Page 7 - Vow Renewal - Louisianacore w/ Amber Nelson

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

This week Jackie and MJ are joined by LPN's Louisiana Lovin' Amber Nelson to goss' 'bout the cheapest steak (and possibly worst bathroom) on Bourbon Street, MJ's fruitless trip to a Flatbush Taco Bell, and Jackie drops the info on Tbell's new chicken based foods, which leads to the concerning news of Subway's nachos. Gwyneth Paltrow is adding a microscopic amount of pasta to her diet and the world is in SHOCK, videos from her new tour reveal that Katy Perry really should have spent more time on her stage show instead of going  to space OR that she's been replaced by a replicant, Jackie asks for Amber's opinion on Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship after their recent prom themed photoshoot, and Amber forces Jackie to relive her prom trauma, Pedro Pascal roasted the genital obsessed JK Rowling over a very embarrassing gloating Instagram post, and then a list filled with Celeb facts that might sound fabricated but they're TOTALLY NOT, the Blindz and Jackie's Snackies with MJ's Munchie Minute from 1:00:27 til 1:08:48! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How much of Freebird can you play before we get kicked off of all of the things? How many, how many seconds can we get? I don't know. I honestly think. So you're saying that I should do it all with my mouth? Burr! Brum! Bidoo do do to be do do.

Bidu-m-bo. Meadow-lum-pom. Ba-bom-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-da-bum. If I leave here tomorrow Oh, wow, would you still remember me? For I must be traveling now, nah. Because there's too many places I gotta see. Oh, should we just hit to the end?

Bown-ow-ch-ch-ch-ch-da-bao-dow-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-d-bown-poh-oh-oh. Oh, I don't know. I can't change. I want to fly. Fly free bird. Yeah. Ring, this is a copyright lawyer. No, copyright lawyer.

Get out of here. I know I sound so much like the song. But alas, it is just me. Jackie Zabrowski here at page 7. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, copyright lawyer. You must leave. I'll call off the dogs.

You got to get out of here. It sounded so real. I wanted to say you've. gone on too long. Thank you. But you have it. You can keep going. I was about to tell Jenny it was time for her to jump.

And yeah, it's a Forrest Gump soundtrack reference because it's a great soundtrack. But we're not here to talk about Freebird. We're not here to talk about Skinner, even though I could talk about Skinner for as long as you want to talk about Skinner. But there was a very important reason why I started the episode with a little bit of Skinner this morning. And why do you look so confused, MJ? Well, I was wondering if our guest today makes you think of.

Leonard Skinnerd or Freebird or Forrest Gump or none of the above? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And mostly it's because I just yell, Ron, Amber, run! Anytime I see her because I just want her to be as far away from me as possible because you never know what I'm going to do. Wow. Oh, you're in the silence corner.

Amber can't speak until she's brought in. Yes, and I love to keep you in the silence corner. MJ, why don't you bring her in this? All right, we got to hear her response to what all you've just said. She's the host of the Brighter Side podcast. She's also the host of Someplace Underneath, which is both a podcast and a stream. Everyone, please welcome Amber Nelson. Woo!

This might be very stereotypical of me, but I did wrestle in pudding to Freebird with my girlfriend, Sally Ann Miller, and a backyard in Louisiana. Okay, I have 20 questions for you, but I will start with I can't believe. I have a show called Good Pud, and this is the first I'm hearing about this. Amber, how many holes did you find pudding in afterwards? Oh, every single one. I invented a hole. Wow, you sported one yourself. I'm so proud of you.

Fill her up. I mean, you got to. Sometimes it's not enough holes in how you're supposed to bring the pudding with you afterwards. In my nose, in my butt hole. Who won? Did you say what flavor pudding? Chocolate pudding. I think who won was the guys watching.

Yeah, I think that's true. I will say I do understand I have done some mud wrestling in the past. And turns out there's a lot of rocks in that there mud. That they're not telling me. I got so cut up when I did mud wrestling. It was insane. They don't take the little bits of gravel or whatever else. Or maybe some people get, I don't know, pure dirt that they're making this mud from.

But I don't think Tallahassee mud is very pure. I'll tell you what. Where would you get pure dirt from? like Hum Depot. I guess. Yeah. Is this pure girl? That's fertilizer, man.

You know, I don't think you want that going in your holes either. No. That's just worse shit. That's worse than mud. I want it out my holes. Not in my holes. Thank you very much.

No. My cousin and I made homemade slip and slides out of trash bags. God's too. Yeah, got too. Done that. And he's speaking of the free bird. And he was like, I'll go first. And he went and it fucked his ass up.

Hell yeah. Because the mud's got the sticks and rocks in it. It's got sticks and rocks in it. You got to be careful. I was so cut up. And I just remember trying to clean the wounds that were all filled with mud. And it really, they don't talk about this enough. These nude girls in their wrestling pits that were not talking about it enough.

I wasn't nude, but I think I was just in my bra and underwear. Yeah. It slips off when you wrestle. Yeah. That's the thing. You see a little nipple, little pussy lip. Oh, you're seeing a couple lips. I tell you what.

But yes, of course the South makes me think of you, Amber. And I will, like recently I was singing the like, Jamula coffee spied, Millie Gummo. I was singing that over on the Sookie Stackhouse books because right now on Jackie's book club over on the page 7 Patreon, we've been in the world of Bontan, Louisiana.

And that's why I was even more excited to bring you on today just because I've been talking like I'm from Bontown, Louisiana, a lot. And I've been thinking about you so much. Although I don't know if you've ever gotten into the world, of True Blood at all. It's the books that True Blood is based on.

I haven't. I should watch more Louisiana Corps. I do like vampire movie, the Anne Rice movie. Interview with a vampire? Oh, come time. Yeah. Bro. You want to... Big time. Big time. Have you watched

the television show? The interview with a vampire show is... You know how they like intimate all of the gay sex in the original interview with a vampire? But what if you got all of it. And they fucking coffins. And it's real sexy, really upsetting. Interview with a vampire over on AMC Plus. I got to watch it. Yeah. And that's more at New Orleans-y. But remind us, Amber, what's your, what areas of the South do you lay claim to? Most of Louisiana. My mom now lives in

Mississippi. I kind of moved all over when I came to the state. So like Georgia, North Carolina, Tennessee. They're all great. But I like Louisiana. Got a special place in my heart. I probably go to New Orleans at least twice a year. Really? Yeah, because you went not that long ago, right? Yeah, like a couple weeks ago, because to see my mom, so you fly, I could either fly into Gulfport, which is like a million dollars, because it's a small airport, or I could fly into New Orleans for $200, get a nice little hotel room, way better. It's honestly cheaper. Have a great time. Yeah. Have a great time. And they're always so nervous.

Like, how'd you go? Why'd you go to New Orleans? You could get shot, which they're true. That's right. It can be dangerous, but I'm Amber Nelson. Yeah, you can live. You've already. lived through a lot, and I imagine you're going to continue to live through a lot. In fact, you did eat, I believe, on Bourbon Street. You ate the finest steak on Boobin Street, but I believe it was, what, $6? Yeah, the cheapest steak on Bourbon Street. That's how it was pitched to me. I was deadly hungover. I needed a little bit of protein, a little bit of something to keep it going. And his pitch to me, this sweaty man, this sweaty old. While you're so hungover,

Amber went off, I think you were with Sina and you guys went off somewhere else, and I was just like, all right, bye Amber. And I remember making the joke. And we never saw Amber again. And then you came back telling us about the cheapest steak on Boybin Street. Oh, man. I ordered it. I ordered it a rare because I saw you do a steak. But then I go to the bathroom and it's just an open stall and the shit dribbling down the toilet bowl. And here's my question. Is it gauche or not goche to be like, cancel my order? Gosh. I make it the Larry David face. What I'm thinking about is, I know we're going to talk about Taco Bell later, but yesterday I walked into the Taco Bell on Flatbush Avenue, which is my closest Taco Bell. Are you about to be smirch Taco Bell in front of me, MJ?

