Page 7 - We Call That Female Empowerment w/ Amber Nelson

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

This week Jackie and MJ are joined by LPN's Amber Nelson to discuss the important matter of where they fall on the Monster Fucker scale, and once again the issue of just where Tom Cruise penetrates those fish. Diane Keaton passed, an interviewer asked Julia Roberts and Andrew Garfield a coded question and Julia Roberts had to be like "um excuse me", Alec Baldwin drove HILARIA's car into a tree with his bro Stephen, and in more HILARIAAAAA news she's started her, how you say, "woe is me" campaign after being voted off DWTS. Julia Roberts shared that Oprah shipped her baby gifts to her remote home in dead of night via private delivery trucks, Katy P was seen kissin' Justin Trudeau on a yacht, plus child groomer and "apology" video savant Colleen Ballinger has started her Swifty era by sharing her love for "CANCELLED!." Aubrey Plaza dresses as a Christmas Witch each Halloween to scare kids, A List (that's definitely NOT The Epstein List) of more wildly shockin' celeb facts you that maybe YOU didn't knoooooow ICAN'TBELIEVETHATTHEY'RETRUUUUEEE, blindz, and Jackie's Snackie's starts at 1:11:57.338 with a mushin' mashin' of MJ's Minute Munchies til 1:16:42.850, plus even more HAWT goss' this week on Page 7Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

and I got to say it is a bit of a bitch episode. That's why I want to bump it up with because tonight for the first time just about it. It's got it. It's raining man. Hallelujah.

Amen. I'm going to go out to run and let myself get absolutely soaking well. It's raining man. Yeah. Just for you, Amber. Nelson, welcome to the show. Oh, I'm so excited.

I did start it at a higher note than I meant to, but, you know, sometimes you just got a vibe with it. You're just excited because finally the Earth gets a little sweet treat. Oh, God, it needs it so badly. MJ, you don't even know. It never rains here. I do know that. I think everyone. Everyone knows that about L.A.

It's like the one fact. Everyone knows about L.A. That it doesn't rain. But that's, you know, I'm happy for you. Do you guys have like a nice little. sweater that you're wearing and like a nice little like blind melon that you're listening to. Oh, I wish. No, I mean, Amber showed up in this purple and gold jumpsuit that I looked her up and down. I was like, bitch, you look good. And then you were like, stop, I don't. And I needed to say it

again on the air because nobody can see you and you look fabulous. I got this in Florida at like the prime, you know, like the Mall Walker territory where they just go to these ventures. I think I got it for like 20 bucks. That was when we weren't on the coast of Florida. We were in Central Florida. And I say that in spooky season because I feel like you say Central Florida

and everyone goes, as someone that is a Floridian. Yeah, I'm looking at you, UCF. Yeah, I'm including you, Disney World. And maybe this is just coming from an anger because I did have to go to downtown Disney last night to go meet up with people for dinner at a bowling alley. And I...

Who did this to you, Jackie? All of the things that I just said make me want to sleep until 2055. You know what I mean? Wait, wait, wait. Disney world for dinner. Is Disney like a municipality? Downtown Disney? Is it its own city?

It has its own like separate downtown area where that's where you go to vibe at night. I guess you go there after the fireworks. I'm saying this is not a Disney person. I apologize. I saw all my Disney fans out there. We love a Disney adult. I get the whimsy. Now Disney Ice,

what character would that be? Would it be like Scrooge McDuck? You mean Disney on Ice? No, like Disney Ice. Oh, you mean Disney Ice going in and raiding people from their home. What was it? Oh, good. I'm glad that we're thinking about this.

I mean, Goofy. No, he would be upset about it. He would never. He needs to make a living. Goofy's dick is too big. I feel like Goofy has the fattest, longest. hog and all of the Disney lore. And he's a good father.

He's a good father. The goofy dad, you know, I don't think he would be an ice member. No, yeah. It would be like, who would it be? It wouldn't be Scar. It wouldn't be Jafar. It wouldn't be like Cruella. Like, what villain?

Why are you only thinking the villains? I feel like we could really flip these heroes on their heads. Guston. Guston. Yes, yes. Gaston. Yes. Gaston.

Gaston. Gaston. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Gaston is ice.

I'll allow it. Yes, Gaston is ice. But not, oh, I was going to call him Smee. Not Lapew, is that what his name was? Lapeu? Pue? The rapist skunk? Is that what you're talking about? No, that's Pepe. Oh, his little sidekick that's like a weird guy. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, he's definitely an ice.

Yeah, he's a follower. He absolutely is covered up. Just follow. La foe, la foe, la foe, la foe, la foe. He's just following orders, you know. Oh, and the three blondes that are just like, oh, Gaston, they're definitely like. They're calling in their neighbors for sure. No, who else? Cogsworth. Fuck Cogsworth.

Who's that? The clock and beauty in the beast. No, Cogsworth would not. I said it. No. Oh, no. Cogsworth. Oh, we always knows where the hands are.

Where do the hands go, Cogsworth? I don't trust him for a second. He's a little French clock. Yeah. That's the candle. I think the candlestick is the French one. The candle is French. But I think this is Cogsworth's.

No, what's the word I'm looking for when you? You smear someone. It's character assassination. Oh, you're saying heresy? You're calling heresy on my ass? Yes, I am calling heresy on your ass. I think there's other people in Beauty and the Beast who would call ICE, but I don't think Cogsworth is one of the other objects even.

The human version of the beast. I spent a lot of the weekend talking about how much I was ignited as a child because I was so upset when the beast turned into a human being. And so was Belle. Oh, yeah. You can see her face because she's just like, oh. Oh, can we get that. The Beast back. And I, I, I, we spoke, I was with Natalie over the weekend at the Enchanted

Realms book festival. Amber came out to visit us. You were also, we also went to this thing at this museum with Beauty and the Beast exhibit. So that's twice with your friends over the weekend. I am trying to really, guys, I know that page seven obviously has, we have our fingers on the pulse of America here. Nothing gets by us. You know, we are always really knee deep in, society and their wants and their needs. And I have been talking about being a monster fucker for years, right? But really now, monster fuckerdom is kind of at its peak. Now, do you guys in any way identify as a monster fucker?

I've definitely fucked some monstrous men. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As people who used to have sex with men in Bushwick in the mid-2000s. No, no, I'm not talking like in a bum. kind of way. I mean, like, where, oh, maybe the worst monster is man. No, I just mean, like, did you feel that way with the Beast? Or did you ever look at, like, the Predator movies and think, you know, I know he's so angry

all the time, but what if he were seducing me instead? Beauty and the Beast used to be my favorite Disney. And I think because I was sexually attracted to the Beast, which is a problem on my end. I have boundary issues. I think this is a very common experience for people who are attracted to men. the beast was kind of the, because I don't identify as a monster fucker, but I also was more attracted to the beast and deeply disappointed with how he looked in the end. And so I think that this is just like, I don't know, I think it's something maybe that brings us together as millennials. Yes.

That we're just like just kind of, you know, we want them to be just a little bit bad. And then we're very disappointed when they're actually bad. Yeah. Yes. I mean, this is the problem. This is exactly why Natalie and I have been having so many monster fucker conversations and it all stemmed from that I told her she was also a monster fucker and she said why I said because you want to fuck vampires and she said well they're not monsters they're monsters and I said hold the phone bitch they are monsters I'm sorry just because you want to fuck them doesn't mean they're not monsters they're in the monster mash okay yes thank you how about this how about this what about those of us please raise your hand if this applies to you so I'm not the only one

those of us who were like more attracted to Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich because they were the bad guys in the screen. You know, like they weren't technically monsters and I technically should have been less attracted to them because they were bad, bad, bad. However, that's not what happened. And then I felt very bad. I felt so I was a bad person. Oh, yeah. Especially in your head canon when like they definitely were kissing. And as far as I'm concerned, I always assumed they were, it's up there with like a proto and Samwise.

situation that I always assume they kiss and I assume that Skeet and Matthew Lillard kissed as well in character or maybe in real life I'm down oh please let me watch let me watch but yeah the monster is man a lot of the times and I guess we all have to really come to terms with that in the long run don't we yeah the monster is I don't know if it's heterosexuality or it's just you know being attracted to men from that era of just throw it

and to my N-B monsters, I'm down, man. I don't care what you got. I'm down to get in there and start get to licking, you know? Right. I mean, girl monsters, who, Ursula? Sure, or like a may nod. I bet she's got a fat hog pussy. I bet if you fuck to Ursula.

She can throw a blow job down. I was just trying to convince Jeff. I know I've talked about this on this show for 100 million years. I have a beautiful vision of in my brain young Ursula and King Triton had sex back in college. I think they used to fuck. I want to dress up like younger versions of both of them and have sex as them. That would be fun.

