Page 7 - Talkin' TV - New Lindsay Lohan Christmas Movie

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

This week Holden is strugglin' to feel the spirit of the season and Jackie and MJ give their review of Sabrina Carpenter's new Netflix Christmas special, Holden comes up with a plan for TSwift and Olivia Rodrigo Unity, Jackie tells tale of the awful "My Santa", while MJ contemplates watching thespian of our time Mario Lopez in the classic holiday cinematograph "Feliz Navi-DAD." Holden brings up his new obsession of Diamond Jubilee, and Jackie let's everyone know that "Watch Girls Gone Wild: The Untold Story" is just as upsetting as you'd think. MJ starts It Ends With Us on Netflix, Jackie is gettin' all ready to head to the theatre with Geoff to see "Babygirl" and tries to sell MJ and Holden on "Later Daters" despite their fear it will be just as sad as "Golden Bachelorette" and Holden is lovin' the Monday watchalongs of "Bad Girls Club".  This season Ultimatum resulted in half the cast leaving, and Jackie lets everyone know she does not want to try the Real Housewives of SLC ice cream, MJ says that That Christmas is just Love Actually for kids, and Holden started The Substance! A Nonsense Christmas with Sabrina Carpenter- NetflixMy Santa - Amazon PrimeThe Church Play Cinematic Universe - link for it --->  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK4gM7RC1M0&ab_channel=JennyNicholsonDiamond Jubilee by Cindy LeeGirls Gone Wild: The Untold Story - PeacockIt Ends With Us Queer - IN THE THEATAHHHHHHLater Daters - NetflixThat Christmas - Netflix Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Talking TV with MJ Holden and Jackie talking TV. And you know it's got to get a wacky because everybody knows and everyone knows. And everybody knows we're watching shows. We're talking TV with MJ Holden and Jackie. That's my name. Oh, baby. It's the time of the season for watching. How are you guys feeling about your, are you guys feeling about your, are you,

like fully invested in the Christmas experience. Where are we right now? Because I'm letting you know, I'm not feeling the most festive with my television watching currently. Well, we're jumpstarting it last night. Lexi, I sense true struggle happening. And I realize, hey, we haven't done this yet. And it's very much so needed. Tonight, we are putting on the Christmas music. We are putting up the decorations. and we are jump-starting our Christmas experience. Because I haven't even watched the Sabrina Carpenter. Oh, you haven't watched it yet? No, it's fun.

Put it out well in. I feel weird. I agree with you guys. Like, it's not, I haven't really gotten there yet. I haven't gotten to the point where I'm like, so I think after tonight we're going to be in full holiday mode and I'll start. I mean, the only Christmas-y thing I did was watch. What the fuck did we watch?

Muppa Christmas Carol. No, the hot-y man. And the hot. Oh, hot frosty. Hot Frosty, yeah. Hot Frosty Mubbuck Christmas Carol. So it's like... Well, we're not going to talk about that because we're talked about it on the episode. Well, but I'm easing into it is all I'm saying.

I'm easing into the Christmas stuff, still kind of taking care of some other stuff. I'm consuming exclusively Christmas material, basically, and I still don't feel festive. So I think that's... Really? Well, it's getting there. You know, I think that unfortunately, one of the curses of being an adult blessings of making it to adulthood is that you when you get to something that you have a lot of childhood nostalgia for, you spend the entire time being like,

I should be feeling things, I should be feeling happy, it should be feeling good, why doesn't it feel good, it should be feeling magical. And so I feel like that is, I now know that it's just part of Christmas as an adult is to be like it doesn't feel like Christmas yet.

Right. But that's because we can never be children again. And so all I can do is try, try and try. And so we have, yes, already watched Home Alone. We have watched Elf. We have watched Christmas story. Wow. There is a whole segment on Disney Plus where you can sort by not only Christmas specials, but props to inclusivity, Hanukkah episodes of children shows that my kids have watched all of.

So we are trying our fucking artist to be festive around here. Dude, yeah, I so agree. And my holiday is different from other people. so I'm only speaking for myself, but like in the past, there was this, it was this beautiful, you got off, you know, from school, you had all this lead-up. If anything, your worst enemy was like boredom in the lead-up.

You were so excited for that day. And then the day happens, you get all those gifts. And, you know, it's this, like amazing thing, whereas there's like a different kind of ramp up that's the opposite where it's like, when you're an adult. Yeah, where I'm like, busting my ass just to get to the point

where I have to do a grueling travel week and a half of like, you know, and there's certain things I'm looking forward about the holiday. We're going to Charlotte for like the actual Christmas this year instead of Florida first. And so we get to go to our like the church service I would always go to on Christmas Eve. We get to take Winnie to that. That's fun. Like there's going to be some really nice stuff. But there's so many obstacles to surpass just to get there.

Before we can get to. Yeah. Those things. And even then I'm not getting a fucking PlayStation and a TVVCR. are with Funnel Fantasy 7 at the end of it all. I'm just going to get... Maybe this is the year if you ask Santa. Maybe.

The really sad thing that, oh, I got to process this was I was putting one of my kids to bed and we were talking about what she wanted for Christmas and stuff. And then she was like, what do you want for Christmas? And I was like, oh. It was like this horrible, like, real ones. And you want to model for your kids what you want for them, you know? So I'm like, I want to model. I was like, I want to tell you like what I like doing and what I like.

want and like, you know, sometimes they'll ask like, what do you, you know, like, I like and you were just like silence. Yeah. I'm like, so I try to talk about like my hobbies, but I don't have any hobbies, but I'm like, I like to read books. Oh, a lot of alcohol. Yeah. Yeah.

