Page 7 - You Can't Be Invisible Here w/ Jake Young

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

This week on Page 7, Channing Tatum (MAYHAPS) has a poorly hidden finsta, but more importantly MJ was finally able to be in the same room as their long lost twin and 100 other Claymates. Then everyone's hackles are raising as the stories keep rolling out about Tom Cruise and Taytay. And no matter what Channing Tatum says now, and now matter what internet sleuths say, he's got a finsta, and he's just here for the hate. Ben Affleck has a new movie called 'Animals' comin' out that's had it's own wild ride to getting completed. Then we got a LIST of 'Super Entitled Celebs Who Thought They Were Too Famous To Be Treated The Same As “Normal” People', BLINDZ, and finally JACKIE'S SNACKIES @ 59:14 with an MJ's Minute Munchies @ 1:07:05 , and finally a Jakey's Slakey's @ 1:11:03 til 1:19:22 to wash it all down! PLUS SO MUCH MOOOOOOORE!Want even more Page 7? Support us on Patreon! Patreon.com/Page7Podcast Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Page 7 ad-free.Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to page seven, everybody. My name is Jackie Zabrowski. And I'm MJ. The story of the week is Channing Tatum's Finsta. But here at page seven, You don't own me. I'm not just one of your many toys. Jake, you don't own me.

Don't say I can't go with other boys. I would never be. And you get and you won't. And don't tell me what to do. And don't tell me what to say. And when I go out. with you. Dye.

Isn't that a crazy thing for Goldie Hawn to ever, ever sing to anybody? Because if I had Goldie Hawn on my arm, I'm sorry First Wives Club, I would be screaming about it until the end of time. I own Goldie Hawn. No wonder she never got married

to Kurt Russell. Welcome to page 7. Jake Young also famously not married to Goldie Hawn. Jake Young, a host of Nerd of Mouth. Is she still, she's still alive, right? Yes.

After I marry her, she'll be more than alive. She'll be more alive than she's ever been. I thought you're about to say she's going to be more than dead. More than dead. 80. 80. Govah. She's still looking great. And it was 30 years ago.

It's crazy to think, first wives club. We're looking at them. That was 30 years ago. So she was only 50. And that was in like mid-90s when everybody was like, already dried up. Oh, just throw them in the pig pen. And I think that they're just a bunch of troughs.

I think about this a lot because stepmom was one of my favorite movies, embarrassingly, in middle school. And I thought Susan Sarandon was quite old in that movie. And it was 30 years ago. No, when you're a child, when you're like under 10, I'm 50 years old. Oh, yeah. Where's it going? I'm 50. And now we're in our like 40s.

And I'm just like, you know, it's like, oh, hey, hey, I'm 50. I play bass in a band. I do some skateboarding on the weekend. Because you say that, Jake, but what about, I'm 50? You remember there's also, I'm 50. Sally O'Malley. Salie O'Malley, speaking of playing bass at a band, can I just take a moment to brag about something embarrassing

that's not Clay Aiken? Whoa. A rare departure, but okay. I know I've been talking a lot about Clay Aiken, and I know we've got a lot to talk about. But I also just want to tell, because I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about my relationship with Skah,

but I just want to tell the world that my trumpet is back. It's cleaned. I cleaned it out. It's back. I've played it for the first time in 20 years and I'm bringing it back, baby. MJ the trumpet player. Back again. Famously loved in New York City apartments everywhere. Someone learning how to play the trumpet.

You're going to make so many friends in the neighborhood, MJ. I'm really excited for you. The great thing about trumpet practice specifically is that it's very loud and it always sounds bad. Even if you're good, it sounds bad because you've got to warm up. You've got to make mistakes. It's, it's, uh, that's why I haven't touched it in 20 years. But it's also extra, because it's not like you're playing like classical trumpet or like a Miles Davis riff. It's just like, and there's a lot of picking it up.

And I guess we got to put it back down, but then you got to pick it back up. Do you ever tell them to put it down? Or are they always holding it? You know, there's no putting it down in Scott. There's only, there's only picking it up. And yes, my fingers do remember how to play sellout by Real Big Fish. So I think it was seeing Clay Aiken that made me be like,

what if I reconnect with all the other parts of myself that I also thought were so embarrassing I had to bury them, you know? Jake, this is really crazy that you were here on the week that MJ got to meet Clay Aiken. Now, see, Real heads no, real heads no, thank you, Jay.

That it wasn't just singing Invisible because that's the only one that I, that's the only one I will sing. You're talking to America's number one undercover Kleeneack. Oh, oh, because you're talking about America's number two singer because he brought up multiple times, apparently, according to MJ, that he didn't win. He brought up his second place standing in American Idol several times. He also brought up his failed political run, which I thought we had just all agreed to never talk about. I genuinely forgot that was a thing.

No, not clay. It was very, very funny because MJ sent me the most adorable. picture I've ever seen of MJ and their twin brother, Clay Aiken. We're twins. It was really, it was absolutely amazing. And I asked on,

we had Jackin last Friday, right? You guys know Holden and I have Jack in every Friday. The theme was last night. And so I had originally asked MJ, it was like, can I post the picture of you and Clay Aiken?

And MJ said you can, as long as you don't make fun of the claymates. And I paused and said, whom? Whom may I not be making fun of? Did you know? Yes. You knew?

Of course I knew. You knew. Thank you, Jake. And what? MJ, how have you not? And I had to say, I'm sorry. I guess we're not going to pose the picture because I just found out

that Clay Aiken fans refer to themselves as claymates, and I can't not make fun of that. What, they're sensual, they're strong, they're powerful people, and they walk amongst you every day, Jackie. But did you know that also according to our chat, and I thought that they were just pulling my leg, and then they pulled up that this was on the internet, that other Clay Aiken fans, if they are Asian, they refer to themselves as Clayans. If they are Canadian, they refer to themselves as Claynadians.

All five of them. They refer to themselves as Clayropians. And apparently, MJ, if you identify as a male fan of Clay Aiken, technically, you're one of the clay dogs. Clay dogs. It's like the he dogs and the she dogs and the clay dogs. And you are the clay dog. I'm a they dog. I'm a they dog.

You're a they dog and a they dog. And you're a they dog and a clay dog. And I just. I'm sorry. I think the correct term is Clay Clems. Oh. My pronouns are Clay Clown. Clay Clas is

St. Thank you for Setching. I hate Clay so much. Okay, but I truly, my question is I don't know if this has ever come up

because I don't want to, I will not be making fun of anybody who attended the Clay Aiken VIP event. God bless all of them. How many were all two of them? Yeah. How did you see past them to see Clay Aiken? You severely underestimate the power that this individual has over the hearts and minds.

I know. In the heart of New York City, he got almost 100 people together. Well, it was capped. It was capped in 100 because it was in a very special events place. It's the third floor of Planet Hollywood, Times Square. And that's what happens on the third floor of the planet Hollywood in Times Square, because I'm pretty sure usually it's more nefarious other things happening. Right?

On the third floor? We actually heard from a listener. I heard from a listener who used to work at Planet Hollywood. And they were like, because I had been so excited to go there and they were like, you need to be careful when you go to the Planet Hollywood. Bad things could happen at the Planet Hollywood. Is it especially on the third floor? Like I feel like that's like, oh, you don't want to go up there.

That's where the ghosts are. It's Sylvester Stallone's personal sweets. And he just like breaks things and yell. That was my Sylvester Stallone. That was my Sylvester Stallone. It was terrible, Jackie. I say this to you as a friend. But you thought he was in the room.

You really were nervous. Has anyone else? I don't know if Sylvester Stallone is in the room, but I'll tell you, who was in the room, Clay Aiken. There was 100 of us sitting in a, you know, I'm going to say a room the size of, I don't know, a small conference. Like a coffin.

Oh, okay. Yeah, conference is. Yeah, it was going to. And it was a listening party. So I don't know if you guys ever done a VIP listening party before, but you're just sitting there listening to an album, kind of look at each other. You know, it's an interesting experience.