But this is directly related to what Amber just said. Okay. Because I walked into Taco Bell. I had, I was at a thing. And then I walked, it was 1130. And I was like, too early for Taco Bell or just right for Taco Bell, 1130 a.m. Just right. So I went in and I looked and I was like, I'm going to do it.

Jackie's always talking about Taco Bell. we're talking about snacks more on the show. I'm going to get some Taco Bell. And then no one was at the counter, typical. And then the kiosks didn't work also somewhat typical for a fast food store on Flatbush Avenue. And so I waited for about a moment. There was a person who then welcomed me to Taco Bell and then loudly laughed and said, I don't work here. It's the New York way.

And then I turned around and walked out of the Taco Bell. And I did feel like such an asshole for walking into the Taco Bell. looking at the menu for three minutes and then leaving without any Taco Bell. But sometimes you got to make a game day decision, Amber. Sometimes you got to make that. Sometimes you order the $6 steak and you decide, you know what? I'm going to eat that $6 and I'm not going to eat the steak. That is the problem.

But that is not how our usual Taco Bell experiences go, MJ. See, here on page 7, Amber, I am trying to become a snack influencer, but I'm also specifically trying to become a Taco Bell influencer because they have these meetups during the year and they call them live moss lives and they get to go and try all the new stuff that Taco Bell is bringing out during the year and I want an invite. So I am trying to very slowly become a Taco Bell influencer, which is why I did want to talk about the Krispy Chicken Nuggets because a lot of fast food places right now are bringing back chicken in a big way as if it went anywhere. But specifically Nuggies and like the Krispy

selects, but it's not crispy selects over at McDonald's, but Taco Bell is now doing crispy chicken nuggets and they are releasing them with Hidden Valley Fire Ranch, Bell sauce, and a jalapeno honey mustard. Now, here's the thing. The nuggets are actually really delicious and they have like a light dusting of spice on the outside of it, but big chunks of chicken and surprisingly my favorite sauce. You know I'm a ranch bitch. We talk about ranch here a lot.

And Amber, Big Ranch knows me. I do receive emails from Big Ranch, like Hidden Valley somehow got my email address. And now I receive all of the updates on the world of Ranch. So if you ever have any questions about what's going on in Ranch, let me know. How do I make ranch from scratch? Mayo. It's just mayonnaise? MJ.

Is it true? Is it just mayonnaise? Well, Jackie is the ranch expert. But I want to say that somehow they got my email address is that we visited the Hidden Valley Ranch merch store over and over and over again. Yeah, maybe they found us. But my guess, I've never made ranch from scratch. And I also am a little bit confused. But I think you get one of those packets.

Yeah. And then you mix it in with mayo. But probably there's some purist out there who's like, oh, don't get a packet. I don't. I only purchase my ranch. I don't make my ranch from scratch. There was a point in time that I only made my mayo from scratch. Yeah.

Which I like... La Dida. I know, but here's... And that's a thing, MJ. La Dida. That's right. Because like here's... I'm a Best Foods, Hellman's ass bitch, all right?

And I just want that. And I know everyone's like, but Dukes, but Dukes, but Dukes. That is just the cornerstone of Southern that doesn't live in my breasts. But I will say in my breasts, there is a space for enjoying a Dukes. I do love Dukes. Right. Right. Dukes is good.

I don't know the difference. If you were to lay them out, upon me, I wouldn't know. Here's my question. Is Caesar salad, is Caesar dressing the woke ranch. A great question. I mean, it does have sardines in it. Antovies. Or anchovies, excuse me, anchovies in it. It does have anchovies in it. So I do think that in and of itself does elevate it a bit, but just because people are scared of anchovies and they shouldn't be. No, the anchovies are a delight. Like you like helmonds. I like sardines. I like sardines. Yeah. I think this is great. You just get in there. You just tuck in? Yeah. And,

And that's how we can make a Caesar. Maybe the world can come together with Caesar dressing. It's Caesar dressing. All we are saying is dress all your greens. And together, there will be no peace, but everyone will be covered. I really trust Amber's culinary tips because when Jackie sent the article about the Taco Bell chicken nuggets, Amber responded with an article, a press release from Subway. Yeah. It's a press release.

Oh, yeah. There's a whole section of their website. Subway press releases. about their Doritos, their footlong Doritos, notches. Notchos. I've been hearing about these nachos recently, the Do Boys podcast, which also eats a bunch of limited edition snacks, but that's a whole show where they're talking about snacks. They're talking about the nachos.

But here's the problem. And you know what? Y'all can come after me. I'm ready to receive the emails. I think I'd rather starve to death than ever go into a subway ever again. Really? What is it? Yeah.

It's the smell. It's, I worked at... The smell's perfect. Isn't it like a perfume that they spray? It's not even related to the food. I, it is so, it yucks me out so much. But I think, and I know it is because I worked in a McAllister's deli in the Tallahassee Mall. And we also shared a back alleyway with subway and the reek.

Because here's a thing. When it starts to atrophy in the southern sun and you start smelling. in what Subway was really meant to be smelt like, which is out there underneath God's light bulbs, really makes you want to slide into a sewer and become a rat. And I'd rather be a rat than eat it again. Yeah. But would you go to try the nachos?

I'd try it, but what are the toppings? Just like mayonnaise and banana peppers? It is. You did point out, disturbingly and accurately, that the toppings for the nachos are like subway toppings. So yeah, it is banana peppers and shredded lettuce, red onions, that's fine. I see those nachos and I say more roast beef.

Oh, God, anything like that, like I was at Waffle House recently and they have these bowls. I think a bowl, anything, it's just like a pile of slop. Yeah, hell yeah. It's just like potatoes and meat and eggs just in a bowl. Like I need aesthetically them separated on a plate. Do you? I feel like I'm eating dog vomit.

Yeah, no, I hear you. They're trying to make the bowl the aesthetic and it's not working for you. Because honestly, my problem is every time I see bowl, I think like, oh, what has it got a grain in it? Oh, what is it got a goddess dressing? You know what I mean?

Like, what's, God is stressing is delicious. But I feel like when I hear bowl, I'm like, how much do you want me to pay for just like a small amount of whatever bullshit you're going to put in that ball? Unless it's pudding. Unless we're wrestling in it. Every conflict.

there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out

who's the bitch. We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries. No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties?

Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life. Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October

on the last podcast network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network Twitch channel where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us help you figure out who's the bitch. But you know who's eating a small amount of something, Jackie? Oh my God. It's Guantith Palto. And it's pasta.

It's Guinezalto. I need you to know how angry I was at how many headlines there were about the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow has been adding a little bit of pasta into her diet. Ooh, be careful, winning. Oh, my God. Just look like a lot of pasta. Watch out, Gwennett. Anything can happen.

Anything can happen. How do you feel, Amber? How do you feel about Gwyneth Paltrow? How do you feel about her as a whole? She's fine, neither here nor there. I think she's very beautiful. I don't think she could survive a mud wrestling competition in the South. Never.

I mean, she would pass away. Put her in. there with the two of us? Can you imagine the two of us going at her? She would break into pieces. Yes. Yeah. She would die from like fabric softener. She would die from fabric softener. Are there chemicals on the clothing? Yes, babe. Imagine Gwittes Pouts are eating subway nachos. Oh, no. No, there's the quote from this article. There's a lot of annoying quotes from her. But one of them is, I went hardcore into macrobiotics for a certain time. That was a very interesting chapter where I got kind of obsessed with eating very, very healthily. And we know, Gweth, we've all

seen the interview where you talked about what you ate and it was water, water, water, and coffee. And now she's basically like if you stay well hydrated and I still try to eat lots of whole foods and I'm still mostly paleo. But then she's, you know, she's just like us. And she's like, but I got a little tired of it. And now I'll have a little bit of pasta here and there. And I guess I I am happy for her. I guess, but this is coming from the woman. I'm just pulled up like the craziest Gwyneth Paltrow quotes 2001. Beauty fades.

