Page 7 - Vow Renewal - He's MY Queer Icon w/ Holden McNeely

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

 LPN Funhouse's very own HIGH Chancellor, and resident Male Feminist, Holden McNeely crashes the SLUMBA PARTAH to goss' 'bout women goin' to space, Jackie's pro-anything that gest Katy Perry as far as away from Earth as POSSIBLE and Kesha seems to be feelin' the same way, speaking of which Katy Perry Warning at 6:55.211 and it's VERY STEM Science GIRL POWER, but back on this beautiful blue marble it's finally OVER, 'The Baldwins' season (series? lord hopes) finale plays on just in time for COOOOOACHEEELLLLAAAA! With jump suited Benson Boone bringing out, like, some dude named Brian Mayes? or whatever and they played 'Bohemian Rhapsody' then The Internet got upset people didn't know who the crusty old man was, HOLDEN IS ALMOST ONE OF 'THE SCUNGILLED',  Gaga's new album has Jackie screaming praise about it at strangers in the street and her set was just as impressive, Holden's suggestin' all the BLACKPINK solo albums, Bernie Sanders being at Coachella WASN'T a sundandrugfueled hallucination, Aimee Lou Wood was seen crying at Coachella and rumor has it that it was SNL bein' RUDE, Jackie tried both 'White Lotus' coffee creamers which leads to the reveal she was gonna be the new face of Crockpot campaign until OOPS a plot point on 'This Is Us' KILLED that. Then it's time for a list of bizarre, true stories behind the most popular music EVAAAAAAAAAAA, 'LPN FUNHOUSE' RETURNS MAY 1ST FOR BIG PAPA HENRY'S BDAY and it is going to be upsetting, Jackie's Snackies warning at 1:00:04.550 til 1:09:06.926, AND SO MUCH MORE ON THIS WEEK'S P7VR!!  Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Now y'all, one hop this time. Right foot let's stomp. Different song. Left foot let's stump. Cha, cha, real slow. Ding, did, ding, ding. Okay, I'm calling it an audible. Can we do a different song?

We have not introduced you yet. Turn it out to the left. To the back now, y'all. So it's an annoying version of the command dance. No. One hop this time. No, I feel like you're ruining the top of the show, olden. And we haven't even introduced you yet.

Everybody knows that you're not supposed to. speak until we've introduced you. Right foot, let's stomb. Left foot, let's stomb. Cha-cha now, y'all. Ding-da-ding-d-d-d-d-d-d-tun-turn it out. Thank you. All right, now I'm finished.

Okay, good. Why was that? You're not allowed to speak. That was hell. You're not intro. I'm just, that was hell and now I won't talk. Yeah, I think that like things are different now, Holden, since you've been, since you begun.

I guess maybe I could have started with that. But I did it. Yeah, that would have been a fucking awesome. I chose the chocolate slide. What if I just don't bring him in? What if I just never bring him in? We don't have to bring him in. I'm just a ghost to the show.

I just make little comments. You guys ignore them. Yeah, we could have started with that one. There's a ghost in my house. We have so many lovely inside jokes with him. He is the co-host of Nerd of Mouth. He is the chancellor of the LPN Fun House. High Chancellor.

Yeah, please. I mean, yes. Chancellor of the LPN Fun House. He is the co-he was once the co-host of this very show. And we still love him very much. Please welcome back, Holden McNeely. What's up, motherfuck-as? How's it going, everybody?

Super glad to be back. Now, what was the thought process? Was it just like, I want to start the show in a way that really makes him as upset as possible? Well, I knew that you were going to be getting out of a car right from going to the airport. And I was like, if there is one way, It's like, how do we keep this blood pressure up? Right. I wanted to make sure.

She didn't give me a massive Starbucks coffee as well. I did. Which is very nice. Got me a big old coffee. Got me a giant coffee. So my blood is, and I've already had a coffee. So my blood is absolutely pumping. Uh-oh.

Holden's about to be naughty. He is not a two-couple before a show. Oh my God. I just dumped my wife and daughter off at the airport. Oh, I thought you were talking about the huge shit you just took. I also took a huge shit. So I am, now that I'm empty of family and bowel. I am ready to go home after this and let the gooning begin.

The gooning begin. Yeah, yeah. Definitely join us this week on Jackin or on Twitch. tv slash Holdenators Ho. It might have a no family time of it. Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of hoping to kind of feel like I'm first discovering myself. Oh, good. Kind of going back to that.

I got a blind item that I cannot wait to read you along these lines. It's about furiously and rigorously masturbating. I mean, no spoilers. I want to blow my own back out. Wow. How are you going to do that? I feel like you're going to like crack in yourself. I don't even know how I would do it to myself,

but I want to blow my own fucking back out. All I know is that everybody's scared of the deep oceans and yes, I do mean your prostate. Oh my God. Remember those billionaires that died in that summary? Man, don't go into that submersible, y'all. Although we are not talking about this today, but I don't know if you have seen the 3D,

the new 3D images of the Titanic. And I was like, man, they really should have waited. They should have waited. They could have seen a lot more of the Titanic if they didn't get that submersible. Yeah. Yeah. There's a different vanity mission that we might be talking about today that we, that didn't blow up. Oh, my God, implode.

Vanity mission. I don't know what mission you're talking about MJ. You guys are teasing so much, a little teasers. Yeah, we are teasers. And yeah, I think, I'm sorry, I'm coming in pro blue origin here. Yes, I'm so happy that Katie Perry went to space. I was just like, oh my God. You know what Katie Barry really needs to be further away from all of us?

Yeah, did you see the Wendy's tweet? The Wendy's tweet because Wendy said, send her back. Now, did you also see Kesha holding a big Wendy's soda? Because as we all know, Kesha, we all know the huge trial that she underwent to stop having to work with Dr. Luke. We know that Katie Perry still works with Dr. Luke. So Kesha did post quite a shadish, shady. Oh, baby. We're under a big old tree on Keshe's Instagram.

Well, we started, I said this before we started recording, but I'll say it again. Now not only... You've already said it and I can't hear it again. Now not only is it a woman's world. It is also paused for dramatics. A woman's space. I'm just so glad a man said it. Yeah.

Thank God. Oh, I just, I needed to hear it out of Holden's mouth. I was like, I can't wait to hear what. Holden has to say about feminism in outer space. We brought him back for this purpose. What does women, what do, what does Holden think about women in space? I felt so empowered for woman. Yeah.

Watching her up there. Yeah. Watching her up there. Thank you. I felt so empowered. I say thank you. I'm allowed to say thank you in their stead. I started lactating.

Yeah. Just watching those big, strong, big old women up there. I get it. And it's Gil King. Any woman can marry Jeff Bezos. You know. Right. And do I, man, does that woman's face disturb me?

And that's all I'll say about it. We don't have to get into it. Why is idiot? Is a little... Does her face frighten me? It looks like she's good... I mean, it does look like she's about to unhinge her jaw in anacondon. Yeah, I think Batman villain is a good angle to go with, for sure, yeah.

Distortrina or something. I don't even know what the name is for it, whatever is going on with her. Yeah, yeah. Just terrifying. What do you think, M.J., about the woman's face? Oh, what do I think about the woman's face? or women's space. It's a woman's face, and you're welcome to be just turtire.

Looking at it. Yeah, exactly. I think that this whole thing is extremely stupid and annoying. I hated it before it happened. Is it the billions of dollars? Yeah, is it the billions of dollars that it costs? It's the burning up, just polluting the planet and then coming back and kissing the ground and say, we have to take care of Mother Earth. Oh, Mother.

Mother. With the mother. We need to. Like, STEM, women and STEM, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm sorry, MJ. Are you bringing up a clip of Katie Perry talking about what she thinks about going into outer space? Yeah, we'd love to listen to it. I'm really excited about the engineering of it all.

I'm excited to learn more about STEM and just the math about what it takes. Yeah, the math about. accomplish this type of thing. I was winding down from a rehearsal the other day, and I was listening to Cosmos by Carl Sagan and reading a book on string theory. Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. The other girls.

That was definitely like helping. I was like Pythagras. I read one piece of manga. I was with that word. She knew that word. Did you hear how much that she learned? You know what? We don't even need to listen to the rest of the question.

You are. We don't want to be. And the stars, I feel like we all made a startup. She was a talk to the day. I was going to continue on. I was like, I actually can't listen to her talk anymore. She is so annoying. And think of, okay, can we all just like, let's be the women.

