Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #216

Episode Date: February 6, 2015

This week on PKA, Chiz comes on and the guys throw AMA questions for him to answer on the show, a lot of Game of Thrones discussion which rolls into general TV and Movie discussion.

The faggot fucked his friend named Freddy. I started it! Freddy. Freddy. Oh, okay. Alright. Welcome to Painkiller Already, episode 216. 16.

Okay. Is that right? I think so. We're gonna go with it. We'll rename it if we have to. Our sponsor tonight, we wanted to get right to it, is Squarespace.com. They are... Scott.

They are... If you need to make your own website, then Squarespace.com is the place to start. If you go to Squarespace.com slash PKA, you get a free trial from them. You get 10% off your first purchase when you use code PKA at checkout. What we really want to talk about tonight is that Jeff Bridges, Oscar winner, I believe. Yeah, Oscar winner, Jeff Bridges.

The dude, the big Lebowski. Amazing actor. Has partnered with Squarespace. But it's not film this time. It isn't film related. He's actually got an album that he's released through them and I think that when we dig deep here

what I'm going to show you is that even if you're as insane as Jeff Bridges apparently is now, you'll be able to use Squarespace effectively and create a very unsettling website I haven't seen the teaser video yet. Can we watch it? Well, let me give a little bit of a description before we jump right into the teaser video.

Okay. Also, I want to hear how much Squarespace is per month. We'll get to that in a moment. So Jeff Bridges created this album of unique and relaxing sounds, guided meditations, and stories designed to lull you to sleep. It's going to give me fucking nightmares, I'm going to be honest. It's also the face of No Kid Hungry, charity group, the main mission. That's just charity.

That's nice, but sleeping tapes will go to No Kid Hungry. Oh, all the proceeds go to his charity. Oh, that's great. But if you go to www.dreamingwithjeff.com, that's the website that he created along with Squarespace, and you can, for free,

they've actually got what's called a pay-what-you-like system, which is pretty cool. So I guess you could pay nothing, theoretically, or you could chip in a few bucks. You can hear such tracks as... That's always the payment option I like, is to pay nothing. Because there's so many that get paid. That's always the payment option I like. Yeah, I'm with you. Nothing. Three is always nice.

So you can hear such tracks on there as a glass of water. Ikea. That sounds relaxing. That does not sound relaxing. Everyone's favorite Swedish furniture store. And there are five Ms here. That's my pump up sign. Move over, let it go.

These are all relaxing songs, so it's going to be him like, imagine you just ordered a new dresser. Five screws are extra. Is there a problem with these missing screws? Who knows? Time will tell. So do we want to go to the website, DreamingWithJeff.com, first, and explore that? Or do we want to go to the teaser?

I want to go to the teaser. Can we do the teaser? Okay. I am queued up on the teaser. So, I have not seen this teaser yet. Does this teaser have something to do with the Super Bowl? It might. I don't know.

Yes. I'll get to that in a moment. They're, yeah. Oh, good. All right, cool. I think this is their Super Bowl commercial. Oh, my God. This is a real thing.

All right. Are we ready to play this thing? Oh, yeah. Do you want me to call it? Yeah, I am. Three, two, one, play. I love listening to intriguing sounds

when I drift off into my dreams. Go on. Others might. Jesus. I can't believe this shit. You're not going to believe this shit. He went kung fu with that shit. Is that a pan?

It's a pan flute. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this image. Oh my god. You see this image? It's him talking to that like this, superimposed in his own head, which is in his own head. So it's a real deep soundtrack you're going to hear. like this, superimposed in his own head, which is in his own head. So it's a real deep soundtrack you're going to hear.

Okay, can we explore DreamingWithJeff.com right now and you can see what Squarespace is really capable of. It's a pretty nifty website, if I do say so myself. Yeah, if there's anyone you're going to go to for website advice, it would have to be the PKA crew. Oh, we are horrible at it. We managed to build a half-complete website in only like a year. Only in six months. Because we didn't have squarespace.com.

That's right, Taylor. If we had, it would have been an afternoon worth of mild work. But we took the hard route. You're right. Look how fancy this website is. As if we had anything to do with this at all. Yeah, I've had nothing to do with it, and I get hate on Reddit all the time.

Anyway, carry on. All right, so let's take a look. All right, so at the top of the website, if you're there, you see Jeff Bridges' sleeping tapes. Now scroll down, and maybe we should play the music first. If you scroll down, you'll see the play button at the bottom. Can we all queue up and just press play on that to get the music going?

Just hit the play button that's in the footer? Yes. Alright, you guys ready? I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait. 3, 2, 1, play. Okay, so now as you scroll down, Jeff Bridges' soothing tunes will guide us through this. You see him within himself, within himself.

Very insane. Now if you scroll down a little lower, you'll see that they've got a cassette tape playing there, and it's got eyes, and the pupils are moons, and they're spinning hypnotically, freaking you the fuck out. How do you get that the pupils are moons? They're not moons, they're the hypnotically freaking you the fuck out get the pupils or moon they're not moons are the inside of it let's see it that's the like mechanical grippy thing that uses I see him moving on the CD thing

but the actual picture on the album with his eyes photoshopped out and recopied all over his face which is kind of. So if you scroll down below the cassette tape, there's the Junebug of Doom with the all-sitting Eye of Sauron on its back, conducting some sort of orchestra of shame and evil over here. He helps you sleep. He's the god of sleep. Okay. And if you scroll down a little more,

then you see the most unsettling of things you've got the blinders on the left and the many-eyed man on the right and as you scroll down a little more if you cover your mouse over the next many-eyed man he opens up and the eyes close that's where you can get the limited edition 180 the gold final plate debossed gold leaf pressed album cover featuring illustrations by Lou Beach they are not it's only around with this dollars only well worth it on your shelf and it will unsettle you for the rest of your life this will give your grandkids night every time the lightning flashes on a dark, cold night, you'll see those eyes light up on you. Jeff Bridges is saying something in the background, and I've got no idea what it is, but it is soothing, I will tell you that.

I'm going to get my cassette. Are you guys still on introduction? Good evening. Yeah, I'm not going to skip introduction. It sets the precedent for the entire album. It really does, and I'd like to skip to Glass of Water next, if at all possible. All right, let's do that. Let's skip forward to Glass of Water. All right, I'm trying to...

All right, let's see the meat of this album. Let's see where it evolves into from here. This is the beginning of the artistic journey. Hey, it's A Glass of Water. Let's see where it reaches by Glass of Water. A Glass of Water. Zero on A Glass of Water. All right, I'm there. Ready, set, play. All right, you comfy? I of water. Not many. A glass of water. Alright, I'm there. Ready,

set, play. Alright, you comfy? I'm comfy. Alright. Hey, you want a glass of water? Here. What the fuck? Yeah. It's much of what I anticipated. I need water. We need water, although I don't know if you're like me.

You drink some water before you go to bed. Oh, we've got two Jeff bridges going on maybe three It's nice to get up in the middle of the night, you know This song is halfway over Is halfway over and he's just talking about how he has to piss when he drinks water Said in the ad read that this is not a joke. That this is for sale. This can't be real.

This really can't be real. Well, they had to say it or we wouldn't have believed them. No, there is no way this isn't a joke. There's no way. It's not a joke. It's real. So watch the Super Bowl ad on February 1st and see the full commercial with Jeff Bridges. That's right.

There's more. Why is it still playing? I paused it. If you want to start a trial with Jeff Bridges. That's right, there's more. Why is it still playing? I paused it. If you want to start a trial with no credit card... I can't stop the fury that is Jeff Bridges sleeping taped. He made an album and never had a lesson. Very impressive.

It's going to charities for the kids. Who is it for? What is the charity for? It's like No Child Going Hungry or something. It says No Kid Hungry. Yeah, that's his child feeding hunger charity. I feel like I got the gist of it

with No Child Hungry. Yeah, so when you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use offer code PKA to get 10% off your first purchase. Yeah, that's that. That was pretty awesome. Thank you, Jeff. I'm done for the rest of the show now.

I think we should all look squarely to Chiz and immediately just go after him now. Chiz, you're so fucking boring. Can we sabotage Chiz now? As if we could do anything worse

than what he's done for himself with that hat. You know, I'm not wearing any pants. Are you delivering papers in 1923, you ass? This should be a no-pants show for all of us, just saying. Well, I'm wearing shorts. First of all, I think a great little... We were going to do a lightning round, but instead,

I remember you were going to do an AMA, and there were a bunch of questions. Did you ever get around to doing that? No. Why don't you link me to those questions, and maybe we'll throw a few of them at you now. All right. I like that.

I think that's an excellent idea. That is a good idea. Thank you. Why didn't you do the AMA? Just too much effort? There's like 300 questions, and that takes a lot of effort. Can we do that in people? Number one question was on all the lists, I think.

How many of those stupid fucking hats do you own? Four. Dude. While you're searching for questions, take it off and show us this one and compare it to your other hats. I want to see if they're indistinguishable at all or if they're all equally graphic.

I wore a different one last time and you didn't notice, so they're not. You look like you're about to molest a chimney sweep. I am the chimney sweep. What is that hat called? I don't know what the name is. It's not a driver's cap. It's like a paperboy hat.

Yeah, a paperboy hat. I mean, Taylor nails it every time. Here, got it. Circa 19 circa 1923 earning your two pence a day i'm worth more than that let's see what we got the chiz show ama and more what could what more conceivably could they get from a commenter all right uh Second highest rated question. Why did That's Not Why You Called end? Would you have continued without Lefty? God, no.

That doesn't sound fun at all. Doing a podcast by yourself for an hour every week, that's a lot of work. It's not just the work. I feel like it's a special skill set to be entertaining with no one to bounce off of yeah bill burr pulls it off harder like bill burr does it in spades like he's incredible at it you know just riffing off of his own you know making fun of his own stupid but that's a really uncommon talent i would argue that like most other comedians wouldn't be as good and most other people wouldn't be nearly as good. I mean, think how many radio shows and podcasts are just one dude for the entire hour.

Besides Bill Burr, I can't name any. Yeah, if I hear one person radio show, it sucks. Yeah, you're right. He's a top-rated question. Oddly enough, it's almost like it gets worse when someone else comes in, because he's so used to just riffing on his own, know do you guys all listen to his show every night not every week no i've never heard one where he had i've only listened to one although he has some with like

go on nia his wife yeah they asked him why he doesn't have guests and he's like guests suck they're incredibly hard to book they don't come when they say they're going to come. They run late. I have to keep a schedule, and they don't keep the schedule, and it just blows. Whereas with his one-man show, whenever he's in the mood, he can just fucking turn on the mic and make a show. And I think, ah, I know what he's talking about. I feel you. Yeah, I feel you. You should take a page out of his book and break PKA into four individual podcasts.

All of us alone. You know there are good ideas and then there's what you just said right there. Everyone does. Great ideas. Chiz and I to compete for less popular. Let's go, Chiz. That would be great.

If we each got an hour and it was just like, get prepared, guys. Next week, everybody's got an hour. You got an hour. That would be a lot of pressure. That would be kind of fun. That would be a weird podcast. By yourself?

That would be fun. I would enjoy that. Yeah. I did that like twice for the Don't Be A Douche podcast. Maybe 10 minutes. Maybe 10 minutes of entertainment. Do you really call that a podcast when you only did it for like three episodes? Well, it was just a short-lived podcast.

So it was. Look at this. Long commentaries. Yeah, I think it's right there with my financial advice series. There you go. It's a good parallel draw. Hey, some of those were like 40 minutes long. Any day now, episode 2

will come out. Woody took so long with that, I grabbed 7 books and did it myself, you know. I'm older waiting for part 2 of this series. Oh, man. Oh, oh, Chiz. How do you currently feel

about doing an FPS boot camp with Kyle? Also, what are your goals for 2015? I would totally do a boot camp with Kyle. My goals are to lose 100 pounds. I wrote all my goals down the other day. Really? 100? Yeah, I can do 100. I'm shooting for 90 in three months.

What are you at right now? 287, around there i was at like 300 when i started two weeks ago um what was it um so lose 100 pounds i forgot what all my goals are and to make a to to make a hundred thousand dollars nicely done yeah i like i like what you're saying. I don't know what my goals are anymore. Yes. Oh, I wrote them down. Your single-minded focus will surely cause these to come into fruition.

Three goals. Lose $100,000, read two books a month, and make $100,000 in 2015 alone. Those are my three goals off the top of my head, I remember. That's some good stuff right there. Those are pretty good goals. Yeah. three goals off the top of my head, I remember. That's some good stuff right there. Those are pretty good goals. I mean, if you went to Kyle's house for a boot camp, you would lose a fuck ton of weight. Not only because I think you're motivated to do so, because you're doing it

on your own, but also because the second fat person to go to Kyle's can't also fail at it. It would ruin the entire idea. If you went there, you would dominate it. I bet you would lose 40 pounds. 40 pounds you went there, you would dominate it. I bet you would lose 40 pounds. I would stay the four weeks.

40 pounds in a month, I bet you would. It was supposed to be a month. Yeah, you would power through. Can I point something out? Everyone's buying Drew's book, but Drew hasn't got wings to lose anyway. You should be buying my fucking weight loss book. There should be an FDL weight loss book, and you guys should be clamoring for that shit

because I'm the one that made him lose 40 pounds. Drew easily made it over a grand on that book, I'm guessing. But I'm pretty sure he made at least a grand on that book. Since he's been working with Drew, he hasn't done any of his Jeremy pulls. Nobody's been throwing dodgeballs at him until he's all sweaty and has fear in his eyes. He hasn't been pushing any trucks while Jeremy whips it. None of the core...

Kyle, what would your book do, though? What would you describe? Chapter 1 would be... Your fucking mongoloid friend to dress up in a bear outfit and then get pulled by a fat person. That's what your book would be. It'd just be manipulation.

It would have nothing to do with the losing of the weight, just getting people to do what entertains you. Jeremy's son was born. He was six pounds, eight ounces. His name is Oakland because, of course, Jeremy loves SoCal so much. He's got so much history there. Well, Oakland's in NorCal, but okay. Yeah, he thought he'd name it after a traditionally successful area.

He's never been to California, but his son's name is Oakland. I thought that was shocking. Great city of crime and mid-level sports teams. I got a question. Is marriage on his horizon? What was that? Is marriage on Jeremy's horizon? Oh, I don't know.

I don't know. I haven't spoken to him in a while. I kind of see him in passing every now and then, but we don't have... He's usually rushing somewhere, or I'm doing something else. So I'm not sure. Chiz, if you look at that push I just sent on the show Peaky

Blinders, which is kind of like a mix between Boardwalk... It's a lot like Boardwalk Empire, but it's post-World War I Birmingham. He's got-World War I Birmingham. It's got a razor blade in there. They put razor blades in their hats as a weapon. So that's the first thing they'll do in a street fight. This guy says something about his mother, and all of a sudden the rock... One of the cool things is they've got rock music playing,

even though it's a post-World War I kind of period type thing, Birmingham, England, and all of a sudden it's like, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. He's going slow motion, grabbing the back of the cap, and he just slashes those razor blades across the guy's eyes and slashes his eyelids open. And all three of his brothers do the same shit

to two other guys at the same time and they're all just on the ground just beating the fuck out of these guys like not a friendly beating like they're trying to beat him to death. I want to see this you really sell it one time. What episode are you on Kyle? I'm all the way done I've watched two seasons worth

one time they have to go like they're basically taking over this betting operation and they so they're jacking up this other guy who was taking bets illegally according to them in a bathroom and like two guys hold him. The other guy takes his hat off and slices the top of his fucking

ear off. And the guy's just like, ah! He's like, shut up! I'll cut it the rest of the way off. And they show it too. They show the whole cutting. That show's great. I'll cut it the rest of the way off. They show it too. They show the whole cutting. That show is great. I'm only at the beginning of season two, but I still really like it.

It's on Netflix. Yeah, it's on Netflix. A Netflix original, if I'm not mistaken. Back to the Chiz questions. Back to the Chiz questions. Chiz, when will you move into Woody's guest house? I'm not moving into Woody's guest house because I'm smoking.

Yes. That was the thing. I was serious about having Chiz live with me. I was all ready. We're going to have a garage built with a lift. We were going to restore an old car, but he can't give up those cigarettes. He made no mention of that. Hey, I quit.

I haven't smoked in like four months or something like that. It's been a long time since I've smoked. I'm in the guest house. You're out. Well, then you're in. You're in. Yeah. I used the vaporizer for a month, and then I got rid of that, and I'm no smoking now.

Well, I don't smoke, so I'd say I'm the front runner here. Never did. None of my clothes smell like it, so there's that benefit. uh never did none of my clothes smell like it so there's that benefit uh everything i own doesn't reek of cigarettes like kyle or chit that's not even true oh it is i don't smoke it i never smoked indoors well not not like upstairs where there's carpet and stuff it doesn't even matter it sticks woody back me up on this it sticks to everything it doesn't stick to. It sticks. Woody, back me up on this. It sticks to everything. It does stick to everything, but I would argue, though, that you wash it once or twice, and you're a non-smoker. Yeah, go away.

It does stick, though. People thought I smoked in school, but it was because I was around my dad, and he smokes. Yeah, it sticks, but I don't smoke anymore. And I can smell it now. Now that I haven't smoked in so long, if someone else is a smoker i can smell them like so much more so much easier i'm like oh you're an ashtray person i smell you yeah yeah like i just so one of the construction people in my house went outside smoked finished

smoking did some work in the garage walked through the kitchen went upstairs into my office and i'm like has someone been smoking in here you know like and uh he's like oh that was me but not in here i was outside and fire them uh actually i think i did fire them today it's a whole last straw they couldn't draw a straight fucking line he'd had enough they can't draw a line because they don't have the tools to draw a line. Yeah, I suggested a tool. That's because they've got one hand with a cigarette in it the whole time. We should cover that maybe after. Sometime later in the show, I'd be happy to talk about my fire construction.

But the core issue here is that the reason Chiz isn't moving to Woody's guest house and maybe doing some cool projects with him is because he can't give up on cigarettes. He made no mention of restoring a car. He just te me with the lift oh you know that's totally like that was in my head though this whole time like dude i don't even care who buys the car you can have the car i can have the car i don't give a fuck i just want to put i don't maybe whatever the fuck they drive in supernatural right we'll put that on a lift we'll restore it and uh and we'll make one of those well then I'm done so I already bought him when I finish these done now that I know that there is projects involved his workshop I just want to jizz all over it I'm gonna put a lift

here and lift here and it's it's twice the size now cuz I can use the stable and i'm like oh jesus christ that sounds awesome yeah i don't even know how many square feet let me see how many square feet my my workshop is it's about 50 by 40 plus we're motivating positive reinforcement by 24 what's gonna happen though woody if chis comes over there and and all of a sudden you smell cigarettes on him What's going to happen When he's hiding packs of Marlboros He's going to buy my bus ticket Like bastard Chiz

He's going to knock and send me a bus ticket Back The workshops combined The woodworking and the auto area Will be 3200 square feet And that doesn't include all the porches. It doesn't include the finishing room. It doesn't include... Yeah.

That's an absurd amount of space. Do it nicer. Do it twice, baby. So, yeah. We're going to do this right. We just reconfigured the automotive part for... We're going to have three garage doors. But I'm getting off topic. Oh, Chiz questions.

Yes, yes, yes. Where did you get the name Dr. Chiz? I wanted to be a doctor when I started school, so that's where that comes from. I took my first name, cut it in half, removed some letters, and added a Z at the end because I needed a stage name when we were in bands in high school because I looked at people like slash and stuff so I picked Chiz because I thought it was cool and then I made a gamertag in 2006 and immediately found out that Chiz just happens to rhyme with jizz what I but I only ran with it give a fuck you didn't pick up on that right away nah nah I'm not much of a rhymer no you didn't pick up on that right away nah nah i don't not much

of a rhymer nah i didn't listen to a lot of rap 13 year old renegade pointed out as someone who's named a few kids you almost just have to let that go you know like my name is literally boner you know like the hope rhymes with dope. They used to call me Fat Matt when I was a kid. Wasn't fat. I remember that. You can't do shit with Kyle. Kyle's in denial.

Oh, look at that. You just, like, Kyle doesn't rhyme with anything. Kyle's in denial. Well, didn't take long. Kyle's vile. Oh's in Nile. Well, didn't take long. Kyle's vile. Oh, here's one.

Oh, yeah. What is Harry Potter? What are you... Jesus Christ. I feel like one of the Slytherins said, you're vile, Kyle. Vile Kyle, vile Kyle. How has being an admin on WoodyCraft and becoming part of PKA

changed your YouTube gaming career? It's non-existent. Is it because of PKA and WoodyCraft? Have I ruined your YouTube channel? No, I mean, I stopped doing that. I don't like doing YouTube. YouTube is a lot of effort, and you've got to work really hard.

Streaming, I think, if I dedicated all of my time to streaming, I'd get back to where it would be a sustainable income, that's a lot of work there's a lot of ddos and stuff and i enjoy the jobs i have now in the career i've got laid out for me um but that's that i don't have time for youtube and i like getting ddos i don't stream yeah i wonder if i'm still ddosable yeah this isn't about me um everyone try yeah right please let me know um i haven't been ddos for a while so i think that i'm like not vulnerable to it anymore but i feel like if we streamed pka i would find out uh i thought that once before and it turned

out i was vulnerable can i just add one thing i I was thinking about a FPS bootcamp too. And I think it would be fun if maybe Drew and Wings got into the spirit of things too and maybe we were making videos. Team versus team. Yeah, something like that. And maybe at the end of it

we get both of them down here and we have an event. That would be grappling match dude kyle's got can i just like let me go back if you had talked to me um i don't know three years ago even more recently i'd be like ideas are worthless ideas are worthless you know it's all about execution but the truth is kyle has so many gold ideas and granted they don't actually have value until you execute on them but it's like man you could partner him with a doer and and have something

really successful but uh i like thinking up things ideas are not worthless yeah i'm imagining like like those like triangular flags on the rope like guide making like lanes and like hurdle hurdles of like square hay bales and like maybe like you run through a bunch of creamed corn at one point like a gauntlet so i'm picturing euros put like harnesses on them in some way right like maybe reserved for horses that pull things and put children in kiddie pools and have them like race while towing these kids with with like you said the lane markers and everything and they go or or you could have like an run. Maybe something as straightforward as that. Or some sort of obstacle course.

It would be a blast. Kyle and Drew have to be the chariot drivers. So behind me is Kyle whipping me. And behind wings is Drew whipping him. They're comparable weight too. That would be relatively fair. Comparable. No, Kyle and Drew

are comparable weight. Yeah, yeah. Drew. Oh, Kyle and Drew. Chiz is smaller than Wings. I'm not smaller. I weigh less. Well, you weigh less. You're taller than him. If I were to submerge you both in water, you would displace less. There you go. You're smaller.

Just not shorter. I'm taller. Yeah, you're taller, but smaller. Do you think you'll still wear the hat once you lose the weight? Oh, yeah. Where did that come from? Because it bothers Taylor.

I'll never stop wearing the hat. Are you going to put some razor blades on one of them now? Well, if I take the bus to Atlanta, I sure as fuck am. Please don't make me come back to that bus place. Was it really rough on you, Kyle? Was it really rough on you, Kyle? I had my gun.

I was just like, I had my gun in my hand. I was like, at any point, we could be attacked. Dude, I'm writing a book recounting all of the people I met on all the various Greyhounds I've taken. It's fucking great. I love the stories. I think you're going to write a book about it, but it's going to be like a million

little pieces book that gets really big and then Oprah calls you out and you look like a dick because it wasn't as bad as you said. Oprah can call me out when she wants. Now? Every day. As long as she sold my book once. That dude's a millionaire. Do you hear screaming

downstairs? No, not anymore. It's in your house, yeah. Yeah, there's a little screaming. It's okay. Do you want to go check on the screens? Wait, let's do a roll call. The thing is, I'm only wearing underwear, so if I get up to check on this, you all see my ass. You can turn your camera off.

