Page 7 - Wine and Cigarette Time w/ Amber Nelson

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

This week on Page 7, Jackie and MJ are joined by Amber Nelson of The Brighter Side, SPUN and HGX2 to goss' 'bout the various C words, Amber is lucky enough to hear the final verdict on the Grand Tome of Goop, and it's that she sucks and is the reason we have a Wormlord holding power in the White House as well as why Erewhon is able to overcharge for crystal woo strawberries.  People are STILL talkin' about Sophie Turner daring to do anything while the Jonas Brothers are on tour, Jackie is tested as she is granted a choice between a rumored pillow lipped owner of a podcast network and a big bag o' lumps. Hilaria Baldwin continues to surely damage her family and is doin' a podcast with her 11 year old daughter to be prove kids and parents CAN BE FRIENDS! MJ and Jackie respond to fans, and apologize for their anti-Kelce rhetoric but Amber ain't fallin' for their masculine charm, Halle Berry's ex from far too long ago said on a dumb podcast that she didn't cook, clean or raise kids 'cause he's YUCK and she subtly fired back. Then it's onto a LIST of celebrities who spoke candidly about their extremely odd upbringings, then it's onto the Blindzz, and finally a competition fueled Jackie's Snackies from 1:09:21.910 (with an MJ's Minute Munchies at 1:18:34.871) til 1:21:34.000. All this and even more on this week's episode!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast  Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I remember how many times I've drunkenly pitched to you that I think that we should do this show together. But usually I start page seven with a song and I wanted to dedicate this to you. Please. Jamie is over and Jamie is gone. Jamie's decided it's time to move on. Jamie has new dreams he's building upon. And I'm still hurting. Amber, we need to do the show together.

Last five years. Last five years. Thank you. That was beautiful. Thank you so much for jumping in with me. Thank you. Theater nerds in the house. Yes, yes.

Amber Nelson is here. And I, Amber Nelson, I feel that, you know, there are so many things that I love, love, love, love, love, love, love about you. I love you too, darling. Thank you so much. And one of those things, one of those many, many things is the fact that you played Kathy in last five years in college. And I have always wanted to do a gender bent version of the two of us, even though I play Jamie, you play Kathy. And we just do all of this music together because

it always made me so sad because I could so much easier sing along with the Jamie songs than I could with the Kathy songs. And it always hurt my brain because I wanted to be in the show. And I think if you can dream it, you can be it, this be it. But you know, we are theater kids. Yes, and theater kids have never shot up a school. Let's be honest here. We've never shot up a school. We've never shot up a bank.

I haven't asked all of their backgrounds. So I don't know if any of them maybe they'd take it like an improv class. Like you never know. More theater, more improv classes, less mass shootings. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, you've heard it here first. Folks, page seven. Surprise.

eyes anti-school shootings. Yeah, maybe that's a good, make it part of the social emotional curriculum. Like how, remember that horrible period of time from like 2008 to maybe still when bankers and stuff discovered improv? And they were like, oh, we'll teach corporate executives how to do improv to help make their like present. That's still, I'm sure. That was a big part of my side hustle in New York City because I did a lot of improv. And so I would go into these corporate situations and then teach them how to like. Like, yes, and and play games.

Yeah. I made like a hundred bucks a pop. Yeah, those, I did a couple of trainings for those jobs as well, and they do, that's where the money is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I never got to that place. No one never wanted me to teach them out. You could censor yourself well enough. You have to turn, you have to turn down the cock talk to zero, unfortunately.

That's right, Kathy, put a dick in your mouth. Yeah. You're sucking it. You're sucking it. Yeah, maybe you should have been out sucking more. I wouldn't have been fucking as much. HR, more like her rape.

Yeah. Page seven. Hell yeah. Amber fucking turned it off. We didn't even introduce you. Everybody knows. You know Amber Nelson. We all know Amber.

Of course, Co-O's Brider side. We've got a hoop-a-goo-goo coming down the pipes. We got Spun. We've got, oh, baby. So many amazing projects that you touch with your beautiful fingers. Oh, thank you. I feel like I should be doing more. Whoa.

That's a hustle culture. Yes. You're going to notice that feeling and you're going to reject it and you're going to say, I am doing enough. MJ, you're so correct. Thank you for listening to them because I need to hear that. In fact, I actually said it as my alarm clock that MJ says that to me every moment. And you are enough.

I am doing enough. You're like you are Friday night. Oh, this is another one I just heard. Rest is not a reward. Tell that to my anxiety. Whoa. Rest is not a reward. Don't you tell me to rest?

I am a bitch, a baby in total control of herself. Whoa. Thank you. Thank you for being wowed by it. Is that your pronouns, bitch? Yeah. Bitch, yeah. I go by bitch, yes.

Thank you very much. My name is total control of result. My pronouns are a bitch cunt. Bitch cunt. And I will respond to both. And man, it's always so fun. I save the C word for like, of course, not cunti. Cunty is different, especially, oh my God, the song Cunty by I believe the Lambarini girls, definitely check it out.

But the actual C word I save for very specific reasons. And I was having a birthday phone call in the car. I was with Jeff and I was talking to my sister. And man, you know when you start, when it's like when you're talking to a sibling about like members of the family and then not like immediate, we're talking extended family. And we're like, and then that fucking cunt. And Jeff was like, I have never heard you say the C word as many times as you did talk to your sister. I was like, that's sisters.

That's just what sisters do. Sisters. Sisters. Yeah. We're never going after the same mistress. Thank Christ. Right. What's a powerful word?

Yeah. No, we were, over my vacation, I was hanging out with a group of kids. My kids were hanging out with a group of kids, family friends. And the parents of the kids were like, okay, now watch out. our kids are on a bit of a curse, you know, kick, and they might introduce your kids to the C word. And I was like, excuse me? Like, we have the kids. The kids are pulling out the C word?

It turns out they were talking about the word crap. But I was like, my kids don't give a shit about the word crap. That's the thing. I was like, you don't have to censor the word crap. Like, we have tried to, like, you know, we have a somewhat controversial approach of being like, we're going to let the kids hear swear words. even try them out at home and teach them that you say them, you don't say them in certain contexts. But it is funny every once in a while, MJ will be, and I will be streaming. And then it's like if

Freddie is home. And then like, Freddie wants to say something to Jackie. And it's usually like, poop. And then just like, ah! You know what? I'm shit. Yeah, as you say, like the tiny voice saying the word is really just, how do you not smile? You know? Oh, that's such a great and intelligent approach to parenting is to say these are the words like we're not going to hide anything from you. Right. You're not, you know, I want you to know what the world is.

Yeah. Right. You can, you know, curse at home. That's the idea. Exactly. That's what my parents did. It's like just, you can curse around your friends, you can curse at home. You can't curse in school. When you're around other parents, you can't curse at people. Right. Like, I understood those rules, but then it never made it, of course, I'm still a potty mouth to this day, but like it never made it something like alluring that we couldn't do. Right.

Because then you want to do it more. Exactly. And then every like 10 year old has that, you know, sailor mouth thing where they're like, they're just trying it on. So Arkins just had the filthy mouth phase earlier. They tried it on and then it wore off and lost its novelty. But I was like, I was like, I'm going to draw the line at the C word. I don't want my kids to know that one.

But crap is fine. I was like, say crap as much as you want. Not even a swear in my ass. Although I really can't wait for the day that like, you know, Freddie just walks up to me and she's just like, slay, cunt. And I'm like, yes. Okay. Like, send in a positive way.

Yes. It will make me lose my mind. I'm like, yeah. Eventually, you will learn how to weaponize this word in a good way. Yes. I feel like potty mouth is saying like crap. But what about toilet mouse? What do they say?

They say, come here, little girl. I mean, honestly, it makes me think of, I've been playing the game, date everything, where you can date anything in your house and it becomes a sentient, creature and the toilet becomes a character named Jean Lou and he is a French rapper and he is absolutely obnoxious and honestly it makes me think of I think toilet humor would be just anything I would say at him to disparage him because he's very annoying. Oh of course a French man is a toilet. It makes sense. It's a lot of it's fun. It's fun. That's pretty funny. You know some parents do a toilet thing where they say that they, that kids can only use potty words in the bathroom.

And I feel like that. You're going to give your kids a lot of weird, like, you know, I'm, I say this without judgment. Because one of my good friends does is she's like, if you want to say toilet words, you say it in the toilet. Wait, do you say it at the toilet? Do you like speak into it, like a Gwyneth Paltrow and Sam? Yeah. Just go into that.

I just feel like it's very funny to send your like four-year-old into the bathroom to just be like, shit, shit, fuck, you know. Into the toilet. Like it's a microphone. But if you do that, please, sound off in the comments. Is it working for you? I would love to hear. Maybe, yeah.

Astrology moon water. You say it in the water. Oh, my God. MJ and I have been reading the goop biography. And it is, I will say, definitely check out this week's episode of celebrities over on the Patreon. But man, did we have a field day? Because this whole book, it was so long. And then it gets to the epilogue.

and the epilogue is just straight up like goop's the reason why RFK is in Pals. It's like, Goop is the reason. This bitch is the reason we are in the hellscape. We are in now. We are in right now. And why we're all going to die of measles. You can draw a straight line from, I keep saying it's the domino meme, like the little domino and then leading to the big ones.

