Page 7 - Why Won't You Die Already? w/ Holden McNeely

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

This week on Page 7, Jackie and MJ are joined, once again by Holden McNeely to discuss Holden coming to terms with being a monster fucker, and spill the tea on Wynnie becoming a diva and not understanding why she's not always the star! Holden calls out Jackie for daring to have a grey hair, and the "Eat, Pray, Love" author did an Eat, Pray, Love 2, where she plotted to murder her terminally ill partner, proving maybe she IS the problem! Plus Sophie Turner and Chris Martin are together which causes a massive yawn across the entrainment world. Mr. Fantasy released a NEW SONG, and errrybody says it's a BANGER! Then a list of celebrity parenting rules that make either a ton of sense or very little sense, followed by the blindz even HOLDEN can't guess! Jackie's Snackies starts an unplanned pickledicament 'round 1:10:38.401 with MJ's Minute Munchies 'round 1:16:03.459, and runs until 1:18:53.845! All that and more on this week's Page 7! Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The year is 2012. The setting. New York City. There are a thousand stories in the naked city. And this one is about blood. Vampires are reeled. They stalk the streets, feeding on the living. Nobody is safe.

Join me, Henry Zabrowski, along with Jackie Zabrowski, and veteran TRPG player Ross Bryant, for an actual play series set in the Vampire the Masquerade universe. from the mind of Game Master Jared Loker. The show will premiere on the LPNTV YouTube channel starting on Wednesday, October 29th, and will release on a weekly base. People will die, then get back up and bite you.

Will my character succumb to the beast within? Can Jackie navigate the Byzantine intrigues of the dam? The future is in the street. All we know is, it's gonna be a bloodbub. LPN RPG presents Bloodbath Every Wednesday on the LPN TV YouTube channel

It all begins on October 29th Enjoy the mysteries Where Joe out in the Suki Stackhouse wild And I've been feeling Throbby down under ever since And speaking of Halloween Either little red riding hood You sure are looking good

You everything a big bad wolf could want Listen to him here Little Red Riding Hood I don't think little big girls should Go walking in any spooky old woods alone This actually does remind me of You're getting turned on? I do, there's one of my favorite

pornography is a Little Red Riding hood pornography and the man is the wolf. Oh, so it was the wolf and not the grandmother? It's, I think, Nikki Rhodes, I believe, is her name. Wow. It's a red-haired, of course. Porn within the 45 seconds. You know what?

I can believe it. Welcome to page seven, and we do have Holden on this episode. Look it up. It's a hot one. And it's, I just realized one of my favorite pornography is very monster fucker. I feel like we should unpack this because, I mean, this is kind of, of been my whole thing with Natalie as of late that I do think that a lot of us are monster fuckers and we're not really talking about it.

I'm just so glad you found a way to bond with your sister-in-law that's so sexually based. And a happy Halloween to all. Yes. Think about the monster fuckers in your life. Happy Halloween to you all. I'm a pineapple. Oh, you're a swinger? That's what I'm saying.

I think I got to go to some swingers parties. I'm a pineapple this year. Oh, you're a pineapple for Halloween. Yes. Because when he wanted us to be fruit. salad and my pineapple costume came in and I put it on last night for for uh for my lovely Twitch stream and everyone was like what are we doing here you got to get to a kink club stats I love this I will say it was so funny I saw Winnie in her banana costume we had gone to a child

late night show Julia Johns everybody look it up so fun little as late show it is so fun Julia John's host children on a show chaos it's so funny and it's very funny it looked very Very funny. Very funny. And Winnie was on the last show. Yeah, she was on the first one. She was the second guest on the first one. And then you guys went to the second one.

She went as an audience member. She went as an audience member. But I do think that in her brain, she didn't understand why she wasn't on that stage. Right. I mean, let her on that stage. Artificial distinctions between the audience and the performers. Yes. Especially, you know, it's like when everyone's talking about their Halloween costumes, she's

currently dressed as a banana. I will say one of the children had come on as a band manager for a. stuffed animal band and they had the band broke up over a banana. Wow. And you could see Winnie in the audience, I think coming to terms with the fact that she is also a banana and she broke up. She's a band record. Wow.

She's a yoko. How does it feel to be the parent of the latest yoko? Baby's first yoko moment. Yeah, I mean, I've been training her to break bands up left and right. Good. That's great. And you have done a fabulous job with it. She's just so cute because Winnie is now starting to learn the art of telling jokes, and it is very funny because she doesn't quite get that you're supposed to pause between asking the question and see if someone can answer.

And what does she keep saying? The quacker? Wise quacker. What do you call it? A duck. A duck who makes jokes probably. She said it a thousand times. A smart aleck duck.

What do you call a whatever? She tells me the joke every day. This is insane. But I'm zoning. I'm half in the room. It's white quack. It's wise quacko. You know, yeah, yeah.

So cute. A wise quacka, but she goes right into it. And so Lexi was trying to explain her, you got it pause. Right. You have to create the suspension. And, you know, we talk here on page seven a lot about abolishing children's actors, but I don't mean on the small stage. I think it's wonderful on a small stage.

I think it's great for them to explore in that way. We're talking about killing them, blood in blood out. Obviously, yeah. I mean, sacrificing for sure. It's just a pure blood. There was a time period where a time period where a my kids, maybe this will be the next step where they understood the cadence of a joke

like doing the pause, doing the setup, but they didn't understand the idea of like a setup and a punchline. So it would be like, where does a bear go on vacation? A hotel. And it's like, you know, so it sounds like a joke but there is no... Yeah, yeah, knock, knock jokes are like that too.

It's just like, knock knock, who's there, just like, poo poo, poo poo, poo daddy. And you're just like, all right, I'm covered in shit. I don't know what's going on anymore. I'm trying to get the grow trees. into the apartment. Just hearing jokes, hearing jokes,

everywhere. I just did a solo dad week, so I'm like very, yeah, been very tapped in to the day to day. Yes, we are throwing it out there. Poor Holden is dealing with

both a work wife and a IRL wife having lost their father in just a span of some months. But I always wondered what it was like to be a robot. And I feel like I found that. And it's interesting in a science fiction way.

What's your favorite part about being a robot? The oil? Pissed on and shit it upon. And me just being like, what else can I do for you? And then it's just like, you suck. No wonder. What else can I go for you? Oh, fuck you.

Okay. Can I also clean everything up in the apartment? Yeah, you fucking. I'm just, like, think about Joe Mangonello. I just, like, you're screaming and I just want to think about a big, werewolf version of Joe Mangano. Is he that D&D nerd? Yeah, he is that D&D nerd.

is that d and teeter speaking of witch LPN RPG bloodbath starring Jackie Zabrowski and some other people who gives a shit it's going to be

every Wednesday 1 p.m. drops be there for the premiere you lords Mumbai the muskary I'm so excited Jackie's a Toriador

do you know what that is no maybe not but you're going to find out very soon you're going to completely understand why I would choose a Toriador because it is the clan

of sexy vampires like Tori's snore am I. You know what? Neither one of you, neither one of you all this time has even asked me how my choir performance went. And, MJ, we talked so

sorry. You didn't even ask me about it. For hours and I didn't ask you about your choir performance. I am so sorry. I'm still living with the guilt. Sometimes I'm a choir member at other times. We wear many victims. I had so many sadnesses this past week of stuff I missed.

One of them was Jackie's choir performance, which I can't wait for to tell me about, you know what else I missed this week? I could have gotten executed by Guar on stage and I couldn't go to the show. And he didn't get it. But shoutouts to Rob. Shoutouts to last podcast producers and Rob. He did get murdered on stage by Guar.

Who also deserves it. But maybe I will say this is because Holden during Jackin on Friday looked me and that he looked at me and I thought that he was about to say. And I was like, I thought if you were about to connect. Can we not do this? about to say something. Remember with the Candy Porter interview last week? Yes.

I actually don't want to be doing this. That's what Holden is doing. And it was, he was looking at me. And I thought that he was going to say something that was like, oh, meaningful. And he just went, gray. And I said, excuse me? And he went, your hair, gray. I don't even know what got into.

I don't know what got into me. And he just needed. to point out that I'm going gray. I don't know what got into me. I just stopped her in the middle of two seconds and just went, gray. Like she's not even, I wish I could be like,

Jackie's exaggerating right now, but she's. Gray. Like I was sad, like I was dying. Like he was the mummy. Yes. And not Brendan Fraser.

No, I mean the actual mummy. It was, it was, it didn't unnecessary. I forgot. I forgot. I have to go record dirt a mouth right now.

Oh, you got to get out of here? Yeah. You gotta go. Dealing with both the wives in your life? You gotta get out of you? Great. Why did you say that?

Why did he say it, MJ? Let's, I don't know why you said it. You don't look, I don't see any gray is from my end. Oh, you can, oh, he can see them. Oh, yeah, I think if you got a little, that was the thing. I hadn't noticed that maybe that's the beauty of the illusion. The beauty of the illusion. Because I had to be that closer.