Leave your camera. Roll out, roll out. Roll out. Roll out, Woody. No, it's checking. I think if you, like, spin and then roll, you'll be completely... Yeah, go with your chair. Slide with your chair

to the door. Yeah, if you just spin and then roll... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, go outside. It seems to have quieted down. I just imagine... No, no, no. It's still gonna get loud. Go check. My column's already sprinting. Hits the back of it. The, no, no. It's still going to get loud. Go check. As soon as you hear the hallway, Colin's already

sprinting, hits the back of it. The whole chair goes down. Next question? Can you elaborate in more detail as to what really happened with the lefty situation? No hyperbole, no bias, just facts. Do you think the host

painted an accurate picture of him when he left? I think the hosts are a bunch of liars, cynical assholes, and just spewed nothing but fucking lies. I feel dirty being here right now. I agree. It really turned around when the new guy showed up. No, that's not it. No, downhill.

Downhill bowling. No, it's all true. There's no hyperbole. I got nothing else to add, really. Everyone here can answer the question, too. They lived it. I was in the same calls most of the time. There's no lies.

There's no hyperbole. Lefty wanted some things that were unreasonable, and it transpired how it did. And what it was really about at the core for me is we were trying to extend kind of a friendship thing And it transpired how it did. And what it was really about at the core for me is, like, Lefty didn't, like, we were trying to extend kind of a friendship thing to him. Like, hey, we're all in this together. Let's be equal 100% all the way around.

Everyone, like, we wanted to be knight to the round table. Every man is equal. And he's just like, I don't know, every now and then the knights, you know, they go to battle. I'd rather be over here and be, like, a sellsword. You just hire me as a sellsword, bring me in, you know, every now and then the knights, you know, they go to battle. I'd rather be over here and be like a sellsword. You just hire me as a sellsword, bring me in, you know, every now and then, and we'll yuck it up. And we're like, all right.

Ah, my position. But you do realize that you won't be Sir Lefty, you know, if you're a sellsword. And he's like, no, no, no, I want to be Sir Lefty. And, you know, it just didn't work out. Yeah, Taylor's got a sweet position, and that was Lefty's position. And he it to be better than taylor's current position and it was just yeah that's i have a couple things like it's hard to explain and it's not hard to explain

because like because it takes a little attention span like there's a couple things like as kyle said we started off just being equal partners that was that was this the initial offer and he didn't want any part of that right and so then he said he wanted to be an employee and before this all happened we just split the revenue equally right you know like so we were kind of extending it but with ownership and uh then he said he wanted to be an employee and here's the thing like when you're an employee you don't pay the expenses you don't play the attorney you don't pay like filing fees for limited liability corporations or anything like that. And I'm trying to paint this totally like evenly. There was, I guess, Patreon money. I hope I have the months right that were pledged in June,

but received in July, right? Cause they don't get billed until July. then there were expenses that were quote-unquote pledged in June like when we hired the attorney and stuff like that that weren't billed till July well he wanted the June like equal distribution of of the money that came in but he wanted to classify all those expenses that we pledged to July and we were like no no no look, no, no. Look, we received the Patreon money in July. It's July revenue. Even though it was committed in June, we received it in July. And then we got the expenses in July. So that's your July expenses. And you can have one, you can have both, but you can't just pick your favorite. You can't say,

I want all the Patreon money that we received in July to be called June, but I don't want any of those expenses we paid in July to be called June, even though they were both committed. And shucks, there it is. I hope you guys understood that. It's hard to explain in a too long, didn't read, but expenses and revenue was committed in July, but done in June. And he wanted the revenue, but not the costs. And in the end, we gave that to him. We, we, we, in my my opinion gave him the best deal where he combined you know all the aspects he got his salary in july he got none of the expenses he got all of the revenue and we gave it all of it but on top of this while he's negotiating like so hard and like i said he was the highest paid guy on the show you know more than kyle more than me more

than she is more than anybody. Because he sort of arranged this deal where he didn't have to pay any expenses, but he did get the revenue. While we're doing that, he's not doing his tasks. We had divvied up some of the tasks. He was supposed to tweet out what the show topics were and stuff, and he wouldn't. And he was supposed to upload to the podcast, like do the audio part while I did the video part. And he wouldn't, or he would like sleep on it.

And, um, you know, that, and he threatened to quit all the time. He threatened to quit at least three times. So all the time. Yeah. He was like, I got my finger on the button. I got the finger on the button. We didn't fire him by the way. What happened was we just accepted it at one point. He's like, well got my finger on the button! I got my finger on the button! We didn't fire him, by the way. What happened was, we just accepted it at one point.

He's like, well, I'll quit. And I was like, sounds good to me. You know, we're good. As a matter of fact, I accepted it a previous time. And Kyle's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not blow this whole thing up. And I'm like, kaboom, baby! You know, let him go! That was too early.

There was a point where point where like tempers had flared and he was being unreasonable and we just hadn't even really we were so early in the negotiations and he was already like well if that's the way it's gonna be then maybe i should just just keep my stuff and keep moving and boy was like all right then how do we how we move forward with that i'm like hang on a minute hang on 30 seconds at this point and you weren't wrong but i also didn't want to take that approach either i didn't want to like because i didn't want him to go when i accepted his offer to quit i just didn't want to you know instantly show all my my hand and be like no please don't it's like you want to go you know i'll accept it you know don't go thinking you're

gonna strong arm us and um he was just a really hard-nosed negotiator that managed to make himself the highest paid guy on the show for a month and uh threatened to quit like three times in 10 days like it it took us a while to like i remember you you're like you're like and now we've been paid more than lefty and it was a while it was like two and a half months in. We finally passed the lefty money. Yeah, it was a while. And yeah, I didn't say a single word that wasn't 100% true. And even now as you're listening to this, I don't think you're finding

any conflict in what we said, he just sort of combined the deals. And, you know, like, I don't know, I want this money to be mine, but I don't want all these expenses to be mine. And that's how that's how I felt ripped off. But in the I do this a lot. This isn't the first time where I've just paid somebody off in full, so that they never have an argument to say that I was unfair in business. You won't find anyone who worked with me who ever said that they weren't paid properly. Next question. We've got more questions. I want to look at some more questions and see what we've got.

When did you learn to sing so damn well? Your hit single, Chiz Show, gives me chills. I've been practicing for years. Is your mic off or quiet? Super quiet? Can you hear me now? Yeah. I've been practicing for years on my singing ability.

Much like that of Woody. We went to the same school. And that's why we're very similar in tonal range. I've been working on the Chiz Show for about 15 years. Can you hit us with a few bars of It's the Chiz Show? It's the Chiz Show. Da-da-da-da. Chiz Show.

Da-da-da-da. Gonna make a podcast. Yeah, yeah. Patreon.com slash BKA. Oh, yeah. It's a podcast. Oh, yeah. It's not very good.

Fuck you. I put myself out there. Fuck you. I put myself out there. That's how it goes. Don't shit on dreams. Don't shit on dreams. All right.

Here, I like this one. What's up with the hat? Do you have distant Irish framing relations, or is it a fashion statement? I just like the hat. you wear it all the time though right like it and it's never it's never like baseball hat or a ski i don't have a good baseball i don't have a good baseball hat i used to wear nobody just likes those hats i like these hats well okay here's the thing hipsters have stolen blinders hipsters have stolen the fedora i can't wear a fedora plus i can't wear it with a headset it just doesn't work out that have stolen the fedora. I can't wear a fedora.

Plus, I can't wear it with a headset. It just doesn't work out that way. I like fedoras a lot. Fuck you, Kyle. Okay? Fedoras are cool. I was imagining if you cut holes in your fedora so that you could wear the headset and the top of the bars just went through a hole in the fedora.

Do you have a neckbeard? That would be something that someone with a fedora would do. Yeah. I think he's got the neck beard. Yeah, I do. So I can't wear a fedora because then I'm a hipster douche. As opposed to what kind of douche are you now?

Just trim up here and keep this. Is that what you're saying? Just trim under here. Just get all the neck clean. And that way it looks better. Yeah, that's a good idea. No, Taylor's 100% wrong. Do the inverse. Just keep the neck clean. That way it looks better. Yeah, that's a good idea. No, no. Taylor's 100% wrong. Do the inverse.

Just keep the neck. Keep the neck. Just keep the neck. That is never a good look. You want to look like you're a midnight laborer constructing a home. We're kind of Amish, but we use computers. I could go Amish. You never see a good looking guy rocking that facial hair. Just the neck hair. Never once have hair. Like, just the neck hair.

Like, never once have you seen, like, a guy wearing, like, the neck thing. And be like, ah, that's a good-looking guy. Maybe he's pulling that neck beard off well. Yeah, and look how close. Wow, his Adam's apple looks great with all that horse hair on it. Can't even see it. Can't even see his Adam's apple. That's how good it is.

Thick, like a forest. Oh, this is all the long con for Chiz. He's intentionally doing the hat and the beard so when Kyle does invite him to the boot camp and he loses all the weight and there's the reveal, he's going to be wearing clothes like a normal adult and he's going to look great. I really like this heat between the two of them.

One of Lefty? Do you still call, Skype, text? Didn't you reach out to him not long ago for something? Taylor's a cunt. I repeat that 90 times and it can be the worst PKA in history. I haven't talked to Lefty since the PKA departure. We parted ways after we said we weren't doing That's Not What You Called anymore, and I haven't spoken to him since.

I don't know what he's been up to until somebody posted what he was doing on Reddit with his voice acting career. So I don't know if he's doing well or what's up with him at all. So I have no contact with Lefty whatsoever. Will there ever be the Chiz Show shirts? I would rock one during PKA ever be the Chiz Show shirts? I kind of want to... I would rock one during PKA if you made Chiz Show shirts. What would the logo have to be? A penis, Chizzing.

That's Chiz. No, it would have to be that hat. I was going to say the hat and the beard. Oh, right. A silhouette. It refers to 1924 on it. That would be your logo. A paper mill hat.

Hit me. You have a lot of eccentric shows here. Oh, let's do this. Would you rather... You're going to do the would you rather, huh? Okay, go on. Yeah, the would you rather. Would you rather never orgasm again or every time you orgasm, instead

of a normal sperm, a singular urethra-sized sperm cell is ejaculated. The large sperm must be caught and killed when disposed, or it will flop around until it finds an appropriate orifice to impregnate. What is a urethra-sized sperm? You know that hole in your dick? Yeah. It's like about that size. He's about the size of the stream of pee.

Yeah, I'm thinking of a teardrop. I picture like a drop of water being the size of this. Oh, no, he's tall. He's like Stretch Armstrong. He's like this fucking tall. Somebody use their hands. How big is he? He stands at length.

I imagine him coming out of your penis like long, and you have to grab him and like pull him out the last inch or two. He's like six inches tall and like gummy. He's still not out there. He, like, long, and you have to grab him and, like, pull him out the last inch or two. He's, like, six inches tall, like, gummy. Okay. He's six inches tall and elastic. Okay. And he's very tall, but very yellow. Is he Irish? Like a straw.

Like a six-inch-long Q-tip. A six-inch-long Q-tip, I think. So he's white, obviously. I'm gonna say he's Irish, because, you know, I'm going to beat up a prick. It's going to be an Irish folk. Go ahead and toss that one in there for Kyle. He wouldn't fight back. He'd just stay neutral.

He would just fucking take it like a bitch. No, he'd sit on the sidelines while I fought the vagina in the corner. I would probably fight the sperm every time because not coming again just sounds fucking awful. And I think after a while I get into really good shape. I start off kicking ass at some six inch sperm. Maybe I work my way up to a Joe Lozon

fight, take him on the ring. Be like, Joe, I've fought about 300 six inch size sperms. I jack off a lot, Joe. Nice to meet you, by the way. That's how I play out that whole scenario in my head. What if you had an army of six inch sperms join you in your battle against Lozan?

Could I train them? What if I don't fight them? What if I keep them as pets? No, you have to kill them. No, you have to kill them. What are they going to do if I don't kill them? They impregnate that person. Well, if I put it in a cage or a Tupperware container,

he's not going anywhere. He doesn't have hands. That's a dangerous game you're playing right there. Putting your sperm... No, it's not going to survive in a Tupperware container. Exactly. It's going to slow die. An aquarium. It's going to die, but then you can't use it in your army if you've got a dead, six-inch-long mutant sperm.

I kind of new are we ready for the next one yeah go ahead cheers be honest do you smoke weed edit how much weed do you smoke i do not partake in marijuana marijuana is bad for you all right it's very bad for you it kills you well pka plays start up again anytime soon pka plays start soon i don't know everyone is super fucking busy like i got a bunch of shit that was just thrown into my schedule what he's still working on his house kyle is probably riding dolphins in the mid-atlantic at some point because he's always got something amazing going on like that so oh we're doing such cool shit? Oh, man, I'm going to become a scorpion.

I don't... I don't even know what that means, but it sounds pretty cool. The rock scorpion? Yeah. The scorpion king? All right, so we found this guy who's got this thing. And the way it's explained to me, it's like it holds a gun and you've got a controller

and it's like an arm that's like a... It's got lots of joints and it can articulate in any direction and turn and fire the weapon like from a, that you operate from a controller like looking at a pad or through a camera on it or something like that. And I was, it weighs 65 pounds and they mount them to like helicopters and Humvees and boats and stuff. And I was like, what if we made a backpack and we mounted it to me? And then I became a scorpion. And it was like a scorpion tail that would come up above me and it would be a machine gun

and I'd have some sort of Google Glass situation where I could be running around with a scorpion tail firing accurately at targets. Kyle finally kills someone in his videos. Oh my god. So I'm hoping that I get to become a scorpion. Fingers crossed.

They'll let you do that, but they won't let you show the part from that one video. They'll let you ride with a gun on your back and shoot at shit. That was amazing. That one's unsafe, Kyle, but the gun mounted right above your head, firing into the wilderness. That's okay. You're going to have the

hearing of Archer. Tinnitus, like constant ringing. I haven't ran the scorpion through the right channels yet. No, I've got to make sure that I'm going to get my hands on the platform first. Shot show went pretty well. I think we made a lot

of good contacts. A lot of cool new things coming. Some thermal scopes and some ammunition reloading stuff that I've always wanted to do. I'm getting a bunch of that stuff. So we'll be doing some cool stuff soon. Hey, I've got a good one. What is it like hanging out with Kyle and Woody outside

of PKA and PKN? Do they put on a personality for the show, or is how they act on the show their genuine personality? A little awkward, you two are right here. I don't listen. Yeah, go ahead, Chiz. Tell me about it. Woody is a full-blown anti-semi in person.

Didn't get that coming at all. Just really bad shit coming out of his mouth. In spite of my Jewish nose? No, no one's putting on a show. They're the same people in person as on the show. I mean, I had met both of them in person at various events

so long I can't remember. There's nothing fake here. They're just cool, normal dudes. And they're good people, even though Woody has a big nose. No, he has a wonderful chiseled nose. And I can second all of that.

This is coming from the man who's got an eyebrow that does whatever the fuck it wants on time. Well, it does the same thing every day. So it just stays up there. We should start astarter to fix that shit laser surgery could definitely clean up that i would go in the opposite direction if i were to do a kickstarter i would try to do implants and make the other eyebrow man you want to fuck up the other eyebrow yeah because that would make me look like a horned owl the most ferocious

of owls can you just alter your eyebrow like like in a way that you mess up your hair can you mess up your eyebrow and get a peak there no it doesn't can you gel your brows no there's a hint totally static very static eyebrow it's this one that's just a fucking shit show

I had a kid when I was in third grade his name was Joe a kid in third grade he came up to me with scissors and when I was in third grade. His name was Joe. A kid in third grade. He came up to me with scissors, and when I was there in art, he just snipped the top of my eyebrow off. Just walked up and cut the top of my eyebrow off and said,

I don't like the way your eyebrow is. I'm doing you a favor, Tyler. That was the first time in my whole life I realized there was anything weird about it. That it grew up this way. This kid walked up to me and just I don't like the way your eyebrow is with that third grade honesty

of I don't understand subtext or implying things. And those rounded tip third grade scissors that don't cut. Safety scissors. It could have been a kid safe gnawing fest across my forehead. third grade scissors that don't cut yeah safety scissors oh yeah it was a clean sweep it could have been a you know kid safe gnawing fest across my forehead did he literally cut it like was there

a difference do you remember yeah he he cut this this time he didn't do a very good job i was gonna say he sounds like a scissor ninja no but he he didn't get it all off. He snipped the top part. I also had a high school girlfriend who, when we were hanging out one time... What do you mean by hanging out? Hanging out. Was it hanging out at the time? You took a while to throw that one out. Doing things that

Christ wouldn't approve of before certain vows were taken. She just was like, just let me snip it. Just let me snip it. I want to snip it. I just want to see. I just want to see. And so she cut it and as soon as she did it, she was like, oh, I took

too much off. And so then I had to go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and I looked like a goddamn lunatic with a geometry fucking Tetris eyebrow that didn't fit at all. I couldn't just shave it off because you had to shave both off. It was not

ideal. So those are the two stories of someone trying to correct my eyebrow. Is it like that because you were born that way or did you get into an accident or something? No, it was just, you know, luck of the draw. He's just a mutant. He's just a mutant. Okay. Fair enough. When I was in... It takes so long for these things to grow back it was the summer before college so fucking long the summer before

college hold on a second the summer before college we were drinking and i think i left early or something but i was drinking and uh they took electric shavers you know it has that flip up thing for your sideburns and uh at the time the rappers were shaving vertical lines into their eyebrows like vanilla ice did it and stuff so they did that to him they gave him like like they turned his single eyebrow into like six stuttered eyebrows and he woke up the next morning saw himself in the mirror and was like oh my god holy fuck i'm gonna be in so much trouble so the drunken version of him to get like past his parents to beat that whole I was out partying detector took a blue ballpoint pen and colored in all the lines. Not even black.

Didn't even bother to find a black one. Blue is close enough. Right. Not like some – he should have got a girl to like help him or something. I don't know, scatter it, mascara or whatever it is. Like they would have had some sort of makeup tip to get you closer. Better than a blue ballpoint pen. girl to like help him or something i'm gonna scatter it mascara or whatever it is like they would have had some sort of makeup tip to get you closer better than a blue ballpoint pen and uh i saw can you imagine him cringing as he's that hurt so fucking bad it's catching where he's like

oh it was awful and and uh yeah i saw him the next morning and i'm like dude what happened he's like you asshole he thought i was involved but i wasn't and uh yeah that was it dude we had another guy this is gay but um phil phil was yugoslavian and uh i guess he's serbian now because they broke up but uh he was yugosian. And for whatever reason, when he was passed out drunk, we thought it would be a good idea to shave his pubes. And he was kind of resisting. But he was passed out drunk. So he's just kind of like, I don't know,

like half-heartedly sort of putting his arms in the way and stuff. And we like yanked down his basketball shorts shaved it off and got like a a triumphant clump of pubes right it was like oh look at this fucking like a tennis ball full of pubes shade from above his dick and uh the next morning we're like ah we got you we got you he's like what are you talking about i'm like look we're like you check your balls out you've got no hair left. And he pulls it down, and he still has this giant head of pubes. Like we had barely made a dent, and it was a big old clump.

The man had pubes for days, and he got past our shaving. I didn't do a lot of pube shaving on my friends. I guess we were on a whole different level. Yeah, I want to understand this. How did you get him by shaving his pubes? I got your pubes all over my hands.

I groomed the shit out of your balls when you were sleeping. Joke's on you, though, am I right? Good job. You're the big mess. Hey, yes. That is odd. You've had quite the range of hijinks you've went through, like B&Es, shaving another man's balls. Yeah, oh yeah.

Young Woody had... New stories pop up all the time. Man, the 40s. The greatest part to me was that even after we had shaved off like six cubic inches of pubes, you couldn't tell. Well, you did a poor job. Next time will be better. Well, he was resisting, so.

Yeah. But I think he had basketball shorts on. We really should have been able to do better. Yeah, you could have pulled them all the way to his ankles. There's no excuse. How many people were standing around as you pulled this guy's pants down? Yeah, how many people were witnessing around as you pulled this guy's pants down? How many people were witnessing this hijinks, if you will?

Oh, I mean, it was a party full of people. I'm going to say 16. Like, you know, a picture of a room full of people. So what did you do with the pubic hair afterwards? I don't think I was the guy that, yeah, I was witnessing.

Maybe I helped pull the shorts down, but I didn't actually hold the handful of pubes with but what he did is Triumphantly the start of Lion King style and Aha However the song goes Who can do better go ahead Or however the song goes. And... Not even in the ballpark. Random beats. Who can do better? Go ahead.

I've never seen a Lion King. See? I win. What? But I... Yeah, so he held it up much like Mufasa held up his kid and... Now, if you glued him to his face,

that would have been a joke. You know? I think the monkey held up the gorilla mask. You're right. I think you're right about that. You guys have any other good stories of people, like stupid shit that happened to them when they were passed out? Because I have one. I have one more good one. Go on.

Of a friend of mine who passed out at a house party. This must have been either the summer before or the summer after my freshman year of college. And he was passed out. Everybody else was still going hard, having fun. And someone there, I think it was one of the guys,

was like, oh, let's smear some shit all over his face. And a girl there suggested, like, oh, let's use Nair. And Nair is like this stuff that, apparently it's like a foam, and then you put it on your face, on your arms, it's like a foam and then you put it on your face on your arms

for women and then after however long amount of time you wipe it and all the hair comes off and it burns like a motherfucker and they like you're not supposed to use much of this shit they caked it all over his forehead and his face and he was so drunk he didn't wake up

it looked like he had a spa mask on oh no what was even drunk he didn't wake up. It looked like he had a spa mask on. Oh, no! And what was even worse is, like, he woke up probably, like, only a couple hours later, because you can only handle that kind of burning for so long, and when he wiped, it was not a clean wipe of anything. It was not

like a, foom, no hair, foom, no hair. It was like, he looked like he had been in chemo for six weeks, is how he looked. Just sparse hair, patchy, bad, just red. Red everywhere all over his face

because it had been sat there for so long. It said on the bottle, like, do not leave for more than 10-15 minutes. It was on there for at least 3-4 fucking hours. And because he's burned, he can't shave the skin, so he has to leave it all patchy and scary. Exactly. He couldn't finish

the job because the skin was so tender, and so he just had to leave it there for a while. It was... I'm glad I wasn't involved in the administration of that, because that was a real dick move. That was really funny. Yeah, man. I don't like that stuff a real dick move. That was really funny.

Yeah, man. I don't like that stuff. That's awful. That stuff kind of reminds me of the locker room rapes and stuff. I've never been into that. Whenever I've been somewhere and some guy gets drunk and someone wants to do something to him, I'm like, let's carry him outside.

Put him in a weird place so he wakes up and he's surprised. Let's put some foam in his hand and make him slap himself. Maybe even do that thing where you put their hand in warm water and they piss themselves. All of that's acceptable. As long as it's something that you know

you would be okay with doing to you. There you go. If I got totally brash and someone made me slap myself with foam, it's like, okay, I was asking for it. But if you nared my whole face, and for the next month, I looked like

a second-degree burn victim, I would not be pleased. You look like a Saudi Arabian woman who showed her fucking knee in the street. I tried to read in public. An acid attack victim? Yeah. I don't know. That's pretty much what it is.

That's pretty terrible. I can't believe they did that. Some people are stupid. They don't think out how someone could actually get hurt by it. Looking back, I wonder what would have happened to a person's cornea if it's in contact with Nair for three hours.

Probably not. It'll be smooth, but not ideal as far as seeing. It's a little risky. It's like they blink even in a... You know. Dr. Chiz, what is something you want to accomplish in life, like a long-term goal of yours that would be the most satisfying if you attained

it? New hat. Restore a car and write a book. Those two. I want to do those two things that's about what would you want to write a book about anything i got ideas romance novel i'm writing a wrote i got the i got the idea in the setting for my romance novel jackie and chiz have been going back and forth on jackie's porn and uh he had ch had just asked for a book to read so that he could replicate the style and what was it called again Beauty and the

blacksmith Beauty oh so before the show started Jackie had Colin give me a cookie right and we have what we call Disney cookies in this house. They're cookies that are just like the ones you get on the Disney ship. And they come in this wax paper. So fair enough, they gave me a cookie and I saved it for later. Did you know it was a dog bone? No? Colin got it!