Like the little domino is like high school, Gweth Paltrow hates fat people. And then the big domino is like, we all have measles now. You know, like it really just, she has just. built a 15-year industry on hating fat people so much and, you know, being skeptical of, you know, food dies and, you know, mess. Amber, there are parasites in our blood, and it's from the sushi, and it's from everything else, and we got to be cleaning it. And sometimes you need eight full days of goat's milk.

That's all. The terror in your face. It is stundered. I'm sorry, I can't piece all this together. I just thought this was like some crazy horror. And then now we're all, that's why we have a brainwarm man. She's telling us what to eat. She spent the last 15 years normalizing this whole thing of like distrust medical institutions, distrust scientists.

Listen to this weird health guru who tells you not to get your tits checked, you know. And it's, yeah, so it's a lot of harmful. And people die of breast cancer. And it's just like, it's all, it's just bad medical misinformation. Oh, very scary. And it just, just getting to that epilogue, I was just like, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

I, because honestly, Amber, we here on page seven, have possibly flirted in the past with like, is goop as bad as like, here's the thing, she's charming. It is like, she is every once in a while, it's like, you know, at the end of the ski trial when she goes up to the guy that's like, it was a ridiculous trial. She goes, I wish you well. And then the memes went crazy because it is, she is an ice queen. she is funny, but she's also very, very dangerous. Yeah. This is, it's piecing so many things together for me because back in COVID lockdown time, I wanted to be healthy, quote unquote.

And I was like, oh, I want to eat right. I don't want to go to the hospital. So I fall down these rabbit holes of these women who are like, we need to eat well as sort of this beige sort of tone. And after a while I was, everything was beige. Everything was beige. And then I was just like, why do I feel bad? This is why you should always, facts do care about your feelings because your feelings matter.

And I was just like, oh, I don't like this actually. And then come to find out, they're all right. Oh, no. Thank God. I was just like, I don't feel good. I think I'm going to dip, you know? Yeah. And they were fascists.

And they would bring up Gwyneth Paltrow all the time. Uh-huh. Absolutely. No, and it presents, at first it presents as something that seems like it might make sense. You're like, yes. Yeah, I wouldn't be healthy. Fruit loops don't exist in nature. You're, and then the next thing you know, you're like, RFK is like, everybody gets to have bird flu now, you know?

And that's the slippery slope we're on. Also, you're in L.A. And everyone's shopping at this, what's the store again? Airworn. I've never stepped foot inside of one, but I did try the smoothie. Holden and I got invited to a Spotify Christmas party and they were giving out the smoothies for free. It was like, oh, I finally get to try one. Before you get kicked out, you got to drink all the free shit.

Yeah, we got that smoothie in there, baby. Oh, yeah. We were slurping down. You giving it to me for free? I'll eat anything. Was it worth it? It was fine. I don't have a refined enough palate to know the difference.

Like, it was yummy. But I don't know that, like, I needed. It's that $20. I don't need to pay $20 for it for it. No, prices out of control. Oh, my God, it's out of control. Sandwiches should be $5. Oh, my God, don't even.

Of flight. Should be $200 max. Right with a $5. $5.00. Coffee should be $2. I don't know what kind of world we're living in where I'm going to pay. There's this new sandwich shop in L.A. 20 bucks a sandwich.

20 bucks a sandwich. No, go fuck your mother. I will go make my own sandwich. What do you mean $20? Yes. And you're probably going to make it even better than they're going to make it. But, you know, there's a lot of upset out here on these streets, all right? And there's a lot of things that we're going to talk about in here.

here and it has nothing to do with a lot of the big things that you think. No, I want to talk about Sophie Turner. I want to bring up Sophie Turner because we've been talking recently, Sophie Turner, who she gets a lot of mom shame. There's a lot of she was married to a Jonas brother. They had a very public divorce. They had to go get custody of the kids. She was in Game of Thrones. She was like, yes. Because she was drinking. She just had the baby and then was out and she said something like, I like to party. never really got to party. And a lot of the people on Twitter, mostly men, they were just like, this is why women should never be trusted.

Yes. And it's been that ever, and that was like years ago. It's been that ever since. Every time, it's like she was out just two weeks ago. She was out at a concert with friends. She posed pictures and people like, where are your children? And she's like, I have half custody with my ex-husband. Like, also get the fuck away.

Like, I went to a concert. So it's just all of this. shame and guilt she gets, but then she was on Seth Myers and she was talking about, she was at San Diego Comic-Con, and she is very attractive, and she was, like, saw a celebrity couple across the way, and her friend was like, oh, do you see who's over there, and she sees them, and she gave, like, a slight, like, awkward, like, hi, wave just from across the way. And apparently, the person who was in the relationship with the dude, like they were both celebrities. Allegedly, this was an A-list celebrity couple.

She was at this event. She sees one, she sees the guy, and she waves. And yeah, so then. And she said, that was it. She goes, later on, I see this girl looking at me and she's a famous actress. And I go, I have to go and tell her how much she means to me. And she goes up to her. And the first thing she says was, can you stop fucking.

flirting with my fiance? And allegedly, this A-list, this is all, as Jackie pointed out, this entire page six article reads like a blind item. Like a blind item. The A-list, we don't know. And they allegedly, according to Turner, retelling the story on Seth Myers, they broke up, they broke off the engagement that night. Like right after.

So, Jackie is speculating that it was J-Lo and Ben Affleck, but we don't know. I know it's not. But also, wait, were they, were Megan Foxxie? and MGK, were they married? Were they engaged? Yeah, who could it have been which A-list? Are they A-list? I guess they're A-list. I think they are. Yeah.

We should just look up who was engaged, right? We need a list of A-List, Celebrity Couples. Ooh, yeah. A-Wist-Colberty's couples who've engagement has been broken off. The biggest one that comes to mind is Gwyneth Paltrow and J-L. Although, they got married, didn't they? They got remarried. They weren't just engaged in them.

And J-Lo and Ben Affle? Yeah, they were married. Yeah, they were married. So that's why it's, I don't think it is them. Now, I forgot it was an engagement. Also, J-Lo would never. J-Lo has too much class to go yell at Sophie Turner. Too much class.

Even when she gets turned away. Oh, God, what store was that? She got turned away from a, uh, prod-a-or like one of those. She got turned away from, like, a nice, fancy store. And she was very classy about it. They said, we're not going to let you in. They didn't realize it was Jennifer Lopez. And they said, you can't come in.

And she said, all right, no problem. And that's why we like her. I know. It's like, really, like, she didn't have a diva moment. She definitely could have been like, I'm fucking Jennifer Lopez. But she didn't. She just classly moved on.

Have you seen that meme where she's just like, this is the house I grew up? Oh my God. And someone's like, who are you? Who are you from the stoop? And she goes, Jennifer. And he's like, who? She's like, Jennifer Lopez. And he's like, who's that?

And I know exactly what you're talking about. And it's very funny because she just, you could tell, was like, oh, everyone's going to be mobbing me as I walk through my old town. And nobody was because in New York, nobody cares. Yeah, nobody gives it. That's just New York. Nobody cares. The thing about, to bring it back to Sophie Turner, whenever people say, when are you having children,

they don't mean when are you having children? They mean, when are you going away? Yes. They don't want to see you anymore. Just go be a parent at this point, right? After like 19 to 21, it's just like, why are you out in society? I want you to be locked away in a kitchen. Yeah.

Basically. Because I need to put ozone therapy up my ass like Gwyneth Paltrow. And it's like, that's what I'm out here doing. I'm like, take that toxic gas. Pump me up, pump me up. You know, yeah, get me gone. Yeah, I don't know why Sophie Turner, I guess it's, I guess I know why. It's because she's young and beautiful and divorced.

And so she's a special, she's doing womaning wrong, right, both by being a mom in public and by being divorced, you know, people love to have their opinions about also. It was an oasis concert that she was at. You're really going to bring the kids to an oasis concert? No, they don't want that. Let her have a good time. It is funny in the same article. She is talking about being on set.

She's, I guess, in a new movie with Kit Harrington, who was like in Game of Thrones. And in it, they have to kiss and fuck a bunch. And she just keep, they both were like, we were like openly like, ugh. Like, it really just makes me think of like, could you imagine being in a movie with a lot of eroticism with like Holden? Like a long time. and brotherly going to suck on them. I can't even imagine that. No, I really, I think I, you know what, I would rather kill myself.

I would definitely turn down the role. Yeah, I just, I wouldn't do it. I don't, I can't do it. Or I'd make them do. I think I'd make them bend the knee. I think I'd be like, Holden, you're not doing this. I'm kissing someone else. Right, right, just get a body double.

Yeah, exactly. Just get a lip double. Just go really zoned it on it. But then you'll know because it's not as like dripping. and covered in ketchup. Can I pick the body double? His name is like Maricio. He's a pool boy.

He's just like obviously not old. It's like complete different. See, that's the kind of movie I want to do. You know, then if it is, you know, just brought in, I'll do the movie with them. I just don't make me kiss them. Would you rather kiss Holden or Henry? Ew. Oh, that's why we invite you back, Amber.