Is Clay still like in a center of like sitting on like a high stool, just like nodding and going like, that's good. Oh, that's good. Yeah, he's walking around. Sometimes he's doing bits. And, you know, I think the Clay Clem thing really is the most is interesting because I will say, and again, I'm not going to do anything disparaging. But it was, I'm not sure how many queers love Clay Aiken.

a lot of these women seemed to be people who fell in love with him in 2003. And I used to be a woman who fell in love with him in 2003. But, you know, I have since queered my existence to the shape of looking exactly like him. But a lot of these women older than me, and I think they've been in the game with him since 2003. And so I thought that it would be a little bit gayer, to be honest, because he came out in 2008. No, it's the Midwest moms that, like, really held him strong and a lot of this entire time. It was a lot of women and their moms, and I'm so happy for them.

And I, you know, I was considering getting two tickets to bring either my mom or my husband, but I got the last one. So I sat there alone. And I will say my one complaint is that I sat at the bar because I always sit at the bar, former comedian, going to sit in the back at the bar. And Clay's Fixer was like, why are you sitting alone? And I was like, because I want to. Please just let me sit here.

And he made me move and sit at a table to befriend some people. Did he at least say, like, you can't be invisible here? And, like, and they'll offer you a seat. Like, I feel like that would really create me out on the third floor of the planet Hollywood. You know, I was like, I came here alone. And he goes, a lot of people came here alone. And I was like, but I don't want to, I don't want to talk to them. I just want to be by myself.

I saw the story on Instagram and was fascinated. Like, when did the, it was like a staff member, like, singled you out? In the line. So, and this is a fun thing to talk about. out with the three of us because we have all done VIP meet and greets from our tour. So in the line, he was doing the VIP meet and greet as part of the package of the listening party event. And he did it first.

We always did our meet and greet's after, but he did it first. So you're standing on 42nd Street waiting to go into Planet Hollywood. And we're going in one at a time because you're going in a meeting clay. So I'm standing there at the little, at the velvet rope. And he's in there behind glass meeting people. Oh, hopefully it was bulletproof. But yeah, you've got to keep him like the Pope. It was just like he wasn't in like a Pope Mobile.

It was just like that there was like a glass doorway there separating me from him at that time. I just also imagine it is also like a prison like Magneto is kept in due where it is just all just so we can't access anything metal. He's too dangerous. Yeah, you just let's just keep him. He likes, he prefers the box. He's very powerful. But so he's in there doing his meet and greet and the security guard checks my ticket and then looks at me and goes, are you related to Clay?

And I said, no, sir, I'm just a fan who looks a lot like him. And to be fair, I did dress like him on purpose, but I haven't like shaped myself in the shape of him. But so then the security guard, like it's a coincidence that I look like him, but then the security guard knocked on the glass

and said, Clay, look at this. And Clay turns around and she is me. And I am dressed exactly like him and I look exactly like him. And he looked so weirded out. And I, and then I realized. I bet he wasn't weirded out. MJ.

I did MJ. It was like, I don't think that that's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to Clay Yakin. On the third floor of the planet Hollywood. Jackie, you're a supportive friend. You're emotionally there for your co-host. I'm going to say, he probably was a little weirded out, MJ. Because I think you dress up like him just for like a little nod and high five with the other

fans. You did not plan to truly just be like, I am you. Like, nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Okay, it's complicated because I think that the reason he was freaked out is because I got the impression from all of the lovely ladies who were at this event that some of these people have followed him around and been to every concert he's ever been to. They were the, you know, there was a lot of groupies there. And so if you have that type of very... Refer to them as playmates, MJ.

Please. They're the modern day manalunis. Whoa. And I think that... Please, we were fanelos. Fanelos. You bastard. Fanelow.

Manalun. Okay, but I think that what I think that what he thinks happened is that I shaped myself to be him. You did plastic surgery to look like him. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Because if you're used to having 100 women who follow you around and go to your every event, then you see someone who looks exactly like you. You're going to think this person has tried to become me. But what I really wanted to say was...

You just go city to city to get my cloppy seconds? I'll show myself out. Oh, I'm sorry. You can delete this episode. Stop and you're going to have to come on back for cloppy seconds right after a word from our sponsor. I hope you're all full up the claymates out there because we are just gnashing at trying to get as much of his orifice into our holes as possible. and not in a sexual manner, please. How dare you guys?

It's worse if it's not in a sexual manner. Oh, no, it's much scarier. And honestly, in our conversation during Lus Night, while we made the executive decision to not put up the picture of M.J. and Clay on Lus Night over on Jackin, surprisingly. I know that you thought that that's really what we were leaning into was the whole, like,

Clay Aiken portion of the night. And at one point, we were watching a video, we were watching DeAngelo, remember that video, we all remember that video. And I was talking about the fact that I had never had, I was like, man, I didn't even realize cum gutters existed until the DeAngelo video. I was like, oh my God, I was like, I was always so fat, I had no idea. And Holden looked to me and said, yeah, you had crumb gutters. And I, he, it became the new gray, because it was so funny and it was so disparaging that I was like, God, you know. Damn it's too funny to be mad at you for.

It's too funny to be mad at you for. And you're right, I do have crumb gutters. And I still have crumb gutters. And every time when I come home from the AMC, I usually have to unfold my flaps to get all the popcorn and the chocolate because sometimes I found chocolate smeared within a fold. Because I have crumb gutters, everybody. Honestly, I mean, let, if you have never lost the remote under your own gumpus,

Let the, you know, like, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're talking about. You can't speak on that experience. Nope. Yes, let they cast the first stone. You know, I think that, yeah, I unfortunately too funny to be mad at is like the Holden McNally memoir title. That is it.

That's it. That's what he does. But I was thinking about that, MJ, when we had made the definitive, we promised not to make fun of claymates, which we did. didn't that day, but I did today. And, you know, and I really, you can make fun of me, I think. And that was what I was, you know, I think that's, and so I, and I really, this is the last thing I can say about the clay topic, but I just want to shout out all of the people who

did do meet and greets with us, because I had never done a meet and greet. And there's a lot of pressure because you don't, I didn't want to say anything. I didn't have anything to say. But I also didn't want to say nothing, because that would be weird. You know, you just go get your picture and are silent. And so what I wanted to say was, I didn't shape myself. to become to look like you. But I think that your closeted self in 2003

was speaking to my closeted self in 2003. And what I thought was a crush was actually dandy gender identification. But instead of saying any of that, I said, I said, I saw you at the 2004 Iowa State Fair. And he said, I met Tom Harkin that day. And that was it. Oh, my God.

You know, and what a day. You would never want to forget the day you meet Tom Harkin in Iowa, at least, I mean, I'm, I am sad that you didn't meet him at the field of dreams so that you guys could talk about all the field of dreams conversation that you guys could have. No, totally different part of Iowa. But what I, and then when he said, I met Tom Harkin that day, what I really wanted to say is, aren't you a Republican? And then I didn't say that because I thought that he ran as a Republican. And I just said, Tom's one of the good ones. And then I slowly backed away. And then I lived in, you know, humiliation for the rest of the night.

It's the most relatable. That's, like, I feel like that's why you do it after the show. So hopefully everybody's had a couple drinks. We able to, like, chill out a little bit. Just stone cold because I saw the picture. MJ sent it to me at like 6 p.m. their time. And I'm like, you're meeting Clay Aiken at 6 p.m. But it's because he did the meeting great before the listening party.

I was going to say show. but the listening began. It wasn't a show. It was a listening party. It's a very important distinction. It was a listening party. God, I can't get over. I feel like it's so real to have this

in-depth and, like, meaningful thing that you're like, you rehearsed on the subway there. Like, as succinctly as possible, as someone I admire, this thing meant a lot to me and he probably was nothing to you, but I just want you to know this. and like finally getting face to face and just being like yeah yeah Iowa and then just being like the whole way afterwards why am I me yes yes 100% but um you know I guess my my big takeaway is that

a listening party probably easier on the performer but it is we're all just sitting there not in the long just but also think about clay because at that point they're just staring at you listening because I feel like I don't think I could ever do something like that because I, you guys know, I'd fill the time. And I would just be talking over the listening party and be like, yeah, because when I did that, actually, what I was really thinking, when I wrote that, I feel like I would do the opposite of what I imagined Clay Aiken did. We should do a podcast listening party. I was thinking about this. We invite 50 elite patrons. Yes.

We bring them to a room. The third floor of planet Hollywood. We can't afford the third. We can't. Yeah, we can't get all. I mean, maybe like the seven. floor. Maybe the birthday party suite that they have for like nine year olds.

