Page 7 - Vow Renewal - Not Like the Other Nerds w/ Jake Young

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

This week Holden might not be here in the flesh, but he's here in the SWEAT as LPN's anime kawaii desu uwu nerdy bestie drops by the sleepover for the FIRST TIME EVER, Jake Young!Jackie's asking the serious questions regarding allegiances, until Jake admits he hasn't really been keeping in the loop, unless it's K-Pop! Then Jackie blows up Jake's spot with some Horse Girl discourse that lays out the many facets of said Horse Girls, including Uma Musume: Cinderella Gray, the bizarre horse girl idol anime based on a mobile game he's currently allowing into his brain.  Then it's time for CRUISE CORNER, and how ole' Tom can't eat popcorn let alone digest it anymore, Miley Cyrus fillin' Kimmel in on Disney vs Nickelodeon Gays, Britney Spears lit a cig drunkenly on a plane then blamed her friend in her rambling Instagram caption, then on the list "Risky Casting Decisions That Ended Up Being Worth the Director's Heart Palpitations", the Blindz, and Jackie's Snackies from 1:11:55.600 -1:27:19.362!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Don't like your little games. Don't like your tilted stage. The role you made me play of the fool. No, I don't like you. No. Now I got smarter. I got harder in a nickel time. Honey, I rose up from the dead.

I do it all the time. I got a list of names and yours is in red on the line. I take it once and I check it twice. Oh, oh. Look what you may be do. Look what you made me do. Look what you made me do. Wow.

Look what you just made me do. Oh, look what you made me do. Look like you made me do. I'm getting into this. Jackie's moving. I don't like nobody and nobody trusts me, okay? I'll be the actress starring in your bad dream. I will stop singing.

Look what you made me do. It is Taylor Swift. I was really getting into it. I was feeling it. Maybe it's because I was feeling the essence it gave. on the last episode of The Handmaid's Tale. But that is not the case. No, I just started listening to it again

because we are getting step by step, apparently, closer to Taylor's version of reputation. But that's not what we're here to talk about, surprisingly. Yeah, well, does not even hear. We're here to talk about it. I mean, I know. But it's because everybody's talking, are we going to get Rep TV?

And then I'm like Rep TV. And then I'm like Reputation Taylor's version. Oh, they need Taylor's version. but does our guest host need Taylor's version? I guess we're going to find out, MJ, please. All right, you guys. You might be like, is it going to be Holden because you're talking about Taylor? Well, this is somebody who knows the inner workings of Holden.

Unfortunately for him. For better or for worse. But he's his very own person. He's never been here on page seven before and we're so excited because we did go on a 10-month-long tour with him with page seven. and he's the co-host of Nerd of Mouth and Tears of a Clown. You may also know him as puppet Jared on Twitch. Damn right. Please welcome Jake Young.

Yay! Oh shit, it's me. Your nightmare dressed as a daydream. Damn, how's it going? Oh, baby, I'm a nightmare dressed as a daydream. How do you feel Jake about Tay? I don't know if we've ever gotten on microphone or if you have over at Nerd of Mouth. I don't know if you guys talk about Tay over there.

Do you? I feel like we have not. cracked into Holden's deep-seated Taylor kind of journey. So far on the podcast. Is he because he's scared of Mike? You know what? Mike is a very opinionated guy, a very principled man. And I feel like hearing Mike give his actual opinion about Taylor Swift could break

holding. Because again, he's the inaugural Comedy Central roast champion. He is a comedy writer on several shows. Hearing such devastatingly phrased attacks on his snake. Queen would be, that might be the end of the podcast for all I know. You're right. You're right. I just, I still, to this day, think about how much Holden started liking Taylor Swift as a

joke. Yeah. As a funny joke because this was the prime of the Beyonce feud. Everybody was calling her the snake. She did her like, I'm going to say this, very, uh, college educated white lady move of being like, I will be the villain you perceive me to be, which is, I don't feel like is traditionally the coolest move in the world. And here's Holden, this booger king, just like seeing all this happen and be like, my God, yes, I'm going to make my whole thing this. It's so

funny that this is a thing that somebody would be like about. I'm taking her side. And he stuck to the fucking bit. Damn right. He's stuck to the bit. He stuck to his gun. and it took a couple of years, but it then became vindicated and funny. And when the Taylor mania, which I feel like reached, you know,

from the eras to the Super Bowl kind of ramp, he was primed. He was ready and like in the right place and the right time. And have you ever gotten into, have you ever, I know obviously we were all trapped in a car together for many,

many hours and Holden always sat in the passenger seat because he liked to control the music. And so, of course, you've listened to a lot of Taylor Swift. Have you been, you know, bore down the way I have been? And I'm talking about like an actual bore. I mean that they came at me with the tusks of Tay. And they have like stirruped me up against the wall.

And that's not a phrase. And that's when you know you've really been gotten by a bore for Ted. How moved are you by her, what Jackie's trying to say? Have you found yourself loving it? Thank you for translate me. I mean, less bore, more warthog, by which I mean Pumba. I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick skin. And it hurt that my friends never stood down wind.

I know. Oh, it was a shame. The game of my name. Oh, what's in a name? I got downhearted. How did it feel? Every time that I. Bumba, not in front of the kids.

Oh, sorry. I'll see myself out. You guys could just keep going. Sorry, we're going to continue to do the rest of Lion King. And obviously, that is, you know, that was my number one growing up. It was Lion King and Little Mermaid were my two, you know, favorites. So I don't, I feel a little unsafe admitting this on the podcast. I don't want to disappoint the page seven gays and girlies.

You never have to worry because there's a lot of Tay stands and there's a lot of Taye haters that still listen to the show. Oh, it's fine. I have not regretted any time I spent listening to Tehs. Taylor Swift, I just am one of those weirdos that just kind of stopped listening to music once I turned 26. So if I am in the car... You're not the weirdo, though. Jake, a lot more people are like you than like us because they say that a lot of... What is it? The age of like 28?

There's some study that says most people stop listening to new music after a certain age. But it is part of what encourages you to be left behind. I feel like there's always new any rhetoric of they'll never make music the way they used to. You are right. But that does not mean that they're not going to make new other different kinds of music that maybe you might want to check out. So the exception to this is I did over COVID, me and my partner, Marie, got super into K-pop. Yes. Because it is.

You're the K-pop really. Because it is weaponized. Yeah. It is absolutely like. And let me just say right off the bat, a charnel house of human. Those performers are basically kidnapped as children and work to the bone and it destroys them. But it is everything, like, if I can't, if I don't have the energy to like know what the cool music is or know what the good music is, then just it's like I've stopped learning how to cook and now I'm just eating spoonfuls of peanut butter right out of the jar. Like just give me the most pure dopamine rush version of this that I don't.

even have to, there's barely any English lyrics, or if the lyrics are there, it's just like, club is the skirt, skirt, going to the y'all. And you're just like, yes, I will. Ironically, I think that actually makes you hipper than all of us, because I think that that's what young people are enjoying the most. I love gay pop. Yeah, I think you're, you're on the, the final frontier. Oh, yeah. To just, I, and final frontier. Taylor Swift, generational artist, but personally, Stanway V. That's what I'm saying. That she stands and she waves at ye? No, I'm standing the combination K-pop

Mando Pop group, Wavey. Ah, gotcha. Okay, that, and also I did want to ask you, Popstar Academy, did you end up watching any of Popstar Academy when Holden was obsessed with it? Because he got me into a Pop Star Academy, Katz Eye. It's a reality show

where it follows 20, like, aspiring pop stars trying to go through the K-pop training world and teaching people that are outside of the world of K-pop how it is properly done and how difficult it is. And I never really quite understood the world of K-pop and how difficult it is until I watch that show. And honestly, Jake, I think you and Marie might enjoy it because Katzai is a great band

that now they're just putting out great music. Oh, they're like the multinational. group, right? They're setting the new meta right now. Like the whole industry is following where they're going. Yes. I highly recommend checking out the reality show because it really, oh, I mean, you probably know a lot more about this than I do. But MJ, it really did explain so much about why there is such a huge obsession over it. And it's because, again, very, very difficult for them all to be completely synchronized. That's so hard. Yeah. Yeah. I, again, I just, I feel like this, like the world of K-pop awaits me as a parent because it is, it seems to be what the young people are like very, very excited about. And so I feel like I need to learn this language just so that I'm not totally obsolete. And also next year, I'm going to be back in schools. I'm going to be in middle school and high school. And you're going to hear me knowing what the youth are doing again. And isn't that going to be excited? No.

You're going to know and you're going to come and you're going to tell us. And maybe the youth are really getting into girl horses or at least Jake definitely is. What? You're blowing up that early? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm blowing up that early because I need to talk about this. Jake is wonderful in a hundred million ways. And one of those ways is somehow Jake saw into MJ and I's soul and he knew what we need to

to know about. And that was girl horses. Now, here on page seven, you've heard canonically us discuss the difference, you know, I had, Jake, you know, not to go all the way back here, but Jake, did you ever, did you deal with horse girls in your middle school, high school experience? As such, I did not experience the true horse girl phenomenon short of like the errant like Lisa Frank Unicorn Trapper Keeper kind of thing. Nobody I knew.