Did you eat a dog bone? I didn't eat it, but I just took it out. That's a dog bone. Yeah. How do you even accidentally do that? Because this is what the cookie looks like. It's a novelty. Try it.

Jack will kill you. That will kill you? What are you putting in there? She said Jack will kill you. My dog will not be happy if I eat his bone. I was going to try it. Look at the ingredients. It's like wheat flour it's actually not bad I mean it could you should I once said I would eat like dog bakos or something in a livestream and it was awful this is just yeah um whole wheat flour water

chicken base dry milk vegetable oil eggs brown sugar and salt like it sounds kind of healthy sounds like a cookie it's not disgusting like you might think of as a dog bone no i've tried dog bones and dog food that was another story of spite against my parents when I was little. My mom once told me we were having spinach casserole. I must have been five or six. And out of spite, I crawled into the kitchen, like crawled and hid, and then ate a bunch of food out of my Max, my dog at the time. His bowl just pounded dog food. So my mom called me for dinner.

I'm like, I'm already full. I already ate. I had dog food. I'm not eating your spinach casserole. You prefer dog food than spinach casserole. Even at that age, it was just a way of sticking it to her. I'd rather eat fucking dog food. Well, I thought at the time that I did.

But I got sent to my room with no TV, so it didn't work out. It didn't pan out like you thought. No, and now you got dog food breath. I seriously... Dude, that dog bone is like a Pringle or something. Like, I want to have another bite. I'm like, you can't have just one. You can't have just one.

Yeah. What is that, a Lay's? I'm sure I messed it up, but... Yeah. Oh, here, I've got one for you. Have you started to get involved in the stock market? If so, what have you invested in so far? Any advice?

Also, may I ask, why are you so sexy? Because God loves me and not you. What have I invested in? Like a ton of things. I can't name anything off the top of my head because I usually don't hold any positions. Yes, I got heavily into the stock market, and I am right now.

I'm not playing anything right now. I did buy some oil options. I'm not going to explain options. Google it. But basically, they'll last until 2016, which I think oil will rebound at least to what I bought it at by that time. Other than that, I'm going to play the Shake Shack IPO tomorrow. Shake Shack is a great company. And that's it. Right now I'm just spending more time educating myself because I don't like losing money. So I've stopped day trading and I'm just doing a lot of homework and taking classes and stuff like that. Did you have some losses that made you relax on it?

Yeah. I mean I went and blew up a $3,000 account and then got it back. And then when I got back in the black, I stopped and just took my money out and just back to educating. I'm like a day trading and swing trading. I'm like 75% wins, so I want to get that higher. And I prefer holding things longer. But yeah, but if you can day trade, that's – if you can get a day trading, that's easy money because it doesn't matter how the market's doing because you just need volatility goes up, you know, goes up, goes down, short it, go long, whatever. Yeah, those are terms. Yeah, but it's this frustrates me because what happens a lot is people in a rising market will like just do trading activity with a super high beta and then make tons of money.

And it's like, yeah, but that super high beta and then make tons of money. And it's like, yeah, but that super high beta is going to rock you on the downside. But no one talks about that. The best money made for day traders is actually in a bearish market because it's so goddamn volatile. I mean, volatility, sure, will increase the profits that are to be made out there. But they increase the losses that are to be made out there, too. And there are a lot of people who invest in stocks or even gamble, you know, there's similar activities,

who'd love to advertise their wins and not talk about their losses. Oh yeah, everybody loses. Like I said, I blew up a $3,000 account and I've had other losses besides that, but it's not easy. I mean, that's why I got back in the black and took my money out. I'm just educating myself to invest longer and take swing positions, which is something you hold over a couple of weeks because day trading is very stressful. And I don't have a big enough account right now where I'm safe enough to average down and do a whole bunch of technical things.

Day trading is very stressful if you don't know what you're doing because if it drops a dollar, you're like, fuck me, and it'll probably rebound but you don't know you know so that's that's that's that it's all fun stuff do they yeah do the transaction fees eat you up in day training uh they can um it depends some brokers you can get them down to like like the one i got has like a dollar per hundred shares um but typically a commission is between five to ten dollars so if you're shitty at day trading, you'll probably lose money based on commissions alone. Yeah. What do you do with your taxes? That'll be awesome. I guess I've had 600 positions in my schedule.

Is it Schedule D? It's going to be a nightmare. That's all later. I'm worried about that now. Oh, anyway, these questions are for you, not for me. You can answer, too. I feel like this is PKA. This is not the Chiz Show.

If only PKA had a cool song. Yeah, you don't. I got you there. Let's see. Any funny, interesting childhood stories? Can you just dream up a story on Spot? On Spot? Just make one up up no one will know no i mean trying to think funny i've hurt myself in a ton of different ways like i raced i had one of those

razor scooters they were really popular back in the day around my childhood and the kid next door had a bike and i was so confident in my ability to beat the bike on the razor foot scooter and i did so we raced down to the end of the court. We were in a cul-de-sac, and I won, and I went, yeah. And instead of using the little tiny brake on the back tire of the Razor, I put my foot down instead on pavement, and I flipped end over end and dug my knee into the asphalt, which was just paved, so it was all rocky and shit,

and went up about five feet and could almost see the bone to my knee and fucked up my elbow a bit. I've also just my feet are really big um always have been so when pedaling my bike sometimes my foot is in front of the pedal so when i go down um several times it hits the pavement and then i flip end over end on the bike so there's that too i've gotten hurt a lot around bikes and stuff that's all i can think of right now. All right. What is a typical working day for Dr. Chiz on working on WoodyCraft?

8 a.m. to noon, pick out a hat. I don't know. I'll check Skype and see if anything needs to be done, see if all the server's up and running, and then see if we're doing a reset. I'll work on that. It really depends on what's going on and what month it is. Some months are harder and some are just trying to keep things afloat, and then it's just working on new ideas and things to implement to the server to keep it growing and moving. it's gotten really stable there used to be a lot of fire drills like even if you go back like six months new releases of minecraft or just things breaking or crashing or whatever um we've been focusing a lot of our time lately on like new game modes and new ideas for existing game modes compared to before when i felt like some of the focus was just on keeping things where they were and working.

Last question. I feel like it's all me. Last question. Are you ready? Yeah. Fill us in on the college situation. I went to college for two semesters in 2010 and then I got into YouTube and Twitch and I had to make a decision

so I went with that instead because I saw a better opportunity there because I can always go back to college. Took some courses fall, yeah, fall of last year because Woody was like, do it. I was like, I'll do it and then I did it and that worked out well. Counting sucks ass, don't take that class. What was it? And then I just now literally like at one in the morning got approved for a bunch of

classes I was on the waiting list for in spring, so I'm taking those now. So I'm just going to casually take some classes, what I can maintain while I do all my work. Spanish one, which is easy. Music Appreciation, if they unlocked everything for me, I'd be done by now because it's just reading sheet music and telling if a tone is high or low. It's super easy. It's the basics when it comes to music fundamentals. My music appreciation wasn't like that at all. No, this is music fundamentals.

I took music appreciation. I'll never take it again. That is a class. Do not take it. Do not take it. I'm warning you. Baroque, classical, whatever fucking other periods there are is the worst class you'll ever fucking take it. Do not take it. I'm warning you. Baroque, classical, whatever fucking other periods there are is the worst class

you'll ever fucking take. Just don't do it unless you're a weird Baroque period fan nerd. Yeah. You'll be listening to quote unquote songs that are 45 minutes long and they'll ask you to observe that the drum gets slightly louder throughout the course of all 45 minutes.

And then you're supposed to infer some grand meaning from it. No, you don't infer. You have to listen by ear and name the composer, what period the piece is from, and the name of the piece by fucking ear. They all sound the same, and it's horrible. It's the worst class I've ever taken in my life.

I'll never do it again. That's supposed to be the gimme class. That's why I ended up taking it in college because people are like oh just take like music appreciation for some free A's not at all not a free A it was a free W how do you think that Baroque

these artists were feeling as they were doing this well it's a fucking piano I have no idea I have no idea what they were thinking they were probably thinking god i wish that i didn't live in 1781 the other time that was better i hope my sister doesn't die of cholera oh the dysentery is going about like i wonder if we'll think that at some point if like people will look back at us and think god i wish I didn't live in 2015 when like cancer

killed people all the time and they didn't have weight loss pills. Eventually they will. But I feel like we've hit the critical mass of society that Sorry, Chaz, continue. No, I was going to say, we might feel that way about things like disease and stuff, but we won't feel

that way about the music. Baroque music will always suck ass and classic rock will always remain good um that that is horrible shit that is really bad the bar for entertainment back in those days was so fucking low you could just bang your head against a wall and be called a performer there if anyone is from 1562, suck my dick. Sorry. Yeah, fuck all those people. All right. Are we ready for a new topic? Mm-hmm. Who's got one?

I'm working on one right now. Kyle's got some, but they kind of suck, so I don't want to use them because you guys have better ideas. Well, I don't know. We just spent about an hour and a half dedicated to just me, so I'm sure the fans are loving it right now. So can it really get much worse? See, I really liked it. Oh, I enjoyed it too. It was very self-centered. The fans

like it when fun is poked in your direction, so I'm sure they'll be fine with that. Everyone's been talking to me about Google Fiber coming to my area. Are they talking to you or plastering it in your fucking face non-stop? What I don't like is the ones that act like

I made some giant mistake by buying a house that will soon get Google Fiber. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're dumb. Why are you a fortune teller, Woody? God, you're retarded. Yeah, I did see that on the PKA Reddit. I wasn't even from there. Do you think Woody made a mistake

doing this or whatever the fuck? And it's like, yeah, yeah, Woody's gonna be crying all the way to his brand new palatial estate with a guest home about the internet that he's missing out on. Not missing out. You're gonna get the best of the best. I'm getting it. Yeah, you're gonna get it.

Yeah, my palatial estate as you describe it, with guest home getting gigabit internet. This blows. Right. I've made a huge mistake. What was I going to say? Oh, no, it's great.

Everything is fantastic. I feel really lucky. I'm glad that they chose Raleigh as one of the places that they're rolling out Google Fiber to. I did spend something like three grand to get Time Warner installed, but I needed it and I'll be using it for a couple of years. And Google Fiber doesn't roll out in one day. As a matter of fact, it'll probably take a couple of years and because I have a big lot and stuff,

I'm probably not their top priority. So, so I'll be on Time Warner for a couple of years, but I think it's pretty cool that eventually Google Fiber and, and that's awesome and it might be coming to atlanta yes that could impact kyle like they say atlanta but i interpret it as atlanta in surrounding areas i don't know if i'm on target with that or not it's a good assumption well you're pretty far out of atlanta though i have a little thought we were talking the other

day and uh and i don't know i was and I was talking about the Game of Thrones audiobook, and I was making some stuff up as I was talking about how it flows. And you were like, oh, I thought maybe they were reading from the book. So, I have written two or three or four little things that sound like they're from Game of Thrones. And I have some excerpts from Game of Thrones

and I will test you to see if you can differentiate. I like this. Can't wait to play. Alright, here we go. So you have to judge, is this something Kyle just now wrote while you guys were talking to Chiz or did J.R.R.

Martin write this? Are there four? How many are there so we can number them? Yeah, we'll do four. Okay. The figure in the doorway was tall and lean and moved like a wisp of cloth on the wind as it moved first past the long oaken table and then halted there by the great

mounted elk on the keep's stone wall. He hadn't remembered it being so cold before, and yet now he shivered violently, chilled to the bone in his hiding space. From cold or fear, he knew not. Let me go with... Let's say that one was Kyle. See, I'm saying it was J.R.R. Martin,

but I'm using psychology, not writing style. I need to hear the rest of these phrases first, because I can't tell if you're also devoted to the run-on sentence, like George R.R. Martin, or if this is him. I think Kyle's good enough to where he can manipulate. Oh, he definitely

can, yeah. We're doing one at a time. Cast your vote and don't be a pussy. Yes. Okay. She was not late. late no what the fuck we said okay much like chis and i did okay what are the votes i voted martin he voted kyle wrote it i'm gonna say kyle because that was really run on me. I think we should keep score because I'm pretty sure I'm ahead 1-0. Okay. Let's see. Did I get it

or not? Oh, do you want me to tell you? Yes. Oh, that was me. Bam! Fuck! Alright, so here we go again. The path through the wolf's wood was sparsely marked here and there by rough, dark stones,

placed here by the mossy undergrowth centuries before by the first men, his father had told him. The trees here were old, oaken giants with branches that seemed to reach upward to the cold night sky with gnarled fingers. He shivered violently. That's George R.R. Martin. That's George R.R. Martin. I'm going to say Martin. That is me. Fuck! We all got it wrong.

Wow. That is not you. That is me. I can show you my fucking Google document right now. Nice, dude. Thank you. Let's go. Alright, so let's see. She had filled her basin with the... Excuse me. She had filled... No, that's him.

That's why I chose the first one as him. You stumbled on a word and I was like, if Kyle wrote it, he'd have read it better. Her boots were lumps of old brown leather mottled with salt stains and cracked from long wear. Her belt a length of hempen rope dyed blue. She knotted it about her waist and hung a knife on her right hip and a coin pouch on her left. Kyle. hip and a coin pouch on her left. Kyle. Dude, if this is you, you're

just describing a character the same way he did. This would be Asha. Oh, yeah, this is an unfair advantage. You've read... I can't tell if this is you or him, but I can tell. I know exactly the character that's being described.

Wouldn't it be great if he was taking his inserts and changing one word? I'm not doing that. I'll say that's George. That was George. Wow. All right. Taylor, too.

Taylor, too, and I'm still it. Oh, yeah, I think I got one. Didn't we all get the same one right? Didn't we all get one that was Martin? You said Martin was the first and it was Kyle. But wasn't there another one? Gosh. We all got the second one wrong and the third one Kyle just got right. How have I fallen behind so much?

So what's the score now? 2-1-0. 2-1-0, Taylor, Chiz Me. Alright. I'm toast. Do we need another one? I think we need two more. You got two more? Yes.

Let's see here. Two more so he can take the lead. Long shot. Well, come on, you know. If I do win and Taylor loses, we got a tie. What are we going to do? Can't have a tie in this great competition. I'm actually, I'm really impressed, Kyle.

That was done very well. Are you writing another, Kyle? Yes. Okay. Yeah, let me... I'll have to write... Yeah, actually, I was thinking about... I was trying to write it in my head,

but I really shouldn't have. Yeah, his new one's going to be like, The sword was sharp as... He's just riffing off the top of his head. The White Walkers came down like they did in Season 2. Like... He stabbed him with the obelisk.

Yeah. The obsidian, whatever. The obsidian. The ob... Yeah, he grabbed the Washington Monument out of there and plunged it into... The White Walkers were walking like walkers it into it. The White Walkers were walking like walkers that are white.

Like White Walkers that walk. Pale as white ghosts they were. Pale as white ghosts. As scary as a frightening animal. Like a... He's scary twice. As scary as a scary animal. He's scary twice. It's scary. It's a scary

animal. Great. He's come up with a bad writing that he would do. Or you haven't read the books, have you? I haven't read the books. I haven't even listened to them. Kyle's really sold them. You'll really enjoy

it, dude. It'll get to the point where you won't be able to turn them off. You'll just be laying there trying to fall asleep listening. It's enthralling. Oh, we didn't watch a movie recently. We watched Louis C.K. recently. So bad. Just a real piece. There are specials I'll go back and watch.

I still haven't seen it. You don't want to see it? You'll want to see it for the sake of it. Did it get even more liberal and no it was not even political it was not his material he did like a bunch of different voices he's never done before which is not a lot of impressions it was super weird i hated that because they weren't it's not his shtick you know he's you know his older material was in in respect to like a carlin thing and he's deferred from that greatly he did voices

really gimmicky shit like it sounded like somebody opening for a real comic just really corny stuff you had to be pretty drunk in the audience to be laughing audience kept laughing and we were all asking her so we watched it all together in sync and we're like why i don't like is it on netflix Why? Is it on Netflix? It's on his website for $5. Oh. So are the voices just like when he does his,

I'm like an annoying mom on a flight. He did a gay voice to start off. Is that a bad thing to say? No, he did an effeminate white girl, stupid white girl voice is what he did, and then said it was a Mexican. It wasn't funny. Was any of it good? Yes. We maybe laughed for a total of five minutes if you add it all up.

There were moments of goodness in there. I was more generous. If the thing was an hour and 15 minutes long, I thought maybe 10-15 minutes of it were funny. That's not a good percentage

for a stand-up special. That's disappointing because even his last special, the Oh My God, that was the weakest he's done by far. That just wasn't up to snuff. I'll re-watch that one from time to time. That just wasn't up to snuff as his previous works. This was

flat out bad. How long was it? It was an hour and 15 minutes? It was an hour and 15 minutes it was an hour 15 minutes i maybe 10 15 minutes of it he had a um an intro actor an opening act was it preachy at all like kind of no that's the thing it wasn't his like standard material it was shit that was like gimmicky like fart jokes and the things that you're concerned about being preachy or too liberal i i that wasn't the issue to me it was just not funny i would have enjoyed that you know it wasn't his i really like suite louis ck like like louis ck for me

personally has kind of a chris pratt thing going on like i enjoy their work but i also want good things to happen to the people behind the scene like you want to see him succeed you want to watch them continue i want chris pratt i just found out he's either married or dating someone or something. I hope that works out, right? Because I want him to be a happy guy. I feel like he's one of the world's good guys, and I root for him, and I hope that he's happy in love and career and et cetera, right? Louis C.K., to a lesser extent, I feel that way too. Like, I like this guy.

His life hasn't been completely smooth. He worked a long time before he became an overnight success. You know, I'm in his corner. But that doesn't mean I like every joke he tells. Have you seen his show, Taylor? Any episodes? Oh, Louis? Yeah.

I have, and I really don't care for it. Yeah, but his openers, he does. Like, he typically, like Jerry Seinfeld-esque and Seinfeld-type days, he opens on stand-up usually. Some of those jokes are funnier than what his actual hour-long stand-up special was. It was really bad. That sucks. Yeah, I won't.

Have reviews come out for it? Is everybody disliking it for the most part? I'll look it up. Who's a good comic nowadays? Who's thriving? Bill Burr is always solid. His most recent special was really good, but it wasn't as good as

Let It Go or You People Are All The Same. Then a guy who's newer, he also writes for SNL, I think, John Mulaney. Who's the Australian guy? Jim Jeffries is on fire. Jim Jeffries, I don't know how new he is, but

he's sort of newish to me. He's actually done five specials, but his old ones are hard to find, but they're really good. Like he's gotten another – like the comics I love, they get better as the years go on, and it's disappointing Louie is getting worse. Well, even with Carlin, Carlin got worse as he got past a certain point. Like if you watch his 2006 or whatever, 2008 special, it's just preachy. I think he – preachy.

That's pretty true. He got more carlin did this spick spick spiel where um it was like he was it wasn't spick it was spick I don't think that's a real word but anyway uh um he did this spiel it seemed like he always did this like I'm the only smart guy on earth thing and after a while it's like it's not even clever right like look at this end table this is my stuff but it's your shit oh my god you're so insightful yeah that's like yeah everybody's shit everybody's stuff i'm gonna talk real quick i'm thinking i'm saying something really funny i'm gonna keep that's where i would say he's gotten better because that's his older material and like the seven bad words you can't say on television. I think he got better

over the years because that stuff was a little more gimmicky. He did the fast talk thing right up to the very end. His last special. No, I know, but like his last special, that's what I'm saying, his last special was not good at all. The whole first ten minutes are just fast talking,

trying his hardest to show like hey, I'm 81 or whatever whatever but I still got it. Are you thinking of the one where he goes like megabyte, gigabyte all that stuff? Is that the one from like 2006 or 2008? That's like his second to last or third to last. His last one he's decrepit old but I thought it was pretty good.

Then I might be mistaken. It might be his second to last that I'm thinking of. But good comics right now. John Mulaney's funny. Bill Burr's good. john milaney is the is he the jewish guy i don't know if he's jewish or not i know he's got the uh the special on netflix he's it's really good uh who else is good right now dude bill burr i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop on him in the whole pussy pass denied thing like it seems like he has some a lot of misogynistic comedy which is funny i'll admit but you know like there's an epidemic of gold digging

whores right yeah that's one of his spiels true um there's a bunch more you know he talks about hitting girls and stuff you know and and how they need a good smack or something um i wish i could get the routine right but he talks you know like hey if i were to do this to some bigger guy i don't because i've got this fear of my ass getting kicked yeah women you know they do this and you know um i think his bit was that like saying that it doesn't just escalate out of nothing where he was like talking about chris there's no reason to hit a woman there is no reason he's like really you think it just started out of nowhere where she was just like hey let's get some batskin robins and he just punched her like no he described uh who was it was it beyonce that got hit who's the girl that got no no it was rihanna rihanna thank you yeah you know mean names

it's my thing but uh he's like you know what do you think she just the cookies are fresh out of the oven would you like some deer you know with the apron on and the and the oven mitts and the cookies on the plate and he started belting her he's like no it didn't go like that and uh you think it and you're like well he's not wrong but he's also not politically correct and i feel like one of these days someone's gonna be like they're gonna take all his material and he just doesn't give a shit man he's not nearly as harsh on women as he used to be in his old specials. Ever since he got married, he's

reneged a lot from those styles of jokes, which is kind of disappointing because it's like, God, you ripped on married guys for so long, then you got married and now it's like you're hedging your comedy a little bit, which I don't know if that's true or not. He's probably just burnt out on certain topics

and like, what the fuck else can I say about this? Yeah, he's not rehashing old material. He's growing and developing, which I appreciate. Is Chris Rock funny anymore? I don't know. He's either not doing specials or I'm not seeing him. I think he's making a special. He, to me, is one of the

all-time funniest comics to have ever lived. Yeah, he's hysterical. But it's all 10-year-old stuff at this point. I thought he was good, definitely, but I would not put him in top 10. Who would be your top people? You don't have to get 10, Chiz, but like top meters. George Carlin,

Bill Burr, Jim Jeffries, Louis C.K., Christopher Titus is in the top five for sure. Losing names now. I really don't like him that much. A couple of fat comics. That's the only way I can describe them because I don't remember their names. They don't do as many specials.

Yeah. But, like, back in the day, I mean, that's all I watched was Comedy Central Presents. So I feel like a hipster with comedy. It's like, oh, do you like Bill Burr now? Yeah, I saw his 30-minute special like 10 years ago. Oh, yeah, from like 2004. Like Dan Cook with black hair when he's spitting on tables doing fucking alien. You like Dan Cook?

I liked him back then, you know, because I've seen him a lot. Eddie Murphy, if you want to be hipster, was really good. Eddie Murphy was good in Raw. You know someone who is not that great that everybody, or at least all the comedians on every time they talk about it. Jerry Seinfeld is just not that funny. He's not funny.

His show, Seinfeld was fucking hysterical. Hilarious show. Excellent. One of the best shows on TV ever. You get to talk, Woody. I thought it was hilarious. I love Seinfeld. Seinfeld was an amazing show.

Great writing and great acting combined into an amazing piece that is syndicated for years on end. It will be 3,025 and it will still be on the air. Agreed. Thank you. But his stand-up comedy is horrible. Horrible.

It's just how many times can you hear somebody with the same delivery? It's the same shit. It's super dry. Over and over and over and he's just lauded as this world famous awesome comedian which he's just really not yeah he's not that great i you know what i like about jerry seinfeld he's rich really rich we looked it up right 800 billion dollars or something like that's not a number, but $800 million is. $800 million. Like, he could, everything that, like, his whole life is by choice at this point.

