Painkiller Already - Oompaville " He Fed His Daughter What!?!?"| PKA 705

Episode Date: June 22, 2024

P.K.A. 705. We may have a guest joining us. He didn't show up just yet. Taylor? This episode of P.K.A. is brought to you by Lock and Load and BetterHelp. For once, a non-penile sponsor. It's kind of nice. I was going to say a bad word. Looked at the clock. Was like, oh, shut that down. I don't know if you can say the P word. Oh, yeah. The YouTubers that i watch that

care about monetization they're so careful and i'll often watch historical stuff so they'll have to deal with heavy topics and they'll talk about people deleting themselves or people getting clapped or they'll talk about um they'll they'll dance around it and make up their own well you know when a lady and uh she doesn't really want to, but there's this fella and he does and, you know, bad stuff goes down. Well, that's what we're saying happened here. Jesus, what am I watching right now? Why can't you say the word?

I picked up on standardization around the self-censorship. When people talk about forcible intercourse, they call it grapes. And I'm like, okay. I guess TikTok censors really hard. So there's become a whole secondary pig Latin around what he means to word. That's a good way of putting it.

I don't like that. You should be able to say what you want to say. You're trying to convey information. You can. You know what the deal is. There's certain sponsors that don't want to be associated with hard topics. Do they want to be associated with hard topics. Do they want to be associated with fucking circuitous talking retards who can't express their point? I hope so.

Yes, we hope so dearly. 90 seconds for the R slur. We don't know anything. 90 seconds before we drop to an R slur. R is not a slur. We're taking it back.

We're taking it back. For you to say with your big, powerful brain, your fully functional human self. Yes. Oh, I go the other direction. In the same way that black people can say the N word, I can say retard. Yeah, we can say retard.

And by the way, Kyle, you say it as if I can't read it. I'm going to receive standardized test results from you, sir. Who do you want making the judgment call on whether or not it's okay to say retard? Me or an actual, you know, me? Clearly. Like I have the, we're sorry. You know, I just don't,

if we're talking about free speeches about what you can say in like the public square and supposedly the coppers won't come lock you up but that's only in this country that doesn't apply to things like people in my youtube comments like 10 years ago used to be like ah you blocked me what happened to free speech and i'd either go there is no freedom of speech in russia or i would say there's no fucking freedom of speech in my comment section why do you think it applies here there's no bill of rights at the beginning of the youtube charter yeah free speech is about rolling coal over gay pride flags painted on the street that's my understanding

yeah that's what a lot of people seem to be well i don't believe in global warming we were talking about stuff that we don't believe earlier like that's the one i don't believe in anymore i don't believe that humans are causing global warming every time i see one of those senate hearings you'll have like senator whoever the hell and he's just he's talking to some person who is like yeah this lady wanted to phase out the combustion engine in 10 years and she wanted air travel to go down by 12 percent and she wanted thing and put all this high speed rail in and. And he starts layering how much CO2 that is. So it came down to like 0.003% CO2 reduction. And oh, by the way, aren't CO2 levels today

lower than they were in 1970? I don't have that data. I didn't think you would. Are you sure? I hadn't heard that part that would open my eyes it might not be my name i am in the mainstream global warming on global warming which is i think all of you people should do your part no no i'm doing even more to wreck it i'm gonna keep my v8 pickup truck but i need you to carry your weight kyle i need you to use a dirty bag

at the grocery store i've been i've been composting my poop in the backyard for for years now but it the whole idea of the carbon footprint is like a slap in the face to the the average human being and i'm i don't mean like average like some small majority or like like what most people are like i mean like, like 99 fucking percent of us. Like, it's nonsense to be looking at your carbon footprint because it's nothing. Because there's Taylor Swift's out there. Because there's Monsanto's out there and DuPont's out there. And keep in mind, those are just the American ones.

And all of America is some small fraction of the global pollution. The real problem is Indonesia, China, India, these billion human being countries that have no standards. You can see what the rivers look like. Look at the Ganges River when those filthy people go out there and bathe in that foam. You know how filthy water makes that foam? They love it. If it's not us, then it's China. The idea that America is innocent on this and that some poor country has a bigger carbon footprint, I think, is untrue. At least it used to be.

And I could be out of date. I would be so surprised. Zach, help us out here, because my thought process is like carbon footprint by country. Let's see. Yeah. Yeah. Like CO2 output by country. I know that we don't.

Same difference. and about on a float trip or at the beach with someone and they like drank a can of soda or a bottle of soda and then just like threw it in the ocean any one of us would be like what the fuck like yeah don't do that shit like it's got to but not because next time we show up if you're in Bangladesh they're gonna or India you're like look at

this homosexual throwing it in the trash the world is our trash can you see that river it is nature's trash can yeah yeah pretty good pretty good i'm impressed yeah i just don't believe it i don't believe it because if we were that good at doing it then then i feel like we could throw up an atmosphere on mars if they're like yeah you don understand. It's like make or break right now whether we survive in the next 50 years. Really? We must be warming this place up quick. Can we apply some of that output to Mars and just throw up an atmosphere?

There we go. How are you doing, Caleb? Mic check real quick. Yeah, we're going. Yeah, we're live, by the way we have started like a baton handoff speed here what's up the rizzlers here what's up guys how's it going i just found out while you're late can you please tell everyone else because it's awesome my uh so my uh fiance our girlfriend was uh she's wanting to get the weeds out of the yard so she started to fertilize with

with 240 and i was teaching all the stuff and then our cow got out and she has this big ass dog and this big ass dog does not like the cow and they fight every day at the fence and the dog decided to fight the cow uh in real life. That was a whole thing. I'm back now, though. I'm back. I'm good to go. Who won? Who amongst us hasn't had that? The cow. It's like getting stuck in traffic. Actually, yes.

What kind of dog is it? My cow was catching trays. It's a Norwegian forest hound. A gigantic 110-pound German Shepherd-looking dog. Zach, once you prove me right about global warming, a uh norwegian forest hound so a gigantic like 110 pound uh german shepherd looking dog zach once you prove me right about global warming please show us what one of those looks like we're in a little bit of a where you know us high class debate facts and figures kyle and i are like i don't know about this global warming stuff seems ridiculous what he's like oh the fucking planet

it needs our help he has a Greta sticker. He's getting a Greta tattoo, but he's got Greta stickers all over his truck. It's a V8. It makes no sense. And I swear it's not because I have pedo tendencies. It's not it at all. Oh, that's why we should have leaned. Look, he's hot, Kyle.

What can I say? That face. He's one of those dogs. It's a cool dog. He looks like a husky it's a little bit too he's got a lot of floof around his head like for self-defense his name's kevin he's a he's really good very very very good dog him and him in this cat and the cow as well is his name is ace and he's oh when he was born he was he was like sticking out

of his mom's pussy and his mom was just uh medically running through the forest hitting him on trees and stuff so he's severely brain damaged oh you know hey genuinely severely is is it this way zach can you put that dog back up kyle do you feel a certain kinship to this dog that clearly has down syndrome that zach's about to show us kinship no but but like you know you have a similar dog i've had a i you i have a dog that appears to have down syndrome because of his he's a malibu and he's got that chromagnum skull but we really did have a uh a jack russell who was like off like Like in a fun way. It was never sad. It was never pitiful and pathetic.

It was like, look at her doing her little weird thing. She's doing that weird little thing she does. There's my boy. Look at him. Isn't that actually your dog? Yeah, so he's fresh. He's seven years old, eight years old there.

I just had gotten him out of a shelter they were about to put him in. They don't live that long. They live 15 years. He's dirty. He's pretty malnourished. He's pretty malnourished and dirty there. He's like 75 pounds now. I've been treating him pretty good. He's going to the doctor tomorrow.

He's getting his nose scoped. They're going to put him asleep. When the doctor looks at him, does he ever say what a special guy he is? No one says that. He looks like Malamute's look. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. He's a sweet boy.

Your dog is just as good as any other dog. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. That's a good boy. I think he could get a job at McDonald's or something. Well, you know. They have a good boy. I think you could get a job at McDonald's or something. Well, you know, I don't like. They have their own Olympics. You know that? The entry level.

The special dog Olympics. This is a bunch of dachshunds with wheels. That's the thing that'll make me cry every time. I cannot bear to look at a crippled dog. Like, I cannot take it. It's the worst, most. I love a crippled dog like like i cannot take it it's the worst most sexual dude dude i would kick a i would kick a crippled chick an already crippled child down the stairs in his weird little wonky electric chair before i would do the same to to a little pupper like like

i just feel i feel so bad because they don't they don't care that they're crippled like like when people get crippled we've usually got usually got kind of down on life, maybe a little bit of depression. You're like, oh, the other kids are running around without me. This dog is just like complete disregard for that. He can't grasp it. So he's just like, I got wheels, and he's gone. He loves it.

Dude, I'm not down at crippled dogs at all. And it's just because of what you said. I'm inspired by them, right? This dog doesn't know. That dog, he's ready to run, baby. He's got wheels, dude. That's high tech. That's fun.

He's having a good time. That's a happy dog right there. He doesn't know. He definitely knows he's doing it. His upper body is fucking Arnold Schwarza dog. Yeah. I love dachshunds, too. I don't have one, but I had a girlfriend who had one,

and I really fell in love with that breed. I like little dogs. They're good. I've got a mixture of one, but I had a girlfriend who had one and I really fell in love with that breed. I like little dogs. I've got a mixture of both, but I like little dogs because it's like, damn, you are ready to kill right there. I like that from you little man. My big dog might run away from the door, but my little dog is

running out the door to the fucking UPS man. I'm on the other side of the debate. I like big dogs. I like small dogs. I love small dogs. I love small dogs. I'm numbered three to one here. Small dogs are the best. They just want to snuggle with you. They just want to have a good time. They just want to chill. Big dogs can snuggle with you

like belly hugs while standing. Yeah. One thing that throws me off of big dogs is they have man shit. They have like giant man shits and it's like, who shit that? That's not a bug, it's a feature. You can take a dump outside

and they'll never suspect a thing. That's right, yeah. Who did this? Not me. It's not like the Amber Heard situation when she took that human-sized poop in Johnny Depp's bed and tried to blame it on some little peek-a-boo.

Johnny's like, that was not dog feces. That was not dog feces. But I imagine him doing it like Captain Sparrow. That smelled dope. He was trying to collect his finger off the ground at the time. What was her deal? Did she have BPD?

She's just a cunt. IBS. She's just an awful human being. She's just a cunt. IBS. She's just an awful human being. No, she's just like a manipulative, sociopathic jerk. She's the bad man. I'll tell you what. That's how I came away from that trial 100%. I love Johnny Depp as an actor, but I separate that from personality.

That's how I like Tom Cruise. I wouldn't want to hang out with Tom Cruise, the man, I don't think. I don't think any of us would. All right, you'd like to meet Tom Cruise, so you'd come back here and be like, I met Tom Cruise, let me tell you all about it. But you wouldn't want to chill with him and be his buddy if you're not going to get anything out of it.

Maybe you're imagining, wait, but maybe Tom Cruise got a junior yacht. He could pass off to me. No, you're not getting any benefits. You're just hanging out with this guy's personality, and it's not, it pass off to me. No, you're not getting any benefits. You're just hanging out with this guy's personality. And it's not. It's weird to me. Tom Cruise is perfect for a particular kind of friend. I don't know if you have these like I do.

I have activity friends, right? I have motorcycle friends. I've got flying friends. I've got dirt bike friends. And it's like, you know, we're very different in terms terms of like you know the family the career the life lived life etc but we share the same drug and that is dirt bikes or flying or whatever and that's what we do together so it's just an activity friend if tom cruise is like what do you want to fucking go race dirt bikes off cliffs and base jump from there and i'm like you got spare bikes

like that's the kind of friend I'd love to be his friend. Kawasaki does. There's Mr. Kawasaki there. Hello, sir. I want to be Tom Cruise's activity friend. Arrow. I don't want to get too far away from our debate. I need to get Caleb's input.

Play for global warming? Yeah. And I want to go ahead and minimize here we were stuck i don't want to minimize the nuance here i need a yes or no is yes or no is this happening are we being had raise the question appropriately do you think that human beings are the main why are we being global warming slash climate change whatever they're calling it this week. I think I so I'm I will preface it by saying I'm extremely wary of things that I am told that other people believe from I'm a I'm a redneck by heart. OK, that being said, it does get awful cold and awful hot randomly, it seems.

And I don't I don't pretend to be a meteorologist or someone to who, who, uh, you know, understands or studies or cares really about this kind of stuff. I like to keep my environment clean locally. And I don't like it when, uh, you know, uh, when companies can make shit messy and fuck up rivers and stuff like that. So I think that, uh, you know, I don't really know about global warming. I don't know if it's, if it's legit or not. I think that, you know, I don't really know about global warming. I don't know if it's legit or not. I think that the environment is very important. I do think that is incredibly important. And I think that if fighting global warming also has a positive effect on the environment, I would be for that. Well, it could be a yes and no there, though.

So you could look at pollution as a big fucking cover-all kind of thing. pollution's a big fucking coverall kind of thing. But we could talk about, say, a company like DuPont and its forever chemicals and them ending up in the waters and microplastics and that stuff. Nobody likes that right left center. Of course. But I don't want you telling me what kind of stove I can have. I don't like you telling me what.

I take that fucking bullshit nonsense out of every shower that I use, that thing that slows down the flow rate they got a restrictor plate on my shower i can't handle the full blast please okay like like i don't want one on my car either like i want yeah i'm okay with emission standards i suppose but i cheat them i take off the restrictor on every sink and every shower in addition to that we have a fucking household booster pump that increases the pressure to this bitch if it doesn't hurt a little we're not done yet yeah and the same with toilets i remember um and it may be king of the hill that that sort of shines some light on this it's that yeah it's a good episode the low flows yeah i don't know the exact numbers but

they went from like one and a half liters or gallons whatever whatever the metric is, per flush, down to like.75 or something. It's like, look how much water we're saving. It's like, dude, I gotta flush three fucking times though. It's over and over. I mean, you're using more water because you can't get a dump down with a weak-ass toilet. Have you ever shitted a friend's house that has one of those toilets?

And you're expecting, like I'm expecting my toilet, which is like if I put your dog murphy in there and i've got the log in that thing he's getting sucked down towards the equator yeah it's stressful you watch that that water barely gets sucked under it's like oh how's this gonna this isn't even a bad day for me, and you're barely getting it done. Yeah, and it's like, oh, damn it. And I chose the bathroom that's adjacent to the room that we're hanging out in,

and now they're going to know that I flushed twice. I've never clogged a toilet, by the way. Wow. I have an 80-ass hole. Yeah, I haven't since I became like an adult man. Hold on. This is as unrealistic as global warming. You've never clogged a toilet ever?

I've never clogged a toilet. The only thing I've ever done is put a carrot in a toilet, and that clogged it. I would argue toilet clogging is not really about the poop. It's typically about the toilet paper. Oh, it's 100% the toilet paper. That might be reminiscent of an odd shit. You'd have to have so much actual shit in order for the poop itself to clog it true it can have an infinite amount of

shit like and it would have to be durable poop right because it yeah you know mostly once you start stirring it around now you have a solution you have to be like a solid like avocados falling solution yeah an unripe avocado, a rubber avocado. The times that it would happen when I was a kid, you're right, is like 100% because you're just using like a child amount of toilet paper where you're like wrapping your hand eight times per wipe. And then you're like, why is it?

Why is it? It's like, there's so much toilet paper, you can't even see that anyone should hear. It's just the layers of paper. And you're like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. I love the way my bathroom's clogged. Man, I can't believe I'm just remembering this.

When I was like eight, in grade school, on the way to or from recess, I don't recall, I took a shit in the bathroom, clogged the toilet with just a full roll, probably, clogged the toilet with just a full roll, probably of, of, you know, grade school toilet paper. And it was the first time maybe in my life that I realized that like adults don't, they're not going to know if you did something bad, if they don't see you do it.

And so I just left with water pouring over onto the floor. And like later that day, mom goes to pick me up at 3. I see a janitor in there earning his keep. It was fine. Never got in trouble for it. Shout out to my principal. I'm sorry for that. He's undoubtedly janitor now. There's no way that guy's alive. Unless he's 102.

I know you're pretty open about your bathroom activities, Taylor. You laughed at me when I told you that I run water when I piss if there's a girl near enough by to hear me pissing. And I want her to do the same. And I tell them to do the same. I don't hear your piss either. But I had a girlfriend who had a very old, weak toilet. And it wasn't that it needed multiple flushes. It did. But each flush was like, you know, it's about how fast the water is coming when you hit it

and how much it's the velocity and the volume of water that comes out when you because in prison you flush that thing and it's like boom it's like a black hole opened up and swallowed everything and suddenly everything's open and everything turns from like dirty to like pristine instantly there's so much pressure hitting it. It peels the shit. Yeah. Her toilet, it was like you had some water in your cupped hands and you just went, here you go, little fella. And so I would genuinely do this.

I would go in there off the toilet and I would take the glass that my toothbrush is in and get multiple glasses of water from the sink and load up the tank to make this toilet a good toilet. That sucks. If I'm going to the bathroom, I don't want to do a prep.

I would have modified her flapper. Get a little float that's on a bar. It wasn't that. You could pull that with your hand. You take the lid off, you reach in there and just give it full blast. That wasn't the issue. It was just an old toilet. And it's also about the angle. You can reset where the fill point is, right?

You can bend it so it's naturally pointed up and then it would have to go higher to stop filling. I've never used a bidet. Are you a bidet? Yeah, I've got a bidets? I've never used a bidet. Are you a bidet fan? Woody's got a nice bidet. I have a really nice bidet. You got a cooler bidet, like a heated one?

Yeah, yeah. It's heated, the seat's heated, the toilet seat is under remote control. Holy shit. They make this Korean guy. He's got a little camera in there. There's a Korean guy in Korea with a joystick

just doing this all day. Ukrainian pilot taking a minute off to handle my rear end. What is it? FPV drone? Do you have a bidet at your house, Caleb? I have one from Teemu that I have, yeah. Getting some lead

sprayed on your butthole every day, huh? Timu's like a, like eBay for people. eBay and Facebook marketplace combined with Amazon.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a lot of their products have lead on them. So it's like. Yeah, and imagine, imagine you're buying

stuff from eBay, but eBay is like, this is brand new and it's actually nine years old. Okay. That's like how it's like. Yeah. What's the market Imagine you're buying stuff from eBay, but eBay is like, this is brand new, and it's actually nine years old. That's kind of what it's like. What's the market for this? Why not go to Amazon?

It's incredibly cheap. It's like $4. It'll be so cheap that you'll use a special credit card to make the purchase, keep an eye on it, and then when the product shows up after three months of sailing across the ocean from china literally yes oh i forgot this thing four cents and it goes a long way at china all right all right it'll it's shockingly cheap it's crazy i had some coronavirus shipped over in 2020 from timo really wait your your bidet shoots cold

water i can't get past that it's cold it blasts my ass with cold water yeah bidet shoots cold water? I can't get past that. It's cold? It blasts my ass with cold water. Mine shoots cold water into the poop for like the first 10 seconds and then once the cold water's out and it knows that it's warm then it changes and goes for your butt. So you don't get that cold blast

to be repaired later. He didn't go to Teemu. He didn't save with Teemu. No, I didn't go to timu he didn't save with timo no i did it so you have a delicate little asshole i have a i have a dainty asshole yeah okay you have a dainty asshole like an artist a pianist yes exactly yeah i would say it's a um it's rare i think my poop haplotype is rare my shit haplotype my gastrointestinal haplotype is rare oh that's that's a blessing you never well yeah would you rather have common shits i wouldn't want a dainty asshole i want a hardy hole yeah i want that thing to be able to handle some some rough Korean boyfriends only i would say the uh i would

say the dainty aspect uh applies to the what comes out of it as well i would say korean boyfriends only i would say the uh i would say the dainty aspect uh applies to the what comes out of it as well i would say so okay yeah and then i have perfectly consistent shits and have for basically my whole life that's good i think most people do as long as like it if i have a horrible diet for a while i'll be like what's going on here oh yeah my eating for the last week otherwise it's pretty yeah every morning pretty easy i do have a lot of um i do have a lot of like uh stomach pains and like really weird like nausea and shit just like everybody else but it just seems like my shits are always really unique and normal i mean normal not unique yeah just daily fits of nausea like everybody gets.

Yeah, like everybody. You hear some voices, get a few visions, you know, whatever. Exactly. Stabbing pains, grief-induced hallucinations, et cetera. That'd be like the worst symptom ever to look up on Google and scare yourself is like nausea and like stomach, organ pain because there's no limit to what that ai bot is going to tell you about you will die you're going to die already dead yeah it's too late

what color is your shit how did you know i immediately started thinking about drifter when you started saying all those crazy like symptoms all right I'll say that. I'm so curious about his deal. Are you familiar with Drifter, Caleb? I'm vaguely familiar. If you keep explaining, I think I'll... D-R-I-F-T-O-0-R? Yeah.

Basically, every time he comes on, he is... It's solved. He's like, I think we've gotten to the bottom of the syndrome from which I suffer, for which there was no name before I got it.