That's the casual horse girl. That's the casual. That we're not talking about the people wearing riding pants to school. Yeah. I was, I was, I grew up in a Lexis rich suburb,

not a, you know, what's not a Porsche rich suburb. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it does. Because I grew up then in a Porsche rich suburb, I guess, because a lot of,

And also, there's just the space in Florida that a lot of people were able to, you know, it's not like if I was growing up, if I'd continue to grow up in Queens, I don't think I would have been around a lot of horse girls. But this is such a good distinction. I'm really glad we're delineating the types of horse girls because I don't think, even though I grew up in Iowa, you'd think I would know the most riding horses type of horse girl. But I don't think any of the horse girls I knew actually rode horses because we didn't have Lexuses or Porsches. It was station wagon town. Oh, yeah. But you're right, Jake, that it was also a toy aesthetic. It was a notebook aesthetic.

Yes. And in addition to Lisa Frank, like, the horsiest horse girl I knew didn't ever ride a horse. She just had a lot of those horse toys that are not ponies. They weren't my little ponies. And she never cut her hair. Never cut her hair. Because none of the horse girls cut their hair. Long braid.

Yes, they don't cut their hair. And sometimes they dress like they're going to ride in classes, even if they don't. And so there is, I just want to say there's many ways to be a horse girl regardless of income. Of course. And now there's, of course, a horse, of course. But there's a difference between horse girls and horse women. Horse women, I am personally sexually attracted to. I'm talking about like the, you know, like the ones out on the ranch that are wrangling the fucking horses that are riding them bear back.

And I'm scared they're going to break me in half and they can if they want to. Now that's a horse woman. But these, this is, we got somebody new. entering the chat. And that is girl horses. Now, I believe, is this umam, umamuise? Umamu-say? Umamu-mousseh.

Uh, it is, the franchise is called uma musume. Umu-musum. I'm not quite sure what it, uh, or, okay, it translates as just, uh, musime meaning like a, uh, like a, a, a respectable young woman, and uma meaning horse. Uh, and it is a Japanese media franchise that it's, core money-making engine is a mobile game that I believe is still only available in Japan. I think it's coming to America. But they also have spinoffs such as the anime that me and my partner Marie have been

watching obsessively. It's streaming on Prime Video at the moment. And it's called Uma Musume Cinderella Grey and the premise. Oh, she a horse. She's a girl. She's a girl. She's a horse girl. And I know what you're thinking.

I've been on the internet. So this is some kind of furry thing. No, no, no. These are full human women. They just happen to have pointy horse ears above their head. Yes. And they all have specific anime haircuts where you can't see where their human ears would be. Yes.

So I assume it would just be like blank, like flesh with no like earhole there, which would be very disturbing. And the premise is, in this world. I don't think I've seen an actual horse horse, but there are horse girls. I don't think I've seen a horse boy so far. I'm relatively new to this phenomenon. But there are in this world, which is almost indistinguishable from our own, the technology is the same, the politics seem relatively the same, the social structure seems relatively the same.

But there are young women who have some sort of horse magic energy about them. Acquine in the fashion. Yes. And they love racing each other. They love running in an oval at racetracks. Hell yeah. You know, it's like it's, I am thinking a lot about my little pony because that those are also kind of girls, accommodation of girls and horses, right?

Yes. But they're more, but they're more horse than girl. These seem to be more girl than horse. I guess I, you'd say that, but then you'd say that. you look at them run. And I feel like they might be 50, 50 horse and girl. I think what I'm realizing is that there is a continuum of, we've identified the phenomenon of the person known as the horse girl.

But I think, and then as Jake is describing the girl horses, I think I'm just realizing that maybe my little pony is the bridge between you want to be both a pony and a girl and a princess, you know? On one end is girl. On one end is horse. Yes. You take one step away from girl. you got the girl, the girl horse,

take another step towards horse, you have a my little pony, and then you're back to full horse. Yes, it's like gender as a spectrum and being a horse girl as a spectrum, you know. I guess smack in the middle is Bojack Horseman. You know, I guess that's what I, my question to you, Jake, in the show,

do they winnie, do they nay? Like, or do they fully just speak? They do not eat oats. They eat traditional Japanese foods like ramen and sushi. Okay, okay. They go to school. They work jobs after they retire from the racing circuit. I don't understand if, like, humans can marry them.

I don't understand. Are people betting on them? Are they racing? Are they race horses? Is this their job? And are they choosing the job? They're in school, right? So the series takes place in, at first, in a regional horse girl academy where they learn to race each other.

Uh-huh. And then in the last episode I watched, it was very exciting. She got pushed up to the more prestigious Tokyo Academy and she's making a run for the nationals. Wow. But so it's a combination like slice of life, school kind of like, oh, geez, the big race is coming up. But with the help of my friends, like, I'll make it through. There's rivalries. There's all these kind of things.

And the races are animated so lavishly and so like the fidelity is so high. it is kind of like a sports kind of, like a mighty ducks kind of situation. Yeah. Race time, there's twists, there's turns. Is she going to win? Oh, she has a new running technique. My children might love this show.

Which brings me to another question I have. Is this? Who's the intended audience for this? So this is where things get weird. Adult men or girls or both, as in the world of my little ponies. So this is where we got to dig even deeper into the world of girl horses.

yeah, let's do it. Yes, love this. Usually, these kind of, because the ecosystem is based on, there's just dozens of these girl horse characters, all with different dress styles, aesthetics, personalities. Yes, love it. And the idea is kind of a shotgun approach. You're just like, if an adult man or teenage boy or anybody grows fond of any of these characters, then they will download the game, they will spend money to try and get, like,

her they'll spend extra money for outfits they'll do all these things um but the the show itself is weirdly respectful and not ogling and not male gasey it passes the bechto test a million times over they're not doing this to impress a guy they're not doing this for the um kind of uh uh to win approval from men the outfits are very pretty they're not it's like you know there's not a cleavage or like ashty or like ashty. or anything going on. It is weirdly wholesome, but also it is to entice you

to collect horse girls. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. But that's my little pony, again, intended not for the male gaze, but the male gaze found it and turned it towards itself, didn't it? Found it.

And that's fine. In a way, that's fine. Did you guys, did Whisper do an episode on Bronies? We never did. It was always like, really, no. Yeah, yeah. We always, like, talked around it.

You know, we talked about various fandoms that would often come up. But the actual social phenomenon, I think is when he gets down to it, it can get a little bit dark. Very quickly. I've never wanted to look too much into it. And so I just think it's kind of fun. Honestly, look, watch Jenny Nicholson's The Last BronyCon. I really, really like Jenny Nicholson. And Jenny Nicholson is a large part of the world.

and she was invited to many brony cons to meet people to do like meet and greets and stuff like that. And she does a great, it's an hour and 11 minutes long called The Last Brony Con, a fandom autopsy. And if you are curious at all, fascinating and not done in a judgmental way. Yeah, yeah, I say all this without judgment. I've always been curious. Yeah. And Jenny Nicholson, I love that it is from a perspective of being inside of the world. So knowing the world and understanding.

where a lot of the bronies come from and talking about it rather than just saying, like, they're disgusting and shouldn't exist. Like, no, let's explain more of the world and the community that they found together that if these things that, you know, if it is a way in which you are doing it, that it's like a good community building thing, great.

Totally. Or something that you have in your own home that you keep yourself about? Great. It's just a world of no consent that you worry. You know, it's like there's a world of sexualizing, you know, I guess it gets into the discussion of how old are the ponies, you know? And it's like, oh, do you still discuss it in that way because they are ponies?

Are these ponies adults? And, you know, I felt, I remember all the backlash I got when I first started watching B-stars. Jake, did you ever watch B-stars? Of course. And I love B-stars. And B-stars really opened up. for me, understanding that, like, I'm not a furry, but I am a monster fucker.

And those are two different things. I, even though B-Stars was a very fun, horny show, it was the opposite of horse girl, wholesome. It was definitely find a hole and get some. And that was, I was way into it, but also understanding that there was a boundary for me specifically. Yeah. So I did pitch this as like weirdly compelling, weirdly wholesome.

Again, very well made. The animation's fantastic. The soundtrack's fantastic. This is a mobile game just using this as a promotion strategy. So like money is no object. And you can see all the money on screen. You care about these characters. You want them to achieve their dreams of running in a circle in a world where we race teenagers

against each other. But we're not gambling on them. but our entire society revolves around for some reason the horse girls running. There is a weird thing where if one of the horse girls wins a race, they have to give a pop idol performance afterwards, where they get to put on a different outfit and do like a song and dance, which I think is a way to like promote like music, like tie-ins and do even more merchandising. But I learned this just this week because I was like, man, this show is super weird.

