Page 7 - Vagina Zebrowski w/ Kara Klenk

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

This week on Page 7 MJ and Jackie are once again joined by Kara Klenk as they get into the ins and outs of Summer camp, American Eagle wants everyone to look like Sydney Sweeney, and Katy Perry continues to bring terror into the world, this time with Justin Trudeau. The great book of Goop has flooded the streets, the Astronomer company brought ole Goopster to ...answer questions as the temporary spokesperson?, and Kara brings up the lame insults Goop tossed at Winona Ryder back in the day, and a lil bit of a 'Who's the Bitch?' List: Here’s Why These Super Rich Celebrities Decided To Fire Or Stop Financially Supporting Their Family Members!! The Blindzz, Jackie's Snackies from 1:11:16.229 with an MJ's Minute Munchies at 1:16:40.889 til 1:19:02.031 and even more on this week's episode!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We got two campers over here. No.M.J. Hello, Kara. Here I am it. Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining. And they say, well, have some fun on if it's exciting. Okay.

I just found out from MJ and Kara that this song is not about a child writing about his own death. Which is what I thought this song was about. When they were like, oh, you can sing Hello Mudda, hella, hello fodder. I was like, oh, the song about where the guy, like, it's like his 13th reason is camp, and I know that that's not it. Jackie thought this is a song about child death.

It is, as I remember it, it is just kind of like a, you know, isn't it Henny Youngman or it's not Henny Young. But it's like an old man sitting at a piano doing bits, and it's about how it was raining at camp. Yeah. Alan Sherman, it says, is the name when I Google it. Okay. And some of these lyrics are confusing.

Oh, yeah. He just wants to go home. It's just like a kid complaining at camp because he wants to go home. But this camp does sound kind of shitty. There's alligators. It's raining. I mean, it's a joke song, you guys. I don't think we're meant to take the text literally.

I don't think it's a tragic. Listen, I'm writing a Yelp review for Camp Granada. It seems like a hazard. It is like a 1971 joke song that an old jokester saying, at the piano while like chatting, you know, it was that kind of act.

Yeah, it feels like it's like a cat skills type song. Exactly. You got it. This is all I understand about summer camp. It is this. It is Adam's family values.

And it's like every other slasher movie. That's the only, and wet hot American summer. That's it. That's all I know about. Wet hot rock. Wet hot American summer is, yeah, man,

how old do the kids need to be before we show them that? A little older probably. Yeah. Oh my God, I love Wet Hot American Summer so much. I think I've seen it like 50 times. Like, I love it. Is that what encapsulates the actual summer camp experience? I questioned you both. Well, for me, no, because I went to all girls with an with an all boys down the street. So it wasn't quite as sexually charged as I feel like. But there was a lot of like hooking up and hanging like after the kids went to bed. But like not, you know, like it definitely. definitely not like my camp, but if you go to camp, I think you just like can, you just love that movie. Like the theater kids, the kid that won't shower. I mean, there is like a lot of that prototypes,

you know. So yeah, Kara, you did the full East Coast. So this is, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, you know, listeners and anyone else. But I think that it is a regional thing to do like long periods of time at Sleepaway Camp. It seems much more common on the East Coast. And in the Midwest, I think there, like, I went to Girl Scout camp, but also my thing was, I hated camp. I hated sports camp. I hated Girl Scout camp. And I was, I had been talking to my children today who, who've been complaining, this week, they've been complaining about camp. And I was like, I too hated camp as a kid. But Gideon, who grew up in New York, went to, like, a sleepaway camp. And it was like life defining. I feel like everyone I know here who went to sleepaway camp, still best friends with their friends from camp.

It changed their life. And it sounds like, Kara, you had. that same experience. That's me. Yeah, I got married at my summer camp. So yeah, like, I'm, like, obsessed. I'm still in touch. I still do stuff with the camp. Like, I'm really into it. It was totally life-changing for me. Um, but yes, when you talk to people from like California, they're like, wait, not that they don't exist out here, but like a lot of camps are one week or 10 days and like minus three and a half weeks or seven. Yeah. And if you're a counselor, you're really, if you're a counselor, you're really going for like nine usually because you have like a week before the kids get there. Sometimes you have to go a week earlier to like become a lifeguard or whatever.

So like there's, there's, uh, it's a full ass commitment. I did three as a camper, seven as a counselor. Wow. And Jackie, how about in Florida? What are they? They just, they just lock you outside and don't let you in until the sun's down, right? I think they just like, like, oh, just go find a mound and see how many you can burn alive. Sometimes you can hear their shrieks. Like that's a girl. They give you a baby gator and they say, if you raise this up before, if you raise this and you, raise this and you domesticate it before it's old enough to eat you. You did it. You can marry it then.

Technically, it's your husband. Yeah. So I just got a husband and I am feeling great. You know what? I filed down his front teeth. So at least when he kisses me, it doesn't hurt.

Yes, you have just returned from Florida and you can't come home from Florida without a gator. Got a gator. I did realize this morning when I was trying to, I was using a little tip from a child parenting guru slash cult leader, Dr. Becky, who says that when your kids are complaining about something or having a hard time with something and you want to teach them a lesson, but you don't want to be so obnoxious about it. You do a little trick called this. Have I ever told you about the time? And then you tell a relatable story from your own childhood. And so they were complaining about camp. And I said, have I ever told you about the time that I hated sports camp and I have told them. But I told them.

But I told a different story, which was that I hated my count because they are complaining that the teachers aren't nice enough. And I think, for the record, I think my kids might be wrong. But in any case, I was like, you know, I once had a camp counselor that I didn't like. And I was, as I was telling the story, it was like, you revisit a moment from your childhood and you realize you were the badie. I was like, this counselor, how, I was like, this counselor had the nerve to tell me I had a bad attitude. And the kids were like, why did she say that? And I was like, because I kept making fun of the cheerleaders and saying, cheerleading wasn't a sport.

And then I was like, oh my God, I am the asshole. It's me. Hi. I'm the problem. It's me. I was awful. Why did I do that? And so I was like, I did have an attitude problem.

But I have gone my entire life thinking that that counselor was mean and it was me who was being mean. Wow. Oh my gosh. Well, yeah. Suck it up, kids. You're going to camp. Put your backpacks on.

A lot of us got to do. Shit, we don't want to do. Yeah, too bad. And do you guys say that a lot? I feel like, are you not allowed to say that a lot anymore? Do you sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do? No, I say that regularly, almost every day. Yeah.

Because I feel like I have to say that to myself regularly. So I would assume if I had kids, I'd always be having to say that. I mean, now you're supposed to, the Glenn and Doyle, you know, we can do hard things is the more positive way to say it. Like stop complaining. just do it. But so a lot of people I think are doing the Glennon Doyle, we can do hard things. And I appreciate her for that language. Yeah, because I was really in a rut of saying stop complaining over and over again. I was like, if I hear any more complaining, like, when we were in New York, it was just like, I was like, you're in the greatest city in the goddamn world. You better stop complaining right now.

And guess what? Stop complaining does not work. I know. It has been a stop complaining summer over here as well. And it turns out you can't make someone. like something just because you want them to like it. Can't we implant a chip yet? I feel like I keep watching these shows that at this point we should be able to be like, no, you do like it and then like you implant the chip and then they like it. Or am I watching too many things in the dark that aren't real? Oh man, I wish we could black mirror my kid into eating some more foods or something.

That's what I mean. There's got to be something that they can change. Yeah, I don't know. We're on, you know, an increasingly slippery dystopian slope and chips in the kids might just be one. I know, listen, I know this is a heavy topic, you guys, but I really feel like I want to start off this week. Is anyone else's algorithm very focused on the Sydney's Sweeney Blue Jeans ad or is it just because I just... Nothing else is being served to me at all. Not another thing.

I just, it's so much. It's so, like, it got to. so big, so fast, and so filled with anger that I got, like, scared of it. I, like, I really, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to talk about this on the show because I am, I'm always ready to come in and be like, let's dissect the politics of this. And not everyone's always ready to hear that because that's not what the show is. And I accept that. And I've come to accept that. But then sometimes I overcorrect. And I'm like, okay, I guess we don't have to talk about the weird eugenic undertones of something.

But I don't want to do that. I can't tell if this is accidentally eugenic or on purpose eugenic. Well, that's basically what I'm getting. I'm getting the two sides of the argument, which are like, is this a dog whistle that they knew was going to cause controversy? Because I'll tell you, I haven't talked about American Eagle in a long ass time. Yeah. You can't talk about it.

