Page 7 - Vow Renewal - You Come For The Vibes!

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

This week on Page 7 VR, Jackie and MJ go on a Eras Tour through the past of Page 7 from the OG Marcus, Jackie, MJ lineup to the most recent hosts including the totally not dead Holden McNeely. Then it's time for a HOT FLASH! featuring the new Sabrina Carpenter and Dolly Parton collab, and a monkeys paw-esque wish that Dolly Parton never cry, Jackie brings her attempt at snackfluencing to the podcast with Jackie's Snackies™ and Post Malone's new Oreo flavor, MJ digs into the newest (repackaged) Kim K drama involving North, and middle school drama continues over at "Pod Meets World", another new segment that'll get ya slippin' and sliddin' and squirtin'! The Blindz return with promises of maybe lists to come, and even more on the first edition of Page 7 THE VOW RENEWAL! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Show me that smile again. Don't waste another. Yes, MJ? Yes, that's right. Jackie Zabrowski is singing that theme song from Growing Pains. Why? Because page 7 is growing and changing. All change is scary.

Yes, all change is scary. But this is good change. 15 years ago, MJ Neffel and I started a pop culture sleepover and invited all of you to it. And we invited all the boys to the yard. Because our podcast, it's better than y'all. First, it was Marcus. Then it was Holden. But it turns out we had a boy here all along. I'm the boy now, Doug.

And a new era reigns supreme. It's just us chickens now, and the two of us are moving up to finally be the Kathy Lee and Hoda of the last podcast network. That's right. Page 7 is renewing its vows. We've been through a lot in the last 15 years, and we love you more than ever. And I love you more than ever, MJ. Page 7 will always be here for you. Why didn't you say it back? It's our house now, and the two of us will be back next week with new episodes twice a week every week.

Welcome to page seven, the vow renewal. At page seven, it's not necessarily that we're going through a breakup or anything. Like, I don't really feel that way. But at the same time, when I heard Miley Cyrus's flowers this morning, I felt a type of way. Because I can buy myself flowers. Ride my name in the sand Talk to myself for hours Yeah

Say things that don't understand I can take myself dancing I can hold my own hand And I can love myself better Than Holden could have ever loved us Welcome to page 7 The Vow Renewal here Me and MJ

It's just us chickens squawking quacking. Well, I don't know if the chickens quack or if that's... We're a duck dressed as a chick. I'm a duck dressed as a chicken. Oh my God, how do you feel about that? Quack, quack.

Wow. Wow, you live your inner life on the outside and I am proud of you. We, of course, have not broken up with Holden. In fact, he'll be back sooner than any of us could probably even hope for. We're going to be having lots of different guests from the LPN universe coming into this sleepover. We're opening the doors. But here today, on this page seven, you have the queen herself, the hot dog queen. Is that me or you're talking about my mom with the crown?

Your mom is the queen and you have to remember where you came from. You're the princess. You're the princess bow to the. What is? Just your crown. Yes. And remember who your mother is. Yes.

And I say it to myself all the time. I did, you know, we were going through lots of fun changes over here at the network. And I just want to say thank you everybody for joining us as we go through all of these fun changes together, and it was very funny earlier today. My mom did text me. Remember, the road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision. So everybody, I just want you to take that little Linda ism, put it in your pipe, and just remember, whenever you're making a decision and you don't know if it's the right one or

if you don't know if you're in the right direction, think about the flat squirrels. It is. I really feel like the fact that Linda sent you that just tells us so much about the Zabrowski family dynamic. Yes. Well, also, MJ has been in town for some days. And my mom and I do talk to each other on the phone probably every other day. So I had to let her know I'm not dead. MJ's just in town. And so I'd be like busy having fun in real life. I've replaced your mother. Yes. Adjust your crown or remember where you came from. Yes, I came from MJ. And MJ, I need you. I'm so excited to go on this journey with you because here at page seven, we've been doing this. You know, we were talking about this.

last week. We've been doing this for 15 years. We have been doing this for 15 years. And Jackie and I don't remember the first several years, which may be part of the problem. I did do a little. Jackie and I were chatting yesterday about all the different iterations of page seven. Because of course, first of all, we should say, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here for all of these many 15 years. And for any era that you joined us for. Any era that you joined us? Oh, and speaking of eras, oh yeah, did we have a little bit of an era's breakdown of the page 7, 15 year, tenure, because yeah, this show has changed a lot. Yes. And I know that change is scary and I know that you guys will miss the lizard man.

We'll miss the lizard man too. That's why he's coming back soon. Yes, we're going to need him. We're going to need our help from, I mean, help from all of the people at the network. And I'm excited about all of this. Who's going to talk about their boner? Who's going to talk about, you know, his feelings about Sidney Sweeney. That'll be us. Yeah, I was about to say, replace that. Here's the thing too. I feel like that, you know, we With Holden's sexual frozenness, which we all know is real, I feel like sometimes the freeze comes out of his mouth. You know what I mean? That he has to say those things. He's a verbal processor. We know that he's a verbal processor. He's a sexually frozen verbal processor, which means that I think that's why all of you guys who have lovingly stuck around, that's why you know all of his boner habits because he needs to process that. Yes, but now I need to process my squirty bird habits because, you know, I used to talk about my squirty bird a lot more. Yeah. And now she's coming back out to play because I'm ready to be the unfrozen sexual host.

But, you know, I'll still be talking about my jerking capabilities. Jackie's going to be the horniest one in the room now. And I think that we're all ready for that shift. I think that... Not that I ever really went anywhere. Let's be real, guys. Yeah. I mean, the horn factor has been.

high and it'll stay high. But I did do, Jackie, a little breakdown of the different eras of page seven. Oh my God, which one's our lover era? Oh, my God. Which one is the era when I didn't show my belly button? I'm just like tag. You know, I didn't assign a Taylor Swift album to each era. But maybe we could. Maybe we could. The first, so. Because again, don't worry, the Taylor Swift conversation is not really going anywhere. I'm just not going to simp for her as hard. Although if you are one of the people who said, I stopped listening because Holden talked about Taylor Swift too much and listen again, you can stay, you can stay. Yeah, we're just going to bring you up when we have to.

Well, just when we have to. But so, and we heard from so many lovely, wonderful people in the course of this transition of saying they were here before Holden and they'll stick around since. Reminds me of that guy I met in my hometown bar who said I was drunk when I showed up at college and I was drunk when they kicked me out. Hell yeah, coming in like a lion and out like a lion. We were drunk when we showed up and that is the first era of page seven, which I'm calling Marcus,

comma, drunk all the time. And it's not because Marcus was drunk all the time. No. Because it was a Marcus era and we were drunk all the time. Yes. And, you know, we really used to be hammered

for every single page seven episode. Super hammered for every single page seven episode. Cannot emphasize it enough. When people bring up like quotes and stuff from pre-2016, I'm just like, bless your heart. I don't remember that. Yeah, I was different back then.

But also, if you think about it, That was before it was our job. So we definitely saw it way more as like, it's the afternoon. It's 2 p.m. We can start getting hammered. We would take at least, at least three to four tequila shots before starting the episode. Before. And then we would drink G&T's through the episode.

Well, I would drink, you know, my vizisies and my jizzies. Vizzies and jizzies through the episode. And then you and I would hang out for five to six hours afterwards, just drink and chat. Just getting black out drunk, yeah. And so that was the first era, Marcus, comma, drunk all the time. I'm going to say that takes us from about, hard to say that it was this many years, but I'm going to say 2010 through about 2015.

You know, you got to drink a lot to get to know yourself. And I feel like, you know, some people didn't go through that. And I say, God bless. And it's probably for the best that you did. Yeah, and I'm so proud of your wherewithal. Thank you, liver. Yes. Thank you.

Yes. Thank you, liver. I'm taking better care of you now. We're doing much better now. You can regenerate, right? Yeah, yeah. And I will say that we do. did for a couple of minutes talk about this yesterday of like, do we start drinking during

27 again? We did we consider it. We're not going to. It's really, it's the time difference. I'm so happy to be in the room right now with you, by the way. I don't remember if we said that. I'm in the room. But of course, we do usually record in the morning for you because of the time difference

because I live in New York City. But I'm ready to dedicate my life to page 7 vow renewal. And I think that that, you know, becoming an alcoholic again. Hoda and Kathy Lee could do it. That's the thing. We are now. The way we are framing this rebrand. because we want to appeal to your boomer mother.

