Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #215

Episode Date: January 27, 2015

This week on PKA, after coming off the high of being guests on The Anthony Cumia Show, the guys go over Ben Affleck's penis, hog hunting, crazy travel stories and some of the State of the Union Address.

one and we are live painkiller already episode 215 that's right we are proud to once again have our favorite sponsor back crunchyroll.com so if you want one month of free access to their incredible library of anime just go to crunchyroll.com forward slash pka we've tested the product ourselves and we've actually enjoyed it We still have to schedule our third session, though, and finish up. What is it we're watching? I don't even remember anymore. Attack on Titan. Attack on Titan, yeah, yeah.

I want to see where we're going with those fucking next two. Crunchyroll is our favorite sponsor. It's not Dollar Shave Club or a random YouTube channel. Well, like, I like that Dollar Shave Club allows me to shave my balls more closely than any man ever should. But I really enjoyed the fellowship that we've enjoyed together. Yeah, yeah. Keep digging yourself out of this. Keep going.

Watch Japanese cartoons together. So when Kyle says his go-to move is to get really gay. Do you want to hear about the featured shows? Oh, do I? Oh, do I? So there's Con Collie, of course. The Testament of Sister New Devil. Cute High Earth Defense Club.

Love. Military. And Psychano. What was the third one again? Cute High Earth Defense Club. Love. And the one before that? That one together. The Testament of Sister New Devil. I was writing them down. Okay.

Also, How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend. I believe that's Sycano, How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend. We should check that out. These titles are really interesting. Thank you. I am quite curious about them.

They're very intriguing. I don't know if they're drawing me in, but they are very like, what the hell is that about? You know what would be fun? I have a great idea. Here's what we should do. Instead of trying to devour an entire series, I think it would be fun to have a stream where maybe we watched an episode of each of these things,

each of these featured. Each of these featured shows. Honestly, I want to know what they're all about, but I don't think I'm going to watch every episode of each of these. We could go halfway too, where every stream... You know how on a stream we tend to watch three or four shows? We could do that, but every stream be a different

show. That'd be difficult to stick... keep in your head straight. I don't care what's going on in the show. I think that'd be difficult to stick like keeping your head straight i don't care what's going on in the show similar things would be i think it'd be more fun to make fun of these shows than to actually try to enjoy all of them because i i just don't think i'm going to enjoy psychano how to raise a boring girlfriend that one interests me it does yeah yeah i want to how would you raise a boring girlfriend would... How would you raise a boring girlfriend, Woody? How would I raise a boring girlfriend?

Shucks, I guess I'd get her doing yard work and I'd make sure she doesn't experience worldly things. And I know what I'd do. I'd put her on Tumblr all the time. That sounds like a pretty ideal girlfriend. I'd put her on Tumblr constantly until she became a goddamn social justice warrior who constantly talked about how Legos don't market

appropriately to girls or something and she'd be boring as fuck. That's what I'd do. Presto. So that's Crunchyroll.com and keep in mind, Crunchyroll is an app that you can enjoy on almost any application, any app,

any service really, whether it's Xbox One, PlayStation 4, your tablet, your phone, whatever. You can use this service. And I really think we should do a night. I think we should look at this more like Mystery Science Theater 3000 style. I think it would be fun to watch one episode from each of these things and compare. Because they're all so ridiculous. Military, Bleach. I feel like that's either poor translation or the show is literally insane.

And I want to find out which is which. Asab tweeted me and said that we should be talking about the Xbox One app. Because for him, anyway, it was a huge selling point of Crunchyroll. So anyway, if that's your preferred way to consume content, they've got an Xbox One app. It's supposed to be good. And there's a Roku app even. I've seen it on my Roku devices, little ads every now and then.

I've got a Roku. Yeah. And I have a Crunchyroll app. I just watch it on PC though. I'm a big fan of the Roku and I feel like a dumbass because I only recently found out that the reason that thing has a strap on it is because it doubles as a Wii remote

for the Roku device so there are actually games and stuff and it's motion tracking I love the strap what happens is the Roku remote is the one that I actually want like 80% of the time but it's sitting in a pile of remotes for like my ceiling fan I'll have a like so the Roku remote is the one that I actually want like 80% of the time but

it's sitting in a pile of remotes for like my ceiling fan an air conditioner because this room is boiling all the time um the tv right the tv has turned on and off that's pretty much all that remote is for but the one with the strap it's so easy to find like I can blindly reach into a pile of remotes and i come up with the roku one i used to make jokes about that i would always like make a joke about the roku's strap on the road i'd be like this is for when you're a real fucking couch potato when you're just like laid back i'm just you've got the things you wake up from a drunken stupor your mash has been going on for 93 episodes and you just want to get

to the 94th but it's asking you it's asking you for the eighth time tonight if you really want to continue there's no way you can find that remote but wait it's strapped to your fucking arm and you're back in dude i'm worse than that right because I'm like a bed potato. So I'm just like flapping around, trying to reach all these remotes. And then, yeah, you grab it and then it reminds you. Kyle, are you sure you shouldn't go outside and do something with your life? Do you want to keep watching thing? Do you guys ever feel judged by the do you want to keep watching? Are you sure you want to continue?

Yes, I'm sure. Just because I've watched for nine hours doesn't give you a reason to judge me, Netflix. Let me be. I take it as a personal challenge. I'm like, yeah, I'm watching all of The Office today. I have sat through some serious marathons because every now and then

a series will either become available to watch or I'll have discovered it newly or it's one of those series that I watch repeatedly and it's just it's been got you know two years since I've been through the librarians I'm just gonna do it again I've been doing that with the shield lately I just watched every episode the shield and there's seven seasons and

like 12 or 13 episodes a season so and their forty minutes long. So I just watched a shitload of The Shield. Jesus Christ. That's a lot of a show that I've never seen or heard things about. Many a time it asked me if I wanted to continue. And many times I said yes.

You forged ahead. I forged ahead. Are we ready for a new topic? Yes. What do you got? i was thinking gold glove in the charge backs tell me i don't know what that means okay so here's the deal sounds like a band yeah the charge it's cold glove in the charge back side i i dig them yeah they probably be on my playlist um so here's the deal a chargeback is when you call your credit card company and say it wasn't really you who made the charge.

And at WoodyCraft, we become experts in dealing with this shit. Our chargebacks, on a related note, have gone way, way down since the whole drama of me wanting to sue a kid. Well, one, because everyone knew that we'd pursue it and not just roll over and let that let it happen and two we become experts at like tracking you and proving that it was actually you who who did it so people aren't really successfully charging back at

woody craft and change things anyway this kid donated i think a thousand dollars at least that's what gold glove said it was a thousand000. And let me get the quote right, because people are fussing at him for this. I don't want to get it wrong. Someone just charged back over $1,000 in donations. Literally want to smack this kid in the mouth. Then he said, what's worse is it's someone who pressed me to be on the top donator's list. So I'm not an expert on this top donator's list thing, but I'm guessing that he has like a sort of a hall of fame type deal, you know, for people who donate a ton and live streamers,

it's kind of their primary form of income. You know, the, the, the donations they keep rolling in and gold glove, by the way, if you don't know, is one of the world's biggest live streamers. Like if you haven't been paying attention, like there was a time where like he was a youtuber and a youtuber and youtuber and uh he was doing well but he was never really like crushing it on youtube he was kind of just like really working hard at it and in the last i'll make it up in the last year or so uh he started really crushing it both on youtube and especially on live stream and uh this guy donated thousands, becomes sort of a little internet celebrity, high roller. And now he's told his credit card company that it wasn't really him who made the charges

and tried to get all the money back. So, yeah, and it kind of stinks. As a seller, for every charge, there's also a $20 fee. So sometimes these things, they roll in like $15 at a time. But to you, they're coming out $35 at a time because every one is another $20 fee that goes with it. And now they're all making a big deal out of Gold Glove saying he literally wants to smack a kid in the mouth.

But Gold Glove, if you're watching this, I support you and your kid in the mouth. But Gold Glove, if you're watching this, I support you and your kid smacking mouthiness. I don't know why anyone would backpedal. I don't know why he would backpedal from that. You should want to smack them. I would want them smacked. There's no way I'd backpedal from that. I'd be like, yeah.

Yeah, of course you do. He stole from me. He tricked me. It reminds me of... People are hating on him for saying he wanted to smack him i don't understand unless they're taking that old school approach of like oh it's just for fun anyway you know it's not a real job which at this point i think that ship is sailed like people recognize it as a real job in which case they would only be like oh well so many other people are donating why don't you just you know be thankful for what you have that's what they

would tell me a lot. Oh, Woody, you've got money. It's okay to steal from you. I hate to make this about me. It's really about Gold Glove. In my case, I provided a product. These people were playing for months and months and months. Gold Glove needs your lawyer because Woody sued that one kid so hard

he did suicide. Actually, let me tell you what happened. I've always wanted to tell the follow-up to that because people... I never sued him. What happened was we provided enough proof to his credit card company that the kid was committing credit card fraud

and his credit card company gave us the money. That's how it all ended. There was never any court. There was never anything. That wasn't good enough for Woody. Okay, for Woody so Woody hired Woody hired a few tough guys they went up there go back up to New Jersey

where this kid lives one guy with a pipe, one guy with a chain they broke all of his fingers twice on each finger so he couldn't fucking type anymore and then they pulled all of his teeth out with pliers because that's what Woody wanted it's true he told us before the show yeah that's all all fair stuff no but what really happened was we got his money and uh and and dude that guy had played like every day for

months and months and months he used his product this guy just gave money for nothing like he gave a donation like out of a i guess kindness of his heart and then he took it all back but it's rough because you know you leave people in a trail of debt like i'm sure gold goes not in debt he's doing well but i don't know you commit this they think it's something that that you know you did and and then you just undo it so what was it was just someone donating to him or it was it someone paying for his stream? What was it? Typically, it goes like this.

Like, when you donate during the stream, maybe like a sentence, it'll pop up on your screen and say, Merka Durka popped up, and Gold Glove, I'm your biggest fan. And then Gold Glove will notice it and say, Oh, Merka, thank you for your donation of $15. I really appreciate that. And then he'llve will notice it and say, oh, Mirka, thank you for your donation of $15. I really appreciate that.

And then he'll go back to it. And pretty much people, you know, pay a few bucks just to get noticed. And maybe they feel a certain debt for all the entertainment that they're getting. And, you know, like, hey, here, I like you. Here's $10. And that stuff adds up into, you know. Sounds a little bit like being a stripper. It does. Here's $10. That stuff adds up into... Sounds a little bit like being a stripper. It does. Yeah, it does.

It really does. Thank you, little boy69 for your $0.80. Stick in the stream and we'll have some more fun for you coming up. I have no idea how much money he wants. Let's just put an arbitrary easy math figure on it. A million. He'll say it's a million dollars a day now imagine if he had his dick in his hand just

imagine how much more money he would be making like gold glove you think twitch tv is good chatterbait's where the money is baby you could monetize that like i feel like that monetizes so much better dude if gold lover on chatterbait i'd have to check it out i want to know if the tiny penis thing is true what is chatterbait uh well you've heard of chat roulette right yes yeah that was like five years ago i i think it's a similar concept except that it's pretty much people masturbating and and you donate oh so there's no pretense this time it's the same site masturbating and you donate So there's no pretense this time. It's the same site

without the pretend that you're gonna I wonder if I can hook up with somebody in Italy. Talk to them about culture. There is a guy on YouTube. I hope he wouldn't mind. In my head I'm like, he doesn't mind me saying this. First of all, it's history. Second, it's really well documented. It's like saying

you might not know, but Hitler did this war thing. Yeah, everyone knows about that. Chatterbait, the only thing that seems unique about Chatterbait to me is that they come right out and have part of masturbate in the name of it, but there are many sites where they're like

streaming sites where people go on there and everybody's naked and they're streaming and there are groups of people watching them be naked and do stuff and maybe they're having sex or masturbating. Were you trying to guide us off the topic of the YouTuber that went there? Maybe.

I'll follow your lead. If I were him, I'd just be like, let it die. Alright, I won't even mention his name but there was a guy who was kind of well known in the Call of Duty scene who went to Chatterbait. And we had him on the show. And it was, like, you could see part of it was the income, you know. He wasn't rolling in dough or anything, and it was useful. But a big part of it was the ego boost that he got out of it.

It made him feel good. He suddenly became one of the most successful guy. And as a guy, he was as successful as many of the top girls. And I saw him and he was fit. Just saying. Yeah, we watched him masturbate just for the record. I saw that. Yeah.

Woody brought it to me and we watched the him masturbate, just for the record. I saw that. Yeah. Woody brought it to me, and we watched the boy masturbate together, and then we decided whether or not it was actually him or not. No, we were wrong. We both decided that it wasn't. We were wrong. We were like, that's not him. That's not him.

Yeah. Just, we were wrong. I remember seeing a still image of this video, but I don't know the guy's name, but it was that same dude who did YouTube who was just masturbating on the side. It was. On the YouTube dude, I had only seen very small pictures of him. And in the little pictures, he looked like a beanpole, like Beaker from the Muppets. And then on Chatterbait with his shirt off and his cock out, I suppose, he was like, that guy's pretty buff.

Maybe I should start working out. his shirt off and his cock out i suppose he's like that guy's pretty buff you know that's maybe i should start maybe i should join him fucker oh to be 20 something again and uh uh but and i was like that's just not him and then like oh and by the way his look was really kind of generic. Like, he had, like, a crew cup, sort of high top, whatever. I think in the video Kyle and I did together, he's like, dude, I got, like, three friends who are cops. All of them look like that guy. Yeah. You know, it was just sort of a generic military guy type thing.

He's a white dude, you know. Like, he just looked like every white dude you've ever seen. He's got a crew cut and like, you know, he's clean shaven. He just looked like everybody.

He's got light hair. You couldn't tell. You heard it here first. All white dudes look the same. Yeah, we all look the same. I thought it wasn't him

because on Chatterbait he was clearly very fit and in the little pictures I had seen, like, he was on my skype list so i had like a tiny little icon of him and stuff um you know i thought they were different people he looked so like uh skinny like like he needed to lift weights in the tiny picture

oh um i was i was thinking that this was a little homoerotic and then i remembered that uh skype conversation that chis and had. Did you catch our conversation about... Who's the guy who... We just watched the movie Gone Girl. Who's the guy in that... Ben Affleck. Did you see his dick in the movie? Did you catch that scene?

Well, no, but do you have a screenshot? Oh, I remember. We saw it just barely. Okay, so here was the text conversation between me and Chiz. Chiz just links me to a push, and it's a close-up of Affleck's cock.

And when we watched the film, I noticed that you could see his dick, and I didn't say anything, because it was a thriller, mystery thing. It's high attention. There's no time to be silly about his dick. Okay, his dick's there. Alright, leave it alone. Chiss sends me a close-up

zoomed-in push of Affleck's cock so that I can see the way it contours over his balls and shit. I'm just like, what is it? It's accompanied by a text message. It's something like, I caught this on my third viewing, thought you guys would want to see.

And I was like, I don't know which one of us is more gay because I caught it on my first viewing, but I didn't make a push of it and send it to two other guys. Yeah, see, that makes him gay because he made a push of it and then it to two other guys. Yeah, see, that makes you attentive. That makes him gay, because he made a push of it and then sent it to other men. Like, hey, validate my opinions of this other man's genital. Yeah, that makes you attentive. Yeah, you know,

I noticed it and I just thought nothing of it. Put me down for gayest, because I'm going through my Skype history looking for a picture of his cock. And I can't find it. Shit. It's probably back like a week.

Maybe more. When did he get naked in that movie? There was a shower scene. Oh, there it is. I shouldn't say anything. I gotta say, Batfleck's looking in shape here. I definitely There it is. I shouldn't say anything. I'm just going to... I got to say, Ben Affleck's looking in shape here. I wasn't paying attention. I definitely... I'm definitely looking at Ben Affleck's penis right now.

I don't know why. Why? Why? Because, I mean, everyone... Dude, if you're watching this right, don't you wish you... Aren't you kind of curious what we're talking about?

It's a, shall we? I would say it's, you know, it's larger than average. It's, he is circumcised. Seems to be trimmed quite closely. I took it a little bit, like I saw it and thought, eh, whatevs. But then I was looking at the rest of him. He's fit. He seemed to have pretty much a flat tummy.

He's got good pecs. Yeah, he was getting in Batman shape during that movie. What's the coloration of the penis like? Well, I'll pull it back up. It's flesh colored. Kyle? You know, it's pretty standard tones. Did you say flesh colored?

Are you serious? It's not too dark, not too light. I'll give you a link. No, I don't want to look at it. I just wanted to get him to be... You want to look at it. Shut up. You know you do.

You do. Everyone here watching is like, all right, I'll take a look. You know what? Everyone, if you're secretly wondering about this picture we're talking about, I'm marking you down for 15% gay. Don't be okay.

It's a spectrum. Yeah. I would say it's a pretty penis to use a Wings of Redemption thing. There's a filter that every movie uses now. It's either like a bluish color or an orangish color in every scene of every movie that's made now.

And this one happens to be blue. So it's kind of a Smurf cock going on too. But I saw it, didn't think anything of it, wasn't going to bring it to anyone's attention because it was a moment of deep reflection for his character. There was no time to go, DONG! It was a good movie.

We should have made time. But then if you think they're making a movie like that and they want you to be reflecting on a certain theme or something, don't you think they know, like, all right, maybe forego a cock right now because people are going to be thinking, dong, just like Kyle was saying. You know, I don't know. Take some responsibility. Get that cock out of that frame.

Wait a minute. I'm not sure what the thought process was for leaving the cock in. Like, in that Nymphomaniac movie that's on Netflix, there's penetration and cum shots and that shit. What is it called? I need to look at it. Nymphomaniac. There's two parts. It's six hours long. That's like a Gone Girl and a half.

Nine Songs is pretty much a porn on Netflix. There's full penetration and close-up oral scenes and stuff, if I remember right. Is it under the auspice of something else? Is it not flying its true flag of porn? It really is more than just porn. true flag of porn it really is more than just porn like like there's a plot and the there's like you know you see porn actresses act and they just seem like really bad at it they've never had a lesson no these were like real what i would have to assume are trained actors and actresses in a high production movie and they were just willing to fuck I guess

yeah so I'll have to check that out a lot of the Game of Thrones actresses are porn stars yeah Shay was I gotta say I am already on disc

six I think yeah I'm on disc like six of the first book and there are a six, I think. I'm on disc six of the first book, and there are a total of, I think, 28 discs. So, I'm getting... I'm making progress, and I really like it.

It's great, especially because I watched the show first, obviously. So I've kind of got that as a structure for my imagination to paint its tapestry of wonder on. When they mention a character, I don't have to use my imagination to know what that character looks like. I already know exactly what he looks like.

So when they describe him to a T, it's all the better. I like it a lot. So you're on disc six of the first book? Yes. You're doing the first book? Yes. You're doing audiobook? Yes. Okay.

The cool part about that is the reader is doing voices for each character, and I guess he actually set the... Oh, is it the old fuck? Yeah, yeah. The really old guy? He's the guy in season two in the penultimate episode of the Battle of Blackwater Bay. He's the guy, the old fuck who made all the wildfire.

That old man who just advises against it. Like he's that old... That's funny if that's true. I read a little bit on the back of the audio disc packet and I saw a picture of him and I saw that he had won

he had the Guinness World Record for most voices in an audiobook and it was on this audiobook because he does a voice for every fucking character in Game of Thrones and there are dozens. Oh, so many. What's his name?

Roy Detrice. It's normal to do voices in an audiobook have you guys like every audiobook i've read read uh had voices in it i think it's normal but he did a good job with it it wasn't over the top distracting for the most part where they're more generic normally like normally they're more generic but with this guy they seem like he's totally doing the same voice for those characters throughout the whole thing like it's not just his old man voice

it's that specific old man voice because he's the old man with the green beard who fucking you know was the captain of the galley that brought Catlin to King's Landing like that guy has a specific pirate-like accent that he never had

done before. I like it. I'm digging it a lot. And the story's so much better when you've got all the little details and the characters. What's happening where you're at right now? Peter Littlefinger just has called Catelyn to his room because she just

has arrived in King's Landing to warn Eddard about the attempt on Bran's life. She's got the dagger. And in the book, she grabbed that dagger when that guy was trying to kill Bran, and she held on to it and cut her hand. And the show, they just cut her hands, and it was no big deal because it's TV.

But in the book, she can't use these two fingers anymore. They don't move. And the rest of them are all kind of, like, not dexterous anymore. Like, she has a hard time. Yeah, her hand was, like, almost cut in half in the books. Yeah, it was cut almost to the bone. And so, like, she can't use them very well. I'm digging this a lot.

