Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #218

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

This week on PKA, Taylor is out for the week so Chiz comes to fill in and they have on Wolf PB, amazing guest, the guys talk a lot about paintball and the upcoming FPSRussia/PKA Paintball event in Chicago, IL, tons of TV and movie talk happens and lots of stories are told that will have your sides splitting from laughter.

And we're live! PKA episode 218. start at $3 a month and signing up takes only two minutes. There's no membership fees, no commitment, plus they have a money back guarantee. So you really have nothing to lose. I think we're all members of the Dollar Shave Club here and I gotta say I mean the razors show up in such a quantity that I've got extra razors laying around at this point. Not me. My balls can only get so smooth.

My wife is stealing my razors now. So yeah they're real popular at this house. I think my daughter's taking it. Everyone's stealing my razors. Dollar Shave Club, if you see this, hook me up with some extra. I got plenty. Watch me shave my arm.

They're so good. Are you really shaving your arm? Because that'd be hilarious. Well, get it on camera. I can't see it. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Wow.

Thanks to this amazing shave butter, it's flawless. You shave that arm bald while I finish this up. I will continue. The problem with driving all the way to the store and getting those razors is they lock them up like they're made of fucking gold. That and lubricant, but we'll get to that later. They lock them up in that little plastic box, and then they stick them in that glass case with a lock on it like it's gold. And then you've got to get the guy out of the back. And it's not as embarrassing, obviously, as when you're getting lube, but it's just time-consuming.

It costs, I don't know, ten times as much money it seems like and i always mess up and my blades never fit the whatever kind of razor i've got i don't know if it's eight blades or 20 so dollarshapeclub.com has been a real help in my life and uh i like the one wipe charlie's again kind of embarrassing to find the store no one needs to know i. That's the secret between me and me. Right? And by the way, if you're just using dry toilet paper, you dirty American. It's embarrassing that he'll give you like a 10-step, 10-minute video on how he specifically wipes his ass and folds it. You start with this, and then you fold it quarter by quarter, all right?

Go in with two fingers. Man, you spit on me a little. Just a little. A little lube. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So, like, in Europe, they have bidets. In Japan, they have bidets.

And Americans have nothing but dry toilet paper, which, I have to admit, does not put us on the top of the heap in terms of clean buttholes. on the top of the heap in terms of clean buttholes. But now that we're going with one-wipe Charlies and other kinds of wet toilet paper alternatives, once again, America reigns supreme in butthole cleanliness. Okay, let's go down the line. I have not tried the one-wipe Charlies. I'm a little embarrassed to use them

because I've... For one thing... Do you need a step-by-step tutorial? No, no, no. So, the real reason why I haven't used them is because like I've said before, I only poop in the morning. It's on a very good schedule. I poop and then I shower. So there's really no need for like a special butt cleaning wipe.

However, I want to go down the line here. Do you go back to front or front to back? I go front to back. I go back to front because I feel like it's more effective and there's no vagina to concern myself with. Yeah. You always go front to back in case of intimate encounters.

Exactly. I don't want shitty balls. Interesting theory, but with one of my families, I would argue that you're cleaner than you started. I'm confused. Can we say top to bottom? Like the top of your back is top and balls are bottom. From balls to back.

Okay, I do too. I thought that was normal. Well, this is your front obviously and that's your back. So front to back. Interesting. Wow. We all wipe this way. Woody's the only one who goes from his back to the front.

Yeah. I remember when we were teaching our kids how to use the toilet. My wife was like, you always go back to front. Wait, am I doing this backwards? No, always go front to back. Always go front to back. And I'm like, I go back to front. I feel like I'm way better.

He's like, yeah, of course you go back to front. You're a guy. And that's possible for you. But girls don't have that option because they can get infections and stuff. So they always have to go front to back. It seems more inconvenient to go the other way, to start from here and go down as opposed to yanking up. See, I go between my legs and I'm doing like a scoop. I'm not reaching around from the back.

So you stand up when you wipe your hiney. Yeah. I do not stand up. I lean forward. I lean forward a little bit, reach back there, take care of that thing, and I don't even have to look at it or see it or anything. I just kind of wipe and then drop.

And then it's just in the toilet and gone. It's gone. It's glad we had this conversation. Not me. How long does it take you on... Kyle only has one shit, but how long does it take you on average to take a shit? Because people read. They're on their phone. Me, if I'm in there for longer than five minutes, that's a long time.

I'm in and out. I'm done. Let me just close that Dollar Shave Club. So go to dollarshaveclub.com. P.K.A. Get your discount. There's a link in the description. Make it happen.

We love them. I think they're my favorite sponsor from being a hundred percent you know our favorite sponsor is typically the sponsor of that week of that week we're not biased unless it's this it's in my case it's honestly Dollar Shave Club cuz I always fuck up the reads for the other ones for some reason however with the you were asking how long you pooped. Goodbye, Crunchyroll. I'll miss you forever. As far as how long you pooped, it takes.

I'm going to say the actual elimination itself takes maybe two minutes tops. That's if it's a really extreme day. It's changing consistency. It's just like...

It's evacuating your bowels. There's hard turds and diarrhea and everything mixed in. It's the entire... It's a rainbow of shit. It's 24 hours of my consumption, and I don't eat healthy most of the time. Not at all. It's quite rancid.

I flush a few times during my elimination, and during those two minutes. However, I will sit on the toilet and read Reddit, Facebook, and I check all my social media stuff. Uh-oh. I'm there, so I could be there for half an hour. I sit on that toilet so long, my feet go numb, and I have to stand up to get the circulation back in them,

and then I sit back down and continue. That's not good for your butthole. That's longer than two minutes, buddy. I've got an iron ass. That's what I'm saying. The elimination itself, the actual pooping, that takes maybe two minutes, but I hang in there for another half hour just in case anything else happens. Yeah, because what better place to read than the rancid fucking methane smell surrounding you.

I flush a couple times, got the vent going on, a heater by my feet. I have a story I think I've never shared. Well, hang on a minute. Let's let everyone know who our guest is tonight. We have the fucking wolf. We have told the story many times, Woody has especially, of the time we were all pinned down behind that hill with thousands of paintballs raining down the back of Nam. And all of a sudden,

you hear this booming voice. I am the wolf! Listen up! And I turn around, and there's this black god standing above us, muscled up and just powerful with a cowboy hat on. It was one of those cool cowboy hats, too, that had

one side flipped up. And I'm like, I don't know who the wolf is for sure, but we need to pay attention. Thank you very much, sir. How are you doing? He didn't tell the end. Oh, yeah, that's right. And like, because I am the wolf wolf i'll need 12 of you on my

right flank 12 of you on my left flank on my goat all right i'm out good luck guys and you're right beside me too we're like fuck now what we're all thinking like, wipe that shit off. We need you. I'll go in your place. This is great. Medic!

Medic, please. Oh boy, kid. That's what it's all about, man. That's what it's all about. You don't say something and we'll just stand still. What can I tell you? So that's the wolf what oh oh toilet sitting so many moons ago i was probably like i don't know 27 28 at this point

so it was a while back i used to sit on the toilet way too long and i was you know doing that like bring a laptop with me wi-fi was invented i'm happy and um eventually i got hemorrhoids which suck they're awful and uh i don't even fully know what it is but i guess there's like a vein in your butthole that expands and becomes dreadful and uh infected as well yeah so mine got like i had like whatever some sort of slight mild hemorrhoid or whatever and rather than chill and let it get better i made the awful decision to go outside and split wood because we had just bought this house and i was like cleaning uh there was like a hurricane that knocked down a giant tree so we had like cords and cords of wood to be like cut up and disposed and stuff so i spent the whole day like just working my ass off one might say literally yeah yeah so um so then it got bad like really bad

i didn't know that like such a thing could be so awful and um uh like the next day i couldn't move i was immobilized there was no position sitting or laying belly back front whatever that that offered any kind of relief uh we eventually i went to a proctologist and and like I'm like it's the next morning and things are just getting worse like I don't know what's eventually gonna happen if left untreated but I imagine some sort of bloody explosion and I'm telling Jackie like you know we're going there and I'm like honey run a red light or something at that point oh this is a nightmare and uh we get to the proctologist right and and i'm i'm embarrassed by this condition obviously right like your butt's hurting you and there's all these other people right i'm like

26 i think actually as i think about because we just bought this house and uh everyone else is like 66 in the proctologist's office it's like well fuck here's the new crowd i hang with and uh but they're all fine right these are my friends now i have beads of sweat pouring down my face i'm in so much pain and uh and we're there like as the proctologist opens up for business in the morning because we're not fucking around like i'm i'm in a huge amount of pain and uh the the receptionist like looks over the um the crowd and there's like you know old guys sitting there reading a magazine everyone's chill and then there's me sitting on one cheek trying to manage the pain like someone's delivering a baby

and she's like uh you you can go first so that's a good triage you just didn't want you to bleed on the seats so dude i'm like i i like limp back there and it's awful and they have me lay on my side and they look at my butt which was like no one's done this to me before well at least if i can if i can interject at least i was wondering how they positioned you because i've never had an exam back there myself but i was afraid that it was sort of a bend over and grab your ankles kind of situation but on your on your side like lying on an examination table that that seems much more yeah i could do that okay dude just climbing on the table was like a it's excruciatingly painful experience and then i'm laying there and i feel really vulnerable like you know just kind of like waiting and and what he does is he he like lifts the cheek up takes one look it goes oh yeah and in like less than a second he had seen everything he needed to see and he

scheduled me at the hospital for a complete hemorrhoid ectomy and um uh apparently that's an awful thing so uh his there was like a father and son proctology, like doctor's office. And the son is like, a complete hemorrhoidectomy? Are you sure? Look at this man's ass. I'm not kidding. He needs it. Look at his ass. It's just a baby right now.

You can look at it, but this is the most classic case of hemorrhoidectomy I've ever seen. And he was like 90. And I'm like, fuck, I've got a real issue here and i'm like what do we get like i'm like i need i i need i'm dying here doc and he's like yo go to the hospital right now i'll meet you there and i don't know what like if there was a hurry or something but like within 20 minutes i'm on sedatives and wow I'm fine like fine Can I just say I love the idea of a father-son proctologist? I just imagine like if I were part of that team of like dad we gotta make commercials

It'd be like me and my dad like Each of them grabs a cheek and spreads it left now It should be incest related right? Standing there. I wouldn't see anyone but my standing there I wouldn't see anyone but my son I wouldn't see anyone but my dad no I'd be me and my dad if you're my dad and we both be standing there and we go you know Johnson and Johnson proctology we're number one for your number two oh nice so uh so so they get me there they put me on sedatives and they um and then they like i guess i'm sort of out of it i wake up i didn't realize the operation had been done which is glorious right i'm like oh my god you know

like what's my next step and they're like that's it we did it you know you're all cool because they give you a medicine that that wipes out your memory but the recovery the recovery was awful it turns out that a complete hemorrhoid ectomy is one of the most painful medical procedures that mankind knows it's a very sensitive area it's dreadful he did i don't dude i had to remove the bandages oh my god i was like soaking in a tub millimeter by millimeter like tearing off the equivalent of a giant band-aid well now i have to ask what was the process for shitting like because obviously you'd have to like keep it clean otherwise you would get in oh my god dude like you just shit blood now that's part of your day oh my it's funny you asked that so um there's a couple things i

can tell one that's why i had to remove the bandage i couldn't poop until the bandage was gone so that process was delayed by like a day or two and then they had me on a bunch of medications some of which were like chemical based and they also had me drinking like a a tablespoon of olive oil like a couple times a day just to keep the systems all lubed up but it was still a really painful bloody mess the first couple times i actually had my wife hold my hand just as moral support to go through this now jackie and i don't poop in front of each other like that's not a thing we do. We keep the magic alive. But in this case, and then my

toilet has like I want to say like a U-shaped, like a squared U-shaped walls, like little privacy walls around it kind of. And I would take my head and on the edge of drywall is like a metal corner so that it doesn't dent and break and everything if it gets slightly bumped.

Anyway, I would take my head and I would press it against the metal corner just to inflict so much pain that I wasn't thinking about my butt pain anymore. That somehow helped me cope with just how dreadful it was. That is insane. It is known to be one of the most painful medical procedures that you can have. And then what's great is, uh, after I got it right, like I recovered it. And by the way, it took like two and a half weeks to be able to like walk normally and stuff. Like it was really rough. I missed two weeks of work. I've never missed that. Like I've missed more than a day, I think in my whole life, but I missed two weeks for this and it was horrible. And somehow like the story came up

or something. It's not like I talk about it all the time. Obviously it's taken me years for it to come out here. But I met this woman who had had a complete hemorrhoidectomy and a baby like back to back. Because babies can call it hemorrhoids. So and a baby back to back. Babies can call it hemorrhoids. She had a baby and then a hemorrhoidectomy the follow-up day. It sounds like you went through the procedure that women have when they tear after having a vaginal birth.

Is that a PGI? Yeah. I think this is worse. I really think this is a much worse thing. Especially the the maintenance of it and you're constantly on your ass You know on your vagina Nice thing about a peasy on me is you can take a couple weeks off from sex. You can't do that with pooping Sure Wow, when you hurt yourself you really fucking hurt yourself think all the shit you've broken and hurt Twisted your ball

All the shit you've broken and hurt over the years. You've twisted your ball. You've broken your hand, your nose. You fucking break shit to the next level. Like, hemorrhoids are no big deal. You know, you just stay off your ass for a while. Hemorrhoid goes away, typically. Now you take it to a new level I've never heard of.

Your asshole falls out basically. It's because, like an idiot, I was playing through the pain, right? Like, all right, I've got a hemorrhoid. Whatever. I should relax. Or split a few cords of wood. what could go wrong don't do this kids hemorrhoids yeah i've got roids you know how do you avoid that though avoid i what you do what causes this hemorrhoids um straining what straining while pooping sitting

on the toilet too long? Those are probably the biggies right there. Sitting on bare surfaces like concrete and stuff like that for long periods of time. I think I read somewhere like working with your hands over your head for a long period of time. Like let's say you're painting a wall. But basically if you get any kind of like,

if you have any kind of flare up, it's time to rest. It's time to heal. Don't go painting your house when you've got a flare-up. You need to chill. Wow. That sounds horrible.

Yeah, that wasn't in Fifty Shades of Grey. The next level pain right there. The asshole's falling out in that movie. Jesus Christ. So I don't know if you guys saw that Reddit poster this week, but I finally figured out why my fingers are all crazy.

There was another guy who had the same thing. It's called a swan neck deformity. Apparently it's caused by this ligament on the bottom of my finger being weakened. It's a congenital birth defect. You know, they still work and everything, obviously.

But, you know, they're crazy. I've never seen it. It always creeps me out when you do that. Yeah, they do. What's wrong with you, you mutant? We should have taken you out back and shot you. So Kyle, I'm wondering if wrong with you, you mutant? We should have taken you out back and shot you.

So, Kyle, I'm wondering if this makes you more susceptible to injury or less susceptible to injury. I would say less. Totally less. Yeah, like, absolutely less. We used to play that, like, game in school where, like, you, you know, you did this and tried to bend the fingers back and forth. And it was, you couldn't beat me.

Like, you're going to break them off? You're going to twist them off? That's what you're going to do to beat me because they go, like go pretty much all the way back. At this point, Kyle could go to Xavier's school for the gifted. I suck at basketball, right?

But I have played a bunch. Wolf, I imagine you're awesome at basketball, you know, just because. Oh, you're so wrong. Okay, football. Football, okay. 50-50 chance. I imagine it's more... Remember on The Office when they were pairing up Okay, football. 50-50 chance. No, no, no. I imagine it's more... Remember on The Office when they were pairing up

for the basketball game in The Office? And they got to... Who was the black character? What was his name? Jerome? No. I don't think it was Jerome. I can't remember at all. Stanley!

They're like, Stanley! First pick, he wants Stanley. And Stanley gets out there, and he's, like, bouncing the ball like, I don't know. Like, the most uncoordinated, embarrassing thing ever. That's funny. When I was younger, I worked for Zales Jewelry, and there was this big corporate function in Texas, and they decided to have a dance contest.

I was like one of the only black guys who worked at Zales at that point. So the music starts and literally everyone in the room just looks at me. Well, go on now. Now's your time to shine. Well, we're all waiting.

Oh, I got a bad knee. I'm trying to figure out who I was thinking of. I wasn't thinking of Stanley, the guy that used to manage the warehouse. The warehouse. That guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's him. I can't remember.

It's been a while. Yeah, my office trivia is definitely off tonight. Daryl. Daryl. Daryl, that's what I was going for. Wow, you're good. I wasn't going to remember that one. That was good.

I had some story I was going into. Basketball fingers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So to me, I would always throw a hand in the passing lane, right? Like that was a big thing. And I jam my fingers all the time. And I wonder, how do people who are good at basketball avoid this finger jamming? Do they have better hands than me?

Or do they just not risk it all the time? That seems like it sucks. Like you'd let your game performance suffer to avoid injury. So, Wolf, maybe you can tell us. Sometimes you see them wearing the tape on their fingers, right? So maybe that helps. Does that do anything? Like if you jam your fingers, you know.

Did you just jam your fingers? You got two fingers together Better support But I imagine Kyle could just throw them out Like they were tools and not worry about finger jams No they hurt If I jam That hurts I've done that before

Playing basketball I'm no good at basketball but I have played before If they get jammed they hurt But if they get bent backwards oh my god you fucking freak before you do that the toes the same way that classy suit right there and then bend your fingers back does this make Kyle like one notch down in the genetic material? I think one notch up. A notch up? See you said it's a formity.

I feel like I'm a notch up. I feel like because of this I'm more attractive to females because this seems like an absolute G-spot stimulator. I was going to actually say that. This is a G-spot stimulator. It's hard to tell here but I've got really long fingers. These aren't the short stubby fingers that you might see somewhere. These are quite long. These are like three and a half, four inches.

Just go on Match.com with your finger like that. That's my profile picture. It's this. It's like, hello, ladies. I have a really long tongue like it's really long and I can like touch my nose with it and stuff like that here I'll try

turn sideways so we can like see the yeah so I forget somehow this came up in a like a party situation by way, if I stretch out a little further. Jackie's friend, right?

Danielle. I hope she somehow sees this. But Jackie's friend, Danielle. They've been friends forever since high school and stuff. And she was like, ooh. And Jackie was like... It was great. My tongue feels impotent now. I feel like the guy who goes to the urinal and looks to his left and comes up a little short. Yeah.

I had a friend in high school and he was a regular sized guy he was about 6 feet tall but he wore a size 14 and his tongue was longer than yours it was shockingly long like it was like it was like

and I was just like that's cool are big feet a deformity? Are big feet a deformity? Are big feet a deformity? I don't know. Because you brought up that man's foot. Well, I just – I wouldn't think so.

It was unusual that he had size 14 feet, but he was shorter than me, I thought. There's a guy that I went to high school with, J.D. Allegro or something close to that, white guy, Italian guy. But he had a reputation throughout all of school for having a gigantic cock. And I never saw it. Like, I can't confirm or anything. But supposedly it was like over a foot. I saw it. I saw it.

You weren't even born. You weren't even born. And actually, this is a good way to segue into my hemorrhoid story. That's awesome. That's how it happened. It's more like 13 inches, I would say. Shocking. It's a baker's nest.

That's where drinking the olive oil comes in handy for the movie. Dude, I've seen a lot of cock. Throughout all my... I've been on a bunch of different swim teams, a bunch of different hockey teams. I've played a lot of sports.

Dude, I don't think the sluttiest of girls could hang with me in just how many different penises I've seen. If you had to throw a number out there for cake-cutting penises... Oh, gosh. We talking a dozen? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Get it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's deep into the triple digits. This reminds me. Triple digits. Hold on. Triple digits. Have you guys seen Horrible Bosses 2? Jesus.

Yes. There was a time when I played on three different hockey teams. That's a good 75 cocks right there. So in Horrible Bosses 2, Jennifer Aniston is like a sex addict. And there's a part where she's pointing to Charlie Day like why she wants to fuck him so bad she's like I have a mental trophy room cock it's huge

and I want to put yours right up there see that dusty spot right there that dusty spot right there that's for you the only man to ever say no to me I don't think I've seen that many, but I remember there was a guy in high school who also had the enormous cock,

and he liked to show it off. And I just remember one time we were in the locker room, and there was a guy sitting on the bench. There were like these benches, I don't know, and he was rattling the bench kind of facing me, and giant Dick McGee walks up behind him and flips it over his shoulder coming down this guy's shoulder down to like here and this guy's pubic hair this guy he's eight inches at least

of course so in high school i's soft. So in high school, I was smart enough in high school to be like, why would I want that giant dick? Most of these girls have only had sex with one, maybe two other people. Do you think they want like a giant like 13 and he was like, yeah,

I ain't been able to feed it to nobody yet, but one day! Exactly. Exactly. No one can take your enormous cock. Like, that's too big at that point. Like, when you hit it hard and your vision starts to blur, like, it's too big.

Oh my god. I have seen the elusive, gigantic Asian dick. That's bullshit. No, it's true. I was like, fuck it, guys. I haven't even seen it on there. Jeez. He was a shower, dude.

Dude, shower is totally better than grower. Right? It's just, that's what you want to be. So there's this concept of shower and grower. I think everyone knows this, right? Some guys, like, you could be an 8-inch erect guy, but flaccid, you're like 2 1⁄2 inches or something. Or you could be an 8-inch erect guy, but flaccid, you're like 2 1⁄2 inches or something. Or you could be an 8-inch erect guy, but flaccid, you're 6 inches.

That is totally better. There is no situation in which you want to be a grower, right? Like, I – Well, I could think of several. I'll tell you 20 reasons why it's way better to be a grower. Why? Okay, the only reason it's good – I'll tell you one reason it's good. If you get pantsed in school.

That's it. Otherwise, how is this – why are you walking around showing off your flaccid cock to people? Don't judge me. But, like, if I'm running, if I'm doing any physical activity, I don't want to have this giant thing swinging in your pants now because you're a fucking shower. I feel like I could properly contain the beast right like there's plenty of underwear models out there where that can get done right you wear your um what are the the popular things now like the boy shorts they're like half boxer half thigh whatever i yeah dude there's plenty of underwear uh not brand what am i going for styles that can handle your your shower but um you know there's

but why is it better now to be that over that because i gave you the moment maybe you don't exist in the same world of cock display that i do right well you're right i've seen a hundred i've seen well over 100 maybe even 200 250 co out there. There's that many people that have seen mine. Be cool to be a shower. What you don't want is for them to look down there and see a button on a fur coat. And then you're like, hold on, no, no, no, this isn't accurate at all. Give me a second. Give me a second.

I'm going to show you. You'll see. You'll see. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know! Sir, we're at the bus station! It was cold! It was cold!

I was in the pool! I was in the pool! I was in the pool! You've never heard of shrinkage? That was one of the best episodes. That was a great episode. Everybody knows shrinkage. I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

It shrinks? It had shrinks! Another classic episode. I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. It shrinks? It had shrinks! I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. It shrinks? It had shrinks! It had shrinks! It had shrinks! Everybody knows shrinkage. I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

It shrinks? Yeah, it shrinks. That's a classic episode, man. He's like, do women know about shrinkage? She's like, with laundry? With laundry? Oh my gosh. That was a good episode. A few minutes of good writing, I'll give him credit for that yeah several years and decades great writing now that's so in my opinion seinfeld

was a good show and i made this case so many times but i feel like the acting was amazing they took ordinary scripts and if you think about george costanza's performances with his over-the-top, you know, like, or whatever it is he's saying. Him and Kramer. Yeah, and Kramer. And, like, they were taking ordinary ideas, shows about nothing, and acting out the, like, just crushing it. Home runs every episode with the acting. You are alone in that opinion? Every, like, professional.

There are so many articles out there about the incredible writing of Seinfeld. It's so well written. I saw Stern interviewing one of the main writers. It was a lady. I can't recall her name. She was on the Stern show the other day. She was talking about the Chinese restaurant episode she

wrote. He was bringing up some of his favorite episodes. She was like, oh yeah, I wrote that. Oh yeah, I wrote that. Think about the episode where George has dick shrinkage alone. That's not, as funny as that is, the other three or four timelines are equally funny. Funny, yeah.

You had George's girl that he's with at the time, who saw his tiny shrunken penis, she is, what is it when you don't eat shellfish? Kosher. She's allergic. She's kosher. Yeah, you're right. That's right.

And Kramer's like, oh, that's nice. You know, there'll be a special place for you in heaven. Yeah. So meanwhile, Kramer goes out and steals lobster out of this lobster fisherman's baskets. He steals them and cooks them up. George puts them in her scrambled eggs. So now she's no longer kosher. It's over.

You know, there's no, like, taking it back. I don't want to argue all that. It's fairly stupid and not interesting. There are so many different angles to that writing. That's why it's good. Your Kramer impression? Like, oh, that's nice. There'll be a special place for you in heaven.

That is stupid if it's not delivered the way that Kramer delivered it right there were a couple actors in the world who could who could have pulled off each of their roles the way that Seinfeld was always kind of cool and unexcitable the Elaine's character and Kramer's character George's character even when they brought in parents and stuff, the casting was great. I even like Newman. Oh, I love Newman. Newman's great. But it's a combination of amazing writing

and good acting that made that show that good. You can't have amazing actors and bad writing and it would be a good show still. The writing was so good, they wrote the show into the show. Yeah. That's true. I'm glad you liked it.

This is where we disagree so much. I think it's just some of the best writing that's ever been on TV. I love it. I can still go back and enjoy those episodes. The show's so good, even after Kramer went on his N-word rant, I still love the show. Oh, yeah. It's a shame that Michael...

You know Jerry was like, what the fuck are you doing, Michael? I'm trying to sell DVDs out here, and you're going on a rant. We have syndication. Don't you fucking do that. Oh, Kramer doesn't get any of that syndication money. That's all Jerry and...

That's all Jerry, man. And George. Not George, not the actor who plays George. Yeah, not him. What's his name? Who's the creator of the show? The guy from Larry David. Larry David was trying to defend how much money he's worth on the Stern show.