Aw. But like, yeah, and then, you know, we just sit in the center and just not being like, God, that was a fucking, you remember that? You remember that? Yeah, I was, I was thinking about this. I was like, how could we bring the podcast format to the listening party format? And it would just be us talking over ourselves talking. And it would be a nightmare.

It would be an audio, auditory nightmare. Falling to the ground with migraines. Oh, yeah. Everyone, no one's happy with it. I would have to leave because I can't be, like, if my children try to talk to me, well, the TV's on, I start freaking out and I say, turn the TV off. I could only have one sound and put at a time, you know, so, yeah. I really, I love this for you.

Do you feel like a different person now? Like, now, like, do you feel that there is, like, an after clay, like, that you're experiencing an AC? Honestly, what it is, is that as I became an adult, I liked clay in high school. and I liked Scott in high school. And then as I became an adult, I knew that those things were embarrassing. I knew them at the time. But then as I became an adult,

I tried to change myself. And I didn't tell anyone that I had traveled to Des Moines to see Clayton at the Iowa State Fair with all my friends from high school. And I really downplayed the parts of myself that I knew other people would make fun of for years. And even when I moved to New York, I didn't say I was from Iowa because I didn't like people's reactions.

I said I was from Minnesota, because Minnesota's, I thought, you know, Twin Cities cool for like a year. And then I got over that. But I like really, you know, I was so self-conscious and so worried about being uncool that I really tried to change myself. And I am so glad now that I'm like, yeah, man. Back to trumpet. Yeah, I'm playing trumpet and I'm a clay, what do we call ourselves?

Clay games? Claymates. Claymates. Or, yeah, or the clay clems. Clay clems. Yeah, I'm a clay clems. I'm the world's only clay claim. And if you identify as a clay clam out there, let us know, all right?

Make sure that MJ doesn't feel alone unless, apparently, you like to be alone at the clay Aiken concert, MJ, so maybe this is opening up a new thing for you. I did want to be alone, but I just, I wish that for, I'm sure you guys had your things that were embarrassing and you chase. I hope, I wish that everybody can get to the point where they are not ashamed of the corny things that animated them when they were young. crowd of you, M.J. And you went out there and you did it.

And you got that ticket and you got the last one. And I'm sure that people were, they were just really, they couldn't sell it. What did it? Was it something? Do you mind if I asked? Was this something that you just signed up for that you got to go? Or was it like a ticketed thing? I just saw it on Instagram and then I bought a ticket.

But it was like a VIP. It was like, it was a, I'm going to keep saying VIP experience because I was a VIP. Okay. It was a VIP. experience that I paid for. Yeah, but I guess is that I have a land yard. I have a signed lander. Whoa. Wow. You dropped the land yard late in the conversation. I forgot about the land yard until just now. Now, do you think that maybe Tom Cruise is becoming friends with Taylor Swift for the landyards? Is that what's happening here? I, I'm calling evil now. I'm calling evil now.

there's all, I just need everybody to know there's all this stuff coming out that are multiple stories of like Taylor Swift and Tom Cruise have been hanging out. Look at Tom Cruise and Taylor Swift up in the, in the big rig box at the ball game. Look at them talking. And then like I see all the

people that can read lips that are like, I can read their lips of what they're discussing and it's just and they're just talking like business and business and business and I think it's evil and I don't trust it. It's, I, the, from the story, the one thing that stuck with me is Tom Cruise also did the Kelsey Boys podcast.

You did the new high podcast. Tom Cruise did a podcast, by the way. Sorry, continue you. And it's often a point of fun that Tom Cruise is a short man, but like seated next to the Kelsey Brothers with no apple box to stand on. Little guy. Too big guys. A little guy. My God, he's a little little guy.

he's a he's a little guy but he's he's big on evil and i really think that we can't see this in a vacuum because remember he's also hanging out with the beckoms and i think that when you are tom cruz and you are courting uh one of the least popular wealthiest families you know in western media right now and then uh one of the most kind of like lightning rod pop culture figures i just think it has to be for evil like like a council of evil like i just imagine there like i like i don't believe in the Illuminati, but this makes me want to believe in the Illuminati and it's, and it's, and they're on it, you know, just they have to be. What's this matchmaker angle? Like, who is bringing the matchmaking angle into it?

Word on the street is that Taylor Swift is bringing the matchmaking essence into the Tom Cruz relationship because there is also lots of, little rats making their little rat sounds in the tunnels about how they're also like trying to get Tom Cruise in love. But it's like just have him draw up another contract. That's all he needs. And then he contractually is obliged to having a wife. God help you.

You like get shacked up with Tom Cruise through like deep Illuminati machinations at age 65. Where he's like now less busy. And you just have to pick up the pieces of that like narcissist hyper like weird drive like with nowhere to focus. And that's, I think that it's, all for him, it's all about, I assume that he knows that his stock has fallen since the Scientology documentary came out and we all became aware that it's a murderous, more aware that it's a murderous cult. And so I think that maybe he thinks Taylor will help rebuild his stock, is my guess. Oh, their brand. It's all about.

Brand thing. Yeah. Because everybody loves her. Now because Digger is about to come out too. so he is definitely trying to pepper himself into the zeitgeist more, you know, without just doing interviews. And is this not just another part of his PR being seen with Taylor Swift, being seen talking to Taylor Swift, being on the fact that it was that.

And then immediately the new Heights podcast came out, I was just like, I don't like this. I don't like it and I don't trust it. And I just, with everything, it's so crazy because Tom Cruise is, On paper, really, he is an evil person. But everybody that people talk to is like, but he's so charming. Like, he's just that guy. And I'm like, that's literally like the thing about cult and crazy people. Is that you're like, I don't know what it is about him, but it keeps having me come back.

It's like, that's the thing. That's why he's scary. I'm sorry. Could an evil scary person hold me in their thrall? Yeah. I'm like, that's the point. I'm not, I'm not being intro. I'm cool.

It's just when he's in the room, I just feel drawn to his unnamed presence. Yes, and I'll sign any paper that's put in front of me, sure. Yeah, I'm taken away. I'm mesmerized by him. Okay, that doesn't mean he's evil. Okay, fine, yes. When he talks to me, I hear like, sass, sass. Exactly, I'm sass.

And I can see, like, shadows starting to. cover my vision, but I feel like it's not him. Like, that's me. Come on, he did the underwear dance. Risky business. They were talking about the kids were doing risky business. Would Maverick destroy me? I just feel like there is so much of that conversation about Tom Cruise where they're like,

this little guy. And this little guy is evil. Hey, come on. It's just a little guy. But while we're talking about people in their underwear, we might. talk about Channing Tatum and this Finsta thing because I think that this is so cute and funny because he's 46 and stars aren't they just like us trying to lurk trying to lurk online watch your exes and absolutely fumbling the ball there's story here in the ball you're talking

about because he wanted it to be none you bidness but unfortunately it became all of our bidness sorry Channing because the account, Nunya Bidness, was posting comments about Zoe Kravitz, who was an ex, Harry Stiles, his new exes, Bo that everybody says they're engaged, and Jenna Dewan, another ex, who's also currently on Dancing with the Stars.

And he was commenting on other people's things and that he was just, he literally saying things like, just here for the hate. So it's like, he wasn't even writing bad things, he was just commenting, which he did not need to do to insert himself under a fake account. And he has been found out for having this fake account. So wait, what ties him to this Nunya Bidness account?

Okay. So this is the best part. So there's not technically yet proof that it is him. But the Nunya Bidness account has one follower, which is Channing Tatum. The follower is Channing Tatum. So it is. I love it, MJ, that you say that it's cute because I feel like for a lot of people, this isn't a cute thing that Channing Tatum did, that it is like a yuck thing.

No, it's yuck. But I think the reason it's cute to me is because we've, I feel like I remember, you know, 20 years ago now with being like on Facebook, like Googling, like, if you're on Facebook looking at someone's profile, can they see that you're looking at them, you know? and trying to figure out on and also when I first joined Instagram, I didn't know that people could see your stories and then having like the horror of like, oh my God's the war crush saw me looking in their stories, you know. And so I just think the technological cluelessness is something I deeply relate to.