Yep. Is that we are the Kathy Leon Hoda of the last Mad God Network. We need hats because we had the bucket hats for a while. But I feel like, ooh, something we could really bring into this is more accessories. I think that's true. I think and, you know, sometimes listeners make us accessories. Somebody made us a little scarf one time. Oh, my favorite.

And I'm here just playing with my slime and this is a slime sent in from Wayward Weasel from chat. So like I'm always here for your slime. and maybe we need to have, oh, God, I can't start making my own slimes. If I go down that, bro. No, I already have two children. This is why I sometimes do my automatic response when I want to call your name for some reason is sometimes I want to say Freddie. Of course you want to yell.

I think it's good if my brain wants to yell at Freddie in a loving way. Sure, sure, sure. Get her attention. Sure, sure, sure. And that's usually my relationship with you. Jackie, you have been spending a lot of time with me, so I understand if you want to start going, Jackie, stop. Jackie, don't do that.

Jackie, stop talking. Slow down. This is, I also, as a parent, I often say, this is not an emergency. And I do, I want to bring that in with you more as well. Thank you. This is not an emergency. Because MJ does see. We don't have to make a decision right now.

From the moment I wake up in the morning, I'm ready to go. I'm talking about work. I'm ready to go. I've got problems. Oh, yeah. I wake up. I see them. And I'm like, oh, we've got to start talking about everything.

And, you know, I've got a bit of a how you say, cucumber, one track mind. And it is. Oh, I was how you're going to say, how you say mental illness. Yeah. There's quite a few helpings of that as well. But, you know, I just, I feel like you got a verbally process. And now that Holden's not here to do it for us. We have to verbally process more.

We have to verbally process even more. Okay. What are our era? So we've got drunk all the time. We've got era two, which is Marcus, comma, less drunk. Because that was also, for me, not to like pull the wool from Jan's eyes. Like, at that point, Marcus was the host of this show. Yeah.

For the first, like, five or six years, Marcus was the pilot. He was the genre. Yes. We were the young men. Yes. Getting the massages. Young men. Oh, I thought, yeah.

I thought we were like going to the Navy or anything like that. No, the way that genre flew the plane and the young men flew with him. Sucked his cock. Yeah. We were the young men. Marcus was the genre. I love being your co-pilot. And if it means sucking your cock while you got to take us up into the air, I understand.

And I'll be that for you. I think our vision, we're going to figure this out as we go. I think our vision right now is that we're both the genre, But then who are the young men? Oh, I don't know. The guests. Our fingers. Your brother, Henry.

Oh, yeah. Marcus. Yes. Oh, those men. Eddie, those men. Because we are going to be having a lot of young men coming in to cast toast. When I say young men, I mean the other people on the network. I kind of wanted to start drawing like little faces on my fingers and start talking to them as if like I had more glories in the house.

And I go, oh, this little finger's got something to say. I think you should go brush your hair again. Why are you doing this to me? I don't need any criticism. Like the chuckle hut from Roundtable, your fingers could be like the, it's nice to have an audience in the room. That's fine.

It's not me getting drunk. It's my fingers getting drunk. Yeah. Yeah. So we can table that. We can write it, put it in our notes document, our shared notes document. So the Marcus less drunk era,

I'm going to say that takes us from about 2015 through 2018, which is when we enter our new era, which is MJ is AWOL, HAB and Babies. Oh yeah, you're having them, children. There was about two years there. We're going to say 2018 to 2019, 2020, where I was full up a child. Gone. I was pushing them out. And when I say pushing them out, I mean pull them out with the help of the doctor. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Very, very upset. Yeah. And so that was a big

Eddie Henry Holden time. And Natalie. And Natalie, of course. Natalie came in for pop history weekly. Oh, yes. And Natalie was my sub for a long time. And Holden was a sub for such a long time that we decided to welcome in, which brought us to our next era. This is our lover. Which we're calling Holden enters and everyone is upset. Yes. Or I guess it's our reputation. I think that's what it is.

It's our rep. Yes, it's definitely our rep. Because we came in and, man, we received so much bad feedback that we thought maybe we made a mistake. But again, think about the flat squirrels on the road. Sometimes you need to make a decision. Sometimes you need to make a decision. The decision we made was left.

Go with Holden. Yeah. A lot of people said, why not Natalie? A lot of people said, why Holden? And we said, have faith, dear reader. And so... XOXO Gossip Girl. Following the Holden enters and everyone is upset era is our next era, which is Holden, colon, everyone learns to love.

Everyone figures out how to deal with the grading nature of his voice. And I'm saying this as someone that still, you think like, oh, Jackie and Holden aren't working together anymore. I still now go from seeing him six days out of the week to seeing him five days out of the week. So I'm fine. There's still going to be a joie de Holden over here because he lives inside of my mouth like the little man in the shining that lives inside of Danny Torrance's mouth. And he, I'm scared of what he's going to force me to say in the future. Once he enters your life, he can't leave it. It's a bit of a horror movie situation.

Yeah, it's like a Mrs. Doubtfire, but everything you always feared it could be, you know? When you look at Mrs. Doubtfire and you're like, wait, if this happened, it would be really scary. Yeah, but Holden just kept putting on the bany hose. I was like, you don't need to put on the banyhose anymore. We know who you are. We know you're Holden McNeely. Yeah, so that was our, everyone learns to love Holden era. And then we enter another Everyone is Upset era, which I'm calling Holden eras.

Everyone is upset era, which is because Holden spent approximately. one to two years talking about eras. Yes. And everyone got upset again. And everyone said, why did you let this man in? What is he doing here? Because he holds a special place in our hearts. Damn it.

Oh, everyone. Why did you let this man in? He loves private jets. And that was everyone's upset again, era too. And then, you know, we had tour. We had our 10-month tour across the nation, which we absolutely, I would do it again today. God, it was the best. It was so much fun.

And I'm calling that era nothing but love. Love that. Love this for us. The three of us were loving each other. We got to meet people in the audience and actually confirm that when we sit down and talk into these microphones, other people can hear it. Yes. It was really validating. Yes.

For my own mental health. And it's all of you and we thank you. We thank you for being here every week. We love you guys so much. If we talked to you on tour, we probably remember that conversation. Yes. Believe it or not, because even though we did start every show by chugging a smear and off ice, those conversations we had with you guys after.

the show really, really... Mostly sober. We had sobered up by then, and they really stuck with us, and they really meant an incredible amount to us. So that was our nothing but love era. And now this brings us to our current era, which is Jackie and MJ the vow renewal. In every conflict, there's at least one bitch. A huge bitch, a silly bitch. A little baby bitch, a raggedy bitch. But sometimes it's unclear who the bitch is. I'm Kara Klank. And I'm Jackie Zabrowski. And on our new Colin Advice podcast, we're going to help you figure out Who's the bitch? We want to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quandaries.

No topic is off limits. Does your coworker flirt with the boss to get ahead? Is your bestie having her destination wedding on a holiday weekend? Is your therapist being clingy? Does your friend keep bringing her toddler to adult parties? Come on, there's definitely a bitch in your life, and we want to hear about it. You can email us, DM us, leave us a voicemail, and even call in live to talk to us in person about the alleged bitch in your life.

Just go to who's the bitch.com for all the ways you can contact us. New episodes drop every Wednesday starting in October on the last podcast network, so subscribe now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. And tune in to our live stream kickoff on September 30th on the last podcast network

Twitch channel, where we'll be taking your calls live on air. Help us, help you figure out Who's the bitch? Yes, we're coming together and it's, this isn't like having a baby to save a marriage, even though I hear that works. No, it's like killing a baby to save a marriage. It's killing a baby to save a marriage.

And I feel like I dare say, not that I want to encourage that, but I feel like that might work. Oh, well, that's called an update on our family and they didn't kill him. They just rehome to him. You just get rid of him. You just put him somewhere else. And another lot, like in a family that's actually going to love him and take care of him the way he should be. Yes, yeah. That is.

So that's where we've said, what was his name, Hyacinth? Did you forget hold him? Halifax. No, what was the child's name? Not Halifax. Tarzan. Now that you said Halifax, that's all I can think of. Huxley. It's something like that. Huxley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was something. I knew there was like an X, something in there. Yes. Yeah, we sent Holden away like he did with a Huxley. Go ahead and try to find him in the family that we sent him to. Oh, he's alive. Oh, he's, oh, he's. Oh, yeah. Huxley's alive. No, no, I'm saying that's what we say because. Oh, yeah. They had to insist that they hadn't killed him. Yes, we definitely. didn't finally put Holden into an open grave.