And his symptoms are awful. The last time he was on here, maybe, maybe the last two, he's in a bed, and he's got this elaborate camera setup that's looking straight down at his head on a pillow. And he's got a mouse and he's got like a mouse and keyboard setup and there's a there's a and a second camera that shows like yeah i'm in bed it

like zooms that you know it's across the room or whatever like a porno shot and it's like this is the weirdest thing i've ever seen i've ever said he did multiple hours with us and then on halloween he dressed as a crippled clown in the bed thing but he popped in a little bit late like you did all right we may have been doing a multi-guest show yeah look at this thank you what is his what is his syndrome they don't know they don't fucking know and it's not a bit 15 no all right well look i don't know him personally but if it's a bit he is really sticking to it man it'd be like finding out harley there is a canadian or something or that he's short it'd be like a real long con if drifter ain't sick a really long time it's been

years like i believe when we talk in private he'll be like depending on what the most recent doctor trip was like he'll either be optimistic or pessimistic and and just both feel feel real when we talk about it like you know in private before and after the show and wow you know we always wish him well so i'm always curious about shout out to him cool guy hope he's sitting upright hope he's not in bed standing maybe if i remember there was one point during the show where like he had been laying down just flat the entire time

deathbed style and then out of nowhere he's like oh one sec then he like took his headphones off and like got up and walked away and I was like oh okay this isn't as bad as I thought it was didn't he leave the show early and I was like, oh, okay, this isn't as bad as I thought it was. Didn't he leave the show early once so he could go to the movies on a date

or at the dinner or something? I'm heading out to go dancing. You've been saving up all day for enough ambulary technique for now? It is funny to see. But you don't want to judge people like that either because every now and then on TikTok I'll see someone call out some guy in a handicapped spot. for now like it is funny to see but but you don't want to judge people like that either because yeah every now and then on tiktok i'll see someone call out some guy in a handicapped spot

and he'll raise his uh pants leg to reveal he doesn't have legs that they're fucking titanium and it's it's like oh so sorry so sorry so i don't know you never know what people are actually dealing with what it feels like i've been deathly ill before, but if you need me to run across the room and pretend like I was healthy, I could do it. I've never been so sick that I couldn't at least put on a happy face. Yeah, I think you're right. What do you guys think about ginger? I don't have souls. I mean, they're lesser beings. Oh, the root. I like it. I think lesser beings oh the root I like it

on Asian I really like like not mincing but like shaving some off in like a stir fry or a curry or something I love ginger yeah that's I was gonna say I've been maybe the reason I have such

a I was thinking about this while you guys were talking I think maybe the reason my shits are dainty is because I'm a regular consumer of ginger. Do you know what figging is? I do not. What is that? Oh, when you take ginger and you put it in your asshole? Yeah, yeah. Figging is when you take a bit of ginger and

you shape it and peel it to expose the membrane of the ginger root, which is very like... Yeah, and then you stick it in someone's asshole. Figging? Figging. Are you sure it's an I?

Oh, bring me a figgy pudding. That kind. Figging. Yeah. I don't like that. I got a different name for it, but... Yeah. Fun.

Good old-fashioned, clean fun. Tuesday. So you eat ginger every day? What do you get from putting the ginger up your butt is this a sexual thing it does not feel good oh yeah validation eaten ginger or smell ginger yeah um it's like garlic times 10 it's a wasabi like i think it's related to wasabi even the wasabi is made from i don't know if you've had that, but it's very intense, pungent, uncomfortable and overwhelming. I would say sort of flavors and chemical things are happening.

It's like that, but your butthole. So it's really hurting and being like a comfortable thing. It's it. It's it's figging. Yeah. But what? Why do people do it? Is it a health remedy or?

No, it's a BDSM practice thing. Oh, now I get it for some yeah oh you're being serious did you think this is made up this is i thought this was like i thought this was like a a guru health kind of thing no it's legit dudes everywhere sticking ginger roots up their ladies buttholes and being like, you like that, you dirty whore? You like that? No, you figging all the way tonight. No, sorry, I lost it. Your asshole gobbled it up.

Figging is the practice of inserting a piece of skinned ginger root into the human anus in order to generate an acute burning sensation. Historically, this was the method of punishment, but it has since been adopted as a practice of BDSM. All right, yeah, everything Kyle said.

Unreal. You're so educated sometimes. I know it all, man. I know it all. I guess Caleb knew that too. He's an educated guy with a D. I love seeing that. I'm the worst person to show an internet video to.

People will lean their phone toward me, and I'll get a glance of it, and I'll be like they're like hey i don't know what he what is that on the street and i'll glance and i'll be like he fell off his bicycle the truck ran over his head his brain splattered out if you look to the right a woman's about to approach and react strangely so many times dude that's memorized that's in my in the core of my brain i've seen all the internet videos i we're on reddit i probably does your phone tell you woody every night like every week it gives my phone gives me a like a health update every week and it's like

how much screen time i've had and various apps i don't even want to look oh look i don't want to look either and it's my laptop that does it for me but it's the same thing it's an apple laptop and there's dozens of hours a week you know it's really like that i think that's passive aggressive i don't want my technology telling me or guilty yeah reminding you hey guess what did you know that you spent 50 hours on youtube this week it's like you fucking loser keep it to you yeah in my in my defense i was asleep for some of those oh now that's fair i sleep to youtube playing continuously so at night when i go to sleep i switch to my guest profile because the algorithm's stupid and i put it on my thunderstorm music uh just thunderstorm noises and uh but but so it's playing the entire time i'm asleep and

my most watched app you know isn't netflix or hulu or hbo even Plex. It's YouTube. Yeah. Do you fall asleep in silence, Caleb, or do you need something on? I fall asleep reading the Bible every single night. Good for you. Let's see. Any favorite verses? No, I'm actually new to it. I'm still learning. I'm in the Old Testament right now.

Oh, that's the Jewish part. Don't worry, it gets better. That's the fun part. Don't worry, it gets better. That's the fun part. Don't tell him that guy dies. Yeah, I'm not going to tell him that guy dies. Fuck, I have no idea. There's a huge amount of exodus that you're going to be like,

alright, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip, skip Because there's a lot of so-and-so begat, begat. How can you make it through Exodus and feel like God's the good guy anymore? When he hardens Pharaoh's heart, it's like a villain. The fact that God, so for the uninitiated here, the made-up idea, sorry, historians, that the pyramids are built by Jewish slaves that were held by Egyptians, pyramids are like built by jewish slaves that were held by egyptians and then god came with and helped moses with the plagues out to force the air the pharaoh to like charlton heston said let my people go well if that happened even the way the way it happened in the bible is after several really awful plagues i don don't know. Frogs are raining from the sky. I think the Nile turned to blood. There's locusts and stuff.

The Pharaoh is like, alright. You know what? Moses was not full of shit at all. We prayed to Ra all day. Nothing. And here come the frogs again. Here come the frogs again. He's made up his mind. And God goes, oh, did's and god goes oh did you

change your mind did you too bad because these plagues come in a set and i got a few more coming so i'll harden your heart change your mind basically like influence you in such a way that you are not even the bad guy anymore i am that's what god does pharaoh was gonna let the the the jews go and god was like no don't let him go yet i'm not done with you i'm here to prove a point you got to get to that new testament new testament when jesus shows up it all turns around the sermon on the mount yeah sermon on the mount the beatitudes matthew 5 way it's way better you know yeah i don't know why the old testament is even included in the bible like you need you're a christian the new testament is infinitely more important excuse me the old testament is what i meant to say yeah jesus christ he's like the 2.0

you like you put the cherry on top christianity would be a much better religion if you had genesis and then you started the new testament yeah genesis matthew mark luke just skip all that stuff and go about the apocrypha the apocrypha uh yeah all the all the books like the gospel of thomas that at some point like the council of nicaea did mary magdalene really have one like is that a thing i've always heard that there was a book of Mary. I've heard that. I think it should be for the boys. And by the way, Woody, what we're getting

at here is that when they assembled the Bible, it wasn't like, oh yeah, here are all the pieces. You open a puzzle box and you've got the right number of pieces, hopefully. No, they were like, oh, we've got to go through all of these biblical-ish books that were written by the biblical historians. Let's pick and choose which ones work for us.

What do you think, John? And they horse traded. They horse traded like our Senate does. Well, I really hate prostitutes. Well, let's get this in. Leviticus it is. Oh, I want Leviticus in there too, sir. And then someone clearly spoke up about the slavery part i was raised in a household that spent more time talking about sex than god so when he said the apocrypha i thought i was like is this a joke because i was about to be like what about the cimmerillion i didn't know you could also know about uh what do you guys know about a hermeticism you ever heard of that no i'm not familiar with that when you're born with both male and female body parts that's hermaphrodite uh the uh hermeticism has been like blowing up

i've been seeing tiktoks of people it's an ancient thought process or I guess it's a religion. I'm not sure. The Egyptian god Thoth and Greek god Hermes fucked and made a guy called Hermes Trismegistus. And then they made this thing called Hermeticism. Have you ever heard of above as above so below? key bally on it's like all these a lot of the principles of like the the uh the golden the hand of the golden sun the knights templars the illuminati like all these people it's like you have to find heat hidden knowledge uh that's that's hermeticism kind of like and uh a bunch of these kids on tiktok are talking about the emerald tablets holding the secret to life in the universe and like it's the power of manifestation look at this stuff this ancient book and it's like they're discovered in like the 1920s and they're not like, it's the power of manifestation. Look at this stuff, this ancient book. And it's like, they're discovered in like the 1920s and they're not even real. It's Alcantara.

A dude in the 1600s. Exactly. So this is like, like a kind of almost Mormon adjacent in their finding of it. Like they took Thoth and Hermes and then fused them, which frankly, neither Thoth nor Hermmes are like the heavy hitters of their religion right so the idea is is it is old right and it's like the it's kind of

like the the precipitation of alchemy these guys hermes trismegistus is like the father of alchemy um in some sense and uh like it's not it's not that it's new in terms of uh mormonism new like it is very very very old uh but it's like more so a part of philosophy like i don't know if you guys do a lot of reading and stuff but when you read i try to read about a lot about ethics like a couple years ago and just try to read a bunch i read uh i started with her me like as old as possible the hermetic corpus hermeticum and then i went to like uh you know a bunch of the greek guys and then the spanish guys as espinoza um and then uh jesus obviously the sermon on the mount in the fields soren kirkgaard like all these different little ethical things that's how i learned about that hermeticism but it's like this bigger weird religion that's based in alchemy and and mysticism

and gnosticism and like there's a tie-in like a gnostic christianity people are practicing it though like i i hear about i bet there's more people right yeah i mean it's not really something i don't really know how you would practice it to be honest maybe people in like the illuminati uh would be more so considered to practice that what is what is the moral belief system i guess of that sub religion it's it's it's pretty straightforward it's good it's like uh it's very ethical it's like um the the basis of it is that every single person is a god themselves i think i can't really remember but it's like every single person is a god themselves and they will eventually realize that and that's how they

achieve nirvana like you realize you can create your own you can manifest your own reality and that could be interpreted as just like uh you can you can kind of, uh, you perceive things in, in a way that you can control. So like, even if you have a negative situation, you control the way you react. Narcissism or narcissism? Narcissism.

Yeah. It's about the Illuminati. The Illuminati, uh, talks a lot about it though. Have you guys never been invited to the Illuminati? No, not yet.

No, I'm irrelevant. Uh, dude, I got this in the mail this thing in the mail here oh that's i don't i don't believe it's legit at all but uh it also it was if you look up illuminati entrance letter um it's it doesn't show up this doesn't like if you like a gag gift like illuminati gag gift and someone put it in my in my mailbox with like calligraphy on the front of the thing in my it was my address in calligraphy with my full name and there was no

return address and like my house is like this it used to live there i don't live there anymore but it was it was very weird it was very very very strange and i still haven't figured out who's pranking me um but if i sign it maybe i'll maybe i'll be maybe i can bring you guys with me say like it's a full on upon this eternal oath i freely pledge to dedicate my mind to the discovery of knowledge to dedicate my soul to the pursuit of enlightenment to dedicate my efforts to the progress of abundance to dedicate my existence to bringing all people in all places into unification oh i don't know about that last one you had me there till the end that was a little little commie yeah a little globalists and to dedicate my life and days upon this planet to the protection

and advancement of the human species on this day of but yeah my girlfriend wouldn't let me sign it that's fun i hope you make it dude if you get in can you invite us to Bohemian Grove? I'll bring you guys. Yeah, I'll bring you guys. Me and Josh Peck. What is the Nixon quote on Bohemian Grove? You know where Bohemian Grove is, right? It's where all the elites and industry titans and the really powerful people get together.

Alex Jones crashed it. Nixon got invited, and he had Alex Jones crashed it. Nixon got invited and he had a quote about it and he said it was the most what did he say? It's the most goddamn F slur thing

I've ever seen. I saw that. What did you think about Bohemian Grim? It's the most goddamn F-slur thing you've ever seen. And he did that. Woody struggled with F-slur. I love it. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out

how to fix grammatically. Baggy! We're going to get demonetized. Thank you. I stretched it out. I legit thought he said baggy. Baggy. You can say it like that.

You have to say it with levity. I did. I don't think Nixon was probably wrong. I think it was probably... I think he's just misunderstood. Nixon. If that's the most baggy thing he's been, there's better parties

than Bohemian whatever. I don't know. In the 70s? See if Nixon was in a fraternity. Because I think of Bohemian Grove and the skull and bones and all that stuff is partially, there's going to be some sort of weird

spanking and jerking off in a coffin type stuff going on sacrificing to moloch yeah yeah you might sacrifice to moloch you know you might have to you might have to perform some sex act you know on a on a other participant like in that uh that movie oh i just watched the movie it was like that it was about bohemian growth that's really creepy because there are secret societies like like they aren't just nonsense what we're talking about it'sian growth that's really creepy because there are secret societies like like they aren't just nonsense what we're talking about it's we know that the bushes were both in the skull and bones thing and we know that part of their ritual is is jerking it in a coffin while everybody waits

outside it's so weird i don't like that but zach with his his deep dive of knowledge got the full nixon quote and it is nixon You know what happened to the Romans? The last six Roman emperors were fags. Let's look at the strong societies. The Russians, goddamn, they rooted them out. It's not just

the ratty part of the town, no. The upper class in San Francisco is that way. The Bohemian Grove, which I attend from time to time, is the most faggy goddamn thing you could ever imagine. With that San Francisco crowd, I can't shake hands with anyone from San Francisco. That's crazy.

Man, what a fun guy. He's not a goofy bastard. No, he's not. He's a man of his time. When was he born? 19-10 would be my call. He's not. He's a man of his time. When was he born? 1910. 1910 would be my call on when Nixon was born.

I don't know. I don't like him. When people judge those old dudes that were born in other centuries, it's like, come on, give them a little leeway here. Yeah, I was born in the 90s. Give me a break. There you go. You were born little leeway here. Yeah. I was born in the 90s. Give me a break. There you go. There you go.

I was born another century, another time. When were you born, Taylor? 91. Okay. I think we had this conversation last time, but I forget. Yeah. I'm 33. 33. Getting old. Did you ever get spanked at a fraternity, Taylor? Anything like that?

No. No. I didn't. Were you a frat were you in a frat no no a lot of my buddies were in frats and so i would still hang out with that crowd but no i never got spanked or got to spank can i say i don't want to be part of an organization that involves man-on-man spanking at the beginning that's ritualistic and public i just don't want to be part of your your group i don't think it's that. I looked into fraternity hazing rituals on the internet. I was like, there's no more secrets. I've always wanted to know what those

really do. Let's look into it. And it wasn't as gay or cool as I thought it was. It was all like, I don't know. For example, they'd say, Kyle, today when asked you need to present 27 cents in Zach Change. If you don't, then you have to do push-ups. It was no jerking off on a pizza. That's a lame. Last night.

I bet their house sucks. No, Woody is right. Because it was funny, the dichotomy in my friends who were in frats, because some of them I'd be like, so what do you guys have to do for your fucking hell week? Like the last week of getting hazed. And some of them would be like, so what do you guys have to do for your fucking hell week like the last week of getting hazed and some of them would be like I can't tell you it's super secret and the other ones would be like we basically have to carry around a plastic bag with a lighter joint rolls an eighth of weed and 10 cigarettes at all times so a brother comes up and asks for something we can give it to him and if we don't they like yell at us oh and like a

couple nights they force us to get so drunk it's uncomfortable and then we still have to get up and get all dressed up in our in our sunday best the next morning at 5 a.m and go to uh you know some like song and dance before class and also the drinking was like only semi-mandatory like if you didn't feel well or it just wasn't your vibe they didn't yeah this is lame it's not like the 80s like my dad i don't want to be in the frat because they're pussies my dad was in a frat you can't you can't whoop a kid like like i i expected more spanking i i i envisioned jockstraps i envisioned some laughing okay i expected some kidnapping putting in the trunk and then transported in there they have to find their way back blood i i knew some people who went to

radford uh which is like a school in um virginia and these uh there was a i don't know if it was true but they used scoplamine which is like a the drug that they use in south america it's like a it's like a it's like i think it's a date rape drug technically but it's the one where you it makes you uh influenceable uh to real suggestible so like you'll do stuff for people uh and you can synthesize it um and they synthesize it and then they like used it on each other you mean when you say they can synthesize it like you could make it in your own kitchen i don't know exactly uh but i know i know i know someone who has synthesized scopamine. I believe that's a crime. I imagine it would be.

Maybe. You never know. To your point about the other frat hazing, my dad told me, because my dad what? He was born in mid early 60s and so it was a different time when he was going through. My dad is older than me.

I would have been a real mistake if my dad was your age. 18? Yeah, 18. And he was saying that something he had to do when he was getting hazed for his fraternity is he had... They made him wear,

and everyone in the pledge class, wear burlap underwear for a week straight and then stripped them down into nothing but their burlap underwear for a week straight and then like stripped them down into nothing but their burlap underwear drove them blindfolded into like a cornfield somewhere it's the midwest and then just left them in a cornfield and like made these men in burlap underwear have to wander back to campus and i was like i would it may be the type three fun what he said before but like it type two at the time i'd be like fuck these guys he's these pieces of shit my dick is all itchy my ass doesn't feel good i think you'd be a little more bonded with your brothers right like

it's the kind of experience that puts you together i i don't hate that i don't want to do it as a grown-up but as a college kid there was a there was a guy when i don't hate that i don't want to do it as a grown-up but as a college kid there was a there was a guy when i was in school and this wasn't technically hazing but so they were a couple years older than me that must have been because i was a freshman and my dorm was right next to sigma chi uh that fraternity and they got kicked off campus that year because uh a brother in in their front yard and full view of like a whole party, like hit one of the pledge,

the pledges in the face with a shovel. And he had to go to the hospital and like lost a bunch of teeth and had a broken nose. And that didn't, that didn't seem like hazing. That seemed like assault to me. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's really not. I say tomato. There's no joke there there's no haha let's all have a good time with silly underwear you can easily by the way uh it makes you open easily it's uh it's a flower uh and you extract it using water and sort of pressing it and making a uh maybe i think you mentioned a pumice uh stone oh wow yeah okay known as devil's breath you know it's good you could probably order that flower offline i know that with like um dmt they

just order that bark from europe and you can buy mushroom spores too but it takes more talent to grow than i have hypothetically hypoth. Hypothetically. Yeah. Theoretically, you could just get them online and grow them in a shoebox in your closet, like a friend of mine did successfully. Well, some people just get moldy. Your friend must be a smart guy. He said he put it in a wet, dirt shoebox. Your friend's a fun guy. Get it?

Oh. Yo. Shit. Plastic yo I hate mushrooms if I had mushrooms I would throw them away like I wouldn't take them I always have a bad reaction I don't want any like I haven't dabbled in hallucinogens

in my whole life I guess I did a super small amount of mushrooms in college literally once and other than that never and at this point it's like I think I'm good like what i don't really want lsd i don't you drop acid with me if i could acquire some uh yeah on the pod not on the podcast few maybe we went to legal anywhere like like like as amsterdam is lsd legal like seattle or something do it and back off? They did mushroom psilocybin, I thought.

And they criminalized everything to a certain extent. You know what I mean? Ketamine's getting chill now. Yeah, ketamine, they're calming down. Woody has ketamine, yeah. I'm out of ketamine. He gets more, don't worry. Too mad style.

I don't want to do a drug and then find out like, oh, I love this. I want to do it all the time. Yeah, true. That's all I am. I'm kind of on the opposite. I hope there's no more wonderful things in life. I haven't touched any drugs or alcohol in five, six weeks. I'm good with the number

I've got now. Is that a joke? Yeah, sugar's a drug. I'm good with just weed as far as drugs go i feel like a fucking pussy do you smoke weed kyle allegedly i mean i'm smoking some stuff right now you know i'm at an olympic level i've got thca um vapes is usually what i what i go with although i've been smoking some thca flower recently because it's i I don't know, it seems very potent, like a little hit of it. And it makes me wonder because I believe the way you make THCA flower is

you take hemp buds and you mist it with THCA. So you didn't need the hemp buds. You know what I mean? You could have put it on anything. I wish that they would take the THCA, spray it on real marijuana, make some double marijuana. That'd be powerful. That's what I want. What about you, Woody? Do you do any drugs? I have, but I

haven't lately. I lied. I had a lifesaver yesterday, so my sugar-free thing was kind of bullshit, but I'm mostly avoiding everything right now. Yeah everything a lifesaver yeah it was like a gummy lifesaver too not like a oh yeah it was in the pantry that you buy these things and it's hard to say no dude two weeks ago i had enough fudge to kill a diabetic one have you guys ever had knoppers or knoppers they're like a no it's like a german wafer thing they're so fucking insanely good it's a candy or a drug it's it's not a drug it feels like a drug honestly it's a drug yeah i was like it's knoppa it's a german drug no it's a uh candy it's like a hazelnut chocolate milky it's fucking good

uh they're square uh be honest about your question though in my life i've had ketamine mushrooms pot alcohol i think that's it yeah a stone sober raw dog in life straight edge straight edge that is dude i'm i'm so straight edge that it is lame. It's genuinely lame. My vice is ginger, legitimately. Sounds like a joke, but it's not. When's your last drop of alcohol? I have no idea.

Yeah, I'm similar. Just don't enjoy it? Yeah, the last time I know i drank a beer which i surely have had a drop since then was when i turned 21 i had i bought a grapefruit beer like an ipa or something like that and i was like this is fucking terrible and then just never drank and my dad like every one of my family drinks a lot that's a terrible beer to start on a grapefruit i bitter on bitter that's the way man i can't i'm a vegetarian i've never had meat in my whole life i'm gonna start with rat who gave it who gave that to you uh i don't know it just looked it looked it looked appealing

i don't know i've tasted other beer before like i've tasted different ipas and i don't like light beer i'd rather just drink water. I wondered if someone did to you what I intend to do to my son. My son just turned 21, and he wanted to try alcohol. If you don't want your kid to drink alcohol, I think it's a mistake to keep it from them as this mystery gold over the mountain type thing. I'm like, we need to get this kid some Jack Daniels,

some straight vodka, whatever. I want him to just smell it. I got you then. Guinness? Either Guinness or beer. Guinness is a very dark beer. I don't think I have to try that hard

and give him fucking absolute or something. He won't like any alcohol. Do beer. I'll tell you right now, if I had to sit here and drink a 20-ounce Guinness, I'd be making a face, dude. I'll man up and get it down, but I'm going to hate every fucking moment of it.

I liked it as a teenager. Well, I didn't like any of them, but I tolerated it more. I also liked... I don't know how they make it, but Michelob Dark. We used to call it the Dr. MD. It was our favorite beer. Get Jack Daniels for him then. Jack Daniels is ransom.