I'd be like so close in a streaming sense right next door. And then I finally saw. I'm going to say thrushes. Thrushes, not just single strands. It's pouring out of my brain. But I think why it got sad is because I've been going through some stuff lately, but Jackie's been going through the ringer this year. And I think I said gray like that because it hit me that like,

I think she's been sparking those grays out of her head because all the shit she's been through this year. It's aged her. You saw her humanity in a way, but you expressed it in kind of an inhuman way. in an inhuman way. But it was more the despair of like, man, this bitch, this fucking bitch right here. This bitch over here. Has been through some fucking bitch shit.

Fucking Dorian J. Over here. Yeah. She's fucking, what's the woman in the oven? Sylvia. Sylvia Plath. Yeah. I will.

I mean, talk about sometimes you got to go in the oven. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You put in the turkey in the oven. And sometimes it's your brain. It just depends on what you're looking to roast. Who's the rocks in her pockets one, that one too. Oh, yeah.

echo out. Yeah, you look out in that water. Let it all take me down. It was the hours, right? That's what I was looking at. It was like, it's the hour. But what about the hours after the party? I don't know the hours.

We did. We actually talked about the hours. I love the hours. I love the hours. Oh my God. And she's, that's what she's happening right now. That's what's happening to her. All three stories.

All three stories. The AIDS and then the, um, all of the stories. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the, and the, and the, and the, and the share and all that. Was that chair? No, I'm thinking of, not a fucking share. fucking Cher. I was thinking of, oh, God, what's the other

Nicole Kidman? From the 90s. Adam, you know what I'm talking about. But I'm a cheerleader. They're in vignettes and Cher plays an abortion doctor. It was an abortion, Michael. Abortion, Michael. Sylvia's choice.

Oh, come on, Adam, you're the film guy, dude. If these walls could talk. Thank you, everybody. I'm talking about it. I can't believe Adam. He's always screaming about if these walls could talk. I'm like, Adam, for a moment. Can we not?

And then he went great. I was like, Adam, don't do this to me. If these walls can shut the fuck up. All right. Oh, yeah. What if we used this as an opportunity to ask Jackie how her choir concert went? Uh-huh. I agree.

How did it go? It went to great. Sorry, I also realized I didn't finish. We didn't finish talking about Vampire the Masquerade, which does come out this week. Oh, yeah, Wednesday. Yeah, LPN TV on YouTube. How did the choir thing go? The choir went really well.

How was your moment? My moment, I will say. was more sexual than I planned. Wow. And I started rubbing your pussy, huh? I will say, and Adam is agreeing with me right now. Wow. Were you what?

Were you writhing or something? I was singing a Rihanna section of umbrella. And I think that in my nerves at this family event that started at 4.30 p.m. that had a bunch of kids in the audience, I, during my Rihanna solo, started like, grabbing on myself as I sang. And then literally one of the people in the choir was like, I'm just glad my 11-year-old was looking the other way while it happened. And I... Are you serious?

You started caressing yourself during your... I may have... During your alto-riana performance, a special moment, excuse me. Yeah, I may have gotten a little too grabs-y. And it was like, at least I got too grabsie with myself. Yeah. That is, yeah. And it wasn't like, oh, I brought out, you know, my husband that can't fit in his cover-all.

I'm sorry, but if I was had a... I was at a family choir event and some woman stood up and started singing and grabbing her fucking tit. I didn't have an issue. Would you have an issue? Yeah, I'd have a little bit of an issue. I mean, it wasn't like grabbing.

Yeah, I'm like, what is wrong with this? What are we here for at this point? I just, I didn't know what else to do. I was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what else to do. Right. It's crazy that you, and being uncomfortable, you would do something that to me would be way more putting yourself out.

Much more othering. Yeah. It's hard to know what to do with your hands when you sing this as an age-old choir problem. It is. And also, you know, in your special moments, you weren't allowed to grab the microphone. And you know with us, I'm so used to going up to a mic stand and grabbing the microphone. So you had to go up to it and sing it and not touch the microphone. So what am I going to do with my hands?

Grab your tent. I'm going to grab my breasts. Well, this is wasn't your pussy. Yeah. Thank you, Holden. I wasn't grabbing. Good job. You're digging yourself out of the gray hole little by little.

Little by little. It was very Nell. It was a very Nell moment. Like Nell came a, hey, Tatea. I wish you were Nell. At least then I understand. Well, I see why he's doing this. He's feral.

I guess, yeah. And that makes a lot more sense. Instead of college educated, well-spoken, I mean, decently spoken, man. I know that you're going through a lot in your brain. I just didn't think that that was going to be the only thing that got through to you. It broke me. It broke me like a promise because I just feel like you, I've known Jackie, Jackie's a sign of youth for me. Oh my God, thank you.

Jackie's a symbol of youth. No, I know what you mean. I went to my, it wasn't mine, but it was my friends who are just a few years older than me, their 20 year college reunion in the summer. And yeah, I had a complete existential crisis. I was like, we're all supposed to, I was like, you guys are supposed to be older than me in like a cool young way. now you're just like in your 40s, yeah. Yeah.

And it broke me like a promise. So I understand. I hear that. Yeah, you can never go home again. Man, speaking of being broken like a promise, can you talk about what's her fucking name? Elizabeth Gilbert? Let's talk about Elizabeth Gilbert.

Everybody's breaking like a promise this week. We're also going to talk about Lily Allen and David Harbor. Got to talk about Lily Allen. It's a broken week, which I needed. I was like vibing with all of this stuff by the way. It's a broken week, y'all. And it's a spooky week. I think it's good because what is more terrifying than thinking of the life choices of Elizabeth

Gilbert? Now, you're wondering, who the hell is Elizabeth Gilbert? Not me. Is she the middle-aged woman that wrote the book, Eat, Pray, Love? Yes, she is. And I just want to step in here and say that I read Eat, Pray, Love in 2008 when I was in the middle of, like, a quarter-life crisis. Give us a review.

Give us, like, what did it do for you? Well, did it change you? I have to really situate that I was very young. I had no perspective on anything. I had just moved to New York City. I was trying to do like a really intense job grad school combo thing. And I was in a relationship that needed to end. And it was not a great time in my life.

And I needed to make some big, big, big changes. And I read Eat, Pray, Love. And I was like, this bitch has it right. And it turns out that the Eat Pray Love, you know, I don't, I wouldn't, I don't know how it aged in terms of the kind of guru Bible type of, woman in crisis thing that it was in that in the early 2000s. People really, obviously, huge bestseller. It got turned into the Julia Roberts movie and everything. But yeah, she has a crisis.

She has a crisis in her marriage. She wants to mix it up. And so she goes to Italy to eat. She goes fucking somewhere to pray. She's praying. And then she goes to India. India to pray, right? I don't.

But it's like, it's very funny now. I'm sure it's a good book. I'm sure it's a good book. Everybody loves this book. No, no, no, I'm not defending the book. I'm just saying that I had the exact experience the book intends you to have, which is like, yeah, maybe I should like make a big change in my life. And like, I should just like embrace like, yeah.

Like, what if I just like live life to like experience it and enjoy it? And that did something for me at the time. Again, I'm not, and this is not an endorsement of the book. I'm just saying as a young person in crisis, it did, I, whatever. It did what it needed to do to me. But then to see her 20 years later being like, and then I also once again threw away my entire life to do a bunch of crazy fucking shit. It's like maybe you should just do that. Way crazy your shit.

I'm going to travel the world and get my groove back. Yes. By the way, this is. I brought this up also on Jack. And did you hear about this book? I was like, what do you talk? I was like, no, I don't give a shit about the eat, pray, love woman. What do you mean?

And he's like, but did you hear about what she did? into her life after you're playing love. And then wrote a book about it too. It's not just about to come out, which is why I think. That's why we're talking about it. Yes. So what is it called like all the way to the end of the river or something like that? I'm on the river.

I'm on the river runs through it. It came out a little bit ago. It was called drug death woman. But anyway, she falls in love with this woman. She's in a marriage. She falls in love with this woman. Outside of her marriage. Outside of her marriage.

So it's like a slow burn kind of thing. This is the marriage that she left her previous marriage for and then found a new marriage during... I found a new marriage. But like at first it was just like a friendship. It was just like this like animal. Because I think all of us read the very long guardian interview with her. And I'd already like kind of gone down this because I had already heard about this. It was posted on Reddit.

People just being like, can you believe this woman is like legitimately trying to sell this story as if it's like another like magical journey she went on when she literally like enabled a woman. woman to her death. It is such a crazy story. So, you know, just for those of you that if you just want a shorter version of what's going on here. So essentially, she becomes friends with Raya and then falls in love with Raya. And Raya is someone that is very proudly sober and has talked about her sobriety. And, you know, it makes the writer also realize that she's a sex and a love addict.

and then they find this connection between the two of them with their addictions. And then turns out, long story short, this woman is dying. And she then decides to destroy her whole life to go be with her while she dies. But then through the dying process, she falls off the wagon to such an extreme

that she is completely enabling the down. I mean, she got kicked out of hospital. Like she was put into hospice, gets kicked out of hospice because of... She was even wrote like, who gets kicked out of hospice? Yes, and it is, it is honestly a very sad. The whole thing is very sad. Because the Eprey love ladies like love bombing her so hard with, she's just like, well, you're dying of cancer and I'm in love with you and I'm a love addict, so I'm just

going to buy you everything you want and say yes to everything. And the cancer ladies like... And when you want to do all the coke and you want to do all the shit and you want, and I'm just going to say yes, yes, yes, and I'm going to... And I, and this is dying. the way you want to die and it's... But she's not dying the way she wants to die because she's staring in a mirror for eight straight hours

trying to like talk to the demon inside of her eyeball which I just don't think is a really eat prey love way to die of cancer. This is really... Find yourself. Yeah, yeah. There's eat prey love and then this is like drugs, drugs, murder suicide.