He was like, ah, it's not that much. And Stern's like, well, it's like a billion and a half or so. Ah, that's exaggerated. I'm like, so what, a billion and a quarter? What the fuck, dude? Trust us on that. You can ah, that's exaggerated. I'm like, so what, a billion and a quarter? What the fuck, dude? Trust us on that. I didn't like Curb Your Enthusiasm, though. That never really got me.

I could never get into it. Yeah. It's just too, like, awkward. I just don't like Larry David, maybe. Just his writing. I don't know. Yeah, it's one of those shows, like, I try it, I just. It's amazing.

If you could have a show that you just pull an episode at random and watch it, and it's all from start to end, it's all right there. That's why it syndicates so well. Sorry to cut you off. But, yeah, like, there's a lot of shows where you kind of watch them in sequence, and they're good. How I Met Your Mother, I think, you know, falls in that. But you can't watch that out of order.

Seinfeld, you can watch any episode, any time, and still get a kick out of it. Everybody loves Raymond. He's pretty good for that, too. Oh, yeah, I love Raymond. You know, if you're on Netflix and I'm still watching Seinfeld when I don't need to, that's a good show. You know what I mean?

I love it. Is Seinfeld on Netflix? Yeah. It is? It is on Canadian Netflix. Canadian Netflix. It's not on there, really? We just got friends, so.

Yeah. And MASH. Oh, yay. Seriously, wow. Woo. Hey, I love MASH. I'm an old dude, so. Yeah, I used to watch MASH and Syndication

like late night on Fox. I think I've seen most of that. That's a good show. I didn't understand what it was about at the time when I was a kid, but I still liked it. The season finale for that has the record for most views watched. I wonder if it still does.

Well, it won't be beaten because no one's watching network television on that level anymore. How many? The stat was only eyes on television. Do you know how many viewers? Another interesting thing about now, it's so divided, right? Now, like, something like Breaking Bad may have a hugely watched final episode, but they're going to air it multiple times,

so people don't always, like, watch it at that one time. And it's divided amongst, like, 100 channels, whereas back when MASH was on, there were, like, four channels. So when you do comparisons like that, is it also sports included? Sports events included and stuff like that? I don't think so. I think the Super Bowls have like...

I sent you a link. MASH is number one. Roots is two. Roots? Wow. Roots was big. I remember. It's funny how a lot of these are from a while ago. There's a Friends

in sixth place. Home Improvement is on here, which is funny. I loved Home Improvement. That one also syndicated pretty well. I'm actually surprised that Cosby Show was number nine. That was the biggest sitcom of the 80s. That was huge.

It really didn't grab me. There's nothing here in the last ten years. I preferred the one with Urkel, Family Matters. Are you serious? I did two of them, being honest. I thought that Family Matters was much funnier.

I remember one episode, Carl hurt his back, and it was like it was hurt so badly that the only way he could stand to even exist was to be like hung up by basically like the back of this vest he was wearing. So he's like hanging from a door. Oh yeah the back of the door.

Yeah. Urkel comes running through the door and the door swings and he goes in and that show was great. It got a little weird toward the end. When he cloned himself. Urkel gets a time machine and he goes into the wall that show was great it got a little weird toward the end with himself urkel gets a time machine and he turns into all and i think that was all to make the actor happy right like the actor was really he was totally not happy with playing a nerd he kind of went over the top and how cool he was and and when that show ended he was saying stuff like if you ever see me do this act and you'll play this character again then kill me because obviously it's it's a plea for for you to do that he suffered from uh

speech uh screech anxiety yeah he he didn't like being that character anymore catchphrase there was an Urkel doll. I don't know if you guys remember the Urkel doll. Is he rich? He's like, you know what? I didn't like the job toward the end, but at least I don't have to work. He can't do anything else, though. He can't do anything else, though.

He has some game show. If I had to guess, I would say because Family Matters went on for seven seasons, maybe, something like that, I would say, because Family Matters went on for, I don't know, seven seasons maybe, something like that. I would guess that he got a contract renegotiation toward the end. They probably hooked him up because he was the star of the show by the end. It's a really sweet deal if you can work from 13 to 20, and that's it. You live 80 years, you pull your weight from 13 to 20.

That's seven years, and you get the other 73 years to play. Well, look at what's his face from supernatural. That dude's been working on television nonstop for like 20 years. Yeah. Dean. Yeah. He wasn't as big as soap opera for 10 years.

And then he, uh, you know, did supernatural for like 11. You know, which soap opera, uh, days of our lives.

Yeah. I was going to guess days of our lives. because it's the only one I can name. And it makes sense when you hear that because you're like, yeah, he's way too good looking to be fighting werewolves. Yeah, it's scary though because to be typecasted as Urkel forever could screw you up in here, man. Like, Screech. Look what happened to Screech, man.

Like, I was watching the TV movie of that show, Saved by the Bell, and saw the stress that he was going through trying to be, you know, trying to be taken serious, but he'd go out in public and people would call him Screech. Like, that would drive you crazy after years. Yeah. I think I've seen him do... He's done some reality stuff. I think he did a porno as well.

Doesn't he have a huge dick? I'm pretty sure Screech has a big one. Dustin Diamond. He wants to see Screech's dick. I'm down. He's just going to add another ticker to the 300. One more. One and a sea of cocks in his head.

Three digits already. One pen it hurts. Checking Kyle's Google foo. He has a sex tape. Screech has a sex tape. That's scary. I'm having a hard time finding an image of it. I'll keep working though

Watch the video, take a little screenshot Whatever you gotta do The highlight of my week was when the porn star said that she liked me on her Twitter Did she? Mia Khalifa? I don't know

Not familiar with her body of work She's like the number one star now. Is she? And she likes you. Oh, I know who she is. She streams. She streams on Twitch. She's like, since the Lisa Ann quit apparently, she took her place

as number one or something like that I was watching. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, okay. Shame she didn't live closer. Yeah, I saw that Lisa Ann quit I follow her on Twitter, actually. So do I. Have you ever seen... That Instagram.

That Naylan Palin... It was great. So great. Everything she does is Oscar material. They're making fun of all the stuff that Sarah Palin had said about being right next door to the Russians so she's like fucking these Russians in the porno. It's great. It's great porno.

I don't know if I've seen that. From my backyard. I didn't actually... I can't be watching. I didn't actually listen to any of the dialect in that, but yeah, I get you. That was my ultimate reason to watch it.

I'm not finding Screech's penis. It's pretty tough to do. I'm not either. I see some screenshots of him in a bathtub or something, and he's like argh. He's making an O-face, but like... Can't say I'm not disappointed. Yeah, I am going to say

I'm disappointed. I was expecting a dick oh well and now what he has found screech cock I don't know it was listed as a if anyone can does anyone know his tattoos

can we confirm if that's him or not it's not him that's not impressive no where is that him that's him or not? It's not him? That's not impressive. No, where is that him? That's not even close to him. Yeah, that's like a... Oh, well. Well, we saw a dick. Maybe some dicks.

We always got that. Yeah. It was out loud at the end of the tunnel. I've been looking for a Game of Thrones trivia game because I thought that would be great, but I can't find... All of them are so easy that I'm just filling them out as I go.

You've been listening to the audio, right? Yeah. You did trivia game again. I can tell you what happens, but I can't remember the names. I can remember 85-90% of the names. I'm doing better with the names now that I'm going through the audio book

because you hear them so much. Yeah, that's the thing, right? I'm 15 hours in to the first book, which is about halfway. Let's see where I am. I am. No, I can't hang with Kyle. I keep thinking, like, originally my goal was to catch up to him, but the gap is just spreading.

Yeah, I'm a book ahead of you. I'm at 17 hours, 50 minutes, and book number two. Kyle, do you listen to it on headphones, or do you use a speaker? I put earbuds in and listen to it on my phone.

I've got the discs as well. It just depends where I'm listening to it at. I've been driving at least an hour a day. So I listen to it then. But that's not enough to keep up with Kyle. Yeah, that's the same. I listen at least two or three hours a day. Something like that.

I listen to it the entire time I'm in the car. I was in the field yesterday driving a tractor. Tell me more about this tractor and what were you doing? You were putting in fence! You're cheating on me in your fence installation! I was like...

You know I got fence to put in and you said no! Yeah, sure, it does fences for other people, but I need a fence and suddenly it's I don't do fences I accidentally shot my dad's fence down and like I had to you can't shoot a fence down No, you can't accidentally shoot a fence down because you were looking at the fence for a good amount of time to move wood Oh, it's it's a barbed wire fence. So, all the strands of barbed wire got clipped by bullets.

It's kind of in the background. Is anyone buying this bullshit? No. He's helping with the fencing project. What a fence I can buy, but barbed wire? Yeah, he didn't accidentally shoot down several things of barbed wire. No. His dad needed help in the fields

and Kyle was there for him. I need help in the fields. That or Kyle's John Wick and he's shooting fucking razor wire. I can shoot a wire in half from it. I can definitely shoot a wire in half. Just not with the first bullet. I actually enjoyed that one. But yeah, I was driving the tractor, and I got my thing on.

I'm listening to John Snow. Do you know anything about the tractor? Was it the model of the tractor and I got my thing on. I'm listening to Jon Snow. He's up there fucking... Do you know anything about the tractor? Was it the model of the tractor? I'm quite curious. It was a John Deere front-end loader. It's a... A compact utility tractor of some sort. Do you know the number? It's a pretty good-sized one.

I don't know the number. I'll get it tomorrow. It's medium-sized. I don't know. It was like $45,000. Right. It's a big tractor. Of course, if it's John Deere, that's like

the size of it. Yeah, that's the junior model. Yeah, I know, right? It's so expensive. Everything's like automatic. There's lots of controls and it's fancy. That's a nice tractor. I had shot this huge pile of television, so I was scooping them up and putting them in a trash pile.

I was wondering how you cleaned up after yourself. At one point, you're like, I don't trash pile. I was wondering how you cleaned up after yourself. I was, because you're like, at one point you're like, I don't do that. I just consider it like gravel, you know, part of the pavement. You know, that's the brass or whatever. And it was like, but it's got to accumulate at some point. Like, you'll go out and buy. You've got to go somewhere.

He buys like 18 toilets, 24 TVs, and, you know, like stuff that doesn't just disappear by bullet impact. Yeah, this gravel is very hazardous to your feet. It's broken porcelain and broken glass. Yeah, there's mercury all over the ground. That's smoke from old TVs coming out. Latex paint everywhere.

Oh yeah. It was a pretty big mess. There was all those TVs and there was a big pile of concrete blocks all smashed up. But what I was getting at is I listen to it any time that I've got... Don't listen to it when I work out, though. I don't really get pumped listening to Aria, you know, starving in the wilderness when I'm working out. Don't listen to it then. Don't listen to it any other time.

Doesn't make you want to do cardio. Mm-mm. Not at all. It doesn't make you want to do cardio. Not at all. Paintball is what's making me want to do cardio because I've always been thinking back to a couple other times that I've went and played and I'm just... My legs will just be shredded by the end of the

first day and the second day I don't even want to play. It'll do that to you. I've got to get my cardio going this time. So I'm doing, I don't know, squats and deadlifts and running a couple miles a day. So I'm going to get in shape this time. I'm going to have some fun. Your body will thank you for it.

I'll tell you that much. Yeah. And so I know that you guys out there, I'm speaking to the fans now, my listeners, all you wonderful people out there in listening land, however you're listening or watching this. I know some of you sometimes like to give a shit because we come up with these

ideas for fun things to do and sometimes they don't. Perfect timing. Yes, yes. Sometimes we don't even talk about them. Yeah, fucking skip. I have froze right there so no one heard anything but, you know, sometimes we're

full of shit. Okay, well let me start. Let me start over and I'll do it a little bit quicker. Sometimes we come up with really fun ideas and they just don't pan out. And it's usually not from lack of us wanting to do them or us putting effort forth. It's just

not feasible when we get down to the nitty gritty. This time however, we're going to do the paintball event. So we're going to do it. We're going to do the PKA slash FPS Russia paintball event sometime in April, I think. That's a little bit

tentative, but it's like 90% for sure. We're going to do it at is it, help me Wolf, is it Paintball Explosion? Paintball Explosion in, I believe it's Dun... no, it's not Dun... it's outside of Chicago. Yeah, now nothing's definite so far, but

it's going to happen one way or another. I haven't nailed down the exact day or anything, but... It's the home of the real life Nuke Townfield. There you go. Can we look at the Nuke Townfield? We could watch. We could watch a little bit of

Wolf playing on Nuke Town to get a look at the map. They have no idea what they're in store for. And that way we know we're not going to get a copyright strike. We got it right here. No. I'm thinking. I like that. That's funny.

That's great. I'll hear from fans and they'll go like, hey, that building's supposed to be this little bit, this angle is off a little bit. Really now? Really? Get the hell out of here. Which one of your videos would you recommend

to show off Nuketown? That's a good question. I've got three. There's Nuketown Battle Part 1, maybe. Did you do a real-life chopper gunner? Are you shooting out of a helicopter? Yeah, actual helicopter. You didn't see that video yet?

I haven't seen that one yet. I've watched a bunch of them, especially over the last couple years. We hired a helicopter, and we did a fly-by over Nuketown. That sounds perfect to me. All right, let me link it to that. It's kind of hard to see it from that angle, but it's still a very cool video, bro. All right, Kyle's linked it up.

Okay. So the way we do this is usually we all queue up at zero and then we say one, two, three, play, and we do our thing. Is this one you want to queue up at zero or some other time stamp? I guess you can. It depends how much.

It's only four minutes, so it's your call. There's a link in the chat. Did you see it? I got it. All right. You guys ready? Yep. One, two, three, play.

When you see the map, you'll see they really pay attention to detail um you may not be able to see like the mailbox and stuff from the air but like when you get down on the ground every little thing is almost exactly like how it was in call of duty it's really cool i'm looking forward to getting down there and like it's gonna be a weird feeling to like physically be somewhere that i've been so many times virtually i had that once i played oh and i didn't have it do you remember at that um cod event they're like we're gonna have scrapyard in real life to play that was horrible i heard about junk everywhere you're like how is this scrap yard yeah it's just a few slots it it was not good not even close to it it was not and they had this zip

line I remember like and people are painful I I didn't play like I love paintball I know we played I know I played against Freddie W but I played well hey look what he's game attack was in the kill feed on this thing hey look just uh yeah whoever was getting the kills had a hump at clan tag that's great yeah so maybe it's wolf who's going to get a copyright claim i don't know what's talking about i don't know so what happens if you get shot and you're in the chopper and you parachute out? I don't think Nate Falls can get through the wind tunnel that the chopper created. We're pretty high up, bro.

This is great. Did you get any kills from the chopper? Apparently I did, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Can you imagine being on the ground and getting hit on the top of your head in the middle of the forest? That sounds terrible! There were a couple of WTF moments about that, yeah.

They said we were just shooting film, but no, it was live, it was crazy. I wanted the fast jump out, personally, but they wouldn't let me. Oh, that's so much fun. Put a rope down and just go. Oh yeah, and so you can see... I'm trying to see which field it is. I don't think it's Newton. I don't know what that is.

That's the, uh, they have... The field used to be an amusement park. Oh. So there is bumper car house that we play in, like there's a whole bunch of weird different buildings that you play in. It's insane. Yeah, and it's hard to do sound from a chopper with so little, there's nothing to increase that sound. It was like, my goodness gracious.

What is this split video? Yeah, we had a couple cameras going at the same time. So you're playing around with the editing. You got to, brother. You got to. There it is. There's four children down there. Just look up. Why is it coming from the sky?

Oh, yeah. I could see you're just on target a second ago yeah you know what that's the one of the myths about paintball is that when normal I guess people think about paintball they think of Billy or Tommy birthday game or birthday party and it's like when you go to these big games so it's like adults 90% adults and a couple of kids. And we get, like, you know, 2,000 people, RPGs, tanks, smoke grenades. We have radio comms on everybody.

It's crazy. It's adults, but it's often young adults, right? Like, I would say a lot of the players are between 20 and 35. I would say between 20 and 40. Okay. A very split mix on that. Yeah, even our local field never had kids coming out and doing their birthdays.

It was like you were 17 to 37. That was the range of the field. Yeah, probably because it hurts to lose. If you suck at laser tag, big deal. You're alright. You'll be fine. If you suck at laser tag, yeah, I got beat. you'll be fine if you suck at laser tag yeah i got beat whatever mom can i have tostitos but if you suck at paintball oh man just filled with

bruises i once dude so after a living legends event i i took this i pulled my shirt up and i had all these like welts over me nothing that you guys haven't seen before and i put a photo of it on facebook just to show all my bruises and stuff and they pulled it down for nudity. Are you kidding? I was wearing the shirt. I pulled it up to my armpit and it was too much skin for Facebook.

You got a hater on it. That's what it is. Wow. That's impressive. I have one hater. You're adorable, Wolf. I have one hater. You're adorable, Wolf. I'm trying to be nice. Can we take a look at this next video?

Because it's on the ground. If you skip to 7... I timestamped the video. Or not timestamped, but I did the thing. Oh, yeah, you did. Great. So this will give you an idea of on the ground, and you'll see immediately that this is Newtown. What the fuck? Are you ready? Is that 744? Yeah, 744. If you click on his ground, and you'll see immediately that this is Newtown. What the fuck?

Are you ready? Is that 744? Yeah. 744. If you click on his link, it should take you to that. Yep. I'm good to go. Ready, set, play.

So you can see this is the back of Newtown. You can see the lattice work there. That's a die down, by the way. Very cool gun. Yes. These guys look like you, Wolf, but they're not you. Are you on the same team? I'm actually wearing a helmet camera right there and I am their general. I see. So look at that.

It's immediately like oh shit that's new. And it's clean. Does it still look like that? Do they keep up with it? They keep up the cleaning yeah. I mean the mannequins in the building are shot up, but they're still there. But you can still see the colors of the drums. There are a lot of people on this one wall. Yeah, they should really be like a 12v12 or a 6v6. Just like a 40x40. Nuketown's small for that.

No, it would be insane. That's what we'll do when we get there. You know, depending on how many people show up. I figure we'll get a couple hundred, but we can break off into teams, we can do whatever we want. We could do a tournament on Nuketown if you wanted, where we broke off into like six man squads

and did six pieces of the round. Can we request that the fans act like recruit bots on combat training in Nuketown? I just... You wanna hear the crazy thing though? When you play Nuketown in real life, you play the same way you play the map. I don't doubt it. Except for jumping out of the window. Well you can't jump out the window though. They actually put up bars so you can't do that. The first time I played paintball, I was an adult.

I'd played COD before I played paintball. And it didn't take me long to figure out that a lot of the same things work. Like, right, right. You sort of want to head glitch off the things. You want to lower the amount of target that the enemy has to shoot at. You want to move from position of cover to position of cover. A lot of the basics in CO cod are also true in paintball but the funny thing is is that you'll get gamers watching my paintball videos and they'll say oh

that guy's camping and when you get out in real life and you hear those shelves hitting the wall right beside you uh-huh it's a whole different ball game you know I would like to agree with Wolf here, but if you skip to... Oh, it's not this video. I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know what he's talking about. Wolf takes a nice little sit. A nice little sit down moment. I'm going to find it.

I did that in the real game too, buddy. I did that in the video game too. I love it. And that guy walks right under you. did that in the video game too. I love it. And that guy walks right under you? He walks right up. I'm going to find it. Yeah, girls do play paintball, by the way. They do.

What is the ratio? Is it 1 in 20? Oh, frig. Oh, I think it's higher than that. It's about, yeah, it's probably 1 in 40. 1 in 40? Okay. And then if you want to think in terms of hotness,

well then, that's where the unicorn factor comes in. Yeah, there's a certain hot ones out there. There are. Oh, there are. They're out there, of course. When we go hiking, they called it trail magic, right? Girls that would be like a 6

at the mall or like a 9 on the trail, you're like, oh my god, she's so cool. Look at her. She actually hikes. That's how it works. That might exist in paintball too. Kyle, do you see my vest load out there? Yes. I like that a lot.

Everything there is functional. Some kids say, oh, they just want to look cool like that. No. I've got a radio pouch. I've got magazine holders. I don't have it on this video, but I have an aqua pack in my back, and the hose comes over my shoulder to drink when I'm out on the field and everything. Yeah.

So everything I have on, everything we wear out there is functioning. It's not just for looks. I would need that if I was to play a big scenario woods ball game because nothing's worse than hiking a mile uphill, getting shot, and then having to turn around. It's why I really hate the big scenario games. We played at Travis Air Force Base, and it was mainly a walking simulator with shooting in between.

I've told this before. The first time I played at Living Legends, the team I was on was much, much better than the other team. And that's not to say I made it that way. I mean, the teams are like 700 versus 700 or something crazy like that. But what that meant was that my team had the other

team pinned down in their spawn. And every time I got shot, I walked like over a mile back and then back again. It was like that, man. It feels like it. Are you kidding? It's not an illusion.

It's like a mile or so. It's like, oh, yeah, it does feel like a mile. Yeah, because it's a mile. It's really far. But notice how there's different angles you can use shooting under the bus. It's just like the video game bro alright so if we go to this video at 5 minutes and 23 seconds

ok this is a little campy ok let's see are we ready I would do the same thing I lost the link it's still there on the right so when you hang out mouse over in the top left It's still there on the right. So when you hang out, mouse over

and the top left, there's a little blue square. It'll bring the chat. Copy that. I'm good. Copy that. A little paintball talk. I am queued up at 523. Yep. Ready, set, play. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So this is the back steps This is the back steps to a nuke town Yep Engage right here Mine's like a slideshow I'm sorry audience I'm getting slow frame rates

I actually got somebody We shot each other I got him first You know what? You're damn right I camped there. It looks really effective. You get a couple guys. It was actual tactics

because they were closing in on our building and we had one guy covering the front window, one guy covering the stairs from inside, and I had to cover the back. That's what I thought probably happened. There's a part, I think, in the same video too where you start leaning over the balcony over here. That's great. Try not to hit

someone in the top of the head and Kyle and I would have been like, that's where we're going. We want to teach them a lesson so they don't come back here again. We were watching that and I was like, Wolf's a really nice guy. He's a really nice guy. I bet after

he shot that guy he was like, tough luck man, next time you'll get me don't worry. But I'm up there like, come on! I'm in the top ten. Well there's some of my videos you'll see me, I'll be in the woods and I will surrender people without shooting them. Because they'll walk on top of me and I'll be in the woods and I will surrender people without shooting them. They'll walk on top of me and I'll say you know what buddy, just come out. I don't want to shoot you this close. And they'll be thankful. I'm honestly afraid to do that. You're a better person than us.

Because they still have the option it seems in some games. So they'll be like, you're like surrender and they're like nah. That's what I do. I will never surrender. You're not going to make me – unless you barrel tag me and I just have to walk off the field. If you go, surrender, I'm going to try to draw and shoot you and roll or something and get out of there.

I'm not going to surrender. Let's play on different teams next time. See if I get you in a surrender situation. Let's see what happens. Nope. Prisoners in paintball. Yeah, this is where I'm shooting over the leg.

Now that would be a serious scenario game if there were prisoners. Dude, at Barrel Tag, you're coming with me. There have been games like that, brother. Now notice the way you're shooting now. You can't do that with a hopper on top. You can only do that with a mag fed. That's true. This gun he's got is a

die damn. The gun he was using there is a die damn. I'm getting one of those. It should be here Monday or Tuesday, something like that. I'm really excited. It shoots both magazines and hoppers on top. Yeah, and that big box rotor on the bottom. Would you say 320 rounds?

Yes, sir. I'm crazy. I'm going to buy like $200 worth of first strike rounds. All I can say is this. Just be ready. Carry that loadout around. I've got 10

20 round mags and I'll have that 25 round box mag that's all four strikes. I can't wait to get on Nuketown and just fucking lane the side of that thing. It's going to be four people off the break. I'm really pumped

for this thing. Kyle says he's going to be destroying children. Children will be bleeding at this point. There will be blood. It sounds bad when I say that. I don't want anybody to get afraid and be afraid to come play with us because Kyle's going to hurt you or anything because you've got

enough padding on it. It doesn't really hurt. When I started playing paintball, I myself wasn't. It's like this. It's like this. What a liar. If you have enough padding on it, it doesn't hurt. Kyle's like, no, you should totally come out. It doesn't hurt. You're so full of shit.

It is really going to hurt. Let me try to tell them how the pain in paintball works. It's like getting hit with an elastic band. It only hurts for like eight seconds. And then the adrenaline, your adrenaline is pumping so hard. Exactly. It's gone after like 10 seconds. So imagine an elastic band that leaves a bruise that lasts 15 days.

And you'll be bleeding possibly. With a little blood possibly. It depends on your body type, I guess. So the bruising doesn't show up as much. Ah, that's a nice one. That's a good advantage right there. When I first got my Tiberius rifle like three years ago, I think it was one of the earlier ones.

I think I got like serial number 174 or something. Oh, my gosh. Crazy. And maybe one. I got two of them. But I just had got it. I never had shot first-strike rounds, never had done mag fed. And I didn't really play with it in the event, but we did a video that we called like the human firing range where I got my buddies to go out there and stand.

And I'm talking to the camera. I'm like, you know, this is a Tiberius. This is first strike rounds. Look how accurate this thing is. I remember when you shot that. Oh, man. One of those guys out there, he was one of Kitty's friends. He was a paintballer that she'd known for a while but he volunteered to be part of his firing

range and he was like, come on, motherfucker. He called me a pussy or something. I shot or something i shot him i shot him in the collarbone with a first strike around like 20 yards the blood ran down halfway to his belly button yeah and and i wish that taylor were here taylor um taylor couldn't make it uh tonight dude can i tell this what happened after that you were on receiving end please go ahead so what happened after the cow shot on receiving end please go ahead so what happened after the cow shot this guy in the collarbone and like everyone like took a break

and he had a white t-shirt on so the blood was like a really big or maybe he had no shirt on i forget but you could really see the blood and um after that everyone was like lining up 60 yards i know i wanted to be close, but I got close. Go ahead. You were talking about Taylor. Taylor might have said something. I said to the camera, I'm like, I'm going to shoot Merker Durker in the hand. He's doing this.