It is so fucking gross. Kurt Russell had it in the thing. Who? Kurt Russell, what was he drinking in the thing? Oh, in the thing. Is it green? He had a mixed drink. He had maybe Jim Beam.

Was it Jim Beam or was it Jameson? They're all heinous to me. I'm with you on Jameson now. I think you have it. I think it was Jameson. Of all those, Jack Daniels is the worst. I've never had any of them. Yeah.

I don't like Jameson. Have you smelled them yeah yeah i can barely get past like i smell it and it triggers unpleasantness in my mind or it gets ever clear and you'll like smell ever clear and be like this is what alcohol is oh my god this is the most purest alcohol for you. You can light a fire with this. That's a bad idea because my first Manhattan or something, some strong drink, I'm going to hate it.

But the second one's great. The second one's great and every one after that's delicious too. They get better as the night goes. So you don't want to... If I take a shot of tequila, the second shot is going to taste okay. And the third one's going to be smooth. And the fourth one, I'm going to

sip a little like I'm Antonio Banderas. I think if you just got a six pack of beer, almost regardless of what kind, nobody likes that taste at first. It's not good. I like Dr. Pepper. That's my thing.

Yeah, we're on this Sprite zero sugar thing right now. It's still good. I like Dr. Pepper. That's my thing. We're on this Sprite zero sugar thing right now. It's still on that. I haven't had it for a long time, but you know what's vastly underrated? V8. Spindrift's good, Taylor. V8's like eggnog for me. I want one.

I love V8. I fucking love V8. My dad loves V8 too. If I look at the can, I can taste every ingredient. Like, oh yeah, tomatoes, celery. I get it. I get it. What else is in here? Salt? Have you ever had a Bloody Mary?

It's basically V8 mixed with vodka. I don't know. If I have, it's been way long. Disgusting. Whenever I would go out with the ladies for a brunch and they'd be having those like 11 a.m. cocktails, I would always get one of those because I felt like it was the least likely to make me sick. Like early in the morning. I didn't like drinking that early, but everybody's the morning drink mimosa. Yeah.

And then that's beat the tar out of Bloody Mary's because mimosa, a huge percentage of it is just orange juice. Like it's mostly orange juice and then a little champagne. And champagne has so much sugar in it anyway. It just tastes like a little... You ever go into Bottomless Mimosas? I have. Not in many years, but I... That's a good time.

I recall a number of times just getting... It's like, boys, it's 10 a.m., Bottomless Mimosas. And then by 12.30, you're like trashed. And it's like the whole day is wasted. Think of all the orange juice you've had. Yeah, you've had 500 calories of just orange juice. Not ideal. That's one of the problems with alcohol.

Apparently, your body is really good at turning those calories into fat. It's all pain, no gain it's yeah the worst yeah that's why weed is better like with the calories from weed all comes down to self-control after the fact where it's like right this could be horrible if i just open a bag of chips and eat the whole thing or if i like force myself to be good, then it's effectively zero calories. But I'm never like, it doesn't make me hungry. That's crazy. Weidenheimer.

Then we doesn't know. No, it used to really, um, I, I bet if I, if I have people drink soup, does it?

No, me not. I mean, it used to make me starving. I felt like there was a hollow spot, you know, in my, in the,

in the center of my chest that needed to be filled. It genuinely felt like that. I remember before we did that eating contest with Lozon or before we went to the Applebee's that night when I was baked. That's how I felt. You were on PEDS for that competition? Absolutely. Absolutely, I was. And I came out on top.

Okay? Maybe if Joe had used some performance-enhancing drugs, things would have gone better for him that night. But he didn't. He didn't. He wasn't hungry enough for it.-enhancing drugs, things would have gone better for him that night. But he didn't. He didn't. He wasn't hungry enough for it. Have you tried any drugs, Caleb, or just not your wheelhouse? I ate a mushroom once, didn't feel anything. Really?

And I have had quite a few secondhand smoke marijuana experiences and didn't feel anything, really. Were people blowing it in my face, trying to get me high and stuff one of the problems with mushrooms is they're inconsistent in their like efficacy some of the stems are like nothing and other times you think you're weighing them and you're doing it scientifically but you're weighing something inconsistent yeah what use in caps and stems Have you tried the candy bars, Woody? The mushroom candy bars? I've never heard of them.

Yeah, so they're very popular. The last time I had mushrooms, it was somebody had a candy bar and it looks like a Hershey's bar. You know, it's that factory stamped out rectangular bar of chocolate. And on the back, it's got a little guidance for you to read into.

And it's like one piece. And it like, I don't remember what the verbiage was, but it was funny. And by the time you got to eating three quarters of the bar, it was like space trip. It was called like space trip. And I ate three quarters of that fucking bar. And I had like an existential crisis. Was this a really long time ago involving Walmart and stuff? No, no.

Was this a really long time ago involving Walmart and stuff? No, no. This is like a year or two ago when I ate this candy bar. I just felt so darkly depressed about nothing in particular. It was just like, this is existence. We're just on this ball. It doesn't matter. That's the worst when you get too high. And if you do get that bafflingly high that you get too high and like if you do get

that bafflingly high that you get panicky it's like you're worried and scared but you also have that self hatred of like you did this to yourself you fucking idiot like you took that many gummy bears and now you're

in a state where you're like everyone I know is going to die someday like and it's not all the time bears and now you're in a state where you're like everyone i know is gonna die someday like that's like my daily life i sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and i'll just call my parents make sure they're alive oh they probably love that how old they hate it they're my mom is uh 57 uh 57 and my dad just turned 50. It'd be hilarious if my daughter called me all the time.

Dad, I think you're scheduled to die soon. Dad, you alive? It's really weird, yeah. He's like, what? What do you want? What do you want? I'm alive. How's your chest feeling? Loose? Yeah. Nice and loose. Are you having trouble breathing? Is your left arm numb?

Although Woody's so extreme with his sports. Maybe you texted me somebody had an accident today or something. Yeah, remember? So on PKN, I described the guy who did the swoop landing and couldn't get up for an hour. It turns out he broke a vertebrae. That's what it was. He's going to be okay. So I interpret it as not being displaced.

If you don't break a lot of bones, displaced is the bone can be broken and you just see it on an x-ray, but it's still in the shape it's supposed to be. Fractured sort of. Yeah. Well, broken in two is also called fractured. But displaced is when they're now they're two separate parts and they're not where they used to be. Yeah. So I don't think he had that because he's just on some movement restrictions and he can't lift more than 10 pounds until august and if you're a guy whose life is like outdoor oriented

to hear in june that like this year's fucked until august is really a bummer but that's what he's got could be worse he's gonna have to get a sim racer or something. He's going to have to find himself an indoor hobby because you don't want to aggravate that. My dad had the stupidest injury. He was, he was walking down an embankment to it. This is years ago to inspect, uh,

like the, uh, the embankment. He has a, he has a, uh, a drainage pipe running under a road. He's checking for erosion and stuff.

And he slips and falls on his ass like butt first but he falls pretty far like because it's it's a it's this skidding thing and he ruptured a disc in his back and it was a huge thing like he was crippled and but he had uh he had to shower with a chair he had a like a lawn chair in his shower because he had to he seated. He was basically bedridden for months and months. And finally, he found a surgeon who was like, oh, yeah. Oh, we'd fix that next week. You want it fixed? Or this week?

And he's like, this week. And they just went in and nipped the nerve that was sending the pain. And immediately, well, first of all all the left side of his right foot went numb forever but he was like who cares because because he's like walking around 100 they they put some sort of a painkiller that was time released in the wound so he was feeling no pain there but like the the the nerve pain from the ruptured disc was completely gone so like he was up and walking and like trying to get in shape again, like in two days,

like he was the right doctor. I've seen a lot of accidents and it's crazy. I've seen guys who just, we call it yard sailing, right? When like pieces of your motorcycle fly every fucking where, and you know, like,

you know, everything's scattered and you felt it's a hundred and making, I'm exaggerating. We'll say 75 foot accident and then that guy just gets up and brushes himself off and then there's another guy who like lands in the seated position and it's not very dramatic to see but he's partially paralyzed forever yeah you can't always tell by like the the instant reaction pressing your spine is a is a big deal and spinal injuries in general i don't

what did paulie say nobody knows nothing when it comes to backs like something like that like really complex part of our body it's i don't i don't think we were it was designed for upright walking creatures it's just sort of been adapted to our way evolved that way yeah what is it like so when you're calling your your parents at two in the morning is this something you've done your entire adult life like regularly in the morning or do we add that i added that you said middle of the night and yeah it's usually their middle of the night so like late uh but uh yeah pretty much pretty much since i moved out yeah i love my parents they're awesome that's great i got mental illness that's okay that's a good one to have though yeah yeah i care too much

i'm overly concerned for you exactly yeah i think it's a um i think it's a good good but also bad i've learned i've gotten a lot chiller as an adult man i was like very just regimented in like everything and trying to teach people stuff like like getting my dad books to read. So you didn't have to stress as much because I could just see as like problems. And I'd be like, well, those are easy to solve.

Let me solve them for you. Obviously I'm just a fucking ignorant child, but you know, give him your reading list. And now he's learning about Hermes and thought. And he's like, who the fuck are these people? He's like,

son, I love you, but this is not helpful what does your father do does he still work uh he does still work he's a farrier he uh uh oh they clean hoops right yeah he puts shoes on horses feet and stuff oh i watch that on youtube sometimes yep yeah he's a they release those abscesses. It's really cool. Squirts. Yeah.

Disgusting. It stinks. I kind of don't get it sometimes. I'm like, so horses aren't supposed to have hooves? You're just going to cut all that out? Or why are hooves so poorly designed that they've got holes in the middle of them? Or pockets that aren't supposed to be there? It's mainly because wild wild horses they have so

much room to run they can they shorn their own feet but since most horses are in a stable or you know they only they're they're very controlled in their movement um they can't wear their own feet down so they'll grow and they can go infinitely yeah it's got it's probably part of the shoeing process i even potentially you know create you you know creating an abscess i always thought and i've never seen it maybe zach can find a picture of like wild mustangs hooves because i think i read that they're like really splayed out and just over grow real wide yeah yeah a lot of times abscesses are just like uh you know they'll step on some something get

like a rock wedged in and like a spot because of the the hooves are shorn down like like what kyle's saying and then it'll it's just in a weak spot and then it slowly gets you know they're a thousand pound animal running 30 miles an hour so it just kind of gets smashed up into their uh yeah into their frog and sometimes a nail or something like that i wonder if they're real sensitive to the length of their hoof like man one of my one of my legs is effectively a quarter inch shorter than the others because actually i have a barrier cut off my dad is like that one of his specialties is like confirmation so uh horses he can he can tell based on their gait like some hooves he'll leave longer than others to change their gait to be more efficient.

So like he's a lot more, because he used to trim mainly racehorses in Northern Virginia. Like that was kind of his thing. I was just going to say, without doxing him, like where in the country is he? He's in Central Texas with me. He's actually outside at my house. He watched

the dog attack the cow but they they have him travel all over to handle horses in virginia and such uh not so much anymore but back a couple years ago when he was uh a lot more involved in it he's trying to retire because it's a very exhausting job um and he'd rather just do whatever he wants than than that so i was like i'll pay you to just do whatever you want yeah just work out yeah just just get shredded just do pull-ups good for him that's funny you have like a remarkably fit dad and you're still like you're alive yeah exactly i mean he's just digging a hole for like three hours outside

and i'm like over there looking at him making sure he's upright and he could fucking he could outrun me and there's no way i could eat i'm even close to being as physically fit as he is damn you gotta i mean you got the genes for it though you can get yeah yeah you just gotta start eating more than ginger i know that's my big deal is i can't eat much i can't eat much no appetite just a eat much. No appetite? Just a week. Yeah, I'm not a, or I wouldn't say no appetite necessarily, but I don't like to eat when I'm, I don't like to be full really. Cause I have like, I get, I guess I have what's called OCD of thought like, like a, and when I sometimes I'll have like a thought and then I just can't stop

thinking that thought. And sometimes that thought is when I eat, I'm like, Oh, I oh i'm gonna throw up so then i just start thinking that a lot uh i think it's called an eating disorder honestly but i don't know uh and i'm much better than i always have been uh and i feel like it's it's getting i'm the heaviest i've ever been i weigh 159 pounds right now which is pretty awesome so that's what other thoughts do you have that you can't shake? I used to think that I was going to kill myself a lot. Generally? Yes, yes. I was going to kill myself. Or when I would be driving, I'm like, I'm just going to drive off the road right now.

And then I'd be like, oh, this is it. Delete myself. Everyone on the road has thought like, I've never thought like I should do that. I've thought like I could change. Bill Burr has a bit about that where he's like just thinking like you could be on the news. Yeah, it's so weird.

Were you like something wrong or was just a thought that you couldn't shake? Um, I, I don't know. I think there's always been something very wrong with me to be honest. Um, but, uh, yeah, it's just, yeah, it's just like a lot of things that I feel like are bad and I shouldn't think about. I think about them a lot.

Not as much now, fortunately. And it rarely ever has to do with like killing people. Yeah. was all right i was asking when i was an accountant i used to sort of do this like cost benefit of different injuries like if i broke a leg oh yeah i don't think i'd miss any work at all but if i broke an arm yeah dude i better get like six weeks off that's how much i hate my job i i can't remember what I was watching. The guy wants painkillers. Oh, it's House. I remember there's an episode of House where he's trying to hurt himself in such a way that they'll

actually prescribe him painkillers at a clinic somewhere. I think he breaks a bone or something and they're trying to give him Tylenol. He's losing his fucking mind. I will say that it's one of the reasons I think I don't i one of the reasons i think i don't like kind of subconsciously like to drink or anything like that or do anything

kind of crazy because i feel like i would just like go into it balls deep just get crazy with it did you get this real good at it like these thoughts as a kid invasive uh yeah yeah yes yeah i would say so yeah i had a uh uh i wouldn't say a psychotic break or maybe a nervous breakdown would be a good, would be a good, uh, good description when I was like 15 years old, had a bit of a bit of a, uh, existential crisis, if you will. And I feel like pretty much since then. Yeah. impetus? I was reading a lot of books and I just started to get incredibly obsessed with nihilism and just thinking that stuff didn't matter and wondering what motivated people. And I just felt like there was no motivation. And then one day while driving, I had a horrible panic attack and I didn't know what it was. So I associated it with a lot of different things. So it's like, basically from that point on, I couldn't go into a vehicle without having a panic attack or think certain thoughts without immediately going into a full-on panic attack. And then that just led into me, because of the physical stress of that, being very depressed and dissociating for a long time and trying to read books.

being very depressed and like dissociating for a long time and trying to read books. And then combining that with like negative ideology and negative philosophy just caused a really bad sort of negative rough time. Yeah. It was also the other side. Um, I don't know, to be honest,

I think just like, I wasn't like scared really or anything, or I think it's just the, the whole time I was always trying to better everything that I was doing. And I was like, I just like, there's no reason for me to not do the things that I need to do. Right. Like I, there was a time when I first started YouTube, uh, where I would play these stupid games.

I would literally have to take a cold shower to be able to form thoughts where I could like speak and, and like direct my energy for an extended period of time without just feeling like oh god i'm like i'm just panicking all the time i would take a cold shower specifically so i can think for like a couple hours um so i really don't know how i got out to the other side but i feel great now i feel very good and i feel stable uh and have for a long. I've been through therapy and all that stuff. And I think really what it comes down to is like feelings. So like feeling like you don't really have control over something.

That's like how I always feel. Basically, that's like my innate sense. That's my innate feeling that I feel. And I think having like a lack of faith or confidence in myself is like the root of all that stuff. And since I've started to actively have faith in myself and like choose to feel a sense of faith, not necessarily in like a deity or a God or anything like that, but feel like, oh, this will work out. I've never felt like that before. And when I started to actively do that, I think I felt started to feel better. And like i could actually control my mind a little

bit when you went to therapy did you stick with the first therapist you saw or did you bounce around until you found one you thought was a perfect fit first one is that how you do it again if you were a therapist i feel like that guy was really cool um because, because he, he had a lot of respect. Like I came very, uh, prepared. So like I had read a lot of books and already was trying to learn like cognitive behavioral therapy and like all this stuff to help myself. Um, and I was just like, how do I do this stuff? Like I'm trying to do this and I'm trying to be, you know, like you're the guy who is supposed to help me. And he just gave me like a really specific regiment that I could actively follow and it helped almost instantaneously. So he gave me. What does the regiment look like? I'm not following. drugs, uh, because I feel like that that would sort of the, the logic for me there, which I don't think this is a good, healthy thing to feel, but I feel like if I ha if I were to take SSRIs or

something to help with depression or, uh, like anxiety or, you know, uncontrollable thoughts, then I would have lost, um, which is not a healthy mindset by any means, but I, it is something that I would have eventually conceded to, but it helped enough to where I never had to worry about that again. So what he prescribed was, or he didn't really prescribe it, but he suggested that I journal very consistently and try to make note of my thoughts more so. So like whenever I would have any kind of thought to just write it down. So, so it's real. So I realized things that I'm thinking instead of just having this crazy avalanche of just shit that's always going on. And mainly to be able to reflect on things.

So whenever I'm doing something positive, having those positive things be able to actually stick out instead of working against myself, that was the main thing. He called it ants, which there's a book about that. It's like automatic negative thoughts. just you know even if your life is 60 good 40 bad their relative uh or subjective you're gonna focus on the 40 bad and when you're in a bad spot you're gonna focus on the 40 bad 100 of the time so uh and obviously i knew that you know my i'm i'm a i'm just a fucking regular ass white dude with parents who are awesome and like i have all stuff and I'm not rich or anything like that. But I have no reason to feel this way. So I knew that if I applied this stuff, I could eventually reason.

And being able to reason started with being able to control my thoughts by getting them out of my head. That's what he prescribed. I can relate to the success yet not fully happy sometimes and it sounds like you do what i do sometimes which is completely invalidate unhappy vibes it's like oh man this fucking sucks who are you to complain you have a heated day yeah fuck shit like and and and now you're not happy how many people would want to wake up today and not go to work your daily fucking day, you asshole? And it just there's a little hint at my inner dialogue. Yeah, like a perspective shift.

And by the way, when you if you are if someone is is in a crisis and they feel bad and they're depressed, it's not a good thing to approach them with. I've learned it's like, hey, there's fucking people dying and starving everywhere they're like i know it's like that's not it works really well on me and obviously you but uh yeah it's the the perspective shift is a super powerful tool yeah and that um focus on the negative thing i used to do that i'm much better now but there was a time say my youtube comments were 95 positive oh yeah i'm deaf to those right the five percent that told me what i did wrong uh sick of pets i'm sorry i didn't understand your word sick of pants yeah yeah no you're right and then the five percent that had something negative to say those fires yeah i'm like other truth tellers sick of man's lies

sick of man's lies whenever people shit on me I always read it and like try to find parts try to be objective and like find parts that are like valid like there's this reddit or there's a reddit called youtube drama and sometimes my content is adjacent to that reddit and they'll talk

shit about me they hate me And I'll read it. I'm like, man, some of this stuff is like very valid. Like this makes sense. I get it. And I'm not going to change, obviously. But like it does, you know, I get it though. Like I completely understand. It's, you know, I don't know.

I've got a lot of respect for hitting on myself. I just happened to. I think it's a good tool. It is. I uploaded an unlisted video. think it's a good tool. It is. I uploaded an unlisted video. It was about a sick fish asking for help. And it made me look at the ratings for last week's episode, which were really bad.

And I was like, ah, what happened there? I didn't walk away thinking it was bad. And the comments were just shitting on all of us. We had an interruption problem. I think our guest had a tech issue, so he couldn't tell when

we were talking and he kept talking over us but the comments blamed us entirely they were like you keep interrupting your guests i'm like what with the middle of my sentence really that's not how i remember it and i would like go out of my way to silence myself as soon as he interrupted me and it was yeah a challenge but the comments were not kind to us and he was he was he would he would take over a conversation and go and go and go and go and you couldn't interrupt him because he wouldn't hear your interjection for like four seconds so then there'd be the back and forth nonsense that was all him that's not the guy so i read those and i was like all right all right i need to stop i think that they're actually incorrect this time but i don't know i want to be like give me a

timestamp show me the time that i did the interrupting you know because i i that's not how i remember it but i can be wrong yeah it does suck to get criticized and be like damn they're not only right they're entirely right yeah i know it happens too yeah first because it's like uh you know there's so much there's so much that goes into the way people perceive things and perception is not reality so it's like we i don't know it's really i don't know it's very impersonal yeah but fuck them liars sycophants all the mean comments zach delete all the mean comments on this one anything with a negative connotation fuck those people all of them that aren't overwhelmingly nice yeah exactly seven fellatio seven comments yeah yeah they didn't like the show and then and i think the

i thought our guest was a really good storyteller but the the technical difficulty i think was the root of the conversational issues yeah it was a tech thing for sure but i was speaking of you were talking about like the neurotic thinking caleb you'd have as a young person, teens. I remember being so consumed with fear over my loved ones dying and going to hell at the age of six, seven, eight, all the way up to 12, that it would like sleepless nights as an 11-year-old being like, my grandparents are going to die. And there will be no way for me to know if they're burning for all eternity or if they're not. And I would just walk around day to day and be like, Taylor, did you do your reading homework?

And I'm like, you're going to die. You're going to go to hell. What if I die? Learning about life. Yeah. I don't want to die and go to hell. Yeah.

I hope I make it to heaven. Is there a way to know? That was so panic-inducing for so long. My mom took me to a kid therapist when I was 11 or 12 for that. And it was so unhelpful because he was like, even looking back, he was a Christian therapist. Frankly, even a normal Christian would have been like, you cut it out. Like, stop worrying about like going all the time. Like, that's that's ridiculous.

It's what a normal person would do. But I remember specifically sitting in that office and being he's like, what's what's the issue? My mom's in there, too. And I'm like, I just can't I can't stop obsessing over how everyone is going to die around me and either go to hell and burn for all eternity or not. And there's no way for me to know after they die what's going to happen. He was like looking at his paper. He's like, hmm, that's a very real fear. That's why it's important to worship it.

It was stressful. That guy stressed me out for like a whole nother year after that. He was taking you to me. I'd have been like, none of this shit's real, bro. They're going to get eaten by worms and that's the end of their existence. That wouldn't have helped. It's so easy to fix that when you say,

hey, what did they tell you about God? That he's all good, right? And he sees everything? And he knows everything? Now let me ask you so. Is your grandmother a good person? Yeah. She's got nothing to worry about then, does she?