This whole thing is super weird. I've been like sincerely enjoying it. It is like part of my kind of media diet at this point. I love talking about it because it's so like off-kilter. And I looked it up and all the characters are in fact licensed, named racehorses that at one point did exist in the Japanese Racing Federation. They did their research. And it is, it's core to the universe that this takes place in that these are not just girls who happen to be horses. These are the magical reincarnations of actual horses.

And I went on the wiki and, like, you can look at the actual horse, which is very weird. I don't even know how they, like, put it together that, like, well, this horse is very fancy and loves epaulettes and, like, has a more, like, stern demeanor. Well, this horse just loves being with their friends and it's all about loyalty. Yes. But you can, like, see them. You're like, you know, her favorite food is Katsu does. And then you keep scrolling and it's like, and also it was a fucking horse. So the more I try and wrap my head around it, the more it is, it raises questions.

I need this in my life, Jake, and I didn't know or think that I would. It is. You have sold it so well. I'm like, why am I not watching it right now? Yeah, I don't watch a lot of anime myself, but I do always really appreciate hearing you talk about it because I do feel like you have a way of contextualizing it in a way that is very helpful, you know? It is a trip.

I feel I, it's, you know what it is? It's so rare when you have something that's a little like outside of people's outside of anime weirdos, high anime weirdos who are listening that are like, yeah, I could have told you about the horse girls. I've been watching horse girls before you even fucking rammed, you know, sauntered into my little scene.

But the show itself, with all of this crazy context floating around it, is so endearing and watchable and entertaining. And I feel joy, like, hopefully getting you guys to try and, like, give it a shot. Because you will not regret it. No, I'm so excited. And I don't know, did you feel this amount of joy while watching Tom Cruise try to eat popcorn? I have watched him.

These videos of him coming out, for those that have not seen it yet, Tom Cruise has gone viral over the last week and not for, you know, you'd think, oh, yeah, because of mission impossible. Yes, because of mission impossible. But also because he eats popcorn like a space alien. I don't know if the man, if he's scared of a carb, is that really what it is that he, although I can. Yeah, he's eating popcorn like he's trying to not get caught. Yes.

And I can say that I would like in the way he's. he eats popcorn to the way Henry eats popcorn. Because Henry really takes a whole handful and kind of throws it at his face with his mouth open and kind of catches what sticks. And then by the end of the movie, he's covered in popcorn. Yeah. And I didn't think anybody else ate that way. You're describing a distinct, I'm also a handful corner. There are millions of us. Oh, okay, please. It's a perfectly valid corn lifestyle.

And you are valid in eating this way. But you kind of like create a, to bring it back to horses for some reason. You kind of create like a flesh feed bag that you kind of just bring to your mouth and you just kind of like, oh, bum, and whatever like scales are falling. And what they eat out of, that's normal, I think.

What Tom Cruise did. What Tom Cruise has been doing. Yeah. This is an audio medium, Jackie. And I feel like you are not capturing the exact kinetto dynamics of what the fuck is happening between the corn, his hand, and his mouth. Please give it to me.

Give it to me. I need, like, explain this for everybody if you haven't seen the video. In the video that, uh, you sent me, uh, Tom Cruise is clutching the popcorn bag, like, close to his chest in a way that he is like, uh, kind of turning his side towards the camera and he's like holding it like very protectively. Like there was a man that was going to snatch it from him. Like there was a corn burglar ready to get him at any second. Yeah.

It's like he's in a, like, a self-defense class. and he has been taught to keep his arms close to his body. Yes. And he will then dip his hand very slowly and deliberately into the bag, pull up an amount of corn that remains hidden. Yeah. I cannot see what he could not be eating corn at all. That's the freakiest idea of all.

You're right. And then in a very quick, snappy movement, like he was like doing a karate chop towards his own face. He just like, he just like opens his mouth and just, it's so, it really,

it's, You're doing a great job describing you, Jake, and it is impossible to understand because it is a whole hand movement, but he's not doing a whole hand gom, gnom, gnom, yum, yum, move, which we're all familiar with. But also, you're right, in that specific one, it is possible that he has no popcorn in his. You can't see it, because he's, the one that I am looking at right now. Yes, he's covering it. I wonder, is that why he looks so fucking dumb? Like a mental patient trying to, like, trick the nurses into thinking he took his med. Yes, they're taking the pills, yes.

Is that what it is? I don't know. Because that's in the newest one, because there's one from 2023 that also, like, I guess went that was big back then when it came out because he also ate popcorn. But this is from a man. And why I know I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. Because even if I did, I feel like he'd find a motorcycle and take it and stunt off of a mountain if I did that. You could throw him far because he's very small.

He's very little. And I think that he is all muscle. So I imagine that's easier to like shot put through something. But I feel like Tom Cruise is missing the mark right now. I think that like all this mission impossible stuff, no one is talking about the actual movie. It's very weird. There's so many PR stunts when movies come out. and it makes sense, it's like, oh, you know, they're at the top of all the headlines.

But then Tom Cruise's headlines are so weird about Mission Impossible that I'm trying to figure out, like, what is it? Is it that there are so many other things that he has to try and be like, I'm not evil, but that he's trying to cover up because then there's also like, I feel like a weird force narrative where he's like, I do have a thing for Ana de Armas, but it's like, do you? It's like all weirdly forced. Yeah, I think that once you get to this level of screw, honestly, I don't think that you can really come back from that one, you know, Scientology documentary.

And I think that that was only however, how many years ago did that come out? Like, it was not that long ago. It was when we were still doing page seven. But like it, I feel like the veneer of what he was when we were young, it just came off. Yeah. And now it's like you can act like you're still a normal movie star, but we all saw. what we saw and we can't unsee it. Yeah.

And just something about the fact that he's like, I will be making movies into my hundreds. It kind of scares me. So this is my pet theory. The way that all this popcorn weirdness is manifesting, I think it's a combination of two things, and that is one, Tom Cruise has basically deemed himself

the movie theater, see a movie in a movie theater, like advocate guy. He is like, this is his cause-seleb. This is his AIDS quilt. This is his, like, reason for being. Don't laugh. Is it an apt analogy.

You never laugh at the AIDS quilt. They can't laugh at the AIDS quilt. It's offensive. But, and so what is, Jackie, MJ, where do movie theaters actually make their money? If a movie theater needs to stay open, what is the actual thing that keeps the lights on? You're right. It's the popcorn. It's concessions.

It's popcorn. And he claims, he claims to eat multiple buckets of popcorn for every movie he goes to see. I don't think that's true. He's also 78s and has to maintain this like movie perfect physique. And listen, I'm like, I just cracked the early 40s at this point. And if I like look at a piece of white bread, my whole week is fucked. Like, I cannot. Oh, yeah.

Like, to maintain even a semblance of functionality requires so much control over everything you do and put in your body that, of course, he's going to eat ghost popcorn in a weird way. Yeah. Because he's got to push the corn, but he can't actually eat it because the carbohydrates will, like, create so much cellulite instantaneously on his frail old body that he won't be able to recognize himself. Yes, he is 62, which actually is much older than I would have said. If you had asked me how old on Tom Cruise is, I would have been, like, 45. He's 62. And I do think that he's eating. I mean, I wanted to, my initial comparison was like a squirrel.

Like when you see a little squirrel looking around, wondering if anyone's coming at him. But I do think he's eating like a man who's not able to eat freely. And I think that's a little sad. You know, he's eating like a man under surveillance. I know we had a lot more stories to cover this week. But I really think we got to stay on this and like really hash it out and get to the bottom of this very wealthy man and how he snacks. No, we got to find out if you're. a Nickelodeon gay or a Disney gay.

I guess, yeah, we do need to discuss that. And Jake, right now over on our Patreon for our celebrities, M.J. and I are both reading, I'm glad my mom died by Jeanette McCurdy. And I don't know if you check that out or heard anything about this. I have heard when it, I was, I was a little keyed in when the book came out. It was a lot. Yeah, it was a lot. And it, this, uh, this discussion that Miley was talking about the difference between

Nickelodeon gays and. Disney Gays did just make all I could think about was Jeanette McCurdy. Even though it had nothing to do with her, I'm just like, I wonder, like, what does she think about this? How does she? I'm like, can Jeanette McCurdy check in, please? I'd like to hear her feelings on it. Well, the quote from Miley is, I'm surrounded by gays.

There's a big difference. There's Nickelodeon gays and Disney gays. Nickelodeon, no offense, but in general, they do like boogers and bro jokes. And Disney, I would like to think, is a little bit more fabulous. especially if it's about a teenage pop star wearing a wig being the most famous drag queen for kids ever. She's talking about herself as Hannah Montana. And I did, this resonated because, you know, we all, we spent 10 months together on tour. We are all of the millennial generation and we share a lot of childhood references.