Shot him right in the hand. He's just, ah, ah, ah. I'm really looking forward to getting my hands on that die. I'm going to make a video with it, just showing the accuracy and stuff. I'm going to do an accuracy test. It goes double to three times the distance of a regular paintball. Yeah, it's pretty impressive. I've been watching that Pistol Pete guy's videos,

and he's sniping people out at 50 yards and stuff. It's great. But again, you've got to be patient to take those shots. This is not a run and gun type of situation. You know what I mean? And there's no quick scoping and paintball. Well, I feel like you could do both.

I feel like you could put the hopper on. The cool thing about the dam, you could put the hopper on, have your 200 balls there, have your mag with your first strikes. You can rush in going full auto with just regular paintballs out of your hopper and just quick switch over.

That's what I do. It's really fast to switch over. I don't think I'm going to be able to run a hopper because I've got a pretty cool camera setup I'm using. You've got the GoPro looking straight through the scope so you can see the crosshairs and it magnifies. You really need that with that first strike stuff because sometimes the targets are 30 yards away

and you can see the impacts on them. It's going to make some cool videos. And you can also get couplers for your magazines. You know that, right? Yeah. I think I'm getting some of those. I hope they sent some couplers. All right.

We'll talk about that. You can't do them too tight. What's a coupler? How does a magazine coupler? What do you call it? You know in Call of Duty when you had two magazines taped together for a quick reload? Uh-huh, yeah. You can do that with a

paintball coupler. Oh, it's a coupler. It's like a clip that holds them two together. Exactly. Yeah. It's insane. I can't tell you how pumped I am about this. I was working out a couple hours ago and I'm on the elliptical and my ass is burning.

My thighs are burning. I've got it jacked way up on the ramp and the resistance. It feels like I'm walking through mud. I've got my backpack on too. I'm just holding on to the stirrups or whatever, the handguard. I'm just like, those kids are going to

pay. Those kids are going to pay. If I'm going through all of this, those kids are going to pay. Those kids are going to pay. If I'm going through all of this, those kids are going to pay. I got done working out, took a shower, went outside, got my Tiberius pistols. I'm like, I'm really going to have some fun. Everything is getting cleaned and polished. I'm getting my jerseys out. I'm pumped for this thing.

Yeah. It's going to be great. It's going to be a different ballgame. You've got a full loadout on, brother. Yeah. I usually – I've got a full loadout on, brother. Yeah. I usually... I've got a... a Geo.

I've got a... this guy. That's pretty speedball stuff. No, this is different. If you're holding a mag fed marker, full on battle rifle, two handed, that's nice and light, but...

That's why I'm flipping it around. Yeah, exactly. When you pick one of these up, the first thing you say is, whoa, what the fuck? This is so light. They scraped out every little bit of aluminum that they didn't need.

Everything that's here is here because you need it. This thing is so freaking light. And it sprays so much paint. So it's a whole different play style, though. When I rock this, I'm going in with 200 balls on my hop or another, let's see, eight. Another 1600 on my back. I want to play against a lot of

rental guns. I think that would be ideal, right? Like, if I can shoot a good, like, 20 balls per second and they shoot one ball per second, I'll be fine. No elliptical. I don't need that. It's pay-to-win paintball. We just put a case of paint in the back

with Woody by the corner, and he just sits with a box. Yeah, I'm landing. I really hope we get a lot of fans to come out for this thing. We've done three or four of these events. I know Woody's done two or three. I think I've done maybe one more than he has because I did one by myself like three and a half years ago.

Yeah, I think that sounds right. And it's so much fun. If you're looking for some interaction with us, quite frankly, it's a really good way to get it done because we're basically hanging out in a big group and we're all hanging out playing paintball together. We talk and joke. That's where I signed a guy's boobs at a paintball event.

Yeah. There you go. It's a service he offers. This is a die down. See, that's so insane. It'll take an AR buffer tube, right? So you could use standard AR stock.

Standard AR parts. I've got the kented sights on it. I use the EOTech for long distance. Tack light. What kind of 45 sights do you have? These are... I can't remember. I got some next to me.

I have them on my glasses. I can't even see it. But you know what? For close quarters, they're good. I don't even know what brand they are. Yeah. Those are great. It sounds like high-end sights are a waste of money on you.

I don't have my glasses on. I can't tell. These are prescription scopes. Now this one was a different one. I don't know. What is that? Is that a battery? Is that a grenade launcher?

This is my old A5 with the silencer looking thing actually makes the paintball go it's called a flat line It actually makes the paintball go it's called a flat line. It makes the paintballs go farther because it twists them as they go out. The grenade launcher is used.

We use nerf launchers to take out paintball tanks. This by itself with no ammo is 15 pounds. Have you ever shot someone with the grenade launcher? You're saving so much weight with a carbon fiber barrel there. The little things that count yeah we're saying Kyle what have you ever shot a person with the that the grenade launcher by accident yeah

it yeah I've been shot in the ass and one point blank like one of the big like bazooka looking ones I was a little I heard a little bit, but it was funny. And then he turned around and let me shoot him in the ass. It was a good trick. That was funny. Hard to wipe that one off and shoot your way.

Now, this is a little bit off topic, but I was just realizing, because you mentioned that you couldn't read what kind of sight was going on there. You strike me as a guy who is a little bit older than you look. Yeah. Guessing game, everyone.

Guessing game. I just had my birthday on February 9th. I reserved the right to go last because I came up with the topic. Woody goes first then because he's older. I'm going to say he's 41, almost 42. Okay. I'm going to say 37. Price is right rules, by the goes first then because i'm gonna say he's my age i'm gonna say he's 41 almost 42 okay i'm gonna say 37 price is right rules by the way now i'm saying this not because you first of all i think you look

like you're like 32 yeah yeah if you said 32 you you'd be like, yeah, that's fine. And I know the audience can't see it. Show them, Wolf. Show them the guns. Wolf is... Wolf works out a little bit in his spare time. But, just... I'm going to guess 43.

What did... Hold on. What did Woody say? 41, almost 42. You want the answer? Yes. Just turned 45. Wow, really? Jesus.

Holy shit. Paintball keeps you young. Oh my god. That's remarkable. What's in that drink? What is in that drink what is in that drink is that pineapple juice you drink in there orange juice buddy

orange juice okay yeah with for the record the only reason the only reason the only reason that I bring it up and the only reason that i know that you're that you're older than you look is because i i see the gray and your goatee right there yeah yeah i know because i've talked to him i know i've spent enough time with him i've heard him talk and are you you're

divorced is that right yeah man yeah and that was a while ago and it's like yeah he's got too much life experience to be 32. I had heartbroken. Started life over. Stopped going to the golf courses. Started playing paintball. Hardcore. Lost 50 pounds. Were you overweight? Yeah.

I was a typical office dad going to play golf. I was topping at 229. Okay. How tall are you? 5'10". 5'10". Yeah, now I'm 180. This all sounds like fiction just looking at you, though.

I was an overweight father who played golf on the weekends when I had my time off. Now I'm telling you, bro. What do you do for a living now? Now I'm G.I. Joe. What did you say? What do you do for a living now? I do a couple things other than being a paintball god. I work on music videos.

Oh, really? Yeah, I work with a director named Lil X, now Director X, and we do all of Drake's videos, Usher's videos. If you look on the video by Drake from the bottom, starting from the bottom now here, you can actually see me in the dance floor with a camouflage hat. I've seen you. As they're dancing through.

So, yeah, we do that. So you can dance. So what's Kanye like? What's Kanye like? Is Kanye as silly and rich? Nice guy you'll ever meet. Because I've heard Aziz Ansari talk about how comical he can be at times. He's the nicest guy you can ever meet, bro.

Really? Well, that's good. That's good to hear. I've heard all kinds of fun stories about him. You always hear the crazy stuff and everybody wants to throw him under the bus. But I've also heard some really fun, quirky stuff. Like Seth Rogen said he ran into him in a hotel lobby and Kanye was like, you want to hear my new CD?

And they were like, yeah! And they took him outside, they got in Kanye's limo, Kanye starts playing the track on his laptop, there's no vocals on the track. Kanye starts rapping! He starts rapping to it right there! And they had an interviewer in the limo. He's got the music, he's got the beat, he's got the hook, everything, he's to it right there. In the limo. In the limo. He's got the music. He's got the beat. He's got the hook, everything.

He's got it right there on his laptop playing. But he's rapping to Seth Rogen and his wife in the limo. And the interviewer asked Seth, he's like, so how long did you stay there? That could be awkward. He's like, I don't know, until he was done, like an hour and a half. He's like, Kanye's rapping for me personally right now with his new album. Of course I'm going to stay. I'm not going to leave.

Well, I've heard stuff like that. Like, he went to Jimmy Kimmel's uncle's wedding or birthday party, something like that, for no reason. Like, he wasn't asked for it. He just moved in town and said, hey, Jimmy. And he showed up at his uncle's birthday party. You know what I mean? It's weird because he does such stupid things in front of the camera sometimes. And with John Legend in the basement and he was

nobody. And no one would give him a record deal because he didn't look like a rapper. No one would invest money into him. That frustration for 15 years before you make it big is insane. You know what I mean? So I see him acting like an idiot and stuff like that and I feel bad for the guy because I'm like the only guy in the room saying that he's actually a nice guy, but no one else could ever see that, you know? So, there's only so much that you can do to help

people, but shoot. It's like when you get popular, people type stuff on Reddit, they have no idea who you are, what you go through, and, you know, never mind you guys, Even I get some of the weirdest stories told about Wolf that I hear about later on. I'm like, oh, God.

Are they true? I wish. Did that child really die that day? Did he? Where's he buried, Wolf? Where's he buried? Is he in your backyard? Seriously? The honorable thing. But yeah, man. My lifestyle in your backyard seriously the honorable thing but yeah man it's uh my lifestyle is very and you know single dad going to music video sets going to flying out the paintball games every other weekend it's a little crazy but yeah oh

what's cool is when when wolf is your general right this is how it goes down we'll be at some big event and there's two generals there. The first general will come up, and they need to give a speech to all their people. Whatever, there's 500 guys to a team. And one guy comes up and says, All right, I'm really honored to be your general, and we're all going to have fun out there, and go get them, boys. Really vanilla.

Right? And then Wolf comes out there and he's all dressed in like military garb or like a calf deep duster and he just gets up and we're gonna kill it's like the fucking scene from Braveheart and everyone out there is like

man I wish I was on his team they will never take our lives but they will never take our freedom that really does pump you up. And credit, he will scream the whole weekend until his voice is gone. The last day, your voice is gone every year. Every year. I don't know why they let anybody else be the general anyway.

I really don't. I'm not going to call any names out, but I remember you weren't the general one year, and I was like, this guy fucking sucks. Yeah, right? You know what? Honestly, it's hard to be a general, man, because even though paintball is just a game and everything, when you guys are out partying and stuff

and going out with Paul and those guys, I'm in my hotel room with maps and plans and charging radios and assigning radio chatter. This is literally a planned out strategic chess board for that weekend. Next time we play, I want you to take me under your wing because here's what happens to me every time I play. I have a good time and what I usually do is break off on my own. I like to flank. My dream of of course, is always to walk up behind a large group of people.

I'll usually get it done two or three times an event. I'll come up behind a dozen people, maybe more, and I'll get to spray them all down. Usually they've got a medic right there, but I've got my kicks, right? What I want is to have a fucking radio. I want Wolf to be like,

Kyle, where are you? And I want to be like, I'm in section R7. Well, the objective marker is about 500. I want you to tell me. I want something to do. Okay, we can do that, buddy. Because up until now when I play these scenario events, I don't really enjoy them, to be honest, because there's so much walking,

like we said, and when I'm out there, I'm just shooting people. But if it was like, if I could get back to the reload station and be like, yeah, I shot 12 people, and I captured the objective. You got this. Yeah, I got this. That would be great, because I'm just out there, you know, like 90% of the other people are,

unless you're fucking, I know Mike rolls Tech PB like they're fucking militia. Yeah, you let them start. It's Mike from Tech PB like they're fucking militia. Yeah, you let them start. It's Mike from Tech PB rolls a squad out, and those guys are very... Mike trains for reals. Yeah, he does cross-sprints. Yeah.

He's doing wind sprints. He's getting in shape, and he knows how far it is from... Like on the final battle. Yeah. He knows how far it is on the final battle from spawn to the hill. And that's his distance. That's what he's practicing at. He's sprinting that in his goddamn gear, getting good at it.

So when Legends comes around, he's ran that distance at max speed hundreds of times. And he's huge. Everybody there. Everybody. He gets there, and he mows as many people as he can mow down, and then he walks back, gets back in there, and he's ahead of everybody. Mike's an older guy, too. He's in his 40s.

But there's no teenagers out running Mike. There's no 20-year-olds outrunning Mike because Mike wants it bad. I was actually in awe when I saw that. Mike's kind of got the kind of... I don't want to say that I don't play dirty. I don't shoot people... I'm not going to aim for your crotch or anything.

But let me preface what I'm about to say with this. When I started playing paintball, I was myself a child, and I was playing with other children. I used to wear a shirt that said, I shoot children for fun just to piss the other parents off at the speedball field. Because it's what I was there for, you know? I loved it so much, just sprinting down the lane in a speedball field,

just running past them, shooting people in their ribs, and they don't even know I'm there. I loved that so much. But now I'm a grown-ass man. I'm closing in on 30 here. I can't wear that shirt anymore. I look like a lunatic. I can't tell people

that I'm going because I want to shoot those kids with my paintball gun. Give me the shirt. I'll wear it. I made the shirt. That's how insane 17-year-old me was. I got iron-on letters and made the shirt. That's how insane 17-year-old me was. I got iron-on letters and made a shirt. It was outrageous.

Were they like the puffy, fuzzy 70s letters that you ironed on? That's what I'm picturing. It was clean. I went to Walmart. He went to my house? Oh, Walmart. Walmart has good ones. I didn't even know what iron-on letters were, but I wanted a custom tee and there wasn't a spread shirt back in the day,

so I wanted a shirt that let the parents know what I was there for. But now I'm a grown-up, so I can't be like that. I'm still a child in here. I promise you. If you're not, it sucks. I'm still a child in here.

I'm still that 14-year-old version of me that drools over the thought of going in the woods with a bunch of other guys and, like, we're going to shoot it out for reals. Like, I love that shit. That's the thing about getting older, man. Like, you know, while you might heal a little slower or whatever, your sense of self hasn't altered at all, right? You're laughing at the same immature jokes. I don't know. Emotionally, you're the same you you were 10

years ago you're just you know i've actually found more of myself playing this game than any other game like i i feel bad for other guys who are my age and they're stuck to be doing grown-up stuff you know what i mean like it's crazy out there and trust me if, I don't go to bars for people my age because it's sad. It's like, oh my God, the guy's in the guts out of here, and the gold chain's open, and it's like, no, I'm sorry, I'll go hang out with the 20-year-olds. I'm good. You know what I mean?

I feel like Mike has a similar aggressiveness, and I don't know how, that's the only way I know how to describe it. It's an aggressiveness. It's kind of a, the's the only way I know how to describe it. It's an aggressiveness. It's kind of a the way, if you've ever seen the movie Cobb about Ty Cobb and the way he plays baseball that's how I play paintball. I'm not going to slide into, now I won't

slide into you with my cleats and I do wear cleats. I won't do that to you like Cobb would do. But I'm going to play the game as hard as I can play it and my goal because it's paintball is to shoot you with my paintball gun, and that's what I want, because that's what I love. I get such a thrill when I see that paintball break on you,

and you go, ah! I love that shit. I remember being 14 and shooting my friend's dads and being like, I'm going to shoot you. I'm going for the ribs every time. I don't want to shoot you in the mass. I'll wait and pick my shot. You're getting shot in the ribs, old man.

You're going down. All these 35, 45-year-old dads were out there. I'm 14. I weighed probably 140 pounds. Doing the Matrix. Yeah, Matrix stuff. I always wanted to do that move where you do the cartwheel while shooting the gun.

I never had the upper body strength or the coordination to do it. And my dream, my dream is to just not do it in a real game, but just like get the camera set up and like just get that cartwheel going like Keanu Reeves and just have the paintballs coming out in slow motion as I'm upside down.

We need to do that video in a mocking fashion, right? Like have you sit there and shoot while the camera rotates? We did it, Kyle! Hold that pose! Hold that pose! That's the thing I love about this game is that it's funny. Sometimes you go to a field

and some kids who haven't played before and they're gamers. They played Call of Duty or Battlefield like four hours long before they come out of the field. They go, oh, I'm going to do this to you and this to you and this to you. Game starts, and all the guys talking the most game are hiding in a corner

while their little sisters are, like, destroying the field. You know what I mean? My favorite thing, one of my, I keep saying that a lot, but something I enjoy a lot at the scenario events is to find one of those kids who's saying that a lot, but something I enjoy a lot at the scenario events is to find one of those kids who's like, like we'll insert, and I remember we inserted one time.

We were pushed back pretty far. They had taken Bedlam. They had come over the hill. We were in Armageddon, kind of pinned down, and you insert, and you're already there, kind of ready to fight the enemy, and there's this 10-year-old kid way in the back, like no danger of any, he can hear the the paintballs but he certainly can't see players and i'm like hey man

you want to have some fun he's like yeah i was like come with me let's go and i take and i take i've seen him do this several times he really does do this grab like a random stranger they're not even fans or anything just like hey, hey you, you know what? Come with me. I'll take you to the front. Yeah, and I'll take them out in the woods and we'll go around. We'll try to flank some people. Those kids, for the first time, they're playing paintball for real.

Now you're up here in the shit. This is where it goes down. That guy's shooting at us and so are all those guys over there and so are all those guys over there and they're raining in on us, and we're going to crawl because they can't hit us. And when we get to that building, they're all, fuck, little man, come on.

And every now and then. I guarantee you he'll remember that forever. Oh, yeah. They always, at the end, like when we went to the shot, I'm like, was that fun or what? He's like, yeah. I was like, just remember, it only, you know, pain's just for a few seconds, but glory lasts forever, little man.

I want to see the wolf version of that, right? Like, he comes up, he grabs the little kid and says, hey, you want to have some fun? He takes him to the front line, gets popped. Oh, I guess you're on your own now. You're on your own. Sorry, kid. I had a whole plan and everything for you, but not now.

Let me tell you one story, though. I was playing with this kid named Woody, and we took a platoon up through the forest, and we were going up the left flank of Bedlam. And there was about 20 of us in this group, and we're crawling at least 20 yards to get to the bad guys and everything. And all I know is that something happened. Someone spoke too loud,

and Wolf ends up getting shot. And all I hear is Woody's gamer tag going, shit, I think I just got Wolf shot. Sorry, man. Sorry, Wolf. Sorry, man. I was doing commentary back here, my bad. It was fun, though, man.

It's like we got in there. But yeah, I always do that. I always take newer players and they think that I'm like, you know, sometimes bigger than, you know, life is. Yeah. It's like, no, no, no. You come with me on this mission. You come with me.

I'll get like a 30-year-old kid, 62-year-old guy, and he'll come with me. And I don't want to sound cocky or anything but they'll like i'll see them run to their mom and they're like i play golf you know what i mean and it's like that's what it's all about man you just get them involved it's fun to play with wolf because he's willing to lead you know especially if there's a big thing where there's like 100 people here and 100 people there and you're like i'm not quite sure what to do and the second i pop my head out there's 600 paintballs coming at me and what was like you know this is how you handle that and yeah he'll do it and and just tell him you cover here you watch that and you know either

flank or you know people that are currently scared and uh and pin down you know you know what if 15 of them rush at a time then then whatever. 10 will break through. Yep. Exactly. It's not about being the toughest guy or whatever. It's just about having fun and making sure. My job is to make other people have fun. You know what I mean? And paintball is a game where

you get to decide how much fun you're going to have. Exactly. He just wasn't going to have any fun, to be honest. At the end of the day, he probably wasn probably was gonna feel like you got his money's worth is he sat way in the back you didn't be shooting body he probably didn't get shot but if you get up in the front if you flank if you run if you sprint if you're always the guy who like

you're in such a hot zone that every time you got out it's coming from everywhere and you just come back down and laugh at your brother like, they all want it. It's just like, yeah, man. Fuck those kids. You got a grenade? You got a grenade? Yeah, fuck him. And what I was getting at... What I was getting at earlier about the

aggressiveness is Mike has that same kind of aggressiveness. I've seen him play with a.50 cal gun playing rec ball. So here's the deal. The.50 cal holds a lot more. How much does it hold in a hopper? About 350 to 400. Yeah, that's what I thought.

350 was what was in my hand. Explain to the fans, essentially,.50 cal is smaller than the.60 cal, obviously, so you can fit more ammo on your person and in your hopper. And laning is when you just shoot a solid lane of paint in a well-trafficked area, a highly-trafficked area, and Mike is laning these kids in wreckball, which some people might look down on. But I'm just like, fuck them up, Mike. I love this. He's just like fuck him up mike i love this he's just like he's pouring the pan in he doesn't even give a shit he doesn't need two hands to shoot he's

shooting a lane and you just see kids just out out just walking off the field with their tipmans and and that's what i live for when it comes to paypal. Every now and then you're on the other side where you're getting lane. It's like, stop, stop, stop. Enough is enough. I've been shot. Yeah. Let it go.

Well, Mike has a good theory about that. And it's that the worst thing you can have, even worse than someone think they're getting hit too much, is someone who feels like they're not part of the game. The worst thing you can do is patronize someone and say, you know what, you're new. We're not going to be hard on you.

That person's going to leave that game saying, that sucked, man. That wasn't even challenging. You know what I mean? They want to feel that adrenaline pump just like we do. I mentioned the difference between sitting all the way in the back and being all the way in the front.

You can also have a shitty time right there in the middle. You can be 10 feet behind the guy who's doing the cool shit, and you're just kind of popping at people, but you're about 20 feet too far away from the enemy, and so they can dodge your paint base. They see it coming, and they just... They're behind a wall, and they see your paint coming, and they go, oh.

You've got to get up there, because paintballs go 300 feet per second, 280 at some fields, and that dramatically slows down after 10 yards, 20 yards, 30, and 40. Once you get out of that effective range, you're not doing anything. Yeah, and especially

Like a final battle They won't even sprint As soon as they say go, they'll just arc them up I hate that I love that You know why I like it? There are so many paintballs It's the show

The final battle that first 10 seconds to me, isn't about playing paintball. It's about a display of paint. It's that, you know the scene from 300 where they're like, you know, we will darken the sky with our arrows. That's what happens in final battle. I'm fighting in the shade. Yeah, then we'll fight them in the shade. And just, you know, you've you've got whatever 500 700 people on either side shooting at 20 what is it 20 paintballs per second 24 paintballs per second so i'm like

mike no that seems too fast like 10 10 per second yeah so anyway but this dude there's a lot of paint in the air hundreds of people shooting 10 per second and you look up and you don't always even see paintballs fly with your eyes, but you're like, wow. You'll see it. If you've ever been in a hailstorm, it's like that. They are landing everywhere and breaking on the asphalt and all around you. One of the things that bugs me a little bit is I'll be walking around because I know I'm out of their range, basically. It's the safe zone.

I'm just standing out in the open. I'm looking at these guys cowering behind something. I'm like, come on, man. man come with me let's have some fun and like like i want to go up there and hit a slapstick i want to go up there is when it like so i'm up at the very front the final battle i'm always one of the guys like on the hill doing the thing or if i'm not on the hill i'm just right off the hill but usually on the hill and i get shot in the back i get shot in the back a lot because they're so far away that they don't even know their own trajectory, and they're not clearing the hill.

They're hitting us in the back. Now, that just turned me off to the final battle. Last year, the last one I played in, to be honest, I played for maybe – I shot my load. That sounds funny. I shot my load, all 1,600 worth. I put one more in my cock column. Yeah. I sounds funny. I shot my load all 1600 worth. I put one more in my cock column. I saw it.

And I just walked out. I was like, you know, I'm not a big fan of the final battle. Just because of that, I would like it more if maybe if it were fewer people and it was more tactical and more people were going for the slapsticks. Because if you're not hitting a slapstick, you're not really playing.

No, if you're on the hill, you're playing. If you're on the hill, you're playing. Not on the hill, you're playing. Because you're playing defense for your slapsticks. There's no way those guys down there in the buildings or the guys way back in Armageddon are going to hit me before I can hit that slapstick. When I hit those things, I pay for it. And so does everyone else who hits one.

And just for the audience's benefit, you run to the top of a hill and it's a wide hill and there's probably 30 or 40 people laying on each side of it with... More than that. Yeah, you're right. At least 1 to 200. Yeah, just lying on their bell least 1 to 200. Yeah. Just lying on their bellies because if you peek your head up, then you clear that horizon

and you could be a target. But when you run to the top of the hill and you hit that slapstick to get a point, you're going to get shot, and it's not going to be once because there's so many people just waiting for a target that they all come up and they start shooting.

And before the first one breaks, there's at least 200 coming at you. They won't hit you. Yeah, they won't all hit you, but you'll get shot 15 to 20 times like that. And you'll get shot by your own team trying to cover you too. Yeah, if you're going to get slapped, just know you're going to pay for it. The bruises are going to be pretty bad because it's close range. It's 10 yards and there's so many people shooting. The most I've ever been

shot, it wasn't even a year I played much. I filmed it. I stood on the hill with a camera on a steadicam pretty much the whole time. It was like being a ref almost. Those refs are cursing at people and throwing

shit at them. The refs, I'm told, they don't care about being shot anymore. They're just past that. They want that job. There's different positions for the refs to be, but on the hill is where you take the most abuse. They do it

seniority-based. The guys who have really been around and who can get any position they want choose the one where you get shot. They take the most abuse and they do it seniority based. The guys who have really been around and who can get any position they want, choose the one where you get shot. They take the hill. Yeah. And those refs are paintball. Refs are usually just there to call people out to, to,

to, to, you know, be, to be there in case someone's not being honest about being hit. And sometimes you just don't know you're wearing so much gear and, you know, maybe you're shot on the back.

You can't tell, you know, paint check, they call it. Yeah. So, but the, gear, and maybe you're shot on the back. You can't tell. You know, paint check, they call it. But the refs on the top of the hill, they're a safety precaution because you'll see it many times. Someone will run to the top of the hill, and they'll dive to hit that slapstick, and they'll fall, and their mask will come off. And those refs will dive on top of that guy like Secret Service agents

to protect him from getting hurt. And it's really cool to see. I've seen it many times. The thing about Living Legends and the final battle is that the one thing you cannot capture on camera is the sound of all that paint flying in the air. It is the most intimidating thing. It's like a brutal rainstorm.