Because it would be open because I think it would be funny to watch him try to skitter out of it. Yeah. I think he would probably just lay there. You know what he would look like? Alec Baldwin going up the water slide at the end of the Baldwin's is what he would look like. Who wants to see Daddy get him the blow on water slide? I don't want to talk bad about holding behind his back because you know I'd say this to his face. And you should definitely come hang out with us over on Jackin every Friday.

Twitch.com. Aldonators, ho, don't worry. Many, many hours of me screaming at Holden. But in that space, I'm in his world. Yeah, you're in his house now. Then I get to go be as close to whatever version of Roundtable Jackie still lives within me, which is a very small portion. But, man, she can be loud sometimes.

That's the thing. Roundtable Jackie is still alive, and obviously Roundtable Holden is still alive. But yeah, that's what we want you to know, despite the fact that we are. Wait, does that make you feel better? Oh, squirty. Oh! I don't know what to do with my little hole. It makes it come out big.

You got to give the people what they want. And mysteriously, this is what they want. Was that it? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Because people are going to miss Holden. And we heard from so many lovely people who are going to miss Holden. And that's why we keep saying you won't have time to miss him.

Because the idea here is Jackie and I are mixing metaphors between we are the captains of the ship and we're the mommy and daddy. But I guess if we're the mommy and daddy... Aren't we kind of the captains? Mommy and Daddy a little bit of captains. It's like a little tiny cruise. Yeah, we're a little mommy and daddy. We're both wearing Captain hats. But the...

Oh my God, we would look so cute. Maybe that's what we need. Maybe that's our rebrand as we wear Captain hats. Because you ever see people like out of the club? You know how we're always out at the club. And they're always... Anytime I see... Actually, that's not true.

Henry Zabrowski, on his birthday, when we were all in Nalans together, Henry specifically brought this amazing captain's hat that he wore out the night of his birthday and man, he looked fucking phenomenal. A captain's hat, and I'm not saying this about Henry, but it can be sexy. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. I'm not saying this about Henry. Uh-oh, are we slipping and sliding over here? No, I'm not slipping and sliding for Henry Thomas. Okay, I'm sorry. My brother is a very attractive man. Your brother is slip and slide worthy. I just don't slip or slide for him.

Thank you. I understand. I do a show with my actual sister-in-law, and every once in a while, she'll, like, kind of allude to the fact that she's sexually attracted to her husband. And I go, like, wha! Yeah. So I'm trying to be nice over here, because I know you don't actually want to F and S all over him. I don't. And I'm glad because he will, this is part of our, we're the mommy and daddy, but we're going to invite little children into the car.

Oh, the little fingermen. Bring all the fingermen into the seats. But also it's going to be fingermen and some finger ladies, too, because don't worry. Amber's going to be hanging out. Natalie is going to be hanging out. Carolina. Gotta have Carolina. Gotta have Carolina.

Yes. Everybody's going to be coming to play. So this is what we want you to know, guys. The party ain't, the party don't stop, make it pop. The DJ blow my speakers up. The party is getting bigger. Thank you. It's not getting smaller.

We're in, every few shows we're going to have a friend over. Yes. And that is fun. And we're going to learn what they're watching, what they're watching, what they're getting into and we're going to be able to keep up with everybody because we hear you. And like, we hear like Marcus barely gets to talk about 90 day fiancé. He needs a place to bring it. People don't know that Marcus is a little pop girly, you know, because he has to be a bone man and a dirt man.

He's perfect as a dirt boy, but also he's got some pop girly in there. Longtime page seven listeners know because he was a pop girly right here for so many years, but a lot of people don't know that about him. So he's going to get to be a pop girly. Henry's going to come. And usually when Henry comes, we don't talk about pop culture as much. He goes,

Julipa, I've heard about Duolipa. And Henry still thinks Duolipa is like, that means he's young. He says Duolipa and he thinks it means he's young. But we're going to bring in the, we're going to do the heavy lifting when he can't. But he does, you know what he does have, an encyclopedia knowledge of many musicals.

Oh, he certainly does. And we can talk about musicals all day. And, you know, each member of the greater LPN universe has the things that they obsess about, that they have to offer that all connect to pop culture. And so we are really excited to bring people in, chat with what they are obsessed about, which is why we need to book Carolina immediately because she told me she's obsessed with celebrity divorces.

And I can't, we need it. I have known Carolina for so long and she has never said this to me. It was the first thing she said to me when I was like, okay, you're booked. Let's book it. Yes. I want to talk about celebrity divorces because we don't, we don't, usually we keep things so likely try to keep it light and slightly positive here so we don't get into the divorces as much. But man, if she's getting into divorces, I want to get into divorces.

Just like I want to jump physically into the Sabrina Carpenter and Dolly Parton mashup. Hot Flash. It's a Hot Flash. I'm having a Hot Flash. Hot Flash. We're experimenting with what we want to call new segments over here. And yeah, the man left and now we've got a segment called Hot Flash. Hot Flash. Got a Hot Flash. Got a Hot Flash. Got a Hot Flash. Hot Flash. Yes, we're trying new things, but also nothing is going to be set in stone. Now yes. If you hate Hot Flash, you can email us at page 7 at email.com. Let us know. If you have a song that we can sing when Hot Flash comes on, you sing, you record yourself singing it and you send it to us.

And we will sing it and we'll at least try it out because look at us, we are really trying a vibe over here. We're not trying to pigeon hole, which is very, you know what? As a creative, sometimes you are wont to do. The man who talks about holes has left. And I'm the only whole man now, dog. Now, this is talking about the music video that Sabrina Carpenter did with Dolly Parton, the please, please me, redux video. Yes. We're in the end, because if you guys remember, the original video has Barry Keogan in it.

And we all, oh, baby, we all loved it. We loved it. We loved it. And now they are no longer together. So what? He's naughty. He's a naughty boy. And Sabrina Carpenter and Dolly came together.

to re-release, please, please me, singing together. They did this music video, and in the end of it, they don't want to say it's not very Keogh, but somebody gets a little like practical magic, and then you don't need a boy toy anymore. But what was so adorable is that there was this photo shoot where Sabrina Carpenter and Dolly Parton were taking pictures together, and this went viral because essentially Dolly Parton was saying,

like, oh, you know, it's like, this looks like a before and after, talking about Sabrina Carpenter and herself. And she said, you'll be this old one day. And Sabrina Carpenter replied, I know, I can't wait. I hope I look like you. Thank you. Can we just say that?

Like, this is... Standing ovation to Sabrina Carpenter for that response. Yes. I think that I was having a hormonal experience related to monthly cycles when I watched this video. What are you talking about? My husband has to very carefully be like, I wonder if there might be another reason

you're crying so hard about this. I got away from that. And I'm like, how dare you? But I watched that video and I burst into tears and I kept crying. Why is it so moving to see a beautiful young wall? The other thing was that I saw the Instagram splice up, which was her saying that, Sabrina saying that to Dolly, juxtaposed with the part from the Barbie movie when Margot Robbie is looking at the old woman.

And she's like, you're so beautiful. And the old woman says, I know it. And that's really when I started crying. Yes, of course. And also the hormones that surge through your body unchecked. It was probably the estrogen coursing through my veins. But it makes you just turn into like a cartoon whistle. I wept and I wept and I wept and I thought, why am I so moved by this?

But yeah, it just has everything. It has the shunning of a bad man who I, listen, I'm still going to unfortunately go to bat for Barry Keoggan because I just can't. We haven't learned any like, there's no gations. He's just a dirty dog. No, I got a surf spot for that little rat face of his, but there are, yeah, not gations. No gations. It's just that, word on the street is dirty doggy. Yeah, word on the street is that he's cheated multiple times.

Which is, there's in the big number line of like from gations to dirty doggy cheating is, it's dishonorable. But it's not a crime. But it's not a crime. We're like, I mean, at least he's not grabbing. Like, at least that's good. Consensual cheating is in a different category of objection. You are right. You're right. And I just want to point that out. It's not like a ditty story. Yeah. I don't think that we have to throw out any man who has done a bad thing. No, no. Just the ones with gations.

Although it does sound like we are threatening any man that comes close to us. Our audio engineer, Adam, don't even look over here. We might discard you next. We won't. We love you. We need you. No, we need. And you know what, Holden? I will say about him. He's a good man. And we welcome. He is. He's a good man. He's a real good man. He really is. Despite all the jerking. You know, all the secreting out of his sists and everything. And again, you know, this is coming from someone that has watched my brother kiss his cyst before. But when everybody's screaming, kiss that cyst, what are you not going to? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for understanding that.