And I did, I'm a Nickelodeon gay. Hell yeah. And it's true. It's the slime aesthetic and the like Renan Stimpy, Rocco's Modern Life aesthetic is, But also I think that's even generational within the micro generations, right? Because like there is a Nickelodeon, there was like the slime, Nicktoons era of Nickelodeon. And then a few years after us, there was like the Ariana, Janepa Curry, I Carly,

all of those, you know, that era of Nickelodeon. And that's when all the creepy. You can say the confirmed pedophile era. Yeah, the Nash-Snyder era and all that. And it's bad, bad, bad. rough, but I guess I'm also a Nickelodeon gay as well. And even though I am

ride or die just in a different way, but I understand and I love and I get where the Disney gays come from. I mean, obviously Jake and I were just like verbatim quoting Lion King, but I have lost some of my

magic. You all know, my Disney magic. It got tarnished a bit, and I think that was just from living in Florida. and being around the world of Disney so much, I think it makes you either love it or it makes you hate it. Yeah. And it's one or the other. And I don't hate it, usually.

But if I think if I were like put back in Florida and if my mom specifically asked if I wanted to go to Disney, I think I'd rather never breathe ever again. You know what I mean? Like become a mer, a mer, mer. So I read this article, and I always, also as an elder millennial, as one of the great aged ones when the old magic was written, immediately felt very defensive of the Nickelodeon gaze because for me growing up, Nickelodeon was the more emergent kind of countercultural force.

It was based out of MTV. It was based out of the New York art scene, especially during those early years that like Pete and Pete, Ren Instinctly, you can't do that on television. Very distinctive era. And so I thought Miley was talking about kind of like a New York. versus L.A. thing. Yes. Because the Disney channel was all like fantasy and kitty stuff and like whatever.

But then I had to adjust because like you said, MJ, the micro generations. Right. She came up during the great sitcomification of both networks. Exactly. Where the both channels kind of realized that you could make a lot of content a lot cheaper with a lot of like kind of leftover talent as the old three camera sitcoms kind of died on network television. Absolutely.

And that's when you got, That's a Raven, Phil of the Future, Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, and this is all Disney stuff. Hannah Montana. What's, oh, what was the, um... Even Stevens. Who was the, the cartoonist girl? Lizzie McGuire, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lizzie McGuire.

Yeah, with Hillary Duff, yeah. Yeah, I did like Lizzie McGuire and I liked Even Stevens. There were certain ones. And then there's all these real life children you can abuse as well, which is another pro of that, you know, that's when we really entered the pedophile era. of at least of Nickelodeon. I don't know if the Disney shows had that same, well, we know that Miley's own dad was a predator on set of Hanna, Montana.

But the, even, this was, I remember at the time hating this because I am a cartoon man. I feel very invested in the art of animation. We love that about me. Check out the cartoon dumpster Thursday, 7 p.m. at Twitch.tv. Sloppet Jared. If you want to watch some weird old cartoons with me every week. but the Nickelodeon side of things, the Dan Schneider, all those shows were so much cruder, so much hackier, so much grosser, so much more unappealing that when compared to my era of Nickelodeon, that era of Nickelodeon, Miley's got a point. The Disney gaze have a much, like, high, can hold their heads up much higher.

Oh, yes. And the people that actually, like, what was it? victorious or whatever. Victoria's is the Ariana one, I think. Oof, trash. Absolutely trash. There's a great YouTuber called Quentin Reviews, who does these, like, hours long, like, deep dives

into all of these shows. And they are psychosexual Freudian nightmares to a T. Oh, yeah. Why do you think we are the way we are? Yeah, yeah, the Nickelodeon thing, because, yeah, we didn't, I didn't watch any of those,

but then what was that, that docu-series that came out about Dan Schneider? And it was, like, looking at all of the, how many fell? jokes there were. And it is a shame because I do. Feet. Feet everywhere. Yeah, yeah, the feet. A lot. And also, it's sad because of how much I loved the world, like the idea of slime. Obviously, you know, I'm a big, you know, candidate for slime as an everyday tool to help you pay attention. But it's sad in watching that docu series was like, oh, man, it was all come. Yeah, they were all making sploos jokes.

It was all come. But it's, you're so right, Jake, that the earlier generation of Nickelodeon was doing really fun and interesting things. And then it took this pedophile nosedive. Whereas, yeah, with Disney, you still, I mean, right, if I, I, I, I was like, we were young adults by the time Hannah Montana was happening and the Jonas Brothers show and all of that. But obviously, the star power from, like, the people, the, the people who were the stars in that era have now transitioned into being adult stars in a way that has been, I would say, fairly successful. I think I speak for a little. I think I speak for a lot of very smart, cool people when I say by the 2000s,

we had moved on to Cartoon Network, which was doing some really interesting stuff at the time. I'm talking Adventure Time. Oh, God, Adventure Time. The Misadventures of Flatjack, Chowder. Now, that's where the real discerning, stunted, barely functional, almost adult was.

Yeah. During that time, you know? And there was so much of Nickelodeon that shaped me and that still, like, lives within me. And I feel like Disney also, used to do things that were creepier for children, and then they kind of fell away from that over time. Like, I feel like it's like, you know,

the Maleficence, all that kind of stuff. That was, I think, very creepy. But then, like, Nickelodeon was still doing stuff that I felt like Nickelodeon treated me like I was more of an adult. Yes. And I know that that's, like, I never realized that until I'm actually saying this right now,

that it's like I felt like I was allowed to see more things. Like, I thought that. Nickelodeon treated me with more respect. I felt that way too. Oh, I would have never learned about the dangers of teen pregnancy, drug use, uh, and, peer pressure if it wasn't for Roundhouse.

Ooh, Roundhouse. I learned about those from Blossom, which I don't know what channel Blossom was on, but I, after school was the, was Blossom a Disney, was that a Disney show? Because I remember that was around the time, they were playing that, or maybe I'm just thinking of brotherly love,

because that had one of the other, brotherly love was a Disney show. That was a Disney show. But Blossom, I think, was just, on like ABC or something. I think it was ABC explicitly before it was bought by Disney. NBC. Oh, it was on NBC.

Oh, it was on H. See? It gave me TGIF vibes. I was going to say there was also ABC's TGIF, which was where I think we got certainly step by step and I think so this is the key issue with this story is all, I believe all three of us heard Miley say like, oh, the Nickelodeon gays are gross and bad. And we were like, hey there. We are gross and bad.

You're right. I have a great time. But we're too old. We are not with, we're not, she's not talking about us. She's talking about a different generation of Nickelodeon. I'm sorry, you guys might be too old, but I don't know if you know this, Jake. I am a year younger than MJ. So you guys are in a different category than me.

I'm still young. This is how I talk to Holden when he's like, I'm 42 and I'm like, oh, whatever old man. Hey, old man. I couldn't possibly imagine what life is like when you're that old. Now, are we, I know that we. I know that we need to get to the list, but we do need to talk a little bit about it. We're talking about our past. We got to talk about Britney Spears just for a second.

Our generation is the Britney generation. It's the Britney generation. And man, it is now, Jake, here on page seven, we are huge, leave our alones. We are big stands of Britney Spears. It is, we just read her memoir, which, You know, which was interesting and we enjoyed it. That was read by Michelle Williams and loved that. And she recently was on a private jet and she was drunk and she lit a cigarette on the plane.

To be fair, her quote is that she thought she... Please read her apology Instagram caption. First of all, if you follow Jackie on Instagram and you read Jackie's Instagram captions, You know, no one can really do it like Jackie. But Brittany goes to the Instagram caption, the Jackie Zabrowski School of Instagram captions, where there's a lot of caps. You're damn right. We're going in and out of capital letters.

So Brittany made big headlines for smoking on the plane. And she, her response is, my friend put it in my mouth and lit fire emoji. It all for me. So I was like, all caps. Oh, so this is a plane where you can smoke. Exclamation point. exclamation point, exclamation point. And I think that's valid.

You know, she thought her friend put it in her mouth, lit it for her. She thought, this is a plane where you couldn't smoke. And it turns out it wasn't. And now I'm in the headlines everywhere. You know, I can imagine how this happens. It is, you know, sometimes you're drunk. And sometimes you're having a good time. And sometimes you forget where you're at, even if you're on a PJ.

And it is, like, it's like the one thing you're in. I have been blackout drunk on a plane before, and the one thing you know is that you don't smoke on a plane. And even back when I was smoking lots of cigarettes, which was when I would be blackout drunk on a plane, even I knew you don't smoke a cigarette on a plane. And it is very telling of her mental state currently that she's like, come on, why was everybody so upset? I lit a I don't let a cigarette. Yeah. And it's, you know, scary and upsetting in a couple of ways.

And I just wanted to say, hey, Britt, we love you. And we're sending you some love. And I hope you take care of yourself. And I hope that someone is looking out for your best interest. But here's the thing. We all know nobody is. And I'm sorry about that. Yeah.