But she doesn't get there. But she contemplates it. She almost does though. She's like, no, no, no, seriously. In the book, she's like, no, no, seriously. I was going to murder this woman. I was definitely going to murder. I was hoping to murder her, like, planning a premeditated murder.

And then she walks in and her, and her girlfriend is just like, don't do it. He was like, looking here, like, I know what you're thinking. It's just like, it is all very sad. And to set the scene like, she walks in and her girlfriend is doing what she has been doing for the past several, several days, which is staring at a table covered in giant rails of cocaine and, like, measuring it and counting. it and like just you know what I mean. Doing it and living it. And the whole, I think what's interesting about

I think the Guardian piece is an excerpt from the memoir and so and so what's interesting about it is again like this woman totally looks like an NPR guest like she's been on like the book tour circuit. She's wearing a big cozy turtleneck. She's just, you don't expect her to be like and then there was just rails of cocaine and I'm screaming, why won't you die already? You're like, wow. Wow.

It's amazing. To give you a glimpse of what the reception of this book has been, there's a slate review from last week. The headline is, we've built careers on oversharing. Does Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir go too far? And that is what I was thinking. As I was reading this, I was like, you know,

this woman can write. She'll get you. I'm not, again, the same way that you pray love, I'm not endorsing is a good book, but it is a page turner, right? She can make you turn the pages. She can hook you in. She has a way of writing where you're like,

all right bitch what's gonna happen next but like at the entire time i'm reading this excerpt i'm like you you mustn't write this you must stop yeah this is so not like this is not inspirational yes this is really fucked up what you did yes yes it's not relatable yeah it's no i don't know what we're doing here right i think i think what we're doing is as you say you spent all your money from eat pray love she's like i got rich so fast i got so rich and so famous and i spent all my money I get it really annoyed me because she's just like, and then I like didn't know, I was felt guilty about having all this money.

I'm just like, this is such an annoying, like, I don't even know what to call this kind of person. It's so annoying. You have a bunch of money. Fucking just be, you know, don't have that problem, right? Like, I don't know. How much you not have that problem?

You don't do this with the money. It drives me crazy when it's like, oh, I guess it's because maybe what I'm getting at, because I don't know exactly why it annoys me, but I think it annoys me because she's trying to, like, victimize herself even in the sense of I got a ton of money. I'm very privileged. Yes.

It's like, no, you're not the victim here. You're perpetrating all of this. You're doing all of this. And I think that, like, I have completely, over the course of doing page seven, I have completely come to believe that, like, fame is a curse and, like, it makes people desperately unhappy. And I think that it's fair to say that money does the same thing.

But in this case, it's just, again, I agree with you that I don't think that that part, when she's saying like, and all the money, the money ruined me. I don't think it's doing what she wants it to do. I think you could make a case for like money came into my life and then all, like, my relationships were complicated and I thought, like, I would be fine with hearing that out. Like, yeah, how does a sudden influx of money change your relationships?

Like, that's really interesting. But yeah, what she did was just like hemorrhage the money and ruin the rest of her life. She's buying her range rovers. She's like, it's like anything the bitch wanted. She was getting her. And it's just, you know, It is interesting. I mean, the fact that we,

you told me a little bit about it, and then I went and read this entire article. And I would maybe read more. Are you guys going to do it for celebrities? No, no, no, no, no, she ain't no celebrity. Yeah, no, I don't think so. I read, I pray, love, I did my duty. I'm done.

I'm not reading any more Elizabeth Gilbert books. Especially we're right now, we're in the middle of Cruelior's Elvira, the, oh, it's great. Is it great? It's great. Oh, my God, I love her. All of her, like, bangs.

stories from her own mouth. It's really crazy. That's awesome, man. Anal? Doesn't really talk about that, but actually it was very, very virginal. Didn't lose her virginity, even though she was a go-go dancer starting at the age of 14, didn't lose her

virginity until like 21 or 22. God bless her. Crazy. Wow, I lost my virginity for Elvira. I lost it at 19, which is late. And you were also a go-go girl, but I don't know if you looked quite as good as she did while she did it. And I'm sorry, for you. Also, sidebar

for what, like the opposite of what we were saying about E-Prey Love, I do want to give a quick shout out to everybody that wrote in for the justice for She's the Man department of page seven. We have to watch it. We hear you. We see you. Apparently, she's the man

starring Amanda Byron's early 2000s is a fantastic film that was really meaningful to a lot of people and super holds up. And I'm for one, not surprised and I can't wait to watch it. I've been meaning to watch it for years. Yes, so we're going to have to put it on the watch-along list because I think we're going to have to get that under our belts. I just wanted to say thank you that apparently I was making a joke last

week, Holden, because I sat next to a very angry middle-aged man who watched his ball team lose and then he put on cheese the man. Yes, you told me about this. Yeah, they just sternly stared at she's the man. It was his therapy. It was his therapy movie probably. I appreciate that nobody that wrote in was like, and I understand why that middle-aged men did it. So I do appreciate that. That, like, that is still a mystery. Yeah, yeah. The man is a question coping. Like, having She's the Man be his comfort movie is still a lot of fun.

But again, it sounds like it makes sense. Now, let's please. I'm so glad that Holden is here to talk about David Harbour. I'm going to open this conversation with a quote that I saw from. Which quote? Well, it was just, you know, the Twitter trend. I hate gay Halloween. What do you mean?

Blank, blank, blank. And then it's like the most, you know, what do you mean your, um, uh, Moira glass of wine from Schitt's Creek, you know? And so this one is, I A.K. Halloween, what do you mean your David Harbors, Dwayne Reed bag full of butt plugs? And I need to talk about that. I think we could have this same debate about oversharing,

except for, like, I'm way more here for it. Um, because that, that album is amazing. Like, I am absolutely loving this thing on so many levels because it's just, I'm gripped, just like I was gripped reading that excerpt from the Guardian, like, about what E. Pray Lovely's life. You know, in the same way. Like, every line in this album is, like, revealing deeper and deeper in, and so personal in, and in her marriage and what she was going through and feeling so isolated and, you know.

It's a great album. It's so. And I've never listened to Lily Allen ever. I'm brand new to Lily Allen. Okay. This is my first go. She's great. I really am enjoying it.

And I know that people have said to us for years that we should really get into Lily Allen. I've said that to you for years. Yes, and I know that there's also, you know, there were controversies in the past with Lily Allen and that David Harbour also has controversies. But put all of that aside just to... For the textual analysis of these lyrics. To enjoy this album in the way that, like, man, you do feel very bad for her. And I will say, I think it probably really extra closes up shot.

for anybody who had any kind of like, oh, I think David Harper's still really hot. I hope all of that gets put to bed. He seems like not a great guy or great partner. And we'd already heard this like on Lily Allen's podcast. Like we've heard Taylor, but I think she was really waiting for this album to reveal a lot from their marriage. It gets so deep into like when the goal post. start getting moved in terms of the agreements that a couple might have about opening the relationship or what how they'll kind of handle, you know, being away from each other.

And then, and it just like does such a good job of really in an album way. And that's why I said when I, before we started recording, I was like, this really feels like a musical. Like this could be a musical. Because the storytelling is so well done inherently in each track, track to track, as we are taken down this path of like, oh, he's interested in like opening up the relationship, where we're going to have very specific rules and communicate really well. Oh, who's this woman? Who's this Madeline, I believe is her name, right? Madeline woman. She spoke out, by the way.

She, I think he kind of left her high and dry when everything fell apart as well. She was like a mutual friend or something like that. And just kind of like, and then just getting like so much of her perspective. The very first song ends with like a one-sided phone call so brilliantly done. And you like can tell, even though very little is being said, you can tell exactly what the conversation is and like what the

person on the other end is essentially saying about how, you know, they want to try, you know, to open the relationship and all these kinds of things. Man, it just is so, so deep and honest and I think that's what I love, you know, and I'm loving this about pop music, you know, I think it's like

either go for like hardcore camp, you know, like Sabrina Chappell. Mm-hmm. Or like just go. Elvira, yes. Ovirah, or like super personal and revealing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like Olivia, Taylor, you know what I mean?

So yeah, like I said, I'm super not familiar with Lily Allen, but like, I get, what's being, what the news cycle is is all of the lyrics, but it's like, so it's, because like the lyric, like, the lyric, Dwayne Reed bag with the handles tied, sex toys, butt plugs, lube inside, hundreds of, Trojans, you're so fucking broken. How do I get caught up in your double life? So is the vibe like sad, vulnerable? From the song Pussy Palace, please.