Oh, I get it. This is my hot flash today because I've been thinking a lot, obviously, about the real housewives. And I've been watching the Real Housewives of New York. I watched the first season. I'm at the end of the second season. And the main thing, and I guess I forgive me because I don't know if I've just talked about this in my regular life or if I've brought this to a microphone. But it's so crazy to watch back-to-back SLC and then watch Real Housewives of New York. Yes.

Because specifically the differences in what the ideas of beauty standards and how they have changed in the last 20 years when it comes to fillers, when it comes to Botox, when it comes to you having a mask for a face. And I'm saying this not in a judgmental way. Just in a, no, this is just, you're just observing. It was just mask-like. And as someone that was trying and I was getting some Botox and I was doing all of that over the last couple of years, you thought I was mad because I couldn't move the top of my face. And then I'm watching all this. I'm watching, you know, the last showgirl with Pam Anderson.

I'm watching all of these like beautiful older women. And I'm just like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Why do I, why am I trying to paralyze part of my face when I use it for my comedy to what to look like like some modest thought of her? Like that's what I'm doing over here. Well, Dolly Parton's an interesting example too because obviously she's kind of famously somebody who's gotten a lot of work done. Of course, but has it not really, I mean, obviously she got work done in her face, but she doesn't have the frozen real housewives face. It's just not the same.

It's not the same. There's something, like, I feel like maybe you probably couldn't see Dolly Parton crying. even though I wouldn't want to see Dolly Parkin crying. I hope she never cries. I hope she never, ever cries. But watching the difference between how easily the Real Houseways of New York in the early seasons could move their faces. Yeah. And in fact, in the very first episode, Ramona's like, why would I get fillers?

I'm just going to look like, like, that looks so cartoonish. Oh, I'm going to have duck lips so I can't put my lips together when I, like, am resting. And I watched that. I was like, oh, my God. A, oh, my God, did I just agree with Ramona about something? but also, wow, I am starting to really, you know, I think that's why I'm saying hot flash about this article specifically because it just opened up my eyes to such a way of like, you're right. This is how we should be talking. I hope I look like you.

What a blessing if I get to be as old as you. I mean, also, Dolly Barton has had a lot of work done. And she's an exceptionally hot old woman. Very, very hot with that tiny, tiny waste. Yes. I hope I look like the hottest old woman. Right, I know. But it is still brave.

No, but I think that you noticing this Real Housewives thing from Real Housewives of New York starting in like 2008 to Real House of Salt Lake City in the present day is that also, right, we are, you know, right in the middle. We're not elder millennials. We're right firmly in the straight up, straightforward millennials. And so what you're talking about was a show that came out, Real Housewives of New York, started when we were still young. And now we are young in a way.

Yes. And less young in another way. Yes. We are, thank you. We're young in some ways. Less young in others. And they, so now we are the demographic there where the stuff and the and the shooty-shooties is being targeted. Yes, you're right.

And we're looking at the real house of Salt Lake City and we're wondering, can you move those lips? And I don't know. And also, how are they going to get snackies inside of their lips? If they've got duck lips, uh-oh, is she trying to become a snack fluid? Oh no, it's Jackie's snack. Oh, you segway in us. What's she gonna eat today. Yes, I'm just segwaying us.

You're segle in. I'm segwaying us into the Oreo section of this episode. Part of what I want to start playing around with in our new roles as Kathy Lee and Hoda. Yeah. You guys know that I'm trying to become a snack fluencer. Yeah. Do I want to start bringing in snacks for, I mean, necessarily, usually MJ won't be able to try them, but I'm going to be able to try them. and I'm going to, I'm not going to say force.

I'm going to encourage our audio engineer, Adam, to also try them with me if he wants to. And just trying to see what the new, because you know, I follow, oh, I'm obsessed. My parasycial relationship is with Jordan Myrick, and I'm saying it right now. Everyone can hear it on microphone. I will work with them at some point. I just don't know how, and I just don't know when. Could I reach out to them? Maybe I could.

Am I very scared to? Yes. But maybe you know Jordan Myrick and you're listening to this and you're like, oh my God, I should tell Jordan that Jackie and Jordan should be together and they should eat snacks. You're manifesting. I'm manifesting, guys. And this is what, it's the only way you can move forward in a life. All right?

You have to keep challenging yourself. You must keep trying new things. And yeah, oh my God, Jackie's so out of your wheelhouse. You're going to try to eat snacks. I am. But that's because you don't understand the amount of limited addition snacking that happens in the world of snacks. people just see them sometimes on the shelves, right? But every single, like they're branding them towards television shows now.

Well, I was going to say, you might say snacks don't have anything to do with pop culture, but buckle up. Say that to the love is blind creamer that MJ and I drank earlier today, which is strawberry, it's chocolate covered strawberry flavored. Coffee made. It's delicious. It's weirdly, I already finished one and I got another one. But today, this really goes hand in hand with page seven because. this is, this is coming in hot, from the amazing Silver Moon Alchemy from our chat, got us the post-malone Oreo cookies. Now, for those that aren't snack fluencers, you might think

who gives a shit? But here, over at Jackie Snackies, who gives a shit? Thank you. Thank you for asking me. Over at Jackie Snackies, I give a shit. Because I wanted to try it because I saw that they are, I believe, Russell, Russell, Russell. Russell. Russell. They are salted caramel and shortbread flavored cream Oreos. And these are the ones that Post Malone chose for his Oreo. I'm a Posty fan. I wanted to find out if these Oreos are any good. Now, are you ready, MJ?

I don't know if we've eaten anything else today, but are you ready to try a poste Oreo? I'm ready. Post Oreo. Do you think that you love him because he says, sir and ma'am, just like you do? Yes, yes, I do. even though, like, I really wish, you know what, this is a great question for you. How do we, what is, what is the, what is the honorific?

What is the honorific? What are, what do we? Man, the jury's out. I say, because I live in New York City, I say it should be boss the way that like a bodega person. Hey boss, you want Mayo. But I feel like that's not the same in other cities. I know. It can't be boss universally.

Yeah. So what is it here? And if you ever think of some, this plagues me. Like I, this school. I hate that it's gendered, but I automatically usually say sir or ma'am when I'm talking to someone. And I've gotten, I've borrowed that from you when I feel very certain that a person is a sir or a ma'am. And it feels great. It feels great to say yes, sir.

I really like it. Yes. But no, the school safety officer at my kid's school asked me, said, I think, ma'am to me. And then because they had also seen me wearing one of my like trans pride sweatshirts, she took me aside and was like, is it okay that I called you, ma'am? I was like, oh my God, yes. please, of course, thank you. Totally fine. It was so sweet. And then she was like, would you like me to call you something else? And I was like, man, I don't know. I don't fucking know. This, my problem is also certain words in my brain like, bro and dude in my brain,

those are not gendered. That's how I feel. But I, and I appreciate that, but not everybody feels that way. And I, and I never. Same with girl for what it's worth. So many, oh, so many, if you are a person who has ever said, like, to me or, well, I can't speak for anybody else except me, but I have seen the panic in people's eyes where they'll be like, you'll go ahead, girl, and then they are worried that they have misgendered me. Like, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, you have not misgendered me when you give me a fun, girl, that's always welcome. Always. Same with bro. Same with, like, I, I say let's, let's use them all more freely. But I'm around, but I understand also, though, being misgendered and how upsetting it's like, I'm, yes.

I don't mean to doubt. And it's very nice that people are trying to respect. But if you have an idea what the non-binary honorific should be. Again, I say boss. But no one else knows that. That's just a little thing that I, no one calls me boss. Usually what happens is still. Do you want me to start calling you boss? Is this your plea right now?

Because I can call you boss. We've established on page seven that you cannot give yourself a nickname. Okay, I can't be. I know. But even then, even I just said boss in a Floridian accent, but really I want to say boss. A boss. Like, that's how I want to say. Because that is what the bodega sandwich,

maker uses when he needs to ask you a question. We're really, we're like circling the drain of the post-malone Oreo right now. Let's try this out. All right, the shortbread on the bottom. Am I trying to make mouth sounds into the microphone? We got to give them a little bit of mouth sounds. We got it. Mmm.

That's a little bit of good. Mm. Jackies. Mackys. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. That's got Zang.

Whoa. This got Zang. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, fuck. If you like caramel, you, will love these Oreos. But also it's giving, and I mean this in a compliment.

