Page 7 - Second Helpings - Lie To Me Because It's My Birthday

Episode Date: August 15, 2026

This week we got some BIRTHDAY SECOND HELPIN'S FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIIIRL! And that very special girl just had her LUST for Hannah Einbinder via her new movie "Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma", which Jackie HIGHLY recommends. MJ got a melon baller! The most non-American Mr. and Mrs. America, Kerri Russell and Matthew Rhys had a big Variety feature this week, Jackie gives a harrowing tattoo tale, and then it's time for some "Nation's Dumbest" talk, including Carmen Electra getting EXPELLED. Eric Goode of Tiger King fame is back with a new doc about reptile smugglin' on HBO Max called "Monsters of God", MJ talks about the 3 wonderful guests they have had on family trip, Jackie highly recommends "Willing Prey" plus MJ is being terrorized by an cricket emissary of hell, and even more! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to Second Helpings, everybody. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. The story of the week may have been Brad Pitt, but your second helping of the week is the level at which Jackie wants to kiss Hannah Einbinder. That's where we're bringing it in. I'm thrilled that this is what we're talking about.

It is a boing, boing, boing from me, dog. It's going to be a boeing in kind of a day because also Matthew Reese and Kerry Russell had this big variety. interview. We're boeing in. We're boeing in. And you know, I mean, I have my spike shirt on today, so I feel like that's it. You know it's going to be an extra boing day. If there's a spike shirt on, especially when your shirt says you always hurt the ones you love. The spike shirt that was purchased before season six, episode 19, and you're wearing it, you're posting through it. Oh, yeah. I love this for you. You're like, I'm not going to stop wearing the shirt.

Thank you, because I was talking to the people over at HellmouthCon, which is this huge Buffy convention that's out here in L.A. They actually have it in Sunnydale, like where they shot everything in Sunnydale. And I had this shirt on when I was talking to the head of Hellmouth Con. They're like, you know, giving like a whole Lucille blue up and down. This is what we're wearing. But what did I do, MJ? I just. you know me. Have you ever met me before? Did I just talk and talk and talk and talk about how much I love Buffy and what Buffy means to me? And I watched his eyes glaze over, but I do think he must be used to this at some point, right?

I mean, listen, within weeks of us watching Buffy, we were introduced to the world that is the Buffy fan. And we love all of you. You're incredible. You have been our shepherds through this journey. We couldn't have done it without you. And also, we couldn't have done it without you. And also, the level of intensity with which people like Buffy is, you know, I'm going to say admirable and also, you know, it's a little daunting. And so I can imagine that if you are a person who facilitates the Hellmouth Festival, Khan, that you have dealt. You've dealt with some pretty intense Buffy fans in your life. Would you say you're one of them now, MJ, though? Because I do really feel like I, like, I love Buffy. And it's not that I'm wearing the Spike Church. every single day. But if someone brings up Buffy around me, and I go,

and then immediately because in our at Crude Inc., like at Jeff's shop, we sell these sweetheart key chains that I make. And I sell them with Buffy on one side, on both of them, and some have Angel and some have Spike. And I very heavily, I don't want to say Judge, but I get into conversations with the people that take the Buffy and Angel ones.

And we talk about it. You just say, plain. How plain of you. Interesting. Oh. And then I bring up the curse and then they're like, don't you dare bring up the curse? And it's kind of fun because then they bring up episode six,

you know, or episode 19 in season six. And I said, don't you dare bring up. And I know, you say don't bring that up. No, no. You know what you should bring up? You should bring up bones. Every time somebody buys an angel. How about bones for you?

Go enjoy bones. Enjoy it. But here's a thing, MJ. I think a lot of people did. enjoy bones. It was on for quite some time. Bones is like suits. It's like immensely popular. Can't make fun of bones without angering the masses. No, you certainly, I, I'm, I don't even know what bones is about. No bones about it over here. I think it has something to do with science and forensics.

Okay, see, there you go. Science and police work. So I was right all along. I think it's forensic. During the period of time that I was obsessed with forensic files, Gidea would just walk into the room and see me watching Forensic Files and he sang a little song that went like this. Doodley do do do do do do forensics. And I think that's bones. That's the elevator pitch. That's for bones. Okay, that was it.

And they're like with Angel, we got it. We have to have it. But you know, I'm proud of all you bones heads out there. I think that like you guys need the bones and I'm happy that you've got it. We're all out here, supping on different kinds of. of media and I know that we're going to be talking about other, you know, actual articles, but I, this is something big that we need to talk about, MJ, because you said our second helpings is Jackie's, you know, need for Hannah Einbinder that I had no idea that I had because I've watched

hacks. I'm not saying, I really enjoy, I love Hannah Einbinder's work. I really, I think she's very funny. I think she's very talented. Her activism is so awesome. Like everything. I really, really enjoy, I enjoy them as a human being. And I never, and then I watched teenage sex and death at Camp Myasma.

Okay. I tell you what, I was, it's not even that I was wrong. It said I just hadn't thought about it. Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Myasma is a movie that just came out. It had a very small drop and I was so excited that Jeff immediately snagged us tickets. It's by the same person that wrote and directed. I saw the TV glow and the World's Fair ending in the World's Fair. We're all going to the World's Fair.

That movie. But I really, really saw, I mean, I really loved I saw the TV glow. And so I was excited about this new one. I knew nothing about it. All I knew is that it was by the same person that did that. I knew that Gillian Anderson was in it. And I didn't even know Heinbinder was in it. I just knew Jillian Anderson was in it.

I was like, done, that's all you need. Yeah. I'm there. I can I also recommend everyone, despite what I'm about to say, also goes to see it just knowing that. Really, that's all you need to know. And if you liked, I saw the TV glow. Go see it. It's definitely, it subverted my expectations.

It is not what I expected it to be. I will just as a general, just so in case you're like, But what, but what? Gillian Anderson essentially is the final girl from a franchise that is like a Friday the 13th Halloween in this world. So it's almost like based on a sleepaway camp. And for those of you that are familiar with sleepaway camp, there is a transphobic through line through it. So this whole movie is Hannah Einbinder being like, I'm writing a woke version of the original movie. I'm going to the final girl because I want her to be involved in it.

So that's like the loose pitch, right? Okay. All right. And it is, I wouldn't even say it's a horror movie, but there is, it is cartoonishly bloody, but also it's more yo, yo, it is so sexy. and I didn't know. I didn't know, MJ. I'm sorry, Han Eindler. I'm sorry I haven't been just at the pedestal of which I should have you up a pons.

I didn't know. And now I know. And it's a great movie. It really is not what I expected it to be. And it was awesome because there was such a few showings and the one I sought in, the house was packed. I was so happy because I think that, like, I saw the TV glow just has such a massive, like, cult following, too. So I, I would assume that with this. That's why I kind of thought it was going to get a bigger release.