Yeah. The flight attendants were alarmed. They said, quote, this is not her first warning. She doesn't exactly follow the rules, to which I have a couple of words for you. Oops, I did it again. It's fine. It's fine. Leave Brittany alone.

Let her smoke on the plane. She's had a hard life. You know, I don't know if that's the truth, but I do, you know, I feel bad. I want to say I feel really bad for the flight attendants, but I imagine that flight attendants that work on a PJ, I imagine that's not the craziest thing they've ever seen. honestly was surprised that you can't smoke a cigarette on a private jet. Yeah. I feel like what is the point of having a private jet?

For real. Is that universe? Yeah. And the fact that she is a 43-year-old woman, which by the way, love it for her that she is in a place where my sexual attraction to her is no longer problematic. Oh, yeah. Fantastic. I love it.

I love this version of Brittany more than the weird schoolgirl thing, quite honestly. Yeah, kind of. That he was like, a friend gave. it to me, like that instinct of like, like a teenager caught with weed in their sock drawer. That's so right. That instinct is still real. Yeah. And that she apologized in, yeah, like you said, in all caps with that weird emoji-filled thing.

Instead of like, like, any PR firm would be like, like, hey guys, listen, I apologize. I was confused about the nature of the flight and it won't happen again. And obviously, be safe out there on airplanes. thanks to our hardworking stewardesses did not mean to make things stuff on you. Tip your waiters, have a good night. This is a plane where you can smoke. I think that that's...

I guess what also kind of makes me weird and sad about it is who leaked this story? This story very easily could have been, like, again, how much has happened on PJs that we will never, ever hear about? Why do we know about the stories? Well, we were close to hearing one time. Then, oops.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just, you know, there's, I guess it just different, it's different, you know, people getting paid off. And I imagine the number was pretty big for someone to give a bad, a negative story about Britney Spears, which just sucks, dude. Leave her alone. Like, it's hard enough for the three of us. It's difficult enough to read shitty comments. But could you imagine if people, the people that are writing those shitty comments could make a bunch of money. off of something like that you're going through like the trauma like everything everybody knows what i've

been mentally struggling with the last like month and i can't imagine someone using that against me to make money yeah and it just it hurts it just sucks i when you sent this story i click the page six article uh thinking like okay so like clearly there's embarrassing photos of her like yelling at a flight attendant or something. And no, the video was just like a compilation of her like thirst traps with like just text on screen being like, she did bad. The bad girl did bad. So it's very clearly just, yeah, it's just about we love to hear these stories of

misbehaving sexual youths. The youths. You're talking about the youths right now? Yeah. She's a 43-year-old woman and she's still trapped in this like, 100% bad sex. did a bad sexy and it's very, it's very weird. I am on team, Leave Her Alone. A hundred percent.

Yes, thank you. Thank you for joining us, Jake. And you are another very attractive member of joining the Leave Her Alone Club. And thank you for joining us on it. And now, guys, put your thoughts on pause for a moment because it's time for the list. Oh! Who's got me? Me, me.

Jack Gay. Got a hat. That list. Risky casting decisions that ended up being worth the director's heart palpitations. Friss Hemsworth's Dancing with the Stars appearance nearly cost him big for Thor. So Kevin Fagie. No one will ever know. I know.

We were just having this conversation two days ago. Kevin Fagie told Hemsworth that his 2006 appearance on the Australian version of Dancing with the Star, almost cost him the Thor job. When people at Marvel Googled him after his audition, his dancing was the first thing that popped up. They thought that the fans would eat them alive for hiring him. But don't worry, he was hot enough that he just made it work. Good for him must be so difficult to live the life of Chris Hemsworth.

Moving on. Oh, this is just because Ben Affleck is my forever. And also, oh, oh, good for J-Lo. Good for J-Lo that she's on the stage and she's dancing during the AMAs. And everyone's like, but did you see? She, oh, the kisses. But she was kissing everyone. Did you see?

And you know who I think about? Ben Affleck. But apparently Ben Affleck almost lost the job in mall rats because Ben Affleck cursed way too much. Kevin Smith revealed that a producer told him not to cast Affleck in his movie because he had a reputation for his out-of-control potty mouth, which was a problem for a movie that was already filled with an obscene amount of profanities. However, Affleck impressed Smith at his audition and got the part anyway. What?

Yeah. Goodwill Hudson. This is what Benefleck brings to the table. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is, it's so, it's funny that, like, some of these are so funny that, like, people get stuck in a corner of what they,

think about a person. Like, it's like, oh, I'm so sorry, Reese Witherspoon was too good in the movie election? Because apparently Reese Witherspoon was labeled as a shrew. For Legally Blonde, according to Witherspoon, she almost didn't get to play L. Woods because the studio executives thought she was a shrew due to her role in election. In order to change their mind, she was told to dress sexy for a meeting about the film by her managers. So that is, oh, is that yucky? Show us you can be loose.

Yeah, I just show me, I need to see more pity. Yeah, you want to be in a movie, I need my breasts in my face. Listen, we're all sick of the slut shrewd dichotomy by which modern women are defined by. It needs to go away. Can't go, you know, I can't walk down the street without someone trying to put me in a box. I know, I know. I know the life for you. being middle-aged white man. I know that it's hard. And we're just out here trying to scream for you.

I'm trying to scream for the likes of you and Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis is John McLean because in 1988, Schwarzenegger and Stallone were the action heroes. So audiences laughed and booed when Bruce Willis, known for the comedy series Moonlighting, appeared in the diehard trailer. They soon realized the less muscular, more comedic Willis made Die Hard one of the most successful and influential action movies of all time. Wow. Can we also just talk about real fast the idea for body standards for action stars and how unbelievably unattainable it has gotten to the point that like people, if you want to be an action star,

you have to be hired really long out so that you can get the team. team of trainers to get you in the place that you can only barely sustain while you're shooting the movie. And then it all goes away because the human body is not supposed to look like that. That's it. That's all I wanted to say about it. Yeah. If you look at him in Die Hard, he looks like a kind of normal guy.

I didn't know that he was coming in as like the known for his comedy before. Diehard actually. DiHard, like, yes, it was Stallone. It was Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claher. Jean-Claude Van Dam. Oh, yeah. The action star, like, Predator is actually an amazing movie. God, it's so good.

It's basically a slasher film where instead of, like, coeds, the victims are the exact muscle-swollen action archetypes of the era. And so they're getting taken at one by one and, you know, kind of like predated. It's in the title. And after Die Hard, that's when we get, we get, we get Nicholas Cage. Yeah. We get Keanu Reeves. We get like this modern, more approachable, more everyman action star.

And if anything, it pushes the genre even further. This is like, yeah, no, this is absolute guy cinema history. I don't know if you know this. I was on the hit game show starring Rob Lowe, The Floor. And my topic was action movies. And I fucking dominated that category. Really? Oh, yeah.

So, yeah. Such a good job. Everybody check out Jake on the floor. It was, like, I cried, Jake. I know. I would just, it was great. Oh, MJ, you would have been so proud of me. I, uh, they didn't use any of it in the, um, in the, uh, episode, obviously.

But, uh, when it was my turn and they were like, so, what are you doing? Like, oh, what are you going to spend the money on? I just like got too real because it was a real long day of shooting. Everybody was jet lagged. They had been corraling us for hours. And I was like, I know you want me to say something goofy, but like, it's $200,000. It's just, we're just going to keep the wolves that. bay for like a couple of months tops like healthcare like oh credit card dead that's not funny oh

that's not good and like at the end of the episode when i like when i was the people's champion they were chanting my god yeah yeah but also literally mj everybody was chanting jake jay it was great oh my god i was the evita perone of the game show world for one beautiful night you were you were actually It goes to what we were just talking about. Keanu Reeves also, they were trying to get him to not be cast in the movie Speed. And he had to shave off his long hair. He bulked up.

And then obviously, Speed is one of, you know, one of the biggest, well, I mean, one of the biggest action movies. Literally a perfect movie. I love the movie Speed. But yeah, it's sad that it has gotten to the place that it's gotten to where it's like if your neck is not as thick as your shoulders. then you're not action heroing correctly. And that sucks because, man, that's not what I'm into. So give me more Kurt Russell. I mean, I'm sure you'd love David Harbor in the Thunderbolts if you saw that movie.

I did see that movie. I went to go see it the day my dad died because I didn't know what to do. And I was like, this is a movie I'll never give a fuck about seeing. Oh, no, Jackie. No. Holy shit. You know, I didn't want to have sex with David Harper that day. But usually, yes.

And that was mostly just because I was like drooling on myself because I was so high. It's almost like I didn't exist anymore. If there's one thing that, you know what, surely this Marvel movie will make me forget about forgiving my aging drunk father. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then nope, it's half the movie. Oh, baby, it's half the movie. It is, you know, it is the kind of thing that, you know, it is the kind of thing that, you know, until you go through it, you don't realize how much content there is about a parent dying

and how much you need to avoid for a while. And it's like, it's in everything. It's almost like it's this, like, traumatizing experience that every person experiences at some point. But it's in everything. And I'm like, what do I watch? But that's... Does the dog die.com is going to be your best friend for a real long time. You're damn right.