Ooh, maple. Do you know the, like, very inexpensive, off-brand white, like, vanilla Oreos that you get that are, like, the store brand, and they are just white cookies with white filling, vaguely vanilla flavored? It's like that, but really yummy. It's so delicious. The flavor on this, Adam. Adam.

You're going to get influenced. Russell, Russell, Russell, we've got to work on all of our sound effects. Well, I say God bless it. I say God bless it. And I'm worried about having an entire, usually I bring my snackies to the D&D game that week, and I make all the boys eat the snackies. Adam, what are we thinking?

He's crunching. He's crunching. It's good, yeah. I like it. It's got a zang to it. It's got a lot more flavor. I don't want to say, than I expected because you know what?

Oreos, they really get a good flavor. And also, most Malone has a lot to offer, so I expected nothing less from that. I know, because he specifically chose these flavors. Are you getting the posty Adam? Are you feeling it in there? Is that, that's like, I feel like the coffee?

Is that coffee in this? What is it? It's salted caramel. Yeah, it's salted caramel. And maybe we should leave him Malone. Come on, guys. Come on, guys. Should I leave him Malone?

I love you, Adam. you. Of course. I will, again, encourage you to eat them in the future, but you don't have to, especially if it's rough, because sometimes it's a little rough over here in the snack fluencing game. I'm so angry because MJ and I went to Taco Bell and I went there specifically to get the wedding or the birthday cake churros that are supposed to be unbelievable. We went to Taco Bell and we did, well, maybe because I was super high and I wasn't driving. Jeff drives us both. because Jeff is sober and he takes a separate. We were both high. We were both high. We were trying to get these things we went there for. We went there for it. Very upset because I do want

to be getting more snacks and you can send us snacks if you want. 4804 Laurel Canyon Boulevard number 378 Valley Village, California, 916-07. I should probably start posting that places because I do have a PO box that please send me some snacks. If you've got a snack, you want me to try it. And if you think I'm going to like it. I love chewy fruity. I love cheesy. I love cheesy. I love spicy. I like really most. I like a lot. I like a lot. Now, do we have time to talk about Kim Kay and Northwest or should we get right to our next segment? Yeah. You hot flashing me right now? I'm hot flashing you. Yeah. If you're hot flashing me, hit me. I'm hot flashing you. And I know. So we should say that this episode, the delight of being in studio together, means that we recorded this episode a little bit before it came out. So this is, but this was the biggest story of, as you're listening to this, the previous week. And not only that, but because it was like the Kardashians, it's the story that keeps on giving. There has multiple new cycles since. Always.

Always. And what is so weird about this is that it's in and of itself, the fact that this interview is happening, it's already months after what the initial thing was, which was Northwest being Simba in that Hollywood. In the Hollywood Bowl live production. Where she's saying, I just can't wait to be king. and we talked about it at the time. And yes, we... She looked like she was having a lot of fun up there. That is a very nice way to say,

we judge the fuck out of her. We judge the fuck out of her parents. And her parents for their choice to encourage a child that may not have been ready for the stage. It is not North's fault. It's not the child's fault. We are not judging children.

Not judging the child. But even though this happened, I just see the, you know how I feel about the children singing. Even a talented child who sings enrages Jackie. So you know that North, who is a talented child, just not a talented singer. Yes. Yet. But growth mindset.

Growth mindset is very positive. That's very nice. Yeah, I can't swim yet. Yet. You're right. Oh my God. We're capable of so much. But this video, Kim responding to the haters, for some reason, four months later,

was extremely everywhere this past week. And Kim's response, which is, of course, you know, speaking of filler, like she's just beautiful and charismatic and bitchy. And she draws me in. I know I hate that I find her so beautiful. She's stunning. It goes hand in hand to what I was talking about in my hot flash of just like, I know that it's all constructed.

I know she's like the face of what, like, cosmetics do right now. She's the mascot for what technology can do. Yeah, a mascot more like, come on. But I also, I'm not saying I like her, but I just find her to be a compelling person. I keep wanting to completely dismiss her outright. And then I listen to her and I'm like, you are very good at being a celebrity. I know.

You're very good being a celebrity. She's very polished. She gives this bitchy interview where she's like, yeah, of course our 11 year old got the job because she's a nepo baby. Of course she got this role because of her parents. Why wouldn't I have her get the lead in this part because of her parents? And to me, honestly, the most disturbing part of the clip is that she talks about how Kanye is like supportive as a supportive dad. And I just wish she wouldn't do that. Let's not rehabilitate anything about him.

But he's also still attached to her. I know. So you know she has to speak positively about him in some manner. And they are such a polished PR thing that you know that whatever she is saying has been focused grouped and vetted a million times, like more than a politician. But so she talks about that and that's whatever. But then she's like, she just admits it. She's like, yeah, we got her the part because we thought it would be fun for her.

And if you, if, and then she, the part really going viral is they want to see Northwest on a TikTok, on this, on anything, because she's a personality, a performer. And if anyone wants to hate on a child that is having the time of their lives, F you. I mean, she's not wrong about that. And I mean, she does, Northwest does have like a real, which disgusts me. me because she's so, she's a child, but she has a big fan base. And like, I understand that they're encouraging her to, like, start her own companies and I just, ah. I mean, it's obvious, yeah, like we said, nobody's really trying to hate on the kid.

Everyone's trying to hate on the parents' choices. But I think that the thing that was the most interesting to me about the clip was just Kim being like, yeah, it was nepotism. Yeah. And in a way, that is what I want. Thank you. You're right. You know, that's like I always say about the good nepo babies. We know that Maya Hawk is Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawks kid, and she's very talented, and we love that for her.

This is a different situation because that's not what we're talking about here. But I just think that nepotism is going to keep happening, and the more we name it, the better. So I guess I'm not tipping my hat to her or anything. I'm just saying we did watch that clip, and I did have some complicated feelings about it. Complicated feelings. And I just, you know, I don't usually step into the world of the Kardashians. you know, I see them from afar. You know, we pull articles like Scott Dissick only tipping $2 on a fucking starb-like huge

Starbucks order, things like that. At that time when they didn't know how to cut up a cucumber because their chef had gone home. And they're using like a plastic knife. You know, those little things of just like, well, you know, we got a Rasm every once in a while because you know that they have the ultimate of the PR machines. So they're always being discussed in the headlines. And oftentimes it's for like not that much. Or they're just talking about something that happened in the Kardashians.

And you can see how much money they spend on PR. So they're always in the news. I mean, it is impressive. It is impressive. It is like you do watch. You're like, well, their people are certainly doing the job that their people are supposed to be doing. But is it as impressive as a podcast fight about a 90s children's television? show called Boy Meets World.

Let me set this up a little bit as we pull up this clip. There is a podcast called Pod Meets World that features all of the different stars of the show Boy Meets World. And I think that they also bring in some discourse about Girl Meets World because many of the people from Boy Meets World were in Girl Meets World. And honestly, every time I behold this podcast, I do a little bit of a head scratch. And I wonder, is there that much material? But they really just go back and revisit episodes and stuff. Revisit episodes. And why not?

You know, it's like they're in syndication. All of us have seen a hundred, like every episode of Boy Meets World a thousand times. It is, it is, and it is a very culturally resonant show. Many of us have extreme, so I'm sure that people. Also, Girl Meets World, not that bad. I mean, I mean, I'm Cravenny. I kind of enjoyed Girl Meets World.

I didn't watch all of it, but I definitely enjoyed what I watched of it. Totally. If there's one thing, if you listen to Pod Meets World, if there's one thing apparently everybody knows, it's that none of the cast talks to Ben Savage anymore, or at least that's, what everybody knows. Or that's what they're just bringing up.

Yeah, it's mostly Ryder Strong and Eric. Will Fridell. Will Fridell. Which are, to be fair, the two boys who I wanted to kiss. Obviously. Who needs Ben Savage? Of course, this episode, they had on Maitland Ward, who played Rachel in series in the season six and seven of Boy Meets World. And they brought her on.

Now, we're getting into the years where they're weirdly old and probably the show should be ended by that point. But like, we're all still. kind of watching it because I really loved, Oh, for some reason. Eric took that really weird turn where he was acting really, really, really weird in college, but then I got like really sexually attracted to him because of how weird he was in college. They made, Eric went from being kind of the wacky, fun, hot older brother to being like,

is, does this older brother have, is some sort of degenerative brain illness going on with that? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And apparently, uh, there has been some beef with Maitland Ward and Danielle Fischel who played Topanga. And it got brought up on the episode today. Let's check it out. And then you guys hate Michael. We.