I listen to it in the car constantly when i'm in the car and i've brought it inside and just put it in my uh uh sound system and listen to it on the couch i'm digging it you like it so much i want to get it like it and i've been driving a lot like today is a random day i probably drove two and a half hours like i'd i'd make real progress you could have it downloaded tonight yeah i could put it on my phone and it syncs with my radio and does it thing you really should and just see how you like it because it's i mean you'll know right away because it's you'll see at least i listened to a couple of the books in the audiobook form

and after you get like just a few chapters in you're just so enthralled and into it no matter what you're doing, playing video games, driving in the shower, I was just listening to it non-stop to that old man narrating my life yeah it's wonderful, it really is and he adds

so much, like I love this show, I really do and when every show ends after it's 50 minutes or 52 minutes or whatever it is, I'm like, shit, I wish there were another 52 minutes just to flesh out everything I just watched. Yeah, I get sad. In the books there are. In the books, each little moment is expanded upon by three or four pages a moment, it seems. Like, everything is... Like, the whole scene where Arya and the Butcher's Boy

are having a stick fight, and Sansa and Joffrey come upon them, and Joffrey gets out with his sword, and there's the whole confrontation. Like, that's fleshed out so much better, and you're left hating Joffrey so much more, and liking Sansa, and hating Sansa. It's hard to hate Joffrey so much more and liking Sansa so are Aaron and hating on the Joffrey much more because he doesn't more fucked up shit

yeah he's worse in the books and even even worse he's so in this in the show Joffrey isn't much to look at I don't find you know I don't he's not like a like Jamie Lannister's a great-looking guy Joffrey's kind know i don't he's not like a like jamie lannister's a great looking guy joffrey's kind of a toad he's a little shit you know he's not he's not he's not ugly but he's certainly not a handsome young man i think he's a handsome young man i think he's maybe somewhat influenced by his personality in the book he's taller than any of the other kids. He's 12, Rob is 15, and yet he's still taller than Rob. Maybe Rob's 14. Yeah, Rob's 14. But he's still taller than Rob, and he's got these golden curls of hair,

and he sings with a high, pure voice as he rides along on his horse. And he's pretty good with a sword. He's the one that's had more sword training because he uses a real sword, not a wooden sword like the Starks. He's more hateable. He's got the real Valyrian steel. No, not in the book. He's captain of the football team of Game of Thrones.

He gets it eventually. He's the guy who dates the prom queen. In the show, he's a stud. In the show, he's good at anything. He's really just a scumbag, and if he weren't a prince, he wouldn't think much of him. But in the book, he's got some talents.

He's good at some stuff, and that makes him even easier to hate. Which is probably the right way to go about it, because you always wondered, why did Sansa like this guy in the first place he was a little shit from day one but in the book i can kind of like from what you're telling me like oh yeah you know i can see why a girl might go for him and even overlook a fall or two he it's the he's pulling the dentist system on him totally dude he's like he uh he's coming there's a scene where there's a scene where Sansa

goes to the Queen's wheelhouse, and she sees Ilyn Payne for the first time, the King's headsman, and he scares her so much that she backs away and starts crying, and she backs right into the Hound, who also scares her, so she, like, falls to her

knees crying, and Joffrey's, like, runs into a rescue. He's like, get away from her, since she falls to her knees crying, and Joffrey runs into a rescue. He's like, get away from her! You're scaring her! Get out of here! You hound! Just leave! Get out of here! Come here, my lady! Are they bothering you? He's legitimately coming to her rescue. Demonstrating his value. There you go.

There you go. We should segue into that. Have you seen the new episode of sunny i have uh i know i watched the first one of this season i think the other one came out last night right last yeah i watched it today it was better than the first one it was better than the first one really the dentist system don't ruin it okay all right i like the first one you can say i don't really give a shit i'm not overly the dentist system plays a major role and uh but i felt like it was a little repetitive like it was just the same it was almost like a saturday night live episode but 30 minutes long they just like

oh my god the same joke again and again and again like you know oh this thing bothers me i didn't hate it and i make it sound like I hated it. What about the whole thing where Charlie, Frank, and Mac had come up with the system where any time they said something wrong, Frank blew the whistle until they were actually good at dating. Charlie was like, I got like 40 cats. And Frank was like, blows the whistle. And then you see a cut.

He's like, I got like eight cats that live in my sink. He's like, and so it's like blows the whistle and you see like a cut and he's like I got like 8 cats that live in my sink and he's like I don't have any cats but I really like them and I've been thinking the dates keep going better and better they've got a whole list of things they're not allowed to say on their group dates and they're on

this marker board AIDS is written in big letters also creatine shits can't talk about that and max like no no creatine is is the mass building product and by by telling them that i have the creatine shits they know that i don't just know about the product i use it see it it's kind of funny when you're saying it but as i was watching it like that big list of like 90 things they weren't allowed to talk about and by the end i'm just like oh i get it your cats your poop aids like you know like everyone was just painstakingly like like like

an snl skit where they have a five seconds worth of joke and they do a five minute skit on just repeating it. Dennis was falling apart meanwhile. I like that. I thought that was funny. Dee was becoming a super whore. That was funny to me as well. I liked the episode. I thought it was the best one I'd seen in a while. I liked it a lot. I like Dee

as the super whore. That was funny. She thought that she was... She kept bagging these, like, great guys. And then she'd, like, dump them. Like, what? You're, like, whatever. I have pedophilic... A pediatric neurologist?

Yeah. There's a huge difference there. You're a pedophile or... She goes, what are you, a chiropractor? You're a chiropractor? I'm a spinal surgeon. Whatever. Let's get out of here.

Let's hang. Spinal surgeon. I read on Reddit, and maybe I mentioned this before, but it was the theory that the only characters who were presented as they truly were were Frank and Charlie, and that all the other characters, we were seeing a delusional self-image projected upon us.

Because it doesn't make sense that Dennis would have to go through the Dennis system to get laid, because seemingly he is a pretty good-looking guy, right? Like, he is good-looking. He shouldn't have to be, you know be tricking women and swindling women and drugging them left and right. He should be able to just get a girl. And Mac is really obsessed with his looks and wanting to be big

and muscular. And Mac is pretty big and good looking and muscular. It's clear that he works out. He's not some giant muscular man, but he's in good shape. And Dee is always having to fuck these toad looking men literally there was a toad person in that last episode when danny devito saw that toad man he had such disgust in his eyes it was that that really cracked me up

that danny devito looked down upon this guy that she had fucked but d is actually great looking you know you've seen her i'm sure in a bikini. She's got a ripped body, and she's great looking. It's one of the funnier skits to me that through all nine seasons, they all act like she's completely repulsive, and no guy would ever want to be with Dee. And it's like, do I have low standards? Because I would hit that. Yeah.

I know what you mean. You're always like, you're just an undateable ostrich girl, or whatever the hell they say. And she's really not. She's not bad. Very thin. She's had kids, so that's a good sign. And we've seen them use the device of an unreliable source before in the episode about who got Dee pregnant,

where as they think back upon the events, Dee is literally like an ostrich or something at one point. So I think that's a pretty possible theory, that maybe at some point they reveal what the characters really look like, and Dee is like five foot nothing and super chubby and just disgusting. They're all just disgusting looking and like that, that what we've been looking at are just, you know,

I want to circle back to Taylor. Why was it a good sign that she had had kids before? Is like, is her fertility some kind of green light? like no, no, I meant like that. She had had kids in real life.

I don't think in the show she's had kids or no, she had her surrogate kid, I think, in the show. But I was saying, oh, she had a kid and she got back down to skinny. That's a good sign. That's all I meant by it. Yeah, I don't want to be with a chick who's had kids. Now, there's nothing wrong with that when you get older,

but at my age now, it's just kind of limiting. All right. But when you evaluate women as genetic material you say the one who's gone back down to her fighting weight after a kid that's that's a notch in her column a feather in her cap yeah definitely yeah a feather in her cap it it says something about her genetically and uh about her and about her willpower, what's important to her. Her determination.

I feel like there's plenty of stereotypes about men, but one of them that's probably true about women is there are a lot of women who get married, have one kid, and they're like, oh, I'm done. I don't need to be hot anymore. I'm not going to be a... And they just become disgusting. This is come this is me now just melted off I think it was that she breastfed and that stuff is fatty she pretty much just pumped all her body fat

out of her boobs that's how it works she got fat when she was pregnant, too. Like, I don't talk about it much, but I think she gained like 40-something pounds when she had a kid. Oh, wow. 46 pounds or something. Wow. And that's a significant weight gain. Were you worried when she was like, you know, she's like, you you know maybe a week before she you know the day before she gave birth were you worried that your wife was never going to look the same again oh yeah day before like three weeks after i'm like you're still going right right like you're

you know i appreciate the improvement i can. But this isn't the final product, right? This is stage four of ten, honey. You're doing great. Were you in the room waiting for Hope to be born? In the birthing chamber? Yeah, so both the kids were. Both the kids were. The Meister does it. Yeah. The Meister. Both the kids were both the kids were c-section because they were breech and um

uh so like what they let's see i was there as they put this like um what is the name of the it's like the the they put medicine in her spine to make her not have pain anymore epidural yeah that's what i'm going for so i was there as they did the epidural and then i kind of leave and as i and then when i come back when they're ready to like retrieve the baby from her belly and uh dude like the first time in particular i i don't think of myself as being bad with like blood or like medical situations and stuff but um but when they reached inside of your wife's stomach and pulled your child out like one of those chest bursters from the movie alien it was a bit much is that what you're gonna say

it started no dude like it will forever be burned in my head um they didn't use a scalpel i think or something they use like a burning laser to get in and the smell of like skywalker when he cut open that tauntaun for warm exactly like that i will never forget the smell of burnt flesh like you walk in the room and it's like holy shit like like they burned her open or something and like it smells bad in here not like poo or something just just burnt human like like like they cooked her and um and she's laying there all chill right a little like dazed kind of happy and uh and you know i go in and they're like all right we're ready to get her and and of course they all talk about how the kid's ugly and looks like an alien everything i still wasn't prepared for just how ugly my daughter would be she looks better now but um she comes out looking at that

thing from uh what's the schwarzenegger movie where he uh total recall do you remember total recall when like that guy opens his jacket up and that symbiotic life form is in there and it's all like Nah! Nah! And it's fucking getting a message to Schwarzenegger.

So then... Woody, when you saw your child first, was it like, being honest, 100% honest with yourself, was it just unabashed love just from first touch? Or was there a little bit of like, oh, Jesus, is this going to get better quickly? Or what? Oh, God.

So there was all this buildup with regards to the love thing, right? Like we went to Lamaze classes and stuff. And it was we were learning that there was going to have to be a C-section because of the breach. And we're in Lamaze classes. Like, what are we doing? This is such a like fucking like i'm just going through the motions there's no chance we're doing any of this breathing shit but um they were like oh you see the baby and you instantly love the baby like you instantly have this great bond or whatever me i got that bond like a year and a half later like like a year and a half later it

wasn't like that at all that's old timey that's because you're so old the kid had to grow on you i've heard that before you know in the old days they wouldn't even name a kid until it was like two because you don't know if they're gonna make it or not yeah for me like the baby came out and all I saw was like responsibility. I was like, all right, so now I got this to handle. You know, like that was, that was my take. You're like, oh, hey there little one. You look so expensive. And, and, oh, I've, I've told this so many times, so forgive the repeat story, but, um,

I had a fear. Okay. For starters, every baby looked the same to me every baby to me you know they bring them by the office and look at our new kid or whatever and it'd be like yeah yeah it's a baby they look all they're freaking identical every one of them and i had this great fear that mine was going to get like swapped at the hospital and me having some sort of baby blindness would have no idea that that wasn't my kid like if you wanted to swap babies on me i i just would have no clue because they

all looked the same i'd never really given a shit about any baby and they looked identical so so when i got mine like i first saw her hope was nine pounds ounces, and she had a full head of, like, carrot-top spiky red hair. And she was the only one like her. Like, you know that room with all the babies and all the little cribs at the hospital? It's like, that one. That one right there is the one I got. Because she was gigantic and she had, like, crazy red carrot hair. Gigantic and she had like crazy red carrot hair.

But yeah, I remember like, you know, the thing's two months old or something. The thing, right? She's two months old and, you know, Jackie's just loving her up or whatever and getting all these cuddles. Me, it was just like, oh, fuck. But for me, it's somewhere around like maybe it was a year-ish. I said a year and a half. I mean, I exaggerated. At about a year, she was getting a personality and hoped at everything fast.

She walked ahead of schedule. She talked ahead of schedule. At one year old, she was singing the alphabet, which is much quicker than normal. And I wasn't a competitive parent. I know I talked to Kyle about this before. I wasn't a competitive parent, I know I talked to Kyle about this before. I wasn't a competitive parent, but I also wouldn't, like, lose. Like, you know, so you say how old was a kid when they walked, and it's like a spectrum, you know? Is a kid who stands on their own walking?

What about a kid who does what they call couch surfing, right? Where they sort of, like, hold on to something and walk alongside of it? Or they where they go from like the couch to the coffee table and make their way around on their feet. But the real primary form of like locomotion is crawling. Like that, that'll be a stage. And, um, my, my wife had this friend, Tina and her boy was Chase. And, uh, Tina was real competitive, which wasn't really a problem because undeniably her son lost at everything next to hope like so it was like yeah be competitive all you want i don't give a shit and um but the hope was like in that walking spectrum you know she could couch surf or something or maybe even take a couple steps on her own before she dropped to crawling and really

went somewhere and uh then Tina comes along. And, like, dude, the way she said it. Like, oh, my son is walking now. And that was the fucking day I decided that Hope walked, too. Like, all right. So does my daughter. Fuck it. Because she walked better than Chase.

I just wasn't making a big deal about it. Yeah. Chase's mom being a stuck-up bitch no my son can walk i'm proud of him would he stop that yeah i didn't smack him around when no one's looking but uh take him real good so but yeah so just you're not walking anymore little man yeah break his ankles so um yeah that that's that was the story

she uh she was big and red haired and everything was fast you wanna talk about Tom Brady sure NFL's favorite controversy so do you know the specifics? I don't know the specifics.

Well, now I'm questioning them. I need to be caught up. Okay, so I guess I should be exact about this. I know that post-game, after the Patriots won the championship the other night, the vast majority of their uh their balls their footballs were under inflated uh so they're accusing tom brady of using these under inflated footballs to gain some sort of advantage and they found some quote from him from many years ago where he said he did indeed prefer an under inflated ball can i I interrupt you? Yeah. For our non-American viewers,

Tom Brady is the quarterback of an American football team, the Patriots, and they deflated a couple balls under the idea that it made it slightly easier to catch them. And the Patriots just beat the Colts by some ridiculous score. Does anyone know the score? Was it like 38 to 7 or something? I don't know the score.

I didn't watch the game uh i know that 11 out of the 12 balls uh were were under inflated all right i'm gonna look up the score real quick because to me it's critical like if they're gonna make a big deal out of the under inflated balls it's noteworthy that that they freaking ran it i'm trying to find this is it though i think it only because like if they had won by a field goal or something and tom brady had some unfair advantage then that would be a thing but since they won like since they blew him out i don't know okay i i don't know i i don't know. I don't like cheating at all. It was 45 to 7. That's a real blowout. But I'm still saying, if he did indeed purposefully have these balls underinflated

to gain some kind of advantage out there, there should be some kind of a punishment for that. And I saw his press conference today. I was at the Olive Garden, had a lovely lunch, and I was looking at the big screen TV there, and they had the captions on, so I was watching this whole thing. And it was about ten minutes into it when I realized I wasn't watching ESPN, I was

watching fucking CNN breaking news. It was Tom Brady. It was Tom Brady with this ridiculous ski hat on, answering to these allegations. And it sounded like he was being cross-examined by the fucking assistant DA of fucking Los Angeles County or something. What's Brady's position? Does he just keep saying, I had no idea?

Oh, no. It depended on what the question was. The questions were biting. It depended on what the question was. The questions were biting. They were like, you know, what do you say to critics who say that we've seen issues like this from the Patriots before? How can they trust you now?

Referring back to when it was found that they were recording other teams' practice sessions and using that inside information to play against them. Lots of really rough questions. There was one thing where they quoted him from years past where he said that he said something along the lines of, I like my ball at about 12.5 PSI or something

like that or underinflated and made some joke about telling one of his buddies to spike the ball because a little air comes out when you do that. And it looked bad. And they asked him, because he explained that there was this pre-game ritual where he inspected the balls and he picked the ones that he preferred because, as he said, some quarterbacks liked them old, some liked them new,

some liked them more rounded, some liked them more squished in the middle, some wanted them sticky and tacky, and some wanted them clean and new. And it just really depended on the quarterback. So he would pick out the game balls that he wanted. It could be anywhere from 12 to 24, and those would be the balls that were waiting for him. And they were like, do you expect us to believe that you didn't notice that this ball was 15% deflated when a Major League Baseball player can pick up a bat and know if it's an ounce

or two ounces too heavy or too light? An NBA player can tell you if the rim is six inches too high or too low, but you can't tell us playing all game with this football that there's something wrong with it? How do we believe that? And he's just like, well, I don't like to get

into other people's belief systems. I don't want to tell anybody what they should believe. I'm not getting into all that. It's pretty well handled. Is Bill Clinton playing QB for the Patriots? What is this shit?

He just started stringing them along in just a sentence of nonsense of like well I'm not trying to trample on anyone and frankly I'm not a person myself to tell people what they should believe as a matter of fact and then just like go off on his own thing

basically he said something he made a comment about ISIS he was like hey come on it's not like we're ISIS or something people aren't dying here it's not like we're ISIS yeah he really fell apart toward the end there's a transcript somewhere but It's not like we're ISIS or something. People aren't dying here. It's not like we're ISIS or something. Yeah, he really fell apart toward the end apparently. There's a transcript somewhere.

But he struggled at times and then at times he looked like he knew what he was doing or like maybe he'd been briefed well. But I'll say this. At the beginning of the press conference, I totally believed him. And by the time I was paying for my meal, I was like, he totally did something with those fucking balls. Or he knows he did. This is what he should have done. Can you cue up this video with me?

Yeah. He should have gone meow on it. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Ready, set, play. Thanks, Mike. Down here with Ray Canisto. Ray, a couple weeks ago, you and I talked about this team needing to start a little bit quicker.

Looks like you guys did that here today. Yeah, right now we came out hit a few guys Quickly there, you know, we got to get in the corners now and maybe I'll pass the puck a couple more times Don't neutral zone there mouth You're up one nothing early this team's leading in the North Division. You guys need to make up ground I'm gonna do the rest of the way. All right, Mal. Our focus is on making as many points, Mal,

but we're doing a pretty good job coming out and getting the first goal. Thanks a lot, Ray. Good luck the rest of the way. Mike. That's great. That's great. For anyone who doesn't know, that is a Super Troopers reference in which the state troopers play a game where they pull people over and try to sneak in as many meows as possible without raising any suspicions.

Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's great. You have to feel like such a dunce if you're the reporter standing there like, come on, I'm interviewing you. You're on a minor hockey team, I know what's happening. Reporters are just up in the air like, oh, yeah, I see you. So you're down in the first, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Put it on mute. If he started meowing back, that would have been great.

He started meowing back. That would have been great. Yeah, like funny little doesn't hurt anybody pranks like that. Nobody had to run up and punch him in the face and steal his wallet and then say pranked like two seconds after. Does anyone think the NFL is loving this? Like the NFL had issues with where like one of their players kills three people over the course of a couple of years. They have this issue where another one of the players is beating their child until he's bloody and injured. Another one of their players is beating their wife in an elevator. Apparently they had seen the films and covered up the films.

And then they had to cover up the fact that they covered it up. And there's this big issue. They held an investigation with the same company that helped them negotiate like tv deals like they're not in the loop on this thing and now that there's an under inflated ball controversy they're happy to talk about it not a problem you know like it's it's their dream controversy at least it's about winning. Maybe so. It's been pretty rough as of late. Their PR guys have been having a hard time. Yeah.

At least Tom Brady didn't kill anyone or rape anyone or beat his wife. It's even worse. Kill the dreams of all those Colts players. Yeah, this may actually be a bigger sin in sports, though. If he's actually cheating, that really rubs a lot of people the wrong way they start talking about asterisks and all kind of shit they want to they want to get the psi on some of your balls out of the trophy room yeah they want to tarnish your legacy like mcguire to me this feels like i don't want to say acceptable cheating but like there's always

a little cheating right like if you're an mma sometimes your finger gets inside that other guy's glove and holds it for a split second sometimes you grab the cat what'd you say or his butthole who knows yeah right or check his oil sometimes when you're trying to get taken down you grab the fence for just a split second to give you a little bit of an edge. If he was barely going to take you down, it would be enough to hold it up. There are things that happen. If you're in baseball, those guys cheat constantly.

They've always... What do you use to keep your hair looking like that? Oh, a combination of ridiculous amounts of suntan lotion, crazy glue, and Vaseline in my hair it's just a product whatever you know the pine tar and shit it's not supposed to be reaching back and getting something out of their hair and getting it on that ball yeah that's like a thing that people

do all the time in baseball and and it's like acceptable cheating right there's a certain thing that happens in there um i wish I could come, oh, and hockey, right? Like, you can clutch and grab, but, like, a limited amount of clutching and grabbing, you know? Like, a little tug and then you let go and that's all you can get away with. It's illegal, but it's part of the game. Goalies and their equipment, you know? Like, now it's more tightly regulated, but these guys used to come in there, like, the Stay Plush Marshmallow. Garth Snow, you have shoulder pads, right? But then he would have like risers that made his shoulder pads up with like his temples. They were like little walls that he put on top of his – let me see if I can find a picture.

I don't know, man. This is the game ball. This is changing the game ball by 15%. Like it's spongier. It's easier to catch. A lot of the catch... Is the other team using this ball? No, these are only Tom Brady's balls. Oh.

So Tom Brady gets the special balls. That is a big deal. But is it... I'd have to hold... I don't know enough about football to know how much of a difference I don't either. But the thing is, it'd be like if you found out McGuire had a corked

bat. Well, how long has he been using that corked bat? Has that always been what he's done? Did he play his entire career with a corked bat getting 20 extra feet on everything he ever hit? Now what do you think of him? Yeah, that's

true. It's hard to say. I don't know. But I will say, I don't think the interview went well for Tom Brady today. The press conference, I guess I should say, because he shouldn't have been out there by himself either. He needed, like, a fucking lawyer or, like, a representative.