Does the dog die.com. We were just talking about that website. Matt was brought this up on the previous week's episode. Also recommending, does the dog, which is apparently somebody dropped us a note, it's not just about dogs dying. It's about all types of content note, trigger warning things, which is great for people with certain specific traumas. Yes.

I use it all the time. It is incredibly helpful resource. This is great. And thank you for, but also thank you for reminding us that it exists. This is a good thing to remind everybody that either. You can look up stuff to see if you might get triggered by it. But that's my list for you. But MJ, can you see us?

Oh, yeah, it's your list. What's, oh, what's happened? I think I'm going. Blind! Item! Ah, we can't see them. All right. Now, Jake, we didn't do blind items at our live show, but because we would have known

the answer, and we keep it real here on the show. So all you're going to do is listen to the description. and you're going to see if you have a guess. And if you do great and if not, that's okay. Jackie will carry you when there is only one set of footprints. Yes, I'll be the Jesus Christ. But also there's a Jesus Christ to my Jesus Christ and he is exponential and that is Adam. And Adam can help us always.

Yes, Adam is the ultimate. Right, Adam, Jesus Christ, Duky Christ. That's who Adam is. All right. Sure. Okay. Okay, let's see. Dukey Christ.

I think these are fun ones. Okay. This foreign-born celebrity still hasn't hooked up with the three-name singer. It seems odd. Okay. This is a couple. It's relatively new. Carly Ray Jepson?

What did you say, Jackie? Carly Ray Jepson. No. No. Billy Ray Cyrus is the three-named singer in a weird relationship. Elizabeth Harley. Jake. Jake, yes.

Wow. How did you nail it so quickly? Damn. I have a Google alert for Elizabeth Hurley for reasons I don't want to get into. And if you ask me about it, I will deny everything. Is it because of the movie bedazzled? No, it's because of the movie. I said I'm not answering me.

Austin Powers. You can admit that it's Austin Powers. Wow, well, well done. Yes, apparently they have not hooked up, but they are, you know, continuing to be photographed in public together. So, yeah. Hugosaurus wrecks. So you're not even getting laid. Not that I bet he's probably not good at it.

So you're not even getting laid. And everybody knows that you're at least kissing on billy or az. They had a red carpet debut together. Elizabeth Hurley, do we need to talk? Let's discuss this. Can someone, where are her friends? Is no one like, are we really doing this right now? First of all, she only talks to her beautiful son.

How do you know that this isn't exactly what her achy, breaky heart needs in this moment? He is a badman. He's a badman. But listen, if he was just an annoying guy who sang that song, I would be all for it. But I think that we've learned enough about Billy Ray Cyrus that this reflects poorly on the judgment of Elizabeth. But you can still get a boner for her, Jake. We're not going to take that boner away from you. Not answering any of these things.

No comments. Oh my God. Did you see the Selma? Sorry, speaking of that, I don't have a Google alert because I actually don't know how to set one up. Selma Hayek's The Was it Sports Illustrated? She was recently doing some

pin up. Now, of course, I'm really shit in the bed. It was a sports illustrated swimsuit 2025. You might want to Google Alert for that one as well. I was very shocked.

Are you just assuming that Jake shares the same boner interests as Holden because Holden certainly gets. And me. It knows no country, knows no individual. She is sexiness personified. She is pure sex.

As soon as she married that French billionaire, I was like, all right, well, I'm not even going to entertain this until I earn more money and can steal her away from him. And it just hasn't worked out that way. I blame the AI bubble. But that's neither here nor there. But holy shit. Thank you, Google Images. She is 58 years old.

She is four feet of pure lava. Holy cow. 50 years old looks better than I could ever. And a quick shout out to a celebrity conspiracy that somebody messaged me about Hilaria Baldwin, which is that she told Alec Baldwin she was from Spain because everybody knew that Alec Baldwin was in love with Salma Hayek from their time together on 30 Rock. 30 Rock. So Hilaria wanted to make herself seem more Hispanic, I guess, is the theory. This is not my theory.

Don't come at me, but somebody brought this to my attention. And I feel like we need to air it here. Oh, yeah. Okay, blind number two. This Oscar-winning actress refuses to go on a daytime talk show because of how much she hates a host on the show. Oh, I mean, I'm going to assume it's Drew Barrymore because a lot of people dislike her as a host. It is not. Or at least the amount she touches.

It's not her, is it Kelly? It is a show with multiple hosts, and this actress just hates one of them. Oh, it has to be the view, right? It is the view. Where else would you get a gaggle of contentious people? Yes. It is the view. And is it because Whoopi has said that she hasn't worn a bra and, like,

40 years or something. Whoopi is the one she hates. Makes sense. Now, who is the actress? This is such a fun one. Like, we love this woman. We talk about her occasionally. She's just like a...

Martha Stewart. No. Similar generation. But she is... Glenn Close. No. Good choice. She...

Okay. Oh, what is a hint I can give you? What did he say? Gosh, Rooney. Oh, Wally he was fucking Who said Gash Rune? I don't know. Yeah.

Tom Krut. No, no. Tom Hanks. Oh, good guess. The good place. Ted Detson! Ted! No, it's...

But it's... Mary Steen Virgin? Mary Steen Virgin. Pete's... Oh, this fucking sleigh. My two great loves at war? Oh, no. Yes.

Of course she did because Whoopi used to date. Ted Danson, and it makes sense that she wouldn't like her, and it probably maybe it ended contentiously. Maybe they definitely, like, there's lots of discussion of back when Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg used to be together and a lot of not good things, but that was back before we knew every second of every single celebrities, everything. So there was a little bit more mystery and intrigue around their relationship, as far as I know, but also I have never really looked that far into it.

I got to say, this is embarrassing to admit, I didn't even put it together. I was just like, why would Barry Steenbergh hate Whoopi Goldberg? Oh, you just thought it was just like just random? I'll fucking hate her. Her breasts are too comfortable. Not fair. Well, the thing is, there's a lot of reasons to be annoyed with Whoopi Goldberg because sometimes when she's right, she's right.

When she's wrong, boy, is she wrong. So I just thought it would be a logical thing to be like, I don't want to go on a talk show with that wildcard. But it is about a boy, of course. Oh, wow. They did have a controversial romance. I remember the incident everybody always brings up that when he, was he, Ted Danson was dressing like Whoopi Goldberg? Oh. I remember it was something like that.

I don't remember exactly what the situation was, but it was bad. And it, uh, apparently I'm, I can't lose myself ADHD. Get back on track. I am losing myself in reading about their controversial. relationship right now, this is not the time to do it. We are live on microphone. You're going to spend time on that later. I will look after the show.

Uh-oh. Yeah, you look it into it? You look into it? It's just very alarming that if you Google the word Ted Danson, autocomplete is blackface. Did you mean to look up blackface? That's what I was saying when he dressed at.

I think it was something like that. In front of the Friars Club, no less. Oh, no. Oh, Ted Danson. To be fair, this is like the same way that like British people just think like putting on a dress is the height of comedy. All boomers and the through, I'm going to say through the 70s through early 90s thought this was,

this was peak. This was the funniest thing. I was thinking about this because Sarah Silverman came up last week and there was a time when it was, I mean, always the time was that you shouldn't do it. But there was a time when it was weird to say you shouldn't do it. And that's weird, you know. So, well, anyway, Mary Steed,

which doesn't like, Whoopi Goldberg, blind item, Number three, speaking of wives. Whoopi Goldberg, I'm sorry, Whoopi Goldberg defended Ted Danson in doing it. Again, she has weird takes. I know it doesn't make it right. I'm just very surprised. I'm sorry, I'm only saying that.

Or he's that good. Yeah, I'm not saying it's that makes it okay. No, she just, I was shocked. Yeah, no, that's, I can't wait to find out what else you learn in this hole you're about to go in, Jackie. but we're gonna get this last blind out. Speaking of wives, hope the new wife of this illiterate actor

realized that is illiterate, Jake, not illiterate. So no Leah Michelle. No, Lea Michelle, sadly. The hope the new wife of the actor realizes she's a minute away from aging out. He loves the under-25s. Maybe he can't pull them anymore, though, because he's a relic of a decades-old show

none of those women care about, let alone watched. And it was on before they were born slash only their parents watched it. What a cunty blind item. Whoa, very cunty. So obviously, you know, we know that Leo loves the under 25s, but this is an alliterative actor. A literative. He loves it. Alliterative.

Yes. Okay. And is this a recent marriage? You said, did you say that? I think that it does say new wife. So this is a recent relationship. how do I give hints without giving him away? So he's from a show from our generation.