And that's beautiful. Like, even if you have $6 million, right, you can still have a desire for more. I mean, that's a lot of money, but it's not so much that you can't blow it, as witnessed by 80% of the athletes in America. But if you have $800 million, I'd have a hard time spending the interest on that thing. You still want more. That's the thing. It's like you don't want to want more, but look at Warren Buffett. All these guys, they just keep the wheels turning they love money i guess they love his old lincoln

it's their hobby right like it's their that's their thing oh yeah they enjoy it yeah but uh i don't know i just nobody's forcing jerry seinfeld to do anything you know if warren buffett wants to change his hobby he can however. However, if you're listening to this, your dad probably needs to keep his job. He can't just be like, you know what? Fuck this. He'll have to keep working. Kyle, how's the writing going? Almost done.

All right. 30 seconds. Yeah. Don't see Louis C.K.'s special unless you want to see it just to hate on it with us, you know, like a communal thing. It's a – I wasn't – what am I looking for? I wasn't confident in it, so I shared my copy with Woody and Kyle because I didn't want them to risk spending the $5 because you can't get that back.

Taylor's not here. I don't know who I'm talking to right now just realized he left the fcc has redefined what broadband is um they do this every so often this is like their third or fourth time and usually not usually it always goes up the original broadband was something like 0.1 or 0.7 megabits down like less than less than a megabit and like 0.2 up and then it went from there to i can't find it in front of me but i think it was like four and one four down one up and just now it is 25 down and three up that's what broadband is nice and it has an impact in that, the government only tends to fund projects that are broadband. So, you know, like, if you want to roll out

and serve an area that's not currently served, but you want to give everyone, like, 5 megabits down, the government's not likely to augment it. But if you want to roll out a quality network that's 25 down, then you're likely to qualify for some government subsidies. And, God, I was just, some guy was ripping at me today for being liberal, but facts are facts, dude. The Republicans are straight up aligning against anything that's not pro current ISP.

Did you see that the Keystone pipeline just passed the Senate today? Not enough votes though, to beat a veto. It was 62 to 39 it's going to the house now didn't we'll have to i'd be happy to talk about that too but um uh the republicans so the commission has three democrats and two republicans on it and the republicans the two of them are blasting it and i didn't think they were without a point um they're saying that 10 megabits down which i think they were aiming for you know because it had to go up and they thought 10 down was enough to do three video streams plus other

web use at the same time now i would argue that's not true but it might be true for two video streams i think it depends do they say like 1080p like because i can get as many 240p video streams up as you know i want you know and even 1080p doesn't describe the bit rate like like so for example 1080p on a blu-ray i think it's like 37 or 43 megabits right it's insanely high quality yeah it's very high quality but 1080p whereas netflix is like three to five megabits something like that maybe even eight but i think it's like three to five and like 20 for the 4k so you know it's the bit rates are all different yeah and 4k at blu-ray quality if that makes sense would be what is that about four times the 1080p which is about 160 megabits down roughly so when this guy

says you can get three streams down that's kind of horses And, and even if there is a 1080p that's three and a half megabit, that's a really shitty 1080p. Like, let's not forget, it's like PKA quality 1080p you're getting here. You know, what you see on your screen right now, that's what he's talking about. And, uh, both Republicans voted against it. Um, there's a, um, a website. I was just on it today a website i was just on it today and um shocks i want to find this um sorry pc mr race goddamn conservatives i'm trying to find more excerpts from the book but i'm struggling i've already written my thing my problem is finding something from the book so there's a web a website called battle for the net and um basically they break it down into team cable and team internet right and there's a political scorecard too where they say like these are the guys that these are the guys that are team cable these are the

guys that are team internet um shucks I swore it looked different earlier today. There was more... Is it counting people that are getting funding from cable providers? Oh, wait. Shit. It's counting people based on how they've announced which way they're going to vote. Right? So, if they're in red, they're team cable.

And if they're in green, they're team internet. And you got to look at like who's who like here's the team the guys who are backing cable companies and not making it so that isps can roll out you know competitive services like google fiber is doing the battle is for the ability there's two things for people that don't know one using the telephone poles and the conduits and stuff that are underground right now. You know, as it stands in most cities and towns, if you wanted to start an ISP, you can't just use the existing telephone poles, which makes it pretty much impossible.

And then the other thing is they call it dig once. So it's pretty cheap, like, well, comparatively cheap to just like add fiber to something that's happening already. If you're laying a new sewage pipe, I might say, hey, you know, for a little more, lay this fiber line thing with it. And that's called dig once. It's much cheaper to do it that way than for you to dig your sewage thing and then for me to do my fiber thing entirely separately and dig the hole twice. Anyway, here are the people that are supporting the cable companies. Rubio, McDonald, Thune, Anyway, here are the people that are supporting the cable companies. Rubio, McDonald, Thune, Cruz, Uptim, Boner, Boehner, whatever his name is.

Walden, Blackbird, Green, McCarthy, Scalise. These are all Republicans. Well, mostly, the names I recognize. And then the people that are Team Cable. Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, Obama, Al Franken, Schumer, Sanders. These people are all Democrats.ry reed is uh undefined and wheeler the fcc chairman it has him as like undefined maybe a little green but um it's just like dude this is a battle republicans versus democrat and i'm not being biased when i say in this topic, anyway,

the Republicans are the bad guys. The Republicans are the party that for whatever reason thinks that it should be very difficult to install new internet to your house for your ISP to have competition. Um, I'll say it. I think it's cause they were bought and sold money talks and bullshit walks. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll say it. I think it's because they were bought and sold. Money talks and bullshit walks. Yeah. It sure seems like it's because they've been getting a lot of donations from cable companies and therefore they're voting the way that their funders would want them to. But

whatever. There's no disagreeing with that. You can look where their funding comes from and it's like all Comcast, Time Warner, Cox it's all of them and it's like oh gee i wonder why you vote this way yeah yeah so then it man you know there are republican positions that i prefer over democratic positions but it just seems like every time i want to be a republican every time i try to go over to that side, they fuck me up. You know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Issues that are critically important like the nation's internet infrastructure were against that. But the pipeline, Woody. The pipeline, okay? Oil, man. 20 jobs. 20 jobs. They're for that. Tens of jobs

are to be had. I don't get it. Somewhere off in the far distance, a dying man was screaming for his mother. The horse! A man was yelling in the sky. In the next camp to the north of the Second Sons. Kyle.

Bobby or George R. R. Martin? Read it again again real quick what's the psychology behind this tactic Taylor now I've lost my that would be George RR Martin I've got my thing

linked here too ah somewhere off in the far distance, a dying man was screaming for his mother. The wholesome man was yelling in Gascari in the next camp to the north of the Second Sons. Well, I don't think you would know what Gascari is,

so I'm going to say George R. R. Martin. Just to be a bitch, I'm not going to change my vote, but I totally think it's Martin, but I'll stick with Kyle. I'm going to say George is my chance to catch up. No, no, no. Chiz goes for Martin. Don't let him have this plausible deniability of

I would have won if I were less honorable. Pick what you want. I pick Martin then. Martin. And suddenly they were upon him. There was the burning falcon of Craven and the winged chalice of the Finns who'd each made the ride from their keeps above the fork of the Trident. Their armor spoke the fresh blood of the men that flew in the valley below.

What house do you fight for, my lord? Came a booming voice from the tall man who sat astride the red stallion. As tall as a six-foot-two pole he was. Hey! Let's go. Alright, I give up. Did he say that? was hey the first one was Martin the second was Kyle how are we doing you didn't tell you didn't give us answers yeah you gotta tell us if we're right well I couldn't on the last one which doesn't seem fair now that I think about it but yeah you got it right yeah the first one was Martin the last one, which doesn't seem fair now that I think about it. But yeah, you got it right. Yeah, the first one was Martin and the second one was me. What does it say that made Mirka mock him?

I think I missed the detail. Oh, no. It was so clearly a George R. R. Martin one, or a Kyle one, where he went too far with it and kept trying to add compound sentences and things that are a part of it. And then the man stood tall and lovely. I kept writing it over and over and it was three different things. And the king

like... Are we out of excerpts? Yeah, we're out of it. It's hard to find the excerpts. That's one thing because it's his content. Go to Game of Thrones or a Song of Ice and Fire wiki. They have some excerpts there.

But that was actually pretty impressive, Kyle. Like, a lot of... That sounded legit. Thank you. And I could tell you know your Game of Thrones because there were some terms in there. Maybe if he dies, I could take over for him and sew this thing up.

Maybe. Can we look at my... If you get the Game of Thrones and and swords and such you want to take a look at the sword that i'm getting oh yeah i do yeah sword swords of northshire we do have a so i really want i don't know which one i they're gonna give me oh good lord jesus christ these are expensive These are bargains. Whoever is sponsoring Kyle, you have a damn good

product. It looks like it's tempered, high quality, a Japanese steel. I would love my own. Right? I've always wanted my own. A guy got into contact with me a couple days ago.

He said he's going to get me one of these custom swords. I'm not sure which one. I haven't really decided which one I want. I definitely want one of these. You've got to go for the 7,000, right? Are you qualified to own this thing? What? Shouldn't there be a test or something? A test? It's a blade.

A swordsplay test. Kyle, you have to do the dance with the wooden sword. Out in the courtyard, you dance with your master. Now, Kyle, that 7000 one is really dope, but if they don't offer you that one, scroll down and look at the Yang-style

Tai Chi Chinese Dao blade or whatever. The wood one with the kind of goofyopy Indian looking hilt. Oh yeah. Would you want that? That looks pretty cool. I don't like the hilt and the scabbard and everything. I think I like It's very Arabian. Yeah, exactly. I want one of these

folded steel, clay tempered traditional I would want one with lots of string on it. I find that cool. Yes. Oh, look at this. The Lord Guan Yuhan Dynasty. This looks like a halberd or something. Like, not a sword.

Yeah, if you click it, it's real big. Look at the end of that blade. That is inappropriately... Jesus. Wait, what is it called again? I need to search for it. It's the... If you go to just the link Kyle gave,

it's the... Third row down on the right. It's called the Lord Guan Yuan Dynasty. It's the one that doesn't look like a sword. It's got a big pole and then the blade on the end with the dragon's head. Yeah, I don't really need that. What about right below it?

The Hand Forged 1060 Dagger. Did you see the tip of that one that we're talking about? Uh huh. It has the separated It's good for stabbing and damaging people I guess. I like the dagger. You would.

You know what I am liking? This spear here. Let me link you right to it. Let me tell you why. I've always wanted to kill a wild boar with a spear it naturally and here is one hell of a spear yeah i want to use like dogs and hey that thing that that knife that he talked about below it is actually a spear oh oh is it yeah it's called a Hamster. It's a 1060 high-carbon steel Chinese quang spear. And you can see it screws together.

It's a pretty long spear. I actually like it a lot. For pleasure or for business. Sometimes you need a dagger, sometimes you need a spear. Yeah, sometimes. I like this. And I want to go after a wild boar, like a big one. Are you pleasuring properly, Chiz?

Oh, maybe I'm a couple of dogs, and I want to fight it to the death with a spear. Poke it. I don't think that they would recommend you use this for boar hunting. Like, are you really... I mean, I'm sure they make high-quality blades and everything, but you're going to put your life in the hands of the swords of Northshire against 800 people?

I'm going to make a slice of hog in half with that fucking thing, man. Dude, you should have seen the knife that I had to use last time. They gave me the shittiest pocket knife. Yeah, this time I'll have a spear. Like, I got this. This will be great. I've always wanted to do it. I don't see what could go wrong. So you just jump out of the helicopter, right? Samurai swords?

What's that? Do you get to pick between, like, any sword you want on here, pretty much? You can pick between samurai, ninja... He said that he would like to get me one of their custom swords and that's like a category over here. But the prices range from that $6,000 one to some

cheap ones. Can you get FPS stamped into it? I don't like that. I've got so much stuff with FPS stamped on it. I don't care for that to be honest. I've got like three FPS Russia shirts. Well yeah, it's fine if it's your shirt, but. I've got like three FPS Russia shirts. Well, yeah, it's fine if it's your shirt,

but if you've got like a $3,000 rifle with a carpet inside. But if it's a weapon, everyone's going to mock you when they pull out their javelins, and it's like a whole big... Look at the queer with the... His sword is personally branded. So, yeah, I'm going to get one of those swords, and hopefully I get to put it to use. Maybe I'll just use the sword on the pig.

That would be cool. I don't think it would be effective, though. I think the spear is the way to go. I like it. I like that particular spear. You should parachute out of the helicopter towards the hogs and just come down on them. They could totally hit you down above the hog

and then hop down on top of it, but I feel like he would just get away then. You really gotta shoot him a little and wound him before you can get him in sort of a hand-to-tusk combat. Hand-to-tusk. Whatever those teeth are, those fucking boars have. They're like hooks

on the side of their mouths. It's their teeth, I guess. Florida man. What was the one that you liked? The good savior. What was the one? It was something horrible. It was the abortion one.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Let me. Hang on. I got it. Florida man asks pregnant Florida woman, are you ready for your abortion date? Then hits her with car.

So I'll link you up to this. Good incident. Should I repeat that? Please. I think they're dating or something, right? Pregnant woman's boyfriend asks, ready for your abortion? Then hits her with a car it's a video oh great let's queue oh my god this is gonna be yeah it's gonna be some lady talking about it

it's not gonna show him really i hope it does hmm i think this is yeah i'm gonna show it i am you guys want to stop? I'm scanning ahead. I'm at 40 seconds and so far the car hasn't moved. Okay. Excellent radio work, Woody. Let's scroll up to 40 seconds. Is it in the background, maybe?

It is in the background. All? It is in the background. All right. It appears to happen. Queue up at, say, let me see. Stop at seven. Or, I'm sorry, eight. We'll all start together. Eight seconds.

All right. I'm ready. Yeah. All right. Now, you need to look at the road above. In other words, hitting impregnant. Ready, I'm ready. Yeah. All right, now you need to look at the road above. In other words, hitting and pregnant. Ready, set, play. She's crossing the street.

Oh, shit! You saw it before me. You're a little ahead. There it is. Oh, wow. All right. You're a little ahead. There it is. Oh, wow. All right. He's an awful driver. He didn't hit her very well.

That was plan C. Because he hit a tree afterward. There's plan A, plan B. That's the plan C pill. Yeah. Yeah, that's what that is. Fucking Chrysler 300, plan C. He ruined that car.

Oh, and I'm sure that... Is the woman okay? Probably not. That needs to be a meme. I want to see some Chrysler 300s with Plan C pasted on them. It was a Dodge Charger. I'm sorry.

It was a Dodge Charger. What year? 2006. That's weak. What do you have? What do I have? What do I have? I don't have a car. He has Nikes.

I have no need for a car. You've got a Greyhound. Coast to coast! Don't make fun of the bus people. If they hear you, they will throw their Razor flip phones at you. They're not real people. One of the guys had AIDS that was talking to me. What'd you say? I said one of the guys that bummed his cigarette off me

had AIDS. He had AIDS? Dude, I don't know that. Because he shared that with me. They shared. Alright, here. I'm a sucker. If you ask me for money at any of the stops, I'm just going to tell you no. I probably don't have any, but it's a whole thing. I don't want to open my wallet up, but if you ask for a cigarette, I'm probably going to tell you no. I probably don't have any, but it's a whole thing. I don't want to open my wallet up. But if you ask for a cigarette, I'm probably going to give you one because it's awkward.

Because 10 minutes later, I'm probably going to smoke another one because I'm at this stop for like two hours waiting. It's not like I can't say. And it's hard for me to say no. So I'll give the guy a cigarette, and then he'll give me his life story. Like I asked him for that in exchange for the cigarette, which I don't give a shit about. And one of the guys was like, thanks man, it's really cold out here. I just got my prescription pills. I've got AIDS, full-blown AIDS.

It's really bad. I've had it for six months. Another guy told me he was the son of a bastard and he was going to Minnesota to take care of his bastard son he forgot about. What was his last name? Snow. It was sand. Or flowers?

It was sand. You know, it's different for every region. It's flowers down in the south. In the west, it's like stone or something like that. Stones? There's also rivers. If you're near the winds

that you mentioned in your quote, which led me to believe that it was George R.R. Martin. Once again, good job getting some deets in there. What about in the... I don't know what they are in the east, where the Tyrells... I don't know what their bastards are called. Anyway.

Oh, Rose. No, that's Flower. That's Flower. I thought it was Flowers in the south, like where King's Landing was. If it was by the Tyrells, it would be Flowers because their sigil is the Rose. Interesting.

Wow, that's really interesting. This is some hardcore nerd shit right here. Super interesting. You guys want to dress up and start playing D&D while we're here soon? I don't know. Can I borrow your hat? Well played. Touche. He's no easy

victim there. No easy mark. I talked to Wings tonight and I was like, hey man, you want to come on the show? We were about to start here in a little bit. He's like, can't do it. Playing Dungeons and Dragons. So he is somewhere with his dungeon master having a great fucking time, I would imagine. Which is good.

Have any of you played D&D? I know Woody played back in the olden days before computers were around. No, he didn't play D&D. He lived D&D. He slayed fucking dragons, let's be real. The man is 7,000 years old, okay? What role do you think Wings is playing is a better question. Do you think he's a wizard?

An orc? a lancer? Paladin. I mean, I don't know any of these things. I'm talking on my ass. I bet he's a paladin. Paladin or troll. I'm going to ask. A food glutton.

I'm going to take a guess. I'm going to guess, actually, that he's a thief, which sounds like a deal, but I've always thought thieves are one of the most interesting characters. Hey, what kind of character do you play in D&D? And now we wait. What's it saying? Who else do you need to guess?

The thing about texting wings is he might reply instantly or he might reply tomorrow around noon with something like, I was asleep, man. And it'll be like, I texted you at 5 p.m. Like, what the fuck? Did you go to, like, higher nation mode? I always liked being a thief.

I felt like, I forget how it works. It's been so long, but I felt like different characters. Yeah, as a kid. Different characters had different, like, bonuses that added to your abilities. Like, you have charisma and strength and quietness or something. Is barbarian a possibility? Is what? Barbarian.

Yeah, is there something like that? I don't know what the classes are. I'm going to say wizard because it's a generic one I know is in there. I'm going to go with warlock or wizard. Probably got wizard or mage. Something like that. Fighter, wizard, cleric, rogue, ranger,

and it doesn't mention thief, but I'm almost certain that was a class. I bet the rogue is thief now. His character's name is Erlen Lightbender. He is a gnome. A gnome illusionist. Alright, he's playing

as David Blaine. I like it. An illusionist. I'll take least threatening characters for 500. Watch out, threat! I'm gonna disappear! Yeah, what is he? Like a little Keebler elf? Like, aha! Not quite yet, sir!

And he just... His only weapon is a smoke bomb. That's all he's got on him. Yeah, and it's not a good one. It's like the shitty one that you give kids on Halloween. And he just throws it down and darts. That's great. I'm so glad he replied back.

He's a fucking gnome illusionist. That's hilarious. For those that don't know, Wings used to play that game, I think, when he was much younger. So I don't think he's a fucking gnome illusionist. That's hilarious. For those that don't know, Wings used to play that game, I think, when he was much younger. I don't think he's played in a long time. I don't want to bug him in the middle of his game. Ask if he's dressed up.

Nah, he doesn't dress up. He's probably having a great time. Those games are fun. I don't know if any of you played Magic the Gathering when you were little. That's shitty. I saw a South Park episode. That's it? You never actually played?

You never gave it a shot? Magic the Gathering sucked. Dude, it's fun as fuck. I played Yu-Gi-Oh! You played Yu-Gi-Oh! Look at this guy. I played poker. What, from age 5 up to now you played poker? That's it?

None of those dumb trading card games? None. I remember we were at pax pax east and uh there were all these like in boston i don't mean to call them super nerds but like but you did continue yeah super nerds it's really fitting like i like i wish you could picture like this sort of i don't mean to rip on the, the people we played were not well-dressed. They didn't smell great. They didn't have wonderful social skills, but they were interesting to me, right?

Because they were- The dungeon people were playing Magic the Gathering near here. Dude, anyone who's really into something is interesting just because they're really into something, right? Like if you spend all your time in your bedroom mastering guitar, then at least in that realm like you're really interesting about that that's not where i thought you were going when you said master yeah me either all right so uh um murka became like our representative because he played it right onslaught was able to pick up the rules quickly and became i guess a junior player

me none of it made sense they were just like tapping and flipping cards for no reason whatsoever and there's a concept of like mana or something am i right about that yeah yep and that's not a word that they might have called them like my cromulence building like i have no idea energy there you go yeah i mean, yeah, energy. No, okay. It was fun. I remember Onslaught playing that, and Onslaught was the most fun person to play with

that whole weekend because everybody else was just kind of like giving me shit about it for the most part, but they'd watch him play and be like, I don't want to play. Onslaught would late at night come up and be like, dude, come on, let's play some magic. It's like, there's nobody around to watch

and make fun of us. And he's like, no, dude, come on. I's play some magic. It's like, there's nobody around to watch and make fun of us. And he's like, no, dude, come on, I want to play, I want to learn. And he got halfway good at it. He got really into it. But we would take Mirka, and he would be our representative, and he would take on the other super nerds at PAX and mostly

lose, right? I went two and two. That's fair. Yeah, I won the first two and then i i remember because i won the first two and woody you started talking me up and we were i had just met you like in person that time and i'm like fuck nobody expects me to be like the good magic guy and then i just got fucking stomped the next one of the times by this girl who I had a starter deck and she was like, oh well I'll just use my deck I used for the tournament.

It's like, oh yeah, that's fun. You use your tournament deck and I'll use this thing I bought for $9 from the bearded guy three feet to my left. But it was a fun trip. So she had OP cards and you had no chance whatsoever? No, I had no prayer.

Not a prayer. Because I had the little box that's like, hey, start with your friends. And you have one really good rare and a bunch of shit cards. And there's a thing. I thought you were supposed to play starter deck against starter deck. You are. Because I remember sometimes you would agree.

You'd be like, starter decks? And they'd be like, yeah, sure. We'll do that. Yeah, that's a fun way to play. It's like nerfing yourself. And so you're seeing who can do the most with the least. But yeah, she, I guess, didn't have a starter deck. So she just used her tournament ready deck

and obliterated me. But it was still a fun time. Yeah, I still don't know how to play that. And then what happened, I got, I don't want to say jealous, but you guys started playing Magic on Xbox Live. Oh, yeah. And I wasn yeah able to participate in those sessions because i didn't know how to play it xbox live makes it so easy for a while me onslaught i think team art even tried it a little bit and hutch we all played a ton of magic

on there and dunkas i think he played a lot too. Bendro, maybe. But, yeah, that's still one of the funnest Xbox games out there. Download Magic, if you haven't, listeners. Play it. You'll like it. Don't listen to Chiz and his hat. It's just a card game. That's all it is. Get the real deck if you're gonna play.

No. It's way more expensive to get a real deck. It is more fun to play with a real deck. It is more fun to play with a real deck, but then you need real people around you who can play Magic the Gathering. And that involves asking real people, can you play Magic the Gathering? I bet if you Google right now,

there's dozens of magic shops or places you play magic around you. It's such a fucking big card game. I'm told you can spend a lot of money in magic. You can spend a lot of money in any hobby you would go into. I could spend a shit ton of money on Yu-Gi-Oh cards too. A nice poker set would cost you a lot of

money. One of my friends, speaking of expensive magic cards, he was a computer science major, ended up getting an awesome job right out of college. I won't say the company, but he's doing really well. And the first thing that he really did, he's so into

magic, is that he bought the Power 9, which I'm not sure nobody... Do you know what that is, Chiz? Like the nine most rare, awesome cards in the world. It's the nine good cards, right? Everyone knows that. The nine best cards. And the most valuable of them, I think, he told me was worth five grand

or something like that. He dropped thousands upon thousands of dollars for these nine cards. That he'll never play. Yeah, you won't ever play. You're never going to play a $5,000 card at a tournament. Some grubby-faced teen can be like, let me see that.