I like to drink with my friends. No, but so I was like, but I, I, I could not think of anything that I wanted that would be fun to tell a child, you know, I was like, I don't even really want anything that's not like, yeah, we got like a mop, you know, but it's like so depressing. like it's just too depressing to talk about the mop that I want. You know, it is part, I will say, you have to separate things for the house and things for yourself for Christmas.

You know, it's down, like if you and your partner decide that like, oh, we'll get some things for the house, but you have to remember that you also matter too, MJ, and you getting things for the home, you are not the home, you need things for you too. But I literally don't know, this is how, this is also what adulthood will do to you. What do, what was I made for?

What was I made for? I literally don't know what I want. I do like the fact that I have a fun hobby. I don't really have anything I like want particularly in the fun hobby. But it is nice when like Winnie is like obsessed right now or not obsessed, but she loves to come in and just be like, can I watch? And I'm playing this very like anime JRP called Metaphor Refontazio. And it's very like splashy look. She'll just sit at my lap and just like stare at it.

And I'll try to explain. I'm like, I'm in a dungeon. right now and I have these magic abilities and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I do think that she really lights up to that. And it is good to have like, like, yeah, I do appreciate that about my fact that I've never fully grown up. It's good to have hobbies. Yeah.

Yeah, I still, I still enjoy my toys. Yeah. You know, and I like getting really excited about a toy or a T-Swift book, which also, Winnie, thrilled with the. the taste of the microphone picture her favorite picture of all the microphones Taylor's with you? No, that's more of an adult

or is that to enjoy? Oh, that's your favorite picture is the one with all the microphones. She likes the snake stuff. She likes the reputation era stuff because she has taste. And it's sad to me that you'll never, ever, ever see it.

Ever. Certainly won't. I have absolutely no desire. And you'll sit here and see, don't worry. I just wish. But I will sit here and talk about these nonsense Christmas.

Uh-oh. cut you off because we're talking about nonsense Christmas. Yeah, you just got God. We don't want a book for that. No, I don't want a book for it because what is it going to be behind the scenes, pictures? Who cares? How was it? I really enjoyed it.

I really enjoyed it too. I thought it was very funny. It was very tongue and cheek. What I love, I kind of forget, I mean, I do because I didn't grow up with Sabrina Carpenter as a Disney kid. Right. I forget that she's used to like that kind of sketch narrative as well. and she was very funny in it

and I thought that it was very it was just very on the nose it was definitely like knew what it was it wasn't trying to be anything else It was I really It was 50 minutes

Yeah so it's in and out It kept it had her It had some of her original music Which I'm gonna go ahead and say I don't think I realized that she had a whole Christmas EP So then that made me afterwards Listened her whole Christmas EP

And I really enjoyed it Last year. Yeah, last year. So A Nonsense Christmas is one of the names of the songs on her EP. Yeah. And it was just like a really fun mix of like Shania Twain showed up, Chapel Roan showed up, and like Keenter Brunson showed up and like having different people from different walks of life and doing fun sketches.

And it was just really chill. Yeah. And I think that a lot of people thought it was going to be much hornier than, you know, because she's Sabrina Carpenter, but it really wasn't that excessively horny. Yeah, it was totally like the right amount of horny. I totally agree, Jackie. It was really fun.

It had like the feeling, I had a really enjoyable experience watching it because I was like, oh, this is like, it's like an old-fashioned Christmas special that we would have seen as kids on a network in the sense of it was like, Chapel Road, everybody, you know, yeah, Keita Brunson, everybody.

And like, that had that kind of just like fun star-studded, as opposed to like Mariah's special that she put out in 2020 that was just Mariah wearing different outfits. We got some Snoop Dog. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. She sprinkled a little bit of other people in there. And that was the pandemic. So maybe it would have been harder to have a star studded, whatever.

But that also, in addition to it being like the kind of having that old fashioned Christmas special feel to it, it also was very sexy, very Gen Z.E. You know, kind of eye-roly, like self-aware eye-roly. Like, isn't this all kind of? of stupid, but also we're having fun. And yeah, I mean, you guys have talked about what a star she is. And she's just very charismatic. She's really, I was surprised at how funny she was and how much I enjoyed how funny she was. Right. I love the chapel, her in chapel singing last Christmas, because I'm not even a big last Christmas fan, but I really like that version that they did. I like that version. I immediately need it. I'm like, well, now I'm just going to listen to that version of it. And I thank you, Chats.

and Sabrina for it. Yeah. It felt like a real throwback in a way that I really appreciated. And so I'm really, I feel like Sabrina is the star that we need right now. Sometimes I worry that it's hard for Olivia Rodriguez to have Sabrina be the star right now because, you know, I just want to know what's going on with all of that because Chapel and Olivia have a relationship. Right. And now Chaplin and Sabrina have a relationship. That's what got me thinking about it. I was like, they must all be cool together now, right? But then there's also, but Olivia and Taylor don't have a relationship. But Sabrina and Taylor have a relationship.

Chapel and Taylor don't have a relationship. So it's, well, but Chapel and Olivia have the same producer. What's his name? The fucking guy who crack the fucking 2024 code on pop music. Knows what they're doing. That's for damn sure. So it is weird. I was thinking about that a lot, especially I like recently watching her, you know,

Olivia Rodriguez, like Netflix, perform, live concert, and Chapel makes an appearance on that. It's just, uh, I want, just want to know, I just wish I could, like, find out from Olivia Rodriguez what her deal is with Taylor Swift. I want to know so bad. And Sabrina Carpenter, for that matter.