I just turned 29, so I probably don't have that many good years left in me. Gwitton. Is what she said when she was 29. Then in 2005, I would rather die than let my kid eat cup of soup. I can't even imagine Gweth Paltrow saying the phrase cup of soup. I'm surprised she even knows about it. Yeah. How would she survive in like the apocalypse?

I don't know. She wouldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't be able to. It's like, I don't even think she knows how to open up a can. It's just the way in which she speaks sometimes to, I don't really have drunk friends. My friends are kind of adult. They have a drink, but they hold their liquor. I think it's incredibly embarrassing when people are drunk. It just looks so ridiculous. I find it very degrading. Go have a drink. I kind of don't like her now. Go fucking get over yourself. But, you know, the thing is that, You're right. I'm happy for her that she's adding a little bit of carbs back in her life because I would love it if she could support a little bit more of you can have anything in moderation. If you're going to be running health sites and things like that that that are already hawking things that you're not looking into, if you could at least just have a diet culture that you're shoving down everyone's throats that everyone can work on. and something that can be attained because just saying

you never have a carb ever again in your life is just not how life works. That's just not how it goes. She reminds me of Liv Schmidt. Are you all familiar with Liv Schmidt? No. So she's this influencer whom, you know, God bless her.

But she's very skinny. It's very southern of you, by the way. Yeah, bless me. She began to shit talking to somebody, God bless her. Got nothing nice to say. Come sit by me. That's right.

Bless her heart. Bless her heart. Plus her heart. But, like, Skinny's kind of her whole thing. And, you know, there's a big world out there. But she was like, oh, let me show you how to make some mac and cheese. And then opens up a spaghetti squash and then, you know, cooks it and then fluffs it up. Bitch, that's spaghetti squash.

That's not mac and cheese. What world are we in right now? But here's a thing. Spaghetti squash pasta? Delicious. Delicious. It's like, it is delicious. It's just a different.

It's an alternative way of doing it. That's equivalent of you pissing on me telling me it's raining. Yeah. And people do that to Amber all the time. And I'm like, guys, stop. Stop your dicks with it. Stop. Stop pissing on them. It's like, it's raining in L.A. is. I know. And I'm trying to do it with my pussy, but I got like, I got to throw it. I got to, I got to try and get it over there. But it's just not. It rains in L.A. all the time. What's everyone talking about? There's that whole song. It never rains in Southern California. But I beg, the devil. God, all I want to do is pee across the room and fly an airplane. Can't do either one. Sorry. Not in this year. Not in the next four years or not.

on in the next forever. Who knows what's going to happen in the future. I don't know. I'd have to lay down and hold it in to shoot it. Yeah. Yeah. And you just spurt it out like eggs. I would love to spit eggs like my pussy is a chicken gun. Yeah. Oh, you're thinking caviar. I was thinking more scrambled. Like I'm thinking more like ones that people would try to like catch in their mouth. I like this. There goes. It's a jacky egg. Oh God. Well, I guess we've got. All right. Well, I guess now we're now. we were ready for Jackie Snackies, but don't worry, we're not going to jump in early, guys. We won't do that.

I just got excited because, man, once you see eggs coming out of a person, it's hard to stop them. Yeah, I'm struggling to picture exactly what you're doing with the eggs and what kind of eggs we're talking about. Are you talking about human eggs? Yeah. Oh, I was talking about chicken eggs. Chicken eggs. Oh, you could put chicken eggs in your pussy. Well, no.

Amber. Like a Nerf Ballzuka. Do you remember that? Yes. Exactly. That's exactly what I want to. To shove them all. See, I want to say I want to shove them inside of me, but I feel like I would like if your God, Amber, could make it so I can judge it myself. Can you put the egg goop in me and then I'll enclose it? And then my uterus will be like a chicken egg factory. You know, I'll pray for it. Thank you. Honestly, thank you. I. I think I need it. Man, I don't know what Katie Perry needs, but she certainly needs something. Amber, I'd love to hear if you've been following any of. of the Blue Origin flight

or what's going on with now I did in our links this week I did include it's a long time's world and you're lucky to be It just sounds kind of bored and contrived It sounds like sex made in a CVS factory Which is also what she looks like

in this tour video that is going viral of her dancing like what happened the girl did space tire you out why can't you dance anymore And it does you age when you go to space and come back You certainly do, and she aged 65 years. And I don't know how it happened in the 11 minutes.

But it is really insane to watch the choreo because here's a thing. Very, very difficult. We all can say here, I'm sure, I can't imagine being a pop star. I can't imagine the standards you have to hold yourself up against. But here's the thing. What we do know is that the standards are very high right now. You look at what Lady Gaga is thrown out there. You look at what, I mean, Taylor Swift,

dominated every headline for a year plus because of her tour in what she was doing. Yeah. And then Katie Perry, I think we all can definitely see that probably going to space was a mistake. She could have spent that time rehearsing. Should have worked on the show. I was trying to find some wells of empathy. And, you know, obviously we find M.J. in hell. We do. We try the, you know, we obviously make.

fun of celebrities a lot on the show. It's a celebrity gossip show. But also we try to like, we try to do it wisely. And like, I think we've come around now, like, we made fun of Jojo Siwa. And now maybe we kind of wish that we hadn't, although she's also having a rough news week. Who knows if we'll get to that today or on the next show. But, but point being, I was like, am I being too hard on Katie Perry here? And I don't think I'm, I am. But also, we're in this age now where unfortunately you're going to get video. I think it's just a technology thing in a bit because you have to, your choreo can't just look good from a distance anymore, right? You have to be looking good for the people with phones who are going to be taking video.

And I think that the pop star, like, to your point about Tay, Tay, T is just a good enough performer that she, there was all these videos of her at eras and they all, like, looked good. And I think that you just have to be good enough to, like, look good on a phone, which is a different skill than looking good in an arena. And it wasn't what she was putting down. That's for damn sure. Whatever Katie Perry is doing, it does not look good on a phone. You're right, MJ.

I never thought about that. Like the phone, it's a new thing. You've got to be very specific with your choreography and it's got to have a light in the eyes. You can't just like, you know, fuck around. And from all angles, too. You have to remember you being looked at from millions of phones from all angles as well. And that is something that Taylor Swift does know. Like her tabloes look awesome from every angle.

And Gaga, too, obviously. Gaga as well and like that they're putting in a lot of work for these huge arena shows. But here's the thing, MJ, you want to say like, are we being too hard on Katie Perry? No, you're not. I know we're not. She fucked over some nuns. She fucked those nuns. She fucked those nuns.

And as well as someone alerted us to the Katie Perry Act. The Katie Perry Act also referred to as the Perry Act, quote, addresses the risks of elder financial abuse, especially as it relates to property and real estate sales and transfers, according to a now inactive website created by the Act supporters. The Act establishes a 72-hour cool-down period during which either party involved in a contract for conveyance of a personal residence in which one party is over the age of 75

can rescind the agreement without penalty because apparently, it says after this, the name is an obvious reference to the singer, but Perry also stands for a protecting elder reality for retirement years act because of what she has done. Wow. That is not a good person. We scream about like, you know, I think we talked about this a little bit with, during Heather Gay's book, Bad Mormon, like a little bit with Jen Shaw and watching over on Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Amber. We got to live watch Jen Shaw, who was a real housewife, get taken down through the seasons.