That would be a fun costume, I think, specifically for you and Jeff to be Ursula and King Triton, but imagine as a couple. The college years. Yes. Yes. Yeah, where he's kind of varsity and I'm like the goth bitch that like, oh my God, I'm banging a varsity boy, you know, like, I'm upset about it. And I'm like, I know he's got the fins, but don't worry, it transforms. Yeah, how do they, how do the mermaids fuck? We've had many, Natalie and I have had a conversation about this. Is it like a dog? Like the tick, dick comes out,

like a, like a red rocket. They, you know, it is, there are a lot of theories as to what could happen of what could, you know, like come out of the scales, what could, you know, what could form. It also really depends on, like, apparently some theory suggests external fertilization. I was going to say, do we know how fish fuck? And we should know because we've been talking about Tom Cruise fucking fish for years now. But do I actually know how, I'm Googling it? It's going to ruin my search results. How do fish?

Well, he just like shoved it in the mouth, right? Well, we assume that it was the gills. Or the gills. But we don't know. Is it the gills? Is it the mouth? Or does he cut off the tail? Oh, dang.

I feel like, God. How are you still managing to horrify me after? all these years. I just feel like maybe he's looking for like a tidier entrance. I don't know. I don't know how little what he's dealing with. And I feel like not to assume that Tom Cruise is not packing heat. But I don't. I don't assume that. We have the same birthday. Wow. Yeah, me, Tom Cruise and Kafka. Wow. Wow. Which one do you identify with more? Neither. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. On the third of July. Yeah. Wow. Also, Eddie's wedding anniversary. I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I think that AI is familiar with the Tom Cruise

rumors because if I, oh, I see what happened. I thought I had Googled how do fish fuck, but I had Googled how to fish, how to fish fuck. How to? Oh, do you find a good how to on there, M.J? A. A.I's response is this is not possible and should not be attempted, which one of the only times it's right. Okay, so good job. I guess thank you, AI, because honestly, I'm surprised AI wasn't like, I mean, when there's a hole, there's a way. Your feelings are valid. Yes. Thank you, AI, for saying you shouldn't.

All my results are Reddit. I need an actual source. Do fish fuck? Yes and no. Some fish just come in the water and the lady fish lay eggs and swim past it. I need a better source than this. I don't want to know what people on Reddit think about how fish fuck. It's just like menopause.

No one knows and there's no cure. Yeah, there's no one to, yeah. It's like menopause of preeclampsia. No one knows. No one's researching it. No, and pari menopause. Throw that in there, too. You know, there's lots of things that are not getting there doing research on.

Thank you, Amber. It's been too long since we brought up menopause on page seven. We try to bring it up every few weeks. Just remind everybody that it's impending or it's currently happening or, you know, or it's already happened to you in Mazel, you know. Everybody, lots of people have different experiences with it. It's just all of it is scary and confusing. It's just crazy with it, like, half of the world.

They're just kind of like, I don't know, figure it. out. No, no. But we have boner pills on health insurance plans. Yeah. Don't worry. Oh, yeah. Don't worry.

We're always keeping it hard. It is very difficult to try to find a real answer of if and how mermaids have sex and mur people because I remember Natalie saying something about an unfolding of something at some point. And, you know, some people say maybe they fuck the way dolphins fuck, which I guess is belly to belly. but also if the female dolphin doesn't want to, well, they're belly to belly. And they're going. So, you know, let's not think about, you know, the Mur people having sex. Let's just say they know how to have sex with each other.

Although, according to this article, they can have sex with human beings. And I just, I guess you rub on it, rub on it. There was a lady who was like had a dolphin at her house and was like keeping it and then was just stroking it. They were in a relationship, Amber. It was consensual according to that. human being, okay? And they were in love with each other. And I don't know if that can happen. But I do know what did happen this week. And I am starting it off sad because I was weirdly saddened. And not weirdly, I mean, a person died. I was very sad about Diane Keaton.

Appropriately sad. Everyone said. She was such a light in this world that would be outpouring of love towards her has been really, really insane. And everyone said that she just, you know, it was quickly towards the end there, but that she was out months ago, still walking her dog, still having a, like, still a wonderful, beautiful outlook on life. And it did kind of annoy me because there have been, like, throughout all of the years. And of course, we've always discussed this in the same way that we've always brought up. I can't believe Jennifer Aniston didn't have children.

But the fact that people, 79 years old, just passed away, prolific actress. And the number one thing that they, that almost every article talks about is, can you believe she never got married? Oh my God, can you believe she had children, but she never got married? Because she fucking didn't want to. And she openly said many times, like, I don't want to be married. I have no desire to be married. And when I wanted to have children in my 50s, I did.

And that's great. And now, and this isn't a, I shouldn't be so defensive about this. I'm not Diane Keaton's kin. But why I don't, I think it's because Al Pacino did just recently put a child into a younger person that Al Pacino is coming out being like, she was the love of my life. Oh, she was a love of my life. Oh, he was sexy back in the day. Oh, my God. But who whole conversation about her talking, they were together for like eight years.

and it got to a point that she thought because society, she thought she was like, well, are you going to marry me? I guess we got to get married. And he was like, no. And so. Yeah, it's one of his regrets. Yes. But not one of hers.

Not one of hers. He's like, I should have married her. And she's like, it's probably for the best that we didn't. And that's, you know, I'm like, all right. And he said she was the love of his life. Yeah. Well, she says she thinks she was, he was. the love of his life, but not that he was not the love of hers, right?

Right. Whoa. That's some shade right there. Right. Yeah. Well, we've all been there. Essentially, she was like, I had a different man for every generation, and I liked it that way. That was it. I never found someone that I felt the need to, and so many of these interviews are now cropping up, because of course, it really is this, like, I don't know, man, the internet of just like, the marriage, the, like, who gives a shit? She's Diane Keaton. She was my every, like, I just, you know, like, I had her up there with, like,

a Catherine O'Hara of different ways in which I could grow as a woman that I would love, that if I could grow to accepting myself and appreciating myself the way that, like, I mean, Diane Keaton fucking leaned in, and she was that bitch, man. And everyone says she just was effervescent, a joy to be around. Yeah. Always really respected other people and respected what she did. And I just, I needed to say it. I love, I love Diane Keaton.

First Wives Club is one of my favorite movies. I was going to see First Wives Club. I think this is my chance. Oh, bro. Oh, you're going to love it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen that scene where they're singing and dancing.

Don't tell me what to do. Don't tell me what to do. what to say and it's great and I love it and you don't need you don't need that husband we just need our community we need our friendships right every single actor in that movie ace a plus yeah yeah and they're all like character actors back you know when actors it was okay to be a little bit ugly or to have crooked or like yeah and I wouldn't even say like it was okay to get old because obviously it was for women to get old stuff was and remains controversial but I I feel like the weird the weird the childlike space that Diane Keaton occupies in my head

is like being a little kid and being like, huh, an older woman who's famous. And like that is such a like stupid way to but like, oh, she's like at all the award shows and she's famous and she's beloved and yet she's older. And I think I now understand why that was so novel, you know.

And always trying new things and someone that wasn't trying to hide from her age and continued to do romances and continued to do fun things and was doing things that it seemed that made her happy. Right. I think a big part of the sadness about this is now she's a part of history. And we all know history gets rewritten and rewritten and the winners make it. So what are they going to write? You know, like she was just saying this unmarried cretan.

It's like, go on. Can we not just reduce her down to that place? When she was alive, when she's a part of the world, it was like, this, you know, a burst of joy. And is that going to be remembered? It was an abortion, Michael. I was going to say, please don't get through the episode without saying it was an abortion, Michael. She's great.

Yeah, she's great. And I don't really have, I just, yeah, man, rips go out to her. It's also someone that, you know what I'm saying it, encouraged me that I could also look good in hats. Oh, yes. I feel like, the fashion. The fashion. Oh, my God. what Diane, like the way that she, you know, you even think back to like an Annie Hall and what she

provided in a way of inspiring people of like, you know, I feel like she was more of one of the originals not like the other girls, you know what I mean, where it's like so, you know, right? Like definitely was doing so much. I mean, she was with Woody Allen for a while, but you know, that part, it's figuring out how to reckon with that part, I will say, I'm, I'm, it's. a little tricky. I'm going to say it was a long time ago and I'm going to say that it seemed like they were young and who knows they, you know, they're working together. It's a whole,

who knows? Yeah. There's been a couple of stories about that too. But and yeah, that is, that's tricky because it's like, well, yeah, this is obvious, this is part of her, like, legacy and like, so not just their relationship, but they're like their collaborations and everything, right? But then also, I don't, I don't want to, like, reduce her legacy to that relationship and that, on those collaborations. Right. So that's... I just, I don't know.