You're bringing the tough questions. You have to. I have to answer. I have to answer. Unfortunately, you know my answer is old. You got an answer, Holden. Oh my God, don't. Don't tell everybody.

What is your answer, MJ, and Amber? I think that because of my time, you know, with Holden on page seven, I think he will occupy the space of brother more than Henry. So I guess I have to choose Henry. Whoa. He's got pillowy lips I hear. Oh, God. All right. Henry's got

Hillary lips. I don't know offense. I think Holden's cyst makes me want to hurl. So I would probably go Henry only because Holden's like, he has a cyst and like a

multiple lumps. You know what? I'm going to say this. Proud of Holden because he did go to the dermatologist last week and they did inject a bunch of stuff into his cysts

and then they're going to go squeeze the lumps and he has asked to keep the juice. And I am very scared. If he brings that to fucking that show, Brun House and makes us drink it, I'm going to kill myself on air. He is already saying he immediately,

I can see the sparkle of Funhouse in his eye. I'm going to punch him in his face. I'm going to commit violence. I thought you were going to say he was going to keep the cyst. Like, just make sure it's safe, but then let me keep it. You know, it gives me my powers. Just the squeeze. No, he just wants the squeeze.

So I apologize to everybody. That's not usually the talk we have here at page seven, but it is the talk that we get into on Jack and on Friday, and I needed to share it. I couldn't be alone in thinking about the juicing of his back cyst, which I have licked. And it does taste weird. Jackie, you've licked his cysts.

Because of funhouse. Funhouse. I didn't choose to do it. Right. You weren't like, yummy, yummy, Holden. Oh, please, holding. Please let me lick your scissors. Yeah, it's like his ice cream cone.

Jesus, Christ. All right, we'll talk. We're going to get disgusted. We're going to talk about Elaria. I was going to say, when can we scream about, there's news. We have news about Hilaria Baldwin. It's not just our regularly scheduled screaming.

No. So she's the fake Mexican, right? Well, yeah, well, fake Spanish. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah, baby. And she is her real name, given name, God given name, Hillary Lynn Thomas. But she now goes by Illaria. And Alaria. Now, MJ and I did take the time to watch all of the Baldwin's, which is a reality show that came out earlier this year about Hilaria and Alec Baldwin and all of their many children. It was, it is so that they can enrich themselves while laundering their image as a family that accidentally killed a woman. Yes. I mean, he actually killed a woman. Oh, he did.

Yeah, the family didn't. But they want the fan. She really has been gunning for an Instagram, you know, kind of mom, fluencer career before he killed a woman and then after he killed a woman. She really saw that as her opportunity to a good jumping off point. She had to kind of step back for after the killing of a woman, though. Kind of like the Kardashians, when they got peed on, the mommy was like, like, yeah, let's make a, like a docu-series. Oh, yeah.

Was it being pissed on? Sorry, what? Oh, in the video. Oh, in the video. I thought the sex tape. I thought you meant that Chris Jenner herself was holding them all down and pissing on all the kids. And I was like, I feel like I would have heard more about this if she's pissing on all the kids. No, Kardashian girl.

She got peed on by Ray J. And then the mom was like, let's make a show. Yes. And similarly, this story is about a mom who saw an opportunity. with her own child. The mom is Hilaria Baldwin and the child is an 11 year old. And it is the, she is the oldest kid of the many, many children that they have. They have seven children not counting Ireland because Alec never counts Ireland, which is his first daughter from his marriage with Kim Bay Singer. But he always forgets to, he always says, I have seven children. No, eight.

No eight. Yeah. But so here's the thing. We, I know you guys have heard us all scream about Hilaria and her fake accent and everything. But here's the thing that's really, I have taken the liberty of following her on Instagram and talk about wanting to be dead. She is so, she does such weird things with her the way that she posts about those kids. I feel like I have to unfollow her just because I'm like, you shouldn't be posting your children this way. But long story short, she has started a podcast with her 11 year old called Growing Up Together. This is also after a year ago, she made her 11 year old. then 10 year old write a book about skin care. They co-authored a book about skin care because she said she has a book in her.

That 10-year-old has a book in her. She pointed out her when she's got a book in her. And now they are starting a podcast growing up together. And so here's the thing. I look so upset, Amber. I'm just thinking like, it's like very upset. 10-year-old skin care. 10-year-old skin care book.

You have to start then, Amber, or else she's going to look old by 13. God. And I'm going to want to put her in a trash can. This reminds me when I bartended in a hot. Hollywood and this like 22 year old was like, yeah, I'm doing this thing called baby Botox. You start Botox now. Baby Botox, pre-Botox. You know, when I'm old at 25, I won't look so old. And I'm like, you're 20, like you're so young. Go, go have an all-nighter and then go take a nap in the walk-in cooler. Nobody cares.

Exactly waste your money doing something else. Yeah, yeah. No, your 20s are for not taking care of yourself and then realizing in your 30s that you should have taken care of yourself. But I just, I don't know, I'm, I, listen, the idea of having. like a mother-daughter, like, let's discuss growing up thing is fine. Like, I, it's fine. But I don't think 11-year-olds should have careers. I just don't. I don't think that.

But we can make money off of them, MJ. Right. Right? That's always, like, happened well. Like, Britney Spears? Totally fine. Yeah, what can go wrong with being in the public eye at the age of 11? And also, like, cut to the current videos that Britney Spears has been.

posting which man oh man he likes uh there's a conspiracy theory that she died and there's a body double or these are like old tapes i think they would make it look better if it if it was i yeah nobody could make it that weird i don't know yeah yeah so this 11 year old with a book and now a podcast and a podcast and i'm just like can we let the 11 year old be a child i don't know start the podcast with her when she's 17 and she's almost a grown-up. And even that, there's things that I, I have been an adult, a legal adult for the entire range of page seven. And there is so much stuff that I wish I haven't said that I would delete from the,

forever. Like, you're going to do that to an 11-year-old. You're going to make an 11-year-old be on the record subject to everyone's opinions and comments, like with a woman who's basically only famous for how much people hate her. Especially because she's. She says, we want to grow together and not apart and believe that opening up and sharing these chats on a podcast can be a fun way to explore that controversial question. Can parents and kids be friends? Here's a thing.

No, they can. It's your parents. You are their parents. My mom literally phrase in her house was, I'm not your friend. I'm your mother. That was like the, that was the slogan of our home. But here's a thing. if you would like to explore a further relationship with your oldest kid because there's so many

kids and you would like to have a specific relationship, nurture that. Do that? One on one time. Do you have to monetize it? We do it in private. It's called one time. Yes. Take her to the fucking zoo, just the two of you guys.

There's so many things you can do that you can connect with her. I know. Man, my cousin, sorry, my aunt raised my cousin like to be a friend instead of a child. he wound up in prison because he sold, I think he was like, he sold some guns illegally. And that's the only way it can go. That's exactly what will happen. And this is why we have to protect these kids. Yeah.

I think also because we saw the show and we saw how like, you know, and I try so hard not to judge other parents, it's like since becoming a parent, one of my biggest things is realizing how much before I had kids I would just casually judge parents and be like, like, well, I will never do that. And I'm like, okay, this is not helpful. I don't need to judge other families, right? But like, we, like, I don't know, anytime that you are, like, famous for your very large family and maybe anytime with a really big family, people from big family sound off, it seems like, I've spoken to a lot of people about this, like that it seems like fairly common for the oldest kid to be parentified, like, give it, given responsibilities

about, you know, watching the younger kids that are not age appropriate. And we just saw, like, from the show that the oldest kid is very parentified. And, you know, and so... She's treated like she's not 11 years old. Like, she is definitely treated. 11 is very young. 11 is young, but she is treated way more like a 16 or a 17 year old. Like, it seems.

Yes, and hilarious. Or at least, I mean, we're watching a snapshot of a show, you know. There's only so much you're going to actually know. We're watching what they present and everything. But, like, yeah, they're always... And her Instagram is just like all, like, them, you know, getting ready to going out together, going on town together. And I only say 11 is young just to be like, like, yeah, some 11 year olds act grown

and might feel grown and whatever. But like we are, you not grown enough to have a podcasting career. I'm just begging you to spend some one-on-one time with your child privately. I feel like I was too young starting at the age of 22. I even feel like that was too young for me to be in front of a microphone. And I thought no one was going to hear it. Yeah. Well, that was the problem.

We did, we did like a dance like no one's watching, but with podcasts. Yes. People were watching. In a basement of a Mexican restaurant. It always smelled like shit down there. Actually, I usually smelled like puke, I feel like specifically. And I think that's why it always would encourage me to throw up, kind of just the moment I walked in.

But it was good. Honestly, I was usually hung over by the time I got in there. And then you're puked up by the time you leave because you're drunk again. You know what? We weren't treating ourselves well. No, and that's what your 20s are for. We had a great time. And thank you so much, you know, for that experience. Oh, my God, to you both. God, we had a blast. But I'm so glad we don't live like that anymore.

God, could you imagine if we still, like, clocked into the basement Mexican restaurant and then, like, just puked and ate, like, drank that much every day? Yeah, I have a bunch of 22-year-olds talking to us about the Botox they're getting. And it just cuts to me, and I'm, like, in a rocking chair, you know, for people. myself. You know, and we won't be doing that while beating our heads against the wall about Kylie Kelsey. I will say last week, you know, we were speaking.