You're going to tank your Sydney, sweetie, you're on top of the world and you're going to do a weird ad for blue eyes for American Eagle. the mall jeans store? And don't get me wrong. I love their jeans. And I own several pairs still. But I don't know. I think I might have to stop.

I just, but then the, the alternate argument is people like, I mean, I've been seeing many different arguments. One is that like, oh, maybe not enough women were involved in this campaign or like people of color or like people that would have, you know, people that would have like said, hey, by the way, like basically, I only said women because this woman was like, I used to work in advertising. and when it would be all men bringing you a thing, you'd be like,

this makes no sense. Right. Because like sometimes they're not thinking about it from like another point of view. Sure. So like, you know, so that's what, some people are saying it might be an unintentional dog whistle, but it might be an intentional one.

And I don't know what it is, but I feel like it's no matter what it's like, the crazy thing is I saw this ad when I was in New York two weeks ago and I saw it everywhere, papered on walls and stuff. And my husband and I always said, to each other was like, God, she's in fucking everything because she's just doing so many advertisements. We passed a Baskin Robbins and it was like, come get this Sydney Sweeney cone at

Baskin Robbins. I was like, bitch, are you paying for a gambling debt? Why are you like so many advertisements. Right. And I didn't even put it together the jeans and the jeans and like what color her eyes are, you know, like I didn't even put it together. And then when I saw the scandal like that blowing up online, I was like, I guess that does make a lot of sense. And I'm angry at myself for not even noticing. Yeah. This is one of those things where I'm like, okay, it is possible that people, I don't know, I just, I want to live in a world where people are reading too much into this, right?

But then I'm like, she literally is talking about her blonde hair and her blue eyes and her jeans. So like what is, what is the more generous interpretation? I have to clarify that I only saw it in print. So all I saw was, my jeans are blue. And that makes, I didn't see genes as genes, genetic genes. Yes. No controversy. If you just say my genes are blue, no problem.

But then you see the ad and she's like, I have Aryan features. She's like, the blood of my Mayflower ancestors beats through my vein. That's the thing. I'm just like, I would love to live in a world where I'm overreacting by saying this is a eugenics dog whistle. But then I'm like, but what is the more generous interpretation? Like, I'm down for a generous interpretation of things. But then this, I'm trying to find the name of this artist who, the new one from this week that was also trending everywhere, she's dancing, she's singing about how she wants

to go back to 1965. What the hell is her name? You know what I'm talking about? She's like, I want to be a housewife. And it was at a late night show last week. And then there's like, and it's weird because then there's like a man dressed as her husband dancing behind her. dancing in like a very kind of like, I feel like queer coded way, but the lyrics are explicitly

her being like, I would, I need to find it. Like I would, I would like to go back in time and be treated like women were in 1965. And I feel like it was seeing the Sydney-Sweeney ad and then seeing this big like breakout performance and that, and then me being like, okay, I feel like the subtext is becoming the text and we're literally saying I have good genes because I have blue eyes and blonde hair and I literally want to go back in time to 1965. And again, if I'm overreacting,

I would be thrilled. I would be happy to be overreacting to this and have it be not that that's what's happening. But also, it's just like we know that we're in a kind of regressive timeline right now.

Yeah. So I don't want to bend over backwards to be like, no, the extremely regressive thing that seems to be happening isn't happening. You know what I mean? I also do feel like,

or there could be a world where like, um, that Sidney Sweeney is not looking at it from that direction. I feel like I wonder if she is aware of that, like, that she was just told, like, say, I have blue eyes. And she's like, I have blue eyes.

You know, like, where so much is happening in her world where she's put on, where, like, she took the picture. She said the lines and then seeing it back now being like, oh, my God, of course that makes, oh, God, I'm such an idiot. Yeah. Is there also, like, I feel like, is all the vitriol that is towards. just Sidney, Sweeney, you know, it should be going at the company as well. You know what I mean? I think that world is more likely than a world. I think the likelihood of like this is, this was never

meant to be anything about eugenics at all. Unfortunately, I think that's probably our number three most likely. Number two is what you just described, which was Sydney Sweetie might not have meant for it to be about eugenics, but the company did. And number one, like, is it? They all, and then it's all, and then it's all. And I don't know. I'm not trying to speak with authority, but I am trying to notice what's happening. I feel like I bend over a little bit backwards to want Cadis, we need to be good because I really like her. I know.

I know. And I like, there was that whole thing with her and her family and the MAGA hats. Yeah. And we at the time, our take was like, you know, you can't control who your family is. Maybe she should not have posted that picture. And so I've tried to be like. And the genes. And then that's the thing.

Then you make that my eyes are blue and my hair is blonde and my jeans are blue. I mean, I can see, I can see a world in which she did not even consider the the greater cultural context of it and just thought, oh my God, it's a play on jeans and jeans. And I obviously have good jeans because I'm like a hot ass actress. Yes. And not necessarily the blood. Like, I mean, let's be honest, her boobs are usually what get the most attention. She's got like, you know,

I don't know what the boob gene is. It was like, my boobs are huge. And my jeans are blue. That would have been a great ad. That would have been so much, but nobody would be mad at her about that. No, those jeans would be selling the fuck out because people would be like, you're right.

You are correct. I'm going to bring up the clickbait article, the clickbait headline because it's the best. Also, the person I was talking about before is Jesse Murph. The song is 1965. And the line is literally, I want you to love me like it's 1965. And people were like, what the hell is this?

That's a weird, you know, so it is. And, oh, not just that. I think I'd give up a few rights if you would love me just like it's 1965. So that is, that's another example where it's like the subtext is the text. And you, I think, unless she's doing some weird performance art thing, I think we have to take her at her word, which is she's saying I'd give up a few rights if it was 1965. Unless you want to be like. Well, she's from Huntsville, Alabama. Uh-huh.

And she's 20. Yeah. But then again, her husband is dancing behind her in the performance. and he looks just very gay, but I think that's an accident. Anyway, the click hole headline, I'm bringing it up. American, addressing the backlash, American Eagle is clarifying that their city sweetie ad was only intended to make people masturbate. And, you know, so I don't know enough about American Eagle, aside from that they're in the

mall and they make pretty affordable jeans, that I don't know why they would want to do it this way. it's just a strange choice in these times. I think we could all agree that it's just a strange choice in these times to talk about how the good genes are the genes that make blue eyes. It's the kind of thing that also maybe

would have just flown under the radar if there was like another bigger thing happening but I feel like summer news is a little bit like people are just grabbing on. Not that this isn't an important conversation to have and like to call out this brand, but the fact that it is flooded my timeline, like there's practically nothing.

else there. I'm like, what the hell? And that could just be July's fault. But then, but then Katie Perry goes out to dinner with Justin Trudeau. And we could all laugh again. Because what the hell is this? What are you doing, girl? What are you doing? All right? Just, why doesn't anybody ever tell celebrities that it's okay to like take a minute when they end a nine-year relationship? Take a minute. Are she just so addicted. to like, I think she's probably so addicted to attention and stuff that it's like, who could really make a splash, the former prime minister of fucking Canada. I actually feel like it's such a good comparison between her and then Pam Anderson and

Liam Neeson with all, with them coming out as dating. Are they dating? Okay, so I thought it was just press for the movie. They are. They are. No, it's official. It's official. He did, he waited 16 years.

He had to talk. He hasn't dated anybody since? Nay. No. Nye. Nade. He just makes weird movies about a daughter being stolen by it. And then there's beautiful.

Let's not talk about the politics of those movies. You know, I kept thinking to myself, like when people were saying, oh, I think they're together. I was like, I think it's just pressed for the movie. I go, I love Liam, Liam Neeson. He's my type. But I've seen Pamela Anderson have sex with Tommy Lee. Like, I don't know if he's got a specific set of skills that is quite as large as what Pamela Anderson is used to.

So I wasn't sure that that was a match. But she feels like she's sort of changing her image a lot. And now her and Liam Neeson kind of crazily makes sense. I think they're amazing casting for the movie too. I'm so excited to see Naked Gun. I literally am the biggest fan of the first three Naked Gun movies. Like that whole genre, Naked Gun, Hot Shots, all that stuff.

My favorite. So how do you feel about the new one coming out? Like, are you excited? Did you like the trailer? I have seen the trailer. I think I saw it at a movie with my kids, so I wasn't fully dialed in. How dare you, Kara?