But it didn't. And I, in fact, most people I bring it up to, they're like, I have not even heard of this movie at all. And I, uh, I've been thinking about it nonstop asking everyone I know that likes movies like this to watch it so I can talk to anyone. about it. I want to talk about it. And how horny, horny, horny, horny, horny I am about it. And I'm allowed to be, MJ. It's like a pro, like, you're supposed to be horny. You're supposed to be horny. Yeah. So it's like, but it's limited release, but it's like, it's, it sounds like it's like a summer self-aware, summer slasher, like, woke, but, but like, you know, in on the joke, in on the joke, very meta.

In fact, to that, like, to that point, the big bad, like the, you know, the Michael Myers of this world is called Little Death. And for those that don't know, in French, there is a term for orgasm, which means little death. And so that's part of the, part of the, part of the mystique. and I really want everybody to see it but I don't know when you're going to be able to because I imagine it's already out of the movie theaters I'm just saying give it a look for when it's screaming because great

I is especially going from seeing Spider-Man in the theater to going to see this and such packed theater experiences but in such different ways but I tell you man we were having a hoot half everybody I mean there are in the horny parts literally people the audience were like

yeah you know like it was great that's awesome i love that hana eindler um has been able to like define herself as such an outspoken activist and seemingly not had serious career repercussions or maybe just the projects that and the people that she's working with or what she's choosing like it seems like it's just been like fine for her in a way that i can't i mean i'm sure there's a million reasons why it was different for somebody like Marissa Barrera and everything. But like it's just, it's fascinating to see that like I feel like one thing that most people know about Hannah Einbiner is that she is like a very unapologetic outspoken activist. And yeah, it doesn't seem to have like taken her out at all, which I think is kind of fun. I mean, I hate to even just point out the fact of like I imagine that

the color of her skin probably adds into that. Of course. Of course. Her courage adds into that. But you know. Yeah. She's a Nepo. And also, you know, you know, obviously Scream is a much more mainstream franchise and the timing and every, again, a million reasons. But I am just, I think that it's just nice to see like a young up-and-coming actress who just isn't afraid of, you know, having values and standing by them. Right. No, for sure.

Which I think is really, really neat. I mean, not to bring up this real fast, God, they had one of the Waterloo melon medleys in the fridge at work today. And I think I stole someone's because I, I don't know if they were keeping it for themselves. You can taste every melon. I know I said this on page seven, like months ago. You could taste every goddamn melon.

This is crazy. Multiple different types of melons. Multiple melons, MJ. Every sip you get multiple melons. I'm just, I'm bowled over every time. In a good way. You like having so many melons. Oh, give me every melon you got.

I mean, I don't care how ripe it is. If it's got a rind, it's for this grind. guess. We have a melon baller in my home now. That's, whoa, okay, boast much. I know. Sorry that you keep your melon baller all the way over there in New York. Keep it away from me. Lord knows what I'm going to do with it. I'm going to put them on sticks. I guess is how you do with a melancholy. What do with your melon baller? Um, it's, you live in a small New York City apartment and you have space for a melon baller. I know. And I live a life of austerity. I'm I'm like, I don't, if I, I, I live a life of austerity.

Needlessly. Like, I'm like, it would be fun and whimsical. Why would I buy it? You know, and then my husband doesn't live that life. And he was like, let's get a melon baller. Changed our lives. It's, you know, we're eating watermelon all day. Why not eat it in ball for him?

Have a ball. Yeah. It's, if you've been not, if you also have an internalized Irish Catholic mindset where you don't deserve pleasure or nice things. Or especially, get a melon baller. Especially like an. item that only does one thing. I feel like that's the kind of thing that you really are like, I can't get that.

It only does one thing. Like, when I purchased a rice cooker, I finally purchased a rice cooker. Yeah. After destroying rice as many times as I have destroyed. I'm like, I just get a rice cooker. And I'm like, I can't. It's just for rice. It's like, how often do you make rice low?

It does the one thing really well. And so does a melon baller. So, and you know what? It takes up zero space. If you have a drawer, you have room for a lot. Melan baller. So treat yourself is what I'm saying. Treat yourself. Get yourself that melon baller, you crazy bastard. But if you're speaking, maybe you're going to get that melon baller from this sponsored ad. I'm not going to congratulate myself every time. Well done. But I'm going to congratulate

myself this one time because I did a really good job shooting it to the ad, guys. Yeah, thank you. Thank you all. I can hear your applause. It's like when Nicole Kidman comes on the screen, I can feel it. Light is our hero. But MJ, tell us a little bit more about your heroes, Carrie Russell and Matthew Reeves, because I have been seeing them. They aren't, man, talk about top of the pulps. Those beautiful, beautiful people have been, everyone's like, oh my God, they are Mr. and Mrs. America, which I find very funny because they're not. And I do think that it is this whole, like, where he, and you know, you know, I mean, MJ, you didn't know. that he had an ascento until you found out he had an ascento.

I sure didn't. And I'm still, I'm still living in a, like, post-Matthew Reese's Welsh reality. And I'm really, I'm going to be honest, I'm struggling with it. Really? See, I'm very here for it. Well, you and Carrie Russell, because here's the thing, Jackie. You have not watched the Americans. No.

So it will not be as much of a pleasure to you. But he's such an American in that, right? Isn't he, like, such an American that he's not. Is for American? He is a Russian. Oh, he's a Russian. Wait, is Gary Russell Russian too? They are both Russian, the premise of the Americans.

This is very rocky and bullwinkle-coded. Are they there, too? It's, it is like, it is the 80s. It is like height of the Cold War and Matthew Reese and Kerry Russell. So he's Welsh. Pretending to be Russian, pretending to be American? Correct. Whoa.

And they say a. can't do it all. And my thing is just that I've loved the Americans again for 10 years, only like last week found out that Matthew Reese is Welsh. But also, I think I may have known this and forgot that Matthew Reese and Carrie Russell are together. Yes. And they are husband and wife in the Americans.

And that is how they met and they have been together ever since. And yeah, again, if you haven't, if you be as a non-Americans fan, that won't like feel you with a horn the way it does for me. But I do. I mean, I will, though. MJ, the second you tell me that the show is horny, you know you make me want to see the show. It's so horny. I know you don't love a thriller, but do you love beautiful people, Jackie? Yeah.

Yeah. I think you do. Wait, okay, remind me the guy who has that funny machine, that robot machine that you strike a pose on the red carpet and it takes. Oh, the guy with the hair. That guy. Yeah, that guy. So that a couple of weeks ago. they were on a red carpet and that guy.