And also, you know, being a little shit talker on your ex's posts. Like I'm just here for the drama, you know, is like it's not good, but it's relatable. It's a little dad coded for sure because he had also been caught previously following several Zoe Kravitz account, like Zoe Kravitz fan accounts. And he told Vanity Fair, I have no chill. I was just seeing what she was up to. Also, I didn't know anyone would know. Yeah, that's what he said. And I think it's that.

Before you rush to judgment, let me be clear. I didn't think I got caught. Exactly. That's such a dad thing to say. say though of like, oh, I didn't even know anybody could see these things. Yeah, so just being like a little bitch and seeing like, and like, yeah, the comments are so innocuous. Just here for the hate. His ex-wife tried to grift his money. Zoe knew, like, you know, I'm trying to find some of the other comments that he. I did think it's funny that one comment

did read. If you have a burner account, why do you follow it? Yeah, that's also a, way. Why did you follow it if it's your burner account? But, you know, I, I, it does, I think it is cute because he doesn't know any better. And at least it's not him, you know, writing very upsetting thing. Like, at least that's what he does in his spare time there for the drama and for the tea, you know, rather than just doing the trail. It is interesting that he did the screen name, the comments, how they're phrased, like he is trying to fit in seamlessly. in the wave of kind of bizarre, I don't want to say bots, but like this celebrity gossip commentating. Oh yeah, the PR, like storm cloud, yeah, that rolls through. And it is often bots that we know, right, to creating a narrative.

So he also, one of the comments, it's just so detailed. When I see these two, this is on a post with Kravitz and Harry Stiles, and he says, when I see these two, I think back at how her former fiancee called her the most intentional person he knows, I wonder how contextual he was being, just like really detailed. Yeah, that's a little too close to home. Like, wow, her ex was really smart and he said some things that she sucked. And he's really hot too.

And wow, that is really crazy that you would say those things. I wonder if she's thinking about taking him back because, you know, he's been a real mess since she left. Yeah, and he would never take her back unless she broke up with Harry Styles. Like if she broke up with Harry's not, it's like all written out. It's like, Channing, stop writing it down. You need to stop putting it on the internet. Is there anything? So I've been a guest on this lovely program over the years several times.

Yeah. It's always been a grand time. And I can't help but notice a recurring theme, which is Harry Stiles just absolutely destroying the minds of millennial actors over and over again. Whoa. Is it because of a go-to-a-movie film? I'm just saying, you know, one more. And we got a definitive pattern emerging here of just like a reasonably hand.

handsome, high status, often in comedic role, millennial actors, getting embroiled in Harry Stiles' romantic life and just pooping and pissing themselves on the timeline. Yeah. And covered in their own make. So you think this is all because of Harry Stiles? I think, I don't know what it is, but there's something about... He's the imp at the puppet strings.

He's the common denominator. A lot of really embarrassing celebrity crashouts do have Harry Stiles in common. That's true. And if you want to hear about more celebrity crashouts, from this mouth, why don't you come on back right after this commercial. It was me.

I crashed out. How can you tell? Yeah, I don't know. Is it because I'm covered in profuse sweat? And is it because you can see the smell lines coming from me? This is a problem.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine and she was talking about she is a teacher and she's like, oh, I didn't even realize me and one of my student teachers and I said, watch the same pornoes. I was like, I'm sorry.

I've been hanging out with Holden a lot and she's like, I know, I know you hang out with Holden a lot and it was just, I knew she wasn't going to say we watched the same pornoes. I just, no, nobody, Holden does this to me. Nobody except Holden even uses the phrase pornos. Pornos, I know. And it's just he gets in my brain, but you know who hopefully is not going to be having a crash out anytime soon? I guess it's going to hopefully not be Ben Affleck because every story, I tell you guys, here on this show, I think that you've watched slowly over time, I just

am falling more in love with him as time goes on. And it's difficult. Jackie, you can't fix him. It's I can. He's our Harry Styles. He will lead to our inevitable demise. I'm ready to fix him.

And I don't care what I have to do because MJ, like you were talking about with the Jane Statum story, it really depends on how much you want to kiss them. Because I heard this story and I was just like, oh my God, this makes you want to kiss Ben Affle. even more. And I think it's just because any story you hear makes you want to kiss the person you want to kiss even more. All right, you pick and you choose what you want to hear from it.

But I do think that this story makes me like Ben Affleck even more. This story is really cool. So I think I can run it down real quick. So he is making this movie Animals and it's a thriller and he's the mayor of L.A. But originally it was going to be Matt Damon. He had this in the works from 24. So it was going to be Matt Damon as the star. And Ben Affleck thinks directing. And he's directing. And He's directing and he thinks who should be the hot, powerful woman playing opposite Matt Damon, my ex-wife, Jennifer Garner. I'm going to bring Jen Garner in. And it's so nice. He's saying like, you know, oh, she's just so talented.

She has such a talent. She never got to play this kind of role. He wanted to give her, like I just think it was cool. I think it was like a high-powered, like, you know, I imagine, did you ever watch Aalus? Did he ever get into Aalus? No, I never did. I also never did. I did watch Electra.

Oh, yeah. She was bringing it. She's a total badass. Yeah. She's like a, she's a very. How dare you? You cannot speak ill of Jen Gardner on this show. God damn it.

Jennifer Gardner is a very strong, powerful, badass woman. And so he's like, oh, this will be great. I'm casting my ex and my best friend together and it's going to be awesome. But then some time went by and they lost Matt Damon to the Odyssey. Which also, I think is really cute because he was already destined. He was already signed up to play this role. And he had to Matt Damon. and went to Ben Affleck and was like, look,

Christopher Nolan is giving me the Odyssey. And he's like, you gotta go. The quote from the article is great. Like, yeah, it's a shame he's leaving this project for a small production over there. Yeah, like making the joke where it's like, that's because they're good friends and because that's what good friends do. And then he's like, oh, screw, I'm losing Matt Damon. And he's like, ah, you know, I'll be the lead.

I'll do it. And that's great because he gets to show why he's, his character, Samaral Ballet. and even in the trailer, they're showing off that Ben Affleck Spanish, and I appreciate that. But now he has a problem. He's like, I'm going to be the lead.

Do I want to play opposite my ex-wife? And even though, and he was like, you know, they have a great relationship. And he was like, we could totally do this. We could do this. But then the narrative of the entire film would not be about the movie. It would be about how I'm playing opposite my ex-wife.

And that's not what he wanted. Yeah. And I actually thought that was very interesting. Kind of sucks for Jen Garner. but then he was like, Carrie Washington, you're a badass too, and that works out right. But I also think it goes to show what kind of it, a genuine person Ben Affleck is, that he could go to his ex, also mother of his children, and be like, look, I don't want to take this role away from you, but I really don't think it's a good idea for us to do this together.

And she was like, I get you. Completely understand. I think that that shows who he is as a person, and it makes me slip. It makes me slip. It makes he slide. I just, I can fix him. He's so sad and I'm so fun. I'll take you to donkeys whenever you want.

I honestly don't think he needs to be fixed. I think he just needs to not be in a relationship with J-Lo. And that is the opposite of what I was saying in 2021. I was like, he just needed his old love back again. And it turns out I think their relationship is just a bit toxic. And so I think he, I think he just needs to hang out with his, like, lovely responsible ex-wife, who he did cheat on with the nanny, but now they have healed. They healed. And now he's, he just can be his, like, fine, he's like a smart, impressive,

thoughtful guy who directs, like, you know, fine movies. And he, he just has to shine. And I, I hate to say this, because you know, we love J-Lo here, but I think that she, it's like when you, know, we all have those relationships where we're just like, I think you're better apart, you know. Yeah. And it's definitely, although it is funny. Every time Ben Affleck and J-Lo are in a room together, everyone's like, Are they? Are they? It's like, just leave them a lot.

Like, I know we all are doing the, are they? But I don't, I'm pretty sure they've learned their lesson, I think. It's definitely the right move. It was the right move to change the casting. Because, like, I watched the trailer and it's one of those Netflix movies where it's like, hey, did you know that beneath the shining veneer of suburban success? Regular marriage? It's a darkness?

Yes. Whoa. What if all the secrets came out? Because I love this shit. I love this shit. Every Netflix show, every movie is like, hey, you know, you think behind the nice house and the nice family they got it all made. But what if one of them did cocaine trafficking? Would that poke everything up?