Let's be, all right, holding your Lauren Sanchez and MJ your Gail King. Oh. And I'm so scared. I'm so scared. And I'm Katie Perry. And we're all rocket shipping into space, right? We're about to have an experience of a lifetime. And she's going.

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. So this is a very Katie Perry moment because she's tweeted before like, well, I have to sing in space. I have to sing to everybody in space. And what I love, this is such a Katie Barry thing. And then everything is so loud because it's like rockets and things like that that you can't even tell what she's singing. You can barely hear it. And I just love that for her. Yeah.

So you know that that was supposed to be a way better moment for her. But she needed everybody who's anybody to know that she sang it to everybody. She sang in space. There is so everyone kept making jokes about will this be like Challenger where it explodes in front of everyone. And I guess we're happy that that didn't happen. We wouldn't wish a Challenger's moment on anyone. But then my brother and his wife kept calling it Katie Perry's Challenger's moment. And I was like, that sounds like the tennis ball sex movie.

Yes. And I don't wish that for her. She doesn't deserve a threesome with two hot men. And does she deserve to get blown up on the way to space? I guess not. I guess I'm happy that everyone survived. Yeah, but think Big Bird could have been up there. And I'm talking about the Katie Perry. They should have sent Big Bird instead. We knew that this one hopefully wasn't going to challenge her. So it's like give Big Bird a second shot. Do you remember hearing about that how Big Bird was supposed to be on the one that exploded?

I know. Now, can I pause it something really quick? Why? Would if Big Bird ended up on the Challenger? You would have seen the feathers come down. Yeah. Yeah. But Bluey. Would they have canonically killed Big Bird off?

Yeah. Like, you have to. Right. Yeah. I say off with his head. I guess, right. The question is when they say Big Bird was supposed to be on the challenger, do they mean Carol Spinney or do they mean like the costume of Big Bird?

I mean, that's interesting. But even if Carol Spinney wasn't there, I feel like you still would have to make that call as Sesame Street or whatever your name is. All the nation's children watched Big Bird explode. Yeah, you have to be like, well, I guess canonically, he's dead. You know, oh, here's, here's Coca-Cola bird. You know, they'll just bring a new one and, oh, drinks, you know, sodas. And Jesus would never.

But I do feel bad making fun of the Challenger because as somebody, I live with a Gen Xer, and it was a horrific collective trauma. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, certainly. I think that all of Gen X was truly traumatized by it. They were all fucked up. Supposed to celebrate a miracle of man's ingenuity and women. Thank you.

hold him because I was about to be, I mean, after everything this week. And there might have been like a couple of non-binary people with NASA at the time. I mean, if they're allowed, it really just depends. I don't know if they're allowed to exist. Oh my God, MJV, such a good super scientist. It's just so fun. MJV thought about becoming an astronaut. Yeah, you got it.

Yeah, you're going to get it. Yeah, you drag it. Yeah, you drag it. You know, I'm way too nauseous to go to space. I could never. It's so funny. Dude, it'd be so fun to watch M.J. Pukin's space. No, no. MJ and I would both have the little water glasses on being like,

is this going to help? Like, we're looking at Earth from beyond. And there's a little electrical thing. If you looked into that, the little electric band. Oh, dog collars. You ought me to electroshack myself? Apparently there's a little thing that keeps you from getting nause. Remember my cousin was talking to us about this?

I remember when we got hammered with your cousin. Yeah, that was fun. We got all drunk and come up on my cachet house. I mean, not shoutouts, Oklahoma, say that's probably the worst venue we played, whatever that place was called. We had fun, though. Shout-outs everyone that came to see us in Oklahoma City.

They were coming. Yeah, no, we had fun. They just couldn't get their own stuff to work in their own venue. But besides that. I can't believe you remember individual days of our tour. I do. Oh, I do.

Well, that was trauma. That was a trauma experience for me because it was truly just a venue where no one was competent at what they do. Man, and if we are talking trauma, we're talking the bald. wins. Yes. We had hold it accidentally.

We made it through. We made it through. We had told in for the first episode and we had hold in for the did you know that was the season finale? That's the finale. I wasn't and it was one of those situations where when I saw the blooper reel hit at the end and that kind of hit me that that was going to be the final episode. Did you cry a little bit?

I just felt this deep. There he goes. Oh, but if if a man that kills a person if he feels trauma in the woods. Yes. Does he still make a lot of money? Yes, he will go on to make. He's gotten offers again.

That was the beautiful resolution. Will he act again? I don't know if he'll act again. I just breathe this deep, deep sigh of relief. Like, it's over. Like, I don't even know why I put myself through it because it's not like I have continued to be on the show on a weekly basis.

But I have watched every one of those episodes. I love you for them. You know, Hilaria, I mean, I guess the thing with Laria, you guys have already talked about that clip on the red carpet, right? When I talkie, you're not talking. When I talk you're not talking. So, and that was the most damning moment, and it didn't come from the TV show itself. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. More than the show by miles and miles. Yeah, that was such a banger moment because it just really nailed down. And, you know, and I just love how much she feels entitled. to attention and fame when she's done almost nothing to receive it.

You know what I mean? But did you guys see that there's a TikTok or like that they posted like them together and he's like laughing about it? When I'm not talking, when I'm talking, you're not talking. And first of all, that's probably like public image damage damage control.

But also if there's one thing I learn from the Baldwin's, it's that I think he just likes to be donned, you know? Well, you know, it's an interesting, this is the clear through line of their relationship. When he first met her, he was Alec Baldwin and not like a old broken man who killed someone, right? And so she was the subservient one. She was the one who, he said jump, she said how high. She was a little, just like a, you know, just like a little dog woman.

Yeah. Little chihuahua. And but over time and after having kids especially and all that stuff, I think she turned it on him. It was like, no, no, I own you now, bitch. you're all fucking old. You're just this daughtering old guy. And I will say, you know, and I think that is kind of the whole thing. So she feels like this empowerment now.

But it reads poorly. You know, because he's Alec Baldwin. I think the thing that annoys me the most about the show is they keep going like, oh, grandpa over there with his dumb stories. And then every time I custom, he's like working with De Niro. He said this interesting. And I'm always like so interested in his stories. But they keep trying to like downplay it like he's just this fucking old fool.

Even just like the minute of him talking about Kathleen Turner. Yes. Tell me what else did Kathleen Turner say. That's what pissed me off the most. So I think like it kind of breaks my heart that he's with someone who cares so little about. I think the best thing about him, which is his storied, fascinating career. That's so true. It is like, yeah, they're just like, oh, yeah, go off, grandpa.

No one gives a shit. And yeah, he's talking about like Martin Scorsese. Yeah. You know, and you're just like... And I'm sure that it gets old if you're married to him. I guess, but these are like fascinating stories and he's like clearly a really good storyteller. Yes. So it just doesn't translate.

Totally. I know translations is one of your things, but it doesn't translate. Whoa. You know? Yeah, you're right. And so that makes me feel sad. I'm just so happy to be released from this because it just makes me feel sad a lot. Yeah.

And, you know, but then I'm mad because I'm feeling sad. I don't want to feel sad for these people. I already preordered Manuel not included. Yeah, Manuel. Is it really manual? No, it's not Manuel. It's not manual, not included. You have got to continue to call it that.

We've only called it. Manuel not included. MJ accidentally wrote Manuel not included accidentally as the title. And we've called it that ever since because it's so, I was like, where's Manuel? Didn't I have another child? Those are they just imagined her. Every conflict.

there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out

who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy?

Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. into our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us help you figure out who's the bitch.

Alec Baldwin worked so hard and is such an accomplished actor and that's why he's celebrated and he's versatile and he's done so many different things. and to just have seven kids and feel that you were entitled to books and TV shows. Well, the 11-year-old has a book in her. I don't know if you remember that she's got a book in her. She's got a book in her.

I just thought, this little girl has a book in her. What fucking... Have you looked at Winnie and thought about how you're going to monetize her yet? I just feel like you guys are both sleeping on your children right now, and it's showing. We're bringing in those Buku bucks. That's why you have children.

If there is anything I've learned for Ruby Frankie, This is why you have kids in the first place. It really, it is just so sad and bad. You know what I mean? Just the whole thing. It should be called sad and bad. Sad and bad. Sad and bad.

Sad and bad. Sad and bad. Yeah. But you're right. She thinks she is, she chose this life. I'm going to marry. She thinks she's accomplished something amazing.