He needed fucking, who's the coach of the Patriots? That guy who never talks. Is it Bill Belichick? Yeah. He needed somebody like that out there with him. He was all by his lonesome out there. There was a full room of the press and they were relentless. They were all over his ass. Do you have a preference

on who won that game or you just thought it was shenanigans? I don't care. I actually like to see people win multiple championships. I don't care. I actually like to see people win multiple championships. I hope Brady wins the Super Bowl, but that press conference didn't go well for him.

Here's a goalie whose pad slips out of his jersey. It's some sort of pointed up thing. You can tell it's clearly designed to do nothing but take extra vertical volume like deflect pucks yeah henrik lundqvist yeah the fuck is that there's a bunch of examples of goalies having illegal pads players having illegally curved

sticks i feel like a illegally deflated ball is is right in there with minor little offenses where players try to get tiny little edges see i i want to agree with you on that it's just i just don't know how big of a difference it is but if tom brady was in the past saying like oh yeah i preferred it like exactly this amount of air and then it just so happens that 11 of 12 are at that exact amount of air and that seems like more than a little infraction, because that guy's kind of... It's not like one guy having a curved stick in the NHL, where that guy could very well get fucked up

and just not create a play. This is giving a distinct advantage to the playmaker at the beginning of every play, you know? So it is more advantageous, I think. They were like, would this... You know, if this were true, if someone did this on purpose, what would you think?

And he was like, oh yeah, it'd be very serious. It would affect the integrity of the game. And I was like... What else is he going to say? I don't know. He shouldn't be answering that question. He shouldn't be out there. Super Bowl 37, Brad Johnson paid $7,500

to have 100 game balls doctored. Who the hell did Brad Johnson paid $7,500 to have 100 game balls doctored. Who the hell did Brad Johnson play for? Super Bowl 37? But doctored in what way? That doesn't suggest that he did anything illegal to the balls. They do doctor them. They squish them and rub them with stuff. That's all okay.

But he paid to have them doctored. So you would think it's nefarious. There's a guy that's paid but he paid to have them doctored so you would think it's well there's a guy nefarious there's a guy that's paid to do all these guys the implication in there to me was that the 7500 to doctor the balls was not above board that's pretty expensive yeah kyle it's about the implication um i i just feel like the nfl is loving this they they have a heel you know a team that everyone wants to root against is drumming up interest we're here talking about the nfl and we wouldn't be if it was just simply a drubbing i feel like they love that this is

happening right here maybe yeah and in terms of like infractions, it's much ado about nothing. It is a tiny little thing to have 15% less air in a ball. I could give a shit. What if the puck were 15% smaller? Someone would notice. But only when your team was on offense. That'd be... I don't even know. That'd be

hard. In sporting clays, there's more than one size of sporting clay to shoot. There's minis and midis, and some of them are literally this big, like the size of a silver dollar. When those motherfuckers come out of there,

they're so hard to lock your eyes on and hit. I'm just saying, if he's got a 15% difference in the ball when he's operating on it, that could be a lot when you're talking about the guy. This guy's the best in the world at throwing footballs, and you're going to give him some super special footballs just the way he likes them? I don't know.

It just feels to me like... He certainly was on his A game that day. I don't think anyone can argue with that. Yeah, I want it to be a big deal because I want the Patriots to not win again. If the Patriots had won 10-7 and a field goal at the end had done it,

nope, I wouldn't give a shit. But the Patriots stomped them in the championship game, so it's just like, eh, what happened? They should have switched to the regular balls 30 points in, you know, make it a little less obvious. I think somebody's keeping an eye on these fucking balls. There were so many questions about those balls,

who was looking at them, and Brady was like, I don't know, that's not my responsibility. He's like, I guess an equipment manager or something. I don't know. Dude, what's fun is this. Two weeks ago, they were doing something. Now this is legal,

but it's, it's not a common practice. They were, what were they doing? They were putting receivers on the field, like extra ones. They were replacing, they're swapping out linemen with receivers and then declaring the receiver to be an ineligible receiver.

So he was doing the role of alignment, but when it came to covering them, and then declaring the receiver to be an ineligible receiver. So he was doing the role of a lineman. But when it came to covering them, they weren't sure which receivers were eligible to catch a pass and which ones weren't. And it was tricking them up. And they were doing it right on the fly. Like, all right, Bobby out, Joey in, ready, go. And the defense didn't have a chance to get their assignments

and deal with it properly. And the coach of the other team, I who it was was furious right because they'd never seen this before whatever and he's like well you know we can do that next week we're gonna have something else and then next week was the deflated balls so uh you know fun but i like it fuck it i don't know me i feel like I'm a cheater here, but it's like, ah. This is like within, to me, the realm of normal sports. A little HGH. Sneakery.

Some softer balls. Maybe you inject some of the defensive players the day before. Paralyze a few nerves. Maybe you happen to do something to the guy's dog maybe he's up all night taking care of his dog the night before the big game in mma walter white poisonous

kid do whatever you gotta do right true get this mma so there's this guy bj penn and at the time bj penn was a monster he had excuse me he had defeated matt hughes who was like champion of the world and then he just like left the uf UFC and he came back and he was a major threat to take down George St. Pierre and BJ Penn was like that. He had the best ground game in the world, right? He was this black belt and, and he was, he was really, really good. So what George St.

Pierre did is he bathed himself in like oil, right? Like he just, he, he stayed in it they call it vastly but i think he was covered with oil and um and and he might have used some vaseline too but it was the oil that was the big deal so you couldn't wipe it off him it was coming out of his sweat it exactly into his pores and and they're like talent bj penna's like what the fuck like i'm the greatest submission artist in the world and this guy's slippery as fuck and they they couldn't do anything about they're like the refs are like tallying them down and he's just sweating more oil out of his pores and he won what do they do eventually he won he won they gave the belt

they did he stayed he held on to his championship and uh you couldn't you couldn't hold on to him i remember that yeah they kept talking about the oil or the vaseline or whatever it was like you said soaks into your pores and it doesn't matter if you wipe it off because as soon as he sweats it's just pushing more out yeah he was he was shiny i've done that with suntan lotion before where like I sweat so much like you can see it come out again and yeah he was just so slippery that

BJ Penn couldn't use his strongest attribute against him or his biggest strength see that's kind of cheating too but it's more of a sneakery cheating than a direct influence on the match by messing with equipment or something. That was a much bigger deal than a deflated ball to me, although it's hard to really compare.

If your gloves were 15% lighter, you wouldn't like it. What's that? If the other guy had 15% lighter gloves, you wouldn't like it. Yeah, I wouldn't. Wouldn't that be good, though though because you want more mass so you want heavier gloves right no you still a little heavier the gloves they're wearing when i when i said i wouldn't like it i was like you know there'd be less padding right like for example if it pretending we were equal skill if I had four ounce gloves and you had 14 ounce gloves I'm gonna crush you right well yeah that's a huge difference so when he said the gloves were lighter

I was like does that mean that they're less padded that they hit even harder but I was talking to Joe 16 ounce gloves and I've got you know 15 percent lighter gloves yeah whatever that is right probably 14 ish um uh when I was talking to joe though he was like you don't need any lighter gloves that like at that point it's just to protect your knuckles that's it and what do they do they like this is i think i hope i can say that but they take the gloves and they like smush them around so that the padding goes right where they want it like i think he puts the padding right on his knuckles so he's less likely to get hurt yeah it makes sense mike tyson always talked about like pushing his knuckles like into the material until like you could feel the knuckle through the glove yeah those boxing gloves he

goes the other way um oh did we talk about john jones being the coke addict and stuff yeah we did we haven't talked about doing the uh the cum addict and stuff? Yeah, we did. We haven't talked about doing the Cumia show, though. Oh, go on. We did the Cumia show. We went on and... New topic? Just kidding. We went on the Cumia show the other day.

The crew here and Dr. Chiz himself went on there for like, I don't know, half an hour, 40 minutes, something like that. I thought that was pretty fun. It was really cool. Yeah, he was really excited about your guns. He lives in the People's Republic of New York. He can't get anything. Should get him down here

sometime, let him shoot some real guns. He seems like a nice guy. I enjoy doing the show. I enjoy going on there. That was fun. Yeah, that was neat. Is there a way, I think people can check it out, the audio version, for free, right? But not the video? I believe you are correct. I think he uploads...

I think the whole thing is on iTunes and then he uploads a different show at the end of the week. I think on Fridays he uploads the best hour of the week. So I doubt we'll be half of his best hour, but maybe we're in part of that in some way but yeah I think the whole thing is on iTunes

hmm yeah that was fun yeah it was a good time and it's we don't deal with that many I guess everyone's a professional that we deal with in one way or another but he's somehow more professional than than your average YouTuber and it's neat that

he keeps the conversation going and he flows, and he never seems to be struggling for a topic. It's cool to watch him. He just knows how to do it and when to flow and when to end. I guess if you do radio that long, it makes sense.

I was talking to Wings the other day, and he was telling me that Fallout 4 was going to be announced soon has anyone heard anything about that no no how's wings doing you've been typing with him right or texting us what you've heard um without like giving out any of his personal information i i felt like i think he's doing better um he didn't seem too down about the whole Bastard Brook thing. He seemed pretty accepting of that. For those who don't know, Bastard Brook passed away. He wasn't in South Carolina when he died. He had come back down to Georgia where I think his family is from,

and he passed away down here. So Wings wasn't bummed out about that. It seems sudden to me. Like he was in the hospital. Wings was worried that he was going to die. It was like, this could be the end. And then he pulled out, and he was just around the house. And in the videos, anyway, he just seemed like the bastard book that we knew for the last couple of years.

Not exactly a picture of health, right? This is a guy with alcohol issues, I guess. But, you know, still getting around and stuff. It wasn't like he had a walker or any obvious signs of physical issues. His feet were freaking swollen. That wasn't looking good. Oh, yeah. That didn't seem

to bother him too much. And he seemed pretty good on the whole, to be honest. We talked about a couple video ideas for some stuff he's going to be doing soon. I had a couple suggestions, and he said he was going to do one of them. So I look forward to seeing his video. Can you tease it? The idea was him playing a game that we like, and that he would like,

but basically it would be playing Fallout, but handicapping yourself severely, like giving yourself a zero intelligence, and every time he dies, he has to do something physical, like some up-downs or something. That would be fun. And then he edits together the best hour of his play session after a couple days, and he's got

himself a bunch of nice videos. I thought it'd be nice to see him completely exhausted. And I told him he should destroy that fucking desk. He should do that too. If Wings was a robot and I had the controller, I don't know exactly what I'd do with him. Right? I'd go smush some stuff.

I'd send him back to Kyle's house. That'd be funny. Show up at Kyle's front door. I think that has more to do with you watching me than watching Wings, though. I think you just want to see what'll happen to Kyle. That's front door. I think that has more to do with you watching me than watching Wings, though. I think you just want to see what'll happen to Kyle. So, everybody wants

the best for Wings, right? And I feel like sending them to Kyle's house. I've had requests for me to take care of him. They're just appealing to a higher power of somehow. I've also seen, I guess there's some WWE guys at Dustin powers or, um,

another one, the rock is doing stuff. And then everyone's like, let's get this guy to help wings. Let's get that guy to help wings. Woody will help wings, Kyle help wings, et cetera.

And, and they're just trying to figure out a way to help wings and it appealing to a higher power, you know, but real life people, not, not God. And, uh, yeah, I don't know where to go from that.

Wings is doing pretty well. Yeah? Yeah. From my last conversation with him, he was doing really well. That's cool. Still working out with Drew, everything? Oh, I don't know about his health and all that,

but as far as his general well-being and everything like that, he didn't seem to be as stressed out. He seemed to be doing pretty well. He's been kind of oscillating back and forth on doing really well and going berserk on Reddit.

What's his Reddit name? I want to look. WarGodICP or something. There may be some underscores, though. WarGod. Insane Clown Posse. Intense Camping Productions. Oh, that's what ICP is. God, I forgot about that.

Whenever anybody tries to argue with me about Wings, I'm like, you realize I am the Wings of Redemption expert, right? No one has seen more of his videos. No one knows him better than me. I am the Wings of Redemption expert right like no one has seen more of his videos no one knows him better than me I am the Wings of Redemption expert liaison from reality

Wings of Redemption yes you're 100% correct with that yeah it's war god YT like war god YouTube ah good call and uh oh god I just YT, like WarGod YouTube. Ah, good call. And, uh... Oh, God.

I just... I'm just looking at his recent post. Someone's like, guest suggestion, Angry Joe, and here comes Wings. Angry Joe is terrible. And he's only popular because of production value. He's a bad gamer with bad gamer opinions. Why

are you hating on Angry Joee i i don't understand but another video idea for him take all these comments that are just meant to be good-spirited contributions and then in a video of you just reading them respond out loud what you were going to respond on reddit so just say mean things to these attempting to help people i'd watch that'd bring me back to help people i'd watch that'd bring me back to his channel i'd watch that series so everyone who says like hey wings i have an idea why don't you go gluten-free and he can just like tear him a new ass for suggesting it everybody seems to have an idea for how to fix his situation,

but I don't think anything's going to change until he wants it to really, he really wants it to change. That's the interesting thing, right? So like from the outside, a lot of people assume that the issue is related to some lack of knowledge, right? Like, you know, look at wings or look at boogie. Clearly they don't know much about nutrition. Let me just help this guy. What you need to do is, is get on a diet like this or get on an exercise program like that. The truth is, Boogie and, like, to a huge extent, Boogie, who's been doing this for a while,

and Wings now, too, who's been hanging out with Drew, they understand what good food is and what bad food is. Like, that's no longer the issue. And, you know, they even are willing to put in some effort into the exercise you know i know boogie's worked up a sweat many times doing his yoga and i know wings has worked up a sweat many many times doing his exercises with drew it it's just battling those cheat moments and you know until they get a handle on on that then you know i really i still have a hard time wrapping my head around it

because, like, I love food so much. I've been... I've told you about my French fry extravaganzas, right? But what else are you eating? Mostly just the French fries. That's it. A lot of French fries. A lot. That's it.

Kyle will be like... I ate five pounds of french fries in the last four days. That's disgusting, Kyle. You're going to get fat. I'm building math. Get out of here. Is that all that you've eaten?

No, I've been eating regular meals too. The french fries are like an experiment. Let me tell you about my french fry setup I've got going on. I got myself a nice big deep fryer. I went and got some peanut oil because Kitty's out of town. And she's definitely allergic to peanuts for those who don't know. So I went and got some really good premium russet potatoes.

I washed them and I sliced them into like French fries that are about like McDonald's French fries because that's kind of what I'm going for, that texture. French fries that are about like McDonald's French fries, because that's kind of what I'm going for, that texture. The first thing I do is I boil them in about three quarts of water with four tablespoons of vinegar and a bunch of salt. I boil them for ten minutes. Oh, excuse me. Let me take a step back. First, I soak them in ice water for an hour.

Then I boil them for ten minutes. Then I deep fry them at 375 degrees for an hour. Then I boil them for 10 minutes. Then I deep fry them at 375 degrees for 50 seconds. Then I take them out and excuse me, 360 degrees for 50 seconds. Then I take them out, change it to 375 degrees and go three and a half minutes more.

Then I've got my special seasoning salt that I put on them. I make the best french fries in the world now. It took me like 15 batches, but I figured out... Did you eat the first 14 batches? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they've been getting better as I went.

Like now, even the ice water solution I soak them in has like, I dissolve sugar water into it. There's something about the pectin in the fry. So it's evolved. Oh, yeah. Like I get all the starches out and I end up with this delicious, fluffy center and this crisp, crunchy outside

that comes along with things like the vinegar and the sugar. Dude, I want to come down there and make the video. We'll shoot the potato with the potato gun through the grate into your secret batch, and then we'll cook them up, and we'll make the world's greatest potato gun-fired potato chips. I like the image of Kyle after gun fired potato chips or fries. I like the image of Kyle after his first batch very excited. The fries are in the

bowl going downstairs and then you sit there and take a bite and you're like, oh, fuck, this just isn't that good. And then you have to go make another batch. Full batch. This is F.P.S. Rush's house. Full batch of fries for yourself to eat along.

It really has evolved. I'm going another step further because I've got one of those turkey burners and propane burners, so I feel like I can keep the temperature more consistent. Because when you drop the fries in, the temperature lowers briefly. And I feel like if I get out there with, like, two or three liters of oil on the propane cooker, I can keep it at a really consistent temperature. I think that's my next step. But right now,

I think everyone who's tried my fries agrees that I make the special seasoning salt I'm putting on there. Like 12 different things in there. There's sugar in it. It's delicious. I'm making some really good fucking french fries over here. I call it the french fry extravaganza.

I'm having one tonight. It's going to be great. Have you experimented with any kind of sauces that you've made, like unique sauces? There was a horseradish mustard sauce that I tried for a while. There was some fancy sauce, which was just ketchup and mayonnaise and some sriracha. There was some spicy ketchup that tastes a lot like

Tabasco sauce, but mostly it's just ketchup. I like ketchup a lot. I like Worcestershire sauce. Just kind of dipping them in that a bit. Maybe some vinegar. There's lots of dipping sauces in the French fry extravaganza. Steve had nothing but salt or starch for four days.

Really retaining water, I've noticed that. He's putting it on mass. I've been sweating it out, so far so good. It's been a real adventure. I'm all out of potatoes right now, which kind of sucks, so I'm going to have to go out and get some potatoes.

So you're really going to do that tonight, after the show? Probably so, yeah. I really have been perfecting this recipe. I love living through Kyle, seeing everything on the outside looking in where it's going to be 1 in the goddamn morning, close to when we're done here,

and then he's going to go to the store and buy potatoes to make more homemade french fries. That's just feverishly working over his countertop at 2.30 in the morning. Slicing them. I've got these really nice Japanese steel knives, and I'm just carefully just like, like slicing these things super fucking thin. Super thin on your fries, huh?

I go back and forth. I usually like them like steak fries, like thick and kind of wider than they are thick. But lately I've been making them thinner and thinner, and I've found that with my new – I usually don't like that because they get really soggy, but now that I've perfected my method, they're just like McDonald's french fries. They are crunchy on the outside, and they're like stiff. They snap when you bend them. They're perfect. Have you tried making

chips yet? Just like potato chips? Yeah, I'm gonna move to that I think soon. Yeah, work up to that. It's fun to do that. Kyle's developing culinary skills here, right? Because I tell you, I talked to Kyle four months ago and he's like, you know, I think I'll go to

Deep Fryer Snickers bar, see what the fuck that does i'm gonna fry like a snowball not a not the kind you make in the snow but like the tasty cake thing gross gas station food kind yeah he's just deep frying random stuff what happens when you deep fry a kit kat i got into bread puddings for a while as well like there was a time when i was making a bread pudding every day. The old bread pudding from K-8? I can make the best fucking bread pudding you have ever had. There's all... There's so much cinnamon and apples and that shit. I'm making that bread...

I'm getting that bread stale the night before. It's all kinds of Italian bread and the fucking... I'm whisking the eggs and the fucking... Oh, it's great. I can make a great bread pudding. Huh. So, yeah, there's a... Every now and's great. I can make a great bread pudding. Huh. So yeah, every now and then I get obsessed with a dish, and I'll keep making it until I perfect it,

and that'll be like... Oh, I remember three years ago you were in one of these phases, and you texted me so many pictures of sandwiches you had made. So many different... Because they weren't regular sandwiches, but I'd just be doing something,, I'd get a text from Kyle, and it'd be like a nine inch tall sandwich, just two pieces of bread.

He wasn't fucking around with the overcompensation of the bread in the middle. And then just meat, and just like cereal on it, with just nothing made sense with it. But you were proud of yourself, and I was proud of you. Yeah, I remember that specific sandwich. Do you remember the drink that went along with it? I don't remember the drink.

It was the old-school Pepsi with sugar. Oh, the throwback. There was cereal in there. Yeah, there was cereal in there along with some chips and stuff. But, yeah, that sandwich had wasabi, mayo in it, and all kinds of mustard and four different meats. That was a hell of a sandwich. Even that bread was special.

I think I baked that bread. I got into sandwiches for a while. That was fun. That was a gigantic sandwich. Something you'd buy at a deli. I'm liking food talk. I think chili's going to be my next one. You ever see the cold open to the office

where Kevin comes in and he's talking about his chili. He's like, I'm up the night before roasting Anobi chilies. And he's just talking about this special chili that he's making. And he comes in the door with a whole pot of it, and he drops it and spills it everywhere. And he's panicked so much because it's the best thing he does. He's scooping it up in files back into the thing trying to save it. I think chili's going to be my next endeavor. I want steak.

I want steak. In particular, I want to get skilled at outdoor steak cooking. I don't know. You need one of those. Go on. I'll be quiet. Okay, so the reason I haven't went to steak is because it's expensive to get good at steak, I think.