Thank you. What is your music like? I only know the song that was controversial in 2013, which was hard out here, which was like a weird, like kind of calm. It was like an ironic song. Yeah, that's the thing. She's always kind of done like cheeky, kind of, you know, that was her thing. Back in the day when I kissed a girl was popular and it was a lot of like snarky, tongue

and cheek kind of I roll my eyes at everything and kind of pop music. That's where she came out really big. Yeah. And then this album though, I'm trying to figure out how I might even describe it. It's kind of all over the place. But it almost has like a nightclub act kind of vibe to it at times.

Especially because it's called West End Girl. So I feel like it is giving like, oh, you're hanging out at like a late night show. Like a cabaret. A cabaret. Yeah. Okay. All right. But then there's more modern sounds being put in.

Like, ruminating has, like, more of an electronic kind of vibe to it. But, yeah, I'm just, like, so hooked into the lyrics in a way that I really haven't been in an album in a long time. Because usually, I'm very much, I'm very much a vibes guy. Like, you know, I'll slowly start getting the lyrics, like, kind of as I go and start hooking into what the lyrics are actually saying. usually on a first, even second, third listen. Just jamming. I'm just enjoying like the vibes more not being so hyper-focused.

But with this song, this album, I'm hanging on every word. Like, I'm hanging on every single line. It's a real dream. It's revealing more and more and more about what's going on in this relationship. Yes. And this song kind of feeds into the other in this way too. So it's like, I'm alluding to this next part of this song

or this next part of the story that's about this woman, Madeline. I'm like saying her name now. Like at the end of the song right before the song, She's like, wait, who the fuck is Madeline? And then it like feeds it. So that's how it feels like such a story album, like such a musical. Yeah. You know?

I just think it's like really cool. I don't know though if it's like it's a lot. It's also when something's that revealing, kind of like where we're just talking about, there's like a discomfort there from the listener, you know? Oh, yeah. David Harbor is such a fascinating case study in like the world. way that Elizabeth Gilbert burned through her money, like David Harbor burned through his goodwill, right?

Like, comes in with stranger things. And I know stranger things been going on for a long time now. What was this other controversy? In 2015, so he, there was a woman staying at, a 29 year old woman staying at his apartment in New York when he was in Canada shooting. This person, it seemed, was like a part of like the system. And he said he was trying to help her out. And while he was not there, she did take her own life inside of the apartment.

And there was probably some kind of relationship happening there. And now, especially with everything coming out, like, it already was like the rumblings of like, was like, okay. That was 2015. So it was before the marriage to Lili-A-Li-Long. They got married like in a year. I mean, that's another thing too. I don't care how, I mean, I get- 2014.

So, like, that was, he was when that's-it-it-it-it-old. Even if you're older, it's still crazy-fellings. for me, and that might not be crazy at all for other people, but it's crazy for me to get married in a year's time of, like, getting together with someone. It's all, even, you know, you can go, oh, well, they're older, they got a more, but it's so, it still is like, well, also think about this time line, too.

They met in 2019, and they got married in September of 2020. Think about that time period for all of us. And think about where your brain fucking was. It was a totally different life. I mean, and we know this because as soon as pandemic, ended, all these breakups started happening and stuff because pandemic life was not permanent and it was very specific. And I think the people that like, there were people that thrived in it that could no longer thrive in it as a couple outside of it, Joe and Taylor, you fox.

You're not talking about Joe Manganello though. So. And like I don't know a ton of about David Harbor. Like, like, I know I'm from Stranger Things. Thunderbolts was great. And now I'm like, I see him in the blind. and learn about it. But also he has like, it's like a pretty interesting life, like where he was like a working actor for a really long time before he got his big break and also has struggled. I think he has a bipolar diagnosis. He has struggled with alcoholism.

I think he's sober. So it's like I like now Lily Allen is also sober, I guess, since 2019 as well. But then that means that, that, you know, once you're sober from one thing, then it's sex addiction, right? Or like, yeah. Or like, even like, I think when you've been a working actor, maybe anybody is vulnerable to this with like fame, like, getting. of something like Stranger Things and skyrocketing to fame and like belovedness so quickly.

But like to think about being a working actor like he's got a ton of movie credits, ton of TV credits, a ton of theater credits, to do that for like 20 years and then get your huge break. Like like, by the way, none of this, what I'm saying is justifying anything. But it almost, it just is like, you're painting a picture. It paints a picture of like, oh, now so, yeah, now I can't talk till I say your name. So anyways, Jackie. Now the MJ can't talk.

Oh, no, I said your name. you can talk to you know. But yeah, like that... You said my name so I can talk. I said Jackie, now that M.J. can't talk. That was our name. In the same way that Elizabeth Gilbert struggled with fame and money

so quickly after we pray love, it sounds like maybe David Harper could not hack it with fame and, you know what I mean? Like... Or, well, also, you know, the actor thing's got to be tricky because you're traveling all the time.

You're isolated a lot. I mean, a lot of this album is about... Weston Girl is about her, I believe, getting a cast in a play in the West End. And so she had to be in London in the West End. And what was he doing? And he's... And what was he doing?

And he's... Like there's a lot of separation happening there. Fucking other women. Yeah, yeah. I think he was fucking a lot of other women. And there's also a lot of people that are like, you are in an open marriage. That's how it goes. Like, no, that's not how it goes.

Well, and she's painting the picture at least that she just really reluctantly said yes to that. Because she wants them to be happy and she doesn't, you know. And this was following a lot of other. thing she had already said that like they're not even in a kink shaming way that she had said like there were lots of things that he would ask for implore for at like sexually that she just kept being like no i'm not going to do that no i don't want to do that i do not want to do that i don't want to whatever it was it was things that she didn't want to do and it doesn't matter if you're in an open marriage it doesn't matter if you're married it doesn't matter it needs like things that were

happening in their relationship were not what they had discussed this It's not the, you know, usually in an open relationship. You're talking, you're communicating. There are rules. There are, you talk through all. And like my grandmother always said, if you had a B to Anal, you get banal. Banao. Banao.

But I'd rather it, or it's Anball. So, you know, thinking of things that don't work, I'm thinking about Coldplay's Chris Martin and Sophie Turner. Sophie. Sophie Turner. What's worse? Trudeau and Katie Perry Or Sophie Turner and Paul Please Chris Martin. I'm so disappointed in the like

New couple news. I am a sleeve. Katie Perry does that Judy Judy is worse. Oh my God. I hate Chris Martin and Sophie Turner is is you know when you see your friend get out of a breakup with some like do she messy bro and you're like

finally she's going to move on and like find somebody who would be good for her and then she gets into like the same fucking relationship and you're just like no. No, it's the same guy. Learn your lesson. Learn your lesson. Why would you want to be with another one of these?

Another band guy. God, another front man, douchey. And like a sweet year one too. Like even sleep. But he's also gone through all of his, you know, track record is not great. And everybody is cheating at his concerts. Yeah, we know what happens. Yeah, exactly.

It's the only reason why anyone has talked about Chris Martin in a very long time. Let's not do another cold play gate, okay? We made fun of cold play. Last time Holden was here and a lot of people were like, I like cold play. Very upset. I think maybe all of us did not realize how many people, including apparently Sophie Turner, one of these people, big cold play fan. This all started because Joe Jonas got Chris Martin to wish her a happy birthday.

All right, so Joe Jonas made his own bed here. Yeah, he fucking did it. He's the one that did it to her. Joe? And Chris got a Joe. All right, this person who's decked. years younger than me, I'm going to keep my eye on you. Yeah, I think it is gross.

It is gross. I don't, ooh, I don't want to choose. It just gives me the, like, I don't know, whatever. It's not like the end of the world. It's just like, come on. You can do better than that. We're rooting for you over here. Yes, she's great.

We're only supporting you. We want you going out and having a blast. Go to Oasis concerts. And I think that's what makes it worse than Katie Perry and Justice Trudeau deserve each other. No one's waiting for them. Yes. No one. Like, yeah, that's why it's worse to me.

Like, it's true. And Katie Barry's like, fine. Go fucking fuck off. Yes. You guys just be annoying, whatever. But yeah, Sophie, I'm like, girl, come on. Or at least get a better taste in music, right? I mean, what are we doing here?

I just, it is really, it's sad to watch when you just know that they could do so much better. That's apparently, by the way, I don't know if we talked about this, but you know, you know your boy is going to bring up T-Swift in the new album. But yeah, that's apparently what the song canceled is about. It's about when they tried to, like, make her the bad girl in the divorce. In the divorce. Sophie Turner? Yeah.

Remember when they were, like, trying to say she's like a party girl? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about when she went to the Oasis concert. And everyone's like, where are your children? And she's like, they have a father. Apparently that's what cancel is about when they try to like, you know. It's about Sophie Turner. Yeah. Wow.

Oh, my God. Because everybody says that's Blake. And everyone's like, oh, my God. And everybody knows it's not. Not. It ends with us. It ends with us. Wow.

It had been too long since I had heard it ends with us. Reference. Yeah. So thank you. I should just start saying that more often now that we're several, a year out from there. You're very welcome. But yeah, can a couple that like anyone could ever get behind ever please come out of the woodwork? Please stand up.

