like, the age gap is fine because I'm very immature. And I just feel like whatever the older person in the age gap says that, I'm like, don't say that. Please don't say that. It's not doing what you think it's doing. No. But we'll see.

We'll see that every blind is about how broke Jojo C was and how she's trying to get more money. So perhaps it's all for a reality show. We will see. All right. Blind number two, the foreign born and one named permanent alist singer has finally realized her significant other doesn't even like her and just sees her as a strategic business move to legitimize himself

to make money. It better not be Adel. It is Adele. No! I want lover. I know. I want real lover. I thought this was going to be it. I know. I know. No! Get away from her. Stop feeding on her. I know. I really don't want this to be true

because he's hot. He is hot and I was very happy for the two of them. I know. I'm happy for them too. So I don't know. I just don't know. Sometimes you got to just watch love die, guys. Yeah, sometimes you just have your dream dies. And, uh, yeah, so yeah, I put it to stick that in your fucking hat.

Oh, what is it? July or something, I don't know. Have a hot dog. All right, blind number three. Speaking of psychics, this celebrity sibling of a permanent A-lister believes more in her own powers than those of others. She has been trying to use her powers to destroy the foreign-born A-plus list rapper. Okay, so there's three people in this blind. We're talking about the sibling of a permanent A-list singer.

And then the third person is the person she's trying to destroy. But first, figure out the sibling set. So, all right, we have to find the sibling set. Celebrity sibling about permanent A-lister. I would, I wonder if we would. She's famous. I don't know what letter she is. But the celebrity sibling is awesome.

Of kind of fame. She's, in many ways, this sibling is. Nikki Minaj. She's the one who this sibling is trying to destroy with her psychic powers. She is the one that the sibling is trying to destroy. So this is a, so it's a different. Okay, so we don't know who she's a sibling of yet. Iggy Azale.

No. This sibling, I would say, is actually in some ways more beloved than her sister, her very, very famous and extremely beloved sister because of what she does. She just does something different and everybody loves her. Solange? Yes. She's got psychic powers and she's trying to destroy Dic Menage. Wow.

Well, also, why didn't you do this before? If you could do this, do it with Jay Z. Salon. I think there's a lot of people you could be directing this energy towards if that's something. you can actually do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm surprised that the psychic powers weren't immediately directed towards Jay-Z. Or is it, has it been happening for a while? And that's why Nikki Minaj has gotten all the bad press that she's gotten. And, you know, Jay-Z's not having a great time in the press either. So maybe this is thanks to Solange. Oh my God. It's all thanks to witchcraft. It's like the universe knows that Practical Magic 2 is currently being made. You know, you can feel it in the

Oh, and I wish Dr. Kovach was a part of it, but we know that he can't be. Well, those are my blinds, and now I can see again. Welcome back. Just like Stevie Wonder, who could also see. And now, I just imagine you just start eloquently playing the piano, and I'm just left in shock, and my mouth is agape until next week, and then what am I supposed to do? I got ha la la ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Because my mouth is agape till next week. I'm not going to talk like that, I promise.

Man, so I sent you this article. Now, I know it's old hat at this point to remind you guys that Kelly Rippa and Mark Consuelos have sex with each other. They have a lot of sex with each other. And I don't know if you guys know this. And now maybe I get upset because I feel like they corner a horny market in a day. different way than I ever could. I think you and Jeff are the Mark and Kelly of certainly your community, certainly of the last podcast network, I would say. But we don't

talk about our fucks all the time. You don't talk about your fucks all the time, but you are very like outwardly affectionate and affirming of your love for each other in a way that I love. Yes. Now, not only were they talking about, like, it's like multiple articles a week I see about about Kelly Rippa and Mark and Swelowell's oversharing on live with Kelly and Mark. I never watch it. I don't think I've watched that kind of morning show since I used to like every morning and middle school watch live with Regis and Kathy Lee with my mom. And I think that was the last time I watched one of those.

And I just can't like I guess, you know, they got to come up with content every day. And there's not a lot of things they can do in between, in that 24-hour turnaround. I understand. There's only so much they can discuss. but it's just she just was talking about Kelly Rippa was saying that Mark Consuelos is disgusting

because she finds it disgusting because he always wants morning sex and she says it's disgusting and that like I just feel like if we're going to be keep talking about all these fucks

and of course you don't want to just hear the good side of the fucks I guess I just can't imagine that publicly talking about something like like not shaming but like given shit to my husband because he wants to have sex with me ever.