Because the way I like my steak is so that it's seared on the outside, and I think, I could be wrong about this, one of the few ways to do that is with that crazy expensive fire brick oven that they have at Morton's and places where it's like 800 degrees when they put that steak in there. Or I think they make those ceramic egg barbecues that get super hot but I feel like that's a big part of making a perfect steak is having that searing heat on the outside so that you can have it your steak can be medium

rare but it can still be kind of charred on the outside and delicious I saw a YouTube video and the guy cooked his on um I guess hot embers youbers, you know, he had it and, and, you know, when I, so here it is, I'm dreaming of doing the outside. Now I'll mind you, we're doing a shop and we're doing the house where the house is being renovated right now. So I'm trying to chill on all the house spending, but, um, I dream of having a pool with one of those like masonry built in the wall grill things and maybe a fireplace and stuff like that and uh when i think about the grill i'm like what do i want like a propane grill is so easy you know you just turn it on you cook on it and you make your thing but i think when you do it

right you have some sort of like either coal grill or like a wood burning grill maybe i need to um yeah but i would love to be a guy like i want to be one of those guys that like throws a steak on or like a wood-burning grill. Maybe I need two. Yeah, but I would love to be a guy. I want to be one of those guys that throws a steak on, seasons it up, and has it come out amazing. Yeah, I saw the video. A lot of it is just the cut of meat you're making. You don't need a big, expensive, fancy thing if you're cooking filet. But if you're going to make, I don't know,

like flat iron or some shitty cut of steak into a stir-fry, you kind of need something nicer, I suppose. But when I make steak, it's just salt, pepper, maybe a little bit of spices, and then just a couple seconds on each end on just a pan on the stove. My wife has become perfect at making steak. I used to give her a hard time about it

because it kind of sucked. And I'd be like, I want to make it rare. And there's like no hint of pink left and she's like yo you didn't eat it fast enough like it's an ordeal to chew it when you're oh this is good honey oh it's in my teeth it's gonna be there for a while it's a really expensive cut too of like filet and it's like man why is it such a waste just cook the shit out of it just ruined it but now she nails it and And she'd always argue, like, well, the $3 thermometer said that this was perfect. I'm like, honey, look.

Throw away the thermometer. Come up with a new plan. Cut it. I don't know what to tell you. But week after week, it's coming out shitty. But it really was. But now she crushes it. So there's not really a lot of purpose in me learning how to cook it.

If I really wanted to come out well, I could just get her to do it. But, nah, I would like to do that. Yeah. Cooking's fun, though. I can do it a little bit. Like, I know how to, the basics of grilling, but I don't know anything special. Fast forward four years, and Kyle's going to have a huge, like, culinary repertoire. It's all going to be shitty foods, though.

But what I was getting to with what I was getting at with that is I still don't understand how Wings continues to gain weight at his current weight. It's like, you've got to eat so shitty. I mean... At that point, it has to be shitty food because

you physically couldn't fit enough fucking carrots in your mouth for how many calories it would take. You'd need a horse trough full of carrots. I think I'm about to go on another little fitness kick here because summer's coming up. It's time to get back into shape. But right now, I'm eating a lot of cereal and french fries, and it's delicious.

I've always had good luck with this. Like, you know, there will be like a period where Kyle might gain some weight and then he's like, you know what? Time to be fit. And then he succeeded at that. I've watched it for a couple years now. I'm pretty good at that. It's hard to keep it going until you get to that point where you're actually in shape

and, you know, keep it going for like six to eight months or something at that. It's hard to keep it going until you get to that point where you're actually in shape and keep it going for six to eight months or something like that. As far as a six-week boot camp, we're like, we need to drop 15 pounds and get a little bit trimmer and more tone and fit back into those medium-sized shirts. I can totally do that. That's easy stuff.

That's easy because there's an end in sight because you've done a good job maintaining yourself your whole life so you don't have to look out at a three-year odyssey of starving yourself to get back to average. I don't typically pull this card, but I will say it's a little tougher over 40. That is a thing.

It doesn't come off quick. I read a Reddit article that said it wasn't, but okay. Really? Yeah. Who read it? That's usually reliable. doesn't doesn't i read a reddit article that said it wasn't but okay really yeah they said that's usually reliable i read that the whole fast metabolism thing was almost never an actual thing it was quite rare and that it didn't slow down that much when you went from 25 to 35 that it was kind of negligible that you're talking about like two or three hundred calories or so

it's just completely i've actually read haven't actually read that, too. Lifestyle changes. That's it. That's... Yeah. Interesting. Sedentary lifestyle, like, you know. You know, I mean, when you're a young man,

as I consider myself, you know, if you're 25 or 30, you know, if you've got a decent sex drive, it's like, I want to get some pussy! I want to get in shape! Interesting. You know, what I will say is true, and this I wouldn't back down from,

you heal a little slower. There you go. That's the thing. I believe that. You twist an ankle and suddenly what at 17 would have been a three-day ordeal at 40 is a two-week ordeal. Yeah, I definitely would believe that. I'd probably so, yeah.

That's why you need that human growth hormone. Joe Rogan yourself up. It's funny, I can't decide if Joe looks great or not great. I think he's... Is he around 50, Joe Rogan? I think so. I'll say this.

Remember his co-star in News Radio? Who was the main guy in News Radio? Was it something Foley or something like that? Phil Hartman is what comes into my head. Phil Hartman, Joe Rogan. The crazy guy, Andy Dick? It was the young guy who was kind of the main character. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's a stand-up comic, i recently saw his his hour-long uh comedy uh act very funny and uh he looks quite old he looks like a he looks like an older gentleman and meanwhile i don't know rogan looks like a fucking road warrior or something so like i watched a rogan deal with a heckler and she called him fat right and then he picks up his shirt and he's got abs but i can see why she called him fat because he had that human growth hormone gut like he has abs but like all his intestines have swelled or whatever it is that i may be getting scientific when i don't know what i'm talking about but it's a real common thing that hgh gut let me see it's like his abs are like

jutting layered on top of a gut or that or his abs like this thick you know like the thickest cut of meat ever like i didn't think that meant that you were using hgh i i don't know that was just how some people bulked up i always hear them talk about how their skulls will literally get larger and they point to like salone's head looking bigger and and and people like that that there's that their heads are just looking a little bit too big for their bodies these days that's where i was gonna go next actually like if you look at joe rogan over time let me see he He's bald too, though. That probably makes it look more round and looks like he's got a pretty broad face.

No, dude. He's starting to look like Brainiac. If you look at Joe Rogan here, this is a picture of him, like old school Joe Rogan. This is probably after news radio, but, you know, older. And if you look at him now, this is from a few years ago like he's definitely gotten like bigger and rounder in the head which is an hgh thing and i'm not like here's a here's a better picture this is young joe rogan now look a lot of people change as they age you know heck i have but um the change that he's made is real like indicative of here look at those two pictures next to each other it's like what what do you mean man between

the time i was 25 and 45 my head grew a few hat sizes what of it does he look like this yeah i mean like i hear what you're saying and it even kind of makes sense but but this is the thing that happens to people when they take a lot of you know roids and hgh which he has like that's not that's him saying it he talks about it on his podcast and stuff like that on the other hand you know in if you take away those particular things like joe rogan's got abs you know like oh he looks great yeah here let me give you this picture this one's a couple years old but um oops i didn't send you this uh did i send that yeah i did yeah it's a few years old but it's still roughly what he looks like now.

That is Diesel, dude. Like, he's got a little more. Yeah, he's in really good shape. He has more of a gut, but it's, like, his abs would look the same. They'd just be around some sort of, like, swollen insides. He looks great, but. Yeah, he looks like he'd be in the background in 300. Yeah.

But he also, he doesn like he'd be in the background in 300. Yeah. But he also... He doesn't look natural either. You know, it's just a variant of great, I guess. I don't know. I'd be fine looking like that. Make my head even bigger. Dude, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't know a fuck. Yeah.

How large would I have to make your head, Taylor, before it wouldn't be acceptable to have that body? Like, you get that body, that said, at what point? But you have to have an enormous head. It wouldn't be much. I don't have much wiggle room. Any more than, like, another two inches in circumference, and it would be distractingly large.

So, like, look at that guy with the fucking head. Like, everywhere I went. So, I need to find a balance between the guy with the head or that guy. Whoa, look how jacked that guy is. Kind of a big head. You know? And you want to supersede the other correctly.

That makes sense. How big can I make your head? You have a very slight elf-like head. You could probably spare a few. It's, you know, it's deceptively large. I feel like I've got some room back here. I feel like it's a

size head. I could take another size or two, I suppose. Yeah, I could go up a few hat sizes if you were to buff me a touch. I could deal with that. I feel like, you know, I suppose. Yeah, I could go up a few hat sizes if you were to buff me a touch. I could deal with that. I feel like, you know, you could go... It depends. I would go up one increment of head and one increment of body. I could totally do that.

Although these are made-up numbers in my head now. In my head, I'm like, yeah, one hat size plus 15 pounds of muscle. Sure, do it. Makes sense. No, that's going to get out of control fast. Because then you're like, oh, just extrapolate that. I want another 75 pounds of muscle. Throw another 5 inches on my head.

Next thing you know, I'm active and like this. Ah! You're wearing one of those 5150 hats that has like 11 and 3 quarters on the top. What if I said, I'm going to put a pound of fat on you for a thousand dollars right you you'd probably have to be like yeah well how many could i cope with and you can lose it again by the way but if i was like bam kyle 25 pounds of fat deal with it you'd be like here's my

question can i is this a one-time offering or can i come back later for some more fat it has to be a one-time offering, or can I come back later for some more fat? It has to be a one-time offer, otherwise this is way too easy. Am I going to have to deal with stretch marks, you think? No. If I take 75... I'm going to forgive you. Oh, okay. I will take...

No loose skin or stretch marks? Right. I didn't realize you guys were going to go so big on this. I'll take 90 pounds. 90 pounds? I'll drop it in three months. No problem. Honestly, I was going to say 75,

but now I'm thinking another $15,000 to get from 75 to 90. You pay me 30, you drink, I'll do that. Okay, you just eat, right? You go on the Andy diet, fucking peanut butter and rice cakes and water. And, you know, you eke out every calorie you can for 90 days. You go so far as to, you know, I don't know. You're always working out. You're always doing cardio.

You're trying to keep your heart rate elevated all day, every day. Just work out hard. By the time it was over, I would be in incredible shape after dropping 90 pounds in 30 days for one thing. Yeah, I'd totally take that. Then I'd take my 90 grand and go somewhere and fuck some whores or something. You wouldn't lose 3 pounds a day, I don't think. I could totally lose a pound a day.

No, not sustainably. Not of fat. The fat is energy in there just like anything else. You're going to have to burn through all that energy. There's like 3,500 calories in a pound of fat. You're going to have to burn through all that energy. There's like 3,500 calories in a pound of fat. You're going to have to be literally running constantly, which isn't going to be possible when you're carrying an eight-year-old worth of fat on you.

What you're not considering is a 270-pound version of me has a much higher base metabolic rate. I'm going to lose. Just by eating the way I am now, I'm going to start dropping weight immediately. Yeah. But not that fast. When I add in three hours of cardio a day, I think it's going to go pretty well. That would be awesome if you could offer that as a service.

Like find some stay-at-home mom who needs to lose 35 pounds and you're like, you know what? For 35 grand, I'll make that happen. Just – yeah. I'll be exercising and eating right. you know what for 35 grand i'll make that happen just yeah i'll be exercising and eating right you know how we do it we do it exactly like those like child boot camps where they come and they kidnap the kid in the night like you sign the papers and take hours we fucking kick the door come here you little shit rip it out see but in that scenario she still has to do it i'm saying this is a supernatural situation. Either you body swap or maybe she just comas in yours while you handle her and boot camp her with your effort and willpower.

Oh, God. I wouldn't want to do that. I don't enjoy working. I don't enjoy that shit. Well, you get paid. This isn't a charity. You get a dollar a pound. I would rather be –

A thousand dollars a pound. Oh, I'm sorry. But if you do it my way, you could actually do it without the magic. We could just go, you know, find some fat ladies. Shouldn't be too hard. And get them, you know...

No, it's not hard. We work the dentist system on them, explain to them that, you know, I've got this boot camp where we promise results and we'll get, you know, your child-suing lawyer to draw up some paperwork for us that basically... My child-suing lawyer to draw up some paperwork for us.

My child-suing lawyer? A contract if you put us to my place and sex will be, you know, it's kind of implied but it won't be directly noted. Basically it's a weight loss thing where we kidnap them and hold them here

and force them to do cardio. Or I do. I think that's a good idea for a reality show. A lot of ways you could take that. Yeah, it's basically kidnapping women. So you said 90 pounds, right? 90? Yeah, I would take 90 pounds.

I would take 90 pounds of fat. That's a lot. I'm going to say 100 just because if you're going to do 90, why not go for the full 100, dude? Another 10,000 for an extra, what, two weeks at the... Probably an extra three weeks to lose that 10. Because I was thinking three months. Three months was

my thing. And I was thinking if I can wrap my head around three months of work to get rid of this, that'll be cool. She'll lose a pound a day for 90 days. That's really ambitious. Yeah. But 100 grand. Think about it. And if you don't have stretch marks or loose skin,

there's no reason not to. You guys are ambitious as hell. I would take at most 25. Maybe more than that. I'm afraid I'd keep it. Because then you're going to get really successful through your 25 because you're going to be like, I'm going to get back to it. I'm going to be in just as good a shape. And then you're going to get really successful through your 25 because you're going to be like, I'm going to get back to it.

I'm going to be in just as good a shape, and then you're going to get down to your normal weight while me and Kyle are still fat fucks rolling in it. And you're going to be like, And you know, we might be fat fucks for a week or two just to enjoy our choice. Maybe. Oh.

We'd spend some of the money on a nice cruise at first just to be fat fucks all around the world. I'd spend that fucking money on a round of lipo section immediately. Cut myself down a little. That's a thought, too. You get 90 grand, right?

For 15 grand, you'd have 40 pounds removed. Boom. Maybe I'll take 200 pounds. Just to cut it off. There's limits on how much you can lose in lipo i can't take it i think i think you have to be yeah somewhere between like overweight and morbidly obese i don't think they can do it to you if you're like super morbidly obese right i don't i know there's a pounds at a time kind of thing like they can't go in and take a huge amount like

they're limited to how much they can take at once. And it's not that big of a number. Do you know? Close to maybe 10 pounds? 5 pounds? Yeah, somewhere in that range. That's probably a lot of fat. That doesn't sound like a lot,

but I bet when you get 10 pounds of fat in a vial, or whatever the hell they're using, it looks... Oh, let me show you. Like that Fight Club soap. so yeah exactly like fight clubs i watched that movie the other day that's one of my favorites do you just happen to have a pound of fat in like reach distance i have a keyboard within reach distance oh okay he's like let me show you i'm like was this a wings of redemption boot camp motivational tool?

Like five pounds of like ballistics gel. This is five pounds. So that is well, there's very little image search but you can see five pounds of fat's a big deal. See, that is huge.

There's no way. Five pounds of fat equals the weight of a brick. That's funny that they would quantify the weight of five pounds instead of the size of the fat or anything about it. The five pound lump of fat weighs the same as a five

pound brick. The standard brick. Five pounds of fat weighs as much as five pounds of feathers what weighs more five pounds of fat five pounds of feathers i thought i was so smart in third grade i was opposed to that quandary and i saw through her road you know what gets me you know the one with the airplane and the conveyor belt it's like how can you i haven't heard that one oh really yeah i mean this is old-timey yeah so the deal is this right like let's say the plane has to go 100 miles an hour to take off and then um they say well what if you put the plane on a conveyor belt that was like going 100 miles an hour? And then it just went and it was basically like, I hope I'm getting this right, that the plane is stationary.

Would it take off as it went 100 miles an hour over the conveyor belt? And it was like, quite obviously, no, it's about airflow over the airfoil, the wings. obviously no. It's about airflow over the airfoil, the wings. And it doesn't matter if the wheels spin at 200 miles an hour or if they don't spin at all with the conveyor belt at your back. It's about the air passing over the wings.

And a lot of people will vehemently argue that it's not. They don't know how big they are. It's about how fast it goes. It's got to go fast. Yeah. I guess the conveyor belt is supposed to be going the opposite direction of the plane and they're like now the plane has to go so fast and it's like man it's about airflow over the wings whatever i just want to take this moment this little time out to mention our show sponsor tonight tonight, Crunchyroll. Crunchyroll.com.

If you would like a free month of their wonderful anime service, all you got to do is go to Crunchyroll.com forward slash PKA. Get a free month of this service. It's pretty cheap anyway. What is it, like $6 a month or $7? I think it's $6.95. It's so cheap, it doesn't even matter. It's so cheap, I've forgotten the price. Yeah, exactly.

It just gets sucked out of my account, and I don't even notice it. But there's an annotation on the side. There's a link in the description. You can click on those things. You can check out Crunchyroll. You can unsubscribe at any time. It's month to month. It re-ups, much like Patreon does.

And I promise that at some point we're going to get together and watch some more anime because I really do enjoy it. And I like my idea of watching a few of those featured series like Bleach and Military and all the others. How to Train the Boring Girlfriend. Psychano. How to Train a Boring Girlfriend. I want to see that too.

They sound ridiculous and absurd and I want to know more about them. Go sign up. It takes about a minute to do. No problem at all. Crunchyroll.com forward slash P K a. All right. Did you watch the state of the union? I watched part of it and then I read about it a ton.

Um, I, you know, sometimes after the state of the union comes out, they do another version with all the clapping removed and it's great. You can watch the state of the union in like 15 minutes, whereas it takes hours with all the clapping and nonsense.

So yeah. He took an interesting tack. The whole thing, I find politics really interesting and what the Republicans wanted him to do was like, alright the Republicans now own the Senate and the House. I'm going to start

working with you and the Americans have spoken, etc. And what Obama actually did is he's like, all right, I'll admit you won 2014 and 2012, but let's not forget, I won 2000, wait, 2014 and 2010, but I won 2008 and 2012. I won the the big ones the fact that you get these low turnout midterm elections doesn't mean you are the will of the american people because the will of american people also spoke during the high turnout presidential elections and they went democrat so um and as he proposed his policies they were were very much in line with democratic values. And I'm having a... Some people, and I feel like they think they're so smart, are like, none of these parties represent you. They're both the same.

They're all the same, etc., etc. And it's like, no. One party goes straight out of the gate after some Keystone pipeline, which is a gift to their lobbyists, right? One of the parties goes straight out to the gate and says, we need to stop and preserve ISP monopolies like Comcast and Time Warner, right? We need to make sure that they never get any competition from municipalities. And then we need to make sure, like they put a, they either wrote a bill or whatever it's in,

what do they call the little groups that... Subcommittees. Subcommittees, yeah. They're in committees making bills, trying to strip the FCC's power to declare the internet as a utility, which would give access to telephone poles so that other people could form ISPs. That's the reason Google isn't rolling out quicker, because they don't have access to the telephone poles. It's their number one problem. And it's like the Republicans are just like siding against people and for companies all the time. And to say that there's no difference at all, God, I guess I'm an Obama lover. Maybe my mom's right. And then he had some other proposals, too.

Like, he wanted community colleges to be free, which is surprisingly affordable. And I think, man, like, could that transform a population? Imagine if, like, for free, you could go to college now. And some community colleges are offering four-year degrees, which I think is interesting. community colleges are offering four-year degrees, which I think is interesting. So all of a sudden you have like a system where you can emerge, you know, not so deep in debt. Like you go to community college for two years for free, and that could become the new standard. And then you just pay two years worth of expensive college. That could be a thing. Or if you want to go to community college and just like learn a skill, you can learn not only like, you know, academic white

colliery skills there, but they teach you how skills there but they teach you how to weld they teach you woodworking they teach you other like you know employable job skills at community colleges and he wants to take this and make it available to all americans i think that's really neat his inheritance tax proposal had ideas i had never thought of um he wants to he wants to tax inheritances but it doesn't start until you get it's some high number $5 million or $10 million. So everyone is like, man, it's going to suck. My dad dies and I don't get anything. No, dude.

Unless your dad has $10 million, you're fine. And even if he does, it only starts taxing the portion over $10 million. So if you're getting $12 million, he'll take like a third of the two that's above $10 million. 12 million he'll take like a third of the two you know that's above 10 so he'll take like 700 grand from you and you'll keep the other 11 million 300 thousand dollars you'll make it it's gonna be okay dude so and then if it's inheriting a business which is a big deal right like so let's say for example you inherit a farm which on paper is worth a ton right that's very expensive land you don't have to pay the taxes on that farm until you sell it, which can be never, right? That's one of the options you might go for. Or maybe it's some other business, right? Like, you know,

some baby little Nike competitor or something like that, you know, your cobbler, I don't know. And, you know, so this business is making money and it has value. But, you know, even if the thing's worth like 15 million, that's the value of the business. You can't just sell the business or take a loan or whatever. So you don't pay taxes on businesses that are inherited or farms that are inherited unless you decide to sell them, at which point you owe inheritance tax. Like, that's a clever idea because it doesn't ruin anyone's business. But, you know, it still does this thing. Well, what we have now is a system designed to keep the rich so rich. I liken it to this. Imagine if we chose this year's Olympic team based on

the top athletes of 1960, right? We just grabbed their kids. Bam. That's who's going to be leading our nation. All the young Rockefellers, all the little Kennedys, all the little whatever, um, whoever's super rich Gates's kids. Although I guess he's doing a big charity thing because your parents were successful. Now you get to lead the nation. If we had a system that involved more wealth mobility, where it was easier for everybody to bring themselves up, then that would be good. And that's what free community colleges do. That's what inheritance taxes do. They make it so that the next generation kind of has to do it on their own. And I think that that's a really good thing. I liked a lot of his policies, but the challenge is he didn't, I heard heard i didn't hear him pitch anything that was possible with the

republicans owning the house in the senate it was total pie in the sky this is the kind of thing that i would do had we won midterms and uh and i liked a lot of his ideas but i just wasn't hearing anything that he's going to do it was just stuff that he wishes he could do so um i thought he looked very cinnamony i like had a lot of makeup on i didn't did everybody was they're all talking about his one-liner now um the whole like what'd he say oh i'm i i'm gonna this is i'll never run for election again or something similar to that. And all the Republicans started clapping. And he's like, you know, yeah, I know because I won the last two. And it was a good, like, gotcha line.

Everyone loves the Zingers. But, yeah. It's going gray, big time. He is going gray. Oh, capital gains taxes. So I've talked about that a ton. If people don't understand capital gains taxes, let me just lay it out there really quick. If you earn money through working, right?