Because he sees all that. If you think that you see how good she is, just imagine how much he loves her. A thousand times more than you. A pediatric Christian therapist. Not the worm thing. No, not the worm thing.

He's 11. He can't handle the truth yet. That would be awful. They put me on ssris for like a six seven month period when you were a child what it was yeah when i was a kid i think it made me into a weirdo like uh because that's what did it and you should that's what it is it wasn't me it wasn't intrinsic and i they put me on it and it was during fifth grade how old are you in fifth grade 11 yeah like around there so like i was on it for like most of that fifth grade school year i have i have no memories i have no distinct memories of fifth grade like that's awesome kindergarten through fourth grade sixth gradeelfth grade. I can think if I just go second, like what's a third grade memory? I can like close my eyes, think I can picture what seat I was at, like where my teacher was, like something that happened with a friend.

But fifth grade, it's it's blank. I was it was awful. I would love to lose fifth grade. That was the year they bullied me for fixing my hair, walking pigeon-toed, and blinking too much. That was a terrible year. You know what I do remember from fifth grade? 9-11. Oh, wow.

That was my high one. That was ninth grade for me. It was a sad day, though. Sad day. Everybody was bummed out. We didn't leave school either. We just had to sit through it I mean it happened so early in the midwest that like it was basically

an off day like get to school 30 minutes a time you know 9-11 go home George Bush came in we were listening to the radio in driver's ed when it got broadcast

whenever they cut into the 70s music or whatever we were listening to the radio in driver's ed you know when it got broadcast when they whenever they cut into you know the the 70s music or whatever we were listening to so and then we turned the tvs on and watched did you know it was a big deal at the first plane um i don't know if i don't remember if i the first thing we might have heard was that there were two planes because i do remember um the coach who was like the driving instructor being like i bet it said oh shama bin laden i swear to god he said that although to be fair he's like the only terrorist whose name you know right yeah i didn't know his name before 9-11 maybe you did he did guess he was the Al-Qaeda guy. I'm sure he watched Fox News.

He got a boat or something during Clinton's term. Wow. That's a big step up from a boat to a trade center. It is a big step. He didn't sink it. He just did a lot of damage. How did he get that building 7, though? How did he get that?

He only gets an assist for that one he might have taken down four buildings in new york am i right about that could have been five who's to say last week 9-11 i didn't have an early meeting so i was driving to work and late on this plane hit the tower cool maybe i get to work and people are just learning and i'm like yeah whatever i've known this for 40 minutes already it's no big deal one plane hit a building was probably an accident and everyone else like instantly knows this is a big deal and i'm like fires happen all the time you're quit your belly aching and then a second plane hits and now i'm shocked now i'm like people are purposely ramming planes into buildings it took two buildings for me to realize this is a pattern.

And it wasn't long after that the Pentagon got hit. And now I'm concerned the internet at that time wasn't what it is now. Today, we'd all be watching live stream video. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We would have taken talk of the fight against the hijackers. Back at that point. Yeah.

Back at that point um you know like one person cnn feed was actually moving and every other computer in the office wasn't getting refreshed so we're all crowding behind the one that worked and nothing i wasn't getting live news updates but i was on the phone with my wife and she's like the tower collapsed and i was i wish i could take it back i'm like collapsed how collapsed and she's like it's falling it's falling it all fell at three fall speed and i was just like all of it fell how tall is it now like i don't know the top like pancake a Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, I don't know how tall it is now. Maybe like one story when it all comes.

I was like, oh my God. It's a real wide ground floor. You got your wife doing like mental math evaluations. I don't know. It takes 110 stories and remove all the air. Maybe it's two stories tall now. You got a boy next to it. Yeah.

Damn, 9-11. forget never forget i can't really remember forget what no that's not nice oh you don't you never even remembered 9-11 once i mean i i remember the day that it happened i guess i was like six or some shit like that. My dad was walking around and he was like, he was mad. Dude, so you didn't get mad. There were a lot of American flags coming. I was homeschooled. I was excited to go out. It wasn't okay to laugh. Sports were canceled. Funny shows weren't

on. Everyone was like, oh my god, something so horrible happened. We're supposed to be grieving. I remember talking to neighbors privately and we're all like, I don't even know how to be me. I'm not supposed to smile right now. It's weird. It was like a national week of mourning

and it felt fitting. It was a very serious time. Anyone who was joking around about it got taken care of. Comedians complain about can't say this, can't say that now. Okay, maybe occasionally

one of them gets beaten up on stage. I've seen it happen two or three times. I just don't think you could have done 9-11 jokes on 9-12 and not gotten hurt. You couldn't even dance in the street. Well, you could in some places. They were dancing in the streets in Palestine

Everybody forgets that Maybe a little dancing in the street right Depending Yeah Trump said there was I believe him He wouldn't lie I've never I've never heard of him being

Untruthful No Someone that old you get there by truth telling oh the debate's coming up i know you're on it yeah um i'm gonna watch can't wait you're i'm gonna watch it after the show i guess it'll be how long is it like how long are are they supposed to be like an hour i was gonna say 90 minutes is a good estimate. I don't know for sure. An enormous number of ads in that block. So probably like 45, 40 minutes of them talking maybe, if that. I think you might be overestimating the ads.

Oh, okay. I want RFK to go and debate him. He officially didn't qualify. I read it. He's only like 7% or something like that. I don't like him. I don't like listening to him. Every so often I'll try to turn on a podcast or something

and this guy is just speaking this alien throat-clearing language. I can't take it. What is he, a snake person? I like that he's jacked for a 70-year-old. That's what I like about him. That I admire. But I don't like the anti-gun stuff. No,

thank you, sir. I like that. I like that. He wants to get rid of the CIA and said that the CIA killed his uncle and father. I heard Schwarzenegger talk about that and I've adopted his opinion. He's like,

you know, you got to understand where this guy's coming from. I'll never pass judgment. You know, his father was killed. uncle was killed um i think his brother died in a plane accident and maybe his sister or something curse yeah yeah another one i think that is a plane yeah and and i'm like bro if if my whole family was either murdered or died semi-mysteriously, then you might give me a little latitude with my conspiracy theories.

For sure. He did have that brain worm. Yeah. And it almost backs up any paranoia he might have. Man, who gave him that brain worm? You don't just get brain worms. Yeah, you know what he needed. You know what would have solved that? what's he what's he like a brain worm little little ivermectin right out of there that's how he discovered the worm it was the ivermectin that trump

prescribed for him yeah dude i what's crazy is uh during coven stuff i i know people personal friends who have been taking ivermectin and doxycycline, like horse antibiotics, since I was a child. People will just eat horse medicine. That's very normal in horse medicine. Doxycycline's okay. I don't want to give anybody medical advice. Of course, yeah.

You see that in survival like texts and stuff like like the the one about how to make antibiotics out of the uh the fish tank uh clean stuff that's it there's an antibiotic fish cleaner there's a couple different fish related antibiotics that are also used in humans i just don't know the doses or like the purity or like the purity bothers me. I would rather get it from my doctor prescribed like a first world country. Look at Mr. I have health insurance. My fish food. I'm also understanding of a guy who's like, shit, I don't have a ton of money.

It's difficult. They keep these antibiotics. Yet I have them on the shelf from the last time my dog was sick. It's like, I don't know. Treat your strep throat. I'm not judging you. Quick little Google. What's the dosage for a human?

Oh, well, he's in straight pain. It's already the same. It's the same, right? Go. I don't want ticks anymore. Yeah. Dude, I'm always dosing myself with some Redline before i go out healthy that's crazy it just pumps you full of shit to make ticks not like you anymore that's fucking insane you're right what is it for dogs oh never mind yes

yeah like uh you can put oils on their coat. That's why I wear the sweet collar. Plus, I look sexy. Like, what's that tick spray? The off stuff? Like, what's in there? Deet. Deet.

Deet, yeah. Is that bad? Yeah, it's got to be. You can drink it. I just remember every time we'd go hunting, especially like bow hunting, so it's earlier in the year, in October, there'd be mosquitoes. So we would

bathe in that shit like we spray each other all right now get me and you'd like open my mouth every inch and you want it covered because they eat your ass alive in the tree stand growing up i only put it on my skin right because that's where bugs bite you and then my wife would put it on like her pants and her shoes and stuff i was like that's fucking genius like why have i never considered that it's like i don't know less exposure yet still little fog around you so now i'll spray my shoes whatever i wore a i wore a face net that you know that would like well hunting yeah not only is it camouflaged but i could douse that thing and not have to put that shit in my face the the off stuff yeah i hated that that was the worst part was ticks i would always have ticks like not always but like every year i would get a few ticks yeah that's just part of being a kid

running around the woods yes nymphs you ever get you ever get into a nymph nest tick nymphs i've had i did are they like fairy tale creatures there's millions of me you step into a tick den or whatever the fuck they're called and you just have like a million of these tiny little ticks on you literally a million not actually but oh seems like it i don't think i've ever had those but like we used to on my grandparents farm when we were kids we'd go out and play in the woods obviously because that's what you do and you'd come back with like dozens of chiggers all over your lower legs and then my grandma would have to get the clear uh nail polish mr clear and then paint it all over your leg because apparently that suffocates the chigger that's

in your skin and first time i learned about chiggers like the mountain i used to go mountain biking and they were explaining what chiggers do and why you can't go in new jersey in certain times a year and it was like can you just say that word i'm uncomfortable with this conversation no chiggers are the worst they're they're like even oh they're even worse than uh oh man i've been here over here don't bad mouth chiggers gonna get demonetized i don't like them they itch even worse than uh mosquito bites and there's sometimes not even like a big mark of where it is so you just have like a feeling of itching in that whole region of your leg and there's no satiate i got uh since the last time i was on the pod i got bit by a fucking brown recluse on my chin on your

got a little my chin oh okay yeah my huge chin it's uh it fine now. It looks it's still like a red circle, but I thought it was a normal bug bite and it got bigger. And I was like, I'm going to draw that little circle around it. It didn't hurt or anything. So I was like, there's no way this is bad. And then it went past circle. I was like, I'll try another circle. Oh, that'll fix it.

And then and then it's just like it kind of stopped and then got really ugly looking. And I looked it up and I was like, oh, that's probably a brown recluse bite. I should probably go to the hospital. Didn't. And then it didn't itch or it just didn't really give me the vibe that I should go to the hospital. So I didn't. In fact, I had no pain from the knee down.

It was almost numb. It was almost like there was no feeling at all. But yeah, it's still like a little red dot, but I seem to have healed. That's good. You didn't have like a necrosis, maybe I'm pronouncing it right? There's like a little hole there,

a little necrosis hole, necrotic hole. Yeah. A little hole there. I've got my finger in it right now. I've got my finger in it right now. It's not that big right it's not that big it's not that big we have so many brown recluse in missouri like it was always a thing where it's like be careful like if they could bite and kill you and it wasn't until i was like a legit adult

in my like late 20s that i actually looked it up because i got a bug bite and it wasn't a brown recluse. But it's like, oh yeah, in like 1% of cases it can be so bad that it requires hospitalization. Usually it'll go away on its own like another bug bite. And I'm like, oh, this is... I thought... I always saw the brown recluse and the black widow

as more like peers in the spider venom world. No. Brown recluse is so much less scary than a black widow. Oh, I didn't know that. It's usually, have you looked at the scratching and gets infected? Sorry.

If you scratch what it gets infected. If you scratch the wood, that's usually what happens is scratching it and it gets super infected. That's why you have to go to the hospital. Sorry to interrupt you. Way better than just draw a circle. Now it's fine. You're good.

We interrupt. The, uh, Oh, is, have you looked at the black widows is there a chance that they are one in a hundred that there's they're also like like they're not gonna kill you unless you're like already on death's door and it's a big fucking yep uh black widow it's not gonna do

much but like it can uh give you nausea and like can throw up, stuff like that. I just want to correct one thing. Taylor's talking about adults. For kids, if you're like three and under, that spider bite can be a really big deal to get lifted. True. For sure. For all the parents out there who are putting off going to the hospital for their child, their three-year-olds. Listen to me.

You guys laugh i guess i when i was a new parent thank goodness jackie was better at it i really didn't have a good vibe for like what were doctor issues and what were they'll tough it out type thing you know like oh this baby's not hungry right now is that a doctor thing or uh nothing? You know, this baby's crying a lot. Babies do that. When does the cry mean doctor? And when does the cry mean bottle? I don't fucking know. I'm a new parent. And, uh, yeah, I used to, if, if my wife wasn't there to be smarter than me, my insurance company had a nurse hotline that I could call and get advice from. And most of the time they're like, yeah, you're a kid sleepy, dumbass.

But every once in a while they're like, yeah, urgent care, go. Yeah. Just ask IGPT. That's the official advice. Yeah, right. Nonsense answer kills you. Yeah, exactly. Put your finger in it.

My friend has three kids and they're all very young. And he was telling one of those parent stories. He was like, yeah, we were at a playground and we're all just having a fun time. The kids are running around and my son, he's four or whatever, five now. And it went from hunky dory having a great time to he tripped and like slammed his head on like a wooden stair that you had to go up to get to the not like a bullshit little jungle gym, like a big wooden older style one. So hefty. And then, you know, it was just blood everywhere. And he's screaming.

And my daughters see it. And now they're screaming and freaking out. And I'm like, oh, like oh man like how do you even calm down like a kid in that situation like before you can get to the doctor and he was like well you know i got him we got in the car and i was just talking to him trying to calm him down and everything and what ended up working was telling him how much worse the stair had it from the fall than his head had and really in that like pivoted the like his thinking where he was like really so the stair was broken he's like oh champ the stair was so much worse off than you like you look like a million bucks compared to

the stair and so he's like and so i took him to the hospital we got him uh sewn up by a plastic surgeon the it was like a forehead thing very smart and he's like afterward we were going to meet back up with the rest of the family but first we had to uh go back to the playground so he could check on the the stair and make sure that the stair was all right because the stair didn't mean to hurt him you know it was and so we had to ensure the stair itself was okay after he that's adorable very cute it's like i how old was the kid just turned five you should tell him that uh you should get go visit that friend and tell him that his mom dad grandparents will all die and burn in hell for an indefinite amount of time see what he says and then we'll put him on ssris so he has no memory of certain

yeah that would be beneficial my daughter she was probably three so i'm playing ice hockey and the benches at the park uh the hand holds they were cement right so it was regular wooden bench but they were like in these cement armrests that that perform the structure anyway she's misbehaving walking on the bench and stuff my wife is just being casual it's a hockey rink you can't break anything except apparently your own head because she got a cut here in the center and you could see the skull like sometimes you're like oh is that thing the bone there There were no questions. Everyone could obviously see my daughter's skull.

It was an issue. It wasn't that bloody. My wife's freaking out. They get me off the ice and we go to Duke, which is the best hospital in the area. And one of the good moves we made was have plastics sew her up. I've told the story before. The nurse couldn't find her vein for the IV, and she tried like three times, hopes crying. She's suffering. She's three years old. And that's when I fired the nurse. I was like, you're done. No more. And they're like, no,

this is what she does. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys know. You know who the IV person is. When you can't find the vein, when it's extra hard, there's someone here that all of you know is the ace. It's the bottomless. It's the ace. And that's what they're like, all right. They brought the ace in and she got it first try. And the plastic surgeon sewed her up.

And all of her pictures from like three to five, she's wearing a hat because we wanted the scar to heal as best it could. And you had to keep the sun off of it. So it's pretty adorable. Every picture of her like young childhood, she's had it. I didn't know that the sun was bad for scars. Oh, yeah. Tattoos.

That's a big deal. Really? Yeah. Probably the number one thing to make a scar heal best. Is no sunlight. To keep the sun off it, yeah tattoos ever ever go that way yeah okay have you guys ever uh impaled yourself with anything yes oh badly sure sure yeah all the way by do you mean all the way through no yeah just like somewhere just yeah something that just went in you maybe and you pull the way and it's still in you oh peggy yes yes on the poultry farm we have these uh sort of a tool

uh basically it's um you got a handle and then a round metal rod that comes out that's like an eighth of an inch of spring steel and on the end it turns into first a neck that kind of goes back and then a point that goes forward and when you've got dead chickens you can just walk by and sort of stick it into them and twist it and throw them into a bucket that you're carrying your other hand you can do this really quick and you get really good with it well my cousin and i had a sword fight with those and he stabbed me in the forearm deep enough that like the bone did this vibratory thing that i that like i could feel and i had to reach and it didn't just like go in and pop out it was like it was in and i had to pull it out and when i pulled it out it made this little sort of noise and i could feel

the panic attack coming and i had i got to water fast enough to throw it in my face and i was like okay i'm not gonna pass out now but i definitely need some antibiotics i still got a tiny little scar uh if you like shave my arm down you can see i did a uh i was uh so i had this big ass couch you know those cuticle cutters the little like scissors but they're like a little and a little thing on the end um they were in the couch between two cushions sitting upright and open and i jumped on the couch like ass first obviously as one does just like that and it went in my ass cheek my left ass cheek thank god it was like oh i was like what is that fuck something's stabbing me and i thought it was a grasper uh or like a like a some kind of something small like because it didn't hurt that bad it like was like oh god

that feels weird i stood up and it was sticking i could feel it gyrating in my ass and i was like oh my god what is this um and i felt exactly what you were talking about like about to pass out because i was like i grabbed it and i could feel it and i just yanked it out of my ass and it did the same thing you're talking about where it was like it made like a like a sound of it just like coming out uh and it went in my ass and closed so there was like a wound channel inside of my ass and two entry holes so two entry holes with a wound channel closing it i pulled out of my ass it went through my shorts my underwear uh and it didn't bleed really it like had a little squirt at first but it just i took a shower i was very worried that it was going to get infected because

they're fucking nasty ass cuticle cutters uh but just got these little funny two little knives exactly and that's what i used it for that's why i was on the couch oh you're still yeah did you have to go to the did you have to get a stitch or anything or you just throw a little neosporin and you were your ass was fine i should have definitely because it was large but i took a picture sent it to everybody i knew and then uh you know, that was that. Yeah. I stabbed myself very badly about two years ago now on a piece of metal on my leg press hack squat. Two in one machine was being delivered in a giant wooden crate. And there were these metal crimps that were holding the boards together to package. And one of those had come unscrewed and the there's like a razor sharp blade sticking out and i was pulling on the box to try and get it off of the pallet

jack that this fucking retarded uh ups guy hadn't put on there right shouldn't you shouldn't have to yank things off the pallet jack and i pulled really hard and it stabbed into my right forearm. Like it's the man. It was so that was a scary moment, isn't it? It was L shaped, but it like stood out. And so like it was mostly a straight line, but it was kind of jagged. It wasn't sharp enough to be a nice, clean puncture. But it I thought it was like a beasting level of hurt as i was pulling it and then i took

my arm off and i like looked down thinking to be like oh that's smarts and like there was a hole in my arm like it stabbed so deep that i could see the muscle and fat tissue in my arm like i could see all the meat in there like it was so it was i remember like driving myself to the actually it's funny because the the guy who was helping me deliver or who was delivering it to me i was like oh don't leave because i stabbed myself so bad blood was going everywhere and so i pinched it closed i kind of failed to pinch it closed it was surreal to like have a wound that i was like using another hand to try and like hold closed but it was so much blood it was my hand was slippery and so i just told the guy i'm like don't leave he's

in my garage dropping this off and i run inside i'm bleeding everywhere i get a dish towel to tie around my my arm and then i i come back out there and i'm like all right i need to go to the hospital and the the ups guy was like i mean i can't take you to the hospital and i'm like no like that's not that's not what's being asked here packages not yeah packages it's the parcel service and so he uh he he like helped me because i was looking for a way to attach this towel to my arm to drive myself to the ER. And I found duct tape. Or no, I was looking for tape. And then I heard in my house and I heard him scream from the garage.

He's like, I got tape. And so I ran back out there. I slapped the thing on. He starts taping me up with an absurd amount of of tape of duct tape to keep this on there it's bleeding so much running down my arm and he the the guy's like with no hint of irony he goes like i'm i'm about to like trying to pull away because there's plenty of tape on there and he's like hold on i can do my wife's a nurse and then he like continued to tape me up like like said my wife's a nurse

authoritatively and i was like okay and then i drove to the hospital and they uh it scarred and healed so badly because the uh i didn't ask for plastics because it was a forearm thing and they just let resident a resident practice on me yeah that's what they do that's awesome so it looks i've got really just gnarly still i don't know if you can see like the back of my yeah i see it if i do a thing like yeah i can see it they did a bad job my mom was like what the fuck is that what the fuck is that never go there again they closed that hospital It was probably a mistake. Dude, one of the first nights I moved in, when I first moved out of my parents' house,

I moved into a house, the first house I bought, and I got really nice bread and some really nice cheese, and I was going to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Nice. Like an adult one with some tomato soup, like garden vegetable soup. I was going to make it all myself. I was cutting the bread, first ingredient,

and I just fucking cut the front of my finger completely off, basically. And it was... So I have big calluses on my fingers because I play the guitar a lot. So I'll see if I can zoom in a little bit. Oh, my goodness. And you can see how it's white there.

That was all just like hanging off oh you hate that and it was i was wondering if like i thought it was gonna die or whatever but i just wrapped it up really good and it just like the very top kind of peeled off eventually but most of it probably 80 or 70 percent of it just healed back together um and i never went to the hospital or anything because i'm a fucking idiot and i never go to the hospital but that's hardcore yeah yeah it was crazy i used to open it a lot while i was i would do like i would play like some song or some shit with a hammer on and then i would fucking get a string stuck inside of it and open it back up and be like oh fuck just because i can feel my skin ripping

i guess three days wasn't enough time off that's so stupid very dumb during covid i uh i was getting ready to go to the gym at like 2 2 30 in the morning really late um and i remember i was getting my mixer or something to mix up some pre-workout. And I knocked a big kitchen knife off the counter and it went right between my toes and like straight down in. And I thought it had gone through my foot because when I lifted my foot up, you know, like to look at it, the, so much blood had already ran out that it had ran over the sides and underneath my foot. So now the bottom of my foot was dripping the blood that's sort of coalescing there and i thought and it's a big very nice chef's knife i thought it had just fallen all

the way through my damn foot and so i wrapped that thing up and drove myself to a hospital i remember the pictures you sent us of this i was i'm in the parking lot of this hospital at ER and my foot's wrapped in a towel. And I had to tell like another patient who was like, hey, can you can you tell them I'm out here and I'm basically crippled? I was like, I dropped the knife and it went through my foot. I can't walk in there. I've got a towel wrapped around the wound. And they sent a nurse with a bodyguard and a wheelchair out to get me. A bodyguard, just in case this was a ruse.