And you'd want to think like, oh, but like, oh, she's getting taken down. That's a lot. But it was for elder financial fraud. And by, throw the fucking book at her. You're going after elderly people. Going after elderly people, I have absolutely no, none. No empathy, no patience. Katie Perry, I'm going to say what we all hate.

Do better. Do better. Fucking do better. I'm going to read this. This is a real tip. Thank you, listener, for sending this. Perry has been involved in several legal battles that the website dedicated to this act, the Katie Perry Act, pointed to as examples of predatory acquisition, unfair dealing,

and elder financial fraud. The most recent high-profile case involves an 85-year-old who filed the lawsuit to block the sale of his Santa Barbara home to Perry and, sorry, Jackie, Orlando Bloom. It's not my Orlando, okay? He's not Legalus, all right? It's Orlando Bloom. It's not Legalis. This old guy says that he lacked.

the mental capacity to understand the nature and probable consequences of the contract. So she's out here doing predatory elder things, Katie Perry. For her real estate. And I just want to say thank you, Leif, for bringing this to our attention because I was not aware of the Katie Perry Act. And I appreciate you letting us know about it. So we don't have to feel bad for, for shitting on her. God, imagine being a fly on the wall during her marriage to wrestle Brand just in that house. Oh, my God.

How insufferable? Because he's also insufferable. Yes. Awful. He's awful. I had a lot of empathy for her. No one deserves him. During that, you know, I spoke about it on the show at the time.

There was that first Katie Perry documentary. At that time, I really liked her and her music. And there was that documentary. And there's like a scene where she's under the stage and she's about to like burst through the stage. And but it's like during the breakup with Rachel Brinan and she's like crying and crying and crying and she's trying to get her like, she's trying to like get herself under control to go perform.

And I found it to be very. Yeah. Like I found it to be very moving to watch like a like, like, Like, you know, I think that was 2014. And I loved that album and I talked about it all the time. But like, yeah, in terms of the arc of a celebrity and like where she has, how far she has fallen despite going so high to space. Oh, wow. And Gwen Stefani.

I'm just like, what happened? Yes. Yes. Yes. What happened? Both artists who started, I mean, I would say Gwen Stefani even started like, I really liked Gwen Stefani's music in the 90s. And, yeah, obviously now she's, she's hawking for Jesus. She's hawking for G.

Well, that's, so Gwen Stefani is also one of the faces for this app called Hall. Hallowed. Hallo. Hallo. Hallo. Hallo be. Hallowed be thy name. Yes.

And it's a prayer. It's like a meditation prayer app. And she's the face for it. But it's also yucky. That sounds yucky. Like, I'm a big spiritual person. I pray to like calm myself down. But at no moment do I ever want to hawk an ass.

You know? So prayer. That sounds a little weird. Totally. I don't know how to put my finger on it. You can pray to Jesus all you want here at page seven. We love that for you. Oh, yeah.

It's just when you make somebody pay to pray. Pay to pray. It's a huge part. Didn't Martin Luther do this? Did you talk about that? I mean, Amber and I were talking about my anger towards the Abrahamic religions just before this podcast. I ate tithing, okay?

I dislike it. I don't like being told that I have to give you my money that I work very hard for, but we're not going to get into that. Oh, you want to scream about taxes too? Because I'll do that too. I pay them. I fucking pay them. Oh, death and taxes.

Is that for this podcast? Yeah, death and taxes. That's all it is. But no, it's also standing as well. I'd love to know, Amber, if you've been watching the Selena Gomez, as Benny Blanco love affair and if you feel if you feel softened

by it or does it fill you with a rage? Well, he took her to prom and I thought that was so sweet but I noticed in the photos in their body language she was kind of pushing away from him a little bit or is that just me? Whoa.

Take a look at the photos again. I will say this one photo, you're right, she is pulling away but I do think that she's trying to do the like look back of love Oh, right. So I feel like that even is I think it's a look back of love but she never got to go to prom

and Benny Blanco wanted to take her to prom for the first time so they dressed up and they had like a prom night together and they took prom photos together. That's cute. Fun fact about me and Selena Gomez, we share the same sun, moon, and rising, and astrology. Whoa. So what does that mean about you guys?

I have no idea but we're both cancers, Aries moon, Leah Rising. Did you go to prom? I went to prom. Okay. With a drug dealer. I didn't really quite know it at the time. He asked me.

And then I remember my mom was so upset with me. She wouldn't even like wish me well. Because he was a drug dealer? Did she know that? He sold like a couple things apart. Like he wasn't a drug dealer. Yeah. That's like a Julia Fox situation.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He was just a bad boy. He threw his shoe at the lead singer of creed. He threw it at his face. Wow. That makes me like him. His arms were wide open. Yeah.

He was asking for it. Thank you. Thank you. It's the creed joke I've been waiting for since the beginning of time. That's right. But I just kind of like, there we go. I just like stood still the whole time. I didn't even kiss them or anything because I was so scared. Because of the shoe throwing. Because like my mom was so upset with me and I made my mom mad by saying yes to him. Oh, it sounds like you need a prom redo as well, Amber. I know. You know what? Yeah. Would you want to do it? Would you want another prom? Yeah. I would. Let us be instructed by I continue. to, I'm mid on Beni Blanco.

I'm not anti, I'm not pro. But I am pro Selena Gomez because of only murders. She really endeared herself to me and I want her to be happy. Yes. And this is a very prom dressy. It even has the weird pointy things up by the boobs, which I had on my prom dress. Oh, yeah. So I think that this is very cute.

It's given prom. Yeah. I would love to redo my prom. How was your prom, Jackie? It was heartbreaking. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah.

Jackie has a bad prom story. Yeah. What happened? I mean, I was prom. prom queen, but I was like the person that I was head over heels in love with asked me to prom and then when we were supposed to dance

when I got prom queen he was making out with somebody else. He wouldn't make out with the prom queen? No, he didn't want me. He was my friend. No, he just wasn't attracted to me and I created a whole seat because I was such a, like I was, I wanted

to pretend like I wasn't romantic but on the inside I was so desperately romantic and I just thought that it was like He came back as a freshman from college to take me. And it was just, it was everything. And then I was broken. And I never wanted to trust ever again. No.

So wait, he was a freshman in college that came back to prom. Well, we were a good friend. Well, because he had asked. Yes, he was my date. First of all, he's making out with somebody else during the dance. I don't like this person. Well, we're not together. I don't like this person at all.

Amber, Amber,'s reaction is that of an extremely well-meaning mom. You know what? you deserve better. You're right. He's a loser. You're right. You're right. You're so correct.

You took him. He came with you. You dance with a fellow that brought you. You dance with a person that brought you. And he's making out with somebody else. Yeah. I don't wish him well. Whoa.

Yeah, I mean, it was 20 years ago. We have, I've forgiven, you know, I, you got to. I will say, you know, this might make you feel better, Amber. He did ask me out like two years later and I had just gotten into a relationship. so I did get the opportunity to turn him down. Yes. So I did get that opportunity. So thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for teeing that up. Yeah, you know what? Maybe I am filled with rage. I needed Amber on the show today. Yeah. I'm burning all the ground. Does your coffee cup say yay on it?

Yay. For your name? Yay. Yay. Because I said, yay. What's my name? Yay. Give me coffee.

That's all I can say before I have coffees. I just go, yay. Meepie, me. Yeah. They don't like me at the coffee shop. MJ? Okay. Before we get to the list, we've been talking about all the baddies celebrities today.

And well, yeah, Betty Blanco, Selena Gomez, we're fine with them. But we got to talk about a goodie and a good person, which is Pedro Pascal, who we also thirst for. And we slip and slide four. Oh my God. He gets the talk about, I mean, take me to prom. He, so. So, Jake. Hey, man to prom.