It doesn't matter if you're Kobe Bryant or if you're a heart surgeon or if you're a YouTuber or if you're a cobbler. That's ordinary income and you pay a high tax rate on it. However, if your money earns that money, right? If you buy and sell stocks, you pay a high tax rate on it. However, if your money earns that money, right? You know, if you buy and sell stocks, you pay a low tax rate on it. It's much less. And what that means is like you do, let's say even me, I'm trying not to come across as some sort of cocky asshole, but like I've saved a lot of money.

And even now, like I've never had a year where I earned more, like my money's earned more than I have. You know, I still get money from working. Kobe Bryant earns more by his endorsements and his basketball, you know, like, you know, salary or whatever than he does off his investments growing. The only people who earn more from investments than from their salary are retired people or the super, super rich. And they pay lower taxes and it's it's immoral to me it's crazy that that like if you work for your money you pay high taxes if your money earns your money and just keeps doubling on its own you pay low taxes and obama sees the same thing and

he's trying to raise the capital gains rates and and i meanucks, I don't know why investment income gets a privileged tax status at all. It doesn't make any sense to me. If anything, I'd flip it and say investment income should pay more taxes and earned income should pay lower taxes. Like I would rather encourage that kind of behavior. But what about people who only make money through investments? I don't know how that works. I'm just, yeah, those people tend to be super rich and children of whatever, and they can pay the same tax rate that you do. Why is it that when you earn your money doing your thing that you have to pay more taxes than somebody

who just inherited a large trust fund, and he gets a low tax rate? Yeah, that's true. This is completely. I might've missed it, but what, what is the comparative percentages for capital gains tax verse just a normal

fuck? The top tax rate for just a normal fuck, I think is 39.6%. And for capital gains, it's 23.8%. So about, about 24 versus 40. Hmm. That's actually a huge difference.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a big deal. And the people who own stocks are not paying the kind of taxes that the people who work for cash do. If you work for it, there's, there's this whole, the system is rigged. And I don't think the system is so rigged that anybody with the right attitude and work ethic can't get ahead. But I will say, God, it's way easier to stay ahead than it is to get ahead.

And in that regard, the system is somewhat rigged. And the tax code is so transparent and out there, you can see it. If your money earns money, you barely pay taxes. the system is somewhat rigged and and the tax code is so transparent and out there you can see it if your money earns money you barely pay taxes if you work for money you pay a high tax rate how is that not crazy and obama's looking to raise the capital gains tax so that's that and they act like well you know when you invest you create jobs bullshit man you know buying and selling stocks doesn't create jobs it just doesn't can we can we there's been this pitch that like people who hire people are some kind of superhero i'll tell you the reason

people hire people is they think that they'll do even better with them on staff it's it's not an act of charity it's that those people bring value to your company. That's why that happens. And they just keep rewarding them with low tax rates and crazy stuff. It's not right. So I liked a lot of what Obama was doing. So did Kyle. He told me. Oh, and then I'm looking through all his plans here while I've got it in front of me some stuff i didn't like i don't know why child care gets a big tax credit i don't know why you get a tax

credit just for having kids at all and even though that one benefits me but it still doesn't seem right i just shouldn't you shouldn't you be encouraged to go forth and multiply and make more Americans? Not at this point. There's so many. But there's so many Chinese. We need more. More! There's over a billion Chinese.

We've got to catch up. I'm not against social engineering by using the tax code. For example, I like the home mortgage deduction. I think people become better citizens and better people and more productive when they own a house. I think it's a good thing to encourage. And I also think they feel like a little break to help people become landowners. I think it's good for the population if they make it easier to buy your house. Bam.

So I'm not against using the tax code to encourage that. Having said that, I don't know why we're using the tax code to encourage that having said that i don't know why we're using the tax code to encourage making babies but i never did quite it seemed to me like a way to buy votes i always felt like the motivation behind it was not so much oh yeah you know this would help america as in this would help me win re-election hey if you've got kids here's 500 bucks hmm maybe so I always thought of it as a way to like you said a little bit of political social engineering trying to you know go have another

kid we'll give you a tax break well owning a house that part really does make sense I don't really agree so much with the kid thing because if a house that's a big commitment you're going to be there for the next 25-30 years purportedly you know if you're not going to be there for the next 25, 30 years purportedly, you know, if you're not going to be trying to flip them and move all the time and it's

going to make you be a part of a community where you can't just be a piece of shit and then just move around. Like you have to assimilate. You can't be a renegade douchebag who causes everybody else anxiety. Yeah. You become a part of the community. Like you said, and you mentioned the social part,

but you know, there's a political part. You might care a little more about like city planning. If you own a little piece of that city, you might care a little more. You might maintain your place in a way that you wouldn't if you were a renter in. And, uh, you know, there's some wealth accumulation that happens when you own land. It's good to encourage everyone to own land because if you don't, then there'll just be a few people that own massive amounts of land and

that's not the way you want your country to be again do you really want just a couple super rich landlords who do like 30 of georgia is owned by one guy no that's not good for georgia right you know it's nicer when everyone owns their own land so encourage it that makes sense i know uh you mentioned people owning huge amounts of land. Ted Turner owns a huge amount in the Midwest somewhere. He's got some sort of a buffalo ranch out there, a bison or something. He's got like a million acres or something like that. It's a huge, huge area of land.

I don't even know how big that is. Like I lose track. Like how many square miles would that be? It's sections. he's got a few sections he's got a huge amount uh because he also has a chain of these restaurants that that serve the buffalo so i've been i've been there before it's actually pretty good like ted turner's bison burgers or some shit it's 1500 square miles, I know it's not one big block, but that's... So if it were a square, it'd be about 40 miles on each side.

That is a chunk of land. I'm not sure where it's... Does it say where it is? Is it Montana? No, the thing I looked up was just a math question. It's not about Ted Turnerer in particular yeah i think it'd be neat to own massive amounts of lands i uh i don't you you see it sometimes like 100 acres for sale for something that's like it's a lot it's usually like a quarter million dollars like

not just something you buy on a whim but it's also like not something that like a lot of people live in corn but two million two million acres of personal and ranch land good lord he's the second largest individual landholder in north america behind i don't even know who i was hoping it said i'm always curious about that sort of thing two million acres What's he doing with all that? Anything he wants. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah, that's... Got 51,000 bison.

51,000. That's an absurd belonging. 51,000 bison. When I was a teenager... I own 51,000 buffalo. I used to use this joke. It's a stolen joke.

But, you know, I had that one summer where I picked up tons and tons of girls and took them to see Pretty Woman, the movie. I used to tell girls as part of my little spiel that I had the largest CCL collection in the world. And then I kept it scattered up and down the east coast of America. Oh, what a fruit you were. That's terrible. Oh, they liked it. They liked it.

What was that joke you had for PKN? It was something about... Oh, the emo kids. Oh, yeah. The emo kids. Telltale. I wonder if I... I might have deleted it.

I tend to, so I don't tell them twice. Do you remember it, Kyle? Oh, I have it here. Are you ready? Yeah, so I'm ready. I will retell my PKN joke. This is what you're missing if you're not a Patreon. Got a job working with a bunch of emo kids.

It's so depressing. They're always going on about dying. They look terrible with their white skin and they complain how shit their life is. Sorry, not emo kids. Chemo kids. Yeah. Yeah, they're both aggravating, aren't they?

That one bites hard. Yeah, I like that one a lot. Some of those jokes you find are pretty good. I like that one a lot. Some of those jokes you find are pretty good. I like a lot of them. Some of them are just terrible. And they're not even funny. But that one was just dark. And made me feel bad on the inside when I chuckled at it.

I like to say that I'm going for terrible. So that way if I hit it, it's not so awful. You hit it that time. That was pretty terrible. Let me see. I've got to... Oh, boy. Here's awful.

Do you guys want to hear awful offensive jokes? Let's hear it. What's the best part about dead baby jokes? They never get old. Oh. What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler Michael Phelps can finish a race oh oh

oh my god what's the difference between Jews and Santa Claus Santa comes what's it going to be about Kyle we have to guess these Oh my god. What's the difference between Jews and Santa Claus? That's going to be something... What's it going to be about, Kyle? We have to guess these. What's the difference between Jews and Santa Claus? Religion. No, no, no. Hang on. Santa Claus comes down your chimney, right? Yep, yep.

Seems like if you cook some Jews in an oven wouldn't they go like up a chimney like is That is that we're headed. That's it. That's it. It really Wow good job Kyle Thank you. All right. Give us another setup and we have to guess what the end is oh What's the difference between a slave and a snow tire? Okay, so a snow tire helps you get out of... Snow. Snow. Makes your car have more grip.

What's the difference between a slave... Okay, so what do you do to a slave? You whip a slave, you beat a slave, you own a slave. What's the difference between a slave and a snow tire? I'm trying to think of something that you do to both a slave and a snow tire so that there would be a difference.

I guess maybe when you... A snow tire does not sing when you put chains on it. Damn it! I wasn't even picturing the chain in my head. Fuck, that was easy. What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? The hardest part

about being a pedophile. It's different. There's a lot of answers. It's not a what's the difference question. Let's hear it. Fitting end. There you go. It was very literal. I see. Okay. Yeah.

A lot of darker ones. The tiny buttholes that we're referring to. Child's buttholes. Kyle, language. Alright. A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up on the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. The guy gets to the bar and friends ask him why he's so late.

He tells them about the girl and all the different positions that they fucked in. Friends give him props and they ask him if he got hit. He says, nah, I couldn't find the head. See, he found her tied up on the railroad tracks. Ew! Ew! See, he found her tied up on the railroad tracks. Ew!

It came right at us with the necrophilia joke. Really got us invested in that girl. And she was dead the whole time. My girlfriend is into strange role play while we have sex. She always insists on pretending to be 14 years old. I don't get why. She'll be 14 in a couple years anyway. Yep, yep. I saw that one coming.

Oh, did you? Yeah, that's rehashed quite a bit. That's all I've got on this particular list of bad jokes. Some of those are quite bad. I don't mean bad as in like, oh, that's a terrible joke. I just mean some of those are dark. Some of those are pretty rough. Yeah, the title is Warning Dark Jokes

Ahead. I've been watching Netflix a lot lately and I found a nice little series. It's like Vietnam in HD. I was watching that right before we started the show. Really? What was this?

It's great. Vietnam in HD. It's narrated. They tell the story of vietnam along with historical footage as well as like on the scene footage shot by soldiers accompanied by historical reenactment and they they mix it all together in a way that it's really really good i watched all six parts um is it as good as the Pacific? It's not like that. It's not like a story from what I can tell.

It's just like a documentary where they have actual color HD footage. There's a lot of really intense gore that happened right off the bat in it so that's really upsetting. It's not like you're following a specific guy the whole way through like you are in the drama.

Sometimes you are, though. It's not like there aren't actors. You're not following a story. It'll be more like there's some Vietnam vet, and he's telling you the story and reading, and you go back and forth. So they'll have like a professional. The whole thing is narrated by Michael something or another from Dexter,

like the main guy from Dexter. And they've got other celebrities voicing some of the younger versions. Yeah, a guy from Sony is in it too, Dennis. Yeah, yeah. And they're like voicing the younger versions of these soldiers, but they had the old guys there too telling the story. They were talking about Hamburger Hill and stuff like that. After watching that thing, I learned a lot about Vietnam I didn't know.

And it's just, it was really depressing to watch. All the wasted, I think 58,000 dead Americans. The ratio for the longest time was like 12 to 1 North Vietnamese casualties to American casualties. God only knows what it was by the end of the war.

We must have killed half a million of them. And they went into all the... They covered the war completely from start to finish. I feel like America learned a thing from that, too. Like, we lost Vietnam, but we had a 12 to 1

KD ratio, for lack of a better term. And do we still do that? I don't know. Maybe we didn't. Well, what they keep reiterating in the documentary is that it was a war that wasn't fought for land or territory. It was fought for body count. And so in that way, it was sort of a war of attrition.

It was never really going to end, especially when you couldn't go into Laos and Cambodia and get to the heart of the trail and the heart of where the ammo dumps were, the food dumps. Late in the war, in this series, they talk about the excursions into Laos and Cambodia, 30,000 Americans going in at once in a coordinated effort, and the supply dumps they found with tons of rice and tons of ammunition,

seven miles into the Cambodian border because they were just waiting on the Americans to leave Vietnam so they could make the final push and then they did. They crushed the South. It was really good. I enjoyed it a lot. If you like history and maybe you feel like you're a little bit ignorant about Vietnam and that's how I felt in some ways. I knew the basics. I knew the broad strokes. This thing was pretty detailed. It's six episodes. They're roughly an hour long each. I definitely learned a lot.

It was good. I feel ignorant on Vietnam. I think I can explain why. When I was in school, I was born in 73. I'm 41. Picture me at seven years old. Vietnam, by the way, born in 73, I'm 41. So picture me at like seven years old in, in Vietnam, by the way, ended in like 73. So it'd kind of be like teaching the Gulf War now, right?

That thing's seven years old-ish, right? What is it, 10 years old? You don't really have that historical perspective. And it's a political topic. And Vietnam was way more of a political hot spot than um uh you know the iraq war is so like i would ask my teachers like why did we get into vietnam and i remember he's like oh don't even get me started you don't want to know you're a history teacher asshole like i asked you why you know like i literally didn't know why vietnam started there's like a

fake boat sinking or something i like uh they don't teach it properly they don't tell people like this is why vietnam started this was the true motive behind that fuck all this fuck the public education system if you want to know i promise you this this little uh this documentary will teach you everything you know i had all the same questions that you know it came down to communism versus democracy and you know it's it's another little uh they should teach that in public education they should be like look they they lied to the american people and they said that vietnam attacked our naval ship but the truth is that they felt like the Soviets were expanding communism country by country.

And, and we were, you know, fighting communism. It was a proxy war between the U S and Russia, but you know, Vietnam soldiers say that if that's the deal, that's that,

that is the deal. And, you know, but, but I, I've watched a few documents. I watched another one last night. There was a PBS thing that began telling the story

at the invasion of Iraq, and the end of the story was ISIS. And it was a PBS thing, and that was really good. They made Bush look like a real fool. The whole, you know, the way the war was planned, and they basically said that at no point was the mission to get rid of the insurgents. It was always about containment. And, you know, that's why they were in these big bases.

You know, they really dug the thing apart. They pulled the generals who were in charge apart. It was really good. You know who was good at containing the insurgents? Saddam Hussein. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they at containing the insurgents? Saddam Hussein. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they explained where the insurgents came from. They're like, pre-war, the plan was to leave

the Iraqi military intact, the Iraqi army intact, and then all of a sudden the decision was made to send 300,000 men home unemployed with weapons and the know-how to use them. And then, you know, three weeks later, the bombing started.

It didn't make sense. Bush is one of the worst presidents in the history of mankind. He was just super, super bad. And the guys under him were fucking scary, evil motherfuckers. They kept saying how Rumsfeld kept asking asking you know when you guys gonna wrap this thing up when you're gonna wrap this thing up and they were just like

never like don't you understand what's going on the ground sir like we don't have the you know it was that was really good that was really informative to watch what was that one what are these called say again again. Vietnam and HD. Vietnam and HD. And then the other one's not on Netflix, right? The other one is on Netflix. It's a PBS. It's probably under the Recently Added tab.

Hang on, I'll pull it up exactly in just a moment. Oh, I actually watched that one about a week ago, too. It was good. I didn't realize how little I knew about Vietnam. I've been watching Supernatural, and I'm slightly dumber for it. Turns out angels are bad. I don't know. How far are you in?

Did you start in the middle? No, I had seen up through season eight, and then I was like, oh, yeah, nine's out. It's all ready to watch, so I'm about halfway through season nine. That's the show with the terrible makeup and awful creatures and just takes you out of the moment it is but I'm watching season nine and I'm like you know what it does seem like they've stepped up their budget a bunch you know there's just different couldn't have gone down you could tell at first like it really had the budget of like a high school play where they're, just imagine that's a demon. They've got the UV or AV squad in the back actually doing all the special effects.

But if you watch it now, while they of course couldn't change the look of all the demons and angels and stuff, you're like, I can tell some effort went into making this thing. Yeah, it looks better now. Yeah, it does look better and the lighting is all strong. So that PBS thing is called Frontline Losing Iraq. It was made this year. It's an hour and a half long and it's

pretty fucking good. All of those Frontline things are great. Like all the different Frontline ones on there. Some of them are really depressing. What was it? Frontline what? Frontline Losing Iraq. Losing, wow. You know what I watched recently? Did you guys see Restrepo? some of them are really depressing what was it frontline what frontline losing a rock losing wow you know what i watched recently did you guys see restrepo yes yeah when that first came out did you know there was a sequel i did know i had not yet yeah i saw that i forget what it was

called like i want to say it's cabal or something like that but um uh anyway it's uh they just did it again it gives you a really solid understanding of what iraq is like you know sometimes people die and it's just like sniper in the dark bam insta death somebody's down the americans are typically killing a lot more than they're dying and uh but it's mostly just like two groups in hills behind sandbags like taking shots at each other all the time they're not really gaining and losing ground they're just sort of holding and being there so that someone else can't have that chunk of land and Have you seen American Sniper yet? No. Have you? No. I did see some of the criticisms for it

and some of the good reviews and the bad reviews. I've read a lot of reviews about it. It seems to be really mixed. A lot of people... I saw... What fucking comedian did it? He compared it to... Seth Rogen? I think it might it to Seth Rogen?

I think it might have been Seth Rogen. He compared it to the phony film at the end of Inglourious Basterds. Yeah, it was him. Is that his name, the heavy guy from Interview? Seth Rogen? Yeah. Someone pointed out that the literal translation

for American Sniper in German was like the same as the title for that movie because it's like American Sniper and it was just the same thing. So he compared it, the quote was that he compared

it to Nazi propaganda, which is not true. That's not what he said. But I'm not sure. I haven't seen the movie. But it's got a lot of critics critics I think I'd like to see it I think it's going to be really good the one criticism that I saw that I'm not going to excuse it for

was that fake baby that everyone keeps making fun of apparently like in the scenes where Chris Kyle's holding his baby when Bradley Cooper's holding the baby it's a doll it's not even the robot doll that they have now that Wiggles and Poos it's a fucking. It's not even the robot doll that they have now that Wiggles can use. It's a fucking, like, piss-me-Amy doll that you can get at the store for, like, $12.

And the excuse apparently was that one of the kids was sick and the other was a no-show or something like that, so they went to the fucking doll. And my thought process was, why didn't they just fucking film something else that day? Or just find a baby. It's that day? Or just find a baby. It's not that hard. Just find a baby.

It's a big, high-budget movie. Go to Taco Bell somewhere. Find a lady with a baby. Hey, I'll buy your chalupa if you let me borrow him for 30 minutes. There's very strict rules. Apparently babies can only work like 20 minutes a day or something like that. I know Clint Eastwood is the kind of director who prefers one cut takes. He wants to go in there and just get it done.

If he doesn't like the first cut, he's saying something like, that wasn't worth a fuck, now was it? It's a problem if he's not. I'm sure he's not the guy who's wanting to sit around and wait on a baby, but still, it seems shitty for this film that's getting all this praise and it's nominated

for Best Picture. They have a fucking fake baby in it that that i could get i've seen the screenshots it's a obviously fake baby i so are people hitting on chris kyle it seems like chris kyle i hate to speak ill of the dead and some american hero dead guy etc but it's coming out of the woodwork what a douchebag he was and i And I'm cautious about believing it. Yeah, I am as well. I hear mixed things about that. I haven't heard that he's a douchebag, but he seemed to feel that he was proud of what he did

and he wished he'd done more of it. And his thing was that he was shooting people who were a direct threat to American soldiers. And I think that he was unabashedly non-apologetic about that. And he was like, you know, his job was to shoot people. And he enjoyed doing his job. And that was that. Okay.

It seems to be. What about the bullshit about him beating up Jesse Ventura? Oh, yeah. You know, I didn't... Did he write that? Where did he say that? So in his book, let me get my facts right here. Wait, so is this guy dead?

Yeah, he was. Yeah, he killed himself, right? Uh, someone shot him. Someone shot him, you said? Yeah. Um, so in his book. Uh, back home, someone murdered him. I believe in his book. back home someone murdered him i believe in his book let me get this out

um chris kyle and his group and carrot encountered a character named scruff face who insulted george w bush slammed the iraq war and even added the horrific sneer that the seals deserved to lose a few and a fight ensued and according to kyle being level-headed and calm can only last so long and i laid him out tables flew stuff happened scruff face ended up on the floor he happily added that scruff face had a black eye the next day and uh then in some thing i forget where it was oh it was an interview in scott in fox news where he said it again he told the same story that he beat up scruff face and he said that that was vesey to jesse ventura so then what happened is jesse ventura became the most hated a man in america

persona non grata in any military or veteran community tv show deals for him that you know he built a tv career as a host and stuff. They, they all dried up, right? So he was no longer showing up on these new shows, et cetera. Jesse Ventura's career was rocked because he claimed that, uh, the seals deserved to lose a few and he slammed Bush and the Iraq war and et cetera. It turns out the whole thing is total bullshit that they never got into a fight. Jesse Ventura wasn't there. He didn't have a black guy, et cetera.

And by the way, it's really hard to win these cases. So you think it might be a, he said, she said thing, but for Ventura to win, it needed to be super lopsided. And by the way,

they had to prove that Chris Kyle made a lot of money off of this lie, which he did because he went on Fox news and different talk shows talking about how he beat up Jesse Ventura. He put it in his book. His book made millions of dollars. There's a movie coming out of it. Jesse Ventura won. Let me see. Is the amount in here?