And, Sabrina, yeah. Because if you wanted to fucking break, like, the whatever, I don't even want to say the internet because it's such a dummy, I hate that term. But anyways, if you want to, like, just have the craziest tour ever, it's Sabrina Carpenter and Olivia Rodrigo, fucking stadium tour.

Oh, my. It would be insane. Yeah. You don't need it. That's what I want. I just want them all to be cool with each other. And there was something about Sabrina and Chappell being with each other where I was like, I know that Chapel is friends with Olivia and then seeing them together.

I was like, I hope that it's all, you know. What about Barry Keogan and the guy that Sabrina and Olivia shared, maybe they could go on tour, like sucking each other's dicks or something. That would be fun. They should do a, like an MMA tour where they just go around in an octagon and just fight every day. And you know what everybody wants. Holden? Wow. It's like you read it inside of my brain. Yeah, where's the fight shows? Give me more them all them fight shows. I want to pay me for all. That'd be amazing. You get a fight. You get a pop

concert. I mean, how great would that night of entertainment be? It's an all in one. It's an all in one one stop shop. Now, I want to just sprinkle one of the really bad Christmas movies that I did watch over this week. And that is called because I looked up, I was like, I want to watch. I was in a bad mood and I wanted to watch a really bad, funny, one of those kind of Hallmark movies. And I watched My Santa starring Matthew Lawrence. And it makes absolutely no sense. And I... Is it new? Is it from this year? Oh, certainly not. No, it is from 2013. And it just, it fills you with like a fun kind of rage of how little sense it makes. And there you just, I watched it with a friend of mine. And we both just like, make fun of it the entire.

Like, we both were in bad moods and we decided to make fun of it the entire time. And I had a blast. My Santa over on Amazon Pride. That's great. This looks terrible. Good. I also last night, I was in like a huge panic about what to watch because I was like, we're going to talk about TV. I'm talking TV.

But also it was late. And I was like, I just want to watch some fun Christmas thing. And then I saw Holiday in Handcuffs and I was like, I've already seen it. But then it was like, if you're looking at Holiday in Handcuffs, You want to watch this movie called Felice Navi Dad, also starring Mario Lopez. And then I couldn't remember if we had watched that one or not. We did not. Okay.

So that's on my to-do list then. Feliz Navi Dad. Nice. Nice. That makes me want to puke Zilla. I know. The problem is that, you know, now that Netflix has kind of tried to take over that feeling of the Hallmark Christmas movies, they're bad enough movies that it's still.

fun, but you really need to go back 10 years to get the level of badness that we're seeking, you know, like the hot frosty, the budget is too hot. Yes. You know, like we need to. They're too aware. Yeah, they're too aware of all the tropes. And they would never make holiday in handcuffs now because it's for many reasons. It's too problematic. But yeah, but I do feel like you need to go back in time. Not that long. About 10, 15 years is the golden age where you have a name on it like Matthew Lawrence, like Mario Lopez, but that's all of the money was spent on the name. And the name is an old name, you know, it's not going to be a hot, Lindsay Lohan too big a name.

And so I feel like I'm left wanting a little bit in this age of Netflix Christmas movies. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch, a huge bitch, a silly bitch, a little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries.

No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on. There's definitely a bitch in your life. And we want to hear about it.

You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network. So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel, where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us help you figure out who's the bitch. And it's kind of why I kind of want to go back and rewatch because we did watch

but I kind of want to rewatch all three of them because Jenny Nicholson who did the Star Wars Hotel YouTube Holden that we got in beginning that we all watched. Now she also has a YouTube video called The Grim Dystopia of a Christmas Prince and I I started watching it. I was like, you know what? Before I watch her make fun of this, I think I want to go back and watch because there's three of them

and apparently gets even more bat shit as it goes on. And I think that this is what I need is to rewatch those three. That sounds fun to watch and to watch her video on it. That sounds like a great time. Yeah, because she's very funny.

She is so funny. I really, really liked her. I've only seen the Star Wars Hotel one, but I really, really, really liked it. Dude, you got to watch the Christmas pageant one that she did. Yes. Oh my God, yes! She finds this treasure trove of

videos made at this one church where every year they do a different themed pageant, but it's like... It's called the church play cinematic universe is the name of... It's crazy. Every year they have a different theme and it's like one year's like Indiana Jones and the next year's like X or Marvel.

Super year. Oh, funny, MJ, dude. God, it's so good. Okay, great. This is good. I might even be able to get it for everybody. I'm including the link in the show notes where I usually put like where you can find things. I'm going to include the link for this so that people can find it.

Please. Got you. So I, you know, coming into this episode, I was thinking about like what my week has been. And I know this show is called Talking TV, but I do have to talk about something that's not so much TV. Because my big obsession this week has been a music one. Jaggy's already been privy to it. I talked about it on, I was screaming about it on Jack up with the Holies. We listened to it after the stream as well.

And I feel like you guys were vibing to it. But I am currently completely obsessed with an album. And it is called Diamond Jubilee is the name of the album. The artist is Cindy Lee. And it's only on YouTube. The artist is really weird and interesting and cool. I think, but also like one of those, I don't know if we'll ever get like a lot of live performances from this artist. I don't think they meant to become as big as they became overnight.

Like Evan Rossi, who does the money pit with me, first recommended me this album. It's literally not on Spotify or anywhere. It's only on YouTube, I think, as a protest against like the Spotify streaming model and all that kind of stuff, even though it's on YouTube. so I'm not, and you can pre-order the vinyl at this point. It is two hours long. It is, um, the artist is Cindy Lee. I'm not sure if they are transitioned or what, but their, Cindy Lee is like a drag persona that they put on.