Oh my God, I watched this. Yes. Yes. That guy was like to strike a little pose. And it's the two of them. And of course they always look like they are the characters from the Americans. Like they just like lean against each other and look like beautiful spies. So dramatic.

But then it's like, you know, that machine, that camera, it's like you're supposed to do just one quick little movement. And Matthew Reese just does like a little like cigarette flick. And Carrie Russell is just like laughing. And so the slow-mo video is here. him being very kind of like comically sexy and deep year. And she's just like laughing. And that was the point at which I remembered that they are a couple.

I just, and I was like, oh, look, co-stars together on the red carpet. And I was like, look at how much they enjoy each other. And then I was like, they've been together for like 10, 10 years, 13 years. Like the Americans is an old show. I think they have children together. They're not married, but they're like together, together, together. And so there was a big, like, variety, like, feature of them this week.

And they talk about their relationship and they talk about their roles. And they talk about, you know, just each other. And how hot they are and just like how they stare into each other's eyes and just, I don't know. Maybe they sing at each other. Do you think they harmonize while staring into each other's eyes? I just have a question for the masses, which is that if you, are Carrie Russell and you fall in love with Matthew Reese over the course of filming the Americans during which he has an American accent. Do you have him talk with a Russian accent

when you fought then? He almost never speaks in a Russian accent. That is what I said. They are, they speak Russian, but if they are speaking, they're usually speaking English. But I mean, I'm sorry, speaking English with an American accent. But yeah, I just, I, I posted this video of Matthew Reeves, it's like a, let's do lunch with Eja, you know, and he is so Welsh. He's, he's so profoundly Welsh. And my friend who studied abroad and Wales is like, he's like the Welsh poster boy. How did you not know? I love this.

So Welsh. And I am over here just agonizing because I bone for him is as an American, if you will. And I am adapting my boner to now be in love with him as a Welshman. For all of it. Yes. And I just wonder what Carrie Russell's process was. That's what I want to know. It's just if you want to love him at his American, you have to love him at his Welsh, MJ.

I know. I know. And I love, I love accents. I love, I love commonwealth. Honestly, dude. Just put on Widows Bay again. You know what I mean? Just slap it on again.

I want to, it was so cool at Midsummer Scream seeing the amount of people that also dressed up as Patricia. Oh, that's fun. I saw so many. And I was just like, yeah. Yes, yes. Oh my God. I have to post the picture of someone also dressed up as pigs in space, like the whole get-up of pigs in space with like a Pepe was there. And like it was just really great. Man, the costumes. Oh, at these cons are just unbelievable. That actually is one gem from the interview is that Carrie Russell says that Matthew Reese kind of like always thinks that whatever he's working on is like not going to be good. He's always worried. And he'll come home from filming and be like, I think it's okay. I don't know.

It's like fine. But then with Widows Bay, she said it was the first time that he came home and he was like, this is really, really, really good. I'm so happy for him. And that's also funny about that is the last project he did was like the Beast in Me with Claire Daines and it was pretty mid. So I think it's funny to be like he knew, he probably knew that was mid. But obviously most of the other stuff he does is very, very, very well received.

And Beast of me was fine. It just wasn't like remarkable. But yeah, apparently Widows Bay was like his first time being like, I know this is a hit, you know. I know it's just a hit or whatever he would. Gary Russell, I think this is going to be a hit. I can't do a Welsh accent. It's very, it's special.

It's different. No one's asking us, too. I will say, it's not like the other accents. It's difficult and no one, definitely, no one wants us to do it. So it's for the best that you don't do it, MJ. Welsh people, sound off. Sound off. Let us know.

It's science. Is that it? I can say one phrase. Welsh rabbit. There's a dish called Welsh rabbit. Because Matthew Reese has a boat called the rare bit. The Welsh rabbit. And he thought it was a sign from God that he should buy the boat because there's a Welsh dish called the Welsh rarebit.

And the boat was called the rare bit. And it's bad luck to rename a boat. And so that's why he is called the Welsh Welsh, Welsh rabbit. Very Welsh. Extremely Welsh. Well, you know what was not very Welsh of me? That was my tattoo experience yesterday. and I don't know if it was very Welsh of me

because I don't really know what that means. We know nothing about whales. I couldn't probably point it out on a map. I am the stupid American that Matthew Rees and Kerry Russell do not portray on the show The Americans. But MJ, I got some tats yesterday. And I've been for those that I think

if you check out the YouTube, YouTube.com slash page 7 pod, you can see slowly that my midlife crisis this is becoming just covered in tattoos, right? This is where I'm putting my crisis. And look, Jack, maybe you can see if you're watching YouTube, Jackie and I have a little matchy, a little Jughead matchy. We have our matchy matchies, which of course says,

forget it, Jughead, it's Riverdale on it because, yes, we do have matching Riverdale tattoos. And we got that together and it was fun and not that painful. And it was amazing when we were on tour and it was not that painful. And I have been getting my legs done. And really, I used to think that I had a, like, a low pain tolerance. I think a lot of specifically, which is, I think I find it fascinating. I feel like I talk to a lot of younger women that are like, oh, I have such a low pain tolerance, such a low pain tolerance.

And then as we get older, and I'm talking about people like, like, AFABs. Like, people that were born as a woman that also, I feel like society told us that's like, oh, you don't have as high of a pain tolerance. You're a wimp, yeah. You're a wimp. And through especially the process of getting tattooed, I have certainly learned that that is not the case. We oftentimes, like people born as females,

have a higher capacity, especially in different places, right? I pride myself because often, too, in the tattoo culture, and stop me if you're like, oh, yeah, Jackie, everybody knows this. but like you can get spray that makes it not hurt as bad. That is the last thing I will ever do. Oh. Because it makes your skin more difficult to tattoo. It makes it difficult for the ink to stick in.

Like there are like a lot of tattoo artists don't usually prefer to work with it. I'm not saying that about all of them. And I'm not saying that you should never use this. I just have in my brain because I've seen men use it. it and I'm like, then I'm never going to use it. I don't need it. I'm hard as nails. There's no need for me to do this, right? Yeah. So I have been, I have varicose veins on my legs and I've gotten, I've gotten them stripped. And when what you don't know is that with varicose veins, if you get them stripped so that they don't hurt anymore, they're still there. And you have to

spend lots of money to get plastic surgery to have them not look like you have varicose veins. veins anymore. And I was like, I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to get them covered in tattoos. And then it's going to be fine. Oh, okay. So I was waiting for a big vein to get tattooed. And I was really putting it off.

It's right. It's like right in the front of my leg. Everyone could see it on the, like in my brain. It was just like, all I could see was this vein. I was like, I have to get this vein covered. The point of self-consciousness for you. Yes. Yes.