1.7. That's the number stuck in my head. 1.84 million dollars. Jesse Ventura won 1.84 million dollars from the estate of chris kyle because uh because it's built on at least in part lies about jesse ventura i think i actually heard jesse ventura on the stern show addressing this and i didn't realize that's what he was discussing at the time so i don't remember the pertinent facts but because i remember there was it was brought up that he was taking the money maybe from like a wife and

kids. Right. Cause the guy wasn't around anymore and he did, he was defending that. Um, and I thought he did a good job at it. Even though. Apparently that's normal.

So it's like, you could phrase it that way, but basically he sued Chris Kyle. And then when Chris Kyle died, this happens automatically. It like, it just transfers to now he's suing the guy's estate and you know they're acting

like oh his poor wife and kids are multi millionaires now based on the lies that he told about Jesse Ventura in part so was that really a big part of what made him famous because I didn't follow him when he was coming out probably the big part is

all the kills that he got in Iraq. I think he's the most deadly sniper that America's ever had or something like that. Yeah, America's ever had. But he doesn't stand up against that fucking crazy Finnish guy, the White Death or whatever, that shot like 580-something Russians. Good Lord. Yeah, I heard that guy used to eat snow. He was like shooting fish in a barrel.

Negative 20 degrees. They were just running around with no weapons in the cold, in the snow. Snow in his mouth so he didn't breathe steam and stuff. He got shot in the face and kept going. Is that the guy who used iron sights? He used iron sights. He called him the White Death.

But yeah, and you know, basically, yeah. Oh, here it is. The book earned $6 million. And the movie, you know, basically, yeah. Oh, here it is. The book earned $6 million. And the movie, of course, will earn even more. And Jesse Ventura, on the other hand. Oh, here it is. He got $500,000 for defamation and then $1.3 million for unjust enrichment,

which means that Kylan, as state wrongly profile wrongly profited from the defamation from the lies they told ah i see so um so yeah i don't know why would you lie about a fight with jesse ventura when you're the most deadly sniper in american history like why put that little tidbit of who gives a fuck on top of the sunday that is your military success i can almost tell you why because at the time jesse Ventura was speaking out against the Iraq war. He was saying, we're doing it wrong. He would say, like, he was speaking out against waterboarding, for example. And, you know, he'd say, look, you know, I can get Cheney to admit to,

I forget what the crime was, you know, to killing some chick. If you give me, you know, him a waterboard in 30 minutes, waterboarding shouldn't happen, America shouldn't torture people, etc. Jesse Ventura was saying this, and it was making the right-wing people really dislike him, right-wing guys like Chris Kyle,

because he was speaking out pretty much against America in that he wasn't lining up with the torture. So now he's telling stories about how he beat him up and laid him out in a bar and stuff like that. Just to add to his sort of hero persona thing going on. Yeah, I beat that guy up.

The one who's talking trash about our torture policies. I definitely want to see the movie. I like Clint Eastwood. I like Bradley Cooper. And I think it's going to be an interesting story. The trailer's really powerful. The trailer's great. And the fact that it's going to be an interesting story. The trailer's really powerful. The trailer's great. The fact that it's nominated for Best Picture,

it's not going to win, of course, but that says something about the filmmaking despite the fake baby, which is irking me, even though I haven't seen the movie. It broke a ton of records I saw.'s that's clint eastwood's biggest open since grant torino which was his biggest open prior uh it's bradley cooper's biggest open biggest january open i'm really into it because i i like war movies and i the sniper story sounds like basically the content of this thing is exactly what i'd like i and it's

stupid internet stories you don't if half the things they said about me was true i'd be a bigger douche than i could live with if if you know how much of what they're saying about chris kyle is actually true you know especially someone who is like if someone's a good guy if someone's this american hero there's always a million people trying to expose why he really wasn't. So I don't know what to make of it. But I am stuck on this exposure stuff. It doesn't help that he just lost in court for lying about beating people up. Let's just watch this thing.

We'll get to watch Bradley Cooper shoot some Iraqi bad guys and we'll feel better about losing the war. Did we lose the Iraq war? It's just like Rambo. We totally lost that war. It depends what winning meant to you. If it was conquering the country, like we did that in the first week, like first three days or something.

Like if it's about enacting some sort of, if it's about replacing Saddam Hussein's dictatorship with a fully operating democracy and creating a more peaceful, happy environment for every Iraqi on average, then we failed and we lost. And we spent more fucking money than

it's an ungodly amount of money that was spent in Iraq. They actually told us we'd make money on it. They said this war will cost less than zero. We'll make money on it. They said this war will cost less than zero. We'll make money on it. Well, some people made money. I don't doubt that.

A lot of people made money, but it wasn't the American taxpayer. Their grandchildren will be paying for this war. It was incredibly, incredibly expensive. It was so expensive that if I looked it up and told you, you still wouldn't comprehend it. It's such an enormous amount of money. Once you get into multiple

billions or trillions of dollars, it doesn't even mean anything anymore because you can't put something tangible next to it. I don't know what a trillion dollars would even look like. I can't imagine it. If you get a Republican president,

there's a really good chance we'll start a war with somebody. We can't afford that shit. We need to be figuring something out. Couldn't afford it last time, did it anyway. Last time, it was one of those things, I felt it was like, no, we can't really afford that

new sedan, but we can survive it. We'll still eat and everything, and the lights will stay on. But at this point, it's like, we don't need to blow another trillion dollars here killing some brown people we don't like. We need to

take a step back or we're going to take a few steps back in a different role. We're going to continue to... We're not going to be a superpower anymore for one thing. We're just going to be a superpower anymore For one thing We're just going to spin ourselves into becoming another British Empire Yeah

Tiny little pathetic island Oh god here we go You know Colin McGregor is this UFC fighter You're familiar with him right Yeah yeah It's a wonder he fights at all right You'd think he'd just be neutral You'd think he'd go in the octagon and not pick a side.

I didn't bring any fresh material for the Irish this week, I'm afraid. I did a little research. I guess there's just not that much that's been written about the Irish, really. Well, usually you don't have to bring more material. It's just the anger just seethes out of you. You're just seething over there, just head shaking like a maniac.

Someone tweeted me and said that it was really uncool that I said we should bomb. Was it Egypt? I think it was Egypt I said we should bomb. I don't know. Yeah, I forget. Some people from... Oh, where were the people that attack france from it was the same place the uss coal was blown up i think oh yemen yeah i think it was yemen

and uh i was like oh did we get attacked from yemen let's kill some other country with brown people good luck egypt yeah and uh a guy tweeted, and he's like, oh, it's not cool. I was like, ah, don't take offense. Next week, New Jersey. So here we are. Bomb Jersey, just because they stink. Jersey is the worst. I hope I never have to go back to New Jersey again. I can't imagine why I would, because I'll never drive that far.

I'm pretty sure I'll never step foot in that state ever, ever, ever again. I'm pretty sure I'll never step foot in that state ever, ever, ever again. I've never been, but I could picture taking a trip to Jersey just to, like, appreciate my life more. It'd almost be like walking through, like, a Cambodian village for a day. You're fucking Boise. You're in Boise making fun of Joise. It's not right. Have you ever smelled, like, you know that scene in Fight Club

when they talk about the smell of the paper mill, and's like they mention it smells like stale farts or something like that like that's what it smells like new jersey that is the garden state smells like it smells like stale farts the trash dump behind like one of the castles can i have a time out here just rotten animals i want to know the truth. In the inside of your head, do you honestly think Jersey smells like that? Or do you recognize that we just drove through a place that smelled like that?

We drove through the heart of New Jersey, right through the most populated industrial area where the fancy folk of New Jersey live, I'm sure. I could see New York City. We were there. It was the New Jersey Turnpike and it smelled awful. It was one of those smells where

it creeps in and it's like a dead person's part of something. It's like a dead body was laying there and you were just like, I'll miss you forever. And they went... And that went in your nose that and then you so you roll the window down you're like fuck this shit you try to get it down and then it hits you at 60 miles per hour that's what the

whole world out there smells like like but back to my time out you You know that was just like, you know, a couple square miles of Jersey. You're telling me that I just so happened to have passed through the smell zone. Yeah, it's right there at the turnpike. Okay, well, next time we'll go to South Jersey. I'm sure that smells much nicer. I'm sure it doesn't smell like Captain Planet. Some Captain Planet villain came through there yesterday. It doesn't. it smell like Captain Planet. Some Captain Planet villain came through there yesterday. It does. The part I'm from,

like, some Morse town was suburbs and smelled like where you're from, and then the Ocean City smelled like the ocean. I don't believe you. I think that... I love that you don't believe me. This Ocean City, New Jersey place,

I imagine it like the beach from... It was that episode of It's Always Sunny when they all went to Atlantic City. Oh, there were syringes. Broken bottles and syringes. Yeah, that's what I imagine every time you mention Atlantic City, New Jersey. I imagine syringes and a whole ham, and the dogs are tearing at the flesh, and there's still that smell, quite frankly. Dude, it's – when I was a little kid. We used to live in the glory days when Nucky ran the boardwalk and there was fresh pelicans on the wood.

Listen to this, man. It was all freshly varnished. When I was a little kid, New York used to dump their trash in the ocean. That was just like standard practice. They'd dump their trash in the ocean. And I was a surfer. So there would be all this trash in the ocean. Wildwood would shut down for weeks because like the bacteria

count in the water was too high i remember i read something i forget where but they said that the plastic tampon inserter tool was the new jersey seashell and i was like that's what those things are they're all over the place here uh yeah it was so gross. They used to be these tar balls. They were like the size of a marble. And they'd like stain my wetsuit and get on my surfboard wax and stuff like that. But now they don't put their trash in the ocean anymore. That problem's fixed.

I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back. All right. All right. Would you like a joke to kill the... You know, Kyle running to the bathroom is going to be a while. He's going to come... Oh, well, let's do this. What will he come back with?

Yes. He probably won't come back with... He either won't come back with anything, because if he comes back with a toy, he's always like a child, like, wait, wait right here, I'm going to come go get that. And then he comes back with it all skipping. But he's probably going to come back with food or just finishing up chewing

something because he makes a whole sandwich in the kitchen and then eats it on the way down. Yeah. I think he'll come back with some food. I think he's been hungry for quite some time. I mean, he talked about French fries hours ago, right? Like he's planning out the junk food he'll eat after this show. I suspect that he goes to the kitchen and finds some sort of snack on his bathroom break. Oh, yeah. He is counting down the last hour of the show just feverishly waiting for those fries.

He was talking to me about that before the Anthony Cumia show. I had the garlic salt in there then I put the onion salt and just a little bit of paprika does he really use paprika? I don't know it was some spice and that's the name of one but he

I can picture him there with this spinny spice rack just choosing things like a chef in a Disney musical that late at night what are the rainbow lights i'm looking at behind you is that a television or do you actually have disco lights faced that way my girlfriend's playing borderlands in the living room okay all right yeah she's sitting on the floor over there playing on her tv how long have you guys been dating now? It's getting to be a while, right?

Yeah, it's been... I think... A year and a half? A year and a half. Marriage plans in the future? No. Is that a never type thing? It's not a hard no. I'm too young for that now.

No reason to introduce something like that in my life. I don't want to speed through it. How old are you? I'll be 24 in April. Yeah, I was married by the time I was your age. Really? Wait, you were married at 23? Yeah.

The question is, I don't know if I was married at 20 oh i know yeah yeah um i was engaged at 22 and then i was 23 in two months when i got married ah i guess you're beating me well i'd see i have thought about things like that where you have obviously been young while your kids have been growing up so you can do you can still do everything they want to do. Not like they're old, but I don't know. What do you think is too late? For a guy? No, to have children. Because I'm still on the fence about that. I don't know if I ever want any. I think it'd be nice to have your last kid by 30, 32, something like that.

So too late also depends on how many kids you want. If you want six kids, get started. You know, if you want two kids, then you could do 30, 32 or, you know, 28, 30, something like that. Yeah. So you're, when's it start to get dangerous for the women? It's like over 35, 40, something like that. It's definitely not 40 uh

35 i think is a mark they use i think 30 might even be one they use too but they get better and better at it uh let's see when is when is childbearing age maybe that'll look it up um it's gonna give you some like old-timey statistics like 11 is ideal it is unwise to wait till their 30s um but the best age is 20 to 35 that just seems weird that doesn't fit yeah Yeah, here it is. So this thing keeps quoting 35 as the age in which pregnancies have become troublesome. Genetic disorders and stuff like that. Hmm.

But people are waiting longer and longer medicine gets better and better but it still people are people like i have a hard time balancing that in my own head you know like it's like yeah they used to say 35 was a big problem but medicine's advanced so far from there right but humans haven't evolved jack in the last 20 years you That's one hard and fast rule that's never going to get made better by PC. Don't talk about it. Hope for the best stuff. There is a set point where you just can't do that anymore. You can believe the whole, like, I'm going to wait until I'm in my mid-40s before I have kids,

but chances are it's not going to work out. There's just a point where you need to have children by to be safe or at least that's my understanding of it from the very limited Wikipedia research I've done me too yeah and I looked at a second article so 35 seems to be the cap and so you know you want your

last kid to be finished at 35 that kind of is the number how many kids do you want if any if any probably one okay so yeah i just hang on there yeah i don't really want kids that much at all or maybe i might i mean when you were my age you you uh you were married you did want them kyle though he's older than i am so i So I could just watch him stay a few years behind, see how he goes. And if he regrets having kids, I just have a four-year window to hit it. Right?

You're about four years older than me, right? I like to think of Kyle as the uncle type. There you go. He nails it. Absolutely. I'd be a great uncle. If you want to have a good time, I'm totally the uncle that'll get you laid or something or you know we'll go blow some shit up or you know let you shoot your first machine gun or maybe we can go beat up some some minorities or something i don't know but like if you're counting on me to like shape the like upbringing you know like create an individual's personality like help shape it and form it even with my genetics, my DNA, I'm

going to be 50% of this kid at least. I don't want that going on now. I don't think I want any kids, man. That's a huge responsibility. I would take it very seriously. I hate to say it, but Jeremy, for example, Jeremy's kids, he's not getting a big leg up in the world for a number of reasons i i don't want to like go make this a jeremy beatdown thing but i wouldn't wish that the life that jeremy's child is going to experience upon upon a child and and so like i feel like i would have such a responsibility if i were going to have a kid to give that kid a great life, I don't want that responsibility. Isn't the mom in Jeremy's situation shockingly

good and effective and better than you might guess? She's better looking than you might guess. That's about it. She's already got another kid or two. I guess she's good at working the system. That's not what I was hoping for. The system like welfare?

Yeah. See Woody? She's in good hands. Or he. Son, daughter, whatever. Oh he's got this handle. He'll get a check. And we were also saying that she would be good if Jeremy ever married her. That she would be good at

acquiring child support out of Jeremy basically. And alimony, if it ever came to that as well. I don't think that she's a great person. I don't think that kid's going to have much of a leg up in the world. I'll just leave it at that. I feel sorry for that kid. This whole, like...

So, I was on Reddit, and I forget what I said, but something along the lines of like, hey, you know, I funded my own school. I just worked hard, kind of had two jobs for a while. And, you know, I earned what I got. And someone else was like, that's privilege. And I replied and said, you know, I don't see what having white has to do with it.

You know, I never got a leg up because I'm white. No one ever gave me anything because I'm white. They didn't help me with my grades. Didn't help me get into school. Didn't do anything. And the guy's like, it's not that you're white. I don't even know because i'm white it didn't help me with my grades didn't help me get into school didn't do anything the guy's like it's not that you're white i don't even know what you are because it was reddit um it's that it's pretty clear to me that like you were sent in that direction you know your parents said go to college your parents said this like they laid out a map and gave you sort of the the clues to how to get by in the world.

That's the privilege. And that's ridiculous. Well, I went, I had a coworker, Anthony, Anthony's black and he's from Siler city, North Carolina,

which is kind of like a farming community. And he said that like a lot of his peers just didn't really know what college was or what it was about. Like aside from some of the things they saw in movies, they didn't understand how it opened up certain jobs. And they never really considered it an option in their personal roadmap that it just like, it was never really presented or encouraged or whatever. It was like,

you get that piece of paper, that piece of paper means high school diploma. And then after that you begin life and do whatever. Like it wasn't like, you know, whereas probably I would guess with you,'re like yeah after 12th grade there's 13th grade college freshman that's that's your path it's what we expect from you it's where you're headed and that's the privilege so but i wonder like i'm not really sure like sometimes i line up with what you just said which is dude really like at this point

you don't know college like you didn't realize that opened up better jobs to you everyone knows that everybody knows that it's just an ever present battle of those left people trying to remove any semblance of responsibility or accountability for your own actions from any inner locus of control of wanting to succeed and outsourcing it all the, oh, it's all just where you were raised or how you were raised or that. They just take all the responsibility. Most people, that farming guy, he could have been in your same situation. He might not have gone to college.

He might not have had the work ethic to work two jobs while getting a computer science degree or accounting, whatever it was initially you got. Like, that's just ridiculous. You had a hard work ethic and you succeed. Did you ever consider a life of crime instead? There must have been many times when you were, like, working really hard and not seeing much coming back.

What I particularly considered was there was this guy I worked with. His name was Kobe, and he used to brag about his hacking adventures and it was like ah can you get me a degree can you just can you just war games this thing and go in there and add some grades that would mean so much to me i would pay for it you know dude i'll give you 10 000 it's probably cheaper than the courses. Just save me this pain in the ass of actually learning all this shit. I never did anything. I've thought about that a bit because I've had girlfriends struggling their way through college before. I've seen how stringent it is.

I've dated a couple of girls who were really advancedly placed in prestigious universities. Oxford, one young lady was going to and MIT another. I was seeing how hard it was and I was like, why can't you just fake a diploma? I was like, why couldn't we do that? They were like, oh no, they check up on that. I was like, okay, so what do they check let's start there you know it was just like we got to a point where it was like so you're telling me that if we could get like one person to tell a lie then you could just skip all that college shit like that's what it comes down to if you get like one person to lie for you or if you could impersonate that one person like you just got this thing sewn up yeah and think about the money that saves you know like those schools by the way i would guess a degree cost i'm making this up but

like 80 grand 160 grand you know something like that it's rough i remember she was always like fighting tooth and nail to like keep not just like there was a regular scholarship that came along as long as she was like an a student but she was like she had to be like like top three in her class and she got another little bump and she was always clawing and scratching for that oh god it was so expensive i couldn't imagine i couldn't imagine by the time i got to my master's that was me like academically running full speed you You know, like in high school, I could slack. And if I wanted to or worked hard, I could catch up to the class. In college, I could do that, but it was more difficult.

And I could only slack so much or I wouldn't catch them, right? Imagine we're running. Those people are jogging. Yeah, I can catch a jogger, but it's not as easy as it was the walkers in high school. By the time I got to my master's, everybody was running. And if I slipped behind the pack, there wasn't, I had to keep running the whole time. You know, if I went for a PhD or something, I wonder if I'm smart enough. I'm not really, they're actually the same courses.

You just have to do the dissertation. But yeah, it was, it was was like i want to say something you consider do you consider now going for more education not now at the end of my master's though that that was on the list it was like all right so i had not now at all you don't consider anything like that because you know it wouldn't be a great financial burden to add a degree or to add a doctorate if you so wanted you could be dr woody i am so like burnt out on school i loathe the concept not that i hate school but like the thought of me doing that more oh my god no no no no no no no no no um i i don't want to be in school at all right now

like that's no no that sounds like the last thing i want to do i school at all right now. Like that's no, no, that sounds like the last thing I want to do. I think it'd be hilarious if you did that. If you were like, you know what? I'm going to be Dr. Wake.

Fuck you. I, I just, but I want there to be some sort of miscommunication with your transcript and you have to do a Billy Madison style and breeze through all the elementary school in like a week and just keep going i um the skills that appeal to me right now are usually like on the other end of it like you know you know what i want to step up my welding you know what i want to step up like i should learn

to farm potatoes like that's the kind of thing i feel like doing right now not queuing theory or whatever have you ever have you ever done any like extracurricular like like for example like uh a cooking class a dancing class uh something like those are those are sort of the dainty ones because i couldn't really it doesn't seem like people go to like workshops and learn skills like that once they're adults they do yeah like and i i've wanted to actually like so there was a time when i was welding a bunch for off-roading and community college offers welding courses i was like i should go there they offer woodworking courses too and uh i'm like i wonder if there's something there that i would

benefit from you know we're gonna take we need to take our explosives course yes yeah the most fun course of all that is a great that sounds fantastic I bet they find a way to make it not fun. I bet it's all about what. We were at one, remember? Like, that's what, I think that's what was going on in part. That was, I don't think that's going to be our experience. So we were at one, right? We went there, they mixed the stuff.

They put, they stretched out like 200 yards of dead cord. You could see how fast it was. They blew up a door, et cetera. It was cool. It was fun. I think that is the showmanship version of it i suspect lots of academic work on how to transport explosives i expect you like memorization on how thick a magazine which for people don't know a magazine is kind of like a safe that holds explosives go on one day class. It's a one-day class. So it's a one-day class. Is it a one-day class? Jesus Christ. It should be harder.

It's not even required. This is for our benefit. Like, this isn't... It's not required. This is making sure we don't hurt ourselves. Like, we're going to learn... So you don't even have to do this before you start making explosives.

From what I understand, to file for the license and to even acquire it, one does not need to take one of these classes. I've been told that. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I've been told that, and yet I definitely do want to take the class. I think we're going to learn practical stuff like how to wire stuff up and detonators and C4 and such, and we're going to blow some shit up.