Yes. And she thinks she is owed like an influencer career. And that's why she was so upset. I'm fully now pilled on. I don't think that she was the one who like, loaded the gun or whatever, but I think that she is upset about the rust thing, perhaps in part because someone died, but mostly. She's always just like, I just want to move forward.

I just want to move forward. They keep saying, it's like, it's over. Now that the tragedy is over. That woman's still not alive. The tragedy is not over. Still clearly processing the incredible trauma of all of this. And maybe he doesn't want to immediately get back in the acting. When I am talking, you're not talking, I feel like, you know, you just have to scream over

person that has trauma. Like, I think as he's complimenting you, as he's saying something nice to you. I don't know, I will not hear you speak. I think that like she has just, you know, she's really trailblazed for this family. And I am, you know the one thing I will say that I am forever proud of her. Man, she's the tightest woman I think I've ever seen. Wow. Very tight.

Yeah. She looks straight. She talks about she got a tit job after the many milkings she's given to her. Oh, yes. Her children. The many milkings. You gotta have a tit job after seven kids. I'm joking.

You don't got to. But she's like, I imagine. Or rip them off. Yeah, man. Or rip them off. Get rid of them. Get rid of them. What does are the two choices.

Yeah. But she knows she tried to do. We didn't end up talking about that with Carol last week. But like, yeah, she tried to be like, it's just so common. Like, it's so common to get a boom job after having kids. And I wanted to be like, it's only common if you only are around people with money. Yes. Oh, yeah.

You guys had talked to Kara last week. Did she talk bad about me? Yeah. Yeah. We only talked about you. She's late a lot and she's mean. Yeah. Yeah, everybody knows.

Yeah, everybody knows. Why are you throwing Kara under the bus? I will die for her. You don't understand. I have to, like, I have to defend our co-hosts now, okay? Because you're not one of us anymore. Hold in. Maybe put her in space.

Yeah, she would be fun. I bet Kara would have a great time in outer space. And I guarantee... Find that maybe I want to go to space. You're never going to space. Whatever. Yeah, it's true. I don't want to go to space.

I guess I will say eight minutes. You can shit in a bag. if you want, though. I'll get a bag if you want to start shit in. I'm empty. I came in here and fucking slaughtered that toilet. Yeah. You didn't slaughter it the way Benson Boone slaughtered the image of Freddie Mercury. You Booninator.

And yeah, of all the things to bring up from Coachella, I'm talking about We're entering into the phase of discussing Coachella. Yes. Benson Boone, all right, we have already, you know, the legend. I know that here at page seven, I feel like we don't talk about Benson Boone, as much as Holden and I have continued to talk about Benson Boone on Fridays.

Well, it makes people so upset that I might enjoy the sounds of someone that they don't like. You love Benson Boone. I don't, I'm not even in, I enjoyed the album. You love his flits. I do love his flips. I like his showmanship. And I think he's a lot of fun. And I like how gross he looks and bad in a way that he looks.

I don't think he's gross and bad. I don't think that's the thing that people. People know about Vincent Boone. I think that people know that he used to be Mormon. I think that people know that he like he loves his jumpsuits. Yes. But he does a lot of like previously he had already done the. Ayo, the thing that canonically.

There's that. Yes, there's that. But that is not a part of what Freddie Mercury had done. But then he went on stage. It would have been very weird. It would have been very weird. On Coachella, he brought out Beryl juice.

Oh, Ryan May. All right, you've already said it once. You're not allowed to say it any more times. Okay. I'm scared of what you're about to do, Holden. Scungelly man. Don't bring him either because Henry's going to show up with a bunch of tentacles. I don't even know what he thinks the schoonjilly man is.

I just know that he threatens me with it often. But Benson Boone decided to, at Coachella, bring out Brian May, which I did think is very funny, that the internet half and half was like, who the hell is Brian May mixed with? I can't believe people don't know who Brian May is. I guess all, I read this and I was like, all he had to do was instead of saying Brian May everyone,

he says, Brian May everyone. From Queen. There's like, Queen's, Queen's, Brian May. That's all you have to say, because he's doing Goenemy and Rhapsody. So. Exactly. So they come out. And he's in Freddie Mercury cosplay all the time.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And they do Bohemian Rhapsody. And so of course most of the articles are about the fact that like, oh, people, these youths don't know who Brian May is. But my biggest thing is, why is he going after trying to be Freddie Mercury? He's just extremely inspired by Freddie Mercury. I guess we'd also step off a little bit. This is what Jackie's trying to do. I'm saying, you should be encouraged by Freddie Mercury, but also get your own shit.

Jackie's trying to break me right now. It's really obvious. She's going after me. Breaking him like a promise. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And how dare you invoke T-Swift right now? I did.

There was not one T-Swift because right now her boyfriend is not trading, so they are sucking in there fucking on each other. I know. I can't wait. I said this before. And yeah, I am going to talk about Taylor Swift for a little bit. Cannot wait for I'm fucking a big old football player album. It's going to be the next one.

That's what I want. I'm tired of, I'm tired of Mopi-Tay. I want big fun fuck me in the ass day. You know what I mean? Is that a new era? I think they're doing it. I think the next album is going to be called trying anal. Trying anal with Taylor Swift and my pop football man.

Yeah, and like she does pseudonyms for her when her boyfriend's co-write songs with her. So it'll probably be like butt master or something like that. And the liner notes. Hell yeah, man. And I'm so excited. Yeah, but you're going to start a new era, you know, the era of anal sex. We need something. But I will say, man, I know.

I know that you're begging for new music from Tay, but man, that Gaga album, y'all. So good. And that Gaga-Colcella set, bro. Oh, my God. It does actually make me want to spend thousands of dollars. Thousands. It makes, I watch so much of the Gaga-Col. She's dancing with the Skeleton to Zombie Boy.

I love Zombie Boy so much. Can I shout out Zombie Boy for two seconds? Can I shout out Garden of Eden? That fucking song is so good. And you know, I've been vibed on how bad you want me. Yes, how bad you want me. I was belaring it this morning to a point that someone yelled from another car because my windows were down. What album are you listening to? And I was like, it's Gaga's new album.

It's great. I haven't listened to it yet. It was this morning at a stoplight. That's amazing. Me screaming about the Gaga album. I love that. And so I did Gaga and I know you're listening. I got you one more fan out there.

There you go. I got one more person listening to your album. It is so good. It is such a good album. And Lady Gaga, if you are. really are listening. Please save me from here. Please take me from here. I'll go anywhere with you. I'm, Holden. I don't want to.

Whoa, that's how she sounds. Yeah, I imagine. I imagine it's very operatic and very like... Does the elephant doesn't need me? No, that's only when she's trying to win an Oscar, Holden. That is only when she's in Italy, feeling, you know, the past that lives within her. Can I shout out one other Coachella set moment thing?

I mean, I don't know if I'm done talking about Gaga, but you're allowed to, yes. That was fucking fire. So fucking good. Oh my God. I, you know, I feel like I don't have it in me to go to a Coachella. Like I don't, especially. Yeah, no chella.

It's all no chella for me because I, you know, you watch all the many, many hours it took to get inside of Coachella. You see it. Like I saw someone took a picture of like a mini pizza, a sandwich and two drinks and they're like, this was $108. And it was like, $108. And the last time I really went to a festival like that, I was 20 years old. Yeah. I just don't know. And like that was more like the time period when you're like, oh, I'm just taking pills and finding myself in weird situations.

Yeah. I went to original Woodstock. It was like, you know, there was just fucking in the woods. Did you set your shit on fire? Pending out as to, yeah, I had the brown acid. And then I browned in the wood. In the acid. Yeah.

You know. Wow. You are shitting everywhere. What are we talking about? Yeah, I got shit on the brain. I'm sorry, I got shit on the brain. Yeah, I thought you got it out. I had one of those business, bathroom business moments that I kind of reflect, it makes you reflect.

Yeah. Yeah, man, how bad do you want shit? And his shit, he wanted desperately as badly as Patrick Schwarzenegger wanted that Lisa shit. Oh, La Lisa! So cute. I love this moment. Just, you know, and again, that's the people who are supposed to be there. I want young, beautiful people.

carefree. I don't want to bring the place down. I don't want to bring the scene down with my dumpy fucking stupid ass going like, oh, where's the $100.8. Yeah, exactly. $100.00. Yes. That's what I would be doing.