Okay, Kylie Kelsey, it is Jason Kelsey's wife. Jason Kelsey, brother of Travis Kelsey, Travis Kelsey, and Jason Kelsey have a podcast together. I'll be honest. I've seen their faces. I don't trust them. Well, this is exactly how I'm saying. I don't trust it. We kind of went off kind of went off half-cocked.

We were kind of talking out our asses. We were talking about our asses. We had an instinct. We had an instinctual reaction to looking at the Kelsey brothers that I don't know if we trust these guys. And we heard the people sing and it turns out we are wrong and they're really nice. And it's totally fine and nice. And his wife is nice. And his wife is great.

And their brotherly love is nice. And the show is nice. And everyone told us to shut up and stop. We were. So wrong. Also, you guys were nice. People who love the Kelsey's were nice. People who love Kylie Kelsey said, I love you guys, but you're wrong about Kylie

Kelsey. And we're listening. And I'm listening and I'm learning. And so we're going to say Kelsey's. What if I listen and I do judge? Because I don't like them. I understand. I get it.

I do. You know, I just put in Kylie Kelsey and she just recently, I guess, said on the podcast that she's got strict phone rules for her children. Now, her children are very young. But I do. But then it's things like this where she's talking about like, I'm going back to a kitchen phone. If they won't talk on the phone, they can come in the kitchen,

they can come talk, and you can, you know, it's still like a portable phone. I've been wanting to put in a landline so that my kids can call their friends. Yeah, I love that. Apparently she is just, like, everybody says, Kylie is just like a really nice down-to-earth person. Apparently, they are very big. And, like, they've, like, I don't know if they created their own charity,

but, like, they give a lot to the community, especially, like, in Philly. And, like, they give a lot, I believe, to different, like, autism foundations, like they're very charitable. And like everybody says about the brothers. It's like, but they love each other and they love their family. And it's like, I just, you know what? But the thing is, Amber, I love the look on your face because MJ and I, we have been doing

celebrity gossip for 15 years. And it really is crazy that almost every time we're like, you know what? I think we do like that person weeks later. Like, and then that person grabbed and ripped. And what did they get and all the things that they were doing that you would never know? It's just like almost every time.

And so MJ and I live a life of fear. It's everyone we think is nice, we hear the next week that they're terrible. And everyone we think is terrible, we hear the next week, they're nice. They're nice. They're nice. Next week will be, it's terrible.

Hot take, I think maybe some people can make mistakes. I mean, if you're like out here raping kids, that's a no-no. That is a no-no. Not glad you're saying. Don't forgive that. We don't forgive that mistake. But if you.

Editorial stands here page seven. I'm glad. No, don't do it. But say if you pull Winona Ryder and you steal a t-shirt. I mean. Yeah. I honestly trust you more.

Yes. To be honest. I don't, my, here's my hot take. I shouldn't say this. I don't care that much about shoplifting as a crime. I think.

Yeah. Hell yeah. You're here. I'm sorry. Now and I'll get that emails. Not from big companies. Like, yeah, exactly. Don't, don't do it from a store.

Not small stores. not independent stores, never an independent store ever. Never, never. But I don't think we should have revolutionized our Dwayne reads to look like, you know, a compound. Yeah, that you can't get anything out of. Does that happen? You know what? Sound off, is that in other cities besides like New York and L.A.

Everything's locked up. And you have to wait a million. Like if you want deodorant, you have to ring the bell. But here's a thing. Nobody's around. And then you just like stand there for 10 minutes and be like, just need some deodorant. Why do you think we all go that fucking. Amazon. I don't want to go on Amazon. Do you think that's done on purpose so we have to buy stuff on

Amazon? Whoa. This is a conspiracy. But yeah, also that like people don't steal baby formula, you know, like the baby formula is behind lock and key. The diapers are behind lock and key. I know. And then the person comes and gets to your deodorant and you're like, also I need a toothbrush. Can you walk with me to another aisle? Or you know what? If they are sealing formula and they are stealing diapers because they need them, steal them. It's a genre. I feel It's also like, you need it for your kids. Exactly. Do it.

I feel like if you are at that place and you're in a fucking piece of shit target, yeah. Yeah. I guess I'm for it too. I'm, I'm never shoplifted. I'm very, very scared of getting caught. I know that I've never shoplifted. Just because I'm terrified. Yes.

And I'm not saying go out and shoplift. I'm just saying in the scheme of crimes, I don't think, yeah. And apparently, the target is will let you shoplift and keep track. of you. To a certain amount. Tell me if I'm talking out of my ass because this is... No, this is the word on the street. Target will let you shoplift until you have shoplifted so much that they can hit you

with like felony charges because of the amount. So you got to be careful. So don't shoplift. I'm saying... Well, I know, so don't go to Target. Don't do it. And we also got to look up who owns Dwayne Reed because many times a CEO will buy up another company and crash it on purpose.

That's what happened with the train system in California. Right. And so General Motors, they bought up all the trains and they crashed them on purpose. Oh, we crash them on purpose. crash him on purpose. We have an excellent, like, public transit system. Burn it all. Furn it on.

And I bet Hallie Berry felt that way. We need to talk about this story. Hallie Berry, man, this fucking... Talk about sex. Garbage. Talk about a garbage person. So, Hallie Berry used to be with this fucking Major League Baseball player from 93. Technically, he wasn't a baseball player.

No, I love... I'm sorry. I love sanitation workers. I'm saying he is a garbage man. He's a garbage man. He's a garbage man. Right. Not a sanitation worker.

Oh, I love a New York City sanitation worker. Oh, yeah, when they're throwing it in the back of the truck. And I'm like, oh, fucking throwing me on your shoulder. And sometimes they do me a little favors because I have to talk to them because of the street I live on. Sometimes they forget our trash and I'll be like, I'll take them aside. And they'll be like, for you. For you, I'll take it even though it's not your day. And I'm like, thank you.

Oh, yeah. Thank you. I love that. Oh, my God. But this is not that person. Now, this player said, who used to be with Hallie Berry, said that, that, that he left her because she wasn't traditional enough. He said, I'm looking at my mom and I'm a Midwest guy.

So in my mind, I'm thinking a wife at that time should cook clean. And then I'm thinking, okay, if we have kids, is this the woman I want to have kids with, build a family with? And at that time, as a young guy, if you don't cook, you don't clean, don't really seem motherly, then we're going to start having issues. It's Hallie Berry. It's Hallie Berry. It's Hallie Berry.

Yeah. Like she was a successful working actress at the top. She's pulling in millions of dollars. You do it. You do it, sir. Yeah. Yeah. And so she and this, so it was from so long ago.

And I guess it was just Hallie Berry's 59th birthday. And on her birthday, she posted like a carousel of pictures with her longtime boyfriend and like, including like a birthday card from her children and like a cake. And he said this on a podcast recently. Like they were married a long time ago. He said this recently. Is he still, I hope he's still single. I hope he is.

I hope no woman touches him again. And the caption just said, few, cooking, cleaning and mothering. Yeah. That's when Hallie Berry, like, adds her like,

clap back to him saying this shit of like, oh, interesting, I can contain multitudes and I can do whatever the fuck I want, essentially, and she did it in such a classy way. Right.

Because now she does have children. And, you know, And a family. And a family. And yeah, but this is, that is, can you, you are Hallie Perry. I mean, it was before Monsters Ball, but it was like she was a very successful working actress at the time that this marriage was happening. And he has the audacity to go on in 2025.

Also just like what, like what, you know, like, who do you think is going to, I mean. He wanted a soundbite. When was the last time you ever? I didn't even say his name. Who gives a shit? Yeah, no one cares about this man. Right. He wanted a sound bite.

He wanted just that moment of it and he got it. He's jealous of her. Never date someone that's jealous of you. Never, never, never, never. Because they're going to kill you from the inside. And I was going to say, what sympathy are you getting for this take in 2025? But then I stopped myself because I realized, unfortunately, a lot of more and more. A lot of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's getting it. Don't you worry. Yeah. Everybody's turning way more conservative now. I think because no one can buy anything and like the economy sucks. Right. So we look at the 1950s with these strict.

rigid rules of gender and we think, oh, well, we just, as long as we take away rights from women and people of color, then we'll get the money back. But really, it's because there were no such things as billionaires. And people of wealthy means were taxed. Yeah. What about the trillionaires? And now we can just sparkle the trillioners in there. But, you know, that's okay, guys. Sorry, this is a celebrity podcast. Yeah. Amber, this is celebrity gossip. And that's why we talk about almost anything except. But we get some celebrity stories in there. But we also get some celebrity lists. in there as well.

Oh, who's on the list? Who's me? Got to have that list. Now, this, I feel like we know a lot of the things on here, but I didn't know if Amber did. This is a list of celebrities who spoke candidly about their extremely odd

upbringing. And I feel that some of them are fun. Some of them are scary. I was going to say, how sad is it going to be? Sometimes Jackie will choose a list, Amber, that she thinks it's fun, but it's like, you know, 25,

animals who died on set and to Holden and I are like weeping by the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it turns out it's not fun. So, you know, if Carmen Baldwin, the 11-year-old of Alec Baldwin and Hilary Baldwin is not on this list, she will be someday. Oh, she certainly will be, but not quite yet. Joaquin Phoenix was born into a religious cult known as the children of God that his parents left early on after learning of their eerie practices.