Yeah, I'll sing it instead of take me to church. The UK passed an extremely stupid thing in their Supreme Court that defines biological women as whatever, basically excluding trans women from being allowed to be women in the eyes of the law. Bullshit, bullshit. I know we don't need to say it here, but bullshit. Bullshit. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck stupid. And J.K. Rowling posed with a stupid cigar and a stupid drink and said, I love it when plans come together because she's obsessed with this shit. She's obsessed with people's genitals. It's pathological. And Pedro Pescal commented on that post. Awful, disgusting shit. Exactly right. Hainous loser behavior. Yes. Yes. As Matt Bernstein pointed out in a great Instagram post, that comment, not only was that comment awesome, but Petro Pascal being a celebrity, making that comment, led to a brand new media cycle of covering the fact that Pedro Pascal did that.

And so he completely seized the narrative from her, being like, I'm celebrating this transphobic legal victory to him being like, you are a loser, which is the best. best way I think to combat people like this. You can't logic your way out of it. No, of course not. They're fucking losers. And I had completely forgotten that Pascal's sister is trans. Yes. And that, and I'm not sure if that is, if he, you know, how long he's been an awesome ally. But she came out in 2021. And she's like, I love him. And he's always been wonderful to me. And he's like, I love her. And he's just, but like perfect celebrity behavior. Yes. Perfect celebrity. behavior. Use your platform. Call that loser a loser and then seize the coverage of it, you know?

Damn straight. And we thank you, Pedro Pascal, because of course, we are in the midst of the current season of the last of us where, of course, the entire country is just collectively slipping and sliding out of their seats because even though time has gone on, Joe looks real good for a man in his 60s. I don't bat an eye in a man in his 60s. I'm fine with that. And maybe I'm just getting older, but they keep getting older too. And I like it. Yeah, make them old. But love you at Pedro Pascal, and we're sending you all of the joy that I would never send Jackie rolling piece of garbage.

But anyway, it is time for the list. With a cigar. I know. I know. I heard you say list. Oh, who's on the list. Jackie, got to have that list. Oh, it's web facts that might sound fabricated, but they're like,

Totally not fabricated. Do you love having Saturdays and Sundays off from work? Yeah. Sir Ian McKellen's great, great grandfather helped invent the concept of the weekend as we know it. Sir Ian McKellen has given us some of the most iconic roles ever given. On an episode of Who Do You Think You Are, McKellen learned that Lowe's became the grandfather of the modern weekend after winning a fight for workers' rights, which allowed staff to be given Saturday afternoons off. Wow. Wow.

Look at that. What? We're learning things. Yeah. There's quite a few facts that you say, oh, look at that. Like this one. I'm sorry, where are we going to say, MJ? How did you skip number one on this list, which is about Oscar Isaac's scoband?

Are you silencing me, Jackie? It's not that I'm silencing you is that we have done the first half of this list before, and I've already read this fact to you and you were already very excited about it. Well, everybody always sends me. There's a viral clip of Oscar Isaac in his ska band. that there's like, it's like the only clip that exists, but everybody sends it to me because they know that that's my exact wheelhouse.

And so thank you guys. Keep sending it. Especially, yeah, MJ loves Scott and MJ loves Oscar O'Cher. Oh, Scott, that's like jazz for suburbs, right? Ouch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I grew up in a small town, not a suburb, okay, but, sorry.

But, yeah, I think that your characterization is not inaccurate. Yes, it is. not inaccurate. Speaking of the weekends, I've been thinking about getting a coffee shop gig on the weekends so I can save money and go on safari. Really? I want to go, I want to see monkeys and giraffes and elephants and I don't want to go into debt for it because these safaris are like several thousand dollars, as they should be, because you got to pay the park prices and the people driving you and everything. And they should be taking, or do they, so in a safari, are you going, is it within a, like a boundaryed place? I think they're just going to throw my ass in the

gym. Yeah. Yeah, did they just give you a Jeep and say, have it? that. Give you some monkey food and say, I hope you find your way back. Yeah, that's right. So right into page seven of like, you know, what is some jungle experience? Safari tips? Yeah, page seven podcasts at gmail.com. Hit us with your safari tips, everybody. This is something that you've been dreaming of for a long time, Amber? Yes, I really wanted to go to Rwanda because there are woman led. They have like a lot of women in their Senate. Fuck yeah. And they're so clean. They don't even allow plastic. Hell yeah. And they have like, I don't know, a lot of good stuff going on. But right now They have a problem with the Democratic Republic of Congo.

I think they're going a little. They don't like each other right now. I will say thank you for looking into that before buying plane tickets to Rwanda. I just want to say thank you, Amber. As one of your very good friends, I just want to say thank you for looking into it. I got to look into it before I get my malaria and yellow fever shots. You know, not that I'm saying you can't. It's just I think it's good to look into what's going on right now.

But it's good to look into rap music. the 90s because Tom Hardy was making it. What? In the 90s, Tom Hardy had a different career path in mind. He recorded an album titled Falling on Your Arse in 1999 under the name Tommy number one. And it's actually, apparently, according to this list, not too shabby. But let's just say, I'm going to assume I beg to differ.

Tom Hardy, I would let him fill my holes. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have, yeah, I'd shoot chicken eggs into his penis hole if that is what he asked. Really? If we could figure out a way to easily get it down the shoot, I think we can figure it out. I don't know what I would do for Tom Hardy. I don't think I would do very much, but I'm...

He'd shake his ass. Wow, really? I mean, I'm not anti, but he's not in my top 10 list of people I would show my holes to. Wow. Although, got to ask, have you seen Mad Max Fury Road? Yes, yes. Yes, I guess. He has Charlie Sthrone.

Yeah, yeah. No, Mad Max Free Road is the one. And Picky Blanis. Oh, I love Peky Blanis. Yeah, I haven't seen Piki Blondas, but that's probably the missing link. Yeah, that is obviously the missing link. Well, you're saying, Charlie's Theron didn't get along. Apparently, they would fight on set.

Oh, no. Oh, man, talk about a tape. I would watch, though. I'd love to watch them. I'd love to watch them. I'd say that, man. I'm like, oh, go figure it out. Like sending you into the Safari, just give him a video.

like video cassette recorder and put him into a dank motel room. Selma Hayek painted temporary butterfly tattoos on herself for the 1998 MTV VMAs because designers refused to lend her jewelry for public appearances. Apparently, she said Selma Hayek had a hard time finding designers to dress her for events

at the beginning of her career, so she happily took matters into her own hands. She said, I had on a very simple black dress and I knew all the other girls were going to have on fabulous dresses, beautiful jewelry. I was like, I am fabulous. So I painted on some butterfly tattoos on myself, and I felt happy about it. Well, someone who I can show up in a paper bag, and I would suck on her tits.

Absolutely. This was in 1998, and from Dust Till Dawn was in 1996. Why wouldn't anyone dress her? Yeah. And I imagine. Bastards? I imagine it had to do with some horrific people out there, because I will say I've read a lot about, at least of course, in my past readings of plus-size people that also would. would not be helped by designers and things like that.

So I wonder if there are other things to do with it. And I hate even thinking about that. Wow. But you know who I also hate thinking about Ariana Grande. Her last name is not pronounced the way you think it is, you bastards. I remember this one. Grandy. It's Grandi.

It's Grandi. It's Grandi. Yes, it does sound like we're making fun of her. And it does sound like we are being racist by calling her Grandi. but no, her last name is actually Grandi, in case you were wondering. Grandi. Also, in case you were wondering, Nikki Minaj was the first female rapper ever to perform at Yankee Stadium. But this hurts a little bit.

In 2010, she was the first female rapper ever to perform at Yankee Stadium. And I feel like that's one of those things that you think, like, that should have happened a lot sooner than that. Yankee Stadium is in the South Bronx. The Bronx is the birthplace of hip-hop. They couldn't find anyone to do. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so many.