What are the rules for it? You can buy fakes too, right? That's a common thing. I'm sure you can buy prints. There's a term for the fake ones. There'll be tournaments that

allow it. Like, you know, do you want to play a Black Lotus? I have a fake Black Lotus. We'll play those. Oh, like proxy cards um yeah like like proxy cards i guess but i think these the proxy card sounds like you just call it that right yeah that's when like you'd make like you'd print off a fake sheet of paper and put it in a card case or something oh no the the ones i'm talking about were kind of high quality cards like you pay $40 for a

fake and it would take a trained eye to detect that it was a fake. Hmm. Wow. I was reading about Magic the Gathering for some reason and learned about that. It's a fun game though. If you haven't played it, try it.

Or stick to video games. No. It's to video games. No. It's the learning curve. Play Hearthstone. That's the new thing. Go play that card game. You might not play any of those card games. Those things are fucking lame.

I'm sorry. You just fucking slow roll your ass in poker until two of the people you're playing with just give the fuck up because it's not a goddamn endurance test. Goddamn. Kyle likes his card games predictable the same i watch people play poker online like real poker and i'll play some too and that shit is fast and they know what they're doing you will just keep buying in and buying in and buying in until we want to kill ourselves frankly yeah every how many times do you have to beat this guy you lost twice it's not a game you win money not the game it's there's no winning your money

this is a monopoly you took all your money i only kept playing to be polite you took all the money we started with there was a dinner break in the middle of the fucking game. We drove away 20 minutes out, had dinner. You guys just weren't serious enough about the game. At some point, you just go all in every hand until you mercifully lose. And, you know, we shouldn't play if it's going to be like that. I've said this before, but what's fun about poker is the mind games that you play back and forth. Because it's not like that whole thing in Princess Bride where he's like, ah, the poison could be in your cap,

but if you know that I know what I know. Like, it's not like that. It's like, oh, well, he bet preflop, so either it's this or this. Now, I've got to watch him to figure out which of these two possibilities it is because I've already narrowed it down because he's done two behaviors in a row, either that or he's just fucking with me, which is a rare coincidence, a rare occurrence because I know this guy. He doesn't fuck around too much.

Dude, I fuck with you constantly. So then what happened for the first, like, 20 rounds where you lost everything twice? He was building his rapport with the fellow players. If there's a no buy-in rule, if there's a no re-buy-in rule, I'll play every time because if you just keep putting $10 in... Yeah, that makes it more interesting.

That's exactly how... No one wanted to play for reals anyway. That's why when I got back, I had to go play a poker game. I wanted to play. The way to play is... The game can't be predictable if the players are unpredictable. The way to eliminate unpredictable players is by having high stakes. They're afraid to do those crazy

things. The games that I sometimes go to, I went a few months, haven't been since, but the last game I went to, the deal was you bought in for a minimum of $250. You could rebuy as many times as you'd like for as much money as

you would like at any point. As long as it wasn't in the middle of a hand. And there's like eight people sitting around the table. It's no limit Texas Hold'em. So the pots, I think the big pots were around $1,500 or something like that. And most of the pots were $100 to $300, something like that. But you can win a lot of money sitting there just watching how everyone plays

and kind of biding your time until you've got good cards. But rebuying is just kind of part of it. Even in that game, I think I lost my first $300 and then I walked away with $1,200 and $800 of it was profit or something like that. You're right. If there was real

money on the line, I'd have given a shit. But that's how you took the fun out of it. We're playing $10 games. It's not fun for me! Here, I'll equate it in a way that I'm sure you... You were playing like there was $1500 on the line. Let me equate it to something else.

It would be like if we were playing Call of Duty and somebody wanted to run a spawn trap and I want to go try hard. No, we're trying to have fun and you're running into the spawn trying and I want to go try hard. No, we're trying to have fun and you're running into the spawn trying to get as much money as possible.

That's probably not what you're doing. I don't know what else to say. I'm bored just thinking about this game. I don't even know how many hours it went. Like you said, there really was a dinner break and traveling involved. I'm going to be honest. That had nothing to do with the length of the game.

We literally played for, at the most, at the most, 30 minutes. No, no, no. No, no, no. It was over an hour. But grudging about it. I'm always willing to show an interest.

If he'd been like, let's play Pinochle. I don't know how to play fucking Pinochle but I'd have been like alright Pinochle it is they're just like because you kept buying in who knows how long that game would have went that game was like 3 hours long

30 minutes is just silly talk silly silly talk in your heart of hearts what was more fun? Playing those little kind of annoying games of poker or watching ludicrously inappropriate porn in the downstairs of that Marriott and betting on who couldn't gag? We were so wasted. That was a fun night for a lot of reasons.

Hey, that's Kitty's cup. Kitty's not here. I bought her that cup. That was a fun night, though. We just got hammered and watched. You really revealed your hand as being one of the princes of fucked up porn.

Every time we were like, alright, we gotta find something else gross, and Kitty had my computer, which I volunteered to use because I was so goddamn drunk. And she was like, I can't find anything else. It's quite as gross. I can't quite find it. And Kyle would just be like, let me see, and turn it around,

type something in on Motherless for like three seconds, and then there was some sort of like colon drippage into some guy's mouth. Colon dripping my ass. That was a horse shit coming out of that person. It looked like somebody was squeezing oatmeal and peanut butter through a garden hose. It was horrific.

One of the big garden hoses, like a heavy duty one. Like a fire hose. A large gauge turd that went on and on and this man is laying on his back in a bathtub wearing goggles I shit you not. Yeah, goggles on. Let's not get too crazy. Not trying to get pink eyed. laying on his back in a bathtub wearing goggles I shit you not. Yeah, goggles on him. The poo?

Let's not get too crazy. Not trying to get pink-eyed. That's what you say about this horse shit. There's a thin film of greenish-brown shit basically smeared everywhere like it's face paint. And then these turds are falling directly into his mouth. Open, gaping mouth as he chomps. As they fall into his open, gaping mouth as he chomps. As they fall into his mouth

and he extrudes it like Play-Doh sometimes and he swallows it sometimes. He's just basking in the glory of having a mouthful of shit. He is loving it. He's eating it like a caramel turtle. And I watched that shit like I was listening to a Chrysler ad.

A caramel turtle. No flinching. That's just disgusting. That's the game, you see. You have to watch that without flinching, without showing any signs of disgust or emotion. And you've got to lock eyes with the man as he chomps the shit.

And you've really got to look at it. It's like facing the devil. EFucked is the most fucked up website that I know of. I've seen everything on E-Fucked. It's not that bad. Motherless is worse. Motherless is worse. Do you remember how bad Whiteboy was at that game?

Do you remember how bad Whiteboy was? How he was just struggling? I would be so bad at that fucking game. Say what you want about Whiteboy, but he really maybe not now, but there was a time when White Boy was pretty innocent as far as the worldly things went. And he

was shocked by some of the things that I was pulling up on that he could not handle. And he's a little guy anyway, so you take a shot if you flinch, and you got a couple of judges watching everybody. And I got a little pissed. Yeah, she called me out, and I had to drink that you flinch, and you've got a couple of judges watching everybody. I got a little pissed. She called me out, and I had to drink that warm fucking vodka. I did not flinch, and I did not care for that shot.

Well, at least you're not holding a grudge or anything. I hold a grudge forever. I still remember that. I remember that shit well. I remember that it made me not want to play the game. I almost pouted and was like, fuck this shit. Fuck your shitty game. I want to see you pouting.

That's got to be a great image. Well, it wouldn't be. I pout on the inside, but on the outside. I'm not playing your stupid cringe game anymore. I didn't flinch. Passive-aggressive, like, crazy shit. I'd be like, all right, well, maybe, you know, I just think I'm going to start a new group over here.

I made up this game. I'll take it over here. Fuck you guys. Kelly, why don't you judge my game? Yeah, you come over and judge my game, which of course would bring Whiteboy to my side, and then you and Taylor's drunk enough if I can take him, so I would just take everybody away from Kitty and leave her over there as a lesson,

but I'm not a douchebag. Eventually she left anyway. Good to know the inner workings of a potential sociopath right there. Thank you for laying that all out. Borderline personality disorder. Borderline. That's the important part. It is.

Which brings the four sponsor of the night. One of the few out there who would sponsor a group of borderline personality disorder sociopathic weirdos. Squarespace.com. As I've mentioned before, you can use code PKA group of borderline personality disorder sociopathic weirdos. Squarespace.com. As I've mentioned before, you can use code PKA to get 10% off your purchase there.

If you want to build a website, there's no better place to start. You can see, we went over it, but I promise you, if you're one of those guys who's watching this in your car or on your iPod or whatever, when you get home, check out DreamingWithJeff.com. It really is... You'll chuckle. You'll at least chuckle, and you'll probably laugh. And if you're drunk or something, then you might have

nightmares after you see this fucking website. You've got to see it. And I gotta say, it's pretty cool the way that the icons, the records, and the LPs and such would move and do some creepy fucking stuff when you touch them. I come away with this knowing that

Squarespace actually is a really good place to build. It's got a lot of features, exactly. I thought it was going to be more modular, and this seems more I don't know, it had a custom feel to it. I also came away with this knowing that Jeff Bridges is off his fucking rocker.

So check out his Super Bowl commercial. You'll see him playing the pan flute some more I think. And you know, really talking about nonsensical craziness. Just like his CD, his album that he's releasing here. Is there another video to watch? There's some more audio.

There's a two-minute video. That's a tutorial for Squarespace. I'm not saying that. Are we supposed to show it? No. I'm listening to My Keys. If I were to make an album...

This is my impression of My Keys, even though I haven't heard it yet. Mmm. Ha ha ha. Where are my keys? I lay there in the darkness

thinking to myself about the travels. Travels a man takes in life. I will be in the car driving beneath the sky towards the sea. There is a small house on the beach. Yeah, you know, if you had a drunk relative that used to talk to you while you went to sleep or pass out on the couch after a couple beers, Jeff, this is the track for you.

I think he's literally searching for his keys in this. That's what I assumed the song was when it was titled Keys. God damn it, I'm gonna fire Al is red. That's what I assumed the song was when it was titled Keys. God damn it. I'm gonna fire Alfonso. Where's my keys? Checked my pockets twice. Let's listen to the Ikea song. It's gonna be like

40 seconds of rattling and then just him being like, fuck! God damn it. Destructions don't have words. Cue up at zero. I'm there. Give me one second here. I had closed DreamingWithJeb.com. It was unsettling.

It was unsettling. I don't know what else to say. Those eyes, I don't care for them. Hang on, I'm getting... What do you think the reasoning is behind all the eyes? What went into that thought process? Dude, I don't fucking know. What's the song called?

Ikea. I'm ready to roll. Ready, set, play. It's one minute and three seconds long. Fucking Michael Bay. When I die, there will be no burial or cremation. I have contracted with space material to store my remains aboard an Eternus satellite. Zordon?

Who's listening to this to fall asleep? My body will forever loop around the planet and emit a flashing light whenever it passes over a memorable location. Is this Jeff Bridges' plan to enslave the human race? Like that bar in Redondo Beach when we first met. He sounds like Apocalypse from the X-Men.

He does. Or I can. What? What? Well, that was just a whole bubble of fucking crazy right there. You know what? Seriously, what? I'm really curious? I'm curious.

I'm intrigued by this. The Raven. I don't want to say I loved it, but I'm really invested in it. That was frightening. I want to know more about it. Ready, set, play. On my keys? It was the Raven.

Do you want to start again? Fuck, yeah. Ready, set, play. On my keys? It was the raven. Do you want to start again? Ready, set, play. Ah, shit. I didn't start at the beginning. Yeah, it's got a weird... I gotta refresh. Refresh the page. Alright. Refreshing.

I just played a different song and paused it, and now when I play the raven, it'll start at zero. Let me get it again. Okay, I've got it paused. I'm ready to roll. All right. Ready at The Raven.

Ready, set, play. The Raven. The Raven sways in the wind at the very top of the pine. Yeah, he does. A lone black pennant, an ensign signaling to those who watch that a storm is imminent. What? The wheat will boil, the saplings fold and snap. We close the barn doors and soothe the stalled horses with whispers and hands.

doors and soothe the stalled horses with whispers and hands. A crack of thunder sends a shudder through them. Passes into us. And we stand together. Grounded. All legs trembling. He was so fucking high when he wrote this.

If you take an abstract painting and put it in music form, that's what we have here, because it doesn't make any sense at all. If you think of Pot Brownie, that's what we have. No, no, no, no, no. Pot does not do this to you. He is on acid when he's writing these songs. I just imagine you could easily, like, one of these tracks, just be like, I shit myself. You you know we're making fun of it i shit myself in a dentist parking lot

i shit myself and my maid hasn't been here in three days i might be alone but i actually think i like this let's do another then it's genuinely winning me over like i'm like i want to fall asleep to this. Feeling good. Well, some of them you have to pay for, I think, right? Like the Swans or the Stars? No. So I think the deal here is you pay as much as you want. So you can listen to them for free, but you

come away with it feeling like kind of an asshole. Or you can chip in the cash here. What do the Stars mean then? I don't know. So which one? I don't know. Which one? I don't know. I'm up for watching any of them. The Temescal Canyon. I want to do Feeling Good.

Temescal Canyon is 11 minutes, so let's not do that one. Let's do Feeling Good. What makes Jeff Boots feel good? Feeling Good is three and a half minutes. Do you want to do all that? Well, yeah. We could also see you at the training train long star we got the raven let's see what's going on with the hen all right the hen ready set play and that starts off the same oh a little jazz in the background i thought that was a bug flying around

very well maybe that was uh that was the saxophone, pretty sure. Ray was this tenor player. Good tone, good hands. Never played with the big guys, but still. He was good. Between sets, Ray would take out some silly putty. You know, that kid stuff. And he'd stretch it and pull it. Even make little animals and things.

He said it kept his fingers limber. In his pockets, he'd carry three or four of those plastic eggs the stuff came in. That's how he came to have the nickname. The Hen. Because he had the eggs. There, one time he fucked a chicken. How old is he? This is the conclusion we learned about the tenor player. He played with Silly Putty. I really don't understand. You know how an entire EP will have some kind of meaning behind all the different songs?

I think each song is a unique little gemstone in itself. Yeah, ramblings. I think he spent 40 minutes making this album. Really, it's a crazy man's thought compiled with music in the background. Let's be honest here. If you found these recordings compiled on a recorder at, say, Ted Kaczynski's cabin... With no music. No one would be shocked. Oh yeah, he's got that big manifesto

over there, the bomb making supplies. He's living in the wilderness, beard off Survivorman and shit. Oh yeah, he's got that tape recorder with all that insane shit on it. Isn't he the guy that made his album cover, the guy with 50 eyes plastered all over his face? Yeah, yeah. They called him

the Ocular Bandit. With the Beetle of Doom, his sidekick. The Beetle of Doom. I really don't know what's going on. It's hard to... It's just really crazy. It's bizarre, and I'm a Jeff Bridges fan.

I really dig Jeff Bridges. Oh man, True Grit. I thought he was excellent. A lot of people don't... My dad doesn't like it because he feels like his voice is so grumbly and he's so drunk that he's difficult to understand. But I've said this before

about lots of movies. I always watch movies with subtitles. If you watch Snatch without subtitles, you're an idiot. You didn't even see half the movie. It would be almost as bad as watching that Planet You didn't even see half the movie. It would be almost as bad as watching that Planet of the Apes movie without the subtitles. How the fuck are you going to try and watch Snatch if you can't even have the fucking subtitles on?

No. You're going to try and have the sandwich with the backfetched saying all the time. Where's the fucking camera man? Where's the fucking camera man? Where's my mask? What? Everybody in chorus.

As far as my. That's a great movie. Dogs? Yeah. Dogs. Dogs. Yeah. I like dogs.

I like caravans more. Fucking love that movie. I liked the kind of cokehead sniff you gave at the end of that. That really punctuated the good impression. That was good. Thank you. That was good. That's his best movie. That's definitely his best movie.

I don't know about that. You like rock and roll, huh? Wait, Brad Pitt or Guy Ritchie? Guy Ritchie. Oh, yeah, his best movie, definitely. You know, he directed that Call of Duty commercial thing I did. I got to meet him and as silly as it sounds because I just said four or five words or something,

he was there standing. I was face to face with him. He was like, tell me what to do. Okay, good job with that. Now do this. Okay, good job with that because there were multiple things. There was 20 different things I could have said and they wanted a variety of them.

One of them was goodbye, goodbye, horsey bitch. We did four takes where I said goodbye, horsey bitch. That did not make it into the final cut. And I knew it didn't. They had this giant, crazy camera on a wire rig, and the room was enormous. It was, I don't know, like a stadium almost, but it was all blue screen.

But they had like crashed cars and real asphalt there, so it was like half fake and half real. And the camera was on this wire rig and it came rushing at me at 45 miles per hour. And then at the last second, a foot away from my face, it would stop and pan down as it zipped straight up in the air. And I'm supposed to follow it up with my eyesight. I didn't want to stand there, obviously, while they adjusted the camera to figure out when it needed to do this thing.

So they actually had a guy who did it for me who was about the same height. And I watched this motherfucker stand there, and he was like a legit stunt guy. And they were a little... No bludgeoning. And he was just standing there like... And the thing went... Because they wanted to get the shot and see what it was going to look like and they kept bringing it closer and closer to him until they got the distance just right.

But that was the coolest part though, getting to meet Guy Ritchie and him playing his guitar between takes and stuff. he was an interesting guy. Was that one of the first times, like, legitimately, at that shoot, where you were like, I'm, I'm kind of something, like, I'm, I'm a big fucking deal? That was a cool day, I never think, I never thought that, I still don't, it was, you know, there was a big cooler with drinks that said FPS only. I thought that was comical. And, you know, but it's one of those things where, like,

but before that already we had done the quad rotor video with Activision, and it must have cost a half million dollars for that shoot. Like, it wasn't one of those, you know, we went out to the same movie ranch they filmed, like, Little House on the Prairie and the old Star Trek series on out in the California desert. They had fire trucks and ambulances, and they had sharpshooters and cherry pickers with det cord and quadrotors and helicopters. And they crashed a couple thousand dollars worth of helicopters. They were just like, alright, more, more, more. I had three assistants.

There was a girl who spent all day rubbing suntan lotion on me. That was bizarre. That was all ridiculous because normally we just go out there two cameramen and an assistant or two and just get it done. Prior to that, there was a time where it was just me and a tripod.

There was a legit production that day. There was a chair with my name on it and everything. It was pretty legitimate. My assistant told me that she had worked on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp. There wasn't nearly as much stuff going on

on that shoot. There weren't as many people. Did you get to keep the chair? No. I didn't think that was an option. It was a funny day because a lot of those guys, a lot of them were fans of me, so they knew who I was in passing,

and they were kind of getting to know me as we figured out how the video was going to work, and I was kind of giving advice here and there, and they were listening of getting to know me as we figured out how the video was going to work and I was kind of giving advice here and there and they were listening to me and there had been a couple of explosions really close to me that a lot of people didn't feel were safe and I hadn't flinched and they were starting to think that

I was some sort of freak because I wasn't flinching at the explosions and I remember it was hilarious. It was a total fluke but this lady comes over with a tray full of drinks, and it reminded me of that scene from Spider-Man where she drops her lunch tray, and he swoops in and catches it. One of the glasses of water or whatever falls off her tray,

and I just snap and reach down to my ankle and catch it and put it back on the tray. It was just a complete fluke. I just happened to reach for it and happened and catch it and put it back on the tray. It was just a complete fluke. I just happened to reach for it and happened to catch it, but they just had seen me with a flaming gas can that had flown by me. I hadn't flinched. When I did that on top of it, they literally all went,

ooh. That was a lot of fun, too. The Guy Ritchie thing was really cool because I really like his movies. Yeah, a lot of fun too, but I think the Guy Ritchie thing was really cool because I really like his movies. Yeah, a lot of good hits there. There was supposed to be at least one more

rock and roll movie, and maybe it was supposed to be a trilogy, I don't remember. But it flopped so badly that it didn't happen. Did you like that movie? Not as much as Snatch, but still. No. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels I had a hard time with as well. You don't like either of them?

It's good, but, you know, it's not one you re-watch over and over. It's definitely got its moments. It's definitely got some good moments. I love the whole part where he's like, what the fuck is that? He's like, it's me brin gun. Got that crazy fucking huge gun. There's a lot of good parts in that movie, but I don't know.

I don't think I like the story as much. I don't think there's any characters in that that I gravitate to as much as I do in Snatch. I really like Brad Pitt's character. I really like Jason Statham's character. I really like Bricktop, Bullet Tooth Tony, and all those guys. Oh, Tony's the coolest.

There's no weakness in that movie when it comes to the characters and casting. I love that flashback where that Chan guy or whatever shooting him. He's like, pow, pow, pow. He's like, I shoot you! You'll die! I shoot you! You go down! I'm in trouble now.

He's got all his bullet wounds. He's like blood soaking his feet. He goes, you've done it now. That guy's cowering. And the AC guy's like blood soaking his teeth he goes you've done it now now you can cry and the Asian guy's like out of bullets cause they're all at Tony and he's just like like Tony's gonna

fuck him up with a knife when he's slamming that guy's head in the door like when he first gets the call like there's a and Boris the bullet dodger why do they call him the Bullet Dodger? Because he dodges bullets, Harold. Yeah, that's great.

He's got the whole quote about the gun. His gun is reliable. If it doesn't work, you can always hit it with it. Did you hate that head in the door scene? Like the head slamming in the door? That's one of those...

Is there anything in those gory kind of movies that isn't as gory to everybody else but really grosses you out? That's one of those things for me, is someone getting their head slammed in the door. Like Kill Bill. I hate curb stomping. Curb stomping.

I think everybody gets the American History X curb stomp. Oh, yeah, and the Sopranos curb stomp. A lot of peopleomp and the Sopranos curb stomp a lot of people forget about the Sopranos curb stomp are you familiar with this? I'm not familiar I'm going to link you to the I'll wait for Woody to get back for it I'll find the video

because none of us can play it so the setup for this is Tony Soprano is a mob boss he's boss of New Jersey there's like five families in New York and then he's got Jersey kind of all to himself it's kind of a lower class family as far as the rest of them are concerned

and there's some talk as to whether they're a real family or just a big crew but anyway Tony thinks of himself as a fucking family and he's the boss of it and he's having this labor dispute where basically he's turned off the union jobs, and so it's costing these New York guys money as a way to force them into a position of negotiation. And so this one guy who's a New York mobster sees Tony's very good-looking daughter, Meadow, at a restaurant.

And he's like – he says something to her like, oh, you got a little cream on your mouth or something like that. He's making some sexual – he's saying some dirty stuff. And he's like – got Sambuca on his back. And so Tony does this. It's just great. I can't wait for Woody on his back. And so Tony does this. It's just great. I can't wait for Woody to get back. Yeah, curb stomping is really... I really don't think anything else you could really get me with.

Ooh, that's bad. Like the head in the door thing, I mean, you don't see it, so it doesn't affect me. But is there anything else that other people don't react to in horror movies or action movies as far as pain or gore. A really bad throat slit. A really gruesome throat slit. No, you get desensitized to a lot of stuff.

But after Game of Thrones, it's like, oh, that's a throat slit again. There's so many throats being cut in Game of Thrones. Yeah, that's true. Game of Thrones desensitizes you. I feel like disfigurement really scares me. When there's cutting ears off and stuff

like in Reservoir Dogs. Pulling fingernails out, that's one. Yeah, anything like that. Torture. I don't like torture stuff. I didn't care for hostile. Hostile, dude. Those are...

Where they're taking blowtorches to people's faces and shit like that. Needles in the eye. I watched American Sniper. I think last night. Nope, because you were with us. The night before last.

Yeah, yeah. I watched American Sniper the night before last. I went to IMAX, dropped the $40. And I always appreciate IMAX. It's worth it to me. It's like the first class seat. It's a little bit more, but it's just a gigantic fucking screen.