Yeah. Yeah. We talked about that. I was like, it's smart bringing him. She's like, yeah, we don't go out here alone. I'm like, well, this is real blood. You look out the window and you're like, never even mind. You just drive away.

A little foul falls off your foot. You're just like, ah, fuck it. You called my bluff, ma'am. I had a friend of mine when we were like 10 or so. I don't remember what show inspired this, but he was really into the idea of wielding a

quarterstaff like a Ninja Turtles. It could have been Ninja Turtles. And so have been Ninja Turtles. And so there was like an old broomstick he had at his house. But for some reason it had like, you know, those big industrial almost staples that'll sometimes be in wood. And he was trying to get that out because he didn't want metal.

He just wanted like the long quarterstaff looking thing. And so he took the tongs, not tongs, like the fork from a grill that you'd use to like flip a giant steak. And he's like and he was pushing on it, trying to pull that thing out. And it slipped and he stabbed both of the tangs of it clear through his hand and had to go to the hospital. Thankfully, he easily could have had a fucking bad hand like the scary movie Two Guys. But he barely

missed all the important stuff, apparently, so now he can still... Just give me your other hand! No, it's not strong enough! Take my little hand! Take my little hand! And it is the grossest other hand. No, it's not strong enough. Take my little hand. Take my little hand. And it is the grossest little hand. That's a little potato hand.

I love that movie. That movie that's still dated. They parodied a Nike commercial from back then. And it's like, am I supposed to remember this Nike commercial from 2000? Yeah, 2000, 25 years ago. Look at this, Zach. Can you show them the second article of this kid that got hurt BMXing? That happens all the time.

Why write an article about it? Well, not like this. Not like this. This guy, they had a little bit of a collision, and another racer's accelerator, not accelerator, but brake lever, went up this kid's ass and broke off. No.

Up his asshole and broke off. Here he is. He's like on the phone with his boys, like bragging about what has happened. He's like, no, up my asshole, dude. My asshole. Oh, my God. Poor guy. What a traumatizing end to your fun day.

Hopefully he doesn't have a perforated colon or something like that. Well, he had a colostomy. So, you know. Had to reroute things for a while I guess until that heals up. Can't be pooping. That ran ragged. He got rerouted to the original route. I hate that. Right out the side of your stomach with a little pod,

like you're one of those test cows at the university. Yep. I love that. That's one of those test cows at the university. It's a little dark that we do that to cows. They don't seem to mind, though. Whatever. Yeah, dude, ruminants are chill.

Ruminants are chill creatures. They're pretty chill with it. A ruminant? Yeah, poor stomachs goats i was trying to think of a ruminant that is ornery it's another oh yeah true well any male version a bull or a male goat they're assholes they're dickweeds i used to fist fight goats when i was a kid did you win no it's just a little child they whooped my ass dude one four of the petting zoo yeah well my parents had goats and stuff and it would feel like i would have to walk this field every single day to be able to get from my house to my grandparents house

so they could watch me because my parents worked and there were goats in the field and they fucking attacked me every single day and uh they were really mean and but at a certain point it was like a game for me where i would just i would like physically fight back against these demons that they didn't care they were just like fucking with me and i was like maybe five to seven so before i was i probably weighed 45 55 pounds somewhere in there so it's like a little tiny guy whatever the average weight is maybe that's low i don't know whatever um but i like fully remember fist fighting goats and like actually trying to like get them off of me and

like hitting them and then feeling like my hits didn't do anything and they just didn't care so yeah goat is a formidable foe my grandparents on their farm had a hog that lived in a coop or a pen i guess adjacent to the chickens and every time i'd go in there this fucking hog would chase me and i'm like five years old six years old and so it was like way closer to eye height than like uh it is for adult me and so i was right terrified of this hog looking back my grandpa was like taylor get in there with that hog no he's not going to running from this hog and i hated the hog. And then eventually I came down and they had butchered it and killed it and told me I was eating that hog.

And I got a sense of victory, a sense of winning. You were excited. You, you were validated. I was excited. Yeah. They killed the hog that chased and bullied me and we ate it.

And they also killed the rooster that would chase and bully my younger brother. And we ate him as well. That's what you fucking get. Yeah, you talk to justice. Yeah, that's country justice. I used to raise a bunch of animals for 4-H and my sister is very

emotional and very like just, I guess, a normal girl, a normal young girl. And she had all these animals and she took care of them and stuff and then named them and then she bonded with them and then they would get slaughtered. And my dad, who is just like a country boy, I would help him slaughter them. And the lambs, like the lamb is delicious. Like I love lamb. Lamb is amazing. It's very, very, very good. And he would always make like pastas and things like that and bolognese, all this really good

food. And he's such a great cook. And my sister, she never really asked about any of that stuff, but we would eat the animals that we raised. And my sister was like, this is so good. One night, this is so good. And, and my dad was like, yeah, that's Edgar. And that was her lamb.

Oh, she was recently recently slaughtered and she like obviously lost her mind was like just stricken with grief um and uh my parents say that she she ended up finishing the meal like she didn't she didn't like she kind of got over it but i don't believe that i think that i don't remember it like that you think your father knew what he was doing or did he just not expect somebody to be attached to a lamb i think that he sort of playfully knew what he was doing but uh i definitely don't think he expected the reaction that he was given for sure playfully that's caleb yeah my dad's a little bit of a bastard for sure yeah he's a trickster what is the only person who ever killed and ate one of my pets

yeah yeah henrietta yeah you bludgeoned it eventually out there in the forest eventually yeah more of like a like a hostile to kind of way to kill chicken did 9-11 like there was a fucking war criminal or something he had that chicken sitting on a on a seatless chair whipping it on the underside giving him that james bond treatment where you hit him with that knotted rope and the balls jayleb do you know this this uh background already you familiar with this story? I do not. We went on this survival trip and we didn't bring any food.

We just brought some hammocks and some weapons. The idea was we were going to catch food along the way. But as an ace in the hole, we did bring a live chicken. The chicken was always intended to be dinner, a few days deep into the trip so that if we were struggling it would

be a little pick me up along the way it's a thing to do and it's a thing to do but uh unlike kyle i've never gone hunting so this whole like experience of killing your own food and cooking it and eating it was new to me a thing that i wanted to have lived through and And so Kyle held the chicken down, but when he did it, he put like a limb, you know, big stick over its neck to protect his own hands from my, you know, inaccurate machete swings. Right. Because of that really, well, there was maybe a half inch that was still in there. It was really a lot of shoulder that I hit. I didn't have the clean shot at the neck that I would have without the log there.

Anyway, it took I don't want to exaggerate, but to remove the head, would you call it four blows? At one point, the chicken went, Freedom! That's awesome. Four blows. You can just pull a chicken's head off like i was gonna say you can you can literally just pull a chicken's head clean off yeah i didn't know everybody else in the campsite i just want to interject we were like hey that's our friend she's been keeping the

bugs away that's true yeah yeah she's been cleaning the campsite of ladybugs you know how like a pet will like bed down sort of next to you and like yeah she did that you know she'd like oh she stayed with us she didn't wander off and we brought a cardboard box and that she stayed in so that she like couldn't get away but she would just hop out of the cardboard box and be part of the group uh briefly yeah until thursday yeah she was the mascot i i felt i i don't know i felt bad i guess i guess i still do a little isn't that part of hunting uh no you usually don't befriend where you hold the deer down and you repeatedly blow after blow see kyle's an experienced hunter but i heard chris pratt as it may be a newer hunter describe how um you know when he killed the deer and he was like that thing was just alive and now it's dead because of me but i'm eating it and that's the circle of life

but it's something he had to like get used to and i wanted to live that. Yeah. I started hunting so young that I was too young to even really grasp fully what was going on. Um, and I, so I was just used to it. You know, I didn't really think of them as fellow creatures that were, that could be like my friend if given the chance or anything, or that, you know, I don't care what they're thinking about or how their breakfast was. It was like, I really want to get another one. Like, like this is a game that we play where as many got to catch them all kind of thing and i always wanted a big buck that i could mount so it was all day every day just killing those things i never really felt bad skill to getting the right buck like oh so much well i mean all right so a big part of it

is like yeah because the the trophy is dependent on how many antlers and points the antler has, or there's a complex scoring mechanism used to, to, to gauge how good the back is. But it seems to me they're all the same difficulty to hit. And I don't know why one's a bigger trophy than the other. Okay. So the male white tail is seemingly by nature, more wily and solitary at times.

So he's not always with that group moving to your food plot. You sort of position yourself between where they bed down and where they eat or vice versa, you know, dusk to dawn. And the male deer, if he has lived long enough to have a big rack that you would see as a prize trophy, he's probably five to eight years old, somewhere in that sweet spot and so he has proven himself to be a wily deer because presumably you're in deer hunting

territory he has outlived this the dumb bucks that didn't mind leaving the bed down area of when it was still a little bit light the ones that didn't mind lingering a little too long at dawn in a field. This is the guy who likes it dark before he moves. He's fucking crazy. For whatever reason, he's sneaky. He just is. Maybe he's got a better sense of wariness.

Maybe he's just paranoid. Paranoia would help as a trade in the wild. He's always like, they're out there looking for me. Yeah, we are. We are out there looking for me yeah we are we are out there you know um it could be i think it's uh i think it's like competition too yeah because it's like they fight too and then like some you'll find a dead buck occasionally that just died from exhaustion because they just fuck and fight so hard for a few weeks they don't have

routines they'll run all night long just trying to have sex with as many does as they possibly can. They're just crazed by testosterone for like a month, basically. Yeah, that's called the rut when they go into their breeding cycle and the females are in heat. And during that short period, he said it could be a month. I don't really know. But they're not as wily anymore. They've got pussy on their minds. And you'll see them.

One of the biggest bucks I ever shot, I was on my porch, back porch, and he was chasing a doe in the middle of the day. It was bright, sunny daytime. And he's in the middle of our field tongue hanging out because he's been foaming at the mouth because he's been running himself ragged probably all fucking night chasing we've all been there and i'm sprinting with my rifle and like do like a baseball slide and like get into position and shoot his ass like 250 yards away and dropped him like where he was because he was about to like get his breath back and go back in those because the the girl had ran all the way

across the field and then hopped to fence him in the woods and he had stopped been like fence like he was so tired so during that period you can get them the skill so the thing about it is if you watch like the tv shows where they hunt deer or and stuff like that or if they're trying to pimp a product as a professional and they go out to like kansas and texas and places like that where they might have a fenced in area and you and there's different levels of it i wouldn't just say that any hunting like that isn't real hunting or anything like that. There is some stuff.

I knew guys who made YouTube videos of hunting, and they would put animals in pens. And then they got him there. Now they climb the tree, and they make their shot. They got their YouTube video of shooting a big hog with a bow. Why wait out in the woods all day when you got one you caught in a trap the night before? You just throw in the pen and fake this thing. when you got one you caught in a trap the night before you just throw in the pen and fake this thing and then there's but when i would see the quality of bucks and the regularity that that these hunters see these deer like i've never seen and again for years i went day and night hunting

over a thousand plus acre cornfields i ain't never seen nothing like what these guys are seeing in every single episode so i don't know it's it just depends where you're hunting different parts of the country have bigger deer too but i never feel like a trophy buck because that so i've been hiking on the east coast and the west coast and the views on the west coast are really cool the trees get less dense the on the east coast it seems like you hardly see far because the trees are all over the place. Yeah. Kansas, Illinois, Indiana. It, it seemed like if you're a good shot,

if you're that guy who can hit things from hundreds of yards away, you can see hundreds of yards on the East coast. It's rare. I see that far. We would, um, hunt over, like I said, big corn fields.

So you could, you know, 700 yards down to one corner and maybe 300 yards down to the corner, right. And four or 500 and, and really try to cover as much space and be a bit of a lighthouse as we could. And then I would hunt in this spot. And even though I wasn't old enough, my dad would drive down the road and he'd hunt on another spot. And, uh, he just needed to come running when he heard a gunshot cause he needed, I needed him no matter what happened. And, um, but we would also hunt over where they cut through the trees to put power lines in the big power lines they cut a swath you know that's that's kept clear and you can hunt over that

thing and if you've got known distances so you can quickly get your dope or whatever you can shoot a thousand yard shot on a deer like no sweat if you know where to aim i mean it's not hard it's every so often hunters shoot each other is that like competence yeah yeah that's extreme incompetence and everybody can hunt in dove fields it can be more common like the dick cheney thing was probably quail which is a similar thing when you're shooting low flying birds in a group um shit happens frankly i've never peppered anybody but i've been peppered and i didn't think too hey come on you know so it's not the end of the world it's a play exactly that's that's people yell low bird and you know what that's that's what they mean that guy

oh low bird means don't shoot not i see one go get it no no you're supposed to ideally like with with doves and whatnot like let them get a little bit. A little sporting. Let them get their swarm up there. You're not supposed to be like, oh, he's six feet in the air. Blast him. That's like quail. I don't know what's sporting with quail, but I would shoot as soon as possible.

I'll tell you, I've got a little personal experience with quail. About one week ago, got a hundred quail and now i've got four quail i have an 85 mortality rate all right oh you're raising this quail yes yeah okay okay about 101 no no no no i was like you want a rampage why bother they just die anyway they have an 85 mortality rate in the first year of life and when i got them i was like all right i'll be able to take them i'll be able to take care of them got my little setup seems like when they get shipped from wherever to wherever i am their mortality rate goes up to about 96 percent real quick are you were you trying to raise them for me or are you

using them for like bird dog competitions no i i guess just uh a part of the homestead type thing so i guess me and eggs well oh okay yes i want i want resident bob white quail and they were so adorable and i got them and i was like man man, these things are so cool. And then they started dying. And I was like, all right. You just put them in a little trash bag. They're about the size of a bug. They're pretty small. Oh, I pictured. Yeah, they're very small.

Okay. No, so I have four now and they are doing fine. They've doubled in size in about a week. And so now they have an 85% mortality rate, I assume. Because they're three weeks old. You're on your way to one. Three quarters, yeah. Do you have any investments on the way?

Like to backfill this little genocide? I wasn't sure if I should. You can only order them like once every couple months because they... Okay, you got 100 last month. What's the most? Yeah, exactly. 99 more.

I felt so bad. I was like, man, this is not normal. And then you look it up, and it's like, oh, that's normal. They just die. They fucking die. They're weak. Their hearts are fucked up. And they're probably like breeding quail, so they're even more genetically kind of fucked.

Because they're, you know, they're genetically small. I don't know what bobtail, you said bobt bob white quail bob white quail i don't know what kind of quail my buddies raised but they do bird dog trials which if you don't know is like they hide the birds in the field and then they run their dog through a very regimented thing they keep score with judges and stuff and uh it's a sport for them and um i don't think that maybe they're doing different kinds of quail because it seemed like no sweat. They just had them in a pen out there

and they always had a lot of them. These weren't the guys to be monitoring these animals. They were drunk raising quail in a big thing. It's like when they're babies, these things, they came in a box this big and there was a hundred of them.

You're saying a bunch of drunks had a much higher survival rate i think they had different birds or different quality trucker maybe yeah yeah i mean they were good old boys you know all good old boy electricians and farmers and contractors and such how far is your neighbor? Maybe the closest house is another house that I own. And then beyond that is that's about 100 yards past. So probably three quarters mile. That's all right.

I imagine in my head it was like seven miles or something. No, no, no. In the town, I'm two minutes outside of town, too. Like I'm close. Have you. That's a good. I'm glad what you said. Have you ever lived like that where the neighbor is like miles and miles away? Yes. Back in Virginia, I didn't have any neighbors at all. Is that scary at all? Like, hmm. I would say so. Yeah. But like only when you're alone like if if if yeah alone yes for sure um but you know i grew up there with my family so it wasn't that big of a deal and then

i did live there for a while i had a girlfriend at the time so like you know it wasn't i wasn't like scared i guess but the more i if i thought about it i would have been for sure yeah like i've i've never been like i've lived alone on and off for like my entire adult life but i and that never really bothers me like like being in the house alone when i was younger i think i could think myself into a scenario that would scare me i would literally do i'd be like what if they were uh like uh monsters outside nah you ain't afraid of monsters. What if it was just rapists? They wouldn't want little old me. What if they do, though?

Well, shit, now I am a little scared. They especially want little old you. Devil check these locks, make sure. You are your own little whale out there. You're going to be affected. There's something to be said about if I were to...

Taylor talked about trying to stop the bleeding when he was unpackaging his stuff and got hurt. But worst case scenario, let's say it was bleeding three times as badly, and the UPS man wasn't there. He goes pounding on doors. He gets somebody within, you know, the first house or two, you know. Somebody's there. He doesn't even need to know them.

You might not even know the neighbor. But, like, the guy with the brown car is gonna go holy shit let me get professionals here in the next 10 minutes but when you're actually out there like we went out on a ranch and granted there was probably 10 or 15 of us on the ranch but it was 40 miles to like anything that had a sign or an address that mattered there would be like roads that left off but those roads went so far out into someone else's property that you couldn't see a building on their property like big ranches that or in game ranches and stuff like there's not residences out there in brady texas or something i don't remember exactly it was desolate and it was like man if we

get hurt out here while we're playing with machine guns and explosives, where's the nearest trauma center? It was like, you know, Brent's got a plane. It was like, is the pilot here? Well, no. No, the pilot's not here today.

So we die then, huh? We die. Yeah, that's the here today. So we die then, huh? Like, we die. Yeah. That's the harsh reality. Yeah. Before we get to the next, before we disprove global warming, we're going to hear from a couple of wonderful sponsors. This episode of PKA is brought to you by BetterHelp.

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Taylor, are you ready for the next topic or is there more? Nope, that's it. We're on for the next topic or is there more nope that's it we're on to the on this is from reddit and i thought it was in your area of like your subject matter expertise oh hockey do orcs or elves slay more pussy oh elves i was gonna say elves all day really oh yeah elves yeah you don't think there's just wild sex parties going on in the or and and pristine proper elves over there not getting it done no they're even girls that what are there even or girls don't they aren't they made or that's orakai i'm thinking of so orakai are made orcs are they were originally corrupted l got Gotcha. And so for the most part, orcs are so broken.

They're so brain broken. They just like harming things. They like evil. They're not a multifaceted race, the orcs. It's like, what do they like? Harming other orcs and harming anything but an orc just as much, just for the sake of it. They're evil incarnate, which is why they're a good servant for sauron and so i don't even think they could stop

their hatred of humanity long enough orgy no orc orgies going down not really no the elves and the elves also i don't think are fucking that much because they live for an eternity and so there would be way way more of them at least you know talking cinematically from that universe like if they were fucking all the time do you know any 700 year old people that still have good sex drives I don't

no but Elrond was like thousands of years old and I think he was only almost asexual because he'd had every piece of pussy he was like what the fuck? I already did. Oh, yes. His big lumpy forehead. Do elves get married?

Yeah. Because I don't know. I'm pretty happy getting married knowing that it's going to last like 50 years till death do us part. That was the deal. But if I was going to live 5,000 years years i might be like there's a lot to sign up for yeah this sucks what was oh kelleborn or celeborn that was i was trying

to remember galadriel's husband galadriel's meek shitty husband who was not nearly as cool as galadriel they probably weren't fucking that much, but if Galadriel and, uh, Celeborn were fucking Galadriel absolutely was holding the reins in that arrangement. She was, we're discussing whether orcs or elves have more sex. I had to tell him don't have sex.

Yeah. Orcs aren't, aren't really doing that. Orcs are evil. Fuck too much. Yeah. If they do, it's not for procreation and they don't do it to other orcs.

I bet they would. Yeah. I bet if I was trying to, I thought I was going to be a jerk for bringing that up. No, no. No, no, no. Because there's the non-consensual angle where orcs might be doing a lot. Yeah, I mean, nobody... Like chimpanzees or something.

Yeah, they'd run in a band of orcs and murder a whole town. They were not concerned with consent in any way, shape, or form. Evil murderers, a lot of them. Orcs? I don't like them. Not one bit. They're an important device. I'm coming off specious. Damn, Lord of the Rings rules. I can't wait to not watch

whatever that ridiculous remake is going to be. I think what I shared with you was the plot of like the anime. I think there's an animated Lord of the Rings thing coming out. Maybe I could, I just based that reading through the comments and trying to understand what we were looking at, but it was just basically some sort of lady ancestor of Théoden being like a girl boss.

And so it sort of takes the wind out of the sails of how courageous and out of character it was for is it Eowyn? Eowyn is Eomer's cousin yeah Arwen is the elf one

I do mean Eowyn because it's the horse fucking prefix of course but you you know, her going and killing the witch king and all that shit. Picking up a little guy. I always mix up which one's Merry and which one's Pippin. What? That's fair.

No. I don't know which is which. Pippin's the one who ends up in Gondor. Don't they switch actors during the film back and forth? I'm not even sure. No. What are they, dwarves? I mean, they did have little fellas that they used in a lot of shots. Dude, they did. The same dummy, not dummy, that's mean.

Zach, try to find that picture. It's the Lord of the Rings extra hobbit creepy. Google search that. And it's like Gandalf or Aragorn. I don't remember which sitting there. I think it's Gandalf. And he's got a little Merry or Pippin doll in his right hand. And its face is...

It's not good. It's not good. It might have been the person who was odd looking. I like to imagine Gandalf because he's like Ian McKellen so old if he was shooting that movie he'd be like don't bring that thing any closer to me. Didn't he just fall off a stage and get hospitalized?

He did. He'll be fine. He's like 80 years old. He'll bounce back. Don Sutherland died today. 88 years old I think. That's sad. Yeah. Rest in peace. The guy from 24? His father. His keeper. That's sad. Yeah. Rest in peace. The guy from 24? His father. His father. Much older actor.

Well, if you want to go back to his heyday, he was in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I haven't seen that. What's something he's in that I've known? Hunger Games. The Hunger Games. I was going to actually, yeah. But he does tons of like middling movies and he's often supporting old man wise character. He's got a very nice

gravelly, smooth voice that's commanding. Have you seen any fantasy movies? I'm sure, but they're not occurring to me right now. We're having a little backyard patio party right now down there that I'm loving that I'm not part of. I had a beer while I was out there.