And I know you guys are not looking at the vein. But I just want you to know that they, yeah, like, gray. Like, I want you to know that you're not alone in feeling like this about your body that we all feel this way sometimes. Yes. And so I was like, I want to get it covered. So I went to my, my gal, Julianne, give her a follow, Julian Ashby. She's the one that is doing all of the many Wiverns on my leg. She did my Bobby Yaga on my arm. She's an amazing, amazing talent. And so I was like, I'm coming to you because I got to do this. She's like, I'm sure it won't be too bad. And I was like, okay, I am going to post pictures of me because I took pictures because I've never been

in such excruciating pain before that I was like gripping the table just with like, and I'm like cry and cry and cry. And then like she would stop and be like, do you want the spray? And I'm like, I don't want the spray. Don't give me the spray. What am I? Sis boy wimp? Like, it's just so funny that, like, it was just the two of us in there.

There was no need for me to do it. You don't have to prove anything. Didn't have to. And I just, I wanted to share this experience because at some point, I did use the spray. Because I was like, literally, I got to a point that I was like, you can't finish. You cannot finish. And is the spray good shit? It's like an epidural where you're like, why didn't I do this sooner?

It's gone, bro. The problem is. is that it immediately goes away, but this is the thing, MJ, is that that's why I saved it for the very end, thank God, because it doesn't last a long time. And this is also what everybody says, that if you use the pain spray,

then all of a sudden, you're just like, because all the pain comes back at once, and it's like way worse. So I just wanted to share this experience for those of you that one were, you know, about tattoo experience. and it was very vulnerable and I just like cried and held

like Julian held me afterwards and I'm like I'm so sorry and it was great you know okay I have my a couple of questions but my biggest is did it hurt because of where it was

on your leg or because of the vein or we don't know what like because I know that like I have an ankle tattoo that hurt like hell and a foot like a tattoo on the top of my foot that hurt like hell but then like

the Jughead one didn't hurt that bad. So I know it kind of depends. But also, I also have, I don't know what, I don't know, I've been trying to figure out what's going on in my leg. Some vein exploded in my leg when I was pregnant or at least that's how it seems. Some, something, I think it's a Verico's vein. It just looks like something has gone wrong in my leg. And I'm always looking at it like, what's going on here?

What's going on down there? What's happening with this? It's some sort of time bomb waiting to go bad. Is this just what my leg looks like now? and I think it's probably a varicose vein. And I'm just wondering if you're tattooing, what if you aren't, what if you, I don't know, are you going to, are you going to poke right through the vein?

You're not getting the vein. No. Julianne literally like held my face because I was like, you're going to pop it. It's going to go through it. And she's like, it doesn't go that thick. She's like the skin is the same thickness on the outside of that as it is everywhere else. She's like, it's not going to pop it.

But I also wonder, I think it is definitely because like literally she was doing a dragon partially on the vein and then partially off. The second it was off of the veins, completely fine. I did not cry or need any of it for the rest of my leg. It is literally just right there. And I do think it's because the vein also is dead. I think it has something to do because people get

like wrist tattoos and stuff like that. You get tattoos on veins all the time. That's not their issue. I think it's because the vein was dead that made it so different. I'm only sharing some people may be like who gives? I'm just throwing that out there because a lot of us are hitting an age where a lot of us do have varicose veins. And I'll listen to a whole podcast about varicose veins.

I just point me there. I need to learn. I just, I wanted to share this information that I learned of like if you were thinking like me, oh, I'm not going to get this therapy and I'm just going to get tattoos over them. I'm just saying, get the spray. Just use the spray. Just use the spray. It's fine, just use the spray. And it is, I, it's funny though, because the getting out the spray really is for me, like, I feel like, like, when you show, like, a leader to a dog to be like, or also I'm going to put this on you. I'm like, taking out the spray, like, not the spray.

Please, not the spray. Yeah, no, it's funny that I think a lot of AFABs are just told constantly as girls that they're, you know, wimpier and weaker and slower. And then, yeah, at some point in, I think around. When you start getting your mencies, you realize that you're actually physically much stronger. Oh, my God. Am I in pain all the time? Yeah. And then it just keeps escalating. It's like your period hurts more than most boys have experienced. And, you know, you're getting an IUD and hurts more than most boys have experienced.

And you're obviously, you know, the childbirth and everything. You should have seen Kara on LPN Funhouse. I'll never forget. We're all getting zapped. We're all getting like the dog collar. The dog collar goes up to 100. We all, like, I could, I maxed out at like 28. Like, that's what I could take. Kara hit all the way to 100.

And then she's getting zapped. And she's looking at all of us. She's being like, I hope you never have children. This, this. And we're all just like, ah. Ah. Ha ha. Ha ha.

And it's very, I really, I really, she could have like bitten through. all of us and we would have allowed her to. Yeah. No, I mean, I, you know, I, I, my first was, uh, was a emergency C-section way before labor. And then my second, I, I, I was like in labor for like, you know, 20 minutes. Like, I felt like, like, like, one real contraction. And I was like, this, this is what everybody does for 24 hours. People do this. So, like, I know, C-sections are painful in their own, right, but like, that, the, that contractions, I literally felt one And I was like, no, thank you. No, thank you.

Can't believe people are doing this for many hours at a time. That's all I could think about was that, like, in the immense pain that I was in with this tattoo, I was like, all I could think I was like, and I can stop this. Like, I can choose for this to end. Most people, when you're in that kind of pain, you can't choose for it to end. And you've just got to do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I'm glad that we're talking.

We have to talk about these things, guys. Got to talk about it. How else are we going to learn? You know, how else would you know that? Maybe sure, I could have Googled it. But I knew that if I found out honestly, genuinely, what I said to Julian afterwards was like, if I knew it hurt this bad,

I probably never would have even attempted to do it. Really? So I'm glad I did it because you know what, MJ? They're covered. They're covered and I've always wanted them covered. And this is a huge fucking thing for me that afterwards I cried all the way home just because I have been so self-conscious

about these damn veins for so long. And now they're covered in dragons, okay? That's great. I have a had, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. I'm happy for you. Now, are we happy for Carmen Electra?

No, we are not. Are we? Are we? No, I feel like I might be happy for her. Well, I'm worried about her. I want Carmen Electra in therapy because Nation's dumbest is, again, we've talked about it for a couple weeks now, really causing a lot of ego death. amongst celebrities.

Talk about self-conscious. I mean, that's what I'm saying. And it actually is very, it was this episode, episode four of the nation's dumbest, which we are up to, is like, you know, at first we're kind of like, ha-ha, carbon-electra. She'll probably be good at this because she's used to being a national laughing stock. But is she used to being a national laughing stock? Or is she not okay with her? That's the thing.