She was just like a true actress. Yeah. And I still see her as a classic movie star in a way that I feel like we don't necessarily have as many of anymore. Like I know right now, which I'm excited, Julia Roberts is about to be in a new movie, which apparently is amazing. And I am excited with Iota Berry and I am excited to see it. But it's like, to me, of our time period, like, I saw Julie Roberts as like the pinnacle of movie stars growing up. But she did back away from the scene for a good amount of time to raise a family and to do whatever the hell she wanted. And she can.

She made a bunch of fucking money. Go do whatever the hell you want. But I guess she's coming back to do more and go for her. Maybe she wants to have a resurgence. Maybe we're going to see a, you know, a Nicole Kidman arc. we're going to see it. Like, I'm here. I'm here for all of it.

Do you know the kids don't know who Nicole Kimman is? They think of her as the AMC lady. I mean, I also think of her as the AMC lady. Well, she's made a lot of very recent work, so they should learn. They should learn.

We got to show these kids eyes wide shut. Yes. And baby girl! Yes. We didn't talk about this. I don't think, after it happened, Jack here, if we did, correct me when I'm wrong.

But the Roberts, because I also, I'm like, oh, Julia Roberts is back. And she's doing a press tour, and that's fun. But there was this huge, amazing moment flare up that happened a couple of weeks ago on this press tour where it was Julia Roberts, Andrew Garfield, and Ioetta Berry. And this interviewer asked a question about Black Lives Matter, but she directed it to Roberts and Garfield and said, speaking to you two specifically. And it was basically about, like, oh, is woke stuff over? I don't remember the exact wording the question.

But it was like, it was like this really weird kind of anti-woke question that she specifically asked to Julia Roberts and Andrew Garfield. while Io Edda Berry was sitting there. And Julia Roberts goes, could you repeat that with your sunglasses on? I can't tell which one of us you're talking to. And it was like the most, like, it had been a while since I was like, okay, bad bitch Julia Roberts.

Oh my God. It was like this careful, pointed, like, are you sure you're directing that question to just us to and not the other person who's sitting here too? And it really made me like really happy to see Julia Roberts back at it. You know, if you haven't watched the clip, go watch.

It's hard to, it's one of these ones that's kind of like hard to, uh, to summarize, but it really is a moment. It's also a great moment of just like kind of solidarity and allyship where this, this director, this interviewer asks, uh, you know, like a pretty like coded, like, asked the question of kind of a racist way. And then both of the white actors are like, we're not doing that. We are absolutely 100% not going to do that. Um, and it's, yeah, it is, it is really worth watching. And again, really should. a fun side of Julia Roberts. And what was the other actress's name who was in Wicked, Cynthia?

Because I don't like how the press treats Cynthia Revo. Every article seems to have some kind of dig at her when, in fact, she's a highly trained singer who can, like, blow everybody out of the water. I don't understand. But Ariana! But everybody's going to talk about Ariana. And I think I will throw that out there,

that I think that last year, their PR circuit for Wicked was so, like, it got to such an annoying extent that I do wonder if they thought about it a little bit more during the second time around because I feel like last year for the first half of Wicked,

the PR tour was months of us talking about Ariana and Cynthia Revo and the two of them and their friendship and their connection and now that the second part is coming out I think that maybe I don't know.

It seems like maybe they learned something and maybe they're doing a little. little bit less, or maybe we just haven't gotten into November yet, and I will be really shutting my trap very soon. But they, no, it's just, they love to pit them against each other. They want to drum up drama. They want to, I mean, the drama is Ariana Grande was Stupin Bach, and Bach had a fucking baby at home and was married. That's, that's what the drama was. And so I feel like they were also trying to pit them against each other, because that's, oh, babies. Oh, always see those women up there and we're like, yeah, well, what if they were scratching at each other?

Yeah, I'd look a bit on cat scratch fiefel. Now, speaking of classic actors, I just feel like I have to insert this in. It's not in the articles this week. It just happened the night before we are recording, which classical beloved actor, Alec Baldwin drove his car into a tree. And then his favorite thing happened, which is just people taking pictures of him while he's upset. He's so upset. And also, apparently it wasn't even his car. It was Eladia's car. Well, don't worry. She went on Instagram right away to make it about herself

and to say that he's okay. Is she just like completely insane? Yes. Oh, bra. You don't even know this week's been a big week for Hilaria. She got kicked off of dancing with the stars and she's calling it sabotage. Oh yes. I read the article you all said. He's calling it sabotage. It's a dancing show and she's not a

dancer. It is a voting show also and she just didn't get the votes but she's calling it sabotage. And she's doing a lot of videos on her Instagram, which I do follow. And she's talking about how there's bullying. Oh, there's a coordinated campaign of bullying. And I'm like, I think what she means by a coordinated campaign of bullying is that people online do make fun of her. Don't like her. Yeah.

For pretending to be an immigrant. Yeah. For pretending to be an immigrant. Yes. Strikes me is like the popular girl that is popular just for being mean. Not for being like a nice, well-adjusted, happy person. No, it's the other mean girl. Yeah.

It's the other mean girls's fault. Yeah. Amber, don't you see? It's because she's so beautiful and she's so talented. And all these people, they just want to rip her down. Now, Amber, MJ and I did watch all of the Baldwin's, their reality show that they dropped, which was disgusting and definitely like a whole Mayaculpo of like, yeah, he killed that woman. But look at all these kids.

Why don't we capitalize on all these kids? And Aladia is like, and what did I? golf, and it is crazy because her name is, again, Hillary Lynn Thomas, that is her original name. Her name is not Elia. And she got kicked off dancing with the stars last week and has since put out so many interviews of her crying because of her hurt, but then also because TikTok is really going after her because of all of this. She is personally, going on and writing comments on these people that are making fun of her, being like, yeah, well, I'd love to see you learn how to do the dance.

And it's like, girl, get off of TikTok. Back away from the typey, typey. Stop doing this. They're just going to keep making fun of you. Do you think the worst thing that could happen to her is like no more attention? Yeah. Totally. Oh, it's so, and it's like I do, like the most empathy I have for her is that it must be very

hard to know that everyone is making fun of you, you know, like, and that, that must be art. But there is a super cut. Since she got kicked off Dancing with the Stars last week, there is a super cut of all of the, her like interviews and reactions. My favorite is what she's, she's doing a lot of whispering. She's just like, I open my heart up to dance. And now I've got to close it again. But my favorite quote is her, her just going, and I'm 41. So I really just want to bring that into my life. And I'm 41. And I'm 41. Maybe it's menopause. It might be metapause.

But the thing is, Amber, according to the judges, she was in, like, the top three. Like, she was killing it in the dancing. And she just keeps saying, like, very coordinated, very strategic bullying. And she was talking about how everyone decided that because of the mean votes, she said, like, there's a lot of mean girls. I guess what people were doing is they're having campaigns where they wouldn't just vote for their favorite. because you can vote 10 times for a couple. They were voting for all the other couples except us.

So they were boosting everybody else and trying to drown out by fan base. That's not bullying. That's how the voting system works. It's certainly reality show democracy. I did the same thing for Clay Aiken back in 2003. And then Alec Baldwin was so upset that he had to drive him and Stephen Baldwin into a tree. I mean, to be fair, he was in the car with Steve. Steven Baldwin, and I think if I were in a car with Stephen Baldwin, I also might crash us into it.

You're going to try. Yeah, you're going to try to crash that car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be doing a lot of that. Like, I could. This is, what is it with celebrities like this? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the one of the most interesting things about Alec Baldwin is that he comes from a family of six, but all of his siblings are insane. But he's like, yeah, I'm fine with having all these kids because I come from a big family. And I'm like, but Alec, your family is toxic. Ficked up. Fucked up. Yeah. Really bad. Really fucked up. Not saying that you shouldn't, whatever, have the amount of kids that you want to have. You know, I was seeing this poll recently about like Gen Z and like what they, what they value.

And it was done, you know, unfortunately this is going to be like guys and girls and not a lot of like they, thems. But like the guys were like, what do you value? And they put family first. And then they asked the girls, they're like, what do you value? And they put like healthy emotional relationships up there. And then the men are making fun of the women because. they're just like, you sound really emotionally unstable. You don't want a big family.

We want a big family. It's like reminds me of the bald ones because it's like, yeah, anybody can go fuck and have all these kids, but are you emotionally grounded enough to raise them right? That's the question. And I think you could watch the hilarious supercut of her reaction since losing this dance contest and you can worry about her emotional stability when it comes to raising the kids. Yes. She pulled her kids out of school to come to.