I could use some practical stuff. I mean, it costs a grand. Transporting it, like, give me a hand here. You know, like, how do people store their detonators and their det cord and stuff so that, like, even in the case of an accident, you never mix the peanut butter and the chocolate? You know, how to, like, what kind of container should these things be in in the chocolate, you know, how to, how to like,

what kind of container should these things be in, in the back of your truck? And how does it need to be mounted? How do you store it? Hey. And when you store it, like is, you know, say humidity an issue. You know, I, I took a bunch of gun courses when I started shooting. Most of them weren't required, but I like I'm different than kyle i wasn't raised like just being like around guns or hints dropped on guns you know i imagine you know kyle's father gave him a million pieces of advice over the course of raising him mine gave me zero right you know i uh and so taking those courses helped me a ton. I could probably use an explosive course too. We'll see.

Yeah. I want to do some crazy shit. I just remember seeing this... If you wrap a dead cord around a tree stump, won't it explode internally and just slice it? Yeah. I know you can cut trees down like that by wrapping it around the trees.

For a tree stump, I don't even know what would be best. That's when we're taking the class. I don't know. I know C4 is incredibly destructive. Were you there when we blew that car up with C4? No, it wasn't me. I was there to see it, but it was at T1G, and they put like...

Yeah, was it a truck? Yeah, it was there, though. They put those thermoses all over it? Yep, yep, yep. I remember. They put thermoses, because there was a sponsor or something, right? It was sort of a viral video type advertisement for these thermoses that were really heavy duty. And they put the explosives in the vehicle.

They put the thermoses all over the vehicle, like maybe 10 or 12. And then they blew it all up. And we were a safe distance away in a bunker watching through some glass. And, I mean, they blew the fuck out of this car. You've probably seen me blow up cars on my show. And I kind of blow the car in half. Like, you know, the front half is separated from the from the back and you know the roof's gone the doors are gone but most of the car is still there this car was there were large pieces of

that just were no more yeah yeah and you'd like you could it wasn't gone gone like vaporized but you'd be like ah you know like here's where a tire landed or here's where the grill is but yeah you know we had to look hard to find one of those thermoses that was still intact and they could they could be like yeah it survived because like 95 of them just like any device were just destroyed it was uh if i correctly, it was two or three pounds of C4 and then like a few more pounds. Oh, dynamite. Yeah, it was like five pounds

of dynamite and two pounds of C4 and it was detonated with the Detcord. It was super powerful. There was... I remember I shook the glass so much I dropped my camera phone. Detcord is like a fuse And they told me it was fast

I didn't realize it I'm exaggerating here To watch it, it feels like it's going at the speed of light 7 miles per second I think If you were to lay Detcord in a circle around a football field I don't think it would look like it all went up at the same time. It could just be like you wouldn't be able to see it travel.

It goes seven miles a second. Yeah, let me confirm that. It's something crazy fast like that. I want to see a cool video of this then. Oh, do you? Because Richard Ryan does that shit for a living. Link me to a good one of debt cord stuff.

Here you go. How to tap a beer keg with DatCord. It's a five minute video, or I could skip to the part where he actually does the thing. What would you like? Is Richard Ryan in Full Mag, too? Let's just skip to the part that's good yeah he owns it okay good because either that or someone stole his video yeah i would say this is like some uh content that he made just for them so i've got a good one is it the tapping the beer keg? It's 500 feet of debt cord. Okay.

So I gave you a link with a timestamp. So when you get to 104... And this is good, because Rich and Ryan definitely will not sue me. Are you guys ready? Yes. Ready, set, play. So that was the instant version. And here it is in slow-mo.

It actually travels. It's cool how it can go underwater. What are we doing? Ah, shit. I hit a button and ruined it. Can you guys pause and tell me what second you're on? 126. 127.

Alright, ready, set, play. Very cool. So what is deck cord? What's it for? It's used as a fuse sometimes and it's also used as a cutting tool sometimes. It looks like rope but it's uh, and for all intents and purposes it is rope, it's coiled, it's a rope, but it's explosive. And when it is rope, it's coiled, it's a rope but it's explosive and when it explodes it

does it very quickly. There's another one here Let me see if I can do the time stamp thing No, you're gonna have to do your own. It's got like two minutes and thirty seconds in this one, he's tapping a beer keg Oh there it is. Just let me know when you're at 2 minutes and 30 seconds. 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Yes, sir.

I am on my way. Okay. You there? I'm ready. 3, 2, 1, play. So it's instant in real time it's also instant in real time okay I've got real-time covered here we it's instant in slow-mo right you're gonna slow it down some boy I know I'm sure he's got another camera cost 150 grand that slows it down even more maybe

it's hard to say 2013 it was a while ago I know now he would do you have any of this stuff Kyle no but that's what that's what I was getting at like we need to take the class and then work I want an explosives license and then yes I will have this oh that's really cool. Ah, there you go. There we go. You see how this video is not very tall at all? The super high speed cameras are

capable of going slower when you've got less in the image. So he just cuts off the top and bottom so that he can run extra slow. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's really cool shit. Like in 1080 he'll be able to do maybe 960 frames per second, but in 1080 by 100 instead of 1080 by like whatever it is, 1290 or something.

He cut it right in half. Puncturing holes in the bottom of it there, out the top, it right in half. This is a cool channel, I'm going to spend some time fucking around on here. Yeah. Richard should totally come by and help me remove some tree stumps. He can do that. I'm sure. He lives in Tennessee. That's not too far.

Well, I guess he goes back and forth. Yeah, when I see him, a lot of times he's in this desert climate when he does his thing. So what do we got here? Oh, did you see dude uh this is one i i ran across it a couple maybe like two weeks ago disturbing video shows court officer sexually assaulting arresting mother and the judge does nothing oh yeah that yeah. That's old. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy, though. Like, basically, like, he... The title says sexually assaulting. I guess he patted her down

and gave her maybe some sort of bonus treatment. It wasn't like he stuck his dick in her mouth or something, but she felt... A bonus treatment? Well, hopefully not. The bonus treatment well hopefully not the bonus treatment being yeah a little extra treatment you know you know she was asking for it if you know what i mean did not incredibly naked just a little bonus do you guys want to watch this let's watch this i'm curious we've talked about it now. We've piqued interest. Oh, wait.

I haven't linked it to you yet. All right. So check this out. Tell me when you're ready. I am. Three, two, one. At what time? We're going to start at zero.

All right. Three, two, one, play. All right. All right. Multiple employees and managers at the Clark County Family Court are under investigation for allegedly covering up a sexual assault by a court marshal.

Yeah, that looks like a better video. This one's not bad. You have to see the pleading room. Kyle, you want to abandon this video for the notepants? Come on, stick with it. Alright, we'll stick. Well, Davead It's not just one single case there's multiple Allegations ranging from sexual assaults to choking a citizen in court this investigation began in 2011 video. We've uncovered

I like this guy court Marshall's what Nathan's doing tonight She claimed one of them sexually assaulted her a warning. I'll be holding a revolver in his sweaty hand while he cries big sex. Watch, watch, watch, watch. All right, thank you. Monica Contreras came to family court with her two-year-old daughter. She was in court for only a few minutes on a routine divorce case. According to internal court documents reviewed by the I-Team, family court marshal Ron Fox ordered contraras into a waiting

room by herself for an unexplainable drug search contraras says marshall fox touched her buttocks breast and ordered her to lift up her shirt the later internal investigation validated her claims contraras went right back into the same courtroom to tell hearing master patricia doninger her request to have a female marshal searcher were ignored. So he did like she was in for some routine, short little divorce thing. Contreras pleads as Marshal James Kenyon begins to arrest her. Or what, sir? Hold on. Okay, why would I be arrested? Can you please tell me?

Turn around, put your hands behind your back. Can you please tell me? Turn around, put your hands behind your back. Because a false allegation is made against a police officer, so... We looked and could find no law supporting that arrest, let alone any law allowing an alleged sexual assault victim to be arrested by the alleged assaulter. Jimmy, I got caught. I stopped to do this, so arrest her.

I take the kid we're done he's taking her kid away now after repeated attempts by Marcia's to get control alright we're gonna pause ready set pause alright so she was there for a divorce case and then had to get searched some dude was looking in her purse and then some other dude made her take her shirt off or something. She's in there for some sort of routine divorce case. You know, it was only a few minutes in front of the judge. And then inexplicably, unexplainably, I don't know. That guy in the yellow shirt takes her in the back room privately, just him and her alone.

And he has her like disrobe and he does a drug check on her and he's checking her for drugs. And I guess like during it, somehow he pops out and she's like, you know, I'm really uncomfortable with this. I'd rather have a female officer do this. And it doesn't go down like that. He checks out her boobs and lifts her shirt and does some sort of drug check. I don't know what state of undress she had to get into for that. But she felt sexually assaulted. And as you know, usually guys don't do girls and girls don't do guys.

So now she's coming out and saying, hey, like, what was this? You know, I'm uncomfortable with this. And he's like, all right, either you change your story or I'm going to arrest you and take your kid away. So here we go. Ready, set, play. Let me go with all life. I don't want to deal with anything. It was all life.

All life. All life. All life. Please stop. We can do this the easy way. We can do this to her. Marshall Fox tells Contreras the only way she can avoid jail is to step up to the microphone and recant. MARSHALL FOX TELLS CONTRERAS THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN AVOID JAIL IS TO STEP UP TO THE MICROPHONE AND RECANT. CONTRERAS AGREES, BUT DOES THE OPPOSITE.

You asked me to lift up my shirt without a witness. You asked me to lift up my shirt without a witness. FOR FOUR MINUTES, CONTRERAS PLEADED TO HEARING MASTER PATRICIA DONINGER TO HEAR HER. DONINGER DIDN'T LOOK AT THE ALLEGED SEXUAL ASSAULT VICTIM, DECIDING INSTEAD TO PLAY WITH CONTRERAS' pleaded to hearing master Patricia Doniger to hear her. Doniger didn't look at the alleged sexual assault victim, deciding instead to play with Contreras' daughter. How could she do this to me? I don't know what! That's a pretty shitty group of law upholders.

Contreras' two-year-old daughter confronts the marshals arresting her mother. Can you have them come over, please? He said, can you please pull up big shirt without a witness? I don't think that's a good idea. Yes, I do. Contreras kisses her daughter before being sent to jail. Her young daughter sent to Childhaven. Two months later, Contreras filed a complaint with Court Martial Internal Affairs.

Sources tell the I-Team investigators were shocked. They never heard of the alleged courthouse sexual assault from family court lieutenant Steve Rushfield. After a six-month internal affairs investigation, Marshal Ron Fox was fired. Nobody from Clark County told Monica Contreras that she found out because we found her. Contreras asked that we blur her face. I just hope I did the right thing by telling Internal Affairs. It makes me feel good because now I know that I was right. We went to the top of Clark County Court Administration.

They released a statement reading, Court personnel are prohibited from commenting on the video because it's a personnel matter. When the actions of any district court employee are called into question, the court immediately responds by conducting a fair thorough investigation and upon completion taking appropriate action. Even though Marshall Fox was fired, sources tell the I-Team Clark County is widening its investigation into why this incident and a growing number of assault allegations were never reported by family court management to internal affairs. Marshal Ron Fox maintains his innocence and is suing Clark County for

wrongful termination. His attorney declined an on-camera interview but in court filings claims the marshal's arrest was just because nobody in the courtroom tried to stop him. We have the entire six-minute courtroom video that's on our website. It's hard to watch, especially the little girl. Yeah. And the judge is not culpable in any way in this well she is under investigation a lot of people are under investigation so we're going to be following the story i guess so all right thanks a lot i told you it was worth watching yeah it's crazy you know that's just uh it's just sad uh so it is a couple years ago There's kind of a Here I need to know about Ron Fox

But I know what happened to her She sued the court And um She got $200,000 For her issue Oh nice so it all worked out I don't know I'm pretty sure Ron Fox is fine

He's the cop that did it. Shocks. I'm looking for it. School of physics. I'm searching. I need to be sure. He's mentioned in above the law. I know the judge is fine.

And he won the right to sue in this thing. I'd have to look it up. The judge was just looking away intentionally. I don't know why you would ask. That was the worst. When she was playing with the kid with the doll. Yeah.

At least pretend to be doing your job. You know there are cameras about. What was she thinking? Like, oh, there's this lady freaking out, and I'm just holding the stuffed bear with her child, kind of just doing my own thing. Yeah, that was crazy. What a downer, Woody.

So Ron Fox is suing for his job back and all his back pay well let's hope that he gets hit by car instead that was pretty shitty i wonder what his see i can almost forgive the quote-unquote sexual assault in my head anyway like i don't know why he was patting her down if he had some suspicion or they like as much as i think many cops are douchebags you know i don't think everything they do is always just some attempt to be a dick you know did did he spot her say she was hot and and wanted to check out her boobs like i give him a little more credit than that but the whole like he started getting defensive and he's like i'm gonna arrest you for false

allegations against an officer and you know unless you come up to this mic and start telling everyone everything you just said was a lie or sign this paper like suddenly he's like he did it right does anyone think he's innocent does anyone think that what she said happened didn't happen so his knee-jerk reaction of getting her to recant her story or take her from her baby that was ridiculous and the judge who let it all happen that was ridiculous yeah they should all lose their jobs they should all be in trouble yeah seems like a bad way to handle it and it just makes you look guilty you know some they always talk about the horrible things saudi arabia does to people but I feel like they make sure that everybody involved gets punished one way or another.

Maybe we need a little bit of Saudi Arabian justice. That one poor guy, they sentenced to 10,000 lashes. That's horrible. His wife is like, we don't think he's going to survive the next round of lashings. 10,000? 10,000. to survive the next round of lashings because 10 000 it was like a it was like a hundred a week for like or it was something crazy like that and like after like the first lashing like he he was like bedridden and after the second one like he's almost dead and his wife is like we don't think

he's gonna make it through the third one. And he did something pretty mean. Saudi Arabia is a scary place, but I bet they would have done something awful to that judge. Saudi Arabia are good people. They have our oil. They have the oil we need. Leave them alone. They're fantastic.

And they're selling it very cheap right now. They are. $1.72 a gallon today. Really? I'm at $2.19 and I'm at $2.17. What is going on with that? When is this going to end? Woody, tell me.

How much longer do we have to wait? Soon. Put your money in oil. You'll make a bundle. It won't last. It's artificially low. No one even under, like everyone in the business is like, I don't know why it sank this much. It doesn't make any sense.

I don't know. Of course, I'm not actually doing it. Never take advice from someone who's still working. Why don't know. Of course I'm not actually doing it. Never take advice from someone who's still working. Why don't you experiment a little? Why don't you take a little Woody fund and make a little experimental venture into oil for six months and then just pull it out?

I bet that would do quite well. I bet Chiz would be happy to facilitate that for you 100%. I bet he would take a standard 2% broker's fee. wealth i bet chiz would be happy to facilitate that for you a hundred percent he he could he i bet he would take like a standard like two percent broker's fee like he just handled everything and then he returned you some some money at a word you could make that happen it would take a while just to give him what do you he would need like power of attorney or something to make all my trades for me i don't know but um i'm sure he's got those papers drawn up already right he's halfway there

he watches the show too but um yeah i oil the basically they're keeping supply high and uh you know demand hasn't matched it and you know the cars are getting more fuel efficient and price dropped but i don't know why it dropped this much and it'll go right back i'm like and i feel like it's time for a fucking road trip i feel like it's time to to you know do a couple thousand miles and and woody's new truck you know we should do why don't we rent harley's and go somewhere like just rent harley's and and like drive the Appalachian Mountains up to Maine or something. I don't have any motorcycle riding experience. You grew up on ATVs.

You're fine. All the better. With four wheels. Can't be harder than water rafting or turtles. Four wheels. Never two. I forgot how little bicycle experience you have. Yeah, because we don't have asphalt.

Right. little bicycle experience you have yeah because it's we don't have asphalt right like if for people don't know you can picture kyle grew up in an area that had lots of grass and then like roads where cars went 50 miles an hour it wasn't bicycle neighborhoods like like i grew up in little suburbs where there were sidewalks and mailboxes and i I mean, I can ride a bike. I've ridden bikes before, but I've never ridden a motorcycle. It wasn't like you rode a bike every day to school for two decades. No, nothing like that. And I've never ridden a motorcycle, really. I'm exaggerating. I don't think I should.

I don't think that's a good idea, quite frankly. It sounds like a blast. All right, picture this. Motorcycle. What do you get the motorcycle and you get something else? Sidecar. Ideally. People get the sidecar of my motorcycle. You have to dress up like the people in the Indiana Jones movie. Did you put the goggles on and the helmet? Absolutely not. The goggles and everything. Fuck that. You're not putting me in there

like some sort of fucking cartoon villain sidekick. That's absurd. I don't know what I would want. You know, maybe one of those three-wheeler motorcycle things. Something like that. I don't know. I want to do something, though. This summer, for sure. I want to do something, though.

This summer, for sure, I want to do something cool. Lots of things. I want to go somewhere and, I don't know, kill some kind of an animal or go spelunking into a cave or killing a wild pig with a lance or jumping out of a helicopter or something like that. I want to do some of that stuff this year.

Sounds good. We never did that hella hog hunting thing. I mentioned that to Kitty the other day. I don't know. I don't know what's going on with that. Yeah, that was part of the reason I got my hunting license. We thought that might be necessary. I want to do that very very much i really want to do it with a lance too like that's always been my dream to have a spear like a legit spear and and have dogs and like you know

the dog you and the dogs find the pig and they hold him down and then you fight him with a fucking spear what if we just hang you with like 50 feet of rope from the bottom of a helicopter and you'll just swing around like an out of control pendulum trying to stab pigs as the helicopter. I want a battle axe in that case. As he's swinging dangerously

fast and close to the tree line. He accidentally drags you across the prairie. I've swung under a helicopter before. That's the most fun I've ever had. That's the coolest thing I've ever done is being swung underneath a helicopter by a rope. That's really fucking fun. It feels like flying.

So, yeah, I'd totally do that. I actually think I recommended that at one point, that I be suspended from a rope, and they get me near the pig flying and like get me like right over it and i shoot it like i thought that would be pretty hardcore on your goggles yeah like six feet away just flying you know suspended like superman style on the harness so i'm you know like that would be that would be pretty crazy can you eat them or do they have like bugs in them even when they're alive? You get varying reports but here is my experience.

They always told me that you couldn't because there were issues with parasites and stuff but all you had to do was cook that out of the meat so that seems like bullshit to me. I know you wouldn't want to handle it and butcher it because it's got some parasites on the outside that can get on your tics and stuff

and fleas and shit like that. However, I went on one pig hunting trip once, and there was this wild man. I don't remember his YouTube channel, but that was a thing he did. Long story short, he didn't sleep for three days. While we slept, he would go crawling out in the bush on his hands and knees under these thick briars to where the pigs slept with his glock until he smelled them.

And he'd follow the smell to where they were wallowing in the daytime. And he'd come upon them and just, ka-ka-ka-ka, fucking gunned down one of these little piglets with a fucking 9mm. And he drug it back out, butchered it in the backyard and cooked it on a hubcap. He made a brine out of pickle juice

and barbecued it right there and then cut a hunk of it off and offered it to me. Did you eat it? Oh yeah, it was surreal. Was it good? I imagine it's good. Was it hubcap? No, it had pickle juice. It tasted like pickle juice, but it was pork.

It was like barbecue, but pickle juice tasting. It was kind of sour. No, it doesn't sound good. It was tender. It was okay. I didn't want a plate full, but I was like, yeah, I just ate this pig you killed in the bushes over there. With a guy like that, you don't know if pickle juice pork is a recipe or if that's the only thing

he had to accompany the pork that he just shot. That was the case. No, it's supposed to be vinegar, but he informed me he didn't have any vinegar, so it was pickle juice. You have to keep in mind that it was in this old farmhouse out in the middle of Texas, 50 miles from anything, and they

didn't even have running water. It was gravity fed there was like a windmill that had to be spinning to like send the water downhill to the shower and then it was just a trickle and i was like so dirty and grimy and sweaty and i opened this cabinet up to look for shampoos to take this cold water shower with and there were many bottle shampoos like a dozen of them that looked like some of them were from the early 90s. And I was just like, nope, fuck it, nope. I'm like, I'm out, I'm out.

Scott, let's go. Scott and I get in the fucking truck, leave my dad and my friend in the farmhouse. We went 50 miles down the road and got a motel room that we stayed in. I wasn't staying in that shithole with the fucking pickle juice barbecue and the creepy noise at night. A guy is running around with a night vision juice barbecue and the creepy noises at night. Guys running around with night vision and semi-automatic 308s. It was just, I didn't need that.

It was an intense weekend. We killed a lot of pigs, but it was more of like a stalk and wait kind of thing, or ambush type situation. We just sat in lawn chairs basically at the top of a hill and there was a feeder at the bottom of the hill and we had these red flashlights on our guns and pigs can't see red. So when you hit it with it, their eyes glow but they don't see the light apparently.

So they're unaware of it. So we just hit them with the fucking red lights and light them up and I've got a PWS-308 semi-automatic rifle with a fucking nice ACOG scope on it. My cousin's got a bolt action that he's really good with. And we just fucking open up. We kill three or four, you know, like just headshots left and right. But we couldn't really get the slaughter going that you can from a helicopter.