Like again, props seriously to Jojo Siwa, who seems to have just absorbed it and run with it in a way that Carmen Electra is wounded. She has an open wound from the way people have talked about her for 20 years. And it's actually very, very sad. I cannot believe how much more I am enjoying Jojo Siwa after watching her on this damn show. We already weirdly championed. her here. But if you... She's weirdly grown on us. Yes. And if you want to find out more about how

we feel about her during Nation's Dumbest Episode 4, you're going to have to wait until after this sponsor. Man, she's really, really genuinely killing it, MJ. She keeps expecting to be like, I know I'm the dumbest, I know.

But she's like having a blast. It seems like they all genuinely enjoy talking to each other. Like it seems like They're actually pretty fun. They're all genuinely having fun. Like, it seems like I love that they're making this weird John Hedder Ice Tea, like, feud, quote of both.

But they both know that it's a joke and like everyone is just laughing about it. Totally. Except for Carmen Electra. Like, I know that the show is dumb and I just started watching it because Alari Abolwa was there. And then I find myself week by week being like, I actually kind of like. Like they are, some of the celebrities are going through a process of either embracing some level of like humility or whatever, which I actually will put Hilaria in that she's trying to laugh at herself at least.

I also, way more than, you know how we hate watch the Baldwin's, you know, like, they make evil decisions as a family. We're not taking that away. No, no, no, no. And she herself should be put on a platform to be. made fun of. She's actually very good at being made fun of. She's good at making fun of herself, which I mean, you kind of got to be to be on a show like this. In fact, when she was so proud of herself for the first task was like putting four liters of water exactly into a pitcher. And when

she finally figured out, she just like stood up and she went, it was thanks to my power suit. And because she had this like red power suit on, but the way she said it, I was just like, you're kind growing on me too. At least she's like, like I do feel like these celebrities are going through this process of, yeah, of like humility and self-awareness. And then there's Carmen Electra who this instead, this process, which is inherently like you must be able to laugh at yourself. She is, she has this festering ego wound from always being considered, you know, just a bimbo or whatever. And, you know, and she is not able to, like Napoleon Dynamite, obviously, John Heater, he's like not known for anything else. Like, I'm sure there's like some ego wound that comes with being like I was kind of a one hit wonder or whatever.

But his whole thing is just like, man, Napoleon Dynamite was dumb and I got approved everyone. I'm smart. And he sounds exact same as he did then. And he's just like, and then, you know, iced tea is like, everyone thinks I'm a dumbass, but I got street smarts. And, and, like, everyone's just kind of figuring out their way to be like, I'm a human being and it's fine. And, like, you know, this actually isn't a reflection of my worth as a human being. And then poor Carmen Electra is just like, she just panics. She's suffering.

And then she keeps, like, saying, I can't do this. And then in episode four, she ends up just walking away and leaving. And actually, like, you know, we talk, we've talked about, about Britney and about Jessica Simpson and about how shitty it was to be a beautiful young woman, you know, in the 90. and I guess the same grace needs to be extended to Carmen Electra. I think she has been profoundly damaged by the way people spoke about her. And I think she was just genuinely so terrified of looking down the barrel and knowing that she was probably going to win, quote unquote, the nation's dumbest. Right. By being. But also, it wasn't even really her fault.

She just kept panicking. You could tell she wanted to show that she was smart so desperately. And it's genuinely sad that she just, and you could tell that she was like psyching herself out. Like where she, and then like afterwards she'd be like, but I knew it. Oh, but I knew it. Like it's like she just sikes herself out. I feel bad that she just, I mean, I'm glad that they let her leave the show. Yes.

Because at one point they even had her, like she still had her mic on and she was in her like trailer talking about how she can't do this. She just can't do it. And this is like the lowest stakes reality show ever, but she just cannot do it. But like I actually, so I was thinking about this because, you know, I'm on vacation. I'm with family. I'm with the side of the family. Again, you're on a trip.

I'm on a trip. I'm on a trip. I'm on a trip. I'm on a trip. I'm on the side of the family that loves to play games. And I hate to play games. Oh, God. What kind of games?

I'm the fun police. I'm also the fun police. What kind of games? Card games. Any type of like any, like any games, games, games, games. And I like a few games. I love banana grams. But like I usually, I'm like, you guys have fun.

I will sit at the table with you while you play games and I will read my book. Like that is how I want to relax. And I will enjoy you guys chit-talking each other and learning a new game and having fun. I love that. And that's how I want to do it. But then like one of the cousins had gotten this new game and everyone was so excited to try the game. It's a 13th dead end drive. It's no, I wish.

That's the type of game I like. Except that you have to set it up for the kids. But then you've got to set it up for an hour and a half. And then they're just like, can we play? Can we play? Can we play? No, put down the batteries. I know, but don't wake daddy. Pretty easy setup. You know, obviously that's a page 7 classic. And I did buy it for my kids.

And we have been enjoying just screaming, don't wake daddy. You should just play it with Gideon in the bed and like you just do it, where it's like you wake up the kids in the middle of the night. And it's like, oh, it's don't wake daddy. But it's real. Oh, no. I mean, we live in an apartment with a dad who mostly works at night and sleeps out hours. So don't wake daddy is the life.

I'm living in general. But point B, I don't even remember what the game was. I'll find it. It's set flip seven, I think it was called. It's extremely simple game to learn. It was a very simple game to learn. But I panic when I have to learn a new game because I'm really afraid I'm going to look stupid. And yes, this goes to an old wound of being the youngest in my family and everyone understood

strategy and everyone understood games. And then everybody's upset with you. Yeah, I would always leave crying. screaming or trying to like swallow the game pieces so that no one else could use them. Yes. Or like like in Bluey when they're just playing with the playing pretend with the chess pieces. I'm like over here just like, can I just play with the monopoly pieces? And I'm like, no. I like it when the dog wears the top hat. Can we just please work together? Just let me play with that. But so I'm playing this very simple card game. And I was like so self-conscious about

about looking stupid. And because I was like, and I tell my kids all the time. I'm like, listen, Some things come easy. Some things come hard to different people. Somebody who you think, you know, oh, my classmate at school, reading is not coming easy to them, but they're so good at soccer. Like, soccer does not come easy to you, but you're so good at reading.

Like, it's no judgment of, like, what comes easy and hard. And I'm over here playing this game, sweating. I'm like, why I want to leave? I'm like, all of the relaxation. I'm so, so insecure. I just become a little kujo, and everyone's like, what's going on with MJ? I'm like a seventh grade around the first day of school again, like so insecure.

And then I watched Nation's Dumbus with Carmen Electra. And I'm like, it's okay that you're not this type of smart girl. You're good at other things. You've obviously had a lot of success. And Jave, you kept screwing up like that in front of everybody. Oh, yeah. I would want to leave. I don't think I would show it to other people.