L.A. to watch her or, excuse me, the opposite, or they went to New York. Either way, brought all the kids with her. And then also in part of the interviews of like, as in front of my children. It's like, you took them out of school for a month

to watch you so that you could do this. I mean, she was only on the show for four weeks. So she was planning on doing it for the entire time because she thought she was going to win. Yeah. So it is I, you know, one of the few people on this show that when we shit on her, we're not getting any, no feedback of guys, please give her more of the benefit of a doubt.

Not a one. I haven't received one. And I, you know what? Thank you. Thank you for giving us at least somebody, you know, because. To shit on. Hilaria is just, because it's also like such an, like, it's evil in multiple ways. and she is a spectrum of evil

in a way that I don't know if we expected and I'm kind of excited to watch her continued journey Oh yeah, the post-dancing with the stars spin out is going to be I really can't help but feel like Alec Baldwin crashing his car

into the tree is connected and I know it's not he hit the quote from him as of an hour ago quote, I hit a big fat tree very Alec Baldwin quote Very yeah yeah very Alec Baldwin

I imagine him screaming that at the paparazzi as they were taking pictures of it, but I know that's not exactly what happened. Also, I will say, before we were talking about Julia Roberts, and I can't believe I didn't bring up the story that I had linked in the articles, the fact that Julia Roberts, when she had twins, when she had babies, Oprah delivered her baby gifts. And you're like, oh, okay, that's really great, really cute.

But Julie Roberts, apparently, at the time, lived in a very remote place that getting packages delivered was very, very difficult. Because she was so famous. She had to live in a place that nobody could find her. So we're like on a mountain like a hawk. Is that how you give her the gifts? Yeah, exactly. You got to have, yeah, find the nest somewhere, you know, overlooking from like a helicopter

or something. But not Oprah. Oprah couldn't come to the baby shower. So instead, Oprah got a truck to pull up to her remote home late at night and had two chests, like baby chest, like full chest, filled with baby things. Wow. For each of the children sent to Julia Roberts home. And while I know that Julie Roberts was telling this story in like, isn't that such a beautiful thing?

It's kind of creepy. Terrifying. I would be sure. How did she find out? The power that Oprah has. How did she find out? How did she get this all set up without me knowing about it? Like, oh, maybe if her partner, like if Julia Roberts partner knew about it, but

nobody knew that it was going to happen. The fact that Oprah has the kind of power to get that to happen scares me. Oprah can show up in your room in the middle of the night. Like Edward and Twilight. Oh my God. I have to, just to be the Holden for a second and to read the comments on this. Because I was like, I'm also, I was like, this story, it's like, part of me wants to be like, oh, how nice. And then part of me is like, ugh.

Like it's just, but, but so I wanted to see what the people say to the story of Oprah finding Julia's secret house. And the first comment, wow, but you couldn't help save Kamala's campaign. That's so funny. Thanks, comments. Oh, good. So glad you wrote it. I like it. I'm going to sound completely insane here.

And you might be like, Amber, everything you say after this, I'm not going to trust you ever again. Ooh, that's fun. Okay. But it was the Sunday before the presidential race. And I had this crazy feeling in my body. And I remember like I was scared. And my roommate had the same thing. And we hugged each other.

It was like two days before on a Sunday. I think that's when Elon Musk went and rigged the voting booths. Wow. And you think you felt it in your bones because you have a psychic connection to Elon Musk? I guess, yes. We're both cancers. But I do feel like, I could feel it. I was like, something's a miss.

Something's going on. Something's being like tinkered in the universe with. Like it's not happening naturally. It's like somebody's like obstructing something. We need Oprah to like level up, you know. Like involves like a Pokemon, you know, to like evolve to a further form to be a transformation. And speaking of the Illuminati and Eyes Wide Shot, I saw that movie recently. It's not about the Illuminati.

It's about a marriage that's going downhill and they both want to fuck. So he has this like, oh, who was the craziest thing I could fuck? Room full of girls, the Illuminati and they're all in masks. It's like a teenage boy's dream of fucking. Yeah, now that's a teenage dream. I can get behind. Sorry, I didn't even include this in the articles, but Katie Perry was seen kissing Justin Trudeau on a yacht. But the thing is, and at first I was like, don't care, don't care, all right? But one thing that they are making fun of Justin Trudeau for is they're on this beautiful yacht and he is shirtless, but standing in a pair of jeans. Everybody has noticed that he is standing there on the boat in a pair of jeans. I mean, Jean on a boat is stupid. Jeans on a boat is stupid. And, but. MJ, jeans on a boat. Yeah, you could follow up a yacht. Like, and listen, if you're at a yacht party,

but it was like, obviously they were yachting. They were currently like bathing suit, fuck boating. And you got jeans on? No, jeans are for farmers. Yes. All right. I'm not doing any work on that boat. I think shirtless with jeans is a good look.

Yes. But jeans on a boat is a bad look. I think it's specifically in this picture because he's like kissing Katie Perry who is in a bikini, who is in. So I think jeans on a boat would be fine. It's just this specific situation and everyone is just looking for any reason to make fucking fun of it. And this is what they're finding because everybody, I imagine, you know, we're watching an interesting. I don't even, I don't know if we're saying downfall of Katie Perry, but we are watching her not be a firework.

I feel like a par. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Especially in music, you have to catch the times. And, you know, the mid-2000s, that was a very girl boss. We're going to go out there. We're going to get it. Balloons, fireworks. I'm going to decorate my office desk with, like, pretty pens. Absolutely. Last Friday, night. Yes. And then like the sweater you can put take off after work to make it, you know, from day to night. Day to night is a big thing. Yes. Yes. But then you got to pivot. You got to see where the thing is going. I don't think she did that. That's correct. And my theory is that Justin Trudeau and Gabe here are together so that they can build a time machine to go back to 2014 when they were both beloved. You know, because they were both beloved at the same time. And they're both now totally disgraced. And so I really, I really feel like that's all they have to offer is an extreme mutual understanding of what it's like to have been beloved and then to fall from grace.

Oh, God. Sorry, not to pivot from that, but we did watch this so annoying. on Jack and on Friday, we, someone was, Holden was telling me, so I don't know if you remember Colleen Ballinger, who was the person, like the kiddie star

who was grooming children and she had this like very public downfall and then as, like when she, everyone found out that she was definitely grooming children, she came out and did an apology cry song on a ukulele like staring into the camera.

This is that weird girl. Yes, yes. It was like, yeah, Miranda sings or something? Correct. Yeah. And her real name is Colleen Ballinger. And on the new Taylor Swift album, there is this annoying song called Cancelled. And it's all about like, I like my friends canceled. And it's all about my friends canceled. And Miranda and she decided to post a video of her listening to Cancelled and like understanding because she's canceled. No. No. She gets it. And I was so like,

ugh. No. This is why you don't write a song called canceled so that people who've been rightfully canceled can't be like, yeah, that's right. That's so obnoxious. Oh, my God. Of course. Let me use this stupid song as an opportunity to come back.

Oh, that's annoying. I always thought that she was kind of weird. Like the lipstick thing isn't funny. Like, why do people like this? You know who else is canceled who's three? threatening to come back is that Milo Janinopoulos guy, because after the Charlie Kirk assassination, he was like, well, I guess

someone's got to step up and I've been canceled by the left. And I was like, you were touching kids. Yeah, you got to fuck out of here. For pedophilia. I like me friends canceled. All right, fuck off Taylor's right. I'm glad it's not here today. I know.

I'm saying. I think that that song is annoying in a vacuum, but it's much more annoying if it's going to be used for the purposes. Used by canceled people? Yes. No, we don't need. We don't need an anthem for canceled people.

Especially like a Blake Lively being like, oh, Blake Lively, get out of here too. All of them get out of here. Blake Lively is someone who I don't like, but also I would be more on her side with that. Didn't she have a scandal with a director? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, I don't know. Baldoni, oh yeah, we talked about it quite a bit here. Sometimes I cannot like a victim, and I think that's okay.

Well, this is what we've said here. We call that. You can female empowerment. Yes, yes. It is. It's like, I don't think that she deserved to be treated the way that she was treated. But also, it sounded like she also wasn't being very easy to work with. What's the story that you had from this week, Jackie? Oh, that she, Blake lively proposed.

It ends with us. Contract Reveals salary and a six-figure bonus if she won an Oscar. An Oscar, you thought you were going to win an Oscar for a co-ho book? Girl. For the like hair care product movie when you actually sat down a thing. theaters it was about domestic violence. I thought this is about shampoo. It is such a weird book.