Okay. Um, and this album is sending me so hard. Like, I keep just wanting to sit and listen to this album and like not watch TV. Really? Like, it's crazy. Like, I will just sit with this album. I've been playing it, like, out and about with Winnie. I've been playing it just sitting at home with, like, headphones on.

But it is, like, a revelation. It's one of those situations where I was like, wow, this sends me back to, like, when I first listen to, like, neutral milk hotel for the first time or something like that. Really? This is, like, oh, I'm going to be listening to this album probably for, like, the rest of my life here and there. You know what I mean? Wow.

It's so good. It's very twin peaksy. if that makes sense. It's got like those kinds of vibes. It's got like kind of an old school. So you mean it was like Riverdale Season 1? Yeah. It's like Riverdale Season 1.

And it's like it's two hours of just relentless, interesting good music. Wow. I'm just, I haven't heard anything like this in so long. Yeah, I really want you to check it out, MJ, because I feel like you would super dig this. And I know that's weird because like normally we're watching things. But like, I love. I love, I miss that I used to sit with music. Oh, I long to not look at my screens, any screens.

I'm trying so hard to get back to that point. Yes. But like the artist is really interesting. Apparently recently in a performance, they were like, at the end of the performance, they were like, I feel like I'm in a cage. Yeah. They were in a band called women as well. And I think there was the type of band.

It kind of reminds me from the description of like Brian Joneshouse or like they were getting in like fist fights on stage. Yeah, I found there is like you can get a little bit of live performance from this person too on YouTube, but just you just trust me. Put this album on. And by the way, I listened to it for the first time. I listened to it over like a couple different, you know, a few different sessions. Obviously, you're probably not going to get through the whole. But even if it's just like while you're cleaning the dishes or something, just throw this thing on. It's so fucking good. And I'm just like so obsessed with it. It's definitely been my like, like, major obsession this past, this past week when it comes to like media and stuff like that. Awesome. I recommend. Hell yeah. Okay.

I love that. I do. I know we, we talk TV, but I, my biggest goal is to look at every screen in my house, including the one of my hand, as little as possible. Yeah. I'm getting, I'm getting that point too. I, you know, one of my favorite traditions lately is like I've always talk about, you know, how I try to make Lexi a nice steak dinner once every couple weeks or so. And the best part about

that is like I put the phone on the other side of the table. I face down, I pour a glass of wine. And like there's a lot of dead time while you're just waiting for stuff to like cook and bake and stuff. And I just sit and I try to just actively listen to music. You know? It's such a weird, rare occurrence, I feel like today to do that. It's a beautiful way to relax. And if there is something that if you want the absolute opposite of all the things you just said, I would implore you to check out the Girls Gone Wild the Untold Story docu-series. Yeah, give me the load. I'm so fascinated by that. I know I'm going to watch this. I have already told two people in my life that I know are dealing with bad brain

right now that I was like, I don't think right now is a good time for you to watch the Girls Gone Wild the untold story docu-series. I need everyone to know if you're in a fragile headspace or if you think that the story of what happened with Girls Gone Wild is going to upset you. The answer is it is. And afterwards, I was so upset that I had to stay up to continue to watch other things because I'm going to be real with you guys. I obviously, we all grew up knowing about Girls Gone Wild.

We all remember, you know, the infomercials at night. Yeah, the capricials. But I will say, as someone that has seen the Girls Gone Wild Bus in my hometown, I never really thought about it before. And that is my privilege to have never had to really think about it before or what it did to people's lives or how many underage people were a part of it or how underage they were or the tactics they used to get girls to do what they did. or also the horrific piece of shit that ran the whole thing that honestly I'm mad that I'm currently talking about him because I feel like all he wants to do is forever be at the forefront of the fucking cultural zeitgeist and I'm mad that I'm even thinking about his existence for a second.

This dude, I have like watching this, it made me feel the way I felt after the Alex Jones docu series that I was just like, Really? Put him in the ground! They want him in the ground! They want him in the ground! Like, I'm filled with bloodlust, and there's nothing you can do about it. Is he, like, still alive?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yep, MJ. And, you know, I'm trying to not, like, give—I don't want to give it away, but I guess people, you know, it's real easy because you can just look it up. And, you know, you don't—like, nothing. really that bad happens to him. Right. Yeah. And you're just upset after three hours of what and like I just kept the like my neck hurt.

I felt like I was watching tennis from shaking my head so viciously and how upset I was as I like I was just getting more and more angry that I had to keep pausing it so I could just like pontificate towards Jeff about what I was watching. And like I just, I think it's interesting for it to drop during the holiday season because it was just like, man, and I'm like looking at the Christmas tree. And I'm like, it's the holiday season, the holiday season. And I just have bloodlust on the brain. We're going to commit murder this holiday season. So it was a fun rom, you're saying. It was a good time. I will say it is well done.

I will say, especially if you don't know anything about the story, man, I learned a lot. I guess we should say Girls Gone Wild, if you're a young, was a crazy situation back in the day where camera crews would go into like college bars. I remember at FSU, there was a Girls Gone Wild hosted foam party at like bullwinkles. Oh yeah. At one point, they would just like infiltrate these like college towns and stuff like that and just try to get like young ladies to show their tits, essentially. And especially that like his whole thing is like, I'm giving me.

women, they're independence. And oh man, MJ, dude, if you, I've, I don't know, I wanted to, like, go inside of the television and ring his neck. Every time he speaks, I filled with rage. I'm gonna watch

it. So if you really want to get upset, watch girls come home. I love to be animated with rage. Yeah. It's such a weird one too, because, like, you know, this is pre-internet porn, so people where, I guess, were a little more desperate, but it's like, never something, you know, I just remember seeing the commercials

all the time for it, but I never actually watched a video because it's like, this is not really like my, I'm not interested in this in a pornography way, I'm not interested in this in a coercion kind of way, like that's not my thing. I don't know. It's just, yeah, it's like, it's

neither here nor there, so I don't think I ever even watch. But this was in a time of bum fights and faces of death. Oh, yeah. All these like weird like snuff adjacent. And it wasn't. that long ago. Yes.