Yeah. I really did. I even said in watching the trailer, I could. sleep. Unfortunately, I was asleep by the end of the trailer, but Gary Washington, man, whoa, put on some high heels and walk on my balls if that is what you wish. But also what I wish is to take us to the list. Oh, who's on the list. Me. Jackie, I have that list. Super entitled celebs who thought they were too famous to be treated the same as normal people. And of course, who is number one on this list,

and that would be Reese Witherspoon. It was, oh, man, 2013. Her DUI? 2013 was the DUI. I thought that was not that long ago, guys. It was 13 years ago where she did the, Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?

Because she was drunk. And she knew who she was, I think, but she was very drunk. And I do, she later pleaded no contest. And she paid a $100 fine, which... What? The punishments should be much higher for DUIs. Again, I know we've talked about Wisconsin

where you can just keep doing it there. You just get like a Girl Scout, you know, a Sash where you just get a badge every time you get a DUI. And I know it's 2013 and I don't think she has drunk and drive since then. And if you do it and then you never do it again, we can forgive you.

Also, to be fair, her husband was the one. charged with the DUI. So he was the one that had to deal with, like, it was her that was in the passenger seat that was, like, crawling out, getting out of the car, fucking with the, so it's like, that's why, so she was being mad. So this was them being like,

you've been bad, Reese Witherspoon, you're going to jail for a little bit. I had missed, I had Bandela affected this in my mind because the video was all her yelling at the cops. Because she, literally her husband was like, just stop, and she, She was being erratic. I will say, I mean,

okay, yes, okay, it wasn't the DUI that $100 fine is like clearly a weird preferential thing, but if I started doing shenanigans at a police officer,

I would have bullets in my tummy. Talk about the privilege. Talk about the insane. And like, we even have that privilege and we would not have made it that far in this, you know, especially in 2026, you know what I mean? She represented herself

and she brought out that Ellie Woods' magic and that's why she got such a little. Oh, it was the little dog in her purse. That's what did it. They're like, oh my God, is she getting it together? Oh, it's not just a movie. She's so good at lawyering. Wow. Man, that's great.

It's not, it was her husband who was driving drunk, but she made it worse for everybody. That's fantastic. She definitely didn't need to do it. And you know, Alec Baldwin didn't need to do this either. His bike ride through NYC

once ended with him at the police station after he got angry that the cops didn't recognize him. In 2014, he was allegedly riding his bike the wrong way down the street, so NYPD officers stopped him. The officers asked for his ID so they could give him a summons for riding a bike against the flow of traffic, which I'm just going to throw it out there. A cop will do if they don't like you. That is the same, I feel like when you, I feel like, and this is off the cuff that I'm saying of like, I feel like when you get a jaywalking ticket, when you get one of those tickets where it's like, these are just tickets so that you can keep us safe, but also so that you can just pull one out, a bike riding against the flow of traffic.

I feel like immediately you were being an asshole, so they were thinking of a reason to give you, or they definitely knew you were, but I love the deputy chief told CNN that the actor got belligerent and started arguing with them and using profanity. He didn't have his ID, so he was taken into custody. at the precinct he allegedly asked the desk supervisor, how old are these officers that they don't know who I am? I am just going to go for a bike ride without my wallet. I'm going to be in Manhattan and I'm going to be going against the flow of traffic.

That's the thing. Like, there's plenty of blocks in Brooklyn where you can bike against the flow of traffic. No one's going to see you. It's quiet or whatever. But if he lives in, like, I think the Upper West, right? So, like, where are you biking against traffic without your wallet? What were you doing? This is, this is like 23-year-old.

behavior, you know? Yeah. Okay, like obviously ACAB, broken institution, you know, that doesn't need to be said, but the one form of police abuse of power that I kind of am like jelling with is stopping Alec Baldwin. That's what I'm saying.

And you being like, yeah. That's why I'm doing it, which is why I also thought it was funny that apparently in court Judge John DeLoree reportedly asked him, you were in the search for Red October and he said, no, hunt. for Red October. And the judge said,

ah, it's a good movie, but you've got a short fuse. And I love that he apparently asked Alec for an apology in lieu of a fine, but the actor replied, I'd rather pay a fine. Definitely, Alec didn't even have to pay his fine.

Don't worry, guys. The celebrities, they all right. He's going to be just fine, and he's going to go on to kill a woman. And he's, you know, probably not even have to pay fines for that either. But did you guys know

uh-oh? What's my next one? Gwyneth Paltrow is known as one of the most out-of-touch celebrities of all time, but imagine thinking people are only interested in a 5,000-year-old Indian practice because of you. This is reminding everyone again if you forget, Gwyneth Paltrow does feel that she has

brought yoga to Western civilization. And that is so fun. Like she thinks that people do yoga because she brought yoga here. And that's just a fascinating thing to really think about yourself, right guys? She said to, okay, so the quote is,

forgive me if this comes out wrong. I went to a, so she tells the Wall Street Journal, I went to a yoga class in L.A. recently. And the 22-year-old girl behind the counter was like, have you ever done yoga before? And I literally turned to my friend. And I was like, you have this job because I've done yoga before. Literally.

Wait, is it not even just like taking credit for like Bikram or like hot yoga, which Like, yoga. Just, oh, oof, oof. Yoga. Just as a whole. I mean, I'm gonna say, I'm imagining in my mind palace, the kind of yoga studio that Gwen Paltrow would go to.

And I'm sure it's pretty goop coded. I'm sure it's pretty like goop adjacent. Yeah. And like she could take a little bit of credit for that like, this vibe, that like upscale kind of... Oh, you mean charlatan? Yeah. Yeah, she can take credit for her.

Let me take a long sip of my mudwater and really listen to this. Man, Jake, we really, MJ and I lost ourselves. We read Gwedith Paltrow memoir and really just, it is crazy how lot, like how many people she's hurt with the kind of pseudoscience bullshit that she has spewed.

Yeah, but then she got fucking panicked by a skier. You know, the universe works out. You're right. Oh my God. She did have to undergo that trial and that was really difficult for her. Okay. She lost the whole day of skiing, Jake. Yeah, I mean, I think that she can't take credit for yoga, but she literally can take credit for like the measles outbreaks, you know, because like she, like she laid the path, the foundation for, you know, Maha and RFCK to come in. Like that's, that's, That's her legacy. It ain't yoga.

We knew about yoga before you, Guedith. I have a jade egg in me right now, and I will not be hearing this slinger. She can take credit for that. She can't take credit for people putting stuff in their whole. You gotta lay that egg. And I'm okay with it if you need to do it on camera because I think you got to get that egg from out of you. No, man. I'm centering my yonic persona in a way that I feel it's my choice.

All right. You know, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for choosing that. And that's my list for you guys today. Oh, well, that's great news because my jade egg has traveled from my vaginal canal into my eye socket. It is. Oh, God. Can you see?

I don't think you should be here right now. I think you should leave. Well, I'm fine. I'm going to stay, but I do think I'm going blind. I am. We can't see them. We got to get these eggs out of your eyes, dude. Jackie, are you feeling a little bit of fomo?

because you're not crammed with minerals? Yeah, I feel like nobody's telling me. I didn't know it was Egg Monday, and I'm upset because nobody shared this with me. Your egg is sitting, collecting dust at home. Oh, it could be collecting all of my inside juices instead. All right, the blinds are good this week, you guys. I'm excited.

Blind number one, this A-plus list actress's husband made sure to be on set whenever she worked with a certain British actress last year. Apparently, the two found plenty of time for each other between takes. One husband doesn't mind sharing while the other seems to keep a closer eye. Apparently, not everyone on set was there for the fashion. Oh, for the fashion, man, because I was really thinking Olivia Wilde and Penelope Cruz and I was like, wow, wow. Is this a blunt Tucci connection?

No. No. But you are 50% right, Jay. Oh. So wait, so it's prodig two. So two women. Yeah, two. Merrill Street.

The other one. Oh, Ann Hathaway. Correct. Not that I wouldn't watch it. I would rather watch Merrill Street. Yeah. I said it. And fucking Michael, who's she with?

From Martin Short. Yes. That's who I want to want. Now, man, if Martin Short was like, go ahead, ever. You have a spin with me. Martin Sheen or Martin Short? Martin Short.