Joaquin Phoenix had quite a strange upbringing as he was born into what he described as a deeply disturbed cult, disguising itself as a religious community group. His parents were highly religious individuals who sought a community of like-minded people to discuss their beliefs, unaware of the deranged practices of the group. Yes, MJ may be that forced them to leave shortly after the children of God cult was reportedly a very sexualized environment full of unorthodox practices and reports of abuse of children. And so they got out of there. Do you think Washington Phoenix got out of there? But I think hopefully it seems that. They got out of there early enough.

Right. And that it was, you know, but who knows, you know? It's like, you know, that some of the siblings had problems and who knows what could have happened. But, you know, Rose McGowan also grew up in the Italian chapter of the Children of God cult before a state. They got global chapters? I didn't even know that there were global chapters of it. But here at page seven, this is where you get to learn that, man, it just, it makes me think of the Valturi in twilight.

It just makes me think of the Italian vampires. But I think that it was much worse than fake vampires. Wow, that's in like Vatican shit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel, I mean, who. That's dark and heavy.

It is. Yeah, that is bad. It is. Speaking of Winona Ryder, not as scary of a childhood, but it was unconventional because she did live in a commune in North Carolina and her parents moved them around a lot. Apparently her mother was a projectionist and then she would help. Is that like a job or is that a disease? Yeah. It's a job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she would, you know, she would tie up sheets in the backyard so they would watch movies and everything and it seems they went all over the place. Now, it does not excuse

the stealing, I guess. I don't really know even as I'm reading through this as I speak. I mean, they didn't have any electricity, they didn't have any television. They were definitely like living off of the land. So in a way that, you know, may seem fun to some. Yeah, maybe it may seem like a nightmare to others. Feel like you really need the thing from the store because you didn't have anything as a child. I don't know. I just can't bring myself to care about Winona Ryder shoplifting.

Right. And maybe that's because I think she's cool and I admittedly have double standards for people who I think are cool. Oh, yeah. openly. We say that like Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves, who I didn't realize grew up in Beirut, Lebanon, and he dropped out of school at 15 and apparently didn't have much of any kind of formal education, honestly, even before it, because they were moving around so much.

And he dropped out at 15 and just started working as a PA on low budget films. Kian, he's another one of those cool guys. He could do no wrong. If you shoplifted, I'd be like, you could shoplift the shirt off my back. Absolutely. You can shoplift this pussy baby. Yeah. No, he's in a loving relationship now, Amber.

Oh, sorry. And we're happy for them. Okay, we're happy for them. We're happy for them. Sorry. But we're not happy for Glenn Close's family. Glenn Close grew up in the controversial moral rearmament cult, where she lived in their Swiss headquarters during parts of her childhood. Glenn was in the cult moral rearmament from ages 7 to 22.

That's a long time. Oh, yeah. She's repeatedly spoken out about the emotional and psychological trauma she had to deal with during her time. with the group. She says, I mean, it's astounding that something that you went through at such an early stage in your life still has such a potential to be destructive. I think that's childhood trauma, Glenn said, and I think you would be correct. And she does say because of the devastation, emotional and psychological of the cult, and I've not been successful in my relationships and finding a permanent partner. And I'm sorry about that. I think it's our natural state to be

connected like that. Glenn, close. I feel close to this person now. Do you? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How does that make you feel, Amber? Just, I guess, I don't know, interesting. Yeah. It's like someone put it, put it sort of correctly. Yes. It's like it's hard to, you want to be connected to somebody.

Right. How do you do that? Yeah. Right. What do you guys think about the, the extreme overrepresentation of cult members who become actors? Like, I mean, acting is a cult, I guess. I mean, yeah.

Also, like the, like, all of these people. who had like no education, you know, like, and no schooling and no, like, stability. I don't know. I wonder. There's, surely there's probably been things written about this. Like, is there something about, like, not having a foundation that then leads one towards being like, I can be a vessel for a lot of other experiences or what, you know? Maybe it's because it's also such a vacillating industry. Maybe it is the kind of thing because there is no stability in the world of entertainment. And maybe it's just something like, well, if you're already so. used to not having a stable environment that you may as well just keep going. Or it's the opposite, like Tilda Swinton, who was a child of the Scottish aristocracy and was a part of the owning class

until being sent off to boarding school at the age of 10. I mean, I would argue that people of that wealth also have trauma because you don't have like a connection to your family or just relaxing, especially a lot of women born in high up. You're sort of seen as like a breeding mule. Yeah. Well, that's, I mean, essentially what Tilda Swinton said. Like, she was expected to continue the family. And she said, I think they realized fairly early on that I was not going to marry a Duke.

Swinton shared, which caused her parents to send her to boarding school where she didn't speak for five years. So that's why she's like that. She also looks like somebody who, like, you could put like a little Photoshop, like, wig on her, and she would look like she belongs in an aristocracy, you know? But then also, she makes total sense as herself, exactly herself. But, you know, you look at her, you're like, I could see it. I could see you at a palace, you know. Oh, yeah. And especially, honestly, that's why I love them in that movie, only lovers left alive, because she also, man, Tilda Swinton, very much so.

As someone, I mean, this is coming from, I'm a big vampire. bitch. But like she definitely gives off like, you're not from around here. Yeah. Yeah. Are you alien vibes? Yeah. What's going to, yeah. Very, you know, very othered vibe, but like in a celestial way. Like I'm like in a David Bowie-esque level of just like, oh my, like, I don't know. Wow. I just, it's just, you're just like, ooh, so, I don't know, made of liquid. Right. I mean, we're talking about people with bad childhoods. I met this actress once who had parents that loved her and supported her. And she was the most dog shit

of a performer artist. I kind of wanted to slap her across the face to give her some trauma. Yeah. Everything coming out of her mouth was like, so today we're reading some Shakespeare. It was like that. Can you imagine?

To be or not to be? But honestly, sometimes I kind of wish it would be nice to live in a mind where the trauma doesn't settle like a shadow gargoyle on your back. And I don't want to be like a pick-me or like hating other women, but, you know, she should not be an entertainment at all. You're going to have some maladaptive, you know, behavior or something fucked up about you to be in this kind of artistry. Exactly. Like being a 10-year-old with a book in her.

Like, I feel like that's the perfect level of how to traumatize a child in the limelight, you know. Just put him on a reality show. At the age of 11, oh my God. You remember when you were 11? I just feel like I was just, maybe just because I was so the opposite. When I was 11, I just didn't want anyone to look at me and I just hate it. Great. Like I just, maybe it's nice that the 11 year old has the self-worth to be like, I do have a book in me, you know?

No, I think as a little girl, it's like part of a write of passage to feel a little weird and awkward and not know how to dress and be cool and like read the weird books and like go climb trees and not know how to talk to. boys, like that's an essential part of childhood. You shouldn't be like doing skin care. It's like, similar to how so many people in the entertainment business have some sort of, you know, inner fucked upness that led them there. I also feel like there's an informal consensus that if you feel really cool and confident as a middle schooler, something's wrong with you. I say that.

This is a joke. If you have a cool, confident middle schooler, I'm so happy for you. I love that. You're doing everything right. I don't. It doesn't mean you're doing everything wrong. I love. Yes. I love, love, love middle school. But it's not, you know, no one needs to peak at 11. No one need, like it is a transition. It is by definition. We call them tweens. It is a transition period. You are in between two really confusing stages of childhood and young adulthood. And no, like, you do not need to do that in public. You do not need to do it into a microphone. You do not need to do it into a book. You can just like, also 11 year olds like cry when they, get hurt and play with Legos. They're not adults. No, and they don't need to play a child sex worker the way Brooke Shields did when she was 11.

Oh, God, Brooke Shields, yeah. 11 years old when she was in Pretty Baby and had started modeling at the age of 11 months old. And apparently, her mom was a big alcoholic and they would just party at Studio 54 together when she was that age and then go to school the next day. And I do at some point, I know we're going to read a Brooke Shields memoir. And I feel like we have to like gear ourselves up for it. And because that is just, I mean, and then it's like, you know, fucking blue look good and all that and everything else that happened with Brook Shields from such a young age. It's the same.

Drew Barrymore grew up going to nightclubs with their parents. You got to treat your kids like kids, you guys. Yeah. Like, yeah. There's also. Yeah. But what are you supposed to do when you want to go to student? Studio 54.

Come on. She's 11 years old. Give her some cocaine. Let her stay up. It'll be like that one episode of the growing pains when Chrissy got to stay up and then it happened to be like a night where like a pony shows up and then she thinks that every night is like that. But it's not.

I feel like Brooks Shields has it together. She seems like a very confident, cool woman. And I just know that like two sentences into a real conversation with her, she'll bring up some out of pocket shit. Totally. Yeah. I bet. And I want to listen to her.

it. I want her to school me on it. Please tell me. Right. I will say a caveat, I do feel bad about making fun of that girl with good parents. Only because of that voice I did. I don't want to hate on women. She just had a perfect childhood. What are you doing in entertainment?