And it's just intimidating to be on top of that hill and just... The sky is filled with paint, literally. It's crazy. Like Woody said, it's dark in the skies with paintballs. It's the most amazing thing. When you go and play at Nuketown, that paintball explosion,

and if we do a final battle, you get to hear that while you're inside one of the buildings. And that is the most intimidating sound ever. To try and look out a window, and you've got a few thousand paintballs coming in the window, and you're trying to head glitch it, and they're trying to come... Oh my goodness gracious.

Let's watch out. It's crazy, brother. My entire goal on that is just going to be to slowly inchworm across and get behind them. Not going in the house. I'm going on the sides where the car is or the bushes are. It can't happen. I'm sorry.

I'll make it happen. I play pump. I can maneuver around and not get seen. I will make it happen. That is so fucking fun. It's a small map, man. It's like the video game. I will make it happen. That is so fucking fun. It's a small map, man. It's like the video game. Newtown is so tiny. It's like...

You gotta dug and take the remote control car pass on the outside of the fence. It doesn't matter if I'm two feet away because that ball's not gonna hit me. Ha ha ha! Do we need new topics? Now in the games, right?

I feel like we've been paintball talking for two hours. Yeah, new topic? Yeah, do you got one or you want one? Always Sunny? What are you going to talk about? I have two topics, really. One of them is Always Sunny, so I just stole that from Chiz,

but it's mine now. And the other one is that, I don't know if you saw that video of that Russian guy going out in the frozen lake to save his dog, but that's pretty cool. I haven't seen it. Mine is, it's a question that we're going to pose and talk about. Ooh, I like that. You want to do that one? Please. I'll get the dog thing queued up for afterwards.

Okay. If it weren't for modern medicine, how would you have died? And at what age? Well, what are you to, Oh my God, what are you to die? I'm so many fucking.

I'm just trying to figure out the first one, you know, like, God, where do you start with your extensive history? That's funny. Think about it. If it weren't for medicine,

where, when you, how would you have died and at what age i'm trying to go backwards at 17 i broke my arm i think that would have ended me um you don't think bad well it depends what kind of fracture it was it wasn't a compound fraction but it was both bones in this arm so like the whole thing was like flappy and it had like another wrist or another elbow wrist. Maybe the maester could have just put some boiling wine on it or something. A little milk and a poppy.

Yeah, a little milk and a poppy. It would definitely probably kill you because it will start pulling blood there. What did you say? A compound. No, a compound fracture would kill you because it will start pulling blood. I think you bleed out maybe. I'm trying to think of like bad things. I'm trying to think of bad things. I'm trying to think.

Two years before that, there was the testicular torsion. I don't know if that would have killed me. If we weren't with current day, they'd have hacked your balls off to solve the problem and you might have bled out on the table. I'd have been a eunuch. I'm trying to think.

I haven't had that many serious... I've had a lot of concussions, but that's usually just... There's nothing to do for that. You just lose a few points and move along. But you've had several illnesses, because I've done nothing to go... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Three years old, I had scarlet fever. Oh, pneumonia.

Scarlet fever? Wow. What? Wow. That sounds like some Oregon Trail shit. Where you find the river. Is that how you got it? You fell in the river? How did you get scarlet fever? Were you in the Amazon?

Were you a missionary? I don't know. It's funny. Did you have sex with an African prostitute? Like, what did you do? My medical history for years, they would ask, like, you know, have you ever had, like, what's wrong with you? What things have you had? And, like, doctors for the decade would be like, ooh, scarlet fever.

Hmm. Didn't really see that one. I don't even know what it is, really. I had it as a little kid. Did you have scurvy, too? Jesus, Murphy. That's why Wolf is drinking all that orange juice right there. Arrgh. Did you have scurvy too? Jesus Murphy That's why Wolf is drinking all that orange juice right there Arrrr

Mine would have been pneumonia I had really bad pneumonia when I was a baby Well I almost drowned That's not a medicine thing That's not a medicine thing You just need some jackass to punch you in the stomach Scarlet fever is a bacterial illness That develops in some people who have strep throat um it's almost always coming by sore throat and high

fever common in kids 5 to 15 years old it was once considered a serious childhood illness but antibiotic treatments have made it less life-threatening yeah i used to get strep throat all like i mean shucks that was part of the reason i missed so much school as a kid i would get strep throat constantly we would have i'd like be as a kid. I would get strep throat constantly. We would have, I'd like be at the doctor, and we'd have strep throat tests taken, like, just on a whim. And they'd be like, yeah, what do you know? You know? Positive.

Any random boy probably had strep throat. Did they have the measles vaccine out when you were a kid? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like that would have been a big one. But at the time, like, I think it was long before I was a kid. I think that was existed.

I think it came out in, like, the 40s or something. Yeah. But not everybody got it. Like, now it's like, you know, now everybody gets it. There's a big, I guess, people on Tumblr talk about who doesn't. But, you know, I don't think I would have died. I think I'd still be here, even without medicine. No, I might be in, I guess, people on Tumblr talking about who doesn't. I don't think I would have died. I think I'd still be here, even without medicine.

I might be in the same boat, knock on wood. I fractured my ankle one time, but I think if I just stayed off of it, it would have been... I mean, they fucked it up at the doctors anyway. I mean, I won't go into that whole long story, but I didn't get the best medical care to begin with. I think I would have been better

with some Indian medicine man. You know how they get the smoke going? They got a smoky piece of herb and they're blowing the smoke on you? That would have been better than what this asshole did. I think I would still be here. You never had a bad fever or anything?

I'm sure I've been sick a few times, but I don't think it was ever life-threatening where I had to be... Hospitalized. Yeah, I always... Mine's definitely sclerotic fever. I would have died at two or three. Something like that. I wouldn't even have made it to one. Really? You had pneumonia that young?

Yeah, and I was traveling planes before I was one, too, so I was really rolling the dice. Yeah. Is that a bad thing? Yeah, it is. Yeah, I don't think you should be taking your kids on flights. And I had pneumonia on the flight, so.

Our kids, I've always. So Jackie's family lives in New Jersey, and one of their, like, social contract when we moved down here was that Jackie, like, I would really support her in her drive to maintain a relationship with her family. So yeah, she was flying all the time. She flew when she was pregnant. They put her in first class and then just kept flying. That flight is like, what, an hour? Two hours, yeah. I was flying from California to Spain.

Oh my gosh. That's a bigger flight. Like 12 hours of travel. That's a lot of air pressure on a little unborn baby. Yeah, where the soft spot is really being affected by the pressure. Well, that's good.

So you've got a passport then. I've got two passports. Well, that's good. So that way when we go to Chicago to play paintball, you won't have any issues since you've got your passport. Oh, yeah. No, because we're traveling internationally to

the island of Chicago. We had a friend, and he thought a passport would be required to fly to Chicago. Oh, my gosh. And we laughed at him for, well, I don't know, going on three years now. Yeah, he should be laughed at on a regular basis for that.

Kyle, do you want to talk about your first flight and how that went down? Did I do anything I shouldn't have done? What did you bring on the plane? I remember my first flight was delayed. It was with Kitty, right?

Yeah, it was Kitty. It wasn't that long ago. I didn't fly until I was 25 or something. Oh, really? Kyle didn't fly until he was 25. Despite having come from a fairly wealthy family, he didn't really fly around much because I guess the farmers never go anywhere.

No vacation. Farmers don't go anywhere. They don't. They work every day. His first flight, I guess he was meeting Kitty in Chicago. But because he had never flown before, he was like, I don't know how to handle this. Like, I don't know what to do. So Kitty flew to Chicago from Hawaii via Atlanta.

Process that. Oh, my God. And then she went and just basically just basically you know like yeah you see the signs on the ceiling this is how it does and etc and uh what's funny is like for like so that you'd think like in a flight he'd get it but because kitty was there to guide him he kind of just didn't pay attention to like it wasn't until like, maybe like a couple, I've,

at this point, I think I've probably had 50 flights. Like at this point, you're a veteran. I got a medallion with Delta now, but like, it's kind of like, uh,

if you've ever been driven somewhere multiple times, you don't pay attention to the drive and the path. But if you drive there twice, you've got it. It was like that. Someone was taking me, so I didn't really pay attention at all. And like, you know to the drive and the path, but if you drive there twice, you've got it. It was like that. Someone was taking me, so I didn't really pay attention at all. There's a few steps, especially with the updated security in the United States.

Yeah, the check-in and the security and the luggage. The things that you're just supposed to know, like which bags can fit in a plane and which bags can't, and gate check and stuff like that. You know. You think wings

could pass as a Spaniard? Because I got extras. You know, you could hook wings up right there. Like a secret agent over there? Well, two of them are expired. One American, one Spanish. They don't put holes in it when it's expired? No, they do.

It's cut right there. So, would you guys like to watch this 30 secondsecond video of this guy saving his dog's life? But of course. Of course. I linked you to it. I'm queued up at zero. I read this guy was Russian on Reddit, but I don't know. That doesn't look like Russian text at the bottom of the video.

It does, and it looks like Arabic. Yeah, a little. That doesn't make sense either though. There's no water. Are you guys ready? Kyle, have you ever been in frozen water? Yeah. I've fallen through the ice

before. Where? In Georgia. It was a winter and there was this swampy type area where the water was maybe two feet deep, three feet deep. And in some spots, it was deeper. There were pools, and it was all frozen over with ice like that thick. And we were kids, maybe 13 or 14, and just walking – 12 or 13, I'd say.

And we were walking on the ice just having fun with that, and the ice broke, and I fell on my butt and the ice kind of like in declined down and I slid down into the freezing water and I had to roll over my belly and like crawl back out my friends drug me out had to walk like two miles soaked in freezing cold water I was smart though I was like nine or so we were jumping around on a frozen pond right and and I guess in full idiot mode we were jumping on the pond in an effort to see how strong the ice was like let's see let's see what it takes to break through and uh sure enough my my buddy like cracks the ice and it didn't make like a little like pinhole like a like a shelf broke off and he slid into it and then we discovered that it

was only like belly button nipple deep you know like like you weren't gonna drown you could stand in this pond so he gets up and he's soaking wet but we're having such a good time now that the ice is broken it's like oh it's awesome so we're just like breaking more ice and breaking more ice and and then i fall through and now we're both soaking wet we're wearing like winter coats that are like i don't know like like giant maxi pads filled with fluid i need a better description than that but yeah so anyway yeah and we're just like both filled with like big bulky clothes as wet as could be we've fallen through the pond in like every place until

the whole surface is roughly broken like there's no more ice to break we're pretty much swimming in ice water at this point and um i got sick enough that i lost my voice but there was a school dance that night and i went anyway and uh i didn't i could hardly ask girls to dance because i had no voice that's my ice breaking story that's not bad wow man growing up without internet really left few options on the table. We broke all the ice in the lake and swam in freezing water. And it was awesome. Good old days, bro.

Right up there with pushing a wood block and pretending to truck. Now kids go crazy if their phone doesn't have Wi-Fi. Wolf, weren't you telling us it's freezing up there? It is, man. Yeah, it's about minus 32 Celsius. What are you drinking now? You swapped

from orange juice. What is it? Coca-Cola. It's a hard stuff now. Minus 32 is a ridiculous temperature. So is that your low? Not yet. It's supposed to get colder tonight as the night goes on. What happens at minus 32?

Do your eyeballs freeze? Dude, it's not outer space. Jesus. It's pretty much outer space to me. It's North Carolina. We went out a kid, we went out and played street hockey at minus 30. Every day. I grew up in

Winnipeg. That was like the cold, snow-belt area. Did anyone get snot frozen? Any of that? Every day. Wow. You didn't even notice it after a while. I remember, that's the days when you wore bell bottoms and they would freeze. Solid bells on your ankles that's negative that's negative 25 fahrenheit for all you americanites sorry yeah once um

i was i was in the boy scouts as a kid and we were going camping might have told this before and um uh we were going camping but just like the trips are scheduled so far out that you can't plan around the weather and sure enough it got freezing cold like like bitter cold but to us freezing cold is like five i don't know what that is in celsius but what negative 15 is i don't even know no but well maybe maybe yes all right go ahead call it that so um my mom worried all weekend long she was scared to death that we were gonna die in this like freezing cold camping but the people who own the campsite realized that it was too cold to go camping and they put us in a log cabin with

like a stove and everything oh yeah all weekend long we were just like chilling we were playing ice hockey stuff like that and uh she thought we were in the snow. Ready for the video? Yeah. Yeah. 3, 2, 1, play. So the dog had wandered out there and fell through. And he's walking. He's not wearing

anything. He's smashing the ice. Is it his dog? Hammer fist. That's his dog. Hammer fist all the way to the middle of the pond. Or the lake or whatever. You know what? You've got to be hardcore to do this. Why is my video lagging?

God, this music makes yourself sad. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to cry. The dog doesn't make it in the end. Did you see that? At the end. What was that at the end? Did you see that? Like at the end, there's a snippet of a store. Do you know, I don't know if you get these warnings where you live, but what happens here, this thing happens a lot where people's dogs fall through the ice,

and 90% of the time, the human dies and the dog makes it back to shore. Wow. And they say never go rescue your dog like that because the animal will always get out before you do. Right. That makes sense. Not in this case. Well, it's Russia, man. The rules don't apply.

Yeah. Mongolia, we're the exception. Yeah. But it's ridiculous the amount of people die for that stuff. I mean, I'm a dog lover too, so I probably would have done the same thing. Yeah, what do you do then? Because if it broke through the ice and it's just stuck in a hole... It's hard to watch.

I guess you could break the ice and be like, come on, let's go, let's go. You call the fire agency, fire department. I guess. If anyone has a solution for my jumpy video when I play this, let me know. This is to the viewers. How many tabs do you got open? Yeah, that's true. Maybe eight.

Not a lot. I could close it. Maybe if that's related, I'd be happy to fix that. And I've got a decent CPU with 3930K. I've got a Titan video card. And I can see all the stats. Neither of them are working hard it's just stuttering i can see your old case back there uh yeah i made the switch i put it in a

rack mountable case for uh for when we move to the new house very exciting when's it gonna be ready sorry sorry i know renovations happen. I see you're familiar. We're targeting this month. I think the painters are going to be here Tuesday. Unless it gets pushed back. That's the thing. The painters will come in like an army and just blast it. And that's one of the last steps.

But there's other things to do here and there before then. We'll see. But today, I yelled at my builder a lot. Wow. Go on. Also, did you get an estimate for your shop? The last time I heard, you fired two carpenters, right? They were electricians. Electricians, sorry.

What happened is that the builder, the general contractor, he's a professional guy. He's wealthy, and I trust him, and he's not going to rob me. And he's like, Woody, I'm picking up doors tomorrow. I'll be there at like 7 a.m. I usually get there between 8 and 8.30. And it's like, I could get here at 7 or whatever. I'll just give him the password to my garage door, which gets in the house and all that fun stuff. So I give it to him, and immediately he says it out loud and it's like oh that's the password to my house and everyone's ears perked up like huh and i'm like ed don't say it and then he's like

ah you know what everyone's fine so i get to the house this morning at 8 a.m. And there's like 15 people in there. But Ed's not around. Ed's not there. And I'm like, who opened the door? I was like, where's Ed? And they're like, I don't know. And I asked someone, where's Ed? And he had to go to some other site to do like an inspection.

And so he gave the password to Jamal, who I had. Oh, my God. I didn't know Jamal. He's a really good guy. I talked to him a lot today. But prior to that, I'd really only seen him. I did all the talking. He just listened.

We talked about which doors needed to be swapped out and stuff. And it's like, you gave the password to my house to somebody I don't know. Like, what the fuck? And, um, it, to make matters worse, like I'm especially sensitive to this.

Like as a kid, we got robbed a lot and like I confronted the burglar and I had like night terrors for a decade. I slept with a knife under me for a long time. Just like as a way to protect me. Cause I had these nightmares and night terror i wake up in a cold sweat the dream was always the same guy i'd walk through the door i'd see him i had to be paralyzed in fear and unable to like yell or move or whatever and um

him letting people like giving out the password to my house to people i don't know i was like really sensitive to that so i'm yelling at him and there's a way to deal with me. Right? Like the right thing to do is to say, I'm sorry, man, I didn't think that through and own up to it. Yeah.

Own up to it. And we'd be diffused. It'd be the end of that. But instead what he's doing is trying to tell me that it really wasn't that big an offense, you know, like Jamal's cool. Don't worry about Jamal. i'm like fuck fuck you how

can you give the fucking password to my house out he's like what do you need to calm down because i'm obviously the guy who fucked up in this situation you need to calm down jamal's all right i've had jamal on all these other sites and do you realize what you fucking did it's like i gave you the key to my house and you instantly made copies and gave them to all your friends. What the fuck? And like, this is like not an exaggeration.

This is how the conversation went. Wow. Yeah. It wasn't until later that like, you know, I sort of came clean. I told him about like my history and the night terrors and the decade and the knife under the bed and all that stuff. And he's like,

oh my god, I had no idea. It turns out his girlfriend, who happens to be like an ex-playmate model, his girlfriend had the same thing. She used to sleep with a knife under her pillow and he became much more sensitive and kind of old jeans password. Not yet.

It doesn't make sense to change it until... That's kind of it. It's like, well it until that's kind of it it's like well the cat's out of the bag now i might as well let them in until they fix and finish their job but you don't know they might just start cutting beams for no reason when they get bored they ended up fixing that first class but yeah that's the thing that happened um that's insane man but yeah yeah so. So I was like full on screaming. I don't scream at people that much. But like I said, man.

And I wish I could have seen it. That particular, like the whole, you need to be more tolerant of my mistakes. Complete dismissal. Yeah. And even like hours later, right? Because this was on the phone. I was yelling at him. And hours later, I see because this was on the phone, I was yelling at him. Hours later, I see him in person, and he did sort of the same thing. Like, Woody, you know, Jamal's cool.

This is Jamal. You know Jamal. And I'm like, Ed, you're going about this the wrong way. You need to be saying, I fucked up. But instead, you're saying, you should forgive me. And, you know, like, you need to let it go. That's what I said. You need to let it go. And it's like, no, no, no, saying, you should forgive me. And, you know, like, you need to let it go. That's what I said. You need to let it go.

And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Step one, the I'm sorry. That's all I'm looking for here. You know, some sort of, like, I'm not going to do it again. I see it. But the whole, like, I didn't make a mistake. I, you know, you're overreacting over nothing. Like, no.

Now we have more to talk about. Now we have to figure out whether I'm overreacting over nothing. Now we have more to talk about. Now we have to figure out whether I'm overreacting over nothing. If you say, my bad, I gave out the password to your house to everyone, then we can move on. If he simply said, I'm sorry, step one, then you can get past it because you know it's not going to happen again. Right. If he doesn't acknowledge that, then you're going to be under that same fear that it's going to happen again because he doesn't realize what he did right i don't consider this to be a problem i like my dude i've had some shitty subcontractors on my thing i thought that was

part of my yelling at him i was like ed i've seen your judgment in subcontractors already and it's piss poor you know it was a long conversation and it's piss poor. You know? It was a long conversation, and it was loud. You have to start recording these for documentation purposes. Yeah, I'm telling you, right? You need evidence. Yeah.

Well, evidence and entertainment. But it all turned out well in the end. Is this the guy who had the family health issues? I'm not sure who you're thinking of. Your general contractor has the worst hand dealt to him yeah yeah this is that we're discussing you had like a blowout with him today i uh yes so kyle stepped away but what happened was he i he was getting to the he said he was coming at seven today and because i trust him and that's so early for me to get there it's like 30

or 40 minutes from my house i was like i gave him the password to my house like the garage door opener and then he gave it to the sub contractors and it was that was a big violation for me and i yeah yeah were they were they they had a matayachi band in there and everything oh yeah when i got there no it's not that he gave it to every one of them i actually i don't know how many he gave it to I think he gave it to more than one to be honest Yeah, you gave it to Jamal. Jamal's giving it away to everyone They're all sharing it. I'm sure one of them has a cousin who could probably use some of that cool stuff in your house Right. Yeah, I literally keep like a golf cart and a go-kart in the garage with the keys in them

i'd love to i'd love that go-kart that'd be so much fun i like the golf cart at least as much dude i i have the the trash can carrier for my golf cart now i freaking love it so i had to modify a little bit to make it longer because usually receiver hitch is the last thing on your car and in my case it's not but uh here check out my golf let me make sure i'm not sharing anything now this is how i carry golf carts that that's a golf cart and this thing is the trash can and it goes in my trailer hitch they're the neatest thing yeah and then i drive it to the curb that's genius genius. So what I used to do when I was a... It's one of those big dumpsters, right? One of the big black heavy-duty ones.

Is that what that is? A trash can? Yeah. It's just a trash can. Yeah, yeah. That's what I mean. I didn't mean dumpsters. Like three-dead bodies.

It was a big... So we had one of those when I was growing up, and my parents' driveway is very long. It's over a quarter of a mile in the sand. It's asphalt, and it's downhill, and then uphill, and then there's very long. It's over a quarter of a mile in the sand. It's asphalt and it's downhill and then uphill and then there's the road. So I would usually drive a vehicle and drag it with my left hand. Yeah, and hold onto it. Yeah, yeah.

So I had done that many times. I do it every week that the trash has to be taken down. You never made mistakes? You didn't dump it? Not once. Okay. I'm strong like bull. I hop in the Pathfinder.

I got my trash can. It's a freezing cold night. I'm in a hurry. I'm just like, fuck, let's just do this. There's not going to be any time for the heater to warm up. This entire drive is going to be cold, and I know it. The door's going to be open as well the heater to warm up. This entire drive is going to be cold and I know it. And the door's going to be open as well. It's freezing cold at night.

And so I grab my trash can, got it right here, put the car in reverse, start going in reverse and the driver's door of course is open and it goes over the trash can and it's ripped off the car. And so from then on, I didn't have a hard time

dragging it down the end of the road because there wasn't a fucking door on the car. Oh my gosh. Wow. So my private drive, so I've got one drive that's asphalt and it's nice like you described. I have another driveway that's crappy.

It's like potholed. I think one day it had like gravel on it but that's long gone and it's awful and I aspire to like put nice gravel on it and make it nice again but even that's a different kind of awful it'll be like pulling it through snow right with that deep driveway gravel so this thing will be great no matter the condition it's pretty cool yeah I wish that I had been as ingenuitive as you are and come up with something like that. I would not have ripped the door

off at 2001 Nissan Pathfinder. I wish that I had a garbage man who came to my door and took my maggot-filled trash off of the side of the house. Yeah, man. That's slave labor.

He cleaned up all that trash. That's when you get a hot girlfriend he cleans up all that trash. You know what? That's when you get a hot girlfriend. Does she carry baggage-covered garbage bags? No. She, like... It's like extra garbage. Stands on the step with the negligee on, the heels. Waves.

Guy runs up the stairs, gets four extra garbage bags, takes them off to the truck. So I have a super garbage man. Let me tell you about this guy. So I live out in the country, middle of nowhere, as you might imagine. And there is city trash service, but I have a gravel driveway. And dragging that dumpster down to the end is just not going to happen. It would be awful.

It would be physically hard. It would be a chore to get that thing down there. It would take half an hour. I had trash service for a while but I was just not getting it done. The trash was piling up and I'd have to haul it off myself. I had to hunt down a super garbage man. I needed a guy who would drive to my house once a week, all the way down my driveway, come to my door and take the trash that's piled up there and take it away from me for a fee. And I was looking high and low for this, and it was going to be expensive.

There was one service that would actually give me sort of a miniature dumpster that was like the size of this couch maybe. And I was going to be like two grand to start things off, and then we'd go monthly from there. It was absurd. It was like, what is this shit? I just want my trash going. How do I make this happen?

And I found it. This guy is like his own personal trash service. Basically, he's like, hey, you want somebody to come get your trash? All right, then. Wow. $20. I was like, well, how much, man? How much?

And in my head, I'm like, name your fucking price, bro. It's like I feel like a slutty girl with no ride home. I'm like, I could maybe, you know. I'll do anything you want. He has me at his mercy. He says, $20 will do it. And I'm like, a week? And I'm completely serious.

He goes, of course not a week. A month. You know, a month. He goes, I'm just going to come once a week, you know. Just once a week. And I'm like, is there an option for daily trash? Holy shit. So he actually dies.

He comes all the way down the driveway. He gets the thing and takes it away. And the thing about it is I've had this issue where this neighborhood dog has been coming up and ripping these bags of trash apart. And there will be maggots and rotted meat and just the grossest trash

trash that you can imagine. It's refuse. Yeah. Everything's covered in coffee grounds and like raw chicken juice, etc. So it's nasty. It's a lovely smell. And I'm looking at this awful mess and I'm like, shit, I gotta clean this up. This is the thing I hate doing in the world the most

it's cleaning up gross stuff this is below me quite frankly I didn't just say that it's below me to do my own dry cleaning it's below me to clean rotten meat up out of my yard sadly that's directly my level at my house and I think you guys have a low opinion of yourselves Sadly, that's directly my level at my house.

And I think you guys have a low opinion of yourselves. If any of you don't think that you're above cleaning up rotten meat out of your yard, you all are. All of us in this call are, guys. But I had to, right? I was like, tomorrow afternoon I'm going to go to my dad's house and get a hay fork or something, and I'm going to get this thing done. The garbage man shows up at 6 a.m. when he's not supposed to a day early. He cleans it up for me, bags it all up, and I mean every bit. There wasn't a tampon wrapper or some dirty dog dog shit it toilet paper like he got every scrap

every little bit of like feel he could find my yard look cleaner than then the whole thing like a lot of clean-up yeah he's done that twice now and it's not that I leave this mess to him I would never do that I felt shitty about it I tipped in my I gave 40 bucks last time he came around I thought she about it but I tipped him. I gave him 40 bucks last time he came around. I felt shitty about it, but he shows up like a day early when the dog happens to rip it. It's like he knows. It's like he's

coming by checking on my garbage in his off time and he found it there. He can sense it. He can sense it. He's a Jedi. You've got someone doing recon. He's the best. Kyle needs me right now

I'm gonna get my boy and drive up there something's wrong right now and uh he's just the nicest sweetest guy I've ever met but that dog ripped my trash apart for the third fucking time this time Kitty actually

cleaned it up so now the dog's gotta go. The dog's gotta go. I'm hunting the dog at this point. Now I'm done. Now I'm a dog. I am a dog hunter now. There's no question over what's gonna happen to the dog. I've already decided I'm just waiting on him to come back. How did you find this garbage guy?