Exactly. And the price of gas. How hot is it out here? How much money does it be here? What degree is it outside? I feel like with Coachella, it's like you might get like a Gaga set this year or like a homecoming moment. You might be like, I am suffering through this $100

meal and these, however much the tickets are going to cost. One of a kind experience. To get a once in a lifetime performance. We keep getting these from Coachella. But then there's a couple of years where it's just like fine and nothing really happened, you know? Right, right. Exactly. This was a good one, it feels like, that Lisa. Well, also, by the way, shout out to La La Lisa and Rose.

They were like just giving me such feels because Rosey from Black Pink came to the show. And they were just like, hanging out. I thought you just meant you were just drinking a bunch of roségo. La La Lisa. Shagin'it, bitch. I just imagined you by yourself getting hammered. She's fucking lighting me up. By the way, yeah, I haven't been on here in a while. I've talked about this on Jackup with the Holdies, but I'm loving all of the Black Pink solo albums. But everyone check out Ginny's album. It's so, to me, it's such a standout album. It is so good. Mantra is such a good song. There's so many good songs, though. There's so many good tracks on that album. I'm so down. Of all of them so far, and I know, uh... But also alter ego, the Lisa album is great.

I'm also loving. That's what's so awesome right now. It's like they're all, and Rose. And I like Rose's album, but yeah. Wait, we're talking about old people at Coachella being us, and we didn't even mention that Bernie went to Coachella. So if he can go, we can go. Okay. I will say this.

You're right. All right. I'm both like love that he did that, but also all I could think about are the people who are just like candy flipping out like Molly and ass and ass and were like, oh, yeah. No, they're not, Paul. politics. Oh, yeah. Please.

Like, it just, it will never not be, like, kind of a buzzkill, but I'm also so thrilled that he did it. It's a necessary thing to happen, I think. Oh, totally. No, there was a bunch of great tweets. Like, imagine, yeah, how you're absolutely tripping. And then, like, Bernie appears to, like, send you a message about the future. Yeah.

And how important your generation is. I'm like, I don't want to be important. I want to get lost in the lights. No, the kind of surprise I had was when I was watching Tom Petty and then I just saw a swath of blonde hair come out and I was just like, is that Stevie next? And I was tripping my face off and I still like, I thought Stevie was an angel on the stage that had come to me. And that's the kind of surprise you can handle when you're on a bunch of drugs. That's when you're just like, that's Stevie. But to me also, I was 20 years old seeing Tom Petty and

losing my mind for him. But I imagine that not a lot of people. people 20 years ago really gave that much of a fuck about Tom Petty. So I guess it would really depend on what the, you know, like if you need to see Gaga, like if, God, if we had been there to watch that set, that Gaga set. And for everyone, if you haven't, just go watch some clips of it. Yeah. If you want to see how mega of a performance this Gaga performance. I'm so sad that I missed it.

And Holden, do we need to go. into debt to go to Vegas to go see Gaga. I mean, I do that. And J. Meet us in Vegas. You will dine out on that experience for the rest of your life. Like imagine if you saw that Gaga said, right? But can Winnie dine on that experience? Because if not, then she will be starving.

She'll be hungry on that experience. She'll be hungry. I think she might starve if I give myself that experience. Worth it. It's like, you know, she has to learn how to forage anyway. How did kids? Exactly. How did kids do it back in the day, right?

Figure it out. Yeah, they figured it out. Get out there. They boil shoe leather. I've heard of urban foragers before. And I feel like Winnie, she's so close to the ground. We're going to, yeah, we're going to be in another depression, I think, in like a year anyways, right? I think we already are.

I'm slipping and sliding right into a, yeah, I'm depressed. You get to eat the mushrooms you find in Prospect Park. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm certainly depressed. No, no, no. Yeah, we got to, exactly. We got to start learning about berries and which ones are bad and which ones are good. I say eat them all.

Oh. Bona berry, pick it up. All good day. All good luck. Oh, is that what Grandma Zbrowski said? Everybody says that about it. Now, I know that she wasn't at Coachella, and we are still talking about Coachella, but I just saw a random picture of Amy Lee Wood or Amy Lou Wood, and she was crying, and

everyone saying it's because everybody was mean to her at SNL and they made fun of her on the SNL show. Oh, yeah. And then she cried about it and F off. F off to everybody. The lady with the, well, and I hate to signify it because that's what she's upset about. The lady with the teeth from White Lotus. And she is, you know, openly chose.

She's like, this is me. This is who I am. And she's also very anti-Botox and very anti-it. It's like, she's very big into self-care. And she's like, I'd love it if people wanted to talk to me about those things. But, no, everybody needs to be like, I can't believe you never chiseled down those tufer's on you. And it's just like, leave her the fuck alone. Like she's doing great and she's probably doing a lot better than you are whoever's making fun of her out there.

But the blinds man, like I was collecting this week's blinds. We talked last week about how all the internet detectives are trying to figure out what's going on between her and Walton Goggins. And there's a bunch of blinds that's like there actually is feuding between them and Walton Goggins' wife actually is upset and all this stuff. And I didn't include any of them because, well, because the speculation is that. that they, you know, snogged and... Oh, yeah. And logged. Logged in the shit.

And then Jason Isaacs was like, yeah, there was sucking and fucking, but I'm not going to talk more about it. And so there's just a lot of, you know, gasoline being poured on this fire. And then the poor girl is just like, I was just in this incredibly famous show. Can you stop talking about my teeth? Right. Can you start talking about my acting? And only people wanted to talk about her big teeth and how she is breaking up

Walton Gagans' as marriage. And I do feel bad for her Because I feel like Walton Goggins is getting To have this like moment You know And the moment is not so fun for her Just like a fucking man

Huh? Yeah, center to space Oh wow Just fucking get them slit their goddamn throats It was the death That I saw in space And the life force

That I saw coming from the planet Is that Shatner? The blue The beige Yeah The white And I realized One was death

And the other was life Sorry I can't hear you me, me, me, me, me, and I think to myself Because I realized it was dying. I'm sorry, I just realized. I'm not talking, you're not talking. Oh, but I have talking. You're not talking.

You're not talking. I did realize that we forgot to bring up the striking difference between William Shatner going to outer space and Katie Perry going to outer space. And I just pulled up the tab and it was like, oh, no, I do want to read that. And what's her name, too, who clearly had a Shatner experience walking off of the flight? Oh, Gail King. Gail King? Oh, yes.

She's clearly... Well, she looked upset the whole time, to be fair. She looked upset beforehand. She looked terrified in every picture. She looked very upset afterwards. Why did she go? Was it just kind of... I mean, it might have been like what I would do.

Like, if someone challenged me to go to space, it's not like I would want to go challenge Big Bird. If someone exploded Big Bird and a rocket. Feathers coming down. With feathers coming down, all the children. Oh! Oh! Even the feather.

And now it's canon. And now Grimmis just got his fucking feet cut off. Don't. Yes. Oh, because they couldn't fit all the grimace and they hadn't cut off his feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now he bled out from it. In the trash can.

And the trash can. Now his trash can is way steep in his own blood. Is he stooped in Oscar the Grouch? Look, enough of this. Jackie and Holden, what songs are you singing in space? Oh, man. I wish it was a baller. Well, yeah.

I would be going to add with a bat. One, eight, seven, seven, gosh for kids. K. A-A-R-S calls for kids. Big Bird said he blew up in the Challenger. Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. No, we could make it an improv game. You sing cars for kids and I do 8, 6, 7, 5, 309.

Yes, we're going into a round. It's an association game, yeah. Number nine. Number nine. Yeah, and you just yell back. Number nine. And we're like, get them off the ship. I was bringing up.

Yeah, we should play improv games in space. White Lotus. People would love that. Because I. I want to talk about the coffee mate creamer because, yes, I did try the coffee milk creamer. I had tried it over on a Jackie's snackies, and I tried because there was two different White Lotus creamers. There was the Thai ice coffee, and then there was the Piniacalotta. And for those of you that have already watched all of White Lotus, and I did wait a week to bring this up,

I find it funny what CoffeeMate did because, for those of you that have watched all of White Lotus, you know that the pinia calada, or at least the blender, and what was inside of the blender, ended up having to do with the end of the show. And then Coffee Mate was like, oh, our bad, because obviously they did not know the end of the show. Or the fact of like, the coconut milk is off. Right, right. The coconut milk is off. And so, of course.