I read the book and I've read several books by this author and they're whatever. Not every book has to be war in peace but the idea that you were going to win an Oscar for this book which yeah, it is like a let's have fun and also talk about domestic violence movie and I

love that combo. It's my favorite combo. Talk about domestic violence and it is so funny that she thought she was going to win an Oscar. And you know what? I'm sorry, but it shows. Like the whole movie was, they all thought they were going to win Oscars. Like, mind you, I didn't finish it, but I didn't start it. It's not even just Oscars. Furthermore, she would have been paid $75,000 for a Golden Globe. And she would have been 75 for a Golden Globe nom and $100,000 for a win and $50,000 for a SAG award nom and $75,000 for a win.

So she would have got, she would have been paid $100,000 for an Academy Award nomination and $200,000. thousand dollars for a win. Girl, keep on, keep on dreaming, huh? We all got to have goals and aspirations. Wow. Speaking of old school Hollywood, they were just, you know, you forgot that they were acting. It's like we went to the Jaws exhibit and I saw a thing on the sound. And I was like, oh, the sound is so good in the movie Jaws.

I didn't, I was just in the ocean. I didn't think about how difficult it would be for a sound engineer to cut out the waves chopping and the wind. So when you see these movies and they're just like, I know I'm going to get an Oscar, like that kind of acting. It's just like, shut up. Yes. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah. We're definitely at that point in our relationship with Blake lively. It is just a lot of I, you know what, if I could just cover my ears and I can't hear, I can't hear the screech anymore. I got to write a script. I got to write a movie script for like a woman in her 60s who's just like had a rough life. and then it's like trying to make a comeback so then a woman can get an Oscar.

I love, yeah, I love this. $200,000 for it. Put it in. Yes, that's what I love. I mean, it's why I loved weapons so much because I love seeing an older woman being given a part that is meaty and fun and something different and something fun. I love to see it. She was scary. She was so scary.

She was great. And I know that it must have been scary as operas. Aubrey Plaza dresses up as a Christmas witch every year to scare children for Halloween. And I did include this article because it did make me think of something Amber that you might do. I read this article. It's very funny. I also have something nice to say about Aubrey Plaza after we talk about it. Yo, please. What would you like to say? Well, I was going to UCB and watching people do heralds and sketch comedy and things like before, like a long time ago, like before she got famous. Yeah, yeah.

remember her because she had her own point of view and her own world, but would come into the scene and would always add to it. It would never do superfluous like look at me kind of stuff. Like this sort of, I get an Oscar. It was just like, I'm here to add. And then like, you know, had a very specific point of view about her character. And then, of course, she got famous and that's very good. Like, she deserves it. There's nothing more infuriating than watching an improv scene and you could see somebody coming on being like, and now they're going to come, look at me. Yes, totally. And improv is such a good metric for this.

Amber, I listened to the Aubrey Plaza episode when she went on Amy Poller's podcast, and it's so fun because they're both taught. Like, Amy Polar, of course, you know, one of the founders of UCB goes, what made you move to New York City at Aubrey Plaza goes? Because I loved UCB. Like, I wanted to be part of the Upright Citizens Brigade. And so then they talk about, like, where they lived in the East Village, and like they lived in a few blocks of each other at different times.

And like, and it was really, because I also, that was what I fell in love with UCB around the same time. And it was really fun, like, hearing her talk about those days. And, like, that's still what she thinks is, like, her foundation as an actor, you know? Like, and it totally shows, like, she is. She's worked from the ground up in, like, in front of a live audience. I think it's harder to get somebody to go from film to live audience than from live audience to film. Oh, for sure. It's such a huge jump. You got to open up. You got to speak from your diaphragm. You got to, like, read the crowd before you can say your next line. Whereas, like, when you're just on a film, you just kind of like look down and, I don't know.

It's also a whole different kind of acting. You know, it's a whole different seat. You know, honestly, we're reading this memoir right now of a child star Alison Stoner. And they were talking about in an audition for Hunger Games. They specifically asked like, oh, are we in a wide or are we in a close up and asking for the audition? Because then that would determine like, oh, do you need me to play a little bit bigger or do you want just very minute reactions?

because you have to take a full level, you have to take many classes to learn film acting versus theatrical acting, which are two very different forms. Yeah. But I did want to bring up this Aubrey Plaza thing

also because I didn't know that she was co-writing children's books. And so she was talking about the Christmas Witch because she always would dress up as the Christmas Witch on Christmas Day

and has since, in 2021, put out the legend of the Christmas Witch, and in 2022, put out the return of the Christmas Witch, and currently she is promoting Luna and the Witch throw a Halloween party. And I love that she's making weird witchy books for kids. She's done a few witchy things. Like, didn't she play a nun in a movie?

Oh, my God, I want to see that movie so badly. Yes, and it's supposed to be so funny. Molly Shannon's in it. Oh, God, the little something. Little hours. Little hours, thank you. Little hours. Thank you, Adam.

I have almost watched that. I've seen the trailer so many times, and I don't know why I haven't sat and watched it yet because it is an amazing cast. And nobody talks about it. We should have a screening movie night. Okay. We're having a movie night, MJ.

Get on a plane. All right. And I'm also going to buy this book, Luna and the Witch Throw Halloween Party from Aubrey Plaza. For the kids. Yes, for the kids. I love this. She just wants to be the Christmas witch and steal kids' presents.

Yeah. I love her. On Christmas Day, she says, I have my friends sign up for slots on Christmas morning if they have kids, and I show up when they're opening their presents around 7.30 in the morning. And then I try to steal their presents. And so it adds this element of, you know, fright on Christmas morning, which kids love. I love this.

And I wish Opry Plaza would come and do this to my own Christmas, even though I don't have children. I think we've lost the art of scaring children. Yeah. Kind of love it. Yeah, put them in the boo box. Remember, like, The Secret of NEM? Oh, my God. That was such a scary cartoon, but I still remember it.

And I remember thinking, like, I don't know, just how beautiful it was. And a lot of those images are burned in my brain. And now it's a lot of like, okay, kids, today we're going to learn how to love each other. I don't know. Yeah, they don't have enough grit, right, MJ? How we wouldn't grit in your kids? It's interesting because they do have more anxiety, but they are not exposed to the same level of scary things we were. And I don't, I think no one knows how to make sense of that.

Maybe set up a fake kidnapping. front of them. Like, not of your kids, but like have them watch a kidnapping so they know to be scared of it. They had this in like, gosh, where was it? I think South Korea, there's a video of these like small children and then someone comes in and they try to give them candy and then one kid takes the candy and they just take the child in front of the other kids and they all start screaming. Scare them straight. That's how you do it. Yeah. Back in the old days. Scare the anxiety out of them. See if that works. Give them a good shake. I hear that does it too. Sorry, guys.

We went way past our time. It's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Hey. Jepstein list. I have that list. Yeah, it's not the Epstein list. It's not the Epstein list.

Yeah, that would be, that would take us probably too much time. But this one is more wildly shocking celebrity facts that maybe you didn't know. Now, some of these on here, we definitely do know. But according to the headline, I can't believe that they're true. Now, what is always on these kind of lists is the fact that Dennis Rodman is very good friends with Kim Jong-un. That's hilarious. And I do love that BuzzFeed really can never let anyone forget it. And I appreciate it.

I feel like this is on so many of BuzzFeed's lists of like, just so you guys remember, Dennis Rodman is good friends with King John Un. Because it's crazy. And dictators love celebrities because I think dictators want the same. celebrity worship. And this was in a book I read recently. And I'm sorry to always like bring this shit down. How dare you read? How do you read, bitch? I call Eiki Zoder versus the singularity. You should give it a go. It's about this Amish kid that goes out in this futuristic world to get medicine for his grandmother. And then, you know, he meets these robot humans.

But anyways, one of the robot humans says dictators love, they want love. They crave love. So what they'll do, but they want the power. So what they'll do is they'll say something like, oh, all humans, they're going to, you know, unless you become half robot, you're going to die. So evolve or die. But really, they're not going to kill you. They're just going to put you in working camps. So then at the end of the day, you're going to say, oh, well, at least they didn't kill them. I guess we love our leader.

Does this make sense? Yeah. I think I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. Did I just fucking derail this thing? No, I love it. No, I'm with you. That's probably what Dennis Radman's thinking about as well.

Probably, especially he was thinking about it while he broke his penis while having sex on three separate occasions. What? You think he would have learned. a lesson after the first one. Ouchy. He did say that the doctor said, you have a contused penis, and he said, can you say that in layman's terms? And they said, you broke your dick.

Three times. Three different times. But probably once you break it once, it's like if you have like a fractured ankle and something easy to rebreak. Adam, do you know? Adam doesn't know. I guess no breakings of any penises that happened inside of this room. There's no penis bone.