I honestly don't remember. I think maybe my dad recommended him or he's a friend of a friend or something like that. To be completely honest, and I only say this because I'm positive he'll never listen to this, he's a bit slow-witted. Not that you'd ever notice unless you've had a long in-depth conversation with the man. Then you kind of pick it up a little bit. long in-depth conversation with the man. Then you kind of pick it up a little bit.

I recently came to the realization that he thinks that I'm some sort of a crackpot inventor and that's what I do for a living. He because he thinks I'm like

Doc from Back to the Future. He thinks I'm like Doc from Back to the Future. He thinks I'm an inventor. He thinks that I'm coming up with all these crazy gadgets, and that that's how I bought this house and these cars and all this stuff. And let me tell you why, because when you come to my house, I've got gadgets sitting around. I have this personal tank vehicle.

It's called a... Shredder. Shredder. It's a shredder like DPV or something. And basically you stand on a skateboard and it's got a gasoline engine. You've got a throttle that's connected to the base by a stand and it's got two rubberized tank treads. It's a ridiculous toy. It's just

like a silly man toy. I think it's very expensive. So he sees all these toys and he sees I've got these big ballistic gel torsos outside and stuff, and he asks me about them occasionally, and I'll tell him, oh, this is ballistics gel. It replicates human flesh, and when I shoot it, I can determine what a bullet would actually do to human flesh.

It's good for people who want to buy defense ammunition. Oh, okay. And there's like piles of spray paint cans because I shoot those a lot. He thinks that I'm an inventor, and here's how I know. Because when I paid him last time, I gave him the extra $20 or whatever, and I apologized profusely for him cleaning up my mess twice for me. And I'm like, well, see you later.

And he's like, you know, you know what you need. I got an idea for you. Now you just get right on this. You want to or don't? I don't want nothing. I don't want nothing. I'm just, come to me. Keep in mind, he brings his grandson with him on these trash pickups to show his grandson what working is like and that there's a hard side of life.

He has in the past said, you need to be like this man right here. Use your mind. You don't want to worry about anybody like me. Because he's jacked. His arms are bigger than yours from doing the trash thing. And I commented on it. And he's like, he tells his grandson, don't listen to him none.

You don't want big arms. You want a big brain. So he's telling me, I got this idea. I got this idea. You're going to love it. So last night I was over at the house and little Daniel he's got that R2D2 beep, beep, beep and that thing's running around

there. He loves it. He loves it. I started thinking they ain't got nothing. It goes and like flies for a minute and then lands back down. That'd be a good toy. Now if you could make that R2D2 toy where he'd go and kind of hover a little bit and then land,

you got you a million dollars right there. I literally went. Blow his mind next week. I literally was so embarrassed for both of us that I went, that's a good idea. Turned around and left. I'm pretty sure that if you had to ask him right now what he thinks I'm doing, well, he's probably working on an R2-D2. He seems excited. I'm pretty sure that if you had to ask him right now what he thinks I'm doing, well, he's probably working on an R2-D2. He seems excited.

I'm telling you, I told him. Tore him off right then. He's actually just laughing. You should just bring him in one day, show him episodes of Mythbusters, and be like, you see that show? I build all the props for that show. I'm in the background of every shot those are my no no you're not a science guy or

something like you're Elon Musk to him that's what yes building your rockets and shit after you get me that idea you should have gone great Scott show the drug with a drug next week you just got it I made it. I made it. In my head, I was like, this guy's never seen a drone.

I was like, I should go buy one of those $100 drones at the fucking flea market and just blow his mind. You could freak him out. You could freak him out. Oh, man. There's a lot of people like that.

They just... You know, they live in their own little communities and they're not really aware of the outside world so much because they don't have internet and maybe they don't even watch TV and this guy's one of them. He's a really interesting character. There's no time for that. Only trash.

And he really is like he's maybe I'm going to guess he's late 50s, early 60s. He's got full white hair but he's still got it all, and he is just built. Is he clean shaven? He's clean shaven.

I hooked him up with dollarshaveclub.com. You guys can go there right now. Dollarshaveclub.com slash PK. The plans start out at $3 a month, but you don't want to skimp with this. We're talking about pennies here. You want to step it on up. I believe it's the $8 range. That's when you get the really nice razor.

The middle one is a lot better than you might guess. You probably have them all. I know I have. The dollar one, it's Dollar Shave Club and you get cheap. It works. It'll do the job. If you're budget oriented, that's what you want. The middle one, though, is as

good as anything there is. The top one is the bomb. The top one, though, is as good as anything there is. And then the top one is, you know, it's the bomb. The top one, you can start shaping your beard. You can get that funny stark effect. Hey, start right now. It only takes less than two minutes to sign up. Dollarshaveclub.com slash pka.

And there's something about those razors. I don't know if it's like that little, like, if there's a gel coating going on or something but no matter how vigorously or how much of a hurry I'm in when I'm shaping my pubic growth down there and my testicular area, I never

get a nick or a cut or an ingrown hair or anything like that. I used to always have bumps and stuff going on in certain areas. That's unseemly. You don't want to explain that at the beginning. No, it's razor burn. Calm down.

Yeah, you don't want to be explaining razor burn on your genitals because you have to explain it or keep the lights off. Either way. So dollarshavegutclub.com. You don't have to fight the pharmacist. You don't have to drive anywhere. Why are they locked in that cabinet? Kyle, you hate people. Do you want to go talk to some jackass?

Hey, can you open the plastic prison for the razors? I want as little social interaction as possible. Sometimes. Now, I got to say, I've been working on that for years now. And at this point in my life, I go days without seeing another human. And it is incredibly wonderful. It's so nice. It's so fulfilling.

Yeah, it's wonders like me. I know all the humans I need to know, so I stop now. If you're a stranger, stay that way, bitch. Yeah, absolutely. You don't need them cluttering up your phone and stupid conversations.

How's your day going? I don't care. I don't care. I really hate meeting new people. You've got to be really fucking interesting to join the team. The guy working at CBS operating the fucking prison for the Razors, isn't that interesting to be honest? The reason he's working that

particular job, it's not his career. I don't have to introduce people to Kyle anymore so I don't have to tell them not to look him in the eye. So it all works out. Dollar Shave Club really is a pretty cool deal. I mean, the blades just, you know, you're not having to renew them.

They just show up. Look, they got them right here. They just show up. Right here. Show them that package. That package is kind of cool. It's like, I like receiving packages because at this point in my life, no one buys me anything for Christmas. So this is, packages are as close as I come to Christmas anymore.

And yeah, look at that. And they're not black socks. You can actually use them. And this nice little tiny bar soap box right here. All nice. That's the blades. Yeah. Yeah. And get the one-wipe Charlies. Once again, America

will leave the planet in butthole cleanliness. I cannot vouch for the one-wipe Charlies. Oh, they're the best. Don't let those bidet douchebags have a cleaner butt than you. You'll impress all the dogs in the neighborhood. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Woody, don't you have a bidet?

And I'm a douchebag. Point said. It all works out. Hey, what's the restroom policy at the construction site? Are they allowed to use any of your restrooms? Wait, say that again? What's the bathroom policy for all of the construction crew

at your place? I don't have a policy set, but I'll tell you what. The bathrooms are running out of toilet paper, so someone is dropping deuces in there, and they're going to stop soon because we haven't been replacing it. Why waste the paper when there's a bidet right there? The bidet is not attached. It's been removed for painting.

I don't like this. I don't like this one bit. Now, you get all bent out of shape when somebody cuts a structural beam, drills a hole in the wrong spot, doesn't have a level, but you're letting these filthy motherfuckers shit in your house? I feel like that's unavoidable.

No. You get a porta potty. It's a construction site. Porta potty, yeah. They're renovating your house. My dad had a rule. There was this guy that used to work with us named J.D. Hancock. He was a very unseemly-looking individual.

All of this man's teeth were rotted out of his head, worse than you know who. They were missing. This guy would get a hot dog. We often went to a hot dog stand for lunch during our lunch break when working with my dad. And he would get – we would all get hot dogs. He'd get his in a bowl so he could cut it up with a spoon because he couldn't chew it. Very disgusting, alcoholic, kind of almost hobo type man.

He knows he's not supposed to shit in my dad's house. My dad told him he's not allowed to shit in my dad's house. My dad's told him he's not allowed to shit in my dad's house. One day, he's cutting the grass. Dad's not there. Mom's there. And he knocks on the door. Says, hey, could I use the bathroom? And she says,

of course. Use Lamar's. And he shit in Lamar's toilet. And he shit on his toilet seat. Wait, how'd he do that? Was he hovering? That is not the first time I know of him shitting on a toilet seat.

There was an old country store not too far away that we used to go for lunch. That's where the hot dogs were. And the lady who owned it, her name was Rebecca, I believe. She was an older lady in her 50s. Very nice lady. She cooked the hot dogs. They were delicious. She had a bathroom in the back.

We were all allowed to use this restroom. You used that restroom the same way you would use a friend's restroom. If you peed on the toilet seat or on the rim or something like that, you got some toilet paper and you cleaned it up beyond reproach. Unwritten rule.

JD shit on her toilet seat too. And somehow sat on it and smeared it about a bit. Then he came back out. Keep in mind, in this old country store, there's a big table. Lots of chairs sitting around it. We'd all sit around it, you know, eating our hot dogs and talking

and, you know, it's a store, so anything you'd want is right there. It's kind of a cool environment. We're all sitting there hanging out talking. Now, JD wasn't allowed to sit with our group, of course. He had to sit with us. He sat with the left pit on themselves. He sat to the side by the video poker machines, a spot usually reserved for children.

But, you know, we didn't want to watch him eat, man. I'm telling you. It was like watching a pig, like, munch on, like, slop. It was very disgusting. Oh, man. So he gets up. He's like, I'm going to walk on back here and use the bathroom. So he goes back there.

He uses the bathroom. Comes back. Nobody thinks anything about it until Rebecca goes back there. I suppose she was also going to use the bathroom. Comes back. Nobody thinks anything about it until Rebecca goes back there. I suppose she was also going to use the facilities. She came out and she let him have it in front of about 14 people. JD! What?

What? Like he didn't know. He just shit on somebody's foot. He's like, you shit on the toilet, JD, that's what. Now you go back there with that bleach and this scrub brush and these paper towels

and you clean that toilet until it's spotless. Which is appropriate. You should never come in here again. Because I don't want the hot dog maker to also be the toilet cleaner. Fair enough. There just shouldn't be people shitting on the seats of toilets.

That's wrong. She made this grown-ass man go back there and clean his shit, and we were all just like, nobody laughs. It was not a funny time. Now, back to your father, though, he fucked with Lamar's toilet, so

what happened to this gentleman? He used his toilet. So, Dad didn't hit him, but he cussed him. He did what Dad calls it scolding. It happens every now and then. It used to be a beating when he was a younger guy, but these days it's mostly

scoldings, it seems. You might think of scolding. Well, my mom scolds me all the time when I don't do my homework. When he yells at you, his lip kind of curls up. And his face gets red. And he starts pointing. And he starts moving around. And you're like,

I didn't know he could move that fast. He's getting a little aggressive, like maybe he will do something. And he really tears you down to the bone. He really rips you apart and he threatens you. He's just like, he's getting a little aggressive, like maybe he will do something. And he really tears you down to the bone. He really rips you apart and he threatens you and lets you know that unless you apologize at this point, it might get physical. Dude, this is very much like what happened with my general contractor today.

At one point, remember I said I walked up to him and was like, he offered me a chicken leg from KFC and I offered to punch him in the face. That was my camera offer. Very great. leg from KFC and I offered to punch him in the face. That was my camera offer. He basically just cussed him out and explained to him that he was never allowed to even cut the grass. He's like, that job's over now. You can never cut the grass again. You're going to have to work over here on the farm and do the other stuff. He never did hit that

guy. That guy was a serious alcoholic though. One day we were changing light bulbs and he was on up the ladder, hundreds of light bulbs. JD hits the floor, goes into a seizure.

I've never seen that before. I'm like 12. My dad is more afraid of this than I am. He's like, oh. He doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And we stand there and like looking down at him. He's like, ah, fucking stroking out.

He's seizing up. He shook for maybe 90 seconds. Came to. He had a little blood in his lip from biting his mouth a little bit and that was it. After that, Dad fired him. Dad was like, I can't have you over here with spinning blades and farm equipment and at any moment you can drop out. He hired a new guy, he hired Chuck. Not much of a step up really. Chuck was my mother's age, 42 or so at the time of our meeting, and yet

he looked like he was in his late hobo 50s. There is a difference. He was in his hobo 50s. Long, black, shaggy hair, greasy, filthy, pot-marked face. Very, I don't know, it just looked like

it was gross, like dried up and nasty from years of smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. His fingers were yellow, like just stained yellow from those cigarettes he'd always smoked. He drank Red Dog beer and the cheapest vodka he could buy. His greatest skill was he could calculate the cost of alcohol to a tea. If he had a dollar and two cents, he knew exactly what it took to get to that bottle of liquor. If he had 13 cents, he knew exactly what it took to get to that tiny bottle of liquor. He always knew.

He'd come around, he'd say, you got 37 cents? Wow. I'm like, why don't you just take five fucking dollars, man? What the hell? 37 cents? That's not even worth my time handing you two. Yeah.

It was just absurd, and he always knew. And so I mentioned that my dad never hit JD, never got physical with him ever, even though JD was very bad at his job. Drinking on the job, passing out drunk, that sort of thing. So Chuck also had a bit of a drinking problem, you might say. He lived at the end of my dad's farm's driveway in a trailer with another man named Jeff who was crippled from polio.

He was way too young to be crippled from polio, if you know what I mean. It was like, how white trash are you? They had Jeff's girlfriend, I guess you could still fuck, who was very pregnant. I remember one day, they had seen's girlfriend, I guess you could still fuck, who was very pregnant. I remember one day they had seen her trying to induce labor by sticking a vase up there in the front yard. Classy bunch.

Classy bunch, okay? Just so you know. So Chuck's job, pretty lower tier kind of job, if you can imagine. It's picking up the dead chickens from my dad's poultry houses. Every day, because there's 120,000 total, every day, you know, a percentage just die. And you can't leave them in there. They're rotten. That causes disease, et cetera.

You're not supposed to. Someone walks the entire perimeter of this thing. It's a five-mile walk a day, and you pick them up, you take them out. That's Chuck's job. Chuck wasn't doing a good job of this, and so as you can imagine, just like my disgusting garbage, there are rotten chickens in this poultry house, and that's a no-no.

It's not good for business. You're not allowed to do that, despite what you see with all the animal cruelty stuff and those horrible horror scenes you often see from PETA. For the most part, those farmers are kept really under control, and you can't do that. There's rotten chickens in there, though. My dad sees this, and he's like, Kyle, go get Chuck.

Tell him he's going to have to finish his work. I'm like, okay. No, no, no, excuse me. He said, you can either go get Chuck, or I can go get him, and you can tell him what he's got to go do. I'm like, think about it for a minute. I'm like, well, that second one is definitely the more awkward situation. I'm like, well, I'll go get him.

So I drive down there. I say, he's drunk as fuck. I'm like, hey, Chuck, Dad wants you to come back over to the farm. He's got something he wants to talk to you about. Okay, so I get Chuck, take him back up there. I'm off to the side sitting on a bucket. How do you get him? In a truck.

I drive a truck down there. It's literally a quarter mile away. Just zip, zip, right back. So we're standing there. My dad's standing there. I'm sitting on a bucket, and he tells Chuck. He's like, Chuck, there's rotten chickens there. You doing a shitty job?

You can't do that? You know you can't do that. If you can't do the job right, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. He says, you need to get chickens there. You're doing a shitty job. You can't do that. You know you can't do that. If you can't do the job right, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. He says, you need to get in there. You need to finish your job or you're not getting paid this week or anymore ever. And Chuck said, well, if you don't like the way I did it...

Oh, no. No! Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. So you froze it. If you don't like the way I did it... Carry on. If you don't like the way I did it, carry on. If you don't like the way I do it, then you could just do it your damn self. Oh, wow. Nothing happened between him saying that and Chucky's on the ground.

I'm not sure how it got on the ground. I don't know. A push, a punch. He was just on the ground, and Dad was kicking. These weren't like the bar scene in Goodfellas kicks where you're stomping the guy's face in and really trying to ruin him for life. He was kicking him in the ass with a big size 13

boot on the other end. That sounds more insulting at that point. Right in the ass crack, every time Chuck would make it to his knees. Bam! And he could hear it. It was audible. Watching him kick him, and every time he kicks,

he adds a little retort. Pow! I don't think you'll like the way I'm gonna do it, Chuck. watching him kick him and every time he kicks, he adds a little retort. Pow! I don't think you'll like the way I'm gonna do it, Chuck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry Lamar, I'm sorry. He goes pow! You gonna be sorry by the time I'm done, Chuck? You gonna get in there and clean that shit up? Yeah, Lamar, I'm gonna get in there.

He's crawling toward the place where the dead chickens are. He's going after them now. Get in there. Get in there. He kicks them five, six times. He kicks his ass until he's in the building, and he gets up and goes back to work. Wow.

It's as close to someone beating a horse into giddying up as you'll ever get with a human being in this day and age. Get your ass beat to a monologue. Chuck was a real character. I have one more Chuck story if you'd like it. Please. Oh, you know I do? Yes. Please. Alright, alright. So, as I mentioned, Chuck lived near the end of the driveway

of the farm in this trailer with his polio stricken friend Jeff, and Jeff's baby mama soon, well, they took, the county took the baby, so I guess it's still a baby mama, though, even though... Yeah, yeah.

So he lives down there. Well, eventually, believe it or not, someone like Chuck can even rub themselves raw on someone like Jeff. And Jeff decided he didn't want Chuck around anymore. He kicked him out. So, you know, Chuck's getting paid at the end of the... It's the end of the day.

We're done with work, and Chuck's telling Dad this. And Dad's like, well, you know how it is. And just leaves it at that. He's basically like, every man for himself out here, brother. You're not coming to my place. That sort of thing. And so Dad tells me, he says, take Chuck to the bank, pay him, and then if he wants to go to the liquor store, take him there too.

That's what he told him. And I'd done that before. I'd go to the bank, give him the business card, get him his cash, pay him, take him home, whatever. So I take Chuck, we get his cash, it's like $80, it was a couple days' work, take him to the liquor store. And he comes out and he's got a... I'm sorry.

Don't let me fuck this up. So I drive Chuck down to the end of the driveway. And Chuck says, hang on a minute. I need to get a few things before we go. Could you drop me off at whoever's house that's just down the road? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'll do that after the liquor store, sure, I'll do that for you.

Because he's been kicked out, right? So he throws all of his shit in the back of my truck. Trash bags of clothes, trash bags of shoes, and four television sets. He had four of them. Don't ask me, I didn't ask him. Four television sets loaded up in the back of my

truck. Bank, liquor store. He comes out, brown paper bag and a ginger ale. And I'm just about to tell him, you know, hey man, no drinking in the car, right? No drinking in the car, I'll get you to where you're going. But I see that he's just cracking up the ginger ale. So I back up,

I'm driving, and he tells me where we're going. It's like ten ginger ale so so I'm driving and he tells me where we're going it's like 10 minutes away and I'm like what the fuck I didn't sign up for this shit like bullshit all right fuck I'll drive you there so I'm driving there and I look over he's got a pint in one hand and the ginger ale on the other and he's going hello good oh he's two fist in that shit chasing it down. And there was no point in stopping him at this point. I would rather him have an empty bottle of liquor than a half-full bottle of liquor.

So I just shook my fucking head, and I was just like, what the fuck are you doing, man? Cracking that shit open here? I'm like 17. This is not going to do it. I'm the one that will get the fucking open container charge. I get him down to where he's going. It's these pretty crummy apartments, pretty seedy if I'm being honest.

I wouldn't stay there. I wouldn't want to. And he says, right there is where we're going, man, but I ain't allowed down there. How about you drop me off right here, and you go down there. It's apartment 4B. And ask her if Chuck comes stay. And I'm like... Oh, my gosh.

Okay, well, I've come this far, Chuck. I'm coming out. Chuck hops out of the fucking car. I drive down there. Knock on the door. It wasn't really a door. It was kind of this metal gatey thing. Kind of a cage.

More of a bar door. Blang, blang, blang. This disgusting woman comes out. Like 240 pounds. She's wearing like a house dress, I suppose you'd call it. A roomu? Yeah, basically with the buttons. And I can see a little titty between this button and this button.

Her tits are so big that they're like, between this button and this button, there's some titties showing. And it's not good titty. It's not good. Oh, titty, good titty. What? Same voice, too. Good afternoon, madam.

There's a Chuck Gabriel who sent me calling, and he would like to know if he could come stay here with you forthwith. You tell that son of a bitch he ain't never allowed back down here no more. I'll shoot his ass. You tell him, man. You tell him he comes here, me or Donnie, one,

I'll shoot his ass. Very well! one, or shoot his ass. Very well! Chuck hops in the truck. Chuck hops in the truck. He goes, how'd it go, man? I don't think it's going to work out, Chuck.

Well, I guess I can go stay at Mama's old place. And I was like, where's that? And it's actually about where we started this whole journey. So right there. I assume that he means he's going to go live with his mother. No, his mother's in a nursing home. There is an abandoned house. No electricity.

No running water. No utilities of any kind. And to this day, that is where Chuck is I can take you there I can take you there right fucking now he's in there laying in a sleeping bag asleep stoned out of his fucking gourd I got two or three more of these

one night he knocked over is someone playing the show through a speaker like I swear I hear an echo yeah someone is a little bit I think it's coming through on Wolfson a little bit when I speak up too loud. Really? Maybe. It's not too bad.

One night, like I said, no electricity. He knocked over some sort of oil lantern they had as light and set the whole fucking place on fire. But it didn't burn the place down. It just sort of scorched the room. All the curtains, whatever, all the, you know, the curtains, whatever,

the blankets on the floor, all that shit burned up. But there wasn't enough to catch the wood on fire and really burn the place down, so the whole room was just scorched. So for months afterward, Chuck was also scorched from the sweat.

Because he was sleeping in the sooty floor. He looked black. He was filthier than he ever was and that's saying something. My father's room was like that growing up. It was, yeah. Dude, your stories are so much better

than my dad's stories. My father had an alcoholic working for him but he felt bad for him so he sent him to rehab and paid for it until he was rehabilitated. Boom. Good person! Boom! He should have beat his ass! He should have beat the alcoholism out of him! He didn't kick him in the ass

until he did more 1040s. Besides the Cannon housing projects, Chuck is also banned from going in the local grocery store. His side of the story was that they were giving him old food back in the deli, and when they got caught giving it to him, they lied and said he was stealing it.

My side of the story is he was probably just stealing that fucking food. In any case, he's not allowed back at the grocery store nearest his home. I see him riding his bike around town all the time. He wears this little war cap. How did he lose his awesome job, though?

What awesome job? Working for your dad. Oh, let's see. How did it all end? What was the last straw? Oh, Chuck took my dad's Kawasaki Mule, which is $8,000 ATV type thing and ran it into his buddy Jeff's trailer drunk.

Correct it. It's like a golf cart. He ran into a trailer. It's a sturdy golf cart. A little more sturdy. Yeah, yeah. He crashed that fucking thing into a trailer and it's

all plastic on the front, like a big bumper and there's a hood that pops up with storage inside and all that got cracked and fucked up. That was the last drop. Wow. That's messed up. Yeah. That sucks.

The guy with the whole century was more productive than that guy. One more. Chuck was hospitalized for a gunshot wound. Self-inflicted. Chuck's side of the story is. I'm going to guess the caliber was 22. Close. Close. 30?

I think it was a 22. It was either a 22 or a 25. And here's his side of the story. He was sitting on the porch at that abandoned house, which is a good deal off the road, I'd say. You know, 50 yards, maybe. And he says someone was driving down the road, he heard a gunshot, and he was hit.

Here's the problem with all that, though. The bullet is in the roof of his mouth. Wow. That's a hell of a drive-by shooting. I don't know if he was... Did it go through his chin, or was it just the roof? He shot through the palate of his mouth I think he missed the tongue

And it was stuck in the roof of his mouth Suicide or carelessness? Oh It's hard to say, it's Chuck One more, this is the last one I promise Dude, I got time He could just be trying to clean some teeth with it He was driving his bicycle

Keep in mind it's like an an old Schwinn bicycle or something. It's not a cool one. It's got fenders on it, right? He's driving his bicycle down the road, and he claims that someone came out of nowhere and ran him off the road. He was probably just high and stoned and drunk and crashed, but broke his fucking leg in the ditch on a bicycle wreck. This is not the kind of guy

who can afford to be immobile. The hospital knew him as a prescription pill abuser and they wouldn't give him anything for a broken leg. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Good on them. I will say this, though. Anytime my dad gets some

nasty liquor or wine or that big someone gives him some booze that he doesn't want puts it in Chuck's mailbox it just gets gone. Chuck must think it's the liquor fairy. Liquor fairy. Don't kill yourself.

Here's some more booze. One more and I swear to God this is the last one. This is from my dad's point of view. I wasn't there for this one. Dad goes to this abandoned house one time to pick him up for work. He hadn't seen him in a while. He's standing on the porch kind of knocking on the door and he hears a voice from inside.

It's not Chuck's voice. I see you out there you big old son of a bitch. I got something right here for you. I'm going to kill you this time. And Dad's like, I'm creeping away at this point. He's like, and you hear this guy in there, just come on in here.

I got something for you right here, big boy. He didn't know it was Dad. Apparently somebody had been coming down there and just beating him up. Like they were some neighborhood punks because they are right next to a bad area. Who'd just been coming down there and beating them up?