You don't go to movies often. If you're going to go to a movie, you're going to do it right. Woody's back. I think my video's not back though, right? Correct. I think it's not going to be. I think that what happened is... Can you still play videos?

No. You can screen share. You can swap it to screen share instead of webcam. Oh, perhaps. Yeah, yeah. I think the software I used to record the show now took control of my camera because I muted it for a second

and that's what you get. Dang. Yeah, I didn't realize that was going to happen. Is there any way to play a video then? Perhaps. Yeah, I think I can figure it out. It'll take a second, but I think I can get it done. What did you have in mind? We were talking about

things in movies that make us cringe when people get hurt and stuff, and I was saying curb stomps, and so I brought up the Tony Soprano curb stomp. And I found this video here. It's three minutes long, but it sets up the whole motivation for the curb stomp and how Tony finds out and then what he does.

I think it's a classic Sopranos moment. I can totally share this. Can you? Let's do it. Yeah, all I have to do is drag it into the screen share section like I normally do. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you don't even have to do it through Hangout. Okay. Are you guys ready? I'm queuing up at zero. Ready, set, play.

So, it's Soprano Mezzanine at Grey Gardens and the guy says that... It's Tony's daughter. You're Tony Soprano's kid, right? Yeah. Small world running intoano's kid, right? Yeah. Small world running into you like this, huh? I'm sorry, do I know you?

Yeah, you got a little cream on your mouth there, sweetie. Be happy to add to it. What? Excuse me. Lucky guy, her dad. Must be fun talking to her that night, huh? Is there a problem? Not yet.

Would you like one? Coco, come on. What? I'm saying hello. Come on, let's go. Hey, bestie of dad, huh? Why is he doing that? He's totally pushing the limits. Tony has cut off his union job money as a negotiation tactic.

A lot of money. money as a negotiation tactic. A lot of money. It's a nice house. It's not for you to decide. Don't say anything. What, are you two talking about me again? Tony has a small temper problem. I love his temper issues. What's the matter?

Nothing. What? Do you know a guy named Coco? Why? She was out on a date last night and he came over and pulled some crap. What? How? We were in the city, little having dessert and came up out of

nowhere and just started saying all this weird stuff what kind of weird stuff kind of weird stuff tuck you in smell the sambuca on his breath what exactly did he say? He came up to us and he asked me if I was her daughter and then he said I had whipped cream on my mouth.

Yeah? What else did he say? I love his delivery. This is like intense for me. It's alright. It's okay. He's an idiot. But he's harmless.

I'll talk to somebody. Shit's going down Motherfucker. My fucking daughter! My fucking daughter! My fucking daughter! Hey, you want some Zampuca with this? Tony, you're making a big fucking mistake here. Look at the barrel. I'm gonna put a ball in your fucking head, huh? What about the barrel? Blood's dripping out of it.

Oh. This is it. Don't do it oh shit damn the teeth flew that can like that can legit kill you

it probably kills most people get him up now what they're not gonna show here is in the next scene he's at like kill you. It probably kills most people. Get him off. Now what they're not going to show here is in the next scene he's at like his group his marriage counseling session and he notices that in the cuff of his pant is one of those teeth

and he has to like sneakily remove this tooth from his shit cuff while nobody's looking. He's like, yeah, I'm working on my anger. He's grabbing this fucking dude's tooth out of his... I gotta watch that show. I've only seen the first half

of the first season now. I haven't seen it either. I'm waiting for the HD remake because you said it's coming. Or is that only the wire? I don't know about the Sopranos. I got the big brick of discs. I love The Sopranos. It's got the soundtrack. Every so often, I

envy a person who hasn't seen an entertainment series, right? Like, if you told me I've never seen Game of Thrones, is that good? I'd be like, oh, you lucky bitch. You have so much awesomeness in front of you, awaiting you. The same would be true with Breaking Bad. Sopranos is

very good. Really? Yeah, I'm going to watch that. Now that the wire comes out, I might as well wait for the HD at this point. Yeah, some people don't like the wire in HD. I don't know. See, what happened is it was shot in 4x3 and they redid it in 16x9,

which of course means they clipped it. And I'm told they did it very carefully and you know like made sure it followed the head and everything you don't see people talking from nose down but uh just the same like you know the director intended it to be in four by three because that was the style at the time and you have to decide if you know what what's worth it i probably when was the made? At the risk of sounding ignorant. I've never seen it. I've heard it's good. I don't even know what it's about.

Was it early 2000s? Do you have HBO Go anymore? It's on Amazon Prime too. Oh, it's on Amazon? 2002 to 2008. The Sopranos and The Wire are both full collections on Amazon Prime. If you have that service, you get it for free.

Oh, I didn't know that. Nice. Thank you, Chiz. I know, right? Information with the hat, you know? I like the wire, but I didn't like it as much as The Sopranos. I know everyone makes it out to be the greatest show of its generation,

and maybe it was, but The Sopranos is better, in my opinion. The wire's very good. It's very good, but it feels a little dated at times because they're acting like wiretapping and text messaging is cutting edge because it is.

That gets a little trying at times. It's kind of like any of those enhance scenes. No, it's not like that. Here's what they do. Apparently, they're unable to get warrants for certain kinds of wiretapping

and people using burner phones, but they are able to use the cell phone towers. So they look at when they're on the phone and then how many calls are on those towers at the time. So you're on the phone, there's 100 calls on the towers.

Great. And then you're on the phone some other time, there's 100 calls on the tower again. But how many of them are in common? Now we know you are only one of two or three numbers. And they use that to be able to track the bad guys in a way they never could before. They're always scheming like that though.

You mentioned the burner phones. They'll send their own Trojan horse burner phone into the mix. They're always trying to find a way to spy on the gangsters. And there's a cat and mouse game between the detectives and the gangsters. And an insight into, like they really human and the gangsters and an insight into like they really humanize the gangsters and and you know you see the relationships and and they um they kill off some main characters which i think is the hallmark of a good show you know there's no invulnerable characters just because you might like them uh so it's really good oh you know visit this is kind of

you're coming in vulnerable characters it it's heartbreaking when uh... this is a spoiler if you haven't seen season one a game of thrones season click away now for about ten seconds now now now now when ed starts head gets chopped off the bills bad in the show but in the book in the book now that I know it's coming,

it's agonizing. Because he's so close to not only escaping capture and death and all that, but having it all worked out and having it all in hand. He made three or four decisions that just caused him to die. Every step of the way, he chose... It's because he was too honorable. He was too honorable. He got himself killed.

I read it and then I watched it. I watched the first season before I read the series I believe. And so even reading it, I was hoping. I'm like, maybe the book's different. Like maybe... I know it's coming and it hurts because it's like...

I love that. You get to hear his inner monologue with the book, and that's something you don't get in the show, especially since it's Cat. Maybe there's a slight twist, and he doesn't die in the book. Maybe this whole thing's completely different. You're reading it, and you're like,

the book's almost over. Everything's panning out okay. Like, is it going to be all right? Like, he's thinking to himself he's like his plans right before something horrible right before he ruins his leg it's like well maybe I'll just

take a boat home. That'd be faster anyway. And I could stop by Dragonstone and see Stannis Baratheon. See what he thinks about all this. And they're talking about sending archers to Moat Cailin and all this shit and it it's just like, yeah, he's got the right idea. If he could just get the fuck on that boat,

the North could come down like a sweet cloud of snowy justice across the Southlands. But I know it's not going to happen. They're going to fucking cut us out of it. And it's going to be like it. And I don't know if it ever gets better, quite frankly.

I'm pretty sure, like I've said before, this J.R.R. Martin guy is a real cocksucker. And we're going to get to the last book, and it's just going to be like, and the latter stirs rule from henceforth. He is, dude. Ever and ever. I can't wait until you get to the

Red Wedding part of the end of the third book, I believe, Kyle. Because that's another situation where the whole time you're like, man, people have got plans. Stuff's in motion. This is going to work out. They've got a baby coming.

They've got big dreams. And there's whole pages and sections of chapters. Usually if a character's about to die, an author will throw a few pens in for more character development or something, but George R.R. Martin is developing whole new

stories and plots for this person to partake in where they're like, well, maybe I'll go up to Dragonstone, or maybe I'll go to Qarth in the Faronstone. Or maybe I'll go to the, to Qarth in the far east. And then it's just, nope. Get fucked. None of it. None of it. You're never gonna see this person again.

That actor who was on the poster? Gone. Gone. Yeah. That's how it is every step of the way. Like, there's a lot of characters that I know aren't gonna make it and yet I'm listening and I'm like why are they telling me what this motherfucker is dreaming at night?

I'm connected with him right now. I don't need to know that he's dreaming and there's so much the story's expanded so much. For example, when Robert and Ned put down the rebellion or not the rebellion,

but when they fought the First War with the Targaryens and they beat them at the Trident and everything, that wasn't the end of it. There was still the Kingsguard to deal with, and it was the Night of the Morning and two other super hardcore famous knights. And it was Ned Stark and six of his men. And Ser Barristan Selmy. And Ser Barristan Selmy.

And Ser Barristan Selmy. And in his head, he's thinking that it was seven against three, but these were no ordinary three. And he talks about how dangerous these guys are. They crashed with steel, flying like lightning, and at the end of it, only two men walk away alive.

It's just Ned and I guess Ser Barristan walk away alive. It's just Ned and I guess Sir Barristan walk away alive. The other seven die. I want to see that fucking sword fight. They talk about the White Walkers a lot. They talk about lineages a lot more, so

it's a lot easier to kind of follow all the dozens of secondary... Yeah, that really helps you work it out in the books, is the whole lineage thing. Yeah. Even though it's not, like, you would imagine that it's, like, the Bible where it's, like, and Zebediah begat Abraham,

or, like, whatever, all that shit. Yeah. But instead, they'll be, like... figuring out the politics of the houses. Yeah. They'll give you, like, an, almost a mnemonic device to try to remember this guy. They're, like, and Sir Jimmy John with his flaming red beard and quick to anger

and his large calloused hands. They'll try to... And so later on they can say, and his calloused hand fell heavy on the table. And you're like, oh yeah, that's the guy with the calloused hands. All right, all right. Like, they quickly...

He describes people so, I guess, idiosyncratically with specific things that when you picture a whole room of characters, it's almost ridiculous. Because it's like, and then there was Sir Theodore, blue hair, bright as the sun, standing there with his large seven-foot axe, with his pet monkey perched atop his shoulder, as he often did. And, like, just stuff like that. And then there's a whole room,

a whole swath of these lunatics. Everybody has something special about the way they look. Like his, you know, maybe they smell, like, oh, he smelled bad, even over the perfume that he was wearing. He smelled of sea salt and sweat. Or, like, just anything.

You know, when they're talking about Khal Drogo and talking about the bells in his hair and the gold medallions on his belt and his copper skin and then on and on with life. I know what fucking Khal Drogo looks like. I'm not, you know, because of the show obviously, but definitely because of the way

they describe him. And when they pour that gold on Viserys' head, it's much more brutal in the fucking book. Oh, yeah. And he definitely had it coming, too. He's much more horrible in the book. And those wolves are so much cooler in the book!

Why are the wolves so lame in the show? They don't do anything in the show. They don't contribute at all. Dude, regular dogs are better than the wolves in the show. That's true because they're real. In the book, all of these wolves have names and personalities and traits and characteristics. They do things a certain way. Lady is a certain way.

Gray Wind is a certain way. Ghost is a certain way. Shaggy Dog is a certain way. That's Rickon's wolf. They all have characteristics, and in battle, they are ferocious. They'll hamstring, they call it, a man with one snap of his teeth. Hamstring is when you cut someone's hamstring on the back of your thigh and cripple them so that you can take them out on the ground. It's like you would hamstring somebody a lot in night-on-night

combat because they could reach back behind them. Anyway, when you think about that, they talk about how big their jaws are and stuff and how a full-grown one is the size of a pony. It's just like, why aren't these things doing cool shit in the show? That'd be great. They definitely

cheap out a lot. I think that the biggest example of that so far where the show has cheaped out and really cut something out that would have been cool to see, the veil. Oh, yeah. The eerie.

The veil? The eerie. It's where the Knights of Arryn hang out. It's where Jon Arryn's castle, Lysa, Catelyn Stark's sister, she's in charge now, breastfeeding that eight-year-old boy. And in the show, there's a path you've got to go through, but it's kind of stone on either side, and it's like six feet wide.

You get to a gate, and seemingly you're there, right? No. Not in the books. It's like a day of riding a donkey up these stone stair-like steps up the mountain and then the steps keep getting worse over and over

and it's like an hour up these steep stairs and then two more hours up even steeper stairs. They talk about how the stairs are crumbling as they get higher. It's a very impractical place to build a castle. It's hard to get supplies in and out. Yeah, and then she finally gets to the top of the stairs

where the donkey can carry her no more, and they describe the next portion of the journey as a chimney-like ladder that continued on upward. I think it's a couple hundred more feet. They have a thing that hauls turnips and stuff like that up to the highest castle or whatever, the Eyrie,

by a chain. She's like, I don't care about my honor or my pride or whatever. I'll go with the turnips. Don't you like how turnips are the go-to root or vegetable or whatever the hell or vegetable for poor people? Where it's like, the turnip crop's not doing well.

Oh, it's going to be a rough winter. That's what poor people eat in every fantasy realm. Turnips. If I'm just speaking from what I know so far from the books, and I certainly don't want any spoilers, but I don't see this ending well for anyone.

It's just not going to end well. They're just burning through all the resources, not dealing with this problem in the north, and winter is coming. No one seems to care. All the Starks are dead. All those fucking Starks, man. Oh, and the mountain that rides

is much scarier in the book. He is just a monster of a human being. I don't know if he can be much scarier than the actor they got for him in the newest season, because that guy is a behemoth. That guy's huge. He's not an actor, though. That's the problem. The mountain? Yeah, the guy they've got playing the mountain. He's like the world's second strongest man.

He deadlifts like 1,000 pounds or 1,200 maybe. But they did a good job making sure that he wasn't talking very much. They did not let him talk. Because he's not a good actor, but he is good at being seven feet tall. He doesn't say much. They probably don't give him lines because he's been recasted fucking three times. Three times. There's the part where Cersei's like, he says

to Cersei, he's like, who am I fighting? And she's like, does it matter? And he's just like, no! And then at the fight, you know, he asked, the Red Viper asked him a question. He's like, did they tell you who I am? Some dead man! Comes at him with a

five foot long sword. And then, you know, I don't want to give any spoilers away, but he says that other thing and that's all, those are all of his lines. He's definitely not an actor. I hope they stick with him though because if they go to a smaller human being

which seems inevitable if they change actors, like who the fuck are they going to find? Like I would, I mean, make him CGI if you have to. I don't give a shit. There are no large beings, so they'd have to go down. I don't know why they didn't do some CGI. Gandalf's not really

that much bigger than those hobbits. They just do it. They force perspective or whatever kind of CGI. That's a lot of camera angles and stuff too, though. Yeah, but the mountain isn't in the show that much. For the close-ups, use a scary, good actor's face.

But when you go to wide shots, make him like the fucking juggernaut. Make him 7'8". He's supposed to be nearly 8' tall, according to the book. Taller than the next tallest character who is Hodor at a little over 7'5". Yes, they said he makes Hodor

look small. Yeah. There's this one part where the mountain that rides has went through all those villages and raped and pillaged and everything. And they're in court and the villagers are telling this to the hand of the king. And some knight goes, they're like,

it was the mountain that rides, sure enough. Greater man I never saw. And they're like, maybe it was someone else. And they're like, it was the mountain that rides, sure enough. Greater man I never saw. And they're like, maybe it was someone else. And they're like, oh no, you can't mistake him. And they're like, well, there are other large men in the kingdom. And the guy's like, not as large as the mountain. Have you ever seen

one? And everybody's just like, no, I guess that's a good point. Never seen anyone bigger. Oh, do we want to talk about... Yeah, for all of you people who say I interrupt them too much, just... There was like 30 minutes of Game of Thrones talk.

That was Game of Thrones talk. It's been a while. It's been a long, good while. It has been a while. I enjoy Game of Thrones talk. Yeah, you suck it, you bitches. You don't like Game of Thrones talk. Vinegar.

I know what the viewer retention rates are at this point in the show. You are the real fans anyway. You should love that shit. Get with it. Now we're going to do some conspiracy talk with crazy fucking chis. But please let me pee first. I'll be quick. Because I really want to hear this shit, and I'm kind of into it a little.

I don't know why it's conspiracy talk. There's no conspiracies. All right, wait, wait i know kyle you go pee i'm gonna tell a joke i have i have two jokes because he needs a moment here okay why was six afraid of seven don't don't no no because don. Because Seven is a registered Six offender. Oh, that's just really... I would have been happier if you did the old school joke, Seven at Nine. I didn't think it could get worse than the joke everyone knows. That was just shit.

That was... Louis C.K. should consider adding that to his next special. Because that was abysmal. Yeah. should consider that as his next special. Because that was abysmal. Yeah, that could be on his newest special. I'll sit here in my judgy stature right now, because that was bad. That was really bad. I can't wait to hear the next one. It was better than the original joke.

No, it wasn't. I thought it was. A male patient is lying in bed in a hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and his nose and a pretty young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath nurse he mumbles from behind the mask are my testicles black embarrassed the young nurse replies i i don't know sir i'm i'm only here to wash your upper body and feet. He struggles to ask again. Nurse, please check.

Are my testicles black? Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart weight from his worry about the testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. And she takes a close look and says, there's nothing wrong with him, sir. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says slowly,

thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely. Are my test results black? Back. I ruined the punchline. I see. Well, shame on her for just not saying, can you repeat that again?

Because really, she's doing a shitty job. That is a horribly incompetent nurse. The guy who was asking sounded like he had a sock in his mouth for the first two times. He had his oxygen mask on. Oh, he had the... So that was incorporated into the joke.

Okay. That was there from the get-go. Come on. You gotta pay attention to these high-quality, up-to-stuff jokes where he's got dispensed. You're right. When you're right, you're right. I know, right? This is just – that was a great joke for a birthday party maybe.

Well, let's not build up too much. It wasn't that good. High school graduation would be a good place to tell that one too, really depress the crowd as they venture off into the real world. So, Chiz, now that Carll is back what is your favorite conspiracy let woody kick this off because i really don't know where we're going with this i don't i hope i can give this justice i see chiz and i were talking about the difference between he and i uh i tend to trust people to a fault you know i i let them in my inner circle i tell them my secrets and i you know whatever trust them and i get burnt all the time whereas chiz is very unlikely to trust

a person until they prove otherwise however when it comes to like in my opinion freaking weird shit like alien men with horse heads coming to from space and making the pyramids, I view that as instant horseshit. And Chiz thinks, well, this has some validity to it. This makes a lot of sense. I'm more open-minded when it comes to ideologies and things like that. And you're a little more conservative. Unproven stuff.

Like, hey, you know what? Every pyramid points to one star in particular how does that happen by you know chance i say do they really then he says huh well that isn't something that would happen by chance what do you mean open-minded jizz because i often find that open-minded is synonymous with just being willing to believe anything that's so i'll say one of the things i believe i think that you do have an energy to you and there is a hive mind mentality among people.

I do believe that to some extent. I think that's the only thing from spirit science I took away. You were totally buying space people. Hang on. Don't skip over this. Spirit science? It's a video series on YouTube.

Is it? Yes. How many parts did you watch? I watched all of them, including the hour-long video I gave to Woody. So how many hours, pardon me, but how many hours would you say you watched of the Spirit Science? Probably six because I've re-watched the hour one three times. That's how long it takes to brainwash Chiz. How much money have you sent them?

No, I was sold the first time. We should dedicate a PK episode to brainwashing Chiz and see if we can do it. Does no one else believe that though? You don't believe, you think there's nothing that connects us on a higher level. What do you mean something that connects us? Obviously there are hive minds. It's just a natural tendency for humans to behave with a herd

mentality in certain situations. Are you talking about a soul? Are you talking about chi? We don't have a soul. Yeah, and energy, and essence. Nope. No, we don't have that. That's ridiculous. You say that, but I feel like if you watch the video... No, but, like,

don't let that video be your stanchion to stand by. You say that, but I feel like if you watch the video... We're the same as fucking frogs, bro. Don't let that video be your stanchion to stand by. Just say what was said in that video that was very convincing. I can't recoup that whole entire video. I haven't seen it. No, not the whole video. Just a few of the key points. I can't give you the scientific notation. I want the truth! But see, that's the thing. At the end of the day, there's no real reason to believe it.

It just feels better to have a sense of community. Comforting. So if somebody died for 45 minutes and was clinically dead and came back with no brain damage, what would you say to that? I would ask you that question. I would say that that is neurologically not possible. You would because it's not possible, but it happened. No, you're not actually dead.

The human brain is not going to be irreparably damaged if it's cut off from oxygen for 45 minutes. If you're cold enough, what happens is there can be zero brain activity, zero heartbeat. But if you're cold enough, then there won't be any damaging effects for a time, it seems. There have been people that have been trapped under ice and stuff for like a fucking hour, and they get them out, and sometimes they bring them back to life. It's because they're so fucking cold.

If anything, it reminds me a bit of anesthesia, except, you know, your brain's frozen, too. I don't know about the whole cold thing. That's the only rationale I could apply to it was that yeah, your heart can stop beating and you won't die as long as the blood in your brain is still

supplying some oxygen. It's like the David Blaine thing. If you just stop and slow your heartbeat down, you can keep using oxygen at a slower rate. Can you explain chakra to us? I can't explain chakra to you. I don't know. Is there anything like the Hadouken thing

where you shoot the ball? Hadouken? That's cartoon. Am I doing it right? You're doing it wrong. Your fingers need to be crossed, pointed towards the sun. Everybody knows this.

I've seen Goku do this thing where he's like, and his hands tremble at the power that Everybody knows this. I've seen Goku do this thing where he's like, and his hands tremble at the power that he's collected. And then he does this thing where he rotates. It's like, it's like he can't even hang on to all the energy he's got. It's because he's got such a big handful of chi.

Alright, I'll ask a question. There's no point in this discussion. I will ask something that is more palatable for you people, and let's see where it stands. Kyle, you watched the Loose Change 9-11 thing, did you not? I've seen a bunch of stuff like that. Probably saw that one.

Where do you stand on 9-11? Retarded. Really? I don't know where I stand. You can't just say retarded to facts, you know. No, it's not facts. retarded to facts, you know. There's a little bit of doubt, my bad. I watched the Loose Change thing. I also watched the entire interview

with the makers of Loose Change and the executive editor or whatever of Popular Mechanics, and he just went through and embarrassed them. Well, he's an engineer, so he's a structural engineer, so he's embarrassing them about... They're like, oh, well, this couldn't burn hot enough to melt this.

And they're like, well, no, but it does burn hot enough to compromise the structural integrity of the building to the point that it collapses in this fashion. And it's just... it's a bloodbath. There are young kids who are kind of, I guess, in an angsty phase, saw an opportunity to make some money, and they did so. But it's all nonsense. Okay, did they shoot down the United

93 plane? That's the one. Maybe. Which one is that? That's the one that crashed with no crash remains. I mean, look at this. Here's one thing to think of when you look at this. They vaporized a plane.

If you think back through history at all of the wars that we've gotten ourselves into over the last hundred years, there's a story about how each one of them's beginning was bullshit. Vietnam had a naval battle. A North Korean boat

shot an American boat. Now guys, our Navy is like the Empire Strikes Fucking Back. What was the North Korean Navy like? Excuse me, the North Vietnamese Navy like in the fucking 60s. That sounds ridiculous to me. They probably had a bunch of old Chinese ships. World War I, you had the Lusitania being sunk. Well, that's kind of how it started.