Oh, wow. Good for. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's extremely cute. But yeah, so it sounds like, it sounds like Emily Blanton and Ann Hathaway can't keep their hands off of each other during the devil wears product too.

And it's either John Krasinski or whoever Ann Hathaway's husband is who I'm about to find out. I remember a vague thing about Anne Hathaway having a weird husband like a couple of times back. Oh, really? So I'm guessing Ann Hathaway. Okay. Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman, who is he? They met, and it's boring.

They met her mutual friends at the Palm Springs Film Festival. Anyway, one of them, I'm going to say it's John Krasinski, doesn't want his wife smooching. I bet it's John Krasinski. I feel like he would, you know, be like, I want to keep my things to myself. I hope, you know, I haven't seen it yet because I've been really trying to push. My husband has not seen the original practical magic, so I really want to watch that before we see practical magic too. but apparently also in practical magic too, and I don't know if they were giving this in Devil Wears Prada too,

but everybody kept being like, that's not how sisters act, that's how two hot women who want to be kissing each other act. And it was just a lot of like, sisters touch and people are like, I don't touch my sister like that. You know, I'm touching my sister. Sounds like there's been a lot of lime in the coconut,

if you know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, and those midnight margaritas, baby. Well, did you see, I know we can't get into it, but did you see Orlando Bloom is doing this movie with these two sisters? Actual twins. Actual twins. And there's a threesome scene with the actual twins. Oh, yeah. To which I just became the Selena Meyer

and when it was like, what the fuck? But we'll get into that later. Imagine Katie Perry. And it's so funny because that information came out with Orlando Bloom and then all weekend there's just been this like Justin Trudeau and Katie Perry are in love with each other.

Oh my God. They're in love each other. He's having a threesome with actual sisters, but Katie Perry is with the disgrace prime minister. Yes, he's disgraced, but they are in love. The PR is really, it's having a difficult time with it. The thing about that story is that I then had to look up the actual real-life, weird twin sisters that this movie is based on. And it's like either York or Manchester, one of the one of those like smaller British cities. And like they just lived their entire lives just like hand in hand speaking at the same time from like the moment they were like teenagers and they were like this massive psychological study for a while and I guess Werner Herzog

heard about the story was like what if somebody boned them? I mean I would that be a test. This is like extreme sisters. TLC is is is is running so that Werner Herzog can run faster. I don't think yeah don't tell that to Werner Herzog though. I don't think he wants to know that he's in the same zeitgeist as TLC. I'm fairly sure. I was genuinely upset by this Orlando Bloom story until I saw it was a Werner Herzog movie. And then I was like, oh, Germans. Yeah.

That's what they, that's just what they're into. Oh, he can do whatever he wants. Yeah, of course. Okay, blind number two. Our gal has a thing for rockers, that's for sure. But her latest romance is raising some concerns in her inner circle. Her career has been spicy. but at the end of the day, she's a decent gal who doesn't live in the fast lane.

Her new guy is the definition of a bad boy. He's nice to look at, if you like that type, and also no stranger to hardcore drugs and kinky sex. So far, she has resisted his efforts to corrupt her. But her friends fear it's only a matter of time before she caves and goes to the dark side. Why? She is confiding to friends that her new guy has the best equipment she's ever seen, and he knows exactly how to use it.

Sometimes methinks they protest too much, but okay, let's get some information. Well, Jackie, who has the best dick in music? That's really where we need to start. Dave Grohl? Is he because he made this, the other baby? Is Dave Grohl? It's not Dave Grohl. A much badder boy, like one of the baddest boys.

MGK? Yes. Okay. And who is Stupenheim, who has a. She was in a film that involved some quote-unquote spicy sex. Everyone didn't like the film. Olivia Wild. No, she's not portraying the spicy sex the right way.

It's not good. It's not a good representation of this type of spicy shades of gray Dakota Johnson? Yes, correct. No. Wow. God. Allegedly. I'm done.

Good for her. Good for her. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. you're both adults, go off. What do we have to have to protect Dakota Johnson from making bad decisions with MGK? No, let her go.

Let her have it. She can read the headlines. She knows what she's doing. She's Madame Webb. She's powerful and mysterious. Yeah, she can handle that kind of PR backlash and not really give a shit. So I think that she can take an MGK.

I guess she can take it a bunch. Yeah, they really, they rip her apart. I will say in all the interviews, I feel like I ride such a line of like I love how she is at interviews, how she is so like doesn't really, like not media trained, does not really give a shit how you feel about her. Does it like I love that energy? No, does MGK really love her or does he just hate Ellen? Whoa.

Because that's what I know Dakota Johnson for is ending Ellen DeGeneres his whole deal. Yeah, damn, dude. Oh, maybe that's what it is. That's what gets him so hard. Yeah. It was just like, wow. Tell me again how you sent her an invite. Disgracer, yeah.

Not invited to the party. Yeah. I forgot about the Dakota Johnson-Ellen connection, Jake. Thank you for bringing that in. Certainly not for her acting. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's hard to know what you're thinking about Dakota Johnson for. You know, she's very hot.

Let those two hot people have a good time together. But I know he's bad. And they'll have the most annoying baby, hopefully. Don't. Oh, God. No, not a. No, we don't want that. You can't have another one.

But this third blind, this is a real deep cut. This is for all you page seven listeners out here who've been with us since the good old days when we were really hammered on the show and talking about the weirdest stuff. This permanent A-list rapper has his surrogate farm up and running again full steam ahead. Wow, Jane Bay. Jane Bay. Oh, they've got a uterus. I think they really, the amount of. years that the conversations about the uterus farm have been in our mouths, they got to have one,

right? Yeah. That's the thing. I say, I say Jay-Z has a uterus farm and people look at me like, I'm the crazy one. And I'm like, it's been reported multiple places. I'm happy. Hopefully it's just a uterus and not the rest of the body. I'm hoping, in my brain, this uterus farm is just a bunch of uteruses that they grew with stem cells.

You're imagining, like, the matrix, like the pods from the matrix. Exactly, that they're making these things from actual like, you know, like uteri within, you know, capsules. So it's not about the trafficking because in my brain that makes it a lot easier to wrap my head around. Now, one last quick bonus blind is just because we were talking about Channing Tatum. So this one I saw before you sent before I saw the Channing Tatum story. If you believe the Finsta belongs to the stripper actor, then you also have. have to believe that the relationship between the foreign-born boybander and the actress, that is, of course, Harry Styles and Zoe Kravitz, is fake.

That's what the stripper actor believes. Whoa. Dipper actor is such demeanor waiter. He's done so much work. And I don't think we have to believe, I don't think that we have to, in order to believe that it's Channing Tatum's Instagram, I don't think we have to think he's right about everything. But that is what allegedly he thinks that the relationship is fake. Why? I don't know.

It has to be. Because if it's not, she won't take me back. Yeah, maybe it's just for his own brain and maybe we feel a little bad for Channing Tatum. Maybe it's none of our business. None of our business. Not our business, okay? But it's now our business to be in the seeing world again. The egg is gone.

The egg is as, wait, have you secreted the egg out of your eyes? eyeballs or has it gone back down? It came out of my mouth while you guys weren't looking. Oh, just wow. Yeah. Oh, well, welcome back. And I hope that your mouth is ready to have something go in it instead of be secreted out of it. I'm still saying that because it's time for Jackie Snackies.

And I'm really excited about this one. Oh, is this a new theme song? No, it's just the beginning essence of Snackie. I've been a snacky girl. Oh, Snacky. Snacky, old snacky, I got to get milk. Oh, no. Adam's bringing that milk right over.

We, plodmy, to have a little bit of milk. It's not just for a milk guy in the studio with us. Don't worry, not just milk. Gonna be something else, not just milk. Don't ever worry, never just gonna bring just milk. Marcus fought tooth and nail when we were like, we need a milk guy in the studio. And now Adam's got to do double work as he's also the engineer of the show. And then he's also got to be the milk guy, which is difficult.

Okay. It's skilled labor. Jake, I brought my already open milk for us to surf out of. How long has it been sitting in room temperature? No. Oh, no. Adam just went to go grab it. Okay.