Chuck's buddies in there were probably the same pistol that Chuck accidentally shot himself with, ready to blow somebody away. Dad was like, so I don't think I'll go down there no more. You shit me last week! He's like, you take care of yourself.

Wow. Chuck. That's amazing. My goodness. He might be better than Rickety Cricket. He's a lot like Rickety Cricket, I swear. A lot like that. I would get him to come. I could totally get him on here. I don't want the man in my house.

No, you don't want to start that. If you guys could go like a remote you could go to one location with Chuck. We'll go to a library. They got Wi-Fi there. You go to a library. What's up? Gracious. Yeah, Chuck. to a library. They got Wi-Fi there. He drove to a library. Wow.

Gracious. Yeah, Chuck. I think that's all the Chuck stories I got, though. Chuck was a cool guy. He's still alive. I don't know why I'm giving you the past. He looks dead, but I think he's still around. I see him every now and then, still wearing that Confederate cap and riding that bike. Always got a brown bag of something.

We had a guy in Ocean City. I know him well or anything, but there were a couple crazies, and my favorite was Pluto. Pluto always wore a banana hammock, you know that tight little guy swimsuit that you can wear? And he carried plastic bags full of something,

and he rode on a big beach cruiser type bike. I don't know, I saw him every day driving around town in his banana hammock with a plastic bag and riding on his beach cruiser. We had another guy. They just called him Sock Man. Apparently, he was a nudist,

but he got around the nudity laws. This is in Ocean City, New Jersey, by just putting a sock on his junk. He would literally just have a tube sock with a ring around the top, walking around the beach bare-ass do this junk in a sock. Hilarious. Respect.

It wasn't a body you'd want to look at. Unfortunately, you did not get to have that cock to your mental collection. Yeah, but Woody was like, that's close. He's like, oh, it's slipping. It's slipping. The cops are over there hassling the guy, giving him a hard time. Woody's like, that's close. He's like, oh, it's slipping. It's slipping. The cops are over there hassling the guy, giving him a hard time. Woody's like, let it go. You see this dusty spot in my mental trophy case?

That's where the sock man's cock is. This is for you. This is all for you. Wow. Chuck sounds like a great on-bus kind of guy. Wolf, what did your dad do? You want an honest truth? Okay, you want to hear some crazy stuff?

Speaking of that, my dad took off when I was five. Oh, I forgot. You're black. Oh, man. Sounds good. No, the crazy thing is, I'm just kidding. Oh, man. That was good. Holy crap. No, the crazy thing is, he lives in Guyana, which is South America. And my mom raised three boys on her own.

Wait, is Guyana a country? Guyana. Yeah, it is. Guyana. I haven't heard of that. So he left when you were five? When I was five. And yeah, my mom had three boys on her own, and last Friday I find out that he died.

No way. Yeah, and they buried him on my birthday on the... Jesus. Sorry, so I'm curious about this, because something similar happened to my mom. Her dad ran out on her when she was young, and we found out that he was dead when I was a child. How did you feel?

Because my mom was like, good riddance. How did I find out? I mean, how did you feel? Oh, how did I feel? Like knowing that he was gone. It was kind of bugged me, but it didn't... It was like, oh, that sucks. You know what I mean?

Well, I guess I should add on top of it, my mom's dad was abusive to my grandmother, so he was a real scumbag, so they were happy. They were like, oh, he's dead in Dallas? Great. We won't be going there. I can go a step further with my dad. My mom's not sad about it.

She was surprised. My mom's like the church lady, right? I mean, she didn't curse him or anything, but... like she was surprised but it's like and my mom's like the church lady right so yeah like i mean she didn't curse him or anything but your parents kyle found out that he was dead and thought uh i guess that's you know like no big deal my parents my my dad and his mom they um they found out that my dad was still alive this is years ago and they were bummed they were like yeah your grandfather you mean this is my grandfather not my dad but and they were bummed they were like oh really yeah your grandfather you mean this is my grandfather not my dad but yeah they were like uh you know like ah fuck he's still alive because

they were they're trying to make a social security claim like like perhaps when he was dead they were survivors i think they never got divorced he just ran off and she never got remarried or anything so they had a right to like social security. And when they found out he was still alive, they're like, fuck! Not dead yet. Yeah, my mom never remarried either. Yes. Old school like that, right? I guess.

I guess she was Catholic. Maybe that was related to it. She was Irish. She was literally Irish. She came from Ireland. My grandmother on my mother's side, she was married twice and she had two daughters by each of her husbands. Or she had one daughter from each husband. And both of

them turned out to be alcoholic, cheating, abusive guys. Wow. Were they Irish too? No. But you're getting kind of close to where I'm heading with this. My grandmother said that she didn't want any more white men. She was like, I'm done with white men.

She found her, so my papa, as I called him, he married a Honduran man, and quite honestly, I think she was just trying to find a man that she could physically intimidate, because papa's a little guy. Papa's like 5'5", 150 pounds. Wow. Hardest working guy I ever met. Worked for years at a lumber company.

They dropped lumber on his finger one time. Took that much of his finger off. He didn't take the day off. He didn't take the day off. It was a place where oftentimes they wouldn't let you retire. They'd fire you when you were getting close to retirement age, but they let him retire, which was a big shine of

respect, apparently, around there. Anyway, she was like, no more white men. That hadn't worked out for me, so she got herself a Honduran. I always thought... Amazing guy. Great. It was the only grandfather I ever knew

because my grandfather, my father's father, was an abusive alcoholic bootlegger. Wow. So, he was always in jail for the bootlegging, and meanwhile, my grandmother's always trying to

scrape up enough money, even though they're poor as fuck, to get him out of jail. You know it's just scumbags and more scumbags pretty trashy genetic stock yeah i had a substitute grandfather too so my my father's father we covered he ran off he beat the wife and whatever and And my mom's dad died. He had cancer when she was in high school. So that grandmother remarried, and he became my Uncle Shirley. And I didn't really catch the whole thing, but he had us call him Uncle because it made him younger. So he wasn't Grandpa Shirley.

He was Uncle Shirley. And he was just really cool. He was an engineer. he worked for RCA. He had a John Deere riding lawnmower. He used to let me ride it and stuff when I was totally incompetent to do so. And he was a good guy. I thought you were going to say

he called him Uncle Shirley because he was calling him Bruce Jenner. Yeah, I thought he was a transsexual. I was like, does Woody have a transsexual in the family? Have I been making these tranny jokes for years? Is he holding some seeded hate for me because I'm so anti-tranny? Or I'm not even anti-tranny. I guess I'm pro-tranny, really.

No, he was a total guy. He was kind of a dad, really. He liked grilling. He liked lawn care. He liked, you know, whatever. He was just like a dad type of guy. That's part of the reason why I'm such a dedicated dad is because I didn't have one

so I guess it kind of works out in the end, you know what I mean? Yeah, my dad always said he kind of spoiled me at times growing up and he always said, he was like, you know, I didn't have anything growing up. My Christmases were like an eight pack of crayons if I was lucky, and some years there was nothing,

and seeing the fucking holes in the roof and shit. So if I wanted something, not to extravagance, I suppose, but if I wanted a car, a rifle, or something like that, I got it. Yeah. Stuff works out, brother. I don't want any fucking kids, though. This line is stopping right here. Go further. It stops here. Yeah. Stuff works out, brother. I don't want any fucking kids, though. This line is stopping right here. No further.

It stops here. Yeah, a better man than you have been taken down by childbearing women. You know? You could show up to a wedding wearing that. I mean, you got a good 12 years left before I say, yeah,

Kyle's decision's probably permanent. One of my favorite qualities in a woman is that she be pro-choice. So I... Hold on. I'm going to make that my new Skype signature. Because there's plan A and there's plan B

and there's plan C. I mean... I don't know about, but I think the line will stop here, and I'll just leave it at that, you know? It's just... I joined up for ChristianMingle.com, but I'm not getting any response. That is in my bio on there. That's probably why.

Pro-choice. You know what? Wow. I used to not like kids when I was young and single, and then I found, quote, the one woman, and after, like, oh, my, I can't imagine not having them. And it's like, it just, trust me. I didn't even, I used to go to, like, movies when I was younger,

in my 20s, and I'll see, you watch a movie, and someone loses their child and i'll be like they could have another one you know what i mean like i've turned you turned like a whole 180 and what yeah if i had a similar thing except it was babies like i i used to see um like infants right like i i got that kids were people but i didn't get that infants were people and i'd see like like detective shows like csi or or um what's the one where law and order unit yeah suvs for you but i was thinking of law and order in particular like the standard one and and uh and like an infant would be murdered and i'd be like dude is that that big a deal you know like it wasn't like a whole person or anything it was just a little baby

like so awful i've never had these thoughts fuck it those nine months and whatever two months into life you didn't invest that much time into it you still got big yeah you can start up a new one you're 11 months away from being where you were dude just give the guy a probationary sentence. He only killed a baby. Do over. Do over, yeah.

They're going to make a big deal out of baby murder. I kind of see where you're going with this. I think you're swaying me. You're all fucked up. You're all fucked up. I never thought that. I think you're swaying me a little. I think that maybe the sentence should be greater, the closer to the peak of life the person was.

I see where you're going from here, yeah. So you have to kill like 30 under one, let's say that. 30 under one. If you kill a 25-year-old, man, he's in the prime of his life. That's when he's most sexually active probably. He's out of college. He's earning money now. He's in the prime of his life he's out that's when he's you know that's what i'm saying sexually active probably he's he's he's he's out of college he's he's earning money now he's in the world you take it you're taking he's right there he was right on the edge or really getting there and then being a man you know so how many infants equals that guy like a six year old i mean how about the other way kyle i think we're onto something here. I think we're making solid...

What if the guy's like 76 years old? What are you really taking from him? A little bit of a draw on himself? It's the peaks. It's a bell curve. It's a bell curve. I think we're reaching Logan's run territory right now. I'm serious.

I feel like if, let's say you got drunk and you were drunk driving and you ran over a 99 year old man. No big deal. That's not even a moving violation. Why was that guy even on the Why was that guy even out and about walking? He should have had a caretaker with him.

I should sue them for letting him out at night. I should sue them. I was rolling around my own fucking business. You screwed up my suspension. That walker is still stuck under the undercarriage. Maybe if the tentacles were secured properly, he wouldn't be in the middle

of the road. I just don't see that being that bad. I think they would pack on some kind of bonus sentence because he's right at 100 and that's kind of a milestone. It would be cool to pull off, but I don't see that being as bad as doing the same. What if you did the same,

ran over an 18-year-old high school kid? Man, he was right there, right? He was about to start the cool part of life. He was about to go to college and start really enjoying himself. He was transitioning from child to man. He was in the peak of another one of the cool parts of life. Take his life away.

But then you got this four-year-old snot-nosed motherfucker over there, and he's got dirt mixed in with the snot. Dirty snot. He's got a dirty snot-freaking lip. He hasn't had the common sense to wipe it, so it's just dried. Yeah, yeah. He's just sitting over there, and you can tell by looking at him. He's not going out too much, right?

This guy's a ditch digger, right? His dad's a ditch digger. I can see it. His dad's head is literally shaped like a fucking lumpy potato. He's got two lazy eyes. This guy's going nowhere. He's just Darwinism waiting to happen. I'm just saying, if you were

backing out of your parking space too quick and your bumper hits the kid in the head and he's out like a light and it's over, game over, I just don't think that's as bad as if you were to take out that high school kid. Going back to the restarting thing, it is easier to pick up and restart if you lose a six-year-old. If you worked

your ass off, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to get your kid to graduate high school and then someone takes it out, it's like well, fuck. I'm not restarting this shit. We're not having kids. We're done. We'll adopt an 18-year-old and just fucking pick up where we left off.

I mean, at that point, you'd be 50 trying to get this kid through high school. Yeah, there's got to be some Russian 18-year-old. An 18-year-old girl from Thailand or something? Yeah, she'd be really happy. I've never thought about that before, but let's say you were a parent,

God forbid, whose 18-year-old son was killed in some sort of wrongful death type situation. I don't know. Maybe they sentenced the guy to five to eight years. That seems like something that could happen. I think he should have to make financial restitution

to the parents for whatever... They killed an investment. you'd have to make financial restitution to the parents for whatever. They killed an investment. They've spent all that money getting this kid to 18. A lot of parents, if you think about it, you should be looking at your kids as kind of a retirement plan. I know a lot of people...

You laugh, but it's true. They're the ones that are going to take care of you at the end. If something happens, maybe you get Alzheimer's at 60 and it's kind of downhill from there, you need your kids there to come in there and pitch in and take care of stuff. Your kids really are an insurance pro, but you take this guy's 18-year-old kid, you took a lot away from him. There should be some financial restitution there.

Maybe a million dollars. I think a million dollars would be the number if we were strictly speaking on the… It's a good number. Garnish wages from life. That's what you'd have to do. You'd do it like they do those child support dads. I feel for child support dads big time. I feel like sometimes it's just to excess. And I feel like sometimes these guys are paying like $12,000 a month or something. Like wealthy guys, obviously.

Well, that's a lot. Yeah. And the wife is taking it all. There's tons of situations like that where lots of money is being paid. And it doesn't take that to raise a kid. Did you see the court case? Did you see the court case? Did you see the court case of the guy who's in court right now

who's being made to pay child support even though he's not the father? Yeah. No. How insane is that? How insane? What is the scoop there? Essentially, he was with this woman

15 years ago and they recently got a DNA test done and it proves he's not the father and they want him to continue paying child support and pay for the child support he didn't pay in the past

even though it's not his child because they'd already made a judgment that he was required to pay it, right? That's the legalese bullshit that was working in my mind. I take all that money each month and I get the best fucking lawyer and get out of that lifetime. And another crazy part to this

story though. The mother of the child put his name as a father randomly because she wanted to get welfare payments. Wow. How old is this woman?

Because we could take her out and it wouldn't even fucking matter. Is this recent? I want to like Google it and see if it's going on right now. It's going on right now. I'll be right back. I'm going to pee again. I drank a gallon and a half of water today. I'm serious about getting shaked for the paintball thing. Those kids are going to pee again. I've drank a gallon and a half of water today.

I'm serious about getting shaked for the paintball thing. Those kids are going to pay. I'll go right back to fucking Burger King right after the game. Waffle house specials. My waffle house specials are so delicious. I get the hash browns with everything on them, so it's gravy and chili and cheese and jalapenos

and sauteed onions and diced tomatoes and onions and jalapenos. And I get a triple order of hash browns. It's a pound of potatoes. A pound of potatoes. And then they put the chili in the gravy. My mouth's watering now. I'll be right back.

Go pee, because I got to. Handle that. Yeah, it's the most insane case And there's actually a lawyer from a High esteemed law firm Who just signed on with him to do work pro bono To help out this guy I wish I could

I don't have my arms quite around The scenario where like alright so the woman gets pregnant The guy doesn't want to keep it and the girl does Doesn't it seem like... Is he... It's just a tricky spot. You made a commitment. You could have taken a precaution.

You could have put a condom on, asked her to be on birth control. There are other options out there. It's all on you, you know? Just like driving behind the wheel, you might accidentally kill someone you didn't intentionally mean to, but you're responsible if you get behind the wheel. Yeah, I don't feel sorry for guys who get into that. I saw a case on Reddit, so it might be total bullshit, but basically they were having sex, and he had planned on pulling out, and instead she wrapped her legs around him and held him in.

Oh, that's bullshit. That's an old wise tale that's been around forever. The joke is the guy's fucking her and she wraps her legs around him and goes, I want to have your babies or whatever. That's the old wise tale that's always been on the internet. I can't see that happening. No, somebody gets punched in the face if that happens in real life. Hey, better the assault char than the lifetime of raising a child. Somebody gets punched in the face if that happens in real life. Hey, better the assault chart than the lifetime of raising

a child. Yeah, that scenario was one where I think you could claim rape. No? Oh, I think you could. Yeah. Because you're wanting to leave. Did someone say rape? Like a fairy, he's back. You click your

heels three times and say, I want rape. Kyle will show up. Yeah, I think you can claim rape. I've got my wine coolers. Wine coolers. So what were you talking about with the rape? What actually?

Have you heard the old wise tale? Woody read a story on Reddit, but I know it's an old internet wise tale where a guy's fucking a girl, and he's going to pull out, but she wraps her legs around him and says, I want to have your babies or whatever. Could you claim rape in that situation? No, you couldn't claim rape because she didn't forcibly penetrate you

and you were already fucking her, so you'd already engaged in copulation. No, you've got no legal ground to stand on there, but you should be enough of a man to but you're wanting to get a raw hug but you're wanting to leave and she's trapping you like i consider going the other way right like i guess you you stop when they say stop that's the deal and if you don't i guess it's rape i don't know because i wouldn't want a woman to change her mind midway and then claim rape it's like well that doesn't seem fair right so why can't be why does it have to be a double standard the guy wanted to stop like i'm not feeling it right now or he didn't want to stop he just wanted to pull out there's there's a difference but he wanted to pull out to prevent a situation from happening and she was preventing we take care of that situation right then and there

anyway it's it's what is there some sort of like is plan b cunt punch how, we take care of that situation right then and there anyway. That's what I said. What is this? Some sort of like... Is plan B cunt punch? How do you take care of it right there? Plan B is the name of... Plan B is the pill you take. Plan A is cunt punch. Cops got like a fucking plunger on their vagina.

No, you take the wire coat hanger, buddy. God, you gotta get... Plan A is being stronger than your girlfriend, I suppose. Plan C is the stairs. Plan B is a pill that you take the next day. Plan D is the car. Yeah, I mean, after plan B, if she says no, well, then she might just have a couple accidental slip and falls.

Plan E is red wedding style knife to belly. That's such a brutal scene, man. I love watching reactions to that. So I've seen every episode of Game of Thrones thrice now, as they would say. And so I've gotten to watch reactions of people watching the Red Wedding the first time and watching the Red Viper of first time and watching the Red Viper

of Dawn's duel with the Mountain. I got to watch all of that stuff with two different people for their first time and it is wonderful. The Red Viper one wasn't as shocking. I feel like most people should have seen it coming to an extent.

The Red Viper one is so bad because we all know what Game of Thrones is. people should have seen it coming to an extent. The Red Viper one is so bad. The Red Viper one is so bad because we all know what Game of Thrones is. We all know how many times it tears our hearts out. And here was a moment where a guy that you love and you love him. He's so lovable and

such a wonderful character that he'd only been in like five episodes and you already loved him as much as the people who did season one. You were like, this guy. I'm not at that part in the book, but I'm told he doesn't play a major role in the book. Yeah, I heard the same.

Are you watching the TV series, Woody? I'm caught up on the TV series. I'm also listening to the audiobook. We each just started the audiobooks sort of recently in the last week or couple weeks. You love this guy and he's got a reason to be there finally. You killed my sister.

You murdered her. You raped her. You murdered her. Say it. Say it. And not only is he a lovable guy, a likable character, he's also a badass. Yes. And he's just suave and character. He's also a badass. Yes. He's just suave and cool.

He's smart and witty. Even the way he talked about being bisexual, he was like, there are many pleasures in the world. I can only take half of them. I choose to love every... He's like, I like this and I like this. He's like, I like it all. I want it all.

Don't tell me I can only have half of this. I like the way he talked about bastards right so so this whole notion like up north and out i think it was in the east they uh you know they they tell them they give they don't take their parents names they don't really sort of treat them as full-fledged kids etc but where he's from wherever the hell where is it from? The Dunes or something? Dorn. Horn. Where he's from. Dorn. Thank you, Dorn. Where he's from, bastards are considered children of love,

and they are given the same kind of honor and attention, and everything is just kind of positive with the guy. They don't get the last name, though. Their last name is Sand. Sand. Yeah. And then you got the Mountain. Easily one of the most hateable characters

that's in the show at that point in time. Just a cult killer. Yeah, just the worst. And if you read the books, he really is just god awful. Extra details I didn't pick up in the show. Yeah, just a horrible human being. Dreadful. And he's got him.

He's better than the Mountain. The Mountain doesn't stand a fucking chance. This guy is a fucking ninja. He's out there spinning around and twirling that spear. And you just know, based on the way you see the fight, he could have killed him in 30 seconds. He could have just taken him out like that anytime he wanted to. And then it happens.

And it's worse than the Red Wedding. Because with the Red Wedding, I was already getting a little upset. I was filling up with Rob. Yeah, yeah. He had lost his edge. Yeah, he lost his edge. He betrayed the frays as far as I'm concerned. Now that I've read the books, Rob fucked up.

Like, if I'm Walder Frey, I'd probably pull a Red Wedding myself. Like, that was bullshit, man. You know? Like, that's plan C right there. You're not going to... He's promising to his daughter. I haven't gotten that far enough into the book. I haven't gotten to the Red Wedding in the books yet, but just what I know already,

I know that he fucked Walder Frey over big time. That one definitely caught me off guard more, though, because I was like, this is a classic case. Mountain is super strong and big, and we've got the fast, agile guy here, so that's his advantage. It looks like he's going to win. There's no way he comes out.

One, this is Game of Thrones. The person you're rooting for never comes on top. I don't care who it is. And it's just classic. He got caught monolog monologue you know why i thought he was gonna win i thought he was gonna win because i think somehow i either knew or just knew in my heart that tyrian wouldn't his character wouldn't be done yet so the the deal was he was fighting on tyrian's behalf and if he died tyrian died so i was like well i don't know how this guy

is gonna win he's so much smaller. And the mountain, you guys are all acting like the mountain wasn't competitive with it. He would have died instantly. That's not how I saw it. To me, the mountain was the favorite in this competition. He was gigantic. He was a very skilled fighter. He was a knight.

He was trained. He was winning the horseback thing. All men must die. All men must die. He was the baddest character in the land. He was the favorite. What you guys talk about, it was like Red Viper was the favorite, but to me, the Mountain was the favorite, and I thought they'd be

upset because Tyrion couldn't die, but that's not how it went down. The Mountain was definitely the favorite, but the thing about it was, I knew going in, it was you're not going to beat the mountain with strength. You can't. No one on this planet is going to beat the mountain with strength. So his only advantage

is to be quick, nimble, and agile and get in and take your jabs with your fucking blade. And I saw that coming. I didn't... Another thing is... He also poisoned his blade. The wounds he was... He was cutting legs from it... Those were fatal wounds. They looked bad.

He was slicing the back of his legs and shit. It was like in a football game when you know there's not enough time for the other team to get the ball and score. You're like, sigh of relief. He stabbed him through the core with a fucking crazy spear thing. Like, alright, good. The reason why the Redding hit me worse

is because I didn't see it coming like that yeah yeah that's why i didn't see that one coming i saw the mountain going down as some well i saw the mountain thing working out the way it did but the wedding just hit just hit even if you knew something was gonna happen because you know she feels his his cuff or whatever and sees he's wearing chain mail so he's prepared for some you see that something's gonna happen that happens two minutes before it happens, or even 90 seconds. It's not like at the beginning of the show

you're tipped off. It's like, what? Right, but you know something's going to happen, but what I didn't expect was you were going to literally kill off five main characters. You know what really hit me on that? The pregnant woman. Yeah, like I said, that's brutal.

That baby wasn't even born yet. No biggie. They were going to name it Dad. They were going to name it Dad. That wedding hit me hard, man. The child that never was. I will say this, though. Just by having watched four seasons of the show

and now being halfway through book two, I have figured out who Jon Snow's I'll figure out how to phrase it. I've figured out who Jon Snow's mom is. I know what Jon Snow's place in the world is now. When did you figure that out? Did we finish the first book? No, I think you started the

second one. Yeah, I was a little into the second one. Like maybe... I don't remember if there was... There wasn't like one moment where I was like, Aha! I kind of put a bunch of things together and they kept talking about stuff and mentioning people and I was like...

I haven't figured it out. And I'm like, am I supposed to know by now? Isn't it beautiful? A song of fire and ice. Yeah. It's beautiful. Certainly not going to give any Game of Thrones spoilers because I'm sure

we're not supposed to learn who Jon Snow's mom is until much later in the show. I think I know. We could talk about it privately, but I don't think you know. I don't think you know. Are you guys Walking Dead watchers?

Yeah, I am. That's in season two. Okay. Same here. I watched through season three. Three first half. Yeah, and I was done. Dude, because season two killed a lot of momentum out of people, man.

That was a horrible season. Just television. Last season? No, season two. Oh, okay. Yeah was a horrible season. Just television. Last season? No, season two. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was horrible at the farm. You know the story behind why that season's so bad, right? Yeah, all the actors, or

all the writers or whatever got pulled, right? Yeah, so basically... No, no, no. I don't know names. I'm bad at that part. So the creator of the show, the guy who came up with all this thing, the guy who started and made season one what it was, brought along many of the best actors that were on the show, like Andrea, the old guy who was always fixing up the RV,

guys who were recognizable actors who you're like, yeah, I've seen him in something before. He brought those guys with him at a reduced cost because they liked working with him. They didn't have a relationship with A&E. So here's what A&E did. They waited until after the creator of the show had promoted the show at Comic-Con, and then they fired him.

Season two, they cut the budget in half, I believe, and they wanted like twice as many episodes. They wanted like 24 episodes. I think they actually kept the budget about the same and doubled the episodes. So they effectively cut it in half per episode. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds more realistic.

And you lost a lot of wonderful things that were going to happen. For example, remember the scene where Rick is in the tank and he finds that grenade. That grenade and that soldier who had that grenade had a whole backstory that was going to be a flashback in a future season. There's lots of seeds like that planted in that first season

that were going to make this show more on the lines of a Breaking Bad than what the show is now. I'm not saying the show's bad. It's a good show. But there was going to be a lot more in-depth, cool character development, long-term stuff where you were really going to get to know these people. Instead, season two,

and these are PKA stats, but they made a whole season out of very little reading. It was maybe one or two of the graphic novels, and I'm just making these numbers up, whereas season one was like a lot of them. So they're making more

episodes out of less material with the same amount of money or so. Which is why season two, all season long nothing happened. All season long, the commercial's gone. And that guy, I think it's Your Movie Sucks, the guy we had on the show

I think he does a video where he tears apart that season and he points out that every time these characters are talking there's no character development here this is soap opera right here this is drama, this is bullshit he points out that this character is acting in an unusual way for this character

why is she saying this when she was just over here doing that? Does she think this? Does she think that? Impossible. It's just wrong. Season 2 really took the wind out of my sails. And then 3, I really didn't like the governor. And I really didn't like that Andrea didn't kill the governor when she had the chance.