Wait, wait, they didn't realize that was. I mean, I guess. Or that's the creamer. Yeah, but it was a white lotus branded creamer, right? They just didn't know that how ominous it would be. Yeah, yeah. They didn't know the end. It was in, the pinie collar was like in the show's in some fashion.

Exactly. But they didn't know, like, honestly, and I do bring this up all the time because of the crock pot campaign that I voiced. Well, like, crock of shit. It was crock of shit. It was crock of shit because it didn't end up going anywhere. I thought it was going to change my life financially. And then, this is us, killed that motherfucker with a crock pot.

And then no one wanted to buy a crock pot. Oh, is that why? Oh, yeah, and everything got shelved. The whole campaign, I was, I was voicing commercials. I was voice, like, it was going to be the new, like, logo, the new person for. I didn't hear it. I hate this is us, by the way. And I, and this is us.

What? The motherfucker died because of a short out of a crock pot, and then crockpot, like, almost ended up, like, going under. Why? Because everyone's, like, crock pot, even though it's supposed to be, like, a crock pot from a while ago. Like, it's supposed to be, like, an old crockpot. And so the entire. campaign got shelved. Wow.

And all of the work I never got paid. Oh, you never got paid? At all? You get paid to record it, but you don't get the money is in the reserves. The money is in all of that. First of all, this is us sucks. It's so like, I just hate a show

that's like so manipulative of your emotions and stuff. It just felt like such a like sit and cry with us, kind of a show, which I just don't love. See, it always upset me because how many people, I used to talk about this on page seven, how many people would ask me if I love it and they're like, but did you see the fat woman on it?

The fat woman? Do you see the fat woman on it? I'm like, wait a second. So I have to love it because you're the fat person. So I have to love the show because there's a fat person. I'm like, but don't you see? She's like actually that. She's empowered. Representation. And you's like, and you're right. I am happy that there was some representation. Excuse me. It's representatian. Thank you. Thank you. Well, and thank you for correcting. You should be ashamed and embarrassed. And I do. And I do appreciate you. Do better. You know, it's a woman's space and you both are lucky do you living in it. Can I just say this here? Do worse. I want everybody

to do worse. I don't want everyone to do brave. Yeah. Yeah, this is the time for doing worse. Oh yeah. I said, eat that Bernie, okay? You buzzkill Bernie. No, shout out my buzz. No, shout out my name. You would do anything for Bernie Sand. Please, be the president. Please save us, Bernie. I'm so sick of hearing

annoying news about Shidhead McGee. Give me more cool news about the AOC Bernie tour de force happening. I love the TikToks. You know, I'm all aboard here. Go to Coachella. That was so smart of him. Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure. You are, the generation is going to change this. You're going to do this. It's you guys. I mean, I get it. Put the ass her away. Quit, quit tripping your fucking balls off right now. And Bernie Sanders, I think, is also saying that he is 4.8% body fat. So I can't wait, man.

Bernie, now that everybody knows Bernie is 6'4, 228 pounds, 4.8% body fat. Sorry, I don't know if you saw that release. of what apparently are the president's stats. Wait, what? Yeah, we're not going to get into that right now, and it is as hilarious as you think it is, but we have to get to the list. Who's on the list? Me!

Gotta have that list. Bizarre true stories behind the most popular music ever. I don't believe you. Oh, you don't believe me, but do you believe that Pink Floyd's comfortably numb isn't about recreational drugs. Pink Floyd didn't do drugs. The song is about the time Roger Waters

was given heavy sedatives against his will and had to perform despite being barely able to lift his arms. Pink Floyd didn't do drugs is such a funny sentence. Yeah, yeah.

Well, first of all, it makes it sound like Pink Floyd's a person. The Beatles didn't do drugs. The Beatles didn't do drugs. They definitely did drugs. Oh, also I'm surprised that the Pink Floyd didn't do drugs. Is that something that everybody knows about Pink Floyd?

I wonder if that's true. Well, the first guy, though, that left, because there was a guy that left after like the first album, which is a classic. And I think he definitely did a lot of drugs. I was his whole thing. I don't think that. I don't know that that's true. Yeah. According to this one list, it is definitely true.

Right in. Yes. Yeah. Anyone. Podcast at gmail.com. Yeah. Any Gen X people who are still listening after we said so many sad things about the Challenger, right in Dallas your Pink Floyd fun facts.

And if you thought it was really funny, the imagery of Big Bird just exploding and a rocket ship, let us know how funny you thought that that image was. I think that was our death knell for any Gen Xers we had. I don't know how many we had.

We did, remember that one show where there was two, like, just ever so slightly older than millennial people in the VIP? And we were like, what are you guys doing here? And they were like, we're the oldest page seven listeners.

Remember them? They were wearing shirts. I do remember them. I loved them. I love them and I will say I think my mom would probably go toe to toe trying to fight you on that fandom plaque it. Also if Kara's out there talking bad about me behind my back, also write in. Let me know about that. So should I be writing emails to my own email address?

Today, Kara totally was like, oh, it smells like barbecue pork. You're joking, but yes. Everybody knows. Oh, my God, I'm supposed some barbecue sauce on. I mean, Nidz. That's right, Jack. You're one of my little spiders. Yes.

Whispers things to my ears. My little spiders. Hand of the High Chancellor coming through. Oh, no. Got me cooking me ass all right. I'm always writing down notes for a fun house just to use to torture all of my loved ones. But did you know that definitely Limp Biscuit is named after the masturbation game? So, Holden, can you tell us what Limp Biscuit is?

Well, I'm guessing it's like jizz on the crackers. I guess it is, but I just have never heard limp biscuit. I mean, it makes sense. MJ, have you ever? Are you learning in the words of a limp biscuit? No, I forgot about the jizz on the cracker game. How Google ever? Limp biscuit.

Is it called like sploogee cookie? And I'm like, I feel like I'm a little shy in that way. So I definitely would probably have to eat those jizz covered crackers. I don't think I could finish with a room full of guys all jerking off. AI does not understand. And AI is like, it must be a soft cracker. No. Yeah, it's a male masturbation game played mostly by teenage groups in which participants, yep, you got it.

I'm not going to keep going. I'm more of a rainbow party guy, you know what I mean? I'm more just trying to get my dick sucked by a room full of, you know, you know what I mean? I went to a lot of those parties when I was very cool, very young. Yeah, that was a long time ago. Oh, wow. Really, really long time ago. Could you imagine an adult rainbow party?

I remember. I mean, I would have a fun time. You get like one to two colors and then everybody goes to bed early. Exactly, yeah. I mean, no, yeah. You would get one, I think. Because you would finish and be like, I'm excited. Yeah, you would, you can't go more than once.

Now, Holden, this song would be better directed towards you if Billy Joel's song originally, the song, honesty. I don't know if you're familiar with it, honesty, it's such a lonely word. The working title was actually, Sada me. is such a lonely word. So sodomy is a lonely word. And I like that. I like the idea of it, but technically sodomy is not a lonely word.

Doesn't it mean that there's, like, you're definitely not alone? Can you have sodomy if you're alone? I guess if your dick can fit, your own dick and fit. Maybe I think they're talking about, if I were to guess,

like just emotionless sex, just, you know. I think, yeah, can't sodomy mean not only ass sex, But, man, I can't believe this is the second time I've talked about as sex on this show. Right. That's why Holden is back. Yeah.

And actually, I'm not surprised. Yeah, yeah. Holden's back. But I think that it might just mean any, like, biblical, not special, loving marital sex, you know? Yeah, that's annoying. I'm thinking, like, one-night stand culture. I'm annoyed by that. Yeah, yeah.

But I think that's the idea is that, like, you know, when you're... Non-carnal, non-coital carnal copulation. Yeah. Is what Britannica. Yeah. I think just having sex for fun Get fucked, Britannica. It sounds like you've got a stick shoved up your ass

He's not a dick He skip to the Benson Boone Ones? Oh, there's all these crazy ones about Benson Boone Did you know that he is trying to pretend Like he's this huge queer artist And he's just doing his flippity news? Oh my god, isn't that insane?

He's a queer, he's my queer icon. He's like queer icon. He's like queer icon. He's like queer icon. And if you don't like it, you can write it to an email the trust I'll never read. Oh, yeah. You'll never read it.

But don't worry, he will still forward them to him. He will still get the emails. Page 7 Podcasts at gmail.com. I mean, if you think about it, he's brave. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, Benson Boone is brave?