Like I definitely would probably keep it to myself much to the detriment of myself. But I would be spiraling alone. every second. I think we're all sensitive little babies is what I'm learning from Nation's dumbness. I think that Anthony Michael Hall is also a little upset with himself. Oh my God. Well, he's an idiot.

Sorry. He is dumb. But you know what? He's a man in his 60s. I think he's just able to roll with it. You know, and he's just like, oh, all right, whatever. None of them knew what a muffoletta was. None of them.

You all have, like, traveled internationally. Like, you've never heard the word muffoletta before. Spanish Hilaria Baldwin. Right. I don't know what a muffleda you've never been to New Orleans. You don't even know the English word for cucumber. You don't know what a muffoletta is? I could not believe that not one celebrity knew what a muffleda is.

You haven't been to New Orleans once? I just, I, you're all rich. You're multicultural. Is it because I don't know. In my head, I'm like, do they, are they beyond the place of, like, looking at menus anymore? Is it just that people bring them food and they just don't know? I don't know what happens up there. I think wealth does make it make you stop.

learning and stop being curious. At least that's what Anthony Michael Hall wants you to assume. I think he wants to be like, see, I just been wealthy. Like, I'm just that kid from that movie when he grabbed the girl in the car. Come on. Yeah, he is the dumbest of them all. But man, also just I know we can move on to the next thing. But I just want to say that Stivo, talk about seventh grader, feeling like a seventh grader again.

Steveo awakens in me the type of crush that I can't even access as a 40-year-old person. Yes. Wow. I love Sivo so much and I thirst for him so much. It's the voice, right? It's everything. It's the voice. It's the voice.

You want to get out of yo-yo-Zewa, too. It's the voice. It's the tattoo of his face on his back. On his back, yeah. It's the fearlessness. It's the brief stint with veganism. It's the successful sobriety. He loves his dog.

You know, I do like that. I think he's like one of the sexiest people on earth. And that's insane because it's stevo. It is stevo. That is insane. I just want to bring that to the table. You're not trying to kiss anyone on Nation's dumbest, I assume. Yeah, I don't think so.

Sorry, it just was very funny at the end with Napoleon. I'm calling Napoleon Dynamite. When Napoleon Dynamite was asked about what scrollians. was against iced tea and everyone that was watching them was like hey Napoleon Dynamite doesn't know what scryla is he doesn't know fucking scrella and it's like the one thing that napoleon dynamite did know is that scrylla is also money and um i was proud of him because if he didn't know that up against ice tea it really would have just been just even funnier ice tea and then they the see i feel like i'm having more of a crush on iced tea through all of this because he's so just like

he doesn't give a fuck. I'm a gangster. I don't know. He does not give a fuck. He does not care at all. The last question that got them was who sings the 1986 hit. How will I know? And everyone in all the other celebrities are like, you know, IST he is a musician.

He's going to get this. This is definitely Whitney. And John Heater, who's DeVolian Dynamite, is just sitting there like the camera, you know, talk back after he's like, So I'm sitting there saying to myself, how will I know? How will I know? How will I know? How will I know? He like works his way into it. And it's so cute. And then I see he's like, I was in the streets in 1986. I wasn't listening to Whitney. We weren't bang and Whitney. And then he's fine. He's like, I'm not. He's just, he doesn't care. He doesn't need. He doesn't need people to think he's smart. Because he's like, I know I'm smart in what I'm what I'm smart at. And this is not measuring. that and I didn't know how will I know and I don't care and we love that for him. Man, there are some people out there that know a lot about reptile smuggling and yeah, I am talking about monsters of God. MJ, MJ, MJ, if I wasn't watching the episode so late last night,

I would have woken you up to say, MJ watch this episode. There's only the first episode has dropped and only one. Okay, good, good, good. Only one. So you're jumping on. Oh, you're jumping on just in time because, yes, this is made by filmmaker Eric Good, the person that made chimp crazy and Tiger King. And now on HBO, they are starting to do the same kind of story, but about big reptile smuggling. They got snakes, they got lizards, they got all kinds of things. It's crazy. Chimp crazy? In the very, like, the first, like, couple minutes.

it shows this guy that's trying to get an anaconda that's his like into this box and he gets them into the box and he goes to like put the cover on the box and the snake had just slithered in and the second he went to go put the cover on the box it went and just right like so fast it was moved so they moved so fast every day they move so fast oh gideon is going to be so excited about this it's so crazy you're finding about it. all this and also how horrific it is and what they did to start getting the reptiles smuggled. Like it's. It's going to be. Yeah. I always say I love Chimp Crazy, but Chim Crazy was devastating. This is.

As well as Tiger King. Yeah. You know, I feel like some people and I understand to a point, I guess, that like some people are like, why would I ever want a snake? I can't cuddle with it. You know what I mean? Like, why would I want a lizard? I can't cuddle with it. But these are all so many rare, unique creatures that have just, that are just so fascinating. And how they treat them is so horrible. And like, because it's like, oh, they're just reptiles. Totally. This is, the reason Gideon loves reptiles so much is because he took, in the, you know,

mid-80s, he took a summer camp class somewhere on some Catskill Mountain somewhere taught by some nature guy that was called Animals Nobody Loves. And it was all about reptiles and snakes and animals and bugs and animals that nobody loves. And I do think that like that the reptile breeding thing is kind of premised on who cares, they're reptiles, you know. And also the fact It's this like weird additional of you have to go and find these rare things and rip them out of their homes to like be like, I did this. I went and I'm the big, scary human being that went in and like championed these smaller be. You know, it's like that. It's like that it's a whole like big game hunter kind of thing. Like it's the whole like because this does wrap in where like Tiger King and Chimp Crane.

didn't really get into that. I feel like, if I remember correctly, like, this is like, at least the first episode is about the actual, like, how they did it. The acquisition of the animals. They would just be going on planes to the middle of nowhere, like, rounding up. And then they just shove them in suitcases. Oh, that's awful.

And just, like, it's, I'm not going to get into some, like, I actually was, like, a little sick at one point. So I will say, trigger warning. Okay. if you have too much empathy and sometimes you see something like that. And I'm just like, ah, ah,

ah, yeah. Um, it, uh, but it is, but it's only the first episode and I'm immediately just like, I want to watch every second of it.

Well, what made Tiger King and Chim Crazy so good is that, yes, it's kind of about the animals, but really it's about the pathology of the humans that engage with this. And yeah, what makes, what makes the Tiger King guy like,

what drives him, right? And then what Chim Crazy was so interesting was, and I remember talking about this with Holden, was that like the pathology of this woman with all the chimps is like, you want a child who will never grow up. And it ends up being this really Freudian thing where you're like, what, what subconscious drive is motivating this like this anti-nature, like, it's this antisocial behavior. Right. And with a rep. reptile thing. Yeah, there's this like masculinity. There's this like conquering. And it's like a god of like a creature that can kill you.