You know what I mean? Like I feel like it's like that's the, I do wonder how people that aren't as horny, how do you take, like, do you feel aggressed towards when someone is like talking in depth about their sex life when you're just like, good for you guys? I think I mean. I don't, I, okay, this reminds me of like how, you know how, like, how, like, you know how, like, you know how, like. like people who are very affectionate towards each other and in love with each other, you know how Holden sometimes gets triggered by that? And he's like, we get it. You love each other.

You have sex. Yeah, no, he hates how much I love my husband, which just fills me with even more vibrant passion for my husband. And it makes, yes, it makes you more powerful and it makes him more pissed off. And I think that it's very funny that that is his reaction to people who truly and earnestly love each other. But I will say, there's a little tiny Holden who lives inside me, specifically when it comes to Mark and Kelly. And I'm like, I understand.

I think that you're talking about all the hot sex you have every day because you're trying to make everyone else feel sad that they're not having hot all day sex. You know? All day sex. Like, I, you guys have your morning job show to do. All three of your kids have left the nest. and I guess you just go home and fuck again until you have to wake up at three in the morning. How do you have in morning sex?

You have a morning show? That's where I was thinking. I was like, so wait a second. You telling me that they're fucking at like, what, two o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning? Their call time's got to be 4 a.m. And she's saying that it's disgusting

because it's like, he's like, he's got no strips on. I have to take out my retainer. It's like, yeah, but also I just feel like part of being in a marriage is like sometimes it's like you're still having sex even when somebody is not at their best and greatest. And so I just like, take your mouth guard out.

Yeah. So you have to take your mouth guard out. So fucking take it out. Or maybe you don't. And it's like, no kiss session. There's lots of things that you can move around to incorporate. It's like, I just feel like if you're fucking that much that you have to talk about it on national television so often, I feel like, you know, I don't know.

Because I'm not upset by them talking about their fucking. I'm just curious how other people feel. I like Mark Consuelo so much from Riverdale. And I like her. And I'm not, yeah, but there is, I just, I'm not saying that the little tiny holding who lives inside of me is right. I'm just saying that I'm noticing. I'm noticing that I'm having a little tiny holden inside of me who's saying, are you saying this to make us feel bad on purpose? Are you saying this because you're projecting too much?

And in fact, you don't fuck all the time. But you're trying to make everyone like your show together. So you're talking about how you fuck all the time. Is it all a PR thing? I don't know. I'm not saying. and we have to listen to that tiny little hold, and I'm just noticing that he is there.

And I honestly am happy for them if they have this much sex. I really am. And, you know, and may every person who becomes an empty nester get this horny and have this much sex all the time. And talk about it in front of your children all that. I guess that really turns me off is how much they talk about, how they keep getting caught by their children.

You get caught once, you change your practices. Put a lock on it. You know what I mean? They're not children anymore. You can lock your fully adult children out of your bedroom. Like at that point, you're doing this on purpose. The idea of getting caught is so unappealing to me that you have to take measures to not make that happen. So if it's happening again and again, then at this point, do you guys have a fetish for letting your kids walk in on?

You know what I mean? That's why my hackles go up. I completely understand you want to keep those curtains open. You want the illusion, like in some fashion of the illusion of being watched or, like maybe not an illusion. That's something that you, you know, you add into your sexcape and good for you. I just, I guess it is curious that it's like,

I wouldn't want my family. Honestly, it makes me think of like on Love Island when their family comes to publicly shame them for having sex in front of billions of people. Like, I wouldn't want my mom showing up at the villa. Yeah. I wouldn't want, like, I don't want to be seen or interrupted by my family.

And this is coming from someone that used to live with her brother while dating. That's not what I was looking for. I think that's the thing. It's just like, if you guys have this much sex, that's great. I'm so glad for you.

I love this for you. I think it's like, why do you, why must you, at this point, it seems like you have a fetish for talking about it, you know, and making other people think about it, specifically your children. Maybe that's their,

that specifically might be their kink of just thinking about all the people that watch in the morning thinking about them having sex. But, you know, I don't know. Methinks they sex talk too much. Yeah, yeah. And not that I'm saying that it's too much for me. I mean that I don't know if they fuck as often as they claim. I think it's, yeah, I don't know. I think that they're maybe they're.