From our generation. So not from before. No, it was when we were kids. This was a very popular and beloved show. Oh, there's so many. New wife intimates that there were old wives, so it's not George Clooney. This man has had a dogged past when it comes to women and sex and relationships. Hugh Grant.

Close. No. Who else is famous for having a hard time being good with sex? That's not a way to say it. That's not a way to say it. We're ready for you, MJ. You got this. All right. Okay. So older actor has been acting for a long time. He loves to date young women and he loves to have sex. He loves to have sex so much that it became a problem for him. David Dekovny. There you go. Oh, thank you.

David Accombe. I did see that he recently got married and in my head the only thing we will all ever think of is how many times did he have sex with Jillian Anderson? And the fact that he is a sex addict. Sex. Not that that doesn't mean that you cannot work on it and that you cannot grow and that you cannot. Again, addiction implies that this is something that can be worked on and hopefully he has. No, totally. And I do feel bad.

I feel like it's my problem that I think that sex addict, is some, like I have a little laugh about the phrase. It's not, it's probably not funny and I shouldn't laugh because addiction is not funny. But that is like the thing that is all, it's a hilarious, MJ. I'm sorry, cancel me. I do. The problem is I keep thinking of what home are at the Simpson set. I'm going to get your back on this.

Just not being able to stop yourself from doing a thing you're not supposed to do. Was Ted Bundy a murder addict? Like, you know, it's just a matter of like, pro MJ on that stage. I just keep thinking of when Homer says he has to go to Raeaholics Anonymous and he says, it's true, I'm addicted to Rajahal. I just like there's something. I just keep thinking he's addicted to sex a haul. To sex a haul.

He is 64 and his wife is 31 and I wish nothing but the best for them. He was married to Taya Leone the entire time. Yeah. He was married to Taya Leone from 1997 till 2014. All through that. How do I not realize? Like where, have I had David DeKovny blinders on? Where have we been?

We've been doing a pop culture show for 15 fucking years. Where, ah! We're, spilled coffee all over me. Uh-oh. We're stuck in the past. All right. All right. Jackie's in a wipe mode.

Ignore, ignore while Jackie's wiping. Yeah, yeah. Well. I'm really excited about the Zaron campaign. I'm really, I'm really pushing for him. I feel like he's. What are you going to talk about Zoron? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, me too, man. Party Magoo's busy wipe and stuff. Let's get to the real shit. Jackie's cleaning the coffee. Well, when she gets back, it's going to be time for Jackie Snackies. I hope it wasn't the coffee. She just poured it on her computer. It's the new Starbucks one that's exclusively for MacBooks.

All right. Adam is a way, Adam is now helping clean up the coffee. I don't know whether this is going to stay in the episode or not, but we're just going to vamp through it. Man, there was so much coffee left, and it's all over the internet. It's just all. Oh, it's really in there. Oh, yeah. It's really in there.

It's really in there. Jake, were you an X-Files guy? I was up until the Jason, was it Jason Patrick or no? When they like took that weird break for like contract negotiations, I kind of fell off. Yeah.

I know my, my beautiful partner, Marie, go to Twitch.tv slash Upe Marie, if you need a co-working buddy most weekdays. Was very much her awakening. was the Mulder-Skully relationship. I'm talking fan of it.

Romantic, sexual, just any, just everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I also feel like I came online. She's back. She's back. I came online with Mulder sexually. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Both of them. Honestly, give me both. You don't just keep wiping, Jackie. You just wipe your little heart out. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. It's just like, why we got to do this, huh? Is this what happens at the end of a show when I get too excited?

No. It's time for Jackie Snackies. Oh, no. Jackie's Jackie's what snack we got to eat today. Oh, baby, baby, baby, babies. I was snack fluencing in real life over the weekend. Now, Jake, I don't know if you know this, but I have been attempting. I'm trying to become a snack fluencer.

No one is asking me to do this. I'm just trying to make my own kind of music. Now, while I was at a Memorial Day barbecue over the weekend, I brought the new Oreo limited edition flavor. Are these the Posties? Are we up to, are we on new hotness now? We've been posting. Oh, we're way past Posty, babe.

We are now at chocolate covered pretzel Oreos. Now, here's the thing, right? At first, I was like, well, why wouldn't you just eat a chocolate covered pretzel? Correct. Because I love chocolate covered pretzels. the oh y'all i blew everybody's fucking mind at the barbecue with these goddamn orioes okay i have so many questions i'm sitting on my hands right now honestly what's crazy is that it gives you more crunch than a regular chocolate covered pretzel which i am interested in but it doesn't give you more

dry if like let's say and don't get me wrong i love a big sourdough hard pretzel right but that is more the level of the amount of pleasure of pretzel you get in this Oreo while also having a good amount of salt in there like a good amount enough that you can taste and and it makes it at first i was like why wouldn't you just eat a chocolate cover pretzel flips gang where you're at let's go flips gang Follow me flips. I do. And I love flips. I love flips.

And I especially, especially because flips are flat. But then that's a thing. Talk about a spectrum of chocolate covered pretzels. I love, like in the same way I love a flagle. I love a flat bagel, but I don't always want a flagle. And so if you are like thinking, I'm in the mood for a flip, but I feel like the chocolate to pretzel ratio is too much heavy on the chocolate. Entering the chat chocolate-covered pretzel Oreos. Okay.

To a point that I felt bad that a friend of mine was about to go for a Bufu, Bufo frog experience, and so it was eating only clean, and she fell off eating only clean to prepare herself for the Bufo Frog because of how much everybody was liking these Oreos, and then she ate the Oreos. And I ruined her Bufo Frog experience. I don't know what a Bufo frog is. Yeah, what the hell is a Bufo for? It is, it's like...

Wait, wait, wait, you also didn't know? Oh, no, I don't know. It's the secretions. You're just so used to Jackie just throwing out these L.A. nonsense words that you were just like, mm-hmm, of course. It's a Bufo for. It's a frog that secretees a kind of venom that you let the secretion dry, and then they use that venom to hallucin, it's like an ayahuasca. Like, it's an opening of... Oh, the toe-licking.

The actual hallucinogenic frog. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I heard boof. You thought it went up her ass. And I was like, this is some kind of colonic. This is some kind of cleansing because you have to eat clean for it. You're right.

This is some kind of thing. Which you also did. No, it's a real frog. And I was terrified. You were about to describe fancy millionaires in California, IA, sticking frogs up their butt for vague health benefits. So I'm very happy. Yeah.

This is just bog standard. Please, it's frog standard. That's good. That's good. But actually, that's wrong. Yeah, but that's wrong too because it's a toad. It's a toad and it's different. But also this, I do want everyone to know in case you're like,

bovo frogs, they are an endangered species. Everyone that if you are, if this is something that you're looking into, make sure that you're working with someone that is ethically sourcing it, that is done in a way. You understand, Jake. This one specific person has her own Bufo farm so that she raises the frogs so that rather than just going out and taking the, they're going extinct, Jake.

I'm a simple farmer. I believe in nature. I work the land and every day I get up at the crack of 4 a.m. and I start milking those frogs. You're damn right. I milk the frogs gently and firmly and make sure that the powerful hallucinogens that come out of their skin goes into the mouths of our nation's most beautiful creative types. You got to treat them with love. And in fact, if you want to find out, if you're curious, if this just peak your curiosity and if you want to find someone that properly goes through all these kind of drugs, look up.

Hamilton's Pharmacopia. It is this great show. It's a docu-series that I got very, I kind of fell in love with, done by the son of Errol Morris. His name is Hamilton Morris. And this show is, it taught me so much about the world of drugs, how they're manufactured, how they're, like, why they are used, how they came to be. And just, I learned a lot. Wow. Anyway, my snacky. So guys, chocolate covered pretzels. All right, so chocolate covered pretzel Oreos, that out the gate I just need to tell everybody about. But I want to also try these because I had heard about these and I'm about to stick it to them.

Okay, I love ice cream sandwiches. I love ice cream sandwiches. And recently, now this is not it because apparently Pop Tarts have started putting out their own ice cream. sandwiches and I fucking want it and I want it I want it but this is chips a hoi summer edition chewy ice cream sandwich inspired cookies now I saw this and got angry because I was like did they just put frosting inside of this cookie and try to tell me some fucking bullshit right that these are ice cream sandwich inspired inspired so I'm already angry out the gate, but please, while I open these up, MJ, would you like to introduce your MJ's

minute munchies? Well, I want to say thank you to everyone who, after I ate tachies, said, don't you know the song by YN, Rich Kids, Hot Cheetos and Tockeys? Whoa. To which I say, I love that song. And I love the YN. Rich Kids. And they are a group of youth from Minneapolis who make music videos, or at least they did 10 years ago.

I don't know if they're still, they're all grown up now. But about in 2014, this song, Hot Cheetos and Tockeys came out. And they made a couple of other great songs. They made a song about their bikes. They made a song about school uniforms. And they were an absolute. Are they chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side as well? I don't remember if that was them or not.