This is just making me. Yeah. KMS or whatever. How about Lily Reinhart and her sweet guy who I remember this TikTok, Lily Reinhart shared with Drew Barrymore. Scab. But whatever. I think we've moved past that.

She shared with Drew Barrymore. Never for MJ, though. Do I ever forget a scab? No. She shared with Drew Barrymore that she met her current boyfriend, but like they've been BFGF for years. But they met because he made a TikTok making fun of Riverdale. And I remember this TikTok because it's very good because it's like very short but just very, it's like making fun of like in season one. It's like, oh, maybe.

I'll see you at chemistry. And then season six is like, the blood of the vampires is keeping me alive. It's a very, very good representation of Riverdale. And then he like made this TikTok and then they started DMing. And that's how they thought they did. She slid into his DMC too. Cheeky monkey.

Cheeky monkey. A dirty little cheeky lady. Speaking of shaky monkeys, Mr. Fantasy, while we're talking about Riverdale, Mr. Fantasy has dropped a new song. It's amazing. It is a banger. It is a banger. And of course, for those of you that don't remember, guys, where the hell is your brain?

What on other important things? No, we're over here at page seven. Only thinking about KJ. Appa's alter ego, Mr. Fantasy, that is on TikTok, that has been releasing music. And it's a banger. I like Mr. Fantasy. I want to keep hearing more from them. It's giving, again, I said this on Jackin, and I still don't remember how the young people told me how to say the, the, the young stranger boy's band's name that sing,

and I'm back in the, I feel it. Remember that one? The Beatles? Yeah, the Beatles. That one's very easy to say, though. And I don't know how, I don't know how to say the Beatles. It's DJO, but I don't know how to say the name of the band. Joe.

Is it just Jow? Joe! Joe! I don't think it's Jow. I think it's the Beatles. I'm listening to Mr. Fantasy's new song, and it's a banger. Dude, it's okay, Mr. Fantasy essentially for me, holding at this point of my life,

is the E-Prey love woman. Like, you know what I mean? Yes. Yes. Keeping me, keeping the cancer at this time with lines of cocaine and emoron. It's incredible, dude. I'm love. He's giving me life.

He's put it in it. But also, by the way, that band is just pronounced Joe, like his name, Joe Kiri. It's just Joe. Yeah, yeah. I think, do Joe. Joe. Joe Joe Joe dojo do Joe I'd rather de Jiao it's insane and now the podcast today screeching hole

yeah I just wanted everyone to know that it's just pronounced Joe I think it might be the opposite of Mr. Fantasy to me right now okay can you figure out a way to fucking put it's what I'm not an alter ego and you're welcome sorry MJ we're having Jackie and I are having issues isn't it's so studio issues yeah studio problems yeah and the fact that my problem is that you're not an alter ego is that you're having issues isn't it's studio issues yeah and the fact that my problem is that you're you're in the studio right now. All right. Fine. Couples therapy. MJ, you're the therapist. Couples therapy. I'm hearing Jackie say that her problem is that you're with her right now. How does that make you feel?

Thank you. I'm going to try not to use any you statements and only use I statements. Yeah. Unlike Jackie, I'm not a bitch. Well, unlike you, I'm beautifully gray. So I am feeling like. I think he's got some great. I am feeling like a.

mean beast is in the room with me right now and it's near me and it's wearing a yellow shirt. And don't talk about Adam like that. Okay, he can hear you. He's right there. Please don't do this to him. So if you, I don't know, I feel like I don't need a therapist. I need a zookeeper. All right.

Well, speaking of letting out the animals, it's time for the list. Oh, who's on the list? Me. You gotta have that list. Celebrity parenting rules that make either a ton of sense or very little sense. Now, we've had a lot of celebrity parenting advice through the years that is

usually dubious at best. It is usually dubious at best. I mean, I always think about Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd. In fact, even though we didn't bring up that whole thing from last week about their anniversary post but he was like, yeah, I want to murder all the ladies,

but you're the one I want to murder the least. And it's just that is. That is all there is to say about it. That was funny. Why did you do that? Why did you post that? Why would you post? I've thought about murdering you.

I want to murder you. I could. Watch you want to sleep and I think about anger you. If that could maybe start to be the beginning of the end of public posts about your spouse, I'm here for it. As you know, I am such a curmudgeon about. You hate it. I just want to take a moment today to spotlight this person because we definitely didn't get into a fight last week. and now I'm trying to like turn things around publicly.

That's not what's secretly happening. They're just great all the time. It's not desperate. They definitely didn't just like scream at me for being a piece of shit two days ago. Some people do just love each other and they want to post about their love. It's just not. Remember that. Yeah, just apparently not them.

Because their thing is like we're so fun and we're so quirky and we shared how Dex Shepard sucked out of Kristen Bell's clodded duck. And I did appreciate that because when you have a clad ducked, you need some. Somebody to suck it out. I just want to slit her cute little throat sometimes. When we're sitting watching fucking old slow horses or whatever, I don't know what they're watching. Hell yeah. It's an anniversary post if I've ever seen one. But Courtney Kardashian's kids aren't allowed to use the microwave.

Do you allow your children to use the microwave? I live in an anti-microwave fucking upside-down world. My husband grew up with somebody who did not believe in the microwave. He thinks it's, I don't know what. thinks. Wow. It's because of the microwave? Yeah. It's like, and it's conspiratorial. Yeah. And so he grew up that way. And he's not actively talking about microwave conspiracies, but it's just part of his, it's like growing up with Christianity. He's just like, yeah, the microwave, we don't do that. And so. Is the microwave

in the room with us right now? Do you guys have? Do you guys have a microwave? No, no, we don't have a microwave. And we have two small children. It is crazy. Wow. And everything is heated up in the oven because I used to live that life in New York too, but it takes so much longer to warm up everything in the oven. We have a toaster oven and that's what we use. But you know what's even crazier is I have a kid who won't eat food if it's not a certain temperature and so I really should get a microwave and I could. I think my husband would allow it in the house.

Do you hide one under the bed and just don't tell him about it? I like I could. I could. I'm like, yeah, fucking right. I said tell him by the way you're talking about. There's no fucking way you would not. not have a complete meltout if you got a microwave. I'm trying to do a Kristen Bell post here where it's like he loves me so much.

He could totally let me have a microwave. I mean, he could let me have a microwave. I'll just say this. And maybe this is like I could have been taught how to cook more. But I will say like the microwave was like my first experience with independently like having a lunch. And I think that's actually a great point because I do hear about kids like, you know,

learning how to make their own food at a young age. And I love that. And I'm trying to be like, yeah, figure out how to pour your own. cereal, but I would love for them to you. I think we need a microwave. I think I'm in this conversation, I've learned that this is something that I could address, and I haven't, because I'm avoidant. So sad. What about microwavable popcorn? I'm the client. What about microwavable popcorn? I mean, Lexi and I do that. You do it on the stove. I mean, that's, that's delicious, too. I love the Jersey pop. I don't know. Yeah, I know. Microaf popcorn is, is better, in my opinion.

Yeah, it's great. We have it all the time as like a nice little treat. But do you guys allow your children to go to sleepovers. Now, I've read this before, and I know that I've said that Cardi B does not allow her children to go to sleepovers. I just don't know if I've ever read this quote about it. My mom tried to stop me from all that, but I still did it. I joined a gang. If she had let me out as often as I wanted to, I probably would be dead or got my face cut up or been a teenage mom. Yeah, that's just her being like, I was evil, so I'm going to pretend like you're evil. Because like, I know what you're going to do, you're going to go to a sleepover, and then you're joining a gang. And I know the slippery.

I mean, I'll definitely want to vet the shit out of that. Like, we're just not there yet. But I, that will be a stressor for me, I feel like, because I am very wary of, like, what might happen. But that's why I'll just be like, I want to know exactly who's in that house. Yeah. I'm going to know if there's any, you know, if there's some fucking uncle living in the basement or some shit, I want to know.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And then probably not let her stay there. But like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. M.J., you're a little. Probably not let her stay there.

It is just one. Well, if I'm tired, bro. I mean, like, just say. I really need a break. Just stay away from Lordimer. He's the one with the big hands. Stay away from him. This came up on the show recently.

We actually got a lot of emails and feedback about it. And I understand the anti-crowd. Most people who are anti have a really sense reason. Emails from all different kinds. Have a really specific reason for being anti. And so I totally get that. I feel my kids will do sleepovers with cousins and best friends where we know the family very well.

And then when it comes to like middle school, I think that's where it gets, that's where they have a bigger friend group and it gets a little bit more complicated. But I also want to shout out Cardi B's parenting for a second because she had a video this past week talking about iPad use. And I just love her so much. It's like the anti what's a Kristen, um, Kirsten Dunst who's like, our kids don't need iPads, who I love. I love Kirsten Duns. But Cardi B in this video is like, I know everybody's saying the kids don't need iPads. But she's like, I agree like on a school night, they don't need an iPad and like, you know, they should be, but she was like, if they've been like doing their activities all day and playing outside and doing soccer,

She was like, make your life easier. Run a bubble bath. Give them the iPad. You got two hours. And I was like, yes, Cardi B. I feel that so fucking hard. Cardi B. Thank you.