Who's got, they don't have the time. How? I do have more like, I don't have kids. When people like, how do you maintain that kind of say? It's like, we don't have kids. We, like, we both enjoy our lives in our jobs and we got married late. Like, I think that it's just, like, we, you know, it's just, it's different. And I will say, I want, I'm, I want married couples who are happily married and happily horny for each other to be proud of that and to talk.

Like, I do think, like, we get so much negative representation of marriage and love in pop culture. Obviously, the whole King of Queens, like, I hate my wife thing, you know, like I hate my hot wife. Like, I, I love what. married couples are enthusiastically in love with each other. I do. I love Chip and Joanna Gaines for that. I love you and Jeff for that. I also am enthusiastically in love with my husband. I love that I love that for them. And I do, like, I think doing a little counterweight to the like, oh, the sexless marriage I hate is fine. And I think, I do think that if you are happily married and in love with your partner, you should sing it from the mountaintops because it's a blessing. Because it's still

insane to me. Honestly, it's why I could never really truly give myself to watching married with children. because you're going to fucking look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't want to fuck Peg Bundy under the table, on the table, around the table, any place like Al Bundy,

you should fucking be so lucky that you get to be in the same room as she is, let alone the fact that she would ever touch you. You should be thanking her every second of every day. And that is, I remember having a cover

Gideon and I having this conversation very early on in our relationship where I was like, I'm never going to like talk about you with like rolling eyes as like my stupid husband or my stupid boyfriend. And I don't want you to ever talk about me that way. And he was like, yeah, of court like that. We're not. And it is just so, even if you don't, even if you're not doing it as bad as married with children, there is a thing where it's like, oh, my wife, you know. And I was like, we're not doing that. There's no, my wife. There's no, my husband. We don't speak of each other that way. Yes. We are each other's cheerleaders at Mark and Kelly. Don't give you wrong. You got a complain every once in a while. I'm not saying that.

You got to talk to your friends. You got to get some shit out. You got to talk about that. I'm not talking about that. Totally. I mean, like, when actually, you know, like talking on Mike, talking to other people, talking professionally. The performative distaste for your, because I don't feel that way. I don't, I never understood that. Yeah. Yeah, no that. And if you do feel that way, then that's a private conversation,

not a public conversation. Yeah, you should probably figure that out. But sometimes it's difficult to figure that out. And sometimes, man, it ebbs and flows. Every relationship. changes from day to day. It's, you know, nothing. There's... To everything, turn, turn, turn, turn. Do you want me to keep going?

No, we have to end the show. I have to end the show. I know that Jackie was miming the piano while she was... The piano, and it's because I can see the piano. Thank you for reminding everybody that just like Stevie Wonder, I am not blind. And, man, I can play the thylophone like the best of all, no, thylophone, that's what I call, whenever I slap my thighs at Jeff, I call the thylophone. Anyway, we don't need, see this is the kind of marriage stories that I share. Take note, Mark and Kelly.

You guys wish you had that. Thylophone. Yeah. You wish you woke up your husband trying to pretend that you were going to fuck the belly diaper having turned into a human character, all right? I want to hear about that story. I want you to stop calling it a belly diaper and call it a heating pad. Well, Jeff told me I wasn't allowed to call it a belly diaper in front of him anymore because it was disgusting him.

And so, because I did, maybe I have acted like my belly button was my asshole a couple of times. Okay, yeah, maybe I've done that. Maybe I've put a couple of things inside of my belly button and have squirted it out like it was an asshole. But there are times that you have to keep creativity. alive in a marriage. Yeah, you got to keep the spark and the mystery and the intrigue.

May I offer you belly diaper? I will not be... Oh, you're not. Man, I didn't even get to talk to... All right, MJ, I know that you probably can't, because I know, like, you're, you know, anundated with summer off children, but Superman.

Bro, you and Gideon will love Superman. I thought about you. I thought about you. because in the way that I so loved and or into, oh my God, I didn't even get into, wait, I think I did, talking about watching New Hope again

and that I loved it, watching Superman definitely, you know, I understand why these annoying, they're just, God, they're so annoying. Oh, they're so annoying, the people that are like, eh, la, it's like, oh, Jesus Christ, okay? But I will say they're not trying to, like,

get away with anything. Like, the movie is solidly, about what people are upset about. And I, you know what? I actually shed a tear at the end and I looked to Jeff and I was like, we need Superman.