And then a friend just posted, another comedian I know just posted yesterday, says it's awesome, it's 80 minutes, and he said it's joke, joke, joke, joke, which I love and they never make anything like that anymore. No. So I think that that's fun. If we can go back to making like fun parody movies,

oh my God. Liam Neeson is so funny. What the world needs now. And I feel like it is really sad that after Natasha Richardson died, he just started exclusively making the taken movie. movies. And, you know, taking movies are, I think, you know, maybe they were fine at first and then they declined

in quality. And I, he's obviously been in like a, you know, prolonged state of, of, um, of mourning. But there is a, we talked about it years ago, there's a clip of him interviewing the dairy girls. And I, I forgot how funny he is. And I love the dairy girls. We love the dairy girls. And we love Liam Neeson. Yes, watch Google Liam Neeson, Dairy girls and you will be dying. It is, he's so funny. And you forget that he's so funny because he's only been doing these, you know, you have my daughter.

But he's, he's really, really, really funny. I feel like I've seen him be funny before in a movie. Has he not? No, he's funny. He does funny stuff. He just not in a long time. He hasn't. He's cheeky. And I like it when he's cheeky. But I didn't mean to immediately pivot away

from the other ones. Katie Perry had to try to. Just try to explain like the difference of like now like them even if it is a showmance, okay? If it is a showmance, it's a showmance. Oh yeah. I will take it. Yes, for both of them. I hope it leads that their apparently word on the street is their families are already hanging out with each other.

And if anybody watches the Golden Bachelor, we all know that like you don't just do that right up top. Not in your 60s. You wait. And so apparently the families are starting to hang out. That's so. Just sprinkling that in there. But how do you feel Katie Perry? I'm so obsessed like because I love like a later in life romance.

You know I'm very into like Diane Keaton. Obsessed. Those kind of movies. Nancy Myers universe. So I love this. And I like love Natasha Richardson. And I love that he's, I can't believe he's never. dated anyone. I guess I assumed he was like quietly dating normal non-famous people. I mean, I might be

wrong about that. But there were a lot of headlines today that was like, that were saying that he has been, that he has not dated anyone since, yeah, maybe, maybe just not publicly. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love this. This is going to make me go see the movie even more. The movie, when did the movie, the movie, when did the movie, the movie comes out like this Friday? Very soon. Very soon. So that's why, of course, could it be the wheels of PR, but you know what? once in a while, the wheels of PR give us exactly what we fucking want, all right? Yeah. And maybe it is, but I'll take it.

Yeah. The Katie Perry thing, I had so many people message this to me and I was just dying because I feel like it, the only thing that weirdly makes sense about Katie Perry, and mind you, I'm not Canadian and I don't follow Canadian politics, but I feel like the thing that Justin Trudeau and Katie Perry have in common is that they were both very popular and beloved about 12 years ago. Yes. And then they have experienced like a slow and gradual decline.

I just know that Justin Dutjo is no longer that popular with his, with his base in Canada is my understanding. And so I think it is hilarious to find like the only other person who had a similar arc of being. Did everyone love you in like 2011? Yeah. And now everyone hates you. And they can kind of just live in there together. They're like clinging to like the piece of driftwood together after the Titanic. I was just about to say it's like it's all the rest of it's already burned, but it's just like sin.

singed pieces of wood that they are both now like slowly tying together as they just kind of lob into the nothing. And they both have a history of cultural appropriation in bad ways. Oh yeah. You know, weird costumes, six costumes specifically, both of them. So they can talk about that. Wait, she did blackface. What did Katie do again?

Katie has done a number of weird things. Let me find it of the most. There was a, I would say. like DESE appropriation. Like South Asian. I mean, I buy it. Anything you say I'm going to go, that tracks, you know, I buy it.

That was the main, yeah, those were the main photos I saw going around today. But, I mean, I don't think it's like a Gwen Stefani situation, but I think that, you know, again, we've tried to enumerate all of the various offenses of Katie Perry over the years. And it is hard to keep track. But yeah, there's like a Geisha thing. I think that was all, yeah, maybe that was what I was remembering. She also did a classic, like, Indigenous American Coachella thing, which, you know, if you're not going to wear a headdress, I mean, she's wearing, like, what looks like kind of like a party city Halloween costume and, like, doing, like, a hand gesture that is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's just. Yeah. Yeah. There's a couple of examples. But that's also, like, beyond the, like, beyond the, like,

like, you know, convent thing and then everything out and like, oh my God, the scented shoes. The biggest, you know, the biggest thing we could never, ever get past here on page seven is the fact that she had sented shoes. So they're just, I guess, a match made in heaven. Maybe they're both scented like banana. But I also feel like this is lasting for five seconds. Like, I don't think this is, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Her and Trudeau.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, they're going to discuss the time that people accused them of cultural appropriation and then the dinner is over. Well, I think there's nothing more that Katie Perry would like them to be the first lady of Canada, but his time has passed. You know what I mean? I'm not sure. She would like love that, but like she's not going to, I think she's going to dump him pretty soon. Yeah. Well, I mean, she has it now I just, I'm so curious as to what their goal, like what her team is going to do with her next. like what the plan is going to be now. Oh, there's got to be a huge, like, I think there's going to be a huge, like, rebrand or, like, a secret she's going to come out with of something she's suffering with or something like that.

You know what I mean? Right. Either, like, tell all about her relationship with Orlando, something. Right. Support for Katie. Like, we're all going to have to, like, go before. I'm like, I never said that she did those things. from the beginning. Or is she going to just like lean into it?

I guess, and I think to bring it back to Cindy Sweeney just briefly, I think that that's the reason I got upset about that ad is because I was like, is there a world in which, you know, obviously culture comes in, culture and politics both come in. We have waves of things. We have movements and we have reactions, right? You know, there's a Me Too movement.

Then there's a reaction against the Me Too movement. There's a movement for, you know, discuss. things more thoughtfully, and then there's the anti-woke movement. And I guess that what freaked me out about the Sydney-Sweeney ad is I was like, are we now going to be in a timeline where, you know, just like we have like, you know, kind of like the manosphere, which is like, I think, a reaction against, you know, a wokeness. Is there a timeline where like really famous people start making explicitly conservative things in a reaction? You know, what I mean? Like, what if the top hot actor in the world did do something that was explicitly.

explicitly racist. Because in general, stuff like that in pop culture, you know, it's, it's, you know, people can do it and still be fine. Obviously, see this example of all these things that Katie Perry did with cultural appropriation. But to be explicitly, you know, explicitly, you know, pro-ugenics would have consequences in pop culture usually. And so I think that was so weird seeing that ad is I was like, well, is that changing? And I, you know, I, you know, I, and Katie Perry, you know, posted that she voted for the Republican in the L.A. mayoral's race. And it's just like, is there a- Caruso. She was a real Caruso head. And so it's like, is there a timeline where- And he was, he's a Democrat, but, you know, not. I see, I see. Yeah. So it was like,

I don't know, I guess I'm, I, I, I worry with somebody like Katie Perry, you know, is, there like a, you know, a path where they just become like a weird, like, you know, pro, you know, pro, you know, pro-alt. right. She's not all right. I don't know. Yeah. Oh, she becomes like the right wing pop princess. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I mean. You know, is there a... I've got to keep my voice down. I'm in my parents' house right now.

Oh, no. Do you feel like you might just like create it if you say it three times inside of that house too? I'm just going to go downstairs. My parents are going to be just like catlip, four-year girls. I'm denying. But like having a good dance party. They're like, we love this girl. Have you heard of her?

She's the new people's princess. Yeah, no, I have no idea what's next for her. But yeah, the city sweet thing, I was just like, I just want this to not be the path that we're going towards in general. That's all I mean, you know. Certainly it's worked for several comedians to move. Exactly. When they've been canceled. Exactly.

But that hasn't really translated to, like, more mainstream pop culture yet. Right. No. No. But one woman that could definitely never be canceled, that's Gwyneth Paltrow. Now, Kara, right now. right now, MJ, I don't know if you've started reading the biography yet. The Gwyneth Paltrow biography has just dropped.

Didn't it just drop like today? I thought you just woke up, Jack. No, yesterday. Oh, yesterday, the 29th yesterday. She does not do her own biography, audiobook by the way. But I am. She doesn't read. No, of course, that makes sense.