And I became a real Andrea hater. I realized I caught on. You know sometimes you'll be around someone for a long time and then you realize they've got a tick and then you just always see it and it starts irking you and annoying you. Yeah, me too. Here's what Andrea does.

She doesn't close her goddamn mouth. Ever. Always wide-eyed, wide-mouthed, just like shocked at shocked everything every step of the fucking way like she's a bad actress in my opinion i couldn't stand her and it wasn't her character was annoying but i disliked her so much like i dislike the actress now if that actress lived near me i wouldn't invite her to my barbecue i don't want want her in my life. I was so happy when she died. It was so funny.

We were doing this show, and we were talking about how much we hated her, and we were both talking about, like, I wish she would just get killed off, because, you know, this is the kind of show where characters get killed off the next day the episode air, and they kill her. And we were like, die!

I want this guy dead, and this guy dead, and this guy dead and this guy dead and this guy dead however I hear the new season is like maybe second only to the first season or maybe even better I think the first half so they did that thing where there's like 16 episodes

but they call two season twos there's like a mid season finale so the first half of this season was great maybe the best that we've seen so far and i think i've only seen one so far the second half which just started up again and it was fine i guess it wasn't as good as last season last season this half season the first half of the season yeah every episode had like a major thing,

major plot movement. They were really telling a story. There are two things in every episode that made it a good show to me. One, plot development, right? Like things actually happened. They advanced the key storyline. Two, action.

So with the action and the plot development, I was happy. I was really disappointed with the black guy that helps out Rick at the very beginning of season one or whatever, and he gives him the walkie-talkie and says, like, I'll call you every day at noon or whatever, and we finally get to meet that character at, like, season

three, I think, and the guy's just gone fucking crazy because his kid died, and that's that. That's the whole episode right there. Rick tries to kind of convince him everything's cool and to come back. Dude doesn't come back. I don't know if he gets brought up again in four or five, but I was really disappointed

because I was like, yeah, that's a great character. That dude was cool. What's going to happen? Doesn't... Yeah, you're right. That could have been a thing. It could have been this thread that tied together and been really interesting. Stuff like that. It's different from the comic. It's like a whole different thing. thread that tied together and been really interesting. Stuff like that. It's like a whole different thing.

I don't think the comic is part of Walking Dead anymore. Oh no, neither is the game. They're all three different things. I don't like that. That irks me as well. The thing that was great was that comic. You can make your own Batman story, of course, but the best Batman stories are the ones that go back to the comics, it seems.

Those are the stories that whenever I see... I know the next... This will be telling. We'll see how it goes. The next Guardians of the Galaxy is not based on a comic. They're going... They're taking Guardians of the Galaxy. Original screenplay.

I don't know who wrote it. It doesn't bother me. It's concerning. It doesn't bother me. To me, at some point, you get to leave the source material. It's definitely concerning. If Walking Dead was just based on the comic, then maybe we'd be out by now. Because we don't know these characters well. We've just been introduced to Star-Lord,

unless you're a big Marvel fan. You've been reading comics forever. You need to find out who his father is and stuff like that. There's a bunch of lore behind this. That's where they need to be going. They need to be going for his father because that's the big story. Totally. And I'm a walking dead.

I have walking dead 1 up until now. Oh, Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Coming to Marvel for no money at all from Sony. Marvel got a great deal. Why'd that happen? Spider-Man coming to Marvel for no money at all from Sony. Is that what it came to? Marvel got a great deal. Why did that happen?

Because what they – so Marvel offered – Disney offered Sony billions of dollars for the rights to use Spider-Man. They said no. No, they wanted to buy Spider-Man. Yeah, they wanted to buy Spider-Man, which is funny because Disney already owns the rights to all the Spider-Man merchandise. Sony didn't own that. And they said no. all the Spider-Man merchandise. Sony didn't own that.

And they said, no. We'll just, you know, whatever Sony Spider-Man we make, we get all the revenue for that. And whatever Marvel, Disney, Spider-Man you make, you get the revenue for that. And the idea is to, like, market and benefit off of one another's relationships. So, like, oh, I saw the Sony Spider-Man. Well, I got to see the Marvel one and vice versa. Even though both of the Spider-Man reboots so far have both been shitty.

It's going to be a collaboration, right? The way I understood it, the guys from Marvel are going to be working heavily and helping the Sony Pictures make the next Spider-Man reboot and then that same Spider-Man, that same actor, will then be appearing in some of the Marvel movies.

You'll see him with the Fantastic Four. You'll see him... Fantastic Four Four. You'll see him... Fantastic Four is another Sony one, right? That's another Sony one as well. I'm not impressed by the new one. All the casting for Fantastic Four? Boo! You picked horrible actors. These are no-name people that do B-movies.

No recognizable actors. And the worst part, they made... Is his name Johnny... Johnny... Johnny... Oh, uh... Johnny Storm.

Johnny Storm. Johnny Storm. Okay, so the Invisible Woman is like Susan Storm or something like that. They're the Storm brother and sister. That's why. Yeah, I know. But they picked an African-American actor to play the brother. I'm fine with an African-American superhero.

I'm looking forward to Black Adam played by The Rock, though he's Samoan. That's going to be cool. He's mixed. You can't. That is true. Yeah, he is. I watched that whole documentary about him. He's a cool guy. But yeah, you're trying to

suspend my disbelief and you've got a black brother. Well, no. They're going to fuck with the lore again. They're changing the lore. Don't do that shit. the lore. Oh, yeah. Don't do that shit. Here's the thing, though. First of all,

is Andrew Garfield who played last Peter Parker? Yeah. He's awesome. He was awesome. The first one was awesome. The first one was great. The second one was not good. I don't even know if Kyle's seen the second one yet. The second one, I did not like how they did Electro. It is so bad. It was Electro in particular.

I liked him better than Toby. Jamie Foxx should feel kind of upset that that's a blemish on his record. I agree. It was not well. Motherfucker Jones fucked up in that movie. That was not good. It had the Green Goblin in there too with the kid from Chronicle.

Do you remember that scene in the first Amazing Spider-Man, the latest rendition with Garfield, where all the crane operators extend their lines so that a wounded Spider-Man can save the day? I cried. I cried.

It was a mixture of patriotism and heroism and brotherhood. Yeah, yeah. You go, Spider-Man. The only cool thing about the second one was when Peter Parker finds where his father stored all his research in this hidden subway. That's the only cool part. You know what I liked? It might have been the same movie Kyle was talking about, but

when he first got his spider powers, the guy was kind of nerdy. He was getting beat up in school. And the actor they played, he was just like, oh. Like when he found his muscles. I was like, ah, I like that. He liked his gift. It was cool. Are you talking about Toby or Andrew?

I think Toby. The first reboot. I think that was Toby when he found his muscles. The first reboot was Andrew Garfield. Toby had muscles. And if he had to, though. That was one of the coolest parts about that movie. They showed him to begin with string beam, flat chest, skinny arms.

He wakes up and you're like holy shit this guy's been doing P90X for the last year this guy's a fucking mini actor like yeah he looks like Spiderman looks without his shirt off like this is I know that like Chris Pratt you know did all that working out

and got in incredible shape but you know you saw him without his shirt at one point I think we both agree that he worked out too. It wasn't necessary. Yeah, he could have been a little fatter because he had one shirtless scene and it wasn't part of the plot. He could have had a shirt on in that scene.

It would have been the same thing. Now, Bautista's character, on the other hand, yeah, he needs to be as big as fucking humanly possible. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, the blue guy, the barbarian, crazy. Yeah. Like, of course, he needs to be huge. He wasn't the blue guy. He was the greenish guy.

He was greenish. Kind of red and all the scars. Wait, the one with the red, like, veins all over it. The guy who was very literal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was blue? Yes. It would not go over my head.

No, the guy who was, the guy who led the Reavers or whatever was blue with the red mohawk. Yeah, I think there's more than one. That guy was blue. It was the guy from Walking Dead.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing I want to see for a technical problem... Which, by the way, that's retarded. How nobody got out of the way

of that arrow is It was beyond fucking... Hey, duck! The only thing I'm excited to see about Fantastic Four is them doing the thing correctly. Because the thing in the last movie was horrible. Sony has tried two Spider-Man franchises now,

and they fucked up two Fantastic Four movies already. I don't have a lot of faith in Sony making a good movie. And I don't know who did the two Hulks prior, but they're probably now working at Sony. Well, the first Hulk was directed by the same guy who did

Memoirs of a Geisha? Ang Lee. Ang Lee does these parts. Ang Lee made the Hulk. Which explains all of the shots in that first movie. Didn't he mess up Mission Impossible too? I don't know.

Didn't he do the second Mission Impossible movie? I don't know. No, it wasn't him. It was the guy who did Hard Boiled. The second one I thought was the worst one if I'm being honest though. It was the worst one. You take that out and it's one of the best movie franchises out there.

I love it. One of the most entertaining. Mission Impossible. Oh, Mission Impossible. Okay. Fantastic Four. I like the character names. They've always cracked me up since I was a little kid.

Because you've got Invisible Woman, right? And she's a woman who turns invisible. You've got The Thing, who's kind of like a big thing. And then you've got the Human Torch, the human who turns invisible you've got the thing who's kind of like a big thing and then you've got the human torch the human who like turns into a torch and then no not stretchy man right not like elastic man he's mr fantastic he just went all out we're the fantastic four we're kind of named after me because i am later now you know i can stretch i mean that guy can fly and he's on fire but i stretch all right so i'm gonna name named after me because I am a leader now. I mean, that guy can fly and he's on fire, but I stretch, alright?

So, I'm going to name it after me. Mr. Fantastic. Does Sony own the X-Men, too? I think maybe Fox owns the X-Men. I'm not positive. Don't get me started on that. Because it's another reason why they're not all collaborating right now.

It's a real shame, isn't it? It's all of this. Aren't all the DC characters under Warner Brothers? Warner Brothers, yep. I hope they have them all. Yeah, keep them. They're Suicide Squad. I'm interested in that because of the cast they actually got to play.

Maybe. It's hard for me to give a fuck about DC lore. It's just not as cool. I'm not in that because of the cast they actually got to play in it. Maybe. But I'm really – it's hard for me to give a fuck about DC lore. It's just not as cool. I'm not a DC guy. I'm a Marvel guy too. I'm not a big – Like when I see the Infinity Gauntlet being played out in Guardians of the Galaxy, I'm like, fuck yeah, that's an Infinity Stone right there.

Do you know what that is? Do you know what it means? You know, it's funny. Isn't that the Space Stone? I feel like – They call it – yeah. I that the space storm i feel like yeah i i like the marvel movies i even love the marvel movies are great they're fantastic but it's easy to forget how good dc movies are those batman movies are as good as avenger movies

they're i mean some of them are fantastic you're talking about just the chris nolan the last the chris nolan ones are i mean yeah yeah yeah nipple batman and robin dc has had a bunch of stinkers yeah you don't think about if you go back to the 90s but yeah the chris nipple batman and robin dc has had a bunch of stinkers yeah you don't think about if you go back to the 90s but yeah the chris dolan batman stuff was fan it was great and i think the last superman was actually really good too people don't give it credit for being good but i liked it a lot i to me like the movie was great see the actor's bad yeah yeah we're out of origin stories too maybe the bad guy who the guy who played the bad guy was good in the last yeah yeah i liked guardians of the galaxy i really did it was a

good movie but i almost like root for like i've kind of pumped it up more than it was worth because i just want chris pratt to be that successful if i were to guard a grade Guardians of the Galaxy, it was just a good movie. It was a great movie. If you believe Marvel lore, it's a great movie. When you see the space stone there and they start going through the history, which is named The Collector, and all the teasers at the end. Oh, Howard the Duck? Come on, you can't beat that.

I can beat Howard the Duck with almost anything. See, that didn't impress me at all. Really? Okay, I'm sorry. That impressed me. I liked that. I liked, most of all, the soundtrack. I liked dancing.

Dancing? What kind of scenario is this a new Howard the Duck movie? I actually did a video like that. Oh, that's so great. I got a copyright sting for that. Age of Ultron in a couple months, and then we got Ant-Man.

Ant-Man might be Marvel's first film. No, I'm not even going to bother seeing that crap. You know what's going to be better than Ant-Man? Everything. Deadpool. Deadpool is going to be one of the coolest superhero movies. We'll see. I got a question.

Is there a reason why they keep recasting people to play superheroes? Because no, I feel like they don't think this out. Like Chris Evans, alright. Human Torch, Captain America, Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern, Deadpool, you know. Because the stars won't do it.

Can we watch the Deadpool movie trailer? I'm down. I didn't know there was one. How could you not know there know the movie trailer for Deadpool? Holy shit. You don't know about this thing? No. I think we've watched it on the show before, and I'm worried about the strike.

Well, link me, and I'll watch it later, because I didn't know that. It's a shame. It's the one with the car, right? It's an enemy. It's a CGI movie. It's a CGI movie. It's a CGI movie. It's very good, though. I'll link you to it right now.

It's the one where the cars flip around, right? Yeah, so basically the story behind that is Ryan Reynolds said that they leaked that intentionally to sort of drum up some support for the movie, and it worked. That's why they're making the movie, because there was so much fan support for

this leaked sort of test footage is what it is. And it is really good. It was great. That like two minutes or whatever it is of test footage entertained me more than some of the movies that I've seen lately from Marvel.

I really like that. I hope that they can like I hope that they can do 90 minutes at least as good as that two minutes are. If they do... Do you guys think a Black Panther movie will happen? You think the character will happen?

No, I don't mean it will happen. Will it... Are people looking forward to it? I think the hardcore... I'll say this. No one was looking forward to it? I think the hardcore... I'll say this. No one was looking forward to Guardians of the Galaxy until two months before it came out. It was mocked and laughed at. What are these characters?

We don't know any of these people because guess what? The majority of people didn't know who they were. Two months later, it's a huge fucking success. Once it gets closer, they're not ruining Raven because a lot of people don't know who the Black Panther is. Yeah, I think when people know who the Black Panther is,

so the Black Panther is the, it depends at what point of his timeline you're in, but he's the leader of the secret African nation of Wakanda. They're, like, sort of technologically advanced, and they've got this metal called vibranium that they got from an asteroid or a meteor that hit. I'm pretty sure

in one of the things they used the vibranium and adamantium it seems like to make Captain America a new shield. Really cool people. He's basically like and it depends on which story, but he's basically like a souped up fucking human being, but he's got the claws

and he's jumping around the trees and shit. He's got the whole ninja look happening. One of my friends is almost a designer. His name is Ken Lashley. He's one of the really good graphic novel artists. I went to high school with the guy and everything, so we've been talking back and forth. He's very excited.

I just wonder if society is ready for a lead black superhero on the big screen type of thing. I wonder. Other than Blade, it's not going to happen. I think they are. Will Smith is cast in it. I was going to say, if it was Will Smith,

Hancock, I love that movie. Not superhero movies, but he's played enough type of this-is-the-guy type movies where the world is over. I was thinking of that. What was the one where he played this? The one with the sun told me bomb, though. The zombie ones. The Last of Us?

I love that movie. I am legend. I am legend. That wasn't even that good of a movie. I liked it more than most. I liked that movie a lot. There's a lot of Will Smith movies I liked a lot. I haven't seen that one with J.D. I didn't like it better than Omega Man, but I liked it more than most. I liked it. Yeah, I liked that movie a lot. I liked it a lot. There's a lot of Will Smith movies I liked a lot. I haven't seen that one with J.D.

I did like it better than Omega Man, but I liked it. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah, Omega Man. It's the original. Oh, man, Charlton Heston's riding along. It comes on. He's like riding around. I don't know if it's a Mustang or Camaro.

It's one or the other. He's just like cruising. It's a Mustang. And he looks cool because Charlton Heston was good looking back in the day. He's blood. He's fucking chilling. Fucking take it from my cold, dead hands in his head. Just riding around, listening to music, listening to his 8-track.

And you don't know what's going on. You don't know what this movie's about. It's called The Omega Man. And then all of a sudden you're just in a shit storm of fucking mowing people down with his machine gun. It seems like he drives through them, crashes the car. He gets out and hops in. Whether he was in a Mustang or Camaro to begin with, he hops in the other from a car dealership,

and he's like, back on my way. Pops the 8-track in, and he's gone again. I like that movie. I love that movie, brother. I love that movie. Playing chess by himself with the Beethoven. The classic. Super old movie?

Pardon? Omega Man? Yeah. I mean, Charleston Heston is the star of it, and he's young. That's right. That's why I asked. Yeah, it's the original I Am Legend. I don't know if it's the original or not.

There was a British version. I'm not sure if it's older. Oh, yeah, black and white with the old horror guy. Well, I mean, was there a book before it? Because the book was Omega Man. Yeah. Yeah, the book horror guy. Was there a book before? Because the book was Omega Man. The guy who was known for horror back in the black and white era. Alfred Hitchcock.

Vincent. Vincent. Right. I can't think of it. It's been something since I was in October. Vincent Price. That's the guy.

Yeah, and that was the original before Mega Man. Mega Man is the second adaptation of Matheson's novel, the first being The Last Man on Earth in 1964 starring Vincent Price. There you go. That sounds like that spoof, that Twilight episode.

You know? The one where the bombs go off and the guy's in the bunker library and then he fucking breaks his glasses. Yeah. Remember that one? Yeah, I like that one. It's a good one.

He's like, why? Why? You know what was better than those was the original... I just had it in my head. It's not Twilight Zone. That ended up with bad endings. Negative

endings. They remade it in the 80s. Was it Dark something? That was called Time Enough at Last, by the way, Chiz. That episode. I like that episode, the squirrely little guy. Yeah, it's a good episode.

He's going to have all this time, all these books. He could have found some more. Right? I'm a big fan of the Twilight Zone, the original series. I like... So which version of... I don't know if you've seen it. Outer Limits. What movie?

The Twilight Zone movie. Yeah. I might have. I'm down. That was a great movie. The episode I like the most is the one where in the show, I believe it was fucking Captain Kirk.

What's Captain Kirk's name? Oh, when they land on the planet? William Shatner. William Shatner. So William Shatner's in the plane. He's afraid of flying. It's a stormy night. The plane's going to bomb him.

When he looks out his window, there's a goddamn gremlin out of the plane wing chewing him with the engine and fucking shit up. And nobody believes him. It disappears every time he tells him. And it goes farther and farther until there's a crazy explosion there at the end, a culmination of all that. Now, in the movie, it was the bad guy from Cliffhanger.

What's his name? Oh, John... John Lithgow. Yeah, John Lithgow. And I don't know which version I like better, but they're both really fucking good. Yeah. One of my favorite episodes, it's an obscure episode,

guy is walking through, like, this path with a dog, you know, his dog or whatever, and he comes to a fork in a road, and this guy is persuading him, go this way, yeah, this is the good place to go, or whatever, yeah, go this way. And the dog keeps barking, like, don't go that way. The dog keeps barking, and then he goes the other way, because, you know, it's his good place to go or whatever. Yeah, go this way. And the dog keeps barking and I'm like, don't go that way. The dog keeps barking

and then he goes the other way because, you know, it's his dog. He trusts his dog. He goes the other way. It's like, yeah, that was heaven and that was hell. You were being deceived by, you know, Satan or whatever. It's something like that. It's an obscure episode, but I really like it. It's called The Hunt. Okay. Seriously, you remember

that? No, I just looked it up. The old man and a hound dog. Jesus. Mercy. okay seriously you remember that no I just looked it up the old man and a hound dog they used to put back-to-back non-stop reruns on the sci-fi channel during like Halloween all kinds of shit me my dad watch him Wow yeah Twilight Zone's on Netflix yeah I'm thinking of the show that I think it was called outer limits oh and. Outer Limits. They used to have a negative outcome. You know how every TV show

they always end on a positive note? Outer Limits, you would have aliens attacking and people think that they beat the aliens off, but it comes out that the last guy left was the only human. The rest of them were alien and human. They always had negative outcomes.

Yeah, it's like a twist at the end where in reality, we just killed all the humans. We were fighting the humans the whole time. Yeah, it's always something awful like that. I remember there was one once where it was like these kids training in a youth

camp. It seemed like Boy Scouts or something. And they were training for the mission. They were going to leave the planet. They were going to go out in space, and they were going to colonize this new world. And that's what they were training for. Train, train, train, train, train. And then at the end, they're like, that's where we're going, guys. That's where we're going.

That's what we've got to be focused on. And it's the fucking Earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I love about that show. There was no Disney ending to it. Battlestar Galactica was neat. Battlestar, the original one?

Original or the new one? Because the original is just too corny. The new one, yeah. I was a kid with the original one. The new one deserves... The new one was outstanding. And the way they wrapped it up, it was really, really good. I loved it and didn't see it coming.

I'll disagree with you a little bit there. I felt like the way they wrapped it up was... I didn't like the way they wrapped it up. I didn't like that. But I felt like everything except for that just about, the vast majority of that show is some of the best TV ever made. Who was the guy that went crazy for that just about. The vast majority of that show is some of the best TV ever made. I think it's like...

Who was the guy that went crazy and wasn't really sure who he was talking to? The doctor? Yeah. With the heart and imagination check? His whole storyline just seemed... The whole show could have done without that. I didn't think he had anything to it.

I could have used the TNA. I don't mind. But yeah, by and large it was great and the drama with the captain the president and they had that one line about how the military can't be the police because the military fights the enemy and the police with people and the people become the enemy and it's like dude that that was eye-opening to me like it's better than any political speech I've ever heard. And yeah, Battlestar Galactica was outstanding. It is also Netflix, I think. The only thing I wished about that show

is that they had more space fight scenes. Yeah. Did you ever see that Fox series back in the day called Space Above the Earth? What, son? Those people did more with less than anybody ever has. Supernatural exists.

They were fighting space aliens in spaceships, like dogfights and stuff in outer space. Fox show in the 90s or something. Early 2000s, I suppose. They're the ones who produced the ones for Galactica, right? They're the ones who produced the dogfight scenes for Galactica. That's why I thought of it, is because they have a similar look.

Maybe so. But I remember I was a big fan of that show. I don't think it lasts more than a season or two, though. In Space and Beyond, there was this one season. There was this big guy, hulky guy, and there was this one episode where he had to do this sniper mission and there was no talk in the entire episode.

He landed in the water and he came out in a ghillie suit, and he had to hunt down this one alien. He fought with this alien. They kind of made friends or something weird, and then he went back up to the ship, and there was no speaking. It was just insane. Very cool.

I like this show a lot. I was young when that was out, though. You need to stop hating on Supernatural, okay? I've never seen it the whole thing. I've show a lot. I was young when that was out, though. Need to stop hating on Supernatural, okay? I've never seen it the whole time. I think it's scarier than if you just saw fucking drawn-up demons walking the streets. It's just, how would that play in the story at all? It wouldn't. You'd be like, oh, demon.

Well, there's no twist of that guy being a demon because he's got fucking horns sticking out of his head. What are you comparing it to? Supernatural is just... I'll have to watch it. I'll have to catch up on it. There's a lot to watch.

I'll tell you, first of all, there's like 9 or 10 seasons out already. Second, there are like 22 episode seasons. Oh, really? I've seen them all. I've seen every episode of Supernatural. It's two really

good looking guys. They travel, they're brothers. They travel the country fighting ghosts, demons, and monsters. Sometimes,

there's an overarching plot line which involves God and Satan and demons, but there's also sort of a monster of the week thing

every week. The problem is, throughout the first, like, their budget, I'm sure, probably grows as they go on, but especially early on, the budget's quite low, and the monsters suck. There's a monster in the second episode, maybe. It's called, like,

a Winnebago or something. Yeah, something like that. They kill it by shooting it. Who started out then? I don't like the new Doctor. I was so sold on the previous one. Matt Smith, maybe? Is that his name?

Matt Smith, yeah. I love Matt Smith so much. You don't like David Tennant. I can't do it. I watched a couple of them and I felt like it was an episode where I can't remember, the doctor's female companion, the hot one,

the girl who, the miracle girl or whatever her name is. She was kind of reacting, the brunette, she was kind of reacting to this new old doctor and I felt the same way as she felt. I was like, yeah. I too am disgusted

with this guy. You're creepy. You came back 30 years older. Yeah. I totally... I agreed with that at first. He's changed my mind now. The cool thing about him, the new Doctor, is that I watch a lot of BBC, is that he

was the president of the fan club for Doctor Who when he was a kid. Wow. That's cool. That's cool. Imagine how cool that would be. Oh, I bet he loves his fucking job then. Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah, that is cool. But Matt Smith just, he was so sane. He went for Kane. That'll probably be the only seasons I go back and watch. I haven't started. Everyone loves the tie. Matt Smith is probably the only one I watch. Oh, they're talking cool.

They're talking cool. I almost believed him did you get around to watching Better Call Saul no I think I'll let this one pile up and maybe binge watch it I'm up to date on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I watched that episode today.

Do you watch that, Wolf? What is that on? What channel? It's on FX. You can catch it on Netflix the first nine seasons. Is that many seasons? Oh, yeah.

There's not as many episodes per season as you might think most of the time. the first... Nine seasons. Nine seasons. Is that how many seasons? Oh yeah, it's only ten now. There's not as many episodes per season as you might think most of the time. 12 or something. Yeah, and the first season maybe has like seven. Imagine Seinfeld, but the characters are much more horrible. Oh really? Literally disgusting people.

The worst people in the world. Now season... You gotta to kind of get through season one because Danny DeVito's not on the show yet. They've kind of got the idea for what they're going to do, but without DeVito, it's not complete. Season two, they add Danny DeVito, but Danny DeVito

hasn't really figured out his role in the show yet either. He's trying to play in like the oldest guy in the room, the voice of reason many times. Season three, however to play in like the oldest guy in the room. The voice of reason many times. Season 3 however I feel like the writers are doing this. Because DeVito is like 80 almost now or something.