Like I feel like it is so much because it does follow Hank Malt and Tommy Crutchfield. So Hank Malt is like the guy. He is the one that started all of it. He's an older dude. He's in the docket. So that's like you're saying. It's about the characters too of what. And this guy screwed over so many people.

And then it's him versus the guy who they both hate each other more than life itself, the other guy that tried to take over Hank Malt. So it's like there is this whole like war, like, war. Business war of it. Exactly. So it's all of it. But apparently Eric Good, the guy that makes these, this one to him is the most special because he, the reason why he, the reason why he.

he started Tiger King and all this stuff is because he's a huge reptile guy. And he is a person, like, there's all this footage of him being like, this is the project that means the most to me because I was the one trying to get the reptiles. And fascinating. Yeah. Yeah. They're just so big. And they're just moved so fast.

And also, I kind of want a commoto dragon. But you want to have a space for a. Komodo dragon because they really can just bite through your hand. How big are they? Big. They're pretty big. You want like a big space. Yeah. You want a big space for them. Not a New York apartment. No, no, no, no. No. They need an enclosed, enclosement, like a jungle enclosement. Yeah. But no, that's, I'm, I'm on family trip with

two toy Australian shepherds. And if I make it home without my family acquiring a toy Australian Shepherd, that it's a, we've, they're the cutest dogs that have ever existed. And my family, as many of you know. Oh my God, M.J. We, my family is living with three cats. We have acquired another cat. Oh, my God. They're on our wiggle butts.

Oh, my God. I love our wiggle butts on Reddit. It's all about the wiggle butt dogs. They're toy Australian shepherds. I mean, also full side of Australian Shepherd. They're beautiful. I mean, Australian Shepherds. Oh my God, with the eyes, with the, oh, my God.

Yes. So we're on vacation with two of them and then another perfect dog. And so, of course, my children want a dog. And that's going to be the- How are you going to put that off? Kara said that she told Rosie that she had to wait seven years. The problem was that was two and a half years ago. And Rosie is still counting down.

And Kara's like, why did I say, she's like, I thought she was going to, you know, kind of be like, I thought it was going to be one of those, you know? Well, Kara, listen, I, my poor parents, I begged for a dog every day. And then they finally acquiesced when I was like 14. And at that point, I had a social life. I'm like going out with friends at night. They're not taking care of the dog. I was not.

Of course I promised I would do everything. I did nothing. Of course you promised. Zero percent work. And the dog became my parents' dog and they loved the dog and they did an amazing job with the dog and everything. But like I, this is that. So I do think that the message that.

I want to give to Kara is I actually think that you don't want to wait until the kid is 14 because the kid's only a few years away from moving out. Their social life is getting them out of the house. I think nine or ten is maybe the sweet spot when you have recovered from, I don't know. I don't want a dog. I don't want a dog. And all week I've been like, we're getting a dog. Sounds like you're man of testing.

It sounds like the more you say I don't want a dog, the more likely the chance of you getting a dog is. But okay, question though, are you up against? Gideon about it. Does Gideon want a dog? I don't want to. I don't want to. We all love dogs. M.J. You don't have to explain this to any of us. We all know you don't want a dog because you are the one that's going to take care of the dog. Like we all, we get it. We know what's going to happen here. Like I just. It's not that you don't love dogs. You love dogs. Do you have the time to take on a dog? Right. With the three cats and the two kids and the husband, do you have to? Do we? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I feel like all I do is feed things. Aunt Jackie says you guys can't get a dog until I get a dog. And then I'll just put it off for a while. And then they're going to text you. When I get a dog, every day and ask you.

Yeah, they can text me and I'll tell them no. And then one day I'll send them a little picture of a little snout and be like, it's time. You know, and then they're going to be even more excited to get the dog than I am. Yeah. Well, you know, if you're depressed out there, go follow some, like, Toy Australian Shepherd accounts and you'll feel immediately better. That's the other thing. Follow pork and be inies.

They're also, all these three dogs are all a pack. And so I think that we don't even, I think now at this point the kids don't even want one dog. They want, like, a pack of dogs. Oh, my God. Well, they're cute. It's so cute. They walk around in a little pack. If one of them goes upstairs, they all go upstairs.

They go outside. They see the geese. They chase after the geese all together. They're a little gay. You have to show them what happens when a pack of dogs get together and they're not good. That's what we start showing them. Get them on the YouTube that they're showing just a bunch of like, this is what happens when dogs work together.

Oh, this is what you want in your house? Didn't that happen in like Balto? Right? Isn't that where they get, does this dog get ripped apart by wolves? I'm not going to show them that, Jackie. I don't know. I teach them. What happens when dogs get together?

A murder of dogs is what they're called. I'd rather get thrown. three dogs than show them Balto. Okay. So don't drive me, don't push me this way. You know, I just reference Balto, but I don't think I've seen Balto

since Balto came out. But is it because it was really sad? Because I feel like it's one of those like all dogs go to heaven where it was one of those like the terrifying little toaster, whatever it was, the sad fucking toaster. The brave little toaster. Like I feel like

it was all in that area where it's like, why don't we show all the kids that they can die at any time? Right, where we realized we were retroactively traumatized by Balto. Yeah, I've read a lot of, as I gotta say, I do a lot, a lot of books about, like, dog slut racing. I feel like I read so many books about... He said dog slut racing for a second. I was like, yeah, you better get those slutty dogs out there. Get them to moving, because if they get caught, they're going to get knocked up.

And that kind of sounds like the book I'm currently reading, which is willing to, prey, but that's consensual. That's all. I was asked, I asked at Rip Baudis for a book that a monster fucker could read that had humans in it. That's something that would also say a monster fucker and they gave me willing prey. And it's about very consensually a woman is getting paid a thousand dollars a day to live in this house with this really hot guy that had a crush on her for a really long time. and she gets hunted whenever he wants to hunt her. And then when he catches her, they have like really crazy sex. But they both are very into it.

And she gets paid a lot of money. And it's great. So no monsters, but just monster-like behavior. Humans, yeah, it's humans doing it. You know, because humans get-whicker yet. No, no. You think if I saw Wicker, I wouldn't be like, the Wicker, the Wicker, the Wicter.

Like, I would be talking only Wicker. I, it doesn't come out until October, but I also think it only comes out in the UK in October. I don't think it comes here October. October. Oh, I was going to say maybe you could see it for your birthday because this is Jackie's birthday episode and everyone should go wish Jackie happy birthday, but she doesn't have enough wicker in her life. So you can figure out something else that she likes. Yeah, because I don't get that for my birthday.