She doesn't. She shouldn't read it. It's a work of literature. It's not a memoir. It is a biography by somebody else. Oh, so someone else reads it about her. It's not her being like. Right. It's not.

And then my mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mother, Life Danner. Exactly. That's what we need to know. We want to know more about Life Tanner. But okay, you started it, Jackie. It is from the lips.

I'm not going to say from the lips of the horse, Jackie. It is from the horse's mouth. The mouth of her. Yes. Is there anything? So you're not far enough along. Is there any dirt? There, oh, no.

There's going to be a lot of dirt because I have been trying to like keep away from all of the headlines. Because of course, the headlines are already being pulled from it. There is a lot of dirt apparently. And apparently it's very juicy. But also, Gwyneth Paltrow, and I'm assuming this has to do with the fact that this book is dropping this week, that astronomer, okay guys, remember. Yes, let's talk about this. The astronomer CEO, right, that got,

he didn't get fired, he got resigned. Cold play concert. And that's because he chose to cheat at a Coldplay concert. And we know that's the only reason why he was asked to resign because maybe if it had been at the Ozzy concert, everyone would have felt differently. And then we discovered that a lot of page seven people love Coldplay. And I'm sorry we were so mean about Coldplay, guys.

We were me. I will also say, I saw Cold Playing concert once by happenstance, and it was a pretty, it was a pretty, like, I didn't seek out the tickets. A ticket was presented to me. And it was a pretty fun concert. Like, I actually had a nice time. I mean, yeah. It was 20 years ago, but yeah. I, you know, we thought it would be fun to really go in on Coldplay. And a lot of people were like, guys, ouch. And that's fair. I really, I, you know, I haven't spent a lot of time with their body of work. Music is subjective. Listen, I went to the bare naked ladies last week in New York. Come for me. Kara had a blast. Don't even say that you just went.

Kara, you had a blast of the bare naked ladies concert. And Sugar Ray opened. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? Sugar Ray opened? What year is it? 1998? So did.

Oh, yes. That was literally the point. Like, I think like fastball also opened, but we were drinking during that. So we missed fastball. Fass ball. Fitch. Wow. Fastball.

Passball. Okay, but to take it back to Gwyneth. So I'm going to read, if I may, from this BuzzFeed article about this because this is really unexpected. Oh, yeah. Did you read the headline? Could you read the headline? I'm scrolled down to the context. Astronomer hired Gwyneth Paltrow to answer questions after the CEO was allegedly caught cheating at a cold play concert.

So the company asked Gweth Paltrow. who used to, who consciously uncoupled with Christopher Martin, who is the lead singer of Colplay. They brought her in to answer questions. Please, MJ. It's absolutely, absolutely wild, wild twist. So, uh, uh, Gwyneth was announced as a temporary spokesperson for the tech company. She shared the news herself yesterday in a video statement posted to Astronomers X account. Thank you for your.

interest in Astronomer. Hi, I'm Gweth Peltro. I've been hired on a very temporary basis to speak on behalf of the 300 plus employees at Astronomer. Astronomer has gotten a lot of questions over the last few days and they wanted me to answer the most common ones. And then it's just like, whatever. But like, I don't know. I have to say, you know, I guess we have to tip our hat to the crisis PR move of getting the most annoying celebrity who is tangentially associated with this whole thing, which, you know, started off as just kind of a big fun, let's all collectively shame this guy moment that everybody's watching it together. And then Chris Martin was like, yeah, we're all having a good time. And then everyone was like, no, we're making fun of you too.

And then they're like, no, let's get your ex, Gwyneth Paltrow to come in. I don't know. I feel like it's like, astronomers trying to be like, we're in on the joke. It's like last week we were like Chris Martin's trying to be in on the joke. And now astronomers trying to be in on the joke. I don't want anyone to be in on the joke. You know what I mean? I feel like this has a bunch of like old, like old white men that I just imagine them all smoking cigars. And they're all sitting, they're like, bring someone young in here. And they're like, brought someone in. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, make something.

Yeah, yeah. Make them, make them. No, no, no that, yeah, we know a joke. Yeah, we've had a joke before. Yeah. And so the probably, I would assume, person that is our age that gets brought in to do this is like, all right, well, I mean, everybody loves Gwyneth Paltrow, and so this will drum up something, I guess,

because I imagine it's a bunch of them, because this is going too far. Like, I feel like at this point, it's like, guys, it's too far. Why are we still talking about this? I know. Why are we still doing this? I don't know. I got to take the side that I kind of think this is like a little bit genius.

You love it. Does anybody think that? I think it is. I think technically it is. I'm just also annoyed by it. It's annoying because Gwyneth Peltro is annoying. But I mean, a lot of stuff is annoying. But like, and it's also like, yeah, I bet it's not that fun for the two people that got cheated on to see that this is all turning into like a

ha-ha kind of moment. Right. But if you're this-strander to be like, oh, look at a, well, yeah. If you're this company, like, which I don't even understand after watching this Gwyneth Paltrow thing, what they do. Right. They do machine learning and pipelines. Like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. It's not for us. Like, we're, they just want it to be that their name is not just completely associated with this scandal. And so being like we're in on the joke is kind of like, I think, how you pivot away from that. I totally agree that it's a good PR move for astronomer.

I just don't want astronomer. I think that when something happens organically and naturally and everybody, even though this was, yes, united around a moment of public shaming, what was fun about it was a bunch of people being like, yeah, fuck that CEO. and then for the then company to be like to turn their chair around like A.C. Slater style and be like, let's tell you a little bit about our company. The whole thing was kind of bored. And mind you, last week I was being like, I don't think this man's life deserves to be ruined for cheating. But fuck, whatever, fuck it. Fuck CEOs. Fuck the company. And so now the company is like, oh yeah, our CEO cheated publicly and we're going to use that as a way to boost ourselves up. I agree with you that it's smart for them. I just don't. What was supposed to. they're dorky as hell, but the product's not for us. Right, right, right. Right. Like, it's so dorky, but maybe the people that are like, actually, I was looking for a new machine learning pipeline company and this is pretty fun. I mean, it's not,

yeah, it's not, it's not for me. But, um, I don't know. Like, some of the comments are like hilarious underneath the Twitter. They're like, well, I guess astronomer doesn't really take marriage seriously. It's like, yeah, most of people in this country don't take marriage seriously. If like you're being, like, what? And that, yeah, that's the other thing. Like, right. I think there. reason that I was a little bit torn last week was because I, yeah, I don't, it's not like, I'm not going to be like offended that they're not taking marriage seriously. Like there's a, there's a weird. There's, yeah, that like, oh, well, don't we honor this institution? And it's like, no, everybody just thought it was funny that they were cheating and that they got caught and they hid

like children playing hide and seek, you know, like that's. And in like, in like six months, no one will remember any of them. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, you're like, you're be like cold play couple and people will be like oh chris martin and guinith paltrow like no one will know know what you're talking about right you know right so i you know i also felt bad have you've ever read that book so you've been publicly shamed by john ronson i uh i have you know i have read a lot about the book but i have never actually read the book i mean it's a little bit more about like um it's a little bit more about like tweeting or saying something offensive that gets you like fully canceled and i mean that's already that was from like 2016 era right that he wrote that yeah the book is from 2015 so yes

15, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and just when, like, people were just tweeting the wrong thing and getting fully canceled. I mean, but I will say this guy, I mean, lost his job. He'll probably get another one. It's not like, you know, right, right. He's going to lay low for six months to a year and then get another job maintaining pipelines and blah, blah. Right? It is so funny that you read what they do and I'm like, I don't know.

It's like my brain is unable to process the words. I'm like, it's like in Westworld, like, that doesn't look like anything to me. Yeah. Which I think it's like a little bit what they were doing with Gwyneth in the ad, too. is being like, let's get this woman who talks about vagina eggs to get on here and talk about this thing that makes no sense to anyone that's not specifically in this business. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know. But Gwyneth is, you know, famously, famously on the who's the bitchometer. I mean, she'll do anything for a little bit of a laugh too, which is always what makes me smile, even though we know she's like a fun liar. Yeah. Yeah, and she is, she's another person trying to get in on the joke, I feel like. Like when she did her hot ones, and I admit that Jackie and I were both very impressed with how fun she was on her hot ones.

She's fun. She's fun. She's fun. I realize that she's trying to be fun because everybody thinks she's not fun, you know. So now she hears she's trying to be fun again, you know, because she's like, oh, I've spent the last 20 years drinking chicken broth and coffee without any sugar in it. And so now I have to prove to the world I'm still fun. Yeah. You know what it is?