What are you doing here? Get out of here. Circle base. Like, yeah, we're all fucked up. That's why we do what we do. That's why we need the validation that we need. It's like the people that moved to New York City from the suburbs and they're like, it's so loud at 11 p.m. I have work in morning and they like call the cops.

Oh my God. Get out of the city. It's like that energy. When I first moved to L.A. when people, because here L.A. is very, it's not the city that never sleeps. No. L.A. sleeps.

It goes to sleep. It goes to sleep early. And it is very interesting for such a huge city. But when I first moved here from New York when I was just like, I got to be fucking quiet. It's not a fucking city. And it's like, oh my God, am I the problem? Me?

Yeah, it was me. But, you know, that's my list for you. Oh. That's okay. Oh, that's the list. Yeah, that's the list. You're fun and you're young. And also, L.A. should stay up more.

I think it's a little too sleepy for my taste. Wow. Because back in, like, the early 2000s, it was like Paris Hilton going into all the hot spots. And now I think a lot of bad stuff was happening. Yeah. I think that there was long. Well, now that everyone in L.A.'s got to get their sleep so that they don't look old, you know, because no one in L.A. can look old.

No. That's illegal. Or else. Or else your actual doctor will tell you that you look too bad while you're grieving and encourage you to spend hundreds of dollars on Botox like mine did. You know what? I have a beef with a lot of these plastic surgeons because I used to barton in Hollywood. And there was this guy that would always come around who was just such a like negative Nancy always made everybody feel bad about themselves.

And then I found out he's a plastic surgeon. And I was like, oh, right. You just. That's your job. That's your job is to make people feel bad so you can like invent a solution. So a lot of them, sure, if you get like treat a child with a dog bite on their face to make them feel like before the accident. Yes, thank you, plastic surgeons. Yeah, I know.

There are many plastic surgeons out there doing, I mean, those work that like if they existed, they'd probably be helping a little bit more. And I appreciate a lot of the plastic surgeons, but you're right. Some in L.A. definitely are like looking at you to find your flaws. Right. And I want to like stab them a million times in the heart. Well, don't stab me a million times in the eyes. because I think I'm going. Blind!

Items. Ah, we can't see them. Sorry, Amber, for the jarring transitions. No, but this is the time of the show where I'm going to quiz you. I'm going to give you some little hints. And you're going to guess what the bad boys and girls of Hollywood are doing. Also, I cannot believe you were a bartender in Hollywood. The stories, I want your memoir, Amber.

There was a guy that would come in, he would be like, I got to take my medicine. This wasn't at my bar, but another bar, because you would always go out afterwards. And he would just cut up this white powder. He was a vet and we just like let him just kind of crash out because he was a veteran. You know, you sort of like, oh, okay. Oh, I thought you meant a veteran. Not a veteran. Yeah.

I was like, what kind of bills? Is he taking the dog pills? Yeah. He was taken his human pills. You could fish animals. I don't know. He was in Vietnam and like got exposed a bunch of stuff. But he would just like cut up this white powder and be like, it's my medicine and then snort it.

You know, on the bar. And we all just kind of like, all right, buddy. Because we were kind of expecting him to die any day. We're like, just have your fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Live it up. I did you do a medicine through your nose. It is certainly effective. There was another guy. I never served him, but he would come in and he would have a, he would take alcohol and put it in a syringe and then shoot it in himself, like through a thing, through a vein. I never saw it, but my coworkers served him. He would just like inject the alcohol into like an IV. Into like an IV, yeah.

Because he couldn't swallow. He couldn't speak. you would just like point it in a tampon and put it up your butt like everybody. Yeah, like the good old-fashioned days. Yeah. And I'm boofing. But yeah, I never served it. My coworkers did.

So I never saw it with my own eyes. Wow. MJ you wanted more, you want it. Speaking of eyes. Speaking of eyes, here are my blind items. Number one. This long time morning talk show host spends every second, not on camera, chewing Nicorette. As soon as filming ends, it is wine.

and cigarette time. Kelly Rippa. Correct. Morning talk shows. Got to. I know we love her too. We love her too. We kind of hate her, but we love her,

but we're definitely, are annoyed by her, but we love her. We're frenemies, for sure. And she doesn't know that we're frenemies, but it is, I, weird, I love how much it fills Holden with a rage because she and Mark Consuelos

talk about how much they fuck. And they, because Mark Insueless is now her co-host. So it's like, she and her husband. So they do, it's like the old Regis and Kathy Lee show. And like they just, in the opening monologue will openly give like stories about their fucks. And they have adult children that like will still walk in on them and be like, oh, mom, dad. Can you like lock the fucking door?

And it fills Holden, Holden hates couples that are sexually attracted to each other. and it makes him want to burn the world down, and I love it. And it makes me love Kelly Rippa and Markenswales even more only because of the hatred that Holden has. Unpopular opinion, I think married couples should be sexually attracted to each other. I think that's a popular opinion. Wow. It is. Well, it's not certainly not represented in, like, you know, pop culture.

Most media a lot. That's one of the things that, you know, unfortunately, I don't stand them anymore, but that was one of the things I loved about Joanna Gaines and Chip Gaines. I was like, oh, they want us. They want to jump on each other right in the middle of this house renovation. Oh, yeah. I like that. Oh, yeah. I like that.

But I don't like, well, I guess they maybe turned out to be fine. Anyway, they're part of a weird church, but I think they've tried to distance themselves from it. Not going to go down that road. Blind number two. But also, isn't that fun? She gets drunk after her morning show. I think that's nice. Yeah.

And it's also like, it is interesting when you find out secret cigarette smokers. Like, there's still. So now it's so, like, we were talking about this with Goop because Gwyneth Paltrow does, and I don't know if she still does, but it's like, it seems like she loves smoking cigarettes. And as someone that is such a wellness person to also be smoking cigarettes, I think is funny. But Kelly Grippa is just so, like, she doesn't eat anything. If I didn't eat anything, and I feel like the same goes for Goop, you kind of got to smoke cigarettes, right?

It's an appetite suppressant. And not only he's an appetites. but it's like something to do with my hands. Maybe I just love to eat so much, but it's like I need, I need the oral fixation. So, I mean, I get, as someone that used to, I know that I don't. And now I'm like five or six years deep of not smoking cigarettes. But like, man, I love cigarettes. But also chomping on Nicorette and smoking cigarettes, that's a lot of nicotine.

You go on puke. You better be careful. Do not, I say this from experience. Be careful, Kelly. Oh, my God. Oh, I watched my brother quit the Nicorette. And it helped him, but he felt sick as a dog. Sick.

Oh, yeah. Last night I was hiding, having a cigarette, like, on the porch and just, like, in a secret spot. And then my roommate came home, and I scared her really bad. Ooh. Scared her really bad. Yes, it's good. Make her feel alive.

Yeah. Did you hate that when he's, like, in the corner? And you're like, I'm going to scare this person, but I don't want to. Shit. Yeah. Yeah. No, it happens, I think, to, I think I might be very light on my feet. I'm constantly terrifying my husband.

by existing in the house. You do. You terrified me when we were on tour as well. I am very easily excitable and not in a sexy way. I'm, well, I guess I am too, but I very, I scream. Even when I know Jeff is in the house, I will, like, he'll just like knock on a door by. And I'm like, ah, like, I scream. And he's like, why do you scream like I'm murdering it?

I was like, it's my reaction. I wish I did it. That or I go, oh, ha, like I make a horrific sound. Have we told you about the snapping trick? Gideon and I snap now when we walk down the hallways in the dark toward each other that we're coming. Wow. Yeah, I like to put on a big top hat and say, I'm the hat man.

I'm the hat man. Head hand coming through. It makes them not scared. Yeah. She can get his abs shoes. Yeah, we just lightly say, I'm coming to get you. I'm going to get you. And it's never scary.

I do love the snapping, though. It's cute. I've got two more blinds to get through guys. Okay, hit me. Blad number two, this foreign-born actor from a family of actors has had a great franchise. Most of his scandals have involved sex, and we haven't even mentioned how he would have one hired hand when he would star in a theater production to orally service him prior to the start of each show. What? Now, I don't, maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think you'll ever guess this one without his. I didn't know that he was a badman. Is it the guy in that movie where he's a cowboy and he's like, hey, I just want to look at you again.

With Lady Gaga. What's his name? Bradley Cooper? Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper. No. No. Bradley Cooper, word on the street is that he does not even really sexually enjoy women.

Yes. So it's not going to be him. He's secret gay, not secret grab. I don't think. I guess let us know. We should rename the blind item segment to just be secret. or secret grab. Because those are usually the two options.

Okay, no, this is a very... Not a Scarsguard. Please don't tell me. It's a scar's guard. I actually didn't know he was a family from a family of actor. She's just a very revered, beloved, I would say, on the elder side. But like he is in like so many... Engelbert Humperdink.

Nope. Do you mean Benedict Humberdapatch or are you... No, I mean Engelbert Humberdink. No. This guy was in a movie about priests last year. Ray Fines? Yes. No.

Yeah. Adams giving me tiny yes. Oh, no. Adam, you knew? No. Read the blind dynam itself again. Like, orally serving. Yeah.