I'll send you the video. It made me feel so good. You know what? It just dawned to me too. Guess fucking what's happening, Kirsten, when you're doing all the shit you do away from your kids. Your nanny is putting on Coca-mellon on that fucking phone and zone it. Oh, yeah.

And this is a press. All these celebrities are like, yeah, we never have iPads. You're never fucking. You're not fucking there. You're never fucking with them. You're never fucking with. Or you are with them. Or you are with them.

You're maybe even with them every day, but for like the exact. The exact same convenient amount that doesn't suck. But if you have to be there like 24-7, if you have to be there for our long stretches of hours. And listen, if you're a parent listening and you don't give your kid an iPad or a screen or whatever, I'm very happy for you. I am so happy that that works for you. I roll my eyes a little bit at you though.

I ask you to approach other families. single person that you don't use them because I feel like if there's one thing that parents that don't use it. They love everybody. And you know what? All the way their kids are so good. I don't care. I don't have kids. You don't have to show off to me. I'm sure there are some parents who are actually fully engaged that whole time and not giving iPads because there's so many people in this world. Kudos to you, but you're rare. I'm telling you, these are people who give their kid over to the nanny for hours at a time. They're not anywhere near fucking kid and that nanny is putting shit on that fucking phone or iPad or whatever they can find

and zoning and talking to their mom on the phone or whatever it is. At the littlest late show that Julia Johns's show, I watched a 10 year old stand-up who actually did a wonderful job. Yeah, this kid has some talent is what I heard. He's very, very funny, but one of my favorite jokes is that he was like, he's like, you know what's a racket? Screen time. He's like, because parents are always like, oh, this.

screen time. You got to have less screen time. Meanwhile, I'm doing my homework. I'm looking over at them. What are they doing? Staring at the screens. What am I? I'm over here and I'm doing this. What they're doing? Staring at the screens. I think we should be talking about parents screen time. Yes. I actually, it was very, it was a very funny, it was a very funny bit. I have to, because I physically have to put the phone in the other room if I really want to be engaged with my daughter for like long stretches of time. And that I do. Totally. And I, and I, and I, and I, I think it's very funny that parents on Instagram whose job is to be on Instagram are like, my child would never ever see a screen.

And it's like, okay, again, if that works for your family, that's great. But could we try to approach other families with less judgment? It's absurd. Yeah, it's like, you know, be mad at Steve Jobs or whatever or, you know, social media companies. Yes, I hate social media companies. I hate all of that and what screens do to the kids. But let's not be like you're a shitty parent because you gave your kid a tablet at the end of the day.

Can we be mad at Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds for a moment, please? Sure. I love to. This rule, this rule isn't even that annoying. It is the fact that it came from Ryan because they don't allow the, MJ, they don't allow the word bossy in their household. And Blake said, we've a joke that my daughter is bossy, but my husband said, I don't ever want to use that word again. You've never heard a man called bossy. What is this 2012?

And then, like, says, there would never be any negative connotation for a man being a boss. So to add a negative connotation on a woman being bossy, it's belittling. And it doesn't encourage them to be a boss. Can I still say bitchy? Is that? Yeah. This is Cheryl Sandberg, the C-O-O of Facebook at the time. This was like 2012, 2013.

She came out with this whole movement that was like ban bossy. don't call girls bossy. We want girls to be bosses. And everyone was like, you're the boss of Facebook. Fuck off. We don't talk that. No, we don't like, it's, you're evil. Like, good job doing some extremely basic feminism, Ryan Reynolds.

Like, yes, you're right. Bossy is a gendered word. And I don't think that you should call girls bossy. But like, you can identify the behavior of like, don't tell other people what to do. But like the idea that's like, we actually want girl bosses. It's that, you know what this is? They girl boss too close to the scent. Yeah.

They're millennial. cringing themselves into the sun. That's why I like my friends canceled, you know? Wow. You and Jackie and MJ, you guys are so canceled. We are so canceled here and I love it that way. And I guess that's my list for you. I won't continue.

I'll let you out of parent jail. I honestly, as you could tell, MJ and I were down to go down a zillion paths. I was going to say I'll keep talking about it. I usually like to bring in parent shit when you guys are here, when there are two parents. Like, you know, I'm trying to give up to y'all. We could go on forever about how judged we feel. Oh, constantly. Yeah. It's so,

so judgmental inside the home and outside the home too, you know. Well, that's just you having a hard week. I'm having a rough week. Yeah, he's having a rough week. You know, who else is having a rough week? My eyes, because I think I'm going. Bly! We can't see him! The state actress now knows she was being cheated on by the foreign born ice singer. Apparently, it has been going on for a year. Here. Brian Adams? Or what's his name? No, fuck. What's the guy's name? The guy that's saying about ice. No, so ice is misleading. Zach Bryan. No, the ice, not that ice. Like ice, the cold thing. This is a, like, the state, like sketch comedy, the state? No, this is a stupid little kid.

Because I was like, I don't know what girl you're talking about. This is what blind, this is how the blinds refer to this actress. Her name is. is a state. Yes. I'm sorry, can you say the whole thing? Dakota, Dakota, Johnson. Correct.

That state actress, Dakota Johnson. Fuck you. Jackie's correct. Now, no, she was being cheated on by the foreign born. Oh, Chris Martin. Correct.

Bastard. It has been going on for a year. Yes, we were just talking about So what is he going to do to you, Sophie? What is he going to do? Sophie Turner's thing, by the way, is Sophie Turner's not like Katie Perry

and Justin Trudeau, we should say this. Justin Trudey, like, came out as a couple officially on his birthday, and it was this an eye-rolly thing. Chris Martin and Sophie Turner, like, had some kind of a night out, and people are just speculating, and it's rumors. Everybody that's anybody is speculating that it's more,

and anybody that's anybody doesn't give a shit. I think nobody cares. And I think they're really probably upset about the fact that nobody really cares. And nobody that's everybody, yeah, super, wishes they were like in a different existence. Well, totally. Studio problems.

This illiterate, illiterate singer from multiple groups is back on the Coke again. And hard. Multiple groups. Multiple groups back on the Coke. Beyonce banana. No. This is related to the item we just talked about.

A literate. So I tried to figure out the last name for Beyonce. An illiterate singer. I had never, I don't think we've talked about this guy doing Coke before. It's a big surprise based on his life. Okay, you just gave me a big reveal because I was definitely thinking of women. Yes.

No, it's a guy and he is directly connected to the item that we just discussed. Benson Boone. No, how is Benson Boone connected? Two boring acts. He's heavily in more than one. By the way. Boring and boring,

I'm going to throw this out here. Boring Benson Boone. I just want to throw this out here, okay? Because Jackie, okay, I mentioned on a Jaguar with the Holdies, right? It started this whole epic thing that I was like, you know, I listen to that Benson Boone. I think it's pretty good. That is not how you came out.

That is all right. All these, I'm going to call them women in chat. We're like, oh, okay. Bring women into it. He sucks. They were bossy-ass women in chat. We're going, he sucks. He fucks.

Boring, boring Benson. And so I shied away from listening to the album again because they made me feel so sad. Because he came out the gate screaming at all of us. that how we were all idiots and how if we could just watch him flip one more fucking time. So I liked the music, Jackie. I don't care about the flips. Okay. They're inextricably linked.

Let me revise that. I do enjoy his flips. But to me, it's more about the music. It's a big part of the music. So I felt very bad and sad and mad. And I think you guys need to think about me a little bit more in this moment right now that we're having right now. I'm thinking about him, MJ.

I felt bad and I felt sad. And then you gave me as like almost a joke gift, but as a push gift of getting my new job and everything. Cigrant roller skates and fireworks, which was that album that I said I liked. The vinyl, yes. That is nice of you, Jackie. I got it back to my house. And you know what? It sat on my shelf for months and months because I was so ashamed, by the way, that I was made to feel by, I will call them people.

But I like to call them urchins. Oh, wow. Female urchins. merchants who are women. And so I felt it also you could be or whatever a trans woman as well and still be awful. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Just letting you sure everybody knows. It's not just, you know. In any case, Benson Boone ain't doing Coke or at least not that I've heard of. Wait, wait, real quick. This person is that.

And I asked to finish his screaming. And I finally was like, fuck it. I have this vinyl. I try to listen to all my vinals at least once. I put it on and I'm like, this is a great goddamn album. People are fucking crazy. You're welcome.

So you're what you're, so you know what? Thank you for bringing us up. I am very good at giving gifts and I appreciate you for appreciating you. Thank you. I love the album. Roll those skates and fireworks is a great album.

And people, you know, you're wrong and stupid. Yeah. The end. And I wonder why everybody's a true women. And again, but again, Ben Ziboon, not the answer to this one. Not the answer I am looking for.

Not the answer I am looking for. An elicentive singer who is directly related to Sophie Turner. Charlie Chapman. Correct. Joe Jonas. Back on the coat. Joe Jonas is back up. And yet nobody's screaming at him about being a bad dad.