I actually got sad and I was like, we need Superman. We need somebody to stop it. Wow. Is it all going to stop? When is it all going to stop? I just cried and cried because Superman's not real. So, you know, that's

my review, I guess. Maybe that's more a review of the current state of our world. The discourse around Superman is psychotic. Psychotic. It's nuts. Yeah, but I can't wait. Everything I've read looks great. You said you loved it.

You said, we need Superman. And you said, Cornswet. You said Cornswet was amazing. Cornswept was great. And I was shocked because, again, you know, I get all my facts from my husband who remembers absolutely everything ever reads. And he was telling me that, Corn Sweat, this current Superman, the only Superman since, well, so Christopher Reeves was

Juilliard trained and trained in the piano. Stevie, take note. And Corn Sweat also went to Juilliard, studied piano. But Corn Sweat is also the first, the first actual Jewish person to play Superman, which Superman was written by two Jewish people. And this has been... And it was always an explicit allegory about fascism, fighting fascism, right? And also explicitly about him being an immigrant.

So the fact that people are upset because it's about a fascist... It's not new. That's not new about Superman. I know. I know. It is really very... The people having a meltdown about Superman being too woke, it is very funny. I literally looked at Jeff. I was like, didn't he used to fight the Nazis? Like, wasn't that, like the thing? Like, didn't he fight the Nazis? And you know who hated that?

The Nazis. Yeah. So keep that in mind. Of course, the Russians hated it. Keep that in mind when you are looking right now at who hates Superman. So, yeah, it is, I can't wait to see it. I think Gideon's going to try to see it this week. I might try to see it by, if I can get away, I will try to see it by next week so we can talk about it.

But I understand it's a tall order, but I will throw it out there, guys. We need Superman and he's not real. So we're just going to keep, I don't know where we're going to get the hope. But, you know, sometimes, you know, you were talking about MJ earlier spaces where we're not looking at our phones. That's why I love the movie theater. Yeah. You can't have your phone out. It's my favorite because I actually pay attention to the movie and not just look at my phone.

Jeff and I really try in the evenings to look at the phone as little as possible. And we do the, like, if we're watching something and one of us look at our phone, we do the like, hey, what's up? We like, pause the show. Yeah. You need to get something done. Yeah. And we do one of those of like trying to put the phone down. And I'm not saying this to lord it over people because I understand also some people do not have the fucking energy or the space.

And sometimes you just need to stare at your fucking phone. But it never makes me feel good. I can't. I can't wait to just sit down and look at the phone as soon as the night is over. And then I do it. And I'm like, I feel emptier than ever. I'm empty. Empty and broken.

But that is not where we leave you. But it is. Because you're whole and you're full and you're not empty and you're not broken. We love you. Yeah, whole and full. Good thing. Hold it isn't here. Want to talk about my belly diaper?

All right. You got to get out of here. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us on this week's episode of Second Help. And so I hope you got full up. And thank you so much, MJ, for giving us some blind action this week, even though it was later than we usually get it. And I missed you. I missed you guys desperately yesterday.

I'm so happy to be back today. And we will see you guys next week. Of course, you can join our Patreon over at patreon. com slash page 7 podcast there. You can get Jackie's book club. You can get our celebrity memoir show, celebrities. We are starting Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential, and man, is it the best book ever written. Bro.

We're only a few minutes in, both of us, but we are obsessed. We just finished Mike the Situation Sorrentino's book, which was also absolutely lovely. We are really enjoying celebrities, and of course there is our Buffy Watch Along at the $10 earlier. We are loving season five. Season five is so good. And as always, you can email us, page seven podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

If you email us and we haven't written you back, we have read your email, we have loved your email. Thank you guys so much for your support. We love you guys so much. We will be back next week with all, uh, sexually frozen, Holded McNeely. Let's see if we can thaw him out or maybe we'll just leave him frozen.

I think he's playing date everything right now. So we'll find out. If any of that gives a bit of washing the dishes slurry inside of his pants. Have a beautiful week. We'll see you guys soon. Let's sing the song, MJ. I'll be better a second time around. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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