Yeah. Yeah, I forgot yet. Is it because of the jumpsuits that, like, it's brave because he takes another 30 seconds to get his penis out? I call him the real chapel. Uh-huh. Wow. Wow.

I call him that, yeah, the actual chapel of love. You know, it's brave to be like an out queer person, but you know what's also brave? Just doing a freaking flip on the stage, blah, you know. Oh, Angie was the- Thank you, MJ. Sorry, I didn't read this last one,

and I was taken aback. Angie was the name of the woman who caught Mick Jagger and David Bowie in bed together. Nice. You know, it's like, Andrea, Andrea. Angela Bowie was David's wife at the time, and she said she walked in on the paramed.

naked in bed together when she returned from a trip. She said, I think they were composing Angie, she quipped Bowie and Jacker, deny the story. I think it was like, Fonzie a snog. I mean, while they're dancing in the sheets. Oh, my God. Yeah, they're dancing in the sheets, everybody. I feel like David Bowie, especially at that time, was such a just ephemeral sex lord.

How do you be in a relationship with David Bowie and expect David Bowie to not have other partners? And I know that that is someone. for David Bowie's, you know, partners or exes to go through. Not that I want to, you know, I don't feel that monogamy is putting someone in a box. But I guess if I was David Bowie, I would probably feel like monogamy was putting me into a box. I think you have to just choose to be turned on by it. You know, like I, I'm a monogamous person. I know that about myself. I don't think I would thrive in a open relationship. But if my husband is David Bowie and he's in bed with McJagger.

You just got to enjoy it. I'm sorry. You dive in. You got to take one for the team. Is there room for one more? Can I jump in? I just want to be, my thing, I just want to be put in a box.

Oh, wow. Physically put in a box. Sexually? Lowered. No, lowered into the coffin. Yeah, just a coffin. Covered in dirt. Do you want to wait until your family returns for us to do that?

Or you want to, I feel like you should have at least this time period. Funhouse. May 1st. Halded. Bered alive. Bered alive. It's going to be buried alive. live. But also though, everybody, LPN Funhouse, May 1st, Henry's birthday.

My God. Yes. It is going to be lit. It is, um, Holden and I have been working on it for a bit now and it is going to be upsetting. May 1st, everybody. Check it out. And that's it for the list for me because I got to end on, um, dreaming about Mick Jagger and David Bowie in bed together. Sure. And you'll, can't take it from my cold dead hands. You can't take it from my cold dead eyes. is because I think I'm going. Blind! We can't see them! Oh my God, Holden. Are you so excited?

Yeah, this is great. How does it feel? How does it feel? Good. To be on your own. Dude, that was the first Dylan song that like exploded my fucking mind. Whoa, bro.

Yeah. Okay, let's see. This is a mean one, but also kind of fun. Good. As I previously said in this space, the streamer will lie about people who watch it, But the podcast network doesn't play the game. So streamer will lie.

Podcast network won't. Even though there were a ton of bots. The network. Yeah, yeah. That's the podcast network. Last podcast network. There was a ton of bots and curious people listening. The podcast was a bomb.

Oh, Megan Markle. Correct. Hell yeah, Netflix. And what's the podcast network? Netflix will lie. Netflix will the Netflix will lie about the numbers. What's their podcast network? Well, I guess, I don't know.

Is it the as ever? Like, is it also called as ever? The podcast is called Confessions of a Female Founder. Send her to space. What is wrong with her? Inebility to name things. Confessions of a female found. That's not a good.

What are you talking about? I'm changed. Confessions of a female founder is not a good name for something. You know what? You know what? And the network is Lemonada Media, which has a bunch of shows. Of course Lemonade. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wow. I am sad because I was going to try and, see if I could get some of the jam. And I'm just not, I just can't do it.

Can't get the jam. It is very expensive because people just buy it up and then they're trying to sling that jam like a side hustle. Well, and this is like what they're doing with ticket master. All right. Oh, go ahead. Slurp up all your jams, your limited edition jams, okay? There is a, another blind. I don't know if I'll be able to bring the article up fast enough, but there was a blind also

about how Began was saying that she's not worried about. the tariffs because all of her products are homemade. Oh, she's not worried about the tariffs. No, they're not. Oh, shit. I think that JM is probably homegrown, but, you know, the other stuff. God, I love it. Man, also, I don't know if you ventured into the side of TikTok that is trying to go

around the tariffs and is, like, finally, like, man, TikTok is about to get banned. There's just no way. It's like, it's all these, like, huge, like, fabricators that are like, oh, you want these shoes? buy it directly from us. We will give it to you something. We will help you get it shipped to the United States. And so, like, a bunch of companies and everybody's upset about it on there. Just on TikTok telling people how they can still get goods for much cheaper.

That's right. They should be buying directly from the manufacturers. See? Let's see. We're all going to be paying $50 for jam soon enough. Tell you what, I'll jam something else. We're talking anal. Wow.

This permanent A-list actor from multiple hit shows and movies says he lost a bunch of weight because he wanted to be able to keep doing coke and not have a heart attack. A-list movies and TV shows? Permanent A-liss and, oh, God, I wish it was out of gold. By the way, this is, I always loved being on the other end of blind items. I'm so bad with names and I'm so bad at like on-ring heart. And then you give us so much shit about doing it.

Oh, I love giving you guys so much shit. I actually love now that we always have a guest host because it is fun because they're just like, oh, it validates me that it is a difficult thing to do on mic. Okay. So he likes Coke and he's permanent A-list. And he's lost a bunch of weight. John Goodman. Yes. What?

Whoa. That was a fucking out of my ass answer. That was a, like, Holden's anal shoved up their answer. Yeah, I was going to say Mr. Budfuck man because I've just got anal in the mind. Yeah, Mr. Budfuck man. And I assume, obviously. Or Mr. Butt suck Susan or something like that. But suck, Susan.

There's a whole article at Trillmag acting legend John Goodman opens up about his drug and alcohol-filled past. Whoa. Apparently he's not done. He wants to keep going. Whoa. Nice. I mean, once you get your lips on Megan Mulali, I mean, where do you go from there? Gali, Miss Mulali.

Oh, maybe. Even just, man. I have a really fun one next, but this is not the last one. I just wanted to read this one to you guys because it made me laugh. the former wheelchair actor has some serious Coke bloat going on right now. Drake. Oh yeah.

I just love this. Anytime it says former wheelchair actor, it's always Drake, yes. I always change that. Coke bloat. Is that a thing? That just made me laugh so hard. I've never done cocaine.

I just thought it was the opposite. Yeah. I had no idea that you could also bloat. Maybe if you try to hydrate your... I guess you're so dehydrated. Yeah, I was about to say, is it just the kind of bloat that happens from just staying up way too much.

much and yeah, not getting good sleep and drinking too much. Yeah, I think that must be. Okay, so this one is called the four for Friday because there's four answers. Oh, yo, yeah, y'alli. And it's like a little long, like, it's a little long, but everyone including you two, I think will know, I don't think it will be confusing. I think you'll know who I'm talking about, but it's a juicy one. Okay.

Four for Friday. The couple. Looks like even music's royal couple isn't immune to a little late night drama. Insiders are buzzing, but a certain A-list husband, one half of a mega-famous duo recently got caught in a very compromising situation. Jack Shepard. His superstar wife allegedly walked in on him pleasing himself while watching video of his alleged superstar X.

So there are now three people who were trying to guess. The superstar who's jerking it, his wife and his superstar X. But it wasn't that act. Is it Ben and Jen and Jen? Huh? Is it Ben and Jen and Jen? It is not. It wasn't that act that set her off.

It was who he was fantasizing about. So it wasn't that he was jerking it. It was who. Who he was jerking it too. Big X. What? Big X. Big X.

Big X. Big X. Siruses say it wasn't. I just, I just guess that. It was none other than one of the alleged famous girls he messed with, a celebrity with ties to both music and fashion. The wife was stunned and heartbroken. She thought that old chapter was closed for good. But what really pushed things over the edge?

Later that night while trying to move past it, He allegedly moaned the ex's name during sex. Understandably, the wife was crushed, and she confided in her very famous sister, who's never been one to bite her tongue. The sister reportedly told her to leave him immediately and even threatened to beat his ass for the disrespect. And based on her track record, she meant it. Jay-Z. Correct.

Beyonce. Correct. Solange. Correct. Correct. But who's the ex? And Jay-Z. was jerking it to the ex.