There's just so many, you know? Missy Elliott. Come on. You know? Anyone. Last but at least, Jason Mamoa, and I try to talk, you know, my husband's boss now, we're sending big ups to Jason Mamoa. Jason Mamoa fabricated a story about being a model while auditioning for Baywatch Hawaii.

That's right. And he got the gig. I mean, lie. Who does a shit? He was asked about his humble beginning. example of why lying is good. Exactly. He was asked about his humble beginnings as a model. He said, no, actually, I made that shit up.

He also admits that he met managers who, quote, made up some stuff for me like Hawaii model of the year. Fake it till you make it, right? Love this. I love this because... Right, if they don't look into it, that's on them. That's on them. You know, one of the few things I've said on Twitter that I got heat for was that you should lie and say you went to college. I was like, just say, don't say Yale.

Say I went to like, you know, Michigan, you know, No one's going to look into it. Say you got like a B plus, you know, just like real whatever. I guess it would matter if you're, you know, trying to become a doctor or something like that. You should probably not lie about it. Yeah. I think. But if I'm going to like push paper in an office, I don't fucking care.

Yeah. Show up on time and then clock out. Are they still requiring college degrees for like a lot? I feel like that should go away, right? There's a lot of, I'm really torn about this because of course, nobody. Nobody should need a college degree to survive and make good money and make a living wage. They shouldn't. And I think that sometimes there is a large anti-college sentiment that is now being like propelled from the conservative realm whilst rich people still make sure that their kids go to college.

Exactly. You know what I mean? Well, but making college unattainable for the rest of us and saying, well, you don't need college anyway, right? And so I think it's one of those, it's, you got to look to see what the rich people are doing. And I'm not saying what they're doing is right. But if they're still sending their kids to college, I feel like that. It's like how rich, like rich kids don't have any screens in their schools. You know, right, right, right.

Schools have tons of technology. And they're like, invest in technology. Right. Like, give all the kids screens all day. But then, like, rich people will pay millions of dollars so that their kid never even sees a screen, you know. Yes. Yes. That's why I got vaccinated.

because they were giving it to Nancy Pelosi and I was like, give me that. Yeah. But if they like dropped it in Mississippi, I'd be like, get that away from it. It's tough. You never know. You never know.

But it's, of course, everybody, you should not need a college degree to make a living. But I, you know, I think that like, I think that the idea of just learning for pleasure is nice. But that's, that, those days are long gone. Kick some rocks, MJ.

What you want to learn just for fun? Yeah. I wonder, why? Who's got the time? We've got to be making money so that we can always be behind on paying our bills, MJ. Yeah, yeah, not to be weird, but there's value in just reading a book to see what it does for your brain. I know, we're currently reading Down the Drain by Julia Fox over on the page 7 Patreon, and man, it's making me think about my childhood a lot, okay? Oh, were you an escort too?

Yeah, man, it's been rough. It was really, no, surprisingly, no one was asking me to be an escort. No one wanted me. And I think if I had showed up to be a dominatrix, they would have said, no, thank you. And I would have been like, come on, let me in there. But, you know, that's the thing. I'm over here not shaming. But I guess, you know, they were looking for a different kind of gal. And it wasn't me. But I am done with the list, MJ. How are your eyes doing? Oh, you're done with the list. How will I ever go to college when I am having a hard time reading? Sorry, I shouldn't say that. Plenty of people who can't see go to college. I don't know why I said that. If you're blind, you can't go. I'll have to get some adaptive assistive technology,

but that's a long way of saying that I am going. Blind! Items. Ah, we can't see them. I'm so sorry for that ablest segue guys. I don't know what happened. I loved it. I think it's, you know, it just sometimes, it just happens.

You know, we started blind items and us screaming about being blind. before we were talking about ableism in a different way. But even then, it's just temporary. That's true. Temporary. Blah, oneness. And I was singing that's a temporary secretary. All right.

So, Amber, I am going to read the blind. And if you can guess, you guess. And if you need help, you've got a call a friend. The friend is Jackie. Jackie will also be guessing. I'll be doing it with you. Yeah, we'll be doing it. All right.

And guys, I cannot emphasize enough what a wasteland it is. out there, the blinds. But I think I got some good ones. The illiterate one. Illiterate doesn't mean it can't read. It means elitrative, like the same first letter last, first name, last name. Megan Markle. Right.

One knew her husband has been trying to make amends to his family, which is why she publicly trashed the family again. She doesn't want any bridge left for her husband. She needs him alone and isolated. Is that Megan Markle? Interesting. I can't believe you guys. Yes.

The bitch called it before it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. I'm psychic. Yes. Because of the astrological sign? Sure. Okay. So she wants her husband, Prince Harry, right? Correct. Or is that, yes.

Yeah, she wants him isolated. Yes, which makes a lot of sense. The family, allegedly. Oh, that's sad because he could also fill my holes, but he's a dad and he's married and married men, I don't, I don't do, I don't bring up homes. No, we don't fill holes of married men unless they got divorced and then, I mean, then you could be, you know, the next, what is it? Sussex Town, Sussex. Sussex.

Sussex. But you would marry Harry to harken back to that reality show. Remember that? I want to marry Harry. I want to marry Harry. What was that? It was called I want to marry. 2009 reality show about Prince Harry.

And it wasn't about Prince Harry, though. They actually brought in someone that looked a lot like Prince Harry. Then they brought in a bunch of dumb American women that didn't know exactly what Prince Harry looked like. And they lied to them claiming that he was Prince Harry. And they were like, oh, my God, I'm having a prince that's falling love with me. but they didn't yet. I don't even think they finished the season. I was watching it as it came out. I think I might be the only person that was like, no! When it got canceled. Because I was just like, yeah, show those dumb idiots. Yeah, show. But now I do look back and I'm like, I mean, I would be really upset if I thought I was going on dates with Prince Harry.

Yeah, it was just some schmo. It was just some guy. But then on the opposite end of that, they should probably know what he looks like. Like he was just a ginger dude with a British accent. I forgot that it wasn't even hairy. It was a hairy lookalike. That's so weird. Oh, yeah. That harkens back to MJ's comment about the dancing.

Because now we have phones. Everything's changing. Like, you've got to be very specific. You could get away with that before the phone. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, it's true to know. Can't have a fake Harry anymore. Mm-mm.

All right. Blind number two. As I have repeatedly told, you do not believe the hype this A-minus list actress puts out there. She leaks that she and the A-PRAs. plus list singer are still besties and that the A plus list singer is grateful to have a friend like the actress. Yeah?

So why did the boyfriend of the A plus list singer stop following the actress and her husband? Whoa. I'll give you, do you want, do you need help? Amber? It's Blake lively and Taylor Swift and Travis Kells. Thank you. I was trying to think of the A plus singer because that's a pretty market easy. There's very few A plus singers.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Certainly not Katie Pelley. That's for sure. Oh, was she like a... She used to be like a B. I'd say she's now like C plus. I mean, well, but for notoriety, though,

I dare say A minus right now. I would say she's a minus. Yeah. And this is, we had a debate about this. I don't remember with who about Blake Lively is consistently identified in the blinds as an A minus list actress. And I think that's very generous.

Very generous. I wouldn't say an A. I think, but again, notoriety. Yeah. A minus. Name recognition. Yeah. recognition.

But actress, I don't know. Blake lively is hard because I want to be a girl's girl. Yeah. I want to share the makeup tips, but some of the interviews,

I'm just kind of like, I don't think she would like me very much. Yeah. I get that energy that she'd like, tell me to like, like say something passive aggressive to me. I don't think she's a girl's girl. Yeah.