You're doing the show and you're entertaining. I'm like, if only i could be here with you i gotta work yeah no one's gonna do indian guy for four hours if i went there was there's this uh i was out there and there were some crows flying by and i was like i could call those crows i was like i used to hunt those things i'm a bit of a beast master. And my buddy went, nah, no way. I'm like, watch this. I'm like, ah! And I did

a crow distress call, which is a real thing. They're swooping around out there like a Hitchcock movie. It's hilarious. I'm not joking. There's 30 fucking crows out there losing their minds over this little group of people. You went to the party for 40 seconds and ruined it i wonder what you said to them help they're like fire or something it's help so um we would you

play that uh that call and and usually the call is mixed in with an owl or a hawk. So it sounds like a crow is getting beaten up by an owl or a hawk. And the owl or hawk is this like screeching sort of noise. I didn't do that, but I did the sad crow noise. And they hate it. They're so smart that now I regret all the hunting of them I did when I was younger. I feel like I was just shooting parrots out there that had lives and thoughts and ideas and ravens and crows they're fucking smart and weird yeah they're shockingly smart i see those little tiktoks or youtube videos and of them doing really complex stuff you know just placing water yeah octopods cephalopods don't even live that long either.

Like they got this short little. Yeah. Isn't that fucked? Yeah, it is. And I wonder when you live a longer life, you can get smarter and smarter as you gather more wisdom and knowledge. The fact that they do so well in 18 months, like what would a hypothetical nine year old octopi?

No. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. Cancer. octopi no octopi yeah everything yeah answer what do you think the ideal number of years for a human being would be like like i i think i wish it was more like like a good solid 175 whoa you're going high so i all right all right no no no maybe you misunderstood the question i don't want to all right all right no no no maybe you misunderstood the question i don't want to as we are now lived 175 would be decrepit mummy man but i'm i'm saying if you could retune the human body make it more like sea turtles or something and and now now at like 100 yeah my back hurts a little but i can still run a you know this and that 40 or whatever

i'd need the uh the bell curve to flatten out a little bit where like that 30 year old version of you lasts longer because yeah so 175 let's say that's about triple does that sound right ish sure um shit i don't want that 60 to 80 section to last 60 years exactly that. That's too much. And then eventually you're that thing from fucking Doctor Who, like the flat piece of skin with a face. You're just like, oh, kill me, fuck! Yeah.

I just think, like, imagine the wisdom that we'd be able to pass on, maybe. Oh, my greedy ass went to financial security, right? Cause it only takes like, sure. If you put,

if you put some money away, you should have money at 50, right? Yeah. There's a joke about broke vampires being the biggest losers in the universe. Exactly. So if you only have to work from like 20 to 50 to acquire enough money

that your money can grow and multiply on itself then shit you're going from 50 to 175 another 125 years of retirement and joy hmm yeah i always i i almost always wanted to be the vampire in the vampire stories but sometimes the vampires it's like ah i don't want that life. That seems like a tortured existence. There's a few movies like that. But by and large, like Interview with a Vampire with Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Antonio

Banderas, like a bunch of sexy vampires with ruffly sleeves living it up. Yeah, dude. So here's the thing, Kyle, and I know you've lived some of this too. It can be difficult to form a friend group when everyone your age is out working, right? And it's like, oh yeah, I have friends, but they really only play with them on weekends. If you're a vampire, you're nocturnal.

Your friend group is going to be really limited to people who also want to play at night. That might be kind of tortured. Yeah, but you're well-to-do presumably. So I think you just live in an area that has a real nightlife about it. So I think you just live in an area that has a real nightlife about it. Like if you went to Las Vegas and your friends were all like barbacks and strippers and gamblers and it's like the guys who sleep their own days away because that's their profession. Like you could make a friend group like that, you know, or if you in the movie 30 Days of Night, they're way up in the Arctic Circle in that town that gets a month of nighttime, you know every year And so that's when the vampires attacked during this month where they could just roam the streets Relentlessly, that's a good movie. Those are vampires. You wouldn't want to be those are like monster vampires. Those are assholes

You kind of have to be an asshole if you survive on people's blood Nah, you there are humans who would get it's just like true blood true blood called it there would be fang bangers day one it'd be a whole thing like everybody would be oh you can drink mine i'm a vegan oh you can drink like you could have whatever kind of blood you wanted i promise someone would because there are people who are into it already there's already people who drink each other's blood and dress up like vampires and, and do that for fun. Yeah.

Yeah. I really need like six weeks notice to like get the best body I can achieve. Oh yeah. And, uh, and then do it. I, I could,

I could polish this baby up a little bit to lock that in. You know, water fast, whatever. Like I want that gaunt look. I want to look hungry. Like Brad Pitt and Troy.

That might be his best physique, I think. Brad Pitt and Troy. Everyone talks about Fight Club, but is it Troy? Why do I think it's Achilles? Maybe that's the character he plays. That's the character. In any case,

he looked fantastic in that movie. Vampire's definitely the best monster to have to become. You become the fish man, just give up. Gill man or whatever. Preacher from the Black Lagoon. The deep end of that shit. I know the deep end has gills, but someone will be into it.

Those gills are awfully gross. I just imagine trying to keep them clean. He's the best body on the show. Yeah, he's a good looking dude, but the gills, man. Those gills are a real downer. I guess he can breathe underwater. That's useless.

Can you suck octopus? You can do that without the gills. You have those bees. You're right. That's why you can never fold one up. You can just fold one up around your dick, though. You can just bend it in half.

All those little suckers. You'd have to think an octopus could give an amazing hand job. Hands job. Why limit yourself? They've got arms. Remember the scene a little mermaid where the doctor was playing the drums they'd be that but just ah now we're just getting into tentacle porn this has already been done to death why haven't it's new to me i'm behind the tentacle

porn oh my god i'm aware of it but i guess i've never discovered the genius of it that's pretty rough stuff man i i i've heard that it's all about the Japanese not having to censor tentacles, but having to censor human or maybe abhuman genitalia, anything that looks like a penis. But you can have a tentacle go ham on some girl who's...

I remember one of the best Reddit comments that's on some Japanese hint or whatever, and the guy's like, oh, I don't speak Japanese, but you can tell she's loving it. And the next hint or whatever and the guy's like oh i don't speak japanese but you could tell she's loving it and the next reply is she's saying stop he's like you don't have to speak japanese to know she's loving it she's saying stop yeah that's rough stuff um there was a movie i can't remember the name of it now, but it was a Spanish movie where the premise was this alien squid monster had crashed to Earth

and these people had it in their house and they were fucking it. They were fucking it. And it was like fucking these women so well that they were feeding people to it to get fucked some more by the squid monster thing. Did you watch that 100 Beavers thing? I did not watch the 100 Beavers thing. It is so but hundreds of beavers i messed the name up i read on reddit

had hundreds of beavers it was the best movie he saw so far this year and it had by far more beavers than any other movie and i was like i'm sold so i tried to watch it the first three minutes were intolerable it was some sort of goofy song with some sort of goofy videography and i could barely make out the words i had to turn on the captions after six minutes i'm like does this ever turn into a normal thing that you'd want to watch so i skipped ahead 20 minutes and it was still goofy bullshit i'm like how it was i don't know theatrical abuse you would never want to see that it was awful don't watch hundreds of bea. You would never want to see that. It was awful. Don't watch hundreds of Beavers.

I hadn't planned to. I really added it for you. You seemed to be in a real, you had a high on the Beaver stuff. I really wanted to see it. I wanted to see the content you had, you could get. I've been watching a bunch of shit from the 70s, which is kind of hit or miss. I watched The Conversation last night. An hour and 45 minutes of gene hackman

listening to this conversation he's like phone tapping these people and using parabolic microphones and stuff and there's a big twist at the end and i was just left like yeah that's definitely a 1970s movie like it was good and all but man it was slow like we could have done this in like 20 minutes i thought taxi driver was slow and that's um one of the really highly regarded movies of all time it's slow but compelling it's like it's like every scene i'm into like even when civil shepherd or whoever is taught in that campaign office and she's just shooting the shit where their jewish boyfriend uh guy or whatever i i even like i like that she's so pretty and then like he's so awkward and weird.

He takes her to the porn theater and everything. I can get through that one without getting bored. Almost every scene in that, I'm like, look at this shit. This is crazy. You got the 14-year-old prostitute with Jodie Foster doing that. I wonder how old she was when she did that. I don't think. It's been a long time since I've seen it, so I don't know. But I'm watching The Good Doctor, that autistic doctor TV show.

Autistic doctor. First of all, so woke. And I like fuss. I don't normally complain about woke shows. I'm like the last guy to do that. But my wife is like, Woody, calm down. This was shot in like 2020. At the time, like Black Lives Matter was at its peak and such.

And that's just what was rolling when they made this. I'm like, all right, I'll dial it back a little bit. But if another guy gets fired for mansplaining, I'm going to pop my top. This is ridiculous. I fired another white guy, honey. We're running low. There's none left.

Except for the doctor himself, the autistic. If the guy's white, he's got like mitigating circumstances. Yeah, I don't like the doctor himself the autistic way if the guy's white he's got like a mitigating circumstances yeah i didn't like i don't like the take with the boys that people are like oh you don't like it now guess you're too stupid to realize they were mocking you the whole time it's like no no no first of all they're not mocking me they're i'm not one of those people you're mocking but i always knew that yeah this was an allegory for something modern day and it it reflected you know what we have but you just copy pasted you just copy pasted what we have what you've done i don't like because it is lazy and it's i'm trying to escape i'm watching a tv show about superheroes right now that's the fastest man in the world. That's Superman over there,

but evil. I'm not looking for a copy-paste of the shitty world I'm already in. So fucking annoying. It's hand-handed now. Last season, it was kind of subtle and beneath the surface a little bit. It didn't take a genius to put it together, but they didn't beat you over the head

with it. This year, they kind of are. But I'm still into it enough. A new episode comes out tonight. I over the head with it. This year they kind of are. But I'm still into it enough. New episode comes out tonight. I'm going to watch it. I'm watching it. That's how you know that I'm not some panty-waisted fucking oh, they're making fun of me on TV.

It's like, I don't think that's me you're making fun of. She's hot, but... Oh, she's not hot. Are we talking about Firecracker or Spawn? Firecracker's got a dirty hot. She's like trashy hot. Yeah, I see it.

But she's hotter than Erin Moriarty. She's hotter than current Erin Moriarty. I like Erin Moriarty four years ago more. Okay, Time Machine Willie, have your druthers. I want Monica Bellucci from 91. Monica Lewinsky? Monica Bellucci. Monica Lewinsky

wasn't that bad in 91 either. She was like 16. I was trying to do the math on it, whether on what direction you were taking the job. Wasn't she 24 in like 97? Something like that? Sounds right-ish. I have no idea. Me neither. I was unborn. Yeah, you were unborn at the time. 97, like something like that. Sounds right-ish. I have no idea. Me neither. I was

unborn. Yeah, you were unborn at the time. In 97, I was 6 and not invested in who was sucking the president's dick. I remember somehow being there and listening to the grown men talking in 1997 about it and them

like, why don't you just wash it? And me having watched enough of the news i went it doesn't come out with a simple washing and like not even know what cum is but you knew about cleaning it but knowing enough to but like i didn't rather explain this last night weren't y'all paying attention you knew enough to be dangerous yeah that was a that was a real low point i felt like um but but that's the worst thing he did right you know he seemed like a pretty nice guy by and large i don't know about net he didn't do nafta did he wasn't that wasn't that uh did do nafta yeah okay and um there was another thing easy come easy go i lost my train of thought yeah things went pretty well

under him but it wasn't he handled the shit in the balkans without getting us involved you know there's a statue of him is there though i believe yeah oh exactly i would love to see the bill clinton statue from from kosovo or or wherever it is i would love to see that. You know what? Whenever I see that, like another country has a thing for us, it makes me feel really good. It makes me feel really good. And it's like,

oh, look, they appreciated us. I like that. You don't see that much though. We should make our enemies do that. That's how you know you really conquered him. Wow. Who's this thin fella?

That's what he looks like today. I mean, you know. Look at those hands. Holy shit. His hands are huge. Yeah. We're used to seeing Trump. This guy with the big old hands.

That's just what an adult man's hands look like. He's been accused of having non-consensual sex with a lot of women. Oh. Yeah. The women that Hillary Clinton allegedly intimidated. Allegedly, don't kill me, Clintons. Why is he in the ghetto? This is their version of Times Square

in Kosovo. We are going to put it in nicest place, Mr. Clinton. Then you will love it. Right next to the Tardinia Laundry. The Hancher Double is a windsock. What am I looking for?

Like the rooster. What is that called? Windvane. Windvane. Yeah, that's what I'm looking for. That'd be funny if it turned. He would show you. Why don't we have any? Are there any foreign leaders we should have statues of? A little thank you.

Do we have... Well, not Churchill. We kind of saved his ass. Yeah, but I like him a lot. there any foreign leaders we should have statues of a little thank you do we have uh well not churchill we kind of saved his ass if you like him a lot you didn't do shit for us yeah actually who is the whoever was leading france during the revolution louis the something a couple statues of that guy i honestly like i don't think the french get enough credit for helping us out in the revolutionary war if you've seen mel gib out in the Revolutionary War. If you've seen Mel Gibson's The Patriot, the documentary film, then you know they were influential.

Yeah. I hate on the French for fun, but I don't know what they're up to over there. They seem horrific. Every time you see them, they're horrific. They sure like to protest. They love protesting. That's fun. They don't seem to be

they don't seem to be like namby pamby blocking people in the road like half measure protests they burn down entire cities oh you're right yeah yeah they go ham and that's how paris keeps fresh yeah i i think that that's probably and i'm talking on my ass a little bit here but it's it's got a date back to how they threw down their own monarchy right they drug them from their towers and chopped their heads off they were big on that like like that's how they got their their current government um so i guess that is reflected in and how they'll the wine tax will go up by 2% and they'll burn down a city. They have to kill a bunch of people. I mean, the French are not stoked on their government right now.

So if you're a French leader, you got to be like, I've read books. This doesn't go well for me unless we get shit. Is it Macron? Something close to that. Something like that with the old wife. Not wildly popular, but who is? Who's the French leader that they just loved to the end?

None of them made it to the end. Napoleon. They loved Napoleon. So much they crowned him twice. Yeah. But with Macron, he's wanting to get in there and Ukraine to mix it up with Putin for some reason.

Like he's just chomping at the bit. He loves it. He loves it. He's just like, yeah, we need to send some advisors, get them in the country right now. Like, yeah, we might need to send soldiers. Let's make sure our draft is in order.

Is it going so well in France they can just afford that? I mean, that's none of your American business, is it? There's a lot of countries that aren't my business. Israel, Ukraine, Russia. All right. Now, those are different. Those are very important.

I'll tell you which ones you should care about. Israel. Yes or no? No. If they... I mean, if I was getting some of those APAC dollars, I'd care. Yeah, I'd get on board too. I'd wear that IDF uniform. I'd go serve.

In the back echelon. I don't want to be anywhere near any Hodges or anything. I'll meet you halfway. I'll wear pins I didn't earn. Oh, I'll steal Valor. I'll boss around some of those guys you got all zip-tied and black-bagged. I'll say some mean shit to them if you want me to do something like that. I'll boss around some of those guys you got all zip-tied and black-bagged. I'll say some mean shit to them if you want me to do something like that.

I'll dig holes, whatever. I just don't want to get in a gunfight. No, I don't. I don't want to say feelings hurt her. I don't want to spend any time in the Middle East. No? That's a big region of the world. You're almost like Mac, and it's always sunny in Philadelphia where he's just crossing huge

entire continents or getting wiped out instantaneously. Africa. Never close. I had infinite money and wanted to travel everywhere. It'd be like, all right, Africa.

No, nowhere there. It's actually, I'd see the, I'd see the pyramids, which is basically like sniffing the continent of Africarica and then wafting back up to the mediterranean and then i would not go to the middle east lord knows i'm not going to india um all other areas do i not want to taj mahal on the table you're not even going to play that

which continents have you been to so far have you been to so far? Me? North America. No, Central America. Mexico. No, fuck, Mexico's North America. No, I've only been to North America and Iowa. Eastern Europe. I don't think

I need to go there. Looks like a sad area. All of Eastern Europe. Just most of it. It's beautiful. I see these videos of the tree lines exploding over there and i want to see it now europe would be like italy spain not france um the uk scotland jeff foxworthy tour or some shit i'm gonna go to poland and i'll get all my eastern europe experience in poland poland seems nice or some shit. What are you doing? I'm going to Poland.

I'll get all my Eastern Europe experience in Poland. Poland seems nice, but I don't need to go to fucking Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Belarus, all that stuff. Don't need to go over there. It's probably similar. All those countries that hate each other down there in that little pocket.

If I went to Russia, I don't want anything to do with that enormous amount of nonsense in the East. Actually, no, not even Russia. I can see pictures of... All of Russia, just next. Okay, not all of it. Like a four-hour layover in Moscow.

Get the gist. That's in the capital city. That's where you look. That's the furthest west. Yeah, so like, what am i going to go to fucking yaroslavl some some bullshit city in eastern russia no i mean i want to see how the common russian lives you know they have outhouses that seems almost propagandistic it does i kept researching i kept researching their entire villages where they don't know what to do with

their trash or their feces. And they're interviewing the people and they're like, must be careful or fall in. Then what will become of me? Like a 90-year-old woman. Her biggest fear day-to-day is falling into the outhouse hole because that'll be it.

She probably lives a mostly happy life. I was listening to Jordan Peterson recently and he was ripping on doctors, saying that they're terrible, they don't save lives, and that plumbers have saved more lives than doctors have. At first, on the surface, that sounds absolutely ludicrous. But then when you think about it, a lot of lives have been saved by having running water.

The fact that we no longer dump our chamber pots in the streets like that level of hygiene has had a huge impact why don't you just give plumbers vinegar while you're at it like they don't get running water plumbers don't get the own running water i do this thing in my mind maybe everybody does where you like hear something wild and try to imagine what he could have meant to make it less wild and uh i'm like okay plumbing oh yeah yeah that did fix cholera was the black plague a plumbing thing i don't know yeah you guys do though yeah it was no it was also spread via like disease and water cholera like like dirty well water and stuff like something dies in the well and now people are getting sick.

I think it was just God's will. They deserved it. So anyway, plumbing as an invention, if you assign that to plumbers, have done a lot to save a lot of lives. But it's hard to beat medicine. I mean, if we're actually

adding up, it's like obviously medicine gets beat by clean water. Jordan Peterson has become a flaky fucking liar grifter who dresses like the fucking Riddler. Yeah, all the time now. He's saying wild

stuff. Dressing like the Riddler and collecting cash. And it's... What do you do to ruffle your feathers? Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea what that dressing like the Riddler and collecting cash. What'd he do to ruffle your feathers? I have no idea what that guy's up to. Oh, really? So he's gone full right-wing grifter,

loosely playing with the facts, hating doctors. Does he hate doctors or does he love farmers? I think it's the first yeah he just doesn't trust medicine in general he thinks they're all out to get you i think that there are certain branches of medicine in which it's out it's in their best interest to keep you as um is to classify your illness whatever you want to call it as something that needs to be

treated rather than something that can be cured i think i might line up with you we're talking about like parts of research mental illness cholesterol i was actually thinking of um i don't know like make it aids why do we treat that instead of cure it lots of things we just uh blood pressure high blood pressure lots of cardiac things like we don't just work on the cure once we can manage it problem solved repeating income yeah diabetes although i hear the chinese that like cured diabetes they don't have any diabetes in china there's no fucking way i i read series of articles about how the Chinese had cured diabetes. No more diabetes. Do they

get rid of sugar? That was the solution all along. All this time, we just made people not fat. There's always going to be more money in any business model of treating rather than curing because it's just the nature of

you can only sell a cure once. Like that's, that's how it would obviously happen. Right. And then I wonder, am I like a wacky conspiracy theorists for thinking that they're not trying to cure it? Or is it just easier to treat than cure?

Or might they have had many cures come? Maybe the cures happened eight different times independently, but some company keeps buying it up and shelving it so they can keep selling their thousand dollar pills that that you know how much fucking chemo costs per bag like if they came up with a cure for cancer that cost anything south of a million dollars a pill then they'd lose money by releasing it dude chemo is like the fucking lobotomy of our age like they're gonna look back at that so critically of like really they thought the best way to get rid of cancer was to like shoot radiation at it and like fingers crossed the bad parts get hit the most and it was

like yep and that's that was the best it was also those bags of poison that that you're you're iving straight into your body every week that they have to cut they had to invent a drug to so that the poison wouldn't make you violently ill anymore instead of just making that so the drug didn't make you violently ill to begin with prostate cancer used to be like a super bad ultra horrible, like kind of cancer. In my lifetime, you know, when I was a teenager. And then they started putting a seed next to like up your butt, I guess. And it became a really local sort of radiation thing. And they treat it much better.

And it's not as bad as it used to be. I wonder why that seed concept doesn't work on other things. Why don't they stick it next to your liver, stick it next to your bone, whatever else needs treatment. I have no idea. I want those all in my body. Little radioactive seeds. Give me some seeds, bud. I knew someone who wasn't allowed

near pregnant people because he had a seat up his butt. Hilarious. He had to point his ass in the other room. His gas was toxic. Don't come near. I'm spraying strontium.

I mean, our fetus is just extra susceptible to radiation, or is his butthole seed really putting off that kind of power? We've exhausted my knowledge of the situation. Get back to me next week i'm flabbergasted sometimes asshole so my wife had a couple babies and uh there are a lot of

medicines that fall in this like we don't really know if it's bad for you so it's off limits to you and maybe it's just one of those deals like we haven't fully tested radiation on in on fetuses oh we have so you know we, you know, we're just going to stay away. We tested like a million at once in the mid-40s. Yeah, we got that testing all wiped out. It did not go well. They died.

I think Propecia, you know, like the hair loss will mutate a fetus. I think it'll cause severe deformities and all sorts of awful things to happen. Is there any reason for women to take Propecia? No, but she might get it contaminated through her husband if he's got pills or gets into them. If she swallows enough semen.

Sorry, formaldehyde. Propecia is like an asteroid, like the DHT blockers. Yep. Okay. Interesting. What was thalidomide for the the medicine do you know i don't know what that was am i adorable for thinking i might know that you know how long i've known about thalidomide seven seconds it's a new word for me you haven't heard of the children of thalidomide so basically of course the children of thosealidomide? Oh, of course.