I don't hate Ben or Michael. You guys have a- Do not hate either of them. Not hate. Hate is a strong word. I'm not mean hate, but like, dad disturbing, I guess. And it's one of the most important people I've ever met in my life and I can't

stand the fact that he won't speak to us. I feel exactly the same way. He won't speak to us. Correct. I can show you the last three years. years literally of messages. And in the middle of a message, please don't do that. He just bailed on me.

And wish that everybody comes down. No, he Ben, Ben absolutely one day woke up and said, I don't want Will in my life and never told me why. Oh my God. Yeah, dude. No, I know the history of any of that. So,

no, I know you don't. Again, is my question. Do you listen to our podcast? Because you did then go in on one of the TMZ articles and say that our podcast is very negative. And we say all kinds of negative and mean things.

There was a lot of negative stuff that came out of that. Do you listen to the podcast? No, not regularly, but I do listen to the big shows in the past, especially at the beginning. She's calling her out on the show. But I don't understand why this is like a grilling session right now. It's not a grilling session. I'm just asking you questions.

These are things you said on TMZ, so I'm just curious. All in the name of Boy Me's World. That we have not felt as though we have said anything negative. The same way you wrote in your book on experiences doesn't mean that they're negative. They're just experiences. Me sharing my story that Michael told me in a note session that I needed to show up the next day and do it entirely different. The same exact way you shared your story at the beginning of this podcast where you said he told you your audition needed to be entirely different the next day. Because really he was looking out for me to get the role.

Right. That's what she did. Okay. All right, guys. And then it continues on from there. It is just like there was more discussion earlier to like talking about like, like, like, Anya official also just straight up was like, so TMZ just shows up at your house and you say shit about us. And she's just like, no, I, no, they just talked to me like on the street.

She's like, so TMZ just finds you and you just have to say these bad things. It just, I, you know, it is, we're talking about it. We are bringing it up. We are talking about it. Well, two things I think this is resonating. One, because we all remember boy meets world. three things. Two, we are all watching Real Housewives right now, so we love the thrill of a fight. Oh, yes. But then three, I think just, I mean, we have been doing podcasts together for, as previously mentioned, 15 years.

It's, I cannot imagine, hashing out a 25 to 30-year-old grievance. On Mike? On Mike. Why? about a show that hasn't been on for a very long time. But again, man, we're all talking about it. And this is how you get everybody. Because we all watched Boy Me's World after school. It's because it was the monoculture.

We love that. Yes. Yeah, but they fight. Are you saying we should fight more? Yeah, I think that we should, I don't even know. I was about to, like, come up with a fake of like, oh, I hate that you're so supportive of me. Why do you make me feel so valid all the time? I want to prove to people that page seven are going to keep me in your fun hangout that you already love.

And so maybe we should start airing our grievances to each other more often. I'll just start playing MASH with you more often and just getting angry that I have to live in a tiny apartment with a million bazillion cats. You fuck. And I feel like that's what you would give me. That's what you would write down on the MASH. And that's what I hate you for. Well, my child has hacked MASH so that she only lists good things. That is, it's anti-Mash, though.

That's against the rules of MASH. You got to explain this to the six-year-old. That's just not how MASH goes. have one thing. It's mash. At least... At least one bad thing on that mash. She refuses. No, it's all... It can't all be good. That's not life.

Freddie needs to understand. At six years old, that's not what life is. You know what? It's not all good. No, you gotta, you gotta start frowning now. You gotta start preparing for getting your worst choice now. Always be upset or always be slipping and sliding. New segment alert. Because we're slipping and sliding and squirking and jerkin.

And it really just depends on what you've got going on down there. And we don't care as long as you're smiling. Now, what are we slipping and sliding about? Now, MJ, we have spent a lot of time, the two of us. It might not be the horniest of weeks for you. You mean this? Yeah, because there's been no time to foster my sex drive. Because I've never been alone.

Yeah, yeah. You haven't been alone. And honestly, you're usually never, ever alone. Yeah. But is there anything? It's been on the back burner for six and a half. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I feel like here on page seven, there's a lot and plenty of opportunities for, I mean, I'm always horny. Got to bring it back. If Ethan Slater taught us anything, it's that the arrival of a child in your life shouldn't make you less reckless and horny.

Oh, man, all I was thinking of was Ethan Hawke and then I started making a bunch of Ethan Hawke jokes in my brain. I mean, Ethan Hawke has taught us a lot of, like, where is he teaching us this? Because if Ethan Hawks teaching me about horny, I'll watch Gadica again. Put it on. I'll pretend like a I'm in high school class. I'll pretend like I'm sitting there because, like, I always kind of wanted. I was weirdly, like, envious of people with penises because I kind of wanted to be uncomfortable. Like, oh, God, I'm horny and everybody knows. No, I get that.

How nice to be horny in class. Yeah, and then to be like, oh, God, my penis. Yeah, but it sounds like it wasn't nice for anyone. Yeah, I guess it was. It was very traumatic. No, I just, I'm always amazed that Ethan Slater even had the ability to get hard when he was raising an infant. Apparently he wasn't. Yeah.

So that's why. Spongebob. Spongebob. I am, and last week on last week's page seven, Holden asked me who would I would get, who I would leave my husband for. Yeah, so this has started a lot of conversation inside of your brain, MJ. Who would I leave my husband an infant for, for celebrities? And I was really struggling.

And I landed on Ben Affleck, which, I mean, it's true that whenever I watch old clips of him on real time with Bill Mar, I thirst. I get it. Because that man knows his foreign policy. I get it. I really do, I do slip and slide for him. But I realized I was like, I don't, I can't keep saying Idrasalba. I fell in love with Isdra Salba.

On the wire, it's time to update. And I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what celebs I'm horny for. So that's part of my own personal mission to up, to foster my horniness for celebs. Bring it back to the front burner. But this week, who am I slipping and sliding for? It is Zoe Kravitz's cover shoot for L magazine. Ooh, okay. Okay.

She's wearing a tie. Okay. She's got some trousers on. And the tie's tucked into the trousers, which is not a choice that I would make. But if you're just going to want to do a little little Google of Zoe Kravitz and Elle magazine. Whoa. Whoa. Bobbo.

It's a Bobbo, Bobbo. I'm in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. And for those of you that don't know, because I do realize I say Bobo Bobo a lot, and that is I am quoting a not the way that they say it in the movie Hocus Pocus from when the witches get on the bus and the bus driver says bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.

But he goes, babbo, babo, because they're so sexy. Is that what your reference? That is the reference. In case anyone was ever wondering why I say that, it is the bus driver from the one moment of Ocus focus, focus when they were saying bubble, bubble. You know what? I didn't know and I honestly didn't even assume it was a reference to anything.

No, no. We actually want, you know, Jackie is a... I just wanted everyone, you know, now that we're, again, sliding into being the Kathy Lee and Hoda here, I just feel like these are things that I need to be explaining that I haven't been explaining. And I need everyone, you know, you get it inside of Jackie's book club when you're trapped in my brain with me over on the Patreon. And sometimes I feel like not everybody else gets the weird confessions of what I say when I'm by myself talking into a microphone. Yeah, well, we babo-babo for Zoe Kravitz. These photos are just incredibly hot.

Good Lord. You know, I read the profile and she's fun and interesting, but the biggest. It's more the pictures that get you. It's more the pictures. It's more that's like, whatever. I don't even remember if she's still with Channing Tate. I was like, oh, they were together. They broke up, broke up. Are they back together?

I don't care. But the biggest news drop from the profile is that she says, everyone wants to do it, referring to season three of Big Little Alliance. Oh, I thought you were talking about sex. It was like, who's she fucking? Who wants to do it? Everyone wants to do it with me. And I'm like, yes.

And no, speaking about the HBO series, Big Little Lies, she says everyone wants to do it. And we're like, call us and tell us when and where. That would be amazing if it could happen this year. I'd be over the moon. Oh, my God. So her Reese Spother spoon and Nicole Kidman are apparently, according to Elle magazine, hard at work, trying to make a season three of Big Little Lies. And that's going to have me slipping, slipping, slipping, Slipin' Slipin' Into the future.

I watched that first season right in, it was the darkest portion of my life to have ever existed. And I remember being, like, I watch it so drunk that I would have to go back and watch them again. And I would just sit there and I would thirst and I would thirst. But then I'd feel guilty because I was thirsting and crying. Experience, like, trauma about your own past relationship. I was only listening to the soundtrack because the soundtrack is really fucking good if you've never checked it out also.