No bone. Yeah, so I guess it's like, is it just like a, it's just a worm at that point, right? Is it just a brain? I don't know. It's just a brain. This has come up in medical dramas before. Like, what medical drama episode am I thinking of? I don't know why I feel like I know about this because, yes, we've all had this conversation.

How can you break a penis? There's no boat in it. But you can. And I guess it's the blood vessels and it sounds horrifying. I'm very upset just thinking about it. What sound does it make? Oh, please don't. Wish you wouldn't.

Can we learn from this? I think that's probably what his dick is. But what do you learn? Stop slamming so hard? I mean, I don't know. It seems like, yeah, maybe that's what you learn. All I know is that I do need a moment because for some reason, this list is just not, it's just giving me shit.

It's just not, it's not scrolling. I keep seeing little bits of it and then having to make out. So, just give me a second. Let me see rail this one more time. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I feel like I've mentioned a few times not celebrity things and just really. weird political things

and that's not the episode that's not what this episode's about. Oh, that's okay. Do you want me to read the list, Jackie? You might have to. I don't know why my computer is doing this. So you might, I was going to navigate through. There's a bunch of them on there that we've done a million times, but I was going to go

to the Olivia Newton John one next. She's so beautiful. Please tell me she's she did something good. Well, I'm taking over the list. Back in 2005, Olivia Newton-John's on again, off again, boyfriend Patrick McDermen.

disappeared well on a fishing trip. They had been together for about nine years, but their relationship was rocky, and they had broken up multiple times. In June that year, McDermott set out on an overnight boating trip with 22 others. By the morning, he was gone with his wallet and other personal items left behind.

The Coast Guards concluded he had probably drowned. Jackie, this is another sad list. I found it. Got back on it. Here's where the story gets weird. McDermott might actually be alive this day. Excuse me? Multiple reports.

of sightings over the years, and Dateline even claimed he faked his own death to avoid his debts. However, there's no solid proof, and his ex-wife said, who shared a son with McDermott does not believe any of the theories. What? But Sandra D would never. That's, this is, sometimes the fun facts about celebrities will actually just be like, this person's relative died tragically, you know? Oh, yeah, it's a sad one.

There's another sad one coming up, because I feel like every time I see Terence Howard on these lists, I always get the fact that, and I don't know if you know this, Amber, Terrence Howard has made it his life's mission to prove that one times one equals two, okay, instead of one. There's many things, like there's lots. Is he mixing up the cross and the plus? You know, I think someone needs to explain it to him. I think that he's got a lot of math ideas. But did we know about the Santa Line slaying, MJ?

I honestly skip through Terrence Howard. celebrity news because much of it is very upsetting. It's all upsetting. I didn't know. And everyone's going to be like, Jackie, you've definitely read this on your report. I don't know if I go into a fugue state when I read lists. But, you know, if it surprises me again, I feel like I should bring it up again, that Terrence Howard witnessed his dad stab a man to death while they were in line to

take photos with a department store Santa in what became known as the Santa Line slaying. What? And apparently, Darren, MJ is so upset. I'm so upset. I just had to look at him up. I'm so upset. Darren said the man who was also there with his family made a racist comment to Terrence's father, Tyrone, after he thought he skipped in line. Tyrone was arrested and pleaded self-defense. He ended up being convicted of manslaughter and spent 11 months in prison. I will say, 11 months, not that long for publicly stabbing a man to death. But I think that we have talked about this before. I'm sure we have. I'm sure. I feel like we have. But it is, it's so

upset. But it makes you so upset. And he's got a lot of gations. And so I think that's why we often kind of breeze right past. Oh, we breeze past Karen Howard. Well, no, no, no. I mean, I think this, maybe this is why we don't remember. You know, I'm not I'm just this. What a, what a, what a constellation of events. Also that the teriology

is his name for his, his language of math that he thinks that he's reinventing math. Yeah. He's got a lot. He's so weird. Yeah. Like, looking to like Shirley Temple. She's the good ship Lollipop and she was molesting.

Yeah, yeah. I think she had a rough time. Yeah, it turns out back then, they really weren't, they especially weren't protecting those kids. Now, Paula Abdul, liar or just cartoon catfucker? Paula Abdul has made multiple remarks about being in a plane crash in the 90s, suffering injuries that led to her retreating from the spotlight for some time.

There's just one problem. There's no record of the crash ever happening. Abdul's description doesn't match any crashes at the time, though it is possible it was not reported and the wreckage was not found. Still, as an article points out, this would mean Abdul and the other passengers just left the burned-out plane in a field and it was never reported. and I didn't know that about Paul Abdu. I feel like even in the 90s they had like aviation rules. You couldn't just fly a plane up in the air. Even if you were a private plane,

you still had to say, I'm leaving from this airport to this airport. Here is my coordinates of location. I think that's true. I've watched a lot of early American Idol and I feel pretty confident saying that Paula Abdul could like accidentally spin herself into this story. And I'm not even saying she's lying.

I'm just saying she might have just been like exaggerating and then she started believing it or something. You know what I mean? Like I don't know. Who knows? Right. Like I just, I thought she got on a boat trip, a boat problem. She had more problems too? I guess we can't say it.

Google and call it actual boat problems? It's just her wearing jeans on a boat and we're like, oh, that's what it was. Bitch, you've got boat problems. Take those jeans. I'll get your ass a fucking pair of linen pants or something. Something more breezy than that. Oh, no. That's Estefan.

Gloria Estephan. Sorry, I mixed them with both problems and playing problems. You know, but everybody is having problems, but are they having alien problems? Now, last week we were talking about Fran Drescher, who does know that she has a chip put inside of her from aliens. But did you know that in his book, Van Halen member Sammy Hagar also wrote that he had an alien abduction experience? He told MTV, aliens were plugged into me. It was a download. situation. This was long before computers of any kind or wireless. There weren't even wireless

telephones. So looking back now, it was like, fuck, they downloaded something into me or they uploaded something from my brain like an experiment to see what this guy knows. And I was like, man, of course, aliens, you know, very smart forms of life are going to come here and choose Sandy Hagar. They need to know what Van Hagan and be like, no, that's the mind that we need to find. out information from. So good for you, Sammy Hagar. And, you know, just throwing it out there, I do, one of the facts that I, I think I bring up every other week, I think about it constantly.

The fact that Barbara Streisand has cloned her dog Samantha twice. And I think at this point, it might be more times than that. If I wake up and my clone dog is staring at me from across the room, I'm going to shoot it in the head. Yeah. I'm going to have a gun by my bed. I'm just going to bam. No, you'll know which one, because apparently Barbara Streisand has to put different outfits on the dogs to tell which one's the newer one and which one's the older model.

She didn't even... So then you'll know which one you tell. I could understand cloning a dog, like a, like saving the DNA so that after your beloved pet dies, you can recreate them. I'm not saying I would do it. I know. But they're not the same. I know, but I understand. All right, but I don't understand doing it at the same time.

Well, do you think you have a soul? If you clone? Yes. I think that with this has been explored. in multiple movies. It can't happen to you. No, that's it. Chances are, that's what I was thinking of. I was thinking of, no.

Multiplicity? No. What's the one with, no, not Albert. Is it Albert Brooks when he gets a different soul and he comes back down? It is chances are. There's also chances are. Now, I'm thinking of the movie with Haley Joel Asmet about artificial intelligence, but that's not about cloning.

That's about artificial intelligence. No, I think it was called artificial intelligence. Are we going through? menopause right now? I think literally everyone's hearing us go through it actively. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's honestly, isn't it kind of nice for you to know out there listeners that when you forget things or like your brain stops working mid-sentence, you're not alone.

We're all used together. I feel like I say this to my mom on the phone all the time when my mom's like, oh, I'm getting old when she can't remember something. I'm like, mom, I can't remember 20 things a day. All right? Let's stop blaming how old you are, okay? This is, all of our brains are a little inundated right now. I can't remember when I walked in a room and for what?

No idea. I can't remember anything. Walk in here. No. And I refuse to remember. But I will say I don't refuse to end the list. And that is the end of it. Well, I don't remember.

And I also can't see. I think I'm going. Blind. Items. Ah, we can't see. Yay. All right. You remember, Amber.

I'm going to give you a little hint and you're going to guess about who I'm talking about. Blind number one. The pint-sized actor is worried because the foreign-born A-list singer knows all but has never signed an NDA. The worry is that he will start using and start spilling. Toby McGuire? Wow. No.

Not even close. Of course, the pussy posse, Toby McGuire himself. Well, he's like pint size. I'm trying to think of the small. You're right. Oh, pint size. Yeah, you were focused on the pint size. But I'm not saying what's well, just in case, okay, never mind.