Nobody's screaming at him. No, no one cares about what kind of dad he is because he's a man. And so, you know what women can get up holding as a treat because they have to be good all the time or whatever. Oh, isn't that a fun little treat for you people? Yep. Yep, I take it and I love it. A fun little treat and I go home at night and you don't see that part on the camera

and I squirm up into a little ball and I weat. He's so lucky. Yep, it's my favorite part of the day is when Holden does that. Or I'm like, what's the song in Le Mez with the girl that has soot? The pretty girl was superiors. Ew, you're such a castle on a cloud.

Of course you are. You are a physical embodiment of Cossette. I'm a Cossil on a. How do you? Castle on a cloud. Yes. I want to go there in my sleep. Worse.

dirty floors for me to sweep. Go fucking castle. I was talking to a mutual friend of ours who was talking about how she had to do that production in her like high school or whatever. And we were checking about it out it's always the like prettiest, hottest popular girl in the school

with just a little bit of soot like on her cheek. Oh yeah. Cosette. I need Cosette that much more annoying. Cosette is definitely not too much sud. We wouldn't want her two journeys. She still has to be a tiny little piece of suites.

I got, by the way, I did get tickets to the Les Mis live in concert happening in 2026. I think we're going to try to go. So the writer of the paranormal activity play is Lexi's friend.

So I think we're going to be going to that soon. Great. I'm very excited about it. I love the idea of a horror play. I don't think I've ever seen one executed. Whoa, a found footage. horror play. It's like running now, I think, in L.A. That's crazy.

Hell yeah. That's great. Okay. Line number three, Holden, this one's especially for you. Taylor Swift. Travis Kelsey. Wait, wait. Wait. The A-plus list, Popstar is learning a lesson the hard way. That being, money can buy her many, many things, but it can't buy her the one person

in the entire world she wants, but that doesn't mean she'll stop trying. Taylor Swift? Uh-huh, and... Yeah, but who is she going after, Holden? And it's not her wood boy. When she wants? Who's the one person she wants more than anyone in the entire world?

Is this as a lover or like just as a business thing? You decide. Wow. I mean, I guess if you need a hint, I could tell you. Charlie X-X. No. Whoa, you think they're kissing? I mean, that would make my gala heart.

All right, is there a man or woman? Does she want a man or a woman or a non-binary person? I'm going to tell you that this is not about a business. It's about love. It's about love. I can't believe you're not getting this. Oh, my God. Who does she want?

What word did Jackie just say about? Joe? Joe? Joe? The band? No, what are you talking about? I mean, Maddie? No.

No, guys, go deeper than that. What is? Benson Boone? Vincent Boone? Who is cruel summer about? Oh, oh, what's her name? I'm drunk in the back of the car. We just talked about this last week.

I'm a baby. I don't remember. Tatia. I'm fine, but it wasn't true. I don't want to keep secrets just to keep you. Anna Armas. Yes. Oh, Keith.

Cuckia. Oh, my God. Caratilavine. I really thought this was a slam dunk. Kelsey Clark. Oh, wait. Oh, the, Carly. Carly, Gw.

Thank you. Thank you. Christ, good Lord, I can't believe. I've never wanted to be on this side of the blinds for good reason. I suck at names. I'm so bad at names. And so I've always been thrilled to be the giver of the blinds for this exact reason you're saying right now. That is a name.

That is a name I should know front and back. You should. Every time. Forget it every single week. But if you put me on the spot, I'm just like all my memory goes away. Everybody's screaming, by the way. Everyone was screaming. Everybody.

How do you not remember that? Last week, I wonder if I could even find it in my files. Last week, there was a, we had an item that Taylor was like texting Carly and like trying to ignite that friendship again. And so to see this week, to see it back in the blinds that she is still pining for Harley Clas. I have this weird feeling about her and Travis, you know, I will say. Do you think it's all going to go away? I mean, it just seems a little too. well, you can't just ride off into the sunset.

No. Life moves on. Life changes, you know? Yes. Like I... Yeah, look at David Harbor and Lillian. And this is the other thing about the Travis Taylor thing that I think people don't really bring up. Like, and maybe he's able to leave it on the field.

But we have all these videos of him like flipping out on his coach. Um, and really like showing a lot of like unnerving anger. Don't they all ball players with their, with their yells? Not necessarily, but he's showing like an aggression that makes me going to learn. I hope he's working on that. Like, you know what he mean? Like, or at least... Does he leave it on the field?

Yeah, does he leave it on the field? It seems so much about the optics of like finding this man. The item from last week, by the way, was the A plus singer and the coder, which we had to... That was confusing. That's right. That's right. Late night chats. Late night chats on the phone.

The phone calls have increased to every day since the singer's special moment, which is not Jackie's solo. My special moment? Like when I grabbed on myself too much? So will she eat, pray, love, Travis? essentially. I think we're about to eat pray love. Yes, life as long is a great, you know, who illustrates that? Elizabeth Gilbert, because you read you pray love and you're like, yeah, you had your like moment.

And now she goes off into the sunset. And she has lived many lifetimes since then. And then it cuts to cocaine all over the table. And you watch Mario leave Ramona and Real Housewives and it really is like, you know, life does continue on even after 58. Yeah. That is exactly. This is a total Elizabeth Gilbert moment. And her literally saying itself, of course I can't kill her.

Cancer can't even kill her. There's literally a line from the book. Again, the woman can, you know. It's snappy. Arguably can write. Yeah. Again, I'm not going to stand by that statement. I can't wait to get the feedback on Elizabeth Gilbert.

I can't justify the worst coming out. You read it so long ago. It's okay, MJ you can like the books. Like, you can like the way she writes. It's complicated. You know when you read a book and you're like, like, I think this is a bad book, but it's doing something for you. Yes.

It's okay. Let it do something for you. I know. I just can't wait for the Elizabeth Gilbert feedback we're going to get. Ooh, it's going to be a range of feedback. I like, I'm holding McNeely and I liked Ready Player 1. I, like, really enjoyed reading that book. And I have to be like, yeah, it sucks ass, huh?

I'm one of those nerds. I like Ready Player 1. I thought people just hated the movie or do they also hate the book? And I thought the movie was okay. No, no, no. The book's also like, blah. Like, I don't know. It's fun. I like when you're given a quest and it's a thing, you know, and it was entertaining and I enjoyed it.

It's fun. And it spoke to all my little Easter eggy nerd crap and all my bullshit. It's so fun and nerdy. And it's not good, but I get it. It's not good. It's not good. I get it. It's just not.

Yeah, we shouldn't be reading it in class. That's why you both love to read your murdering women books. And Holden and I love our murdering women books. Actually, are you being a bit of a Dex Shepherd in this? with the amount of murdering women books that you like to read, Holden? Oh no, don't worry about it. At least I'm saving you.

It's time for Jackie Snackies. Yum. I'm sorry, MJ, you can see again, right? Did you say you can see again? Okay, great, thank you. I've been a snacky girl. Snacky, I've been a snackie, snacky, snacky. Is somebody going to eat those chips?

Is somebody going to dip those dips? Is somebody going to try those candies? I got seminar. They say I'm a snack lead. And by the way, no, I can. can't be because I don't post, I'm going to say it right now, lame ass, oh, oh, and everybody be like, that's because he doesn't really love his life, blah, blah, blah, no, I just think it's so performative.

I think it's so, I just, it's not, it's not, it's not, uh, savory. It's not, uh, it's not a, I don't appreciate my wife situation. It's, I hate the, so, I hate social media situation. Yeah, yeah, social media. All right, we've got two different chips. Love to tell my wife how much she, I love her in person, like a fucking human being. You know what I mean? And not tell her how much you want to murder her. This was inspired by Tinderella, and I want to say thank you again so much to Tinderella.

We love Tinderella. Tinderella here at this network who sent an amazing, like, bundle of Bucky's Faire. And I will say I ripped through the spicy pickle chips that were sent in the box, and I did not wait for Jackie Snacky. So instead, I got two different kind of. pickle chips for Holden. Well, one's more of a chickle, chickle. Pickle stick, I guess.

A chickle, what are I guess what we're calling of chicles? We've got Doritos, tangy pickle. We also have flaming hot dill pickle, crunchy Cheetos. This is so exciting, Jack. I'm sorry to jump in, but I have had both of those, but my snack today, I think, is something that you had, I've got the Vlasic pickle balls. Wow. It's a pickled.

It's a pickled. I ain't hating it on it at all. It's pickle bag. All right, Holden, which do you want to try first? Doritos Tengi pickle or Cheetos Flaming Hot Dill Pickle. You know, I'm going to do the non-hot one first because I feel like the hot one might throw my senses off. Oh, taste fuds off. Good point.

Okay, we're getting picked here. It's a bit of a big deal. Good point. Oh, wow. These are also, I opened up the, maybe we just because we open up two pickle things at once. It's hard. This is a very pickle thing. forward taste. I mean, they are not pulling

punches. Yeah, they're not like ashamed of the pickled of the pickledness of the flavor. But it also tastes like a Dorito. But it also tastes like a Dorito? This is great. All right, then I'm also going to try these Flaming Hot Dill Pickle Citos. Yeah, these are right. Yeah, I really enjoyed the, I enjoyed both of the ones that you guys are trying.