You know, we didn't even, when we were talking about our eras earlier, MJ AWOL having babies era, unfortunately overlaps with darkest era of Jackie's life. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't mean to center myself in that. No, you used for the best. You were drinking and drinking and fucking and crying and weeping and weeping. Yeah, there was a lot. It was a really sad portion.

You know, it's very interesting, especially. specifically, everyone has listened to, for me, my eras from the age of 22 until so far, 37. And that's quite a spread. That is a span of life. Of really following. I mean, honestly, look at where you were versus where you are now too. Kind of insane. Drunk at 2 p.m.

Oh, yeah. Versus parent of two children. Parent of two children. Not drunk until 6 p.m. Talking about what slides you out of your seat because we got to get it slick. We are slicking it up over here because honestly, my opposite, the only thing that I could think of was, and this is a go with me on this, all right? This is, this is saying something. I saw a picture of Aubrey Plaza performing, like just introducing at SNL the 50th anniversary.

Yes. And I know all of everything that she's going through right now. Right. It was her first public appearance after a while. Her first public appearance. She wore a tie-dye shirt in like in like as a connection to. her husband that has passed and I

this is a horrible thing to admit I was just like let me take care of you like I kind of like I want to commit I was like you don't have to do anything for me let me just like I love taking care like nurturing as a really truly sad person yeah I really do

and like part of me does kind of slip at the idea of like let me be there for you yeah and is that a toxic thing to say Now that I'm saying this loud, I guess that's a scary thing to say. You might want to just put a pin in it for therapy and you already did your therapy this week. Oh, yeah. Very much needed this week. But we could circle back to this.

But I understand you love to take care of people. I love to take care. And I just, I can't imagine going through what she's going through. Yeah. You love to be there for people in their hour of knees. Yes. And I just like I don't even want to say it's maternal. I don't know what's in me.

I think I just like I like to pamper. You know, and I like to make someone feel better. Yeah. And so it's not even really a sexual thing at this point for her. I just want to make her feel better. Well, and we talk all the time about like, you know, parisocial relationships. And now in the world of like pop culture that we have now, so much of it isn't celebrity thirsting.

It's like you thirst for like a minor YouTube star that you love or that you feel close to. I'm not saying I'm thirsty for Jordan. I mean, I would if she want, but she's happily married. And I might start listening to her podcast. But I'm just saying that it's like, I have a pair. I look at me. I've got a parasy social relationship.

Right. But then I think with somebody like Aubrey Plaza, when somebody goes through some tragedy, when somebody who, you know, Aubrey Plaza had been making so much work for the past year. And everybody, I feel like, you know, when you feel really close to somebody through the, even though they're a public figure,

through the work that they have been doing. And then they go through a tragedy. It stirs up all these really weird. The word parisocial comes to mind because you're like, I don't know you, but this is, I'm having very strong feelings about this thing. that happens to you. Why am I having strong feelings about this thing that happened to you?

Honestly, we're seeing it a lot, which I appreciate from all of your comments talking about this big change here, which I understand. Yes, the person who said, I feel like my parents are getting divorced. I'm so sorry. And I'm so sorry because that's not what, like the last thing we want is more changes, especially with everything going on. But I understand you feeling that way because we, MJ and I both have parisocial relationships with other people.

Absolutely. I get it. Sorry, real quick, does every Oreo? package say slit appears when opened because or is it just the post malone oreos because you think that's posty being sexy it's just post he being said maybe that's my slip and slide this week slit appears when open you know can i redo by it and say it's this warning on the area i guess all right sorry mj you're going to have to leave early i've got a date with an oreo package slit appears when open yeah genuinely are generally generally

Yeah, let me open it up here. Oh, there it is. Anyway, I guess, you know, that's my slip and slide. That's your slip and slide. And yeah, we have heard from people about their feelings about, you know, losing Holden. And this is the thing. I now listen to podcast, which I didn't do for many of those 15 years, but I totally get it. Because if my favorite podcast, and I've been through this, my favorite podcast announced a change.

Yes. And I was very upset. Yeah. It fucking sucks. I didn't want it to change. Yeah. And so I get that. But I think that me and Jackie, what we hope to do is to reassure you that, you know,

we know that you don't come to page seven for a deep, well-researched dive. Whoa. You don't necessarily even come to page seven to learn practical and useful information. No, we're just screaming. You come for the vibes. You're going to hear more, unfortunately, about Bethany Frankel and how I watch her journey. apparently she becomes a huge bitch at some point. But right now I'm just like, look at her.

She's just a hard young worker. Look at her. She has to put this time in. She's trying to create a company by herself. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you're going to learn here. I'm going to be learning about Bethany Frankel.

I've proposed to Jackie that a segment we try to work in is pop school where Jackie teaches me about the things I got to know. And I teach her about all of the elder Hollywood old men. slash they're dead now, old Hottiewood, where I bring in like my current thirst for Christopher Plummer and the sound of music. But we got lots of time. Yes, we want to be trying new, fun things talking about more because you know what? Sometimes I know crazy, I come in and I'm like, this is what I want to talk about. But now it's time to hear what we want to talk about. And I want to say thank you everybody for sticking with us and hanging out with us because I am really enjoying this so far. And even though we didn't talk about the Taco Bell wedding and

the fact that you can get a wedding package for only $777, by the way. But you get a 12 pack of tacos. So what are you getting? And they're not even giving you a marriage license. You have to come with your marriage license. I think it's a way that they're charging $700 for a pack of tacos and a champagne glass. No, there's also napkins that say Mr. and Mrs.

on it. And I hope that there's also other ones for other people and not just heterosexual couples. I would hope, Taco Bell. Absolutely. I would fucking hope. But yeah, I don't really know what you're getting. Because it doesn't even say you get married inside of a Taco Bell. No.

It's just like you just pay for this. It's a $700 12 pack of tacos. You must, or it must be at a canteen. Because this is only in... Cantina has alcohol. This is only in Vegas. So you really can only do this at... There must be a Taco Bell, like, wedding chapel.

I've been wanting to do it. Oh, there is. Oh, my God. Look, it's a wedding chapel with a Taco Bell twist. You can get a Taco Tie. You can get a Taco Trial. Hot sauce flowers, MJ? Flowers made out of the packets.

They made out of the packets. I could do that for you, though. You don't need to pay. You could pay me $777 jackpot Taco Bell. Give it over, MJ. Give it over. Well, I think it's time that you're going blind, though. Is it?

Okay. Oh, yes. No, certainly. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I thought you were also watching the time. Well, I here I am, and I think I'm going. Blind. Oh, my God.

Wait, this is big. This is really big. This is our first time. Like, this is MJ introing it. I'm all alone. Maybe Adam, if you know the answer, you could shout it out to me because I'm all alone in this now. And MJ, you get it right about half the time. Usually, obviously, we're going to have other people on here with me.

But, you know, let's hit me. Well, I can figure this out. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Oh, I cannot see them. Don't worry, guys. You're not going to lose all of your.

beloved blinds. We're here. No, we need blinds. I need forever blinds. And, you know, we didn't do a list today. We're going to figure that out. Have we read every list on the internet? Yes, we have, but that's okay. We might keep reading them. But today we're going blind. This A-minus list actress is pretending to be gracious and allowing her A-minus list actress co-star slash Oscar nominee to get top billing in their new movie. It was always going to be that way because it was going to be alphabetical. Oh, alphabetical. Or, or, So some bitch is pretending she's being nice and letting some other bitch get top billing. Top billing, but it's not.

It would have been anyway. Ooh, so they're up for an Oscar this year. They're up for I didn't know about that. Or they just Oscar nominated. The other bitch is an Oscar nominated person. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wicked. No. No, obviously that doesn't make any sense.

Jackie, that doesn't make any sense. Doesn't make any sense. You're going to have to flounder alone now, so that'll be fun. Okay, so it is one that is working. with another one. Two, two bitches. They're both a minus list. And one is really famous for being kind of a bitch right now. Kind of a bitch right now. J-Lo. Uh, no. Different flavor of bitch. Different flavor of bitch. She is litigious. Oh, a goop. I'm sticking to the ski trial. My, my brain always goes back to the ski trial. Who else has a lot of news around?