I'm very glad you said Toby McGuire. I love Toby McGuire. And he is pint-sized, but that's not who we're talking about. This is, okay, Amber, I don't know. Tom Holland. No. This is a couple that has been in the news a lot in the last few weeks. Keith Urban.

Correct. He's pint-sized? No. Who's worried that Keith Urban is going to start drinking and spilling information that he knows about him because of what was told to him in his marriage. Tom Cruz? Yeah, man. Whoa.

Tom Cruise is worried that Nicole Kidman told a bunch of secrets about Tom Cruise to Keith Urban. And Keith Urban, I'm sorry that Keith Urban's drinking problem is bringing, being brought into the gossip here. But apparently the worry is Keith Urban is going to start spill it. I don't think he needs to start drinking to spill. If I was Keith Urban, I'd be sober, spill it. I'd be like, you know what? My wife told me about you, Tom Cruise, and I'd spill right away.

So Keith Urban might have some marital secrets about... We're not pro-keith Urban here on this show. I'm not either. We're definitely, like, if we're choosing a side in the divorce, obviously we choose Nicole. But in case you were wondering, Amber, Keith Urban did have a cocaine clause in the pre-nup to his marriage to Nicole Kidman. And since he has been clean for nine,

19 years of their marriage, he earned $600,000 a year to be clean in the marriage. And now he's receiving that money. But it does, I will say, that's got to be very scary to like, I, I'm not saying, like, because we, you know, if we're choosing sides of the divorce, of course, I choose Nicole Kidman. But it's like, I also kind of feel bad for the guy that, like, I hope he doesn't like crazy relapse because now he's able to have like a freedom that he didn't have. Yeah, because now he has the money to go. off. Yeah, and he could do whatever wants. I'd rather just never get married again. Yeah.

Be a Diane. Yes. And pay my husband not to drink and do drugs. All right. Yeah. Well, Amber, this next blind is for you. The former web crawler was nice enough to not bring his super, super, super young yachter girlfriend with him to an event honoring the mother of his kids. Web crawler. Web crawler. I'm going to go ahead and say pint sized again and see if that helps you. I literally just dug this one back up for you. Is it, oh, Toby McGuire? Toby McGuire. It's Toby McGuire. I've never had a Toby McGuire blind. And that's a great. I do. Can you read it again? So what? Yeah, can you read it again?

This, yeah. So now everyone pictures sweet, sweet Toby McGuire and get ready to be shocked. The former web crawler was nice enough to not bring his super, super young Yotter girlfriend with him to an event honoring the mother of his kids. Pussy Posse. That's good. I mean, it is good, I get it. I'm glad he's making some boundaries. That is good. Your children are there. Your ex is there. You don't want to bring, like, that's, it just seems inappropriate. His ex-wife is named Jennifer Meyer, and she was having a 20th anniversary celebration of her jewelry. Yeah. There's a time and a place, you know, like Thanksgiving, if I were to go home to my family, which I won't, but I like wearing many skirts and tube tops. You know, I have a nice body and I work for it, but I wouldn't wear that home.

No. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a time, it's like, it's called class. Yes. And also I will say his kids are 16 and 18. So it's not even like, oh, they're little and they wouldn't know. It's like this is, it's good.

You're telling me probably around their age. Toby McGuire is old enough to have a 16 and an 18 year old. Are you kidding? He's an old man. Yeah, we are old. I hate to break this to you. That's incorrect. I'm sorry.

MJ. In correct. Toby McGuire is 50 years old. Are you fucking with me? No, I'm not. man, he's got a baby face. Maybe it's the pussy posse. Maybe it keeps him young. I don't know if you've heard that, Amber, that he is a part of Leonardo DiCaprio's self-called, self-titled pussy posse. Oh, they just go and like have sex with young women. Yeah. And they're like,

they high five each other. I imagine. I mean, honestly, if they're over 18 and they're consenting to it, I'm kind of like, there's bigger fish to fry. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's just bigger fish to fry. Definitely bigger, chiroprice. It's always I'm trying to learn about Oh, well, okay, it looks like

according to Fomois, the girlfriend in question is 20, which is, uh, I don't love it. 30 years different? Two years older than your kid.

That is two years older than 18. I don't love it. That's a different, wow, there's a lot of, there's a lot of stories about him with young women. There's another one about him with a 22 year old.

That goes back to the emotional insecurity thing about how the guys were like reading that. That's so low. And they're just like, who needs emotional security? And women were like, we need that. Five-eight.

Fine size, you know? It's that pine size. I love him so much. I have to just cover my ears and go, la, la, la, la. No, I can't. I know I have to reckon with my heroes being sleazy. But I love him. Switch to an Andrew Garfield.

Like, that's the thing. If you're going to go after, you know, it's like, or Tom Holland. Those are other ones that are Tobin McGuire-esque. Get the other ones. Get the other ones. I know. I just don't want to lose him.

They're better. Okay. I know. I loved him, too. and we had to let him go. All right. We have to. No, this makes me so happy to like, I, months ago, I got off of dating lists, apps,

and I just feel so much better about myself and happy. Diane Keaton. Yeah, Diane Keaton. Yes, good for you. Basically. Because I was so upset because when I went to go see one battle after another and I was so annoyed with myself because it was like, I'm not attractantly in our DiCaprio anymore. I'm not.

And then he was just like very good in it. He's very good in it. He's good. He's good in it. He's very good in it. He annoys me. me. It annoys me that he's so good in it. That's okay. He's a good actor.

I know. And those are the kind of times, because like, you're right, Amber. With Leonardo DiCaprio, at least they're all over 18 and they're all consenting. I mean, the last combo I had on a dating app was a guy begging me, he was threatening me for me to come over to his house so he could

fuck me in the ass. And he's like, and then I have to go to the airport so you can only stay over for an hour. And I was like... You didn't jump on that, man? I didn't jump on that. And I was just like, telling him like, hey, don't talk to me. me like this. Like, I'm a human being. And I'm like, oh, I could just block you. I can just block you. Like, that's how bad it gets. So that's where like there's bigger. Be Diane.

Yeah. So you're not like threatening me with anal rate. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I hope that. I hope that Tobu Bukwara has lovely conversations with his 20 year old girlfriend and that are like about philosophy and stuff. That's what I'm going to assume. And they're talking about bluey and, you know, it's, I feel like they have that in common at some point. Yeah. All right. This is the last one. And Amber, I'm going to that this one really is a Jackie one, but I just couldn't let it slip through the cracks this week because it's very specific. Okay. Apparently, the well- And I'm probably not going to get it either, Amber. That's the beauty of this. You know, I'm probably not going to know. Apparently, the wealthy bookseller also has his eyes set on this archie actress to be either a bond girl

or at least have a big role in the next installment of the franchise. He really likes her look, and she is the opposite of his wife or the illiterate actress in terms of, of wildness and willingness to do anything but has worked for the company. Okay. There's a lot of people here. But when we say the wealthy bookseller, do you guys know who I'm talking about? Stephen King? But that would be a wealthy book writer.

This is like a CEO that we all hate. It's no longer a bookselling thing. Exactly. Jeff Bezos? It is Jeff Bezos. Yes. They always call him the wealthy bookseller in the blinds. So Jeff Bezos has his eyes set on an archie actress.

This is the part where I don't know if you'll know this actress, Amber. Anna DeArmas? Is it Lily Reinhart? It is Lily Reinhart. Who is from the series Riverdale. Look her up. Look her up, Amber. And so he is thinking, apparently, according to this blind,

Bezos is thinking, instead of having Sidney's Sweeney be the Bond Girl, maybe it will be Lily Reinhart. I mean, she's gorgeous. She is stunning. MJ and I both are kind of, I don't mean to speak for you, MJ, but I am definitely low-key obsessed with Lily Reinhart. She's wonderful and I love her. Yes.

She is an amazing, she is a wonderful actress. She brought her fucking A-game to Riverdale. She sure did. She also seems like the kind of person that I follow on all the socials and she just seems like a real person who is genuinely like trying to call out beauty standards and genuinely trying to, like, she has like a lot of cystic crazy acne and she tries to be very open about it. She tries to be, like, talking about,

and, like, being very thoughtful with her collaborations, and she's very, like, just someone that seems to be a genuinely good person that is working very hard. I just followed her on Instagram. I really like her a lot. It seems like she just has a really good, like, friend base. It seems like everything that has been said about her

is that she's just a really nice, good person. And I hope that gets ripped from Sydney. That's because of course she's the favorite. She's the favorite right now to be the next Bond Girl. Next Bond Girl? I feel like she's a little too famous to be a Bond Girl, right? Or not famous, but like. I think that that's the perfect.