Yes. Jay Z, a child? I'm just kidding. What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, whatever's going. We're not... Just talking about Gai.

Straight up. Rosario Dawson. Nope. Wil Kim. Nope. Fashion and fame. G.G. Adid.

That's not it. Rihanna. Correct. Yeah. Okay. There you go. It makes sense. Yeah.

Whoa. Also, yeah. I mean, I don't understand. Can we take a fucking moment? Is it how I knocked it out of the fucking park? Yes. With my dick just now? Yes, you got.

I definitely wasn't with his dick. Be like, wow, a lot. Very much away. But those into the end of this blind, sources say she's still. Metaphorically, did. She's still deeply in love and more importantly, terrified of what a split would do to their brand. For now, she's keeping it quiet and keeping up appearances.

But for those close to the situation, they say the energy. between them is icy at best. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. I think there's a couple of trials going on. I think there's a couple other things. I think there's a couple other things going on. Massively some other things.

Honestly, him, but you're going to try out is the least of your worries right now. Yeah, dude. You fucking wish your lucky stars that that was your only problem. Dude, that is nuts. That's, oh, that's going to be the reason that they get a dave. Okay, I don't think so. Also, it's got to be pretty hard to say, accidentally say,

Rihanna. Instead of Beyonce, you know what I mean? Three syllables. Beyonce, Rihanna, yeah. Although, are you saying Beyonce? I think you'd probably say B. Yeah, right. I would assume.

Yeah. Like, I don't think you would say. I mean, if I was having sex with Beyonce, I would definitely be saying, Beyonce. Yeah. Although it would make sense if he said re instead of B, that I could see. Or times. You know, and the heat of passion is probably the B word or something.

You know what I mean? Bitch, bitch, bitch. Yeah, that's where you're supposed to scream, right? Take it, uh, W word, woman. Is it, is woman the W word or? Watermelon, oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you were just, I thought you were just like,

you're shaped like a watermelon. I want to put a hole in you. Oh, yeah. That's what we all are so crazy for watermelon shaped women. I mean, I just feel like, that's why I love this is us so much, because of that fat woman is the, is that woman and I do love it also

but I do think that you could very easily fuck the fleshy portions of a watermelon. No, but Jackie Jackie she's as big as the room. Oh my God and I should identify with her. You should be so inspired by that. I should thank the cat I should go find the casting director and be like thank you. Thank you for letting me see me

for the first time. I feel like all I do is come on here and just scream for angry emails. I just like I'm a magnet for like I feel like there's so many email. People miss you, Holden. People miss you. They'll be happy to hear you scream about anal sex and fat women. And Taylor and how great she is, how much better she is than every other pop artist out there. Yeah, everyone's been begging for it. God knows it, dude. Well, I can see

again. Welcome back to the world of the sea. Thank you, MJ. Is that so scary how, because I remember this when I used to do it. And that's so scary that you would just fully go blind for an entire session. Yeah, during a show. Yeah. It's so disoriented. Yeah. Very, very upsetting. Yeah. And I mean, it might be as upsetting as Jackie Snackies is you today. Okay, so walk, walk me through this. Oh, no, it's Jackie Snack is what Snack you got to eat today.

Thank you for seeing along. Will it be ass? Yeah, I have a whole plate of my ass, and I was like, I didn't have a lot to lose, but I thought I would give this to you just in case. Really testing the people who miss hold it and want him back today. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You do you really want me back? Do you really?

I have a couple of snacks. They are two very different snacks. Oh yeah, of course they're here. And I have to eat them? Yeah, you have to eat them and you have to give your review of them. Sure. This one now, I know that we are upset with him about some politics, but I did think that you probably would enjoy the snacks.

No. No, this is the rap snacks icon chips. It is Snoop Dog flavored potato chips. I was like, is it could be puff daddy snacks? We're not going to eat the puff daddy snacks. No, no, no, no, not buff daddy snacks. I will say the main reason why I purchased these is because it says they are Snoop Dog flavored potato chips. And I am surprised that Snoop Dog chose OG barbecue cheddar as what he would decide he would be flavored as.

Those are two different flavors of Snoop. They definitely are two different flavors. But I know Holden likes barbecue chips. Let's find out if he likes barbecue cheddar Snoop Dog flavored chips. But only before 11 a.m. And they are, it is before 11 a.m. They are not wavy. They do seem to be like thin chips, which is not usually my favorite.

I'm more of like a kettle cooked kind of bitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so Holden, Holden is experiencing chip number one. Chip number one, how are we feeling? Are you going to go for a round two? Oh, he's going for around two. He's going for around two.

I mean, not bad. know, I mean, they're very lays-like. They do seem very laze-like. A bit thin, I would like a little bit thicker. The cheddar and the barbecue mix fine. It's pretty subtle. It's not really like a lot to it. This is just a barbecue chip.

This just tastes like a barbecue chip. With cheddar, I get the cheddar. It comes in right after you kind of taste the barbecue kind of in the forefront of it, and then the cheddar kind of comes up underneath the barbecue. They are good chips. Yeah, I'll eat them. I would say if you are upset to a point with Snoop Dog that you would not want to buy Snoop Dog-flavored potato chips,

I would say you could buy any kind of a barbecue chip and you will be sated. Two things. Two things I want to say right now. First thing is, yeah, I feel like there are far better barbecue chips and cheddar chips out there. Yeah, you're damn right. Second of all, this image of him is literally the same image from the 99 crimes wine. So they just, it's so lazy. You're right.

They repurpose the same image from the wine. You're right. You're so right. It's extremely lazy. Extremely lazy, Mark. You could have had it all, Snoop Dog. I'd buy your wine and your chips. Yes, but not anymore.

And it somehow looks AI generated too at the same time. It does. It does look airbrush. He looks like he's like, it's like the Fortnite version of him, essentially. You know. One night. Yeah. I ate the Snoop Dog chips and they're on dishes.

They were just bad chips. Oh, fine chips. My God. Can she do wrong? No. Yeah. Yeah. And she did wrong, she absolutely can't.

No, we cannot talk to you. But this is actually going to be quite the opposite. Prepare your mouth, Holden. I actually got this for you. Now, I will say, I love it. A lot of people have been writing in of like, you should get more international with your snacks. Now, one of my favorite? Real quick, it says on this bag of chips, the slogan is stay focused and be relentless. About chips?

I know. What is that mean? And it says, and be, it says stay, yes, stay focused and be. Relentless eating chips. That sounds like our word culture a little bit, right? Come. I mean, am I, what is wrong with you? We all know I'm a stoner, but I'm focused and I'm relentless, you know?

Like my we have it doesn't have to impact my focus or my relentlessness. Relentless is a horrific way to describe. Relentless. Yeah, be relentless. Yeah, Relentless. If you're a man, you don't want to be described as relentless. Relentless, yeah. No, that's me, like, receiving like a health insurance bill that I wasn't

supposed to receive. You want to see me being relentless? Get me on the phone with the health insurance. And I say, escalate me. Send me to the escalation department. Escalation department. And yes, I am one of those people. But people have been asking more for international snacks, and especially in L.A., I love, I mean, I love going to like 99 ranch market. I love, but I also have been really getting into Chamoie candies. Now, this one specifically made me think of you, Holden. And I just want to say really quick to piggyback on that. I love the people of the world. All the

different. Thank you. Shapes and colors and everything. Including this is us. Yeah. Big fat man. Woman that's odd. Thank God I've been seen.

I'm just thank God I've been, I feel seen. Now this, these Chimoy candies, which I like, this is actually, they're called goo berry candies. Whoa.

Because for some reason the chamoy has come with a side of slop. It's like a big, sticky slop that you have to take your fingers and dip the chumori. in the sour slop. Oh, I love like a multi-layer. It's a multi-layer. It's a multi-layer snack here. I got it at a 7-11.

Like those dips. Remember the powder and the candy with the powder? Yeah, fun dip. This is smelling intense. So I just wanted to see what goo berries. So this is, if you see them at the 7-Eleven, we are trying the Chamoi with gooberry slewis. All right, he's dipping it in there.

Oh, that was a light dip if I've ever seen one. That was holding. Oh, whoa, he's going to meet him. Is he going in for a second? You're giving me shit for the dip. Yeah, I was giving you shit for the dip. Is it spicy? It's supposed to be spicy? No, no, no, I don't think so.