I don't. Yeah. I feel the same way. I had when I was on Brighter side, we talked about it. And it's like, you, you know, you want to,

you want to be a girl's girl. You want to root for Blake. And of course, no matter what a bit she is, she doesn't deserve to be harassed, obviously. Yeah. And that is what our take has been this entire, and the whole Baldoni trial,

like, she is obviously a huge bitch, but even huge bitches don't deserve to be sexually harassed at the workplace. So it's like, I feel like that's the long and short of how we feel here at page seven. And I just want to, I just want listeners to know

that I'm actively trying to avoid Megan Markle and Blake Lively in the blind items. And it is rough out here. There is not a lot of fun. They love to rip them apart. They are in every item. Megan Markle and Blake Lively. But they're not in this one.

Item number three. This reality star with the lucrative side gig has always said that she hated that she got her breasts done. But there she was recently again getting them done again. Did the meme actor request it? Meem actor. Okay, meme actor. Breast done. Okay, who's gotten their breast done?

but we're talking reality. So we need to then shimmy down the world of reality. Like, I know that Eladia talked about having her tits done in the Baldwin's, but are we referring to her as a reality star now? It is not hilarious. Okay, it's not hilarious. It might be like a real housewives. It could be.

And who, but then in the world of tits and real housewives who, wait, someone did get. Oh, but you're not watching. No, that's Jill Zarin. Jill Zarin did in Real Housewives of New York, but you're not watching. Real Housewives of New York. She is, I would say she's pretty young to be getting a boob job. Young for a boob job. Not like a child, but she's young to be getting a boob job.

And I think the implication here is that her actor boyfriend may have pressured her to do it, although I think he would never. Is it that Gerber girl? Kyga Gerber? It's not her. She's not a reality star, but great choice. Adam, do you know? I'm looking, I'm trying to know nothing.

All right. Okay. So, I don't know why they're calling him a meme actor. he is he's a he everybody loves him everybody doesn't understand why he's with this girl Raymond Oh everybody loves him okay everybody loves him and no one understands why he's with He understands this relationship everybody thinks that it's going to end any minute He is he seems so much smarter than her she's part of a horrible family

He is having a great year oh he was nominated for an Oscar Kate McRae. You're having a renaissance. It's Timmy. It's Timmy? Yes. Timet, Shalomey. Oh, he's a cutie.

I would say even though he's legal, I would not let him fill my holes. Because it seems kind of predatory on my part. Except not, but too young for us. Also, we feel this way. He's a young 27. Yeah, I love it. But here's the thing, though, if I had seen him as Lori, in little women

when I was a teenager I would have Timothy everything like I would have like pillow sleeves so I could rub him up against me like I know that if I was 20 years younger I would just simp for Timothy Shalmay body pillow

Oh yeah yeah I would have needed it I would have wanted it but now I look at him as he's a wayfish child he's a very talented wayfish child but he is in my brain a wayfish child Absolutely Yeah, there is this article about Kylie Jenner confessing that she regrets getting breast implants. Okay.

How about how much work Kylie Jenner had done before she was even with Timite? You remember what she used to look like? She started so young and she looks so drastically different. Weirdly enough, I don't even know why. I saw an old article that was talking about, oh, it was because we were doing the 2002 rewind for. our episode next week. Tune into that. And it was talking about what

like current stars were going to look like in 20 years. And they did it on Kylie's old face and what she would look like as she got older. And I was like, wow. And she will never look

anything like any of that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks so drastically different. And I'm not saying in a positive or negative way. It's just she's just completely different. So I maybe, like I can't imagine

and she's got to be so, like, I feel like, and now I've never been like, you know, a billionaire before. But I would assume if you've achieved billionaire status that you wouldn't, I can't even say that. I was like that you wouldn't let Timotay talk you into getting a breast surgery. But no, that doesn't track. Yeah, and I can tell I'm doing some weird parisocial thing with Timothy where I'm like, he's just too smart and thoughtful to pressure someone into getting breast implants. But I don't know. That's true. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't see him pressuring. Yeah, you're right, MJ. I don't see him pressuring me anybody. Into doing anything, yes. Why don't you get some breast implants? Get some bread out of juggled the balloons. Oh, I'm Timothy.

He would sound like that. Yeah. I don't know where the British accent came from, but I think that you're, I think it's like a mixture of Tom Holland and Timothy, but also, yes. I mean, yeah, exactly. You know what made me cry recently?

What? did the age filter, like, you know, the filters on your phone? Yes. And it makes you look older. Yes. And she showed her mother and her mother said, oh, this is a version of you I'll never see. Oh, my God. Jesus, Christ.

You're doing this, uh, don't do this, Oz. Jesus Christ. I guess I got to go show my mom's. I'd be like, see what you'll never see. Jackie. Jackie doesn't have to stretch to hear something like that, Amber. What do you do? No.

Oh, I just break down just well. And then you never saw me ever again. Come find me. I'm going to be eating the cheapest steak in Boy Bond Street. That's right. Yes. I'm going to be getting it. And I can see again.

So speaking of eating, if you want anything to eat, it's your time. Speaking of eating, you damn right. Oh, no. It's Jackie Snackie's what snack she's going to eat today. And now we're going to need a new song at some point. for MJ's New York, what did they call it? MJ's Minute Munchies. I want to say thank you so much,

the Donna Party from our Twitch chat, who said, all right, so Amber, here on the show, I'm trying to become a snack fluencer, so I brought in some limited edition snacks for us. Now, MJ usually watches us eat the snacks because I don't want to make them go find limited edition snacks, because I have to hunt these snacks down.

I'm like a little orphan looking in the window, watching a family have Christmas together. begging, begging for a treat for themselves. And Kendra emailed in and was like, I've got a great idea. What if MJ did MJ's Minut Munchies, where MJ just grabs whatever is easy for them, whatever you've got in the house, hit the bodega real fast before you come in. What are you snacking on? So before we get into Oh, No, it's Jackie Snackies.

MJ, give us your MJ minute Munchis. I'm going to go first. Okay. Yeah, I want you to go first. I'm going to try to have some fun with this. I'm going to try to go to the bodega with my kids and let them pick out things for me. And obviously there's a- Love that.

Tons of regional, you know, and cultural snacks here in New York City that I can find. But what I did, to me, the most New York snack after teaching children for 11 years is the tocky. It is-oh, what flavor to-a-taki you're going for? I think you were going to say ham sandwich and an orange drink. Yeah. You made that too. The pre-made ham sandwich that the kids get before school from the bodega is also a classic. And I know the talkies are everywhere, but I was introduced to talkies via my students here in the city.

And they're so gross to me because I'm an adult. It's like how kids can hear higher frequencies. I just think it's a snack meant for children. But I, but I'm always curious. And one of my co-teachers at the time was like, you know, what's really good is talkies and like a light beer. Like a like a, like a, like a, you know, something with a lime in it, you know. You know what might be next level. if you crush up the tachis and then put a beer rim on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a me chelotta. Like a me chelada, exactly. So I got a tachie. And crush them up. Do what I did with the hot ones chips. I took the hot ones chips and I crushed up the pringles and I covered chicken thighs in them and bake them. Because I was like, I'm never going to eat a bunch of this stuff because they were like had really good spice on them.

So I used them to like bake chicken. How did it turn out? Delicious. That sounds delightful. Bro. All right. So we've got. You're hitting tachis out.

What is a regular? You know, I'm going to say it. Never had a to tachies before. Is the normal flavor? Like the average flavor. Is it Fuego? It's Fuego. It's their red.

There's also blue tachis, which I've never had. And I will say that I remember thinking they were gross when the kids would give them to me. But it smells great. And my theory on why kids like tachies is because they're so spicy that nobody should eat a whole bag. So they are like, you have to share them. They're like a perfect sharing food. How does it compare to a chito? I think it's similar to a hot chito.