I don't want to give it away. I will say they, you won't believe what we shouldn't be showing you and how much money they made off of that and like on top of everything. But also what I didn't know because I'd never seen any of these videos before. I was like, and I actually at the top of this was like, are the VHSs was it just flashing?

And Jeff was like, honestly, I genuinely also don't know. I've never actually, like I didn't even have a friend that had one and then in watching it, I didn't know that it was hardcore born. And the way that, yeah, it's hardcore porn. Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought it was just ladies flashing. I also thought it was ladies flashing and a guess and it's real rough guys. Oh my God. So it's kind of like, um, kind of like bat like in a van kind of style. They would bring them onto the bus and they would corner them on the bus. I'm not, it's a, it's

God. Horrible. Three hours. And also the craziest thing, too, is that, like, it is three hours that you're, like, sucked into,

like, they just did a very, like, there's enough meat for three hours of content. Yeah, it's crazy. This is also, it's like, it's really one of these,

it brings me back to that time, which was like, how weird that there were just commercials, the girls gone wild. Well, we were watching, saved by the bell after school. Yep.

And it was, you know, titties, titties, titty. And I remember that my parents would, like, always be, like, you know, really outrageous by the time. Oh, my God. Yeah.

But, like, you know, you're a kid, you don't know. Obviously, you know that it's titties. But, like, I feel like, it was hard to know as a kid of, like, is this like my parents being a square, you know? Is this, like, something that's kind of fun

that is really interesting to me because I'm 10. And it's on TV. It's on TV. Right. Yeah. And it's, It's, I mean, to then go back as an adult, not only as an adult and have my own personal framework for what was going on, but also, again, like I talked about with the Menendez brothers, to have a kind of more societal understanding of consent and exploitation of, you know, and. And that anyone over the phone can just buy child pornography.

Right. Yeah. Wow. On the phone. Yeah. Sorry. I'm still. I, like, I can't even.

I want to. give you so many more details, but I want you guys to watch it. I am incensed. Okay. I will watch it. I will watch it and I'll get mad and then we'll text. And you will get mad and you will text me and I will listen to all of your texts. But I will stop talking about it now because I can talk about it forever, I think. Well, if we're going to stay, I have some fun lighter ones, but also I started, it ends with us, which is now on Netflix streaming with Blake Lively. So how was that beating? I mean, was it a good, you know, in terms of before the meeting started.

I decided, I started it, and I did what I wrote down, I was like, this is going to be a bad movie, right? This is going to be a bad movie. And I did write down the very first line of the movie, which is the mom saying to Blake lively, I can't believe we're picking flowers for your father's funeral. And I thought, well, that is an indication of the writing quality of this book and movie. I can't believe we're picking fathers for your flowers, father's funeral. for a good screenplay, you say exactly what you're doing. As you're doing it. Yeah, of course.

That's the first one. Yep. Yeah, so that gave me a good laugh. But I really, I want to hate Blake Lively, but I honestly don't know. I'm like, I think that this is boring, but also I'm a hater. Like, she's obviously a compelling enough actress to have been on Gossip Girl for many years and develop a massive fan base. So I'm like, maybe I like Blake Lively. I just don't like them.

How easily we jumped off the Gossip Girl bandwagon when we started watching it. I know. We tried to watch Gossip Girl. All three of us and our Patreon community tried to watch it together. And I was like, this is not doing it for me. And I sure it would have done it for me if I think in the right. Younger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

When it was on. Like in a college, you know, I imagine like watching it in college together with your friends or even in high school together with your friends would have been real fun. But like, I was just like, this is. boring and then I so I did start it ends with us but it's really one of those the book is not that good and as you're watching it you're just like oh this is just about to turn into like a domestic violence story but they're also trying to have their cake and eat it too and have it be like really sexy and I just don't think that they have the skill to do it all to do it yeah and I think that

it's a lot to do all of that the only thing I've ever seen really pull that off is a big little lies and and I just don't, I think that, I think that it ends with us as a problem. I hate to be that person, but I think it's a problem. Speaking of which, by the way, that Nicole Kidman trailer. Baby girl. Baby girl. That looks good. Wow.

Baby girl looks good. It looks real good. I am certainly going to see that with my husband and not with any of my family. I will not be watching up with other people. I can't believe that's coming out, by the way, on Christmas Day. Like, let's all get in the car and what family films should be. I wonder what this one's all about. Oh, my, yes.

I love it. What a bizarre choice. That does not make any sense to be that they would have that movie come out on Christmas Day. I love it. I will see it. I love that she just keeps getting sexier and sexier roles as she gets older, you know, which I think is give it out of it. Yeah, it's like a whole fantasy.

where she's like the older woman and it's like this intern at her work, this younger hot guy, and he starts kind of doing like domination stuff with her. But it's all like it's like a consensual thing, which is why it's sexy. It's not. Yeah. But for her, it's like, I think she's so used to being like a boss with the AW, you know? Yeah. And then he's coming in and being like, get on the floor.