I think it's supposed to be slimy. I think it's supposed to be sour? It's sour? It's like spicy. It's spicy? No, the chamois is. The chmoi is. But that's what chmoi candy is.

It's not bad. I thought it was going to be way worse than it is. The spice is weird. I like the idea of the spicy candy. Because it's sweet and spicy, but... I don't mind it. It does not need the extra. goop on them. Right, it doesn't need the go.

I don't know. Have you guys been checking this out? Oh my God. In the world of, in the world of snacks, there's been a lot of take this gloopy thing and dip it into this other gloopy thing. I've tried a bunch of them that I have not even like recorded just because I'm like, why do you want to take this? I found one that was like a slime. It was like a toxic waste bucket. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Remember when I, I think I made you try this at the Super Bowl. is that you take the swizzle sticks, like they're like the inside of a, like a sour patch, like a rope.

Yeah. And you dip it into the toxic waste. Well, we covered toxic waste on which and the bruiser now, nerd of mouth. We did a whole like sour candy episode and we talked about toxic waste. I guess with this situation right here, you just don't need the dip.

You definitely don't need it. I'm completely fine with the candy as is. The candy is way better without the dip. So I would say, save your money if you're into chumoi candy, just get the candies. You don't really need the gooberry sluice that you have to rub your fingers.

And hey, always remember, be relentless. Be relentless. Stay focused. Stay focused. Be relentless. In every endeavor you find. Yeah, man, catch him in the crosshairs. Be relentless.

Every second, every day, be in every face you see. Always be aggressive. Always live to scare. Right. Exactly. Man, I will say, I feel like the taste of this is going to be, like, I feel like I'm going to burping this up for the... It's very cranberries. Did you have to let it linger?

Did you have to? Did you have to let it linger? Also, I will say, I thought about you, Holden, because I was going to bring my slime to work today. But I forgot that when we were really drunk on Jackin, I spilled a bunch of weed into my slime on my desk. I remember that. And now, then I opened up my slime, and it's so reeks of weed because I got all of the weeds. And because I was drunk, I mixed the weed into the slime. Yeah, it's some texture.

I thought it would add, like, charms. Like, it was like, oh, it's like fun weed charms, but it's not, it's just now only reeks of weed. Yeah. So I'll probably have to get rid of that slime. Or smoke it. Or smoke it. Yeah. Or smoke it.

You're right. Then I'd call it, like, become sentient. You're like, wait, that slime moved across the desk. Oh, my God. I'll call it my jubber. Yeah. My slumber. Yeah, my jlubber gets all over the place.

My jlubber is going to make me a twin soon. I'm not going to make a this as us joke, but I really wanted to. Well, thank you so much. Holden McNeely for joining us on this week's up. I did forget that I was going to ask you how you feel about John Cena retiring, because I know you guys were talking about wrestling and getting into pro wrestling over a nerd of mouth. I mean, he's a beautiful man. He's heel turned.

it's great. And we didn't talk about the Beatles casting. And I wanted to talk about that too because the Beatles. Like what's going on? People are like, they don't even look like the guys. Yeah, it's acting. What is happening? I feel like we've gotten

so ass backwards about acting. It's like, no, no, no, they need to be an exact perfect one to one of the person. It's like, that's not acting. I don't know what's going on here. Yeah. No, and they're all just like weird looking in similar ways. I think that the casting is pretty good. I think it's great.

Also, they're like, yeah, they're just a bunch of hot it boys. I'm like, oh, yeah. You know, like the Beatles weren't. When they were that, what the fuck are you talking about? That's what they were. They were a bunch of young, hot it boys. Yeah. Why are people upset?

If this makes no say, they want, like, actually, like, Paul McCartney to play himself or something. I say, he gets younger. It's so crazy. Although, I mean, they did it to De Niro. I say that's what we need. Yeah. Yeah. Put Paul McCartney.

And also do the reanimated, get those corpses out of wherever they got them, all right? Reanimate them, everybody. It's craziness. Turn them into a monkey. They don't even look like the guy. I mean, what's the, just CGI the Beatles at that, but just make it look like the guy or I can't, I can't tell the difference. Turn them into a monkey. Because I'm a five-year-old adult.

I can't tell the difference between the adult. It's wrong with you, listener at home. Whoa. It's not them. And maybe if you were upset with the things I said, maybe that's your journey. Hell, yes. You need to take.

Blame. Just because I talked about anal and a big woman. And he's relentless. Yes. And he's doing this because the chips have asked for it, right? It's not on him. He was asked to be relentless. And you know who was relentless today?

Holden McNehan. He showed up. I wasn't focused, though. No. No. He did. You said binaflict. And then you said, Benap like that's okay.

You know. So you weren't focused. I wasn't focused, but I was relentless. I think that's the Holden-McNeely way. Not focused, always relentless. Always relentless. The Holden-McNeely way. Thank you so much, the Holden way.

Yes, thank you for being here. We miss you. We love you. No problem. If you guys want to check me out further, you don't have to. Just Google Annal today. Just look into it to see what it's about.

Yeah, that's all holding all the time. That's why I call me Holden. Yeah, he's holding it in. It should call me Brown Starfish. did. Oh, we do. You guys, that's what Kara calls you. Oh, and all the emails, every email. I'm coming for. Yeah, I'm like, you are right.

It is a much longer nickname, but I'm here for it. We'll truly find out who's the bitch. Yeah. Thank you everybody for, and when does Nerd a Mouth come out every week? Nerd and Mouth comes out every Monday. Check us out. We've really started to find our flow together in such a fun new way. I'm very happy. We've made this change. and people loved it immediately.

Yeah, not one bad comment. None of us received. It's been really cool. And I'm really excited about what we're working on. So check out Nerd a Mouth. And I'm excited to be here and I'm so happy to be back. I'm still keeping up. I was watching Buffy last night.

Yes. So I'm happy to join you guys on a future episode soon because things have been happening. Oh, yeah. I was a certain like Cyborg Frankenstein episode. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Newman. Yeah, yeah, they killed a boy.

Yeah, man. Isn't that crazy? I know. We've been screaming for more kid death. I know. Jackie loves to predict child death, and I'm always like, no. And then she's right. No, they wouldn't kill that boy.

Then they just killed that boy. Lop, la, blah, blah. Just like that Brandy Christmas movie. Remember that when she predicted that there would be a dead child of the Brandy Christmas movie? How could I ever forget about the Brandy Christmas movie where the child died? Yeah, not that we could ever remember the name of it or like anybody else in it or anything that happens. We just know, well, no. air balloons, dead kick.

And thank you guys. That's where we're going to leave you on this week's episode of page 7. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. You follow me on the Instagram at Jack That Worm, where I am desperately trying to collab with any kind of snack house that I can find. So let me know if there are snacks you want me to check out. And if there are certain things, I will say, I can't wait to try someone amazing from our chat, sent us like their hometown chips, as well as a little hometown recipe for a dip. And I wanted to get that done for you today, Holden,

but I didn't have time to make the dip. So I will be back at you guys trying that dip and trying some hometown snackies, and you can hit me up with your own. If you want to send me in any snackies, hit me up page seven podcast at gmail.com, and I'll get you that P-O-box, M-J. I was going to remind anybody emailing page seven podcast at gmail.

dot com attention holden mcneely you know we want to know your feelings forward them yeah yeah please let let let them know about me if you want to watch buffy with us or listen to our new five dollar tier show celebrities where we are reading celebrity memoirs that's all over at patreon patreon dot com slash page seven podcast we are having a great time and the sukey stackhouse books and the sukey stackhouse books are about you're getting through we are trudging through and i am loving this i have fallen in love with Suki Stackhouse. I have fallen in love with the entire world of it. And I won't work on my Cajun accent here, but if you want to hear me work on it, go over to Jackie's Book Club on the page of Patreon. Both of those shows are at the $5.00 layer. The Jackie, a personalized

audiobook by Jackie and our book discussion. Those are $5. Buffie's $10. And I'm MJ. I'm MJKL on Instagram and MJ Neffelon Blue Sky. But I haven't started posting over there. So I I appreciate you, Jade, who is posting at me on Blue Sky. You're the only one talking to me, and I love you. Always love you. And you can talk to me over on Blue Sky because I don't really do anything there. But that's where I am. Awesome.

And thank you so much again, Holden, and we can't wait to have you back again in the future. Thank you. Holden on Twitch every Friday with Jackie Jackie with the Holdies. Hell yeah. We'll see you guys on Friday. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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