I feel like I'm starting to look at Dakota Johnson and Gwyneth Paltrow, like, in a very similar pipeline. And I think that Dakota Johnson actually effortlessly does it better. Like, I don't like watching her perform. I'm saying it. Yeah, this is, I was watching. I think it was Dakota Johnson was talking. And maybe it's because she was talking to fucking, uh,

Amy Polar, and so Amy Polar just probably brings out the best in absolutely everyone. Certainly. Dakota Johnson is very funny to speak to. I don't want to watch her act. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you, actually. I'm with you. Whereas I find Gwyneth Peltro has a lot more talent and like general charm on screen.

Yes. I think she's actually quite magnetic. I think that I have said, I believe, that I think Dakota Johnson has, as the charisma of a toenail when she is on screen. Yes. But I loved that interview with Ellen. Yes. I liked her, like, I liked her, like, weird.

I saw clips of, like, her architectural digest where she's like, this is a bowl of lemons. Like, I don't know. There is something funny and, like, flippant that only the daughter of two megastars coming up being fully raised in the spotlight could pull off. Yeah, that's funny, right, because she doesn't have acting talent that Guedithalchro does actually have. but she does, Dakota does have the talent of just being kind of like an interesting and compelling person, which Gwyneth doesn't have. Although again, in that hot one, you can tell like, okay, you are a person who's good at being on camera and talking, you know. But yeah, I think that Dakota's Johnson kind of, Dakota Johnson's ineptitude with most of what she does serves her well in interviews because then it's really like a, wow, you are just kind of like a hot, messy bitch in a way that's like kind of fun and relatable. Because what do you have to lose? What do you have to lose calling Ellen out in during a PR interview? You're Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's daughter.

They're going to keep booking you for shit. You have nothing to lose. Exactly. And it's just so funny, like, even like, because Amy Poehler was asking her like, oh, like just assuming, she's like, oh, do you take homeopathic supplements? And to go to Johnson was like, yes, I take Xanax. And just the way she, it's just her effort. Or she's like, she's not lying. Yeah.

And I just... Yeah. And then off screen, she's also not starting a brand based on white women wellness. Right. Exactly. Yes. And like, that's, I think what I was always a fan of it. I always liked Quiddith Paltrow until all that.

Totally. Until poop came into my life. Yeah. And I think that that's the day. What I wasn't thinking about during the Hot Ones interview because I had that what I was like, oh, maybe I've just been a bitch to Quinteth Paltrow all these years. I said maybe she's fine, but I forgot that Goop actually is not only annoying. I think arguably you could say it's harmful because it paves the way for all this like

don't trust medical institutions, do shit yourself, like maha stuff that we, and you know, I don't think she was explicitly maha. Obviously it way preceded that, but I feel like you could connect, you know, you could connect this whole like put a, put a jade egg in your vagina. And it's like, no, don't do that. Like, you know, it's not what your vaginal health needs. So, yeah, I feel like it's worth pointing out that what Goop does, and also the way she talks about food, this can be actively harmful. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait. And so then for her to be like, I ate a chicken wing, ha, ha, ha, ha, is not so cute. And then I don't know what this book is going to reveal, but I did just do a quick Google. And can I spoil one thing I just read? Is it about Ben Affleck? It's about Winona Ryder. Tell me, tell us.

Tell us. We love her. I didn't realize this says that they had a friendship. and like she got into a fight with Matt and and Winona Ryder was dating Matt Damon, I think. Anyway, I guess it says something about how Winona Ryder like said a couple of times that she'd been robbed and I think they started to not believe it. I can't believe there was a time that Gwyneth Paltrow was dating Ben Affleck and Winona Ryder was dating Matt Damon and they were all friends. Like, can you imagine how your mind would explode if you were rolling a restaurant and just saw that? double dating.

But like, I guess she, eventually her friendship with Winona Ryder kind of disintegrated and Gwyneth started calling her vagina rider. Oh my God. Not even a good nickname. You bitch. Bitch. It's kind of bitchy and also not that good. Yeah.

I think Winneth Paltrow is obsessed with the vagina saying the word vagina in a way that I think she thinks it makes her. It's edgy. And it's just not, you know. But this is like from nine. 99 probably when this happened. Well, it was even edgier that. No one was saying the vagina in 99.

I mean, I can't imagine what your guess was. Vagina Ryder. Oh my God. Shut up. I feel like if I heard someone be like, vagina Zabrowski, she's like, okay. Oh, wow.

Yep, I have one. I mean, but can you also think of like a more like Trixie and Katia friendship than Winona Ryder and Gwyneth Paltrow? Like literally it's like Lydia Dietz and Brad Pitt's ex-girl. friend. Like, I don't know. That just seems so... And it's this article that I'm reading says that according to the book, she moved in with Winona Ryder after she broke up with Brad Pitt. Wow. They were that close. Like in 1997, she needed some friendly support. So she moved in with Winona. But then I think... I mean, Winona Ryder seems like she's, you know, struggled with some

mental health issues in terms of like her kleptomania and stuff like that. But... You know, they were... It was dealt with a lot more differently. back then than it is now. She got the shitty end of the mental health stick timeline. Yeah, because even when she had her comeback, which I was so excited about, was Stranger Things. Remember when she came on when they won an award for Stranger Things? And, like, her

face was just so shocked and like she couldn't get a hold of herself. And I was just kind of like, everything okay in there? Yeah, yeah. Everyone just, you know. Yeah, I forgot about that. Everyone was like, did Winona writer have a psychic break on stage? Like, all the memes were just like her face, like, freaking out.

Oh, I forgot about that. But, you know, I'm glad she's got has a come i'm glad she's back i some of my favorite movies from childhood are winona writer totally oh oh my god i love her yeah yeah i mean jackey sent this article this week about uh winona writer um and heathers and how like the people in the industry didn't like heathers because they thought that it was like made light of uh of suicide and so there was like career consequences for her for that which is crazy because heathers is such a beloved film it's so oh my god we rented Heather's and my mom watched the first two minutes with us and was like, nope, and brought it back to the video store. So you bet your ass it's all I ever wanted to fucking run. And I rented it

so many times behind her back. I love that movie. Hell yes. And oh my gosh, I've been lost in Winona Hayes. I had no idea. I guess it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? It's me. Chera, don't be scared. I've got to have that list. I've got the list. Here's why these super rich celebrities decided to fire or stop financially supporting their family members. I kind of thought this was a little bit of a Who's the Bitch Edition of the list here. So for everybody, for those of you that don't know, because I realized we didn't even introduce you up top. Sorry, we just started talking. It's me, Kara Klank.

It's Karaklan. It's Karaklan. Sorry, guys. I was definitely on me. I definitely just railroaded right through the top. But Kara and I also co-host a show called Who's the Bitch? So sometimes you hear about these things and you go, yes, I concur. And sometimes you go, really?

I don't think so. Obviously, we'll never know the full story. So these are little just bitchlets. During a recent appearance on the Den of King's podcast, Tyler Perry, who has a net worth of $1.4 billion per Forbes, explained why he stopped giving his family members money. I fired my aunt, he began. She said she wanted a job.

She would always call asking for money. I'm like, okay, I was sending the money. I was like, listen, I want to help you. I want to help you build this thing, not be a welfare to you. So let me give you a job. Long story short, Tyler, the things didn't work out so smoothly. And Tyler also noted that before his mother died in 2009, he financially supported his family. When she passed away in 2009, I sent all of them letters saying, listen, you have 60 days to become gainfully employed because I'm not going to keep supporting you like this.

They all got jobs. And it wasn't even jobs when they're making a lot of money, but it was a job. It was something else for them to do to feel some pride in. That's the same thing I would want somebody to do for me. What do we think? Who's the bitch? Who's the bitch? Who do we feel? Is there a bitch in this situation?

do you think that, you know, it's hard. It's got to be difficult when you're supporting everyone in a family. Right. Right. Like when you look at like what happened to Whitney Houston, right, like everybody was on her payroll. Right. You know, tons of people are like that. I mean, I will say as somebody who knows a lot of people who have been given a ton of money since birth and it has completely stunted their personal development, I think that it's kind of, I think you should use family and stuff as like a safety net. Totally. Like, and for an emergency or for like going through a tough time as opposed to like a permanent

business solution. Right. You know what I mean? Like I think family and money ends up, we've talked about this on our podcast a lot. Like family and money gets complicated, really fucking. Jackie doesn't, fast. The opposite, the counterpoint here is Mike, the situation, Sorrentino, who basically, as soon as he got rich from Jersey Shore,

he just created a company where he hired his entire family. He hired them. Because he just wanted to support them. So he was like, my brother works for me in this capacity, my other brother works for me in this capacity, although that did. But they didn't know how to do their jobs because they were not going to jail for tax fraud. So that's true. You know what?