Oh, bitch. Big bitch. Maybe she's nice. Blake lively. No, we all know she's a bitch. I'm not lying here, all right? We all know she's a bitch. Big bitch, maybe she's nice, is the first A plus, A minusless actress. She is pretending that her co-star is getting top billing, that she's being gracious about it. But that other co-star would be first because she's alphabetical. The first letter in the alphabet is the first. No. This is so no one even knows about this movie, or I'm going to say, that and people would be like, of course people know about this movie. Her name does start with the first letter of the alphabet, and she likes to sing acapella.

Oh, God. Likes to sing acapella. Well, she's in movies where they sing acapella. Oh, oh. What's her? Oh, God, little face. Oh, I couldn't bicker out of a fucking lineup. I can say.

Anna Kendrick. Anna Kendrick. Yes. Thank you. Anna Kendrick. That little last five years little rat face. I said a little rat face. I forget her and her existence.

I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve to exist. It's Anna Kendrick. Thank you. The movie in question is called a simple favor to or another simple favor. They're both Googlable. This blind lists the movie as a simple favor too. And when you Google it, it comes up that the movie is called Another Simple Flavor. There was another of this movie.

and I don't remember it. I don't think this is the Oscar nominated. I think it's just that Anna Kendrick is Oscar nominated. It is a 2025 thriller slash comedy starring Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick. And Blake Lively is pretending to be nice to Anna Kendrick, but she's lying. Ew, next. Like this movie, I'm asleep just reading the caption of the movie. Why did they make, well, 84% on Rotten Demand, is it good?

Adam, is it good? Have you seen this? It's okay. I saw it. But it's not. I'm sad. It's fine, though. It's fine. It's just fine. This is how I feel about. Could you tell whether Blake lively is really a bitch in real life? I mean, I think it's just proven at this point. I think it's just proven.

I don't think she deserves. She doesn't deserve what just the baldone is under her. But she is a bit like that's the thing. And it's fine. The day she is. Ain't nothing wrong. Ain't nothing wrong with being a bitch. I'm a bitch.

Yes. I am a lover, but I ain't a child anymore. You should let everybody know. And I am a mother. Are you ready for number two? Yes. The illiterate actor was indifferent, but the permanent A-list actress was adamant that they get the fanfic people riled up again. She has really become thirsty over the past year or two.

Oh, no. All right. So there was an event where they basically needed to decide, are we going to like do a little pose together and get people riled up, the fanfic people riled up. The illiterate actor was indifferent. The A-list actress really wanted it. She wants the attention. So she wants to get everybody juicy for it. Now, it's something that they are in together. It is an older thing that they are in together. It's Harry Potter. Isn't any kind of one of those? No, it is not an every poll. Okay, it's not in that world. And I will say that people really thirst for this woman.

She evokes their thirst. They are both. This is, this is a dream team. team from... I should have said slip it and sliding before. I should have talked about Tatiana Maslani and fucking monkey. Yes, Tatiana Maslani.

I'm sorry. I take back everything I said about Aubrey Plaza. I want to fuck Tatiana Maslani. Anyway, sorry. Coo-Babbo.

Hot. So hot. Good Lord. I'm sorry. I know it's not Tatiana Mazzlani. It's not Tatiana Mazzlani. Okay.

But it is, this is a, this is a duo that was the original probably people shipped them. Oh, the original.

Is it shipping or standing when they were not a couple in real life, but they were a duo. Okay, so people stand them. X-Files. Yes. Wow. Yes. Julian Anderson wanted to do a bunch of little posing and have a little reunion, X-Files reunion with David DuCumney to get people all worked up. Yes.

And he didn't care. But that's because he's addicted to sex. He's addicted to six. And I feel like David Duchy still deals with the sad section of people that think that sex addiction doesn't exist. I know, and I'm sorry I always make a joke about it, because I know that it's devastates people's lives, but I just can't stop.

You think David Dukovny, I don't know how anyone our age doesn't immediately think sex addiction. I'm sorry, I can't. I think Mulder, Californication. Yes, sex addiction. That is, I mean, that's it. And I've never seen Californication. No, and that's certainly not usually the second part of what I'm remembering

about David Dacovny, but wow, I would love. But this is the problem is that everyone knows in real life that they didn't have that. So it really does take away from it. I know. I mean, but still she can't talk about older ladies. I know she's not as old as Dolly Parton, but like an older lady who is bringing the thirst. All right. Last but not least, when this A-list actor died not that long ago, a collection of recordings was found that, oh, this is just for you, Jackie.

Oh. Oh, I forgot about this one. Oh. This is really, really just for you. and I can't wait to hear your reaction. When this A-List actor died not that long ago, a collection of recordings was found that featured his son having sex

with a bunch of different girlfriends. But not knowing that they didn't know? I don't have more information than this blind item, but I think what we know is that there was an A-List actor, Elder, who died not that long ago. And for some reason that elder, a-lis actor, had a collection of tapes, of his own son having sex.

Son is also famous. Son is also famous. Donald Sutherland. Yes. Wow. How did you know? Well, I'm going to say I may have Googled A-list actors' deaths recently just to look through a list of them.

And that makes a lot of, that makes the most sense of all of the, I was like, well, Richard Simmons doesn't have any kids. You know, Shannon Doherty, you don't think people are looking at her and whatever's happening. You know, it's like I was just trying to think through. So we do, this does open up a lot of other questions. were these sex tapes by Kiefer Sutherland? Did he gift them to Donald Sutherland?

We're just going to assume they were consensual. We don't have to assume they weren't. I think we can just assume Keefer Sutherland takes consensual sex tapes. Like the lost boys in my brain, you know, you can't steal him from. Like if Kiefer has gations, I don't think we know of any gase. We can assume this was consensuals. We can assume that Kiefer Sutherland likes to tape and stop having sex. But did daddy keep them?

Why did daddy keep them? Why did Daddy keep them? This is bringing up a lot of thoughts of ordinary people. That, oh, oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, don't. But, like, replace the tragedy in that movie with just your son's tips and self having sex. Oh, my God, do you want to go watch ordinary people after this? I would love to watch ordinary people. I always want to be watching ordinary people and I just want to cry and I want to cry.

And then we'll look at Donald Sutherland. We'll think, did he listen to the tapes? Yeah, was he watching them all the time? Was he watching them? Were they audio tapes or videotapes? Did he know that he had them? Or was it the kind? Yeah, did he like, did Kiefer hide them at the house? Yes, so that no one would ever find him. If there was ever a raid, does he have gaitians?

We don't know about it. I don't know. This is just us making stuff up. Well, I can see again, and I've got a detective hat on. Wow. It replaces the captain's hat, but it's just as important. I got to investigate the relationship between Donald Sutherland and Kiefer Sutherland. Because we both want to kiss him both, right? Yes. This is a father-son duo. We want to kiss both. Oh, yeah. I mean, preferably while Donald Sutherland was alive.

but, you know, I'll take whatever I can get at this point. I'm like, well, you know, he's not usually, he's everly thinner than I'm used to, but I guess I'll give him a shot. I want to kiss a live Donald Southerland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I don't want to kiss him in ordinary people. I want to kiss Judd Hirsch. See, I want to kiss him in ordinary people because I want to comfort him.

Oh, and you want to come. See, I want to comfort Mary, Mary Tyler Moore. Yeah. So together we can fuck our way through an unfuckable movie, which is ordinary people. Don't watch it expecting it to be horny Because it's not whatsoever Well, it is not It is the opposite of a horny movie

But I think that we did it, Jackie Did we just finish our first episode? We certainly did with Mommy and Daddy Yes, thank you everybody For hanging out with us during our first episode Obviously we're here trying new things But you see, it's not really changing that much And we're going to be having like fun guests

As our thirds, we're going to be showing them We can be inappropriate without him, guys. That's okay. Yes. And we can open up our marriage just a little bit, you know, just on the weekends, just for us to like feel the fire of another person's vibe, you know? Don't worry. You'll be feeling some fire. It's important after 15 years of marriage here that we have to keep it alive.

And thank you everybody for keeping it alive alongside us. And you know what, MJ? Thank you. Thank you, Jackie. Thank you for your work. And thank you for rededicating yourself to me. and thank you to Gideon and your family because you're never going home ever again.

And that's going to be rough for them, but they're going to have to figure it out. I'm excited for our new era. And you know what? This is going to be even better than the tortured poets department because that was not her best album. It wasn't her best album.

And I still listen to it. It's a great album. It's a great album. But we're in an era that's going to knock the socks off of Taylor's Tortured Department. Are you ready for it? Yeah.

Bowsmow! Mow! We'll be back next week, everybody. Thanks for hanging out with us, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.