Yeah. And she's just like here for it. And it's very hot. That trailer, my love. Very hot. I paid attention. I went, I kept hearing about baby girl and I went to go see, which I, I love looking at John Waters' best movies of the year and his best movie this year, which was Love Lies Bleeding,

and I'm with you on that. But the second one was queer, which is a new movie that just came out with Daniel Craig, which also found out that we've been saying Daniel Craig's name wrong this entire time is Daniel Craig, and he corrected, I think it was Stephen Colbert recently, and his name is actually Daniel Craig. And Daniel Craig was in the movie based on the William S. Burroughs novel, Queer. And if you are familiar with Naked Lunch, you are familiar with a William S. Burroughs. And this is like his alter ego movie queer is, it's great.

Yeah. It is very. And I do love that John Waters in his review said, Daniel Craig may be queer bait for taking on the gay beatnik role of William S. Burroughs alter ego, but I'm all for it. It is upsetting. And it's also done, I don't know. I didn't look up how to say the last name.

Luca Guadignio. Luca Guadigiano. I know it's not either one of those ways of how you say it. But that is the person that, um, it's a, 24 movie. but that's the person that did call me by your name, that did Challengers, that did the new Susperia. And queer is, I read Naked Lunch a long time ago, so I was familiar, obviously, with the world,

but I didn't quite know, which is crazy as an English major. I guess I never really got into the life of William S. Burroughs in any of my classes, and it is sad. And this movie is beautiful. done. And the music is awesome. And I was, like, another one of those that was two and a half hours. And I was just sucked into it the entire time. And Daniel Craig is really good. And I don't know if this is going to be like Oscar Bate kind of movie. I believe that he's up for the Golden Globe. Jason Schwartzman is a motherfucking scene stealer in this.

Really? There's not one scene Daniel Craig is not in. But Jason Swartzman is, in like four or five scenes, and he's so good. I really, I kind of want to read the book now, and I think I'm going to go through a little private solo, William S. Burroughs little phase, which is really what you want during the holidays. I think it's really going to get you in the mood. But, you know, if I'm over here watching Girls Gone Wild,

the untold story, may as well slap another one on the pile, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think it'll be, this is certainly going to be more intellectually satisfying. at least. Oh, it certainly was. I really, really enjoyed it. And thank you, John Waters. And now I kind of want to rip through all of John Waters. Because Baby Girl, I said that because Baby Girl is also on the John Waters top 10 for this year. And I don't think, because on Christmas Day, we already have tickets to go see No, Svaratu. But I think the next day we're going to go see Baby Girl. And if that's not a way to celebrate Christmas, I don't know what is. Hell yeah. Okay. All right. A little bit of horny. Queers on my list.

And if you want to, okay. one last pitch for you guys. All right. I know. Maybe, maybe I stirred you the wrong way with Golden Bachelorette. Okay? Maybe I'm about to, I don't know. You're about to talk about later daters.

Because I am about to start talking about later daters. Because here's the thing, guys, it's great. Dude, literally, I also started later. I started it. It ends with us. And then I stopped and I was like, I don't want to keep watching this. And then I started later days. And it was so sad at the beginning.

At the very beginning, of course, at the very, very beginning. But it is actually really beautiful to watch because it is about different couples that they follow, like different specific people. So it's more, it's not like a competition show. It is just a docu series. Okay. It is. Everyone gets to be in a relationship. So you don't just have most of the people there.

sad to not be in a relationship and hopeful that they might be in a relationship. It is more about finding love when you're older. And it's more about celebrating that and what that like the first woman you meet, MJ, like I am in love with her. Okay. All right. I literally like I stopped at after the opener because I was like, I'm too sad for this. I understand.

I will, I appreciate your desire to watch. old people feel their feelings. It's beautiful. I think that's nice. I think that's nice for you. I don't know what it says about you and where you are psychologically, but it's clearly a very powerful. I'm broken, MJ. I'm broken like a promise.

Yep. We knew this. But also it's compassionate. You have a heart full of love and you just want old people to be happy and not alone. And I think that's great. And I want horny young people to like suffer and be upset, you know? That's the difference. Sorry, are you about to say you're watching the ultimatum because I haven't gotten there yet?

No, I think I got, yeah, no, not the ultimate. I mean, right now, I mean, I know, again, it's Monday Watch Long, but I'm in love with Bad Girls Club. It's a revelation for me. It's the opposite of later daters. I want to see a bunch of mean 20-somethings just get drunk and yell at each other and just hurt each other. And it's amazing. And they don't, it's lawless. I mean, they are just one of the gals on the show has a obvious eating.

disorder and they are just so mean about it. And it is just everybody's just a just has a horrible issue, you know, with drinking and with, um, you know, love relationships and man. And they're just, they just scream and scream, you know. And, and I can't, I don't want it, I don't want it any other way. I don't want it any other way. I don't want to see old people be kind. I want to see young people be mean. But I will watch the ultimatum. You guys usually watch the ultimatum, right? Yeah.

Well, the last... I've only seen the queer ultimatum. The queer ultimatum was so good. It kind of ruined ultimatum for me. And I remember we tried to watch the last season of the ultimatum and we fell off because it was like just not doing it, you know? I mean, as a premise, I fundamentally disagree with the premise, but that perhaps that's the whole point.

So, God. So dumb. It's just like Love is Blind. Love is so just inherently flawed. Yes, right. I will never agree with the premise of the ultimatum. If you are at that point, your relationship, something else needs to happen.

Well, I'm worried because apparently in this season of the ultimatum, like half the cast quits halfway through. That's all I know about more into it. Okay, that does make me want to watch it. So I do so. Five episodes have already dropped, and there's a new episode coming. Or there's six episodes currently out.