Spike, Mothman, you know, and whatever. If you know what Jackie likes, tag her on Instagram, tell her happy birthday. Sing to her. I could sing to you now if you'd like, but I don't have to. No, it's okay. People have different relationships with the song. If you want to come up with a different happy birthday song and sing it, though, you're welcome to. If you want to put your own spin on it.

I feel like, you know, everyone has like their least favorite happy birthday song. Don't the Beatles have one? Or am I thinking birthday? I don't like that one. There's that one. There's that one. There's the regular birthday song. I guess I appreciate, even if you just said,

It's a Birthday, go Jackie. Oh, Jackie. Go Jackie. It's your birthday. You know, I'll even take one of those. And a happy belated birthday to Adam as well. Adam, the amazing, Adam, who really survived his wasp sting with flying colors.

He really, honestly, really was crazy. I'm going to say it. As a man, he didn't complain at all. He just told me about. it and then didn't bring it up ever again. So I just want to give kudos to Adam because he's one of the good. Yes. Yes.

Happy birthday, Adam. And happy birthday, Jackie. I hope that your Leo season is bringing everything. How are you going to celebrate? What's your, I know that we have at the end of the month, there is network break and you are going to be with your lovely family. But for your actual birthday, what's how you're going to treat yourself? We're having a relaxation station, babe.

but we are, Jeff set it all up for me. I am having a relaxy taxi day. There's going to be massages. There's going to be facials. I'm going to my favorite restaurant. I'm going to have some friends over to watch a really bleak movie. It's exactly what I want because nothing says happy birthday like a spaceship that has no gas that is going in the wrong direction and that there's no way back until they find

another planet's orbit to turn around. And that is Oniara. and I love to be bleak, especially on my birthday. I think there's something about Leo's being, it's very funny. I think that we have so many Leo babies in our life and we're surrounded by many Leo children, and I love the Leo children, they love their birthdays,

and then you look at all the sour Leo adults. Adults, you know. The kids, Sina's kid and Holden's kid, both Leo's. Yes. And then it's like you, Travis, Adam, so many people are all Leo's. Julie, James, yeah, you know, obviously Winnie, the child, but also it's very Carolina, like Carolina Cosmo, Julie, me, Adam, James. That's literally in one week. That's crazy.

Yeah. Birthdays. So that's, it's crazy. Really is great. And Jess, now I'm making new friends there. all Jess from Dorian, who I'm writing the video game, she's also an amazing Leo. It's really, it's crazy. As entertainers, we're surrounded by them, and it's fascinating to watch the horoscope

change and shift as we get older. You used to be just party girl, party girl energy. Liose season. Yes, it used to be crazy. And now it's just, I'm tired. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right.

You're aging into a verging. You should have even, I guess I am aging into a bar girl. Even just the pain I experienced yesterday, when I got home to sleep, I literally, I slept better than I've ever, like I was just like, oh, and it's just like, man, sometimes bleak, pain, upset, puts you right out, man, really just helps.

You don't have to slurp on any scissor. You don't have to take anything. And it just puts your right out. But come on by, if you guys want to check out our, If you want to check out, I'm going to post the pictures of the tattoos over the veins. And then you guys can tell me, you can't even see those veins. I'll be like, please tell me you can't see the veins. Right?

You can't. And just lie to me because it's my birthday. And that is what being the birthday gal is all about. But MJ, I hope that you enjoy the rest of your family trip. And I hope that you make it back from your family trip without. coming home with multiple toy Australian shepherds. Three dogs. Yes, I will, I think.

We have seen, we have, we're, we're New Yorkers rediscovering nature over here. We're looking at worms. Anything that has scared them more than you expected? No, they're weirdly, my kids are, I'm, what we have discovered on this trip is that I'm the baby about bugs. I don't like any bugs. And I don't long for nature. I don't long for the country. I'm perfectly happy in New York City.

I like, obviously, getting out and stuff. But, like, these bugs at night were out there having, you know, fires and everything. And there's, and my kids are like picking them up and rescuing them. And they just rescued a worm earlier this morning. They're like, don't kill that large, terrifying beetle. It's so cute. There was a spider cricket on the stairs that led to a big family calamity. that was very a spider cricket.

If you don't know what that is, you should Google it. It's terrifying. And so the kids were down in the basement of this big house. And there was a spider cricket on the steps. And so they were like, we're trapped down here. We can't come up. We're never coming back ever again. Sorry.

And then my poor husband was wearing contacts, but, you know, he's a gen Xer. And people of that generation have gotten to a point in their lives where they need reading glasses or progressive lenses. And it's very complicated. if you're wearing contacts. He's trying to wear contacts so he can swim. Long story short, he's trying to catch the spider cricket, but he can't see close up. So he has tried to get his face closer enough to the spider cricket to see. It's jumping. So he starts screaming. He runs upstairs. And then, you know, my whole family is upstairs, except the kids who are downstairs screaming and crying, but also one of the kids is saying, please don't kill it. Please don't kill it. It's so cute,

but they're too scared to pass it. So then my another family member goes down and catches it. And it is so powerful that as she is holding it in the jar, it is shaking. The jar is shaking. It's a monster. It is a monster. Monster is. Maybe you want to have sex with it. It is.

It was so scary. And so yeah, I'm a big, big, scared baby. Yeah. And that was the only time they were scared. And even still, they didn't want to kill it. Can't kill anything. Wow. Even though it is a cricket that looks like a huge spider.

That is. No, thank you. I'm proud of you guys. I'm proud of you for not just immediately like, we have to kill it. You don't understand. No. If I were there, that's what would have happened.

And that thing is alive out there, and it's probably having more babies. But, you know, yeah, it's been lovely. I'm looking at grass. I'm looking at deer. Good for you. God, I could look at deer all day. They're so nice.

And they don't want you looking right back at them. I heard that two look at two. Remember that? Anyway, thank you guys so much for joining us. on this week's episode of second helpings. I had an absolute blast, and I hope you did too, and come on down. Check us out.

YouTube.com slash page seven pod. We are getting your full videos of both second helpings and page seven every week. And hopefully soon we're going to be having more other YouTube exclusive content. So get on down there and give it a sub while you're thinking about it. You know you're thinking about it right now. Get it done. But also, my name is Jackie Zabrowski.

follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm and get more information about, oh, just who knows what other things in life, MJ? You can follow our Patreon, patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. You can email us Page 7podcast at gmail.com, and you must go wish Jackie a happy birthday. Come on. Come on. You all love her. You know how much you all love her.

Make her feel loved. Happy birthday, Jackie. We love you. love you guys too. We'll be back next week, babies. Bottle be better. Or suck a round. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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