Because I had him on milk duty already. So Adam's already been milked. He milked himself into this. And that's what we're going to swig the rest of it's down. When you said milked, guy. That's what you meant, right? No, Jackie. So I'm excited because, yes, I got this bag at the Bob Baker Day from the Halloween spooktacular and I'm very, also Bob Baker Day is, uh, essentially I saw lots of memes online with like Ryan Reynolds, not Ryan Reynolds, it's like, um, Ryan Gosling being like,

these are Coachella people and then a Steve Carell picture. It's like, these are the Bob Baker people and these are my people, right? So I went to the story yesterday because I wanted to get something special for you, Jake. And I was like, what do we need? What's going to call out to me from the ether? And very rarely do cereals call out to me for a Jackie Snacky. Millennials have killed cereal. We tried to, but man, are they trying to bring it back?

Now, this did just drop not that long ago, which is surprising because the movie is fairly old at this point. And yes, I'm talking about K-pop Demon Hunters. And yes, I'm talking about cinnamon toast crunch. And yes, I'm talking about a secret. Saja Boys flavor. Secret Saja boys flavor. And if there's one thing I'm wondering

is that what do these boys taste like? I mean, it's got to be soda pop. My little soda pop. I'm assuming it's going to be soda pop, but then are they going to also do like a cinnamon soda? I just, why? You said that millennials killed cereal, Jake.

What does that mean, Jake? Boy flavored cereal. Why do you think this is where we're at? immortal damned spirits in the shape of pretty boys. So you think that this is more demon-flavored than it is boy-flavored. I wonder if it's, you made me taste this a couple of, the Huttuk, the Korean brown sugar pancake. Yes.

That the Orioles, the BTS, the BTS Orioles were. It feels like a very lateral move to just do that. The fact that they had to go with secret. Secret Saja boys' flavor. I am just, it's like, is it going to smell like a middle school cafeteria? The licensing for K-pop demon hunters was like really behind. And so now there's all these K-Pak demon hunter products. And it's tricky.

Is that what this is? Yeah, it's like there was no K-pop Demon Hunter, like official K-pop Demon Hunter like licensing products and stuff like last Christmas when kids were still. into it and would have wanted actual K-pop Demon Hunters thing. So everything was like off-brand and, you know, people were 3D printing, you know, action figures and stuff. And so now the, like, licensing has gone through. And so now everything is K-pop Demon Hunters.

But it's funny because, I mean, kids, of course, people still like it. But I don't even, I don't know. It's been like a year plus at this point. It's been a while. And it's, you know, there's something like Frozen where some movies just become kid classics, regardless of when they came out. And I think Cape Demon Hunter is, I mean, it's such a good movie,

but I think it hits so hard last summer that I think everyone's just slightly over it, you know? And so this, I don't know who's buying this cereal, this Sajaboy cereal. Besides me, I don't know. Besides Jackie.

Their licensing manager claims to be able to get timely IP for his cereal product, but does he know like his? The taste of cinnamon toast, correct? Is it because of its cross-marketability among women age 35 to 60? It's because we can secrete the boys on the tiny flakes.

I'm grabbed some. I'm doing it. Now, do you guys remember what normal cinnamon toast crunch tastes like so you can compare? See, I weirdly had it not that long ago because they were giving out free samples at Costco. Yeah, I eat it pretty regularly because... Oh my God. I think I'm

I think I'm getting a little cola hit. I think this is soda pop. My little soda pop. Whoa, soda pop cereal. Oh, my God. You're ripe. You're 100% right. You're little bit of cola, right? Like gummy cola, wow, Jake, spot on.

It is, it's gummy cola, but with a slight cinnamon, so it's almost like the flake is the same, so it has the cinnamon from the flake, but rather than covered in the sugar, like the cinnamon sugar,

it's more covered in a cola-tight sugar, but it worked, like you'd think that that would, it works. And I also think that it would work in a bowl with a bunch of milk, I think you want to slurp? What about what I want to show?

It's your milk, you slurp. Okay. I mean, I mean, I brought it for your slur. I don't usually drink the milk out of the carton, so it's not like there's backwash in it. Yeah, but you're got to take it back. So it's got to be tainted with your biome. Do you have a bowl?

Are you just going to pour milk directly into your mouth with the cereal? Obviously, she's just going to pour it directly in her mouth like a weird monster person. What show are you on? Here we go. We're pouring the milk in. Milk crunching. Colom. milk. You know, I feel like with the milk, it loses the cola, but I like the sweetness with it,

so it still tastes good. And as someone, I'm going to thought it was out there, that's not a huge cinnamon fan, I actually almost prefer this. I hope I'm right on this, because if I get home and it turns out like, sorry, folks, it was a Korean ginger tea or something. I mean, I think that it is, like, if it's not like gummy cola flavored, I don't know what it would be flavor. Like, It's not flavored with anything else. You know what I mean? Wow. You heard it here, FERC's.

FURKS. Crunching up for breakfast. It is just the bestest. You're my soda pot. Cinnamon toast crunch. Soda. Shove it really in there. You got to get all those words in there.

I, uh, thank you for going on this journey with me, Jake. I wonder if this pushes them to bring back the cinnamon toast crunch baker guys. If you remember from like the early, like, 80s and 90s, but they bring them back as like, fucking K-pop idols. Oh. Honestly, when I was at the store yesterday, I was taking a video because they re-changed the outside of the Clue box and everybody in Clue is trying to fuck you. Now, I'm smart.

The Clue Box. It's crazy. I'd let the Colonel mustard me. Oh, yeah, baby. I'll pick that one. I'll pick that one. Yeah. It always felt a little illicit when I was a kid.

Like, I felt like they were all about to fuck. Oh, yeah. Miss Scarlet. Oh, yeah. And they're really leaning into this now. I'm pretty sure Clue started as a key party, ended as a murder hang. Ooh, I see Tockeys. Oh, it's my time.

It's my time to shine. It's their time. It's a new talkies going to be spicy. Is it spicy or is it yucky? We're not going to ever know. Oh, no, I see the label. Oh, no. Wait, is that mini?

No, no. Don't, don't, let it play out. Pickle punch. Hello, yuck, it's MJ's, uh-oh, it's their pickle punch. Pickle punch, pickle punch. Wow. I, you know, I am going to say, MJ, I don't know if I've ever wanted a pickle to punch me in the mouth, and I don't think I wanted it to do it talkie style.

If there's one thing we know about talkies, it's that they're very intense. And they are so intense that they have a little thermometer on the side. Whoa. To tell you how intense it's going to be. And this is medium. But these are spicy pickle

pickle punch tokeys. I hate that it immediately just like evokes just the world's foulest Aguas frescas. Yes. I'm imagining a pickle beverage. Oh. Ooh, good crunch. I heard that in my headphones.

Ooh. Oh, I really like it. Ooh, I like it. I was not expecting. Okay. It tastes like a corn chip. It doesn't have any of the toky. It doesn't have the like lime chili.

None of the chili. Only pickle. It's just like a really, it has the texture of the toky, the really crunchy corn chip. It tastes, it's shaped like a toki. It's rolled up. and yeah, it almost tastes like a frito with like a little spice and like a good amount of pickle but not like so pickly that you want to puke, you know?

What is the dill factor? Because this always like screws me up with pickle flavored products is if they go too heavy on the dill, it kind of ruins it for me. It's much more vinegar forward than dill forward. And that's what I think is saving it. Because when you smell it, it just smells like vinegar. But that's good because we love vinegar chips, you know? Yeah.

And so it's, yeah, it's almost more like a vinegar-flavored free dough, but with some pickle in there. They should just make those in general. Okay. If you just said salt and vinegar taki, I would be intrigued. I'd be more into it. But you're right, though. The dill factor does take over sometimes in a pickle. Like, so sometimes if it doesn't say specifically, like, if it says dill pickle something,

sometimes, Jake, I just don't buy it. I've had a lot of pickle chips. And those are, I'm going to say, in my top five for sure. Wow. Wow. I love pickle chips. So is this something you would pick up again? Are you going to get pickle punched again, MJ?

The problem is if I put these out at a party, no one's going to eat them because they are green tachies. And adults, if you're over the age of 14, you can't eat a taki. But I will absolutely buy these again. I will finish this bag. I'm going to put them out the next time I have people over and I'm going to see people's reactions. I love it. I'm excited. I'm excited.

I'm going to see what the food guy does. Whoa, you're going to get pickle punch. I trust MJ as the pickle principal. And I was just taking to school. Yeah. They're really good. They're really good. What do you teach in pickle school?