But I don't know how many episodes there are going to be. Or if that, is that just it? Is it just the six? because maybe half the area, yeah, maybe because everybody left, I don't know. I mean, it's about time people start walking off the set of all reality shows, but specifically Netflix reality shows, which seem to be the special extra predatory kind. So that, okay, now I'm in. Now I'll watch it.

Because, yeah, I had a real existential crisis yesterday. I was like, I need to watch. I want to watch a stupid Christmas movie and I want to watch a true crime and I want to watch a stupid dating show. And now I have my answers for all. Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season three. Like, that's the true crime you get. Don't worry. I'm, oh, I'm watching.

I just started season four. I skipped, I skipped through a little bit of season three because I cannot keep up with the profuse amount of episodes and the length of them. But I did, the reunion recaps are great. So I watched most of season three. I watched the recap of season three. And now I'm into season four. And this is the season where everything allegedly, quote unquote, pops off. Pops off.

And I'm like, what left? What is left to pop? I'm ready to keep going. Although I am weirdly annoyed by the Van Lewin real housewives of Salt Lake City ice cream. And I'm only annoyed because I don't want to eat it. Yeah, you heard it here first. It has lavender in it. It's the lavender.

I just. I like, Lexi likes lavender. So I like lavender. In fact, it's like kind of a perfect marriage of like stuff she likes because I love caramel really, really quite a lot. Yeah. So you're going to have to go get it for her because it is. salt, lavender, and caramel. Here's the thing. I was just screaming about this because of the Rory drink that came out of my Gilmore girl's bad vent calendar because it is filled with rose

syrup. Don't get me wrong. I love the smell of lavender. I love the smell of rose. But you just need a little bit of it. They always say on bake off. Little, little. The rose water goes a little heavy in the rose water. It's always you have to be so sparing with both. And as someone used to work in a bakery. Lavender can also very easily take over a dish. And so that's why I'm like, do I really want to spend, I'm going to assume Van Lue and ice cream, what, like, $7 for a pint? Like, am I really going to do that to like put one bite in my mouth and go like,

it's like I'm eating a flour? Or maybe it's better than that, you know? Maybe I'm the bitch. But it's sweet and salty, just like they are, is what they said. Yeah. Well, I don't know about sweet. They're not sweet. They're bitter and salty.

They should make it bitter and salty. Bitter and salty. They should make it toxic. They should make it slowly kill you. It should be slime. It should be slime inside of an ice cream pint that people are like, oh my God, is this ice cream? I think this is slime. And it's just like all you bitches, full of slime.

I love the real housewives. Oh, those bitches are mad. Oh, they're so mad at each other. I love it. I am really enjoying the real house. House House House of Salt Lake City, I totally understand why people have their Real Housewives Universes. Because again, it's always there. You're never going to run out of something to watch. And the only problem is- And they all have podcasts. I asked Kara, I was like, do I have to listen to all

their podcasts? And she's like, you don't have to listen to their podcasts. I was like, okay, great. The only problem is that I was like, I want to catch up since there's a season happening now. So that was why I kind of skipped around a little bit. But it's hard. We have so many Christmas things to watch. So it's hard. I'll be like, oh, I can skip around. And then I'll be like, wait, why are these two bitches mad at each other? It's like the drag thing. It's such a huge universe. They all have music videos and they all have fucking, yeah, podcasts and all this shit.

It's like too much of a world. Like everything has to be a fucking universe now, you know? And then with the housewives, they all go on their podcast and talk shit. And then whatever shit they talked on the podcast gets brought into the show. And that's why we said that on my podcast. Yeah, I see you said that on podcast. By the way, has anyone checked in on Mom Talk as it survived? this? Oh, it survived.

She's still with Dakota. She's still with Dakota. She's putting her kids, why do Mormons dress their children like this? And why do they dress themselves like? I don't know. I don't know. There's so much about Mormon life that I'm a little jealous of, the extended family networks,

the unquestionable devotion to your mission in life. All of that is kind of interesting to me, but the outfits, that's where they lose me. Because I'm not talking about the specific underwear either. You do whatever you're going to do under your clothes. Oh, that's a part of your, you know, religion, it's a part of your faith, whatever. I'm talking

about the everything else. It's like, can you change it up? Let's get some mesh in here. Yeah, come on. It's the beige. Yes, why are we wearing beige lounge suits? They're always wearing sweaters for pants. It's all brown, different shades of brown. Their children are wearing weirdly shaped overalls,

not even normal overalls. Yeah, I can't. I can't with the outfit. It's terrible. It's God awful. I say we find and we get them and we take put them in a pot to wiki. I understand. Once you watch The Girls Gone Wild docus series that you'll know where to direct that energy. Yeah, there you go.

There is a, there is a Christmas movie on the Netflix for kids called That Christmas. And it's by the same guy who made Love Actually and it feels like Love Actually in children's form. And how do you get to decide whether, I don't know how I feel about it. I'm someone who likes Love Actually in a way and hates it in a bigger way. And so we watched it yesterday and it was cute. And I think it's, I think I might like it. Was there like a like, oh God, was there kids singing in it also? No.

I don't remember any kids singing. It's an animated movie. Oh, okay. All right. I'm fine with that. But it just, it is literally, as we were watching it, I was like, this feels like exactly like love actually, but for kids. And then I looked it up and it is made by the man who made love actually. Did they have a chubby girl in it?

I think they updated some of the more cancelable parts of love actually. Oh my God. I know this is maybe a leftover statement. We're talking about love actually. She was 17. Karen Knightley. She was 17. What are you doing in this movie where you're married?