But they were so fun. But Hot Cheetos and Takis is a absolutely awesome music video and song. Very catchy. And so I figured I got to get the Hot Cheetos since I had the Tockeys. And now I had had tachies before. And I don't think I've ever eaten a hot chito. So this is our true taste test. Jackie's making an upset face.

What's happening with you, Jackie? I don't like it. And maybe it's because I'm going to be real with you guys. When was the last time you had a Chips Ahoi? It's been a long time since I've had a Chips O'Hoy. And I think I like a Chips O'Hoy. This cookie tastes like shit. I don't know.

Their special flavors aren't as good as they're regular. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah. Is it just that, like, it is just frost? on the inside of this cookie. Unfortunately. I thought they would be like bigger, thicker cookies with like a thick, but this looks like they scraped off like the amount of frosting that's on the inside of an Oreo. It seems like they scraped that off and shoved it on the inside of a chips a hoy.

And you know what is unnecessary and not enjoyed this chips a hoy? Wow. I've got a whole entire. Is there any chocolate wafer or they're going for a chip with? When you say ice cream sandwich, I think of the rectangular boys doesn't melt. It's a miracle of chemical foaming agents.

No, I was thinking more of a chipwitch. Correct, a chip witch. Yes, they are going more for a chip witch. And that is, this is a bastardization. How dare they? I hope they feel bad about themselves that they call this maybe a chip witch. Fuck you inspired.

I'm not fucking inspired by any of it. Well, the great news, you guys. Oh my God, hot Cheetos are fucking fantastic Yeah I had no idea The children are right Have you never tried hot Cheetos This is your first?

I don't think I've ever had hot Cheetos before Despite having many many Like a lot of talkies in my life But oh my God they're great I knew that young people love them And you know the young people are right As they often are You got to crush them up

And put them on some alote That's where oh baby Flaming Hot Cheetos on top of some alote is That's the fucking dream Now, Jake, I believe you also brought a snackie. So, I had... For those that don't know, Jake is not in studio with me,

which is why I can't share my snackies with Jake. I can't share your disgusting snackie with you. I have so many more questions about the chocolate-covered pretzel Oreos. I'll answer any of them. Is the pretzel, is it a pretzled wafer or are there pretzel chunks in the cream? I have the same question. It is a pretzel-flavored cookie topped with salt and chancel. chocolate flavored cream.

So the pretzel... Are there distinct salt crystals? Do you get the crunch of the salt crystal, or is it just a saltier cookie? Okay, you... Okay, great question. Thank you. I have full of it. I feel like in the bite, you can feel the individual.

Like, you can't feel the crunch of them, but you can... You know when your tongue, you know whether or not, like, it's like if you're eating an everything bagel, you know when you just hit that, like, little bit of salt, like the little bit on the out of the... The micro pockets. It's there. It's the right amount of micro pockets. Okay.

And then the cream is a chocolate cream? It's a chocolate cream. So it's like the ins, maybe that's why I like it because it's different. It's like an inside out chocolate covered pretzel. All right. Is it better or worse than a pretzel Eminem, which I feel is the ultimate form of pretzel chocolate treat? I like a pretzel Eminem.

I do like a pretzel Eminem. Honestly, wow. I like these better. Wow. All right. All right. I like these. If I see them in the wild, I will give them a shot.

Please give them a shot. I will also say the person that I also ruined their diet for this experience, I did tell her to go out and get the toffee crunch ones as well. And those, they don't play. Oh, baby, you fucking open that. You let it, it's intoxicating. They're so good. Now, when I mentioned the classic bagged, savory snacks, potato chip.

Dorito, corn chip. What is like the bastard stepchild? What is the unloved kind of cousin that is there? They're there, but often the least loved. Often. The ones you put on your fingers. Bugles.

Bugles. Bugles. Not quite. Bugles are bugles, but like in any given like snack pack mix, the last ones left in the bag, even after the Cool Ranch Doritos. Because these are something that is very true and I am an advocate for.

I'm sorry. Did you say that as if people. don't want to be eating the Cool Ranch Doritos? I'm saying in the hierarchy, Cool Ranch Doritos are... Is this a question that you have the answer to? Is this a riddle, or are you really seeking... The answer.

What I am seeking is confirmation that the Funyan... The Funyan... What serves more low. Oh, wait. Did you get the... Did you get the Steakhouse Funions? No, I got the Tube of Funions. Tuba Funions!

All the joy of Funions in a form you can drink. I can drink funions. Too funions. You could have given me 20 minutes and I would not have gotten to funnions, Jake. Wow. I forget they are the bastard. Whether it is a wise onion ring or a Frito-Lay Funion.

Now, these are smaller funnies. Tiny funnies. You more surface area, more flavor per crunch, that beautiful umami snap of just raw crystallized MSG and onion powder on each porous, crispy, ring. Hell yeah. You can eat by the handful and handful and handful in a lovely shakeable tube. Get that tube.

Once you pop, you can't stop. The Funnians mini original tube is the ultimate Funnians experience. And I urge you if you are in a Wawa, a 7-Eleven. Yes. For God help you in AM-PM. Mercy be upon your soul. Get your hands on the tube of Funnions. It is an infinitely snackable, wonderful experience.

Aesthetically, sound, taste. Love it. texture, aroma. Oh, it's like sticking your whole head directly in a big onion shaped for your head. Wow. Which I don't know why you would, but I hope you're having a good time while you're doing it.

And I do want to give a shout out to hot dog and a skateboard and broker from our chat because I was trying to find the apparently there's steakhouse onion funnions that give it like an essence of, I don't know if it's more of like a, it's not a blooming onion. How do you instill bloom it?

Do they just spray it? sprinkle it with like raw flour? What do they do? There's dust on. No, there's steakhouse dust on it, Jake. But apparently, don't just say steakhouse dust. Like, that's a thing I'm supposed to know what that means. Everybody knows.

Everybody knows. It's what you scrape up off the floor after the peanuts have been cleaned up, you know? That's the steakhouse dust. You put it right on top like we're at the Golden Corral. And apparently they're delicious. So check those out as well. And thank you so much for bringing in a snacky, Jake. because you're so damn right about a funyon.

MJ, thank you because you're so damn right about a flaming hot Cheeto. And thank me because, yes, I am correct about chocolate-covered pretzel Oreos. But I get it. If you were a die-hard forever, only a regular chocolate-covered pretzel fan, you're valid, and I understand you.

We hear you. We see you. Sometimes you've got to open it. Jackie, I'm going to throw bags of flips at you the next time I see you. And you are going to be like, like, I was wrong. I was very wrong. These are the perfect snack.

And honestly, if you could work on your actual literal flipping between now and then, it would really, really shock me. Yeah, I'd be like, whoa, look at them go. But thank you. I wish doing a backflip would reinforce how correct my opinions are. I do it all the time. Honestly, Jake, if you started ending every, like, thesis statement you ever say with a flip, I would agree no matter what you have to say.

So that is a. blanket open door for you, Jake. Tragic Ninoos today as a podcaster and comedian, Jacob Young, snapped his own neck 17 times and died in what many are calling the funniest way possible. How? Did he do it? To our jolly cohort. And thank you.

Speaking of jolly cohort, thank you so much, Jake, for being on our episode of page seven. Oh, this was a joy. I had so much fun. It was an absolute delight. Anything you got to plug here at the very end, Jake. Well, if you enjoy funny people talking about pop culture phenomenon, come on over to nerd a mouth. It's sweatier. It's more pedantic.

Moister. Oh, yeah. Boister. I hear it's wet. Definitely more dank in many ways. But we have ourselves a great time. Holden McNeely, Mike Lawrence, and myself every week over on the last podcast network, give it a world. Give it a world.

We're not like the other nerds. Hell yeah. We're picnic nerds. We're cool like that. We're pick me. We're the nerds that like, you know, we don't have a lot of like guy friends, you know? Yeah, yeah. Is that not like the other nerds?

Not like the other nerds, you know? They are friendless. But my name is Jackie Zabrowski and you can go hang out with me over an Instagram at Jack That Worm and you can come hang out with us over on patreon.com slash page seven podcasts. Again, we are reading, I'm glad my mom died. I did record the first episode and I did not cry through it. So come check it out. I feel like that is a really great review from someone who is in the process of mourning.

And I think that that is, I will say, it is upsetting me for different reasons. So isn't that what we're all looking for at the end of the day? Oh, nothing better than getting upset over something different than the thing you're supposed to be upset of it. Right? And it's a new upset. But MJ? My name is MJ. You can email us at page 7podcast.com. We love hearing from you. We love your feedback. We appreciate you all so much. And you can follow me on Instagram at MJKLCat.

Thank you again, Jake. It's so fun to talk to you. I hope we're all together soon. Yes, we love you so much. Thanks, Jake. And we can't wait to have you back in the future. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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