The children of thalidomide. Those kids were dope. They were good at baseball. They gave all these kids thalidomide and what happened to them? Oh, wow. Superpowers. Thalidomide was the drug that was being given to pregnant women for I don't even know what the purpose was.

They didn't know the side effects of it. Like, you have to be, like we just said, uber careful what you give to pregnant women. Purple teeth? Yeah, purple teeth, you can have anything. And it made these kids come out with, like, sideshow freak level deformities.

Like, because they had thalidomide in vitro that kid's got double little hands do they all have double little hands look oh shit you know i'm not sure about kid number two does he have any hands at all hey they can't put floaties on that poor fucker yeah i'm it's a billy joel song really oh wait no that's a lyric and actually so three of the kids have floaties around their waist, which seems like a decent idea. One has them on his little pseudo arms. Those babies are going to slide right off.

That's the least loving parent there. Right? No, he's fine. You're taking some chances with that boy. Are any of them? Okay, when did this happen? 1950s. It was to treat morning sickness.

So the juice was not worth the squeeze in this instance. That's horrific. Yeah, that's awful. That's horrific. Can you imagine being the husband? You couldn't throw up! You couldn't handle it, huh? This is your fault. I'll tell you what makes me want to puke.

I caught him out there trying to do the backstroke yesterday. 40% died at or shortly after birth, and those who survived, really rough. They became poor swimmers. Yes. Yeah, honestly, what are they doing there? That's cruel.

Send those kids to the soccer field. What are we thinking? Yeah, honestly. Give them a soccer ball. Let them have a fun time. There could have been some air bud rules type shit by the time one of those little kickers got out there. Yeah, because I don't think the small,

this kind of arm placement is good for any sport other than soccer. No, they call it T-Rex syndrome. Can you run? Can you run without arms you you wouldn't be good at soccer but like if they had their own cat's tail they could have their own league like training or something you have their own league though what i don't know the crippled basketball association or something i'm sure there's a league of handy capable people out there kicking balls around though it's the special olympics soccer team go see i don't know what's isn't the special

olympics the mentally paralympics paralympics yeah olympics mental paralympics is physical what do you have both which one would you elect to go with dealer's choice well there's ever been a two competitors when there's been anyone who's like you know a champion in both the way that like uh some nascar drivers would like they do the indy 500 and they do like a helicopter to get to the the f1 race or whatever yeah now for the world button eating championship what's the lowest competitor are full of lead paint chips

like could you get into the Paralympics with a missing toe three missing toes what do you gotta miss right like it's playing soccer with no pinky fingers at all it's like porn you know it when you see it like if someone walks in with like a missing toe you're, get the fuck out of here.

You're not a part of this. But if somebody comes in missing both hands and a gimplag, you're like, get in there. Get in there, son. World Billiards Championship. A lot of dropped cues here, Alan. That's true. Look at the teeth marks on that cue.

He's a champion. People are calling it the most mean-spirited joke in sports history. A spelling bee at the Special Olympics. They're all deaf. The Arnold Sputniks gamer tag is dominating. A seemingly healthy and fit 51-year-old man has taken the field. He's thrashing everyone. Unfortunately, the guards here are also special.

And so we can't shut him down. He's too quick. Johnny Knoxville did a movie in 2005 called The Ringer. Hilarious. Yeah, I watched that. I should have been at work but we went on a lunch break and just stretched it out and watched that movie in theaters that was so funny and they had real special needs people in the movie um as actors instead of look i i think that

you a straight person should be able to play a gay person a gay person should be able to play a straight person i don't i don't think we need to like divide down those kinds of lines but um it just see i don't want to see a non-special needs person playing a i guess that doesn't track though does it no yeah i guess they had down syndrome though that's what i that's what i want to do okay i don't want to see a regular person pretending like they have down syndrome because i can't there's no way that unless it's a regular person pretending like they have Down syndrome. Because I can't. There's no way. Unless it's a comedy. Somehow that seems like it's in bad taste.

The good doctor, the autistic. He's not autistic. All right. So now that we're on this subject. Zach, if you show everybody that link. Oh, damn it. Where'd it go? If you scroll up a little bit.

I can re-link it. It's the People Magazine. People.com. This is a good one. Taylor needs to be here for this. I don't know why he stepped away with his baby bladder. I've only pissed four times. Oh, the Victoria's Secret chick.

Yes. I've seen her before. That was a new one for me. I feel like this is one of those where I'm happy for the inclusion, I guess, whereas normally I'm upset by it because I feel like the only thing wrong with her is she has Down syndrome. Yeah, I feel like is me eyeing her up and down from head to toe for sexual appeal mean because she has down syndrome and grading her or inclusive because that's what i do to any other victoria's secret model that's what they get yeah yeah i think it's

inclusive i think it's showing that you don't see iq and and you're uh you're your modern modern day man and a gentleman and a scholar as well i i i like this inclusion it makes so much more sense than like a gigantic obese woman um as a victoria's secret model um because that's not that's no good but this is good you know like that chick's really hot she just happens to have down syndrome victoria's secret added their first down syndrome uh model over here taylor if you want yeah can you show it to everyone? I think it's safe for work and no problem. Yeah, that's good stuff.

I look for the nudes. I promise you they don't exist yet. I dug deep. There she is. That's awesome. That's Victoria's Secret model worthy, I think. It might be shopped. I don't know. Yeah, I mean mean there's more

pictures of her on there like i saw a bunch of them um she's she's like a really nice body you know pretty girl she just happens to have down syndrome she has hands trump would envy oh she she'd alpha the shit out of him and a handshake it's hard to alpha trump and angie he'd be like ah it's what they it's true what they say they are really strong like a chimpanzee that'd be hilarious if he said that i just imagine the like meeting at victoria's secret where some guy comes in like he's looking at himself in the mirror that morning and he's like ted it's a good idea bring it up bring it up and then they're what if like they asked him and he's like what if we had like a special needs like a down syndrome model and they're like where are we gonna find one he's like i have one i have one in mind i saw her at the store

i tagged her and so i know where she is and we can go we can go grab her get her on the cover yeah yeah because good for her i i told i can see where you were coming from when i sat back down initially in favor of that not in favor of if she was fat no no none of that none of that we do not need that preach brother preach yeah no fat people should be i don't even know why they're allowed in cinema uh as a whole there should be like a fat allowed to attend movies or be starred movies yes yes yeah no there should be like a hollywood fat list where like if you're in the 20 fat people who are currently allowed to act you're good so like john goodman will be at the top of that list

john goodman john goodman okay okay we don't even have to waste the space on john goodman perfect his heart was giving him trouble every like three years we have to put jonah hill back on it take him off back off because i don't want to lose jonah hill he's a good actor um who else is a big fat person? No, he sucks. What about that King of Queens guy? Kevin James? Yeah, he's awful. A.K.A. Paul Blart.

Paul Blart has to convince me why he deserves to be on the fat list in Hollywood because I wouldn't put him there. No fat women. Kathy Bates. Okay, one fat woman. You can't take Kathy Bates from us. She's great. I was saying one woman is allowed on the list of Kathy Bates because I like Kathy Bates.

Which fat people make the cut? Oh, okay. Which ones are worthy of still existing in our known universe? I like having the fat actors. That's one of the few jobs where I feel like, oh, perfect. We got a fat. We need a fat guy. I always imagine what it's like being a casting director.

And at some point in the process, you're like, are you the fat guy? Yes, I am. Ah, come on in here. You answered the call for the disgusting, fat, slovenly pedophile. I've been trading my whole life for this role. Who does your makeup? This is a wardrobe.

I can smell you from where I'm sitting. He's a method actor. It's despicable. That's not his daughter. He's a method actor. It's despicable. That's not his daughter. I stopped at a grade school on the way. You've got the part.

Great to meet you, Mr. Spacey. Dude, I hate that Kevin Spacey's been thrown under the bus. He's not fat. He's in. The names of the documentaries about him are all like spacey evil uncovered and it's like come on he's a dick grabber he's a he's a dick grabber like like he doesn't i'm sorry i'm on the man act i have two actors who i think might belong on your fat list okay i'll vet him all right if you haven't been paying attention you you might not expect this one, but

Matt Damon. Matt Damon's fat now? Is he really? Is he fat for a role, you think? I feel like it can't be denied. Whenever I look at him, I'm like, oh, remember we used to make fun of Fat Damon? They've swapped.

Fat Damon did get fit. He's Fit Damon now. Or Meth damon whichever you prefer and he isn't everything he's genuinely doing four movies a year minimum okay i'm fine with lots and lots of movies i'm fine with that and he belongs in the list right show me show me matt damon please zach i want to see this fat matt i don't see him fat really yeah i'm trying to find a good fat picture of him but i can't tell if this is him or that other guy. Let me just Google is Matt Damon fat. That's what I looked up, and it was...

Every time I see him interviewed, I'm like, oh, man. He's fatter than James Corden. Okay. Yeah, he's fat. He's not like what would jump out at me as like a John Goodman fat, a Lizzo fat, but he's fat. I mean, last year he was wearing a fat suit for a role. You know, he's wearing a fat suit for a role last year. Every time I see him interviewed, it's in his face.

These aren't roles. Well, that's a different person on the right, right? Is that Matt Damon on the right or is that Meth Damon? I genuinely can't tell. I think it's going to be Meth Damon on the right. I can't tell if that's him or not. It looks to me more like the other guy. The mustache and the hair looks kind of gingerish. He looks good on the left. Well, obviously he looks good on the left. He can get back to that.

And so I say, you know, he's in like a probationary period. Here's another one, Taylor. Ricky Gervais. He can be chubby. He's British chubby funny. He can be another one, Taylor. Ricky Gervais. He can be chubby. He's pretty chubby funny. He can be chubby. I like Ricky Gervais. The Ricky Gervais podcast show with him and Carl Pilkington gave me a lot of laughs.

You might put Tom Segura in. Tom Segura is not fat anymore. There's not a lot of fat actors. He's kind of fat from the neck up, which is a bummer. Yeah. That is a huge bummer are you pro or con fat people caleb my pro or against fats yeah well as i call them my my channel is a little more politically correct than your guys we call them people of size

all right for one so we'll get that straight uh and uh yeah i mean i think uh well give me give me more context for an answer what am i pro or con just overall i love some fat people okay all right we're on the same page then yeah i love i love uh just was i was quite chubby when i was a child uh and then i went through puberty and then got skinny um and stuff so no no i know and not as an adult no i never had to worry about that type of stuff dogs on the daily it keeps you fit yeah filling your belly with fucking ginger ginger and lamb just nice lean proteins and i just think the distinction is like i don't want to hunt the fatties down and like you know use those big nets on them that they use for lunatics back in the day or anything but i also don't want to glorify fatness and be like oh look look how hot she is

even though she's 80 pounds overweight isn't that amazing and everybody's like that's me too that's me too anything good you say about her it's about me now because i'm fat and beautiful it's like no no she is magically one in 10 million fat and beautiful you're not most fat people aren't beautiful most fat people and it beautiful. Most fat people... The unhealthiness is the problem. Be ugly. It's about being unhealthy. I agree to disagree.

I agree to disagree. Don't be ugly in my presence. Oh, well, avert your eyes, fucker. You're the one being. It's not like any fat people are flying around in the clouds with you. I taped over all the views in my house. I think we've talked about it before,

like how there's very few fat paramotors. They usually go for the trikes, I guess, though. They do do. They're trikes, yeah. I always had the joke how wings paramotor would look like a GPU. That just went out. Oh, you're back? I'm back.

Yeah, that was weird as fuck. Do you cover many fat dramas on your channel? Any fat stories? Any stories of size? Any dramas of size? Yes. Actually, some of the first large videos I did were talking about 1,000-pound sisters and 12 sodas a day and that type of stuff.

A couple of them them there's actually i i did a video on uh my 600 pound life and this guy uh cory king casey king i'm bad with names casey king who lost a bunch of weight and there's like a super famous video of him getting getting bathed in like a water trough by his dad and all he just kind of was he was like a shithead kind of in the in the tlc thing and he lost a bunch of weight and it's just a really good guy who came out on the other side with just like so much character uh and so much so much wisdom and stuff uh and i actually like when i first made that video, I, I've looked him up after I was like, let me make sure this guy's not, you know,

doing really well right now. And it, lo and behold, he's doing incredibly well. Um, so some of my biggest moments are around people of size. A lot of, a lot of,

uh, people in the, in the obese community hate me. They think I'm fat phobic. Yeah. Well, they're not an active bunch, so yeah,

I can run pretty quick, but, uh, can I just say, I hate that when you don't like something, they use the phobic thing. Yeah, you're phobic. Yeah, it's kind of weird. I wish words meant things.

It doesn't mean anything. I'm not afraid of you. I hate you. Yeah, they should call you fattest. Right? Not fattest. Oh, you're coming off as a bit of fattest i have no fear i'm just i just dislike no i uh i don't know i've got a lot of really fat friends and stuff and

i you know i don't really i don't really uh you know i have fat friends is the typical line you hear from a fattest that's true you're gonna want them to have to use their own water fountains and buffet trays. I have a lot of fat friends, so it's all good. My dogs are fat. I've been a fat friend. Oh, your dogs are fat? Ander's fat.

The other one's bone skinny. Can't get her to eat. One of my dogs is fat, and she's been on a diet for months and months and she steals enough food to stay fat and i mean i do my best to keep food away from this dog but she's she'll lie and wait for hours until like the the other dog goes out to pee and she'll sprint to his bowl to like take his food away she at night I'll hear something rattling around if any food is left anywhere. She'll grab a loaf of bread that's in the bag

off the back edge of the counter and be off with it, eating an entire loaf of bread. She's eaten whole cakes before, whole pies and things. Like 5,000, 10,000 calories into this 60-pound dog in an hour. He's not morbidly obese, but it's like you're chunky like we gotta do something about this it's so hard to make the dog lose weight though and it runs all

day you got to shut that down before it gets morbidly obese the best time to lose weight is when you're like 10 pounds overweight the worst time is when you're fat as fuck and you have metabolic syndromes it's so much harder to lose yeah there's such a long 40 pounds overweight you can lose 20 like that yeah and everyone says you look great for achieving something you should have already had you reach the starting point that should have been your starting point but you look fantastic dude woody will go from being like he'll be like oh you know i don't mind the democrats i think i'm gonna vote for him and then fat people will come up and he's like goose stepping and i if a fat guy was the

democrat woody is the most based guy about fat people just get that shit out of my fucking face i shouldn't have to deal with it how fat would the democratic candidate for president have to be for you to vote for donald trump instead oh wow well trump's no skinny mini himself so he wouldn't know about no what about ism here right like if he was trump's size for example well then it'd be a tie, right? He'd have to be well fatter than Trump is. Big boy. For me to... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, probably.

I think Trump has a truth problem, and I don't like that. Interesting. I think they're all... You'd vote for a morbidly obese Democrat. Yeah, right? Chris Christie as a Democrat, I might have to go red on this one. He's fatter than

Chris Christie. He's genuinely fatter than Chris Christie. He sweats. The imaginary Democrat candidate. I was saying Chris Christie was enough. If he was a Democrat, we'd have to go Trump. Fair enough. I love that. It's awesome.

Okay. I just looked up fattest congressman. Looks's awesome. Okay. I just looked up fattest congressman. Looks like Jerry Nadler. Damn. Jerry Nadler? All right. Pull up Jerry Nadler, but in the fattest picture you can so we can actually get a real cherry pick. A real cherry pick. Because I did just notice there's an article from 2002 about him losing weight.

So we're going to have to look back in the past. 2002, good God. Pre-COVID. Yeah, Jerry Nadler from the chest up looks like a regular old person. He doesn't stand out at all. No, fat.

See what he does to you? I can't believe you've done this. You had that in the fucking chamber. That's awesome. That's a chunky monkey right there. And he's 5'3", so that can happen over the course of a weekend

if you're that height. He's a dwarf? He's wider than he is tall. That's awesome. It must be hard to win elections. I love that fit, dude. He looks powerful. What's your neck size?

28. That's awesome. It's like a 15-year-old's waist. Yeah. That's like a 15-year-old's waist. Yeah. That is like, we should make more election and voting decisions just based on aesthetics. I agree.

More attractive, better looking people. Younger. Handsome, dude. Handsome people. We need to vote someone in hot. We need to vote in a hottie. Yeah. Like Arnold in his prime?

Oh, yeah. Waves that American requirement. I gotta say, I almost want... You are all transitively fit. He's the most popular Republican in America. There was a poll recently. It would look great to have him, well, not anymore but like like

old arnold like 1995 arnold as a politician would have looked good you know next to like the russians or like any any antagonist oh yeah i don't know right but he did you know snagger standing next to gorbachev with that wine stain on his bowl oh he get him in a headlock and try to rub it on the picture of that like crow magnan neanderthal looking russian politician who was formerly like the largest boxer to ever professionally box do you remember that guy kyle vaguely i i more remember that famous russian um um what's the thing when you play with the balls In the pool Nikolai Valuev

Water polo Water polo Yeah Yeah Nikolai Valuev Was So this is the only guy that we couldn't Put Arnold up against other than that He would beat up any world leader in 1995.

Not now. Because, I mean, there's probably something like Young Buck in fucking Uzbekistan. I'm glad you brought this up for some reason. Did you see the whole Putin goes to North Korea shit show this week? I sent you the picture of them like driving in like the. That's a real picture. Yeah, I know. It's funny. So I think Putin drove trucks in the... That's a real picture. Yeah, I know. It's funny.

I think Putin drove trucks in the army or something. Maybe I'm misremembering that, but he's made a show of driving in front of the public before, which to be fair, I've never seen our presidents driving. It'll do that. It's a sort of a way of identifying with the common man, I'm sure.

But yeah, there you go. This is crazy. This is so silly to me uh i saw that the entire him i think he might have i don't know i saw the entire approach to uh pyongyang or whatever was just flags russian flags and these uh and pictures of Putin's face for miles and miles on these empty interstate highways that they have. I never see traffic there. I don't think anyone has a car. Is that actually real?

Yeah. He gave him that car. He's showing him the car. That's a gift. His watch looks like it's AI generated. That's a gift from Putin? Yes. Yeah. I guess North Korea has been supplying them with artillery.

I can't say the word. I might be close. And this is a thank you. Even that, I think Kim Jong-un gave him like a piece of granite that looks like a tombstone. Did you guys see that? Yeah. It's this big granite sort of... I suppose you could mount it on a wall.

It's very large, and it has Putin's face engraved upon it. But it looks like a tombstone, like a big ornate one. That's kind of cool. Not as good as the car. Way worse than a car. Yeah, why didn't you give him a Russian car? Have you seen that funny clip from years ago? It was a Mercedes. Am I wrong?

Yeah, they love Mercedes. Have you seen that funny clip where it was like the prime minister of Tajikistan or something gifting Putin a dog? No. Oh, yes, yes. And he's handling the dog poorly.

Putin, I bring to you a very nice Uzbek dog. And he, like, gives it to him. And it's like a photo op. And so the Uzbek guy is, like, holding it by the gruff of its neck, like, just the way they hold dogs in Uzbekistan. And Putin's like, ha-ha, ha-ha. And, like, he grabs the dog from him and, like, holds it like a normal person. And it's like, oh, thank you for the dog. And the Uzbek guy is like, yeah, he liked the dog from him and holds it like a normal person. And it's like, oh, thank you for the dog.

And the Uzbek guy's like, yeah, he liked the dog. Let it go with onions. You don't race it. He handed it to him like he had a bunch of sausage links all tied together. Exactly. And the dog's clearly in pain a little, uncomfortable. And it's like wiggling around. And Putin's like, give me the fucking...

The cameras are here, dude! God! Look, I love dogs too! Zach, if you can find the photo of him hurriedly grabbing the dog from the... Oh! Hold on.

What did you find? It's a picture of it. It's so funny. Put this picture up and you'll have to zoom in. It's like a third of the way down the article. The one with the Turkmenistan's president, Garbuguli

Bermagamenov. You caught a fish. He's a big one! In the video, go back to the other pictures, Zach, real quick, where just him holding him. You can see Putin in the background with his hand kind of like on the chair

like this. He's getting up. He's like quickly getting up to be like, Oh, the dog dog thank you so much yeah if that turkey stream was a twitch streamer he'd be canceled yeah that's bad optics bro but lower that fucking dog what are they doing to dogs in turkmenistan dog looks so scared what are they doing at all in turkmenistan where the hell's turkmenistan asia i assume central rest of the asia with uzbekistan and tajikistan and oh yeah right there by them i know where all of them are they're all kind of clumped together right

the unspecified estans top of my head south of uzbekistan northeast of iran somewhere between Georgia and Mongolia. Yes. Just a huge window. Yeah, exactly. Azerbaijan. Caleb, have you considered getting one of those yard ornament cows? Or did you say you had one already? Since we've done the podcast, I've acquired three more. What? Yeah, I now have a Highland Bull and two Zebus.

Wait, you got any photos of these? What is it called? Let me see. Zebu? I actually don't think... I had two Highland Calves that I had last time. I don't know if I... I don't really take pictures.

I'm like super weird with my phone. How much do they cost? Oh, yep. Actually, do you have a picture of the Zebu? The mom? Zach, it's Z-E-B-U. Can you... Yeah, Z-E-B-U. See? Oh, yep. Actually, do you have a picture of the Zebu? Zach, it's Z-E-B-U. Can you... Yeah, Z-E-B-U. Oh, I can see.

There you go. Oh, that's the cow's face off the fancy milk I buy. Yep. They're really small. The full-grown ones are like 400 pounds. They're really small. And then the bull is a... Look at that guy.

Yeah. Look at that nutsack on that thing. I believe they're like the African-Asian. I mean, oh, man. Can't evolution do better than nutsack? Oh, is that the one that they chop the head off on on Apocalypse Now with the machete? Maybe.

Oh, yeah. You ever seen that, Taylor? Apocalypse Now where they kill the bull. They do it for real toward the end of Apocalypse Now with a machete. I have not seen that movie, no. Understandably, it probably took like 15-20 hacks. Dude, it was just like Henrietta.