You know. And then the money goes away and everybody's like mad at you or like everyone was relying on you and like no one. I don't know. It's like that's so. There's also. I don't know. That's so tough. And then there are some people where, like, I do want to read the Mariah Carey memoir at some point. And I know that this, it's like, even with this story where it's like sometimes just because your blood, your family by blood, does not mean that they deserve to be taken care of.

Right. In 2016, Mariah Carey's late sister, Allison Carey, once publicly begged the star to send her money for her medical bills. Mariah and Allison had an extremely turbulent relationship with Mariah claiming in her 2020 memoir when I was, I'm not going to do the voice because it's a sad thing. When I was 12 years old, my sister drugged me with Valium, offered me a pinky full of cocaine, inflicted me with third degree burns, and tried to sell me out to a pimp. Whoa. Mariah also alleged that Allison struggled with drug addiction. Allison denied the allegations and sued Mariah for $1.2 million shortly after her book was published. So then there's signs like that where it's like, all right, obviously we'll never know the full story.

But also just because you are related doesn't mean you also owe them anything. Right, right. I love the idea of like what the situation did in theory, the idea of being like, okay, I have all this money. it's my job to make sure everyone and my family can benefit from it. I do really like that. And I like the idea of distributing your wealth within, for all of those who that you care about so they're not struggling. But yeah, I feel like going back to what Tyler Perry did to be like, you know, this, I can't be the only thing in your life. You know, you should have a job because, you know, you want meaning in your life besides just getting paid by me. Yeah. And so these are a little bit

easier. See, these are not so much of the, of the who's the situation, or is it? Courtney Kardashian once revealed that her dad, the late wealthy lawyer Robert Kardashian Sr. gave her a month to find a job after graduating from college. My dad was like, you need to get a job. You have a month. I'll help you find one. But then you have to make money and support yourself. Here's the thing.

That's awesome, right? I'm glad. Oh, Gavall, right? She goes, she gets a job. She even says he's going to help her find one, which we all know for rich people speak. It's usually I'm going to, I've got a friend that's going to give me with it. It's not like when we were, you know, it's like I remember being 15, just being like going up to places and being like, I filled out this form manually. Would you take me, sir, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I think it's a little bit different. The gap application. Has everyone filled out a gap? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Certainly did.

They didn't want me. Surprise. Me neither. I had braces. I think they were like, you're not really gaps. Fiz image. Yeah, well, also speaking of Dakota Johnson, Dakota Johnson revealed that her dad actor Don Johnson cut her off financially

when she decided to not go to college. She said it was difficult, but I figured it out. He said to everybody, by everybody, I mean all of my siblings, he calls it the payroll. It's an allowance. He said if you go to college, you still get an allowance. And I was like, well, I'm going to be an actress. So he was like, all right, well, you're on your own.

Go to college for acting, right? You could have done that, but instead she did modeling jobs. And then she started auditioning. And she said I definitely had moments where I couldn't afford groceries and things like that. Which, I mean, again, you know, you have a fucking safety net. Okay, hold on. We were just talking about how we like Dakota Johnson. And now I'm not liking that because that feels like a lot of bullshit.

Like this is, yes, this is, oh, this is something that wealthy people love do and they love to be like, oh, I was, I was so poor. I was so poor. And it's like, no, no, no, no. There is a difference between being like, I have not made that much money this month, but also if an emergency happens, I can call someone versus what actual being, what it is. Versus I overdrew my account and I have no one to rely on.

I'm like truly fucked. An emergency will fuck me. Been there. Yeah. I've been there. One thing goes wrong with my car and I am fucked. You know, and I, so it's like, I'm proud of her for hustling and doing her whatever. But it's like, yeah, the thing, again, I always say if you're going to be a Nepo baby in public,

you have to try to be really good at something, really talented. But you also have to just be extremely, you have to acknowledge that you are able to do something cool because of the circumstances of your life. And it's like you could go and take those risks and be a model and be an actor because you knew that if something happened, you would be okay. And, you know, turns out you were able to successfully become a pretty bad actor, and that's fine, and I'm happy for you. But, like, you didn't really rough it in the same way that somebody who doesn't have a daddy. And I don't believe that there was a day that went by that you didn't have food if you wanted. Totally. Just don't be like, oh, I couldn't afford groceries.

I think Don Johnson wasn't going to let you starve, okay? Exactly. Surprise. Don't worry. Gwyneth Paltrow is also on this list. Yes, because when she dropped out of UC Santa Barbara to pursue acting. Her dad was like, that's great, but I'm not going to help you.

And she's like, oh my God. So I got an apartment with a roommate and I worked as a hostess at her restaurant. And then sometimes she would have to walk to save gas. Sometimes she had to do that. She said she would scound quarters to buy Starbucks, bitch.

Get coffee from the gas station. Don't go to Starbucks, girl. Scrow. It costs. Even back in the day Starbucks was expensive. Get coffee. You can get a dollar coffee at a, you know, in New York at a bodega. I'm sure you can get a 7-Eleven coffee for a dollar back then. Like, relax. Don't go to Starbucks. Yeah. So she had hard time to you. And I want everyone to remember that. Yeah. Again, if you, and I'm not saying that like people who are, I'm not saying that people who actually don't have money should have to have bad coffee. People who don't have money deserve Starbucks. everybody deserves the nice coffee. But again, to be Bruce Paltrow and my Tanner's daughter and be like, I scrounged, I scrounged. You pretended to.

It's like, I think like Maya Hawk is like kind of doing it, right? Right? She's like kind of like, no, I had every advantage. Like, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. That's why she's like, I don't. She's like, yeah, I had a great, a great boost. Yeah.

Just stop the like, even like the people that just like omit stuff. Like I've just seen people that are like, you. yeah, I don't know. I just got into comedy. I just started doing open mics and stuff. And it's like, oh, you're just like not going to mention that you're related to like a famous person. Like it's just so. Like it's people aren't stupid. I mean, but again, then again, a lot of people are stupid. So I don't know. Say whatever. And a lot of people do work hard. Even if you come, even if your parents have, I think the people are really resistant. It's like how for a while back in the 2015, 2016, 2016 era, there was a real resistance to asking like, even progressive men to be like, oh, oh, I have like white. male privilege or whatever because I think a lot of those guys at the time were like well I've worked really hard to get here what do you mean I have privilege and it's like it can be true that you worked really hard to get here and it can be true that you just started at a different place in the race than somebody else and I feel like this is the same thing it's like it doesn't mean that you're not talented it doesn't mean you didn't work hard to get here doesn't mean you don't

start at a different place in the race you just started at a different place that's that's it you know it's not bad does not take anything away from you but it just means other people are starting from a different place you know that's it like just you it just you it's I'm not trying to say you're not a good person. No. And I'm going to be honest about it. But I also do understand like Malia Obama dropping the last name Obama because she just wants to be seen as Malia.

But I do think it is kind of interesting. It's like as if we all don't know that you are Malia that publicly dropped your last name of Obama. Well, is she going mononymous? Yeah. I believe she's just going as Malia. You can't go mononymous and act like that's going more low-key. Like if you're to like take machine.

Michelle's, like, what's Michelle's maiden name? I forgot. Oh, yeah. But like, if you were like, oh, I'm going to go by my mom's maiden name now or something, that's like, okay, I get that. That's like you're, you know, kind of like shedding the Obama of it all. But just just go by Malia? You can't be mononymous. Come on, girl. Robinson. And act like that's a move towards anonymity and normalcy. Come on. You're so right. She could have just been Malia Robinson. Yeah. Totally normal name. Nobody would have. In order to be more normal, I have only one name now.

Yes. I have joined the ranks of Madonna, share. You know, like, come on. So that nobody knows how fancy I am. All right, Jackie, are you still? Yeah, I'm done. You know, I think our bitches have been doled out, I guess. You know, I guess they were all different kind of bitches.