This foreign born actor from a family of actors had a great franchise. Most of his scandals have involved sex. And we haven't even mentioned out he would have one hired hand. when he would star in a theater production to orally service him prior to the start of each show. I mean, I would blow Ray Fines. Yeah. Especially if it's a job. If they're hiring.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As long as everybody's consenting. You know what's, you know. If it's just consensually that he likes to hire someone to blow him before a show, that doesn't necessarily equal bad men.

Yeah. Is that the thing, though, is that the only, like, is that? Just as many of his scandals have involved sex. That could mean sex and it could mean not, you know, are we talking fun sex for everyone or are we talking bad sex? Adam, do you know anything? You can give me a no if you know nothing. He knows nothing, nothing. Oh, oh, flight attendants.

Oh, oh, oh, no, transphobe. Rayfives, translob. Well, this is, it's a Reddit, it's a Reddit. It's a Reddit. It's a Reddit. It's a Reddit. It's a quick. It's cursory glance.

I'm going cursory glance, everybody. Orsary glance. All right. Well, you know, we'll see. If you know more about Ray Fines.

This is exactly what we're fucking talking about, Amber. It's just one of those. It's just, our secret rat, like, what is it? Like,

every time you say the name of a celebrity, it's like, whoa. I just, I don't know. It's, oh gosh.

This person, bad or boo. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. All right. Well, this last one is a fun one, I think.

Wait. Are you, you're still reading about Ray Fines. I'm getting long. I'm getting wrong. I'm getting really lost in the sauce over here. You're going to save that for later. I'm paying attention.

I'm paying attention. Okay. This is our last one. Speaking of the aughts and drugs, we weren't, but this blind item was. Speaking of the aughts, 2000 to 2009 and drugs, this A minus list celebrity offspring used to have Coke parties, but would use the marble bathroom floor. And this was a separate blind item, but I'm paying it on because it's fun. Oh, and speaking of that offspring from time to time, her mom would join in. So we're talking Nepo Baby and famous mommy doing drugs off the bathroom floor together.

At least it's drugs and they didn't, because when you say tile floor, don't you say tile or porcelain? Marble. Marble. I think of like a head going, bam, on the back of it. Like Zach Ephron, there is. Like Zach Ephron. Zach Ephron, who had major jaw reconstruction surgery or a lot of people also thought it was plastic surgery gone wrong. but he said he was running in his house.

And he's marble floors. And he had socks on. And he slipped and he had a marble fountain. And he slipped and he bashed his face on the marble fountain. And that's why he had to have full jaw reekered. He's like it was plastic surgery. But it's because I brutally hurt myself. He was having too much fun.

I kind of believe it. I feel like it is so specific that like you either believe him or is it's so specific because it's not true. I don't know. I think it's true. Everybody says Zach up front, apparently, it's just like the nicest guy. Slips and falls are the most common forms of hurting yourself. Just like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. I'm so stupid. Like in your socks like tripping. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. You're more likely to die from that than getting like, you know, a robbery gone wrong. Yeah, exactly. Or a plane crash. But who was doing coke off their marble floor with their famous mommy? With famous mommy. And we're talking next. The gold, the gold ladies with a blonde hair. Goldie Hawn.

Samberg. Wow. Hick Hudson. Wow. The gold ladies with the blonde hair. Yes. I only know this. Because there was this storytelling show downstairs at the Mexican place and this big

old guy got on stage and he was just like, yeah, I was at this orgy. And then I was like, fucking this woman. And I look up at it's Kurt Russell and he says, she's good, huh? And I looked down and it was Goldie Hahn. And then so he has a threesome. And then he has a threesome. heart attack on stage and then he dies and he's too big to carry up the stairs so they have to like get a crane down and he has no family members so his ashes were put in the bar and that was a

story I was like not supposed to share for a long time but it's past time. Did you watch him die on stage? It was I wasn't there that night but my friend everybody the next night was like this guy died on stage and we're not allowed to talk about it and then the owner was like never say this And of course I am right now on this big show. But, yeah, we fucking died on stage. Wow. Talking about having a threesome with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Yeah.

Damn. Because he used to be a porn star and, like, would go to all these, like, parties and fuck people. And I just think it's another one of those, like, Zach Ephron falling hitting his chin, that is just too weird and specific to be made up. To be fake. Yeah. Wow. God, I'd love to be in that sandwich. though. Not with the dead

stand-up. I know with the Kurt Russell and the Goldie Hawn. Yes, please. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can see again. I almost wish that I couldn't because of what I just heard. I wish I can't hear, but I can't. But I can see and here. And here we are.

Yeah, thank you. Here we are. Can I taste? That's the question. I feel like I've shared two stories where I was not involved, but my friends were. And I just want to say... You want to share one with you? No. No. I don't. even it out because I'll hear a secret if you want to share you to share a secret. No.

We can handle it here. It's just two separate stories where I was like, I wasn't there, but my friends, but, but like when there's enough people that say the same story? Yeah, you know, it's like, I feel like, you know, who knows? Now that I'm going down the getting lost in the sauce and the whole old refines over here, the whole thing, she's like, I was the victim. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll look into this later. Anyway, oh, great, it's time for check you.

It's Shacky Snacky's. Who's like me? Me, me, me, me. I've been a snacky girl. Snacky. I've been a snacky girl. Snacky. I've been a snacky girl.

Snacky. I've been a snacky, snacky, snacky. Is somebody going to eat those chips? Is somebody going to dip those dips? Is somebody going to try those candies? I got seminar. They say I'm a snack lead. Okay, so we've got something special here.

We've got a little bit of a kind of. competition here, I guess. Now, this is being sent in, I want to say thank you so much. Goes out to Ivy. Ivy sent in Jackie Snackie's Maryland edition. Now, Ivy is from Maryland, and I appreciate that you wanted me to see which of the raining crab chips that are huge in Maryland and which one is the best. Now, I want to say thank you, Ivy, so much. much for sending in some Jackie Snackies. I love regional snackies. You can hit me up at Jackie Snackies 4804 Laurel Canyon Boulevard number 378, North Hollywood, California, 916-07. Now, we've got three different kinds, right? Ivy, thank you. We've got hers. Now, apparently these have the

official Old Bay seasoning on them, and we're going to start there. I've heard of these chips. I do love a regional chip A regional snack I haven't heard of that. I love regional stuff That's why I've been tried I'm like thank you guys so much I've got some other great regional snacks at home

So it's like I've been looking for limited edition stuff But I want to know more about Regional Snack And we have some personality in our towns Everything is a McDonald's I know Not here baby We've got Old Bay

All right hers I wish I was eating those chips right now I wish I was celebrating them with you All right, get in there, Amber. This looks delicious. It looks classy. All right, smell great. Ooh, I love the smell.

All right. I want them. Oh, they're going to be so good. Hers old day. Not too salty. Oh, my God, not too salty. I could do that whole bag. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. It's very smoky. I can't open all three of these bags, Ivy. I'm going to eat all of these chips. Am I about to order some hers chips on that? I need that. Them. Hers Old Bay season chips.

Damn, these are good. Or I guess that's my review. You're right. It's not too salty, Amber, because sometimes some of these especially, like, flavored chips, sometimes it goes a little too far. Sometimes I even feel like I love a dill pickle chip, but sometimes I feel like it is a little too much. This is the perfect amount of Old Bay, and it gives you, like, the good spice level in your mouth.

They are thin chips, so it would be a little difficult for, like, with a thick, dip or something like that. But unfortunately, I think you could easily swallow this entire bag in one sitting. Or have it on the side of like a shrimp salad burger? Yes. That's the dip.

Like a shrimp salad with a mayonnaise in it. Yeah. Get that yeah. Get that. Do you it on it? Next up, we've got Oots. Now, I am a bitch for an Oots. Oots says although, Ivy says, although these are made with their own seasoning blend,

I consider these to be the OG chip, and they are probably the most popular ones. Is it the crab chips? This is just the crab chips. This is just the crab chip, baby. So it is with Chesapeake Bay Crab seasoning. Oh, I'm upset that I'm not in the room with you, people. All right, all right.

Oh, it spells crabrier than the other one. Ooh, here we go, here we go. Oh, it's going to be so good. All right. I'm going to eat some chips. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Less flavorful than the others, but still has flavor. They are good.

They're good. Wow, but I think the hers are... I think that old bay is what... I like the specific... You know, it's interesting, Ivy, that these are the OG chip, and it would make sense to elevate and, like, add onto it because the old bay... I like it, but, man, I'm going that old bay.

I mean, I'm going for chip number two. Does the crab chip taste like old bay, or does it taste like its own combination? It's his own thing. It's his own thing. Interesting, okay. It's, like, very mellow. It's more... of like a, in the world of like a barbecue chip, like almost like a seafood-esque barbecue chip.

But with like, it's not as barbecue. It's just more in that direction than the old bay is. Uh-huh. Okay. All right. I mean, it's delicious. It does taste crabby. I've always seen those chips and not tried them because I was like, does it taste like crab?

You know? I like the spices of a crab, but I don't want a chip to taste like. I think you would like these chips. It is not, it's not crabby, but like not in an offensive way. Okay. I went to San Francisco recently, and I didn't get a dungeness crab simply because it was expensive, and now I regret it. But maybe I'll go back. You'll go back.