They are hacking through this. They go spine down hacking until they... It's three good whacks and they take a full-grown bull's head off with a machete or maybe even a sword. It's been a while. It's a rough scene. There's a bull, too. Can you full-screen Caleb? Oh, that with a machete or maybe even a sword it's been a while it's a rough bull too can you full screen caleb oh that's a little guy look at him and then the bull's behind him there oh that's a big boy holy shit yeah how much does the calf cost uh the the mama and the the calf were thousand and the cow prices it was yeah it was at an auction and the bull was

1200 and I was supposed to get a cow a highland cow that was pregnant I wanted a highland cow that was pregnant but she ended up going for like 3800 bucks and I was like I'm not fucking paying that much so I got a little zebu because nobody wants a zebu they're like little useless adorable little yard ornaments

yeah you just want a little I just want a little buddy. You got enough room for one of those. You can get a couple Highland cows over there. I don't have a proper fence. And if I did have a proper fence, it would make mowing even harder. That's fair. I'll grow you one.

You can have one of my calves. Hmm. That sounds fun. He'd slaughter it and you'd be like, how's little birdie doing? Woody's like, man, it packed out good. I'm talking 80 pounds of beef. I didn't know it was going to be fat.

I had to kill it as soon as I got home. Ew! Woody only wants those like Belgian blue jacked cows. Yeah. He gave me a fat cow. Yeah, I like those cows that are just full of muscle. Every cow should be those cows. I love cows. They're so cute.

They're too sweet. If you know any cows, then you should feel a little guilty about eating beef. You've got to not think about it. Their tongues are that long. Their tongues shoot out of their mouths. When they're babies, they suck your thumb. Yeah, they're really weird. I did not think about it. Their tongues are like that long. Their tongues shoot out of their mouths. When they're babies, they suck your

thumb. Yeah, they're really weird. I did not think about that. The Nuremberger trials? Yeah, Nuremberger trials. Yeah, the Zeeboo's cool, though. I love her. Her name's Gertrude. I know there's this old

sci-fi show called Sequest, and it's in the future, and Beef a good name for a cow there's an old sci-fi show called sea quest and it's in the future and uh beef has been outlawed it's it's like crime to possess beef because um agriculture has been sort of outlawed because the flatulence and the burps from the cows were such an issue for the ozone um i guess that's the future we foresaw in 1993 or whenever this show was out but there's a show where the guy has he's got one he's cooking up a burger like in his quarters and the chief comes along and catches he's like is that a real hamburger get that contraband get the hell out of here i ought to send you he goes to throw it in the trash and he's like oh yeah he throws the rest of it away, and it's like, God, I hope that's not the real future. One bite?

That show had a talking dolphin in it. I think it had an apparatus on its head so it could communicate with him. It's pretty good. Now, that's something I bet we can do someday. Get meaningful communication from a dolphin or a chimp. Start with those two, and then fan out from there. Elon started a couple years ago. The chips aren't faring well at all really some like idiot volunteer to have that put in their brain already like a human yeah well to be fair he already had a severe like neurological

disorders wrong um impairment you know where he couldn't move his anything and so like with the implant he was able to like i don't remember what game he was playing, like Tetris or something with his brain, maybe chess. Like he was moving the pieces from one place to another. But I heard that he rejected a lot of the fibers or something

because they're putting lots of wires into your brain. You say he rejected, are you talking about his body's immune system or his decision making? I don't know the nature of why the thing failed, but I read it failed. But I also read they're moving forward with more patients. He had it in.

He was playing it. He was using it. It was active. I didn't know he was crippled and had a bunch of issues. Well, that makes more sense. I'd give that a go if I couldn't move or do anything. I just can't get my Google Calendar straight. Come on, Elon. Put it in there.

When I think March 31st, I want this thing to mean business. This guy doesn't know I have nothing to do with Google, but we got to volunteer. It's out the DeWalt. I mean, honestly, the drill, you'd like to think that

something like putting a brain implant would, if you saw them do it, that it would look like Star Trek. You know, it would look like one of those waving a lot of things that go whir over. They get out of fucking power drill, dude. They get out of fucking power drill and they drill a hole in your goddamn skull until they see brain. Then they flick out that circle of brain they skull they've got and they probably peel back that plastic and they put the little

puck in there and cover it up like we're all good like it's that little XM radio bump that you've got on the back of your car it's not though I wonder if other people are like wildly oscillate on their opinion of medicine where it's like, Oh,

it's amazing what they do nowadays. This is primitive as fuck. They just put poison everywhere. It's basically nails and sewing that do 80% of it. It's, you know, it's across the board, right?

There's some things we do this like, Oh, we still just sort of snap it back into place and wait, huh? Nothing. No, like bone injection to like get this thing done in six days instead of like, oh, we still just sort of snap it back into place and wait, huh? Nothing, no like bone injection to like get this thing done in six days instead of six weeks?

No foam that like seals it as is and then the bone healing, it like does the rest or something. That's what we need to do. Put holes in our head? No, no, no. We're experts around here. We don't do bones.

We do boners. It's like a little cock dude and that bone okay you gotta get it in the right yeah like a trepanation when they used to put holes in your head for i love that or like they still do that that is the that is the only way to relieve pressure on the brain in a traumatic brain injury. You can't wait for something like heparin to lower the blood pressure enough to get the pressure off the brain because it's dying because there's a hematoma in there. So they drill a goddamn hole in the side of your skull. There's a great scene in Star Trek 4, I think, where they go back in time and McCoy sees that that's happening somewhere. Oh,

savages. Like, he can't believe that they're drilling holes in people's head to relieve the intracranial pressure. And then he like bumps into a lady. I think she's like dying of cancer or something. And he's like, he like looks at her chart and he has the pill that cures it in his pocket.

Take one of these. They don't give a fuck about the timeline of that. They go to a manufacturer and they give him the formula for transparent aluminum because they need some. And so, okay, now we've just given him that. I guess that's a thing now.

Transparent aluminum? Yeah. How's that helpful? Well, it's what the windows of the spaceship are made out of so you can you you want to stub your toes more like they had to make a giant whale tank though because they were taking whales from the past to the future to communicate with this alien probe that had shown back up to earth and spoke whale language it was it was it, where are you guys? And we killed all the whales.

Did you dream this? Are you sure? No, it's Star Trek. That's not how it goes at all, Kyle. You are dreaming this. Yeah, it's Star Trek 4. I'm almost positive. Star Trek 4. We're out of ideas. Dude, it's a good Star Trek.

They're dealing with a marine biologist who's helping them with the whale stuff. Spock's got to wear this hippie bandana to hide his ears in San Francisco. Kirk's pawing his fancy eyeglasses and stuff. It's a good show. I'll take your word for it. Okay.

Keep it up. Keep it up. We had a long Harry Potter nerdter nerd out uh like round table today um going over that superior superior to lord of the rings and virtually every measure oh that didn't come up but we were uh i when chiz and kyle in the group chat whatsapp are like talking about something nerdy like harry potter like trying to make an argument about it i get so much like self-entertainment out of just being like obstinate about it just like no gay like that doesn't even make sense it's gotta be a ravenclaw

be a ravenclaw for sure like no you wouldn't no i said i would be a gryffind for sure. Like, no, you wouldn't. No, I said I would be a Gryffindor because I'm the hero of my story. That's exactly what it was. And we, we told you guys that I, which I did not even know was a house. It is. What are the houses? Like,

can you describe or Slytherin Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff? So Gryffindors, um, it's sort of like the brave heroic type. It's not that they're stupid, um, or anything. It's just not their main trait.

Their main trait is sort of bravery and maybe friendship. Slytherin are conniving and sort of get it done at all costs. And they also seem to be very xenophobic, racist, I guess, against anybody who's half-blooded. Ravenclaw are the intellectuals. And not only are they the intellectuals, like only are they they're the intellectuals like knowledge above power or something is their motto something like that but also their their sigil is an owl it's an owl and so like he's clearly a ravenclaw i'll i'll be a slytherin but you're a ravenclaw

why do you put me your hufflepuff? You're Hufflepuff, motherfucker. What's Hufflepuff do? I don't do shit. They just garden mostly. I hate... I do most. I hate that. I hate that. They're nurturing.

They're defendable. I don't know what fucking house you'd be. The Hufflepuff are the lame house, though. I was just joking around. They're by far the lamest house. They're usually a little chubby-cheeked. They're usually a little slow-witted. They're usually kind of useless.

They usually specialize in things that sound lame, like herbology. Racekeeping. I know, right? I can see it a little bit. I think all of you guys are and me I'm also a Gryffindor we can all be Gryffindors

that's the one I'd aspire to be in you don't get to choose the sorting hat you can still aspire and I think you can deny what the sorting hat chooses that only happened in one scenario and that's because the Slytherin Horcrux, a.k.a. Harry Potter, was given out these dual Gryffindor-Slytherin vibes.

But Harry, the conscious part of him and all that makes him great is all Gryffindor. There just happens to be a Slytherin stain on him from Voldemort. Zach, pull up the graph again. We're going to see if Kyle meets the lofty standard

of Slytherin. Slytherin. Warm, neutral, and cool. Confident, natural leader, successful, charming, shrewd true these aren't bad guys follow their own path big on cost benefit analysis knows how to take care of people oh yeah knows how to take care of people a lot of calculating apathetic authoritative manipulative see yeah, you can see they're trying to make them bad, but they sound cool.

Hufflepuff barely even looked at their column. Lame. Well-rounded, down-to-earth, eye for an eye. Whoa! Where's that come from? Old Testament. Yeah, Old Testament. They're a little Abrahamic, yeah.

Ravenclaw, wise, observer, witty, inquisitive, loquacious. Ooh, nice vocab word. Nah. Bro, I'm Gryffindor. Okay. Okay. Loud, boisterous, reckless. We'll see what the Sorting Hats has to say about all this.

Did you see that the meme i sent of the sorting hat yeah the old where it just shows a picture of the sorting hat and it says mail because she doesn't like grand stuff yeah she she she doesn't at all no she doesn't there's some notable quotes in there that that are like real trans positive though if you like view them through that that lens that they like to throw back at or something about it doesn't matter what you're born as it's what you aspire to become or something like that then she'd be like it's because i was writing about a magic fantasy world the next line is

cast the wizard spell like it's it's do you ever see that that other meme where it's like it shows a still of that troll from the first movie that like barges into the girl's room yeah yeah and it's like it's like wow you know the goblin bankers real real subtle oh a giant troll barging into the girl's room. Real subtle, JK. I don't get the troll reference. Because she doesn't like the trans bathroom stuff. So she'd portray them in a negative light. Oh, yeah. Okay.

She's like the world's most famous TERF. She's a trans-exclusive radical feminist. So not down with the trans stuff and very vocal about it. And I think there's some libel laws or something over there that allow her to really sue people whenever they say the wrong thing about her. She's pretty litigious about that sort of thing. She's got Harry Potter money. Why not?

She's got that Harry Potter money. It's a lot of money. She's a multi-billionaire, right? At least one billionaire. It's more than Lord of the Rings. I think I looked it up. It has to be because it's more movies lord of the rings like i think i looked it up it has to be because for sure it's it's more movies in general and and the books like i know lord of the rings the book sold

but not like not like her seven books did um i thought it might be second to the bible or something like she sold a lot of copies of har Potter. And then the Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them stuff and all that. I didn't know she wrote that. Oh, I know. You told me. The Fantastic Beasts and Where to Fuck Them. Yeah. It says she's worth a billion on the internet, for whatever that's worth.

Yeah, there's your self-made lady billionaire. Female billionaire. They're unicorns. Good for her. They're unicorns. That's the one. Her and Oprah, right? Her and Oprah. I can't think of any more unless it's an actress or maybe Rihanna

or somebody like that that I'm not aware of. Taylor Swift. Oh, yeah. Like it or not. Absolutely, yeah. It's about making teenage girls like it. I'm staggered by the success of Taylor Swift. It's not that I don't understand it.

It's good poppy music. Whenever I hear one of the songs, I'm like, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. Yeah, okay, sure. That sounds funky. That's fine. It's never bad music. I don't understand how it's taken over the world.

It's like a little cult. The cool thing to do is to be a Taylor Swift fan. I think that's part of it. I think that it's... I have to assume she's peaking right now, but she's doing it. I think that last tour she did was the most successful

tour that's ever been toured in a tour it's still going right like a billion dollars that she made from from one and she's fucking a super bowl champion a two-time oh there's conspiracies that that's all pr it's interesting they got the internet sleuths have gone through and shown that um way before they met or like a week or two before they met or something that, that, um, they had already registered like Taylor Kelsey.com or something like that. All these like potential,

potentially useful or, um, websites to either have for their own uses or, you know, to not deny others. That's awesome. I wonder when the internet thinks they met because i heard travis saying that they dated in secret before they came out to the world yeah they so i think that they're

using the date that she was seen wearing a travis kelsey bracelet of some kind that's like the first nugget of information that they have to go on and it was like weeks before that or so it's on that fucking travis and taylor subreddit that i don't know how the algorithm on youtube works it's they feed me that and so much indian shit like india like yeah reddit like like dots not feathers i get all i get indian politics like i could no you are the one who smells. No. And I get Indian news stories. There's a rape there.

Yep, now. I mean, when you started that sentence and the conclusion of it, 30,000 Indian rapes. Rapes, yeah. It's wild, the amount of sexual assault they have. It's how they get down over there, yeah they love groping and grabbing active uh telephone wires you know that um that that news reporter i don't know which agency like one of the

big four or whatever he was in cairo doing a story i think in cairo pretty sure it's egypt but like the power went out on their camera and so the crowd she was filming gang raped her like i mean did did she live yes okay i saw the interview where she's talking about the gang rape oh then okay then she's definitely alive. Well, that's horrible. Have you seen the million stories of people who are like, it's always affluent Europeans or Americans being like, I wanted to travel through Pakistan to show the world is friendly.

And it's like, bad move. It's not friendly. They raped you. Yeah, the most dangerous place or the place that seems the most dangerous, but I think it would be safe if people knew that you were American is Mexico.

Because it seems like the real law there might be the fucking cartel. And the last thing they want is to aggravate the US government by killing. I just remember that most recent story where those, I don't know what the mixture was, but there was an Australian and two Americans or something like that down there surfing. And they all got murdered and thrown in a well. And then they found him a few days later.

And the cartel sent the guys who did it to like, we did it. We are so sorry. Like, like, like force them to go in because they didn't want that heat. Like, I've heard multiple stories of that. Well, it would make sense. They're a criminal enterprise like they don't want any more attention on them than there already is right like killing an american bad for business yeah that's how the brain would think about it and so i never seemed remotely dangerous when i was there now i was in central mexico

yeah not far from Mexico City and people seemed nice I hitchhiked for like every day no one would give me any trouble would you hitchhike Caleb through India you're a cute guy here's the belt

no I don't think I would be honest I don't think I would go to India just for one be honest as don't think i would go to india just for one to be honest as well really where would you want to go uh i mean entices you if i had to go or if i'm if like what what is the hypothetical you're going to travel somewhere uh for free for nine days where are you going a year travel somewhere for a free okay well i'll do nine days first then a year uh nine days i think i'd go to australia i think i go to australia okay visit my bros in australia a little bit um if it's for a year japan for sure i think the opposite okay let me lay it

out because that's interesting to me for nine days i want to go to a place that's not america right to me america australia for example, is just America light. Canada, just America light. You know, England, et cetera. For nine days, I absolutely want to go to someplace that opens my horizons a little bit. For a year, well, shit, now I want someplace with good internet, friendly people, food I enjoy, shit like that. For a year, I'd pick Australia or Canada or England. Alright, I got...

For nine days, I want to go to that fucking Antarctic research station. Oh, good one. I want to go to Antarctica. I want to go there. First of all, I'm getting laid. If you turn Tinder on down there, I promise you,

all of them, there they are. Are you into penguins? There's lots of women. promise you like all of them there they are are you every penguins and there's lots of women there's like a little town there there's there's and they're all horny and they've all like gone through each other at least once or twice so like you're getting laid you go down to the antarctic research station um i would love to do that for nine days hopefully get to go out on some trek or helicopter trip you know deeper inland and see some mountains or whatever you know that would be cool the great yeah the great ice wall um and i think for for like the extended stay the netherlands because those people seem really fucking cool like every every time i read or see something about the Netherlands, it's,

it's like they're, they're sort of centrist. At least that's kind of what I've taken in from my, from, from stuff. But they've also got those legal drugs and stuff over there. You can get a cookie and, and chill out.

Um, it seems like a great place. And I think people speak English. Like most people there would speak English, enough English that I could get by. I wouldn't have any trouble finding the coffee shop or, I mean, I don't know why that,

that that's such a 1995. It's like, you can just go, Hey, Hey Siri, take me to the next coffee shop here. But if I actually need to communicate, I think everybody speaks English there by and large.

Yeah, for sure. I think that those are good answers. I'd go to Japan for nine days. Good one. And inverse of yours, Caleb, I'd go to Australia for a year. Australians seem like fun people. They're just having a good

time. They know their country's not serious. They don't take it seriously. You should have gone to the Netherlands and seen that I think we've even gotten on me I'm here to stay New Zealand we should sit on the Hulsh I like this Kyle

hi Taylor how you doing I bet the flight from like actually no I go to New Zealand for a year because then I could get fitter walking to Mortar and Bag. 650 miles or something. 660 miles, maybe. I bet it's a short flight from Melbourne to Auckland. Like Australia to New Zealand is probably like a two-hour flight or something.

That's my best guess. And there's how many people live in New Zealand? One million? No, actually, I'm'm gonna guess four million shit i would have we'll never know i feel like ireland is around seven million and i kind of use that as my like measuring stick that i lay around the world occasionally for these i'm gonna say seven million i think it's a full ire. I think it's a full Ireland. I think it's a full Ireland. I like how we're guessing Ireland. I'd say like 2 million. All right.

It's 5.1 million. 5.1 million. You busted. I win. There's no... We didn't do overs and you're out. We absolutely did. We just...

Rewind the tape. We just established the rules. I missed the rules. Yeah. Nah. You know why I knew that? That was a real Gryffindor move to bravely assert a fact

but it was underhanded the way you sort of I have a sorting house question for Caleb oh okay DeWalt, Milwaukee Makita or Ryobi oh my god if I had to choose and I wouldn't have batteries stolen from me i would choose milwaukee but

because i have thieves that live near me and the thieves are my family members i choose makita because they don't steal my shit anymore that's good i have makita stuff now i'm not handy and it gets used only rarely but it's helped me hang stuff on the wall. How about Festool? What do you got? Any Festool? I have a little Festool, but every now and then I'll be like, you know what?

I want the good one of this. Yes. This $180 one doesn't make me happy. I'm going to open the bank and get $250, $300. And then you look at Festool, and you're like, $1,400? Are you fucking kidding me that's how weightlifting like crazy you'll be in that titan fitness groove for a little while you're like i'm gonna step on up to rogue and you're like you know while we're uh yeah dude tapping into the funds let's go ahead and step on up what's that it's it's like lincoln xers lincoln and the swedish plates that are like the thinnest plates. Oh, my God.

Going from Titan to Rogue is like $350 to $500, $350 to $600, something like that. It's not quite double, but it's getting there, but it's so much nicer. Everything's stitched better. The quality of the materials can be better, and it says Rogue on it, fucker. But you step up to those Lineken or whatever,

it's like five times as expensive and a new material they start they start using new materials all of a sudden it's uh weight plates and it's like i remember watching a video of like a guy reviewing weight plates and being like these ones are measured to the gram and it's like it's fine i have amazon plates i got during covid that are off by entire pounds it's fine i'm just working those stabilizing muscles this thing honestly is probably the greatest value of any workout equipment i've ever used in my whole life a tonal yeah it's called a tonal it's like this uh it's it's got these arms they're up right now i was doing row or i was doing like pull downs yesterday and uh it's a giant ipad it's

like 100 pounds on either arm i think they're like three grand or something like that but uh you can use it it's it's bad for squats and deadlifts really because because it's like you can get like high rep stuff it's pretty easy uh but uh uh i mean just for pull downs and and like curls and like really easy shit anything you would need um fucking uh cable machine for it's like a cable machine but also everything else that folds up on your wall and takes up this much space it's really cool i like seeing those that is a classy way to get fit yeah you can like order door dash on it literally yeah dude i just that and on your exercise machine it's an android yeah you can do whatever you want on it have you seen those texts where someone's like you know sent from my samsung smart fit fridge yeah let's get a little chinese spy device built in yeah it's too many smart uh devices nowadays too many smart applications on stuff that like

it only adds a failure point like a washing dryer like so It doesn't make it any more convenient. It only is like, I had to download new software on my smoker at one point. What you got? A Traeger? A Traeger. I got a Traeger. I made some ribs this season, some pulled pork. I want to make a brisket. I haven't done brisket yet.

But yeah, it's like, what software could you possibly need? what's changed in reality since the last time i cooked meat in you like nothing sell more data you guys know brandon buckingham right he's been on the show right yeah i cooked him a brisket a couple weeks ago oh fucking great dude fucking great yeah his buddy's a uh his his buddy uh is is a muslim and only eats halal and he he broke his he broke his code to eat some fucking brisket i was like this is the greatest the greatest uh compliment i've ever gotten in my life nice and then he probably was out of a taboo cow or whatever it was yay boo z boo no it was just from hb yeah how long did you cook it uh 12 hours okay so what do you do wake up at like 6 a.m and kick it off and eat it at dinner yeah yeah if or you started at just fucking 10 when you wake up and you eat it late that's what i did like the 10 11 pound

pork shoulder i made for pulled pork recently i had to start it at 4 p.m on friday for it to be ready at noon on saturday for lunch so it's like i had a whole day like i woke up in the middle of the night to pee and I'm like, something's burning. Oh yeah. You have to add more fuel to it during that time. It lasts so long. I just topped it off before I went to bed that night and it was, it was, so yeah,

you topped it off at night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I love smoking meats. It's so easy. It's the easiest way to make food. And at the end to be like,

ah, ah, somebody did something, huh? And it's like, you know, I basically rub a big piece of meat with mustard. It's no George Foreman grill. I'm going to tell you, you got this clamshell design, Taylor. That way you eat the meat from the bottom and the top. You can't eat that.

I ate pork for like four straight days until I was like short of breath. I was like, I need a vegetable. You smoke like some corn or something in there? No. We were like, I'm going to put corn in there along with it for 14 hours. Can you open it and check on it like as much as you want? Well, no, you don't want to do it as much as you want because it is a smoker. If you're looking, it ain't cooking. If you're looking,

it ain't cooking. That's what my dad always says. Your dad rocks. He seems like a cool guy. That was fun. You guys want to wrap it? Yeah, I got to pee so bad. That's all I got to pee. Alright, links in the description. Check out CalebPKA705.