The writers are making Danny DeVito's character Frank slowly lose his mind. From season 2 to season 10. Okay. He's literally going he forgets stuff. He starts out. he's literally going, he forgets stuff. He starts

out, he's literally a millionaire. He's definitely the voice of reason. He's the financier of many of their zany ideas. He's a millionaire. He's got everything he could want. He becomes such a horrible, evil, disgusting human being, literally

living in trash. That's hilarious. Give that show a chance. I think it's my favorite show right now that I watch. Season one, we are smooth sailing from there. You can start on two. You could start on two.

But I think going back and watching season one, the first episode alone got me. You know, it's a... There's a worse people... It's a racist episode. That's awesome. Like, there are episodes about dumpster babies and, like...

Oh, my God. There was one time where there was, like, a stain on their wall that they claimed looked like the Virgin Mary just to get bar patrons. Somebody poops the bed and there's a whole hike to find out who pooped the bed. It's always sunny. I'm back, by the way, but my camera's going to be gone for the rest of the show.

That's crazy. Dude, it's always sunny. It's the greatest. Do you remember the cats on the wall? I don't know why that was so funny, but it killed me. You've got to get another cat to get that cat out. I'm going to get some cats and put them in it killed me. You gotta get another cat to get that cat out, alright? I'm gonna get some cats and put them in there for you. Charlie, I've got like four cats.

That's you, D. You deal with that. We're gonna have another time, because there's a lot of cats in there! That was a good accent. You just have to scream if you want to imitate Charlie. You ever watch political stuff like House of Cards? Oh, yeah. That comes out soon. It came on yesterday. It came on yesterday, baby.

Was it yesterday? Here's what happened. It's supposed to be released February 27th, but by some sort of an accident or maybe a goofy mistake or a marketing ploy, I don't know. They released it yesterday for a little while. It's ploy. I don't know. They released it yesterday for a little while. It's not anywhere.

There's no torrents. Nobody got it. Nobody talked about it. There wasn't enough time. There wasn't enough time. I can't believe I missed that. It would be so hard to even catch it. To get even one episode,

it was solved in 20 minutes or 30 minutes. For real. If you were really on the ball, open 12 browsers and hit record. If you give me 10 minutes and I can make it happen.

You just quickly make a couple of Netflix accounts. They're $8 a piece or whatever. You need 12 computers because you can't record them all. I've got a lot of Netflix accounts. They're fucking like $8 a piece or whatever. But you need 12 computers because you can't record them all. I've got a lot of devices here. All you have to do is start the episode and then pause it and then whatever you want to use to rip it, you can go back and do that

to that device later. You just need your iPad playing one, your phone playing another, your TV, your computer, your laptop. You would have all 12 episodes playing everywhere in your house. You're like a madman running around wide-eyed. Did I get episode 8? Did I get 8? I need a tape! What am I going to do with that 8?

I have a topic for you guys. Woody, do you have any topics? Can I try something? Go for it. Worst TV series ending. I feel like Dexter comes to mind. Lost? No, I feel like... Dexter comes to mind. Lost?

No, I don't say Lost, and I'm the only person here that's gonna say I like the entire series. Awful. Lost was so bad. You gotta have a good show to have a bad ending. There you go. I'll agree with what Kyle said more, because the ending, you can say whatever you want.

The ending was about... The ending was par for the course, you can say whatever you want. The ending was par for the course, you cock-sucking writers. You suck so much, Dick. Those first writers who showed... The first writers that were there before the writer's strike, those guys had a plan. They were a team.

They knew what that polar bear was about. They knew what Walt was doing on the island. They knew what was going to be an alien or a warlock or something before he hit puberty and grew six feet tall? They could work that in. If you're a smart writer. The island gave gifts. You need a guitar. Man, there's a guitar. You need a polar bear.

Let me tell you why I'm a better writer than the people they replaced the writers with after the strike. Here's something that happened on the show. Walt, the young black kid, was obviously supposed to have a pivotal role in the story. However, the character, the actor who played him, hit P.O. Bertie super fucking hard

and shot up six feet tall overnight. Why couldn't we make that some time travel shit? Why couldn't Walt get sucked into a fucking time portal or into an alternate little zone where time moves faster. Or the same vortex that took the plane. I've never understood why everyone, when they judge it, they

fixate on Walt so bad. Like, this guy was amazing! Okay, plenty of magical shit happened during the course of the show besides the kid who could think something and it would come up. The reason why is because they were served a problem and instead of

turning a problem into an opportunity they left it a problem. And the show suffered for it. There's another storyline. The whole island whole thing only happened in Hurley's head because he was in an insane asylum. Insane asylum.

And then suddenly that was just never revisited. Fuck it. They debunked that. That was written out of the show. They proved he wasn't crazy and none of it was in his head anymore. Like at the end of that episode. Soprano's ending.

Soprano's ending Oh, they like it. Sopranos ending was not what I wanted, and we've discussed here my idea for the alternate ending and some others that we've put forward. It wasn't what I wanted, but it definitely was an ending, and it sort of played back to that episode where Tony and Bobby were in the boat

on the lake at Bobby's lake house, and they're talking about what it's like when you get shot. And they're like, I guess everything just goes black and it's over. You know, it's just me there and then black. And that's what I think happened. I think somebody walked in and shot Tony. And since Tony is the show, you know, when Tony gets, everything goes black for us too.

And while I don't like that, while that doesn't get me excited like the end of Breaking Bad did, I was like, yeah, fuck them all, Walt. Get it done. That was a pretty good ending. That really sewed everything up nicely. It was realistic

while it was saying... It sewed everything up nicely. It was a good ending. The Sopranos ending didn't feel that great to me. I wanted, like, you know, Tony had his money over there with the Russians. I wanted a Scarface ending. You ever see the Pine Barrens episode where they march the Russian guy out in the wilderness, and they try to kill him, but he turns things around, and then their car gets stolen, and that guy was, like, ex-fucking KGB.

He was friends with Tony's Russian contact where Tony keeps all of his money overseas. You totally could have done a whole other season of that show where Tony goes to Russia to get his money. That guy shows up and there's a whole conflict in Russia with Tony

and he's trying to get Italian connections to get him power. Russian mob versus Italian mob. They're fighting each other. They've got Tony's money. Maybe Tony kidnaps the Russian mob guy's daughter. You totally could have had three people there.

But instead, it was a black. It fizzled to me. It was a fizzle. Oh, I've got a worse ending. What was the cowboy movie on HBO? Kyle, you know. Deadwood?

Yeah, I think it was Deadwood. Yes, yes. Never watched that. I enjoyed that series. I didn't like the ending either. It didn't end. What, did they just end the show and they didn't tell anyone? I think that's what happened.

It's all sudden and stupid. Am I the only one who liked Dexter's ending? From what I read about it, I thought it was lame. I thought it was okay. I liked it. You know, you see him at the end. He's still the same guy. He's just somewhere else.

I didn't have a problem with that. I didn't like that whole idea of him having those kids. I didn't like him having those kids and taking care of them. Once his wife died, I wanted those kids to honestly die as well. They could get cut out of that whole thing. They could just go to... They were kind of white, right? Barely people.

Yeah, they're barely people and so young. And then his kid, he was tied down by that. I didn't like all that. I wanted that to be gone. And so, shit, I'd watch Dexter 2.0 where he's up in fucking Alaska smoking people. Doing the same thing. Yeah, same shit, different state. I had no problem with that ending.

I actually kind of liked it. I didn't want him to kill himself in the waves. I certainly didn't want that ending. And I don't want him to get caught. And there's no way he can continue in Miami. It's either go to South America and play house or go to Alaska and play serial killer. You'd see a black guy in a lumberjack

going, surprise, motherfucker! But Deadwood, the thing with Deadwood is those were great characters, great actors playing them. They appeared to have a budget, because that town looked legit. It looked as legit as any western movie, and

it was gory and bloody, and you never knew when somebody might get the throat slit, and they kept building that thing up at the end. You had that, I don't remember the guy's name, but he was super wealthy, especially for his time. A millionaire in those days, and you had him bringing in his hired guns. You had all the townspeople

getting together. People who are normally enemies are like, we've got to get together. We've got to do something about this guy. You had opposing forces. That guy had taken the hammer to the guy's hand. You don't fucking hit his hand. He's going to fuck your shit up, bro. I wanted that.

I wanted that rich cocksucker to end up beating half to death and somebody's like, this is dead wood. Slit his throat right there. Cut his tongue out. Do whatever they're gonna do to him. Give him to the Indians.

Let them eat him. I don't care. But instead, I feel like they just got on their stagecoach and went, we'll be leaving now. Reckon so. And that was the end. That was the end.

What the hell? I was just like, it wasn't like my heart was ripped out. It wasn't like I was disappointed. I was just like, why didn't somebody tell me that was going to happen before I got this far in? I've loved this shit up until that.

I was pretty disappointed with the ending of Weeds. I thought this far in. I've loved this shit up until that. I was pretty disappointed with the ending of Weeds. I thought it was great. Woody really likes it. I thought it was too happy-go-lucky. Nice little bow on it. And I was disappointed she didn't hook up with the brother-in-law. I felt like they tied up

every loose end. It's one of the things I want in an ending. I want them to answer all my questions, and in Weeds they did. You knew how everyone worked out. I know how Kaia feels about this, but Seinfeld. Very bad.

It's the worst ending. Very bad ending. I liked what they were trying to do. It was sort of a celebration of Seinfeld with all the characters coming back. I like that. Reminiscing how horrible these people were. I feel like it could have been executed better, though.

The premise alone. All right, let's videotape this guy getting robbed or whatever, and that's illegal. What if this was the ending of Seinfeld? This is just off the top of my head. What if they make it appear to the audience that George has been murdered? And they're putting someone on trial for George's murder. Let's say it's Newman.

And so then they have to bring all these character witnesses in, because they're all interconnected. These people know George, they know Newman, they know how they're all connected. And so you get to bring all those characters in like clearly they wanted to do. At the end, George has been faking his own death as some sort of one of his stupid scams to get out of

paying some taxes or something. You could have done something like that. I don't know. I just didn't like that whole Good Samaritan Law bullshit. That's bullshit. Why do they keep hiring that Johnny Cochran guy? I don't know. He was so annoying. I don't know. He was so annoying.

And I don't know why he keeps representing them after the way they fucked him over so many times. Well, you know, they had to be that black quarter somehow. Who told you to put the bomb on? Nobody told you to put the bomb on. That is so bad. It's horrible. I've seen way too much TV.

I feel like I'm a product of it at this point. God knows how many hours, right? Because I can quote all these shows. I've seen every episode of just about everything we've discussed except for Weeds. We haven't mentioned a TV show that I haven't seen every episode of except for Weeds. I've seen two seasons of that. I didn't like it when she banged that guy on the hood of her car. I don't know. She was slutty to me, and I didn't like her. She bangsed that guy on the hood of her car she kind of like I don't know she was slutty to me

and I didn't like her she bangs a lot of people through that show yeah she hits a lot it was like she was the suburban mom but she was still precious in some way right she was that guy's ex-wife she was like you know a person

nah she broke bad nah I feel like it was... I feel like I would have liked her character more if she could have found a better way to handle that situation. Really, the only thing you can come up with is to fuck the guy. Like, you couldn't come up with a way to, like, squeeze him or put the cops on him or, like, physically go after him. You couldn't, like, run him over with a car.

You couldn't, like, take it up a notch. You had to fuck him in the alley. I didn't like it. If that bothered you, then watch the other seasons. She breaks bad. I don't remember. To me, that was her lowest point. None of that shit bothered me. I don't know.

I didn't care about that. I enjoyed Weeds. It was a hell of a ride. But the ending was too happy of a ride. Hmm. Interesting. But the ending was too happy-go-lucky. I like when there's questions left over. You're one of those dark dudes. No, I just like when there's questions left over

where you can interpret it a little better. But why? I need closure. Breaking Bad wasn't completely wrapped up at the end. Fucking Jesse drove off. Jesse, you have no idea what Jesse's doing. I don't care what Jesse's doing. I hated Jesse.

I hated Jesse so much. So do I. He ruined that for me, man. Walt should have poisoned Jesse a long time ago. Wasted arsenic on the wrong person. It's all he had. He had was Jesse. I don't know that I

fully explained why he poisoned the kid. To get Jesse to think that the black guy that had the chicken place poisoned Jesse, or poisoned the kid. So Jesse was supposed to go with Walt

and kill the black guy and his name is totally escaping me. I used to know it so well. That was it. He basically set up to make it look like the black guy poisoned the child. How did Jesse figure out that it was actually

Walt? I think he told him. No, he didn't tell him. Walt? I think he told him. No, he didn't tell him. He told him that he killed the girl. He basically told him that he watched the girl die and that's what made Jesse snap at the end. How did he find out again? He finds out.

Jesse was a pussy. Jesse was a real bitch. Jesse lost me 100% when he started throwing the money out the car window. The best way for a show to almost lose me and piss me off and the best way for a character to poison a character to me is have them to burn or throw away money. Did you ever watch The Shield?

The Shield is about cops in L.A. It's got Nicholas in it. It's very good. Sorry, the thing. It's got Nicholas in it. It's very good. It's very good in my opinion. There's like seven or eight seasons. I just watched them all for the second time recently. Basically,

they are dirty cops. They rip off this Armenian mob money train. They got like, I don't know, $3 million, $4 million something like that. But there's a lot of heat on them. The Armenians want this money back. The US Treasury Department is kind of tracking

some of the money. They got spent accidentally because they're keeping this money under lock and key. They don't want to spend the money for like years until the heat's off. So one of the guys can't take the heat anymore and he literally when they're going to move the money for safety. So one of the guys can't take the heat anymore, and he literally, when they're going to move the money for safety, he takes off in the van

and runs away from the other three. He goes and burns all but like $250,000 of it. He pulls a dropper? He's throwing it in an incinerator. Just fucking burning it. I mean, suitcases of money. He burnt $4 million. Walt mean, suitcases of money.

He burnt four million dollars. Walt threw his money in the water. Walt threw his money in the water. In season two. Did he? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Jesse threw his money in the water. Jesse threw his money in the neighborhood. He was throwing it everywhere.

Burning it. Gustavo Fring, by the way. Nice. I didn't like Jesse. I never liked Jesse, and I didn't see why Walt needed Jesse past the second season anyway. Because he needed a companion. That's all he had. He couldn't talk to anyone else. You saw how his bitch son reacted

to the whole fucking situation. You want to talk about a character that's shitty? That kid is a fucking cunt. That guy's family is not worth shit. Dude, he calls him up and he tells him to fuck off, basically. He's a piece of shit. Walt's family were all shit.

I loved Walt. I wanted Walt to succeed in all things that he was doing. Walt was trying to make some shit happen. If I was on a jury, I would let him go scot-free. There's no witnesses anyway. When that cunt of a white

can't handle it when the brother-in-law is gone now. Isn't it like Walt killed him? The fucking white supremacist killed him. Great episode, by the way. Kind of his fault, you know. It was kind of his fault, but, you know.

But Jesse shouldn't have flipped on him. Jesse shouldn't have flipped on him. If Jesse didn't flip, Hank would not have been tailing him that whole time. I didn't like, I hated Hank. I was glad he died. That's one of the best episodes of television. That was a great episode.

That was the most grandiose episode where so much shit gets unraveled. That was a Hank died. That's one of the best episodes of television. That was a great episode. Where so much shit gets unraveled. That was a great episode. I was glad when Hank died. I was glad when Jesse was in that hole and they killed his girlfriend. Agreed. All those things were just 100% fine with me. I liked that creepy kid

who was torturing Jesse. The blonde guy whose uncles were the white supremacists. He was a pretty cool guy. Walt should have hooked up with that kid. That kid. Walt and that kid? It would have been over. Stop that team.

Jesse seemed more trustworthy, right? Didn't Jesse have a better allegiance to Walt? 100%. And stable. No drug problems. He smoked cigarettes. That was it. That guy had his head on his shoulders he was definitely the high school loser and he was like down to do anything he shot that little kid

that time that was pretty horrible but you know they corrected him right away we don't shoot kids we don't do that he didn't shoot any more kids after that I don't think we don't shoot kids. We don't do that. He didn't shoot any more kids after that, I don't think. We don't know. He might have killed a couple more kids.

That means everyone needs a hobby. I didn't see him killing kids. He's good to me. Just because we didn't see it, that means it didn't happen. And we've already established they are on the low end of the bell curve. I mean, that kid had to go. They were stealing all those chemicals out of that train he had to go

Kyle you say you watch almost every TV show you ever watch foreign stuff you ever watch a show from the BBC called Luther no it's with Andres Alba the black guy the black guy

in it is the black guy from Pacific Rim. Yes. If you watch it, I will guarantee you, you will love this show called Luther if you watch it. Trust me. Okay. Check it out. It is insanely good.

Keep saying watch Blacklist. Oh, we've got to start. Huh? Keep saying watch Blacklist, man. Blacklist is a great show. Blacklist? Blacklist, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I've heard of it. Yeah. First season on Netflix. Really good. Black Mirror. Have you show. Blacklist? Blacklist, yeah. Oh, yeah, I've heard of it. You've heard of Black Mirror? First season on Netflix. Really good. Black Mirror. Have you heard of that one? Rings a bell.

It's like a Twilight Zone. It's like a Twilight Zone. Very cool. High ratings. But, yeah, Luther, you will love that show. Trust me on this one. Yeah, I've seen, like seen I haven't seen any of the show, but I've seen the poster for it

or whatever you want to call it. I've seen it on my Amazon thing or whatever. I just never checked it out. I'll check it out. How many seasons are there? Three. And it's disappointing. That's about right. Does it finish at three? Yeah.

Or is there more to come? It actually finished at two because that's where his movie career took off and he stopped at movie career to do another season because he loved doing the show so much. Okay, well I watched the first two. You know, that kind of happened. Some shows should just stop when that happens.

Like, I loved... I know. The first Spartacus was very good and the second Spartacus where they did a prequel to kind of try to let him recover from non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, maybe? You know, I think it was

a step down, but it was still a very good show because the first season was so good. After that, you know, when the guy passed away, it really went downhill. I started rooting for the Romans. Kill the gladiators. Get them. Please murder them.

I think I actually maybe watched the third season. Was the third season the one where they revolt and kill Lucy Lawless and the Domina? The third season was okay. But after that,

it definitely lost me. They put enough Lucy Lawless titties in that third season to keep me hooked. I was good with that. Zina was naked all the time talking about ass-fucking and stuff. That was a great one. Girl and girl teens.

Lucy Lawless is great. I think her husband is the creator of the show or the director, producer, something like that. Lucy Lawless is great. I think her husband is the creator of the show or the director, producer, something like that. Lucy Lawless is. Waited a long time to see Xena naked. It was worth it. Yeah, right? You know she's getting it on with Gabriella.

I think even in an episode where they like... Yeah, the hot tub thing. Yeah. It was like in modern days or something. It was a weird episode. I like when they had the crossovers with Kevin Sorbo's Hercules and his boy servant.

Do you know his name? Do you know him? It was like... Hercules. Aeolus. No. Aeolus. No. Aeolus? Aeolus.

Something like that. I'm going to find out. I got Google here. Maybe you're right. I think it's Aeolus. Aeolus. I think you're right. I'm sorry.

I'm getting confused with Legolas. Hercules' friend. Damn. That's funny. It's spelled... Yeah, it's Iolaus. I-O-L-A-U-S. I met Kevin Sorbo recently.

I was supposed to do a charity paintball event with him in L.A., but he's got a heart condition now. Oh, that's a shame. Is he still big? He can't do any action stuff anymore. Oh, that's a damn shame. Yeah, he couldn't even play paintball. Oh, that sucks.

What if he did steroids and it's related? That's what I'm thinking. You too? Even though he didn't have the size for steroids, I don't know, he must have been doing something. Because if anyone's supposed to be in good shape, it's him. What a shame. Yeah.

But he's going kind of the weird, crazy Jesse Ventura conspiracy theory route right now. Well, that's profitable. I was going to say. Yeah, apparently so. Apparently so. I've heard Jesse Ventura

on the radio a few times. He's kind of a loose cannon. I like listening to him talk. Bunch of slimy, gnawed faggots. This stuff will turn you into a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus. Best line ever of that movie. I was actually playing a paintball game, and I was under fire and stuff.

I was crawling through the brush. I'm going to have me some fun. I'm going to have me some fun. That going to have me some fun that was the black guy he's the one who says that line when he's crawling he's going after yeah it's the black guy the big one

the heavy set one he had dual mp5s which made no sense for the joke no no no he didn't have dual mp5s Carl Weathers had dual MP5s. Weathers had... He took Jesse Ventura's gun. He took Jesse...

But what did he have before Jesse Ventura's gun? I think he had some normal minigun. No, that was Jesse Ventura. I think he just had a regular M4 or something. Yeah, maybe with a grenade launcher under the box. Yeah, I don't think that anything... I love that movie.

If anyone's out there and they've never seen The First Predator, don't... I love Penny Glover, but that second one's not so great. The First Predator is a fucking... First, you got two governors in there. You got Apollo Creed, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse the Body Ventura with, like, one liner after one liner.

I ain't got time to bleed. He's just... He's so cool. I ain't got time to bleed. He's just so cool. It doesn't get any better than that. Yeah, he's the manliest manly man of all time. He's right there next to Schwarzenegger, but he's clearly more manly than Schwarzenegger. Even Schwarzenegger's like, no, he gets all the pussy.

It's ridiculous. He's so manly. You know what was a good sequel, though? Predators. Yeah, that was good with Skinny Boy. What's his name? Adrian Brody. Adrian Brody, yeah.

He broke out with an AA-12. That was pretty hilarious. That was very good. It never runs out of ammo somehow. I don't know where he's keeping it. We got a lot of shells on an alien planet for some reason. I might have found some on a dead body or something. That would be good.

That's probably the second best Predator type movie because I didn't like any of the AVP stuff. What do you mean second best? I think you just named it. The first one was the best. The first one was definitely the best.

The first one's better than a lot of movies. Period. It's one of my favorites. Nobody won an Oscar for that thing, and rightfully so, but it's an action movie's action movie. It's great. Predator, Predators, Prometheus.

Why does Prometheus count as a Predator movie? Yeah It's an alien prequel That's the only question you have Not why I would even put it in the ranking Well that's what I'm trying to do How do you make that connection? Because the Predator and Alien storyline are intertwined

They're in the same universe I was just thinking Okay okay same universe But if you can throw Prometheus in there for comparison, then why can't you throw Alien and Aliens in there? Alien is one of the greatest movies of all freaking time. Because then you have to start with Alien being, I don't know which I like better, Alien or Aliens.

They're both completely different movies. Aliens. But they're both excellent at it. Aliens. Alien is like suspense and horror and terror and all these, it's clear that they're kind of – there's rape overtones. That's what I was going for. There's overtones of rape without being explicit about it.

That's the third movie. No, that's the first movie. No, that's the first movie. The third movie, all those guys are castrated anyway. They're not doing anything dirty. The second movie, and it's shit as well. The fourth one's better than the third one. But the second one

is an action movie. It's fucking... It's like, we're not afraid anymore because we got fucking machine guns. We're good now, man. Oh, this is great. This is great. We're good now. I love that shit. That one's very good. That was a great movie, very good especially when the comedian guy

takes off on him and locks him in the room yeah what you need is for Ridley Scott back in the day Ridley Scott directing Schwarzenegger and who played alien Ellen Ripley played Sigourney Weaver

if you had Schwarzenegger and Sigourney Weaver like I in the same movie and and he's like it sure he's trying to explain to her what the Predators are and she's all the alien their you know and all they do is kill the Predators the in the three that is a little and she was like you have acid blood. Mine's blood glows. That would have been a better

AVP movie. They would have them at a dinner table showing their war wounds. Funny or Die should get a hold of them. That would be comedy gold. Funny or Die made a YouTube video with those two and they're explaining to each other who they're going to have to face.

And he's like, no, you don't understand. Just one of these things took out my entire crew. And if they get down here, it's going to be game over. And he's like, you don't understand. These things are flying spaceships across the galaxy just to hunt us. These things have your things head-mounted in their spaceship. Exactly, yes. My things hunt your things for sport.

Yeah. Win. Hey, I like Prometheus, by the way. Don't be a hater. Oh, no. I liked it so bad. Lots of plot holes. Plot holes up the ass.

A couple plot holes. Think about this. It's a landmine of plot holes. Plot holes up the ass. A couple plot holes. A couple. Think about this. Think about this. It's a landmine of plot holes. It's like a trillion dollar trip, right? Like that Weyland guy who runs the Weyland Corporation, which I think is cool. I love that little mythology of the Weyland Corps and all that stuff. I love that big time.

The bad guy corporation, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like one corporation is the earth basically now it seems. I like that. The bad guy corporation, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, it's like one corporation is the Earth, basically, now it seems. I like that a lot. But they spent a trillion dollars to go to this planet to do this, like, you know, this super important mission. The guy they bring who's, like, the geologist or whatever, the guy who's, like, mapping the cave system gets lost. Gets lost! The alien, the guy who's, like, the biologist on the guy who's mapping the cave system gets lost. The alien, the guy who's

the biologist on the team. Touches the fucking alien! Touches the fucking alien. Look at this crazy alien lamp ray coming out of the goop. He booped it on the nose before it melted the screen out of his face.

That's kind of stupid. The robot has emotions and is manipulative all of a sudden. They're running away from a falling spaceship that is rolling forward and they run straight. Some people think Charlize Theron is a robot in the movie. Interesting. I mean, she's cold. A lot of theories about that. A lot of theories about that.

Then she'd die anyway. You can't love the one you will. I mean, she's cold. A lot of theories about that. A lot of theories about that. Didn't she die anyway? You can't love the one you will. Love the one you will. There you go. Yeah, okay. You got a couple of points. Well, look, I think we've crossed the four-hour mark or so.

Wolf, tell them where they can find your stuff at. If you go on YouTube and just search Wolf Paintball, you will find my insane show about paintball, paintball tactics, and everything in between. Some cool gear. I even have Playboy Models as co-hosts. Go check that out. I've seen that. Very nice. We really appreciate you coming on the show. You did a great job.

You know what? I'm honored. I've known you guys for a bit. I've watched P.K. here and there. Thank you very much. It was a nice surprise. Some guests fizzled, and you definitely popped. Oh, you killed it. Well put, well put.

Love it when a woman says that. All right. PKA episode 218. Bye, guys. Good night, guys.