There was some American... Yeah, that's what it was. But they sent that boat into waters full of attack. The Pearl Harbor warning. The Pearl Harbor thing. Lots of people believe that FDR had foreknowledge that Pearl Harbor was coming

and knew what was going to happen. There's a lot of evidence to support that. A lot of people believe that. I've heard that. I don't know anything about it, but there are just so many easier ways to fake an attack to get the U.S. to invade Iraq. There was no reason to go through the pomp and circumstance

of 9-11. There was no reason for that. There were so many... I don't know. The whole nation really rallied pretty fucking hard. There was a 100% support for the nation. That's true, but they could have done it in an easier way. Like, there's no reason for this huge convoluted scheme that involves thousands

thousands of people keeping their mouths shut. Name a better one to get the entire country on board, because I can't think of one except you coming and fucking with us on our land. Well, it could have been on a military base where there weren't a ton of cameras everywhere to see it. They could have shown demonstration. But those aren't in a state of billions,

and people don't support the troops. That's true, but people would have still supported that. It would have been like, no, we're not going to let you fuck with some military base in Washington or something, or in Oregon, some rural area where it's really not going to hurt anyone and they can stage it however they want it's just it's such an unnecessary little things that bother me the fact that they didn't like pull bush out as soon as the first attack happened and they didn't immediately grab him and put him in the air they just let him continue reading

it wasn't my duck or whatever the first one though like so i i was older than you guys i was i don't know how old i was when i 1911, 2011, but I was a grown up. And when the first plane hit the building, it was an accident. It was, oh my God, this really sucks. You know, it's a shame. And by the way, no one thought that building was coming down. At least no one in my circle. I was like, yeah, high rise fires happen all the time.

Whatevs. I've told this before, but I had a semi-argument with jackie about it she's like the building crashed because at the time like websites were overloaded the internet was broken nearly and jackie's watching tv which i didn't have at work and she says you know this thing's it fell like it i thought maybe the top fell or is a little damaged and like impatiently i I'm like, how much building is like now? How tall is it trying to get concrete answers out of her?

And she's like, I don't know, maybe like two stories tall. And that's when I was like, whoa, it went from 110 stories to two. That's gone. And,

and anyway, uh, at the first flight crash, everyone thought it was an accident. At the second one, it felt like an attack. To not instantly pull the president in kind of a panicky move, it seemed feasible.

It kind of reminds me of this, but I watched American Sniper. You want to talk about that I have not watched it yet oh nobody's seen it from me you said it was bad and now I'm not looking forward to it you're a real bad person

I don't understand how it could be nominated Kyle doesn't support the troops it's not that at all I went into it mostly because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and I wanted to see who I agreed with and which side

of the ball I was going to be on. I came away from it with this. The editing was bad. The pacing was bad. It feels disjointed at times and it feels like big pieces of Chris's life are left out, and we're just left to wonder many times.

There's a few times where you run into a character, and he looks distraught, and he doesn't want to tell Chris what's really wrong, and it's never addressed again. There's a few times where stuff just comes out of nowhere and you're like, well, they never discussed that prior and now it's a thing, I guess. He only shoots maybe six people in the movie, so if you're wanting like, there's one big action movie. There's some action

sequences there are, but like... Didn't he shoot a hundred and some? Yeah, a hundred and some. Imagine if they showed them all where every minute there was just another sniper shot. Once a minute. some yeah imagine if they showed them all where every minute there was just another sniper shot there's only a few of them that are like that uh bradley cooper did a great job it goes the full range of emotions um as far as some people have called it a propaganda film the only part of it that i felt was a little bit smelled a little bit

like that was they really glossed over so Chris sees 9-11 happening on a television. He gets this kind of glower, this stone face, crazy-eyed look. He's already a SEAL team member at this point. Then the next thing you know,

he's in Iraq, not Afghanistan. Obviously, a good deal of time has passed. A year and a half or something. member at this point and then the next thing you know he's in Iraq, not Afghanistan. And so obviously a good deal of time has passed. A year and a half or something. And then you show him in kind of this military board meeting where they're like, this is the guy

we're after. He's hiding out here. And it's Al-Qaeda. It's Al-Zarqawi. They're trying to catch that guy. This is the main leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. And it's like-Zarqawi. They're trying to catch that guy. This is the main leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq. They went straight, they glossed over the whole Saddam Hussein thing, anything like

that, any insurgents. It's about Al-Qaeda and Syrian insurgents and that's the enemy. Other than that, it made Ward look terrible. It made Chris the sniper. It made the main character who's shooting all these people look like someone who really felt bad at times

and it really affected him when he had to shoot women or children or something like that because they were running toward American soldiers with an explosive in their arms. Question for Kyle. Yeah. When you hunt an animal, do you still get that tinge of like uh i'm about to take a life yeah no no it's just flat out like you shot a target like a tree or a hay bale no it's

it's more exciting it's it's um it is it's much more exciting to shoot an animal um there because there's there's a there's a sport to it. If I miss, I don't get a second shot. That's not going to happen. Well, I mean, I might. Well, if you got the AK. Yeah, if you're using a SAW. If you're using a bolt-action rifle, though, you might not...

The way I hunt is big open fields where there's lots of long-range stuff. When you see it in the movies, it's in a condensed forest area. You can't see very far until the shot's all seen easy, but the way I always hunted was hundreds of yards for the shots. Sometimes they'd get

maybe 100 yards away, but often it was at least 200 yards away. I shot a deer at 685 yards one time. Have you ever done that tree shit where you climb up and mount a lawn chair in the tree? Yeah, you use a climber stand. It's a two-piece thing. One piece

is attached to your feet. Your feet are in straps and strapped in and you grab it. It's hard to explain, but you climb a tree with this thing and then it becomes a platform. I did that when I was bow hunting. That's how you have to... That's how bow hunting is done.

You get in a condensed area, overlooking the path the deer have been using, and you basically wait on them and ambush them. You position yourself so that, okay, when he walks down through here, I've got an open shot of his heart or his lungs. Do you just get bored as hell in that tree stand? I'd want to watch movies on my iPod

with a headset or something. You know, when I was hunting the most, there wasn't any technology like that. The thing I wanted, I remember at the time, was a portable DVD player. I thought, I should get a portable DVD player, and I could have one earbud that was amplifying animal sound, and one earbud playing a fucking movie and I'll fucking multitask. I was pretty bad at the part of hunting where you stay

focused and just scan because of my ADD. So oftentimes I would do one of two things. Either fall asleep or I would just zone out and then when I like and all of a sudden I'd hear a noise and look down and they were there.

And that happened many times. I'd be kind of like nodding in and out because it's very early in the morning when, you know, way before daylight. I don't think it's ADD to get distracted by a boring situation. Because being in a deer stand is boring 98% of the time. That's why bird hunting is the way to go. You're moving, you've got dogs, you're constantly... I haven't done it, but I imagine combining

really boring with really cold. It is exactly that combination, Woody. Exactly. I hear... It reminds me a little bit. I certainly won't compare hunting to war,

but I hear a lot of times when they talk about the experience of being at war, they talk about long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror and excitement. I've heard that. Subtract the terror part, at least most of the terror, and just leave the fear and stress at the end of it, and that's what hunting's like. You could spend hours and hours over the course of a week

not seeing anything, and that's what makes the moment when he actually shows up that my heart would pound out of my chest. I've talked about it before, but my bow had a 60-pound draw. You had to pull 60 pounds to draw it back, and then if you're not strong enough you're shaky and stuff

but when there was a deer there when I was at home practicing I would draw like this. I would click my release on and it would be like this last part right here where you're actually breaking the limbs of the bow down and making them flex in a compound bow, that hardest part,

I'd be like, and I'd have to really get it back. When there's a deer there, like 10 yards away, fucking wide-eyed, like a fucking... You're like Legolas. Yeah. First of all, you're sitting in that stand, and you've got to do a lot of things perfectly

and silently. You've got to rise from your seat without your ass rubbing against the synthetic material of your seat and making a whoop kind of noise. I've done that. They ran away. You better have that arrow already knocked

and on your arrow rest and holding it with your finger because if you let it go ra-da-da-da-da-da in there, they'll run away. That happened to me too. When you stand up, you better have already made sure that there weren't any acorns in the grooves of your boot

because you'll stand up, they'll come loose from the groove, hit the ground, deer runs away. That also happened. By the time I got to the time where I had perfected my skills enough so that I could stand and draw a bow without the deer running, my heart was pumping so much. My adrenaline's going so much. It's like I could pull 200 pants. Like this is nothing.

Like you feel so strong in that moment, and there's so much. My heart's – I can hear it in my ears. It's just thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. And I'm just like I could probably beat that deer up at this point. That's what's really fun about hunting. I get it more with the bow than with the rifle, than I ever did with the rifle, because I've said it before,

but if I see him with the rifle, he's dead. You've got to target this big on the deer that if you hit that spot, he's pretty much going to drop dead on the spot. That's pretty easy to do at most ranges. But with a bow, it's fucking challenging. I saw a video where Chris Pratt describes hunting. It's two minutes long.

And it perfectly dovetails with this conversation. Can we watch it together? Yeah, I'm ready. So cue up at zero. I'm there. Good. Ready, set, play. You walk out in the woods and the sun hasn't come up yet.

And you just sit in a spot and your preparation has told you that this is the right spot. And the sun comes up and you are camouflaged. Nothing knows you're there. Nothing can smell you. The wind's in your face. You're a voyeur to the world waking up and the wilderness waking up around you in a way that no one gets to see it when they drive their car down the road because they've disturbed it. You've snuck in and you're just like opening up a

window to what, you know, if a tree fell in the woods and didn't make a sound you'd be there to witness it because nobody's there. You're not even there. And then, you know, the sun comes up, the last that in the sky go away and the whole world comes alive and most the time you don't get anything and that's it's not about it's not about the kill it's just about the journey of being there and the work you know I sense that it was more than bloodlust that's why I appreciate you sharing sharing this much because I've never heard it articulated like that and that's pretty

fucking spectacular if not romantic in terms of a singular mission and and adventure yeah and then there yeah thanks and then yeah there and then there's the inevitable remorse that you feel i mean not like i'm not cold-blooded i don't just just kill it and then just not think about it. You go there and you see this animal, this creature that is... He hasn't killed very many of them. ...five years old. No. Five years it's been walking around these woods

and you never saw it until today and then you decided to kill it. It's a big deer if it's five. So there's a remorse there. You're like, oh my God, what have I done? And you feel that, but it's combined with all these other... You couldn't you

couldn't boil it down to one emotion so you do there is that feeling of that but it and then it's gives way almost immediately to just like this grace this like thankfulness for it you know and then then you go to work and then that's when the work starts you know you got 600 700 pounds of meat laying on the forest floor and it needs to turn into little pounds of meat in your freezer. That's a lot of work there. He's not talking about deer hunting. 600 pounds. That's an elk or something.

As manly as his story sounded and as beautiful, really. What's that guy's name? Piscopo or something? Am I crazy? Aren't deer bigger out west? There are black-tailed deer and mule deer out west and those am i crazy aren't deer bigger out west there are blacktail deer and mule deer out west and those are bigger yes but not as big as he's describing 600 pounds maybe he's just wrong about the weight well it's or it could be an elk or a moose or something like those things

get massive um did he say deer he didn't say oh he never i don't think he ever said deer. Oh, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe I am. I didn't hear him say it. I didn't remember it. It definitely wasn't a deer that weighed that much. They're usually like 100 to 200 pounds. That's about it, yeah. No, a deer will get bigger than 200 pounds. Whitetail deer?

A little bit. I would say five. Did you see Chris Pratt's going to be in not just the Jurassic World, but Indiana Jones reboot and the Magnificent Seven reboot with Denzel Washington? Don't you know that Chris Pratt is already a made man as far as Hollywood goes. The same wouldn't have been true in the 90s

or even 10 years ago. But because of the things that he's attached to and the advertising dollars that will go to push those products inevitably because they're such big blockbuster products, he's made.

He could just do these movies we just mentioned over the next eight years, which is what it's going to take probably, and he would be made. But he's made. He could just do these movies we just mentioned over the next eight years, which is what it's going to take probably, and he would be made. But he's not. You know he'll take at least one more a year and he'll have a couple of other hits

and a couple of other okay movies and he'll probably do something artsy and blow your mind away. One would assume that Indiana Jones, assuming he lands that role, is two to four films right there. Yeah, probably a trilogy yeah and it can't be worse

than the most recent ones unless he's flying through a fridge escaping nuclear bombs in it I like them more have you seen them recently yeah they're all pretty cheesy Temple of Doom is pretty weak and so is Crystal Skull Temple of Doom was weak I don't know

we watched them not long ago. In the last two or three years. These are better than I remember them. Crystal Skull is a horrible movie. Back on Chris Pratt. He's got a trilogy in Raiders of the Lost Ark. That alone could be his career. He could be retired rich.

He has that superhero thing coming up. Guardians of the Galaxy is almost guaranteed to be at least a trilogy. So it's going to get – well, it's even bigger than that because of the whole Marvel universe thing. They're going to combine the universes. Yeah, they'll be there for Age of Ultron. It's at least two more movies that he's going to be in, probably like three.

It's going to be three more movies. I said at least a trilogy. How far off was I? Jurassic World is going to expand probably. It's not just going to end with Jurassic World. I guarantee you they'll have another one after it. Unless it super flops. But yeah.

He's doing super well. Yeah, he's just so hot right now. I want to see that. It's going to be great. An adult deer can weigh up to 300 pounds a male okay 125 for a female according to google which he killed three deers that's what it was i i've i've totally done that before like sometimes uh see that's the difference like what he described there is the kind of is like short range hunting like he could probably see a maximum of maybe 75 yards

and at that range it was probably really brushy and kind of hard to see stuff. But we hunted over those big corn fields and big wheat fields and stuff so it's as far as the eye can see. I like that kind of hunting because all the bullshit preparation that he talked about and the whole like, you know, I don't like having to use the stupid hunting soap. The sprays on my shoes. It's hard. It's much nicer if you can get in your truck, you drive up, park it on a hilltop, turn it off, and just sit there and wait.

And when you see a deer, you get out, prop up on the hood, and blast him from 600 yards away. That's it depends on your goal right like because i think his goal isn't just bringing home meat i definitely you know he's he's camping and experiencing nature and that's part of his thing whereas you're like i guess hunting you know like i wanted a buck. I wanted a big deer. He's not just hunting. He's going out into the wilderness. That's part of the scoop for him.

There's definitely two ways to do it. Are we going to watch Joe Lozon and stream it like we did last time? Joe Lozon fights Saturday. I'm going to watch it, that's for sure. I don't have a time So the event tends to start at 10 On the east coast, if I remember right Okay, good, I'm picking Kitty up from the airport

At 6, so I should be back in time Yeah, and then Joe is the third fight So I think there's like 6 fights So he's sort of in the middle Or if not, there'd be 5, he'd still be in the middle Who's he fighting this time? A loser, A dead man.

A dead man. His name's hard for me to pronounce. It's like Al Quinta or something like that. All names are hard for me to pronounce. I know, right? What is it? Smith? Jones? Something hard like that.

We should stream that again because the card is a great card too like Joe's on it but the main title fight or whatever is great and the entire card is good and we had a lot of fun doing that last time yeah I'm definitely down to do that

yeah I'm looking up the guy's name here Javier in even more exciting news my blues have your hurricanes tomorrow night Woody the guy's name here. Javier. In even more exciting news, my Blues have your Hurricanes tomorrow night, Woody. Oh, God. Who gives a fuck about hockey? That team that you care about.

It's a huge challenge to figure out which one is worse. How are the Blues doing this year? Do they have a winning record? Yes. Well, then you'll be heavily favored, suppose how are the sharks taylor how are the sharks uh sharks are actually not doing as hot as i anticipated oh well well there's they're second and pacific but so who can pronounce this guy's name i put it in the chat joe lozon versus alaquinta alaquinta alaquinta know, it looks easier after you say it.

Aliquinta. Aliquinta. I'm just speaking English like everyone else. What? Or Laquinta. Laquinta. Like a Laquinta. If I were an announcer, I would mispronounce all the names on purpose.

That way they wouldn't notice when I just really stumbled over one like this. I mean, Joe LaWozon. When I Googled that guy's name, it pulled up Alabama LaQuinta Inns. If you're a big enough announcer, like if I'm Joe Rogan and I mispronounce stuff, I have now created the official pronunciation

if I say his name is Aliquinta then it is but you're so bad sometimes you don't come even close to the name you just make up a new name for that person and that would be their new identity when it comes to fighting UFC you got one so wrong the other day

it was just like oh god what was it? Oh, man. Diamond Dallas Page, I think. Yes! And he said, like, Dusty Donko or something. It was a double D sound. Not even remotely in the field of vicinity of being correct.

Wasn't there another wrestler that I, like a Dusty Rhodes or something? Dusty Rhodes. Dusty Rhodes. Oh, laugh away. I think I might be right about this one. No, no, he was. Dusty Rhodes or something? Dusty Rhodes! Oh, laugh away. I think I might be right about this one. No, no, he was. Dusty Rhodes. He's Ric Flair's sidekick. Cadillac, ride the son of a gun!

Yeah, Dusty Rhodes is a real person. Oh, yeah. Your inability to get names correct is just the most endearing thing about you. Hilarious. It gets me, though, because a lot of times people will be like, it's an act. That one has to be planned out

or forced or something. No, this is real Woody. This is in the pre-show too where he'll be asking about an actor in a movie and just miserably butch it. We've had guests who come on too who are like, oh yes, that's a real thing. You fucked up

in the pre-show. The best one is always Emma Watson because that one, for love nor money, I mean, it's probably the most said name you've recounted throughout your years on this earth. Emma Watson, you'll never get it right. I'll get it right.

Liam Nelson. I saw Taken 3 years on this earth. Emma Watson, you'll never get it right. You'll never get it right. One of these days, I'll get it right. Liam Nelson. I saw Taken 3, by the way. Oh, how was that? I, um... It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Then again, the bar was set really fucking low going into it. I enjoyed it. I recommend checking it out

if you just like watching Liam Neeson beat people up like Jason Statham beats people up. That's why I see Jason Statham movies for the most part. I enjoyed it. They kill his wife and frame him for it. That's not a spoiler. That's the whole plot of the show. I haven't seen a single

Jason Statham movie that wasn't inexcusably bad. So bad. But he's not a central character. Crank. Which is funny because he's one of the... Crank is a shitty movie. Driver.

Ouch, words hurt, baby. Dude, Crank. And Crank 2 is horrible. I don't know why they went goofy. They went goofy. They started making fun of it. Crank 2 is... I thought I was watching...

I torrented it, okay? So there's a scene where they start fighting and they go big robot people or whatever, or big suits. And I'm like, did somebody cut this in? What is this? Oh, no, that's part of the fucking movie. Why? It's so... Crank is a horrible series. The part where he put Bart in the street was so ridiculous.

I like that. It's so silly. Driver's his best work, I would say. Driver? Yeah, Driver was good. I'm looking at a Driver 2 and a Driver... No, that, I would say. Driver? Yeah, Driver was good. I'm looking at like a Driver 2 and a Driver... No, that was the Transporter. Ah, yeah, yeah, you're right, the Transporter. Transporter 1 is good, and then they slowly get worse.

Of course they do, of course. Expendables 1 isn't that bad. His part of it isn't. Yeah, it is absolutely bad. It's not. It's not as bad. Not the first one. Yeah, not the first one.

Yeah. Oh, I would say about... That reminds me. You know how shitty the blood effects are in Expendables, the CGI blood? Yeah. That's the same blood they use in American Sniper. Oh, so it doesn't even look good? It looks so shitty.

What about the... Is it like a propaganda movie like everybody's saying? Or is that just overblown nonsense? I was saying earlier, the only part I felt was a propaganda, not toward propaganda, if you will, was when they kind of glossed over how we got involved in Iraq. They kind of made it all about Al-Qaeda and getting this Zarqawi guy and they really glossed over how they got there.

They just skipped over that. They did that so much, not glossing over things, but just skipping things. It felt like found footage that had been stuck together. There was literally a tour. I think he did four tours and I feel like the third tour wasn't even on film.

And the first two were so well documented, and by the fourth, you don't even know when's the fourth. You don't know how old his kids are. Every time you see his kids and they're older, you're like, whoa, how much time passed? And every time you see his friends, it's like the movie should have been three hours long, and Clint Eastwood filmed it all,

but somebody cut it all out. I don't know what happened. That baby is a doll for, I don't know, two or three scenes, like cutting back and forth while actors deliver lines, if you want to call it takes. And it's clearly a doll. I mean, it clearly has no weight.

And so when it coos and cries, it feels detached and phony. And at one point, it was a CGI baby. Have you ever seen Dawn of the Dead? There's a part where the lady dies and gives birth to a zombie baby. And the baby looked like a mix between

a Chucky doll and like, I don't know, green slime and a mutant. Like the baby from the Dinosaurs TV show. A mix of those. Plastic or something. She's holding this baby and it's little hand

is right here on her shirt. It's a CGI hand. It's coming out of her hand. Then they show it the side of the baby's face. They're trying to do CGI hair coming out. You know, baby hair is sparse and kind of weird looking. It looks like a nasty goblin she's holding in her arms.

I'm telling you, it was really shitty. It really was poorly made, I felt like. I don't get why it's getting all these Oscar nominations. I got nothing against the... I really felt like it wasn't propaganda. They made war look terrible. They made the Iraq War look terrible. There was lots of disillusionment among

multiple characters about the war. There was a part where one of his buddies has died and his buddy's mother is reading a letter that the dead man had written while in Iraq. It's all this anti-war stuff as he's laying there dead, you know. And there's lots of that throughout the movie.

So it definitely wasn't a hoorah, hoorah, you know, war movie. It didn't feel like that at all. But at the same time, like, I just didn't feel like it was very well made. And I didn't expect that. I thought I'd go in there and be like, well, they did a really good job at making that movie,

but they really bent the facts. But it seemed like the opposite. They did a bad job, I felt like. Maybe I'll feel different if I watch it again, but that's what I took away from it. Now, where do you rate last night's episode of It's Always Sunny? Oh, so it's definitely the when it comes to good shows? It's definitely the poorest of this season.

Really? I still haven't seen it. Yeah. I won't spoil it too much, but you get to see Cricket. Cricket comes back. Everything Cricket did was great. Those are my favorite scenes with Cricket. I don't think this is a spoiler, so

I wish they had done the exorcism. I wish they had done the exorcism. I wish they had performed the exorcism. I think that that would have spiked the football and made it what I would consider a good episode, not just an average one. But because they didn't do that, and because I was really let down by the Pete character, you know, the Pete character was all about...

The Pete character was weak. The Pete character was all about... The Pete character was weak. The Pete character was all about rubbing it in your face once again that the gang are terrible human beings. Horrible people, yeah. And if you remember back, Psycho Pete is supposed to be played by that guy from Horrible Bosses. One of the main guys, the good-looking suave guy who bangs all the ladies. That guy is Psycho Pete.

Wait, is that Psycho Pete? I think that guy had a different name. Schmitty. No. No, it was Psycho Pete from the high school reunion episode because he came in at the last minute and banged the waitress. And that was it. But they had been talking about him the whole time, how he killed his family and ate them.