It's just a real blood fest when you're when you're flying around above them it's like numb like they really can't get away like did you kill the babies too and and rape the girl pigs to to complete the vietnam experience scott shot a piglet right in the head with a 270 from there you go fucking yards away just based on the glow of its eyes it was pretty pretty hardcore. It went through its ear. It was pretty crazy. Bob Dylan would be writing songs about Scott. Normally I was aiming

for the big ones, but it's kind of one of those things where they're considered like cockroaches there because of the... They're an alien species that fuck shit up in Texas. Agriculturally. There's a YouTuber I watch, One Lonely Farmer,

and he's a farmer from New Jersey, and I'm sure it smells wonderful there. Anyway, I was asking him how he chooses which crops to grow where, and it was all based on deer. He's like, if the deer's really bad, it's straight up hay. If the deer's okay, then I might do corn. And if the deer is okay then i might do corn and if the deer's um not bad at all he does legumes if i did that right or soy or whatever it was and uh he's like i shouldn't even be basing this decision on deer but it's all about the deer that's the only reason

he chooses what to plant in each crop and it was like damn deer is a big deal and uh go on i think in new jersey uh in particular i hear a lot i don't know what's going on in new jersey where they can't get rid of the deer but like you guys have a real problem with that i've seen like two or three documentaries about the deer issues in New Jersey. Like the overpopulation, I guess. Yeah, I guess it's not a, maybe they're not as hunter friendly or something. And I can see why the, I mean, when I think of Jersey, you probably don't, but I think of grass and trees and things that deers would like, and they sure seem to like his crops.

So, but it was interesting. I was surprised that, like, I would have thought that he chose to grow stuff based on local need or what he thought was going to be hot that year, etc. But it's all about what the deer will let him have. Kitty's at SHOT Show right now. I'll send her a text. Because all those helicopter hunting people are there now. It'd be easy to get in touch with them in person

and hash something out, maybe. Yeah. I really do want to do that. It was a lot of fun the first time I did it. I liked it a lot. You know, it's fun to be in the helicopter, for one thing. If you've never been in a small helicopter, it's exhilarating. Like, it's the sports car, I suppose, of helicopters.

It makes really sharp turns, and then it can hover very easily. You can be traveling at human walking distance three feet above the soybean patch so that you can just see hog tracks if you needed to, and then all of a sudden he can gain 50 feet of altitude, have you going 45 miles an hour nose nose down and you're on the chase and and at the drop of a hat he can fly sideways because it's a fucking helicopters on a plane he can fly sideways so that you're shooting out the door but you're moving in this direction ahead of the pig so the pigs running

toward you and then of course the like, it tries to stop and change direction, and there's that moment where he's not moving anymore, and he's trying to get going again, and you're just like, and you can arm yourself however you want. So I had an ACR with a 100-round beta magazine on it. It's a lot of fun. So I've done all the helicopter stuff

you're talking about not while shooting hogs and uh god like people we talk about traveling stuff and for me it's all about the damn air sickness like as you're describing this i'm gonna how long is it how long do you do this for um so the way we were doing it, there were like four or five of us there doing it. So we kind of took turns, and I don't know, I guess my little turn was like 20 minutes or something like that. I can do that, yeah.

Like the last time I was in a helicopter, we did a tour around Hawaii. Dramamine doesn't help. No, it doesn't do shit for me. All right, so here's what you got to do. If we do this thing, legitimately, you gotta go to a doctor, and you gotta ask for something for motion sickness, because That's a good idea. I feel like

more than likely, most likely, we're gonna be in a helicopter. If we do something like this, where, like, it's a video, sponsored video kind of thing, because I'd do a video for Russia probably, and some sort of PK Adventure video for Kyleussia probably and and uh you know some sort of pk adventure video for kyle and you know i'm sure you do some videos and right we'll be talking

about a lot so it's one of those things where like they're gonna want to see a lot of content they probably it might give us like two or three days of flying like we might be in helicopters for people want to travel and all my travel thoughts are punctuated with like i've gotten to the point now where i get sick on a plane maybe like one in three or four times which means by the way if you go there and back there's a good chance i'm vomiting on the plane it's just a regular plane just a regular yeah like airliners or something like you oh that sucks oh it's awful it would be entertaining though to see a video i can do i don't do my i'm often exhausted and i think that's part of it uh flying first class i've never been sick in first class that might

be you know maybe i should just cough up the bucks i'm kind of cheap um but it's expensive first class um but it's so worth it to get it's just you especially because i've oftentimes it would just be kitty and myself flying so So I know the person I'm with. You know, we're talking the whole time. You know, we'll watch the same movie. We'll, you know, we eat our meal together. It's a great experience. Sometimes I go for it.

I did. Dude, one time I went for it out of, I forget why, but whatever it was, I was still working at Cisco and we had a stopover in Texas and i was in first class and it just so happened that my boss also had a stopover in texas and we had the same flight home and it was like a coming of age moment when he walked past me into coach i just sat there at first class as he went by it was like ah welcome to the new order at Tool. That's funny. I don't mind, Coach, if it's like a two-hour flight or something because it's not a big deal. Two hours is not a big deal.

But I get my back starts hurting in that thing after about three hours. I really need to. And the price is proportionate. If you're just flying for an hour, it costs like $75 to go to first class. If you're going across the country, it costs like $750 to go into first class. It's like you get more value out of it. Somewhere between – you're right. It's $500 to $700, something like that.

You can get a good deal and end up in the low sixes and the high fives pretty easily I think. But it is more expensive. It's almost think. But like it's, it is, it is more expensive. It's almost double. Um, but it's so worth it. I love it so much. They give you the hot towel and all the free booze you want.

And the peanuts you get in coach, they're warm cashews in first class. I didn't know if you're like, these were heated cashews. You get your own little bathroom that only yourself and like 15 other people are going to use. Right, right. You know, you get served first. You got to better. I've never flown first class before. Sounds wonderful. There's a TV with like, basically, it's basically got cable on it. as well as like i don't know eight night eight recently released movies on it you can watch the staff is is better right like the people that help you and coach help you like disdainfully in first class they love you right they're just like kissing your ass and by the way there's like two people for the 200 people in the back and then

there's two more people for the 15 up front and the ratio is just incredible and that is a thing in planes that nobody talks about is how much you feel like you're just lower than dirt when you deal with most stewardesses or helpers whatever they want to be called now just asking like when I get a soda like I don't want

their cup and their ice and their napkin just give me a can of this soda. Just give it to me. The one thing I can drink. And they act like you're asking to just steal their inheritance. No.

It's like, I want a can of soda. So I've suffered from the same problem before because I don't want it watered down I want a can of coke what you have to order is a can of coke if you say it like that then they will bring you a can of coke but if you order a coke or a diet coke

or whatever they'll bring that little fucking plastic cup out that's like 6 ounces where you get your 4 ounces of soda and the shitty ice with the hole in it that melts super fast and ruins whatever beverage it's in. And then they disappear with the good part of the soda, the part that you would prefer to have in that situation

now that they've been split in two. You'd rather have the half-full can that is delicious and syrupy than this watered-down cup that's going to freeze your hand off and then it's just going to be a plastic cup of ice that's going to chatter to the floor and embarrass you in front of the camera. And you have to leave it there on your little tray.

So it's like, oh, thank you. You've given me a jingly little errand. A little thing to watch, to deal with now. Thank you. So you absolutely have to say, I'd like a can of Coke. And what I'll usually order is I'll order a double Jack and Coke and can I get the can and

mix it myself? That way I get two bottles of Jack Daniels and a can of Coca-Cola, and I handle that however I'd like from then on out. I could drink that Jack Daniels later that night. Sometimes it comes in handy if the bar is closed to have a couple bottles. I'll usually try to get six bottles during the flight and just hang on to those.

I do not drink and fly. That would just make it worse. You think so? i tried it one time now i might have screwed it up well what i heard the story i heard was i i knew someone who used to drink wine and it sort of like eased him up and it would help him go to sleep or whatever and that was just how he relaxed took it down a notch after work and to me alcohol is alcohol i so i guess or thought and uh this guy offered to take me to the admiral's club and uh he had like free tickets for beer so cool i had i don't know if it was one beer or two beers but it certainly wasn't more than two beers and uh god And God, oh my, I vomited for like the next five hours from Denver to Philadelphia.

It was terrible. Like two beers? Yeah, it was awful. If I'm going to drink on the flight, then it's usually just one drink. I was talking about getting those bottles, but I keep those bottles. I'm accumulating liquor. But if I'm actually going to drink on the flight. I'll get a Bloody Mary, and that usually won't upset my stomach no matter what.

And one, I feel like, even because of the altitude, it's amplified, it feels. So one Bloody Mary puts you in a real smooth situation about the time you get to 30,000 feet. I feel like I should not risk it. If I had a Bloody Mary, i would just be vomiting tomato juice yeah if you're gonna drink if you're gonna encourage woody to drink something on a plane don't encourage him to drink the most potentially

damaging drink to everyone around him no i should have a ginger ale that's my drink that's where i belong it's dreadful i don't even want to travel anymore you know like to some people traveling is compensation to me traveling is work for which i need to be compensated or it's not worth it you've got to go to the doctor and get something for the nausea and then it wouldn't bother you that sounds awful i've never had anything i've never been once and it's not my fault it's not like know, what do you need to train harder and lift some weights and handle this air sickness issue of yours? Like, there's nothing I should be doing. Maybe coming into it more rested.

That time we all went to Killington. I don't remember exactly the nature. The flights were ridiculous for me to get there. So I flew from Atlanta to Boston, spent a night in Boston, and then the idea was to fly from Boston all the way to Killington, I think. Yeah, yeah. And we went in this very small plane. I was the co-pilot, literally.

I was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, holding the flight log and he was like hold it right there so I could see it and I was like holy shit this guy is for real luggage in the wings he asked me how much I weighed before I took that seat I was the heaviest on the flight and he arranged the rest of the passengers by weight he wanted the weight up front

and the little people were in the back we hit an ice storm flying into Killington, and it was so bad that it was like something out of the movies, the amount of shit that was coming at the windshield of this plane. We were using instruments only, and we were gaining and losing like 30 to 50 feet of altitude in as little as a second. It was like, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

It was so much so that I had to take my left hand and reach under my seat and hold it and like pull up like I was riding a horse. Like I was literally like riding my seat like a fucking cowboy. And like, I honestly was loving it. It was, I was laughing. I was like hooting and hollering like me and the pilot were having a good time.

I was like, this is crazy. I was like, does this ever happen? I was like, is hollering like me and the pilot were having a good time. I was like, this is crazy! I was like, does this ever happen? Is this rare? He's like, this is some real shit, man! This is some real shit! He's like... I hear them yelling in the back about something. I turn around and Kitty's

cousin, JJ, he looks green. I look and apparently he has to piss so bad that he needs a bag. He's got to piss in a bag. And he needs another bag to vomit in because he's definitely going to vomit. So he's back there vomiting in one bag and pissing in another in these close quarters with these strangers.

I have a friend just laughing my ass off having the best time ever. And he tries to come in, and the turbulence gets so bad that the wings are twerking. They're doing stuff. Like, they're bending and shaking, and I can see them because, like, I mean, I'm literally the co-pilot. When I look out, the wing is right there, and every time it flexes or bends or torques, I see it, and it's doing it a lot more than you would think. And the guy finally is like, no, we can't take it down.

We got to pull up. We got to go back to somewhere else. We circled the airport for like 10 minutes. We couldn't take it much longer so he landed us like three fucking hours drive away in like Burlington, Vermont or some shit. We had to call a limo service to drive us to the place from there.

Oh, that must have been horrible. It was the worst. It was a $350 limo ride. It was better than... Was it a limo or was it a van they called a limo? It was actually like a nice... Chuck's limo service. It was a nice, heavy SUV, like a Tahoe.

Okay, yeah, that's nice. Not the biggest one, but like... That trip, so the flight that you took that was all bumpy for me it just never took off they canceled it so i i rented that like toyota yaris or something and drove from boston to killington through the snow and it didn't work and i got there what was it an echo was that what you had a toyota echo uh it might have been i don't know my tiny toyotas that well it's smaller than a corolla let me do a search real quick I think it was a Toyota Echo

I'm going to search for Yaris alright so I'll give you my link I'll give you mine it was it was sort of a blizzard like i got no snow experience whatsoever i i had seen i think five inches before maybe and could have been either of these right

yeah so this is an echo the front of yours looks more i i think this may have been it i think it might have been the yaris it was a very tiny shit shitty car and it was like a blizzard on top of this mountain and woody is late everyone's late actually epic meal time hasn't made it yet woody hasn't made it yet and i'm the one who had to take the three and a half hour cab ride in so it's just like what the fuck's happening here and then here comes woody in this piece of shit car up this like hill and the tires are spinning at about 50 miles an hour and the car is moving at about 20 miles an hour dude there were parts where you could have walked faster like i did yeah it was so bad it couldn't do anything like it couldn't even get around the parking lot at the ski lodge and stuff. It was a mess.

I decided that I – we raced. We raced in a circle around the lodge to try to find you some parking. And I was just as fast on foot as this car was in the ice and snow. It was unacceptable. It was awful. I was on a plane ride. You know, remember I said that guy, he gave me the beer tickets like at the Admiral's Club? The reason why is we kind of bonded on the flight before.

It was just a little thing from like Santa Barbara to L.A. or something like that along the coast. Tiny plane like you mentioned. And I hadn't been, I was young. I hadn't been on a tiny plane like that before. Like, you know, a super small one. So it had created, the pilot was like you know fasten your seat belts we're gonna have some turbulence and then there was a lot of turbulence like i remember in particular a woman's purse had hit the ceiling during the pert and turbulence and uh and

things were just like bouncing all over the place and everything like people were like batting and down the hatches and stuff and i looked at him having not been on small planes and he he just had this vibe about him like he traveled 150 000 miles a year you know this guy just he traveled and i'm like is this normal and he's like no no it's not normal and when we landed there like everyone had like a great relief you know the six people are clapping. When we went to our stopovers and stuff, we hung out at the Admiral's Club. I don't know how many miles I've got,

but I know I've got the Delta Silver Medallion or something like that from my travels, so I've flown a lot. Ooh. With all the Delta Silver and Gold Medallion passengers, please come've flown a lot. Ooh. With all the Delta, bronze, silver, and gold medallion passengers, please come to the front for pre-boarding.

I'm a silver medallion passenger, but the silver medallion passengers usually load up after the first class passengers. Do you give shit to the bronze members? You think you know? You think you know, Delta? I don't think there is a bronze.

Technically, I give shit to the bronze, silver, gold, and diamond members because I've usually got a first class ticket. Because if I'm flying, it's because I've got to go somewhere far anyway. And I usually pay the extra $300. You can suck it because I have a special needs kid. We board first. We board before first class. Woody supersedes everyone

if you need any extra assistant wheelchairs and those who need extra I fly with fucking Kitty so you can double suck it it's all about wheelchairs and extra assistance I never want to fly with you guys because I'll be boarding like 45 minutes after you I don't know if Southwest still does it

but that's where it really matters. If you really want to load up fast, here's the trick for anybody who's listening. Basically, all it takes to have a service dog... If you want a service dog, all you have to do is put a sticker on your dog

that says service dog. They sell them. You put your dog in that full body harness, you Velcro service dog to the side of it. There is no certification dog for service dogs. There's no school where they're like yes, you've made it. None of that. There's no database for

them to check. On top of this, they cannot ask you what your disability is or why you were required to have this service dog. So, you could take your dog on the plane and he can sit wherever the fuck he wants you just stick that sticker on him and you go to the front of the line it's a real win-win what if your dog eats people i had to deal with someone like that on a flight i was on recently because they had and it wasn't a uh what

was it service animal it didn't even have the fucking sticker on it. It just had a normal leash. And I was sitting in that shitty little lobby area as they're calling all of the fucks to this guy. And he's like, oh, his name's Chad. He's an emotional support dog. An emotional support dog. So this guy was basically saying,

I get so terrified on planes that I need an animal with me so I don't lose my shit. Either that or I just brought this because I can and nobody's going to call me on it. Like, doesn't that bother you? Like, people, you're just taking advantage of it. Someone has to sit there and deal with your dog. What if your dog smells like shit? What if it sheds a lot?

What if someone's allergic to it? They all have to deal with it because you're too emotionally weak to get on a fucking plane. Good God. I sat next to one of those dogs one time, and the because you're too emotionally weak to get on a fucking plane. I sat next to one of those dogs one time, and the one that I was sitting next to was clearly, like, a legit one because the guy was like, I don't know, whatever the dog's name is, like, Rex, down.

And Rex fucking went and got under this guy's seat, and it was like Rex wasn't there for the rest of that four-hour flight. Rex didn't fucking move. He didn't fart. He didn't do that. Yawning.

Sometimes. Well, that's not what Chad, the whimpering emotional support dog, was like. Chad sounded like he needed fucking emotional support in that whole flight. It was an ordeal. It was an annoying ordeal. Wow.

I don't care if they need Rex to grab his pills so he doesn't expire during the flight. Just keep the fucking dogs out. I love dogs, but I'm not playing. But not Chad. Not Chad, the little bitch. What was Chad? It was like, and it had the look of a good support What was Chad? It was like...

And it had the look of a good support dog. I think it was like a yellow lab. Okay, yeah. When you see a dog like that, you assume, kinda, that it's gonna be okay. Not at all. Not even a little at the beginning. It was just terrible. I've seen some shit on planes.

We're taxiing away from the fucking gate and it's starting to shake under the seat I've seen some real shit on airplanes and like most Americans who fly a lot I feel like I'm very paranoid of giving off a false

scary vibe I would never raise my voice on a plane for any reason for example there's so much everybody's so nervous, you know, everybody's so nervous already around airplanes and airports, and it's just such a hot-button thing with terrorism,

and, you know, I'm afraid of... No reason to risk it. No reason to risk it, but I've seen some crazy shit. We were flying one time from Seattle to Atlanta on a Virgin flight. Actually, it was from Seattle to Boston on a Virgin flight. Actually, it was from Seattle to Boston. If you have the means,

I highly recommend Virgin First Class. It's the best first class. You live in a purple and pink aluminum. It's like Tron. All the glass, everything is clear and glass, and it's lit pink and purple, and there's soft jazz music playing, and the

TVs are three inches bigger than anywhere else, and the food's better, and there's like soft jazz music playing and the TVs are like three inches bigger than anywhere else and the food's better and everybody's nicer there and these seats are enormous and they recline back like a bed. And Kitty's asleep next to me. I'm relaxing watching some like Thor movie or something and then this tiny little Korean woman appears from

no man's land. You know where I'm talking about. Back there where they keep them. And she just comes through the curtain and a little bit of their dirty, unfiltered, yellow, fluorescent light peers into our... It's dark where we are in first class. All the shutters are closed. It's just pink

and purple lights from these clear dividers between the rows. This little Korean lady comes in there and she takes a few steps up and she kind of looks, she's looking around, she's exploring and, and she comes and Kitty's got so much room between like foot room that she,

she walks into Kitty's area, into her personal space, like between the seat in front of her and Kitty's seat. But Kitty's like reclined back, and I'm just watching this shit wide-eyed, like frozen. I'm just like, all right, if she pulls out a dagger or something, I guess I deck her, but otherwise, I'm just frozen. I can't do anything, and the lady's like, shaking Kitty. She's like, shaking her awake, and I know Kitty's sleepy. I'm just like, she's unarmed. What am I going to do? I'm just like watching.

She's like, where? Hey. Hey. Kitty wakes up. She's like, what's going on? Who are you? The lady's like, your seat. Your seat very nice.

How much? How much? Kitty's like, what are you talking about? I'm just giggling now. She's like, how much for your seat? It's very nice. I like your seat. How much?

And I couldn't figure out if she wanted to buy the seat on the spot from Kitty or if she wanted to know for future reference how much these first class seats cost because she was into it. I'm dumbfounded. No, she was haggling for a seat. She was trying to buy it right there. The stewardess comes and the stewardess has to come and put hands on this lady, and I have to explain. I'm like, I don't know.

She came up here, she shook her awake, and she wanted to know how much the seat costs. I'm not sure if she wants to buy the seat, or if she wants to know for future reference. And the lady's just like, what the fuck? And turns this old lady around and walks her out 30 minutes later she's

back trying to sneak into our bathroom and like i'm like i ratted her out of course like first thing because she's like waiting in line for like some other guy who's supposed to be shitting in there like he's got some you know he's allowed and and i got the story i was like hey the lady's back she's like, ooh. And you could tell she didn't want her shitting in there either. She got her and fucking... You should have demanded that that surf be thrown overboard. She came back a third fucking time, but this time she just kind of opened the curtain

and looked around in there as if to say, I don't need to shit in the way, and just kind of fucking left when someone spotted her. It was bizarre. That's the only time I've seen that in first class. The only other cool first class story I have, when I looked like a real gentleman, I was flying with a girl from New Orleans to Albuquerque, New Mexico,

and I had a first class seat, but she had a coach seat, and there was no one next to me in first class. It was an open seat and I kind of kissed her and she had to go back to coach and I was kind of sitting there like this is kind of shitty as I read my book and I asked the stewardess, I was like hey is there any way since no one is sitting in the seat that the girl that I'm with could come up and sit in the seat with me And like three or four or five people hear this and they get involved because it's kind of an interesting thing. And the lady's like, no, can't do that.

And I thought about it for a few seconds and I was like, I think I'm just going to go back there and sit with her. And I get up and go to walk. And like everybody in first class gives me like a clap. Like I'm a real nice guy. Meanwhile, I go to the back and it's like three seats wide and nobody's there. She's like, give me a handy under the blanket. I was like, I made the right call. Yes, good call.

And so did she. I think that's appropriate compensation for flying coach. I thought so. I thought I was being very generous giving up my beautiful nice seat. So, crunchyroll.com slash pka. Click on the link in the description

and the annotation on the side. That was Painkiller already, episode 215, unless you guys have something you need to get out. I think that's the show. Nope, that's the show. Very good. I had a good time. Bye, everybody. See you next week.

Oh, God.