They're both fantastic. Put that shit on some elothae. Mm-hmm. Or I put it on a hot dog. Oh my God. M.J. Those Flamen hot Dill pickle, put that on a hot dog. So, bitch.

Yes, on a hot dog. It is actually, I thought that it was going to be way too much in the Dill pickle world in the Flaming Hot Cheetos, but that flame and hot comes in. It really packs such a punch that it's not like, it is too large competing flavors. However, if you like both of those flavors, you will love this. because both really come through. I agree.

Have you had this one yet? No, I'm going to get into this one while I talk about this. I'm way more in favor, I think, of the actual, the tangy pickle Doritos. The hot, the heat kind of takes away from the pickle flavor, which I, again, appreciate

that it's so pickle forward on the chip. I want to just savor the pickle flavor. Yeah, yeah, I don't need the heat. The tangy pickle Doritos, the Cheetos, we get to the fire before I've even had enough of a dance with the pickle. Yeah.

You are right. It's first and foremost, it's a flame and hot chito. Yeah, it's a flame and hot chito. I want to have a dance with the pickle, and it's going like, and I feel like I just started dancing with the hot girl that I want to fucking suck her tits and everything. And then some barfa, Marfa shows up like, hey, this dance is for me. You know you're all referencing me. We all get it.

It starts like giving me a hand job. I'm like, enjoying it, but I'm like, not with you with the hot girl. You know, you're talking about me. And I'm coming and I'm coming and everything. Ew. Ew. Never mind. It's not going to take a fact about you.

I'm coming all over. over the woman I'm describing. I also do think the Doritos tangy pickle. I feel like while hitting you with the pickle, it is also hitting you with the chip. I feel like it is really giving trickle. It is not just the, like, I feel like the taste of the corn chip of the Dorito is still very much there. As opposed to some of the, like, kettle-cooked dill pickle chips where I feel like the chip aspect gets lost. I genuinely fuck with this hard.

I agree. recommendation for it. But also, full disclosure, I'm just not a flaming hot guy. That's fine. I've just, I've never been into the flame and hot chips. Yeah,

I'm just, I'm just not. I like it on other stuff. I don't usually eat a bag of them, but I usually, I like to, like, I'm like,

I'd definitely. To put it on a hot dog, I'm like, yeah, would be fired. Or crush them up and, like, put them on some baked chicken thighs and stuff like that. Yeah,

yeah, no, I, but I've been trying all the hot Cheetos. And I do feel like, I do feel like, I do feel like, if you like, flavor like I tried the limone hot chitos last week and they were so good. Yes.

And I like the dill pickle ones too. All right. It's my turn to eat the pickle chips now, dog. Everything they snack. Every's been it in my cheese. All right, I'm just going to go back to thinking about jizzing on that ugly woman I made up in my mind. Oh, you're eating the chips. Wow.

Jackie, am I right? Did you try these elastic pickle balls? I didn't try those elastic pickle balls. You didn't? No, I didn't. People have been sending me pictures of these. These are a corn puff. I think you're getting the pickle content now.

I'm getting the pickle content. It's a corn puff. It looks like a cheese ball, yeah. Looks like a cheeseball, but it is made not by a chip company, but by a pickle company. So can a pickle company chip? That's the question. Whoa. It's made by Vlasic.

Blasick the classic. What are we thinking? I'm okay with it. I'm into it. Now there's no cheese part of the ball, right? It's only pickle. you know, it's a great question. It mostly just tastes like pickle.

It doesn't taste like a cheeseball. The only thing is that it tastes like a little bit of, or not the taste is great. Taste is very much like smells like when you open a jar of plastic pickles. But you know, holding like the baby puffs that your children eat until they're two, and they dissolve in your mouth, it's like that. Yeah, yeah. And I guess that's just what a cheese ball does.

That's what a cheese ball is, yeah. But I don't usually eat cheese balls. Like, I mean, I'll eat them and enjoy them. But it's just very, it's very, like, has baby puff texture. I'm way more a cheese puff person versus a cheese ball person. I don't know if I've ever said that aloud before, and I feel like this is very vulnerable for me. But I don't know why I always like cheese puffs more than cheese balls. But I do like Cheetos, like the hard crunchy cheeto.

I'm a Cheeto. I love a Cheeto. Yeah. But I also am such a big old bitch for those disintegrato. cheese puffs because you can eat so you can eat until you're physically sick yeah yeah yeah yeah well then you'll then you might love these vlasic pickle balls corn puffs very much like a cheese ball but smells like you are whiffen a jar of vlassic pickles and they've really I feel like they've really honed the artificial pickle flavor like definitely

really figured that out sometimes I will say I feel like it's too much yeah sometimes I feel And I love dills specifically as a spice. But sometimes I feel like it's like such a zang of dill. You can never do it. Okay. It's over dilled. You can never do it. Oh yeah.

Similar to like a salt and vinegar chip where you're like it just hurts. Then it hurts. You're right. It's like the vinegar. It's too much. Oh my God. This is not too much. Pickleball not too much.

I can't believe we had a huge pickle day and we didn't even talk about it beforehand. I know. It's amazing. Oh my God. Good pickles tea. Thanks guys for it. I had such a nice time doing this.

This was wonderful. We love having you back. It's always great to be back. Thank you so much for coming back, Holden. And also thank you so much for doing such a wonderful job here at LPN as a producer. And again, we've got Vampire, the Muscatade. I'm so excited, dude. Bloodbath.

It is, it is debuting this week. Go check out the LPN. LPN TV on YouTube. LPN RPG. Bloodbath is our Vampire the Mascarade actual playroom. If you don't know much about that, you know, it's, It's like D&D. It's vampire improv.

And, but I think it's a lot simpler than D&D. So if you're, like, worried about not understanding it, we do some, we even do a primer on how the dice works, uh, right up top. And it's my first time playing. So I ask a lot of questions. You get a nice range of like experience levels of, with the players on the table. So, yes, we, we inevitably, I feel like, end up explaining things. And, and also, though, you can just be along for the ride and enjoy the character stuff

and everything. You don't have to, like, know, exactly what, like, the dice rolls do or anything. No, you can tell that I don't know and I'm actively playing. But I hope that it's still... Holden says that it's so fun. I'm very... This is the... Of the stuff I've done since I started this role, this is the thing I am the most proud of so far.

I'm very excited for people to start watching it out. I just... I'm really excited we're finally doing this. And everybody's great. Jared Logan's incredible from Glass Cannon. He's our storyteller. Ross Bryant is... amazing. He's done stuff on dropout. He's done stuff for Glass Canada as well. He's also a professional

Shakespearean improvisationalist, which do you know that those people exist? So cool. He's so, and if that, uh, uh, if that throws you off, he's also very funny. He's very funny. He's very nice. Genuinely. He's so talented and he's so nice. You know, Henry's character. He's also very scary in the game. Henry's character is incredible. And don't worry. I know you're like, there are only three people at the table with Jackie Henry and Ross. We have, guest starring roles from essentially as many people from the network as we could get for this first run. And everybody has done such a great job. I'll give you a sneak peek. You know, we've got Marcus is so good. Everybody blew me away. Amber blew me away. Like everybody just came in and delivered

so hard on that end of things. So I'm just really, really thrilled to finally get this thing out. And finally start getting stuff out on LP&TB. I know we've, we went away for a while on Twitch. and people are like, what's going on? Why? You know what I mean? But it's because we've been trying to build some, you know, more focused, larger things. And we're hopefully, we'll hopefully now be on a run where there, if there is a gap in programming, it would be very short. And we're just delivering on content. So come check it out, YouTube.com slash at LPNTV. Come give it a, you know, subscribe, give it a follow so that you're updated when new things get posted. And, you know, while you're, at it, head on over to YouTube.com slash at Who's the Bee? Or YouTube.com slash at LPN Romanticy. If you need some more Jackie in your life,

I highly recommend jumping into whether I'm giving advice or being a vampire as an improvisationalist or, you know, talking about smut with my sister-in-law or here with MJ and sometimes Holden talking about celebrity gossip. Come find me. You can find me so many places.

Yeah, including Twitch.com. forward slash Holdenaders. So on Fridays. I feel like, I feel like we've had a little bit of a summer dip. We want to bring the party to that. I think we should maybe do, yeah, we've got. And Halloween is where it's at. YouTube. Come join us for that. Halloween Jacking with the Holies. It's going to be a blast. So please join us for that. And we'd love to get that party swelling up, bigger and bigger.

Yeah, we want it big. We want it, Joe Mennelopee. So check us out on there. And I'm playing spooky games on that channel as well. Twitch. I TV forward slash holding later so. But what about the fucking Patreon, guys? You can join us over at the Patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. Jackie's reading to you about the Joe Manjano Lampires. Oh my God, you don't even know what we're going through in Suki Stagas.

We are also reading celebrities. We just started Elvira's memoir, yours cruelly Elvira. It is amazing. And of course we have our Buffy watch along, which we are in season five. And we're all heartbroken all the time. You can email us at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. Holden, we love you so much. Thank you so much for coming back.

Thank you. And we will see you all tomorrow for second helping. All right. Bye, everybody. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.