I actually think that next week I might do a hot. Chito, but shall I wait until you guys are munching until I munch? You want to... Get your... I say get to muncheon because I'm going to introduce. I found this limited edition lays that I was looking for everywhere. And Amber, I think you might like it. Thai-style red curry chips. I love Thai food. That makes me so excited, Amber. I really thought that you were going to like this. I wanted to see what kind, like how we're getting the Thai-style red curry. because we all know curries all tastes, you know, all the curries are different.

I'm wondering if they get, like, is it just a normal curry? Or is it specifically a red curry? And let's, well, I'll introduce the drink too because I want to give a shout out to Rachel. Rachel, who wrote in to tell me about these drinks, Rachel told me about how much they love the sparkling ice drinks. And they told me about a limited edition, sparkling ice.

Now, here I am big, into trying, like I try to drink like zero sugar, drinks if I can or something that is, you know, the smallest amount. So specifically, these are the starburst, sparkling ice limited flavors. It is, they are

caffeinated, but low calorie and zero sugar. What? Can I mix it with vodka? I bet you fucking can. Now, which color do you want to try, Amber, we've got orange, yellow. Pink or red? Pink. I'm guessing it's a strawberry

lemonade. It's got to be. And this, and they are flavored sparkling water. It tastes like starbursts and it has caffeine in it. And so it has caffeine in it. It has caffeine and vitamins in it. Antoxidants. Anyoxidants in it. I love a drink that claims to have it all.

I don't think there is caffeine in it. No, it's caffeine free. I'm sorry, it's caffeine free. Is this the new bullshit like avocado toast? So I say anything with antioxidants? Protein. Is it just buzzwords now? Also, I think a lot of people, People have written in being like, you know, that zero sugar also has like, you know, other, you're right.

It's all carcinogens, okay? It's all, I don't know. We're going to die someday. Cheers, though. Cheers. I'm going to try this cherry, and you're going to try the pink. And cheers to your talkie. I like the smell.

It does smell like. Oh, that's got a zang on it. A factory. Oh, this is begging for vodka. This is dreaming of vodka. This wants vodka so badly. It's going. Please, please, please get you some vodka

Just a little bit if you can Russian it up a bit. And now the Thai-style red curry chips. Did you say if you could Russian it up a bit by adding vodka? Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, I said it.

Yeah, it's like I'm a 1994 action movie and we can still slang some rope at the Russians. I like, the smell really good. They smell very good. I like that we're both having spicy chips, although I, there is one very, there's one. Oh my gosh. God.

What? MJ. Tell me. That's delicious. These are fucking dank as shit. I usually don't like snacky chips. That is fucking delicious. And it reminds me one of my favorite quick meal preps.

And that's just make a bunch of curry. And then you can like poach fish in it. So like poach a cod in it. Ooh, that's a good idea. Yeah. It's very bougy, but it's actually like, you know, fish is expensive. But it's actually not. Maybe get some like rockfish or something.

Yeah. Something that's on sale and put it in there. Tomopia who gives a shit. But it's healthy. It looks busy, but it's actually not. Love that. These are. I can do it again.

You know what it is? It's got really good. You really taste not just the curry, but you really get the like coconut milk in there too. Really? This has a surprising amount and it's not spicy, but it has a good spice to it. That's what I like,

because something that's like is going to blow your asshole off. I'm like, yeah, but what's the flavor profile? At what cost, right? At what cost? That is delicious. You know what it is too? sometimes these flavored chips are too much flavor on the chips so that you wouldn't be able to use it with like a dip like it would overpower the dip yeah these wouldn't these would be so banging with like a light like i don't know like a chimichuri you like it's like an herbie right yes dude oh my god i want these are if you guys out there in the wild see tie style red curry yes pick up a bunch what would a Thai shirkutery board be It would be these chips, a little bit of like an herbie dressing.

Maybe some like pickled onions. Ooh, yeah, like pearl pickled onions. Yes. Yes. Some limes. Yes. Some Thai sausage. Like you get like the Thai sausage links and like cut it up into slabs.

Yes. Let's see. Man, Amber and I could talk food forever. And it's one of the many, many, many, many reasons I love Amber Nelson is I love talking food with you, bitch. I love talking food with you too, this. It's so much fun. And the cheers are sparkling eyes. Yeah, how are the to-hikis doing?

I was wrong. Hockeys are good. I don't know why I didn't think that they were good. They're great. They're spicy and limey and corny and delicious. And also, Rachel, you're so right about the sparkling ice starburst. They are nice and light and not too much. But again, really begging for vodka. I love the word just everything the last few weeks we've been like, Kenyad, Vanda.

Here's the thing, guys. We're heading into summer territory, all right? That's right. Crash out time. And for some that means shandies, it's crash outtime. Some it means shandies and some it means vodka-infused zero-sugar drinks. You know what we should do this summer is vodka-infuse a watermelon. I think you just like a hole in it.

Just pour the vodka in it. Pour the vodka in it. Let it sit for like a day. Bring it to the barbecue the next day. Slice it up. Everybody gets a little boozy slice of watermelon. Yeah. I've always wanted to do that and I've never done it.

Oh. I've always been too drunk to plan ahead. But maybe this is the year. That's usually our problem. too drunk to plan, or at least it used to be in the past. Now I've got, I'm not drunk enough to plan. And I think that is a bigger problem that I didn't expect. Right.

Now I'm too busy for a boozy watermelon. But we're going to make it happen this summer. This is the summer, guys. And what kind of bathing suits are we wearing? I got a one piece. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I got a one piece. You could do a cannonball in the pool.

Well, you know, I mean, I'm not going to be jumping into a pool anytime soon because that's where I will go to die. What? I'm going to hit my head and I'm going to die. And then everyone's going to be like, oh, my God, what a way to go. And then everyone's like the pool will be ruined for everybody. And I just can't do that to everybody. And there's your ghost haunting a pool. Which is sexy and fun, but not for everyone. How about you, Amber? You got a two-piece?

I don't know. I'm either going like two-piece thong and like fuck it all. Yeah. Show that ass, dude. Because I've been working out, you know. Show that ass. Yeah, I want to show my ass. Show your ass. Show your ass this summer. Yeah. Show your ass this summer. Everybody, come on. We'll all show our ass this summer. I won't. I'm going to probably have it still cover. But I want you too. Yeah, I'm probably going to get a one piece.

Yeah. But it's nice to dream and we dare to dream here on page seven. Thank you so much. Amber, for coming on the show today. I had an absolute blast with you. Oh, delight. And is there anything you would like to push here at the end? Check out, obviously, the brighter side.

Check out someplace underneath for sure. Hoopogogos. We got our hoogos. Yeah. Go check those out on the YouTubeos. If on Mother's Day, I don't know if this is coming out, but come see me at Chatterbox Comedy Night. I'll be doing a little stand-up comedy. Oh, that sounds awesome.

Check it out. And that is what, May 12th? That's right. Mother's Day. I'm a whole lot of like, what's the deal? And you go over there. Whoa. Whoa, I don't know if they should let you on the stage with material that gold.

Oh, my God. That's a guy. And thank you, everybody. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. me on Instagram at Jack That Worm and come hang out over on the page 7 Patreon. We are having so much fun with Jackie's book club. Sookie Stackhouse is just, man, killing me. I am obsessing over this series so far.

And man, we're still strolling through Buffy, begging for more kissing. Just need more Tara kissing, please, or at least some of it. And, uh, MJ? Let's see here. You can check us out at the page 7 Patreon, uh, which Jackie just said. said, you can email us at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you. We love your

suggestions and your feedback. Amber, thank you so much for coming on. And let's see, I'm MJ, I'm MJK Elkan on Instagram, and I'm MJ Neffelon Blue Sky. We'll see you guys soon. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made

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