We've come to the end of the list. We've come to the end of the list. And we've also come to the end of my eyesight. I think I'm going. Bind. Find. Items. Oh, we can't see them.

All right. Carrie, you remember how it is. I'm going to give you a little blind and you guys are going to guess whomst it might be. Oh, God. I feel like I'm so bad at this, but go. No, I think we're doing it together. We'll do it together. I think these are all ones that, that, uh, that you guys will be able to know. So, all right. Number one, instead of canceling the tour and owing a bunch of money, you just give it 10% effort and get to keep going. That is the game plan for the permanent A-list singer. Permanent A-list, Justin Timberlake. I guess he's permanent A-list, huh?

It is him. It's Justin. Justin Timberlake. You have to see if you start looking up, like if you just put in and on TikTok Justin Timberlake tour, he is like barely performing. He'll like, it's like, I feel my fingers. And then he'll hold the microphone out and do the whole entire song, not singing the song, just having the whole audience sing along.

I saw a clip of that and I just, I couldn't get over that there were so many grown people singing the troll song. Right? People love the trolls song. Yeah. But like I didn't realize that it was a symptom of a larger problem, which was lack of effort. Bunch of headlines. Concern over his tired appearance. He needs a break following a string of quote unquote bare minimum lip syncing performances.

Demands for a refund. And yeah, he is not doing well. He said this is going to ruin the tour. In a way, he was right. He ruined his own tour, though. This is going to ruin the tour. Now, is it this or is it some problems that you're having maybe? Oh, my God.

Well, I guess, yeah, if you still can make the money. Yeah. That's got to be so hard. I guess. He can make so much. He's got to make so much money, though. Who cares, right? Oh, my God, so much.

Just, I don't know. get a little adrenaline shot from your doctor or whatever they do for you guys and wake up and get up there. I guess, yeah, you just take pop-em-ups at that point so that you can still get up the energy because I feel like it's more like, how do you have it not be soul-sucking?

Speaking of, like, have you seen that, like, apparently this is like this moment that is so big with Katie Perry is like she is on tour and she gets the call that Russell Brand brand is like divorcing her and she's like crying. And then like she goes up on a hydroly left and she's just like ready to perform.

I talk about this all the time. It's in her 2014 documentary. And it really resonated with me at the time. I feel like maybe Justin Timberlake just doesn't have that in him. Yes. You know? Honestly, that part of the Katie Perry documentary was what first made me really fall for her because it is like, man, you were underneath the stage sobbing about your divorce.

And then she just like shakes it off and turns it on. And it's like, wow, that takes a lot. But I don't think she has that in her. I just feel like Justin Timberlake's always been so arrogant and he's just going to continue to be. And people just will keep buying the stuff and whatever. Yeah. All right. Blonde number two.

This foreign born permanent A-list model has slept with most of her daughter's boyfriends. Okay. This one you might need some hints. And unfortunately, I only have one hint, which will give it away. So I need to figure out another way. Wait, foreign-born permanent A-list model. She is a permanent A-list model. she's got fantastic cheekbones.

Oh, Naomi Campbell. No. No. Similar generation, I'm going to say. Also, rose to fame in the early 90s. Linda Vangelis. She is famous. Here's my hint that without giving it all away.

She is famous for saying something that was really... Kamos. Yes. Wow. I know what you were going to say. Wow. Thank you because I didn't want to say it. Yeah.

Because it's a very triggering statement. I knew what you're going to say. But yes, she is sleeping with her daughter, Lyma's boyfriends. Oh, and her daughter that looks just like her, yeah. But also, Kate Moss, I mean, this is the, like, where I am in TikTok of it all. Like, I've just been seeing, like, people are, I think the internet is worried about Kate Moss currently. Really? Yeah.

Yeah, I think that there's a lot of, like, this is just talks. I'm saying the most preliminary of talk. of people being like, is everything okay with Kate Moss? Really? She's not showing her best currently. Interesting. I would say it as that. Okay.

And maybe she's just, and I don't know, it's like, maybe she's just, like, if she's going through something right now. Well, there is an article about her cosmetic, like, skin care and wellness line being liquidated a month ago. So maybe she's upset about that. Which was called Cosmos? Cosmos. Or Cosmos?

Or Cosmos? Or is it Cosmos? Do you think? Cosmos? Oh, my gosh. It's got to be Moss. Her name's Kate Moss. It's got to be Cosmos.

But then I... Cosmos is a bad name. Maybe the branding. Maybe they should have re-discovered the branding of this Cosmos. I liquidated it. And now she's in a spiral. So isn't that relatable. Hey.

You know what? Wow. Honestly, I've never thought Kate Moss she's just like me. But today we heard it here first. Folks. Wow. Sometimes, you know what? You just got a spiral at the end of July. Sometimes you got a spiral. All right. Speaking of spiraling, blind number three. Oh, okay. I thought you were... Speaking of spiraling. Jackie Zabrowski. No, this blind is not about Jackie Zabrowski.

This foreign-born A-list singer and his A-list actress wife are set to announce their split. Foreign-born A-list actor. A singer. A singer. The husband is a singer. who sucks. Or maybe he doesn't suck, but it's, we've always been a bit baffled by this relationship and his haircut. Um, hint.

And she is a, I would say a plus list actress. Beloved actress. She's beloved and why is, why is she married to this singer? Nicole Kidman. And Keith Urban. And fucking Keith Urban. Correct.

Correct. Good job, Jaggy. I could see the cobwebs in your brain. Thank you. Wow. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You could see it. I couldn't name a single Keith Urban song.

That's probably why the music is not in me. As I was saying, he sucks. I don't feel it inside my bones. I don't go electric when, you know what? That's the problem. But as I was saying he sucks, I was like, you know what? What do I know? I couldn't name a Keith Urban song.

I'm just assuming he sucks based on everything I see. But I don't want to speak out of turn as I spoke out of turn about cold play. But they are getting divorced, allegedly. Oh, allegedly. Wow. Yeah. I was watching, you know what, I feel like this is more of a flex than it is like a confesh, that I was watching some TikTok of Nicole Kidman's daughter talking about how Nicole Kidman

everywhere only has ever worn wigs. She only wears wigs And it like for absolutely everything But has since the beginning of time And that like she knows that it's like The day is over when it's like She can finally take I think it's like called like real hair time

Wow Interesting She's always had wigs And honestly I feel like that's quite a flex I think it's very cool You think even in her like 20s when she was like far In like was a movie called Oh away or away

when she has like the orange like curls like way big waves like you think that's fake like I just assumed that it was like later you know whatever everybody especially after you have kids your hair thins and all kinds of stuff but like I remember them talking about her um her wig in that Hugh Grant like thriller series she did for HBO and I was like Nicole Kidman wears wigs like I felt like such a loser like I felt like such a oh no idea I'm really she's like wears wigs. recognizing wigs, though. Me too. But I listened to drag queens on podcast. All three of us, wig blind, wig blind.

We're wig blind, but I listen to a lot of drag queens, and they know, obviously, and they'll be like, oh, that lacefront, honey, that you could see that. Like, you've got to work, like, your cover up better than that. Like, people were talking shit about her wigs. I was like, I never would have. I need to work on it, because honestly, I've been trying to get better wigs for, like, my cosplay. I've been trying to get more actual, like, of the laser.

I can't. I've been trying to watch tutorials. I don't know how to get it to look. I'm like, how do they do it? Yeah. Someone job me. I'm sorry. No, it's an incredible skill to make it look that natural.

I feel like it's a whole body of knowledge that I really don't have. Yeah, I just don't have it. I just don't have it. But what I do have is my eyesight. I can see again. Welcome back, MJ. I'm so glad that you can see again. Thank you.

And I'm so happy that you've returned. Thank you. But I am very sad because, like, we are all in three remote locations, so we are going to bid Kara adieu. But I've never felt closer to you. I know. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Paige Seveners.

And always fun to be here. Where can we find you, Kara? I know that we can hit everybody up at who's the bitch.com. Yeah. And my personal Instagram is where I'm doing most of my business out of. It's Kara Clank, K-A-K-L-E-N. NK. Find me there. Hell yeah. Well, we're going to stay on after Kara leaves and have some snackies because

we didn't want to eat in front of her because it would be rude. But we're going to bid adieu to Kara. Kara, come back soon. We love having you on page seven. We're going to bother you very soon. Anytime. Any time. Thanks for having me. Bye. Love you. Bye. Bye. But not bye to you, the listener. The listener is staying. Jackie and I I feel like we're in a sleepover and we like sent someone home and we're like now we can get out the good activities. Now we can really talk. Well, this is good because Sarah told Tampson that actually a snowblower is not to blow snow.