And now all of a sudden Psycho Pete is this overweight guy from the past. I don't know, man. I like the show i like that episode i like watching those characters you know just interact it's it's fun for me but i thought it was lacking frank's role in the show was uh was almost non-existent what did frank do you know for some reason i kept watching frank every time he was in the scene like at the start they were at the bar and the focus was on Mac and Charlie a ton. But all I could do was watch

everyone but Mac and Charlie. I was right. It's Schmitty. The guy from Horrible Bosses is Schmitty. Did we talk about the alternate fan theory? Sorry? Did we talk about the alternate fan theory for Sonny? You know those fan theories

for the show and what you really think's happening? I read one about Sonny that was pretty popular and I thought it was interesting. I wasn't sure if we talked about that. I think I talked about it a couple times. Basically where... Go ahead and describe it. Well, essentially, someone was saying that

the characters are not the way they're portrayed in the show. Except for Charlie and Frank. Because Charlie and Frank are weird fucks, and they embrace how weird and how odd they are. And they're fine living as a

duo, you know, being weird fucks in their apartment. But you see Dennis, who's apparently this good-looking guy having so much trouble getting laid. Mac, who's trying to be, you's apparently this good-looking guy having so much trouble getting laid, Mac, who's trying to be this superhero of muscularity and masculinity, and then Dee, who is just really

not that bad-looking, but everybody rips on her for being an ugly bitch. But, really, people are saying that the last episode they'll show that Dennis is actually kind of an awkward-looking, gangly, ugly guy who, that's why he has to have the dentist system to get any

and Mac is just kind of a weak scrawny little fuck and that's why he's overcompensating trying to be like the ocular pat down guy and then D has like horrible scoliosis still and so she's really ugly and that's why she can only date paraplegics and you know army vets

retarded rappers. Retarded rappers, yeah. I wasn't sure if we talked about that before. I thought that was really interesting because that would be a funny end to the series if it just showed that none of them were how we thought they were. We'll find out in three years maybe. They've used that plot device

of an unreliable point of view before. When you go back to the Who Knocked Up Dee episode when progressively as the night goes on Dee becomes more and more bird-like because she is a bird. She is an ostrich. They've used that dynamic before

a couple times. I saw that in a Reddit post and I was like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense because Dennis is a good looking guy. He shouldn't need a dentist system. He shouldn't need to dentist system. He shouldn't need to rape women. He really should fit in because

he's a good looking guy. The actor who's playing him, if you don't know anything about that guy, he's a super cool dude. I don't know. His dad was a fighter pilot ace. He speaks half a dozen languages. He's wealthy. He's

a genius of some kind. The actor is who Dennis thinks he is. He's perfectly cast. But yeah, you hit it right on the head. It doesn't make sense for Dee to be fucking all these gross guys. If you go back to the episode, the gang broke

Dee. She fucks that horrible guy. I'm pretty sure that's the huge, disgusting guy from the Borat movie. I think that's Borat's sidekick. She also fucked that old Asian guy outside the nearby restaurant or whatever. Yeah, the one that looked like fucking Hop Singh from Bonanza. Oh, yeah. Fucked him real good. Yeah, that's terrible.

Oh, Bonanza reference. Our audience will love that. Did anybody else ever watch Bonanza? I've seen every episode. No, because I wasn't born that way. I watched Bonanza in the trash. Ben Cartwright is a jam. That's a good show right there.

The Bonanza is about this wealthy cattle baron family that owns this huge property called the Bonanza. And, you know, all the things that they get up to. They fight Indians and set wrongs right.

Ben Cartwright is a little bit like Eddard Stark. He's kind of like the lord of his land and he sets the law around there and he enforces the king's justice and such. And, you know, his sons are all cool. There's Hoss, the big tough guy, super strong.

Little Joe. Little Joe's played by the guy, what's his name from fucking Little House on the Prairie back in the day? Another great reference. Yeah, Gene Wilder, right? No, it's not Gene Wilder. No, it's Gene Wilder.

I can't think of it. Anyway, Bonanza. Yeah, Bon Wilder, right? No, it's not Gene Wilder. No, it's Gene Wilder. I can't think of it. Anyway, Bonanza. Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie. How far back can we go with these TV shows? I love TV, man. I've seen so much TV. Whenever someone brings up,

I'm like, oh yeah, I've seen every episode of that twice. So stat rank always sunny. I'll say episode two was first, episode one was second, and the most recent one is in third place. That's where I place them. Which one was the first one again? The one in three, it's hard to me to place them. The first one was the plane

where they were trying to set the drinking record. Two, one, three. That's how I rank it. Yeah, two, one, three. Wait, what was the second one then? And then I'll see about that. The second one was where they had the bar and they were doing Tinder or whatever.

And they were doing group dating and Dennis was losing his shit and breaking down his facade. Zero stars. One through two. Are you rating me right now? I thought that one was the worst. That one was stellar. Yeah, I like that. Just a fantastic episode.

Three jokes, 30 minutes long. No, that's Louis C.K.'s most recent special. Right? Oh, let's shit on him for a minute. I think we did. Maybe you were gone. Go ahead, let Kyle vent because he doesn't even like Louis C.K.

Here's my thing with Louis C.K. I watch a lot of Netflix comedy. I've seen most of the specials that have anything higher than three and a half stars, I watch it. And so I've seen all of Louis C.K.'s specials. I've listened to his interviews. I've watched his TV show. I don't think

he's very good at what he does. It's just not my cup of tea. People say that, but I think that's a polite way of saying I just think he's bad. I think you're all wrong for thinking he's good. Because I just, his brand of humor just doesn't appeal to me. What do you not like about it?

It's all dark and depressed. It's like, woe is me. You know, I can't get shit in privacy anymore. And it's like, okay dude you're a fucking lumpy ugly guy. You had a bunch of kids. That's what you fucking get. Don't bitch and moan to me all day. It's not even that fucking hard. Stop talking about your daughter's pussy. It doesn't make me laugh.

I don't think it's funny. I never have. And when I came into this new special thinking like, let's have an open mind here. Let's not, I will neither let the laugh track trick me into chuckling along, nor will I like bite my tongue because I don't want to give this guy a laugh. He's not even fucking here. Fun fact, Kyle actually laughed the most out of all three of us during

the special. He really did. I was paying attention. Yeah, I did. There was one part that was like a dirty joke. I don't remember what it was, but he was getting repetitive about how dirty it was and it was getting dirtier and dirtier. Something about fucking the mouse. The mouse fucking or something.

And I got a chuckle out of that that I don't think anyone else got. But I laughed. I'm going to say I laughed four times and none of them were hard. Were they all just harder than average exhale laughs? It was pretty good.

I liked that one. But then like 10 to 15 minutes would go by and you get another one of those and that went on for an hour and a half. The guy that opened for him, we're all like what the fuck is this guy doing up there? The opener was on the special.

Yeah, the opener was on the special. What the hell was up with that? It was interesting and weird. I'd never seen that before, but yeah, he opened. That's not interesting. That's really fucking stupid. He was slow and bad. I'd never seen that before. That's not interesting. That's really fucking stupid. He was slow and bad. This dude looks like a gorilla.

He looks weird. When he told the stepladder joke, he was on a roll from that point forward. Do you know what his name was? No. I don't even think he got an introduction. He didn't have a routine. The guy had, I'll say, 20 one-liners that he just told back to back to back to back that didn't flow.

There was no, like, storytelling. Even normal comedians, you know, one joke leads into another, and it kind of builds, and it's related. There's a couple laughs along the way to his point. This guy was just, like, a bunch of Seinfeld jokes or something. You ever notice this? How about that? Something like, my mother married a ladder, now he's my step-ladder.

He's a pretty good guy, though very supportive. He's just going through all these ladders. That was just a chuckle. That was his highlight. It sounds like a bad Mitch Hedberg. Yes. He was a bad Jerry Seinfeld. was just a bad Jerry Seinfeld.

He was a bad Jerry Seinfeld. He had a bit of a Mitch Hedge... What's his name? I can't pronounce it. Mitch Hedgeberg. Hedgeberg? No, Hedge... I like that guy.

Whatever. I like that guy. Kyle, you're so bad with names. Oh, my God. That one. Okay. All right. Hedgeberg.

Sorry. I like his delivery. I like his whole dead band thing and explaining. And it comes across well. He's got good delivery and timing. I love it. See, it's weird. I'm not a huge fan of Mitch Hedberg.

I don't know why. Have you heard the one where he's like – he really is doing well. The audience is dying at every joke he tells. And I am too. And then it gets quiet for a moment, and you can hear an ambulance outside driving down the road, and he goes, that's how bad I'm killing right now.

It's just like, yeah! The crowd loves it. He's so quick. It was just, you know, every time he was... He's got good timing. The Louis C.K. thing was... It was a one-star comedy show. It was a one star comedy show. Zero stars. It was

a one star for me. If I'm being completely honest, it was as bad as the Bob Saget one that has one star on Netflix. Did you watch that? The most recent Bob Saget one? I gave it 15 minutes. I'll give them 15 or 20 minutes and if they can't make me laugh by then, I'm out. It's hard, man.

That thing is probably the worst comedy special I've watched because he plays off the whole thing is playing off the crowd and he's just acting like a 12 year old. That is a piece of shit as well. They're neck and neck on the one star totem pole. Really bad material. I've never thought Bob Saget was a good comedian.

So do you think this is actually going to damage Louis C.K.'s reputation? I think it definitely will. After the last special not being up to snuff and.K.'s reputation? Oh, I think it definitely will. After the last special not being up to snuff, and then this one just being a bomb, I think he's losing his star status. If this special is worse than the last one, then I probably will not...

It's not even a debate. Yeah, the last one I did not think was funny at all. His setups were so amateur. His setups were bad. They were predictable and cliche, and he didn't even have the common courage to stop and make fun of his own failed segues. It was, it

felt bumbling and rushed. When you do a new special, at least you should have been spending the last 10 or 12 months polishing it all over the country in front of crowds until you know whether the farmer's daughter was wearing a blue dress or a red dress because it matters because the red dress always gets bigger laughs. You tell a different way over and over until the whole act is polished. This was not that. The voices bothered me because that's not his comedy and he did so many fucking voices and impressions.

I mean, one joke is like, so the noise I make when I pee is now the noise I make when I cum and he goes, oh, oh, oh, and groans for a while and he's like, oh, you're wondering what noise

I make when I cum and I was like, it is done. The circle is complete. The circle is complete. Have the baby. I got a chuckle out of the circle has been completed. I remember that.

Remember what he opened with? He opened with, hey there guys. Welcome to the show. This is how I talk now. And he kept that up for another 45 minutes. It's a bad stereotype about Mexicans. It's like that's not even funny. You were doing obviously a white girl, dumb blonde type

of voice. I thought he was doing a gay guy. Yeah, gay guy. You really thought gay guy? I'm curious what Taylor said. It sounded like a dumb, white girl stereotype. That's just what I'm getting from what your guy's impersonations of his impersonations. I need to watch this now. That's really disappointing

that he made a shitty special again. It felt like it wasn't even a shitty special. I disagree with taylor it's because i don't say the second the second to last one was not shitty it was just not up to snuff that's the best it's like let's say you know you've got some baseball player who hits 70 home runs every year and this time he hits 50 he's still good he's still among the best he just didn't have a mark mcguire year well i felt like bill burr's last special you know it wasn't his best yeah it wasn't his back back on louis ck

his second to most recent one was still good it was still among the best specials you'll see released it just wasn't louis ck best on the planet you know prior to that one yeah this one was flat out bad yeah this one like if he was an up-and-coming guy then this one wouldn't get him another special i feel like the crowd was drunk and they were just giving sympathy laughs and i feel like even if i was there i'd be kind of obligated was there a laugh track did we we didn't see the crowd i mean no you saw the crowd i paid attention they you've got to keep in mind is when they film a special... By the way, he was doing that in a venue of probably 100 people. That was a very small venue.

I don't know how telling that is, but usually the bigger you get, the bigger you're doing concert halls and stuff like that. People do it different ways. Some of them like to do a small room and some of them will do a big one and some of them will do a huge one. What's his name? Dane Cook would do this huge fucking arena.

Oh, yeah. Arenas. But one thing to keep in mind is they let the crowd know, hey, we're filming a special tonight. They go through some rules. They're like, don't get up. There shouldn't be any empty seats while we're filming. And it's clearly edited.

If you pay attention to a special, you'll see there's edits in there. There's cuts. It's not a live performance. You're not seeing the raw performance of the crowd saw. You're seeing bad jokes. They edit in him telling a joke from a different night and just make two or three performances, one special seemingly through editing magic.

This didn't feel like that. Yeah, this was bad. Bill Burr's most recent was good, but it definitely wasn't. He kept ratcheting it up, and now he's just kind of leveled off right there. It didn't beat the other ones, I think. It was good. Christopher Titus' most recent special wasn't as good as the previous ones. I'll go back

and watch the old ones dozens of times, but this one I love. You want to know what I think is going to trigger Bill Burr's best work? His divorce. His divorce. His divorce, yeah. When Bill Burr gets divorced, it's going to be his most hilarious special.

Hey there, guys! Wait, wait, wait. Why is he going to get divorced? It's just an assumption. Because of it. I'm just saying that if he does, it would spur a really funny special. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah's just an assumption. I'm just saying that if he does, it would spur a really funny special. Oh, yes.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He had that to... Oh, man. And she took the dog! He left with her! He looked at me one last time, like, see you later. Well, she's gone now, so I bought a whole bunch of fucking guns. I got AR-15s mounted on my wall

now for this. I got a gun right here. Yeah, he could totally have some fun. If his wife divorced him, I feel like the gloves would be off big time, and he'd have a great specialist in his hands. That's what you need to be able to do that great stuff. Chris Rock just divorced his wife. Yep.

Yeah, maybe that'll figure some new work from him that's good. I don't know. I don't know that Adam Sandler money train is keeping him busy. He's been married for a very long time. Long ass time. Like 20 plus years. He's been married since he's been famous, basically. He never had any famous person

pussy, so you saw him right away on a fucking yacht with Leonardo DiCaprio and a bunch of models and shit. Stern was discussing the whole thing. He's like, how many of those girls do you think he fucked? And they're all like, I bet he fucked a bunch of them. And they're just discussing this whole thing.

And I was thinking about Dennis and their boat and the implication. And I'm like, yeah, man, you go out on a yacht with Leonardo DiCaprio. There's some implication. There's a heavy implication right there. Who are your favorite comedians, Kyle? We went through a list of ours.

What are yours? I'm not good at coming up with comedians' names. If I had a list laid out in front of me, I like it. I've seen a lot of stuff lately, but I can't remember their names. I really can't. I'm sorry. I like Bill Burr, of course.

I really like him, but everybody knows that. I can't think of any of the new people I've been watching that I really like. How many Jim Jefferies specials have you seen? Oh, I've seen all of those. Jim Jefferies is great. I've seen the first season of his TV show,

and I need to get the second season of it. I'm just going to torrent it, though, if I'm being honest. You should. It's pretty funny. On fucking Amazon, it's... I'm trying to think how much each episode is on Amazon. It's like two bucks. Two or three bucks.

It's more than that. It's like four dollars. I think it's $3.99 for HD for each episode, and they're like 20-minute episodes at the most. You'd be surprised, though, what they call SD. Like YouTube does that, too. You can buy SD, and it's like that's 1080p, basically, especially on YouTube, you know, what their limitations are.

It's a 72-inch TV, though. I feel like it, the SD. Well, sorry, Your Highness. You know, get the 1080p. I'm just saying! And so... So I'm gonna have to get... I'd love to see it, but I'm not gonna

pay that much for it. That's just absurd. I'm sorry. And that's why it'll never come back on the air, because of people like you taking away money where it's on the other... If he's gonna be on his next round of fucking episodes, then maybe it's what just wasn't that funny because quite honestly the first season goes downhill from episode one well you say that

but breaking bad had that issue you know breaking bad was supposed to get cut but because everybody watched on netflix it's apples and oranges big time jim jeffries isn't a brian cranston leading an all-star cast they're a great director and a huge amount of money behind him. He's Jim Jeffries. Very funny guy. I like his sense of humor. I like his stand-up comedy. I think I like his acting, but he's not

going to carry a drama or anything. He's just funny. Of course not. You couldn't take him seriously. No, I don't think you ever could. After that whole egg vibrator in his butthole thing and the chopsticks. Or the jerking off for four hours with Coke's whiskey dick. It's at this point when I thought to myself, I should have done this in the bathroom.

Oh, that's horrible. That was his first one. His second one is based on, I don't know if you've seen the second one. You can't find it on Netflix. The second special he did, though, is the basis of that whole entire show. He talks about the story about taking his friend with MS or whatever to a brothel.

Yeah, yeah. I've seen that one, too. So, yeah, I can't think of the comedians I like because I never retain their names. I can't think of them. I I like because I never retain their names. I can't think of them. I used to listen to Comedy Central Radio a ton until I got those fucking Game of Thrones discs. I keep circling around that, but that's really been a big part of my life lately. Every time I drive, I got those playing, or inside I've got it playing on my...

Dude, that's going to be all you're doing. It's going to be in your headphones. It's going to be on your sound system in your car. You're just going to have Roy Dutris talking in your ear constantly until you get through it. He mispronounces a lot of the characters' names and often.

He has called Joffrey Jeffrey three fucking times. I have counted. He calls Sansa Sansha and what else? He does it a lot. He's mispr Sansha and what else? He does it a lot. He's mispronounced a lot of things. In between Feast for Crows and Dance of Dragons, he changes a

character's name entirely. And so that's confusing. What was that? Sorry. He changes what? No, it's alright. Changes the character's name. I thought you were going to say the voices. I know he changes the voices throughout the recording of the books, too. No, he does a pretty good job for a very, very old man

at keeping those voices straight. Yeah, there was a part where... You better finish writing those fucking books or he's not going to be around to record the other ones. I recognize his accents. Like, if he's doing Varys' accent, I'm like, oh, that's Varys. I don't need them to introduce the character. I can recognize his voice

that he does for that character at this point. Most of the characters, I would say, he's very good. I just wish he wouldn't mispronounce names occasionally. I heard he stuttered once. I'm like, come on, Wings. Give him a fucking retake. $50 for this shit.

I bet you got bank as you set the world record for most characters for Game of Thrones audiobook. I'm sure you got $100,000 for this, at least. So, you know, if you say Jeffrey, and everyone here knows you just said Jeffrey,

then rewind and start over and say Joffrey, because it's annoying. There was one point where I was like, oh, in the books, her name's Sansha. Okay. Like, literally, because he said it twice in a row early in the story. You told me that, too. You were like, in the books, her name is Sansha.

And I was just like, ah, okay. That does make more sense, because I know that they do rename a couple of characters. It seems like Theon Greyjoy's sister and that red-headed chick that Jon Snow is banging, in the book their names are very similar. So they changed one of their names so that they would be dissimilar to less in confusion.

It's going to be sad when she dies in those books. Did you just hear a whistling? Yeah, a little bit. What was that? I don't know. Maybe it's a serial killer called the Whistler and he's in one of our homes. It's the sound of four hours passing.

In that door behind Kyle. Yeah, what do you got behind you in that dark room over there? Better aim a potato gun at it. Need to bring back the potato gun. Oh, the potato gun's on my front porch. It's there waiting. Oh, for home defense. Okay. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

I actually sit out there. I've got the Chris Vector for home defense. Every now and then the dog got in my trash again, so every night around, you know, a couple times I stalk out there with my suppressed Chris Vector and a flash, like over my arm with a flashlight in this hand and I creep and creep and creep and when I get to the

trash cans I hit the light and fucking wait to like see that motherfucker and I'm just gonna open up on him but he's never there. He has, that trash is everywhere in that fucking yard. All of his like fast food styrofoam boxes with like ketchup and french fries everywhere and

fucking like you know coffee grounds and it's just trash garbage everywhere in my fucking yard he's gotta go he's gotta go i think i'm i've thought about getting in kitty's car because it's like a hatchback type thing like a suv and listing the game of thrones while i like have a thermos of coffee and my gun, and waiting until I see him go for the trash, and then pop in the back window, and fucking taking him out.

I don't want to kill this dog, but man, I can't be cleaning that trash up. I can't. And I feel so shitty still because the garbage man cleaned it up last time without me knowing it. You want to kill this dog. There's a little part of it.

I don't want to kill it. If I could snap my fingers and he'd fucking like, whatever, go to a puppy farm or like a loving home or just eat someone else's garbage, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I can't do that. But I can shoot him. And I'm pretty sure that's legal anyway.

He's on my property, tearing up my trash. I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to shoot that dog. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not denying that. There's all rights. Yeah. Yeah. He staked your claim. He walked into your claim. You go ahead and shoot him.

I was standing my ground, and he came up here. Could have been rabid. You don't know. He was foaming at the mouth with his up here. Could have been rabid. You don't know. He was foaming at the mouth with his whipped cream. You don't want to take that chance. It was a dark fur dog. I couldn't really make out what he might have been holding, so I stood my ground.

He had a hood on. Explicit activity. Skittles in his... Trash. Arizona iced tea around his collar. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's a horrible reference. But, yeah, I mean, I have to...

And, like, for a moment, my head went to poison, but I'm like, no, that's a terrible thing to do to a dog. No, that's a slow, painful death. It's just appreciating. But I feel like if I shoot him, he probably wouldn't even... But a tripwire bomb, that would be quick. Well, that's just insane. But you don't even have to be there.

You don't have to be there. You're just going to hear boom in the night, and you know, problem solved. And there's my garbage man, splattered all over the fucking house. Like, his grandson screaming in horror from the truck. But I bet the grandson would clean up that mess real good. If that man taught his children anything. See if the grandson's half the garbage man the grandfather was. You give him an extra tip when he's done.

I'm sorry, I thought there was a dog. You give that grandson like a six-pack of beer. He'll clean up anything. They seem very conservative and religious and the the grandson is the most annoying little fucking kid you've ever seen like and you can tell the grandpa's like super annoyed with him too there was a ballistic torso in my yard and there happened to be a can of spray paint sitting on top of it a ballistic torso was you know a human torso made out of ballistics gel that you shoot at to test bullets. The

kid kept asking some questions that you wouldn't ask out loud. The guy's like, alright, I'll ask you. I'm like, okay, what's this going to be? He's like, he wants to know why that can of paint is sitting on that other thing and what that other

thing is. I picked it up and I said, well, this can of paint just sitting on that other thing, and what that other thing is. And I picked it up, and I said, well, this can of paint just happens to be sitting here because I tossed it out of my truck, and it fell there. See? I told you. It just happened to be sitting there. And this thing here is this material that mimics human flesh to test bullets. We test bullets, and we show that off.

Well, there. Are you happy, Dylan? Are you happy now? Then he just drove away angrily. I was like, that kid must hate these garbage trips with his grandpa. He's not cutting him any slack. Poor Dylan. I remember the kid said something like,

I want to work like you, Grandpa. He's like, don't you do that. You use your mind like this fella. It's a real dark ride with that trash man. But he's a hell of a trash man. I swear to God. I can't believe he cleaned that garbage up. There weren't even any extra bags for him to put the refuse in.

Bare hands. He had to use the old trash bags that had been gnawed upon and torn apart by this animal. And somehow he got the garbage in it. And there wasn't a scrap of garbage left in my yard. Like, he cleaned it like he would have cleaned his own yard. It was ridiculous.

And it was disgusting. And it had been out there two days. Two days. Well, you know, it happened, and a day passed, and then the next day came and there he was that afternoon before I could get to it it's uh

nothing could be done and he didn't mention it last time I paid him and I forgot to tip him because like I don't carry cash and like I had to scrounge up $25 worth of cash like I don't keep cash so like I'm like looking for ones everywhere so I couldn't even tip him I gotta tip him next time hopefully he won't have cleared my garbage away again.

Because I haven't cleaned it yet. I left it out there because I'm hoping that I can bait him back in with the same garbage. I don't want to tear it up again. It's a trap at some point, Kyle. I thought about using a trap. The kind that snaps to. Those are really cool. That breaks an animal's leg and keeps it there.

The dog, quite frankly, might gnaw its leg off, which would be horrible. I wouldn't want that. But those cage traps that are like... That's not a problem. Those cage traps, or maybe take out some poor other animal, like my cat or something. Those live traps that are the size for a dog, those are expensive I think like $150 or something. He's just going to have to go.

I'm hoping that... I've got to find a way to get him though because I can't be outside and there's no window that faces where the trash cans are. Maybe I could move my trash cans out into the field that I could see from the window and then I'd see when he was out there. I could check on him a lot. the field that I could see from the window.

And then I'd see when he was out there. I could check on him a lot. You just set up in the garage. Oh, it's so cold, dude. I've got to get some thermal scopes. That would help, too. It's really dark. I don't have a yard light. You guys ready to wild card?

A lot of thoughts going into this dog murder. Man, wild cardcard Good show guys Wildcard