What? And then also lead to. Why was she 17? Why was she cast? Yeah. How does a 17 year old get cast? Girls gone wild. It was just like in that article, she was like,

I didn't want to do the Q card thing because I thought. it was creepy and apparently in shooting, she couldn't get the like disgusted look on her face, which is why, and I've made jokes about the look on her face before during the Q-card scene because she's got this like plaster smile on her face that looks so fake and it turns out it was insanely fake because she was very weirded out by all of it because again, she was 17 years old. I got to know how that went down because how do you not have to be. find just a 22-year-old. Just find a hot 22-year-old.

Yeah. That's 22-year-old. What are you doing? Whatever was. She's so undeniable. I mean, I get it. It's Karen Knightley. Like, she is beautiful, but so bizarre, dude.

What are you talking about? I had no idea she was 17. The fact that there is not one but two adult men in love with that woman in love actually. And then it's a central plot of the movie. And also the whole time she's fucking actually 17. 17? And then you look at her, you're like, of course she's 17.

Yeah, she does look. She looks so young. Yeah, she looks like a child. She looks like a child. And it is, man, it's just like not that long ago. Things were very loose. Yeah. Yeah. Really crazy. It's really insane. And I am very, I'm very appreciative for what has changed in media. And I want to say thank you for a lot of those changes. But also, I want to say no thank you because you know a lot of this shit is still going on and there's still horrific things that happen behind closed doors. That's why you can't let Jackie watch too many documentaries. She goes all fired up. See, this is the thing. This is why just keep me put the blanket over my cage. Tell me it's nighttime. Let me go to sleep like a good woman parrot should.

Like, just put me to bed. Don't let me know these things. Yeah. Too much? No. No. No. Agreed.

Put you to bed. That's what House of Villains is for, you know? and that is our palate cleanser. I mean, we had to, we, we turned off the substance that as Sternberg's was getting too late. And we had to palate cleanse with a little bit of house of villains. A little bit of villas. A little bit of will. Yeah.

It'll do you right. But you are enjoying the substance so far. Of course. I mean, it's such a no-brainer. Yeah. But it is fun. Lexi didn't know it was a body-horror thing and just knew it was supposed to be a really good movie, which I got to inform.

I was like, oh, by the way, right before we started, I was like, you know, this is like a body horror, like, crazy kind of Kronenberg thing. She was just like, no. And I was like, ah, she, but she's cool. But it's, you know, when a movie's that good, then fuck it. You know what I mean? Also, speaking of which kinds of kindness just dropped on Hulu and Alien Romulus is over there. So I got some movies to catch up on. I'm pretty excited about. Hell yeah. For sure. And then obviously got to get into my Christmas mode here soon. I mean, what's the good, any good new Christmas movies? I mean, what do we got?

My mom really enjoyed red, but that's still, even with AMC stubs, I still won't go to see it. Or the red one, right? Or the red one, yeah, red one. The rock, I mean, I do love J.K. Simmons. And apparently it is a lot of fun. I just don't know if I should, like, I feel like, do I give in? Because, like, I want to rewatch, like, Violent Night. Violent Night was a great, a fun Christmas, like, action movie.

You know what I mean? But I don't know if Red One is pandering too much to an audience that it's not me. Well, you got Jeff Dunham scrooged up holiday special. That's on Amazon. Even the photo they, the like movie poster or whatever you want to call it that they have up on here is so, like he looks so annoying. This is how I don't understand. Don't relate to so many people in this country. You don't see that face and want to punch the fuck out of it.

I don't get that. Like he looks annoying just in the photo with his stupid puppets. And you want to watch it? Every time I see an ad for Jeff Dunham, I'm like, you are still around? And just, well, Jackie blew my mind when she was home, whatever year that was recently, that, you know, your mom wanted to watch, your parents wanted to watch the... Throw it on. Well, it's because of America's Got Talent or whatever, whatever show he was on, my parents enjoyed.

It's one of those talent shows. So that's why, because in my head, in my mom's head, she's like, well, I want to support the artist. And I'm like, but mom, and I appreciate that. While I do, I like that, I like that you want, but I'm like, there's so many other ones, you know, that we could. Yeah, he just looks so annoying. He's just annoying looking. Like, I just don't get people. I don't understand people.

I'll never understand it. Also, apparently that Christmas is up there, MJ. That Christmas is also a new movie that dropped this year. So I was, yeah, because apparently this person also did How to Train Your Dragon. It is a good movie. It was a good kid's a movie. I sat and watched it with the kids. It was one of those where my plan was to put it on and walk away, but then I was like,

oh, this is actually really cute. Kind of cute, yeah. But I do want to watch apparently Dear Santa, which is a Jack Black comedy that dropped this year, and that kind of looks cute. But I will say, hold onto your butts and wait for us because. We might be watching our little secret in the future. So if you want to wait, we're going to be watching it together. I just want to let you guys know so you don't think we're just like,

but what about the Lindsay Lowhan movie? I just want you to know. I was going to say, if you don't know what we're talking about, it is also known as the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie, because I don't remember its name. No. Everyone I know is calling it the New Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie. And don't worry, that will be on our docket soon.

But for now, I guess this is our episode of talking TV for you. Oh, did you guys have anything else? I think that's it. Let's sing the song and be out. Let's get out of here. Love you guys. Be back next week. Take care, everybody. We're talking TV with MJ Holden and Jackie. Talking TV and you know it's going to get wacky because everybody knows and everyone knows. And everybody knows we're watching shows. We're talking TV with MJ Holden and Jackie.

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