It's actually where you put your penis. Something tells me this was born out of a real sleep. True story. I really did think that you were supposed to because also we lived in Florida. So it's like we heard. You don't know what a snowblower is. world of a snowblower. So we didn't know what it was.

So I thought that's where the old penises went when they were blowing snow. Well, we are going to eat some. Now I feel like I have to like call Kara and tell her this story because I don't want her to leave her out. Like I didn't want to tell her that story. I hope that people know we would never ask someone to leave and then gossip about them. but so I think Kara knows that but we are going to eat snacks

MJ why are you lying I'm like everybody that just heard that smiled and went oh that's not true only if they deserved it I guess and Kara doesn't deserve it okay if they deserve it if they deserve it but we are going to snack and if you know what if you're a misophonic person

we support you and you can leave and go hang out with Kara because she also left and we're going to do our chomping and are chomping. I'm really excited about my snack today. So I can't wait to start eating. Oh, no, it's Jackie's Sacky's what's that you're going to eat today. Oh, baby.

Now, MJ, I was like, I should join you on the Species Spicy Train that you've been a chug-a-chugging along on. Now, I have been excited about these because they are limited edition. and I've been looking for them everywhere and I finally found them. They are the kettle brand chili crisp, kettle cooked chips. People have been recommending this,

the chili crisp, because I like chili crisp as a flavor. Me too. What's your favorite thing to put it on? I, well, I got some from Trader Joe's. I got some chili crisp hummus and it was very good. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

All right. That's why I, Oh my God, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking about put, oh, I put it in, I like to, like, put it in eggs. I love to have it, like, on a shmere, on, on toast, a lot of things, on, on, like, when you're putting, like, some slice of, like, ooh, like, thick turkey and, like, chili crisp and some hummus. And, oh, my God, yes, to make it, oh, put some arugula on top, some S&B. Or you could maybe put some chips on it, let's find out. Now, this, I was thinking about this, dipped in hummus.

Oh, yeah. So I didn't even realize I could get it as a hummus. Well, don't come at me, all right? There is like, yeah, a pre-made chili crisp hummus. But I guess you can also just get a jar of chili crisp and put it on anything, right? I will throw it out there. I was going to be worried because I was like, is this just going to be a regular chip with, like, the flakes of the chili crisp on it? And I was like, all right, let's see.

Right, right. But it's not. It is. It almost looks like a barbecue chip. It does. it's in color quite seasoned. Chump, jump, jump, jump. I know kettle cooked chips are like

culinaryly fancier and I'm supposed to like the more, sometimes I feel like they're just too crunchy and too fancy. And I want something that crumbles in my mouth like a lay. But I'm open-minded. What do you think, Jackie? Layers. Oh, there's layers.

Spicy. You look like you're sweating a little bit. It is, so it's got a good space. You know, I said the word barbecue chip, and then at first I was like, in my head, it felt like fire alarms were going off. This is just a barbecue chip. This is a lie of a bag. But it's not. It's not.

It's more complex than a barbecue chip. It gives an essence of a barbecue chip. But the lasting spice on it, very good. It's got a good punch up top, but it also, like, I'm. still getting a little tingle in my mouth right now. Yes. I could, and the best part about them is that they're not too spicy. So you unfortunately could consume the entire bag in one sitting. And this is the kettle, this is like the fancy kettle brand that at least here in New York is like off, if you want the, like the fancier chip at the bodega, that's the brand. They've got like, they've got the salt and pepper.

They've got the dill pickle. They've got the fan. Sour Cream and Onion. Again, I often tend to go for the trashier. So, like, an Uts or a lay for a sour cream onion. Oh, how dare you say Uts is a trash. Chippen, I'm just, I feel like in this house, we Uts. Kettle cooked is more colon, it seems like it's more colonarily respected, but I don't understand why. But that said, I'm just saying that because this is not like some weird brand you can't find anywhere. I want to find them.

I feel like, MJ, I just hate to break this to you. I feel like you're getting brand blind, blind, right? now. I think it's probably because kettle brand is probably like a big brand kind of thing. Yeah, they're fancy. And Oots is just like, that's the heart and soul of a city makes those chips. It's the every chance chip. I know it's 50 cents. I'm saying I'm shamed by the 50 cent uts are down low and the kettle chips are literally up high. It is like literally well whiskey. Oh my God, top shelf chip. Top shelf chips. This should not stand. I'm just talking about the- This will not stand. we must rise up to the grocery stores. Start. Well, don't because then the poor people that work at the grocery stores

have to put it all back. No, it's just how the bodega arranges it. They're like, are you so fancy that you can get a $4 bag of chips instead of a $2 bag of chips? Get the kettle chips. And I'm not saying that you're boozy if you like kettle chips.

It makes sense to me that they are a better culinary experience because they're more crunchy and whatnot. I just, I'm just saying I'm going to say that they're... That's all I'm saying. Although, MJ, maybe we shouldn't say

that they are the perfect kind of chip crisp though because remember what happened to the dark russet the cape cod dark russet big ups to the sky yeah cape cod dark russet can't find them people love cape cod chippe everyone knew everyone knew they were the perfect chip and thus for our love they were taken away all right well you're making me wish that I had those kettle cooked chili crisp chips but in lieu of that I do have some mj's minute munchies Ooh. Emily can take a snack. Emily's many images.

Ooh. Today I have for you, talk about the working man's chip. It's ruffles, but it's not just any ruffles. It is spicy dill pickle ruffles. Wow. Doesn't have a ridge.

MJ doesn't have a ridge. You bet it has a ridge. So this has two things I've been pursuing. I've been pursuing the spicy chips and the pickle chips. And this is the spicy pickle chip. It's a big d' dish. I love it. Wow.

Out the gate. I love it. This is not even done with the first chip out the gate. It's a hit. This is the perfect chip. I love ruffles,

first of all. Me and my oldest child are in a fight about this because she thinks ruffles aren't as good as normal chips. And I was like, they are normal chips. They just are ruffled.

Wait, wait. So because of the ridges, you know, she notices everything. Have you explained to her how, have you explained to her how the ridges

can like grit more dip. We are not, we are in a pre-dip developmental stage. We do not like anything on our chips and I think she'll maybe appreciate. I just feel like if you like plain chips, I actually think plain ruffles are very good. But she disagrees, but that's fine. This is, it has everything you want in a pickle chip.

It has everything you want in a spicy chip and it has everything you want in a ruffle. Wow. I love it. Ruffles, spicy dill pickle. I really like those ruffles. I've talked about the sour, the orange ones, the ones that are like sour cream and cheddar. The cheddar. Sourre queen. I love those. See, I will throw it out there that I do understand. I'm going to say that your feelings are valid if you are anti, like a kettle cooked or anti a ruffle chip because they cut up your mouth too much. They do. I do understand that because

some people love the pain. I ate an entire share size bag full of Skittles yesterday. I'm not going to go on my diatribe about many Skittles right now because I can talk about mini skittles probably for the next six minutes straight. But I like the pain of knowing today that I ate way too many skittles yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. I also hate the share size bags because it's like, don't tell me what my portion size is. Fuck right off with that. Don't tell me to share this. What if I want to eat well myself? And then you do. But we do have to end this show. We do. We could keep talking. I missed you. I miss you too. It's been 24 hours longer than we usually talk. And it's been way too long,

which is why we're... Way too long. Yeah, we're going to catch us tomorrow for second helpings. You can catch us over on Patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. We did miss Celebrities this week because Jackie was traveling, but there is still a Buffy. There is still a Jackie's book club.

We'll be back next week with celebrities, and we are doing our very first non-memoir. It is going to be Guadeth Paltrow's biography. So if you want to hop on the Patreon to discuss that with us, you would be welcome to patreon.com slash page seven podcast. You can, of course, email us at page seven podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you. We've been getting lots of really sweet emails over there.

And it's just always a delight. And we'll be back tomorrow with Second Helpings. And all the, there's like, there's actually like a decent amount going on this week for all of the Julyness, you know. So there's still lots to talk about. We're going to catch up on it all tomorrow. I'm so excited and I can't wait and we'll talk to you guys soon. Thank you everybody. Bye.

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