I'll go back. Last but not least, Ivy, you really came through. This is awesome. Route 11. Now, they said this is a smaller regional brand, and actually their favorite of the three. Now, this is Route 11 potato chips, and they are Chesapeake crab, and it does say salty and spicy contains. no seafood on it. All right.

Let's, I am saving Ivy's favorite for last. All right. These look, I'm looking at them online. It looks like they're more like fancy kettle chippy. Yes, they're like kettle. Yes.

Ooh, they're thicker. It's a thicker chip and I like a thicker chip. Artisanal chippy. Um, see, I don't like an artisanal chip. I like it to be thin and cheap. It has a sweet taste at first. And then now it's spicy.

Wow. That is a... I've never had some like this before. That is a depth of flavor I was not expecting. I could not eat the whole bag. It is like it... You're right. In the way that the hers, you can definitely keep going.

This is a power... There's a way more powerful of a chip. Definitely hits with much more of a punch. But you're right, it does start a little sweet and then it gets spicier. and as I ate it, I liked it more. Yes, that's it as I ate. Interesting.

Okay. Ooh, I love a chip tasting. I think the OG is my favorite. Simply because it's very simple. I could house the whole bag or have it with a sandwich. It could go accompanied or by itself. And I like the thin, cheap one, like you said, MJ. Yeah, yeah.

With these Route 11, though, if you put these on a good sandwich, like an Italian, like it's like a good, because I love kettled chival. Chettle cooked chips on a sandwich because I think it provides a good amount of crunch. It doesn't get lost in it the way like the thinner, crispier ones do. And I would love to put this on a big, like, oh. What about like a crock pot of like a crabby, cheesy dip?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, instead of. Yeah. Maryland crab dip. Instead of using the ground beef with the velvita and the tomatoes, yeah. You get crab, lump crab.

Yeah. I know that. And it's like, I know everybody. always is like, you never put seafood and cheese together. Oh, they can get fucked. Bitch, I'll put cheese I'll fucking anything. I am a trash person. Let me

put my cheese on whatever the fuck I want to put my cheese on. I think some of these rules in society are only there because people are boring and lame. Like they're like you can't have red wine with seafood. What if I paid for my meal and that's exactly what I Yeah, and you can fuck right off. I do want to say

to Ivy, Ivy does say they're from Germantown and I do love this fun fact that I want to share. German Down was recently mentioned in the last podcast, Abraham Lincoln series. It's where co-conspirator George At Sorot fled after the assassination to hide out at his cousin's farm. The farm is no longer there, but a nice regional park sits in its place. Thank you so much, Ivy, for the fun fact, but also the fun competition and I'm, like,

upset about the amount of dip. I have to go create to eat these chips. Jack, can we have a dip party? Bitch, yeah. I think you have to have a dip party just for. For these chips. For these chips. Yes. I'm going to be bringing them to any function we have this weekend, by the way.

Let's have a thing, because we have this thing called theme gals and we all get together and, like, have parties and themes or whatever. Let's have a dip party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, anytime. I mean, we started theme gals with a baked potato party. Yes. Where the person hosting made all the baked potatoes and all of us brought like a buffet of toppings.

Oh, what are that idea. For the baked potatoes. And that's why we're called the theme gals is because we have a theme of what we're going to eat every time we get together. Right. You know, it's fine. It is, you know, sometimes you just got to have a smile, guys. You got yourself to do things. Yeah, you have to have a theme.

And thank you, again, Ivy, for the chip experience of a lifetime. Yeah, thank you, Ivy. All right, does that mean it's my time to shine? Yeah, well, yeah, MJ's men and munchies. Ooh. Yes, they can munch. Emj's men and munches. Ooh.

All right, what do we munch it on today? I'm back on my spite. Now that I'm home again from vacation and I can go to the bodega and get weird things, I'm back on my spicy chip journey and I got to say I'm a little nervous for this one. I've got the funnions flame and hot. Whoa. And I'm nervous because I'm not a huge funnion person. Okay.

I'd be like if all the chips were the branches of the military, funion would be Space Force. Lace potato chip would be military. Okay. Flaming hot Doritos would be Marines. And Cool Ranch Doritos would be the Navy. Okay, I see all that. I'm with it. So this is a combo of like space.

Didn't know I supported that, but yeah, I 100% yeah, I get it. I see it. MJ, how fun are the vion, y'all? They're pretty, I would say they're more fun than a normal funnion. Really? I mean, if you like funnions and you like spicy chips, you'll like these. They definitely taste like funnions, but they also very much taste like flame and hot Cheetos. I think I personally would rather have a flame and hot chito because it doesn't have that onion composite flavor.

that a funnion has. But I got to say, I am enjoying it, and I'll probably eat more later. Ooh. I felt that way about the steakhouse, the steakhouse foniance. And I feel like, you know, give it the international flavor. It deserves M.J. Foniance. And the steakhouse fengons were, I dare say, more delicious than regular foniance.

Really? Yeah. Steakhouse. Yeah, the steakhouse flavor was really good. It was more of like a bloom and onion type flavor. And then, I mean, You know what we should do to combine our two worlds is we should do an onion boil. So you take an onion, pour out the, like, hairy part, put butter in it, crab boil seasoning, Maryland seasoning,

wrap it tin foil. Like you're making like the roasted garlic, but make it with a squeezy onion inside? Because honestly, have you ever just cooked raw, like whole raw onions when Jeff and I were doing this, like, died of only whole food with no seasonings, nothing on it? I remember this. We didn't last long. I was cooking, you can roast whole onions inside of the skin. And if you just slow cook them in an oven, they become this like molassesy caramel, like a roasted garlic that you can like smear on on anything.

Oh, if you love an onion. I'm getting horny. Yeah. This is it. Yeah. This is this is it. I love to eat. I love talking about food.

I'm always down. And thank you guys. And thank you, MJ, for trying something a little out of your comfort zone. How are your fingers looking? Are they red? No, they're not bad. They will be later when I finish this bag. But not too bad.

Finish it off. Hell, yeah. And thank you so much. And you know what, Amber, thank you so much. Yes, thank you, Amber. For being here today. Thank you. This was delightful.

I hope I was, I hope I brought it on. Hell yeah, you did. Yes. You brought it on like the movie. Bring it on. That's right. Mm-hmm. Was it Clover girls?

They were. Man, I could watch bring it on again. I want to watch it again too. But you reminded me of that fingering joke that probably doesn't age well. But the rest of it, question mark?

Maybe. Oh, like a funnion, then you finger a pussy and it's like hot cheetos in there? It's just that there's a guy who always fingers the cheerleaders when he lifts them up. And it's just, that's what jokes were like in the 2000s.

I'm not saying it's okay. It's just a reminder that that's the environment we all grew up in. Yes. Right. Yeah. And that we wished that would happen to us.

God, I was like hanging out with this guy who's a little bit younger than me. Nice guy, nice one. But we were laying in bed together and we saw an episode of like the Woodstock 99. And he's like, what is that? And I was like, yeah, they burned it all down, baby. It was a crazy time. And we put on the documentary and it was just interesting to see like only a couple, through his eyes. Through his eyes.

Just like a generation or two out how different we are. Because there's no way Ginzi is burning down like the stadium downtown. No, they're just not going to do it. optimize moments for like TikTok. Yeah. They're like trying to do cute stuff you can do capture on the phone. Right. And I say this without judgment.

But that is what they're doing. Yep. We were, yeah, we were in a much, again. Right in our live journals. Yeah. Just finger in cheerleaders and burning down. You know, yeah. Oh, the good old days, guys.

Now, Amber, do you have anything you'd like to plug? You know, where could I know Amper smells in? Where can we find you? Are you still Amper? I feel like. Yeah, Amber Spousin all over social media. Yeah. All right.

Hell yeah. When you find you there, definitely check out Spun. Check out Brider's side. Check out Hoopagoo. Coming to you soon. Yeah, we filmed it. We filmed two episodes last night. We pulled a late night thing up in here.

Oh, hell yes. Yeah, we did. And we were having some fun. So that's going to be coming out to you guys soon in the future. And we are excited about that. And thank you so much, Amber. And my name is Jackie Zabrowski. You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm.

and you can definitely come hang out. You know, you can hang out with me in a couple of places here on this network. If you want to check out Who's the Bitch. I have a show with Kara Clank, and you can write into us, go to Who's the Bitch.com. If you want to see me dressed up

as like a Wivern or, you know, some sort of like elemental being. Check out House of Sky and Breath. We are now in the second book of Crescent City over an LPN Deep Dives Romance. And you can find me over there. And you know, we've got a bunch of shit coming out on YouTube soon. So don't worry, you'll find us everywhere you look, whether you want to or not. And of course, we've got

the Patreon, patreon. Patreon.com slash page 7 podcast. There, you can watch Buffy with us. You can read Celebrity Memoirs with us. And you can read the Sookie Stackhouse Vampire Books with Jackie. You can also email us at page 7 podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you. We are grateful for all of you, and we're especially grateful to you, Amber, for coming by. Thank you. Thank you. We can't wait to have you back. Everybody, have a great week, and we'll be back tomorrow. Bye. Hi. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows

by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.