Brining, various garlic preparations. It's a serious vocation, Jackie. I don't like you making light of. I'm sorry. I apologize, pickle principal. I apologize to your pickle ideals and your need for seed. May I interject very briefly to help wrap up this episode. Please.

Yes. Woo. Lou! So can someone slake a beverage from a guy named Jake to help you? To help you quench your whole thirst. Let's see what's the best or the worst. It's Jakey Sliky. Yay.

What are you going to slagy? I like today. Honestly, I like the lead-up because the lead-up is like our lead-up songs, too. I thought that it was great. We were primed. We were ready for it. And what do you have that? Oh, glasses in the bag. Okay. So many people do not know the story of Sam Wilson. No, not the Marvel character. A legendary beverage executive who worked marketing and sales and led to the rise of such brands as Red Bull. Alani New. Oh. Prime. Among many others. Okay. What people don't realize is that he had a shitty son that graduated business school and needed a nepo business. And so together, this father and son team decided to do a new soda for the new generation.

Kids these days, they're not drinking as much soda. No, they're not. So we need a soda that's cleaner, leaner, and addresses their lifestyle. Grosser. And thus we have no cap. No cap is a sugar-free soda marketed directly to Gen Z and Gen Alpha. No cow. Available in flavors such as Busson Barry.

Buss in Barry. And Apple Riz. Wow. This is some 55-year-old coming up with young people shit if I've ever seen it. They have an Instagram account and Vinnie the Sun does man on the street interviews. talking about people's red flags. Let me get. Are you kidding?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is, but from Jakey's perspective, this is the first major brand I've seen on the shelves that use aliosos as the sweetener, which is kind of the newest trendy, not sugar, sugar. Does it make you like shit weird? It does not make you shit weird like previous. It doesn't, it's not a sugar alcohol, so it doesn't have that like kind of weird cold feeling, supposed to not have a chemical hit,

and it's supposedly very good for blood sugar as your body kind of like uses it to self-regulate in the stuff. People claim it's a natural GLP1. So it's good for us, Jake. Wait a second, so I can drink this soda and lose weight? No cap apple riz. No artificial colors. It includes electrolytes.

It's vegan and gluten-free. I would hope so. You certainly sound like a young person while you're promoting it. Wow. Apple Riz. Let's start with Apple Ris. I've never been more angry in my life. Wow. Okay.

It's a piss. It's very piss adjacent. I've seen other flavors including bratberry. Bratberry. And they, you know, the fun quote they have on their website? Quote, the best soda pop I've ever had in my life, them probably. Oh my God. I'm so angry.

I can't. Okay. It's not the worst, but it's also nothing. It is nothing. There is, and they lied about no chemical aftertaste, whatever the elysiontid is. It's there. It is not. And I really like the, uh...

Like this could be a diet fago. This could be a, like, store brand soda. I'm not tasting anything remarkable. Huh. I don't know if I continued to pay $3 a can like I did today. And it's also not very apple forward. Like, if I, It's very tart.

What is the Sidral Moondette? That's the like that apple soda or like the Manzanita soul, like that kind of apple soda. I'm very in, I'm into a fake apple. I'm into an apple soda. This is not like I'm not kicking it out of bed. But like Jake said, I would never go out of my way to purchase it. If you're going to have an apple soda, just get one that's not going to, I don't know what these are supposedly doing for you. I mean, you get 2% of your.

daily dose of calcium and potassium per can. I mean, it is bubbly. It looks like an actual bubbly soda as opposed to the frigging soda that tastes like soda that's been left out all day. It does taste like you're drinking vitamins. Like it does you get the vitamin taste inside of it. Ooh, the Bussin berry I actually am not mad at. Again, it doesn't.

I don't want to get to Busson. It feels, it tastes very artificial, very like candy. It feels like I'm just like kind of a blue raspberry candy. It seems like that's kind of there. They also have like I see. The bus, I'm here for busing. I'm ready to get bust. It feels very, I think part of it, they have like icy cherry cola.

It's very like reaching into a kind of like collective memory that I'm not even sure exists. And yeah, all of the marketing on the website is just, it's giving like middle school principal saying six, seven and then the kids stop saying. No cap, you are correct. That is correct. The fact that it's called Bussonbury makes me want to put a bunch of rocks in my pockets and walk out into the Pacific, okay?

Can you imagine asking, can I have the Bussonbury? Can you imagine having to say that? Can you imagine having to ask somebody for that? So no cap, it definitely seems like a nepo business of sorts. But what else are these finance bros going to do, M.J., if not make another soda? At least it's not an NFT.

That's what I'm saying. At least there's a physical product. You can purchase this and you can drink it. And that's kind of nice, you know, so it's good that we have that. I didn't even notice. There's like, what is, what's that like Facebook art style? Like Allegra light or whatever, you know what I'm talking about? There's like little like Facebook people on the can.

Oh, yeah. They're like, how young? Oh my God. We're so young. We still drink soda. It is interesting that they are marketing with like candy flavors and they're not trying to make it look healthy. I feel like this is for millennial parents to trick

their gen alpha kids. Yes. I think is what it is. To not guzzling high fructose corn syrup. You guys, we can become part of the no cap hashtag mob. Hashtag the mob. And you have to give them all of your information. Okay. And then you have to tell them. Social security

number? I've already done it. Honestly, in opening the can you had to give your social security number and I was okay with it. What are they going to do with it? Start a credit card. Good luck. You know what I mean? They want your input they want, what flavor would you create, what partnerships do you want? For example, NFL, X games. And so I guess they want you to be part of the street team. Okay. That's a lot. They're asking for a lot. I'm going to say if you are in the supermarket and you are looking for a sugar-free

bubbly experience that is not as bogged down in like stevia, weird health medicine, mushrooms, neutropics, fiber protein. This is doing the job. but maybe also just buy diet sprite like a normal person. I do think that this is also funny. When I looked up apple soda, because I was trying to think of the other, the name of the other apple soda, apparently Slice is also putting out

its own probiotic apple soda. And it literally says on the cover, Apple Slice, and then it says, Healthy soda on it. Apple's like, healthy soda. Healthy soda. You can't make me drink water. The market will find a way for me to never drink water.

I can't drink just regular soda. God help us not. Needs to be healthy. Give me the slice healthy soda. But thank you so much, Jake. I really, honestly, I'm not, I don't hate these drinks as opposed to how I usually feel about your slakees. I'm recommending the bus and berry. I'm going to straight up, give it a shot. So straight up recommendation. Don't say that name to many people because people will just be like, what are you talking about Jake? I can pass on the apple ris. Yes. Yeah. But you're not sure. short on Riz in general, Jake. No, not here and not anywhere you go. And where can we find you, Jake? I would love if people listening right now checked out nerd of mouth on Spotify, YouTube, or wherever they get their podcast. Highly recommend. Rollicking good time, full of sweaty nerd opinions and hilarious jokes with Mike Lawrence and friend of the show, Holden McNeely. I was on an episode recently about Joss Whedon, so go check that out. please, because I had a lot to say, and I didn't even know it. You were fantastic.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. And thank you for being here, Jake. And also, we can find you on Twitch to Puppet Jared. Twitch.TV slash Puppet Jared. My flagship stream is the cartoon dumpster Thursday, 7 p.m. Eastern. We watch weird, bad cartoons from years gone by and goof the shit on them. Hell yeah, you do. And I am Jackie Zabrowski.

You can follow me on Instagram at Jack That Worm. Also, give us a follow if you'd like over on YouTube.com slash at page 7 pod where you get your fully filmed video episodes of page 7, of second helpings of page 7 darksided. Now coming to you Wednesday, Thursday, Friday of every week. And also this week, this Friday, Holden and I are going to be doing a jack-in on Friday, Twitch. H.TV slash Holdenators Ho. We are going to be doing a heaven and hell theme. And yes, on Second Helpings, I'm going to have MJ figure out with me who's going to be the angel and who's going to be the devil between me and Holden.

But you're going to hear that tomorrow on Second Helpings, MJ. You can join our Patreon. You can email us page seven podcast at gmail.com. We really love hearing from you. You guys mean so much to us. And Jake, you mean the most to us. Come back soon. What did Clay Aiken smell like?

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