That's the prize. I mean, I went to go see that Nunn movie she was in just because, you know, there were times when I got to see her bazongies underneath the Nunn shift when she was all wet. I mean, she's gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah, but that was back when I was more supportive of her. and I'm not really anymore. Last little bonus blind,

even though I'm almost able to see again. This cosplay celebrity is upset because she says she was promised she would make it to the finale. But the thing is, everyone was tired of her. Elia. Elia. Bye bitch.

Even Andy Richter is still on the show, Amber, and Andy Richter, the heart of the show. He's really not, you know, he's no Eladia and yet still on the show. Love it. I love Dancing with the Stars. We are going to be talking about it

on Second Helpings, but don't worry. And MJ, you can see again? Yes. Well, that's great. I hope that you can eat again. Because it's time for snackies. Woo!

I've been a snacky girl. Snacky. I've been a snacky girl. Snacky. I've been a snacky girl. Snacky. I've been a snacky. Snacky.

Is somebody going to eat those chips? Is somebody going to dip those dips? Is somebody going to try those candies? I got seminar. They say I'm a snack lead. Honestly, today we're going to be doing a little mashup of an MGs minute, MGs, MGs, MGs' of MJ's Minute Munchies and Jackie's Snackies because on the show today, we finally, Tinderella, I love you.

Dinderella, a wonderful member of our chat, a beloved member of our chat, went to Buckees and was so excited and sent both MJ and I separate boxes filled with stuff. Wow. Now, MJ has gone through a couple of the things. the other things. And I was, I'm not going to say lazy. I'm going to say, wasn't getting to the UPS store, but now I've got it. And I'm excited because I think that we, I don't even know if maybe we saved the best for last. And also, Tinderella, oh my God, you're so sweet with the Bucke's, with the hat and everything. I love my hat. I immediately put it on. But.

I love my Bucky's hat. So yes, now Jackie and I get to have our snacks together, which is very rare, except for the time that I just happened to have, what was that weird for? A Rambuton. A rampant in your fridge, which was very weird. But today we are going down the rabbit hole, excuse me, the beaver hole of beaver nuggets. They look like, what's that Wisconsin thing? The cheese. Cheese curds. They look like cheese curds.

They are not that. They are definitely not that. I don't know what the nuggies are made of, but you are correct. They do look like cheese curds, but I would love for you to take a smell once I get them open to see if you think that they smell like. Nice. Good grip strength. Good grip strength. All right, it's a stint, smelly. Is there Bucky's Beaver Nuggets? My prediction is that it's going to be kind of a kettle corn meets a Cheeto.

Whoa, kettle corn meets a Cheeto. So if you'd like to grab some. All right, we're jumping in. All right, jump. Yeah, it's like cattle corn. Mm-hmm. Oh. But what is it? It's like a puff, you know. It's like a Cheeto look. But then it's got a salty finish to it. Ooh.

These nugs fuck, y'all. This is like six different flavors. Bro. Dinderella, I'm going to be real with you. At first I was like, oh, these are like sweet little nugs. It's probably not going to be my thing. These are delightful. And yes, I don't know what the puff is.

It is some sort of like it's almost like... It's a mystery. It's like you're eating a bunch of kicks if the kicks have caramel and brown sugar on them. Like larger kicks. Kicks with catacorn. Yeah, it has like a savory. And I think what they do is they have a savory. oil they fry in him.

Like some sort of infused oil. And it's like a sweet thing fried in an infused oil. That's my guess. That's my guess. It does and savory. And for those of you out there that have never been blessed with experiencing a Buckees before, Buckees are insane. They have great food. They have great

snacks. They are known for their snacks, which is why Tinderella thought about us while you were in the Buckees. And thank you so much, Diderot. These are, I was, I was. He was like upset because like, oh God, and it's such a large bag and I feel bad. I don't want to waste them. Now I'm nervous because I'm going to eat the entire bag by the end of the day.

I was going to say this would be a great like put out at a Halloween party. Yes, it would. These are delicious, but I'm excited to get into the rest of them. And also, Tinderella, thank you so much. Thank you, Tinderla. And if you want to send in some snackies, you can send it in to Jackie Snackies at 4804, Laurel Canyon Boulevard, number 378, North Hollywood, California at 916. And I've got some other snackies at home. I'm very excited about, oh, I've got some lemonade chips that have come in.

I'm very excited about that. There's lots of things that are going on in the world of snackies here. I'm excited about all of them. And I feel really good. It's a rainy day. So you should crawl in bed and have that. I'm kind of jealous, to be honest. I mean, you can take them if you want.

You know that I share. I'm here to share. I'm trying to think what I have in the fridge. I have three hamburger patties. No bun. That's all you need. Crawling to bed with three hamburger patties. Three separate patties.

You just cook them separately. Just like triple fist them. Have one in your foot. Have them all up at a time. Make sure you get bites of each. And I hope you have a blast with it. Now, Amber, what are we have to, what are we throwing out there for promos right now? Obviously, we've got our spun.

Obviously, we've got our brighter side over here on the network. You know, there's going to be some more YouTube action coming at you from the network. and I will say first up, we're getting a little bit of hoop of go-go-goo. And it is the world that you have created and have added upon is weird shit. And I can't wait for everybody to see it. Thank you. It is a little bit weird. Yeah.

It's kind of like it like that. Yeah. It's so fun. I love it. It's real weird. Oh, yeah, MJ's been a judge. Oh, yeah. Okay, it's a judge.

Nice. I'm also going to be in San Diego opening up for Ed Larson. And we're going to have Julie Rosen and Ashley Book Roberts, Sunday, November 16. Sunday, November 16th, 6 p.m. Ooh, in San Diego. That's right. So go get your tickets, pretty please. Where can we get your tickets over on Amber Smelson? It's at Mike Drop Comedy.

Yeah, Mike Drop. Okay, November 16th? Yeah, 8878 Claremont Messia Boulevard in San Diego. Love this. Go check it out, November 16th, Sundayago. And if you're not in San Diego, take a trip. It's beautiful there. It is beautiful there. Yeah, you guys are going to have a blast.

Amber, delightful. I love having you on. Thank you. I really, I just love talking to you. I love your sidebars into other things. This is why we have, we have a, you know, a ranging rover of third guest hostovers. Like the ranch rover that Alec Baldwin crashed into a tree. Cashed into a tree with his brother.

Those are expensive. Yeah. I mean, he's Alec Baldwin. He has money. Yeah. But he's got all those kids. And he doesn't go to the opera. And like, think about what Alec Baldwin has to go through.

Amber for a moment. Oh, God. But like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't we think of Alibald? Please, guys. I feel like he and Ben Affleck would get along and they would commiserate over like their wives. Honestly, though, but both of them, if they were both solo, I would love to go get drunk with the two of them. They sound fun. I do think they would be fun. Big time. I would absolutely tie one on with both of them together. I do think Ben Affleck is a better man, but like like by a lot. I do. And Jay-Lo, I like. I like. I like. J-Lo, just fine. I don't think she's weird at all. Yes.

No, she's a much better person than hilarious. But I think you're right that they would complain about women together. And I would drink with them while they did it. I certainly would do. And thank you so much, Amber. My name is Jackie Soprowski. You can follow me on Instagram, but Jack That Worm. You can come hang out.

Come hang out on the page 7, Patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. We are in. Oh, my God, guys. I am coming up on such the craziest, craziest shit on book three of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Come join us, Jackie's Book Club on the Patreon every Monday. I am in the third book and I'm kind of losing my mind right now. Please come out with us.

Also, Buffy, we are in the shit. Big shit. We are in the big shit in Buffy. Come watch it with us. If you ever wanted an experience and you were hoping, I hope I get to see. Jackie, unabashedly sob, truly. Check out next week. It's going to be next week.

It's going to be next week. So just check that out while I thought it was going to be a sad episode. Amber, everybody told me it was a very, very sad episode. And I was like, I'm fine. My dad died three months ago. I'll be fine. I'm healed. I forgot your dad passed three months ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I wasn't healed. Yeah, this is one of the most devastating episodes of television ever, but you can watch it with us at our Patreon. on Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. Yeah, and you know you want it. And you, you will come feel alongside me. You know you want it.

Don't bring up Robin Thick right now, MJ. And also, of course, who's the bitch.com? Go hit that up. Go hit us with your problems. We love, Karen, I love hearing from you. And of course, check out YouTube.com slash at LPN Romanticse. Natalie and I are really making some moves over here. and hopefully we'll be shoving ourselves in front of your face even more very soon.

MJ? You can always email us, page 7podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you. Amber, we love having you on the show. Come back soon. Love you, love you, love you. Thank you. And we will see you all tomorrow for Second Helpings.

Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one, one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.